Ancient Roman Politicians on a Modern Date

Gaius Julius Caesar: He invites you to a dinner party at his house and is a fairly witty and engaging host, but all of his stories seem to be about himself. However, friends assure you he's "every woman's man and every man's woman," so stick around for the nightcap he offers you if that makes you curious.

Marcus Licinius Crassus: For a man who is absolutely the wealthiest you've ever met, it seems a little convenient that he 'forgot his wallet' on your date to that expensive gastropub, so you couldn't go halfsies and had to pay for both your meals. The gold flake dessert shines bright, but you sort of wish he'd choke on it.

Gnaeus Pompeius Maximus: It's kind of weird how he takes you around to show you his art collection since it mainly consists of statues of himself, but hey, at least he's interested in art? He also tells a lot of stories about himself. However, he has a reputation for being a devoted husband and he's in between spouses, so if you're ready for that, give him a chance.

Gaius Julius Caesar Octavianus aka Augustus: He literally wrote out a plan for your entire date, how it would go, and what he would say to the most commonly asked smalltalk questions. Do not deviate from his script. He takes you somewhere like a museum or a fancy restaurant where they barely feed you, but although he is polished, his romantic delivery seems a little flat until you run into his best friend Agrippa... They are just besties, right?

Marcus Antonius aka Mark Antony: Ok, there are a couple ways this could go. He is either an absolutely fantastic date who takes you to see a hilarious play and finishes off with a fun night on the town, or he takes you to a bar in a seedy part of town where you dance and drink and party all night. Either way he gives you nice gifts and is charming and funny. On a later date he may take you on the most expensive, romantic, fancy date ever. Most likely a good time date, just don't expect things to get serious unless you're the Queen of Egypt.

Marcus Aemilius Lepidus: He never showed up for your date. Completely ghosted you. You track down his coworkers Mark Antony and Octavian and they say they have no idea where he is either. Weird.

Marcus Agrippa: He takes you on a tour of the city, pointing out all the architecture and finishes this off with dinner. He seems nice, intelligent, and is very attentive to your needs. So why isn't he off the market yet? His attachment to his slightly creepy best friend and roommate Octavian, maybe? They were roommates.

Sextus Pompeius Magnus Pius: A much better date than his father, he takes you to his private boat and gives you a seaside tour. He valiantly fights off pirates during your date, but did you catch one of them winking at him? Regardless, it's an unforgettable adventure.

Who would you rather date? And again, I'm sorry, Lepidus.

As always, thanks to @just-late-roman-republic-things for inspiring these posts.

pompey and cicero making out sloppy style in the senate. is this anything

It's the late Roman Republic...

Now put in the tags what you selected and who you THINK it's referring to... Because I sneakily had at least two people in mind when I made each option and when the poll is over I'll reveal who I had in mind for each option

The Dead Romans Society - Shadows

Marius & Sulla: former friends who'd fought multiple wars together before their conflicting ambitions put them at each other's throats

Caesar & Pompey: former friends and in-laws who both tried to prevent their civil war before pride, suspicion and political pressures tore their alliance up anyway

Antony & Octavian: hate at first sight lmao

pompey convincing cicero to come to him during caesars civil war

there is nothing better to me on this website than the babygirlification of ancient Roman senators

Caesar's Remorse at the Death of Pompey by Louis-Jean-François Lagrenée

A Group of Men Standing before Caesar and the Severed Head of Pompeius, from Livre de Bonnes Meurs

French, c. 1430

tempera colors, gold leaf, gold paint, and pen and ink

J. Paul Getty Museum

cicero would absolutely have had a gossip blog that man was just spilling all the beans (chickpeas) about the triumvirate

(18) ancient Rome comic 01- discovering pompeii

…And then they left it buried for like 200 more years.

Brutus joins Pompey, the murderer of his father

"Upon the general separation into two factions, when, Pompey and Caesar taking up arms against one another, the whole empire was turned into confusion, it was commonly believed that he would take Caesar's side; for his father in past time had been put to death by Pompey. But he, thinking it his duty to prefer the interest of the public to his own private feelings, and judging Pompey's to be the better cause, took part with him; though formerly he used not so much as to salute or take any notice of Pompey, if he happened to meet him, esteeming it a pollution to have the least conversation with the murderer of his father. But now, looking upon him as the general of his country, he placed himself under his command, and set sail for Cilicia in quality of lieutenant to Sestius, who had the government of that province. But finding no opportunity there of doing any great service, and hearing that Pompey and Caesar were now near one another and preparing for the battle upon which all depended, he came of his own accord to Macedonia to partake in the danger. At his coming it is said that Pompey was so surprised and so pleased that, rising from his chair in the sight of all who were about him, he saluted and embraced him, as one of the chiefest of his party." ~Plutarch's Life of Brutus

fuck it. pompey doodles

If you were going to pin the BEGINNING of the downfall of the Roman Republic on the actions of one Roman

I'm gonna tell my kids this was Brutus and Cassius headed to the Senate today