Consider this: God Steve, but he’s voiced by Kevin R Free (specifically with the voice he does for Murderbot).

This is my new voice claim.

Smashed Pride

Day 7 of #Demonchildrenweek2019, Vial Form! I found this prompt dificuld due to its visual nature, but I think I got something good out of it. Enjoy!

As always, you can read the original here.

Now

Ydris opened his eyes, feeling the uncaring metal floor against his green cheek, with a nice song playing in the radio. Unable to recall what had happened, he sat up slowly, trying to make a memory out of the place. A strange room, too big and different from everything he had been before. It was not his shack, that was for sure, and that raised a ton of other, more important questions. What was that room, how long had it been, or even why was his head so itchy? Those were his main concerns. The room looked better than the place he had built himself out of wood slabs on his alleyway, if only for the presence of the electric lights, the metal walls and floor that vibrated slightly, and the food packages that filled an overflown cabinet right next to him. Snacks, chocolate bars, colorful packages that promised a happy and sugarcoated experience. Nice. Now, there was just a thing that bothered the little green orc. What had happened?

Thirteen hours ago

The sound of the news on the street screens all over the shopping district annoyed Ydris. Well, he knew already, he was aware of the immense wealth the Great Benefactor had amassed, how his followers discovered new lands to which expand civilization… He knew already when he ended up holed on that backwards town. Yes, the Great Benefactor this, the Great Benefactor that, how could he forget? Yet, they felt the need to rub it on his face, how that blue excuse for a knight was able to subdue the big and might empress Wrathia, freeing over a hundred planets that were under her rule. It was stupid, and unnecessary, and stupid. Now all the cool kids would run around the streets with their new TITAN toys, “Vengess Wars” edition, while he, Ydris, the real conqueror of worlds (that, he had been promised by the Mountain with Eyes, Sarran Hotua) did get nothing but a few looks of pity and a few coins, from the good-natured people of Baeneri. That moment, he knew he would never be treated like that again. Back with the pity, with the compassion. He was a warrior, a conqueror. If people would not acknowledge him for what he looked like, they would learn it the bad way. The orcs said that, long ago, when they still thought they could raise him as one of them: Spare the rod, spoil the child.

Now

Ydris didn’t fully understand it. How come, for each sweet snack he had, his tummy asked for another one. The envelopes fell around him one by one, while the green child looked around the room, looking for any hint that could pinpoint his exact situation. The muffled happy song playing beyond the metal door, the slight vibration of the floor and walls… There was something there he had a bad feeling about. All he could remember was his determination. He had fed up with being taken for an ugly cute beggar kid. He was a warrior, and he would be known for it. And he had the feeling he succeeded, right? Sarran Hotua had assured him that he would be known. He just needed that thing, and…

Twelve hours ago

If he wanted to be a conqueror, Ydris would do well to start thinking like one. And that meant going directly to their main authority figure: The police station. They were numerous, well-armed, and they would pose a threat in his path to conquest. Coming right up to their main gate, the orc could see the big quarters the police force had for themselves at the end of Baeneri. The high walls with barbed wire on top, the ship shelters at the end of it… The guards had big enough weapons to make him doubt his mission, but he was an orc after all, he wouldn’t yield to something as stupid as some guns. And he had his own secret weapon too. It could not end badly. While he entered the police station, he started to feel his bravery diminish. There were a lot of guards, and they were big and strong, bigger and stronger than him, plus their armor would surely deflect any blow a kid could send. It was something stupid, he hadn't thought it through, and the only thing he was able to get out his mouth, was a weak “on your knees!” to the nearest guard, something that didn’t even make him blink. He felt silly. Stupid, actually. - Hey, little guy, what are you doing here? – The guard smiled, amused. – Do you want to report anything? - You… - Ydris felt the blood rushing to his cheeks, as the guy bended to get near him, like one would do to speak with a child. – Shut up, you spineless red monkey! Don’t dare to speak like that to me, or I will make you suffer! – It was getting worse and worse with each word blurted by Ydris’ mouth, and his green skin was probably the color of the moss by then. - Hey, hey there, little rascal, watch your mouth. – The guard pulled back, less amused. - Calm down, Jack, I know him. – Another officer stepped into the conversation. – He’s the little homeless guy who’s around the old town, you know? The one Steve talked about the other day, remember? What’s up, buddy? Do you want to tell us some crime you witnessed maybe?

Now

Everything was going so well until they knew who he was. But now there were no more police, no more officers. There was only Ydris, in his room. Full from all the sugar gobbled down before, he took matters into his own hands and tried to open the door, something that wasn’t easy, being that a great force seemed to have gotten stuck it into its frame, and the only thing that he managed to do was to make some sparkles while trying to force it back open. But it wasn’t working, it wasn’t working and Ydris was feeling worse and worse by the second, until he couldn’t do it anymore and stepped back, let a warcry, and just punched the door with al its might. And the door yielded. Not only did it yield, but it bended like it was made of paper, or cloth, or anything but metal that had resisted his doing until now. Ydris breathed heavily after punching the door and dismantling it, and then looked at his fist, as if it was the first time seeing it. At least, it was the first time he saw that boulder his fist had become.

Eleven hours and fifteen minutes ago

- Hey! Hey chief! – One of the officers said at the boss of the police officer. – Look, look who has come to see us! It’s the little green kid! The orc! – It was shameful for Ydris, knowing every single officer was right there, looking at here. Not fearing him nor hating his name. He was not a warrior to them. Not a conqueror. Only a little green man, a freak, something to look at and laugh. His efforts to break free were not only in vain, but actively mocked by the officers and the other people at the station. “Look, look at the little cutie thinking he is a warrior! He wants to be like us!” No, he didn’t. He wanted to be greater. To be respected, to be feared. But he couldn’t do it just like that. With those funny body proportions, his bobbing head, his crooked legs… He wouldn’t stand it. His pride wouldn’t allow it. All his life everyone had laughed at him. But now he wasn’t alone. Since he met the Mountain With Eyes, Sarran Hotua, he wouldn’t be alone anymore. He wouldn’t be weak, or mocked, anymore. “Become the warrior you are meant to be”, the demon said, inside Ydris. “Take that name and smash it into their brains. Take my power, and make a way to greatness, to the stars”. He would be the best warmonger the galaxy had seen. Vengess, TITANs, Sith, nobody would get to compare to him. “Stop being mocked, and start being feared”. The power to be free from everyone’s laughs was inside him all along, and it wasn’t even a metaphor. When Ydris ripped his jagged shirt to show his bare chest, they skipped laugh at once. Because where Ydris’ belly should be, a vault door, complete with wheel combination lock, did open. The door to his inner strength, the path, as Sarran Hotua said, to greatness. He opened it while some of the officers looked puzzled and got to say a confused “What?”, he took the little bottle resting on the inside, and, without a second though, drank it whole.

Now

That was it. The point of no return. The point when Ydris knew he couldn’t go back to his quiet life in the back of some shops, stealing food from the restaurant. His life had ended, he got it now. He drank that vial of pure power. He smashed that door. There was no going back. Once he looked outside the room, he understood. And he wished to go back, back to the sweets, to the ignorance. But the metallic lining of the room, it’s look, sucint and aseptic, all those sweets, and even the slight shaking, enough for him to notice… That wasn’t a room in a Baeneri building. That was a cabin from a spaceship. And there was nobody but him aboard. The path from the porthole to his room was smashed through as if something big and hurried had passed through. Something strong enough to bend metal. Ydris looked at his hands, his new stone fists. There was no going back. He knew it full well when he drank the vial. But he didn’t know where the trip would take him.

Almost ten hours ago

It felt… Itchy. There was something inside, something that wanted out his own skin. The power, he could feel it running through his veins from the vial. “Stop being mocked, and start being feared”. They looked differently at him now. Cautious. “Hey, bud, what the…?” Some officer asked, but no. Not this time.

- Stop! – The little orc’s voice thundered with a power unknown before. Cracks appeared on the floor around him. – You had your time to speak, and now you stop! I am the one speaking now, and you listen! – He closed his fists, some cracks got bigger, and the guards weren’t laughing anymore. They readied their weapons. But, then, they were not enough. – You puny… little… cowards! – With each word, a stone. With each punctuation, a piece of floor tore off its place, and became part of Ydris, part of that new body, that new power. The officers shot, finally, but their energy beams encountered slabs of rock to stop them. Stone fists, stone legs, and a big armored head with two red eyes to boot. “¿Can you see now, little men?” the awakened demon asked, bulletproof, growing in size by the moment. “How petty your defenses are, how low have you fallen into complacency? The blue armies won’t protect you!” The stone hulking warrior stomped into the ground and reached to the ceiling, not even bothering to notice the weapons ineffectively been used by the guards. He tore a girder from it, dismantling the police station faster than its own presence destroy itself. Debris was starting to fall, spinning around the rock demon who had made the girder as an improvised hammer, and then his red-eyed helmet bothered to look at the few officers that were still there, thinking, irrationally, that their guns would still make the difference. – And you will be the first to feel it! The first ones to feel Sarran Hatua, the Hammer of Words! – And he wielded the girder, and dropped it suddenly to the ground, ending their misery, their puny existence. And starting his conquest, with blood and debris. For he was Sarran, he was Ydris, he was both. And the only thing he would stop at, would be glory.

Now

The little orc stumped to the spaceship cockpit, bordering the smashed door. He did it. He had gone along his wish and had already started what he knew was a glorious path to the stars. Ydris managed to sit on the cockpit and looked at the screen, whose controls he didn’t know a thing about. Sarran Hotua probably knew them, because the autopilot was on, and the destiny was a distant planet which would probably be the best to start his conquest. He would have loved to go to his people, to Threll. He would tell them the people of Baeneri was no more. His baptism of fire had already taken place, and he was already a conqueror. A destroyed. He wanted them to look at him, to acknowledge his power, his might. But this planet on the screen didn’t look like Threll. Didn’t look that it would matter. “Why would it” the voice of Sarran Hotua buzzed through his head. “They’ll slow you down, you’ll meet her later, when you have your own power, your own name. They will have their reasons to fear you, and you will be their king. It was a promise, and a pact. Ydris knew it well. But now he couldn’t think of all that power he had gotten. He wouldn’t think of it, because for the first time since he had awakened, he had a mirroring glass in front of him. And now he could see him well. Ydris had never considered himself to be pretty. His dwarfism made his body proportions not go the way they were supposed to go, his face looked like it was somehow crushed, his fangs stuck up from behind his lip… But there was a beauty even there. He wasn’t conventionally pretty like all those Baenerian red-faced guys who walked by the shopping district he lived in, but there was certain sincerity on his features, some “Well, this is what I got, take it or leave it” that made Ydris proud of his appearance to some extent. But now…

Now, he was power, yes. The full face of power had smashed its way through the orc’s inside. But he also was debris. Stone-looking fingers, rigid forearms that could withstand a shot point-blank. The scaly-looking torso armored with stone fragments surrounding the vault door in his belly. The legs, firm, strong, and long. But then, his skin was falling out of the armor. Pieces of his own green fell through the cracks, and, while he kept his face, there was that big, odd-looking stone growing out of his head, like someone had taken two big boulders and had melded them both with his cranium. He was power. He was conquest. He knew it didn’t matter which planet he would land into, because he would be able to make floors and walls into his personal armor every time. He would be respected. Feared. People would flee from him. That was his wish, wasn’t it? Then, why so blue, all of a sudden? Why did he had the feeling that the thing looking at him from the glass wasn’t an orc anymore, wasn’t actually Ydris, but some statue that had come to life, and taken his place in life.

Five hours ago

“Mayday, Mayday! Speaking from unit 542, stationed in Baeneri! We have a situation here, I need all the reinforcements you can send! He is... he has leveled the whole station, that stone colossus... I think he’s gone to the spaceport. We cannot stop him, I cannot stop him. Requesting an air raid, even an orbital strike...” The comm glitched. “He is here now”. The voice looked a lot more calm. “He is the galactic conqueror. Sarran Hotua. Praise him, for he is the Hammer of the Gods”. - Now... - Strategos Six looked at the stadistics in her screen, and the small icon showing her she was online with the Big Man. - What do we do, TITAN?

OCD Marvel Costume Series: Black Widow

Ever since I did that post about Captain America’s theoretical onesie and the evolution of his costume, I’ve gotten a lot of requests to do a similar OCD breakdown analysis about Black Widow’s.

After Cap and Bucky, Widow’s easily my favourite MCU character, so I am all too happy to break it down. But just know this required me to wade through so many disgusting male comments about her costume and body that I wanted to flip my desk and set it on fire. Repeatedly. You’re welcome.

Here are the six costumes I’ll be looking at from 2010-2018.

From L to R: Iron Man 2, Avengers, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Captain America: Civil War, and Avengers: Infinity War.

Putting the rest under a read more because shit’s gonna get long.

Let’s begin: Iron Man 2.

This is the first time we meet Natasha in the MCU franchise, and I don’t know about you guys, but I remember there being a LOT of hype surrounding Scarlett being cast in a totally non-objectifying way. <_<

Just kidding. Here’s actual footage of every straight man watching/starring in Iron Man 2 when Nat’s on screen:

This, I think, is a good place to add a caveat that it’s difficult to address Natasha’s looks and clothing without sounding like I’m criticizing her appearance and sexuality, including her ability to weaponize those things or the fact that she is entitled to enjoy them in any way she likes. As a character, certainly she is, and to me that’s one of the really interesting aspects of her personality and an incredible skill. As a woman, those are things not worthy of criticizing, IMO. But the films present a grey area because they are all directed by men, and to a large extent for men. So it’s hard to find the line between what is meant to entice audiences and what is meant to tell us something important about who Nat is, and to what extent the latter is the original intent of the costume choices. How do you extricate the character from the male gaze when the male gaze permeates so much of comic book culture, and by extension the MCU? Let’s not forget how many gratuitous ass shots there are of Natasha in a given movie, although the Russos generally do a good job of evening the playing field by liberally sprinkling in plenty of Cap ass shots too. The Russos are like the salt baes of equal-opportunity and gender-neutral ass shots.

But back to Natasha. In Iron Man 2, she spends most of the movie in sexy wiggle dresses or low-cut blouses, presenting herself as an object of desire for all the men in the film (possibly some of the women) and a thorn in Pepper Potts’s side until they join forces against Tony. (Obviously her intention, since Natasha weaponizes everything about herself, but it was also pretty clearly for audience titillation as much as the character never does anything by accident.)

But then, surprise! It’s revealed she’s the Black Widow and capable of kicking more ass than just about anyone else in the film/on the planet, and can even do it in a skintight catsuit and crazy hair flying in her face at all times!

Natasha’s suit is probably the least functional in this movie because it’s designed to look like a sexy female comic book hero costume, not something a real agent would wear in a believable conflict situation. Or maybe they would, I don’t know. I’m not a spy. But objectively speaking, she has a totally useless belt with the Black Widow symbol around her middle, then the tactical belt, holsters, etc. The fabric looks shiny and stretchy but isn’t leather. That being said, you can’t get much more spot on in terms of the visual interpretation, if you look at how she’s drawn by J Scott Campbell. I am not positive whether IM2 Widow is an interpretation of this artist’s illustration or vice versa, but either way, she translates from film to comic and back again pretty flawlessly.

Just don’t even get me started on the hair because w h a t. Tell me you can’t hear it crackling when you look at this gif. Go on, I dare you.

No wonder ScarJo switched to wigs after this movie.

Ironically, even though this costume is pretty ridiculous in terms of offering any kind of practicality or protection from bullets/knives/explosions, I have to point out that Iron Man 2 is the only movie where Black Widow actually wears practical footwear.

Look at those things. Those are flat, FUNCTIONAL boots. You could do all the running, jumping, and punching things you wanted and not feel like your goddamn feet were going to fall off, or worse, plant you on your fucking face because you’re wearing heels into combat. RIP flat Widow boots.

Moving on. Avengers 1.

Much like the other costumes in this film, Natasha’s outfit is still pretty comic book-y, although to a less cartoonish extent than Captain America some. That is pretty much Joss Whedon’s trademark as a director, although shockingly, I felt Widow looked more serious and ready for battle. Alexandra Byrne did the costume design on Avengers and Ultron, as well as Thor and Guardians of the Galaxy (hence the trademark styles in A1 and A2, plus similarities between Natasha and Gamora’s costumes), and she has a distinct touch. Here the nods to practicality include less extravagant hair (though Natasha also has short hair plenty of times in the comics) and the fact that her suit looks like it could deflect a knife (possibly). Even her civilian clothing looks less hyperfeminine than that of Iron Man 2, and it’s here we begin to see that Nat’s outfit of choice is usually some combination of jeans, a jacket, and knee-high boots with a small heel. It always strikes me that this is probably what she’s most comfortable in when she’s not dressed as Black Widow. Even her stance here looks like that of a soldier, less of a stereotypically female pose.

I couldn’t help but feel a lot of this was intentional on Whedon’s part in order to avoid anyone accusing him of sexualizing Natasha and to look like a Real Director Who Takes Female Characters Seriously (TM). So he dresses women more realistically but then just assassinates their character in other ways, as you do. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

As far as her suit is concerned, don’t get me wrong: it’s still textured plastic meant to stretch and allow movement and comfort and cling to certain... assets... and they still haven’t gotten rid of her totally useless Widow belt. But at least she looks a bit more like she means business and less like she’s just there to look hot.

However, in this film they also introduced the infamous heels to her costume. 

In the immortal words of Shuri:

Like Cap’s ab window, this is one of those design choices I begrudgingly understand from a movie perspective--it looks ~sexier and ~more feminine and also reduces the height difference between ScarJo and her male costars (plus other female characters like Agent Hill wear heels too, and so does Wonder Woman in the DC franchise. They appear in the Black Widow comics too), but the reality of someone willingly wearing heels in this type of environment makes me want to facepalm real bad. Sure, you can argue fighting in heels is just one of Nat’s special abilities that makes her better than the rest of us, but--that’s probably not why.

And they don’t go away, even when the movie and writing quality drastically improves. Anyone who read my post on Cap’s suits will probably be able to guess that The Winter Soldier is my #1 Marvel film and had some of my favourite costumes in the MCU, and Nat is no exception there. 

The way the Russos interpret her, through their writing and their vision for the overall look of the film and the way the costumes are designed (Judianna Makovsky did all the costumes for Winter Soldier, Civil War, and Infinity War, which makes total sense in ways I’ll explain in a moment), also reminds me a bit of Phil Noto and Nathan Edmonson’s Black Widow. Plenty of people might be inclined to disagree with me there, I’m sure, but Noto and Edmonson’s series, tonally and visually, is very similar to TWS in the sense that they feel like political thrillers, and the character styling in the film continues that theme. The story and the way the characters are written and styled crosses genres and blurs the line between comic book, thriller, and real life.  

In TWS, Nat looks like a fucking badass, but also somehow more relatable and human despite her perfect hair and flawless skin. TWS was the film where she, for me (along with the rest of the cast, especially Steve), went from being a character to being a person with all the shades of greys, uncertainties, and ambiguities that entails. That’s where the Russos excel, making fictional characters come alive with nuance and layers. Kind of like how you know if they had done a Hawkeye movie, they’d have probably adapted Hawkeye #19. 

Their unique way of finding the humanity in comic book characters and situating them in the real world translates interestingly through the costumes. Even her hair is the most natural-looking shade of copper red than any of the other films, where it tends to looks more dyed. Trust me, as someone who spent 9 years trying to achieve the perfect and most natural shade of copper red possible, I know how difficult it is to get right, even if this is obviously a wig.

If you look reeeeal close at the above pic, you can tell she’s graduated from stretchy plastic to something that resembles kevlar or some kind of protective utility material. You can just make out the lines and texture in the fabric. Still stretches and lets her move, obviously still skintight, but upgrades her to a higher degree of real-world believability in the same way the stealth suit did for Cap. 

I find the back of her suit interesting too. There’s a panel sewn over her butt that looks identical to the full-seat equestrian breeches I wear riding, which are meant to offer reinforcement and grip. I’m not entirely sure why Nat needs either of those things in combat, but there you have it. (In all seriousness, it could be because the fabric they used is less stretchy or doesn’t hold its shape the same way, so they had to piece it together differently to allow for movement and shape retention through all the stunts.)

Actually, scratch that. Why wouldn’t you need reinforcement and grip when doing this?

Weird butt panel notwithstanding, Nat’s TWS suit also introduces more protective details like leather and sewn-in kneepads, and her Widow belt actually serves to cinch in the costume instead of just sit there pointlessly, leaving her with just the tac belt. Still the dumb heels too, but I promise I’ll get over it. Maybe.

Next: Age of Ultron. People are going to side-eye the shit out of me for saying this, but... Widow’s costume continues to be less ridiculous than, say, Cap’s. Cartoonish, yes, with a lot of frankly baffling design choices, and visually I liked it the least. But weirdly enough, the construction of the suit and the fabric is less ridiculous than it seems at first glance; it looks like it’d actually offer a pretty high degree of protection in the field. Check it out.

There’s a matte leather and a similar kevlar/utility fabric as her suit in TWS, and the Widow belt and the tac belt have been combined into one so there are fewer pointless buckles. 

I mean, too bad they ruin it by adding glowing blue parts that make her look like she’s about to go cosplay as Tron as soon as she finishes saving the world, and I will never understand why her gauntlets are suddenly red, but a detail that caught my eye is right on the bodice. See those seams under her bust? 

It looks like it could be there just to draw attention to her boobs, but as a former fencer, I can tell you those are almost certainly for a chest plate or removable protective cups. (From a movie costuming perspective, they’re probably to give the bust more definition, as that’s literally an underwire construction. Yes, okay, I realize this. But if we consider the character, a chest plate makes far more sense.) And if you are a woman in a combat situation where you’re getting whacked in the tits a bunch of times, you need a fucking chest plate. She doesn’t appear to be wearing one in the other films, which is as absurd as Cap going into battle without wearing a cup. Have you ever been clocked in the tits before? With a weapon, no less? Because I have, and it’s not fun. It happens to you once, and you’re on Amazon buying a chest plate or protective cups literally the next day. Or, you know, from the toilet immediately after as you sit there crying and cradling your poor bruised boobs.

Another really practical detail is that she has proper kneepads in this costume, which is ideal if you’re sliding around on the ground a lot, or taking hard landings.

BUT WHY DO THEY GLOW IN THE DARK? /despair

Oddly enough, Nat’s suit in Captain America: Civil War was one of my least favourites--initially. But I was wrong to feel that way, and I’ll tell you why. Why didn’t I like it at first? Well, they pick up some of the same details as in TWS and add other more practical things like no-nonsense kneepads, but they also seem to add boning to the bodice of the suit, and lots of piping everywhere on the arms and torso that would probably rub unpleasantly if you were moving around that much. Unnecessary seams=friction. That’s a lesson any equestrian will tell you too.

I also was not a fan of the Farah Fawcett vibe I got from her hair, but that could just be me. Her suit here is functional, overall, but it doesn’t reinvent the wheel or make her look sleek and dangerous in the same way as TWS. It has less... style than her other suits and civilian outfits (which were my fave in this film), and after this many movies, I think we’ve come to associate the Black Widow suit with style and making certain death at her hands/thighs look good. 

But there is a point to her suit looking more tactical, which you can better see here. From this angle, she looks almost military, certainly the most military of any of the other films, and that is intentional and significant later on.

Because much like Cap’s uniform carries over to Infinity War, so does Nat’s. That was a clever segue, in case you were wondering.

This is such a departure from anything else Nat wears in the other films that you kind of have to tip your hat at the designer and the Russos and Judianna Makovsky for having such a sharp eye for detail and a knack for letting costume tell a story. Not only does Natasha change her hair and eyebrow colour, but she changes the colour of her suit too, adding in some green and almost entirely eliminating the sex appeal of the other Widow costumes. But the continuity is most impressive of all.

It’s hard to tell, but just like Steve is wearing the same uniform as in Civil War, minus the star he clawed off with his bare hands, Nat is wearing the exact same Widow costume with a tactical vest on top and some new body armour (shoulder and elbow pads). Remember that piping on the arms, legs, and bodice I bitched about a second ago? If you look closely, it’s all clearly visible in the same spots, and it’s obvious the vest just goes over top. Her kneepads and boots are the exact same too. This girl did a complete 180 on her look with nothing more than a tac vest and an emergency appointment with Guy Tang for some blonde balayage. 

It’s amazing that Steve and Sam think going incognito involves DIY distressing on their uniforms and growing some playoff beards, but Natasha can become an entirely different person just by changing a few key details. Especially the eyebrows. I once wrote a line in a fic about how her lighter eyebrows in Infinity War totally change the shape of her face. I think that’s a detail everyone noticed in the trailers, how strange she looked with those ultrablonde brows. But that’s perfect for this character and something Nat would intuitively pick up on, because it leaves her almost unrecognizable. Just like makeup can subtly change someone’s face shape, so can eyebrows, but she ditches makeup in Infinity War to the same effect. It’s the makeover equivalent of “walk, don’t run.” Kind of amazing to think she is so many steps ahead of everyone else that she can go down Dick’s Sporting Goods and CVS for nothing more than a tac vest and a box of hair dye, respectively, and literally emerge looking like a different person. When she says she’s figuring out a new cover, this is the stuff she means.

So there you have it. I hope this costume breakdown as as fun for you to read as it was to put together, and I continue to be impressed and occasionally stumped by the design choices made by the MCU costuming departments. They really do know their stuff and how important clothing is to the understanding of a character, and Nat, who is a master of tailoring her look for maximum effect, proves this rule more than almost anyone else.

Thanks for reading! I might tackle Bucky next, so stay tuned.

Bonds

Chapter 1: Eleven Words

Reposting because I’m going to continue the story, and for Tuesday. Thanks to the current @nomscareriders for the idea. I made a small change: originally, I referred to the arm having adamantium in it, it really should have been vibranium.

Plus, I just love the art. By @fleeting-sanity.

Richerd Pauers (now Ordannes due to a server move) is the first character I took through it. He has a lot to make up for.

Next (and last) chapter: Monsters

Sometimes, during the transition, he would dream. Or perhaps hallucinate, it didn’t really make a difference to him. This time, it was of his oldest friend. A time when they weren’t, when he was trying to kill a man who had been like a brother to him.

“Then finish it. Cause I’m with you to the end of the line.”

People talked about Steve’s powers. Most did not understand. Yes, he was strong, yes, he was fast. In combat, he was ingenious, cunning, quick witted. He had that amazing shield. None of those were his real power, the power that allowed him to beat enemies stronger, faster, or smarter than him. His real power, that he had all his life, was that he would never, ever give up.

He hadn’t given up on Bucky, and had nearly died for it.

Barnes opened his eyes on a new world. He wondered what had brought that memory to the surface.

The Tallus was speaking to him, as it usually did. Giving him his orders. Eleven words. Words he knew quite well. It wasn’t the first time the thing was cryptic, but this was ridiculous.

He heard a sound like two slabs of meat being slapped together. “You shouldn’t be here, little man. Now you’re going to pay.”

What, really? He turned and looked at the creature that had spoken, saw it slamming a fist into its palm. He was sure it wasn’t speaking English or any other language he knew or had even heard before. The Tallus must be translating for him. That was new.

It was taller than him and looked like a melting candle. He guessed that was its natural appearance. He thought he’d try to talk his way out of this. He didn’t know the situation. “Uhm, all right, but can you tell me first where I am? Who you are?”

“Huh. You’re getting a beating, anyway, so sure. You’re in Black Sun territory. My territory. I’m Skadge. Any other questions?”

He looked over the troops this Skadge had with him. One of them was pointing some kind of cannon his way. He smiled at them. “That’s a nice looking weapon. Mind if I take a look at it?”

This was the strangest world yet. For one thing, it wasn’t Earth. All the others had been since he’d been unstuck from his home. He was pretty sure that several of the people he fought weren’t human. He could be wrong, human didn’t always mean what he thought it did, but something told him they were alien. Humanoid, but not from his world. Still, hit them hard enough, fast enough, and they eventually stopped trying to kill him.

Plus, the tech. They were all carrying weapons that fired short bursts of energy. The tablets didn’t seem so strange, not these days, but were jammed with a lot more intel and were easier to use than anything he’d seen. He sat at the table reading up on the galaxy his latest trip had landed him in. He was interrupted once by a group of the gang members that saw the carnage and backed out of the room. Later, by a larger group. They backed off when he pointed the blaster cannon at them.

Well, maybe some shots were fired. He liked this thing.

The third interruption was just two men, one that looked entirely human, the other he found was called a Chagrian. They seemed interested in talking first, so he let them. Tallus didn’t complain, so at least it wasn’t off mission.

The Chagrain spoke first, looking at the bodies strewn everywhere, mostly unconscious. They had put up too much of a fight to take them all alive, though. “You do good work.”

“I get by.”

“Rusk.”

“What?”

“My name. You?”

Couldn’t hurt, really. “Barnes.”

Rusk turned to the human. “Well, Commander, looks like we’ve been freed up. I’ll have my people report for duty soon.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

Rusk left the room, leaving the two of them alone to talk.

“Commander?”

“Richerd. Richerd Pauers. They just call me Commander.”

Barnes felt something off about this man. There was no reason for it, but he would be watching. “What brings you here?”

“Rusk is here to bring down this gang, I was here to recruit Rusk.”

“Recruit for what?”

“The Alliance.”

They looked at each other for a few moments. Richerd seemed to think he should know what that was.

“I’ve been out of touch.”

“Really? Well, it is a big galaxy, anything is possible. The Alliance to bring down a tyrant and conqueror, Emperor Arcann. We can always use more help.”

“What, just like that?”

“You brought down a cell of the Black Sun. It speaks well for your ability and conscience. And we need all the help we can get.”

Really, he didn’t have anything better to do until he understood his mission. It sounded like a good cause, and really, if it wasn’t, he needed to find that out, too.

“All right, where do I sign up?”

Over the subsequent months, the former Winter Soldier learned a great deal about this galaxy. Trillions of people, thousands of intelligent species. At least four religious orders, each with its own set of powers, all coming from a single source, what Richerd called the Force. He, himself, was one of these Jedi. Barnes had seen him heal the wounded. It was remarkable. It was a tragedy that he was in charge of a machine of war, no matter how much that war needed to be waged. Maybe that’s what he had felt when they first met, that this man should be filling another role, that he didn’t really fit what was being asked of him. He hoped that was all it was.

The war went as well as wars ever do. Arcann had been deposed, though the destruction he and the fleet had caused was horrific. The Alliance was struggling to make sure the worlds Zakuul had harmed received the help they needed, but at the same time had to deal with his much wilder and less predictable sister. She was much more willing to go into the field than he had been, wanted to cause hardship with her own hands. This was her main tactical blind spot. It meant that not only was she putting herself at more risk, her activities were more easily contained. Where he might send his troops to bomb five worlds, she wanted to be there, to see the defenses crumble, the people scream. She was terrible, but slightly easier to cope with.

That is, until the Commander, the Gravestone, the Empress, and SCORPIO disappeared for a time. Whey they came back, something had changed. Vaylin was more vicious than ever, and the Eternal Fleet more strictly under her control. Barnes was not told why, but it had been decided it had to be stopped, and a window had opened to allow it. A small team was being sent to deal with her once and for all. He had been sent to infiltrate Zakuul, since he was unknown to most of the world, and lend firepower when it was needed. Back into the shadows he went, along with the Spewmaster.

He hadn’t given the blaster cannon the name, but it had stuck.

Richerd stepped into the hall and began to speak to Empress Vaylin. As he did, the Tallus began speaking as well, after months of silence, repeating the only words Barnes had heard from it since reaching this strange universe. Words he knew very well. Eleven words. And, with some horror, he began to understand why.

Everything was happening too fast, and the words were blending together.

“Do your people…”

Longing. Rusted. Seventeen. “Know about…”

Dawn. Stove. Nine.

“Your weakness?”

Kind-hearted.

No. This couldn’t be right. The Commander was the hero here.

Homecoming.

Wasn’t he? She was a monster. Barnes had seen what she was capable of.

One.

Time seemed to slow. Vaylin had lifted a hand, was dragging the heavy decorations down to throw at the Commander.

“Kneel…”

Freight car.

“Before…”

Everything froze, including his blood. Then, he made his decision and time snapped into motion again.

“The Dragon…”

He knew what it was to be a monster, too.

A metal fist slammed Richerd in the gut, knocking the breath out of him, preventing him from finishing what he was saying. Shan shouted and drew his weapons, opening fire, but Barnes deflected the bolts of energy. A moment later, the spy was knocked to the ground by the thrown body of his commander. Barnes snapped one of Shan’s blasters out of the air and fired up at Vaylin, forcing her to defend herself rather than finish pulling death down from the ceiling.

Anything but put her through that, to put anyone through that. Even her. He prepared to pursue the Empress. She still had to be stopped. Suddenly, an apparition appeared in front of him, an imposing, menacing creature. He recognized him from the holos: Valkorion. This time, he was pretty sure that sensation of time slowing was real.

“You’ve only delayed the inevitable. Stop interfering and let Richerd do what needs to be done.”

Barnes pointed the stolen blaster at the thing, knowing it wouldn’t do any good but still game to try. “How are you here?”

The spirit, or whatever it was, chuckled. It made his skin crawl. “Oh, they never told you, did they? I am inside his mind.”

Finally, those misgivings about Richerd all made sense.

“That’s quite enough, ‘Father’!”

A blast of lightning from the balcony broke open the floor where Valkorion had been standing. He just smiled blandly at this and faded away. Barnes barely had time to snatch up his bag before he was dragged upward by the Empress.

Well, that couldn’t be good. At least the Tallus was finally quiet. He knew his mission wasn’t over, though, since he was still here.

He pulled the blaster cannon from the bag and opened fire on the balcony. Vaylin backed away, shouting, “Do you want me to drop you?”

He continued to fire, aiming mainly at the one holding the control that would drop the rebels into the pit. “I’ll live! Will you?”

The control fell from a limp hand. This was war, after all. He could see the Commander and Shan helping the rebels. There was too much commotion to use the trigger phrase. He could only hope that had been the right choice. He knew it was, though, even without the Tallus’ prompting.

Vaylin yanked him to her roughly, and looked surprised when he rolled to his feet and pointed the cannon at her face. She smiled. “I haven’t seen you before. But you’re not another of Father’s puppets, are you?”

They really were, weren’t they? He’d seen the records of the higher ups in the Alliance, the parts that were not classified. All of them, even Beniko, who was not above terrible things if she deemed them necessary, seemed off. That Valkorion was influencing them, sometimes subtly, at other times less so, made sense. “No, but this still has to end.”

Her grin grew more vicious. “And what makes you think you can stop me?” He heard buzzing sounds of those laser weapons being activated. She gestured at the chaos down below, and he heard them back away. The others could handle themselves, he hoped, even while not being sure of whose side he was on. “I don’t need them.”

She drew her lightsaber and he fired, to no effect. She lunged and cut down, he let the blaster drop for a moment and deflected the slash with his mechanical arm. She looked surprised by that, maybe angry that she couldn’t simply slice it off. “Cortosis?”

He had no idea what that was, but replied, “Vibranium.” He was so glad they’d upgraded his arm before the battle began.

“Fine.” She stepped back and was about to attempt to blast him with lightning when the windows up above shattered. Ship weapons were smashing the hall. She scowled but backed away through the open heavy blast doors while he chased after.

The running fight between Bucky and Vaylin had been a draw. She couldn’t just break him like she had so many others, he was better in close combat than she was, and he never gave her time to focus on lightning or telekinesis. He, on the other hand, was spending too much of his time keeping her from using her full power to end the fight. They were both exhausted when Arcann arrived.

Exhaustion didn’t stop her from shouting at him, “Did you know the sickness Father put in me?”

“Sister, he made us both weapons.”

Barnes stood up straighter and backed away slightly, but thought he shouldn’t let that stand. “Oh, you have a trigger phrase, too?”

They both looked at him. Arcann asked, “What?”

“A trigger phrase that lets someone else take control of you?”

“No…”

“Then it’s not really the same, is it, you asshole?”

He looked shocked, maybe a little confused by whatever “asshole” translated to. But before he could answer, Vaylin said, “Ten years tortured in a cage to do this to me, and you think we’re the same? Really, Brother?” By the end, she actually sounded more sad than angry. Still angry, though.

He sighed. “Perhaps not. But it doesn’t matter. You still need to be stopped. As I needed to be.”

She glanced over his shoulder. “Not until I’m free. And it looks like Father wants to speak to you.”

Tired as she still was, she threw one of those hoverbikes at her brother and chased it over the edge. Bucky ran to the edge and looked over just in time to see her riding the vehicle up towards him. As she threw a sneer over her shoulder at her brother and the others, he jumped just as she accelerated. He barely caught hold of the bike and lost the Spewmaster in the effort. He was going to miss that gun.

She glanced down at him and just shrugged as they flew off.

Vaylin landed the bike, and said to the guards that rushed to her side, “Guard him, but don’t hurt him. If you can’t do that, I’ll replace you.”

They did not want to be replaced. They knew what it meant. “Yes, Empress Vaylin.”

“What, no fighting for my life? No attempt to execute me?” Barnes said.

She looked up at him. “No, not yet. You stopped him. You’re my enemy. You want to take Throne from me, but you drew a line. I want to know why.”

“Because I know what it is.”

She stared at him for several seconds, then just said, “Bring him.”

He decided to go peacefully. He was sure he couldn’t defeat so many, especially with her there. He was hoping for a better solution, anyway.

They reached the bridge of the ship and watched as Arcann knelt to Richerd. They both claimed that Valkorion was not in control. Bucky was almost certain that was not true. He looked at the Empress, standing with her fists clenched at her sides, and wondered how much she was under his control, too.

She destroyed the viewer and shouted, “Bombard them!”

Before any of her people could act or object, he said, “Why?”

She spun and glared at him. “My brother has betrayed me! Again! My father is there! They have to die!”

“Did he, though? Betray you?”

“He protected Mother! He’s kneeling to Father! How dare you ask that?”

He hadn’t heard anything about Senya or what exactly had happened. Only that she was incapacitated and still being treated. He tried to be gentle. “He wanted to capture you alive. He wanted to stop you, but also help you. Your mother did, too, she sang about her regret.”

“What use is regret? She was too late!”

“Yes. But they tried. Why, do you think?” When she just stared at him, practically shaking with rage, he asked, “What would your father do?”

“He… he’d destroy it all. It can be rebuilt, and his enemies would be dead. No anger. No mercy, either. He wouldn’t care.” Her eyes were filled with tears. “He’d pretend he did, he’d pretend to be their protector, but no one was really safe from him. Not his people, not his family.”

“And do you want to be him?”

She finally turned away. “Fine. Let them go, it’s not worth it. We’ll find a way to eradicate Father later.”

Just her father, he thought to himself.

She had him brought to a room. Not a cell, though he was under heavy guard. He was so glad to have impressed her. She left to give orders, and he felt the lurch as the ship jumped to light speed. It was still so strange to him how casually the people here treated that. She joined him with several of her personal guard and a rather ostentatious but well-cushioned chair they brought for her. They sat across from one another.

“Since you seem interested, we are traveling to Nathema, where I was imprisoned and controlled. I am going to be freed of what they did to me.”

“Good. That’s good. How are they going to do that?”

“I don’t know. I’ve just seen the cost.”

“Cost?”

“The ones that were sacrificed to help me be free.”

He sighed. He felt for her, but he still knew what she was. Of course she put herself above these others. But was that her choice, or the result of what was done to her? “Who is helping you? You said this was where they hurt you. Are these the same people?”

That made her hesitate. “Yes, Jarak and his team.”

“And they worked for your father?”

“They worked for the Eternal Empire. They work for me, now.”

“You’re sure?”

“I am the Empress! They have to do what I say.”

“Yes, but will they ever do what you need?”

“Fine, what would you do?”

“Me? I would go in, find any information on what was done to you, find any research on how it might be reversed. Free any living prisoners. Then I would decide if it was worth it. How many died for it?”

“What? A hundred, a little more?”

“It wasn’t worth it, you know. I’ve seen this kind of ‘research’. It’s never worth it.”

“I need to be free. I need him destroyed, and can’t do it if I’m not free.”

“And?”

“It’s what he did. What he would do again.”

“You should have asked for help from people who cared about what happened to you, not from the ones that did this to you. Now, things are worse.”

Another pause. Then, she stood, and said, “Get this man a blaster cannon. He’ll be coming along. We are going to get what I need and then the Sanatorium will burn.”

Well, it was a start. And he would never give up. He’d learned that much.

Archive Project - February 7, 2014 - Avengers Lineup

2012's Avengers movie is too easily forgotten as a miracle of modern film. What was once considered a film that could and wouldn't ever work, with a lot working against it, managed to become one of the best movies of the early 21st century. This is due largely to the miracle casting of Joss Whedon as director. Prior to selling his soul… I mean future career prospects to Marvel/Disney, he gained extreme nerd credibility for his work on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly, Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog and Cabin in the Woods (which premiered around the same time as Avengers). Joss Whedon's strength as a director has always been inter-character dynamics. By that I mean, he is able to establish a large cast of characters with differing personalities that all interact with each other differently in fascinating ways. This, I imagine, was largely why he was chosen for The Avengers. His touch really does show through as we see certain characters get along and bicker. For example, Tony Stark immediately gets along with Bruce Banner, but clashes with Steve Rogers. Ultimately though, I will admit that The Avenger's as a movie suffers from 1 flaw: an overall lack of depth.  Joss spent all of his time working the movie developing the character's personalities and interactions, but the resulting script was pretty much a standard action movie with little to say about people, life, the universe, etc. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, and it doesn't detract from the movie, but what it does is two things. The first is that is keeps the movie from really standing out as potentially the greatest Superhero and Action movie of all time (though I will say it easily get's second best for me personally). The second is that it makes me really worried for the sequel, 2015's Avengers: Age of Ultron. Joss has stated in interviews that his influences for making this movie are The Empire Strikes Back and The Godfather Part II, which I would take as good signs if that actually was some sort of signifier that the movie's inspiration was other good movies. What he has also seemed to have done is to take nearly every single fan request for a character appearance and stuck them into the script while simultaneously making the story darker and more complex. I'm nervous because the last time I saw a movie that tried this strategy, making the movie darker, more complex, with more characters, and taking inspiration from another great movie (in this case Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan) was the unfortunately complicated misfire that was Star Trek into Darkness. I'm not saying that Joss Whedon is going in a bad direction with Avengers 2 or that he isn't talented at what he does. In fact if there is any director I would trust to make this movie work.. IT IS JOSS WHEDON! I'm just worried too many people out there are already convinced that Avengers Age of Ultron is predestined to become some sort of modern cinematic masterpiece when there is just as good a chance that the whole experiment could fall apart on itself if it makes a severe misfire. Overall though my main fear, as I mentioned briefly before, is the casting. Reading the cast list for this movie on Wikipedia makes me really afraid that Joss Whedon might be a bit over his head here and that he could be biting off more than he can chew. Lets look back of his record so far: Ok.. Firefly: 9 central characters, plus rotating cast of antagonists The characters had great dynamics and the show had a deep emotional core with a fully realized world. Avengers 1: 10 central characters, plus 1 primary antagonist One of the best Superhero-Action movies ever, kinda weak story but REALLY awesome!!   Avengers 2: 9 Protagonists, 5 antagonists remains to be seen.. So maybe it doesn't sound like that much, but 14 main characters are a lot to throw around, especially when you are balancing multiple bad guys with different goals and story lines. Again, thats not to say it can't work. The first Die Hard movie had 12 villains.   So the question is, how do you balance a two hour movie with fourteen or more characters. My best guess: do it the way they did in the old Star Trek shows: create a diverse cast of personalities but keep the focus primarily on the important figures. In old Star Trek, the stories usually revolved around Captain Kirk, Commander Spock and Dr. "Bones". Yah, characters like Uhara and Scotty got screen time but it wasn't guaranteed in every episode and was less significant than the main trio. If Avengers: Age of Ultron keeps it's focus on the right characters and gives screen time where it is needed then it really could end up something of a great movie! But it's important to approach this cautiously, as this could very easily turn out to be an X-Men: The Last Stand level disaster if the ball is dropped. Or alternatively, it could be a Man of Steel 2… I mean Batman vs… I mean NOT Justice League level screwup. The saving grace here is that we have hope. At the helm of this movie is an incredibly talented group of actors, directors and special effects artists who genuinely care about the material. The Avengers movies are one of those rare little treats where Hollywood figured out that they could make a lot of money by honoring the source materials people care about and making genuinely great, light hearted and fun action movies out of such odd, out there concepts. Who would have thought a movie about The Norse God of Thunder or Ayn Rand in a robot suit would become to most dominating movies out there. What i'm really hoping for is that the huge cast that Joss Whedon is collecting is for a greater purpose for these movies. The fact is, sadly.. these actors aren't going to be around forever. Eventually Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evens, Robert Downey Jr and the rest will get tired of the roles and try to retire the characters. We almost saw this with Downey in Iron Man 3. By making such a huge cast, maybe Joss is preparing for the ugly reality that we will all have to face at some point, that Chris Hemsworth as Thor really isn't immortal. That the invincible Iron Man really isn't. Just looking ahead at Marvel's Phase 3 movies, you can really see this. Marvel/Disney is currently in talks right now for potential movies for Dr. Strange, Black Panther, Ms. Marvel and Blade. Not to mention the Netflix Original Series' coming in 2015 for Luke Cage, Iron Fist, Daredevil and Jessica Jones. Don't take this as cynical. If anything, the untold possibilities with these films has me more excited for them than anything else! I'm not nearly excited for stuff like Star Wars VII or The LEGO Movie as I am for Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Guardians of the Galaxy, Ant-Man and Avengers 2! And in the meantime, I can confidently say that the characters we know and love will be around for quite a while! Thor 3 and Captain America 3 have already been announced! Take from this a sense of cautious optimism. These are the movies we will hand down to our children. Even if things crash and burn from here on out, we still got 8 amazing movies out of this deal! And I can say with confidence, that we will probably have more than 8 of these films to pass on. :) Thank you for reading! Live long and prosper!

New Fic: The StarkPhone(Guardians of the Galaxy/Avengers)

It’s not even the fanciest thing Pepper Potts-Stark gifted Peter with. But the laptop computer actually came with the StarkPhone, since for the moment he needs it to update the device’s contents, until they can figure out how to hook it up to the ship’s computer. Although Bruce Banner’s already done further work trying to get it to work as a proper communication device in space. Plenty of people, including Nebula, have told him that Tony Stark would’ve managed all that no problem. At least he did set it up to make charging both phone and laptop with a power cell very easy. Peter’s pretty sure once he gets it to Shurlee, the exotic devices specialist can figure out the rest.

Between them they’ve got some impressive programs and games, what’s state of the art for most of Earth besides Wakanda, which is apparently hopelessly more advanced over the rest of the planet. But of course the main purpose is the music. Peter’s going to keep the Zune as well, if only as a reminder of Yondu, but the sheer amount of stuff this device can hold means it has to be his primary music repository. And it’s got a lot on it already. Potts-Stark made sure of that before she gave it to him.

The playlists are numbered, putting the songs from his original tapes and the Zune on top of the screen. Right after them come the playlists put together by Earth’s various superheroes for the Guardians of the Galaxy to remember them by.

Except Tony Stark hadn’t lived to do his, of course, so his wife and old bodyguard had put it together. It’s mostly “classic rock,” loud rock music from roughly his mother’s era, the stuff he thinks she liked only in smaller amounts, if that. The sort of stuff Rocket loves, and this stuff he’s had time to hear, too. Groot will probably soon grow to love it too-that’s something he’s vaguely worried about.

Peter expected Steve Rogers’s playlist to be mostly from the 30s and 40s. And about half of it is. But the other half is more modern. Some of it was very obviously introduced to him by those born more recently. Including Rocket. It was probably him who introduced Steve to Madeleine Quill’s favorites, and “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” and “Ooh Child” both made his list. It’s a strange, surreal feeling, imagining Captain America-heck, he was still wrapping his head around him having shown up in the modern day-listening to those songs and thinking of them as ones she’d loved first. As part of her, and as part of Peter himself.

Of course, his fondness for Marvin Gaye must have also come from Sam Wilson; the latter’s playlist is indication enough of that. Peter’s never much classified his home planet’s songs by their artists; even with the Zune, there were too many of them where he only had one song by them. But Sam’s one of those that favors enough particular names it makes Peter curious about them. He might even ask Nebula or Thor what they know about them.

It’s Bucky Barnes’ playlist that’s mostly music from the 40s. It’s one of the shorter ones. What modern music he has is mostly from Wakanda. That really is unlike anything else produced on Earth. Thor has pointed out some aspects of it that he’s heard in other pieces of music from Africa, but also sounds and effects made by technology the rest of the planet is still getting introduced to, and is only just now finding use in the music of other countries. Some of it reminds him of the overhead music in commercial complexes and seedy bars and occasionally markets out in space, even though it's not all that like it in tone or style, because he can't help but hear the technology. Peter’s not sure how he feels about that kind of music coming from Earth.

Thor, of course, brought all his favorite music on board himself. But he added a playlist to Peter’s phone too, with contributions from his various other friends. That one’s mostly extra-terrestrial, and the majority of it consists of albums of traditional Asgardian pieces, recorded by the surviving Asgardians to fund the building of New Asgard. Apparently those are still making them plenty of money. There’s a good chance Peter won’t ever listen to this playlist all the way through, honestly, at least not on his own. Thor will probably play it all on the ship’s system enough for anyone.

Natasha Romanov’s is the shortest. Her friends did the best they could, putting anything on it they knew she liked, but so much of even that died with her. It’s mostly classical music, plus recordings of the Russian songs Clint Barton heard her sing to his youngest kid. Also two pop hits from the last five years. They’re neither of them directly about what happened, but they’re both about loss.

Peter hasn’t fully looked through Barton’s playlist. He’s listened to a few songs unique to it, and that put him off the rest. His mother warned him off country.

The one playlist he has listened all the way through already is from the other Peter. Peter Parker is the one who at least knew what was hot five years ago, and in between their all coming back to life and the loading on this StarkPhone, he even had time to hear and approve of two more recent hits, both of them a bit more cheerful than Romanov’s. Probably much of it is what Madeleine Quill would’ve listened to and loved and shared with her son had she been born thirty years later. Except maybe Peter Quill is finally getting old and ornery, because a lot of it leaves him cold, and he’s not even sure why. It just doesn’t seem to have the soul that the older music does, or at least, he can’t feel it.

Stephen Strange’s playlist has the fewest songs on it, five fewer than Romanov’s. Timewise it’s much longer, though, because it’s entirely classical. With some instrumental Asian music, much of which is also on the long side. Peter has to wonder if it even truly reflects his musical tastes, or if he’s just posing. But at least Nebula likes the half she’s listened to so far.

Bruce Banner’s playlist starts with a song somebody recorded about him. It’s called “The Green Guy and the Sky” and it’s one of the weirdest things Peter’s ever heard, and he’s heard Brae’Taro Chant. The rest of it’s more varied, with some Indian/Bollywood stuff that’s great for dancing to. But there’s also a lot of “relaxing” music that Peter personally thinks “boring” would be a better term for.

James Rhodes’ playlist has a good deal of the exact kind of disco music his mother always spoke disparaging of. Luckily Peter himself really isn’t picky about good dance music. Some of Stark’s classic rock favorites as well. She really would cringe. But it’s also got no less than six of her own favorites as well. Also the Star Wars theme, which Peter would have loved him for in any case. And another piece from the prequels called “Duel of the Fates,” but that one is just making Peter dread his inevitable watching of said prequels. All the Star Wars movies which have been made so far are on the laptop, and he hasn’t watched the newer ones yet, but he knows he must sooner or later.

Carol Danvers’ playlist starts with “Off We Go Into the Wild Blue Yonder,” which makes Peter laugh. Especially since aside from that, and some 90s songs that Peter suspects were more the favorites of her adopted daughter/niece, and one song with Carlos Santana called “Maria Maria,” it’s actually mostly extra-terrestrial music. Some of which everyone who’s been in space has heard, and some of which doesn’t even seemed to be commercially released; there’s weird instrumental stuff that Peter suspects to be Skrull music.

Some of the playlists are joint playlists. One of those is Wanda Maximoff’s, with a note that it included what favorites Vision had as well. This one, too, is more recent pop music, in this case tending more towards the 1990s, and what Thor has identified as “Europop” and “Eurodance.” (Peter's not sure the Asgardian actually knows the difference.) In other words, obviously the stuff she listened to as a kid, before her parents got killed. Maybe with ones her brother liked mixed in. That’s really sad, if Peter thinks about it. So he doesn’t. He just dances, because the music begs for it.

T’Challa and Shuri also sent a joint playlist, which multiple people have told him was probably mostly her. It’s possible Okoye contributed as well. (“She’d never admit it, though,” Rocket noted.) Obviously that one’s heavily Wakanda, and Peter wonders if it’s more a cross-section of the country’s musical history. There’s also a selection of Kendrick Lamar. Apparently he put out an album a couple of years back that made heavy use of Wakandan music tropes and is generally considered to be the best job anyone outside of Wakanda has done with that so far. But the playlist has only one song from that, which of course the King and his sister would’ve only recently heard. The rest of it’s older. If Peter ever sees them again, he’s going to have to ask who was responsible for the Lamar. He’s not even sure why he’s so curious; he just is.

Rocket and Nebula also made a playlist for the phone, even though they too brought what music they’ve become fond of with them. As well as the classic rock Stark introduced him to, Rocket’s got the stuff he no doubt loves even more: the really hard rock, of the guys screaming into their microphones. Not stuff Peter finds at all appealing for the most part, though he’s developed a weird weak spot for the Beastie Boys’ “Intergalactic.” It’s got a good beat.

Still, he kind of really wishes he and Nebula had done separate playlists, to make it easy to listen to just hers. That the playlist is entirely Earth music doesn’t keep her selections (or at least the ones that definitely aren’t Rocket’s) from being the most broad and interesting. If there’s any specific preferences she shows, it may, oddly enough, be for Asian pop. He wonders how many of Earth’s languages she’s learned; he knows she learned Chinese. But there’s plenty of stuff in English too, some of it in genres Peter’s never heard of. He thinks he might like the song that describes itself as “dream pop” way more than makes sense for him.

Of course, that might be out of the feeling he has that Gamora would’ve liked it. Though the playlists by the various Avengers are followed by seven playlists, apparently compiled as a group effort with Thor’s spurring it on, because he wanted to give each of his new crewmates some music they’d like, and also his possible future crewmate-to be. Peter hasn’t listened through any of those. He especially doesn’t want to touch the one meant for Gamora.

He is, of course, an optimistic man. And because he’s an optimistic man, he is very confident that they will, sooner or later, find the Gamora now wandering around this universe, he is hopeful that she will ultimately decide to at least try the life the original version of her had been happy in for four years, and he is even thinking of ways to convince her to choose the same long-term booty call she had last time around, even if there is now an Asgardian available.

But he knows she won’t be who she was. She hasn’t had any of the experiences that helped reshape the Gamora he knew and loved, not even breaking out of the prison with them. And when it comes to finding her tastes in things like music again, she may not at all like the same music she did before.

He grieves for that Gamora, is sometimes still consumed by rage at her father for what he did to her, and at the universe for letting him, for being that devoid of justice that it would let that happen. Sometimes he thinks that when they find the new Gamora, he’ll suggest she listen through the songs; he thinks she might agree to, if only out of curiosity. Other times he can’t stand the thought of anyone listening through it, even her.

Of the others, only Mantis has listened through hers so far, sitting through the whole thing with a rather confused look on her face. Peter doesn’t expect Drax will ever listen to his, but he figures the others will sooner or later.

Himself included. They made the longest of all the playlists for him. He’s glanced over the songlist, which didn’t tell him as much as it might have had he lived on Earth more recently, but at least he knows all the artists that had a song in either the cassettes or the Zune. Some of them, he’s glad to have more of them. Others, not so much. He’s started to seriously wish he’d figured out how to delete that stupid song about the dragon.

Truth is, it still stuns him, that these people who don’t really know him, who probably got a less than flattering picture of him from Rocket, went to all this trouble. Hell, there’s an argument they should still be mad at him for losing his head the way he had on Titan. (His Gamora would’ve had some pretty choice words for him over that.) “It’s for a fellow Avenger,” Rocket explained to him when he said so. “They’ll adopt you into the group whether you even like it or not,” and Nebula nodded her agreement.

So even if he doesn’t like every song they’ve loaded onto that StarkPhone, Peter is still happy every time he looks at it. He’s always wanted to belong to groups more than he’d admit.

Besides, multiple playlists on it contain “Old Town Road.” Whatever he thinks about the pair of genres it belongs to in general, that’s definitely his new favorite song.

WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND Christmas Day – Holmes and Watson, Vice

This is it. The last column of the year and at one point, this was going to be my last column ever.  I’ve just been very frustrated with the fact that I can’t get paid writing work despite being a film critic for over 17 years now. The times are changing, and the last eight months since I lost my job at Tracking Board has been an incredible drag, as I try to stay motivated to write about movies even though it’s obvious no one wants to pay me to do so.

That all said, I’m going to make this a shorter column, and yes, I’ll be back next week (and next year) with my first column of 2019 on Jan. 2, so hopefully you’ll all stick around.

In the meantime, also check out this year’s Top 25 movies!

HOLMES & WATSON (Sony)

Comedian and former “SNL” star Will Ferrell has been somewhat absent from theaters this year after appearing in two movies in 2017, one (Daddy’s Home 2) more successful than the other (The House). It was only a matter of time before he would be reunited with John C. Reilly, co-star of two of his most successful comedies, 2006’s Talladega Nightsand 2008’s Step Brothers, both which achieved the $100 million milestone. Sure, Ferrell has had a number of $100 million comedies since then, but it certainly feels like he needs a change, so what else, but a comedy based on Sherlock Holmes and Mr. Watson, as played by Ferrell and Reilly?

Reilly has been having moderate degrees of success in the ten years since Step Brothers, particularly with Disney’s animated Wreck-It Ralph in 2012, which grossed $189 million domestic, and the recent sequel Ralph Breaks the Internet, which is almost out of the top 10 this week with more than $160 million.  He’s also appeared in stranger places like 2017’s hit Kong: Skull Island and Marvel Studios’ Guardians of the Galaxy. Earlier this year, he received critical raves for his role in the Western The Sisters Brothersand also appears this week in the British indieStan and Ollie, playing Oliver Hardy.

Both of the duo’s previous movies opened with more than $30 million – Talladega Nights with an astounding $47 million opening – but both also opened in summer and over ten years ago. Although the Anchorman sequel fared decently over the holidays nine years after the original movie, that was a direct sequel whereas this is the duo doing a spoof.   Ferrell’s comedy Daddy’s Home opened with $38.7 million over Christmas weekend in 2015, but that was because its Christmas Day opening was a Friday vs. a Tuesday.  If  Holmes and Watson gets some of the diehard Step Brothers fans out to see it earlier in the week, it’s not gonna have that much business left for the weekend.

Missing from the tried-and-true comedy equation is director Adam McKay, Ferrell’s production partner, who has moved onto other things (see below), and this comedy is the work of filmmaker Etan Cohen, who wrote the cool comedies Idiocracy and Tropic Thunder, as well as writing and directing Ferrell’s horrible comedy Get Hard. (Yikes!)

It’s that last bit that has me worried, and it certainly won’t help that the movie looks idiotic, plus it’s coming out just seven years after the Robert Downey-Jude Law sequel Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, which grossed $186 million over the holidays in 2011 despite not being as well received as its predecessor. Wisely (or fearfully?), Sony decided not to screen the movie in advance for critics.

While the movie might make $4 to 5 million on Christmas Day, it’s likely to follow other Christmas releases where it will slowly lose business on Wednesday and Thursday so by the weekend, it will probably be lucky to make $15 million and likely will make less with stronger films still playing in theaters.

VICE (Annapurna Pictures)

The other movie being released on Christmas Day is Adam McKay’s new movie, and if you’re wondering if that’s the same Adam McKay that directed Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly in Step Brothers and Talladega Nights, yes it is!

McKay continues his serious filmmaker stage following 2015’s The Big Short, which received five Oscar nominations, including Best Picture, and a win for McKay’s screenplay. It also grossed an impressive $70.2 million after a $10.5 million wide release over Christmas weekend that year. (Oddly, the movie’s expansion went up against Ferrell’s Daddy’s Home in its opening weekend.) That year, Christmas Day fell on a Friday but McKay’s foray into political humor – he had previously written for “Saturday Night Live,” as well as political comedies The Campaign and co-wrote and directed Ferrell’s George W. Bush Broadway show You’re Welcome America.

Clearly, McKay has as much an interest in politics as he does comedy, and the “Vice” of the title is former US Vice President Dick Cheney, as played by Christian Bale in another transformative role that’s likely to at least get him an Oscar nomination. Yes, this is more of a biopic than The Big Short, and it’s definitely going to be more divisive than Anchorman due to its politics.

Bale is once again joined by the amazing Amy Adams from David O. Russell’s American Hustle, and she may be heading for yet another Oscar nomination… and possibly a win this time? The movie also stars recent Oscar winner Sam Rockwell as Bush Jr, and McKay regular Steve Carell playing Donald Rumsfeld, just days after his latest movie Welcome to Marwen bombed very, very badly.

What The Big Short has that Vice doesn’t is a name star on the par of Brad Pitt, but also it’s being released by relative newbie Annapurna Pictures vs. Paramount, who has much more clout to release movies around awards time. (Oddly, Paramount also released Daddy’s Home the very same weekend it released The Big Short – that’s how much confidence the studio had in both movies!)

Reviews so far haven’t been great, at least not on par with The Big Short, though that doesn’t mean that the Academy will ignore a movie that already has a lot of Golden Globe and SAG nominations under its belt.

The awards recognition will drive the audience curiosity, even for those poor suckers on the Right who may realize that McKay’s movie will generally be biased towards the liberal side of things. Opening on Christmas Day Tuesday may mean that those who are really interested in seeing the movie will rush out to one of the 2,378 theaters into which Vice is being released.

I figure Vice can make a solid $3 or even $4 million on Christmas Day, but it will peter away after that, and the lack of school and many people having off work should help it make between $7 and 9 million over the weekend, as it works its way to around $40 million or higher depending on awards, making it Annapurna’s highest-grossing release (as a distributor) to date.

Mini-Review: Imagine if you’re Adam McKay, and you’re finally being taken seriously as a filmmaker after you tackled real-world sociopolitical issues with The Big Short, then of course, you’d want to follow that up with a movie that can be taken just as seriously. So why not make a biopic about a controversial Republican Vice President in Dick Cheney and have an actor like Christian Bale transform himself to play him?

Sure, on paper it sounds fine, and as long as you go into Vice realizing it’s a comedy with a small “c” yet also realizing you should only take it seriously to a point, and you should be fine. The film acts as a thesis, of sorts, to show how Cheney masterminded the unwarranted invasion of Iraq that killed thousands of soldiers. Once Cheney becomes VP, the film becomes far more clinical and far less entertaining, as if McKay would rather be mentioned in the same breath as Michael Moore, than be remembered as the director of such great comedies. There are still more than a few funny ideas like having the movie abruptly ending before Cheney goes back to the White House to support Bush Jr., but by then, he’s already done his damage by reinstating the executive order.

The film is a showcase for another jaw-dropping Christian Bale transformation as he channels the former VP in his early days, and then gets some added help from the make-up department in his later years. Either way, it’s the type of performance that makes you frequently forget you’re watching Bale. Amy Adams is also fantastic as Lynn Cheney, who plays a pivotal role in all aspects of Dick’s life, a performance strong enough to get another Oscar nomination. (The Cheney’s in-bed Shakespeare recitation is another one of the film’s weirder moments.) Then there’s Sam Rockwell, funny as always playing George W, and a surprising turn by Tyler Perry as Colin Powell (a small role), which leaves Steve Carell as the film’s weakest link, because Donald Rumsfeld basically just doesn’t seem too far removed from other Carell characters.

Some of the film’s better moments are in showing the evolution of Cheney’s relationship with his two daughters, the youngest Mary who comes out as gay in college, putting a damper on Cheney’s future Presidential chances. (She also becomes estranged from the family when her older sister speaks out against gay marriage during her own political run.)

Where the film really goes off the rails is with its narrator, played by Jesse Plemons, as you spend the entire movie hearing his voice, then seeing his character in various spots without understanding the connection. When his connection to Cheney is finally revealed, you are left aghast that McCay would go that route, and it almost kills the entire film.

Vice isn’t great but it isn’t terrible, and it’s no surprise this is already quite divisive even when not considering the film’s obvious politics. Either way, it’s not as strong a political biopic as either The Front Runner or On the Basis of Sex.

Rating: 7/10

Considering that there’s a lot of strong movies already in theaters, the two new wide releases will probably end up somewhere in the mid-range by Friday  , so this weekend’s Top 10 should look something like this…

1. Aquaman (Warner Bros.)  - $40.5 million -45% 2. Mary Poppins Returns  (Disney) - $18 million -19% 3. Bumblebee (Paramount) - $15.5 million -26% 4. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse  (Sony) - $14.2 million -15% 5. Holmes and Watson  (Sony) - $13.7 million N/A 6. Vice (Annapurna) - $8 million N/A 7. The Mule (Warner Bros.) - $7.5 million -25% 8.Second Act (STXfilms) - $6.8 million +7% 9. Ralph Breaks the Internet  (Disney) – $5 million +9% 10. The Grinch  (Universal) - $4.5 million -45%

LIMITED RELEASES

On Christmas Day, there are a bunch of movies that have been playing the festival circuit, including two that made it onto my top 25.

Oscar nominee Felicity Jones plays Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg in Mimi Leder’s ON THE BASIS OF SEX (Focus Features), a film that looks at her years going through Harvard Law School while helping her ill-stricken husband (played by Armie Hammer), leading up to the two of them going in front of the Supreme Court to fight for gender equality. If you enjoyed the doc RBG released earlier this year, this excellent drama gives even more life and emotion to the story of this amazing, inspiring woman who has done so much for civil rights in this country. Sadly, it seems to have been ignored during awards/festival season, but I think Jones gives another awards-worthy performance, and it will be playing in roughly 33 theaters across the country starting Christmas Day.

I was also a big fan of STAN AND OLLIE  (Sony Pictures Classics), as in Laurel and Hardy, as played by Steve Coogan and John C. Reilly. Directed by Scottish filmmaker Jon S. Baird (Filth) from a fantastic original script by Jeff Pope, the film begins with the duo’s final days at Hal Roach Studios, then cuts forward decades later when the duo are signed to play a series of live shows in England, a tour that isn’t going particularly well, at least to begin. It’s a fantastic story of the relationship between this incredibly talented duo, and one can’t overlook the contribution of Nina Arianda and Shirley Henderson as Stan and Ollie’s respective wives who add a lot to the humor. It will open in New York and L.A. on Friday and fingers crossed it will expand in the new year to other areas.

Nicole Kidman in her third movie of the year glams it down in Karyn Kusama’s DESTROYER (Annapurna Pictures), playing detective Erin Bell, who is investigating a murder that has connections to an undercover assignment she took on earlier in her career. This is another fantastic performance by Kidman in terms of playing this person who has clearly been put through the wringer over the course of her life, and I love seeing Kusama continuing with the genre realm in which she’s already done some decent explorations. It opens in select cities Christmas Day.

Also, if you happened to miss Peter Jackson’s World War I doc THEY SHALL NOT GROW OLD (Warner Bros./Fathom Events) on Monday, December 17, then you’ll get another chance this Thursday, December 28, so definitely check it out while you have a chance to see it on the big screen in 3D as it was intended.

REPERTORY

Similar to last week, much of this week’s repertory offerings are continuations of the past few weeks with most of the new series beginning in the new year.

METROGRAPH  (NYC):

The Metrograph’s holiday series will include screenings of Bad Santa, The Muppet Christmas Carol and 3 Godfathers on Christmas Day as well as the continuing Miyazaki at Studio Ghibli series and In the Year of the Grifter. This week’s Playtime: Family Matinee is the excellent Gotham Award-winning doc Mad Hot Ballroom (2005).

THE NEW BEVERLY  (L.A.):

Christmas Day sees Laurel and Hardy’s March of the Wooden Soldiers (1934) paired with the Marx Brothers’ Horse Feathers (1932) as well as the roadshow version of Tarantino’s The Hateful Eight. Weds and Thursday sees double features of Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961) and What’s So Bad About Feeling Good? (1968), but Friday and Saturday sees a double feature of The Poseidon Adventure (1972) and Beyond the Poseidon Adventure (1979). Saturday and Sunday’s family friendly film is Joe Dante’s Gremlins (1984), while the Saturday midnight movie is New Year’s Evil (1980). Sunday and Monday, there will be double features of The Godfatherand The Valachi Papers, both from 1972.

FILM FORUM  (NYC):

Besides the Christmas with Nat King Cole program on Christmas Day, the Film Forum will kick off a week-long run of Mitchell Leisen’s Easy Living (1937) with a screenplay by Preston Sturges and starring Jean Arthur. The weekend’s Film Forum Jr. is Laurel and Hardy’s Way Out West (1937), probably to tie-in with Stan and Ollie, which shows the filming of the movie. The Film Forum will have a single presentation of Susan Dryfoos’ 1996 doc The Line King: The Al Hirschfeld Story will be screened in 35mm with a QnA with Hirschfeld’s wife and the film’s director to follow.

EGYPTIAN THEATRE  (LA):

Although closed on Christmas Eve and Day, the theater will show the 70mm version of Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey for the rest of the week.

AERO  (LA):

Also closed on Christmas, but it will reopen on Thursday, Dec. 27 with the start of its Screwball Comedy Classics 2018, beginning with Ernst Lubich’s The Shop Around the Corner (1940), paired with Christmas In Connecticut (1945). Also part of that series is Friday’s WC Fields double feature of It’s a Gift (1934) and Never Give a Sucker An Even Break (1941), Saturday is Frank Capra’s It Happened One Night (1934) with Midnight (1939), both starring Claudette Colbert, and Sunday is a Preston Sturges double feature of The Miracle of Morgan’s Creek and Hal the Conquering Hero, both from 1944. On New Year’s Day, the Aero will show the Marx Brothers’ Duck Soup(1933).

QUAD CINEMA  (NYC):

What’s a better way to spend Xmas than with the Quad’s Rated X  series? (Trenchcoat optional.)

IFC CENTER  (NYC)

The downtown theater will open a 75thanniversary digital restoration of the cinema classic Casablanca (1942), beginning on Wednesday.

FILM SOCIETY OF LINCOLN CENTER (NYC):

Jacques Tourneur, Fearmaker continues through Jan 3.

MOMA  (NYC):

Modern Masters: Douglas Fairbanks Jr.concludes this week with reshowings of Gunga Din (1939) on Weds, Little Caesar (1931) on Thurs and The Corscian Brothers (1941) on Friday. The retrospective Ugo Tognazzi: Tragedies of a Ridiculous Man also concludes on Sunday.

That’s it for this year, but I’ll be back next week (on Wednesday) with Escape Roomand more. Happy New Year!

The top 5 conference series upsets in MLS Cup Playoffs history

November 7, 20181:37PM EST

With all four lower-seeded teams still in with a shot at springing a Conference Semifinal surprise, it felt like a good time to look back over league history to find the biggest playoff upsets that took place after any preliminary rounds but prior to MLS Cup.

It really should come as no surprise that the all of our picks here occurred in the Conference Semifinals, as that round is more likely to pit two teams far apart in the regular-season standings against each other.

Before we get started with the ranking, let’s pour one out for the nearest miss: The Montreal Impact’s surprise Eastern Conference Semifinal disposal of the New York Red Bulls in 2016.

No. 5: New England over Columbus Crew SC, 2004

New England’s Taylor Twellman | Getty Images

The New England Revolution finished an underachieving regular season 16 points back of Supporters’ Shield victors Columbus, and needed a closing-day win over Chicago just to edge out the Fire for the last playoff spot on goal differential.

Nevertheless, Steve Nicol had a strong side that featured Rookie of the Year Clint Dempsey, Shalrie Joseph, Pat Noonan, Steve Ralston and Taylor Twellman. Those players all showed up for the Conference Semifinals, which opened with the underdogs claiming a 1-0 home triumph on Avery John’s first-half strike.

Columbus turned up the heat in the decisive second leg at Crew Stadium (now MAPFRE Stadium), but squandered a host of early chances. Their profligacy grew as the match wore on, with both Ross Paule (a perfect 4-for-4 from the spot during the regular season) and Tony Sanneh having weak penalty-kick efforts denied by Revolution backstop Matt Reis.

Twellman then doubled the Revs’ aggregate lead nine minutes from time, rendering a stoppage-time goal by Edson Buddle as mere consolation.

No. 4: New York Red Bulls over Houston Dynamo, 2008

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The Red Bulls squeaked into the postseason by a single point, and their reward was being shipped over to the West bracket to face two-time defending league champs and 2008 Shield runners-up Houston in the Conference Semifinals.

Few observers gave the Red Bulls a chance against a team that had outdone them by 12 points during the regular season. But they drew first blood when Juan Pablo Angel nodded home shortly after intermission of a physical Giants Stadium leg. The Dynamo responding by piling on the pressure until Kei Kamara stabbed in a loose ball five minutes from time to seemingly put the MLS Cup holders back in control.

However, that notion was thrown out the window when Dane Richards surged up the middle to put RBNY ahead to stay midway through the opening frame of the return. Ten minutes later, the Jamaican winger got loose on the right and his cross was blocked by Ricardo Clark’s arm, setting up Angel at the spot to double the aggregate lead.

Houston threw everything they could at away goalkeeper Danny Cepero, to no avail. Nine minutes from time, Richards broke free down the right again, centering for John Wolyniec to snap his 28-game goal drought by hammering in the final nail. The Red Bulls went on see their improbable run end with an MLS Cup defeat against Columbus.

No. 3: Chicago over D.C. United, 2007

Chris Rolfe with Chicago | Brian Kersey/Chicago Fire

D.C. United were fresh off winning a second straight Supporters’ Shield with an experienced, cohesive squad with several key cogs still around from their 2004 MLS Cup title team. On the other hand, the exciting but highly inconsistent Fire had the fewest wins and the second-worst goal differential out of the eight-team playoff field.

Just 14 minutes into the Toyota Park opener, Chicago showed they were ready to rumble with a capital crew that had outdone them by 15 points in the regular season. The Black-and-Red defense misjudged a long bouncing ball and Chris Rolfe swept in to fire the first leg’s only goal.

The upset was well and truly on when the Fire scored two goals late in the first half of the return leg at RFK Stadium. Chad Barrett and Rolfe struck two minutes apart, each set up by MLSsoccer.com’s own Calen Carr, to put Chicago in the series’ driver seat. Clyde Simms and Christian Gomez hit late to pull D.C. within one, but that is where the home side’s deciding-leg rally stalled.

No. 2: Real Salt Lake over Columbus, 2009

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When the 2009 MLS Playoffs began, Real Salt Lake had played all of one postseason match in their short history, and that game ended in a tough Conference Championship home loss to that same Red Bulls side the year prior. Finishing nine points behind Shield-winning MLS Cup champions Columbus, they narrowly made it back to the postseason on the head-to-head tiebreaker after ending the regular season level on points with both Colorado and D.C. United.

It may not have sounded like the starting point of a title run at the time, but RSL quickly showed they meant business against a stacked Crew SC side led by Guillermo Barros Schelotto. They kept an insistent Columbus attack off the board until Robbie Findley tucked a Yura Movsisyan cross past Will Hesmer in the 88th minute of the opener at the RioT.

Though RSL were ahead to start the away leg, Columbus had to like their chances of flipping the scoreline at home. They liked their chances even better when Barros Schelotto bagged a brace in the opening 35 minutes to put the champs on top in the tie.

The feeling didn’t last long. Less than two minutes later, Javier Morales scored to pull RSL level (the away goals tiebreaker was not used at the time). Just before the break, Frankie Hejduk hauled down free-kick target Fabian Espindola to concede Columbus’ first penalty of the entire season and Robbie Findley converted to put the underdogs on top. Andy Williams completed the upset sweep with an angled, seeing-eye strike in the 74th minute.

No. 1: LA Galaxy over San Jose Earthquakes, 2005

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After a solid 2004 regular season that ended in playoff failure, the LA Galaxy turned over nearly two-thirds of their roster heading into the following campaign. One of those new players was US men’s national team star Landon Donovan, who was making a Cali Clasico switch (via Bayer Leverkusen) after helping the Earthquakes claim two MLS Cups in four seasons.

Even with that talent swing, the 2005 Quakes were Supporters’ Shield winners coming off one of the best MLS seasons at the time. They had a host of guys with two titles already under their belts that would soon go on to win back-back to crowns in Houston, plus Danny Califf and Mark Chung. They ended the regular season 19 points above the rival Galaxy, who backed into the playoffs on a tiebreaker after dropping a 3-1 home decision to their derby rivals on closing day.

It had been a roller-coaster campaign for LA, who were hindered throughout the summer and fall by national team call-ups and their run to the U.S. Open Cup crown. They got their act together in time for the first leg, which saw them exact fast revenge with a 3-1 home victory over San Jose. Donovan’s 39th-minute tally stood up as the winner, and he also skillfully added late insurance to put his former side in a bind.

In the second leg at Spartan Stadium, Brian Ching gave the Earthquakes hope by slicing the aggregate lead to one a moment before halftime. The comeback was cut short, however, as Ned Grabavoy restored the visitors’ two-goal advantage and the Galaxy were on their way to a second MLS Cup title.

Topics: 

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The top 5 conference series upsets in MLS Cup Playoffs history was originally published on 365 Football

Throwback: When Samsung had terrible design Samsung is a leader in Android smartphone design. The company makes high-end devices that deserve their asking prices. It isn’t afraid to try new innovations, and after many lessons it’s also careful not to alienate fans. The Galaxy S9 phones introduced plenty of new features, but it also took the wants of consumers into account. It retained a headphone jack, moved its fingerprint sensor to a more sensible spot, and offered fast wired and wireless charging — all without a notch. However, the Galaxy S9 is only the latest in a very long line of Galaxy devices. Including the Galaxy S, A, and J lines, more than a 100 Galaxy devices have come out (plus the tablets), many of which didn’t exactly have stellar designs. The company’s phones may be great now, but we don’t have to look back very far to remember when they weren’t. Back before smartphones, Samsung was a largely anonymous South Korean industrial conglomerate, making giant cargo ships, tanks, TVs, washing machines, and just about everything else. It still does all that now, it’s just slightly less anonymous. Samsung Electronics, as part of that conglomerate, was a true original equipment manufacturer (OEM), making inexpensive parts for other companies. From 1993 to 1996, the company changed direction, as then Samsung Group chair Lee Kun-Hee pushed for it to become an innovator. In 1995, he and his board famously destroyed Samsung-produced devices in front of thousands of employees to hammer home his dissatisfaction with device quality. In 1996, Kun-Hee made some fascinating and prescient statements about design in the future, declaring “the year of design revolution,” and starting the company on the path to becoming the leader it is today. Samsung made plenty of odd design decisions on the road to success. Some we loved, some were just ahead of their time, and some were downright bad. The first Galaxy Galaxy vs Magic In 2009, Samsung released the Galaxy i7500. It was the company’s first Galaxy phone and its first Android device. It had an OLED touchscreen, ran Android 1.5, had appalling battery life, and a monstrously bad lock and unlock screen mechanism. Truly, bad design is more than about looks. Early Galaxy Note The early Samsung Galaxy Note phones introduced larger screens, something Apple fans (and Steve Jobs) scoffed at. It was a win for Samsung, but the designs lacked a premium look and feel. The phones’ shiny plastic backing was widely criticized at the time. It looked and felt cheap, and it was slippery. The first Note got a bit of a pass for being a brand new product, but the Note 2 and the S2 were more strongly criticized for continuing the trend, with a new just-as-slippery design and a display that even attracted more fingerprints in some styles. As CNET put it: “Samsung unabashedly carries on its plastic tradition in the face of rivals that have much more premium-looking, and possibly heartier, build materials. Though attractive, the Note 2 wins no awards for construction, and the highly reflective surfaces sometimes bounce back light in distracting ways.” Samsung was constantly compared to Apple. Even when the phones’ specs met or exceeded expectations, many felt the Korean company was always a step behind in design. These were the bad old days of iPhone versus Android, before Android was as polished as it is now and Apple started making increasingly strange design decisions. Samsung Galaxy Note 3 The Samsung Galaxy Note 3 came with a faux-leather back, complete with fake stitches. It was Samsung’s response to criticism of the slippery, glossy plastic of previous phones and the decision proved divisive. The soft feel was pleasant enough, and it reminded people of a leather-bound portfolio. Some people still remember the phones fondly. As Android Authority‘s own Bogdan Petrovan put it, “those phones felt better in hand than they looked. I actually enjoyed it in-hand. In comparison with the iPhones, though, they looked shitty.” The Note 3 just wasn’t premium enough. The white version was particularly gaudy, aged poorly, and added little class to the polycarbonate backing. That became even more clear when the HTC One (or M7) launched with a beautiful all-metal body that showed forward-thinking, timeless design. The OnePlus One also entered the market around this time, showing a plastic body and case that looked and felt much more premium than anything Samsung offered. Samsung Galaxy Oddities In between flagship releases, Samsung used to release devices with interesting (often gimmicky) concepts. There was the Samsung Galaxy Camera, a novel Android-based attempt to combine a fully featured camera and smartphone. It sadly only produced average photos, had dreadful battery life, and was very weird to use as a phone, especially because you couldn’t make calls. A friend of mine bought this thinking it was a two-in-one. It ended up being more half of one and almost zero of the other. The Samsung Round came out just ahead of the LG G Flex. It was curved from side to side, instead of the top-to-bottom curve of the G Flex. The LG style won out as a better device. Though Samsung swore the phone was more comfortable to keep in your pocket, it didn’t really improve the phone experience. At the time, we recommended avoiding it. On the bright side, the device showed off Samsung’s technology and manufacturing skill. At MWC 2012 Samsung showed off the Samsung Galaxy Beam, an Android phone with an integrated projector. It had pretty limited specs, but offered an nHD pico projector with a resolution of 640 x 360 and a 15-lumen brightness. On paper, it was an interesting concept that kind of made sense. In practice, it was poor quality, dull, and failed to really catch on, despite plenty of interest. The concept sounded good, but brightness and battery life were big issues. Samsung Galaxy S5 While Samsung played with unusual concepts, its flagship line stalled. The Galaxy S5 held onto the full-plastic body just a little too long. The iPhone 6 was out by now. The S5 reviewed well for its display and powerful internals, but where previous designs had been divisive, most now agreed: this was an ugly phone. Its dimpled plastic back looked more like a Band Aid, and the metal-effect band didn’t add any appeal. It was a good flagship phone that looked cheap. The S5 design was so bad that it forced Samsung to change everything The design was hammered. It was so bad Samsung’s designers came out and explained their choices. Three senior product designers spoke to Engadget about it: “If we used metal, we felt the designs felt heavy and cold. But with plastic, the texture is warmer. We believe users will find the device both warmer and friendlier. This material was also the best at visually expressing volume, better at symbolizing our design concepts” Despite all the apparent warmth and friendliness, the phone tanked and forced a big change at Samsung. Though previously hailed as Samsung’s Jony Ive, Samsung designer Chang Dong-hoon offered to resign. He was kept on, but shuffled away to lead design strategy. That shift was at least one catalyst for the Samsung smartphones we know and enjoy today. The following flagship releases, the Galaxy S6 and S6 Edge, represented a big shift in design. The phones boasted a classy metal and glass design, and debuted the Edge display, which now defines both the Galaxy S and Note designs. The cost of that design was plain. It had no waterproofing, no replaceable battery, and no expandable storage, which wasn’t necessarily what enthusiasts wanted. Nevertheless, the S6 was a big moment — it raised the bar for Samsung’s design looks. The new Samsung From the S6 on, Samsung’s design prospered. Its biggest recent design problem was arguably the too-high placement of the fingerprint sensor on the S8. Samsung told the media the battery prevented it from being put below the camera, but whatever issue it had, the S9 fixed that mistake. Many of Samsung’s bold design choices have worked since those early, mediocre days. Its large screens, the adoption of the now widely copied glass-aluminium-glass construction, and its Edge design have defined the company’s best phones. Samsung arguably forced Apple to adopt larger screens in the iPhone, and pressured the company to make a risky decision with the iPhone X. Few inside Apple would seriously claim the iPhone X notch was a wonderful design. The choice of function over form was a rare stumble for Apple, and now Samsung’s perfectly positioned to one-up it properly with the next-generation of Galaxy S or Note devices. This climb hasn’t been cheap for Samsung. Apple’s Industrial Design group is a tight-knit team of 20 that’s worked together for decades. Samsung Electronics had more than 1,600 designers across 34 design centers at last count. Of course, the company produces a far greater range of products than just smartphone, but pound-for-pound, it’s been a much tougher road for Samsung. Most would agree it’s finally paid off. , via Android Authority http://bit.ly/2JKVQLz

X-POSITION: Gerry Duggan Teases His Final Uncanny Avengers Mission

After one long and wild ride, Gerry Duggan’s tenure as the mastermind behind the Avengers Unity Squad is about to come to an end. With next month’s “Uncanny Avengers” #23, Duggan’s multi-year run will conclude with an issue packed with answers to questions readers have had for a while — particularly where Rogue and Wonder Man are concerned. That’s not all, either, as the issue will reveal what’s next for the powerhouse Southern belle and the Merc with a Mouth following their surprise lip-lock last month.

RELATED: INTERVIEW: Duggan’s Deadpool Ends Marriages & Builds (Secret) Empires

This week in X-POSITION, “Uncanny Avengers” and “Deadpool” writer Gerry Duggan returns and answers all of your questions about the end of his “Uncanny” run and the future of the Merc with a Mouth.

CBR News: Welcome back to X-POSITION, Gerry! Let’s start with a question about Deadpool’s social circle from Kusanagi.

In Deadpool’s title, he’s kept up pretty consistent ties to his “UA” teammates. Will we continue to see some of them going forward? Or will ‘Pool be more isolated?

“Deadpool” will undergo a dramatic change in “Secret Empire.” Sometimes advertising and publicity ends up using hyperbole to describe a change in a character’s status quo. That is not the case here. “Deadpool” readers should buckle up. What that will mean for his Avengers status will become clear as the story unfolds in both the main book, and our “Deadpool” tie-ins. There’s a very deep connectivity.

EXCLUSIVE: “Uncanny Avengers” #23 interior art by Pepe Larraz and David Curiel

You’re also starting a run on “All-New Guardians of the Galaxy.” Kamose1234 wants to know if we should expect a crossover.

Deadpool’s had some interesting encounters with Rocket Raccoon over the years but now that you’re writing “Guardians of the Galaxy,” is there any chance we’ll see a crossover between the two series? I’d love to see Wade practice sparring with Gamora and Drax or team up with them against Thanos.

If you’re like Kamose1234 and you think Wade in space sounds like a hell of a lot of fun — please check out “Deadpool” # 30 in May. [Mike] Hawthorne, [Terry] Pallot and [Jordie] Bellaire have really and truly gone all out on an 80-page original graphic novel. It’s one of the best-looking comics ever made, it’s a one and done, and it gives Deadpool several puzzle pieces that will become incredibly important in 2017-18. I tried to make the most fun “Deadpool” script for this team — and they really crushed it.

Kamose1234 also has a question about Rogue and Deadpool’s relationship in “Uncanny Avengers.

What specifically do you think has led Rogue, despite her initial dislike, to take a romantic interest in Wade?

Tom [Brevoort] and I spoke early on about making sure that Rogue was the star of the run, and how we’d build the dynamics around her. She was incapacitated, and Steve Rogers’ bench was depleted when he turned to Deadpool. At that point, it was quite earned. “Deadpool” readers were not the ones that rolled their eyes at Deadpool’s inclusion on the Unity Squad. I’d like to think we made believers out of everyone else along the way — the way that Rogue came around.

As for their friendship: a kiss after you kick the Red Skull’s ass and free Xavier’s brain from his clutches is a gesture that rings true. She had also pulverized him the previous issue. In “UA” # 23, Pietro correctly observes that they’re two of the loneliest people in the MU. You can be surrounded by people and still be lonely. Plus, think of this from my perspective: I inherited one character that can’t really touch people easily, and another that doesn’t even like to be looked at, let alone touched. Of course I was going to have to mash them together. That’s not to say you have to like it, but I know we earned it. What’s next for them together or separately has already been written — though, not necessarily by me. It’s a fun time to be fans of both characters.

With your “Uncanny” run coming to a close, Kenny wants to know about what could have been.

Were there any characters you had planned to use for your run on “Uncanny Avengers,” but didn’t get the chance to do so?

I think I’d threatened to include a larger battle to include Gambit, Magneto and another surprise of two — but I was on a clock. Issue #22 actually shipped on the last week it could have gone to printer without unbalancing Nick [Spencer]’s road to “Secret Empire.”

On a personal note: I didn’t think I’d get a swing at any of these great characters, so I’m grateful for that. Rogue has always been one of my favorite Marvel characters, and to be able to tell a story that brought her life full circle is extremely gratifying. Charles Xavier saved Rogue from a life of who knows what when he went against his X-Men and took her in to educate her. She was able to save Charles’ mind from further misuse. When I look at the team, Voodoo was the great find for me. I was so happy with the beats we found for him to shine. Gotta give the editors their credit too: I didn’t reach for Cable, that was their suggestion and it was brilliant.

EXCLUSIVE: “Uncanny Avengers” #23 interior art by Pepe Larraz and David Curiel

While we’re talking about Cable, here’s a relevant question from Psimitar.

With Cable’s solo ResurrXion book due out in less than a month, will there be any attempt to a) resolve some of the dangling plot threads such as his A.I. Belle and the Tachyon Anchor that Stryfe attached to him and b) provide a bridge to James Robinson’s “Cable” solo book that explains how he’s back to his earlier look, particularly the Techno-Organic arm as opposed to the cyberarm we saw in “Uncanny Avengers”?

This is the most Cable question you could have asked, so sincerely — thank you. It was a joy to write some Cable. We made up Belle, because it’s always fun to have a tricorder and always a bummer when characters talk to themselves. Also, AI is going to change our lives — and it already changed Cable’s. He returned from 2087 on a mission, to stop the Unity Squad’s missteps that would lead to an apocalypse. He said he was stranded here, but after you read “UA” # 23 you might wonder if Stryfe had in fact hit him with a “tachyon anchor” after all. I don’t know if people will continue to write that he has an AI in a hard drive in that arm or not. I’m looking forward to James’ Cable book — and time travelers have a way of surprising you. Lately, Cable surprised me. It turns out you should never really say goodbye or even hello to a time traveler. They’re likely to pop up when and where you least expect them.

John has a suggestion for your next solo series…

Are there any other members of the current Unity Squad you would like to tackle for a solo series? I personally think you would be able to do a great Quicksilver.

Thanks, I love Pietro. I think I’d like a crack at a Deadpool book someday.

EXCLUSIVE: “Uncanny Avengers” #23 interior art by Pepe Larraz and David Curiel

Speaking of a Deadpool book, The Big G wonders if we’ll see fallout from the Rogue/Deadpool smooch.

Will the recent Rogue/Deadpool smooches play into Deadpool’s current troubles with Shiklah?

I think you’ll see by the end of “UA” # 23 that life doesn’t always go the way you want, or the way you think it’s gonna go. It’ll be interesting to see what you guys think of “UA” #23, and then later to see how the dust settles after “Secret Empire.”

Ahead of issue #23 arriving in stores, Calintz has a question about Wonder Man.

With “UA” #23 being your last issue, I’m glad you are bringing the Rogue and Simon plot. I’m a big fan of both and wanted to know that after issue #23, will there be any more development between Rogue and Simon or is this issue the end all on that plot point? Basically will we get any in-depth on Simon’s part as to what its like sharing Rogue’s mind or what he experience through her in regards to the good and bad things in life.

As custodian of these characters you inherit the good: the stories you like, the bad: the stories that might not be your favorite, and in the end all of these stories make up a life. Rogue and Simon are too great examples of legacy characters that have had many, many stories over the years and some of the things that have been done were things that I loved, and some other things I tripped over a bit. I’m very happy to say that as I wrap off the book, both are back on the board with their respective powers and ready for whatever trouble other writers and artists cook up for each. Your specific question about what, if anything, Simon remembers from his days trapped inside Rogue’s body — that gets a concrete answer in “UA” # 23.

EXCLUSIVE: “Uncanny Avengers” #23 interior art by Pepe Larraz and David Curiel

Next up, Maestroneto has a big picture question for you.

Gerry, sincerely, what do we have to do to get you on an X-Men book? Because we need you on an X-Men book.

Well, that’s very kind of you. The X-Men have always been a close and personal favorite, but right now my heart belongs to the Marvel Cosmic Universe. I’ve cooked up the biggest story yet for the pages of “Guardians Of The Galaxy.” I hope I get to collaborate on all the weird, dangerous and messed-up stories that I have notes for. I hope we surprise readers. If you’ve been digging “UA,” leave Earth with us. Oh, and regarding the X-Line, here’s a funny story from a few years back though: I actually pitched an X-Men book to be cowritten by [“Veep” showrunner] David Mandel. Unfortunately, it was not something that lined-up with the publishing plan that was on the horizon for the X-books. He’s a wonderfully talented writer and a true X-Men fan.

That’s amazing. Now I’m picturing Kitty Pryde saying Anna Chlumsky’s dialogue from “Veep” and it’s surprisingly perfect. We close out this week with a question from Sam.

I heard your interview last week on Comedy Bang! Bang! and I was wondering if you’d ever want to have some variety of cross over between that and any of your Marvel works? We all know the Time Keeper would be a formidable foe to the Guardians, but can the Avengers stand up to the might and fury of Scott Aukerman?!?!

In the cosmic world, anything is possible. Aukerman, like Mandel is a huge comics fan. Check out the “Spidey/Deadpool” guest issue he did. He was a gent to have me on, but I would be obligated to help the Guardians defeat the Timekeeper. I imagine it would have something to do with approaching via one of the directions he doesn’t care for, and catching him by surprise. Thanks for listening; I hope I wasn’t terrible on the podcast.

Special thanks to Gerry Duggan for taking on this week’s questions.

Keep checking CBR for information about the next X-POSITION!

The post X-POSITION: Gerry Duggan Teases His Final Uncanny Avengers Mission appeared first on CBR.

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