Mind is afraid that when he distances himself from or above the others, that he will be too far gone to come back down. That when his paranoia gets the best of him, he'll shut everyone else out and then be completely alone with no way back to where he was before.
Heart is afraid that if Mind is right, with the idea that what he does isn't genuine, that he's being manipulative without realizing it. Then therefore being Whole without himself there is the better option. That he'd be thrown out because his ideas would then be "not worth it" or even "vile"
Soul is afraid that no matter what he does or how good things will be, they'll always eventually split up again or even end up worse. Even then he has no clue what he's supposed to do or be during everything, and so because of that he'll never be whole. Or worse that he'll never really "feel" whole.
I’m sorry, I know you asked me to do something but then I listened to Bring Him Home from Les Misèrables and pictured Dhurke towards the end of Turnabout Revolution thinking of Apollo and Nahyuta and praying for them “You can take, you can give, let him be, let him live. If I die, let me die, let him live.” and I’m going to be crying for the rest of the evening so please remind me again tomorrow.
V random but I’m in my Brockpetey feels could I listen to your 46 60 playlist!!
of course!! the first playlist i mentioned in the tags is actually not mine—it belongs to ash @notthequiettype and is a soundtrack to their wonderful fic Lake Rules (go read it if you haven’t already!!! highly recommend!!!)
annnd this one is my personal brockpetey vibes playlist
((I think I'm just gonna shower and head to bed.. I'll probably be up for a few hours looking at memes.
I'm trying my best to keep on top of drafts.. but please know, unless you tell me you want our thread prioritized, you're gonna probably have to wait 1-3 days to see a reply from me.
I know I feel like I have to repeat myself cuz I'm paranoid cuz I DID lose a friend cuz I replied too slow.. but I have a LOT of threads, and the only way I can handle them in a timely manner is using the queue... If I don't use the queue, instead of 1-3 days, it'd be weeks cuz I'd let them pile until I have 70 drafts...
For today’s ‘Favorite Tang Moments I Find as I Rewatch Season 3’ I’ve finally gotten to THE episode. I’ll probably find a lot of Tang moments I like in ‘Benched’ so I’m going to split them up instead of putting them in one long post. (Sorry about the formatting issues if you’re on mobile. I make these on my computer so I’m still trying to figure out the problem.)
Anyway, here're my first couple of favorite moments from ‘Benched’:
Oh my god this might be the sassiest Tang has ever been (and to Monkey King no less!)
Season 1 Tang? Is that you?
How do you make a man so damn cute? MK is still the most adorable member of the main cast, but only because he has more screen time.
Yup, definitely season 1 Tang energy here.
(I know this is slipping into a bit of Freenoodles here, but look at how sad Pigsy looks when Tang is looking for something to do in the band):
It's like he feels bad that Tang's being left out. Season 3 really is peak freenoodles content.
I'll do more stuff for 'Benched' tomorrow. The second half of the episode definitely deserves its own section.
"tell me about the dream where we pull the bodies out of the lake / and dress them in warm clothes again."
scheherazade
"He had green eyes, / so I wanted to sleep with him / green eyes flicked with yellow, dried leaves on the surface of a pool- / You could drown in those eyes, I said."
"You could drown in those eyes, I said, / so it's summer, so it's suicide, / so we're helpless in sleep and struggling at the bottom of the pool."
"But damn if there isn't anything sexier / than a slender boy with a handgun, / a fast car, a bottle of pills."
little beast
"Your want a better story. Who wouldn't? / A forest, then. Beautiful trees. And a lady singing. / Love on the water, love underwater, love, love and so on. / What a sweet lady. Sing lady, sing! Of course, she wakes the dragon. / Love always wakes the dragon and suddenly / flames everywhere."
litany in which certain things are crossed out
"The blond boy in the red trunks is holding your head underwater / because he is trying to kill you, / and you deserve it, you do, and you know this, / and you are ready to die in this swimming pool / because you wanted to touch his hands and lips and this means / your life is over anyway."
"The green-eyed boy in the powder-blue t-shirt standing / next to you in the supermarket recoils as if hit, / repeatedly, by a lot of men, as if he has a history of it. / This is not your problem. / You have your own body to deal with. / The lamp by the bed is broken. / You are feeling things he's no longer in touch with. / And everyone is speaking softly, / so as not to wake one another."
a primer for the small weird loves
"You were crying and eating rice. / The surface of the water was still and bright. / Your feet were burning so I put my hands on them, but my hands / were buring too. / You had a bottle of pills but I wouldn't let you swallow them. / You said Will you love me even more when im dead? / And I said No, and I threw the pills on the sand, / Look at them, you said. They look like emeralds."
i had a dream about you
"He's on top of you. He's next to you, right next to you in fact. / He has the softest skin wrapped entirely around him. / It isn't him. / It isn't you. You're falling now. You're swimming. This is not / harmless. You are not / breathing. You're climbing out of the chlorinated pool again."
the dislocated room
"The trees in wind, the streetlights on, / the click and flash of cigarettes / being smoked on the lawn, and just a little kiss before we say goodnight. / It spins like a wheel inside you: green yellow, green blue, / green beautiful green / It's simple: it isn't over, it's just begun. It's green. It's still green."
meanwhile
crush by richard siken, on the colour green, drowning / water, and pills
heads up: i will be cutting back on my ofmd spoilers tagging starting tomorrow! any material released now (except for the 2x01 clip) will no longer get tagged- thats teasers, trailers, things adjacent to that
🍸 + "what do you need to move on?" ( for hyuk in arc two 🥺 but i also know that's gonna get realll sad- feel free to skip any if all of them, alex!! and please have a wonderful day too <3 )
@ofgentleresolve ♚ from x.
♔ ———–
Sitting on the stairs that lead to his shabby office, a bottle of clear liquor is latched to his scarred hand. He usually doesn’t drink like this, prefers to use his sorrows as fuel to catch the justice he so ardently seeks. However, there are days where he finds himself in some kind of profound, oceanic hole without an exit; struggling to climb up and feel the air that his lungs so desperately need. These moments feel like heavy bricks attached to his ankles, dragging him toward deep sea; moments where his memories hurt more than giving him any kind of solace; moments where he knows his friend is a ghost and fervently wishes he wasn’t (but that’s not going to make Patrick rise out of his grave, is it?).
A hiccup, he tries to stand up and stumbles a little; long arm managing to get looped around the dilapidated rail. God, he hates this. Hates that the alcohol does nothing to numb the emotions bubbling within him; hates that the bottle is only making him more prone to speak about the things he’s been saving up since forever; hates that he feels helpless --- hates that he misses him so much, the yearning alone could burn an entire hole in his heart; pierce it permanently.
Stubborn as a mule, he still fights to walk down the stairs as a question echoes through. Who’s asking this? Who’s saying it? Is it his own head or is it someone who managed to see him in this shameful state? Suki is supposed to be back at his apartment to get some sleep; Jae-Hwan left about three hours ago --- there shouldn’t be anyone else around here but him and his heavy heart; him and this doltish idea of getting drunk. Feet get dragged on the last block of stairs and when he lets go of the rail, he has to lean in and support himself on the dirty windowsill. Fingers dig into the stained wood; a hand leaving the bottle on the window’s stool.
What do you need to move on? Can he even do it? Move on from losing someone he knew and loved for years? Move on from the lack of justice his best friend was given? Move on from experiencing misery that seems to portray an immense valley with drained flowers and vicious tentacles that keep extending themselves? Will there be a day where he doesn’t feel like this? Where he doesn’t latch onto a specific file that he’s re-read a thousand times; where he doesn’t stare with ache at the Lily of the Valley sitting near his desk, where he doesn’t graze the tattoo engraved inside his wrist with a close-lipped simper that wishes to break into tears.
There he goes again, trembling fingers pulling his sleeve down, if only to see the permanent drawing sitting on his skin --- an ode to him; an important piece he will always carry with him.
Until the end, and then a little more.
“Maybe...a new...a new heart or...a new brain, I--I don’t know.”
He has to, one day, right? One day. He knows Patrick wouldn’t like him to sink like this --- he was always his anchor, the one who cheered him on. But it’s just...tough. Even after all these years. Losing him wasn’t easy and so, moving on isn’t easy, either.
“Sometimes I’m...waiting to wake up from a long nightmare. Hoping that...it’s just that, all of this. A nightmare. But it’s real, it’s all real---”
Even if his head sometimes plays tricks on him, he’s aware of this sour, stinging reality. His jaw clenches; hand brusquely moving to let the bottle drop onto the floor. It shatters into humid pieces, staining the floor. He breathes through his nose; closes his eyes.
“The people who did this to him...they need to pay. They need to get what they truly deserve. And I...I won’t rest until that happens. May--maybe then, I’ll be able to move on.”