#peronal
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a friend of mine told me I was tumblr famous now (which I’m not) because I had over 300 followers, so I’m making the poll to prove to her that I’m not (I love you, Ry, but you don’t know how tumblr works haha)
No see results, you have to click the button
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long day. Just got home from a funeral and I just want all my online friends and mutals to know I love you and appreciate you. No matter how much or how little we talk I value our time together. You're loved and I can't be thankful enough to have known you all
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im sorry about your brother. grieving is apart of the process and everyone has different ways of dealing with it. try to get into the mindset of celebrating him and the life he lived instead of looking at it in a negative way. celebrate him and share love with the people around you. ik it can be difficult but you got this
this means a lot. thank you! I don't think I ever properly grieved him so sometimes it feels as if I'm still in that numb phase. I'm trying to think of all the positives about who he was when he was alive.
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Gangster d’Arc. Go to war with that celebrity. All time swag girl, burnt or otherwise!
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another pain rant, skip if you want
i'm really struggling. i just. want to yell. please don't look if chronic pain and self harm and things of that nature are triggering to you.
People keep asking me "are you okay?" But I just don't feel like lying and saying "yes" anymore. I feel terrible. Every day I feel worse. I feel hopeless. I feel despair. I'm seeing a doctor soon but if they don't help or have an answer i think I'm going to go insane.
No im not okay.
No i don't feel any better
No i do not feel more hopeful
No I do not feel like things will ever be better than this.
I am trying to mentally get myself to a place where I accept that I'll never feel any better but I have to stick around anyway. I feel like i have to mentally get myself to a place where even if it never gets better and i feel tortured I accept this and do not hope.
I feel like I am being sentenced to a lifetime prison sentence but the prison is inside of me. Happiness and not feeling pain are outside of my prison bars. I can see it forever right in front of my face but I can't ever feel it.
I feel like someone is shoving long Thin red hot knives into my body through the front and back. I feel like someone is injecting me with a large vial of corrosive poisons right through the meat of my stomach. And i know anyone who reads that believes it's not "that bad"
I can't explain it and no one can see it. I'm alone. Sentenced to solitary confinement in a closet made of broken glass and battery acid. I don't feel good. I'm not okay I'm very scared. Everything hurts.
I'm trying to accept it. "pain acceptance" if you see that term thrown around instead of giving people in pain medicine. you tell them "this will not get better, you will never feel better than this, it will get worse, you will receive no medicine. you are not allowed to die. no help is coming."
this is considered optimal to a great many people, both medical professional and otherwise. so here i am. i accept it. okay. i accept it. i'll never feel better. it will never get better .i will not die because it will make other people feel guilty. i will let you torture me.
i accept it. i deserve this. no one will ever save me. i will live long cruel years with less and less joy. i will let the light leave my eyes. i will not die. i will not get better.
don't worry. i won't do anything to myself. because anything i do would be better than this. and i do not deserve better. i accept this. i deserve this.
this is what i earned by being born.
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Got new shoes that I dyed green because I have Käärijä brainrot uwu
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actually wait let me make this a communal thing
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It's incredibly slow going, and I have to use the Rollator still- and I can't do it for a Victory Lap, only for the tiny 10 step jaunt to the Bathroom and then back to the fouton. But I can kind of (barely) walk with my right foot flat now.
Before, I was having to walk on my tippy toes because I couldn't straighten out the leg. Now I can straighten it, and it's tight as a rubber band. But if I drop my right hip juuuust right, and use my left glute to stabilize (rather than using my back muscles, which causes the spasms), I can kinda do it.
Still bedbound, mind you. And still in pain. But progress is progress!
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Today I fucked up at work because my coworker asked me why I never eat anything at work, hes never seen me eat ever.
(I have gastritis and cant eat much solid food or without really focusing on it etc.)
But I didnt want to roll out my whole medical history so I just said that I rarely eat druing the day. To wich he said I had to do it somewhen, I work late shift and I still need to sleep some day. And because social interaction isnt my strong suit I only said that yes, humans generally need to do that...to wich he asked "And you dont?" So trying to salvage what I could I wanted to assure him that I indeed do but it came out as "If I were to feed myself here it would just be an unpleasent experience for everyone involved."
So long story short I think he believes me to be a vampire or some sort of crytid now...
#I should also ad Im goth#To make matters worse#So well#Work cryptid it is#Peronal#screaming into the void
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Who the fuck are you people!?!
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Burlesque night
#peronal#lady loki#burlesque#drag bar#Afab#kadaver#kadaver o'keefe#sailors mouth#cosplay#AFAB queen#Drag King#drag
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With Neopets going under new management, I started going back to the site.
I had this funny idea to turn Unn into Kyrii because why not? One thing lead to another and I sent this into a Beauty Contest.
Always wanted to win a contest on the site. Unfortunately, just because the site has been on life support for the last 5 years doesn't mean it's easy to win. Maybe I'll try again soon. Who knows?
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It’s a look 😘
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Get attacked!! ✨🌈 SEND THIS TO OTHER BLOGGERS YOU THINK ARE WONDERFUL. KEEP THE GAME GOING 🌈
Making my day, seriously. 💕
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Bet my insomnia would be instantly cured from the warm hug of a cute girl.
I mean even if not, I'd still get a hug and that'd be pretty fucking awesome.
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This clip is part of a tangent that is being thrown to the ether but i just had to save this one little part for posterity, bc if a lesbian says you’re hot you’re fuckin hot my man!
Cc: tumblr user @bitch-butter
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