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nanahachikyuu · 2 years

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five-star hotel // modern!ivar x reader (part two of two)

Summary: sometimes, love results in heartbreak. That’s just life, and there was nothing she could do about it. But what if the reason for her anguish was also the very same one that brought her so much bliss?

Pairing: ivar x reader

Type: miniseries (read part one right here)

Warnings: depictions of an unhealthy relationship, angst, kind of a happy ending, ooc Ivar

Word count: 5.131

Music insp.: five-star hotel playlist

A/N:

When I first started writing this story, it wasn’t meant to have a happy ending. In my head, there was no space for forgiveness. I’ve been breaking my head to turn things around so I could deliver something happier, and this is what I came up with, thus the unhealthy relationship warning and why it has taken me so long to post it. I’m sorry if I let anyone down by it.

The pictures on the moodboard are from Pinterest, and the bench one is by Will Paterson on Unsplash.

Gentle reminder that English is not my first language, and this was not proofread.

You lie so badly, pretend so badly It's on your face, you haven't forgotten me Different bodies, different smells to forget mine

The first time Ivar tried to leave her, he succeeded for exactly 19 days.

At the time, everything in his life was going downhill. Or perhaps he just felt so overwhelmed that it seemed like nothing was working out for him. Was it his lifelong treatment that was weighing down on him? Did he have another fight with one of his brothers? Maybe his father had let him down once again? Honestly, after all this time, he couldn’t quite place what was going through his mind then.

But, despite all the turmoil in his life, all he cared about was her. She was the only thing that mattered to him. Not his problematic family, not his overprotective mother and detached father, not his ungrateful coworkers. Her. Only her.

That’s exactly what scared him the most.

He needed Y/N. No, he craved her – her ongoing presence in his life, in his house, in his bedroom. The security of having her beside him while everything else was going to shit. A feeling he had never felt before in his life. She was his very own personal haven.

He had never planned this, to be in love.

The issue is that Ivar never realised that was exactly what he had been looking for. Throughout his life, all he ever wanted was for someone to love him past his disability, despite his difficult personality, and exclusively because of who he was. That’s exactly what he found in Y/N – he just never realised it until it was too late. Until she was gone.

Also, Ivar believed himself to be a pragmatic man.

So, one particular night, instead of calling Y/N like he wanted so badly to do, to soothe the ache in his chest like only her could, he spent the night playing out scenarios in his head. Each and every one of them ended up exactly the same way: with him being heartbroken, betrayed, left behind, abandoned. There wasn’t a single possibility of a happy ending.

The very next day, Ivar ghosted her.

However, things didn’t work out the way he thought it would.

Ivar planned everything down to every second. He had schemed his whole life – to every new scenario, he had a response ready. That’s how much he liked to be ahead of things. If something worked out differently than what he had initially thought-out, he already knew what to do. Still, none of his plans included falling in love. Not once in his life he considered the possibility of having such strong feelings towards someone he wasn’t related to, and thus morally obligated to love. Therefore, a decision that was taken in his best interest only resulted in the exact heartbreak he wanted to avoid in the first place.

In the first week, he read all of her text messages. He stared at his phone when she called, until the screen would go dark again. He listened to every single voice mail she had left, craving to hear her voice just one more time. Y/N had disappeared completely from social media, so he lived off the crumbles she was leaving him through her attempts to contact him.

That is, until even the crumbles weren’t an option anymore. After his doorman had called up to his apartment, to let him know that she’d been there to pick up her things, the text messages stopped; there were no more calls, no more voicemails. All he had from her were the memories she had left behind. It hurt more than he ever thought possible.

19 days later, Ivar was at her door, begging her to take him back.

He had meant everything he had promised her then. He really did. But then he recalled why he had left in the first place. So, he did it again.

This time around, though, things were much different. There was no news from her. She never came looking for him, never tried to contact him like she had done before. Just 45 days of radio silence. But, unlike the last time, he witnessed firsthand how she had moved on. Or as firsthand as Hvitserk’s Instagram account would allow him to.

“By the gods, Ivar!” Hvitserk snapped. “Why do you need my cellphone for?”.

Ivar had stormed into his brother’s office the moment he noticed his arrival at the company and hadn’t left since, not before he got what he came for.

“I just need to check something on your Instagram”, he replied matter-of-factly, like it was no big deal, but something he did all the time, which clearly it wasn’t.

“Please Ivar, enlighten me on what exactly is on my Instagram that’s not on yours. As far as I know, we follow the same people”, he asked, leaning back on his chair, arms crossed on his slim chest. Hvitserk knew exactly what Ivar wanted, he just wanted him to say it out loud.

“You know what, never mind” Ivar answered simply, leaning into his crutch to stand up from the chair in front of his brother. He wasn’t going to leave really, but he knew exactly how to get what he wanted from his big brother – if he had to play the “drama queen” card, then so be it.

“Why don’t you just reach out to her instead of torturing yourself like this?”, Hvitserk voiced. He just couldn't understand why his brother was putting himself through hell like this. Not that he didn’t deserve it for pulling what he did, but still.

Ivar doesn’t answer immediately, but only sits back on the chair in front of Hvitserk’s desk and stares at the other man like he just told the funniest joke.

“I suppose it would be this easy for you, huh? Just a snap of your fingers and all your women come back crawling to you”, Ivar challenged, not at all happy with the turn of the conversation.

“It’s not what I meant, Ivar, and you know it. I’m just saying that maybe if you talked things through…”

“What? She’d come back to me?” Ivar interrupts him. “She’d come back to the cripple who abandoned her?”.

“Come on, Ivar…” he starts, but he knows there’s no use. Ivar was in over his head and nothing he’d say would help him change his mind. So, instead of pressing Ivar to continue the conversation, Hvitserk just scribbles down something on a piece of paper and hands it to his little brother.

In return, the dark-haired man stares at the paper his brother handed to him, sighing with relief that he finally got what he’d come for, and could now leave.

“Your password is ‘Shaggy and Scooby’?”.

“GET OUT!”.

She hadn’t blocked him; he was certain of that much. Her profile picture still the first icon he saw every time he logged into his own Instagram account. But Ivar was indeed a very proud man and didn’t want her to know he was checking all her pictures and stories. So, he turned to Hvitserk, annoying his brother until he gave up his password.

That’s how he found out she had moved to a new apartment, on the other side of town from his own place. That she had adopted a cat, a black ball of fur named Frigga that followed her everywhere. He never thought he’d ever be this jealous of a kitty. Ivar saw all her new pictures, watched every single story she shared, he even went as far as stalking the strangers who left comments on her photos. Y/N looked even more beautiful, if that’s possible. And he was more hurt with each new day that passed.

Every morning, Ivar woke up oblivious, imagining that she was still sleeping peacefully next to him. And every morning he opened his eyes to find the space next to him empty. There was no warm body pressed up to his, no arms holding on to him for dear life, no fingers tangled in his disheveled hair. Only the ghost of her left behind, and the reality of having to face yet another day carrying that heavy loneliness on his shoulders - one he'd brought upon himself.

45 days after he had left her alone in a hotel room, Ivar was, once again, facing the abyss her absence created in his life. Honestly, he was proud of himself for keeping his distance this long. But that particular day he just couldn’t take it anymore.

He wondered if he told her he was sorry, it’d be enough for her to come back to him, to forgive his latest mistake. He wondered if he apologised, he’d once again come home to find her in his kitchen, wearing his old Zeppelin shirt. He wondered if he’d once again have the opportunity to come up behind her, slip his arms around her waist and pull her closer to his chest, his face hiding in the crook of her neck while she cooked their dinner.

Maybe that’s why he couldn’t bring himself to go home that day. The reality of getting home to an empty apartment, to yet another silent night – he just couldn’t face it. At that point, he wished walls really could talk, just so he wouldn’t feel so lonely anymore.

Nothing out of the ordinary happened, not really. He woke up still feeling desolate, endured a day’s work and Hvitserk’s ongoing scrutiny, attended meetings with Ragnar, had lunch with Floki, and more than once considered quitting his job and pursuing a career away from his family’s company. However, when he entered the car, instead of telling the driver to head home, he gave him Y/N’s new address – an information he had acquired due to his pitiable stalking, helped by the fact that Kattegat wasn’t a very big town, and had very distinguishable streets, especially for him who had spent all his life there.

Ivar had felt pain in his life, but nothing compared to what her absence was doing to him. And he just couldn't take it anymore, he had reached his breaking point.

The driver had stopped the car a block away from her apartment and, while he was gathering up the courage to walk out of the car, Ivar saw her. She looked breathtakingly beautiful, otherworldly to his eyes.

Y/N was at the park across the street, sitting on a bench with an open book on her lap, cellphone in hand. From afar, Ivar sees the moment she breaks into a smile that takes his breathe away. He couldn’t hear her laugh from this distance, but the magical sound played out in his head as if she was right there next to him.

As a tear slides down his cheek, Ivar signs for the motorist to drive away.

Two weeks later, he’s at her door again. A part of him can’t stop from laughing at the irony of his current situation. Almost a year before, he was at that exact same position. That time, he had waited for her for hours, and when she finally appeared, he had begged her to take him back, to accept him back into her life.

Only this time, he didn’t go in. He couldn’t bring himself to knock on her door.

Even from outside in the corridor, it was possible to hear the music and the loud voices coming from inside her apartment. She was clearly having a party – just another proof that she had, in fact, moved on without him.

Ivar raises his hand to knock on the door but can’t gather up the strength to do so. She’s got company right now. It’s better to talk when they can have privacy, right? In all honesty, he barely had the courage to come up to her apartment, let alone face her for the first time in weeks with witnesses to his misery.

So, rather than knocking, Ivar turns around and enters the elevator.

Prioritizing myself seems to choose to lose you Don't leave me alone, leave me close to you Bad relationships are much easier to forget I know it's going to hurt since it was so good

When Y/N left that hotel, she promised herself she would never, ever, allow Ivar Ragnarsson back into her life again.

After she cried herself out of tears, Y/N changed out of the dress, gathered up her things and as she walked away from the building, she’d also walk away from the love she had for him.

Easier said than done.

Moving out of her old apartment and into a new one as far away from his as possible was the only way she found to distance herself from the memories that haunted her. When the loneliness in her new place became too much for her to bare, she adopted a kitty to keep her company. Little Frigga was the only light in the darkness that had taken over her life. She kept going out with her friends, as if she wasn’t dying in the inside. Her plan was simple – if she acted like everything was fine, then eventually it would be, right?

She was alright. She was alright. She was alright.

Maybe, if she repeated the words enough, it would become a reality.

What she couldn’t understand was why, after all Ivar had put her through, after all the pain, all the tears, after he had let her down and broken her heart in so many pieces she couldn’t put it back together. Even after all this, she still missed him. She still suffered for what they had and what they could’ve been. She still longed for the man who hurt her so deeply.

All Y/N wanted was to teleport back to those days where it was just the two of them. When Ivar would talk endlessly about his latest discovery on his family’s Viking heritage, and she’d listen to him intently. But every now and then she would lose herself in the depths of his blue eyes, until he’d pinch her thigh to get her attention, complaining that she wasn’t listening to him. He was an introvert to the world, but not with her. When it was just the two of them, he could talk for hours on end.

Y/N wished she could live forever in that brief moment when someone wakes up, and before reality comes crashing in. She wished she could spend all her waking minutes in that peaceful instant, when everything felt right, and she didn’t have any recollection of being rejected. Where he was still laying beside her, eyebrows frowned because they had, once again, forgotten to close the blinds in their rush to get to the bed the night before. But then she’d turn on her side, arm reaching out to him, only to find the empty space, and the realisation that no, she didn’t have a nightmare. It wasn’t a bad dream she had in her sleep, but her true reality. Ivar really wasn’t there anymore.

Other times, she wished she had never met Ivar. Y/N wished she could go back to the day they met – when she was new in town and dependent on her inexistant sense of direction. She walked into the little café seeking help, and Ivar had come for the rescue. And to change her life forever. She wished she could go back to that day, only to warn herself about the heartbreak the handsome man with those dazzling blue eyes would inflict on her.

She tried to maintain a routine, something that’d give the impression that things were normal. She woke up, got dressed, went to work. Y/N went out with her friends, attended birthday parties and celebratory dinners. She even went out to a pub one day, but the possibility of meeting Ivar or one of his brothers kept her on edge the whole time. But then the night would come again, accompanied by that never ending loneliness. She’d go home only to be suffocated by her walls, like it was closing down on her. That deafening silence that was the new playlist to her dinners, a remarkable contrast to the sound of Ivar’s laughter.

In contrast, one of the things Y/N loved to do was visiting the small park near her new place. She loved watching the kids play and listening to their giggles and laughter of pure joy brought her a peace she hadn’t felt since that fateful day. So, whenever she had a day off, Y/N would take a book and seat on one of the benches by the playground, watching the afternoon fading away.

Another thing that was helping her keep her sanity was her newfound and unexpected friendship with Hvitserk, one of Ivar’s older brothers. It started a couple of weeks after she had gotten back from her time abroad. Apparently, Ivar had finally broken down and shared with him what had happened between them, and he only wanted to check on her, make sure she was doing alright. They had been texting every day since.

Their exchange was always silly and innocent. Sometimes he’d text her about a funny Tik Tok, a show they both liked, or his opinion on a restaurant she wanted to go and, being the food driven person he was, he had already been to and had a whole essay ready about each course they served. One day, when she was reading in the park, he sent her a video of a bear cub trying to climb a wall. She laughed so hard that a couple that was walking by looked at her like she was a lunatic.

There was only one implied rule: he never, ever, mentioned Ivar to her. It was better like this - what the eyes don't see, the heart doesn't feel.

However, even with all her attempts to mask her true feelings, her friends still saw the truth. Even though she didn't reveal what had actually happened between her and her ex-boyfriend, it was obvious that their fairy tale didn't have a happy ending. So, Y/N's friends made it their mission to bring back the smiling girl who had left the country months before. And one of those attempts included having small gatherings in her apartment. Nothing too big, so as not to frighten her, but just something that would prevent her from being alone for too long, drowning on her sorrow.

On the one hand, Y/N felt deeply grateful to have people in her life who cared so much about her well-being, even if it made her a little upset that she couldn't hide how the breakup had hurt her as well as she'd imagined. However, other times, she wished they would just leave her be. After an especially difficult week, when even sleep didn't come easy, all she wanted was to be alone, with only little Frigga to keep her company.

Once, in one of those times when she wanted more than ever to escape, she had proof that she was worse off than even she had realized. Intending to be alone for a while, Y/N figured it would be a great idea to hide in the hallway on her floor. No one would look for her there. However, when she opened the door to her apartment, she smelled his perfume, that scent so unique it would be etched in her memory forever, the fragrance so strong it was as if he had been right there, moments earlier.

The sound of the elevator doors closing brought her back to reality. And along with it, the realization that she was going mad without him.

You’ll call pretending that nothing happened Asking what time you can come by my place The feeling is gone, but the lust doesn't end This is the fifth last time We lack compromise

When Y/N woke up that morning, she felt like that was going to be her day. The sun was out, the birds were singing, the weather was pleasant for the first time in ages. So, after having breakfast, she picked up a book and left her apartment, heading to her new favourite spot in the park.

But fate has its way of playing tricks on their subjects. And apparently, she was the chosen victim of the moment.

Just as she was walking out into the street, the lobby doors closing behind her, she saw him. Ivar was right there, standing in the sidewalk in front of the building. Cellphone in his ear as he looked down at the ground. In her back pocket, her own phone started to ring.

Ivar noticed her a moment later, his gaze meeting hers. Those intense ocean eyes staring at her for the first time in so long was enough to freeze her in place, her heart beating so fast it felt like it was about to bust out of her chest. Y/N brings the book she was holding to her chest, hugging it tight, attempting to keep her mass of feelings inside.

“Hm… Hi”, he’s the first one to break the silence, staring deep into her eyes. She notices he’s holding so tight to his crutch that his knuckles had turned white, a sign that he was just as nervous as she felt.

When she doesn’t respond, Ivar continues, “I was… hm…”, he clears his throat. “I was just about to call you”.

A car passing by breaks her out of the shock she had fallen into. Still, Y/N can’t gather up the strength to look at him, the scowl she just knew he had, and mostly to stare into those beautiful blue eyes she loved so much. Not without breaking down into tears, and she wasn’t going to let him see her cry, not because of him. Not again. Not so easily.

“I was wondering… I mean…”.

“What do you want Ivar?”, she cuts him off, her tone masking her agony for impatience.

“I just… I just want to talk”.

“Oh, now you want to talk?”.

“Please, Y/N. Just, please…”. his voice cracks, and it's clear in his tone how much he was suffering, the pain he was feeling, which surprises her. Not even in the first time he reappeared on her doorstep to mend their relationship did Ivar seem so distressed.

Watching Ivar so broken in front of her made Y/N realise something: no matter how many times he broke her heart in two, three, so many pieces, when it healed, it’d still beat only for him. It’d still crave to be close to him, to love him. But was it enough to accept him back into her life after what he’d done?

Looking around on the street, Y/N decides she would listen to Ivar and his explanation of the hell he'd put her through. She owned herself that much, as well to their years of relationship, that for most of it was a happy and loving one.

“We should probably do this upstairs” she says, turning her back on him and walking back into the building, Ivar following right behind her.

As she opens the door to her apartment, it is possible to hear Frigga meowing from inside. The kitty hated to be left by herself, even if just for a short time. When Y/N enters the living room, she is immediately attacked by a small ball of fur.

“Frigga!”, she exclaims, picking up the cat, that was currently attacking her legs, and bringing her to her face.

Meanwhile, Ivar admires the scene in front of him. Seeing Y/N so happy causes an inexplicable grip on his heart. He always knew he loved her, that was one of the reasons he did what he did - because of his fear of loving her so fiercely and not being reciprocated. However, seeing Y/N interact with the little kitty, an easy smile on her face, was a clear reminder of what he had given up in the name of doubt.

“Please, sit”, Y/N interrupts his thoughts, pointing to the couch in the living room. When he takes a sit, she follows right behind him, but chooses the armchair, preferring to keep a safe distance between them.

As she takes a seat on the armchair, Y/N takes the opportunity to really watch him for the first time. His hair was a bit longer, now loose on his shoulders instead of his usual braids, and the blue eyes she missed so much were hidden behind prescription glasses. What caught her attention, though, was the grey sweatshirt Ivar wore, one she remembered stealing from him countless times before. Even such a small detail, such an insignificant memory next to everything they'd lived through, made her heart ache.

A few minutes pass, but they remain in an awkward silence. A silence that Y/N refuses to break, however. She knew Ivar well enough to know that if given enough time, he would start talking. Besides, he was the one who came to her in the first place, so let him be the first to speak.

And that is exactly what happens.

“I-I don’t know where to start”, he confesses, looking down at his feet instead of looking at her.

“What about from the beginning?”, she proposes. “Why did you do it Ivar?”. In all honesty, she couldn't tell how she was managing to keep her calm like that, when all she wanted was to demand that he tell her the truth behind the cruelty of his actions.

“I don’t think you’d understand”, he surmises. “Not really, anyway”.

“Why don’t you try me?”, is all she says.

Another moment passes before Ivar speaks again, and when he does, his voice is choked, and his eyes shine with the tears he was trying with all his strength to hold back.

“Because my heart is broken, I’m broken”, he laments, a few tears streaming down his face. He chooses that moment to look at her, noticing how she was fighting with her own emotions.

“Why would you say that?”, Y/N demands, and then adds when he doesn’t answer her immediately, “Please, Ivar. This time at least, talk to me, you own me that much”.

Frigga chooses that moment to make her presence known. The kitty jumps on Ivar's lap, curling up on his lap and making it very clear that this is where she had chosen to take a nap. Ivar laughs at the kitty, scratching behind her little ear, causing her to purr softly.

“Ok…” he says, then.

So, they talked. They talked for hours about Ivar’s insecurities and struggles. He shared moments of his childhood that he hadn’t before – how he always felt like he lived only to try to catch up with his siblings, to show his worth and, most importantly, that his disability would never stop him from having his own achievements.

If Sigurd learned to read by the age of five, he did it when he was only four years old. If Ubbe got accepted into the most prestigious college in the country, so did he and three others. He spent half his life trying to prove that he was just like his brothers, and the other half that he was, in actuality, better than them.

However, Ivar failed to remember that life could be more than that, beyond a one-sided rivalry with his older brothers. While they focused on their personal lives, living, loving, and building their own families, he made it his mission on earth to win this competition that only he was participating in.

Until serendipity put her in his life.

He was never one to be surprised, to stray away from his life plans. But Y/N managed to break all his rules.

Even then, even after all the beautiful moments they had, even after she had caused feelings in him that he never imagined were real, he just couldn't believe that anybody would ever fall in love with him. As a consequence, he preferred to run when things were good. All because he didn't understand that when Y/N looked at him, there was nothing but love in her gaze in a way that no one had ever showed him before. Thus, his ignorance struck again, and he broke her heart.

“I-I know…”, Ivar starts. “I know you may not have it in you to forgive me and I can’t blame you”. He was fidgeting with his fingers, not able to look her in the eye. Even so, she could listen to him sniffle, watching as he ran his fingers under his eyes, cleaning the few tears running down his face. “I’ve played this out in so many ways and in none of them you forgive me. Honestly, I wouldn’t either if I were you”.

“But… I wanted to say I’m sorry and... thank you. I’m sorry for all the pain I inflicted on you and thank you for giving me the happiest years of my life”.

That was the final straw for her.

All this time, throughout their entire conversation, Y/N has been dancing in a fine line – confused between accepting what he was saying as the truth and with so taking him back into her life, like her heart was demanding her to do; or deciding with reason instead of with the heart.

But his words tore apart her indecision, deciding for her. Better yet, pushed her in the direction she knew she wanted to go, and would eventually go, the moment she invited him up to her apartment.

She launches from her spot in the armchair and straight into his awaiting arms. Ivar holds on tight to her, keeping her body as close to his as their awkward position would allow. He was still sitting on the couch, slightly hunched over in her direction. Y/N was kneeled on the floor in front of him, arms reaching up around his back, face hidden in his neck and her body shaking from the sobs cutting through her throat, little Frigga squashed between the two of them.

“I love you, I love you, I love you…”, Ivar keeps repeating, holding on to her just as hard as she was hugging him.

It was hard to tell how long they stayed like that. Holding on to each other, gluing back the pieces their time apart had broken.

Part of her believed his words, that he truly loved her. However, she knew they had a long way to go. Trust could not be restored overnight, with some sad stories and some shed tears. But the other part of her knew the immensity of the love she felt for him, and how being away from Ivar's arms would be so much more difficult than the path they had ahead of them.

Ivar had walked through hell during the time he was away from her, and he had no intention on going back. Even more, knowing how much she had suffered because of him broke a part of his heart that he was not sure would ever recover. However, he knew the fragility of what they had at that moment, but this time he would not break her trust on him. This time, he was going to keep that promise. Because he might break a bone, but he could never break a promise to her, not ever again.

Taglist: @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @istorkyou @southernbe

#vikings imagines #ivar x reader #ivar the boneless x reader #ivar the boneless imagines #ivar imagines #modern ivar #ivar's heathen army #vikings fanfiction #vikings history #vikings #ivar the boneless #nanahachikyuu

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peachyproserpina · 3 years

Text

4 AM Dad!Paterson x Reader

Yet again I am here, with a tender piece dedicated to my love @glassbxttless . You deserve the world Cece and you're one of my favorite people.

TW: PPD, Pregnancy talk, Depressive thoughts, lots and lots of crying, lots of kisses, rambling, not proof-read

Maybe one of these days I'll work myself up to writing smut or something of the sort but until then have these small tender tidbits.

He’s up, it’s so early it’s still dark out, even for winter. You’re curled into his side, soft snoring and maybe drooling a little, he presses a gentle kiss to the top of your head before reaching over for his watch, checking the time it’s just about 4 am. You’ve only been asleep for about 2 hours and knowing his fussy son Felix is about to stir awake to be fed again. He’s small, born just a little too early and he’s been a recent addition into your home lives. Paterson’s taken 3 months off of his route to be there for the both of you.

The pregnancy was hard on everyone, between the sickness and everything else that started kicking in Pat felt bad he didn’t take time from the route before Felix was born. You always hushed those thoughts of inadequacy with a swift kiss to his plush lips and tender tug on his earlobe. Joking about how if he was home and fretting over you everyday like he is now you would have probably been a single parent by the time Felix was born. Pat’s smiling down at you while he shuffles out from under you to sneak out of the room and into the nursery with Felix. Taking hushed quiet steps he barely opens the door and see’s Felix start to stir, not quite hungry enough to start crying. Pat shuts the door and goes to warm up some formula so he can feed him and have you catch up on the sleep you are definitely lacking.

He remembers when you told him you we’re pregnant, how neither of you have ever cried that hard before in your lives. Happy tears running down your faces and Pat sitting there perched on the bathroom counter while you take test after test just to make sure. You had both been trying forever, it took a year of trying and so many false positive tests before you ended up having Felix. Pat picks up Felix who just started to whine and rocks him back and forth while he settles into the deep rocking chair located in the corner of the room. He still doesn’t feel like it’s real, he never wanted kids, Laura never said she wanted one, content with her dog and Pat. After they split Pat figured he would never end up dating ever again and settled in his new life, same routine, less poetry, maybe picking up a few more routes when he should have taken his day off. Until you stumbled into his bus and he knew then and there that you were going to change his life. You brought it up one summer day after you we’re both married, wanting kids and Pat knew then and there that he wanted to start a family with you. He agreed and from that point forward y'all were at it like rabbits.

He coos as Felix drains his bottle faster than he expected, he’s getting bigger everyday but Pat still feels like a giant when he holds him. He has your hair, and so much of it. He did end up with Pats big ears and brown eyes, but Pat can’t deny he sees so much of you in him and that makes his heart sing. He knows his sass might even outmatch yours even after being home for these first few weeks. Felix snuggles into Pat's hold while he rocks them back and forth still, just enjoying spending time together, Felix drooling onto his shirt just as you were not so long ago and that makes Pat tear up. You are his world, and always will be. He blinks back his tears and brings Felix up to his face so he can shower him in kisses. He hears the door creek and you’re stepping in, rubbing your eyes, maybe not even fully awake. You walk over to the crib and reach in to pick up Felix. Eye’s snapping open and chest heaving once you don’t feel him. Pat’s eyebrows furrow as he watches you spin and spot your boys in the rocking chair and let out a breath, heart rate going back down and relaxing.

He can feel your anxiety from here, you’ve been together long enough that he can read you. There’s more than Felix not being in his crib that is eating away at you- Pat makes his way over to you placing a sweet kiss to the top of your head before laying the baby down now that he is taken care of and turns to you. Cocking an eyebrow and rubbing his large hands over your arms. Gently leading you back to your room and settling back into your bed. You cuddle up to him, tracing patterns on his chest. Pat’s mind is going a million miles a minute, he knows the PPD has been hard, those weeks while Felix was still in the hospital you barely moved. He was so worried about you, for you. Hovering and doing everything he could think of for you. Keeping you hydrated when you would cry and hushing reassuring words to you when you opened up about feeling like you would never bond with Felix because he was in the hospital. Chasing those fears away with his soft words and softer hands. He took the time off of work because he wanted to make sure his family was okay, that you, the light of his life was okay. With Felix home you seemed better, less crying fits and despite both of you being exhausted you started making more decisions and offering to make dinner once a week, even if it was just dumping everything into a crock-pot.

He watches you, rubbing his hand up and down your back, lightly scratching under your sleep cami, you hum and open your mouth only to close it again. You do this a few more time before mumbling something into his chest, your fingers digging into his shirt. Pat furrows his brows for what feels like this millionth since being up.

“What was that Sweetheart?” He’s running his hands up and under your chin to tilt you to look up at him and his heart breaks when he sees tears start to leak out of your eyes and plop, sink, spread onto his shirt.

“Pat- I don’t think-” You’re gasping as you try to get this thought out. “I don’t think I'm a good parent, I-” your tears are coming faster now and Pat sits the both of you up, pulling you onto his lap. You can’t meet his eyes, you shut your eyes and lean your head back willing the tears to stop. Pat’s heart is breaking-

“Sweetheart- you know” you shake your head mentally begging him to stop as you cry harder. You’re not a good parent, not cut out for this, your boys. Pat and Felix deserve someone so much better than you. Your thoughts keep swirling, not even hearing Pat as his term of endearment for you spills out of his lips. “Y/N. Look at me.” His tone is curt, words not harsh but serious. You’ve only heard Pat use this tone of voice once or twice before. You look at him, he brings his hands up and gently wraps one around your jaw and his other one pushes your hair out of your face, he’s so gentle with you. No one thinks that Paterson is gentle, he’s too big, takes up too much room even when driving the bus. But he is so so gentle with you, always. His touches are softer than butter and melts into your skin, even now as you’re crying, snot assuredly leaking out of your nose, face red and blotchy he is still soft with you. He holds your gaze and you can see the heartbreak in his eyes and that makes the tears well anew. Thoughts of you didn’t deserve him, he deserved better, someone else.

Pat can see the spiral of panic in your eyes again and tightens his grip barely on your jaw. Cupping the back of your head close and kissing your lips so softly, whispering sweetheart between every kiss.

“I can’t believe how hard it’s been for you, love, but you are an amazing parent. I know it, Felix knows and even though you don’t feel like it you know you are.” Your lips are still touching while he spills his heart out to you- “I never wanted kids until I met you Sweetheart, you changed my entire life and I never wanted kids, never wanted anything like that until you. You are so strong, stronger than you know, you’re so stubborn so you won’t admit it. When you need help, when you feel like you're drowning.” Pat can’t stop, he has so much to say, he wants to scream it, wishes you could see just how stunning and perfect and and and.

“This wasn’t easy for me, I can’t even imagine how hard this was for you Sweetheart. But you did it, you did it all, you gave birth to the most beautiful baby I have ever seen and made my life complete. You can’t see it and some days I know it doesn’t feel like it but you are perfect, for both me and Felix. I love you, so so much.” Pat stops, biting his tongue wanting to drown you in the more praise that you deserve, that you need to hear because it is true. You’ve stopped crying, you’re looking at him looking deep into his honey brown eyes before letting the tension fall away from your shoulders and snuggling into his neck. Your hands rubbing up and down his solid chest, pressing kisses into his neck.

“Thank-” you start before Pat shakes his head,

“No need to thank me for telling you the honest truth.” Pat’s snuggling you both down under the covers now and you’re sucking a dark mark into the side of his neck, trying to not cry exhausted tears. Full of love and able to get real rest for what feels like for the first time in days. Pat is tracing patterns into your back while you fall back asleep. Hoping that you take these words to heart, because it is all the honest and whole truth.

#glassbxttless #paterson #paterson x reader #pregnancy #ppd #its longer then i thought it was going to be lol. Sorry in advance

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compneuropapers · 3 years

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Interesting Papers for Week 7, 2021

Face-Specific Perceptual Distortions Reveal A View- and Orientation-Independent Face Template. Almeida, J., Freixo, A., Tábuas-Pereira, M., Herald, S. B., Valério, D., Schu, G., … Santana, I. (2020). Current Biology, 30(20), 4071-4077.e4.

Complementary Ca2+ Activity of Sensory Activated and Suppressed Layer 6 Corticothalamic Neurons Reflects Behavioral State. Augustinaite, S., & Kuhn, B. (2020). Current Biology, 30(20), 3945-3960.e5.

Different mechanisms underlie implicit visual statistical learning in honey bees and humans. Avarguès-Weber, A., Finke, V., Nagy, M., Szabó, T., d’Amaro, D., Dyer, A. G., & Fiser, J. (2020). Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 117(41), 25923–25934.

Ultra-sparse Connectivity within the Lateral Hypothalamus. Burdakov, D., & Karnani, M. M. (2020). Current Biology, 30(20), 4063-4070.e2.

Extinguishing Exogenous Attention via Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. Fernández, A., & Carrasco, M. (2020). Current Biology, 30(20), 4078-4084.e3.

Retinotectal circuitry of larval zebrafish is adapted to detection and pursuit of prey. Förster, D., Helmbrecht, T. O., Mearns, D. S., Jordan, L., Mokayes, N., & Baier, H. (2020). eLife, 9, e58596.

Delay-dependent cholinergic modulation of visual short-term memory in rhesus macaques. Knakker, B., Oláh, V., Trunk, A., Lendvai, B., Lévay, G., & Hernádi, I. (2021). Behavioural Brain Research, 396, 112897.

Retinal Inputs to the Thalamus Are Selectively Gated by Arousal. Liang, L., Fratzl, A., Reggiani, J. D. S., El Mansour, O., Chen, C., & Andermann, M. L. (2020). Current Biology, 30(20), 3923-3934.e9.

Octopamine and dopamine mediate waggle dance following and information use in honeybees. Linn, M., Glaser, S. M., Peng, T., & Grüter, C. (2020). Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 287(1936), 20201950.

External location of touch is constructed post-hoc based on limb choice. Maij, F., Seegelke, C., Medendorp, W. P., & Heed, T. (2020). eLife, 9, e57804.

Spatiotemporal Content of Saccade Transients. Mostofi, N., Zhao, Z., Intoy, J., Boi, M., Victor, J. D., & Rucci, M. (2020). Current Biology, 30(20), 3999-4008.e2.

Space of Functions Computed by Deep-Layered Machines. Mozeika, A., Li, B., & Saad, D. (2020). Physical Review Letters, 125(16), 168301.

Does inappropriate behavior hurt or stink? The interplay between neural representations of somatic experiences and moral decisions. Sharvit, G., Lin, E., Vuilleumier, P., & Corradi-Dell’Acqua, C. (2020). Science Advances, 6(42), eaat4390.

The Neuroanatomical Ultrastructure and Function of a Biological Ring Attractor. Turner-Evans, D. B., Jensen, K. T., Ali, S., Paterson, T., Sheridan, A., Ray, R. P., … Jayaraman, V. (2020). Neuron, 108(1), 145-163.e10.

Incorporating intrinsic suppression in deep neural networks captures dynamics of adaptation in neurophysiology and perception. Vinken, K., Boix, X., & Kreiman, G. (2020). Science Advances, 6(42), eabd4205.

Transient and Persistent Representations of Odor Value in Prefrontal Cortex. Wang, P. Y., Boboila, C., Chin, M., Higashi-Howard, A., Shamash, P., Wu, Z., … Axel, R. (2020). Neuron, 108(1), 209-224.e6.

The role of cochlear place coding in the perception of frequency modulation. Whiteford, K. L., Kreft, H. A., & Oxenham, A. J. (2020). eLife, 9, e58468.

Context-dependent plasticity of adult-born neurons regulated by cortical feedback. Wu, A., Yu, B., Chen, Q., Matthews, G. A., Lu, C., Campbell, E., … Komiyama, T. (2020). Science Advances, 6(42), eabc8319.

Behavioral state coding by molecularly defined paraventricular hypothalamic cell type ensembles. Xu, S., Yang, H., Menon, V., Lemire, A. L., Wang, L., Henry, F. E., … Sternson, S. M. (2020). Science , 370(6514).

Pain Control by Co-adaptive Learning in a Brain-Machine Interface. Zhang, S., Yoshida, W., Mano, H., Yanagisawa, T., Mancini, F., Shibata, K., … Seymour, B. (2020). Current Biology, 30(20), 3935-3944.e7.

#science #Neuroscience #computational neuroscience #Brain science #research #cognition #cognitive science #neurons #neurobiology #neural networks #psychophysics

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babbushka · 4 years

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January Fic Recap!

We made it to February!!

As January has officially come to a close, I thought I’d take this opportunity to compile all the writing I’ve shared with you guys in the past month!

Chaptered Fic Updates:

Each Eye (Chapter 5/8); Mob!Kylo Ren x Reader

Two Doves (Chapter 6/6); Flip Zimmerman x Reader

Two’s Company (Chapter 4/5); Pale x Reader

Oneshots:

Hounds; Knights of Ren x Reader

Promises; Kylo Ren x Reader, Knights of Ren x Reader

Ink; Flip Zimmerman x Reader

Impatient; Flip Zimmerman x Reader

Under-Cover(s); Flip Zimmerman x Reader

And Then Some; Clyde Logan x Reader

My Lady; Cameron Bissel [Adam’s SNL Character ] x Reader

Character Headcanons:

The boys comforting you during a nightmare HC

The boys as Ass Men vs Tits Men HC

The boys taking care of you when you’re unwell HC

The boys’ favorite movies HC

Which boys prefer choking HC

Clyde Logan planning a surprise party for you HC

Clyde Logan becoming a new dad HC

Bubble baths with Charlie Barber HC

Charlie Barber directing a musical you’re in HC

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren caring for you while you’re injured HC

Domestic Paterson HC

Paterson pampering reader HC

Character Imagines:

Clyde Logan

Clyde Logan being distracted by how much he loves you

Clyde Logan giving you a gentle massage after a long day

Clyde Logan learning to love bubble bathsClyde Logan checking out your ass

Clyde Logan taking care of you when you’re sick

You and Clyde Logan talking about having a baby

You and Clyde Logan having a soft romantic moment at the bar

You and Clyde Logan adopting a small kitten

Clyde Logan taking care of you while you’re injured

Being Clyde Logan’s cockwarmer

New Year’s Kiss with Clyde Logan

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren comforting you

Y/N getting impatient and riling Supreme Leader Kylo up

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren proposing to you

Pegging Supreme Leader Kylo Ren

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren rescuing you

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren marking you up with hickeys

Flip Zimmerman

Flip Zimmerman and his darling housewife HC

Flip Zimmerman taking you on a surprise romantic weekend trip

Flip Zimmerman being flirty

Flip Zimmerman in a school play about food safety

Paterson

Pegging Paterson

Newlywed sweetness with Paterson

Charlie Barber

Meeting Charlie Barber for the first time in a bookstore

Sunday morning sex with Charlie Barber

Pale

Teasing Pale and getting yourself off in front of him

The total word count for January clocks in at: 63,163 !!

Here’s to a productive, fic-filled-February <33

#kylo ren x reader #flip zimmerman x reader #clyde logan x reader #kylo x reader #paterson x reader #pale x reader #reader insert #adam driver #adam driver character #january masterlist

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reidandweep · 4 years

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Purple Letters

Paterson x Reader (female)

A/N- I’ve been a major fan of Adam Driver’s for a few years now but I didn’t really think anyone would read stuff for his characters except Kylo Ren, but here you go. This may become a series. I don’t know.

Word Count- 1729 words

She surrounded herself with black and white. Amongst the sharp contrast of straight lines and curves And circles and swirls. Her clothes were black and white, Our house was black and white, Her interests were black and white. But the paintings of her dog were in colour. I thought our black and white world was fine. Until it wasn’t.

Tuesday, at 6:10 am, Paterson began to stir in his sleep. Stretching his limbs across the spacious bed. He opened his eyes to only close them once more as the light from the window shone through; blinding his vision. He reminded himself to purchase some curtains after work.

Pushing himself out of bed, Paterson grabbed the clothes folded on the dresser and headed to the bathroom to begin getting ready for his day. He had quickly adjusted to living alone. Maybe because by the end of his marriage with Laura, the house felt more like her home than theirs. Paterson felt pressured by Laura to share his poetry when it was something private. It was for him and when the right time came, it would be for her as well. But it never was.

While Laura reassured Paterson that she could wait, her actions showed otherwise. He knew that she had looked at his old poem book, and that was how Marvin had been able to shred it to pieces. Paterson remembered putting it away in his den; not in the living room. He found it hard to trust her fully after then.

Slowly but surely, Laura got fed up of Paterson being closed off. It was common nature for him to be secretive and quiet, due to his military background, however, he no longer described his day to her as he used to. Answering in short, simple phrases instead. They knew things were truly over when she had stormed out one night after an argument and he had not followed to get her back. He would always follow. Paterson moved out rather quickly. Finding a place closer to work. His routine was still mostly the same, except instead of having to walk Marvin, he walked alone to the bar, often after cooking himself some dinner.

Life was no longer black and white, There was no more straight lines or curves Or circles or swirls. It was the dull blue of my work uniform, The beige colour of my living room walls. Every day was the same, But at the same time, it wasn’t. It was ever so slightly different. Until she arrived.

Paterson packed his lunch into his box and grabbed his keys. Making sure the house was securely locked, he began his journey to work. Saying his respective hellos to those he passed. Since living alone again, poetry had become an all-consuming part of Paterson’s life; more than before. He was now on his fourth notebook of self-written work. Still only for his eyes. The most recent book sat in his lunch box, next to the poorly made BLT sandwich and pink lady apple.

Hopping onto the bus 23, Paterson placed down his box. Checking the schedule, he made sure that he was prepared for the morning ahead. Knowing his route and which driver would be taking over the afternoon shift. Pulling the bus into gear, he began his journey around the town of Paterson; blissfully unaware that the day would not go like his regular Tuesday usually would.

He was arriving to the final 30 minutes of his shift. Like every other day, the shift had passed by in a blur. Pulling up to the oncoming stop he watched as people walked onto the bus, purchasing their tickets, paying no immediate attention until the final person stepped on.

She was a vibrance he did not know existed. Her hair were two different colours, split perfectly down the middle, and intricately styled in a way that kept it out of her face. Her face held a warm and welcoming smile. Beauty marks littered the skin amongst acne scars. She was dressed casually, only in a simple pair of jeans, vans and a hoodie. But what caught Paterson’s eye was the worn book in her hands; Paterson by William Carlos Williams. It looked just as worn as his own copy.

He watched as she placed her money into the tin and grabbed her ticket. She looked down at his name tag and Paterson could not comprehend how her smile got even brighter.

“He envies the men that ran And could run off Toward the peripheries. To other centres, direct, for clarity (if they found it). Loveliness and authority in the world—"

A small smile crossed Paterson’s face as she recited the words. A giggle escaped Y/N’s own when he completed them.

“A sort of springtime toward which their minds aspired but which he saw, within himself — ice bound and leaped, the body, not until the following spring, frozen in an ice cake."

They stood there for a few seconds in recognised silence.

“Are we moving or what? You’re going to make me late.”

Paterson shook himself from the small trance and quickly closed the bus doors. Pulling the bus back into gear, he watched in the mirror as Y/N moved to an empty seat on the bus. He waited till she sat before commencing the journey.

Quickly the bus began to empty, passengers stepping off the bus, leaving Paterson and one passenger alone. Pulling up to the last stop, he watched as Y/N placed closed the book and stood from her seat. Walking down the aisle she stopped as he opened the door.

Just as she was about to step off, she turned to face Paterson.

“Is your name actually Paterson?”

He licked his lips, swallowing to relieve his throat from the sudden dryness.

“Yes, it is.”

Y/N smiled. Pulling a pen from her pocket, she rummaged around her bag for some paper. Finally finding a piece, she began to scribble some words down. Capping the lid back on her pen, she folded the paper, passing it to Paterson.

Before he could comprehend what had just occurred, she stepped off the bus.

“Have a wonderful day Paterson. If I don’t see you, good afternoon, good evening, and good night.”

She giggled as she turned and walked away. Paterson sat rigid in disbelief as he watched her walk. Once she was out of his view, Paterson turned to close the doors. He took deep breathes, unsure of what to make of the situation. Shifting the bus back into gear, he finished his journey as he pulled into the bus depo. Pulling the handbrake, Patterson grabbed his box. Opening the metal contraption, he pulled out his poem book, carefully placing the piece of paper inside. Waiting until he arrived in his regular eating spot to read it.

Bidding farewell to his colleges, Paterson began his journey to his eating place, arriving shortly after the trek began. Getting comfortable, he pulled out his food and began to eat; quicker than usual as thoughts of the woman and her note plagued his mind. Finally giving in, he opened up his notebook and pulled out the piece of paper.

Ever so carefully he unfolded it. Before even reading the note, he marvelled at the handwriting. For someone who had scribbled something down so quickly, her handwriting was effortless. Looking out at the water, he composed himself before he began to read.

“I’ve probably already asked to make sure you are called Paterson by now, so I’ll start this with your name. Hello Paterson, my name is Y/N. It seems today the world was that little bit brighter, because I have been on your bus many times, but it seemed today, you finally looked up. Physically, you always look up, but mentally, you seem entranced when you drive. So, it was a shock to see such striking eyes staring at me. And I couldn’t help but stare back.”

Paterson face grew crimson at the idea that this fascinating woman had rode his bus before, and he had no idea. He knew what she said was true. His mind used to always be on his poetry or Laura when he drove, but not too much so that he wasn’t aware of the road. But it had been a while since they had split, so that had been occupying his thoughts instead. Until it seemed today.

“Well, for whatever reason, I’m glad that you saw me and that I was finally able to see you. And who would of though, driver of bus 23 is a fan of poetry? If you enjoy it enough, visit The Doe on Thursday evenings. From 8pm-10pm, its open mic, and they allow poetry readings as well as singing. You should go. A familiar face might show up. Have a safe drive. Y/N.”

Her name was spelt in a different colour to the rest of the letter. The purple letters stood out against the black and white. Paterson liked the change of colour. After re-reading the letter a few more times, he slowly folded it back up and placed it into his box. Pulling out his notebook he began to write.

“Purple Letters.

With purple letters Her name was carved into my memory. Vibrant but soft, A stark contrast to black and white. I craved the change, The addition of colour in my life. And for the first time in a while, I felt like I was living.”

Heading home, Paterson detoured into the store, remembering to buy curtains for the bedroom. Placing them up as he got home, Paterson took a step back to admire them. They were vibrant and soft. They were purple.

#adam driver #adam driver imagine #paterson #paterson imagine #adam sackler #clyde logan #marriage story #charlie barber #paterson x reader #adam driver x reader

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rynwritesstuff · 3 years

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Pussy is God

Paterson x Female!Reader

“Honey,” he breathes. “Please . . .”

You love him like this, all desperate and pleading. You can’t decide if you feel bad or aroused.

You tug down his underwear, then stand up.

“Get on the bed,” you tell him, squeezing his ass.

NSFW: Sub!Paterson, Handcuffs, Oral (Reader recieving)

“Honey?” Paterson calls through the house. He’s just gotten home from work. He sets down his empty lunch box, then leans down to take off his shoes.

You come out of the bathroom a minute or so later, and you smile when you see him.

“Hey, baby,” you hum, wrapping our arms around the back of his neck. You hisss his cheek, then his nose, then his lips.

Paterson smiles.

“How are you?” he asks, humming against you.

“I’m, uh . . .”

“What’s wrong?”

You smile.

“Nothing, just missed you.”

Paterson puts his hands on your hips.

“I missed you, too, honey.”

“I mean, I really missed you,” you say, your playful smile turning into a smirk.

Paterson laughs, squeezing your hips.

“You’re up to something.”

“I wanna try something new tonight,” you say, slowly unbuttoning his shirt.

“Oh?”

“Mhm.”

“And what would that be?”

“I wanna tie you up, baby boy.”

Paterson raises his eyebrows. His cock twitches at the thought of being secured to the headboard, unable to move and fully vulnerable to you.

“You what?” he asks.

You look up at him, at his pretty eyes and plump lips.

“I wanna tie you up and ride your face.”

His breath hitches.

He nods.

“O-Okay.”

You push his shirt off once you’ve undone the last button, then untuck his undershirt. You pull it up so that you can press your hand against his abdomen.

“Yeah? You’d like that?”

“I’d like that a lot.”

You smack his ass.

“Get upstairs, then, big boy,” you say with a smile.

Paterson hurries to comply, and once he’s disappeared up the stairs, you tug off your shirt and push down your pants. You saunter upstairs wearing only a bra and panties, and Paterson is sitting on the bed looking eager and handsome and excited.

You walk over to the bedside table, not once taking your eyes off of him.

“Take your shirt off,” you say as you pull out a pair of fuzzy handcuffs. He tugs his undershirt off, revealing his defined chest.

“Mm, good boy,” you hum, walking back over to him. “Stand up for me, baby.”

He does, and you unbuckle his belt. You toss it to the floor, then slowly undo his pants.

You sink to your knees as you pull them down, and he steps out of them. His clothed erection is in your face, and you let your warm breath go over him. Paterson shudders.

“Honey,” he breathes. “Please . . .”

You love him like this, all desperate and pleading. You can’t decide if you feel bad or aroused.

You tug down his underwear, then stand up.

“Get on the bed,” you tell him, squeezing his ass.

His breath catches in his throat, and he nods as he lies down and positions his hands above his head.

You run your hand up his muscular arms, then slowly cuff him to the headboard.

“You’re so hard for me, baby boy,” you say, walking around the bed and reaching around to unclip your bra. “Is that all for me?”

Paterson nods quickly, pushing his hips up as he does so.

“Mhm,” he hums. “All for you, honey.”

You throw your bra into the pile of clothes on the floor, then push your panties down as well.

“That’s my boy,” you say, straddling his chest, your legs on either side of his body.

Paterson whines.

“Wanna taste you.”

You position yourself on top of him, your pussy hovering above his mouth, and he tugs at the handcuffs.

He moans your name in a desperate tone.

You shush him gently.

“Be patient, Pat,” you hum.

You lower yourself, then, and he sighs shakily. Your pussy is god. He loves it.

Paterson sucks your clit into his mouth, and you tug at his hair.

“Mm, good boy. Just like that. Mhm, yeah . . .”

He licks and sucks and slurps at your cunt, his eyes closed as he brings you to the edge with his mouth.

You’re getting close after only a few minutes, you reach back to stroke his throbbing member.

“There’s my boy,” you say, hips rolling over his mouth.

“Mmph!” Paterson groans as you touch him. “Please!”

“Are you gonna cum for me, filthy boy?”

He nods, tears filling his eyes. You continue to touch him, and he’s making these pretty little noises, and god, you love it. You love him.

“Can I cuuuum?” he groans into your pussy. You nod.

“Go ahead, baby boy.”

You cum moments later, and he drinks you down. You lean back, and Paterson takes a few deep breaths as you uncuff him.

You kiss him.

“That was incredible, sweetheart,” you say. He hums against yours lips.

“You liked it?”

“Hell yeah, I liked it, Pat,” you say as you cuddle into his side. He smiles, cheeks turning pink.

He’s adorable, and you’ll never get over it.

#paterson #paterson x reader #paterson x you #paterson x y/n #paterson x yn #paterson movie #adam driver #adam driver fanfiction #adam driver fic #adam driver fanfic #adcu #adcu smut #adcu author #adcu fanfiction #adcu fic #rynwritesstuff

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rosepetals-flyingbirds · 4 years

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Alluring. (2/?)

With: Detective!Bucky x Witch!Reader.

Word Count: 1,423.

Also, the man mentioned in that chapter isn't Bucky, you can picture whoever you want to.

Mutt/stray/rescued baby’s gif because dogs aren't only the ones with "breed" or "pedigree" as so many ignorants think. All animals are animals despise appearances. So adopt and let's make a world a better place.

Yasmin was always the giggly one, the charismatic. And with the passing of the years, she started to date around, no one knew if she ever placed a spell on the men, or if it was only her charm and beauty.

But when she was 17 she picked her stuff and ran away with the boyfriend of the time.

Years passed and she kept sending a postcard each month to let you aware where she was. And you missed her terribly.

Your town was charming in its own way but people were too rude.

It made three years since she left. And life kept normal.

You were accompanying your aunts while they bought stuff around town, when a dog ran by you with an apple on his mouth, the street had a taller part so when the dog looked around and placed the apple on the floor so he could catch his breath, someone yelled. "Duke!"

The apple rolled down the street and only stopped on your feet, then the dog sprinted to you and you hadn't time to throw the apple somewhere else before the big baby knocked you down. "Ouch." He completely forgot the fruit as he started to lick your face over and over.

"Y/N!" Aunt Mira and Aunt Bim yelled. "Shu shu boy."

"Ah, okay boy, stop." You begged between laughs, even if the dog was heavy he was still a big baby and just wanted to play.

"Duke! Stop." A man yelled and pulled the dog's collar. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry." Your aunt came and helped you on your feet. "I'm really sorry for him and all of this, bad boy Duke! Bad boy!"

Aunt Bim helped you on your feet, and you used the sleeve of your sweater to dry dog's drool off your face. It was a heavy knock but you couldn't stop smiling at the dog. "It's okay, really."

"No it isn't, I, is just that I hate to use leashes but I put them in him still but I took the chain off for a sec and he saw an apple in one basket on the floor and just started to play fetch. Of course it's more like he's the one playing me but..." You and your aunts kept looking at the man while he rambled and he apologized one last time before leaving.

"It’s okay." You yelled and the man smiled when he looked at you over his shoulder.

The aunts looked at each other before looking at you and the man again. A mischievous idea being shared by them.

...

Watering the plants in her garden Y/N was making sure everything was alright, that all the plants were growing and healthy.

The aunts were sat at the porch playing cards, they looked at Y/N over and over. Anxious for their little push to work.

"What time is it?" Aunt Mira asked. "It is taking too long."

"Calm down, it's almost there."

Then Y/N stopped the watering and looked around searching for something. She felt a pull and started walking out of the yard.

"Isn't that exciting?" The aunts giggled.

Y/N ran and ran until she reached a house that she hasn't seen before, she saw a dog walking around and then the man she saw earlier that week, she stopped running but kept walking on his way, her heart was jumping and then the tall man started to walk with a big smile on his face.

When they reached each other the man held her face and landed a kiss on her lips.

It was truly magical, how Y/N Y/L/N was kissing a man that she only saw once.

But after that day everything changed.

Six Years Later.

'Dear Yasmin, today we are celebrating our fifth anniversary, and all I can say is that I'm beyond happy.

Life is good, no witchcraft, no strangers calling me names, it's normal. The normalcy I always wanted.

I have a great house, two beautiful children, a 14th years old dog that even if his eyes aren't working as it used to and even if his fur is sprinkled with white, he's still happy. Everything is perfect.'

And it was perfect indeed.

Till you heard the beetle ticking one night.

It kept appearing out of nowhere and you thought it was something of your mind, but when Duke died of oldness you hoped that was it, that your beloved cupid-dog would be the one the beetle came to.

And it hurt, but him dying of oldness was better than losing Paterson.

You cried, Paterson cried, the girls cried.

Duke was a part of the family, he was loved. He had a burial and everyone spoke words to him, the girls placed his favorite toys and pictures of them above the sheet that covered his body.

But... the noise kept happening, and it was quick.

You didn't hear it more than three times.

And one day, when the kids were in school and Paterson left to work, the tick got louder and quicker. You used the hammer and crowbar to open the wooden floor. "No no. You little shit, come here! You won't take him! I will not die of a broken heart!"

You yelled and kept searching for the bug, his noise was loud and you were almost losing your mind. Until, it stopped and you felt a chill run on your body.

On the other side of the town, your loved husband got hit by a truck whose driver lost control of the pedal. Paterson went flying and it was instant death.

You fell on the floor and started to cry, you searched your phone but couldn't find it duo the mess on the house, until it rang.

It was the local hospital, saying what happened, and you cried.

Cried, and cried.

Years and years avoiding love, and now that you were happy... it ended.

It ended because of a stupid curse.

When the girls arrived from school you tried to act normal, you didn't had the strength to tell them, so you said their father was late and placed the girls to sleep saying it was all okay.

When they fell asleep, you ran to your aunts' house and started to search the grimy book, the aunts were already up because they felt your arrival a mile away.

"Y/N, honey, I'm sorry." Mira said and Bim nodded.

"No, you two will bring him back. And will do it now." You opened the book in the resurrection part and started to point on it. "Now, right now!"

"Honey you know we can't do that." Bim stated carefully.

Mira agreed with her sister. "Yes and besides you know he won't be-"

"I don't care!" You started to cry. "You took him from me and now he's dead. Bring him back please, please." She sobbed.

Bim squeezed your shoulder and looked back at Mira, it broke their hearts seeing you at your knees crying of a broken heart. "If we do, he won't be himself."

Mira continued. "He'll be something evil and morbid, not your Paterson."

"It wasn't supposed to be like that when we placed you two together we didn't expect for marriage." Bim cut her sister and you widened your eyes at both of them.

"What?! Placing us together?” You tried to understand their meaning, it could only mean one thing. "It was a spell?"

Mira took a deep breath after Bim's revelation, you didn't have to know. "It was just a little push, you were so sad and then after we met him and his dog in the city we wanted you to be happy, but you got married and had the girls and things went out of hand."

"No, no, no." You stood up. "You two? Blood of my blood? It was a spell?"

"The wanting part but the rest was real, we only pushed you two together for a night, the rest was all you."

"Bring him back, please." You fell on your knees again. "Pleaseee." You sobbed, and when both aunts shook their heads again... you knew it was useless.

You cried out and only went home hours later to see your kids.

The worst part was to have to identify the body in the hospital, your beloved, the one that showed you how to live, how to love.

Everything went in a blur, the house seemed empty without him, your daughters were just as sad as you, and you couldn't keep living there. The house was the bank's property now that Paterson was dead.

Like all the generations after Antonia, you went back to the Y/L/N's house.

Arriving there after the funeral with the girls using black dresses, it was too much like you and Yasmin when your mother died.

An irony.

The aunts came to help with the baggage.

As you settle in the house again, you were clear with the rules. "The girls with have hour to sleep, they will brush their teeth at least 2 times per day and will go to school every day. And most important, my kids won't do magic."

...

Next chapter will have Bucky, I swear.

@salimahbicharara-comun, @buckybabybaby, @velvetwonderbucky

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x you #bucky fanfic #bucky x y/n

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ohsolonelyghosts · 2 years

Note

what sports do you think the adam driver characters would be into or play

Oooh, I am SO glad you've asked because I do have ideas for this!

Kylo: I have a hockey AU for him, so that's definitely his sport.

Kylo plays a forward position, specifically a right-winger.

He was drafted by the Detroit Red Wings, but Tampa was lucky to pick him up in a trade.

"Babe, can you cook me some pasta?”

Pasta is his favorite pregame meal, he will eat it and then go rest for a few hours.

"I'm sorry, baby doll, it's the playoffs, Coach asked me to cut down on sex." Which would make you mad, but Kylo usually broke his celibacy for you.

When there are little Kylo's running around so to speak, he's putting them in hockey as well, no matter the gender. You personally disagree, but he knows you'll crumble when he asks with a sweet smile.

You show up to every game possible and you used to have a lot of anxiety when he would travel with the team, but you got told how giddy he gets to come home and see you.

Charlie: While he wasn't ever one for playing sports, he honestly loves a good rugby game. He doesn't mind watching football either but is insistent that college is way better than any professional league.

"What's even going on in this?" You ask, completely confused because you were never much of a sports person growing up.

He has to explain both sports to you every time he watches them.

Charlie isn't much of a yeller during football games, but lets out heavy sighs and could tell you that even he would have made that pass.

Maurizio: Definitely an avid skiing fan, and loves to ski himself in the winter.

He loves watching alpine skiing when the Olympics roll around and has taken you to the Olympics a few times.

You both go skiing every winter, and Maurizio chuckles at you when you inevitably struggle every year.

"Sweetie, it's just a little snow," Maurizio spoke out the first time you went skiing with him. Undoubtedly, you were miserable from growing up in a warmer climate where it hardly ever snowed.

Regardless, you enjoyed the time you got to spend with him, as he was always busy.

Adam: Let's be real, Sackler is a total football nerd.

"Can you keep it down? I'm trying to study!" You'd proclaim, walking with your arms crossed into the living room.

Sackler would in fact not listen to you protesting him being loud and continue to scream at the tv.

For his birthday, you got him tickets to go to a Bills game and you will never forget the sex he rewarded you with.

Superbowl is the loudest time you have ever heard Adam scream, besides the playoffs, but you can't really be upset because it's a weekend.

Adam never played football in high school, but he does recall when his parents put him in it at a young age.

Paterson: He's not really a sports guy, but he does the occasional college football game and enjoys watching some Sunday NFL games.

You respect how hardworking he is during the week, and you actually enjoy watching the game with him.

You grew up around boys and learned the game enough to talk about it, which impressed Pat more than you knew.

You would get him a beer from the fridge and bring him snacks without asking, then snuggle right up next to him.

Jude: Alright, Jude definitely played hockey in high school.

He wants to put your kids in hockey because he really believes that they could be super talented.

He was the captain of his high school team and is very insistent that he could have gone pro.

When you agree, he takes your kids playing very seriously and they are always on time to practices.

Jude becomes a coach for their team and is always very particular about everything the boys do.

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weirdletter · 5 years

Photo

The Pulp Horror Book of Phobias, edited by MJ Sydney, LVP Publications, 2019. Cover design by Kealan Patrick Burke, interior illustrations by Luke Spooner, info: lycanvalley.com.

Phobias are defined as an irrational and extreme fear to something. It could be anything as long as it causes an intense and debilitating fear. What happens when these irrational fears/phobias become reality? When the irrational becomes rational and there’s a reason to be scared? Find out in The Pulp Horror Book of Phobias. We’ve created an A to Z phobia list and elevated each one to a new level of fear. These stories come to life in ways that will make you want to sleep with the light on, double check the locks on your door, and think twice before dismissing your fear as irrational.

Contents: A — A TOUCH OF MADNESS — Tim Waggoner B — IT CAME FROM THE GRAVE — James Pyne C — ENTWINED — Colleen Anderson D — DESTINY’S ROAD TRIP — Jay Troy Seate E — MORBID DREAD OF THE DAWN — Philip Athans F — MUTUAL POSSESSION — WT Paterson G — RIGHT OF CROSSING — James Chambers H — PASSING JUDGEMENT — Chad Lutzke I — THE CLINIC — Asher Ellis J — NOT JUST DESSERTS — Jonah Buck K — THE MAN WHO FEARED THE SKY — John Skipp L — CHILDREN OF BLOOD — Greg Chapman M — THE YEARNING JADE — Hank Schwaeble N — THE CEMETERY MAN — JG Faherty O — WHITE TO BLACK — Michael Bailey P — THE HUNCH — Richard Chizmar Q — FIVE IN THE SIX — Sephera Giron R — THE TOXIC MAGICIAN — Sheri Sebastian-Gabriel S — FEEDING THE ORISHAS — Gabino Iglesias T — MUNCHAUSEN — Max Booth III U — TRUE CONFESSIONS OF THE HAPPIEST PISTACHIO — Mehitobel Wilson V — BEAUTIFUL WOMEN — Ray Garton W — A BOLT OF LIGHTNING — Edward M. Erdelac X — HALFPENNY — Steven M. Vance Y — TOO HOT IN BOILERTOWN — Jill-Hand Z — THE CATALYST TO GROW SOME GUTS — Kerry Lipp

#book #anthology #phobias #horror fiction #dark fiction #weird fiction #dark fantasy

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bewusteburgers · 3 years

Text

Sam Brokken: vaccinatie bij kinderen

Sam Brokken: vaccinatie bij kinderen VACCINATIE BIJ KINDEREN x Geschreven door lector gezondheidswetenschappen, onderzoeker en auteur van 'de omgekeerde lockdown', Sam Brokken.

Hallucinante berichtgeving dwarrelt over ons neer de laatste dagen. Na de volwassen populatie is het nu de beurt om kinderen te ‘onderwerpen’. Al meer dan een jaar lang worden kinderen geconfronteerd met een dehumaniserend beleid. Staan ouders er soms bij stil wat de impact op jongeren is van al deze maatregelen? Jonge kinderen ontberen elke non-verbale uitdrukking, een essentieel onderdeel van de menselijke communicatie. Auteurs waarschuwen nu al voor bindingsproblemen tussen jonge kinderen en ouders en verstoorde relatiepatronen op oudere leeftijd (1). Het jonge brein ontwikkelt zich op basis van neurologische snelwegen in de hersenen die de basis vormen voor hun verdere perceptie naar de wereld toe waarin ze als volwassenen moeten fungeren. Ooit bij stilgestaan hoe die impact zich gaat vertalen binnen pakweg 20 jaar? Hypochondrie, agorafobie en verstoorde intermenselijke relaties. Om nog maar te zwijgen van de stijging in allergieën die ons de komende jaren parten zullen spelen. De eerste studies hieromtrent tonen nu al een significante stijging in smetvrees, compulsief hygiënisch handelen en het ontwikkelen van neurotisch gedrag bij jonge kinderen en adolescenten (2,3). Gemiddeld zien we een stijging van 50% aan depressies, angsten, Post-Traumatisch Stress Syndroom en slaapproblemen. Zelfmoordneigingen stijgen in deze groep tot 38% (4). De angsten die jongeren ontwikkelen voor ziekten zal leiden tot nog meer ziekte in de toekomst. Zo is er aangetoond dat stress-factoren bijdragen tot verminderde immuniteit en zelfs tot verminderde vaccinatie-efficiëntie binnen bepaalde doelgroepen (5,6) (!!). Er vanuit gaande dat de psychologische factoren nog jaren zullen nazinderen en leiden tot verminderde immuniteit is het niet uitgesloten dat we in de toekomst een grotere populatie aan zieken zullen aantreffen met chronisch inflammatoire en langdurige psychologsche ziektebeelden (7). VACCINATIE BIJ KINDEREN: HET NUT? Kortweg? GEEN ENKEL. Een paar biomedische feiten op een rijtje: • Mortaliteit: - onder 10 jaar is: 0,002% (8,9) - onder 25 jaar is: 0,01% (8,9) (Dit zijn hoofdzakelijk kinderen met zware onderliggende aandoeningen) • Besmettelijkheid naar anderen (solidariteitsprincipe: “ik doe het voor oma”): - Gevaccineerden kunnen nog altijd de ziekte doorgeven (10-12) - De vaccins nu in omloop zijn al niet meer efficiënt (nog 0%-36%!!)(13-15) Wie beschermt u dan? Testen bij kinderen zijn nog niet afgerond - De totale gevolgen van de vaccinatiecampagne zal pas eind 2023 bekend worden, voor kinderen vermoedelijk later. - Er wordt nu al gewaarschuwd om het niet aan kinderen toe te dienen tot er grote studies zijn opgezet (16). De auteurs geven ook aan dat het een weinig zinvolle strategie is. ETHISCHE REFLECTIES Sommige ouders blijken volledig het noorden kwijt en staan klaar, om hun kinderen zonder enige evidentie van nut, te laten vaccineren (17). Voor we overgaan tot vaccinatie bij kinderen moet er eerst een nut bewezen zijn. Verder moeten we zeker zijn dat de veiligheid op korte, middellange en lange termijn is gegarandeerd (16). Iets wat we nog niet eens weten vandaag bij volwassenen. Mijn voorspelling dat ze zouden inzetten op het meten van besmettingen (die niets zeggen) bij kinderen dd. 24 januari (FB) om de cijfers de hoogte in te krijgen wordt nu verder doorgetrokken naar een vaccinatiecampagne binnen deze doelgroep. Door de stijging in cijfers bij kinderen die geen enkele last hebben van Covid-19 pogen de experten alweer een draagvlak te creëren om hun falend beleid te verantwoorden. Mocht u als ouder ooit gedwongen worden uw kind een medisch experiment te laten ondergaan, zou u instemmen? Als uw kind een verkoudheid heeft, gaat u dan naar het ziekenhuis? Waarom zou u dat nu wel doen als u weet dat het tot niets zal bijdragen? Angst? En voor wat dan? Kinderen dragen niet bij tot de crisis, zijn er zelfs niet aan onderhevig en worden nu blootgesteld aan de drang tot vaccinatie zonder dat er ooit onderzoek naar gedaan werd. Hoe krijg je dit als ouder aan jezelf verkocht? Of schiet u thuis voor zowat alles met een olifant op een mug? Ik begrijp het niet! REFERENTIES 1. Green J, Staff L, Bromley P, Jones L, Petty J. The implications of face masks for babies and families during the COVID-19 pandemic: A discussion paper. Journal of Neonatal Nursing 2021; 27(1): 21-5. 2. Tanir Y, Karayagmurlu A, Kaya İ, et al. Exacerbation of obsessive compulsive disorder symptoms in children and adolescents during COVID-19 pandemic. Psychiatry Research 2020; 293. 3. Aleksandrov D, Okhrimenko I. Psychological Risk Factors of the Neurotization of Adolescents under the Conditions of Quarantine Measures of the COVID-19 Epidemic. BRAIN: Broad Research in Artificial Intelligence & Neuroscience 2020; 11: 29-36. 4. Murata S, Rezeppa T, Thoma B, et al. The psychiatric sequelae of the COVID‐19 pandemic in adolescents, adults, and health care workers. Depression & Anxiety (1091-4269) 2021; 38(2): 233-46. 5. Hayward SE, Dowd JB, Fletcher H, Nellums LB, Wurie F, Boccia D. A systematic review of the impact of psychosocial factors on immunity: Implications for enhancing BCG response against tuberculosis. SSM - Population Health 2020; 10. 6. Schakel L, Veldhuijzen Dieuwke S, Crompvoets Paige I, et al. Effectiveness of Stress-Reducing Interventions on the Response to Challenges to the Immune System: A Meta-Analytic Review. Psychotherapy & Psychosomatics 2019; 88(5): 274-86. 7. Johnson D, Dupuis G, Piche J, Clayborne Z, Colman I. Adult mental health outcomes of adolescent depression: A systematic review. Depression & Anxiety (1091-4269) 2018; 35(8): 700-16. 8. Levin AT, Hanage WP, Owusu-Boaitey N, Cochran KB, Walsh SP, Meyerowitz-Katz G. Assessing the age specificity of infection fatality rates for COVID-19: systematic review, meta-analysis, and public policy implications. European Journal of Epidemiology 2020; 35(12): 1123-38. 9. Seoane B. A scaling approach to estimate the age-dependent COVID-19 infection fatality ratio from incomplete data. PLoS ONE 2021: 1-24. 10. Cevik M, Tate M, Lloyd O, Maraolo AE, Schafers J, Ho A. SARS-CoV-2, SARS-CoV, and MERS-CoV viral load dynamics, duration of viral shedding, and infectiousness: a systematic review and meta-analysis. The Lancet Microbe 2021; 2(1): e13-e22. 11. Levine-Tiefenbrun M, Yelin I, Katz R, et al. Decreased SARS-CoV-2 viral load following vaccination. medRxiv 2021: 2021.02.06.21251283. 12. Jefferson T, Spencer EA, Brassey J, Heneghan C. Viral cultures for COVID-19 infectious potential assessment - a systematic review. Clinical infectious diseases : an official publication of the Infectious Diseases Society of America 2020. 13. Garcia-Beltran WF, Lam EC, Denis KS, et al. Circulating SARS-CoV-2 variants escape neutralization by vaccine-induced humoral immunity. medRxiv : the preprint server for health sciences 2021: 2021.02.14.21251704. 14. Weisblum Y, Schmidt F, Zhang F, et al. Escape from neutralizing antibodies by SARS-CoV-2 spike protein variants. ELife 2020; 9. 15. Greaney AJ, Loes AN, Crawford KHD, et al. Comprehensive mapping of mutations in the SARS-CoV-2 receptor-binding domain that affect recognition by polyclonal human plasma antibodies. Cell Host & Microbe 2021; 29(3): 463-76. 16. Eberhardt CS, Siegrist C-A. Is there a role for childhood vaccination against COVID-19? Pediatric allergy and immunology : official publication of the European Society of Pediatric Allergy and Immunology 2021; 32(1): 9-16. 17. Bell S, Clarke R, Mounier-Jack S, Walker JL, Paterson P. Parents’ and guardians’ views on the acceptability of a future COVID-19 vaccine: A multi-methods study in England. Vaccine 2020; 38(49): 7789-98. https://www.facebook.com/dirk.rochtus Read the full article

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