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willow-lane · 3 years

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I saw [WILLOW LANE] at a coffee shop in [BROOKLYN] today. I forgot how much [SHE] looks like [MADELYN CLINE]. They are a [TWENTY-THREE] year old [WAITRESS] who’s been in NYC for [A YEAR] now. Every time we run into each other, they are always [SPONTANEOUS AND FREE SPIRITED] but I’ve heard people say they can also be [NON-COMMITTAL AND SELF-INDULGENT]. [OUT OF THE BLUE BY KATIE PRUITT] reminds me of them every time it comes on the radio. / @villagestart

Hello everyone! I’m Ella and I’m super excited to be part of this roleplay and introduce Willow to all of you, she’s a new muse but she’s based on an old muse of mine so I think I have her figured out or mostly lol. I’d love to plot with all of you, so please like this or hmu. If you want my discord, I’d be happy to give it to you, just ask :D

basics

NAME: ava willow lane

NICKNAME: will, lolo, pillow

GENDER: cis female

PLACE OF BIRTH: burlington, vermont

DATE OF BIRTH: september 28, 1997

AGE: twenty-three

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: bisexual

OCCUPATION: waitress

NEIGHBORHOOD: brooklyn

background

Burlington was a dream within a dream, the station next to heaven. A town in love with itself and whose residents gloated about the wooded land, creased by hills, and threaded by streams.

The Lanes were living the typical American dream: the big house with the white picket fence, a large backyard and two perfect children. It was dreamlike.

Their kids could count themselves lucky and Willow Lane certainly did for most of her life. As the youngest daughter of a successful surgeon and a renowned psychotherapist who taught at the University of Vermont, she was taught that receiving an education was the only way to get ahead in life.

Her parents made sure to set their kids to success and while most of the kids from her street were out there playing, she was holed up in her room, reading the stacks of encyclopedia books her parents bought me for her birthday.

As a young child, Willow was filled with a sense of wonder, and encouraged by her curious personality she wanted to learn everything.

By the time she was in the sixth grade, she was smarter than most of the kids in her class, still her parents reminded her every day that she must outrank them all. Her parents took pride in her achievements. They were quick to boast about it in public, but they remained strict in private. Anything less than gold didn’t deserve a place on the wall.

Her afternoons were always full. Whether it was ballet class, french lessons, piano lessons or soccer practice. She had no time for herself.

Then high school started and by then she was overworked. Tired of chasing perfection and only being met with a “try harder”.

TW: DRUGS, ADDICTION, VOMIT MENTION, PANIC ATTACK: While she was still number one at her school, it was taking everything in her to keep it that way. Her parents didn’t know about those panic attacks she suffered at night or how she threw up before any competition. To them, she was handling well and she was very good at pretending but she also had a little secret. In her sophomore year, she was introduced to Adderall and she was quickly hooked. END OF TW

When she got accepted into a prestigious university, her parents didn’t hesitate to brag about how their kid would attend an Ivy League but Willow was mortified.

Back in Burlington, she was the biggest fish in the sea but at Princeton there were students who were better and shone brighter than her.

Maybe it was because she was suddenly cast into a whole new world that was so different from the one she grew up in. Maybe it was because she had harbored a bit of resentment towards her parents for her wasted youth. Whatever it was, by the end of her freshman year, university had swallowed her up.

TW ALCOHOL, DRUGS, DEPRESSION She got into a bad crowd, drank herself into oblivion, partied harder than anyone, and developed a penchant for bad boys who were much older than her. All this while trying to maintain a perfect GPA. Thanks to her magic pill, she was able to function and not feel guilty about not being as perfect as her parents wanted her to be. After all, she was only trying to recover the freedom that they took from her.

But this coping mechanism only turned to worse. The more she tried to drown her feelings in alcohol, the harder it came to bite her in the ass. It was clear as water: Willow Lane, picture perfect daughter, was depressed and had been for a while, and now it had caught up to her.

She was fighting a battle she was slowly losing. Willow was in a constant state of helplessness, staring into the void, and completely unable to pull herself out of it. If it hadn’t been for the upbringing she had, she would have been completely fine with self-destruct. END OF TW

The summer after her freshman year, she came back home and decided to have a talk with her parents. Her parents sat across the table, and they were not celebrating the end of a successful first semester, instead, they were fuming with betrayal.

Willow told them that she had dropped most of her classes and she explained to them how she was exhausted beyond repair. They were displeased, so disappointed that looking at them was painful. For the first time in their life, their perfect daughter had failed them.

By the end of the evening, her father was livid. Threatened her that if she didn’t take more classes and got excellent grades he would stop paying her tuition. That’s when it hit her. To her parents, she was nothing but an object, an accomplishment to brag about to her friends. That was not love, that was selfish and a wake up call.

She packed up her stuff that evening, went back to Princeton and emptied her dorm as well as she dropped out completely.

Freedom at last. With only a few bucks in her account, she bought a random bus ticket that took her to Montreal, Canada where she stayed for a couple of weeks, while working as a waitress before she moved to a new location. For the past three years, Willow has been living off a backpack.

She moved to New York a year ago, but she comes and goes. Whenever she gets bored or too attached to someone she escapes.

She’s been clean for three years when it comes to Adderall, although she still drinks but only socially.

personality

Despite her strict upbringing, Willow is a free-spirit! She’s always looking for a new adventure and she wants to live her life to the fullest, she doesn’t care about rules or schedules. She lives a pretty hedonistic lifestyle, always chasing a high in life and sometimes that makes her take some reckless decisions. A naturally loving person, Willow is always there to lend a shoulder to cry on or offer to wipe off your tears, however, she does struggle with connections. If she feels a deep connection with someone she runs away as she believes that being attached to someone will tie her up to one place and as we know, Willow lives a pretty nomad life. She keeps coming back to New York because she loves the vibe but when she gets bored or overwhelmed she leaves without warning. As loving as she is, she can also be ruthless and cold, especially when feeling vulnerable. She has a sharp tongue and it’s not afraid to hurt some feelings if that means shattering the pristine image some people have of her.

headcanons

She has a rib cage tattoo that reads “Eternity bores me, I never wanted it.” It’s a quote from Sylvia Plath.

Speaks French fluently and sometimes she likes to pretend she’s a lost French tourist just for fun.

Volunteers at the animal shelter. Because she doesn’t have a set home, she can’t have a pet but she loves animals.

Never has enough battery on her phone and sometimes she sings in the subway to earn some coins because she tends to forget her wallet.

Really good friends with the homeless woman who lives down her street, she brings her food from the restaurant.

Keeps many scrapbooks from the places she’s been.

Sometimes she goes to music stores and plays the piano, one of the few activities she enjoyed as a child.

Loves reading and whenever she’s not getting in trouble or working, she’s at the library.

Wears too many rings, so don’t try to mug her.

connections

Older brother: Willow has an older brother who followed her parents’ plan. He graduated college and now has a very important job. Willow hasn’t spoken to him in three years, even if he’s tried to contact her. She just doesn’t want any ties to her old life, including her family.

“Best Friend”: I put it between quotations because she doesn’t stay in one place long enough to actually form long lasting friendships but this person is the closest to that. She adores them and actually sends them a postcard when she leaves.

Partner in crime: As stated, Willow is pretty reckless and she does a lot of stupid shit but she’s always seeking for someone to be her partner in crime and just go crazy with them.

Co-workers/Clients: She works as a waitress at a restaurant (if your character has a restaurant let me know, bc idk where she would work).

Neighbor: She lives in a small apartment in Brooklyn with two other roommates, it’s not ideal but it’s what she has.

College friends/hook ups: Oh during her college year, she was a party girl and she made a lot of “friends” (She attended Princeton btw) and also hooked up with a lot of people (f/m/nb), most of them were older than her.

Flirtationship: She is a natural flirt and she doesn’t even try to hide it.

Unrequited: Maybe your character has a crush on her (and depending on chemistry maybe she does as well but since she moves often she tries to ignore it). It’s angsty, it’s fun, give it to me. (f/m/nb)

Hook ups: Y’all know the drill

Bad tinder date: Willow thought it would be fun to go on a tinder date and she proposed some crazy scheme and they both had to spend the night in a jail cell.

Roommates: She lives in Brooklyn with two more roommates.

#villageintro #tw alcohol #tw drugs #tw depression #this is SO long and for what

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raysofcrosby · 4 years

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LITTLE DO YOU KNOW PT. 12

"𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘭𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘬𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘩 𝘶𝘱𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺." ━ 𝐉.𝐑.𝐑. 𝐓𝐨𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐞𝐧, 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐠

gif credit (x)

series masterlist

requested: yes | no

warnings: nope.

word count: 6,844 [once again, unedited lol]

authors note: THIS IS IT!! the finale of my tyler seguin series– ‘little do you know!’ this series honestly started out as a little fic idea i wrote down in my notes app on a road trip this time last year. i didn’t think much would come of it and when i decided to post it on here, i figured it’d flame away. but yall literally took it to a whole ‘nother level and i love yall for that so so much. you’ve sent messages, reblogged, liked and it’s still mind-blowing to me. i’m so happy that you guys enjoyed this series as much as i’ve loved writing it– and while it saddens me that it’s over, i can’t wait to bring you guys more material. okok enough of my rambling, here’s the finale!

Don't trip, don't trip, don't trip

That was all that echoed through your mind the moment your name was called for you to receive your diploma. You hadn't even thought about that being a possibility until last night, at yours and Kennedy's joint graduation dinner, when your brothers brought up how funny it would be if the two of you face-planted in front of the huge crowd.

And when you crossed the stage with grace, taking in the cheers that followed your name as you stood beside the University President with your diploma in hand– you swore that this was the happiest moment of your life. When you got back to your seat and the rest of the names continued to get called, you couldn't help but spend that time, looking at your folder and thinking back on your last few months.

You rang in the new year at a team party hosted by the Stars organization that was attended by the team, the staff, and their friends and family. It was nice, coming off of an amazing Christmas spent with your family and being down in Dallas. You had left the city, days earlier in the worst amount of pain and dreaded having to come back to it once school started again. Yet being there, waiting for the ball to drop, surrounded by your parents, your friends and the Dallas Stars, was enough to make you forget all about that pain. And with Tyler on your arm, kissing you into the new year, you truly couldn't wait to see just what 2020 could bring into your life.

And if the Stars 4-2 Winter Classic win over Nashville wasn't a sign of the good that the Universe planned to come your way– well, you didn't want to think about that. You didn't believe it when everyone said that the months would fly by as soon as the spring semester started– but they truly had. Your classes had kept you busy during the day while working the Stars games kept you busy at night. You had kept true to your word, and both you and Kennedy had befriended Paisley– the three of you becoming close in just a short amount of time. When the All-Star break came and your many, many votes for Jamie to be one of the 'last men in' were ignored, Tyler offered you a spot on the trip.

It was one thing, knowing that he'd rather have spent that entire week with you somewhere, doing anything and everything but thinking about hockey. And being in St. Louis in the middle of winter didn't really scream 'yes, please!' But taking the weekend off away from school and supporting him and watching him do what he loves while inspiring all of hockey's next generation of players...was enough to make you want to go.

As the weeks went on, Dave and Craig let you take on more and more responsibility as you could, and ones that didn't require you needing the board certification that you were already planning to take. They gave you advice on applying to Masters programs and Craig, sometimes even let you take his place on the bench during games. It wasn't a frequent thing, maybe once or twice every two to three weeks– but it was still cool as hell.

When spring break rolled around, you and Kennedy rubbed it into the faces of your Stars friends, when you announced your spring break plans with Paisley. While most of them had been to Cabo once or twice before, it was a getaway most of them desired for since the toll of the season was starting to weigh them down. Before you knew it, finals week was here and then boom...graduation.

In the last five months, your entire senior year flashed right before your eyes– and the moments that stood out the most always had the most important people in your life.

Your friends.

Your brothers and er- adopted brothers.

And Tyler...and the puppers.

The sound of cheering knocked you out of your thoughts and you saw all of your classmates standing up around you. You followed suit, holding onto the diploma tightly as you looked around you. You couldn't wrap your mind around how four years had come to an end so quickly. All of the weekends, the study nights, the parties off campus– everything, your entire college experience had wrapped up in four hours. As the crowd began to disperse and everyone went in search of their families, you looked around for Kennedy and Paisley, heading towards the meeting spot that the three of you had designated beforehand.

The Texas heat practically slapped you in the face as you used your diploma as a way to block the sun. Leaning out by a pillar just outside the auditorium, your two friends swarmed you from either side, the three of you hugging and trying not to cry. Even though Paisley had come into your friend group so late, it was like she was a missing piece of your friendship puzzle that well, you never knew you needed. When the three of you pulled away from one another, it only took one passing look before you burst into laughter.

"Ugh, why are we like this?" Kennedy laughed, sniffling and wiping her cheeks.

"I'm just happy that I'm no longer in that arena. You'd think with as expensive as the tuition is, they'd have decent air conditioning." Paisley added on, taking off her cap and wiping at her forehead. She turned off to the side and nodded her head. "I see my family, but we're all still on for lunch, right?"

Kennedy and you nodded as she waved and walked off, disappearing into the crowd. You relaxed more against the pillar, looking at your surroundings once more. "I can't believe it's over."

"Oh God, don't you start that," Kennedy came up next to you and plopped back against the pillar. "Get out of your emotions, Y/N. This isn't the time, especially today!"

And she was right, today was not the best day to get all in your feelings and be sad about your college experience coming to an end. Today...or rather, tonight, was so much more important.

"THERE'S MY FAVORITE GRADUATE!"

You and Kennedy looked up to see Big Rig towering over the crowd of people as his frame practically parted the crowd. Kennedy's parents were drifting behind him, all smiles as Big Rig carried flowers in his hands. "Hi, favorite boyfriend."

You rolled your eyes as he picked her up and spun her around carefully, kissing her before placing her back down onto the ground. "Favorite boyfriend? Are you telling me you have more than one?"

"Eh, I forgot about what's his name for the weekends," she joked, standing on her tippy toes and kissing him again. "You're my number one, though."

He smiled and handed her his flowers before turning to you, "ah, my second favorite graduate and first favorite Benn!" He wrapped you up in a hug and lifted you off the ground. "Don't worry, I got you flowers as well." He put you back down and handed you the other bouquet he was carrying.

"Hey, the only one who brings her flowers is me!" You turned to see Tyler standing there all dressed up with a smile on his face. When you looked past him, you saw the rest of your group stopped and talking to Kennedy's parents.

"Hey now, I'm more than okay with receiving gifts," you smiled, as Tyler made his way over to you and wrapped his arms around your waist. "But your flowers are my favorite."

He leaned in and kissed you, pulling away and tapping your graduation cap before bringing the bouquet in between the two of you. "There's a little gift in there too, from the puppers and I."

You looked down in the bouquet to see a black box with a small, red bow sitting in the middle of it. You picked it up and then looked back at Tyler with a raised eyebrow. "But Tyler, I just graduated college...I'm too young to get married."

The way his eyes bulged out of his head was enough to make you want to double over in laughter. When he registered the sarcasm in his voice, he rolled his eyes and nodded. "Haha, very funny, Y/N," he tucked the bouquet in the crook of his arm and nodded down at the box. "But just so you know, my proposal would be 100x better than this."

Your heart fluttered at the thought of Tyler proposing to you. Sure, you were nowhere near ready for marriage and neither was Tyler. And when you said it, it was a total joke. But the thought of it...was still a nice one. You looked back down at the box and lifted up the lid, revealing a stunning gold, heart-shaped locket. "Oh, Tyler..."

"Go ahead, open it." He smiled, nodding his head down at the locket before looking back at you. You pulled the necklace out of the box and opened the locket, revealing two pictures tucked on the inside. "Cassidy and Candace helped me cut out the pictures, I guess my first-grade arts and crafts projects proved that scissors and I don't go together well."

You smiled down at the locket, taking in the pictures Tyler had chosen. On the left, was a picture of the three goodest Seguin boys sitting at attention, all smiles and tongues. On the right, was probably your favorite picture you and Tyler had ever taken. It was at the family skate for the winter classic, the two of you had been skating around and having fun, and after beating Tyler in the first of many races, he had wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into him– preventing you from skating away. You were laughing, trying to wrestle out of his grip as he buried his face into the crook of your neck, blowing raspberries and only making you squirm more. Kennedy had snapped the candid, right at the moment, you had turned to look at him with a smile on his face and seconds before he leaned in to kiss you.

Literally a picture-perfect moment.

"I got it engraved on the back too," he reached out and flipped the locket over, revealing the small engraving on the backside. "They're coordinates."

"Coordinates? But to where?" you smiled, running your finger over the numbers.

"Dallas," he nodded, pointing at the engraving just below that.

My favorite memories and more. I love you.

You looked down at the locket, continuously running your thumb over the small engraving as you tried to hold back the tears. It was incredibly sweet of him to do this. At most, you expected flowers– but not something as sentimental as this. Yet as always, Tyler was always giving you more than you expected or felt like you deserved.

"I love you." You smiled, finally looking up at him before handing him the necklace and turning around, holding your hair up. "Can you?"

He handed the flowers off to Big Rig before placing the locket around your neck. The moment he clasped it off and you felt the weight of the necklace rest right at your chest, you turned around and wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing him. "I'm proud of you and I love you, Y/N. I hope you know that."

You nudged his nose with your own and smiled, "I know."

He hugged you closer to him, kissing you again until someone cleared their throat, interrupting the moment. "This is nice and all, but let me hug my sister, Seggy."

Tyler stepped away, taking the flowers back from Big Rig as Jamie, Jordie, and Jenn huddled behind him. Tyler and Jamie were back to normal, what happened over Christmas playing a huge part in it. Jamie, of course, had a few understandable ground rules: no extensive PDA in front of him and no discussing bedroom activities in the locker room, both of which you understood completely.

You were swarmed by your three older siblings, all three wrapping you up into a big hug and refusing to give you any air to breathe– but you were okay with it. You experienced a time where you knew that one of them had wanted nothing to do with you at one point, and you never wanted to experience that again. So this, lung crushing hug– was perfect.

"Okay, okay, give her some air you three," your mom said, swatting them away as yours and Kennedy's families group together. "Gosh, look at the two of you...college graduates."

"Yeah, honestly we never thought you'd make it here– OW!" Jordie said, glaring at your mom. "What? It's the truth? Don't you remember how homesick they were freshman year?"

"Oh yeah!" Jamie laughed, pointing at you and Kennedy. "Family weekend, you guys had an intervention with the two of them, telling them that they couldn't camp out in Kennedy's living room anymore on the weekends."

"And look how much gas money we saved on that," Kennedy's dad chimed in, wrapping his arm around her mom. "You girls sure have grown up these last few years...it makes us proud."

"Now about this Hawaii trip..." you smiled, looking at your two older brothers.

Jamie and Jordie looked at one another and Jamie shook his head. "I told you it wouldn't take her long to bring it up."

"Well, you're the one who ruined the surprise."

"Okay, but how was I supposed to know–"

"Boys, boys, boys," Kennedy said, walking over to the two older Benn boys. "Why argue, when you can give us the details on our extravagant, Hawaiian vacation?"

"Girls, we'll discuss it over lunch when we're with Paisley too, can the two of you wait that long?" Your mom asked, shaking her head.

"The lunch that four said big hockey players won't be at because they have to take a pre-game nap?" You smiled, standing up straighter. "Sounds great to me."

"Speaking of the game tonight, we're excited to see you guys play!" Kennedy's mom said, nodding at Big Rig. "Finally get to see the four boys we've heard so much about, in action."

"Please Mrs. Stewart, don't boost their egos any more than they already are." You teased, bumping into Tyler.

"Okay, okay enough talk! If we want to make our reservations we'll need to get some pictures done! Boys– er, boyfriends, you guys with the two girls first." Your dad directed, ushering the conversation forward.

Everyone cleared out in the circle as Big Rig and Tyler came to take a picture with Kennedy and you. Tyler stood on your right as Big Rig stood in between you and Kennedy, all four of you standing close and looking at the cameras, ready for the picture. "I'm kind of jealous of their hats," Tyler said, smiling through his words.

"I know, it's kind of depressing to know that our girlfriends are hotter and smarter than us, now."

"And you better not forget it," You added in, scrunching your nose as Tyler.

"Yeah, but after tonight, we'll be able to say that our boyfriends are the 2020 Western Conference Champions, so which is better?"

Tyler and Big Rig looked at each other and nodded their heads. "Hot girlfriends."

You and Kennedy nudged them both in the ribs before your parents made you take another picture.

❒❒❒❒

Your post-grad lunch surrounded by family and friends was exactly what you needed to take your mind off of the end of your undergrad years and especially, tonight. Jamie, Big Rig, Jordie, and Tyler weren't originally supposed to tag along, but never like to be left out, they opted to join your already huge lunch party. More than once, you often caught yourself slipping out of conversations and just looking around at the table, wondering just how you ended up in your current spot. You had two amazing girlfriends, their families, your own family, your siblings and of course, Tyler.

After the lunch had ended, your four hockey boys went their separate ways to prepare themselves for tonight's game. Jamie had offered up his place for everyone to relax before the game with the one rule that nobody bothered him the moment he went upstairs to take his nap. It was comical, watching him try to lecture the three pairs of parents on how important a pre-game nap was. So, all three families went to Jamie's place and settled down in the living room, mingling and talking about how excited they were to watch the game from the suite that Jamie, Tyler and Big Rig had gotten for the big group. You had chosen to let Tyler have his rest back at his place, deciding to tag along with your parents back to Jamie's house.

And that's when it happened. No sooner than you guys stepped foot into his front door, your mom practically spazzed out, "Oh shoot, I almost forgot!" She rushed into the kitchen, bringing back two envelopes for you. "These came in for you just before we left home. I meant to give them to you at lunch, but I forgot them here this morning."

"What are they?"

"Ooh, maybe it's cash. A million dollars perhaps, Mrs. B?" Kennedy joked, plopping down next to Katie on Jamie's couch.

"Oh no, that'd be a gift from her two loving brothers," your mom laughed, handing over the envelopes to you. "Go ahead, open them."

You took the envelopes from her and flipped them over, seeing two familiar emblems and names written in the top left corner of each. You looked at your parents with wide eyes and they both just smiled. "Do you think...?"

"Only one way to find out."

You took a deep, calming breath before opening the first envelope. You closed your eyes, unfolding the letter before opening it again and letting your eyes dwindle down the paper. "Oh my God...I got in," you let the letter fall from your face as you looked at your parents. "I got in!!"

"Where, where? Which one?" Kennedy cheered, springing off the couch as everyone maneuvered into the living room.

"Houston," you shook your head in shock. "I got into their Masters Athletic Training program."

"Oh God, please stop getting degrees," Jamie groaned, coming in from the kitchen with a water bottle. "It's bad enough you've already got a jump on us, but one more?"

"You can go to school too, Jamie," Katie replied, rolling her eyes. "Open the second one!"

"I bet you got into there too," Jennie smiled, taking a seat on the couch armrest.

"I doubt it," you sighed, looking at the second envelope. "It's USF. They're one of the top programs in the country."

"Well, you'll never know if you don't open it," Jamie replied, coming up by your mom. "And please do it soon, I need my nap."

You stared at the USF logo in the left corner, trying to feel the envelope as if you'd be able to tell it was a rejection letter without opening it. You had only applied to two programs– U of Houston and USF, with USF being your number one choice. Turning the envelope over, you ripped the seal and pulled the folded letter out. You stared at the back of the paper, trying to build the nerve to unfold the letter when you looked up and immediately made eye contact with Jamie.

He sighed and came over, holding out his hand for you to hand the letter over. You placed it in his hand and without hesitation, he unfolded it and brought it up to his face. You watched as his eyes skimmed over the letter, his face showing no sign of emotion. "Well shit," he sighed, sounding defeated.

"No? It's no isn't it?"

"No, it looks like I'll be seeing you in Tampa instead of Houston," he turned the paper around and smiled. "You got in."

Your eyes widened as you read the first word of the letter over and over again. 'Congratulations!' You looked up at Jamie and jumped into his arms. "I got in!"

He hugged you tight and spun you around a little as the rest of the group was all smiles and cheers. "I'm proud of you, kid. I know you've worked hard for this," he put you back onto the ground and handed over your letter. "And you've earned every bit of it."

You were in disbelief, you had actually gotten into both Masters programs. As you stared at your two letters, you couldn't help but feel incredibly proud of the work you'd put in your last four years of undergrad. And as soon as the cheers and voices of everyone around you faded out, the thought that had been lingering in the back of your mind since you applied for the programs, came forward.

If you went to USF...then what about Tyler?

❒❒❒❒

The atmosphere in the arena was insane, and why wouldn't it be? Tonight was the potential final game of the Western Conference Championship. Both of your brothers were playing tonight and the Stars were leading the series 3-0.

Needless to say, tonight was a very, very important night.

So important, that you hadn't even thought to tell anyone besides those who were at the house when you found out about your acceptance into the two masters programs. You figured that after the game was the best time to tell Big Rig and Tyler, not before they had one of the biggest games of their career. That, and it gave you a little more time to really consider what to do about choosing a program. USF was your number one choice and you only applied to U of Houston as a backup. But now that you've gotten into both, what the hell were you supposed to do?

You spent all of that quality pre-game relaxation time asking Kennedy and Paisley what they thought you should do. You and Tyler had just started officially dating only months ago and now there was a huge potential that you would be moving 15 hours away? How the hell would that affect your relationship? You didn't even want to think about that, because you had already almost lost Tyler once...you didn't want to risk it again.

But you wanted to go to USF, so badly. It was as if your brain and your heart were tugging you in two different directions. One being, that if you choose to go to USF for the next two years, your relationship with Tyler would be up in the air and fall apart as quickly as it had come together the first time. The other being, that you couldn't let a relationship dictate over what would be the best for you and your education. The battle inside of you was at such a high, but the moment that you walked into the training room and heard the chatter and laughter of the boys waiting to be helped, it was as if that was washed away and the real worry at hand took over.

As serious of a game, this was going to be, you'd never know it by the way the boys were in the training room or even down the corridors doing their pre-game stuff. You were immediately greeted with cheers and congratulations, followed by the 'smarty-pants' and 'nerd' chirps. But you loved every moment of it because it was coming from them and you knew that they meant it in a heartfelt way.

You were already finished with helping Big Rig and his stretches when Tyler had come in and requested you to tape his ankles, of course. You were already done with one when the door opened and Dave walked in with Craig behind him, both coming back from helping some of the guys out in the hallway.

"Y/N! We just heard!" Craig smiled, walking past as Jamie followed in behind home.

"You got into USF? Great job, kid! Their program is one of the best in the country," Dave added, coming to a stop by you and patting you on the shoulder. "And as a graduation present from Craig and I, you get to be with us on the bench today. Get a taste of the real playoff run stuff." He walked by and went to his desk, plopping down into his chair. "Also, if you have to do some more internship stuff down there, Tom Mulligan is a good friend of mine. I can see if I can get you one there if you'd like?"

"That'd be cool, thanks, Dave." You smiled, turning your attention back to Tyler's ankle as the guys around you cheered even more for you.

"What? You got into USF? That's awesome!" Tyler asked, bending his foot to get you to look up at him. "Wait, what's that? I've never heard of that school here..."

"That's because it's not in Texas," you took a deep breath, looking back down at his foot and mentally cursing Jamie for telling Dave and Craig. This is not how you wanted Tyler to find out, ideally...he'd find out eh...weeks from now. "It's in Tampa."

"But–"

"You're all done." Before he could say anything else, you finish wrapping his ankle and tap the tape, signaling that he's done. You went to stand up when Pavs called you over, asking if you could tape him too.

Tyler sat there on the table for a moment, watching you and still looking confused before finally hopping off, returning his heating pad and walking out of the training room. You could still feel the tension in your shoulders as you went on and helped Pavs and then a few more of the guys, and though Tyler wasn't in the room with you, it was as if you could still feel his gaze on you. When the training room cleared out the closer it got to warm-ups, you leaned back against a table and took a deep breath, letting it out seconds later and feeling yourself relax.

You weren't even playing in the game tonight and you were nervous. It felt a little weird, having both brothers having to play each other. Sure, they'd done it before during the regular season...but this was different. This was to get to the Stanley Cup Finals– and one brother would go, while the other one wouldn't. It made you anxious. You check your watch to see you have some time to grab a water bottle from the lounge before the game started and you left the training room.

No sooner than you stepped out of the room and started to make your way down to the lounge, were you then pulled away by your wrist and cornered by Tyler. "Jesus, Tyler," you sighed. "You scared me."

"Sorry, I just wanted to talk," he said, an arm extended out towards the wall and holding himself up. "So what's up? I can tell something's up with you."

"Really? Oh no, uh," you coughed, shaking your head. "It must be the nerves of being on the bench tonight."

He rolled his eyes, "nice try, but you've been on the bench before." He let his arm down and rested his shoulder against the wall, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. "Care to try again?"

"So, like...I applied to two schools, one here in Houston and the other...USF." You sighed, your shoulders collapsing as you caught sight of the locket resting just below the open collar of your polo. "USF is one of the top programs in the country and U of Houston was my backup...and I– I'm just trying to figure out where to go."

"Do you want to go to USF?" Tyler asked nonchalantly.

"Eh."

"Eh?" He laughed, standing up straight. "You just said it was your top choice, so obviously you want to go there. Why aren't you more excited?"

You huffed and crossed your arms, biting the inside of your cheek before looking at him. "Because it's in Florida, it's a two-year program, we just started dating and I–"

He tilted his head to the side, raising an eyebrow again. "And you?"

Defeated, you slumped back against the wall, staring back down at your shoes. "I don't want to leave us...you. I just–" you turned to him, uncrossing your arms and raising them halfway, only to let them drop back down at your sides. "This is new and I don't want to ruin it."

He opened his mouth to say something when Jamie's voice erupted from the hall. "Seggy come on, let's go!"

"Hey, Y/N, can you help me unpack this tape really quick?" Craig called out, moments later.

You sighed, looking back down at the floor when Tyler reached for your hand and squeezed it, causing you to look up at him. "We'll have to talk about this after the game, okay?" You nodded and he leaned in, kissed your cheek, whispered "congratulations," and then disappeared down the hall with your brother.

Okay, okay that didn't go as bad as you thought it would. Now it's just time to survive the game and maybe you'd end up surviving the 'talk' you and Tyler were going to have afterward....maybe.

❒❒❒❒

Never has there been a time where you wanted to throw a water bottle as a ref or a linesman's face, yet in this game, it was a constant need almost ever five minutes. You were agitated for both sides, really. Calls were being missed, penalties being blatantly ignored– God, it led you wondering how people even managed to survive playoff hockey. Even though you could feel your blood pressure rise with every play, there was no better feeling than being there on the bench and watching it all unfold in front of you.

Yeah, this is definitely what you wanted to do for the rest of your life.

You've been around hockey your entire life. Whether it was watching your older brothers play or even taking a shot at it yourself– hockey was a constant thing in your family. You've watched enough games in your 22 years of life that could fill an average person's full desire for hockey. But this, being there on the bench, knowing that you're the person that helps the players keep up with their performance and take care of their bodies– was a whole ‘nother thing.

It was a never-ending rush of adrenaline and you had Dave and Craig to thank for this entire experience. Why Craig decided to hang back in the training room and let you take his place on the bench, you had absolutely no idea. But you weren't going to complain, one bit.

Your eyes drifted up towards the jumbotron and saw the time remaining in the second period. there was only a minute left and the Stars still had a 2-1 lead. Dobby was a brick wall, you hadn't seen him play like this and his regular season stats were already fire. As time dwindled down and the shifts were changing you heard a whistle blow and play stopped. Dave looked at you and nodded his head. "You go to Jamie, and I'll go help, Klinger."

"Me?!" You squealed, holding onto the fanny pack rested around your waist.

"Yes, you– it's okay. Jamie's tough, probably nothing too serious." He replied, stepping out onto the ice as Rads helped him over.

You felt your heart begin to race as Bishop opened the door for you and you stepped out onto the ice. Big Rig was right there to help you over to Jamie and Tyler skated over soon after, making it a faster trip over to your brother. The adrenaline was surely pumping through you now as you quickly looked out into the crowd and saw the thousands of people surrounding you. "Oh wow," you gulped, holding onto the towel in your hand.

"Pretty cool, huh?" Big Rig laughed as they brought you to a stop in front of Jamie, who was pushing himself up onto his knees.

"What's up big boy?" You asked, looking down at your brother before crouching down on to the ice. He was bleeding on his forehead, just beneath his helmet. "Holy fuck you're bleeding!"

"Well yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what the red stuff is, Y/N." Big Rig chuckled, resting against his stick.

"I think the fucking puck nailed Klinger and ricocheted and hit me," he sucked in air through his teeth as he checked in on Klinger. When his eyes settled back on you he chuckled. "Wow, I guess they just send anyone out on the ice these days, huh?"

"Dave said it wasn't this serious, though!" You panicked slightly, bending down more to get a glimpse at his cut as you reached for the helmet. "This is why mom got the two of you visors for Christmas, you bonehead."

You examined the cut to make sure his helmet hadn't chipped and gone into the wound. You pressed the towel against his head as he laughed. "Shut up or I'll ask Craig to let me stitch you up too– that should be fun."

His eyes went wide at your suggestion, just as Jordie came to a stop by your group. "How's he doing doc? Is he going to lose a few brain cells?"

Oh, how the announcers for the game must be losing their minds– three Benn's on the ice in a Western Conference Championship game. Talk about social media gold.

"It wouldn't matter if he did," you said, nodding back down at Jamie. "I'd still be the smartest in the family."

Jamie groaned and started to stand up without you, but you kept the pressure on his forehead until he was fully standing and took over the pressure on his own. "Yeah, yeah, shut up the both of you."

You walked alongside him as Tyler and Big Rig followed you back, Jordie trailing not too far behind. When you reached the bench, Jamie walked back to the training room and you stepped back into the bench. "Looking good out here, Y/N. I guess the degree hasn't gone to waste, huh?" Jordie joked.

"Oh yeah," you laughed, tugging on our fanny pack and motioning towards the tunnel. "Putting good use to it all seven hours I've had it."

Jordie just winked as he skated off back towards his own bench, just as Dave and Klinger came off of the ice. Klinger looked fine, but since the period was ending soon, he was probably going back to get ahead of the crowd and get checked on. "Everything okay?" Dave asked, nodding his head down the tunnel.

"Oh yeah, just a cut. It doesn't need any stitches or anything, it can just be cleaned, if at most glued. But don't tell Jamie I said that, I already said Craig would let me stitch him up."

Dave threw his head back and laughed as the two of you turned towards the ice as play resumed. He crossed his arms, staring out at the ice before nodding ahead. "I meant what I said, Y/N. I can give you a recommendation to Tom. You've got the heart for this, the skills and you're a hard worker."

You bit the inside of your cheek, still unsure if you were even going to be in that area, though the offer was nice. "Can I get back to you on that?"

Dave nodded as the period came to an end and the players made their way down the tunnel. "Sure thing, kid. But I can tell you one thing, even just based on seeing you in the training room and then just now, you're a natural for this."

You stood there for a few moments longer, taking in the empty ice and the full arena. You took a deep breath and sighed as his words replayed in your mind.

'You're a natural.'

'You've got the heart for this.’

'The skills...'

You tapped your hand against the wall and smiled, before turning away from the ice and walking back down the tunnel.

❒❒❒❒

This couldn't be real.

You had to be fucking dreaming right now.

The Stars were headed to the Stanley Cup Finals and Tyler had scored the game-winning goal in the last shootout round, to send them there. The moment that the puck flew past Markstrom and the team erupted on of the bench, you felt like running onto the ice with them. Instead, you were attacked with a hug from Big Rig before he followed his teammates off of the bench and on to the ice. It was surreal, hearing the cheers erupt all around you.

It was almost deafening.

You couldn't stop shaking even as you watched the ceremony of the boys receiving their hats from the NHL and then the Clarence S. Campbell Bowl from the NHL commissioner. You wanted to cry when you saw Jamie lead the team over to get their picture behind it. Even by the time that everything had calmed down and the families were allowed to come on to the ice to congratulate their players, it still felt like it was a dream.

When you finally got onto the ice with your family, the whole thing was a big blur. It was like you hopped from picture to picture, congratulations leaving your lips time after time as your heart swelled with pride at what your team had accomplished. You were standing back, watching your parents snap pictures of your brother and Katie and relaxing, taking in the scene of the fans still cheering on the boys.

"Y/N! Y/N!" You looked to your left to see Candace and Cassidy both headed your way with big smiles on their faces. The three of you hugged as you looked around for Tyler, knowing that he was probably done taking pictures with his family.

"Can you believe it?" Cassidy smiled, holding onto your arm. "They're going to the Stanley Cup finals!"

"Who would've thought that our average player of a brother would be the won to score the game-winning goal that sends them to the finals, huh?" Candace joked, her eyebrows raising as she looked past you.

You turned to see Tyler making his way over to you and you felt your cheeks redden and your heart race. "I think that's our cue to leave, but come find us afterward! We want pictures." Cassidy smiled, squeezing your arm before pulling Candace away.

You laughed as they walked away just as Tyler had reached you. He was hearing his hat proudly on his head and had the grin you loved so much plastered on his face. "Well hey, there champio–"

Before you could even say anything, he sweeps you up into his arms and kisses you. You wrap your arms around his neck, pouring every bit of love you had for him into the kiss before he pulled away, still holding you in his arms. "I want you to go," he huffed, out of breath.

"Huh?" You asked, tilting your head to the side.

"To USF. I want you to go."

"But–"

"No, no buts." He placed you back down onto the ice and kept his arms around your waist, looking down at you. "This is your dream. That's the best program in the country and don't try to tell me different because I even heard Dave say it."

Your jaw dropped, still stunned at what he was saying. "But–" He looked at you with a raised eyebrow and you sighed. "But I don't want to leave you..."

"We can hang out when we come to play Tampa. I can visit, you can visit and we have our summers." He took the hat off of his head and placed it down onto yours, adjusting it with a smile. "Besides, I'd be able to brag about how my smoking hot, and genius girlfriend got into one of the top athletic training programs in the country."

You felt your eyes brim with tears once again before you brought him back down and kissed him again. When you pulled away, you kept your eyes closed and your forehead pressed to his. "I love you."

"And I love you," he replied, kissing your forehead before pulling away from you and intertwining his fingers with yours. "Now come on, I need a picture with my lucky charm of a girlfriend and the Clarence S. Campbell bowl so I can post it on Instagram and brag about the both of you."

You threw your head back and laughed, as you tucked yourself further into his side, not even caring that you guys were surrounded by the press and the fans. "You're such a dweeb."

"Yeah, but I'm your–"

"Don't even say it, Seguin," you chuckled, looking up at him. He just tapped the brim of the hat on your head, knocking it partially over your eyes before giving you a wink and that childlike grin that was enough to bring the butterflies in your stomach alive.

#tyler seguin imagine #tyler seguin oneshot #tyler seguin one shot #tyler seguin writing #nhl writing #nhl imagine #nhl oneshot #nhl one shot #hockey oneshot #hockey one shot #hockey imagine #hockey writing #ldyk fic #my writing

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the-cookie-of-doom · 4 years

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Hey Cookie! It’s the anon who asked about Estranged’s process, you can call me Ursula, so you know when I’m here! I’ll also leave my name, too. x I saw your post about your dream of Mitch and Stiles and had a question, when you further the writing over the span of a year as you said, will they actually be in a relationship or is it casual between them? Does Stiles eventually stay with his brother and/or visit him throughout? It was funny to see Mitch actually being serious about hiring Stiles!

I haven’t settled on an EXACT timeline yet actually I haven’t even written anything down but what I’m thinking is something like this:

January: Stiles, after trying to deal with everything on his own since what, Early November? Since everything happened just after Halloween? goes to stay with Mitch.

The first few chapters of the story (up to Afterimage at least) would take place across the next few months/spring semester. Originally I had it that Mitch’s fights were a Friday night/weekend thing, but then while writing later chapters I thought it would be better for it to be more sporadic than that, not a set schedule. If you would like a MINOR spoiler, Mitch fights when the psychic feedback is getting too much. He needs an outlet. And as Derek said, pain makes you human; that’s a running theme in this story, but Mitch and Stiles take it to a self-destructive level. But I want Stiles to be watching him and studying his movements/behaviors over a longer period of 2-3 months to really build a pattern.

Stiles and his dad probably agreed to let Stiles finish out Junior year in New York, and then come home for summer. If Stiles does, then things are awful and he hates it, and goes back to New York, idk.

Stiles is probably back with Mitch by the late summer; he doesn’t want to touch Senior year with a 10 foot pole, and online school was working for him, so why not continue? After getting settled back in New York again things are better the second time around. This is where you start to see things like chapter 13, where Mitch and Stiles are going out and having fun together. I had one scene (which I will be posting later in my Deleted Scenes collection) where Mitch takes Stiles to Switzerland on a business trip, that was RIFE with sexual tension. It was actually going to be the first time they slept together, but obviously I would have to take that out of the extended version ;)

Although, my original “plan” for Estranged, back before I even had the details sorted (Mitch could read Stiles mind in this version, I hadn’t fully decided on Mitch’s powers and what he could/couldn’t do yet) they go to Switzerland, maybe they sleep together maybe they don’t. but there was some Naughtiness happening. But it freaks Stiles out because he thinks he’s the one taking advantage, which confuses Mitch, until Stiles explains about the Malia situation, when then makes Mitch feel bad, and they’re just a disaster. But after they get home from Switzerland, Stiles wants to go back home because he doesn’t know where they stand and everything is just all screwed up, but Mitch convinces him to stay. I think? That idea is 2 and a half years old at this point so details are hazy, but lol draft one of this fic was SO messy and all over the place, you have no idea. What I have posted now is unrecognizable compared to where it started.

Anyway.

The current chapter I’m working on would probably START in October, Early November at the latest, where Stiles goes home after the big reveal. I really want a solid 2 months or so for Stiles to be depressed at home, which is made worse because home doesn’t even feel like home anymore, so he’s really out of place and adrift. He feels cut off from everything, and it’s Not Great. Right now Stiles contacts Mitch I think after like 2-3 days, but I would really prefer 2-3 weeks of no talking. Then they reconcile, and then there’s a few more weeks of Sexual Tension and some jerking off in the shower, etc.

So to answer your question: it would essentially be the most painful slowburn ever! They’re pining so hard for each other! Except it’s for a year! It’s awful!

And yes, Stiles will end up staying with Mitch! I’ve been waffling on how I want to do it, but I know that later down the line, Stiles does stay in New York for college. He goes to Columbia and Mitch pays his tuition, which makes John incredibly uncomfortable on a parental level, but... stiles didn’t exactly ask permission. And neither did Mitch, actually, from either of them. Stiles pitched the idea of going staying for college, which Mitch was perfectly happy with. But later he found Stiles going through different schools and he was clearly Stressed, but he wouldn’t say why. But Mitch saw Stiles’ notebook full of numbers and put together that he was stressed out about tuition costs, and so just point blank said he would pay for it. But Stiles couldn't just accept that because it’s a lot of money for Mitch to throw at him and oh god what if he fails out in the first semester? What if he’s awful in college? does he even really need to go? it’s not like any universities have a major in Emissary Magic School anyway, and--

And Mitch has to shut him up and convince Stiles to just accept it; Mitch has the means, Stiles should be able to go wherever he wants without worrying about the cost. That’s what families for, right? Just let him help.

Then once college is sorted out, Stiles calls his dad and just kind of blurts okay by the way Mitch is paying for my college! And it’s not like John can say no to that, it would break Stiles’ heart.

Then FAR into the future (I mean not that far, but a few years, Stiles was like 23) - and fair warning this started out as a cracky convo between my friend and I, that turned serious - Peter moves back to New York. He, Stiles, and Mitch are fast frenemies, they have a standing coffee date to meet up and talk shit. Peter loathes Mitch because his mind reading means he’s always one step ahead of Peter’s machinations, and Stiles always thought Mitch was so Mature and Adult, but around Peter he becomes such a petty punk. The reason I’ve dropped references to Peter here and there is to start laying the ground work for that future ot3; their dynamic is COMPLICATED. (but in case some people aren’t into it, they are a separate fic unto themselves).

But yes, in both versions, they are very devoted to each other! It’s a lot of tragic longing in that first year, and then having to figure out how to navigate… everything. But once they’re together, they’re Together.

And I have no idea if Mitch would actually hire Stiles or not, because I think Stiles is going to major in ancient history/occultism/something like that, because he does become a historian. but Mitch continues taking Stiles to various business functions, and it just becomes widely assumed that Mitch is mentoring Stiles in the family business.

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xmatchaxmochix · 7 years

Text

Long post: a plea for help.

-Abusive stuff I clearly remember my family doing, in no specific order:

Forced me to stay at home and do a degree I despise and which is giving me severe anxiety and PTSD-like symptoms and not go to my University of choice because “we can’t pay for it” (I never said I expected them to pay for anything more that they would if I stayed here.) When I stayed and my scholarship got pulled, they expected me to pay for everything related to my degree! (In the end we came to an arrangement where we pay half-and-half, but it’s still shitty :/ )

Related to this, on my first year of Univesity I did get a scholarship, which my father tried to hide from me in hopes he could keep it (which hey, I guess it’s fairly reasonable since he was the one paying fo my transportation that year, but I feel like I had a right to it since they were forcing me to study this degree. Maybe I am entitled. This is a complicated matter of discussion.) I only found out because my mother slipped and said I had gotten some money on top of my tuition.

At 14, one of my classmates banged my head against the corner of my table so hard I got a black eye and half of my face got swollen. They mentioned it to my teacher, who said “boys will be boys”. They let it slide.

Same year, I flunked 5 classes; 4 of them because the teachers thought liked to pick on me because I would always take it, and 1 because I was terrible at it. I spent the whole summer studying non-stop this 4 classes and decided to drop the difficult one. I studied so hard I literally got sick with stress, I spent a whole week bedridden, without being able to eat, talk or go to the bathroom: I could only puke. By the end of the week I was even puking blood. My parents didn’t think about taking me to the hospital. When I got better, I re-sat the tests: I only passed the class I didn’t study for. When I talked to my parents, outraged, they admitted they knew I rightfully should had passed and that the teachers had something against me, but they decided doing nothing and having me re-do the year was easier, because “it’s better to have you flunk when you have studied, than have you pass when you haven’t”. Not satisfied with this, they forcefully cut my hair in retaliation for flunking. Nowadays, when I ask them about this incident, and if they really did punish me without a reason, they literally answer “lol punishment!!” until I drop the topic.

From the day I was 3 to the day I was about 17 my brother would beat the heck out of me, because he was bored, angry, or for no reason. Mind you, not playful punches; but actual beatings that left wounds and bruising. When I was about 14 he took a liking to choking me until I stopped trashing or breathing (luckily this only lasted for like 6 months until I got the clue). He also threw a knife at me. My parents knew and did nothing. If I fought back, I would get grounded for beating my brother; if I didn’t I would get grounded for not fighting back.

When I was about 12, my father offered me to be wed to one of his friends’ sons in exchange for a house.( I have realized this small explanation is not clear. During my grandparents renewal-of-vows, this friend was gushing about how pretty I looked. My father told her, in all seriousness “You know, I only have one daughter. But if you give me the ownership of your house, I can force her to marry one of your sons. She could be all yours.” His friend stayed silent, laughed awkwardly, and left to talk to someone else.)

They are unwilling to let me leave this house and have old me in many occasions that they have gotten the pets so I can’t leave. They are also unwilling not only to pay or help pay for my drivers’ license (despite, as I will say later, claiming they paid for my step-brother’s), but they have said they refuse to give me classes or take me to them and that they will do everything in their power so I will never drive. They have lied many times about how much a license costs so I would think I can’t afford it.

-Things I can’t rememer my family doing, but I have been told they did by them (as my family is fond of lying they might not have happened at all):

I was born with adenoids, which meant I would have high fevers and tremors, huge rashes, ooze pus from my ears, puke everything I ate, and be in constant pain from the day I was born. This also meant I didn’t grow properly, and at 3 years old I was much smaller than my 1 year old brother. My doctor, a traditional man who was not fond of surgery or pills unless it was absolutely necessary, told my parents when I was 2 years old that surgery was urgent or I could die. As per my mother, my father’s reaction was “if she dies, she dies”. I didn’t get surgery until I was 6.

In relation to this, as per my mother, my parents decided that me not growing properly was not due to adenoids but due to a hex, so instead of surgery they took me to a witch to un-hex me. Guess it worked since I’m typing this right now :/

I was born left handed, which my father decided was a mark of the demon, and he would beat me and tie my hands behind my back to prevent me from using my left hand. I am right handed now. My brother was born left handed too, and was never subjected to this. He is still left-handed.

When I was barely weeks old, they dropped me off at the house where the man that raped my mother lived, so they could go out for New Years. This went on for years. I think last time they left me and my brother there, I was 11 years old.

As per my mother, my father paid for my step-brother driver’s license and a expensive class in computers which he promptly dropped out of after going to two classes; when me and my brother were babies and we didn’t have enough money for food. (Also, as I said before, they are nowadays refusing to pay for mine or even help me pay, even though money’s not lacking)

I HAVE DECIDED TO EDIT THIS POST BECAUSE AN AWFUL LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE GOTTEN BACK TO ME EXPLAINING HOW HORRIBLY ENTITLED I AM. I AM LEAVING THIS HERE SO PEOPLE CAN SEE THAT (I THINK) THIS IS REAL ABUSE AND I AM NOT JUST SOME KID USING A FAKE “ABUSIVE FAMILY” AS A CRUTCH, AND I WILL STOP BEGGING FOR NO REASON BECAUSE I AM NOT A SCAMMER NOR ENTITLED TO ANYONE’S MONEY. I AM GOING TO LEAVE THE PAYPAL BUTTON FOR COMMISSIONS, WHICH I WILL EXPLAIN IN POSTS TO COME; AND I AM EXPLAINING HERE SOME WAYS WHERE YOU CAN HELP ME WITHOUT JUST DONATING MONEY AT RANDOM SINCE YOU DON’T HAVE A GUARANTEE I AM NOT A SCAMMER.

Here is a post I made about helping me and making money for yourself at the same time: http://xmatchaxmochix.tumblr.com/post/92053957769/help-me-and-make-money-at-the-same-time (it is not actualized, I am SO sorry. I will actualize it once I can figure how to bypass Tumblr’s shadowban, or I will make a new one)

Here is my Fiverr, which I use for translation and writing gigs https://www.fiverr.com/matchamochi (you can help me by buying something from me or by joining under me. If you want to buy something from me, though, I’d prefer if you could contact me through Paypal as Fiverr gets a big chunk out of commissions)

Reblogging my Spreepicky and SHEIN posts is of great help. Liking them is not enough because THE AFFILIATE LINKS HAVE AN EXPIRATION DATE, SO IF YOU DON’T BUY SOON, I DON’T GET A COMMISSION. This posts are usually showcasing clothing or crockery. In Spreepicky I only get a cut if you buy under my referral link. In SHEIN I get a cut if you subscribe to their newsletter under my link so please do. They don’t even e-mail that much.

I will open commissions for literally anything I can think of: pics of me, pics of my cats, I will write for you, I will draw for you, I don’t care. Stay tuned for my posts or get back to me if you have a request now.

If you can think of another way I can make money, please warn me. I am always on the lookout for new pages I can join as a referral but I have very little followers so most of them don’t want me.

PLEASE REBLOG.PLEASE.

#abuse #abusive parents #help #personal #abusive family #me

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mysticscanlations · 7 years

Text

That Summer Chapter 90 Translation!

TIME FOR HB’S BRIEF BACKSTORY GUYS... IT’S DEPRESSING AF

top 3 rated comments from the Comico site are posted at the bottom of the translations ^^

Title: Welcome, First Time To My House? (T/N: lol I bet author-nim's a lowkey ARMY)

Small text: Ah

YW: Stairs, stairs!

-It's on the 2nd floor.

YW: At home? There's no one.

-Mom's still working outside—

YW: It'll still be a while till she gets back.

-..Why are you so surprised?

(T/N: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )

YW: It's on the left.

Small text: Haha

YW: Aren't you glancing around too much?

-There's not much to see, hurry and come in.

SFX: Click

SFX: Creak—

SFX: Close..

YW: Get comfortable.

YW: Whew—

-Maybe I should've bought something refreshing from the store on the way back.

YW: It's way too hot.

-Let's open the window first—

SFX: Rattle—

SFX: Flap..

YW: Sit next to me.

-The rotation mode on this thing is broken so it doesn't turn.

SFX: Clatter

YW: This side's cool, Hee Bum.

YW: Now that I think about it, it's the first time.

YW: For me to bring someone to my house..

HB: Thanks for inviting me.

YW: When I was in elementary school, I went to my friends' houses a lot.

-But I've never invited them to my house.

YW: Even though it's a really meaningful house to my mom and I.

YW: I didn't want to look poor and shabby in front of anyone.

YW: Just watch.

YW: I'm going to live better than any of those guys who grazed my shoulder.

-With my own strength.

HB: Ah—

-It must be nice for you, hyung.

YW: What?

HB: You're choosing the path you want and living that way.

-And you have a good relationship with your mom.

HB: I have none of that.

-My parents are complete dead-ends. I can't do anything that I want to do.

SFX: Pft—

HB: Huh...?

-What, why are you laughing?

YW: No—

YW: I was just thinking that in the end, you're just another typical Tae Poong High young master.

YW: They can do that if you self-reflect, your back is warm, and your stomach is full.

Small black text: Huh....?

YW: You receive all you can receive,

-and you enjoy all you can enjoy.

YW: If you have a conscience, then you should at least live by listening to your parents.

HB: Don't make me laugh!

HB: You can live that way, then!!

HB: … Hyung, you don't know anything about my family.

HB: You know, my father's an awful neat freak.

-If the label of a bottle in the fridge isn't completely facing forward, he'll lose it.

HB: And... whenever he sees me,

HB: he always looks at me like he looks at those mispositioned bottle labels.

White text: Almost as if I was the only stain in his life—

Text: Father used to be known as “rags to riches”. Whenever I ran into people, they would grab me and tell the story of how he would only wear socks when he went to his friend's house for fear that they'd get a hole in them.

Text: The king of personal connections, he went to Tae Poong High and then Seoul University. He was the eloquent student body president, and no one could dislike him.

Text: Back then, father met a girl who had been in the same class as him.

-He said he truly loved her.

Text: Even now, when he drinks, he'll occasionally bring up that story.

Text: Father also had another dream.

-It was to have power that nobody could look down on.

Man: Mr. Kang.

-Have some tea before you go.

Text: At that time, Father was taking private lessons at Seongbuk-dong.

-It seems a wealthy man's only daughter took a liking to Father.

Man: Mr. Kang, did you say that you were aiming towards politics?

Text: In order to get started, he needed money.

Text: Father threw away his first love and married the wealthy man's daughter.

Text: But there was no way for that marriage to go smoothly.

Text: Father couldn't forget his first love.

Text: But it was too late. After seeing her passing out wedding invitations at the class reunion, he disappeared before her eyes.

Lady: Kya!!

Worker: I apologize, I apologize, Congressman.

-This worker is still undergoing training...

HB Father: It's alright.

Worker: I'm very sorry.

-You, hurry and apologize too!

Lady: Are you really alright?

HB: The woman who looked just like his first love

-was working part-time to gather money for tuition.

HB: The age difference with my dad was probably...

HB: Around 15 years..

HB: In order to protect his assets, my grandfather

-interfered in every policy my father proposed.

HB: Whenever that happened, my father went to meet with the woman who looked like his first love.

-And he looked down on her.

Text: You should resemble your father—

HB: He'd ask why she was such an idiot.

Text: If you don't want to be hated by your father, you have to study hard.

HB: Whenever she made a mistake,

-he'd ask why her brain was so... dumb.

Text: Got it?

HB: Whenever she tried to run away,

HB: he bought her bags, he bought her a car.

-When she had a kid, he even bought her a house.

Text: You definitely must be that way—

HB: But in the end,

-the woman ran away by herself again when the kid was 7 years old—that's right, that kid was me.

HB: Before things got out of hand, Father must have convinced grandfather that he would raise me.

-Grandfather didn't want Father's political career to end. His only daughter was also sterile.

HB: —That time, I went to my grandparent's home for the first and last time.

Text: Hee Bum, dad will follow you in right away. Wait in the garden.

Text: Father probably went to go smoke a cigarette.

-Back then, even the slightest thing prompted him to go smoke.

Small text: Wow..

White text: Ah—....

White text: Hi? You must be Hee Bum...

(T/N: BREH his dad is so messed up wtff)

HB: ..From then on, Father acts like he's a successful politician,

-but he ruined too many people's lives. That guy is

HB: extremely~

HB: selfish.

YW: Come here.

YW: ...Since you hugged me before.

HB: … You know, hyung. Keep what I just told you a secret.

-I don't usually tell this to anyone...

YW: It's usually like that.

-It always happens when you go to a friend's house.

-Isn't that why everyone wants to go to each other's house when they become friends?

Small text: Is that so

HB: Somehow I feel a bit refreshed after talking.

HB: Can I come visit again?

YW: After the CSAT, come whenever.

YW: I'll walk you to the station.

-Let me use the bathroom real quick.

YW thoughts: I got absolutely no studying done today.

HB: You used the bathroom back at the station before, though.

SFX: Splash—

SFX: Creak

SFX: Tap

HB Father: I enjoyed reading this.

-I read it very carefully.

HB Father: While reading it, I was reminded of my younger self.

HB Father: Since I also grew up in a similar circumstance as you.

HB Father: A circumstance similar to neglect,

HB Father: excluded by the others.

HB Father: Who would I resent?

-As Sartre said, we're just starting with our existence that was thrown into this world.

HB Father: They say you can choose between two things.

HB Father: Either stay where you are or move forward.

HB Father: Some might see the choice as irrational,

-but choosing between the two can be quite simple.

HB Father: I chose to move forward.

-Like you did.

HB Father: From what I see, we're quite similar.

YW thought: Now that I think about it, he did say something like that...

-That we're similar.

YW thought: But after hearing that guy's story, it wasn't a compliment...

YW thought: Then again, I think he also said that.

Black text: —Maybe you'll be a good mentor for my son—

Text under symbol: Lose-lose situation

(T/N: I'm not 100% on this translation T___T If anyone knows what that character means, maybe it'll make more sense)

Small text: Um..

YW thought: By chance, if there comes day my relationship with Hee Bum gets found out, things will get really complicated.

-This is the absolute worst situation..

1st rated comment: Today we've seen all of both children's pain.. Even if I already knew, I can feel it even more now ㅠㅠ

2nd rated comment: Because Yoo Won and Hee Bum were in a small space together, I unknowingly got nervous while reading lolol ha,,,,,, lololololol

3rd rated comment: I can understand why Hee Bum was so obsessed with Yoo Won now ㅜㅜ I expected the father was bad, but he's worse than I thought...

#mysticscanlations #that summer #that summer webtoon #manhwa #manhua #webtoon #comico #update

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dem-khuya · 6 years

Text

10222018:1623

hello. doing a little better today but i cried in the car on the way to school talking to my mom. guess that’s what my life’s come down to. i’m not too used to the emotions i have bene experiencing these past few days--an hour where i feel fine, on top of the world even. and then another hour where it hurts to even breathe. rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat

last week i signed on to go to some tech convention in the city. but yesterday i got in an argument, or at least, a painful conversation with my father regarding my major. i don’t remember saying anything particularly hurtful. but i guess i hurt my father anyway, since i implied that i have done everything for him and everything i do for him makes me unhappy and he had nothing to say to that.

we had just gotten off the phone with one of his former co-workers named richard. richard’s taiwanese, so i spoke some chinese on the phone and richard was impressed with it (whether this was genuine or not, i don’t really know), so he chatted with richard a bit and he said something like, “if nikole didn’t pick computer science as her major, she would have just picked chinese or english or something.”

god, the way he said “chinese or english or something”, like they were just nothing subjects. i was completely incensed but of course i couldn’t show it. he said something about the convention and i told him that i was too busy but i’ll try to see if i could go. he said something about working at IBM or me going to like, get my master’s degree at my current university, and i guess i expressed some kind of disagreement. like i was tired of doing computer science or something.

we spiraled into some kind of conversation where he said, “what would you do if you were doing chinese or whatever you wanted?” and i gave him a detailed explanation of what i’d do because it’s all i researched before. i am one of the best students in my university’s east asia department and i told him that if i worked harder in it and didn’t spend time in comp sci then i’d probably get a scholarship to a really good program and actually have been happy. and he said, “maybe if you studied that you would have ended up not liking it anyway.” and i told him, “maybe, but i never got the chance to figure that out.” he got mad and did the whole “you’re an adult now just do whatever you want to do” shit and i told him “you know that i can’t do that. you know that. i already picked comp sci and i’m going to graduate next semester. so you know i can’t just drop it and ‘do whatever i like’.”

he didn’t speak to anyone for the rest of the day and regarded us with a weird numb coldness. i guess that’s how sadness manifests in men. they don’t tell us they’re sad, they just become intimidating without shouting/screaming. i was surprised that he didn’t yell at me or shout at me or insult me as he usually does.

isn’t that a weird thing to be surprised about?

i’m remembering hieu minh nguyen’s poetry again.

What do you do with tenderness when all you expect is fury?

but anyway about that convention. this fall break i was a big lazy bitch so i have a lot of hw to catch up on so when my dad called me and asked if i wanted to go i told him that i couldn’t because i had a lot of stuff to do. he sounded really gentle on the phone. as if he weren’t mad at me at all but for some reason when i told him i didn’t want to go i felt like something died in my chest. i’m angry that my father makes me feel this way--guilty for being selfish. but then i ask myself, when else have i ever been selfish with him?

i have done everything he’s asked me to do since i was in high school. i take all the classes he wants me to take. i took the major he wanted me to take. i look back at my journal entries for the past semester or so and see that i really was only miserable.

i remember my sophomore year as: A) tired, B) crying every week, C) literally suffering for my grades (not eating, stressed, breaking out, staying up till 4 AM several times and not sleeping, skipping various classes).

oh yeah! and being verbally abused for applying and earning a scholarship to taiwan to study over the summer. courtesy of my father, who told me to shut up when i was crying and asking why he was shouting at me. i am tired of being hurt by him like that.

i’m so fucking tired.

my mother said that i shouldn’t hold all these things against him--the mean words he said, the way that he hit me when i was younger, because deep down he will always love me and of course, he loves me the most. i didn’t have the energy or the courage to tell her that she wasn’t there to see how badly he hit me that one night, or tell her that it would just be better if he hated me because then all of those horrible actions would have just made sense.

he hit my older brother and older sister because he was angry at them. that’s not a good reason to hit anyone but at least it makes sense to say he did it because he is a violently angry person. at least you can say that. but he hit me because he...loves me most? so he hit me because that’s how he shows that he loves me? should i be glad?

and my parents wonder why i ended up this broken and incapable and worthless

so he’s sad, and i’m sad he’s sad but you know what? maybe he can use this time that he is sad to think about some things. he ought to.

though i know that no matter how much he thinks about these things i will still have to take these emotions and bury them in my heart because his feelings matter more than mine, because he is the one paying for my tuition and he is my father who has looked after me (my mother has arguably done more but let’s just go with this) since i was born so in this situation and in this equation, i don’t really matter. i only exist to make him happy.

something i started to wonder while writing this: did my father expect that his child would turn out like this? does my father only want a child who will listen to everything he says? perhaps this is why he loves rhys so much. because rhys is only five and is still moldable, still listens to everything he says without question.

i recently found this movie called a moment of romance with andy lau and jacklyn wu, and it’s a beautiful movie. beautiful as in beautifully shot. it’s actually a kinda dumb film. i’ve seen lots of triad movies like it (@ johnnie to’s early work + chow yun-fat’s film roles in the 80′s/90′s), so i’m not that taken aback. andy lau’s kind of a douchebag of a love interest (he’s a low-level gangster or something) and jacklyn is the other love interest who’s as fragile as a kitten. so he’s mean to her, since he’s a rough and tough dude, but she loves him anyway and he falls in love with her too.

even though he’s a douche i still really like his character a lot. i liked him a lot in as tears go by, where he was basically the same character (LOL) except maggie cheung played his love interest. now that i think about it, as tears go by is just a slightly uglier a moment of romance...or a moment of romance is just a prettier as tears go by. i like andy lau a lot as this character. he reminds me of chow yun-fat in all about ah-long (which is a movie that strikes way too close to home in too many ways--i’m thinking about ah-long’s son, and then ah-long himself). i hate that i’m attracted to those abusive male characters who shout at and treat women badly and are, for some reason, excused by the fact that they’re actually just sensitive softies with a tough outer shell or some bullshit like that.

i guess it is because these characters remind me so much of my father. that one scene where andy lau is sitting in his white tanktop tucked into his jeans and drinking a bottle of beer and being all emo? if you’ve watched enough hk films you don’t even have to think about ask movie that scene comes from because it doesn’t matter, it’s probably been in every romantic gangster movie ever. that was basically my dad yesterday after our argument.

so what am i trying to say by writing this? i don’t know. i’m just very unhappy right now. i’m very sad, very distressed. i don’t know if i will regret not being able to go to the convention tonight. but my heart, right now, it feels very heavy. and i have lots of homework to catch up on this week, i really do. and also, i’m tired. i’m very tired of talking to him about my future. or maybe, i’m just tired of talking about my future in general. do you know what my future is? A) finish school, become more of a fraud than i already am so that someone will think i’m worth hiring, hire me, work for three or four more years in something i hate before i’m either blessed (1 out of 1 million chance bitch) with a chance to get out of the work or i’m just trapped forever and end up on B) out of exhaustion, or B) apply to various masters programs that may or may not take me and cost tens of thousands of dollars a year with the off-chance that i might not even be able to make back that fucking money. yay!! debt!!

so can someone just kill me already? i hate my life. i hate being here. i am twenty years old and i don’t want to live this shitty life anymore.

just scrolled back up and saw that i wrote that i was doing a little better today. i guess that i’m actually no, and that it’s the hour where i feel like shit before the next hour where i feel fine and dandy before i feel like shit again.

#xiaoshuo #abuse tw #death tw #suicide tw

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