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padawansuggest · 1 year

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Listen. You guys know how lately (mostly in an attempt to get back to writing and writing things that genuinely feel self indulgent and soothing) I’ve been writing for old posts I made on here a lot lately?

Yeah okay so often times my ideas evolve so don’t take this too intensely. But. AU where Obi-Wan left the order to be a ballerina with a professional troop when she was around 18. She’s been going to a mega fancy school on Coruscant that only gets the best dancers since she was 13 and was invited in after she became Qui-Gon’s Padawan. Just imagine Qui-Gon waiting for her to get out of class with other nannies and parents waiting for their kids that’s SO funny to me.

Now, the change happens that they knew there was unrest in the senate and Obi-Wan said ‘okay this is actually the perfect chance to get spying on the right people’ so her and her new troop (which slowly become battle partners over the years like Padme’s handmaidens) leave and search people out. She ‘cuts ties’ with the Jedi under the guise of leaving the order. She doesn’t actually but Qui-Gon (also female along with Anakin being a girl too) becomes her only contact other than Feemor (best big sister ever) because Obi-Wan puts up a front of leaving to pursue being a dancer, not leaving as a separation from the Jedi, and Qui-Gon legally adopted her to keep close to her. They see each other often and after she gets Ani she becomes baby sister af.

Anyways. Fast forward around 15 years later (at least maybe a few more) and the Empire has officially been installed for about 7 years now (Obi was right and that’s why the Jedi knew to get out of the republic before it fell, so they are safely ensconced on the edge of Mandalorian space) and Obi-Wan’s cover has been blown and she’s gotta get back to the Jedi’s official new temple. Unfortunately she gets separated from her troop along the way and is pretty fucking traumatized and beat to hell by the time she makes it to Keldabe, one of the places she was able to get closest to Jedi space.

Anyways. She gets there and Jango (not-so-young prince of Mandalore, father to like 17 kids by cloners by now, absolutely big brother af because Jaster adopted Satine and Bo-Katan -and Arla when they found her- after Adonai died) finds her in absolutely torn clothes and looking fairly lost in the universe. First of all, the fact that she managed to make it about 6 blocks away from the loading docks is impressive cause any Mando worth their armor would have seen her and tried to drag her off to the medics by now, but she’s very traumatized and keeps running off.

Jango manages to get a hold of her by simply siding up to her like nothings wrong and offering her arm and ‘would you like to see the palace, verd’e?’ And Obi-Wan is sorta shocked but not only Jedi training, but also her time as a high class dancer for imps (like I know Visions just put this basic plot out but I had it years ago so it’s more inspirational than copying okay) and royals for the past decade and a half, kicks in and she lets Jango drag her back home like a cat who keeps collecting kittens. He just finds girls and brings them home to drop on Jaster’s lap like ‘here I heard ur bitch ass got baby fever, take this’ and giving himself new baby sisters. He loves it.

A million sons and baby sisters in droves. That’s all he needs.

Anyways. They get back, Obi is subjected to very annoying medical attention, Jango is horrified at she wounds and such, but then they hit another wall. Obi won’t get into the new clothes they keep trying to give her!!! Plz ur dress is torn and you barely have a thin robe covering you!

They gently corral her into a room with four suits of pure Beskar armor sitting in each corner so it blocks out the sound, while Jango is ranting at Jaster and Arla about how to get her calmed down. She’s already stolen two blasters! Admittedly, she also has her own sabers, so the call to Qui-Gon (who she gave the comm number for and didn’t give a name, just said that’s Mama) sort of just confirmed that it wasn’t so much protection as a safety blanket layover from Melida|Daan that she gets when she starts to panic.

So Qui-Gon is coming out with a team to come get her and informed her troop where their wayward idiot has gotten off to, and Jango is now faced with a new concern. Where is the toddler??? His three year old baby boy Kote??? Where’s the baby??

So. Obviously. Cody wandered off to go see the pretty lady with sad eyes and nice hair. Jango finds him curled up in Obi-Wan’s lap while she rocks him a little, helping him with his preschool learners book. She’s very patient with him, and more relaxed than she’s been in months. Jango lights up like a lightbulb and runs off, getting Boba and Omega’s bassinet to bring into the room and politely asks Obi-Wan to watch over them. She happily does so, calming down and giving many gentle kisses.

She’s still ignoring the new clothes they keep trying to get on her.

Finally, Satine and Bo get home, and ask what’s up. Satine thinks the girl is very pretty and nice looking. Cody might have to fight her cause he saw her first and that’s his future wife! Satine also thinks the same.

Satine goes off to her room and pulls out the most SCANDALOUS outfit possible. A short tee shirt and waist high exercise shorts! What the fuck Satine, who said you could dress like that??? Satine has never rolled her eyes so hard as when she explains she wears the shorts on top of her tights while exercising cause they have pockets and stuff. Okay, that’s more okay. Mandos don’t just!!! Show skin like that!!!!

Obi-Wan is given the clothes, and then further scandalizes the whole fam by stripping down right then and there in front of everyone and god and the fucking Mandalore to put on the new clothes. She’s much happier and goes back to cuddling Omega, while Cody quietly (loudly) asks Jango where Obi’s peepee is. Amazing.

Anyways. By the time Qui-Gon gets there, she’s willing to give partial custody of her baby to the Mandos for getting her cleaned up and soothed and handing her babies (Qui-Gon always sorta thought her girl might have ended up a nursery worker if not a ballerina lol) and getting her comfy and stuff. They took very good care of her traumatized girl but now she’s panicking when she’s asked if Obi is always that quiet. No. She in fact, is not a quiet girl! Oh shit!

She finally calms down the most and starts talking again when her dance troop gets there to coddle her a little, her dance troop who all have weaponry and protective armor and the Mandos respect that much more than Obi’s scandalous little dresses and stuff. Offensive.

But. I wrote this entire post to say. Mandos don’t show much skin, if any. And Jedi, will easily strip down in front of crowds. Cause it means nothing to them tbh. And Cody is wondering where her peepee is.

#female obi wan #star wars #obi wan kenobi #jango fett #Mandalorian empire #I don’t remember the original tags for this someone find it for me lol #obitine #satine kryze #she doesn’t wear much armor but that’s personal pref not political tbh #she exercises she just doesn’t fight lol #Jango is very protective over his baby sisters and sons

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peepeegamer · 2 years

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217 Classic Fantasy Computer Games That I’m Gonna Laugh If You Don’t Know Them

1. Red Skull Awakening

2. Low Key Theft

3. The Strange Case of the Pope Hat

4. Title Town

5. Holi-nomics

6. Good Girls Don’t Work at the Good Girls Club (Final Continuation)

7. Don’t Touch The W.O.l.l.d.s

8. S-K-I-L-L-I-N-G

9. Coloring Screen Dream

10. In the Eye of the Starer

11. Dance’s For People Who Don’t Have Times

12. You Have To Pee In The Bathtub

13. Bump

14. Let’s Make an Art

15. Felt, Soap, Wax & Washing 2

16. Temple of the Unkillable Horseshoe Crab

17. The Dream of the Red Mansion

18. Sandwich Recovery Bingo

19. Trouble in Science

20. I Know I Am I Know I Am

21. Super Garbage Truck

22. Sympathy Carl

23. Distractor

24. M.O.M.O.N.T.O

25. Super Bags

26. Dirt and Vinegar

27. Steve Wosniak’s Breakout

28. Rise and Shine or The Swing Show

29. Super Secret Cyber Lab (A Whole New World)

30. I Love Happy

31. Nancy Drew: The Clues are in the Clues

32. Hell is for Horses

33. What the Baby Knew

34. Fancy Home Cookin’

35. Friday Night Pirates

36. Niceboy

37. I Know I Am I Know I Am Part 2

38. The Second Coming of the Golden Time

39. It Wasn’t A Robot

40. Wife’s Friend Finder

41. Bloodscream: Burdened

42. TelevanD?

43. Hello Man

44. Do Something

45. Ugly Even Then

46. The Onion Bites

47. Cat Hole Blues

48. The S-L-O-V-E D-R-I-N-G O-N

49. Screams of the Invisible Mouse

50. Alien Hominid Viruses I (and II, III, and IV)

51. Anakin and Padme in the Crib

52. Plastic Crimewave and the Pinball On Fire

53. Hot Hot Hot Hot

54. The Oldest Man in the World

55. The Hum

56. Don’t Touch the Guitar

57. The Bizarre Dog Party Song #1

58. Unlimited 4

59. Do Not Open Door 10 with a Bunch from a Hole a Bunch

60. Trash Breaker Billion

61. A Ride from a Gun from a Dead Gun – You Should Give a Ride from the Handlebars of a Dead Man – Ride Into the Unknown

62. You are a Fuckin Bitch

63. The Big Bang of Now There Were 4 Million Bouncy Balls on the Floor

64. Dial Jus Pop

65. Big Man in Town: Total Bastardization

66. There’s no Way to Hide a Hole Like There is Nothing

67. Pepper Crush

68. Mind Shake

69. Big Score: Fun and Profit

70. You Ain’t Had Good Times in a Long Time by Elton Dean

71. Crunching Bag

72. Whoa!

73. The Pregnancy Experience

74. Paper Clip Splitter

75. Mission to Malfius

76. The Room Where You Live

77. Mayor of the Apes

78. The Legend Reborn 1-5

79. Slip through The Keyhole

80. The Case of the Happy Smiling Bomber

81. Watermines

82. Fruit Chain

83. Micrograms

84. Power to Kiss

85. In The Bizz

86. Don’t Ask The Bear (A Story with Heart, or A Story about Bears)

87. Just Friends: Just Friends

88. Hold On For A Second!

89. Attack the Weird Eyeball

90. International Zone

91. Dupe Corner

92. Soundproof

93. Flirter

94. T.R.A.I.T.

95. Butterfly Screening B

96. Sunday Never Knows

97. Deeply Creepy Poltergeist Activity

98. Sesacrozt

99. Grand Theft Scrooge

100. No Joy At All

101. Yapper

102. Chalk Dust Torture

103. Monkeys are Beating U

104. A Good Job

105. Spoonfight on the Beach (The Boneyard, Part 8)

106. Odd Jobs Done Urka

107. Stilettinian Lingerdictions

108. Claw of Cassadar

109. The Voodoo Show

110. Witch’s Deliverer

111. Freshman Orientation

112. Neon Baby Shower

113. C’est la fin de la saison amoureuse

114. Completely Normal Guy

115. Chantez le Faisant Peau or French Joke

116. From the Body Up (Again)

117. Tears of a Dog

118. My Bic

119. The Saturday Morning Experience

120. Never Give Up

121. Invisitrek

122. Bitch

123. Why Wanna Be a Mousy Bouncer

124. History is Watching You

125. The Man Friday and His Friendly Songs of Good Fortune

126. Charmy Vs Godzilla

127. No One Likes You! No One Likes You at All

128. The Night Of the Bully Bus

129. Is This What You Call Music?

130. Redises

131. Cubes

132. Sesercockatoolz

133. Real Fake

134. Magia Contra

135. S’il Suffis

136. Suffer Now – Be Clean Forever

137. Norman Vandervoort

138. Free to Go

139. The Baking Factory Goes to...

140. The Story of Uncopyrighted Material

141. A Fuzzy Concept

142. The Man Who Cried I’m A Pigman

143. Keep On Bringin That Bad Medicine

144. Judge of the Precious Youngster

145. Character Assassination Smackdown

146. Alien Loves Company

147. Shrink to Fit

148. We Have a Long Story to Tell You: A Musical Story

149. Calling All Cars

150. I Won’t Apologize for Anything

151. Super Secret Cyber Lab

152. Evilution

153. Embalmer’s Rules of Engagement

154. Artesia’s Doom-a-Vision

155. Power Surge 3

156. Cash Taker

157. Faylean Pond

158. You Could Be Mine: A Budweiser Story

159. Black and White in the Red and Green Jungle

160. Don’t Ask Me

161. Have a Nice Day (If You Can Get There Without a Nuclear Missile)

162. Bobcat Trench Run

163. FOOTBALL ASYLUM 2

164. It Is Wrong to Ask the Dead Things What They Want

165. There’s Only a Spoonful of Sugar Left in the World

166. Discover Tams

167. I’m So Lucky

168. UFOMIN at the Carnival

169. Do Not Eat the Grub!

170. The World of Steven Cohen

171. Donut Donnie’smelodeloesverytime

172. From the Body Up

173. Forbidden Games 2 (aka The First Time Part 1)

174. SuperSecretCyberLab

175. Laundry and Other Pleasures

176. The Empire and the Search for a New Emperor

177. Welcome to Holi-nomics, a Place Where Zombies Dance on a Plane Crash Site

178. In the Clink! by Elton dean

179. Redisesuit

180. Scratch the Surface

181. The Hallway Scene

182. Quest for the Magnetic Stylus

183. Passion of the Ranger

184. The White Stuff

185. The S-L-O-D-Watcher

186. Your Pain Is My Personal Broadway

187. Tomorrow Never Knows

188. I Will Become A Raptor

189. Under the Tarp

190. A Fuzzy Concept 3

191. Proctology Class 2 with Professor Zing Zangzong

192. Cars Are Forever

193. The Warm Fuzzy Wuzzy Warmer

194. Butter Mack Dash

195. Refraction Academy

196. Hyena River Files

197. The Very Best of Data Libel

198. Eat It While It’s Hot

199. Lenticular Target Practice

200. S-H-E-E

201. A Fuzzy Concept 2

202. War Man

203. You Can’t Make Friends On Earth

204. The War of Art

205. Cisphallate

206. For the Love of R-rated Batman

207. Trouble in Sunshine

208. Intersecter

209. Dead Handsome Zombie

210. Polygon Man

211. Captain Contessa’s Bullpen

212. Desk Time

213. The Last Laser Dog

214. Sucks on Eggs

215. Chimes

216. Who do I have to Say Fuck to

217. Shift From Painted Black to Pink

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queen-simp · 3 years

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First date with the clones

Fives

He might be the type of person to take you to 79’s, but I don’t think that’s true. Fives would take you to one of many diners on Coruscant, only because he wants to give off the right impression. He likes you and doesn’t want to mess it up.

Rex

This man I tell you wants to leave an impression on you, so he takes you to a fancy restaurant, with the help of Padme and Anakin of course, after eating he takes you around walking the streets of Coruscant to look at the lights and the many different characters walking around.

Echo

Echo is hard for me to understand, but I think he’ll walk around Coruscant with you. He’ll see one of many food stalls and asks you if you’re hungry; even if you say no, he’ll still buy you something to eat, doesn’t need his pretty girl going hungry.

Cody

He’d take you to a small café so you can meet his General *cough cough* Boyfriend. You three end up talking and getting to know much more about each other.

Jesse

He would take you to 79’s for a good time, but then he sees you being uncomfortable, so he ends up taking you outside to talk and walk. I won’t deny that he’s trying his best to be romantic, so the best he does after leaving 79’s is buying you flowers.

Hardcase

Hardcase would most definitely take you to a festival or a carnival. He’d see you staring at a Loth cat plush and would try to win it for you, and he ends up winning you a bunch of plushes. This man has a lot of energy and used it for you.

Wolffe

Again Wolffe is a very busy person, so the closest thing to being on a romantic date is eating together in your room. It’s not much, but it’s romantic, being comfortable in the presence of each other.

Dogma

Dogma would take you out on a picnic date and do everything to make you feel comfortable. He would use those red and white checkered blankets because he’s doing everything he saw in holo-vids, and in the basket, would have poorly made sandwiches, leave him alone he’s trying his best.

Wrecker

He would take you to the gym, don’t get mad you’re not doing anything. He would show you how much he could lift and proceeds to show you that he’s strong enough to pick you up without any problems. The rest of the day is just you two sitting eating junk food.

Crosshair

Cross takes you to a café but gets a to-go order while taking you somewhere, either a shooting range or to a place no one knows about. If he’s taking you out to a shooting range, he will teach you how to shoot; even if you know how to, he’ll just tell you that the way you shoot isn’t the proper way, just go with it. If you are going to a place no one knows about, it’s probably because he did a mission there and found it while scoping out the area, but let me tell you that the view is so beautiful.

Tech

Museum, that’s all. This man would interrupt the guides and explain what the thing is. In the end, you two would get banned. As an apology, he’d buy you dinner. You end up reassuring him that it was okay, that you’d just love being around him and learning the many facts that he knows.

Hunter

He would take you on a picnic, same as dogma, but he doesn’t know what happens on picnics, so he tried his best. Hunter wasn’t prepared because, you know, he’s always on missions. But he tries his best; the picnic is in a lovely secluded area near a little lake. You’re okay with just spending time with him, but he wanted the best for his cyar’ika.

---------

Honestly, I have trouble with Cody so I decided to add Obi-wan, I'm totally cool if others don't want Obi-wan and Cody but it makes it easy for me to write for both of them than just writing one sentence.

I also have my request opened so if anyone wants a certain clone to be added I'll be happy to add them in. ~Tana

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tennessoui · 3 years

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oh my god literally every single prompt on that list is gold and i'd love to see your obikin take for all of them. hmmm... if i had to choose i guess first 13. co-stars au?? thank you lots of love !!!

ah bless!! thank you so much!! i'm slowly working my way through most of the prompts on that list so you might see many many more before I'm done with my ask box. I think after two more, I'll put em on ao3 to keep em more organized too. this has been soooo fun!!

13. Co-Stars AU(/7. Fake Relationship AU)(2.5 k)

“No.”

“Ani, darling, you can’t say no.”

“Don’t call me that. And secondly, I can. I just did. This is my personal life, the company has no control over that.”

“While you’re filming its movie and it’s giving you money, you’ll actually find that it does, Anakin.”

Anakin sits down heavily on the bench outside his trailer, leaning forward until he can put his head in his hands. He wants to run his fingers through the mess on his head, but they’re in between takes right now and the make-up department will definitely kill him if they have to fix him up again.

“Asajj, please. You know how hard it was to get to come out as bisexual. If the first person I date after that is a woman, no one will remember! It’ll just be completely erased, and I’ll be Anakin Skywalker, Playboy Actor again.”

“But you do like women,” Asajj points out. “So either way, you’d be confirming your sexuality.”

Anakin sighs and leans his head back against the metal of the trailer. “And it would be different if I was actually in love with Padme, but she’s just my co-star and--”

“Anakin, she’s your co-star. You’re in a blockbuster movie where you dramatically save her life and then kiss her as the credits roll. This is just business. You like her. You’re friends. Think of it less like dating, and more like going to grab lunch together. And coffee. Maybe a fancy dinner. Several times a week.”

“For how long?” Anakin asks, resigned and despairing and hating the fact that he ever got into acting.

Asajj sounds relieved. “Just until the movie’s out and sales are doing well.”

That could be months. That would be months. “And I have to?” he asks.

“Yes,” she says. “I’m sorry.”

Anakin doesn’t say it’s fine. It doesn’t feel like it is fine.

“They’re not looking for anything to be confirmed. If asked about your relationship with Padme, tell them you think she’s a great woman and you’re enjoying spending time with her. No comment on any sort of serious relationship.”

“Because a break-up afterwards might hurt the chances for a sequel?” Anakin asks drily.

“Exactly! We’ll get you a head for the business yet, Anakin. Okay, I have to go, but I’ll send you the information now, just so you know what you’ll be expected to do. We’re thinking a dinner tomorrow to start things off strong, and then slow afterwards!”

She hangs up before he can say anything else and he slumps back boneless against the metal trailer. God.

It’s not that he doesn’t like Padme. Ventress is right. They were friends before this project and Anakin knows they’ll be friends after as well. They genuinely get along, and it’s probably one of the reasons Anakin was cast in such a big name production: the chemistry between them when they’re acting is undeniable. She’s one of his favorite people in the entire industry.

“Anakin?” One of his other favorite people in the entire industry asks hesitantly from in front of him. “Are you alright?”

“No,” he says.

“May I sit?”

“Yeah,” he says.

Like he’d ever turn Obi-Wan Kenobi away.

“Are you wearing your costume?” he asks, without opening his eyes. Obi-Wan’s playing the villain of the movie, and Anakin has a hard time focusing on anything else when Obi-Wan’s around him wearing that skin-tight white turtleneck and cape combination, with his hair slicked back and fake glasses perched on his nose.

Obi-Wan sounds amused. “No, I’m finished for the day. Heading home now. You don’t have to see how silly I look today.”

Anakin smiles slightly, despite everything. In one of his better acting moments, he’d told Obi-Wan that his costume was distracting because it looked so funny on him. Really, it was just hot.

(Of course, Obi-Wan had taken his criticism seriously and gone to the director and the costume department. They had decided that it would make Obi-Wan’s character more threatening if he pushed up his sleeves in almost every scene to reveal heavily tattooed forearms. Anakin had hated himself and his big stupid mouth for days afterwards.)

“Is...there anything I can do to help, Anakin? I hate to see you like this,” Obi-Wan places a hand gently on Anakin’s knee, and Anakin has to fight a shiver at the touch.

They’d met at the script-reading for the movie, a handful of months ago. Anakin had set two clocks in his head the moment their hands grasped each other and Obi-Wan smiled charmingly up at him. “So you’re the one to kill me?” He’d winked. “Tall order.”

One clock signified the weeks it would take for him to fall in love with the older man. The starting number was pitifully small, but Anakin had been watching Obi-Wan’s movies and interviews for years before meeting him. He’d known something about the man, which of course had paled in comparison to knowing the man himself. They’d spent two weeks choreographing the steps of the final fight scene, just the two of them in a repurposed ballet studio.

Looking back, Anakin isn’t sure how he’d survived. And he had never wanted it to end.

Which is the other clock, still ticking down in his head. The moment filming ends, and they go their separate ways. They’ll probably keep in touch, but Anakin won’t see him constantly, won’t be able to lean into the weight of Obi-Wan’s hand on his shoulder, his knee, sometimes even on his cheek when he leans down in between takes to tell him how good of a job he’s done.

“Anakin?”

“Sorry,” Anakin snaps to the present. “Sorry. I was in my head. I. I don’t think so, no.”

“Oh,” Obi-Wan says, tensing his hand as if he’s planning to remove it, which Anakin wouldn’t appreciate in the slightest.

“My agent says that the executives want me to date Padme. To drum up hype for the movie. Because I guess people will think it must be good if the co-stars start fucking each other?” He runs a hand across his face. “Um. Sorry, excuse my language.”

“Anakin, I’m forty-one, I think I’ve heard someone say fuck before,” Obi-Wan sounds amused again.

“Yeah, I just. Don’t want to? I guess maybe--I mean you probably didn’t see, but I came out as bisexual a year ago, and I haven’t dated anyone since, and I just know the way the rags will write about me and Padme if we’re seen together. And it’ll be like I just. Never came out.”

Obi-Wan makes a sympathetic noise but doesn’t interrupt. It’s one of the reasons Anakin loves talking to him.

“And my agent just sent me this contract, or I don’t know, list of things I have to do because there’s no way for me to get out of this and it just makes me feel trapped. But they don’t even want me to confirm if we're dating or not dating, they just want to create rumors about it, but it’s my life. I want to do what I want to do with my life, date who I want to date.”

“Do you...have anyone you want to date?” Obi-Wan asks, hand stilling from where he’s been casually rubbing circles on Anakin’s knee.

“No,” Anakin says too quickly and then grimaces. Does he really get paid for acting? He’s always so terrible at lying.

Obi-Wan hums. “I could...take a look at whatever papers your agent sent you?” He suggests. “I’m obviously not really an expert, but I have been in the business a fair bit longer than you.”

“You’re not that old,” Anakin responds by rote, but hesitates, curious despite himself. “You wouldn’t mind?”

“I’ve nothing planned tonight except to have a glass of wine and pet my cat, Anakin. It would be a pleasure to help you any way I could.”

“Okay,” Anakin says, reaching out to lay his hand gently on top of Obi-Wan’s. He’s never done that before, never responded so openly to Obi-Wan’s touches. It’s an amazing thrill.

Obi-Wan flips his hand around until they’re holding hands, basically. In the middle of a public area. God, Anakin’s letting his crush get the best of him when Obi-Wan isn’t even gay. “Thank you,” he says, standing up and pulling away from the older man. It’s the right thing to do. The last thing he wants is for Obi-Wan to think he’s...predatory.

A harried looking crew member spots him as he stands and gestures to him to get back to the set. He smiles ruefully at Obi-Wan who gives him an unreadable expression but also a soft goodbye.

Later, in between takes, he forwards Obi-Wan the emails Asajj sent him, both the papers and the message at the top that says “dress nice for tomorrow at Delfino’s!” followed by a little smiley face he can’t believe she’d ever mean.

He knows nothing’s going to come of it, but. But he has to try.

----

Padme’s dressed to the nines in front of him. He’d compliment her outfit, but he’s already complimented her hair and her make-up, and he thinks she’ll scream if he continues to act as stilted as he’s being now.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs quietly after the waiter leaves with their drink orders. “I know I’m being--awkward. I just.”

They’re seated in the middle of the restaurant, and Anakin knows there’s two paps already outside, taking pictures through the windows. The rest will have arrived by the time they pay the bill and leave. It’s a circus and he’s the main event.

“I understand,” Padme responds, the angel that she is. “I don’t particularly want to be doing this either.”

Anakin presses his hand to his chest, jokingly wounded. “What are you trying to say, Padme, my beloved, my dearest?”

She laughs and he does too, but in the back of his head he can hear the sound of a camera’s shutter clicking. Everything feels fake, and he feels like he’s about to crawl out of his skin.

A hand lands on his shoulder with startling familiarity and for a second he thinks it’s a very brave member of the wait-staff, before Obi-Wan Kenobi is swinging into his field of vision, pulling up a chair from god knows where and sitting right in between Anakin and Padme, never once removing his hand from Anakin’s jacket.

“Sir--” someone says in distress, “This is a two-person table.”

Obi-Wan raises an eyebrow and looks down at the table. “Well it certainly can fit three, so I would go as far as to say that tonight it can be a three-person table. Anakin, what did you order to drink?”

“The house white,” Padme supplies when Anakin makes no move to respond, instead choosing to gape at Obi-Wan like a fish out of water.

“Excellent choice, darling,” Obi-Wan says, rubbing at his upper arm absent-mindedly. “I’ve never been here, tell me. Do you serve a good seafood dish?”

The waiter stammers. “We have an acclaimed oyster platter, sir--”

“Oysters?” Obi-Wan smiles at the man, all teeth. “The aphrodisiac? What are you trying to get these kids in the mood for?”

Anakin blushes. “Obi-Wan!” He hisses, aghast. Obi-Wan’s eyes cut to him for a second before he smirks back at the waiter.

“I’ll take the oysters for the main course,” he says dismissively.

Somehow it’s that sentence that tips Anakin off, more than anything else he’s done tonight. Obi-Wan spends hours talking to the people that run the crafts table. He would never be so cold or rude naturally. He’s...playing a character, one that Anakin recognizes as being the villain from their movie (although without all the blood and murder).

Anakin only recedes into personas when he’s nervous about something. Can the same be said for Obi-Wan?

Padme, at least, looks amused. “Hello, Obi-Wan,” she says. “I see you’ve decided to crash our very romantic date.”

“Well that’s interesting, isn’t it?” Obi-Wan replies, turning to face her but keeping his hand on Anakin, although it slides down to rest on the crook of his arm. “I had Anakin send me the paperwork, mild curiosity, you know how it is, and I realized the strangest thing while I was reading over it.”

“Oh?” Padme asks.

“It never states which co-star Anakin should be seen with, just that he must be seen with a leading actor. And I don’t want to focus on the numbers here, of course, but in the rough-cut of the movie, I have thirty-four minutes of screentime. And you, my dear, have thirty-two and fifteen seconds.”

“Tragic,” Padme says, taking a sip of her water. "You may be considered more of a leading actor than I am."

“Certainly,” Obi-Wan gives her a friendly smile. Anakin is still stuck on the fact that Obi-Wan is here, that he read the paperwork, that he’s arguing semantics for the purpose of--of--

“And I suppose you’re here to offer yourself as a replacement?” Padme asks, leaning her head on her hand as she watches the two of them.

“Only if Anakin wouldn’t mind,” Obi-Wan says, turning to face him.

Anakin isn’t sure what he’s thinking right now. “But you’re not interested in men.”

“I am,” Obi-Wan says.

“But...you’re not interested in me.”

“I am,” Obi-Wan says.

“You are?”

“Excuse me,” Padme says. “I’m going to go to the restroom.”

“We’ll wait to order until you come back,” Obi-Wan reassures her, without taking his eyes off of Anakin.

Anakin bites his lip and hesitantly brings his hand up to sit palm up on the table. Obi-Wan doesn’t hesitate to intertwine their fingers again, like they had been just yesterday.

“I’m a very private person, Anakin,” Obi-Wan says quietly, all traces of any sort of persona dropped from his voice. “I’ve never come out, never wanted to. But I was so proud that you had when you did. And I--well. I suppose. You already get to fake-kiss Padme on screen, I thought that perhaps you’d like to try to fake-kiss someone else for a change.”

Anakin ducks his head and gathers his courage. He can’t not ask. A fake relationship with Padme would be awful, but one with Obi-Wan? That would be torture. Cruel and unusual punishment. He’s still reeling from the information that apparently Obi-Wan does like men and apparently he likes Anakin enough to come out for him.

But does he like Anakin enough to touch him and mean it? He has to know. He looks up at Obi-Wan’s earnest face from beneath his eyelashes. “What if I want to real-kiss you?”

Obi-Wan blinks, and a smile breaks out across his face. “Then you don’t even need to have to ask, darling. Kiss me all you want, if you’re okay with a clingy old man in your bed.”

“Not that old,” Anakin argues, smiling so hard he’s afraid his face will crack in two. “But I don’t want to kiss you tonight.”

Obi-Wan turns solemn, although his grip on Anakin remains tight. “We can go as slow as you’re comfortable with.”

“Oh, you can have me later,” Anakin says, waving his free hand in the air. “I just don’t want our first kiss to be for the cameras.”

Obi-Wan catches Anakin’s palm and brings it up to kiss lightly. “You’re right, Anakin. That should just be for you and me.”

The rough brush of his lips over his skin causes Anakin to shiver. He’s never felt so on edge, as if his body is a live-wire. “Good thing you ordered the oysters,” he mumbles, blushing bright red as Obi-Wan laughs loud enough to fill the whole restaurant with its sound.

#asks #my fics #obikin #the next prompt is gonna be wayyyy more angsty so enjoy the fluff rn is all im saying #prompt fill

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geodax · 3 years

Note

Hey! It's my friend's birthday soon, and I'd really like to give them a fic as a present. I've read a few of your things, and I love your style! If you could, a fluffy fic about cody and obi-wan would be amazing. If not, that's perfectly fine, thank you!

“Anakin said that a blaster is not an appropriate Life Day present for the twins,” Obi-wan says.

“And a meditation mat is?” Cody asks as he looks over the small blasters. None of them have quite the right grip for a human toddler, designed instead for smaller nonhumanoid species, but Cody’s fairly sure he can have Spark jury rig something. Though Obi-wan may have a point. The twins aren’t going to be raised as soldiers.

“It’s never too early to start learning mindfulness,” Obi-wan says, but he does put back the mats he had been looking over.

The two of them stand out amongst the civilians in the department store, with Obi-wan in his Jedi robes and Cody in civvies with some of his armor. He had accepted (eventually) that wearing full armor all the time was not a good way to integrate into civilian life now that the war is over, but he refuses to be completely without it.

They’re supposed to be shopping for a Life Day gift for Skywalker’s twins, but neither of them knows what to buy. The Jedi rarely exchanged gifts and when they did, they were usually tokens imbued with the Force, such as meditation rocks or beads. The clones had only ever exchanged small things that they made or fixed up. The concept of buying a gift for someone is completely foreign to the two of them, but they had thought it would be fun to try. Afterall, both Cody and Obi-wan had money to spend after being paid for their military service in the Clone Wars.

“What about an outfit?” Cody asks as they continue through the aisles of the department store. A shopper blinks slowly at them as they pass, then seems to decide not to bother them and looks away.

“Clothing has great meaning for the Naboo. I’m not sure we’d be able to find an acceptable gift within our budget,” Obi-wan says. “Perhaps some books. I remember be quite found of some of the books in the creche.”

“Don’t think that have Jedi stories here,” Cody says, though he is intrigued. Clones had their own stories they told cadets. It made sense that the Jedi did too. Perhaps he could ask Obi-wan to share some with him someday. Now that the war is over, they finally have time to talk about more than just war. He’s already learned more about Obi-wan’s past and preferences in the past few weeks than in the past few years.

“Perhaps not,” Obi-wan says, then comes to a stop. He eyes the massive wall of children’s toys before them. “This seems excessive.”

Cody nods as he stares at the toys, all of them bright and pristine. He’d never had toys as a child, but even so, he doesn’t see the appeal of these. They’re all nearly identical, without character, without flaw. Surely the twins would want something more interesting to play with.

“Maybe something more personal,” Cody says.

“A used toy store would be better,” Obi-wan says, the tips of his fingers trailing over the plastic toys. “Force sensitive children tend to enjoy toys that carry Force echoes and memories.”

“I don’t think this is going to work,” Cody says as he scowls at one of the smiling stuffed cats. It’s far too large to be played with and the fabric feels weak beneath his fingers. The twins need something different, something better than what this store has to offer. “I think I have a better idea.”

----

Cody smiles as he kneels down in front of the twins. The toddlers are surrounded by a mountain of toys from Padme’s colleagues. Many of them are worth thousands of credits as the senators and lobbyists try to gain her favor, but the twins haven’t shown much interest in the fancy toys.

“Uncle Cody!” Leia says as he climbs out of the mound of toys. Luke follows just behind. “Uncle Obi-wan!”

“Hello, dear ones,” Obi-wan says as he kneels beside Cody.

“We brought you something,” Cody says. He opens a bag and pulls out two stuffed tookas wearing flecks of plastoid armor. The toy dolls had been created with one of Obi-wan’s old robes. Cody had cut up the chest plate of his armor into doll sized pieces. He had spent hours with Obi-wan purging the memories of darkness from the armor and fabric until it sang of nothing but the love and strength the two of them had built on the battlefield.

Luke lights up and snatches one of the dolls. “It’s so soft!” he cries.

“Happy Life Day,” Obi-wan says as he hands the other to Leia.

She slowly strokes the tooka’s head. “It feels like both of you,” she says.

“Do you like it?” Obi-wan asks.

“I love it!” Leia shrieks and launches herself into their arms. “Thank you so much!”

#Obi-Wan Kenobi #Commander Cody #Luke Skywalker #Leia Organa #my writing

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glassbxttless · 3 years

Note

What kind of pets do the Solo brothers have and any crazy antics? Loving on them in secret or something else?

The Solo Bros love their pets a whole fucking lot and they aren’t very secretive about it! Here’s some HCs on each one of the babies Individually 🥺

Delilah:

(Matt & Sunny)

Was Sunny’s cat before Matt and her got together.

Matt has become her new favorite.

Is a grouchy babe but also just loves her family.

Follows Matt around like a puppy.

Is spoiled with fancy canned food.

13 when Honey enters the picture!

Honey:

(Matt & Sunny)

Was a stray before Matt, Sunny, and the twins, adopt her from a shelter.

She’s missing some teeth so is on a strict wet food diet.

Sleeps in the twins room.

Literally is bonded to Delilah, even if Delilah doesn’t like it at first.

Pees in Matt’s shoes for a solid week when they bring her home.

Lorelei:

(Randy & Princess)

Was Randy’s service dog for a long time!

She’s a Great Dane.

Now she lives a life as a pampered little princess.

Loves kids.

Randy’s vegan but doesn’t mind cooking Lorelei a steak every now and again.

In her old age she doesn’t see too well—

But she’s an absolute total sweetheart. She lives for Randy. Randy’s her best friend way after he stops working her.

Pancake:

(Randy & Princess)

Pancake comes along after Lorelei.

She’s a pit bull and she’s deaf.

She’s best friends with Ren.

Pancake is so energetic. Like Randy takes her on two walks a day and lil Matty plays all day in the yard with her.

She has her own closet bedroom in their house.

Randy literally loves having her around more than anything once he gets used to another dog being in the house.

He bakes her a doggie birthday cake.

Has literally no boundaries, will climb into the bathtub with Princess.

Lil Matty feeds her broccoli as treats and she fucking loves it.

Ren:

(Ben & Angel)

Is a fucking little shit.

Ben and Angel find him outside of Leia and Han’s one day when he’s a lil puppy. They think he’s brown because of how dirty he is.

He ends up being a white Doberman.

Ben doesn’t want him at first and Ren doesn’t fucking like Ben either (he nips at him) but Angel convinces him to keep him.

Ben feeds him half of a burger after a few weeks for their truce.

He learns how to open their apartment doors.

Gets into literally everything. They’re at the vet like once a month. (They have to start baby proofing the apartment to get him to just STOP)

He sleeps in their bed.

He goes to puppy school and they have a whole photo shoot when he graduates.

Ben literally sends a card to everyone. (Even Grandpa Anakin and Grandma Padme)

#the solo brothers au #the solo bros #the solo pets

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sandfordsmostwanted · 4 years

Text

Star Wars College AU Headcanons - Prequel Edition (+ Ahsoka)

Anakin 1. Is a scholarship student, and is determined to make the faculty regret that decision, by wearing pyjamas to each and every lecture (that he bothers to attend). 2. Never studies for exams, but somehow always aces them. 3. Diet consists entirely of take-out and Red Bull (sometimes protein shakes if he’s feeling healthy). 4. Part of at least three school sports teams and a dedicated gym lad. 5. Watches true crime documentaries until 3 in the morning and then can’t sleep. 6. The only one who can drive. 7. Only drinks the most obnoxiously sugary and neon-coloured alcopops. 8. Volunteers at the local homeless shelter and takes it surprisingly seriously. 9. Applies for extensions after assignments are due because he’s “just really going through it right now”. 10. Hacks into the school computers to change all the backgrounds to Nicholas Cage on April Fool’s Day (and secretly gives all the final year students free printing credit). Padme 1. Has an immaculate stationary collection including a perfect rainbow of pastel highlighters. 2. Always does the extra reading, and sets up study groups to discuss the course and swap notes. 3. Spends her entire allowance on a pair of Gucci shoes and lives on ramen for the rest of the month. 4. Sorority sister who knows almost everyone on campus, and somehow remembers everyone’s birthday, including the cleaners. 5. Has about eight photos on her Instagram with her posing on a staircase with a glass of prosecco. 6. Hosts a weekly Stitch-And-Bitch where students can come and have some snacks and tea and talk about how they’re feeling whilst knitting; Obi-Wan is a big fan. 7. Student Council representative who goes to every meeting with a binder full of collected grievances. 8. Has a study blog where she shares her technique for getting perfect grades, and her impeccable skincare routine. 9. Plans political protests with Bail and Satine in her spare time. 10. Gets pregnant at the end of her final year but keeps going and brings her newborn twins to graduation to hear her valedictorian speech. Obi-Wan 1. Incredibly frazzled postgraduate; has like 3 jobs + teaching assistant duties + his course work. 2. Dresses like a professor even though he’s still a student – tweed jacket with elbow patches, leather satchel and shoes, sweater vests in every colour of the rainbow. 3. Drinks “tea” but half of the time it’s just whiskey in a travel mug (the other half is when Qui-Gon buys him some fancy brew from the campus café). 4. Somehow always has perfect hair. 5. Spends hours in the library but never seems to find what he’s looking for. 6. Submits his assignments five minutes before they’re due because he was up all night proof-reading someone else’s. 7. Is a vegetarian for “ethical reasons” (aka because of Satine and Qui-Gon) but ends up stress eating chicken nuggets with Anakin biweekly. 8. Is in the club at 3am and the student council meeting at 8am, looking none the worse for wear. 9. Walks around in a blanket/dressing gown during finals week, mumbling to himself and reading flashcards. 10. Halfway through term you realise he’s been doing a double major this entire time. Ahsoka 1. Only wears gym clothes, even in the dead of winter. 2. Makes notes in gel pen then gets annoyed when they smudge. 3. Will argue with the obnoxious smart kid for half the class. 4. Has the coolest collection of colourful hijabs and wears them with pride. 5. Owns fifteen water bottles but keeps losing them. 6. Gets tattoos because she’s bored but the work always looks super beautiful. 7. Works part time as a barista so knows everyone’s coffee order but no-one’s name. 8. Kisses her girlfriend in front of homophobic professors. 9. Makes box brownies whenever her friends are sad and brings them to study sessions in the little flimsy cardboard box. 10. Is best friends with the campus cat and takes photos with it every time she sees it. Qui-Gon 1. The Dad Professor who everyone comes to when they’re worried. 2. Incredible teacher but his academic papers are just… incomprehensible. 3. Takes students outside for classes that turn into walking tours of the campus where he points out all the foliage and local features. 4. Doesn’t reply to emails because it’s “bad for the environment” so will just appear behind you with answers to your question. 5. Accent will send you to sleep if you have an early/late lecture. 6. Has eighteen pot plants all over his office and sometimes carries a little cactus in his pocket. 7. Office is up four flights of stairs and at the very end of the corridor because he “likes the view” (i.e. the rest of the department are sick of his shit and need the space). 8. Owns the campus cat and it comes with him to and from home by curling up in the little basket on the front of his bicycle. 9. Has about fifteen boxes of tea just around his office and a biscuit tin that’s always full. 10. Is the local weed dealer on the dl.

#star wars #star wars prequels #star wars college au #star wars modern au #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #padme amidala #ahsoka tano #qui gon jinn #let me know if you want to see more

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pheita · 5 years

Text

28 Questions Tag

Tagged by @i-rove-rock-n-roll 1. How tall are you?

5′ and yeah I have been called a hobbit a lot

2. What color and style is your hair?

My natural hair color is a dark ash blonde but at the moment it is more honey blond after dying it blue the last year. Some kind of dye accident when I wanted to get back to copper colored. The style at the moment is chin long and naturally wavy, well a bit curly if it gets the right treatment.

3. What color are your eyes?

Green-grey

4. Do you wear glasses?

Yeah, since I was 2 ½ years old.

5. Do you wear braces?

Nope and thankful for this. Back in second grade one of the dentist that visited the school wanted me to get one but my regular dentist called him an idiot because everything was fine.

6. What is your fashion style?

Chaotic? It can be from jeans, shirt, and sneakers to fancy dresses and lightly heeled shoes everything. One day I am all girly girl with makeup and the other day more tomboy.

7. Full name?

Nice try

8. When were you born?

November 1983

9. Where are you from and where do you live now?

I am from the mid-west of Germany but live now in the north-west.

10. What school do you go to?

Finished it thankfully many years ago

11. What kind of student are you?

I was always the one who actually followed the lesson and went in prepared but the grad of preparation got less the longer the school year was.

12. Do you like school?

I had been to different schools because we moved a lot so somewhere nice and some were “Where the fuck did I end up?”

13. What are your favorite school subjects?

History, religious education and everything with languages.

14. Favorite tv shows? All-time favorites are X-Files, Stargate, Buffy (even if it becomes more and more cringy the older I become), Xena, and McGyver. I also love Shadow Hunters (what shame it got canceled), just finished Wynonna Earp on Netflix and freaking love it, the new McGyver show, Bull, the whole DC TV universe of Arrow, Flash, Supergirl and Legend of Tomorrow (pretty ironical considering I grew up a Marvel girl). I loved the Netflix take on Daredevil until season three, they somehow lost me there. Does RuPaul’s Drag Race count as well? There is nothing better than watching drag queens slaying it to get my creativity back on track.

15. Favorite Movies?

I am outing myself as really old now gg but most of my favorite movies are old. So The Little Mermaid, Mulan, The Lion King, Sister Act, Robin Hood- Heroes in Tights, Life of Brian, Moulin Rouge, Chicago, Star Wars the old trilogy with Luke (don’t get me wrong I love Padme but damn these cheesy parts in the second movie…..)

16. Favorite books?

I go with newer book here so The Shepard Series by Ethan Cross, the Sonea trilogy by Trudi Canavan. From the older books I loved the Lestat books by Anne Rice but she really lost her flair.

17. Favorite pastime?

Besides writing it’s music, swimming and watching Netflix.

18. Do you have any regrets?

Not really, a lot of things needed to happen the way they did to let me grow.

19. Dream job?

Cat Cuddler!

20. Would you like to get married someday?

Nope, no way.

21. Would you like to have kids someday?

Like yes, but I won’t have some

22. How many?

23. Do you like shopping?

Sometimes as long as my chronic pain isn’t bitching up on me

24. What countries have you visited?

I have been to Hungary, France, Italy, and Austria.

25. What’s the scariest nightmare you’ve ever had?

I can’t remember. It’s been a long time since I had a real nightmare.

26. Do you have any enemies?

Besides stupid politicians who just line their pockets?

27. Do you have an s/o?

Nope, don’t need one

28. Do you believe in miracles?

Depends on how someone would define it. Miracles in the religious sense, no. Miracles in general sense, yes.

I tag @eternalwritingstudent @focusdumbass @writing-sky-scapes @wildwestiewrites

#tag game

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apawcalypsemeow · 6 years

Text

I was tagged by @anotherdamnreyloblog, thanks friend!

Favorite smell: Cedar wood, bonfire smoke, petrichor, and other earthy scents.

First job: Carhop at the local old fashioned drive-in A&W. No I did not wear roller skates. But I was WIZARD with the change belt ;)

Zodiac: Taurus, I don’t know any of the other fancy things.

Favorite pizza: Hawaiian. I’m one of those heathens who likes pineapple on pizza (proceeds to lose half her followers).

Favorite dog: I’m really more of a cat person (if you couldn’t tell), but I do really like sighthounds, they are the most cat-like of the dog breeds.

Favorite foot attire: Shoes are stifling, I prefer to go hobbit style whenever possible. But snow boots are nice in the winter.

Favorite roller coaster: O man I haven’t been on a roller coaster in years. There is this one jerky old wooden roller coaster called the Outlaw at a teeny local theme park. That one is prolly my fav if it’s even still around.

Favorite candy: Yes to any candy. I have a huge sweet tooth. I guess my absolute favorites would be hi-chew, haribo roulettes, and air heads.

Favorite ice cream: Yes all ice cream.

Pet peeves: Idk I’m pretty slow to anger. I guess I get really depressed when I feel ignored or not listened to, but that’s more sadness than anger.

Color of your vehicle: Carl IV is burgundy.

Color of your eyes: Light brown/amber, but they can have a greenish/hazel tint in the right light.

Favorite holiday: Christmas followed very closely by Halloween.

Night owl or day person: Night owl definitely.

Favorite day of the week: Any one where I don’t have to work/get to sleep in.

Tattoos: None. But my husband and I have been thinking of getting our wedding ring inscriptions.

Like to cook: I do, but my husband is much better at it than I am. Seriously he is amazing, I’m so spoiled. Thankfully he has opened his kitchen and started letting me play sous-chef. Now we like to cook together while we listen to podcasts and geek out.

Beer or wine or neither: Depends on my mood, but in general I prefer dark beer.

Favorite color: Brown. Earthy greens are good too.

Do you like vegetables: Yeah, especially the starchy or fatty or fresh from the garden ones.

Do you wear glasses: God yes I’m blind without them. And my eyes started reacting weird to contacts.

Favorite season: Winter.

I’ll tag: @mrsvioletwrites, @usethehorseluke, @hvldirs, @itsaspacefairytale, @padme-amidalanaberrie, @little-scribble, @maxitrash, @cleverpudding, @nerfherderbinniegirl, @princeofdarkness15

#about meow #tag game #tag you're it

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padawanlost · 7 years

Note

I wanna know what kind of fancy space!dress tape they have in the GFFA that Padme's Cat Nemoidia dress isn't nip-slip heaven (or hell, I guess, if you're Anakin).

Honestly, that’sTHE biggest mystery of the Star Wars Universe (tbh, the one question i’m hoping they will answer in the Last Jedi). That dress defies gravity.

After some considerations, I thinkit’s taped to her boobs LOL oooh, or maybe anakin has a trouble with untying laces orunbuttoning stuff so now she just tapes the dresses to her body for easierremoval (plus, it saves time) :P

#ask #thewillowbends #LOL #padme amidala #tcw meta #meta: padme

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rocket-sith · 7 years

Text

The "BPD Anakin" Theory is Overlooking Some Crucial Shit - a long rambly meta objection

Suiting up in my flame proof armor for this one, but submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society jury…

The BPD Anakin theory is gundark bollocks.

I’ve seen this theory getting bandied about a lot, and it’s never sat quite right with me. It finally clicked that the reason why it doesn’t sit right is because the entire argument is hinged upon ignoring nearly all the situational and cultural factors in Anakin’s world, and “diagnosing” him in a vacuum. This is tantamount to arresting someone for yelling FIRE! in a crowded theater when there actually is a fire.

Simply put, a lot of the defenses I’ve seen of the theory fail to take into account that in order for a disorder to be present, the person’s thoughts and behaviors have to actually be disordered, and they also have to be pervasive. Patterns of thought and behavior that are reasonable within context are not disordered. (If someone’s yelling “fire!” in a crowded theater, it’s not unreasonable if there actually is a fire.) Thoughts and behaviors that we don’t see until the tail end of RotS where Sidious has manipulated Anakin into what can only be described as a psychological break are not pervasive. (I’d also argue that some of them aren’t even really Anakin’s - he’s a victim of gaslighting, both by Palpatine AND the Jedi Order. Not that it excuses what he did, but abuse victims who’ve been mentally and emotionally manipulated can display behaviors that deceptively mimic various mental illnesses. And TBH the Jedi Order was really just a fancy religious cult that responded to Anakin’s very normal, very human need for love and acceptance with pretty much the Jedi equivalent of “stop having impure thoughts or you’re gonna go to hell” - which really didn’t help matters.)

And for the sake of clarity here, let me go ahead and establish a couple of things. 1) I’m talking about Anakin while he was still Anakin. Vader is a different entity in a lot of ways, and that’s an entirely different discussion. Most of the BPD stuff I’ve seen has been focused on PT and TCW Anakin, so that’s what I’m working with here. 2) I’m absolutely not arguing that Anakin is some shining paragon of perfect mental health, or that he’s necessarily neurotypical in the first place, because yeah NO. He absolutely has some issues he needs to deal with, and as far as neurotypical-ness goes, I’ve seen some pretty convincing cases for ADHD, PTSD, generalized anxiety, and even high functioning autism. I’m only arguing that BPD doesn’t fit. So let’s go through the diagnostic criteria for BPD, keeping the above in mind.

(If you're on mobile, the rest of the post is here. Hellsite app hides the Read More. https://rocket-sith.tumblr.com/post/158218862776/the-bpd-anakin-theory-is-overlooking-some )

*frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment*

Okay, so picture this. You’re in the middle of an ongoing war, and you’re fighting on the front lines. All your friends are in the war too, and many of them are right there on the front lines with you. Your spouse is a high-profile politician with powerful enemies, and he/she has faced assassination attempts before. Your mother is living in a hostile land as a slave, where it’s commonplace to be killed or abused.

Tell me your fear of losing the people you love is irrational. Go ahead, tell me that’s not a 100% justified fear. I’ll wait.

We see in Crystal Crisis that Anakin feels abandoned by Ahsoka when she left, but she actually did leave. That wasn’t an irrational fear. She left. Anakin stood by her, not thinking she’d leave, and she left anyway, which clearly shocked him. It’s totally fair to say he’s being short-sighted in his reaction, in that the council was the ones he should be mad at, not her, but if irrational fear of abandonment is what we’re looking for here, there simply wasn’t any in this case. The possibility of her leaving never even occurred to him before the council scene in the Wrong Jedi arc, and when she did leave, he was upset, but he was upset at something that actually happened, not irrationally fearing something that might.

Anakin gets mad at Obi-Wan for leaving him out of the loop in the TCW Deception arc, but getting mad at your supposed best friend for faking his own death in order to emotionally manipulate a reaction out of you…I mean, damn, who *wouldn’t* feel pissed off and betrayed by that? And even THEN, he never thought Obi-Wan was the one behind it until Obi-Wan told him point blank that it was his idea to leave Anakin out of the loop. Anakin’s immediate reaction to finding out Obi-Wan was alive wasn’t “Obi-Wan abandoned me and was conspiring against me” it was “the council doesn’t trust me.” The thought that Obi-Wan was in on it doesn’t even cross his mind as a possibility.

Then we have the incident with Padme and Clovis where Anakin walks in and starts to whup Clovis’s ass. A lot of people like to point to this as irrational possessiveness taken to the point of violence, but again, we’re overlooking a few things here. Padme has had attempts made on her life before. The person she’s trying to lure is a known slimeball. And when Anakin busts into the room, he doesn’t see Padme making googly eyes at Clovis. He sees Clovis trying to physically force himself on Padme while she says no. This is not Anakin walking in on his wife flirting with someone, this is Anakin walking in on a known scuzzbucket doing something to Padme that looks an awful lot like sexual assault. No shit, he lost his cool!

The “everyone’s abandoned me and turned against me” mindset isn’t something we see until the tail end of RotS on Mustafar. Not pervasive. And given Obi-Wan actually was there to kill him, it’s not particularly disordered either. He did incorrectly assume Padme had brought Obi-Wan there, but considering 1) Palpatine had planted the idea in Anakin’s head that there was something under-the-table going on between Padme and Obi-Wan, and 2) Obi-Wan really had just shown up on Padme’s ship looking to throw down and start shit, it’s not like Padme bringing Obi-Wan there to whup Anakin’s ass was some random, wild idea that just popped into Anakin’s head of its own accord, manifested purely by his own insecurities. It was a conclusion reached by combining something that was actually true (Obi-Wan had arrived on Mustafar via Padme’s ship with the intention of fighting or killing Anakin) with something that had been deliberately planted in his head by a malevolent, manipulative third party (Obi-Wan and Padme were in cahoots about something sketchy). I am not in any way, shape, or form defending the way Anakin handled it, but I am saying the suspicion itself isn’t mere left-field paranoia born of nothing but a fear of abandonment. *a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation*

Anakin is emotionally intense, sure, and he comes off the rails when one of his loved ones is in danger, but I do not see instability in his relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation of the people he loves. Anakin is a steadfastly loyal person, and he doesn’t do the push-pull thing. Let’s look at the people he’s closest to - his mother, Padme, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, Rex, and Palpatine.

- Mom and Rex - there’s never anything even remotely turbulent with either of these two regarding how Anakin views and feels about them. He’s unwaveringly loyal to both, never once devalues either, and there’s no push/pull here at all.

- Ahsoka - he’s overprotective of her sometimes, but she’s a young teenager in a war zone entrusted to his care. The only time we ever see him slagging her off is when he’s ranting to Obi-Wan in the Crystal Crisis arc, mad at her for leaving. That’s it. One instance hardly constitutes “pervasive” or “alternating” and we can’t forget, this wasn’t a fear about things that might happen, or Anakin saying she was Jerky McJerkface because she disagreed with his opinion of loth-cats or something. This was a reaction to her actually leaving, which was a huge, life-altering thing for Anakin that hurt him very deeply - especially since he did stay unwaveringly loyal to her even when no one else was. He’s definitely guilty of not grasping the big picture here, but again - not pervasive, not alternating, no history of devaluing Ahsoka or thinking she was going to abandon him for no good reason.

- Obi-Wan - Okay, the Anakin/Obi-Wan dynamic is complex. These two clowns are both masters at miscommunication and not understanding each other for shit despite the fact that they clearly adore each other, but again. A teenager bickering with his guardian and ranting to his friends about how much he dislikes being nitpicked and dislikes rules (AotC) is typical of every teenager everywhere, and it’s not at all contradictory for a teenager to do this even though they love their guardian. It’s 100% normal. A person being angry when a friend lies to them and manipulates them is a rational reaction (TCW Deception), and if ANYONE is guilty of disordered behavior here, it’s Obi-Wan with his shocking lack of empathy. Anakin didn’t come off the rails with the whole “Obi-Wan isn’t really my friend, he’s out to get me” deal until the tail end of RotS, when Obi-Wan really was out to get Anakin. We don’t see anything remotely like that before then. We see a teenager frustrated with rules, we see an adult upset at being lied to and manipulated, and we see some mutual communication SNAFUs, but we don’t see turbulent, foundationless devaluing.

- Padme - Both Anakin and Padme are very young considering their roles in life, and their relationship can be rocky and immature sometimes. (And not just on Anakin’s part - there was a TCW ep where Anakin had to cut an evening with Padme short to go do Jedi Business and when he showed up the Senate building later to talk to her, she greeted him with an icy “Oh, so now you have time for me?”) Anakin has some jealousy issues, and I’m not going to insult anyone’s intelligence by pretending he doesn’t, but he does not devalue Padme or think she’s against him until the end of RotS - and we’ve already covered that incident. There are absolutely some unhealthy things about the relationship (even before Mustafar), but it doesn’t fit with the BPD criteria here or indicate he’s in the habit of devaluing Padme as a person.

- Palpatine - Well hell, Anakin’s main problem here was that he was blindly loyal! If Anakin had mistrusted Palpatine at all or pushed him away, a lot of really bad shit wouldn’t have happened.

*identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self image or sense of self*

Anakin is absolutely struggling to find his place in the galaxy, but again - self discovery and finding out who you are is a normal part of being teenager and young adult. Not disordered. The Jedi are a batshit cult who try to convince Anakin that his normal, healthy, human emotions are dangerous, and he understandably gets frustrated by it. This isn’t a dysfunction on Anakin’s part, and labeling it as such is fairly abusive in its own right. One of the key elements of gaslighting is when you abuse a person and then blame them for their negative reaction to it. Jedi dogma tries to convince Anakin he’s defective and untrustworthy for having totally normal emotions, and now we’re going to say he’s disordered for reacting to it with anger and confusion? I think we’re fighting in the wrong corner, y'all. And anyways, Anakin doesn’t completely come off the rails with his “the Jedi are evil” deal until the tail end of RotS - not pervasive.

*impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).*

Anakin gets dinged for this one a lot in the BPD Anakin theories, and this is one of those areas where we need to take into account that Anakin does not live in our world. Yes, Anakin is a daredevil. However, acting like you have superpowers isn’t disordered if you actually have superpowers. You wouldn’t call Clark Kent self-destructive for thinking he could jump in front of a bullet. You wouldn’t call Wolverine irrational for thinking he could heal from a wound that would be fatal to anyone else. So it makes no sense to call Anakin self-damaging for acting like he’s some sort of badass super pilot who can deflect blaster fire with a lightsaber. *recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior* - None of this applies at all, unless we’re talking about general daredevil stuff, and then - see above.

*affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)*

This one’s iffy, especially when you’re dealing with someone who’s constantly in the front lines of a war zone, as it calls into question whether anxiety and irritability are disordered in this context. Anakin definitely seems to be anxious and irritable, but he and the people he loves are constantly in harm’s way. You could definitely make a case for PTSD here, but BPD doesn’t fit considering there are very real, very legitimate causes for anxiety and irritability.

*chronic feelings of emptiness* I haven’t seen any direct canonical evidence to support this.

*inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger*

LMAO okay, y'all can have this one. Homeboy’s got some anger management issues. (I still say a lot of the time when he’s pissed off, he’s got a good reason to be, but DAMN he does a shitty job of handling it in a remotely constructive way.)

*transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms*

Nope. It’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get you, ya know? He thinks the council doesn’t trust him. They *don’t* and they’ve never been shy about showing it. He thinks his mother is being tortured to death. She *is*, and prophetic dreams are a real thing in Anakin’s universe, and a power that Anakin has been canonically confirmed to possess. He has premonitions of Padme dying in childbirth. Again, he is canonically confirmed to have the power of prophecy, and the *last* time he ignored a prophetic dream, it cost his mother her life. Taking his dreams seriously is not paranoia, and it’s not him having a dissociative episode. (Yeah, there’s a fan theory that Palpatine planted the Padme dream in Anakin’s head, but even so, that’s not evidence of a disorder with Anakin. It’s more like the equivalent of a forensics expert planting extremely convincing fake evidence at a crime scene, then blaming the cops when they think it’s real.)

So there are the 9 symptoms. You need five or more for a BPD diagnosis. Anakin has ONE. *Maybe* two if you squint really hard and tilt your head. If Anakin were a regular adult human on regular earth who wasn’t in a war zone, wasn’t caught up in a crazy religious order that was shaming him for being human, and wasn’t being manipulated by a goddamn Sith Lord, it would be another matter. But he is, and it’s not accurate to diagnose mental disorders while completely ignoring cultural factors and extenuating circumstances like being a General on the front lines of a war or being preyed upon by a master manipulator.

tl;dr - The “BPD Anakin” theory might seem reasonable at first glance, but it holds significantly less water when we stop pulling Anakin out of his own environment and either analyzing him in a vacuum, or analyzing him against the backdrop of our own world rather than in the context of *his* world, his environment, and his reality in a galaxy far, far away.

#anakin skywalker #attack of the killer meta #shameless overanalyzing #probably gonna get flamed for this

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