ayyy im back with another Unedited human au snippet <3 it's almost entirely dialogue oopsies <3
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Eddie slows in putting his coat on - Barnaby isn’t sticking around to chat with fellow staff like usual. He’s in a rush, scrambling to grab his jacket and hurrying from behind the bar. He dashes through the door, looking like a man on a mission.
The door Mr. Frankly had just vanished through.
Could he be…? No, Barnaby seems like a good man. But he had seemed a little pushy with Mr. Frankly, from what Eddie could tell.
It couldn’t hurt to make sure.
Eddie frowns deeply as he goes outside, wincing slightly at the first burst of cold air after hours spent in a warm building. He’s just in time to see Barnaby jog up behind Frankly and close his car door before he can get in. Barnaby immediately leans against the door with his arms crossed, pinning it shut and blocking Frankly from the driver’s seat.
Eddie’s stomach plummets. Before he knows it, he’s speed-walking across the parking lot towards them, a fire burning in his chest and his hands curled into fists.
Frankly says something loud enough that Eddie can almost hear, his voice echoing in the empty lot. As Eddie watches, Barnaby pokes Frankly’s chest, making him stagger back a step.
“Hey!” Eddie barks.
Both of them jump and whip around - Barnaby’s eyebrows shoot into his hair, while Frankly’s lowers into a flat line.
“Eddie?” Barnaby says.
At the same time, Frankly says, “Mr. Dear?”
The two of them look at each other in surprise. Eddie pays the exchange no mind. He stops by Frankly, trying to slightly angle himself in front of him without making it too obvious.
“Is everything all right here?” he asks, looking Barnaby up and down. He really hopes this won’t come to blows - Eddie can throw a punch well enough, but Barnaby is an imposing figure. Eddie already knows he’d likely lose, but as long as he can buy Frankly a couple extra seconds…
“No, actually, everything is not fine,” Frankly says in a ticked-off - and strangely scolding - tone.
Barnaby, not breaking eye-contact with Frankly, counters with, “Everything’s peachy, Ed.”
“You sure about that?” Eddie asks, trying to keep his tone amicable.
“Scout’s honor.”
“Please,” Frankly scoffs, “you were never a boy scout. And that’s not the point - I am trying to get home!”
“You are trying to die in the most avoidable way possible.”
Eddie shoots Frankly a concerned look. “You’re what?”
“I am perfectly sober,” Frankly says.
Barnaby raises an unimpressed eyebrow. “Your face is flushed.”
“It is not!”
Eddie winces. “It, uh, it is. A little.”
“It’s none of your business,” Frankly seethes.
“Listen,” Barnaby sighs. He leans heavier against the car and rubs the back of his neck. “I don’t wanna be the one 'ta call Julie and deliver the news that her beloved Frankie went and got himself killed at the taco bell intersection.”
Frankly makes a high and derisive noise. “Excuse you, I have class. I’d die outside of Howdy’s.”
“Please, he’d turn your memorial into part of the gift shop. I can already see the signs - ‘dead friend sale, five percent off!’”
“I’m worth at least thirty percent.”
Eddie clears his throat and gestures between the two of them. “You two… know each other?”
“Unfortunately,” Frankly mutters.
Barnaby grins. “Aw, you’re just saying that. It’s okay - I know ya love me, Frankie. You don’t have to say it.”
“I do not.”
“I have evidence that proves otherwise.”
Frankly rolls his eyes. “You’re unbearable.”
“And yet…”
Eddie heaves a sigh - of relief or exhaustion, he’s not sure - and drags a hand over his face. “Alright. Good, I - good to know.”
“What, did’ja think I was attacking him?” After a moment of prolonged, awkward silence, Barnaby’s teasing smile drops. “Oh. You did.”
“Barnaby? Attack me?” Frankly snorts. “Give him some credit - he’s smarter than he looks.”
“Yeah, I’d have better chances taking on a pack’a hyenas!” Barnaby lets out a hearty cackle. “At least then we’d all get a laugh out of it!”
“So I misjudged the situation pretty terribly,” Eddie says, inching to the side to give Frankly his personal space back. “My apologies.”
“Don’t sweat it, Ed. I know Frank may look like a bundle of sticks, but he’s petrified wood all the way through! Pure stone, you know.” Barnaby grins and leans towards Eddie. He whispers conspiratorially, “‘Cept when it comes to holdin’ his liquor. Then he’s a total lightweight.”
“Barnaby,” Frankly hisses.
“Practically paper!”
“That’s enough, thank you!” Frankly makes an attempt at shoving Barnaby away from the car door, but Barnaby widens his stance. It’s like watching someone try to move a tree.
“See, this is how I know he shouldn’t be driving,” Barnaby says conversationally to Eddie. “If he were sober, I’d be the one drunk - punch-drunk, that is.”
Eddie isn’t sure whether or not he should laugh - was that a joke? Barnaby seems fond of them, but… surely Frankly isn’t a violent person. Frankly lets out a growl of frustration and clumsily tries to bodyslam Barnaby. Eddie inches back a step.
“Alright Frankie, you had your fun.” Barnaby scruffs Frankly like a misbehaving cat and holds him at arm's length. He holds out a hand. “C’mon. Keys.”
“Never.”
“Have it your way. I’ll go ahead and call Poppy, tell her that you’ve forgotten the many dangers of-”
“Oh, fine,” Frankly spits. He yanks his keys out of his pocket and slaps them into Barnaby’s waiting hand.
Barnaby flicks the keys as Frankly stalks to the passenger side door and yanks it open. “Choose a place for dinner, we’ll swing by and pick it up - my treat.”
“Obviously your treat,” Frankly grumbles. “As if I’d-”
The slam of his door cuts off whatever he says next, though Eddie can see him still talking in the car. His phone screen illuminates his irritated expression as he - presumably - looks up places for takeout.
“Well, I’m glad you were here to stop him from doin’ somethin’ everyone would regret,” Eddie says. “Mr. Frankly-”
“Mr. Frankly?” Barnaby snorts. “You’re not one of his students, are ya?”
“I’m just bein’ polite. He set the tone by referrin’ to me by Mr. Dear, so I’m tryin’ to respect that line in the sand.”
Barnaby shakes his head, grinning. “Just call him Frank. He puts up a big show of bein' a grouch, but he’s really a big softie. Though don’t - don’t try to pick a fight with him. Ever. You’ll lose.”
“Wasn’t plannin' on it.” Eddie makes a mental note to keep calling him Mr. Frankly, just to be on the safe side. It’s not like they’re friends, anyway. More like… acquaintances. Occasional Run-Into-Each-Other strangers.
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DONE. HERE ARE MY THOUGHTS:
I FUCKING LOVED, OUR MANWHORE IS BACK AND HE'S HERE TO SASS THE FUCK OUT OF EVERYONE. MY HIGHLIGHTS:
Legal entrance, Matt KNOWS how to enter in style, and I lost my fucking mind when he did. Side note, their legal back and forth was PERFECT.
MATT HITTING ON JEN IN THE BAR??? THE SASS??? SIR. Me whsipering the whole time, 'get him jen get him jen', but also Matt sliding in some good advice for her, because he may be snarky and sassy but he's also a kind, intelligent, thoughtful person and I loved that. He'd also be someon3le who absolutely relates to using both sides for good.
THE CAR AND FIGHT SCENE??? Matt just bouncing around??? Matt taunting and practically begging for Jen to slap that ass into next week? 100% the correct audacity level for him. Also he absolutely wants Jen to roll him, good for you baby
Side note: the Devil voice for, 'you need to back off' I am weak-kneed, my body is ready. Matt, Jesus
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, THIS EXCHANGE:
'What are you, the gold devil?
*Netflix Daredevil theme starts playing*
Matt, puffed up and showing off his suit waiting for Jen to be impressed: I'm Daredevil.
Jen:
Matt:
Jen: 🤷♀️
KETCHUP AND MUSTARD SUIT
OH GOD THE SEXUAL TENSION OUTSIDE THE WAREHOUSE. Him reading her heartbeat was fucking HOT.
"I'm going to do my thing." "Well I'm going to do my thing." "You don't have a thing." RIP the banter is destroying me I LOVE that we're getting to see Matt's snarky, happier side.
Me before Matt goes in: "I hope there's a hallway so he can fight in it."
30 seconds later: "THERE IS A HALLWAY! HALLWAY FIGHT! HALLWAY FIGHT! HALLWAY FIGHT FIGHT FIGHTFIGHTFIGHT!!! YOU FUCKERS ARE GONNA BE SORRY!"
The lampshaded bunch of dudes coming into the hallway only for Jen to squash them, Matt almost looked disappointed. Baby, you'll get another hallway, I'm sure. 😂
Excuse me the LEGAL FOREPLAY while FIGHTING I am LIVING for this, Jen trying to talk Frogman down while Matt wanders around kicking ass. "The gold ninja devil is a lawyer too???" "I just watch a lot of legal dramas." MATT STOP. I love them your honor, and I missed this boy. 😭
"I could take you to dinner." "Or we could skip all of that and..." YES GET HIM JEN
YES THEY'RE GONNA FUCK, AND HE'S IN THE DEVIL SUIT, HALLELUJAH, LIVE THE DREAM JEN
She can't fucking get his suit off, I am WHEEZING because seriously, how the fuck does it come off
MATT'S COMPLETELY SHAMELESS WALK OF SHAME, LIKE SHOES OFF??? BABE??? IN THE SUIT??? OUR MATTHEW MANWHORE MURDOCK IS BACK
I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN GIVEN LIFE YA'LL, SO MANY YEARS OF WAITING!
And not only did we GET our Devil back, we got to see a side of him we'd only ever caught glimpses of in the Netflix series! There's a sense of happiness with him, as if things are actually going good for him right now, and I LOVE that. We deserve to see all sides of him, what he's like when he's beaten down and when he's happy. I loved this! I NEED TO SEE IT AGAIN. I'm also so happy I could cry, fr. It's been so long since we've seen him in any substantial way. Having him back after years without means so much, and I felt like this was very much our Matt. And if you read TRT, this snarky, happier Matt completely vibes with my TRT!Matt, how I see and write him, and where I plan to have him end up - happy, Jane's rubbed off on him, confident.
As for my prediction for next week: matt represents her!
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