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aleatoryalarmalligator · 6 years

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Life Story PART 66

When I got back from Texas, things pretty much went back to the way they had before, like I had never left. It felt like the people around me were becoming more and more unhinged though – like all this craziness was eventually going to lead to a death in the family, like the decisions and the way everyone treated one another was going to accumulate into a chaos that would rip through the centuries and become the psychological ailments of future generations of people distantly related to us one hundred and fifty years in the future. The chaos that was created by my parents, my older sisters, and my brother was going to pierce the heart of a city. The decisions we made today could create the right stuff to breed a monster, the same way that some drunken alcoholic rapist for a dad back in the late seventeen hundreds likely abused his kids and the abuse and dysfunction prevailed throughout the family line and created a school shooter several hundred years in the future. I truly believe my family is unknowingly planting seeds.

It might have been that I was just noticing things I hadn't noticed before. That was always happening now.

Me, Allison and David, we all got really into Fight Club for a time and would watch it every night. I loved the inner dialogue of the main character – and didn't really know how played out Fight Club kind of was. Most people complain about the ending when Edward Norton and Helena Bonham Carter's characters hold hands and watch the buildings fall – but I personally loved it. It's just such a moment. I have double feelings about Fight Club. On one hand, it has this postmodern honesty to it that I had craved – and hadn't known I had craved. I understood the disenfranchisement in my own way. I adored Marla. On the other hand many of the fans of Fight Club are these fake 'revolutionary' dudes who think it's a movie for and about women bumming men out. They look at Tyler Durden as some kind of role model – Brad Pitt's character in particular – in a way that sort of completely misunderstands the book. Most of the people who think they understand Fight Club actually do not. Which is okay. We all have the right to enjoy media entertainment in our own way. It just felt to me at times like it appealed to and eventually helped breed the fedora wearing meninist nationalist Mr. smooth voice dudes. It really has been misused – a lot.

David and I got into boxing. Really, it was my father who was into boxing – and he thought that maybe David could use his access aggression to become a boxer – perhaps even a successful one. My father had had a friend who boxed professionally, being one of the better boxers in the state, and that man had told my father that he himself could have been a boxer had he chosen to dedicate himself to it – which he was probably being honest about. My father has a very thick skull. I don't believe this is the worst idea my father ever had, but it was in a way emotionally lazy to believe that what David had was an access of energy that could be fixed by buying a punching bag. David was personally suffering and acting psychotic and boxing didn't fix anything/ However, we both did like to box. It's hard to believe it now, but for about three months I mulled over the idea of perhaps taking up boxing myself. My father was a little taken aback by my ideas in this regard. He didn't condemn me for this idea per say, that I might be the boxer of the family and not David. He more just didn't like the idea of having a girl in the family who was physically tough. In the end, I gave up being a boxer, some for reasons I will explain, but largely because I didn't want to have a permanently smashed up face.

What I liked about boxing was, there was something incredibly liberating about being able to mock beat the fuck out of something. All my life, I guess since I had been a sweet shy little child in a homemade sundress, I had been really messed with and I had been psychologically socialized to not think that I was capable of getting my way, emotionally, psychologically or physically. And that had gone so badly for me. Having been abused in so many different areas, when I boxed I felt like I had the control again temporarily – as if I was knocking down those who victimized me. Secondly, though I know it would hurt like hell in the ring with a professional, I sort of enjoyed getting punched. I know it's weird, but it brought me this weird kind of joy. Sometimes I would do poorly when jousting with David just so he would punch me repeatedly. So, for this reason, given also that I am much stronger than most women physically, I thought that it might be a plan for my future – maybe. I also liked how boxing was a game of strategy. I watched all the famous boxing matches, all the Muhammad Ali fights.

David got a lot of attention for being interested in boxing from my father, and it became this really unhealthy thing in the end as I soon came to find. My father taught David a limited amount of defense techniques that he knew, and bought him a punching bag. But there was never any further training for David. David would walk around at first – pumped up believing he was going to be a pro boxer. But without a trainer he would never have a chance, and my father of course was not willing to spend any money on it. You could see this mounting disappointment growing on David's face – as he was now feeling cheated more by my dad wanting to fantasize than anything ever actually happening. Secondly, my dad only got into the whole boxing thing because he wanted to distract himself from online relationships he was having for a few months. As soon as he was with someone new he met online, he totally neglected David's interests in boxing. It was not hard to see the true feeling of being betrayed and abandoned on David's face, but nobody could say a thing.

David about a year or two later ended up putting my father in his place. My dad was just beginning to be intimidated by David. He was afraid that David, being as he was young, somewhat tall and muscular would eventually overtake him. My father believed that all sons want to destroy their fathers physically and make them the bitch of the house (as to any real verification of this, maybe, I don't know because it's so outside my zone), he became intimidated by David boxing. He wanted the local fuckheads and losers to see how much tougher he was than David. So, he decided to set up a boxing match between himself and David while David was still young enough to be beaten. He set the boxing match out in the backyard of Billy's house and a handful of these idiots came out to watch my Dad essentially put David in his place. It was so, so backwards. Well, David was starting to really resent my father. I think he resented dad on some level when he had been talking about moving away from all of us to live with Patti in Boise instead. It had really rattled David's understanding of his place in the family at that early age, and this all was beginning to feel, and rightly so, like my father was more or less using us kids to fulfill his own emptiness and David was nothing more than a vessel for my father to relive his 'glorious youth' through.

And well, David ended up catching on to just how fucked up it was that my father wanted to beat him up in front of a bunch of guys. My father was actually beginning to punch and hurt David in the boxing match – pretending that David was being weak and he was merely trying to 'toughen him up', but David somehow turned it around, realizing it was not a fair fight and putting all his might into it, he slammed my father in the face and bloodied his nose. David didn't pulverize our father, but he knocked him down, in front of 'the guys' which he completely deserved and it humiliated my father, though in order to save face with himself he acted proud of David. The dynamics between them were getting stranger and stranger.

As for me, I once went outside and overheard my father talking to David out by the boxing area around our porch. They didn't know I was out there. What I overheard managed to upset me to the point that I did start to cry. Basically, David was being mostly calm and agreeable. I don't blame him for this. My father was making fun of me, saying that it was very dumb of me to think I could ever become a boxer, and he was prepping David to beat me up really good in order to teach me some kind of lesson. Basically, my father was trying to get David to beat me up for him. David just mmhmmed it, and it was an open rule among me and my younger siblings that mmhmming things when our parents were talking badly about one of us to another one was a perfectly acceptable way for us all to survive. Our father was actually quoting Fight Club, him being one of those fucking idiots I guess who think that the story was antiwoman. And it really hit me then, not that I hadn't instinctively and at times somewhat directly understood that my father resented women. But he wanted to take that anger out on me specifically – there was something about me that bothered him the worst, and he wanted to kill the poetic bird inside my heart, chop off my wings and my sense of self sufficiency, and he wanted to see me physically and psychologically beaten. I hid behind the house and cried against the wall. I asked David about the 'talk' I had overheard, and David confirmed to me what my father had been saying.

A year later, I decided to spar with one of Kyle's little brothers who lived next door, Khris. He was really strong, but I knew more techniques, and in any case we were only doing this for some fun. We both agreed not to punch as hard as we could or anything. Well, he wouldn't get close enough to actually be in a match. He stood seven or eight feet away and wouldn't get near me enough to fight. I should have just said, 'hey, I don't spar with wimps,' and took my gloves off, but instead, after waiting for three or four minutes I decided to get in there and just take this to some kind of conclusion. As soon as I walked over to him, he threw this wild haymaker and rabbit punched me behind my head, between where my head starts and my neck – and he did it as hard as he could. You aren't supposed to punch like that, since it can cause spinal and brain damage, and it really did mess me up. I started crying and I had to get in the house. Everyone was very annoyed at Khris, knowing full and well that he had intentionally cheated in just about every way. Khris just kept saying 'wow, it's because I am so strong! I didn't know I was this strong because I just tapped her!' which was total bull. He wanted to pretend he was superman, basically. And I just decided as I held my head and cried against the tool shed, that I was never going to box again. Second to that, David and I had gotten into a disagreement and then proceeded to box once. We both had gotten really aggressive with one another, which was stupid. I guess I was infuriated by David and I wanted to be able to take it out on him. But me initiating that fight had also been stupid. So for me, being a boxer was not meant to be. I didn't want to deal with my father being a sexist prick, getting rabbit punched by cheaters, and using boxing as some kind of coping mechanism. So I let that dream die.

Upon my father's behest, I attempted to apply to ATK where my father worked for a job at the sorting lines. This involved going through a very large process of applying, and going to a class in the unemployment office that tested our basic IQ's. I still could not write, nor did I have a social security card, but my father seemed to think you didn't need these things to work there – you did. I think he wanted this because he wanted to control me – and in his mind I am sure he saw it as helping. In any case, if I got the job, the starting pay was thirteen dollars an hour. That sounded amazing to me. I didn't even fully understand what could be done with that kind of money. I couldn't manage to scrap together thirteen dollars a week most of the time. I had to somehow bleach the rainbow out of my hair just in the hopes I might get the job– making the mistake of doing it right before we had to leave was a sorry mistake and it pretty much destroyed my hair. I mean, it was blonde, but I didn't even finish washing out the bleach before I left. My head dried with crusty bleach since I didn't wash it out well enough. My skull bled a bit, the hair wasn't even hair anymore. It was falling out. I really had not wanted to change my hair color, but work would never allow me to have rainbow colored hair. For this reason, I hoped dearly that I would be able to at least get the job I wanted. Nothing hurts worse than sacrificing parts of your identity for someone/something, only to be rejected anyway.

I went in for my final assessment where I was going to talk to some people about getting hired. I went into this office, where I was called in. Two men came in. They were very phony to me – you could tell they had moderate positions of power, had to kiss ass to their bosses, but also loved getting their ass kissed too – which I guess made it all worth while to them. They used a bunch of absurd company lingo, and they didn't talk to me directly at all. They looked over my application and my basic information, and they talked about me as though I were not in the room. I didn't have the job. They didn't want to invest their time and energy in someone as young as me. But rather than have someone come out and tell me that I wasn't a good fit, I spent twenty minutes listening to this absurdly phony banter, which I assume is some kind of cheap ass corporate technique of letting people off easy. I hated it. I would much rather they just looked me in the face and explained what was up. In any case, I hadn't really wanted that job. I just needed it. Which kind of sucks worse, but you know.

At my mother's it was the same old same old. Roxanne and Jeremy had gotten into the low income housing they needed, so they no longer lived at my mothers and I had more reign again. Roxanne was pregnant again, with a baby girl. She seemed happy, but she seemed unhappy about it too – very unhappy. Jeremy had basically forced her into getting pregnant so that she would never have any recourse. He wanted to be attached to her forever. Roxanne likes having babies. It's sort of her thing. But I had this very eye-opening experience with her where she showed a rare moment of clarity and honesty. She was crying after a fight her and Jeremy had had. I don't remember all of what was said. I was laying on the couch a bit mystified. But essentially she told me that she dreaded having the baby. She almost wished that she could get an abortion, and part of her was willing to go to hell for it, just to not have to be attached to Jeremy. She wanted away from him. He was dangerous and sociopathic and controlled every aspect of her. She was sobbing uncontrollably, and she had pretty much spelled out that she knew full and well what this pregnancy was. But there was also no place for me to stop this train. I listened and I tried to agree with her. But I knew that agreeing too hard would get me shut out, and she wouldn't even have the opportunity for these rare moments of hearing herself say something that made sense. I was hoping she would listen to herself. She did not.

I began to go to bible studies with Roxanne and her family. This particular group was mostly younger and middle aged people who had really messed their lives up. It wasn't your typical older folks church. I was an atheist there, disguised as a Christian. I mostly went for the food and because I was always feeling anxious and alone and it at least gave me something to do, but there was something really humbling and comforting about being around people who were trying to better themselves, no matter how misguided I felt like it was ultimately. I went because for one, there were honestly, passages in the bible about love and about how we are to see one another that I thought were pretty damn deep coming from someone nearly two-thousand years ago. Even if you don't agree with those statements, it's really worth understanding and appreciating that they really were dealing with certain elements of the human condition in the best way they knew how, and in certain ways, society hasn't changed from then. Most of the bible is totally frivolous demanding statements without explanation and the other half is fairy tale, but here and again, if taken a part piece by piece sometimes you find something is there. I thought the guy who ran the bible study, was a completely self righteous asshole. He had a lot of power in the community, and I guess he helped a lot of people. A long time ago, he had been a heavy drinker and had become an alcoholic, and he had turned his life around. People groveled to him, and when they had Christmas and Thanksgiving get togethers in the community hundreds of people would treat him like he was a prophet. But to me, I thought he was a sick arrogant bastard. The whole thing had gone to his head. He not only looked down on those he helped like they were freeloaders, he also thought that his wealth and his influence in the community meant he might actually be some kind of messiah. Maybe he did a lot of good – he was definitely a smart guy and he was able to rally up money to help needy kids, but his personality was shit and he was homophobic and sexist – though he generally didn't talk so much about sinning and rather applying the bible to your life so it didn't come up much. I looked around sometimes and could not people were so in love with this guy.

All the same, I went to his meetings for about a year. I sometimes got free top ramen and I was given a free raincoat once. He didn't talk offensively about 'the gays' and he was never rude to me. He made possible, and offered places for homeless people to live, and offered up and found places, sometimes even in church basements for people in bad places to stay for awhile till they got the help they needed. It was no wonder in many respects that people of the community cared so deeply for this guy. I guess I couldn't personally complain either. I just knew he was a real douche, I could read it on his face and I could tell how much be looked down on people – I just couldn't tell anyone I thought that.

I remember very vividly a terrible fight I ended up having with my mother and David. It was up to that point one of the worst fights we had had in some time. It started with my mother was being really virulent towards David for no reason. My mother has some kind of unspecified personality disorder. Everybody who has ever met her has said it. I think it's likely she has several and they interact with each other strangely. My father thought bipolar and sometimes sociopath (though he's no angel either honestly). I think borderline and anxiety. She's been diagnosed with ADHD. It could be that she is just massively insecure. Now that I am older and I can see her not as my parent, but as the weird woman that she is, and can identify in myself the things that came from her, I have learned what I can and cannot tolerate from her personally and have to leave, and what isn't worth getting into with her. Because she won't stop. Her moods and her entire identity will fluctuate and her fantasies will proceed more deeply. If she is being mean towards you, it's a petty power play. She might really hurt a person and totally forget she ever did it. I don't think she can help it. Anyway, living with her is a drag. She likes chaos and will find ways to create it. She was intentionally being mean towards David this one Saturday evening, pushing his buttons to make him snap.

I put my book down and tried to stick up for David. It is a weakness I have. It might slightly be fueled by my ego. I have troubles understanding what is acceptable for what I accept, and therefore I will accept a lot of abuse. I am also a bit of a coward. I am not the most cowardly person mind you, but I know I could be better. But when I see someone I care about being given a hard time I jump in and try to protect that person and I rarely think of the consequences. That's what I did, and when I stepped in and tried to tell my mother to knock it off, or tried to explain the misunderstanding that I thought the two of them were having, it all went to hell and she was screaming at me, and I was trying to defend myself. Pretty soon, David, who I had been trying to protect, sided with her and the two of them were screaming at me together calling me worthless and a number of other things I don't even fully remember. David saw this I think as an opportunity to blow some steam at me, which made little to no sense, but he was a fucked up angry kid in certain ways so it was to be expected I suppose. I was being attacked at different angles, I was being told I was a loser and that my dreams were nothing, and I suddenly felt myself snap. I called my mother a bitch and told her she could fuck herself and she was a terrible person and just about everything I could think of. I was sobbing and I knew if I stayed I would physically attack them, so I slammed the door and left. I was crying and out the door grabbing my shoes and coat as I went

I thought about running away. For about five minutes it all made perfect poetic sense to run away. I didn't know how I would survive, but people surely did this kind of thing all the time. I knew there was a world out there that wasn't my family's house. I wanted that freedom. But then, as I walked on I realized flatly that it could never happen. I had less experience out in the world than most. I could only survive with a book in my face at this point. I felt ugly and fat. I was already starving and I needed to pee. I was freezing without a coat. I had no money. It was basically winter. But I felt this agonizing frustration at the idea of going back. It didn't seem emotionally possible for me to simply stroll back through the door. Things had been said that had been malicious. I just figured I would walk around, cold and miserable as I was for awhile. I was hoping the library across town would be open – it was not. I knew I had to walk back or take cover somewhere.

Meanwhile, my mother called up my father and told him that I had freaked out on the family, and had been acting crazy and suicidal. Like a fucking sucker he bought her story of all people, and he came over – convinced that it was yet again me who was the true culprit of all things terrible in the family. Honestly, I think at the heart of it my parents wanted to snuff out a certain kind of clarity I had that they found offensive. When people talked to me, I tried to be honest and thoughtful and thorough in my responses. I was a listener and found ways to be trusted and needed by my family when they talked.

I went back to the area, but I saw my dad's car in the apartment complex driveway and I just couldn't do it. There was some guaranteed drama in there. I listened in. My parents were talking about me. They were talking about how I was a mooch, about how reading and studying philosophy was ruining me for the work force – I was too poor and too lower class to be thinking that I had any potential to become anything. I had been talking loosely to my mother about a dream of mine to travel the world. I fantasized about hitchhiking since I had just read the Dharma Bums. I wasn't actually going to do it, but I wanted to travel like the beatniks did back in the day. Her and my father both spent a good deal of time talking about how I was unrealistic about my goals. I don't even know what they were even trying to say about me after awhile. I was just a horrible person I guess, with no specific crimes other than being who I was. My goals had had nothing to do with my mom attacking David over the remote controller mind you. Also, my parent's hated one another. They both saw the other as a sociopath. My mother had tried to get my dad into prison for not keeping us one weekend only a year and a half previous because she and Danny had wanted to party. They hated me because I was passively rebelling. I wasn't fucking up like my older sisters had by having gross boyfriends, drugs, getting pregnant with babies I couldn't take care of and didn't want to. Even though I generally said very little, I had dismissed their way of life, their world views and their existences and had become a voluntary orphan of sorts. And I was so bad that these two shitshows for people had seen fit to side with one another against the common enemy – me. I was mad, and I didn't want to be spotted by anyone lurking outside the window. So I left.

I had to go pee so bad, it was pitch black out and my skin was ice. I could see my breath, I felt exhausted and cried out in the winter air and horrible and panicked. Down the road quite a ways there was a gulch, and I figured I might be able to pee there. I didn't have toilet paper. It was going to be a mess. I just couldn't walk through that door with everyone revved up to attack me like this. So I walked over there and tried to pee. I ended up slipping as I tried to pee, which caused me to fall on a bunch of puncture weeds which are the curse of Clarkston. So there was not only pee all over me and my clothes now, but I had scratched up my butt and the pee that had gotten all over me made me even colder and I smelled and I had no future and I hated myself but resented the reasons why other people hated me and I missed the few people in my life who had ever cared about me at all, and it was seriously, no fucking fun. I wish this misery on absolutely no one.

I trudged back to the apartments frozen with pee all over me and I walked down into the laundry area. It was a really fucked up laundry room. Part of the wall had been torn down and there was broken wood and knocked over dead washing machines and various parts of debris and garbage all over floor. It looked like someone might have squatted down there. I found a place to sit. I sat there and sang to myself and rocked back and forth. I felt sick and alone and mentally unstable. Eventually, the voice of utilitarian pragmatism took over, and I knew that sooner or later I would have to go back into the building anyway. It was two in the morning by that time. I had been outside frozen and feeling awful for eight hours. My mother was still up and she tried to say something to upset me as I walked through the door. I just closed my eyes and said nothing. All that mattered was that I get warm and get clean clothes on. I just pretended she didn't exist.

Of course, my father's later retelling of that story is that he protested my mother's snarky confusing comments about me. While it is true that she initiated the entire thing and made up the most about me that wasn't even true, she had also gotten my father to speak pretty unfavorably about me. He doesn't remember it that way. He honestly remembers being some kind of honorable ally to me this night, but he doesn't know that I had been hanging out outside the window and had heard it all.

On the positive – kinda. There was this beautiful husky that lived a few doors down. Her name was Tikka. She was well trained, she wasn't reserved at all as some huskies are. She loved people and she loved especially children. For some horrible reason her masters just left her when they moved. It made zero sense to me. Tikka ended up come up to our area of the apartment complex, and more or less became everyone's dog. Everyone fed her, everyone let her stay in our apartments (this despite the fact that there was a no dog rule). She would knock on your door when she wanted in. This went on for a few months I think until someone found a permanent home for her. During the days she would play outside with the children. I seriously remember this almost cartoonishly sweet scene out the window one day. Tikka was smiling ear to ear. On her back as she walked were two small toddlers. She was seriously voluntarily giving the children free rides. I know that things like Tikka being a good community dog are really small. But they were literally the only things that kept me afloat. I had to really have a blind faith that things were going to work out well for me. Because I had no indication that they were. I was pretty much trapped, by my own inability to operate in the world like a normal human being, my lack of connections, but mostly my family. I sometimes just started thinking about killing myself. I didn't really ever have a plan of action. I didn't openly express that I was going to commit suicide. It just felt as though death's door presented itself to me and creaked open a little bit. I didn't go through, but I didn't keep my eyes off it either.

I sometimes would look at the old letters Zack used to write to me about me having a destiny and being a very special person and about how the world was trying to dim my inner light and I couldn't let them do that to me. I would remember that he had told Casey that he loved me still. It hurt. I couldn't face him, he had a girlfriend. Zack also was not a caretaker. There are the types of people who want to take care of others, and there are the types that do not. Zack was not someone who took care of people. In this sense I think I was beginning to understand that he wasn't a particularly grand human being. I had never seen him kick anyone while they were down. But I hadn't seen him help anyone either. I had read enough books, and knew enough very real feeling fictional characters to know that he lacked a lot of positive traits I had never thought to look for when I was naive in my early teens. And I was so full of the kind of pain someone might very well run from. I didn't want to be seen as a weak person filled with pain. Perhaps if I had known Zack better. But I really didn't. I understood that now. And he hadn't known me either. But I had to believe he knew me well enough to have seen that inner light I had, because if that inner light wasn't real, and I wasn't special or perfect or loved, than nothing was worth it for me. It wasn't worth being alive for me really. Not like it was. Still, I just knew somehow that he and I were meant to be. My new reason for not telling anyone that I was still in love with Zack wasn't to avoid talking about him or to deny it myself or get people to not want what I had. It was to prevent people from thinking I was fucking insane. Because at this point, five years after all was said and done, for me to be holding on to this in some way really was absolutely crazy.

PART 65 - https://tinyurl.com/yb22o6rv

PART 64 - https://tinyurl.com/y98zxljs

PART 63 - https://tinyurl.com/ybosu235

PART 62 - https://tinyurl.com/ybjrvccn

PART 61 - https://tinyurl.com/ybm99k8o

My Life Story in Chapters, PARTS 1-60 (this link below will lead you to a list of all the chapters i have written thus far).

http://aleatoryalarmalligator.tumblr.com/post/168782771574/life-story-sections-1-60

#text

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capsicletho · 7 years

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#41 “I had a nightmare about you, and I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

The title pretty much sums everything up. Also I kinda suck at summarizing this kind of stuff.

Word count: 1720

Author: @chrixa

Thank you to the lovely anon who requested this with Peter Parker! I’m sorry if it took some time writing this, my brain got jammed for a while. Hope you like it!

PS: Also thank you to my bae @stvrktony who helped me write this. x

You were relaxing in your bed in your spacious room in Stark Tower, Dad really overdid himself in making your room comfortable, reading a rather good book and just enjoying your evening. Sipping into the hot chocolate that Nat made earlier (she makes the best hot chocolates, mind you), you sigh in contentment. You had a great and peaceful day, as peaceful as a Stark can get though, but still, it was rare to have days like this.

“Ms. Stark, your father says dinner is ready,” FRIDAY’s voice interrupted your thoughts and you willed yourself to get out of bed.

“Right, thanks, FRIDAY.”

“Anytime, Miss.” And with that you got down to the dining room where everyone is gathered round. You sat on your usual seat which is between Dad and Wanda and received a couple of ‘hey’s and smiles, which you returned gratefully.

“Anything exciting today?” Your dad asked you as he hands you your plate.

“Besides Nat’s hot chocolate? Nah, don’t think so,” you shrugged.

“Wait, Nat made you her hot chocolate?” You nodded and his full attention is now on you as he faced you with a look of disbelief and feigned hurt. “And she didn’t care to make some for me?” He looked back and forth between you and Nat, who sits directly across from you.

“Uh, no? You know she loves me more, dad,” you smirk. “Right, Nat?” You cocked your head in her direction, knowing she heard the whole conversation. She winked at you in response which made you chuckle.

“Is Peter coming tonight?” Wanda nudged you and you shake your head.

“No, he said he’ll stay at home with his aunt.” Wanda nodded and started eating the spaghetti that Steve cooked. Now you and Peter are dating alright, and everyone in the team knows it, including your dad. You decided to come clean with dating him since the team teased you guys relentlessly in the early stages of the relationship. Dad was shocked, nonetheless, but he was okay with you and Peter. Just as long as you’re safe.

“Hey, Y/N, you’re not gonna join us for movie night?” Steve asked as you passed by the living room and you shook your head. “Why not? We’re watching Tangled tonight.”

“I’m gonna finish my novel tonight so I can read a new one tomorrow,” you smiled and sigh. “Also, I’m pretty sure Peter’s gonna FaceTime me, so that’s another one.”

“You can’t win over Peter, dude. Not gonna happen,” Sam piped in and patted Steve’s shoulder in which Steve just chuckled.

“Alright, kid. Enjoy your novel.”

You mumbled “I’m not a kid” under your breath as you walk towards the elevator and heard Steve’s voice saying “I heard that!” before the elevator closed.

You shut your door and sat on your fluffy bed before reaching for your novel. As you bury yourself in the comforts of the blanket, you rang Peter up and he answered immediately.

“Hey, babe. How’s today?” His voice cheerful and his lovely smile filled your screen.

“Eh, today was okay. How’s your day, Mr. Spidey?” You threw him your infamous side smirk courtesy of Natasha Romanoff.

He chuckled before answering your question. He loved it when you call him by his superhero nickname, though he insisted that he was no superhero like your dad. “Helped a old lady and she bought me some churros,” he shrugged. “So that was kinda nice. My math teacher, however, wasn’t.”

“Oh really? What happened?”

He began to blabber about how annoying his teacher was because she kept asking him questions that was beyond the syllabus. Little did she know that he had ‘extra lessons’ with Tony Stark and Bruce Banner so he could answer the questions and eventually shut his teacher up.

“Is that a novel in your hand?” You nodded. “You’re gonna read it?”

“It can wait,” you smiled.

“Hey, babe, I know you’ve been wanting to read it.”

“And end this call? You know I miss you, Pete.”

“I know, I miss you, too. We don’t have to end this call. I love watching you read,” he laughed quietly and his cheeks were blushing a little.

“That’s not creepy at all.”

“Maybe a little bit,” he tilted his head. “Go on, read your book. And I’m just gonna fill my web shooters and do some school stuff.”

“Alright, okay, I’m gonna read it.” You were so lucky that you had an amazing boyfriend who understood you. You were in for a few chapters before Peter called it a night and went to bed. He was tired and he needs to wake up early for school. You were determined to finish the book but read a couple more chapters before your eyelids started to droop. You asked FRIDAY to tell your dad that you were going to sleep, and asked him to sleep as well because you knew he liked his lab more than his bed.

Tony was still tinkering in his lab, fixing and upgrading a few parts of his suit, even when Y/N told him to sleep about four hours ago. Well, it wasn’t really Y/N since FRIDAY told him, but you know, the message was from his daughter.

During these times at night he liked to think about everything. Is he a good enough father for his daughter? Did he make the right decision in not sending Y/N to school? What if he was not good enough? Can he make her happy? Can Peter make her happy?

Speaking of the devil (or, well, thinking in this case), FRIDAY alerted him of a certain spider’s presence. Not Romanoff, no, but Parker. What is he doing this late at night at the tower?

You woke from your sleep to a banging sound. Surely your dad can disable the lock on your door, right? Wait, that’s not your door. That was the glass door to your balcony which overlooked the city skyline. Your phone read 3.27 AM and you willed yourself to sit before glancing to the balcony. Is that Peter?

“Peter?” You asked as soon as you opened the door and the cold night air made you shiver. He hugged you urgently and exhaled heavily. “What are you doing here? Are you okay?” You hugged him back just as urgently and run your hand up and down his back soothingly.

He released you after a few moments of standing there, finding comfort in your arms. “I- I had to come and see you, Y/N,” he said after he took off his mask.

“Why? What happened?” You brushed his cheek softly and he leaned at the touch.

He sighed before meeting your gaze, his eyes red as if he’s been crying. “I- I had a nightmare about you, and I wanted to make sure you were alright.” His eyes glanced down to his feet and you lift his chin to once again meet his chocolate brown orbs.

“Hey, Pete. I’m here, okay? I’m alright and in one piece,” you gave him your most sincere smile. “Hey, c’mon smile for me,” you poked his cheek and he finally smiled. “Come here you,” you said before pulling him into another hug.

“FREEZE!” Your dad’s voice boomed and the lights turned on, making you jump from Peter immediately.

“Seriously, dad?” He was in his full Iron Man suit with his blasters targeted towards both Peter and you. “Do you have some sort of tracker on Peter or something?”

“That in fact, I do.” He opened the mask and faced Peter. “What are you doing here, Spiderling?”

Peter glanced between you and your dad before answering, “I- I came here to see Y/N.”

You dad squinted and tilted his head, “Why? You’re supposed to come here tomorrow, right? Wait, today. That’s today, right?”

“Uh, yeah, I just, I, uh, I just miss her so much?” It came out like a question and his expression was so adorable making you want to squish his face into a dumpling.

“Okay, dad, I don’t think the blasters are needed now. It’s just Peter,” you sighed before plopping down to your bed.

“Right, okay. Can you go home now, Peter? Y/N needs to sleep.”

“Uh, right, Mr. Stark. I’m sorry, I’ll go home now. Bye, Y/N,” he waved and put his mask back on before disappearing into the night.

“You need to sleep, dad. Seriously. FRIDAY, lock his lab so that he will sleep in his room, in his bed. With blankets and pillows. That are more expensive than my phone.”

“Night, darling,” he came over and kissed the top of your head before tucking you in. He’s still in his Iron Man suit, by the way.

“Night, dad. Go get some sleep, alright?”

“Okay,” he said before turning off the light and closing the door behind him.

Peter made sure he heard the door closing before peeping into your room. The door to your balcony squeaked again and Peter scurried quickly, kissing the top of your head and mumbling “I love you, bye.”

“Love you, too, weirdo,” you replied.

Tick.

Tock.

“PETER, GO HOME!” You swear that his voice is more deafening than Thor’s.

“DAD GO TO SLEEP HE’S NOT HERE!”

#peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker request #peter parker x reader #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker fanfic #spiderman #spiderman fanfiction #tom holland! spiderman #tony stark #tony stark x daughter #avengers #avengers fanfiction #avengers imagine #tony stark x reader #dad! tony stark

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seven-oomen · 7 years

Note

Hi Homecoming was amazing and I love this idea: after Homecoming Peter suddenly realizes, "Mr. Stark listened to my messages." So now when he calls and gives updates he adds in little comments. "... I helped the police with a bank robbery and I've always admired your work Mr. Stark." Or "Today was pretty quiet but I'm glad I've been given this opportunity to work with you Mr. Stark. You're my hero." Cue Tony sitting in his lap yelling at Dum-E "I'm not crying, you're crying."

Alright, so I hope this is what you had in mind my friend! This was so much fun to write and I hope I did Peter justice. Hope you like it. I call it: Nice work, kid.

Mister Stark listened to his messages…

It took him a while to realize it after everything that had transpired. But once he did, it gave him courage, an incentive to keep up with his daily reports.

He swung up, landing on the roof of an apartment building and found himself a nice perch on the edge. Taking out his phone he dialed the familiar number.

“Hey mister Stark! Hope I’m not bothering you, but it’s time for my daily reports. So, anyway, there were these dudes trying to rob a bank and I swooped in after determining the best course of action, just like you taught me, and they had this laser gun so I webbed them up real good until the cops arrived. And it was just like you how you stop criminals with your repulsion blasters. Well except I use webbing…”

“But it was so cool, mister Stark! Oh and I helped this old lady cross the street, she was really nice, she bought me a hot dog. Oh man I love hot dogs. Maybe we should get hot dogs sometime mister Stark? I mean, if you want to… and have time. Someday…”

Peter sighed softly. “Oh and you know what else happened? There was this big bad guy trying to rob a grocery store and this kid in a Spider-man costume came running up and shot this guy with his fake web shooters, covering him in sticky goo stuff. And then I came in, swinging through the broken window and went; “Nice work, kid.” And it was just like at the Stark expo! It was so cool.”

“You remember that, right Mister Stark? The Stark expo? There was this dorky small kid with an Iron Man mask and a little fake gauntlet. Yeah… That was me.” Peter chuckled, “You were my hero, mister Stark.. Still are! Still are, but especially back then, I want to be just like you. A man of science, good and responsible. You’ve no idea how much it means to me to be given this opportunity.”

Peter looked down when a commotion down on the street grabbed his attention. “Mister Stark, I’ve got to go. I think there’s someone in trouble who needs my help. But I’ll update soon, I promise. We’re still on for next Friday, right? Right.. Right, of course we are. Goodbye mister Stark!”

The call ended there. Tony still can’t believe it as he stared at the screens in front of him. Peter was the kid at the expo? The odds for that were about one in a million if not less. He wiped away a lonely tear from his cheek. Never before had anyone told him he was their hero, not like this. He hadn’t been the most popular Avenger and he always seemed to be the person who was doing the wrong thing in the publics eye. To have this moment, that meant a lot to him.

“Are you… crying?” Rhodey’s voice cut through the formed silence and Tony quickly sat up.

“I’m not crying, you’re crying.” He denied, but of them knew he was lying. Off to the side Dum-E, U and Butterfingers whirred and beeped excitedly as if to call him out on his lie. “Oh shut up, or I’ll turn you into scrap metal.”

He doesn’t mean it and everyone in the room knows it.

“Hey Tones, It’s okay. I know how much your spider-son means to you.” Rhodey clapped a hand on his shoulder and gave him a gentle smile. “But I do expect to meet my nephew sometime soon. Properly.”

It made him laugh and he nodded in agreement. “Sure, come by next Friday, I’ll introduce you.”

And honestly? He can’t wait for his little family to get that much closer.

#prompt fill #spiderman homecoming #peter parker #tony/peter platonic #tony and his spider son #tony stark

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queen-of-deans-booty · 7 years

Text

Skin- Part 1

Pairing: Eventual Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,469

Warnings: Typical Supernatural violence, angst, language, minor character death, blood, you know the usual

Summary: When a shapeshifter takes the form of Sam’s friend from college, you and the Winchesters go an investigate. What happens when that same shapeshifter takes the form of you?

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. I am so sorry this happened. A lot has been happening in my life and I forgot this was supposed to be episode day. Please, if you want to be tagged for this series, let me know and I’ll add you! If you want to be tagged for my other fics, I’ll add you! I want to hear what you guys think about this.

This isn’t part of the episode but read this backstory!

Smoking pot with Dean

Feedback is always appreciated

Tags at the bottom

As much as you didn’t want to admit it, you knew that your mother was going to die. It only happened a couple of days before she actually died. You got nightmares of it happening but you dismissed them as only nightmares and thought nothing of it. Every person got nightmares.

You also got flashes of the events happening when you were awake but you thought if you told your mom, she would think you’re crazy and have mean people take you away. Then your nightmares became a reality and you never forgave yourself since.

Your mother died because of you.

You wanted to talk about it. You wanted to tell Dean this but he wouldn’t understand. He kept asking you days after that hunt but you wouldn’t tell him. Eventually he gave up and left you alone but you could tell it hurt him. You and Dean always told each other everything when you were growing up.

You thought about tell Sam since he would be the likely brother to understand how you were feeling. You never really got a chance to do so until Dean stopped for gas. It left you and Sam a bit of alone time to talk things through.

“Sam?” You looked at him and bit your lip.

“Yeah?” He was looking at his Palm Pilot, reading his emails from God knows who. You bit your lip and needed his full attention.

“I need to tell you something and I need you to understand. You might understand way better than Dean.” You sighed softly.

“Yeah, go ahead, I’m listening.” Sam still wouldn’t look up.

“Sam, put the damn thing down and listen to me because I’m freaking out.” You said in a panicky voice. His head snapped up and looked at you apologetically.

“I’m sorry, what’s going on?”

“You want to know what my reflection said on the last hunt?”

“If you want to tell me, sure.”

“My secret is that I knew my mom would die. I don’t know what it was but I had these visions or nightmares of it happening. But I blew it off because I was 8 and I didn’t know that it would come true.” You looked away from him, fearing he would judge you.

“Same thing happened to me but with Jessica.” He said quietly.

“What?” You looked at him.

“I had nightmares a couple of days before she died of the same thing happening to her. But I didn’t do anything about it.”

“But I didn’t know that would happen and now my mom’s dead because of me.” You got tears and let them fall but Sam was quick to wipe them away.

“No, hey it wasn’t your fault. Like you said, you were 8 years old and how were you supposed to know it was going to happen? You were a kid.” You looked at him and sniffled.

“I wish she was here.” She sighed sadly.

“I know, I do too,” You knew he was taking about Jessica. He didn’t really know your mom and he barely met her. “I would tell Dean, though. He thinks you hate him or something. Maybe feels left out.”

“Maybe I will, I don’t know how he will take it though. Maybe you should tell him too. It’ll fix things between you and build more trust.” You sighed, wiping the rest of the tears away.

“Maybe, I don’t know.” He went back to looking at his Palm Pilot when Dean came out of the store. He put the things he bought in the backseat and started to fill up his car.

“Alright, I figure we’d hit Tucumcari by lunch, then head south, hit Bisbee by midnight,” Dean said but when he didn’t hear a response from either of you, he looked to see Sam on his device. “Sam wears women underwear.”

“I’m listening, I’m just busy.”

“Busy doing what?”

“Reading e-mails.”

“Emails from who?” Dean chuckled.

“From my friends at Stanford.”

“You’re kidding. You still keep in touch with your college buddies?” Dean scoffed.

“Dean, leave him alone. He misses his friends.” You said, popping your head out to look at him.

“Alright then, what have they been saying?” Dean asked as if he was genuinely curious.

“Oh my God, in this e-mail from this girl, Rebecca Warren, one of those friends of mine,” Sam started to say. “I went to school with her, and her brother, Zack. She says Zack’s been charged with murder. He’s been arrested for killing his girlfriend. Rebecca says he didn’t do it, but it sounds like the cops have a pretty good case.”

“Dude, what kind of people are you hanging out with?” Dean teased.

“No, man, I know Zack and he isn’t a killer. They’re in St. Louis. We’re going.” Sam declared.

“Look, sorry about your buddy, okay? But this does not sound like our kind of problem.” Dean refused.

“Come on, Dean, they’re his friends and we would still be helping people, just in another state.” You pleaded. Sam looked at his brother and with one look, Dean groaned and put the gas pump away and got in the car.

“Fine.” Dean grumbled and headed off in the opposite direction to St. Louis.

“Dean, be nice.” Sam said once he reached Rebecca’s house.

“What, I am always nice.” Dean said, offended.

“I mean, don’t hit on her.” You rolled your eyes and giggled when Dean huffed out. Sam knocked on the door and a few moments later, the door opened to reveal a short, skinny, blonde girl who lit up at the sight of Sam.

“Oh my God, Sam!” She reached up and gave him a hug. He gave her a hug back and they pulled away.

“I got your email.” Sam smiled.

“I didn’t think that you would come here.” She smiled.

“Hi, Dean, older brother.” Dean held his hand out and she shook it.

“Hi, Y/N, family friend.” She smiled and waved and she waved back, letting go of Dean’s hand.

“Come on in.” She led you three inside and you looked around, amazed.

“Wow, nice place.” You smiled, seeing a grand staircase right when you walked in.

“It’s my parents’. I was just crashing here for the long weekend when everything happened. I decided to take the semester off. I’m going to stay until Zack’s free.” She said as she walked into the living room.

“Where are your folks?” Sam asked.

“They live in Paris for half the year, so they’re on their way home now for the trial,” She walked into the kitchen and looked at the boys and then you. “You guys want a beer?” You looked over to see Dean smile but you shook your head quickly.

“No thank you, but I’ll have water, if you don’t mind.” She smiled and nodded, going to the fridge and grabbing a bottle. She handed it to you and you smiled.

“So tell us what happened?” Sam said, taking a seat by the island.

“So when Zack came home, he found Emily tied to a chair, all bloody and bruised but she wasn’t breathing. So. He called 911 and when the police arrived, they arrested him. But, the thing is, the only way Zack could have killed Emily is if he was in two places at once. He was right here, with me, having a drink until after midnight. But the police have video of him, coming home at 10:30. Emily was killed right after that.” She explained, crying a little.

“Maybe we can see the crime scene at Zack’s house.” You suggested.

“Why? I mean, what could you do?” Rebecca asked.

“Well, not me, but my brother and Y/N are cops.” Sam said, the words escaping him before he could stop them.

“Detectives actually.” Dean smiled, nodding. You needed to play along and you nodded as well.

“Really? Where?” She wondered.

“Bisbee, Arizona. But we’re off-duty now.”

“You guys, it’s so nice to offer, but I just, I don’t know.” She said, uneasy.

“Bec, look, I know Zack didn’t do this. Now, we have to find a way to prove that he’s innocent.” Sam said softly.

“Okay, I’m going to go get the keys.” She left the kitchen, leaving you guys alone for now.

“Oh, yeah, man, you’re a real straight shooter with your friends.” Dean scoffed.

“Look, Zack and Becky need our help.” Sam looked at Dean.

“I just don’t think it’s our kind of problem.” Dean shrugged.

“Two places at once? We’ve looked into less.” Sam had a point.

“He’s right, Dean. If there is even a chance that we could help, we take it. Remember back with Lucas and his mom? How the cop forced us to leave? You turned around because you wanted to be sure.” Dean didn’t say a word but left it at that. Rebecca came back downstairs and she smiled, holding up the keys.

“So who’s driving?” Dean raised his hand and he got out his keys, leaving the house with Sam following.

“Sorry about Dean, he sometimes gets a little tense.” You said as you and Becky left her house.

“It’s no problem, really. I just hope we can find something there that the other cops didn’t.” You and Becky got in the backseat and once everyone was in, Dean took off, following Becky’s directions. As Dean pulled up to the place, Becky looked uneasy again.

“Are you sure it’s okay?” Becky asked.

“Yeah, I am an officer of the law.” Dean chuckled.

“We get off-duty calls all the time.” You smiled sweetly before exiting the car. You four walked across the street and up the steps, waiting for Becky to unlock the door. When she did, you entered the house and looked around. There was blood splattered all over the walls and everywhere else. You looked over at Rebecca who was still outside.

“You want to wait outside?” You asked.

“No, I want to help.” She walked inside and sighed deeply.

“Tell us what the police said.” Sam said.

“Well, there’s no sign of a break-in. They say that Emily let her attacker in. The lawyers, they’re already talking about plea bargain,” She looked around the room and got tears. “Oh, God.”

“Look, Bec, if Zack didn’t do this, it means someone else did. Any idea who?”

“Um, there was something, about a week before. Somebody broke in here and stole some of Zack’s clothes. The police, they don’t think it’s anything. I mean, we’re not that far from downtown. Sometimes people get robbed.” She added. You walked to the front door, hearing a dog bark wildly and looked at the neighbor’s dog barking at you.

“You know, he used to be the sweetest dog.” She said to you.

“What happened?” you looked at her.

“He just changed.” She shrugged.

“Do you remember when he changed?” You wondered.

“I guess around the time of the murder.” She shrugged. You nodded and looked at her before walking where Sam and Dean were. You saw he was looking at a picture of him, Rebecca, and who you assumed, was Zack.

“So, the neighbor’s dog went psycho right around the time Zack’s girlfriend was killed.” You said to Sam who looked at you.

“Animals have a sharp sense of the paranormal.” Sam said.

“Yeah, maybe Fido saw something.” Dean said.

“You think this is our kind of problem still?” You whispered to Dean but all he did was roll his eyes.

“So, the tape. The security footage, you think maybe your lawyers could get their hands on it, because I just don’t have that kind of jurisdiction.” Dean said to Rebecca.

“I’ve already got it. I didn’t want to say something in front of the cops. I stole it off the lawyer’s desk. I just had to see it for myself.” Becky said.

“Alright, can we look at it?” She nodded and all four of you left the house and back to her own house. You were sitting in the living room, watching the security tape and saw Zack walk into the frame.

“There he is.” Rebecca said, point to the figure walking.

“22:04, that’s just after ten. You said time of death was about 10:30.” Dean said, looking at the timestamp.

“Our lawyers hired some kind of video expert. He says the tape’s authentic. It wasn’t tampered with.” Rebecca stated.

“Hey, Bec, can we take those beers now?” Sam smiled. You looked at Sam and wondered why he would want them now. Unless he saw something and needed her away.

“Yeah, sure.” She got up and left the room.

“Check this out,” He said to you and Dean, rewinding the tape. He replayed it but stopped when the camera showed Zack’s face. You looked to see that the eyes were pure white.

“Maybe it’s a camera flash?” Dean thought.

“Damn, Dean, since when are you not suspicious?” You looked at him to see him rolling his eyes.

“No, that’s not like any camera flare I’ve ever seen. You know, a lot of cultures believe that a photograph can catch a glimpse of the soul.” Sam said.

“Right.” You and Dean said.

“Remember that dog that was freaking out? Maybe he saw this thing. Maybe this is some kind of dark double of Zack’s, something that looks like him but isn’t him.” Sam shrugged.

“A doppelgänger.” You said.

“Yeah, it’d sure explain how he was in two places at once.” Sam sighed. Bec came back with the beers but you needed to go.

“Sorry, Rebecca, but we need to go now. Looks like business just popped up for us.” You pointed to Dean.

“Oh, sure. Thank you for coming out here today.” She said like you were actually leaving.

“No, we’ll be back. We’ll get Zack released. We just needed to go for the night.” You explained. She nodded and smiled, you and Dean leaving her and Sam to say goodbye. You had just reached the Impala when you turned to Dean.

“You want to know what my big secret’s been?” You let out a long breath. It was now or never.

“What, now you’re telling me?” He looked confused.

“Yeah, I talked about it with Sam and he said that I should tell you.” You shoved your hands in your pockets.

“You told Sam but not me?” Dean scoffed, turning away from you.

“Dean, it isn’t like that.” You tried to explain.

“Yeah well it seems like it,” Dean shook his head and got to his side of the car. “Don’t bother telling me, I don’t want to know.” He got inside and you sighed sadly, looking towards her house, seeing Sam walk out of it. You got in the car once Sam got to you and you didn’t say a word as Dean drove off for a motel.

Part Two

Masterlist // Series Rewrite Masterlist // Buy me a Coffee?

Series Rewrite tags:

@helllonearth @amyisabellal @deanwnchstr @caseykitten6 @roxalya19 @quixoticcat

Forever tags:

@love-like-lies @maddieburcham1 @ginamsmith @mogaruke @jarpadandjensenaremyheroes @whit85-blog

Dean tags:

@akshi8278 @mega-mrs-dean-winchester @winchesterandpie

Other tags:

@jensen-jarpad @notnaturalanahi @deathtonormalcy56 @27bmm

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couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name · 7 years

Text

I’m still so exhausted from this kids show rehearsal yesterday I gotta type it out to deal omfg

- The guy in charge of sound and lighting used to do shows in this company with me so I’ve known him for like 7 years??? When I got there and said hi he immediately launched into this weird super-commanding tone and started very quickly explaining how to work the lights to me (like so fast I couldn’t keep up), before abruptly breaking off mid-sentence and saying in a quiet, high pitched voice, “Also hi I haven’t seen you in forever...” like Tom bud I know

- I was there in like the back of the theater for maybe 15 minutes before the director, across the entire room and on stage, spotted me and screamed “THERE SHE IS” loud enough that all the little kids jumped in fear. Before I could even contemplate trying to hide she’s yelling “THERE’S MY MOLLY GIRL” so loud she could have awoken the ancient and buried gods of old, and running off the stage towards me. Immediately after hugging me she was clearly trying to asses and judge all of my life choices, as if I wasn’t the only person helping out out of kindness that’s not getting paid. omfg

- One of the kids mom’s kept running around demanding to know where Horton was. I desperately tried to explain to her I didn’t know any Horton’s. She grew angrier with me every time I saw her.

- We eventually figured out she was looking for Steven, who played Horton the Elephant in Seussical, like, 4 years ago

-Also, Steven was wearing a dark red ‘vans’ shirt, red and black flannel pajama pants, and completely bright red shoes that looked like plastic. I supported him.

- Alarming number of 10-12 year old boys trying to flirt with me. Guess I can’t wear V-necks for the rest of the week

- One of the Older Teen Interns(tm) who I vaguely knew when he was like nine pulled a cane out of his ass and kept spinning it around to look cool while flirting with the Older Teen Intern Girls(tm) instead of, like, doing his job

- Fuck there were so many moms there and they kept glaring at me when I was trying to put mics on kids??? Lady listen I’m not feeling up your leprechaun spawn he didn’t know how to hide the mic pack jfc

- Back in my day(tm) I had to run offstage yelling “SOMEONE STRIP ME” while three different older people of varying genders ripped clothes and mic packs off my body. You can handle me telling your kid to take his jacket off while I try to clip something to his pants oh my GOD

- The kid playing Gaston is the best one in the show but he’s a TWIG and it’s hilarious. He’s got a really strong commanding voice for an 11 year old but every time he talks about how hot he is or strikes a muscle man pose Tom and I were fucking dying in the back

- I went and taped up the lists of mic switches and stuff in the dressing rooms and I thought everything was fine until like 40 minutes later when I was like “they’re like fourth graders they probably can’t see that high” omfg and I spent the rest of the day waiting for someone to complain about it so I could Die

- Holy shit one of the ensemble kids was this real sarcastic shit with long hair and he was lowkey trying to hard to be funny and I know it sounds mean but he was def the type of kid you look at and you’re like ‘you’re gonna become a stoner or a shooter there’s no in between’ omfg

- THE MICS WERE A P R O B L E M

- And I know shit always happens the first rehearsal and blah blah blah but this was RIDICULOUS I literally thought Tom was going to burst into flames

- And some point he just yelled “SCREW IT” and raced out of the room and came back a few minutes later and made everyone try the mics again. They were still a bit of a problem but working a lot better so I was like “what did you do?” and he went on this whole explanation about how he bypassed the theaters sound system and I’ll admit I don’t understand much of the technical stuff but his attitude and tone of voice seemed to imply he probably wasn’t allowed to do whatever he did lmao

- Seriously I swear one of those little shit head kids found out about the ‘M-word’ superstition and yelled it back stage. That’s the only explanation I can think of for why everything was fucked up

- Also I’m sorry but the kids...are terrible

- I really don’t wanna be mean like they’re kids I wanna give them the benefit of the doubt but even at one point Tom was like “...were we ever this bad?” and I had to be like “Tom we have video evidence proving we were never this bad? Save for Fame”

- Just...imagine 60 some little kids screeching an off tune version of the opening number for 3 hours. Imagine it. I lived it.

- Gaston, Potts and one other girl (forget who she’s playing) all have decent voices but the girls were SO QUIET SWEETHEARTS YOU GOTTA PROJECT

-IM THE SHIEST PERSON I KNOW BUT I STEP ON A STAGE AND YOU CAN DAMN WELL BE SURE PEOPLE ARE HEARING ME IN THE BACK ROW WHETHER IVE GOT A MIC OR NOT. P R O J E C T

- There were so many times when a song got really out of tune or messed up so I was like “That was a note...” and the poor music major Tom sitting next to me almost having to choke out “No it wasn’t” lol

- The set makes very little sense

- “Where’s their tony nom?”

- Oh gosh during the great Mic Death at some point this REALLY WEIRD SOUND got picked up it sounded like aliens were fucking aobut to blow us up everyone was freaking out because mics shouldn’t make that sound??? Like 10 minutes into this we realized it was the directors husband playing something on his phone o h m y G o d my dude did you not hear us yelling

- SPEAKING OF HIM I couldn’t actually do anything with the lights during rehearsal bc they weren’t locked in place yet??? So he drops off two wrenches at one point and is like “I’ll be back at five when this is done and then we can fix the lights” which is reasonable, right?

- Five o’clock. Five oh five. Five ten. Five twenty. Where’s Jimmy? Jimmy. We can’t do this without Jimmy. Where’s Jimmy? Why can’t you do the lights without him? Because that latter is 20 feet in the air and I’d rather risk your husbands life than my own. Jimmy, pick up your phone. Five thirty. Where’s Jimmy? Has anyone seen Jimmy? Is Jimmy even real any more? Did Jimmy ever exist? Did we all just hallucinate an old man who almost exclusively wears bike shorts? Jimmy, where are you. The lights Jimmy, you promised. This is just what Jimmy does, he just does this. Where’s Jimmy? Who’s Jimmy? Where’s Ji-

- That question is etched into my soul now

- He finally gets there and that was just. A whole production in itself. “DUDE you can’t hit the lights with the latter you’re messing up the light’s you just set. Jimmy. the LIGHTS. AIM IT TO YOUR LEFT. WE CANT MOVE THE LATTER LIKE THAT.” oh my God

- The kids didn’t even get through the first act of the show. Which I normally wouldn’t judge because LORD KNOWS, but like...this is the Junior version. There’s only like 5 or six scenes in each act and they’re all fairly short. omfg

- “Lights, hey, why isn’t Maurice’s sphere lighting up?” “That’s literally not our job? It’s a prop?”

- Oh my God so when the lighting board was explained to me at noon I understood abso-fucking-lutely NONE of it, I was so fucking confused, I was certain I was going to let the production down.

- We get to like 5:50 when we finally start working the lights and with no further explanation or reminder I KNEW. I WAS ONE WITH THE BOARD. I WAS IN CONTROL. I BECAME A GODDESS OF LIGHT.

-I also hadn’t slept or eaten all day so I was a little loopy at that point

- An adorable tiny girl ran back at one point and started gushing over how cool the light and sound jobs were and kept pressing buttons we were gonna CRY she was precious

- 7 years later, I’m still the ONLY person who doesn’t get cell reception in the theater. My phone became possessed before my very eyes and called like 3 people on it’s own accord.

- A mom was really mad everyone else had tickets already and she didn’t. “Ma’am, you didn’t buy any tickets.” “Well, I wanna buy some now.” “This isn’t the box office.” “Everyone else has tickets!” “Yes, because they bought them on ticket day or called the box office.” “So why can’t I get tickets now?” “THIS ISNT THE BOX OFFICE.” And then we found out the show is sold out. Oh boy.

I don’t predict surviving the week.

#rip #batb vagueblogging 2k17 #molly mumbles #this seems tame but trust me I'm gonna die #also I know I forgot shit in my sleep

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girlwonder18 · 4 years

Text

What Hugs Are For

“Hey, uh, underooos” a Tony with a long face flashes on the screen “as you can see I’m in the middle of nowhere, just you know, drifting around and…and” Tony’s voice started to crack and his eyes started getting teary.

“Still billions of miles away from Earth with no food and water” Tony looked away from the camera, catching his breath and Peter knew he was milliseconds away from a panic attack but his mentor drew a deep and long breath

“You gotta stay strong, Tony” his mentor whispered so silently but thanks to Peter’s super hearing, he heard every single word

“I’m not alone though, kid. I met a new friend..blue meanie here. You’ll love her once you meet her but…”

Tony wasn’t able to control it anymore. He let his weight fall entirely on the wall behind him as he was sitting on the floor of the spaceship trying to calm himself as best as he could

“I wish it was you who’s with me now, kid”

“I..uuuuhh…I…its different and warm and I know I’ve been complaining about you talking my ears of all the time but…but I miss that voice of yours and your wide eyes which always give me hope and excitement and…”

Tony continued crying and wiping his tears and crying again

“I’m so sorry, underoos…” the video ended with Tony’s heartbroken voice.

The next video played this time revealing a thin-looking Tony, his rib cage can be seen from the whole of his shirt, eyes swollen and face so skinny which made Peter’s heart sunk from the ground where it was already shattered. Behind him were white walls so Peter assumed that this was now in the medbay of the compound.

“Hey, kid” then his mentor coughed.

“I don’t know if I’ll be happy to get back home…nor goodness to be alive right now since I….”

His mentor started weeping again

“I failed..”

“I failed you and I wasn’t able to bring you back”

“We lost…”

“We lost and I..”

“I lost you.” The video then ended

“Are there more, EDITH?”

“Yes, Peter. I’ll play them”

The video started with Tony now tinkering in his lab showing a model of the iron spider suit in the hologram in front of him

“Hey, Underoos…I figured you’ll love this” Tony made certain gestures which showed the features of the suit which he developed, new designs of the web shooters and the arms of his spider suit.

“Look, I’ve broaden your GPS and Karen’s connection to the Stark satellites plus uploaded more data for you to track down people you’ll need for your mission”

Tony paused.

“I even got you one of this” Tony showed a paper he’s been holding to the camera

“It’s an MIT application form for incoming students. it’s part of my gift for you since today is your graduation along with this…” Tony turned the camera to a black suit with a red button down long sleeve and a blue tie “which I was supposed to give you also on your big day. I wanted it to be tailor-made for you” Tony’s voice is now slow and almost quiet, he bowed his head and sniffed but he regained his smile and grabbed something from the drawer

“It also comes with this” Tony showed glasses which looked like EDITH and said “I wanted us to have the same you know…look…since I’m gonna sit right there with May and applaud for you when you go up that stage”

“I would be the proudest da…mentor in that moment” Tony then again paused, this time longer

“You’re the best, so…spider-man” then the screen went black again.

Another video started showing

“Tony, are you sure you want to do this?” Happy’s irritated voice was heard from the film

“Of course I do just hold it properly, Hap, I don’t want Peter to miss this” Tony answered

“Hey, kid! Best news I got for you so far! You know how you’re always excited about Pepper and I’s wedding? Well, today’s the day and gosh I really am so nervous” Tony smirked

“but I realized I couldn’t lose the people I love anymore after everything that’s happened”

“after the wedding, we’ll be moving to a cabin by a lake which I bought for us. We’ll settle there, quiet and away from everything that’s happening here. I’m also…uhhhmm…I’m also retiring”

Tony cleared his throat

“I don’t also know, Underoos but the world’s changed now and..and the other heroes can really take care of everything”

“I just…I just don’t think I want it anymore”

“But what I really want to show you is this…” Tony showed a paper to the camera and it revealed their wedding invitation

“Yes, yes…You’re my best man”

“because…why not? I really planned for this underoos and…”

“Thank you”

The next shot just revealed flicks of the wedding.

“Hey, kid!” a smiling Tony Stark was shown in the screen “thought you’ll be the first to know..take a look at this” the camera was now shifted to the pregnancy test kit which showed positive “yeah…you’re gonna be a brother!”

Peter’s heart stopped when he heard those words. Tony appeared to not really mind and kept on talking about the little angel’s name which Pepper and him were talking about. He was sharing how nervous he was since he doesn’t really know if he is ready for the job but that’s the reason why they really wanted to settle in the first place

“If it’s gonna be a boy, how bout we name it after you?” his mentor suggested smiling.

Peter thought Mr. Stark was just joking but his thoughts were interrupted by his father figure’s next statement

“Well, Pepper prefers Morgan but we can really adjust with that”

“Peter Morgan Stark. Huh? What do you think? It has a good ring to it, right”

“I just…I just miss you so much, spidey”

“It’s like what…your first month in college by now…you’re probably busy acing those subjects and nailing every contests you join.,,who knows?maybe you probably have a date with that MJ friend of yours. She’s nice and you look good together. You have my blessing” Tony winked and the video was cut off.

“There she is…looooooook!” Tony’s voice was sweet and calm. “Morgan” while the camera is focused on an angel sleeping in her cradle wrapped in pink blankets and spreading cuteness all over the place.

“Heeey, sweetie..wanna show those beautiful eyes to Petey?”

With just a millisecond, morgan seemed to understand and she slowly started opening those little eyes

“Ooooh…oohhh! She’s smart like you, Underoos”

“Look at that. Beautiful right?”

“I can’t help but imagine you swinging all the way here just to come play with her everyday”

“I miss you so much, Pete”

“I promise to take care of Morgan the way I know you would”

Another clip played, with Tony and Morgan outside and behind them was a scenic lake. Morgan now looking like 2 or 3 years of age and Tony holding her and pointing at the camera

“got it rolling, Rhodes?”

“Yes, Tones” “Ok! Here we go…just as we practiced sweetie…what would you say?”

Little Morgan then waved at the camera with one hand and the other holding Tony’s shyly saying

“Hey, Petew, it’s me, Mowgan and Daddy is just showing me how to fish” Tony was smiling all throughout the statement showing that proud dad charisma of his

“Yes, that we are, Petey. Remember when we did this? and you caught your very first fish which you, without using that big brain of yours, held by hand. you know it's slippery right? it fell back to the water and you unsurprisingly came after it. Ha! that look on your face. i can still remember it clearly, kid”

“Yeah, I miss that also. Since it’s Friday, figured you’ll be coming home today for the weekend. Mind swinging by? Pepper’s making churros for later. I know you love churros”

Peter’s tears finally fell from his cheeks. He’s been crying for months now and he can’t deny still missing Mr. Stark. That whole Beck/ Mysterio fiasco has really rubbed salt to all the wounds. He’s been wanting to make Tony proud and live up to his legacy but seeing these flicks just gave him an unspeakable sense of peace knowing that Tony has always looked after him during the moments he was gone.

“Peter?”

“It’s cool, EDITH. Just continue playing everything, please”

“Copy”

“Happy birthday, Underooos! Oh my! You’re officially an adult now! Look at how fast time really flew.”

“Listen, I…you’re a good kid, the best one I’ve known and I just want to let you know that I really wanted to see you grow, Pete”

“I…I still can’t live in this world without the friendly neighbourhood Spider-man”

“But Morgan…Morgan keeps giving me a reason to hope...and with that, I can’t help but hope that one day you’ll come back.”

“Happy Birthday again, Pete. Don't grow up too fast, okay? Being an adult is boring...all the responsibilities and the papers and problems. Just enjoy your youth...which I've always wished you have" Tony's voice was sad and broken. "I’ll blow the candle and slice the cake for you, Underoos” Tony said as he sliced the red and blue cake filled with black web-like designs and taking a bite of it.

Another clip played, this time showing a Tony with dried tears on his cheeks inside a what looks like a bedroom

“Hi..uuuhhhmm…sorry if I’m a little dramatic now, kid but…” Tony wiped his nose

“Morgan asked me a question out of nowhere earlier. Your sister just kept on wanting to know about everything like she’s already in her teenage years which is why I can't stop imagining that you too will get along so well since you don't have a mute button yourself…”

“Anyways, she asked her Mommy what hugs are for”

Pepper just answered “It’s for making people feel loved”

“And she wasn’t satisfied with that so she asked me”

Tony looked down and wiped his tears again

“I…I said hugs are for making people feel that you won’t let go”

“I remember you…in that car..and you hugged me and you know what I said”

“I’m sorry I just can’t say repeat those words again since all they give me is regret. every. single. day.”

“Natasha, and Steve and that Honey, I shrunk the kids dude came here days ago. They’re planning on building a time machine and reversing the damage that Thanos did. They asked for my help but I turned them down." Tony looked away from the camera and sniffed. it's very obvious that his mentor's doing his best to hold his tears. "To be honest, I don't know if it's just me still not forgiving Steve or its just not wanting to leave Pep and Morgan.”

“I was washing the dishes last night and saw that picture of us taken during the Stark Internship Awarding Ceremony. I…uuhhh...I remember you”

“And I realized I did not just let them down…I let you down and I know sorry doesn't cut it but I'll do my best to get things right, Underoos. The world needs Spider-man. I need Spider-man so I’m leaving tomorrow morning and going to the old headquarters to help them with the plan”

“Pete,” Tony said looking straight at the camera

“I would do anything just to return that hug and once I do, I wouldn’t let you go anymore”

“Not in this lifetime, not in a million others”

Peter’s heart was now melting inside him. He never knew about this and none of the avengers ever told this to him...or maybe, no one really knows what made Tony agree to Scott’s plan. Peter does not know what he’s feeling. He remembered the battle with Thanos and his army. It's really surreal to fight along side the Avengers and meeting the heroes he never encountered before but the moment those portals opened, he knew who he is looking for and that's none but his mentor. He remembered the look on Tony's face...that "Proud Dad" look as Ned calls it when he saw him. He remembered being excited and wanting to tell Tony everything, not missing a second so as not to make him feel guilty about what happened in Titan 5 years ago. He remembered that hug which felt like forever..how it felt "nice" but nice beyond words. He remembered shouting "Noooooooo" when he saw Tony forming his fingers about to do the snap. He remembered rushing towards him and not believing his eyes on what he's seeing. He remembered...of course...how can he forget that moment when he lost another father? But this time it's different...it's different from when he lost his Dad and when he lost Uncle Ben. True, the hero’s lost still hurt him but why? Why is he smiling now?

The next recording then played showing Tony with the model of the time travel GPS bracelet that Tony designed for the Time Heist

“I know...I know...Genius is it, kid?”

“This is the bracelet we’ll use for the Time Heist. You'll love it, I can't wait to see your eyes widen and hear your comments bout it but still we have a lot to figure out.”

“I’ll bring you back, Pete”

“I’ll bring you back, whatever it takes”

"We won Mr. Stark. You did it." Peter whispered as if answering Tony's last words.

“That’s the last one, Peter”

“Thank you, EDITH. Why did you only show these to me now?”

“’Cause Mr. Stark coded me to show you these 10 years after I’m turned over to you”

“Well, he ain’t wrong. He just always knows when I need him”

“EDITH”

“Yes, Pete?”

“Record this message for me”

“Yep. Recording”

“Hey, Mr. Stark! I just received your messages and man, how I need them badly now. Running a company is a major headache along with leading the Avengers. I don’t really know how you were able to balance these stuff. You’re right…adulthood is boring.. I wanted to go back to those days when I could just annoy you and Happy.”

“I…I still miss you” the first drop of tears again fell

“I don’t know what to do and I really wanted to give up”

“Following Ironman’s legacy gives a lot of pressure. Up until now I still feel that I kept on falling short of how you would be if you’re still with us now. But Happy and May and Pepper have always been there to guide me through those moments I wanted to quit”

“It’s hard but you didn’t let go so why would I, right?”

“I can’t hug you anymore but I can still do one thing”

Peter looked straight into the camera now with a wide smile on his face

"and that is..." tears started falling but Peter let a deep sigh out while still managing to maintain his smile "huuuuh...not to let go"

“I won’t let go, Mr. Stark..." "I won't let go, whatever it takes”

#spider-man: far from home #endgame #avengers #iron dad #spider son #peter parker #tony stark

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conchita635gaming-blog · 5 years

Text

Vbucks Fortnite Free of charge Amusing eight Videos About Practical Hints That'll Make You Cry

Players, young kinds in any case, don’t feel to notice this sort of things. They’re immediately after assault rifles (preferably the Legendary SCAR), pump shotguns, bolt-action sniper rifles (the scope is actually a boon), chug jugs, slurp juices, bandages, medkits, and protect potions. They see, and covet, skins that seem awesome but don't have any bearing on recreation Enjoy; for twenty bucks, you can don the Leviathan or maybe the Raven. Or they fixate on dance moves, the so-named victory emotes you may have your avatar complete, in the warmth of battle or after a get rid of. The Floss, the Refreshing, the Squat Kick, the Wiggle—these have spilled out into the world. You could see folks about you, or professional athletes on Television set, breaking into strange dances. The one particular often known as Go ahead and take L is major nowadays within the Bundesliga and at Moment Maid Park.

Fortnite Gold

Loads of completed players search down their noses at Fortnite, the best way, Probably, that some jazz and blues diehards, in 1964, dismissed the Beatles. The dances, the alliterative put-names, the dearth of accurate postapocalyptic menace: these can point out a lack of seriousness that to some appears to be spell-breaking. A classmate of Gizzard Lizard’s, ZenoMachine, a gamer for for a longer period than seems plausible (he commenced taking part in Group Fortress two in kindergarten and now develops his own online games), is definitely the eighth quality’s resident Fortnite Scrooge. “To start with, I’m not a admirer in the polygons,” ZenoMachine explained to me. We ended up over a park bench, right after university—a uncommon strike of daylight. “It has a hi-res texture but minimal-res polygons.” Gizzard Lizard had warned me which i wouldn’t fully grasp ZenoMachine, but I collected that he was critiquing the game’s aesthetics. He appreciated a realer glimpse. He objected to specified inconsistencies. The pickaxe, by way of example, which players use to demolish partitions and properties, results in Practically no damage to other players to be a weapon. “How can that be?” he mentioned. “I see why quite a bit of people like Fortnite. It targets gamers who aren’t skilled. But it violates the legal guidelines of regularity.” He said that The very first time he performed he won—by hiding out until eventually Everybody else experienced practically been killed off. This is recognized as tenting, and it is frowned upon by normal players. “If one thing so simple as participant preference affects the other players’ knowledge, you’ve bought a layout flaw,” ZenoMachine reported.

ZenoMachine develops his individual games utilizing a platform known as the Unreal Motor. Fortnite, mainly because it occurs, is built within the Unreal Engine, also. The game could be the generation of a company termed Epic Video games, based mostly outside the house Raleigh, North Carolina. In 1998, Epic released a primary-individual shooter referred to as Unreal, which appreciated only average good results but which, Pretty much by accident, experienced an enduring affect about the evolution of online video video games. Epic made use of Unreal’s underlying architecture, and some of its sections, for making what came for being often called the Unreal Engine, a essential platform that supports all method of online games, be they shooters, brawlers, platformers, or sandbox R.P.G.s. It’s basically a suite of tools that developers can use to style and Construct game titles together with other simulations. Rather than ranging from scratch in, say, C++, the popular graphic-coding language, impartial builders and also other companies use the Unreal Engine to help make their particular video games. (The licensing of your motor, subsequently, presents Epic the cash circulation to dedicate time and assets to the development of hit video games like Fortnite.) Each year, Epic uses existing video games, many of them all but forgotten, to soup up the Unreal Engine, so that it could handle an at any time additional advanced array of demands. Fortnite was the main Unreal Engine 4 launch. Among the other matters, Epic needed to adapt the motor that can help its servers accommodate the huge volume of information that has to be processed instantaneously when 100 gamers are competing in just one Fight Royale spherical. The concern of which steps have an effect on Other folks, and from what distance, on this large storm-sieged island—the old if-then trouble—is a great deal more complicated than it would seem.

youtube

“Consider Fortnite as a visual kind of media,” Jamin Warren, the editor of your society-and-gaming journal Eliminate Screen, told me. No matter what Fortnite’s attract like a sport to Perform, Additionally it is apparently quite possibly the most beguiling a person to watch. As video clip-recreation spectatorship fills arenas, and siphons a technology away from actual athletics, Fortnite has become by far the most viewed recreation on YouTube—by March, there were Just about a few billion views with the an incredible number of periods that players had uploaded—and the top recreation on Twitch, the streaming platform. Looking at isn’t just for spazzes anymore. “It’s produced a kind of worldwide arcade,” Warren said. “Instead of a handful of Youngsters looking about the shoulder of the new-shot more mature brother or whatsoever, down in the shopping mall, you have got many people observing, and the individual taking part in the sport can be a millionaire.”

The medium’s breakout star is called Ninja. He is a previous Expert Halo player named Tyler Blevins, who may have claimed that he will make over 50 percent 1,000,000 pounds per month by streaming his Fortnite periods, and his totally free-associative commentary, on Twitch (that's owned by Amazon). His YouTube channel has more than ten million subscribers. Previous thirty day period, he how fortnite get popular hosted a Fortnite tournament in Las Vegas, within an e-sports arena, and almost seven hundred thousand individuals tuned in to his Twitch stream. I’ve heard numerous teens confer with him as America’s biggest entertainer—which isn't as hyperbolic since it Appears. In April, Ninja ranked increased than any athlete on the globe in “social interactions,” a evaluate of social-media likes, reviews, shares, and views. Cristiano Ronaldo was No. two. In March, Ninja consented to a Fortnite session with Drake.

Blevins, who is 20-six, comes from exterior Detroit and life around Chicago (he gained’t say exactly where) along with his spouse, who handles his company affairs. He streams 10 to fourteen hrs every day, typically from about nine A.M. to 3 P.M. after which from six P.M. right until Each time. All advised, he logs about three hundred hours a month. What one sees is his game screen, together with his avatar in regardless of what skin he has picked, and, within an inset, a perpetual shot of Blevins himself. A ninja headband girds a Bieber-ish shock of hair that he dyes different colors: emerald inexperienced, platinum, yellow. He’s a lean, boyish guy who appears to make an hard work to take care of some semblance of a smile all of the time. His spiel is goofy, caffeinated, and moderately cocky. He does impressions. In March, he was mumbling some rap lyrics as he performed, and by some means the phrase “indica” arrived out given that the N-term. Amid the backlash, he apologized, sort of, and, when it came time for me to talk to him final week, his manager’s a single situation was which i not ask him about this, as he’d presently said what there was to convey, which was, in part, “I guarantee that there was no mal intent (I wasn’t even seeking to say the term—I fumbled lyrics and received tongue-tied inside the worst achievable way).” A scrupulous journalist may have named from the job interview, although the teenagers I’d been speaking with regarding the video game were being so impressed that I might speak with Ninja that I caved. At the final moment, although, Ninja bailed, professing disease. Burn off! (“I’m quite sure which was BS,” one of those teens texted me. “I think he was streaming today.”) At any price, Ninja’s sensitivity is a sign that avid gamers like him are coming into the mainstream. They've got to observe the things they say.

Onscreen, the millionaire maintains the environs on the gamer boy. The digital camera requires in an acoustic-tile ceiling, wall-to-wall carpeting, bare drywall, as well as a fourposter mattress. There’s a framed Detroit Lions poster propped against a wall, together with a mini-fridge stocked with Crimson Bull. Ninja is really a lifelong gamer, but he helps make a point to remind his lovers, lest they receive the fall-every little thing bug, that he did effectively in class, performed soccer together with other sporting activities, completed college or university when holding down a task at Noodles & Firm, and even appeared, with his spouse and children, on “Loved ones Feud.” The sport ability is legit. He wins a little something like 50 percent of your many hundreds of game titles he plays just about every week, from all comers. He’s a crack shot and it has a nose to the substantial ground. As usually as not, It appears he’s barely being attentive. He’s studying followers’ messages out loud, just like a converse-radio host, or jabbering with One more Fortnite star, such as Dr. Lupo or KingRichard, whenever they’ve teamed up for the game or two: “The recoil on this detail is stupid”; “You said you experienced a complete protect, ass”; “So keep my dick”; “That dude was seeking to consume a chug jug. What a noob.” All accompanied by occasional bursts of gunfire. “To any individual observing the stream, I hope you men are taking pleasure in the content, guy.”

Gizzard Lizard’s shoot-out in Tomato Town came about on the last night of April, which was the last night of Season 3. Anticipation was managing significant. Among the ingenious innovations of Fortnite should be to introduce seasons of about two months, as on the cable-tv series, and also to combine new plot and sport factors. (Previous week, within a crossover masterstroke, Thanos, the indestructible villain of The brand new Avengers Motion picture, dropped in on the game—that is certainly, gamers could adopt a Thanos skin—and so, for some time, the Fortnite established gleefully schooled a variety of Thanoses in a means the Avengers could not.) On April 30th, a comet that had been hovering about the island was alleged to strike following midnight. For times, meteors had been showering the sport. Teasers—the newest currently being “brace for impression”—experienced impressed a raft of speculation and conspiracy theories. In the beginning, individuals envisioned the comet to hit the crowded city location known as Tilted Towers, but some clues led Other people to forecast, properly, which the comet would wipe out Dusty Depot, which was thereafter to get called Dusty Divot.

It had been tough to do homework on a night such as this; Gizzard Lizard returned to the game. He performed on the Computer system he’d crafted at college. It didn’t Have a very graphics card. He’d by no means been a giant gamer—his parents were being pretty stringent about screens and experienced never consented to an Xbox or even a Wii—however he’d performed Minecraft for quite a while. This standard of obsession was a little something new. He noticed on his locate-your-buddies bar that a lot of schoolmates were playing, so he FaceTimed one who goes by ism64. They teamed up and strike Lucky Landing. Gizzard Lizard wore an earbud underneath a list of earphones, so that he could talk with ism64 whilst listening for that seem of approaching enemies. From the distance, it appeared that he was speaking to himself: “Permit’s just Construct. Watch out, you’re gonna be trapped less than my ramp. I’m hitting this John Wick. Oh my God, he just pumped me. Arrive revive me. Construct all-around me and come revive me. Wait around, can I've that chug jug? Thanks.”

I’d been struck, observing Gizzard Lizard’s video games for a couple of days, by how the spirit of collaboration, amid the urgency of mission and menace, seemed to deliver out something approaching gentleness. He and his pals did favors for each other, viewed one another’s backs, presented encouragement. This was a thing that I hadn’t witnessed A lot of, say, down at the rink. 1 could argue that the previous arcade, With all the ever-current danger of bullying and harassment and the problem of proclaiming dibs, uncovered A child to the world—it’s character-building!—but there was a little something to get claimed for such a refuge, even if it did include assault rifles and grenades.

Then the John Wick was upon him. “Oh God! Oh God!” Foiled once more.

A John Wick was an achieved participant who had attained a pores and skin that bears a resemblance towards the character performed by Keanu Reeves inside the “John Wick” films. (Officially, the skin is known as the Reaper, presumably to stay away from licensing charges, but gamers simply call it John Wick.) It absolutely was available to anybody who had attained all hundred tiers of the sport in Time 3—a combination of accomplishment and experience which might have expected taking part in for among seventy-5 and 100 and fifty several hours.

As the final several hours of Year three expired, players scrambled to succeed in Tier a hundred, and have their John Wick skins. Gizzard Lizard was nowhere shut. He’d started the year for a noob. Arrive another morning, Day One among Period four, he had a intend to place while in the several hours for getting to Tier one hundred. It could get major commitment. For The 1st time, he bought a thousand Fortnite V-bucks, for $nine.ninety nine, with which to obtain skins. He went With all the Carbide, a modern one which introduced to head a wetsuit. This was The 1st time he—or, much more to The purpose, his moms and dads—had at any time invested anything but quarters over a match.

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nameinbullets · 6 years

Text

Negative Gamers

First off, don't get me wrong - since I started playing video games, I've met some bloody fabulous people. Key shout out to the three Maori dudes with deep voices that implied heavyset figures, who immediately restored my faith in the general population of Fortnite players.

Also, special shout out to TobyJamesApps. One day, I will meet you in a game again, and you will be the one humiliated.

But that's not even where this, and I'll admit, anti-gamer prejudice comes from. See, a few years back when I was 18, I dated a guy who was a hardcore gamer. This was around the time CoD Black Ops came out, I think (I can't and don't really feel like keeping track of that particular franchise). Obviously, being a fan of first-person shooters, Alex was all over that shit like hot potatoes.

I'm a fairly curious person. If I see people enjoying something, I'll give it a go myself, especially if I'm invited to do so. Being thar my only gaming experience at this point was SingStar and Sega, I was uncertain about the controller setup, and voiced my concerns of not knowing how to play.

"Don't worry," Alex told me, "We'll be right here to help you."

His older brother and other friend nodded along each time he said this. They all said multiple times that they'd help me learn. So eventually, I caved.

An Xbox controller was put in my hands. Alex picked a character for me and gave me the weapons he figured I would use best. He didn't explain anything about the weapons and their features, just chose everything for me. He didn't even tell me how he did it. Then handed me the controller and said "press this button".

Then, the nightmare truly began.

Remember how I said I had no gaming experience beyond Sega? Yeah. I think he totally forgot that. I went straight into the player versus player match with the others, all of them against me, and they just started talking casually. No cares in the world. Me?

"Which screen is mine? Wait... you're all moving and that one isn't,, okay that's me.Sohis one moves me, right? Ah okay yeah I see. What does this one-- okay now I'm seeing feet? Oh, that's the camera. Okay so how do I shoot? Which? No that's aimin-- oh, there it is--"

I didn't get much further because that was when Alex's brother, Andrew, found me and killed me the first time. At my indignant cry of protest, he shrugged it off and said "You wanted to play!"

I figured out how to run, thank god, and found a decent hiding spot next while I figured out the controls. Problem is, the guys could see my map, which told them where I was, and they were able to find me using that info.

I never figured out how to even reload or switch guns. After actually hitting Alex on the shoulder to get his attention, I got my first piece of information from him - how to crouch. By the end of the match, I had racked up a grand total of 48 deaths and 0 kills - and all the boys had killed me several times each.

Afterwards, when I voiced my irritation to Alex, he promised to be better next time. Stupidly, I believed him. When "next time" happened, the only thing I learned was how to read the end of game score board - which told me that between themselves, the boys had focused almost entirely on killing me because I was an easy target.

This cycle went on for longer than it should have, me trying to share my boyfriend's interests only to be gunned down by him and his brother and friends, who often laughed about my "hissy fits" when I "didn't get my way". Being the type of person I am, I soon ended the relationship (turns out he was a poisonous guy anyway, he has since become next-level stalker trying to get me back).

"But that's CoD players!" was the phrase uttered by every Skyrim fanatic I encountered when that game came out. That's all good - I have my prejudice but when I meet individuals then they are treated as individuals. Meaning, I have prejudice against you until one of us says "hello". Then, it's a clean slate.

I mean, hey. I'm female. I'm used to being judged before I've even been met. But I'm used to seeing that prejudice carry over when I meet people.

Anyway, getting off track. So a bit after Skyrim dropped, so did my sister's first kid. Her partner was a security guard at the time, and father of the child. In those first nightmarish weeks of being a young parent, my sister enlisted my help since Matt was too busy with work. Upon arriving at their place most Monday afternoons, I discovered that "Work" apparently also included Skyrim.

I saw this go on for a few weeks. If Matt wasn't at work or asleep, he was on his game. I myself told him when I was napping to "put the fucking game down and go look after your son". I had always thought Matt, like Alex, was a fairly decent guy. I was dead wrong, it seems. But my sister was happy to stay with him because it meant two working adults bringing money into the household, and in this day and age and on her wages she could barely afford to support herself let alone a kid.

The clincher came when GTA Vice dropped. Matt had been nagging my sister about getting it on preorder, and she had said no so many times. They couldn't afford it. I was out shopping with them the day it dropped, and halfway through the shopping, Matt disappeared. He returned again when we were at the register, and my sister mustn't have seen at the time, but I watched him trying to discreetly tuck a yellow shopping bag into the bottom basket of the pram. Only two stores at that shopping centre had yellow bags - JB HiFi, and GameTraders.

When they put the shopping through, the card for the joint account was declined. My sister was confused, since there should have been an extra hundred dollars in there, but she couldn't go through the transaction history. She had left her card at home, and Matt's card also declined since his Xbox membership has gone through and he'd bought a bunch of downloadable content for gaming the day before. I paid the shopping since I had money and they needed it (Sister's face when I handed over $300+ cash). As I folded up the pram and put it back in the boot when we got to the car, I pulled the GameTraders bag out, held it up so my sister could also see, and asked what Matt wanted me to do with his new GTA Vice and chat headset.

Bitchy move, yes. But gaming is not an occupation, nor should it ever take precedence over shit like food and your own kids.

I've had various run-ins with gamers since then, most of which have been negative. I will say that I have met some people who aren't anywhere near as bad as the stereotype I've been led to believe. Some gamers are genuinely good people who treat it as a hobby, an addition to their lives, and not the main focus.

It was after a lot of pushing from one of my friends that I eventually went out and spent $250 on a pre-owned Xbox One. While I was looking at the various pre-owned games that I could get in a bundle with the console, Destiny 1 popped up. After I explained that I'd like to get that to learn the controls on and get used to gaming, he said to me:

"You'll have me there to guide you and help you learn."

Naturally, I believed him. He'd proven to be a trustworthy friend so far. But that phrase was almost exactly what Alex had said to me years ago when I was indecisive about playing with him.

Nevertheless, I eventually saved up and got the console, game, and an Xbox Live membership (what do you mean it costs money?). I set the game up, and since he was asleep at the time, stumbled my way through the first two missions. Then I asked if he wanted to join me, but got no answer. I assumed he was working, so I stumbled my way through the next four missions alone, slowly figuring out the game mechanics as I went. I held off doing one of the strikes for almost a week, waiting for this friend to become available. How was I to know that there was a faction rally for D2? Moreover, why should I expect my friend to fulfil his promise when he wanted to focus on participating in said faction rally?

I got through the strike alone, thank you very much. It was hellish, but I made it. And I proudly stated that I got through it alone to my friend, who seemed to ignore my comment. I mean, okay maybe it was a bit boastful, but considering how new I am to gaming in general, I thought defeating one of the major bosses was something that deserves a congrats. Oh well.

I played through the rest of the game, before he finally decided to join me for the final three missions - which, I might add, he completely dominated in. Also, did you know you can kill your teammates in D1 by ramming them into a rock with your speeder? I didn't. That was something he showed me. That was really when it began to resonate with me how similar all of this was to Alex.

We finished the main campaign. I wanted to complain about how he basically robbed me of majority of kills and I missed out on a bunch of XP because of it, but felt like by doing that then it's just sound like me bitching even more. So I shut my mouth and told myself to be grateful he actually fucking joined me in-game.

When we finished the campaign, he told me "If you get Destiny 2 then I'll definitely play with you."

So far, I've had it for a week. I've finished the campaign (on my own), maxed out my levels, and soon I'll be able to do the hardcore stuff like leviathan rid and Nightfall strikes. I joined his clan and have been maxing my clan XP limits within a day. I've improved overall in my ability. But he's too focused on levelling his characters on PC, and apparently doesn't want to come back to Xbox to join the friend he promised to help.

Fucking... At this point, I'm tempted to leave his clan right before Curse of Osiris drops. He's struggling to find clan mates as it is - maybe ditching him to find some group that'll actually fucking help me is the best option?

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