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drdemonprince · 3 days

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Any chance you'd expand on the hank hill trans guy post? (Sorry, best indicator I could come up with.) The concept interests me as I decidedly know my maleness, yet don't feel impeded by for the most part, any male gendered norms/boxes. I am fairly masculine, though I rarely use those kinds terms to describe myself. I have found I often do stray outside of what society pushed for me when I transitioned, yet I again do not feel it has taken from my right to maleness whatsoever. I am just me, who happens to be male. I have had friends try and suggest I am NB adjacent but I do not feel this way whatsoever. I feel more people are outliers to gender expectation than we care to admit and it's disappointing the way cis-people deny that. Hope this wasn't too long winded, I value your writing and perspective, and wanted to hear more of your thoughts on this.

Yeah, well so many things all get conflated by gender labels, and it's all so personal, you know? Masculinity does not have to mean maleness, and a person's gender identity might be a reflection of some innate quality they experience themselves as having, or a general summary of their tendencies, or their desired presentation, or their sense of affinity with other people, or an interpersonal tool, or something they just go along with because it was given to them by society, or any other number of things.

I think my recent substack piece on detransition goes into this pretty well, and I have an upcoming piece of what @pastimperfection calls "bilateral dysphoria" that comes out next week that delves into it too.

I think I mostly saw taking on a male identity as a means to an end more than any kind of innate reflection of who I was, though I did feel an affinity with effeminate men for a lot of reasons. I think I also discounted how much I have in common with my fellow nonbinary people of all stripes, because that identity became so strongly associated with being an annoying type of queer person that everybody else just wrote off as ultimately being their assigned gender at birth anyway no matter how much they protested. it doesn't help that 'nonbinary' is a catchall term for literally thousands if not millions of very distinct experiences and desires.

transitioning gave me control over how i was perceived, finally, but hormones are a throttle that only go in one very specific direction, and you don't really have all that much control over which changes kick in at which times and what people will make of you once you do start registering to them as some identity other than what you were first saddled with. it's an incredible gift to be able to toggle that throttle. but it's limited, not because medical transition isn't incredible and needed for so many, but because there is no escaping the goddamned binary cissexist logic that influences everything about how people treat you, how you navigate institutions, who finds you desirable and what they want out of you, and so much else.

if you're able to cast a lot of the external societal bullshit aside and feel strong in your maleness, maybe you're stronger than me or maybe our orientation to these things is just different, i don't know. i was never all that sensitive to feedback that i was doing the whole being-a-woman-thing all that wrong. i reveled in violating those rules to an extent. succeeding at being a woman despite my best attempts was what felt super dysphoric. and now i guess im succeeding at being a man, insofar as im always read as one, and it feels just as uncomfortable and objectifying and false. i thought that with manhood i could probably just grit my teeth and deal with it, but i'm finding that i can't.

ive always been very open that for me, gender is a thing I Do, and i guess to those who know me well it wouldnt be surprising to hear that i have gotten tired of Doing Being a Man and dont feel like playing that particular gendered game anymore. I tend to get bored of things! and find the flaws in things. and find my comfort in being fault-finding and contrarian and not being a joiner. and thats okay. i learned a lot along the way. not having to try any more is a huge relief. i can just do whatever. and know actively that people will more often than not be wrong in what they make of me.

maybe it was natural feeling for you to decidely 'know' your maleness without a care for masculine standards because that is the right identity for you! and maybe i only feel secure in the "not knowing" realm and in letting go of what people think of me or finding any kind of tidy categorization for it because that's the right spot for me. for now. until i find a new interesting way to be unhappy and striving for more and different again. :) that's just part of being alive, for me.

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awetistic-things · 1 year

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i hate how so many male model’s walks are really bland like show me how those hips swing and fabrics flow stop with this bleh shit

#PLS #like why can’t they have their fierce walks too #i don’t understand #is there a legitamente fashion reason?#or just society being BULLSHIT and boring again #modeling #fashion shows #models #runway models #male models

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piplupod · 2 years

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thank god i don't have to have my camera on for this class very often bc i am absolutely fuming and literally tearing up bc i am so upset and angry at these education resources for this stupid fucking class, it's about "self management" and "office etiquette" and theyre just so fucking shitty and stupid and awful. like. really fucking ableist and i know that's obvious but jesus christ. it's all such bullshit. i hate offices so much.

#let me just strip you of every ounce of personality and individuality so you become our perfect little drone!!!#no need for emotions here! if someone is being negative to you - just ignore it! don't be upset about it :)#make sure you make eye contact and read nonverbal cues! everyone can do that sooooo easily! shouldnt be a problem for our drones!#any body modifications relevant to your culture! cover those up! once again - zero individuality is allowed here!#you have to be the human personification of the colour white :) no no not beige. that's too racially significant! we must ALL be white :)#but we LOOOOVE diversity here and celebrate it! just as long as you are NT cishet white and boring :)#i'm so . fucking angry fhsdgdsgjkl nothing makes me upset faster than office etiquette bullshit fsdjgjkl #i want to leave class for the day so bad so i can go cry #i've already gotten today's assignment done anyways lol i finished it off before class even started #but. gotta keep up appearances. im trying to stay a day head #*a day ahead #but fhsdgjkl tomorrow's is the really shitty ableist assignments so fuck me i guess #i need to just dissociate hardcore and let my brain go into society drone-mode but god. it is very upsetting to do that #but this work needs to be done fhsdghsdghjkl fucking hell it is literally upsetting and potentially triggering to do this shit #because this like. relates back to some specific trauma and abuse i've gone through lmfao.#i wish i'd stayed dormant longer jsdjfkl #Nine would've hated this and Cal would've been upset but i think they'd be able to do it better than i can #especially Nine because he gets so angry JFSDFJKL he just powers through it so it gets done faster #okay im being embarrassing now sorry fsdfkl i will shut up and go attempt to work on this bullshit #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

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ghostinthegallery · 9 months

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Okay so about Orikan and Imotekh!

Yup, I continue to be the most hinged person on the planet when it comes to imaginary ancient Egyptian themed space robots.

But anyway, Orikan is canonically a member of Imotekh's court, and Imotekh might be one of the only people in the universe Orikan actually respects (or fears? It's 40k, close enough). Which is interesting because Orikan is An Intellectual with a healthy disdain for the military (probably some family issues there, he did come from a military family then ran away to go to star college). So why serve a soldier? I mean yes, Imotekh is one scary dude, but that's a boring answer. Naturally they've never had a scene together because GW hates me specifically.

Which leaves me to wildly speculate, and I think these two have some key things in common that really get to the heart of issues with necron/necrontyr society...

Because the thing is, necron(tyr) society might be one of the most highly stratified cultures in all of 40k. So much so that it was baked into their physical being after biotransference. The higher their social status, the better the living metal body they got. The more mental capacity they got. The more *free will* they got. We see in a Twice Dead King flashback that members of the nobility could and did kill anyone without consequence. Life was so cheap to the necrontyr that it didn't matter. Class mobility was and is not a thing.

Enter Imotekh, who started as a soldier and became a general and then a *phaeron*. He did the thing no one is supposed to be able to do by being just *that* competent and terrifying. Remember, Imotekh woke from hibernation because some Sautekh noble wanted to *use* him to get one up on their rivals in a dynastic power struggle. This guy really thought Imotekh the Gods Damn Stormlord would be so grateful that he'd just help this clown take over the dynasty? Yeah no, Imotekh offed that guy and anyone who wasn't going to vote Stormlord 4 Phaeron.

Which must have been pretty mind blowing for Orikan to see. After all, Orikan may be important, but (as Trazyn loves reminding him) he isn't nobility. A fact that matters in a society where status directly correlates to how much of a person people think you are. Other necron lords "use" Orikan all the time. For his predictions, during battles (seriously check the wiki, feels like the poor guy gets dragged out for like every necron campaign). Orikan may manipulate those nobles on a regular basis (aka "strategically editing" his prophecies) but he won't straight up oppose them. At least not without invoking Imotekh's name, as he does during the Court Scene of TI&TD.

Again, I don't think the two have ever interacted in the canon, but Imotekh respects Orikan's work enough to base battle strategies on his divinations (which is huge, as being a master strategist is the basis of his power). And Orikan doesn't bullshit Imotekh the way he does other phaerons who ask for his counsel. Is Orikan scared of Imotekh? Of course he is. Trazyn calls him out on this during War in the Museum. But I think it's interesting that these two characters are trapped in a cruel society determined to use them up and spit them out, and both of them have found ways to resist that. Ways that could set them at odds with each other (nerd v. jock false dichotomy) but don't.

I do wish there was more canon material to work with, because I am filling in a ton of blanks with my own interpretations. But hey, speculation is fun!

And if you want to see these two in a room together read my necron longfic on AO3 here (heck yeah shameless self promotion!)

#necrons #orikan the diviner #imotekh the stormlord #i guess i character analyses now #or whatever this is #fanfic #warhammer 40k #who should i think too hard about next?#sound off in the comments #i just think they're neat

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wen-kexing-apologist · 4 months

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7 Days Before Valentine Ep 6: Stray Thoughts

Sunshine

First of all, Sunshine, @respectthepetty and I are on the way, we've got bats with your name carved in them, so I'd advise you to start running.

Sunshine is one of the characters I hate the most this year, especially as a main character/protagonist. But I do think they are doing an incredible job with his characterization in that this is a man with no one in his life, he doesn't interact with his parents, he has no friends, and based off the way he behaves you can tell exactly why. This is the most impulsive, self-absorbed man I've seen in quite some time.

Sunshine reminds me of the guys in my life I've known who are deeply in need of help, but turn everything in to a joke and absolutely, willfully refuse to talk about anything real. Sunshine absolutely, willfully refuses to pause for long enough to actually think about how terrible of a person he is and how much he is harming those around him as a result of that.

I don't even think Sunshine knows what he wants. He had a chance in his previous wish to just completely try again, in the best possible scenario where marriage equality has been passed and Rain doesn't know who he is, Sunshine has a clean slate, but that isn't good enough, so he ruins society, and that doesn't work, so he hurts Rain in the most fundamentally cruel way by removing his best friend from existence. Sunshine is hurting Rain so that he can be in a relationship with Rain, which is all I need to know to decide that Rain and Sunshine better not fucking end up together in this.

The Flowers

gif by @save-the-data

Okay, I don't know why, but the way Jared talks about his flowers is making me this of this book I read years ago called Daughter of Smoke and Bone where the main character is like living in the real world but has connections to this other fantasy world, and she goes to her friend to make wishes (for example, she wishes that her hair would naturally grow blue) and she only learns way later that every time she makes a wish the wish is paid for with (I think?) someone's tooth. And she realized that people, creatures, etc had died or been tortured to have their teeth removed so that she could make silly little wishes.

I don't know that I want this, I don't know what it would do or what it would say, but for some reason I cannot get it out of my head that these flowers with names that Jared talks about so lovingly are actual people's souls. Especially after that one rose fucking screamed when Sunshine dropped it.

Metaphors

gif by @save-the-data

The back half of last episode and the first half of this episode were really heavy on the theme of conformity. And I don't think I have a lot of words for it right now, but it is feeling very much like metaphors for externalized/internalized homophobia and the closet. Like how the little girl draws this picture of herself in a pink dress and writes SOS, while walking neatly in a line, in the same boring uniform as all the rest of the kids. Like the vibrant ecclectically dressed property manager, also choosing to conform when she goes out in public because she doesn't want to be stared at. Like the busker getting hauled away/punished by the police for breaking free from society's order. Like Jared, bright, happily, bubbly, and (in my opinion) visibly queer man being terrified of being hauled away to be "corrected". And this is all stemming from snap decisions Sunshine is making out of petty bullshit with almost zero intelligent thought behind his wishes.

How I want this to end

gif by @pharawee

I think I want Sunshine to wish Q away from existence. Q's job is very clearly weighing on him, and he deserves rest. For fuck's sake, his clothing gets darker every episode Sunshine needs to accept that Rain is gone from him, that he fucked up and can't go back, and I do not want Rain getting together with someone that really seems to disregard the harm he is causing.

Anyway, I am really enjoying this show, but it is slow as fuck and if it wasn't filmed, written, and structured like a play I don't think I would have had as high a tolerance for it's pacing.

#7 days before valentine #7dbv

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miscellanyofmusings · 8 months

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Rifftrax Sentence Starters

“______, didn’t I dispatch you to hell earlier?”

“ ______, shut up forever.”

"Alright. That does it. I officially have no idea what we're looking at, why we're here, or even who I am anymore."

“And I pray that I never have to emote any more than I just did. I'm exhausted.”

“And if you're ready, _____, may I offer you a wide-awake nightmare?

“Aw man, I thought we could trust the slimy loser.”

“Being a creepy evil creep is a reward in and of itself.”

“Bland? I mean, honey? Can I make you some bland milk? I mean, warm bland? I mean, warm milk?”

“Careful, they might miss at you.”

“Die! Die in a fire! Live again and then die!”

“Did you guys just see that or has my brain fully melted?”

“Do you think you can do me the teensiest favor and just kill me now?”

“Feels like an NPR audio essay is about to break out.”

“Forgive me, Father. I killed like eight guys today.”

“Fuck you. Pay me."

“Having knowledge about things is not really my specialty.”

“He died as he lived: looking dumb as Hell.”

“He has all the fighting skills of a sock monkey."

“Hell is other people and stuff.”

“I’m condescending for no reason, got it?”

“I've tried nothing—And it's not working!"

“I can’t answer your question because that would acknowledge you exist.”

“I can’t live with myself knowing there’s something out there I haven’t murdered.”

“I don’t want to oversell it, but it will fill you with sadness.”

"I find words difficult because I can't punch them."

“I have a two part question. One, will I ever feel joy again? Two, what did I do to deserve this?”

“I hope you like really tough burnt meat and shitty scotch.”

"I love it when a plan sort of slowly congeals together."

“I thrive on your ignorance.”

“I tripped and fell up five flights of stairs and landed here.”

“Is your torture basement even up to code?”

“It’s not what you said; it’s that you exist.”

“It irritates me too that I can defy logic, time, and physics."

"It is pleasant to be happy because it increases our amount of gladness."

“Let's carpe diem and mumble and mope like we've never mumbled and moped before!”

“Mind if I dial up the gay?”

"Never have I cared so little about so few for so long."

“Nothing calms a kid more than a poster of a deranged clown.”

“My philosophy is to see how many Pop-Tarts I can eat in two minutes.”

“No, don’t, ____, please! Seriously! I will kill all your enemies! Please!”

"No good story ever starts with ‘so there I was, pouring gasoline all over the dead girl’s body.’”

"Oh good. Something else for the Gallery of Things That Should Not Be."

“Oh, thoughtless sociopath, you’re my best friend.”

“Okay, so I’ll take that ominous cryptic answer as a firm yes.”

“Our hero— again, fighting like a sociopathic four year-old.”

"Please don't ruin this moment by surviving!"

“Rush in blindly! A plan can only hinder us!"

"Screaming? Laughter? At this point, what's the difference?"

“So where do you think you’re gonna dump my body?”

"So…You give up here often?"

“Society as we know it would disintegrate if people knew the truth about whatnot.”

“Thank you, most boring sounding person in the world.”

“That’s a very friendly murder threat.”

“That sounded a lot more menacing and less gay in my head.”

“This is my bullshit lecture!”

“Wait a minute, I thought you said ‘pass the time,’ not ‘destroy all hope in the universe.’”

"We are reconciled now through the cleansing power of violence."

“Well, that was neither fun nor interesting, but at least it gave us no new information.”

“Well, time to pretend I know stuff.”

"Well, whoopty-shit."

"Welp... Forgone conclusion ain't gonna forgone conclude itself."

“Who can resist an asshole?”

“Women, right? Always like, ‘This seems fatally stupid!’ Blah, blah, blah.’”

“Yeah, I do feel my own mind drifting through thoughts of Socrates—in that I want to drink hemlock and die.”

"You're a lying liar who lies! You lie!"

“You're not allergic to severe acid burns, are you?”

“You taste like libertarianism and cigars.”

“Your evil is reassuring.”

“Your violent, misogynistic criminal vibe lets me know I can trust you.”

#rp meme #sentence starters #rp starter #meme #memes #murder ///#violence tw #chaotic sentence starters #rp prompts #roleplay prompts

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fidius · 5 months

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OK, I get that us child-having folk are kind of boring and it often seems like we have kind of checked out of friendships and the parts of society that don't overlap with parenting in Venn diagrams. That's true, those are true things I will not dispute. And I remember being distraught? disappointed? dismayed? dis-something anyway when friends did the whole marriage-and-kids thing, which usually felt like them moving away or dying-lite or something. Which, again, kind of valid? People ask me if I want to go out somewhere and (unless it's their band or art show or something) I say no I've got to read my kids' bedtime stories. I used to be available for shenanigans and now I am not, and 70% of that is having kids. Single and/or childless friends I understand your annoyance verging into existential despair. It sucks, as we all know, that we don't live in a more villagey situation where everyone is less isolated and hanging out is easier and we aren't all working far too many of our conscious hours.

But.

I love my kids so much. An indescribable love that I have so rarely seen addressed in media that I don't think you are likely to understand it without having experienced it. I often--daily, usually multiple times--just sit and think about my kids and what they do and how they are and I am satisfied by their mere existence as beings on a deep level beyond anything I've known before. This is true even when I am extremely annoyed at them, or worried about their health, or in any of the other exciting unpleasant mental states that parenthood breeds. There is something wonderful and awesome (original meaninga, full of wonder, a condition of considerable awe), I think, in ever really and truly getting to know another human (probably that's love yeah?) but when it's the child you're watching grow up and guiding in your modest way it's beyond. It's self-sufficient, nearly. The nuclear family is shit for society but it does feel like so much on its own that I do get where the positive parts of its power come from.

If you've had a pet, especially a pet you've come to know slowly--a young one you raised or a rescue you won over--and you've felt that feeling of "this is all great but I'd rather be at home with my cat" or that sublime right-place-in-the-world on an ordinary walk with your dog, then you have brushed at the feeling I am trying to get at here. I'm trying to do really honest, no-bullshit estimates here, based on the cats I used to think about at work and just tear up with how much I loved them, and I'd say that was like 1/85 or 1/90 of the feeling of having a kid? But with this not-insignificant dash of, I don't know, mortality? gibbering anxiety at the simultaneous vastness and narrowness of human experience? It's fucked up, the whole experience, and it does things to your brain that will never make sense or calm down as far as I can tell and still seem somehow correct.

(I don't want to imply that you somehow have to be genetically involved in the production of the children to experience these feelings, or even be their primary caregiver--interacting with children at all you've probably experienced some of this on a species/tribal level that may have delighted or unsettled or delighted and unsettled you--but the strength of the emotion does have a lot to do with the responsibility, I think.)

#all of which is arguably why everyone should be a little bit responsible for all of the children around them #if everyone lived in a huge family-ish arrangement and occasionally looked after whatever kids were around #maybe fewer of them would be greedy assholes divorced from their own humanity #(humanity as a concept is not dependent on kids and you do not in any way need to interact with kids to be a 100% member of humanity #but there is something about participating on any level in the continuation of the species and the culture that inculcates a sense of duty)

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fangirlwriting-stories · 9 months

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They Say You Can't Fight Fate (I Say Fucking Watch Me)

Chapter One

Author’s Note: Okay, the story finished with chapter eight, so this one will get fully published after all, but for now enjoy chapter five!

Chapter Five:

Logan was a frequent customer, and Remus grew to like him over time. He was apparently a rich boy starting his first year at college, and had just moved here from across the country, paid for entirely by his parents. He also clearly had a lot of anger issues, to the point that Janus had apparently tried to talk to him a couple times about how rage rooms weren’t a good replacement for therapy.

That’s where Remus had to disagree with him, however. Personally he thought breaking stuff in anger was a very cool and sexy replacement for therapy. It’s not like actual mental health professionals were ever any good at their jobs or had the slightest clue what the hell they were doing. Logan was just smart enough to not fall for their bullshit.

When Remus said all of this to Roman, however, Roman just got quiet, so Remus didn’t bring it up again. Who knows what the hell his deal was.

The point actually being, Logan was smart and sexy and since Remus already had a soulmate now he wanted to kiss Logan’s face off.

The first person to actually warn him against this, however, was surprisingly not “worry about everything” Virgil, but instead “fuck society” Janus, which confused the heck out of him.

“Didn’t take you as the normie type when it comes to romance,” Remus said, hesitantly, because his limits on this topic had gotten slightly better but he was still going to pay militant attention to his comfort levels.

“I’m not,” Janus said, giving him a look. “You know I’m not. Logan is, Remus.”

“Oh,” Remus said, scrunching up his nose. “Really? Thought he was smarter than that.”

“I thought so too,” Janus said, holding up his hands. “Granted, I don’t think he wants to meet them so they can ride off into the sunset. But he has talked about being excited to meet his soulmate before.”

Remus blew a raspberry. “Boooo.”

“I hear you,” Janus said, patting him on the shoulder.

Remus, glad for the change from the topic of his eternally doomed love life, turned to Janus with a grin. “Oh do you now? You’re telling me you and Virgil have haven’t already hid out in the break room and—”

Janus, as a testament to how little he knew Remus, shoved his hand over his mouth to stop him. A second later he jerked back in disgust and Remus grinned at him, still sticking his tongue out of his mouth.

Janus grabbed a kleenex and wiped his hand off, then dropped it in the trash can with a sigh. “Virgil wants to meet his soulmate,” he said, squeezing some hand sanitizer on his hands and rubbing it in.

Remus gave Janus a baffled look. “Virgil wants to meet his soulmate? The person who is totally chill never even mentioning the subject to me and Roman? He wants to meet his soulmate?”

Janus sighed and rested his chin on his hand. “He’s anxious about it,” Janus said. “I don’t think he knows what he wants.”

Remus snorts. “Now that I believe,” he said. “Maybe you should kiss him about it.”

Janus gave him a look and Remus cackled.

“Fine,” he said a second later with an overdramatic sigh as the bell over the door jingled. “I shall be doomed to pine from a distance. Never pursuing, only dreaming. Never saying a word.”

“Never saying a word about what?” came Logan’s sudden voice, and Remus glanced up to see him approaching the counter.

“How badly I want to kiss you,” Remus said plainly, leaning on the counter and grinning up at Logan. “You wanna meet up here outside of work hours sometime and break shit together? Or we could go rollerskating. Or dinner and a movie, if you want to be boring about it.”

Janus sighed and shook his head, muttering something about “why do I even bother” which Remus had no way to answer for him, it was really a bad move on his part.

“I appreciate the offer, Remus, but I am waiting for my soulmate,” Logan said, pulling out his credit card.

“Boring,” Remus said, but shoved the liability waiver that he was now allowed to handle since turning eighteen across the counter (not that he hadn’t handled them before, but now no one could yell at him even if they found out).

Janus turned back to Logan as he signed the papers and leaned across the counter, as apparently it was his turn.

“It seems like it’s time for me to remind you that this is the third time you’ve come here in two weeks,” Janus said. “And you should really consider talking to someone, Logan. This isn’t a replacement for professional help if you need it.”

“Aw, don’t listen to him, Logan, keep fighting the man,” Remus said, waving his hand dismissively and ignoring Janus’ glare at him. “Why pay for some idiot to tell you that you had a hard childhood when instead you can slam a bat through a TV? One of those sounds redundant, and the other sounds way more fun.”

“Remus,” Janus snapped, crossing his arms.

“Yes, I’ll be sure to take all of that into account,” Logan said with a sigh. “May we get going now?”

“Sure thing!” Remus said before Janus could say anything, and he grabbed Logan by the arm to lead him towards the back, chatting happily and casually about stuff that was going on as they walked.

“And Roman is trying out for a play!” Remus said happily as Logan looked among the bats for his favorite. “An actual paying one this time! I think he’s got a shot, seeing as he’s obviously the greatest actor to have ever lived.”

“Yes, that sounds lovely, Remus,” Logan said. “If that’s all, I’ll be heading in now.”

“Hell yeah, you break that shit, Logan!” Remus called. “Have fun, see you in an hour!”

Remus headed back to the front desk, whistling as he walked, only to find Janus waiting, not looking happy.

“What?” Remus asked, sliding up in his spot next to him and hopping up to sit on the counter.

“Remus,” Janus said. “It really isn’t a good idea for someone to use this as an alternative to therapy. I would appreciate you not talking over me next time.”

“What, Logan’s fine,” Remus said, rolling his eyes as he leaned back.

“He comes here too often to be fine,” Remus,” Janus said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“So what? It’s not your job to help him.”

“No, but I am concerned for him as someone I know and care about,” Janus said. “I’m surprised you’re not too.”

Remus glared at Janus through narrowed eyes. “A therapist isn’t going to help, idiot,” he snapped, and Janus’ eyes widened slightly in surprise. “They never help. They never listen to you.”

Janus didn’t say anything for a moment, just looked back at Remus like he was trying to understand him, which was a fruitless effort.

“Obviously,” Janus said finally. “Not every experience is perfect, but—”

Remus snorted and hopped off the counter. “Whatever, you don’t know anything,” he grumbled. “I’m taking my break now.”

“Hang on a second Remus,” Janus said, but Remus just kept walking.

Remus knew Janus, though. He was stubborn, and he wasn’t going to leave it there. Because for how much Remus admired Janus and his general attitudes towards things, he was apparently a bootlicker in the worst area possible. He tired to bring it up to Remus more than once across the next couple weeks, but unfortunately for Janus, Remus was just as goddamn stubborn, and he wasn’t going to let Janus win.

But unfortunately for Remus, it seemed, Janus used way more underhanded methods than Remus expected him to, which in this case meant he brought it up to Remus’ brother.

He walked in on them after his break having a close and apparently rather tense conversation.

“I’m telling you, don’t push it,” Roman was saying. “Obviously eventually he’s gonna have to— look, he just needs time, okay?”

“Who needs time?” Remus asked curiously.

Both Janus and Roman cried out in surprise and spun around, looking like deer caught in headlights.

“…okay,” Remus said. “So clearly you were talking about me. What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Roman said, in a fast and firm and conversation-ending way, with a glare at Janus.

“Oh fuck no,” Remus said. “You are not gonna talk about me in an obviously negative way behind my back and then not tell me what you were saying. Out with it.”

“We weren’t talking about you,” Roman said, holding his hands up. “Or— or not at first.”

“Oh, much better,” Remus said, rolling his eyes. “What were you talking about?”

“Nothing,” Roman said.

Janus gave Roman a look, and Roman glared at him right back.

“Roman,” Remus snapped, and Roman winced.

“Remus, seriously, please drop it, okay?” Roman said.

“Fuck no.”

“I don’t want to make you upset,” Roman said, looking almost pleadingly back at him.

“Right, right, the fragile delicate flower that I am who gets upset at the slightest of things,” Remus snapped, crossing his arms.

Janus laughed a little, clearly thinking Remus was making a joke, but Remus just glared him into surprised silence.

“You know that’s not what I mean, Remus,” Roman said, and Janus glanced curiously over at him.

“Then what? What were you talking about and why was it not about me and also about me? Out with it, asshole.”

Roman sighed, tensed up like he knew this was going to go bad, and said, “I was asking Janus if he knows a good therapist nearby.”

Remus’ heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. “What? No.”

“See this is why I didn’t say anything!” Roman exclaimed, burying his head in his hands before pulling up to look at him again. “Remus—”

“No. That’s not— why? What on earth could possibly make that a good idea?”

“Remus,” Janus started.

“No,” Roman snapped, turning to him. “You, shut up. You,” he turned back to Remus and softened. He moved forward and took Remus by the arm, pulling them away from Janus and into the break room. Then he turned to face Remus again.

“Just listen,” Roman said gently.

“No,” Remus said, shaking his head. He moved forward and took Roman’s hands, trying to squeeze his desperation across. “No, Roman. I’m not gonna let them do that to you.”

“No one’s going to do anything to me,” Roman said quietly, squeezing Remus’ hands back. “I’d be going voluntarily. I could stop whenever I wanted.”

“You don’t know that,” Remus said, shaking his head. “You don’t know that, what if they make something up, what if they try and trap you, I can’t see you go through what happened to me, Roman, please.”

“Re,” Roman said, reaching out and pulling Remus into a hug. “I’ve wanted to talk to someone since middle school. You know that.”

Remus shook his head against Roman’s shoulder. “No, but you grew out of that I thought,” he said. “You grew out of it when you realized what it was actually like, didn’t you? You realized it was all bullshit.”

Roman pulled back and took Remus gently by the shoulders. “I don’t think it is, Re,” he said quietly. “I’ve been doing research for a long time, you know. What happened with you, that’s— that’s not how it’s supposed to work.”

“It doesn’t matter how it’s supposed to work, it happened,” Remus insisted, grabbing Roman’s hands. “I’m not going to let that happen to you, Roman. I’m not. You’re my brother.”

“I’m not in danger, Remus,” Roman said gently. “You don’t need to protect me from this. I want to do it.”

“Why? You’re fine.”

Roman flinched. “Please don’t say that,” he whispered, pulling back.

“What are you talking about?” Remus asked, reaching out for Roman again, but stopping when Roman pulled away. “Why— why not?”

Roman looked up at him, looking scared and angry— though Remus didn’t think it was directed at him.

“That’s what Mom and Dad said to me every time I asked them for help,” Roman said. “Because they couldn’t wrap their tiny fucking brains around the idea that my life wasn’t perfect. Because I had such a perfect soulmark. I was just supposed to be fine, all the time, and they wouldn’t believe me if I told them that—” he stopped suddenly, and looked away.

Remus dropped his hand back to his side, trying to push past the overwhelming fear welling up in his chest and focus on what Roman was saying.

He… he’d known Roman wasn’t okay, really. Roman had told him before that he felt worthless and small and like no one would ever want him other than Remus, that he’d never be enough no matter how hard he tried. And Remus had tried to help him with that. But Roman was saying he wasn’t enough. So what, Roman was saying he’d failed at the one thing he’d actually been able to try to do, locked up in that fucking place because no would believed him when he said he was—

Remus looked up at Roman. “Fuck,” he whispered. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I—”

He took a shaky breath, wrapped his arms around himself and squeezed. “Okay,” he whispered. “Okay, I— I believe you, Roman. I— I’m sorry. You shouldn’t ever have to hear that crap from me.”

Roman looked up at him, and Remus met his gaze.

“I’m still scared,” Remus whispered.

“That’s okay,” Roman said, nodding lightly.

“I still don’t think this is gonna help,” Remus said, shaking his head. “I— I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Maybe,” Roman said slowly, hesitantly. “You can come with me? Not for the therapy, you could— I don’t know. Interrogate them? Sit in for the first time?”

Remus considered that for a long moment. Finally, he nodded. “Okay,” he said.

Something like relief fell over Roman’s face, and Remus’ chest cracked just a little bit, because he knew that look, and Roman should never have to feel scared that Remus wouldn’t hear him. He reached out and pulled Roman into another hug again, and this time Roman hugged tightly back, breathing out a shaky sigh.

“I’m sorry,” Remus said into his shoulder. “You— I’m sorry.”

“S’okay,” Roman mumbled. “It’s not your fault.”

“No, but I should be helping,” Remus said. “You always helped me.”

“It’s okay,” Roman said. “S’just… all bullshit.”

Remus laughed a little. “Yeah,” he agreed, holding Roman closer.

They both stayed there for a long moment, not saying anything.

“Roman, if you ever need me to believe you about something, just tell me,” Remus said. “Tell me and I will, I promise.”

“What, you’re just gonna decide to?”

“Fuck yes I am. You tell me your shit, and I’ll believe you. It’s your shit.”

Roman laughed a little. “Okay,” he said, and they were both quiet for a minute.

“You think I’m gonna need to talk to someone,” Remus said dully, and Roman tensed again. “That’s what you were talking about with Janus, right? That’s how it got around to me.”

“I think… it wouldn’t be the worst idea,” Roman said hesitantly. “But only once you’re ready.”

“I can’t do that,” Remus said, shaking his head. “I’m never going back there.”

“It doesn’t have to be the same,” Roman said softly. “You wouldn’t have to be an in-patient at all.”

“No, Roman, you don’t understand,” Remus said. “I can’t just let them win.”

Roman pulled back and gave him a sad look. “That’s not what it is, Remus,” he said. “That’s not what it would be.”

“Yes it is. They weren’t right to not believe me and they weren’t right to throw me in there and they weren’t right to judge my entire life based on this stupid sentence,” he waved his wrist wildly around in front of Roman. “I can’t let them be right.”

Roman shook his head, looking firm and determined. “They will never be right, Remus. Those can be two different things.”

Remus crossed his arms and looked away. “What makes you so sure?”

“Because they did it to you,” Roman said. “It’s their fault. That makes them not right.”

“It’s that simple, huh?” Remus asked, looking up.

“Probably not,” Roman admitted. “But so what? Fuck them.”

Remus smiled just a little. “I don’t think that would really help matters.”

“Gross,” Roman groaned, in the tone of voice that meant he’d known it was coming as soon as he said it. Remus cackled.

“Come on,” he said, nudging Roman’s side with his arm as he started towards the door. “We’ve got a shift to finish. And I’ve got a Janus to yell at.”

...

Chapter Six

#sanders sides #remus sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #janus sanders #creativitwins #platonic dukeceit #intrulogical #platonic roceit #my fic

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striving-artist · 9 months

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Hi. I do agree with a lot of what you wrote--there absolutely is a problem of white cisgays pulling up the ladder behind them, no debate on that. But where you're starting to lose me is when you're saying that the 'respectable' gays are the ones who erased their identities to get crumbs from the establishment cake, thereby implying that they're only playacting 24/7 for the small chance of getting at least tolerated. You talk a lot about tone policing and not letting them divide us, but aren't you kind of doing the same thing just in reverse? Because there really are gays who truly want the office job, the suburban home, the marriage. You may find that boring (which is fine), but it doesn't mean they are betraying their 'true' identities or that they are traitors to the larger queer community.

You say we must stand together, and I agree 100%. But that also means including the boring ones among us who just want to work 9 to 5 and have their Big Gay Wedding.

Yeah, I can see where I wasn't clear enough. Thank you for pointing it out. In advance, I'm using Gay as a catchall here bc its what we would have said twenty years ago.

I do not care if a person wants to be delightfully boring. If their dream is to have a white picket fence and a dog and be imperceptibly gay, I will fight like hell for their right to have that. And lots of people who have that and want that, continue to support the fight. Love that for them. Maybe they don't want to be in marches and protests, but they can throw money around, and have conversations with conservatives who would never listen to people like my GNC friends. They're still in it, they were never playacting, I love them. I am also deeply boring, just a different variety.

What upsets me, and what then muddied what I was saying is several pieces, which is probably why it got muddy.

First: the gays who have that life, want that life, and as soon as they got the things they wanted, which were early on the checklist of things to fight for, they dipped. I am a big fan of unions and unity. If you're standing with the group, and they fought for you, you have to fight for them. Even if you won the thing you wanted yesterday, you still show up tomorrow. This wasn't everyone, but I knew at least a dozen first hand who did some form of this. In my head, they are the equivalent to scabs, and fuck scabs.

Second. The ones who wanted the whole community to play act being respectable. The ones who, whether they were or not, want us to all act like we're Neil Patrick Harris, and want to shove the wild side of the community into a corner so they won't embarrass us. I can't even say that they were strategically wrong to take that approach back then. It worked. We got marriage rights. But it also created this facade where if you want to be taken seriously as a leader, even now, you have to be the same kind of boring and respectable. It's why someone in heavy drag has a hard time making any argument without it being treated as joke, or an oddity. Even today, anyone outside of respectable gets framed as a bit of sideshow in media and society. It frustrates the hell out of me, and anyone pushing that crap now is on my list to fight. I get why it happened then, but never again.

Third, the people who really do hide who they are in order to get crumbs. I'm not mad at them, I'm mad for them. They shouldn't have to playact just to feel safe in their own home, but bc of point two, thats the only way they feel safe. And it makes me so mad that it spills over into my general tone.

As a fun(?) bonus. And this is not judgement or attack, just an observation. You're very close to falling into the paradox of tolerance trap here. Anytime someone talks about reverse bias, it throws a flag to stop and read closer because it commonly shows up together. Paradox of Tolerance is about the bullshit idea that a Tolerant Society (or person) is tolerant of everyone, including those who are intolerant.

That is false. A Tolerant Society is in a social contract with each other. I will tolerate your love of weird music genre 3, you will tolerate my love of weird hobby 4. As soon as someone enters who insists that their Intolerance be tolerated, they have broken that social contract, and the rest of us are no longer bound to tolerate them.

In practice for what you brought up: The foundation of the queer community is that we have each others backs, even if we're not into what you're into. I'm not Ace, I'll fight for them. My friend isn't a lesbian, they'll still show up to fight for their rights. I have no patience for, and I will never tolerate, someone who claims to stand under the queer umbrella while trying to shove others out, or define what Correct is. They broke the contract when they stopped supporting the entire group, they're no longer part of the group.

#queer community #I'm sorry I'm so wordy it's a problem #terfs use this a lot #the idea that we have to include them in queer stuff even though they hate whole bunches of us #no; you broke the contract so you can't sit with us until you rejoin the contract #it is a paradox and it is easy to trip yourself on it #please dont' let it #we don't tolerate the intolerant #hands down full stop go directly to jail

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just-here-for-the-art-shit · 11 months

Text

Oh no my hand slipp-

_________

The Adventures - Not - of Y/N

On some significant date in history, two people who probably were supernatural or something copulated and 9 or 10 or 8 months later I was born - guess what I'm an orphan. Imagine that. I grew up NORMALLY and NOTHING WEIRD ever HAPPENED. See the trick here is to deny everything the universe throws at you, give the middle finger to destiny. Yada yada.

My name .... Is Your S. Name. The S stands for Slash. And you can probably guess exactly what I look like. Female, pale skin, long wavy blonde hair, small hands, I'm 4'6" with blue eyes - you get it. Look, the fact that my parents named me, "Your Name" should've been the first red flag - but then again I was a baby. Object permanence hadn't even been established yet. Also when I was a baby someone or something probably stole me or I was sold into slavery under some rich guy with a young son - no, none of that happened. Once again - if you're in my position - deny reality.

I go to a NORMAL high school with ... Weirdos - oh here they come now -

“OK - none of you approach me, look at me, think about me, I’m not dating you, we’re not having a love triangle, I know one of you is a vampire or a werewolf or some kind of shit - I don’t care that you’re a billionaires son - not marrying a prince OR A PRINCESS - Villain, I’m not having an enemies to lovers story with you, everyone save the tragic backstories. Ok? Thank you - now move your ass to class, this isn’t storybook highschool, this is real highschool. We’re highschoolers. We should not be superhero teens or having intercourse in your dad’s Impala or some bullshit. We got boring shit to do LET’S GO MOVE IT - FIVE MINUTES TO CROSS THE SCHOOL COME ON!”

This happens everyday multiple times a day. Consequences of being named Your Name. I have two best friends though, to share in my suffering - Main Character and Love Interest. See it's really funny when Love Interest and I met because he said, "I'm supposed to date you but I'm gay sorry," and I knew from that day we'd be besties in this hell hole. And Main Character? He suffers more than me - for instance, yesterday:

“Shit - guys, it’s happening-”

“What’s wrong Main- holy shit-”

“Yeah - it happened last night, my hair turned all white and my eyes turned black and yellow like a cat or something-”

“I can see that.”

“What do I do?”

“Ok listen to me - follow the protocol. Do. Nothing. Don’t walk alone in alleyways or some monster or bad guy is going to jump out at you and try to fight you or some shit. Don’t go with ANYONE who says they’re from an organization, foundation, secret society, cult, past or future - don’t join any clubs, do NOT do any sports, keep your grades average, and if a really sexy shy girl bumps into you and spills all of her books, keep walking.”

“But that sounds kinda rude-”

“Exactly. A main character would be nice and apologetic and help her pick up the books as she shyly brushes her hair behind her ear - DO NOT do that. Be an asshole - but not so much of an asshole that you become an anti-hero or some shit. Just - do the opposite of what you think you should do - ok? It’s like me and Love - friendzone forever.”

“Yeah dude - just make it through highschool, and hopefully things will get better when we’re full adults - most main characters start as kids or teenagers - we can get through this.”

“But - I’m tired of living this boring life! I want to be someone - do something!”

“YOU’RE DOING IT RIGHT NOW MAIN!”

“Oh God you’re right! OK breathe, breathe - I don’t. Want to do. Anything. I'm a normal kid. Phew.”

“Gucci.”

The biggest question you may have is, "how long can you guys keep this up," and that answer is, "Yes."

______________________________________

#y/n #y/n slander #y/n story #The Adventures Not of Your Name #writing prompt #main character #love interest #ch1

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rozunderpressure · 5 months

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Seeing the mention of it, the ML subreddit is. Horrible. Like the people on Reddit will scream about how Adrien was mistreated 24/7 then suddenly go "Ugh, this again?!" when Chloé is brought up and downvote you to hell for saying you like her?? The subreddit is VERY canon loving but when you try to bring up how good/competent Chloé actually was IN canon, they call you delusional and tell you to get over it?? Ok get over Adrien not being in the finale, Alya believing Lila etc then. I'm not salting on Adrien or Alya btw but like. Why is one dead horse okay to beat but the other gets you attacked lol. Also it's full of people who think Felix is the greatest fiction character ever and that people who hate him are just stupid?

Its kinda funny to how the legit personality reasons to dislike both Chloé and Félix are the same... They are both arrogant, assholish, rich kids who, tho for different reasons, in their core, basically believe they are better than everybody, but Chloé used to be a hero and is usually being manipulated through her emotions and has expressed regret a few times, while Félix did a genocide among other horrible shit and literally never expressed any remorse, but his gf say he is nice now and we like her right? So yeah, lets just believe that...

Like, here is the interesting thing about contrasting those two: It clearly shows the writers only think of physical abuse as abuse, the fact Chloé was emotionally neglected is not abuse in their eyes, and also denotes a certain deep form of misogyny that shows in BOTH the fandom and writers (because its one that is an undercurrent in our society to be fair); Chloé is very feminine in the most demonized way by nerds (kinda dumb, trendy, a rich bitch and snobbish) and Félix is very masculine in the most desirable way for nerds (quick thinking, skillful, intelligent in way that makes him smarter than everybody else around him without much caring about the feelings of others, east Asian gfOKJK on that one), so that is that...

I don't hate Felix... I don't care for his character, he does nothing for me personally, I find the kind of character he is incredibly bland and boring, (and I don't hate the MLB Reddit community either-- mostly I don't KNOW the MLB reddit community--) but I don't hate him because I blame the writers for everything wrong with this show.

I have more to say about Alya and characters being plot devices and not characters (which is why she fell for Lila's bullshit, she wasn't being Alya at the time, no salt on her, its the writing that sucks) and how Adrien is treated like a trophy and frail creature who must be protectec from the truth itself and his treatment illustrates why just GENDERBENDING the shitty traditional story structure so the damsel in distress is now a guy without an IOTA of investigating WHY those stories suck IN THE FIRST PLACE doesn't work but-- I fear I already wrote too much, this is quite the long rant XD

So yeah, I don't know anything about the reddit community... XD

#Miraculous ladybug salt #ml salt #I guess?

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angryborzois · 8 months

Text

im bored so i'm gonna start drawing parallels between raison detre and gojos past arc 💀

i think the first part is getou's part and the second part is gojo's part and the third part is the two of them as a duo (parts of the third part I marked with red and blue as well but anything after purple is the third part)

(I'm sorry if the colors make it hard to read I didn't know how else to split the sections without it looking awkward)

Also this gets progressively sloppier as the song goes on so yeah..

漂うこの空気にストップただ矛盾を抱いている | Stop in this drifting air / I'm just harboring a contradiction

今更猛スピードでスタート切ったって | Even if I took off dashing from the start line now

どうやったって追いつきゃしないぜメーデー | I wouldn't be able to catch up no matter what I do, mayday

This part represents the rift Getou felt after Gojo who became the strongest (also the contradiction part matches Getou's wavering philosophy)

強がりに嫌気がさしている | I'm tired of acting tough

弱音も吐けないままでいる弱音も吐けないままでいる I'm still unable to whine / I'm still unable to whine

Pretty self-explanatory lmaoo.

損得のものさしでぽいって捨てられ | Thrown away by the measure of profit and loss

I think this part would represent people like Riko and Mimiko + Nanako

よそいきの顔してまたやり過ごす | I go through it again with a nonchalant face

Although I put nonchalant here (lol google translate), it means to act polite and well-mannered. This is basically what Getou did; despite seeing the same bullshit play out over and over again, he told himself to bear the burden of being the strong and forced himself to stay grounded and act well-rounded as an ideal server of society.

存在もないようなもんだ誰もわかっちゃいないや | It's like I don't exist / nobody gets it

This part relates to how most people aren't aware of his existence and importance of his job as a sorceror. Even more, nobody would understand the pain of his cursed technique; even to those who do know him.

感情論に縋ってなんて憚れば堕ちる | If I cling to an emotional argument and hesitate, I'll fall

Okay this part was hard to translate lmao. I wrote emotional argument, but the word basically means to go along with your emotions rather than hard sound logic. It can also be used to describe the manner of the action of an emotional or impulsive person. But anywho this is basically what Getou did. Look, it makes sense in my head but I don't know how to explain without writing up a whole essay. And anyways he fell.

だけど夢に目覚めた君は何をみるの | But what do you, who awakened in a dream, see?

I think this sounds like Getou asking Gojo after the latter unlocked his full potential

最低な日を超えて最善の成る方へ | Overcoming the worst days / Going toward the best way

どうしたんだ期待なんてもうしてられないから | What's wrong / I can't keep having expectations anymore

その時をじっと待っている | I'm waiting patiently for that time

曖昧な視界に立って際限のない方へ | Standing at the vague view / Toward the limitless

こんな気持ちさえも捨てきれないのなら | If you can't even throw away these feelings

混ざって混ざって生まれ変わるまで | Mixing / mixing / until we're reborn

終わらない夢を | This endless dream

These parts symbolize Gojo in a lot of ways, like how he was forced to move on toward a future he wanted to achieve with his friend but now has to achieve alone; chasing a dream that suddenly feels unclear to him as he realizes that despite the fact he was the strongest, he was unable to save the person closest to him. However, I also think this closely matches Getou trying to pursue an unclear dream that he justified himself upon after he massacred the village.

従わないことでしか忌み嫌われることでしか | Only by being disobedient / only by being hated

Gojo acts against the higher-ups out of spite for what they didn't do for the students when they should've. He wants them to hate him; he wants them to remember him; he wants to get back at them and leave an impression. (This sounded better in my head).

焦りだけでは満たされないありのままなど見せたくはないね | I don't want to show my true self that won't be satiated with only panic

ヘラヘラと今日も笑っている | I continue to laugh pathetically today

弱音も吐けないままでいる弱音も吐けないままでいる I'm still unable to whine / I'm still unable to whine

This part is literally just Gojo in a nutshell lmao. He continues to laugh and go on, but really, he's just shattered on the inside.

詭弁に振る舞う自己暗示さえ | Even the self-affirmation of sophistry

真実に拘る必要もない | There's no need to fixate on the truth

裏切ってしまいそうな今日がかける言葉もないな | The today that seems like it might betray me / I don't have any words to give

金輪際もう一生なんて憚れば堕ちる | If I hesitate and say I'll never lead a life again, I'll fall

だけど答えなど待っても君に会えやしないと | But even if I waited for an answer, I wouldn't be able to meet you

Okay lmfao this part is pretty complicated but I can say this part definitely--even if Gojo waited and waited to figure out the reason behind Getou's actions, in the end, it would be pointless, and either way he wouldn't be able to go back in time to right things. And either way, he wouldn't be able to meet the him that he knew and loved anymore. The self-affirmation part does tie in with Gojo making himself move on and tell himself he's the strongest, although personally, I don't believe he can see himself as the strongest without Getou by his side anymore.

相対武器をとって感情の鳴る方へ | Relatively we take up our arms and go in the direction our emotions ring

こんな気持ちさえも捨てきれないのなら | If you can't even throw away these feelings

混ざって混ざって生まれ変わるまで | Mixing / Mixing / Until we're reborn

終わらない夢を | This endless dream

I'm kinda too lazy to do this part lol

足りないものばかりの僕ら | Us, who are full of lacking things

The duo...

外見だけ取り繕った | I only patched up my appearance

続かないことに苛立った | I got irritated that things didn't continue

他人を見下し嗤ったんだ | I looked down on others and laughed

そうしないともう僕の心は壊れてしまうから | If I don't, my heart will break

本当はもうわかってるんだ | But really, I already know

期待されない人生だ | I'm living a life where nobody expects anything from me

Getou reflecting on his past, but at the same time this works perfectly fine for Gojo as well

根拠もないあの日のような | Just like that day without evidence

The day Riko died, the day Getou chose his path, the day Getou and Gojo parted ways, etc.

真っすぐな瞳は | The straightforward eyes

だけど夢に目覚めた君は何をみるの | But what do you, who awakened in a dream, see?

Getou questioning Gojo probably

最低な日を超えて最善の成る方へ | Overcoming the worst days / Going toward the best way

どうしたんだ期待なんてもうしてられないから | What's wrong / I can't keep having expectations anymore

その時をじっと待っている | I'm waiting patiently for that time

曖昧な視界に立って際限のない方へ | Standing at the vague view / Toward the limitless

こんな気持ちさえも捨てきれないのなら | If you can't even throw away these feelings

混ざって混ざって生まれ変わるまで | Mixing / Mixing / Until we're reborn

This part I already explained earlier

終わらない夢を | This endless dream

その先の君を | [And] to you, ahead of it

THIS PART. THIS PART. IT'S LIKE A MESSAGE TO GETOU. crying

#angryborzois rambles #take this with a grain of salt

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29pageshomestuckeveryday · 11 months

Text

Homestuck, page 2,369

Tavros: Confer with teammate.

Author commentary:

Okay, back into graduate thesis mode. Who was I even kidding with that. This page is a really good example of how Homestuck has a policy of trivializing its own "background lore." It's a bit flippant and exceedingly non-precious about points of lore that would otherwise take center stage as a focal point of intrigue in other fantasy stories. Homestuck does this consistently, often aggressively, with almost an air of derision toward the idea that anyone would actually want to focus on the substance of Sburb's mythological challenge to the players, the dungeon crawling, the secrets, the puzzles. That's why this frog puzzle feels like kind of a background joke rather than anything that could possibly matter to the story. I'm making sure the reader is always being reminded that the substance of the quest, which normally would be THE quest and explicit focus of such stories, is just a farcical backdrop to the actual foreground story. Which is about kids bullshitting with each other, the focus on their characters and themes, and the struggles along the way of their coming-of-age journey. The "Quest," and later the "Narrative Itself" simply serve as convoluted, hostile, and usually satirical environments for that journey. They are analogues for life itself, or the hostile world we must grow up in, full of the many absurd and pointless quest-like regimentations of society. Vriska here again functions as a sort of mouthpiece for authorial scorn toward elements of his creation. She derides these puzzles as a boring and useless expenditure of her time and interest, as well as the reader's. But this expression of scorn is just an accurate observation about the story itself. The story isn't about this stuff, and her inclination to hack or cheat her way through Sburb is actually an insightful reflection of the priorities and logic of Homestuck.

Here Vriska is going on at greater length, saying almost what I just said, but from the perspective of a cutthroat gamer rather than story analysis. There's a lot of moralization that happens in stories, particularly those meant for young people. Little lessons built into everything we consume, which have a way of indoctrinating us on how to consume all stories forever. We always look for the moral of the story, the lessons of right vs. wrong, sort of unconsciously. "Cheating = bad" is a recognizable moral of this kind, so when we see her ranting here about the need to cheat, as consumers of moral tales our alarm bells go off. "This is a bad person who has an immoral ethos, and she will likely be punished for this later, and we should want that as readers," The problem with this view is, of course, it's just not that simple. As a matter of valor and integrity, in a vacuum, yes, cheating is bad and immoral. However, in a situation you know to be rigged against you in certain ways, full of hurdles and milestones that are fundamentally meaningless, or even in some ways designed to mess with you or hold you back, is cheating then okay? Does it even count as cheating anymore, or is "cheating" just a negative word for what's actually the correct and logical solution to a murky problem, partially designed to deceive you and waste your time? This is part of what makes Vriska an intrinsic wedge character. She's always walking through the uncanny valley of morality with just about everything she says and does.

Vriska's "cheating" policy, as a matter of cutting through the bullshit and embracing a strategy of speed-running Sburb to whatever extent possible, actually isn't a remotely bad idea in the context of their session. It seems to be very effective, and though there are a lot of bumps along the way, the trolls actually kick their session's ass and win fair and square. The universe/frog they create turns out to be fruit from a poison tree, but that really isn't their fault. We are somewhat led to believe they had a flawed approach to this game, and were karmically punished for it when they tried to claim their reward. But that's mostly due to Karkat's projection and self-loathing rather than a true karmic sentence enforced by the text in response to their shortcuts and other "moral indiscretions." From the reader standpoint, it's tempting to parse it this way, I think again due to being so well-trained to view stories on such moralistic terms, where rewards come to those who do things the right way, and punishment to those who don't. Characters themselves are motivated to see things this way too, because they, like us, cut their teeth on tales with such morals. So Karkat, and many other characters, are prone to evaluating what happens to them in the terms of "the way stories typically work," which actually is a faulty perspective, verging on being tragic. The only conclusion to draw then, I believe, is this: it's wrong to interpret their misfortune after victory as punishment for either their moral failings or their approach to playing the game. A take I saw fairly often went something like, "The trolls speedran the game, skipping over important challenges that were key to their personal growth, which led to their downfall." This is a misleading and superficial spin on what happened. It gives too much credit and authority to Sburb's various regimentations as legitimate authenticators of one's "personal growth." They are not. Sburb has never been what it appears to be. Not to the players, and not to us.

#gif #pesterlog

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swordshapedleaves · 10 months

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Once again I have opinions on new seasonal anime no one asked for!

Thoughts on the 14 new shows I tried under the cut.

Shows I'm Excited About

My Happy Marriage

It's an arranged marriage romance with magic, though there wasn't any magic overtly present in the first episode. It has these relatively subtle references to fairy tales that I really like and the animation is really gorgeous. Looking forward to this one!

Zom 100

An office worker is so burnt out that the actual zombie apocalypse is a fresh change of pace. The energy is great and the animation is gorgeous. I love zombie media that's aware of zombie media. I also really like the OP, which is the same group that did the OP for Yamada 999 last season.

Shows I'm Optimistic About

Ayaka

This show looks like the anime adaptation is a fantasy BL visual novel but is apparently an original IP. I dunno why the MC's dead dad's will banished him to a childhood of trauma off island only to return when he's just old enough to start dating but I hope it's so he can end up smooching some of these color coded magical boys.

Dark Gathering

It's spooky! I feel sorry for any ghost fighting show that's going up against the second season of Jujustu Kaisen but this one seems way more of a creepy comedy than an action show so hopefully it finds its own niche and excels there.

The Gene of AI

As someone with memory problems this first episode made me super uncomfortable! It's doing what good science fiction should do, which is using future tech to tackle uncomfortable philosophical questions, but it remains to be seen if it addresses them thoughtfully. I will say though that the idea of someone who loves me crying uncontrollably because the fact I forgot a new recipe for scrambled eggs means I'm not really the person she knew really hurt. I have genuine fears about my memory problems ruining relationships and seeing it done so ham-handedly feels bad. Definitely gonna keep watching though because at least it's interesting.

Helck

This is a fantasy anime about a big strong muscle guy who is trying to become the King of Demons. Even the first episode couldn't pull off any visual appeal so I have low expectations but I'd like to have a fun time cheering on our Conan rip off who's going off script by trying to join the side of the demons.

Noble Farmer

This is a series of shorts by and about mangaka Hiromu Arakawa of Fullmetal Alchemist fame. She is the scion of Hokkaido dairy farmers and is passionate about her roots. The first episode felt like it was paid for by a dairy farmers association but Arakawa is so charming I don't even mind.

Undead Murder Farce

This show has great vibes and a fun premise. All the yokai and oni and such are being eradicated as part of the Meiji restoration. A couple of them are trying to survive and also solve a murder of sorts. The vibes are great but the animation is kinda mid.

Shows that Cater to my Bullshit Specifically

The Most Heretical Last Boss Queen: From Villainess to Savior

That name is awful but the Otome game villainess reincarnation micro genre is my jam. This villainess cries a lot and I'm hoping for a good time as all the people who were her enemies in the game fall in love with her.

Sweet Reincarnation

I love cooking shows and also fantasy stories so when they get smushed together I'm almost sure to have a good time. This feels like a less clever Ascendence of a Bookworm in a lot of ways. Person is killed by their specific interest falling on them, only to reincarnate into a world where the thing they love is very expensive and out of reach at their current status. So they simply use their knowledge of our technology to reorder society in a way that allows them to feed their special interest. This time it's a pastry chef who loves sweets instead of a librarian who loves books. His new name is Pastry.

Stuff I Tried That Didn't Make the Cut

Am I Actually the Strongest?

His sister is obviously the reincarnated Demon Lord. Looks boring.

The Masterful Cat is Depressed Again Today

It's like Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid without the charm or the sex appeal, plus the camera work is weirdly unsettling.

Reborn as a Vending Machine, Now I Wander the Dungeon

This one was also boring. It was one of the first shows we tried this season and I've already forgotten it for the most part.

Reign of the Seven Spellblades

Magic school with a 20% death rate, and one of the freshmen this season is a Samurai. I might watch a second episode if I have time to kill but there just wasn't anything really exciting in this first episode to get me past the Harry Potter but Edgier vibes.

#anime #summer 2023

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