work in progress?

it's like. everything happens so much. it's all happening right now but at the same time nothing is happening whatsoever. it's a liminal space of an existence. it's slowly crushing me under the weight but when I look up there's nothing actually bearing down on me. there shouldn't be any weight. something is wrong but nothing has happened. I'm simultaneously overwhelmed and utterly bored. nothing is happening and maybe that's the everything that's happening. maybe the everything is the nothing. we aren't there yet but it's all so imminent. either everything is going to crash down or nothing is. I'm just waiting to figure out which.

Yearning for another fandom historical event that makes me feel the way I felt when they confirmed Tracer was a lesbian. Please...it was so triumphant

would rly love to know why the brain and nervous system have decided to gift me with The Evening Horrors every day for the past ... week ? ish ? what the heck changed that made this start happening consistently every time dinner rolls around :[

Finish watching Playboyy or Wedding Impossible?

At this point, I think you know me too well. Incredibly rude.

Anyway, I'd rather finish watching Wedding Impossible. For a few reasons:

The ending might suck but at least it has an ending

The audio production doesn't make me want to end the world

Even if I hated the characters and how they went about the relationships and how the show framed them, they at least made sense in Wedding Impossible.

Please never give me two gay wrongs again this was so hard.

oh no. i feel like if i do not consume an entire load of bread in the very near future i will simply cease to exist.

the worst day ever.

What really pisses me off when people are like. No child should be friends with an adult; it’s (insert word/phrase that has been misused so much it’s kinda ceased to have meaning to me anymore) is… My older friends? Even though I’m 28 and yknow. An Adult. Have literally saved my life. Like not only do they have more knowledge about how things work (like Medicaid and food stamps and student loans and resumes and and and all the other shit nobody bothers to teach you and can be hella confusing/nearly inaccessible unless you Know but is hella important/can really fuck up your life if you’re not careful) and like…more experience so when they tell you “it’s gonna be hard, but you can handle it” or “I know it looks scary, but it’s not that bad and I promise you’ll get through it” or “it doesn’t matter if don’t graduate college, look at me. I didn’t. I’ve got a stable, well paying job. It’s not impossible to be comfortable without a college degree. And look at (other friend who is sitting right next to them), they worked their ass off for a double degree and currently not using it! You’ll be okay, you’ll figure it out.” your brain can actually believe them cuz yknow. They’ve been where you are. They have that life experience. And they’re not gonna lie to you because they love you and respect you too much to do that.

Like I don’t want to make it sound like friendship is a commodity, but older friends and intergenerational friendships can be so extremely valuable, especially to vulnerable younger people in abusive households. And I don’t even mean like in that they can offer you a place to crash cuz not every friend is gonna be able to do that and that’s OKAY. But maybe they can still help you in other ways. Even if it’s “just” holding your hand and validating your fears while you cry your eyes out but reassuring you that they believe in your ability to work through it. They believe in *you*. (And yes, I REALLY appreciate the same sentiment from friends my age and it’s also extremely helpful and I love them so very much. But it just sorta hits in a different way coming from an older friend. Not in a way that’s better or worse. Just different.)

Also something something seeing that you have a future when you can’t see past the next year or six months is just. So fucking reassuring.

Also. Older friends are just plain fun. I love my older friends and my life would be so much poorer without them. So yknow. Fuck people that condemn intergenerational friendships.

Also also something something something ‘fuck you for making me feel terrible/paranoid about wanting to offer my own experience to those younger than me. To help them in any way I can. As another fantastic and dearly beloved friend says. “If you start sounding like my mental illness, YOU are the problem and maybe need to re-evaluate some things.”’

i hate being the way i am why the fuck can't i fix it

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I made a new suitor for my horror-comedy dating manga concept I Escaped My Genre!

At this community cooking college, majoring in dinner theatre of course means that you must master the art of theatre AS WELL AS the art of cabaret-appropriate foods that align with the themes of whatever show you are doing!

But the college also has a vibrant student theatre scene: Phoenix is actually directing the Drama Club's production of Romeo & Juliet this spring as their end-of-year final! I wonder if Samo will try out! (And I wonder if Phoenix will end up looking romantically into Samo's eyes and finding that in that moment, all zyr carefully-curated bravado drops away, and suddenly, ze is no longer acting; ze is simply feeling, and it changes everything.)

Also, since I put so much work into this character design, Phoenix will absolutely be making an appearance in my graphic novel! (You can find my published scripts and concept art here, if you wanna make my day!)

anyway fuck men.

eldest daughter syndrome never ends i’ve spent my entire day off taking care of children 🫶🏽