and while i’m in this body, i want somebody to want

litany in which certain things are crossed out by richard siken // ? // summer by safia elhillo // blood wedding and yerma by federico garcia lorca // holly warburton // little beast by richard siken // scene of deluge by joseph-désiré court // the angel experiment by james patterson // when i grow up i want to be a list of further possibilities by chen chen // moon song by phoebe bridgers

on desire as hunger

haruki murakami norwegian wood \\ victoria hannan kokomo

support me

Crowley post-divorce vibes

“Woke Up New”, The Mountain Goats / “In a Dream You Saw a Way to Survive”, Clementine von Radics / “Litany in Which Certain Things are Crossed Out”, Richard Siken / “I’m Your Man”, Mitski / Excerpt from The Queen Below, Brittany Smith / unknown

 There is something uniquely convincing about the perceptions that occur to you when you are in love. They seem truer than other perceptions, and more truly your own, won from reality at personal cost. Greatest certainty is felt about the beloved as necessary complement to you. Your powers of imagination connive at this vision, calling up possibilities from beyond the actual. All at once a self never known before, which now strikes you as the true one, is coming into focus. A gust of godlikeness may pass through you and for an instant a great many things look knowable, possible and present. Then the edge asserts itself. You are not a god. You are not that enlarged self. Indeed, you are not even a whole self, as you now see. Your new knowledge of possibilities is also a knowledge of what is lacking in the actual.

Anne Carson, from Eros the Bittersweet

on want

inspired by the @ineffabildaddy fic, in your own time. hope you like it!

to want is the most human anyone can get, and to lack is the most animalistic one can get. 

to be denied what we truly want, the hollow dark ache where there should be nothing but shining sunlight, is one of the most universal experiences of mankind, a binding of blood. and yet, humans seem to make games out of denying themselves, ever drawn to the sharp flagellating whip of self abstinence. for what is it to want, than to crawl back into the belly of the earth, gasping for air and hungering for nectar? for when you want, you strive, you seek, you gain, and you take. you are powerful in taking, more powerful in giving, and a helpless babe when you are denied. 

you ache for more, you are a dying man that aches for water, clawing at the sands for a mirage of salvation. when you want, you are a starving woman, longing for bread, on the cusp of revolution and a holy war for your want. when you take, you take not as a hunter takes life for sport, for pelts and heads to mount on your hearth of plenty, but a wolf tearing into its prey with animalistic hunger, to survive the winter and keep alive for one more day. 

when you truly lack, you will feel it deep inside you, an eternal weight on your pained bones, a hole in your mind where no logical thought can be made, an trapped fox in a trap, thrashing and screaming for your ache to be filled, or simply end. to want is to gasp for air, to lack is to drown and whither with sorrow in your lungs. 

want is cruel, want is painful, want is a vow of poverty. and yet, in of itself, want is more than that. want is giving, want is hopeful, want is the promise you make to yourself that seals your body to your mind, that seals the future in an otherwise unimaginable way. for when you want, you are a vessel of change, of hope. for what is it to want but to be uncomfortable enough with our own being that we claw our way out of the void? what is it to truly lack, that does not make the little that is there all the more sweet? what is it to need, but to cry “revolution” to the crushing iron fist of the status quo, and to raise up arms? 

when that call to rebellion rings heavy in your ears, many say, “keep away from all human temptations, lest you reveal the hungriest, most animalistic parts of yourself, a nakedness which when revealed, cannot be masked again. make yourself a martyr to your own cause, and you will prosper far more.” but to that, i say, “what is it to have human desires, but to be human, truly and deeply? who was God to punish man for the sin of curiosity, of ache, of want for the ripe, sweet nectar of things never meant for us, lest we fall? who are you to deny yourself the hungriest parts of yourself, for chastity, for penance? what is want, but to be martyred by your own self, a sacrifice of your old self for the prosperity of your new one?”

until you are uncomfortable, until you are raw with dissatisfaction, until you feel the cold slap to the face of need, you do not change. it is through sheer will and will alone humanity has come this far, on aches and wants and more. to deny that, is to deny humanity itself, and further, to deny God’s creation in all its glory. let yourself be your own guide on your aches and wants, a singing chorus after a lifetime vow of silence, and go blessed in the Her hand, ever tempted to strive and ache for more. 

link to the fic that inspired me to make this!! https://archiveofourown.org/works/54453724/chapters/137947819

By LabradoriteKing on Pinterest

"This fic was ai generated—" Cool, so lemme block you real quick

I turn to Ares.

Thanks to Tyler Miles Lockett who allowed me to draw inspiration from his ARES piece for page 2! Look at his etsy page it's SICK

⚔️ If you want to read some queer retelling of arturian legends have a look at my webtoon

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

god I would be UNSTOPPABLE if I was capable of consistently initiating tasks. just you wait. you'll be waiting a while but just you wait

Listen to skyjacks also look at my cat

happy birthday to my best friend grey 🐇🩵🫂🛌

 Sappho perceives desire by identifying it as a three-part structure. We may, in the traditional terminology of erotic theorizing, refer to this structure as a love triangle and we may be tempted, with post-Romantic asperity, to dismiss it as a ruse. But the ruse of the triangle is not a trivial mental maneuver. We see in it the radical constitution of desire. For, where eros is lack, its activation calls for three structural components—lover, beloved and that which comes between them. They are three points of transformation on a circuit of possible relationship, electrified by desire so that they touch not touching. Conjoined they are held apart. The third component plays a paradoxical role for it both connects and separates, marking that two are not one, irradiating the absence whose presence is demanded by eros. When the circuit-points connect, perception leaps. And something becomes visible, on the triangular path where volts are moving, that would not be visible without the three-part structure. The difference between what is and what could be is visible. The ideal is projected on a screen of the actual, in a kind of stereoscopy. The man sits like a god, the poet almost dies: two poles of response within the same desiring mind. Triangulation makes both present at once by a shift of distance, replacing erotic action with a ruse of heart and language. For in this dance the people do not move. Desire moves. Eros is a verb.

Anne Carson, from Eros the Bittersweet

Some wild shit goes on in ppls lives

Good morning everybody