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#ok rant over sorry fam

surrealsunday · 4 months

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hey jaime, how are you??

i just come by to wish you a happy new year! (kinda late but it’s still january so it still counts 😌) i hope you have a great end of 2023 :))

also with a friend we were talking and we suddenly thought abt punzel!lucas/elu and we were wondering how these two lovebirds were doing and what would they be up to now, according to you 🤔👀 lowkey miss them now ngl sjdbdh (as well as the canon version of course)

can you believe this year is marking the five years of skam france s3, 5 YEARS OF ELU…

BTW HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW MAXEL CONTENT RECENTLY??? well literally all january we were being fed really well (individually and tgt) 😌 AND WE ALSO GOT MAXEL SELFIES IN BIG 2024 I VANT STOP SMILING THINKING ABT IT (sorry i’m freaking out again sjdbdh) their friendship is just so special and warms my heart sm every time it crosses my mind 💙

anyways i’ll stop my rant bc otherwise i could go on for hours 😭 wish you a wonderful evening/day and sending you lots of hugs and strength and luck 🫶🏻

Marieeeeee hiiiiiiiiii 😊❤️❤️❤️❤️!!! It was so nice to see a message from you! And a happy new year to you too!

I'm ok - I both can't believe it's gonna be the end of January and also can't believe it's still January 😂. Work has not stopped being insane since I took over this new position but I'm thankfully still loving it. And I'm especially loving living in a place where I am no longer dealing with -40 celcius through the winter 😅. I hope your holiday season and start of the new year has been going fabulously for you!

And 5 years? 5 YEARS?! How is that even possible omg 😭😭😭. That calls for a rewatch, I think. My babies 🥹. And the Maxel content yessss! I love you for linking posts thank you! One of my friends thankfully sends me things because I would end up missing them on social media otherwise. Honestly the joy their friendship brings me. 5 years and those boys are still tight. I love them so much. Also the fact that Rocco was looped into their little friend group and we have actual pics of Maxence with Rocco AND Axel? Truly... life has been good to us 😌😂.

And Punzel babies? Well, they're living their happy life together in their flat. Eliott definitely refers to Lucas as his husband even though - as Lucas insists - they're too young to get married. Eliott thinks that's nonsense because he's been waiting what amounts to their entire lives and obviously they're going to be together for life anyways. But for that same reason, he's not too fussed about it - official papers or not, they are married in his mind. They've definitely added to their little fam and have a cat in addition to their pup Pascale. The cat absolutely rules their home (as cats are known to do) and is the only one who can get Pascale to stop being mouthy (Huskies you know 😂). Lucas would definitely complain the cat doesn't like him and play up that they have some sort of nemesis relationship. Only Eliott has caught Lucas curled up asleep on the couch with the kitty on his chest wrapped up in his arms more than once. Eliott would be a little jealous about the fact that he's the one who dotes on the kitty but she still seems to be an utter suck for Lucas... only, he's the exact same way so he can't blame her 😌. Second to Lucas, her fave is Idriss. Because this cat has ✨taste✨. I'm trying to think what they would name their kitty... probably something Rapunzel adjacent because they're saps... but I don't have a name popping to mind just yet.

And of course there are the fun dynamics of their relationship that they will probably always be figuring out. Like Lucas realizing (and relishing) in the power he has over Eliott and the way he can make Eliott's brain short circuit in any variety of ways (like saying something incredibly explicit in the middle of much more innocent activities like cooking dinner). Then Eliott will remember he no longer holds his Punzel in the 'look but don't touch' category and things work out quite nicely for both of them 😌. Basically... they're living their best lives figuring out adulthood and now jobs together ❤️.

Sending you all the love and hugs back!

#sweetest people #Punzel fic

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giggly-squiggily · 4 months

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Ok first: have you seen Frozen??? I have a thing stuck in my head for it that will not leave my head and I wanna tell someone 😖

Second:

Yk how I said Muzan is allergic to cats and dogs? Here’s the thing-he loves cats. Like he just finds them cute and has an impulse to pet every single one he sees-which he does. And then he ends up coughing up a lung later. If he wasn’t immortal this bitch would be dead 💀

Third:

Imagine a demon eating someone that had just used hand sanitizer. Just like-*bites into hand* “BLEH-WHAT THE HECK?!” Cause they don’t remember what the heck it is 😭😭

Finally:

Imagine the uppermoons teaching Muzan young people slang, but wrong. Muzan telling the lowermoons to, and I quote, “Shut up or I’ll rail you.” Thinking it means he’s gonna hit them with a train 😭😭😭Once he does know what slang means, he purposefully uses it in a cringe way to mess with them. “Man my fam, you all totally SLAYED your missions. Gimmie a high five, no homo.” They never teach him slang ever again.

Sorry for the long rant friend, I hope this doesn’t annoy you too much 😖

Heyo! Sorry for the late reply friend!

1.) I have! I can’t say I’m the biggest Frozen fanatic but I did enjoy the movies when I watched them 🥰

2.) HANZNWNSN 🤣🤣🤣 He comes back- eyes red and watery and voice raspy; some think he’d been crying and are too scared to ask about it. Only he upper moons know the truth

3.) JWNSNWN Did they have sanitizer back in the Taishou era? If not I’d imagine some very strong aromatic soaps or creams- something that smells delicious but if you lick it you realize it’s not 😭 Douma is especially guilty of this; he takes a bite and just 🤢🤢🤢 now he’s got the taste in his mouth for however long and is kinda mad about it qjsnnsnsns

4.) HANZNWNNSNWNS STOP MUZAN WITH THE SLANG 🤣🤣🤣🤣 He’s so confused by the lingo and how it changes over time like “What is a…girlboss? Why are we lighting gas? What gate are we keeping?” Like you said he finally figures it out but it’s so cringy whdnnwndnnendnsnd No one teaches him it anymore but like- now he doesn’t have to hear it during meetings sooo kind of a win? 🤣

You never have to apologize friend! You did nothing wrong; if anything I love hearing your headcanons and thoughts! 🥰🥰🥰

#squiggily speaks #ask #flyinginvelaris #friend :3 #headcanons #demon slayer #wndnnwnxnsndnd these are GOLD! 🤣🤣🤣🥰🥰🥰

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the-prophecy · 7 months

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im literally so so frustrated.

i don't know if I should study for the upcoming pre uni exams to qualify for admission into a master's program. or should I try to earn money with my limited knowledge in the subject of my career which I learned in my undergrad. I see everyone doing different things and im so freaking confused right now. on one hand I want to study and learn more and develop more skills (promising myself I won't let anxiety take over this time) and on the other hand my brother keeps telling me what i "should" be doing. which basically is start earning money. i literally didn't learn enough in undergrad to actually work effectively in my field. so as a fresher it's terrifying out there

what are you studying? what grade are you in?/which course are you pursuing diti?

sorry for such a random rant in your ask box

the heaviness in my chest doubles every time i feel like im doing the wrong thing. which I always am, I guess?

Ok bestie bestie i get you it's totally normal to feel that way I've myself been up a few nights thinking this as I'm legit in last semester and like so one thing that everyone has told me to always complete masters like bachelor's mean really less and like you can do masters with an internship so you'll start earning a Lil bit with studying too also your brother isn't the one who decides what you need to do, you have to make the decision for your own good bestie, I'd suggest to do masters bc even my prof told me a bachelor's degree has no value compared to masters and this one's for the long run we know that right

I'm in third year college bachelor's of biochem and biotech (it's double degree) and like have 4-5 more months left then I'll do masters bc yeah as I mentioned before and I'll do internship which atleast gives me 10-15k a month

It's your decision bestie but from my side I'm advising to do masters bc we don't want to regret having a less earning job in future do we ? And it's ok we all go through the phase I've been there too at the end we need to chose one path and make sure we don't regret it, do whatever feels right to you not ur brother or ur fam. Hope you'll figure it out and if u need any help you can DM me anytime 🫂

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myfaveisfuckable · 11 months

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Rants!

Jane/Amelia: Ok my love for this ship started a million years ago with this video:

youtube

But seriously they are so much fun. Amelia is one of the few people smart enough to keep up with Jane and challenge her, and Jane is one of the few people so consistently principled that Amelia would actually be able to trust her and let her guard down. Amelia is the Captain who can take Jane wherever she wants to go to perform her research, and they get to open doors for each other. Plus let's be real, Jane hooking up with an alien sounds 100% right that girl is not capable of having a vanilla relationship.

Hope Diyoza/Echo: Listen barely anyone even watched the last season of that show, most of us sapphics lost interest post Lexa but it's such a tragedy. My girl Hope is only in that season and so many people dislike her 8( anyway the fandom immediately agreed that Hope was a lesbian and then Echo entered her storyline and fam. How the writers didn't see it is beyond me. It's been almost three years and it's looking like I'm never gonna get over them. "You must think I'm so weak..." - 'No. The opposite." Hhhh and Hope killing for Echo when she wasn't even able to do that for her father figure. Oh god and "How could you let her do this!?" - "Because I want her to." My little babies off to (attempt to) commit genocide :') other highlights include some cowards not wanting to ship Hope with her aunt's brother's ex-girlfriend (there was time fuckery involved, they're close in age when they meet, also who cares?? the CHEMISTRY), Echo Spy Shenanigans TM and the fact that I still want to write that Mamma Mia AU every time I hear an abba song. Lord help me now I want to rewatch s7 for them again

(second submission from the same person)

Hi hello sorry if this is a double submission I don't remember if i submitted them or dreamt it shout out to my adhd. ANYWAY Hope and Echo ruined my life back in 2020 literally thought about them 24/7 from june until October. Picture this: feral girl child of two terrorists who was isolated her whole life, literally nearly alone on a planet for 20yrs and has only truly known exactly 3 people ever and then matured through trauma trauma ptsd trauma and is now determined as All Fuck to go rescue her mother and aunt figure meets ex child soldier master spy redeemed antagonist who only learned what feelings are and how to deal with them a few years ago who is determined to go save her lame ass bf who is bein held in the same place as the other girl's mum and aunt. They join forces and train together and teach each other everything they know and get matching haircuts (this is canon look it up I'm obsessed). The first time Hope kills somebody is to save Echo's life; the first unfamiliar person Echo hugs and comforts is Hope. They invade a planet with their science nerd friend and enable each others genocidal tendencies so bad I love them ♡ after that whole ordeal goes wrong which includes Echo's shitty bf dumping her so she can't keep him from torturing their friend (notably not because of the attempted genocide lol) they are like each other's go to human at all times... until the 100 writers once again show their incapability of writing sapphic stories by forcing Hope to kiss a man who she met literally like a week ago (her and Echo have known each other for 5yrs at that point, there is time fuckery involved) and who would have been a great bestie for her. Boo! Hope is a lesbian! Every queer person who watched s7 agrees! Anyway after she show ends Hope and her boo realise that this is absolutely not what they want and Hope and Echo get to slow burn their way into what they were always meant to be and would have been if the writers had gone with actor chemistry over what they wanted to write from the start. I'm kidding Echo needed time to grieve her shit bf first but like I said. Eventually they got together and they lived happily ever after. Check the Echope tag on tumblr if you wanna see them, a fic rec for their dynamic could be "otherwise sensible women" by penguinofprose ao3. Sorry if I ranted too much thenksies if you read this far mwah :*

#poll #tournament #treasure planet #the 100 #disney tarzan #Youtube

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loafofsof · 6 months

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PLEASE TAKE YOUR F**KING MEDS - A PSA

Well a PSA specifically for future me anyway. Hello there mental health community!

Just here to remind you to not randomly stop taking your SSRI's or you will actually die.

Here's a sexy list of all my personal withdrawal effects from my specific SSRI:

+ You will sweat CONSTANTLY. Like not oh this is a lil bit annoying I'm talking Karlach you need to get the fuck back to Avernus levels like don't even bother dressing because you will soak through the clothes in a matter of minutes. + You will have ZERO body temperature regulation - no even more than usual. This will be accompanied by feverishness and flushes. CONSTANTLY. + Don't suffer from vertigo? YOU DO NOW. Which means you can't drive or see anything actually. Longer you leave it, worse it gets! + Ah remember the days when you had no idea you were unwell and either you slept for days or had to endanger yourself by going for walks at 3am due to raging insomnia? WELCOME BACKKKK :D On this occasion you stayed up for nearing the 48 hour mark. Noice. + Now, you won't remember this, obviously, but disassociating for hours at a time and being utterly delusional is a pretty sexy look for you I am sure however you know what else is sexy? Being fucking coherent.

+ Speaking of sexy - you know what isn't particularly arousing? Not being able to actually function because you keep sobbing about basically absolutely nothing. Good job asshole.

I take a hefty 40mg of paroxetine on the dillio until occasionally (thank the gods not as often as previously!) - my brain will decide of it's own accord the medication is obviously trying to kill me. That'll be the BPD friend.

Please make an attempt to banish your paranoia which you do have:

+ Big pharma is not coming for you. + Your friends/fam/work colleagues etc are not government spies. Sorry bro you ain't that special. + Your doctors are not trying to kill you. They will do what the are able to help you! Especially if you are paying them money. They can't cash in on a corpse. + Finally, no. I am afraid you have not been enlightened by the Gods. You have not magically gained intergalactic knowledge from {insert divine force here} to no longer have mental health and physical health issues. TAKE THE DAMN PILLS. + Every time you miss your meds Astarion disapproves ok? You gone taste funny you see. + Your IRL husband didn't sign up for this shit. Okay maybe a little but still not very loving of you to be psychotic now is it? + Your recreational substances are just not going to work. Doesn't matter how many tokes you have bigman. Your brain works about as well as the Dark Urge's post Orin's stabby mc stabbin. And that's with the medication.

If you are that concerned your SSRI dose may be too high / your emotional curvature is too flat then for the love of the gods JUST REDUCE YOUR DOSE don't just STOP TAKING THEM YOU ABSOLUTE SP****C.

Rant over - please take care of yourselves. It's actually really important.

Sorry about all the BG3 references for those who aren't into it - it's current hyper fixation atm.

Yes that's why I had to have a post break.

#ssri #ssri withdrawal #mental health #medication #This genuinely is a message to myself #me #self care #doctors #sorry about all the bg3 refs #writing #bpd #adhd #paranoia #psychosis

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mauesartetc · 3 years

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Hi! (Helluva boss rant) Um I don’t think I’ve seen you touch upon this but the ‘relationship’ between Millie and Luna… like I’ve watched the whole series and I have yet to see Millie call Luna by her name even in ep 6 or even thank her for her help (again in ep 6) and the way she talks about her (in ep 1) “come on Mox your Gon’ shot are only hellhound” she’s talking about her like an object! And she didn’t even introduce Luna to her fam in ep 5. And in ep 6 she just demands Luna open the portal even after Luna is like “But Bliz said no” and ok I did like the way Luna tried to console Millie about Moxie but she didn’t even care, even though Moxie had Bliz, can and will kill if needed, Bliz had a phone if they needed to contact! Like bitch you don’t need to be so worried! And yes she does have some reason to be worried but come the fuck on she knows what Moxie is capable of she’s just “so worried about him”. sorry for the rant but your one of the few people I’ve actually seen critique the show

Yeah that's a good point. I'm guessing she has seniority over Loona in the company hierarchy, so that might be why she feels within her rights to order her around in Ep 6 (though this is never clarified). But I see no reason why the hell she wouldn't introduce Loona to her family, like damn.

It'd be interesting to see these two characters forced to work together in an episode, which would strengthen their relationship and give us more insight into how each one operates and why. But these writers seem more focused on the male characters' side of things, so I won't hold my breath.

#ask #anon ask #anonymous #helluva boss #helluva critical #helluva millie #loona #writing #character development

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minijenn · 3 years

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Mmmm ok I think its time I lay my cards out on the table when it comes to UF.

Before I say anything else, let me clarify that UF isn’t cancelled but it is on indefinite hiatus again (kinda has been since the last chapter tbh as we all know). The reason for that mainly comes from a complete lack of motivation to work on it. I just... don’t really even feel like thinking about it much these days and honestly the idea of writing it feels a lot like a chore to me when compared to writing Keys, which is very fun and is def a passion project both to write and to draw. And I’ve learned to chase my passions in whatever ways I can, which is why I’ve been sitting in Keys Land so much lately.

But that could change! I never know when the UF muse might hit me again and I decide to pick the fic up again. It could happen at literally any moment so that’s why I’m not shelving the fic or calling it off. Not when we’re so close to the end of it all. But even still, you do need to realize it could still be several more months before I begin work on it again. I’m not putting a definitive date on anything.

Not to mention in a few weeks I’m unfortunately going to be going back to work in person full time instead of working from home like I’ve been doing for over a year now (I’m very upset with the fact that I’m being forced to do this, but that’s a rant for another time). That means my free time for writing and drawing and basically a lot of other things is going to be severely reduced and redacted. Which means Keys itself might be coming out at a slower pace than I’d like it to and which also means I need to use what little free time I’ll have during the week wisely. There’s gonna be some other changes coming along with my return to full time in person work, such as me cutting my streaming schedule down to two nights a week instead of three (sorry fam but the Wind Waker stream is getting the ax for now). Either way though I’ll still keep chugging along with Keys and I’lll... bide my time with Uf for now and see what happens. Hopefully you all can be patient with me as we see whatever the future holds next. Love ya’ll and stay safe and healthy <3

(but also if I get any more asks about when UF is coming back I’m going to scream please stop asking me that k thnx bye)

#jen rambles #i kinda hope something happens and my workplace will decide to let us keep working from home #there is literally no point to us coming back #its because they want things to go back to normal #ok but why??? what does it matter???#it makes no sense #i swear to god #fuckin hate it here #updates

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pixelwisp-archive · 3 years

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Hi Ori! Can I ask you your favorite selfship and as many headcanons as you want about you two?

Khooshaaaaaa thank you sm for feeding my hyperfixation on Makki 😩🖤 I’m probably gonna get very carried away with this LMAO I’m so sorry

-His contact name: ✨Fuckass💕✨

-My contact name: Stinky💛

- Pet names: Babe, Baby, nerd (affectionate), he’s also prone to saying dramatic shit to be dinkus like ‘how is the light of my life doing today’

-We have a fake engagement ring so we can fake public proposals for free shit shdfjsjdjd

- He def has a second TikTok account that he doesn’t tell me about and it isn’t until his series of “things my girlfriend cried about this week” comes up on my fyp that I find it LMAO

- in response, I start making those ‘guessing my bf’s replies’ and he gets lowkey so triggered lmao (literally just this )

-if he has thirst traps (which he totally does) I send them to Mattsun and Iwa and they stitch it copying him and making fun and theirs always goes fucking viral lol

- He buys flowers all the time but he purposefully picks out the ugliest he can find and he’ll made a joke like “they reminded me of you babe, heinous 💖” but in actuality he buys the ugly ones because he knows no one else will and he lowkey wants them to feel loved before they eventually die 🥺

- I said this before in an ask to someone once but we are the CEO’s of making fun of Iwaizumi for being such a gym rat lmao please whenever he so much as mentions it we recite the student athlete copypasta

- Stop Grinding?😂 The Grind Never Stops💯 No Breaks😈 We Stay Dream Chasing💪I don't get a break ✊ I'll be out here grinding 😈 Imma be chasing dreams while you're lounging 💯 the only thing i'm chasing🏃🏽😈is my dreams💭✊🏽keep grinding 💯RIP grandma👵🏼Romans 8:1🙏🏼busy?😂 you don't know🤔 what busy is 🏃🏽fam👐🏻 i won't🙅🏻ever stop my grind💯nothing gets handed to me 🙄🙅🏻‍♂️ I work for everything I got ‼️but we ain't done yet 💯😈👀 Nap?😂 I don't know that word😴 while you taking Z's 💤 I'm making W's🙌🏆U snooze you lose😤🤘can kill my ambition💯😈🙏🏻 i will never stop grinding🙏🏻even when im dead sleep is for the weak😴💯 U mean my TEAM⁉️ONE eats, we ALL eat🍽We out here grindin' together💪😤 THAT'S family💯😈

- also either one of us could start a vine and the other will finish it no matter where we are.

- Me, from the kitchen: Road work ahead?

- Makki, from the other side of the apartment: uh yeah, I sure hope it does

-Makki, brushing his teeth: Two bros chillin in the hot tub

-Me, in the shower: Five feet apart cause they’re not gay 😌✨

- we like have passionate debates but we rarely actually fight??? Like it def happens but it’s usually over something stupid lmao

- If we ever DO get into an argument, If I’m in the wrong I will literally crumble almost immediately. I will prob leave the room angry and in like a half hour I’ll scamper back out pathetically and the second he so much as looks my way I’ll just start crying and apologizing because The guilt eats me alive lmao.

- If he’s in the wrong, there will prob be a short silent treatment as he lowkey stews in his guilt and I’m too upset to talk to him, but then he shoots me a link to a Spotify playlist he made from the other room

- It would literally be something like this

- and I would forgive him on the spot lmao stop he’s so fucking stupid I love him

- Tbh I hate the fact that Furudate didn’t give him a job so I hc that he does some sort of freelance work - either IT/web dev, video editing, or even a private tutor (or maybe he’s an overachiever and does all 3 💅 can’t stop him)

- He is such a gossip whore and even though I pretend I’m ~above~ drama I fucking live for the tea so the two of us are absolute menaces having gossip sessions after work like

- Anime marathons, snuggled on the couch, doesn’t get bothered when I wanna pause to discuss like every 5 minutes because I’m ADHD and a certified mess

- He has a Sixth Sense when it comes to me having a bad day (no dumbass you’ve just been ranting in the gc since 9am) so he always has dinner and a little pamper session planned on those days and tbh I WILL cry on the spot (I’m a crier if you couldn’t tell fklasdf;jasd)

- him, constantly: I love you biiiiitch, I ain’t never gonna stop lovin you, biiitch

- HE IS SO GOOD WITH KIDS and tbh I’m normally on board with the dink lifestyle but he would make the baby fever so bad jfc

-ok this is getting ridiculous I’ll stop now I just love him a whole lot 😩🖤

#orimakki #whispers #familiars #khoosha #I wanna have cuter tags but im ~uncreative~

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yellowocaballero · 4 years

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I left a yelly comment because it was like 5am and I haven't gotten the time to process yet (i binge studied for two weeks and your fics are the first non-study shit ive read in a long time and the absurdism and philosophy made me so happy). BUT. About TCF. It rang very true in some ways to me, as someone from a 3rd world country because we... we are constantly under crisis. The apocalypse? It happens all the time. There's never money and sometimes theres LESS or theres a coup or a riot and-

And i'm young but i've already lived through one major national crisis that has WRECKED my fam when i was a baby and I'm now the age my parents were last time and I'm living through an even worse socio-politic-economical crash. And I was talking with my dad about this, who lived through a dictatorship and 4 crisis, about how idk how im going to move out or when and i was like "it just feels like the worlds ending" and he laughed and went "the worlds always ending. we just... keep going" (2/)

It's not a special notion, what he said. But. It made me think. About my country and my people and my family and how everyone has lived through so much helplessness and yet they keep choosing when they lack choice. Like, we can barely control our own natural resources or our land or our presidents without external intervention. Imperialism. But yeah, ppl still... fight so much yknow? And they are aware of it. They keep going. And your fics, specially TCF, reminded me of that. (3/)

IM SORRY IM RANTING SO MUCH BUT LET ME PRAISE YOU! your fic (your story, goddamn!) made me think of that. Of my dad. How the world's always ending but people keep going anyways, how they still try to change at least a little bit just because its the decent thing to do, just because why not? It's not about being an individual hero. It's collectivity and organisation and just... facing the storm togheter. Building a shelter. And I know you're asking questions, not solving them but thank you. Truly.

OK IM DONE I DIDNT MARK IT BUT IM DONE!!!! Just... thank you. I'm not a specifically cynic person (nor a faux positive one) but I just... i'm thankful. I'm touched. Hope you have a really nice day. Truly

Yes!! YES!!!

Thank you so much for these asks, and for sharing. I really enjoy hearing how people’s lives and experiences act as a lens through which they read my stuff, and people always have incredibly interesting perspectives. Thank you for sharing yours - it’s really valuable.

Something that’s always stood out to me in TMA is the resilience of people. Awful, terrible things keep happening to people, and they just get up, dust themselves off, and keep living anyway. Even when it’s hard or not worth it, almost every TMA character makes the decision to live and try to live well. It’s an essential part of being an Avatar, especially for Jon’s arc - that you choose living painfully over dying peacefully. Jon made the decision to hurt others and live instead of die - that’s important! As ol Jonny Sims said, TMA is about those compromises and choices we have to make, when there is no one good answer.

I believe very firmly that people are REALLY GOOD at surviving! You’re right - no matter how bad things get, or how terrible the situation seems, life goes on. The worlds ends and we wake up the next day. I think this first started hitting me around COVID, and you can tell how dramatically COVID affected my idea of the apocalypse - an apocalypse where everything’s different, where everybody lives in constant fear and misery in a way so different from the way they once did...but hey, we’re living. People are still memeing, still taking care of their kids, still playing with their dogs. People have survived the worst conditions imaginable in life throughout history (as I’m sure you know), and they still somehow got up and did their work. Even on a personal level - I had a conversation with a friend the other day where I remarked about how many times I’ve felt in my life that I can’t handle something, that I can’t do it, that I can’t make it through the next day or do this task or graduate or get this job or whatever. But I always do. Every time I say ‘I can’t do this’ or ‘I can’t handle this’, I always end up waking up the next day anyway. I’ve survived every day I’ve ever had! And I’ve survived some DAYS! Weird how that works out!

Season 5 in TMA is Hell (It is really basically hell, I have feelings on this). People sinned in one of 14 ways, and they’re being punished for all time because of it. But my approach to the apocalypse (written before I started listening to S5), was that it was just a new world. More dangerous, definitely more terrible, way more fear demons, full of monsters and urban fantasy and everything...but a world, where people live, if not thrive. Nobody’s thriving, in Jon’s world - but people are surviving, because not even Jonah Magnus can take that from them. I kind of dislike in S5 how people are just trapped in a nightmare or a dream, it’s so stagnant and perpetual. It’s very scary, but I wanted to build an urban fantasy type world, and it’s important that those worlds feel livable and exciting. The world in TCF, as Helen said, is simply different. Life always seems to get harder, because men like Jonah Magnus turned it into a capitalist hellscape and exploited it for himself, but far worse has happened and we aren’t dead yet!

And Jon, who is the utterly privileged class, who reaps every benefit of capitalism there is, looks at this oppressed world that he created and decides that he doesn’t want or need it. And then he rips the chains from the world and gives it back to humanity. It doesn’t fix everything - but it gives people a fighting chance. Which is all they need.

Thanks for the ask, and thanks for sharing your story!

#tcf is about capitalism and death and those are the only two things it is about #my writing

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melancholydreadfuldream · 4 years

Text

Going Under Part One

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: 13th Doctor x Reader

Summary: An accident during a routine adventure made your life spiraled out of control with only the Doctor as the anchor. Will you ever find your way back to your Doctor again?

Trigger Warning: ooc, angst, plot holes as usual, attempted suicide, dark!doctor, death, insanity, etc. You have been warned.

More warning: English is not my first language so beware of the headache you will receive upon reading this.

A/N: Ok, this is going to be a very disastrous story and to tell the truth, I have no idea how to wrap it up in a pretty bow. For this particular story, I put the song Going Under by Evanescence on a loop to get in the mood hence the title. As usual, this story probably filled with lot of plot holes, but that is to be expected in my fanfiction. I'm very afraid to post this actually. It would be very me to ended up writing a bad fanfiction that no one care to read. I have finished part two, actually, but I will post it on queue. Ugh, I'm throwing myself into the usual circle of hell of wondering whether writing this worth it or whether this is trash. Wish me luck, guys!

Part Two is here

I fell to the ground after I was shot by that light beam. I thought I was a goner. From the concerned sounds of the Doctor and the fam, they thought the same.

It was our usual routine adventure that almost always followed by a crisis that only the Doctor can solved. This time, the crisis involved human experiments. The Doctor is righteously pissed at the perpetrators. And one of the scientists shot at the Doctor using his experimental weapon and I pushed her out of the way.

The Doctor and the fam fussed over me.

I felt pain and then nothing. I think I lose my consciousness for a bit. I woke up to the sound of sonic screwdriver insistently scanning me. I forced myself to open my eyes and saw the relieved faces of the Doctor and the fam. I groaned. "What happened?"

The Doctor and the fam shared a chuckle at my respond.

"Don't ever do that again." The Doctor said with a firm tone.

Seeing her serious expression, I sighed. Eventhough she would have done the same as me if she was in my position, the time lady doth protest too much, methinks. But I'm not in the mood to argue, so I replied, "I won't."

The Doctor gazed at me with indecipherable expression. "We should go back to the Tardis. I have to scan you some more. I don't know what that weapon is, seem to malfunction, you are very lucky, (name). But just in case, I need to do more test on you."

"Whatever you want, doc."

"How are you feeling?" Yaz asked me as she helped me up.

"Like I was electrocuted? But...now I feel kind of okay." I said.

"You scared all of us." Ryan said.

"Sorry. But I'm fine, see?" I decided to do a dramatic spinning and I regretted it when I lost my balance.

The Doctor catches me before I fall. "Not so fine after all..." she murmured. She is surprisingly very strong.

"Okay, I might need a rest." I admitted.

The Doctor made Yaz and Ryan led me back to the Tardis as she had to deal with the scientists.

7777

Yaz and Ryan took me to my room back inside the Tardis. I thanks them for their help before hugging one of my stuffed animals pillow on the bed and blissfully fell into a deep sleep.

I woke maybe a few hours later. The room is cold. I felt so uncomfortable as I forced myself to open my eyes. I was surprised to find myself on the floor in a very dark room. I reach around my pant for my smartphone and turned on the flashlight. I found the door and got out. I could hear the voices of the Doctor and the fam in the console room so I went over there.

"Guys, how did I ended up on the floor in some random room?" I asked loudly.

The Doctor and the fam froze as they saw me.

The Doctor quickly approached me and demanded in a very scary tone, "Who are you? How did you get on board of my Tardis?"

I was confused. "What do you mean?"

"We are inside the time vortex. How did you get here? And when did you even get in?"

I stared at her in confusion. "Doctor, what are you talking about?"

"Y-you know who I am?" The Doctor asked. She look at me in skeptical.

"Of course I do. Duh. We have been travelling together for a while." I said. "Ryan, is this one of your prank? Did you get her to play along?"

Ryan look very confused. "Err, you know me?"

"Ok, this is not funny, guys." I complained. "I'm so tired after our latest adventures. I mean, I did get shot. I'm really not in the mood for whatever prank this is."

The Doctor and the fam exchanged a look at each other.

They were making me nervous now.

"We don't know who you are." It was Yaz who replied.

"That's not funny, Yaz." I said. "Just stop it, guys."

"How did you know my fam? Who are you?" The Doctor demanded as she grabbed my wrist in warning.

"Doctor, you are hurting me. What is wrong with you?" I yelled angrily as I tried to pull my wrist free of her strong grip.

"Err, doc, I think we all need to calm down some." Graham said.

The Doctor released me grudgingly.

I massaged my wrist. "Had I known you would act this way, I would let that scientist shot you."

"What scientist?" The Doctor asked.

"You said you were shot? Where are you injured?" Yaz asked.

I sighed. "Are we still playing this? You are all there when he shot at the Doctor and I pushes her out of the way." I glared at the Doctor. "Don't worry, doc, I won't shield you again next time." I said sarcastically.

The Doctor pulled her sonic screwdriver and scanned me. "Human."

"Of course, I am human! Guys, I'm so..." I trailed as I finally take a good long look at them and realized they really have no idea who I am. "You really have no idea who I am?"

The fam nodded in unison.

I could feel myself start to panic. "Oh God, is this the side effect of that shot? Did it makes you guys forgot all about me? I mean it was experimental weapon. And, doc, you promised to do a scan on me in the Tardis to see if there is any other...damages..."

"I don't know who you are and what your plan is but if you are planning to..."

"I'm not! I am not the enemy, okay! Just chill!" I yelled at her when I noticed she is about to give me her oncoming storm rants. I quickly pulled my smartphone.

The Doctor raised her sonic screwdriver at me warningly.

"I have proof, okay?" I placated. I went through my phone and to the gallery. I showed them our many selfie group pictures. "Here."

The Doctor grabbed my phone and took a few step back. The fam goes to see the pictures in disbelief.

"How is this possible?" Yaz asked the Doctor.

The Doctor observed the pictures and then she stared at me. "What is your name?"

"It's (name). (name) (last name)." I replied weakly.

The Doctor nodded and went to the console, pushing some button. The monitor suddenly turned on and show information on me. While at it, the Doctor performed a scan on me via the Tardis. She also cloned my phone so that she can investigates the pictures. I think she suspected it was fake photoshop picture or something.

"Satisfied yet? I'm not lying, okay."

The Doctor hummed. "We will see."

I groaned in annoyance.

While the Doctor busy consulting with the Tardis, I sat on one of the stairs. I watched the Doctor and the fam stay far away from me and whispered really quiet. I sighed.

The Tardis suddenly bleeping loudly and the Doctor run around the console and then stopped in front of the monitor, reading the information provided by the sentient ship.

The Doctor look awed, her mouth dropped open. She turned to look at me.

"What is it?" I asked.

"According to this, you are from an alternate universe." The Doctor replied. "But how did you even ended up here?"

"You are asking me? I have no idea. Last thing I remember is sleeping in my room at the Tardis and then I woke up here." I said.

"Tell me exactly what happened before. You said that you were shot...by some scientist?" The Doctor asked.

So I told her exactly what happened.

7777

While The Doctor is busy figuring out what exactly happened to me, I sat alone at the kitchen's Tardis. At least the way to the kitchen is still the same. I made myself a coffee and sat staring at my cup absentmindedly.

Ryan come in and sat with me for a while. He was curious about the other Ryan and asked me to tell stories about my own adventure back in my universe.

I sighed. It seemed I have come to accept what is happening to me. I am indeed in twilight zone where I have never met the Doctor and the fam thus never boarded the Tardis. I was kind of sad so to distract my mind, I relented and tell him whatever he want to know.

Eventually Yaz joined us. We started talking about our respective adventures and about the Doctor. We got a laugh over the Doctor being pretty much the same in any universe.

I don't know how long we talked but I was grateful for them for easing my loneliness. I finally noticed the Doctor is standing leaning against the doorway, watching us. A small smile touched her lips as she watches us.

"Doctor." I called out. "Did you find anything?"

She shook her head. "I'm sorry. Unless we found the weapon they used on you, I can't exactly figure it out."

"So, we have to go to the place where the scientists are? Okay. Let's go." I said, eager to get this over with so I can go back to my Doctor and my friends. "I mean, I guess we should find your version of the scientists who did this to me, right? So that you can take a look at the weapon?"

The Doctor look impressed with me.

"Then what are waiting for?"

"Tomorrow." The Doctor replied. "We are all tired. You look tired."

I wanted to protest but she shushed me.

"Come on I will show you to your room." The Doctor said.

7777

The Doctor left me in my new room. The room is just ordinary without any of personal touch. I felt the loneliness come back. I laid on the bed, trying to hold back my tears. I pulled my phone and swipe on the pictures of my Doctor and my fam. I hope to God that I could return back to them as soon as possible. "Please don't let me be trapped here." I whispered. I fell asleep soon after.

I woke up to the concerned voices of the Doctor and the fam. I opened my eyes in confusion. I wasn't in my room. The Tardis med-bay, my mind supplied.

The Doctor and the fam looked at me with troubled expression.

"Doctor? What happened?"

"You're awake."

"How did I get here? I was in my room."

"The Doctor is checking on you and she found you in a seizure." Yaz replied. "You really had all of us scared out of our mind."

I smiled a little. I felt bad for intruding on them when they didn't even know me. I frowned. I didn't remember getting a seizure though. I looked up toward the Doctor. "Thank you for checking up on me. You saved me."

"We are even then..." The Doctor said.

"Yeah."

The Doctor gazed at me. "Do you feel any pain right now?"

"Not really, just really really tired." I trailed. My eyes widened suddenly as I look at the Doctor. "we are even?"

The Doctor looked confused. "Yeah, you did saved me first, by pushing me out of the way."

"You know me!" I yelled suddenly. "You know me, right?" I asked her and then turned to the fam. "You guys too? Yaz? Ryan? Graham?"

The Doctor and the fam stared at me as if I had gone insane and exchanged a look with each other.

"err, did she get a concussion, doc?" Ryan asked.

"Hey!!" I yelled. "Focus!! Who am I?"

"You don't know?" Graham asked.

"Of course I know who I am. Do you? Come on, guys, work with me here!" I said as I forced myself to get up despite their protests. "Who am I?" I barked at them. If the situation is different, I would have laugh at how angry I sounded but I was desperate for them to make sure they do know me.

The Doctor stared at me and then replied, "You are (name)."

"And?" I urged. "Did I travel with you and them in the Tardis?"

"You know you do, (name)." Yaz said. "What's gotten into you?"

I sighed in relief at their confirmation. I laughed. "I'm back!" I laughed some more as tears suddenly fell into my cheeks.

"(name), are you alright?" Graham asked cautiously.

"You guys won't believe what happened to me." I said. And I told them what happened to me earlier.

7777

I sulked. They don't believe me. At all. Because according to them, I have been sleeping in my room that whole time. Even the Doctor said what I'm experiencing is probably a nightmare. In a way, it made sense. The Doctor and the fam never knew me? My greatest fear.

I sat on the stairs on the console room. After what happened to me, regardless whether it was real or not, I don't feel like to be alone so I sat there, watching the Doctor at the console.

The Doctor noticed me and decided to join me at the stairs.

"So, a seizure, huh? Was it because of that weapon? Have you figure out what that weapon are? Did it meant to give the victim a nightmare and a seizure?" I asked the Doctor.

The Doctor look troubled.

"Doctor?"

"Don't worry, (name), it will be okay."

"So there is something to worry about?"

"Of course not."

"But you just said..."

The Doctor surprised me when she suddenly grabbed my face. I blushed at the close proximity.

"Just trust in me, (name)." She said as she put her forehead over mine. "Just trust the Doctor."

"I do trust you, Doctor." I said softly.

I feel dizzy all of sudden and fell to the floor, unable to balance myself. "Ow, what the hell...? That is some headache..." I looked up and frowned when I realized I was alone. "Doctor?"

7777

My eyes widened as I take in the console room. It was different from what I used to. But there is no one in the console room. Fear nagging on the corner of my mind. Have I gone insane? Or did I somehow travel somewhere else again?

I know the Tardis is not in mid-flight, it was already landed somewhere so I got out of the Tardis to check it out. As I opened the door, I saw the beach and a man in a trench coat was there, nursing a banana daiquiri. He had his ties tied around his forehead and a black sunglasses covered his face. He was drunk as a skunk. With no one in sight, I had no choice but to go to him for information.

"Hello." I greeted.

The man glanced at me and smiled brightly. "Why, hello there. Where did you come from? No one go to this beach this time of the years..."

"Yeaah...about that...where am I...exactly? I'm kinda lost...?"

He beamed. "I'm good with lost thing. Oops, where is my manner? Hulla there, I'm the Doctor."

My jaw dropped in shock. "W-what? You? You are the Doctor?" I asked.

"Yeah, do you know of me then?" He asked in dopey manner.

"But...you are a man..." I said dumbly.

"Of course I am a man. What else I could be?" He asked almost like I insult him.

"Right. She said she was once a Scotsman before. It was a time lord thingies, was it?"

He sobered up almost immediately. "How did you know that?"

"I'm not the enemy, okay? Everytime!" I yelled, pissed at his tone that is almost accusing. I admitted I was being dramatic. It was only one time but I just hated being questioned of my intention. But then again, this version of the Doctor never met me so of course he will be suspicious.

He frowned at me.

"Look, Doctor. I don't know what is happening to me. I keep waking up into different Tardis than the one that I know of. My Doctor said everything is alright but as you can see, the fact that I'm here instead with her means something is wrong. I knew she is holding out something on me. Trust in the Doctor, my ass!" I ranted.

He blinked at me. "Soo, you are a future companion of mine then? And I will be a Time Lady in the future?"

I blinked back at him. "You are taking this surprisingly well. I thought you would give me the oncoming storm speech. Considering I have no proof that I am indeed your future companion..."

"I feel like you are quite genuine to fake it."

"err, thanks?"

He grinned a boyish grin at me. "Right then, off to the Tardis we are!" He said as he grabbed my hand toward the Tardis.

I pulled away from him. "Bit forward, aren't you?"

"What? Didn't your Doctor grab your hand and told you to run?"

"Noo. She told me to get off my ass and help her barricade the door."

"Oh."

"We were under alien attack, you see, it was my first time to see alien so I was kinda out of it."

"Right. That sounded like interesting story which we can continue on the Tardis. Come on."

I followed him obediently.

7777

I told him what happened to me, about the shooting, about the alternate universe.

The Doctor hummed as he pushed some button on the Tardis as he made the machine scan me.

"So, am I in the past or am I in some random alternate universe?" I asked.

The Doctor frowned as he observed the monitor containing information on whatever it is he is working on.

"What is it?"

"Nothing." He said as he tried to pulled the monitor away from me but I was faster this time and I saw it.

"Ooh..." I was understandably shocked. Because according to the Tardis database, I don't exist.

"Different universe yeah?" He said as if trying to console me.

"Yeah." I nodded numbly. "But... you believe me?"

He nodded. "Course."

I sighed in relief. "Can you get me back home?"

"I will most certainly try."

I nodded gratefully. "Thank you."

He smiled at me. "So, since you are from alternate universe, it meant whatever you tell me will not be spoiler. So tell me about your Doctor. I have never regenerated into a woman before. What was I like?"

"Well, you love to talk, I guess you are always like that, huh?"

"Love talking." He said cheekily.

I described my Doctor to him. He gave me an amused smile. "What?"

"Sounded like you fancy her..."

I blushed. "Shut up. She is my best friend, okay."

He grinned.

My stomach choose that moment to protest in hunger much to my embarassment.

He chuckled. "Come on, let's go to the kitchen."

I followed him gratefully. "Doctor, where are your companion?"

His smile vanished. "I wasn't taking anyone currently."

"Ooh." I felt bad for bringing that up because it sure ruined his mood. "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"For whatever happened to you or your companion."

He look surprised.

"You have that sad eyes, like my Doctor. Before she met me and the fam, she lost someone too."

He smiled sadly. "Yeah that tends to happened." He sighed and then he stared at me. "The fam?"

I shrugged. "It is what she called us."

"Blimey how many companion did she have right now?"

I told him about the fam happily. He was lonely, I can tell. I wonder what happened to his companion. But I know better than to ask that. So all I can do is tell him about my funny adventures to ease his loneliness. We entered the kitchen and he started preparing a light snack and tea for me.

7777

I woke up on the floor...again.

"err, how did you get here?" A young man suddenly waved me for attention.

"W-what? Where am I?" I asked in confusion.

"You are in the Tardis kitchen but how did you get here?"

"Are you the Doctor?"

"No. I'm Rory, my wife and I travel with him." He said. "Are you alright?" He look concerned.

"My head hurts." I said. "Can you get me to the Doctor please?"

He nodded. "Wait here." He quickly left and yelled for Amy and the Doctor.

My head hurts really badly. I felt like I'm about to throw up. I forced myself to stand up and walked out of the kitchen and fell.

7777

"DOCTOOOORR!!" A young woman screamed loudly making me wince. "Hey, are you alright?"

I groaned. "I'm not okay. I think I'm dying..." I said.

"DOCTOOOORRR!!"

I groaned. "Please stop yelling at me. God, I'm in hell..."

"Sorry."

"Clara, what's with all the yelling?" An old man dressed like a magician suddenly appeared.

"Look at her."

"Who is she? Did you invite a stranger without my permission?"

"I did not! I found her in the corridor like that." Clara said with a glare.

He sonic-ed me. "You looked like hell."

"I'm dying..." I said almost petulantly.

"She kept saying that..." Clara said.

"Get her to the medbay."

Contrary to my belief, I was not dying. Apparently I was dehydrated. The Doctor gave me some infusion. I felt so much better now.

The Doctor and the young woman who identified as Clara stared at me curiously as I devoured some food they gave me.

"Right, you want an explanation." I said.

"That would be great, yeah." Clara said.

"Well, what did the Tardis tell you? Am I at least exist here?" I asked.

The Doctor frowned. "How do you mean?"

"The last universe I was in, the Doctor told me that I didn't exist. The one before that apparently never met me. I'm so tired. I just want to go home to my Doctor and my friends." I said tiredly.

"Tell me exactly what happened to you." The Doctor demanded suddenly.

And so I did. Again.

"So, ever since the shot, you have been crossing all over the universe?" Clara asked in awe.

I sighed. "That, or my Doctor is right and this is all just happening in my head. A nightmare of some kind. Though I didn't think so. Even I wouldn't be able to conjure so many detail about the Doctor."

The Doctor told me that the Doctor I met in the beach is his tenth incarnation and that he was the Twelfth one.

"Yeah, I think my Doctor is after this you. She mentioned that she used to be a Scotsman before." I replied.

"Wait, your Doctor is a woman?" Clara asked giddily. "Oh, I have to meet her."

The Doctor gave Clara a look.

"What? I am curious. You as a woman." Clara said with a grin at the Doctor. "Tell me what she look like." She asked me.

"Am I allowed to tell her?" I asked the Doctor. "Am I in the past or...?" I'm almost afraid to ask.

"You are in an alternate universe. And you did exist here." The Doctor said.

I nodded.

"Well? Tell me please." Clara urged me.

I grinned at her and told her what she wanted to know.

The Doctor pretended to be busy with something else but both Clara and I know he is secretly listening. He asked me for some blood sample and I let him. I trust him.

The last words my Doctor left me...trust in the Doctor. So I did.

7777

I woke up alone in the Tardis medbay. I sighed, resigning myself to be in another random place of universe. I wonder where I ended up right now.

I got out of the medbay trying to find the Doctor. For once, I recognized the Tardis interior. My hearts swelled with hope that I am back at home. I walked as fast as I can to the console room hoping to find the Doctor or the fam. I found none.

I got out of the Tardis. I was in some alien planet. Without thinking for my safety, I stepped out of the Tardis. And then I saw her. The Doctor. My Doctor. But does she know me?

The Doctor stood alone, looking so lonely. My heart ached for her.

"Doctor?" I called out.

The Doctor turned around and her eyes widened as she saw me. "(name)? Is it really...you?" she stuttered my name.

I gave her a hesitant smile. "It's me."

She hugged me and she actually burst into tears.

I hugged her back but I was confused. "Doctor, what's wrong?"

She pulled out of the hug and put both of her hands over my face. She smiled sadly. "My (name)..."

I felt uncomfortable. I like her so much. In fact, I could actually admitted that I have a crush on her. But the way she called my name, it's almost like we are lovers which I know we are not.

"I missed you so much." She said with a sob.

I was floored. The Doctor? Doing emotion? Something is wrong with her. "Doctor, where is the fam?"

She sobered up immediately. A dark expression crossed her features.

"What's it?"

"I lost them...to the cyberman."

I blinked. "Jack's warning..."

She nodded sadly.

"What happened?"

"I failed them." She only said that, not wanting to relive the painful memory.

I wanted to cry. I can't believe it. The fam can't be gone. "How long have I been gone?"

She didn't answer. Instead she turned around and walked toward to a bunch of stone. I followed her and I froze when I saw it.

It was my graveyard. The stone has my name carved on it.

I shook my head. "This isn't it. This isn't home." I whispered.

"She said that too." The Doctor said. "You, she died in my arms. She died in pain and she kept screaming that she wanted to go home."

I was shook to the core. Is this my future? Did I just give myself a spoiler?

"I never understand what is happening to her. I tried to make sense of it. It sounded like she was being torn apart from the inside." The Doctor said with a forlorn look.

I shook my head in disbelief. I ran back toward the Tardis. I screamed while I was inside. "Please, please take me back home! I'm done with this! I'm done!!"

The Doctor entered the Tardis. Her eyes looked sad.

I ignored her as I broke down in tears. I bend my knees on the floor and cried.

She also sat beside me and hugged me close.

"What is happening to me? Please fix me, Doctor." I begged her. "Please..."

The Doctor nodded weakly. "I will. Of course, I will."

I stared at her. "Promise me." I demanded. I know I was being cruel. "I want to go back to my Doctor and to my friends."

"I promise."

The Doctor lies. That's what the Master once told me when we met. She won't lie, would she?

I made the mistake to gaze at her and I saw something frightening in her features.

7777

I blinked and froze when I saw Twefth Doctor and Clara again. I was in a different console room again.

They stared at me.

"You are back." Clara said.

My whole body just trembled mixture of fear, shock and relief.

"I just found out I will die a painful death." I blurted as I wipe my tears off with my sleeve.

The Doctor and Clara blinked at me.

"I'm so tired of saying this. But for the love of God, please help me, Doctor." I begged him.

The Doctor stared at me and nodded. "Your blood sample come back. You are indeed dying."

"Doctor!" Clara shouted in warning.

I nodded and laughed harshly. "I figures as much."

"There is something changing your DNA and it made you into a personal time machine. One that seemed to anchor yourself to the Doctor. Any Doctor. Any universes." The Doctor said. "And you are only human, your body can't take it. You are dying a slow death."

I sighed. "I guess the good thing about this is it was me instead of the Doctor." I said softly. If I had not pushed my Doctor out of the way, it would be her in this predicament. The thought of the Doctor dying, I shuddered. The universe will be screwed.

The Doctor looked like he was being slapped. "She would not want that. I, she would not want you to die in her place."

"I didn't want to die either. But..." I stared at Clara. "You would do the same for him, wouldn't you?"

Clara stared at her Doctor solemnly. "In a heartbeat."

The Doctor gazed at Clara.

"Right, okay? Is there a way to at least prolong my life?" I asked them, broke them from their loving gaze.

The Doctor replied without looking at me, "Working on it... Would be easier if you led me to the scientists so I can take a look at their project."

"Right." I tried to wreck my brain to remember what planet the Doctor took me that times. I was at loss.

He rolled his eyes. "Human. Pudding brain."

"Hey!!" Both Clara and I yelled at him.

He grabbed me and told me to put my hands on the Tardis telepathic circuit. He told me to focus on my memory of that planet. So I did.

7777

I was in a middle of a town square. The town sign told me it was Christmas. I groaned. "Now what?"

I heard the unmistakable sound of a sonic screwdriver and a man in bow tie is wielding it at me.

"Hello, there, I'm the Doctor."

"I know. The sonic screwdriver kinda gives you away."

"You know me then?"

I sighed. "This is bullshit. Doctor, I'm a future companion, okay? I traveled with your Thirteenth incarnation. But I might be from another universes. It has been happening a lot lately. And I'm dying apparently."

The Doctor glared at me and let out a harsh chuckle. "Nice one. But I am on my last regeneration and I don't have anymore. So, who are you, really?"

I stared at him disbelief. "You have got to be joking. I don't have a proof, okay? But I wasn't lying."

"Yeah, you are not lying about dying, are you?" The Doctor said as he read the result of his scan from his sonic screwdriver.

I fell silent to that. "Fine." I said. "Don't believe me for all I care. I won't be here long anyway. I probably gonna disappear to another universe, another you again soon." I crossed my arms, well aware that I'm sulking.

He frowned at that. "You are from another universe." He stared at me as he circled me around.

"Oh now you are curious, are you not?" I mocked him in my anger. I shuddered in cold.

He sighed and he pulled his jacket and gave it to me much to my surprise.

I took it and murmured a small thank you.

He took me inside a tower.

"Soo...you believe me?"

"You can't tell a lie here. There is a truth field in this planet. So, yeah, I do believe you." He said as he gave me some hot tea. "So, tell me about what's been happening to you. Sounded like you have a tough day."

"You have no idea. And honestly, I'm tired of having to tell it over and over again to every version of you. I never stick around long enough to get some answers." I said solemnly.

"Tell me anyway." He requested.

And so I did. Again.

7777

I felt dizzy. "Oh great..." I moaned without opening my eyes.

"Found you." Someone suddenly grabbed me from behind and hugged me.

It was the Thirteenth Doctor but from her voice, I could tell immediately she is not the one.

I tried to move away from her but she kept me still. "Doctor?" I called out.

"My (name)..." She whispered and then she put some sort of a collar on me.

I struggled against her but it was futile. "What the hell is this?"

"I found a way to keep you from splintering again." She said as she released me.

I fingered the collar. "This?" I asked as I turned to face her. I noticed she was dressed differently from her usual clothing. Everything about her feels different.

She nodded solemnly.

"Splintering?" I asked.

"Basically you tearing every atom in your body by traveling all over the alternate universe."

"So, as long as I wear this, I can stay here."

She beamed. "Yes. With me."

"But, if you are from my future, wouldn't this be a paradox or something?"

She smiled at me chillingly as she caresses my cheek. "Don't worry your pretty face about it." She said. "There, I keep my promise. I fix you, my dear."

I forced a smile for her despite feeling really uncomfortable and also I can't help that bad feeling nagging in my gut. Instead I said, "But does it have to be a collar?"

She laughed in delight. "Would you prefer a ring instead?"

I blushed at that. "Maybe." I muttered. "Because this collar isn't really me at all."

She smiled at me in fondness. "Then I will work on it for you." She pulled my hand. "Come on, you must be tired and hungry."

I followed her to a room. I didn't recognize it.

"This is my room." She said.

I blinked in surprise and took a look at the room. "It's nice." I said lamely.

She grinned. "Come, sit with me. Tell me all about your adventures."

I stared at her warily but did as requested. She gave me plenty of food and drink and it was all my favorite. I smiled at her.

7777

I must have fallen asleep. I blinked for once realizing I'm still in the same place. The collar did work after all. But the Doctor is nowhere to be found.

I walked out of the room and take a glance at the corridors. I decided to go find some food in the kitchen when I heard voices in the distant followed by some bleeping light on the corridor. Almost like the Tardis is trying to guide me somewhere. So I followed it.

I wish I didn't. I can't believe what I saw. The Doctor. She had a hostage on board of the Tardis. I distinctly recognized the scientist that shot at me. The Doctor is torturing him.

I felt like I was being punched. I was so scared. I wanted to confront her, to demand her for explanation but that bad feeling in the pit of my gut come back full force. I decided not to risk it. I slowly left the place, hoping she didn't notice me.

As soon as I was a safe distance away from the Doctor, I pulled on my collar wanting to rip it free but realized in horror that I couldn't.

"Nooo. This can't be happening. What is happening?" I muttered to myself, shaken in fear.

I touched the wall and hesitantly speak toward the sentient machine. "You purposely show me that. What do you want me to do?"

There is no answer. I felt weak in my knees. I let myself fall to the floor, hugging my knees and cried.

A hologram suddenly appeared before me. It was the hologram of the Thirteenth Doctor but it was wearing the original clothing. It was staring at me in somber.

"Tardis?" I asked.

"Run." It said.

"What?"

The hologram suddenly vanished as the real Doctor suddenly showed up. She was staring at me with a look I can't decipher.

"You should have stay back in my room, (name)." She said solemnly.

"Why did the Tardis tell me to run from you?" I demanded.

She shrugged. "She is just confused. My old girl."

"She is warning me about you." I said.

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, (name), be reasonable."

"Reasonable? I'm not the one who has been torturing people!" I snapped.

I know I did something wrong when a dark expression crossed her feature.

"You saw it, didn't you?" She said in resignation. "Oh, well..." She moved toward me.

I stopped her. "Don't."

"Don't be afraid of me, (name), I would never hurt you."

"You just going to keep me as your pet, is that it?" I asked.

She blinked at that. "I promise I will change that collar into a ring soon."

"This is not about the damn collar!" I yelled.

She didn't look bothered by my outburst.

"Actually, yes, this is about the collar." I recanted as I tried to pulled it off. "Why can't I take it off?" I demanded.

She smiled chillingly. "I have to make sure you will stay with me."

I shook my head in denial. "Who are you? The Doctor I know wouldn't do this to me."

She snorted. "You don't know me that well, (name)."

"You are right. And right now, I don't want to know you."

She look like she was being slapped. She growled at me. "Stand up."

I glared at her. "No. You go away." I said petulantly.

"(name) (last name), do not test me."

"Leave me alone." I said as I closed my eyes, covering both of my ears. "Just leave me alone!"

Silence. And then I felt her hands pulled my hands away from my ears as she put her forehead over mine. And then she whispered, "Never."

I opened my eyes to look at her and stunned at her sorrowful expression. Part of me almost wanting to comfort her.

And then everything went to black.

7777

When I woke up next, I was hoping to be somewhere else. The one time I wish I could leave, I got stuck. I woke up in a room, not the Doctor's room from earlier. I was alone. The Doctor is nowhere to be found. I realized in horror that this particular room does not have a door. I can't tell the way out.

The Doctor never showed her face to me for the next few hours? days? I don't know. At first, I didn't care. I did wonder if she is planning to starve me as she has not given me any sustenance. Strangely enough I did not feel hunger or thirsty. Heck, I didn't even need to go to the bathroom which is probably a good thing as it would be embarrassing if I have to pee or more all over the place. Though it did make me wonder if I was already dead. Why else would I not require sustenance?

There was nothing to do in the room. I was alone with my thoughts. And I was never good at being alone. I refused to let her win though. I know she is punishing me, a silent treatment of sort. For a time, I was fine with it. I thought of my favorite stories, my favorite scene in a movie, a favorite song, anything to get my mind off the loneliness.

"Tardis?" I called out hesitantly. "Can you...talk to me?"

Nothing.

I sighed as I sat on the floor, hugging my knees close. I was bored out of my mind. I started wondering if this will be the end of me.

Eventually the Doctor did visited me but she always appeared out of nowhere. I tried to be vigilant on her next visit in hope I could catch a glimpse of the way out. No such luck.

She gave me some book to read and an ipod containing music. She even brought some flower and put it on a small table.

I was curious about how long I have been here and how it is I remained alive without sustenance for so long.

"This is a time vault. It basically forcing you to stay alive." She explained. "Like the flower I brought in, it won't require water to remain blooming. This place sort of paused your time, I suppose."

"Why am I here?"

"It is for your safety."

"So, this is a prison."

"It doesn't have to be. I just need you to accept your reality."

"And what is my reality, Doctor?"

The Doctor stared at me. "If you have to ask, that's meant you still didn't get it."

My eyes widened as I realized something. "I'm still dying, aren't I?"

The Doctor flinched immediately and I know I was right.

"Even with the collar, I am still dying. It just stopped me from...splintering away." I said as I stared her down.

She didn't reply.

"I was right, wasn't I? That's why I am here in this...Time Vault. You put me...on pause."

She smiled solemnly at me. "500 points for (name)." she said, her joking tone fell flat.

I shook my head. "This is insane. This is all wrong. You have got to let me go."

"If I do, you will die."

"Maybe that's what I want!"

"You didn't mean that."

I didn't reply. I know it's pointless to argue with her, so this time, I'm the one who give her silent treatment.

She sighed and then she left. She left me alone for so long. The next time she come in, I almost felt relieved, craving for any company.

I know she did this on purpose. She wanted to put that Stockholm syndrome thing on me. But I won't let it come to that. It was a time like this that I wish I could actually do some meditation to clear my mind and stuff.

I think I go insane for a bit. I started talking to the shadow created by my slowly deteriorating mind. The books laid scattered on the floor, torn apart. So does the flowers and the vase and the table. I didn't destroy the ipod. Yet.

I started laughing at the song 'Sweet but Psycho'. It reminded me of the situation I'm in for some reason. And then I started crying. Then I threw away the ipod across the room. My emotion is all over the place lately.

The Doctor came in once in a while and she was nice and friendly one minute and shut me down next. I begged her to let me out of this room. I begged and promised I won't run. But she didn't believe me. I hated her so much at that moment and I yelled it at her. She left again.

I screamed and I cried. I demanded the Tardis to talk to me, to help me. But, of course, she didn't respond. Needless to say, I ruined the room again. I know the room will clean up by itself again later on, no matter the damage.

One day, the door suddenly showed itself. I had to blink my eyes a few times to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

"Run."

I heard the word in my mind and I did. I bolted out immediately. I have no idea the surrounding around me but the small light appearing on the corridor guided me somewhere to a another room....where a single hanging rope and a medium chair is waiting for me.

I frowned and then I giggled. I guess I did lose my mind because I walked toward it. I stood on the chair and fingered the rope that is fitting around my neck. I guess this is the only way I can escape. I kicked the chair and almost immediately the breath is knocked out of me as I struggled against the rope. It was painful and it took so long for me to black out completely.

Suddenly an alarm ringing loudly as I was about to black out. I could heard the Doctor screaming at me or the Tardis?

The Doctor pulled me down and laid me on the floor. She was crying. I almost feel sorry for her. She took off the rope and the collar.

Oh. So, that's why the Tardis did this. I suddenly having a realization. I wanted to laugh but I couldn't.

The Doctor pulled some injection and hit it on somewhere on my body and I gasped really loudly and coughed hard. She laughed and cried in relief at the same time. She hugged me tight. "Don't ever do that again, (name)! I can't lose you!" she begged me.

Whatever that injection is, it was a very good drug as I could feel the pain is gone. My hand rubbed the rope burn mark on my neck. I realized if I ever could have any control over the splintering, now would be the good time. As much it pained me to left her behind, I know my presence here is bad for her.

I could feel myself being ripped away right at that moment.

The heartbroken look on the Doctor's face seared forever in my mind.

7777

I stumbled down and someone caught me in their arms. I could see a visible blond hair and my blood ran cold. What if I was still with her? I screamed.

The owner of the blonde hair also screamed, more like in surprise than anything. It was then I realized it wasn't the Doctor.

I pushed the woman away from me and I ran blindly into another person who grabbed me firmly. "Let me go! Just leave me alone!" I screamed.

The man calmed me down. "It's okay. You're okay. You're safe." And somehow, I did calm down some but I was still sobbing.

"Doctor, who is she?" The woman I pushed asked. "She appeared out of nowhere."

"Doctor, I think she is hurt." Another voice said. It was a man. I recognized that voice. It was Jack Harkness, I think. "Look at her neck..."

The man who grabbed me pulled my hair aside and frowned when he saw the rope burn around my neck. "Who did this to you?"

I laughed hysterically. "I did this. I have to get her to take it off." I said. "well, I had help, isn't that right, old girl?" I looked up toward the ceiling

"Take what off?" Jack asked.

"Are you talking to the Tardis?" The Doctor asked in the same time.

"I guess she wouldn't know me, different Tardis, different Doctor." I said. "The Doctor, my Doctor...She has gone insane. I am too, I guess. She wanted to keep me even though I already died." I laughed again. "i'm going to die in pain, she said. I'm scared." I whispered. "The fam is dead too. She said she failed them. She put me on pause." I said and giggled at how ridiculous that sounded.

I know they are probably confused with my incoherent babbling but I really don't care. I told them about the collar and the Time Vault. Their Doctor is probably the only one who can put the pieces together from my rambling.

"Wait, I'm confused, some woman that has the same name as you did this to her?" Rose asked.

Jack's eyes widened as he glanced at the Doctor. He know a bit about Time Lord from his time as a Time agent so he knew about regeneration.

The Doctor nodded at Jack. "She is from the future. My future." He look troubled, probably feeling ill when he realized I'm a future companion and as I babbled on, spoiler that his future-self has gone insane.

I chuckled. "I might not. I could be from alternate universe. That has been happening to me, always alternate universe, always another Doctor. But never the correct Doctor. She said I should trust in the Doctor. I tried. But her future-self is torturing people even if she did it to the person who shot me. I can never go home." I said and I cried, wailing actually.

The Doctor awkwardly trying to comfort me. Of course, he wanted to know the mystery behind me even though I'm sick of telling it to the Doctor. But before I could, I finally recognized the somewhat tingling feeling as I was about to be ripped away once more.

7777

I dropped on my knees and coughed blood. Well, this is new.

"(name)? (name)!" A man rushed toward me. "Are you hurt? Where are you hurt?" He demanded as he check me for injuries.

I looked up to see the Tenth Doctor and he wasn't alone. He recognized me which I'm grateful because I think I'm going to throw up if I have to repeat everything again.

"Doctor, I think she is sick. She is coughing blood. And look at her neck! Is that...? Did someone strangle her with a rope?" The woman fussed over me.

The Doctor introduced me to Martha, a medical student. He pulled up my chin and asked with a very serious manner, "Who did this to you?"

I wanted to answer but I coughed up again and then I fainted.

7777

I was expecting to be pulled into another place but I woke up to the Doctor and Martha fussing over me at the Tardis medbay.

I have a clearer mind now. I guess my nervous breakdown has dissipated now. Plus it seemed I got a good rest from that fainting despite the blood bonus. I coughed up again. When I saw the blood, I chuckled. "So, it's finally happening..."

The Doctor stared at me. "What happened to you?"

"A lot. And frankly, I'm tired. I'm dying, I'm sure you know from the scanning." I said. "I went to the future, my future, and my friends are all dead and the Doctor is insane." I was being brutally blunt now.

Despite my words about his alternate version being insane, he seemed to be taking it well. "How can I help?" The Doctor asked instead as he took one of my hand in a gesture of comfort.

"A cure would be nice. A cure for what did this to me." I said. I told him to investigate their version of the scientist who did this to me. Chances are they would also developing the weapon used to shot me with. Hopefully.

The Doctor agreed with me.

"Tell me your finding when or if we meet again..." I said.

The Doctor and Martha looked at me in confusion.

I smiled weakly and waved goodbye at them as I felt myself being pulled to another place in another time.

A/N2: Ok, it's great if you read this till the end despite how bad this is. Just wanna say thank you for reading. Also thank you for those who follow my blog and has leave likes/comment/reblog on my past stories. I hope you will still stick around for some more painful reading.

#thirteenth doctor x reader #13th doctor x reader #thirteenth doctor imagine #doctor who x reader #doctor who fanfiction #doctor who imagine #dark!doctor #shiefenwrites

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erasurecloud · 3 years

Note

Hey! I’m the fella that wrote “Watch it Burn” which was inspired by a post you made! The funniest thing was that in the post someone reblogged with my tags (which was just about how maybe Endeavor thought of Touya when he went to save Bakugo) AND THEN someone responded to that with a analysis (??I guess??) in all the ways I was wrong, which I found really weird considering it’s just a fan thing.

I’ve kinda also noticed you get and respond to a lot of negative things since you really like Endeavor. And I guess I’ve always kinda wondered why? Not in a judegmental way or anything (if anything, arguing about fictional men on the internet is one of the least destructive ways to release rage lol), I’ve just always wondered how you deal with all that negativity thrown your way? Is it a hobby or does it ever bother you? Either way, hope you’re doing well! (And sorry if this came out of nowhere, I’ve just always been curious and with that one dude that wrote a whole thing on why I was wrong, I was just like “wow fam that would be weird to get like all the time”)

Ok first of all- I absolutely loved reading Watch It Burn! It was so well done and got me emotional by the end! And I’m so happy my post inspired you to write it too!!

Anyway, as for all the negative comments and the like:

They really don’t bother me, I’ve deleted about 20 when I first began defending Enji since they were repetitive and I couldn’t keep up. But they really don’t bother me, they make me laugh in fact that someone cares so much over who someone else likes in a fictional, animated series.

Like, I am a 22 year old woman. I have plenty of things to worry about in my daily life than some random person online telling me how horrible a fictional character is and how wrong I am for liking him.

On top of that, I absolutely love talking about Enji. Those messages are a perfect excuse for me to rant and ramble and hyperfixate on one of my biggest comfort characters! I really just see any hate message I get as a way to talk about him more which just makes me happy<3

I know I most likely won’t convince anyone to change their view of him, so if I never do… that’s ok. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and at the end of the day Enji isn’t a real person, Touya isn’t a real person… none of them are real.

Nothing we say effects these characters at all. It’s just for fun and they’re written incredibly well whether you like who they are or not. So the way I see it, taking time to go send another person hateful messages over drawings is a huge waste of time.

But I find it entertaining, so if you’re going to waste your time then be my guest💃

#I’m sorry this is long and rambly #ask #answered #nitghowl1600

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dangermousie · 4 years

Text

So, that big scene with WWX and JC about killed me

Behind read more for obv reasons...

For a very long time, JC was my fave character below only the OTP and, seeing that I am 48 out of 50 eps in, I am pretty sure that’s going to remain so.

The thing is, the man is the definition of a problematic fave - he lashes out instead of coping, anger is his communication style, and he harbors grudges like precious metals. But he is also so very intense and heart-breakingly devoted in his dysfunctional way - even after he supposedly disowned WWX, he smuggled Yanli in a wedding dress and got WWX to pick JL’s honor name. He fought his own mother to protect WWX, and he loved him utterly despite the fact that WWX was n1 issue in his parents’ marriage and was a servant’s son or a love child or whatever. It took Yanli’s death seemingly at WWX’s hand to finally break him. And honestly, we see him rant and rave about how WWX owes him and the sect and is responsible for the deaths of the fam, but it is all covering the real grievance - the fact that WWX abandoned him, that WWX chose LWJ and the Wens and demonism and seemingly everything over him. That awful family fucked all the kids up and with JC, it gave him a permanent feeling of inadequacy with instilling in him that love is conditional and he’s only worth something if he’s the best; but honestly he can’t be the best with WWX around and it’s basically a vicious circle of damage. (With WWX, the adopted child who the mom hated, it really instilled that he must do everything and be perfect to earn love, but in a different, self-sacrificing way.) And honestly - JC didn’t ask for the core to be inside him. He would have never agreed, which is why WWX created that elaborate deception. And now he has to live with the horror of his brother sacrificing something so unimaginable for him, and after that JC being such a beast to him, and there is no way to fix the past so it will always be the fact; I mean, talk about being forever inadequate - how do you live up to that sort of sacrifice? You can’t.

So much permanent inadequacy...

(This is a very polite way to say “shut the fuck up, before you upset the man of my soul further, nitwit!”)

And you can see the moment the anger transforms into what is really driving him - hurt, hurt at being abandoned and you realize that except for JL, he really has nobody - everyone he’s loved is dead or is WWX, who seemingly chose strangers (and the fact that he can’t see past the abandonment to the inherent moral justice of wanting to protect innocents shows how ingrained the awful worldview of might makes right in most of these people but also how the hurt over abandonment is so huge in him, that he can’t see past it.)

And that the crux of it - despite it all, JC loves WWX so much and that is what he always hated the most - that inability to stop loving.

OK, LWJ has had enough of his man’s emo brother. It is clearly a “stop pestering him, moron, before I cut you” face.

Once again, this is so the emotional crux; not the deaths, not even the sacrifice, but JC keening his abandonment like a small child, and WWX being the older brother...

I love this so much, because ultimately, after everything, this is the one thing that WWX should be sorry for, the only thing. Not the deaths or the estrangement or even the noble but appallingly burdensome sacrifice; just the fact that (for very justifiable reasons but still) he wasn’t at JC’s side. And I love that WWX realizes that this is his brother needs to hear and also realizes (which lightens his burden so) that JC doesn’t hate him and all of that stuff was just hurt and grief acting out, he is still loved.

I do love that this sort of resets JC’s issues so much and gives him space to breathe enough to understand himself...but honestly, it’s as if the poison has been drawn from the wound of their relationship and they can both heal...

I love this and this is huge!!!!! JC never apologizes, ever. But he does here. And I love that this is a blanket apology, no conditions or preconditions or anything, just an apology, because he has a lot of things to apologize for. They really are clearing the air. (And I love that this comes before JC learns that Evil Hat is the one responsible for Yanli and her husband’s deaths.) And WWX so needed it.

“Perhaps I will let you live then,” thinks Boyfriend of the Century.

WWX is all about grace under unimaginable circumstances...

Seriously, look how gloriously unburdened he looks, and how tender big-brotherish.

I love this! It could be read as WWX severing ties but to me that doesn’t read like that at all - it basically closes the book on their old, tragic dysfunctional chapter and the ledger of grievances and sacrifices. They can move on anew. They may or may not start their relationship all over again (hopefully they will have the precious peaceful time to do so, slowly and carefully, and after processing some of the trauma) but the possibility and hope of a clean slate relationship without poisons and burdens of the past is there...Because they cleared the air, because they can move on, because JC now knows just how much he was loved and was never abandoned, because WWX knows JC truly loves him, because they have a nephew in common, because WWX now has someone who loves him wholly and unconditionally and for whom he never has to worry about being good enough or self-sacrificing, so he can start from a much safer, securer healthy place in resuming any sibling relationship.

Guuuuuh, this scene is so beautiful, and I love how they started on opposite ends of the room and now WWX is wiping JC’s tears and holding his shoulder...

#cdrama #the untamed

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