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charles-leclerizz · 1 month

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🏎️ ๋࣭ ⭑ cat-quette

🏁 Pairings : Max vertsappen X fem! Reader

🏁 Warnings : fluffy as hell, suggestive language and one suggestive scene.

🏁 Word Count : 2.7k words (2742 words)

🏁 Summary : Sometimes, a family of 4 needs just one more addition, so you and your boyfriend venture out to find the perfect new daughter

🏁 translations via radio comm below

🏁 credits : word dividers by @gigittamic

🏁 Music player : Winter blossom by Dept, Ashley blossom, nobody like you pat

“Come on Maxie, please” You draw at the syllable at the end of your plea, dancing in your spot in your shared kitchen, “Imagine it, you, me, jimmy, sassy and a third cat, we could name it, kibble or something.”

Max looked at you with a worried expression, one brow arched in questioning, “Kibble?” He continued to knead the bread dough in front of him, slamming his hands into the mixture that sat fluffy and aerated on your marble counter, “You just demonstrated why we can’t get a third cat, you’re gonna make it depressed in the first 2 days.”

“Now that’s mean.” You cross your arms over and harrumph, going over to the stove to stir the searing vegetables in the pan.

Out of the corner of your eye you see him wash his hands free of the dough that remained on his fingers before going back to the olive oil doused ball and placing it into a wooden bowl, he then laid a fresh white cloth over the dough and transferred it into the fridge for it to rise for about 40 minutes.

You then felt his presence behind you, then you felt his hands snake around your waist and then his head followed suit, nuzzling into your neck before placing a soft kiss on your skin, “I’m sorry schat.” He mumbled, tickling your ear with his soft tufts of blonde hair.

“Y’know,” You paused briefly in between your enraged sauteing, stainless steel spatula in the air, “I don’t think you are.”

“But I reeeaaallly am.” He copied your elongated whine, shifting the two of you by guiding you side to side, oscillating gently as though you were the dough and he was trying to knead the forgiveness out of you, “How about this..” he started, laughing inwardly when your ears perked up and you attempted to discreetly turn off the gas so you could spin in his hold. Looping your arms around his neck you prompted him to continue, “We could go to the pet shop tomorrow.” He murmured, looking up into the air, despite your vice like grip on his head as though the particles would answer him and not your already giddy form in front of him.

“Yeah?” You danced slightly in his hold, wiggling your hips like a hyper child, “You promise?”

“You can drive pista if I forget.” He nodded solemnly.

“Oh shit-“ You lean back, impressed with his dedication, “You really are sorry”

“dat is alles wat nodig is?” He blubbers, eyes wide for dramatic effect, as you would like to call it, “Your standards are low, real low my love.”

You furrow your brows, playfully hitting the underside of his head before leaning up to kiss his grimaced lips, "What else is new? How else do you think this happened?” You gestured between the two of you.

Max hummed, leaning down to kiss your cheek before trailing down to your jaw, he grinned against you when your breath hitched and you pulled him closer, if that was possible, “I wooed you?” He tried; you snorted in response.

“Yeah, you wooed the heck out of me, yee old Maximillian Verstappen, one foul scowl at me and bam four years later here we are.”

You yelped when he bit your neck.

“Hmm, I’m just so so handsome?” He couldn’t hold his laugh back at this claim.

“I first met you when you were a scrawny 18-year-old, but yes, you are very handsome.” you coo at him whilst caressing his face.

Max hummed in agreement, “I know.”

“You’re not going to compliment me?” You asked.

“Hmm…nope.” He shrugged.

You gaped at him for a beat before lunging at his face and taking the soft skin of his cheek between your teeth, holding it there and growling playfully. Max yelped and laughed at your pseudo-attack before pushing you away and taking your lips captive with his as revenge, “You’re much prettier than me geliefde.” He added before his tongue slipped between your lips.

“Max... the food” You helplessly remind him when he finally detaches from you, only to lift you into his arms and move to the left to sit you down onto the counter, slotting himself in between your pliantly open thighs you draw him closer despite your objections.

“Fuck the food...” He murmurs against your ear, kissing behind it and trailing his mouth lower and lower until he reached your baby blue, silk camisole. Max looks up at you briefly, his bottom lip just barely breaching the collar of your flowy top, you stare down at him eyes heavy and threatening to flutter closed with every hot breath of his that fanned over your chest.

You bring one hand away from his neck to drag down his face, your middle finger just barely anchored on his mouth, pulling down his lip until he stopped your journey south and took the soft digit into his mouth, “Yeah, that sounds fair.” You breathed out, already jumping back into his embrace, preparing yourself to slam the bedroom door closed with a breathless laugh.

“You forgot, didn’t you?” You ask him, plugging in your hairdryer and drawing out a large barrelled round brush from the containers that sat on your counter. The bathroom door was wide open as you waited expectantly for Max to emerge from the walk-in closet on the opposite side of the room, the only divider being your bed and a half-length wall.

“What? What did I forget?” Your boyfriend looked down at his phone, waiting for a calendar event to remind him, when that didn’t happen, he looked up at you.

You remained still, just flicking on the contraption in your hands and drowning out his obliviousness with the sound of luke-warm air drying your hair.

“Babe?” he tried once.

“Babe?” He tried again.

“Babe?”

You finally snapped, large brush still wrapped in your hair as your hand pressed your silky strands into the bristles and hair sprayed the volume into it, “Max, you’re shitting me, right? That’s it, keys to the pista.” You ordered, tapping your nail against the counter space next to you.

That’s when the realisation hit the driver in front of you, his face blanched and he rushed up to you, “See, I didn’t forget I conveniently played stupid?” He tried; eyes slightly lit up with hope.

“You’re right-“ You start, snorting at the badly veiled victorious expression on his face, “You are stupid.”

By this point, Max had reached the threshold of the bathroom and had slumped forward, the only thing stopping him from face-planting the expensive tiled floor were his hands braced on the doorframe, “Not the pista, baby, anything else.”

“What about one of your Aston Martins ?,” You faced him, tearing your eyes away from your reflection in the large mirror ahead.

Max’s face fell at the mention of his beloved collection of Aston’s, “Okay, so maybe we take the Pista…”

You pouted at him, swiping on a generous amount of pink lip-gloss, “I knew I should’ve been on top last night.”

The rollers in your hair fell one by one as you undid them, smiling cheekily to yourself when Max choked on his own spit, “What’s that meant to mean?”

“Don’t ask questions, that you don’t want to know the answers to.” You pass by him in the doorway, pinching his cheeks together and pecking him quickly on his duck-lips.

“So it’s the Pista?” He hollered from his place, craning his neck to where you had turned into the closet.

He heard you snort, and the rustling of fabric before you answered him, “It’s the most expensive Aston Martin you own!”

You ended up taking the pista.

But your resignation was soon vindicated when you broke the speed limits the whole drive from your apartment to the best pet store in the city.

“Heer, red mij” Max prayed, hand braced on the ceiling of the sports car as your heeled foot pressed even harder onto the accelerator, the car purred happily whilst you cruised along the mountain road, the view of the crashing waves almost therapeutic, until the serene scene was broken with a-

“BEN JE NET 150 KM/U BREKEN? HOE?” A shaky finger followed promptly afterwards, tapping the speedometer a few times.

You blow a nonchalant breath through your lips, “You’re a formula one driver Maxie, why are you so scared?”

“We don’t normally drive like hooligans, it’s precise and practise-“

You interrupted his rant by miraculously increasing your pace and speeding down the empty highway ahead, Max slammed one hand against the window as an ungodly screech erupted from the 3-time world champion.

Safe to say, you arrived at the pet store in a safe condition.

Never mind that Max had rushed out of the passenger’s seat to press a kiss to the hood of the car, before running to a few nearby bushes and attempting to uproot his breakfast.

Though, with no such luck of evacuating the contents of his stomach, he waddled over to where you stood unimpressed albeit also concerned to knit your hands together, pecking your forehead a few times he allowed you to guide him into the shop.

“Oh my god Maxie, look!” You squealed, rushing up to the large glass display of a dozen or so hamsters, the various coloured furballs rolled around the spacious enclosure as you cooed down at them.

Max bent down as well, but soon caught eye of the “HALF OFF” sign and stood straight, “’M not sure geliefde, maybe not hamsters, jimmy, and sassy like the taste of em.”

You nodded once, wrenching your gaze away from one of the hamsters that you had already grown fond off to hold your boyfriend’s hand once more, “You could be less crude about it.” You mumble inwardly.

“You’re telling me, about being crude.” He scoffed down at you before looping his arms around your neck and tucking you into his side.

The pair of you continued to walk around the retail, swerving into and out of isles whilst browsing each selection of pet that could potentially enter your home.

Max had to continuously drag you away from the more exotic selection that there was on display, that was after you had convinced the store clerk to wrap a domestic snake around his neck.

“You look like you’re about to throw up” You giggle, pointing your phone at Max, who’s face had turned an alarming red as the docile snake snuggled up to his thick neck.

“I’m about to faint, no shit right now, this is not babygirl schat, this is abuse.” He hissed, quoting what you had said to convince him in the first place, he brought one shaky hand up to pet the reptile, a laboured “shhh” noise escaping the dutchman as though he were coercing the docile animal to not strangle the life out of him.

Luckily, the over-amused store clerk unwrapped the snake from his shoulders before Max simultaneously shit himself and cried.

“Maxie, look” You rushed over to another enclosure, this time, it was a large area on the floor walled off with pet gates, plush pillows were propped up against the black grate along with tumultuous cat toys spread across the floor. Luckily, to match the mess, there were at least 15 kittens, all different breeds, some were sleeping on their tummies, fluffy eyes closed as their four limbs spread out oddly whilst others were being entertained by other enraptured patrons.

“Hi guys,” You whispered, tucking your skirt beneath your thighs as your crouched down again, coming eye to eye with the adorable animals, “You’re so cute,” Max had joined you promptly, hitching up his jeans as he lowered himself next to you, large blue eyes following the cats.

A worker noticed the two of you and left their previous customers, a couple, much like yourselves, the two people cuddled a soft brown kitten who nuzzled into their shared embrace.

“Hi! Can I help you?”

You looked up at her, smiling, “My boyfriend and I were looking for a new addition to our family, I would love to bring home one of these guys.” You gestured to the large play pen.

“Well, that’s just lovely! But the cat’s choose you guys, not the other way around.” The middle-aged woman laughed, her olive skin stretching as she unlocked the gate and ushered the two of you in, “That’s how me and my husband got our cat.”

“Oh...” You stood eerily still as multiple odd fluff-balls came and sniffed your heels before trotting away, “What if none of them like me?” You whisper to Max, who already housed at least 3 kittens by his feet, “Nonsense, you just have to be patient darling.” He kissed your cheek and rubbed your arm comfortingly.

After about 10 minutes of you gingerly attempting to welcome a companion into your embrace, a smaller, more fur decadent kitten walked out from behind the small playhouse that sat in the far corner of the enclosure. It cocked its head curiously at you before yawning and shaking its back, and rump, its snow-white fur oscillating with its movements.

“Hi honey,” You whispered, bending down to allow it to clamber sleepily into your lap, you squealed internally, standing up once again with the kitten safely embraced into your arms, its back angled comfortably on your forearms and head rested on your chest whilst it blinked slowly at you, pale green eyes shining happily.

Max grinned serenely at the pair of you, watching as you brought a hand up to rub gently on the pink nose of the animal in your care, “I think you just got chosen.” He laughed quietly, his chin resting on your shoulder as he gazed down at the sleepy cat.

“Her name’s pookie.” You declared giddily as you approached the car, holding out your hand for the keys to the expensive car. Max stared at you, fear evident in his eyes.

“You can name her whatever you want, but you are not driving the car, we have precious cargo now,” He petted pookie behind her ear.

“Fine, come here baby.” You barely pouted, already taking pookie and her small, shell shaped bed into your arms. She rested peacefully in your lap, purring contently as Max hauled the other pink cat care items you had bought, into the back seat.

“So, I just had to buy you a cat?” Max inquired; hand braced on the back of your headrest as he backed out of the parking spot.

You lean over the dash to kiss Max’s stubble covered cheek, “It’s so easy to please me, my love.”

“Well….” He squeaked, looking over at you suggestively.

“You perv,” You smacked his forehead but laughed nonetheless, “There’s children present.”

“So, Max?”

The driver perked up at his name, flipping the microphone in his hand to answer the question, he leaned back against the white sofa where he was joined by a few other of his fellow colleagues all of whom turned to the questioner in the sea of reporters.

“We’ve heard you have a new addition to the family?”

Max laughed into the mic, before adjusting the cap on his head and nodding, “Very true yes, the missus and I just got a new kitten into the house.” He plucked out his phone and held up a photo of you and Pookie, both of whom were turned away from the lens to face the large window showing of the Monaco coastline.

A flurry of ‘awws’ escaped the people present, and Charles who also swooned at the photo spoke into the mic, “Do you guys have a name yet?”

“Kind of, she wanted to name it ‘pookie’ and I just think that when I talk about the kitten, I’ll sound like an idiot, it doesn’t feel right with my accent.”

Charles popped his mouth open, “Wait- you call me pookie?”

Back at home, you had snuggled up to Jimmy and Sassy, both of whom had settled with laying their heads onto each of your legs whilst you held Pookie close to your chest, caressing her cheek, “That’s what you get leclerc.” You snarl at the screen, “Stealing my boyfriend, leaving our children fatherless, you whore.” You joked, filming your commentary to send to Max, who on the television screen was already justifying the similar names between his new daughter, and his work wife.

Pookie blinked up at you, and you swore, that she smiled at your determined face.

📻 Kcccchh.... come in.... come in...translatiion available...over

📻 Kchh...Dutch....to english....over

dat is alles wat nodig is ? - that's all it takes ?

Geliefde - Love [r]

Heer, red mij - Lord, save me

BEN JE NET 150 KM/U BREKEN? HOE? - DID YOU JUST BREAK 150 KPH? HOW?

schat - Darling/Love/Babe [term of endearment]

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circeyoru · 2 months

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What if there's a side story of Collection Of Overlords where the hotel crew accidentally made Bambi, specifically from Unwanted Soul HAHAHA

Like, another of one Charlie's random activities that they wanted to know Alastor more, and they kept bugging him so Alastor just thought about telling them about his voodoo stuff

And the Charlie wanted him to show them, and Alastor hesitantly accepted, but then some like, loud crash or something interrupted Alastor's spell that made..

Our little Cursed Cat! Bambi!

HAHAHAH

Everyone was stunned, and Alastor literally panicked when he realized Bambi took a run towards Collector/Reader's room

Cat's are liquid, so Bambi slipped right under the crack of the door making Alastor have a heart attack 😭

But once Alastor slammed the door open and was about to protest, Collector/Reader had already picked up the cursed cat and is petting it

"MY LIEGE-"

"hmm? Oh Alastor, did you know about this adorable kitty? You two resemble alot"

3am thoughts.. THEYRE EATING ME UP

OH OH!!! Cursed Cat Alastor strikes again!! This series' first Cursed Cat Alastor appearance!!!

I'm pretty sure a lot of people already know Alastor's Reader's/your favourite Elite in your collection. Plus Alastor's actively keeping it only belonging to him. And what happens when Cursed Cat Alastor comes along? Well...

In this story, I don't think Alastor's willing to share his power without cause or a good reason, cause you play a role in his vast abilities, so he's not gonna show them off like that. He's trying to mimic your mysteriousness. So in this ask, (1) Alastor's not gonna join Charlie's activities when you're in the hotel, (2) Alastor won't let Charlie learn much of him as he believes you're the only one that should know -cause you own his soul so him too-, and (3) Alastor's not gonna entertain Charlie like that.

So how does Curse Cat Alastor appear?

Let's say, Alastor was performing his duties. He's testing some powers you lend him in order to reconstruct his room to what it was before (remember half of his room was a literal swamp? yeah, that) and then some new features to prove he can handle things. Then Charlie and Vaggie suddenly burst into his room unannounced and he messed up.

Poof! Cursed Cat Alastor is here!!

"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" Charlie tried apologizing so many times "We didn't knock cause it was urgent." Vaggie somewhat lied They didn't catch the red creature that run through them and out of Alastor's room Alastor sighed, a bit annoyed but kept his composure, "What is it that you need, Charlie?" Vaggie watched the cat run, "Huh, it's going to that guest's room. You know, that one that actually paid."

Remember how it was with Alastor and your powers combined? Yee, Cursed Cat Alastor is literally built to locate you. Not only that, but it shares the same affection Alastor would to you. So? Competition!

Alastor panics and immediately runs after it, he can't risk using his powers cause he didn't want to mess anything up.

Meanwhile, you're in the library, looking through a number of books that float around you. As usual, your eyes remained closed. You sat in a chair without anything near you apart from the floating opened books. Your concentration broken when you heard scratching sounds directly below you. You paused in your reading and leaned over to see what was making that noise.

"Hello, you."

You heard the static meow from the cat that weirdly resembles Alastor way too much. You weren't aware of any hell version of a cat being red or having that kind of smile, not to mention owning and wearing a mini monocle.

"Aren't you cute?"

You reached to pick it up slowly, to test and see if it would claw at you or express defense. If it was a cat, then they don't like to be touched too much. Truly reminds you of Alastor. You noticed it shaking a bit and turned it to the side to see its tail wagging happily and excitedly.

You carefully placed it on your lap, letting it make itself comfortable. It purred loudly with static effects when you started patting its head, then moving down its back. You hummed along and smiled. When you asked if it could understand you, it nodded and purred, its head nudging into your stomach.

"Any owner?"

It hissed loudly, but then its ears drooped down and bowed its head down as if apologizing for its rude actions.

Your smile widened, got to love its personality and the resemblance it had with Alastor. So... "Let's forget your old owner, now, you follow me."

It meowed loudly, sitting at attention as if sensing what you're about to do.

Your fingers snapped and a black collar appeared, "Let's name you Red, you're fur was the first thing I noticed, you see."

The collar was inscribed with the bolded and capitalized name 'RED' with a wave of your finger and placed around its neck. Red purred and hugged you in gratitude.

"My Liege!" The doors burst opened and in rushed Alastor who looked like he fought krakens barehanded. His eyes glared down at Red who was in your wonderful hold. "I apologize for troubling your reading time, but I'll be removing this... thing that has taken up your space."

"Oh, no need. This is my new pet, Red. Red, say hello to Alastor."

Red hissed at Alastor and leaned closer to you.

Alastor emitted deafening static at the creature with his head tilted to the side.

You smile, "Aww, you two are getting aloud already~"

The characters are from {Collection of Overlords} here, you can check it out in MASTERLIST for the works

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sgiandubh · 6 months

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A tale of two brands

Sophie Mancini's Departures paper on S in NY started a flurry of comments even before the whole content was made available on blogs. That people - mostly in Mordor - jumped in to add their two booing cents on the matter, based on two or three Instagram Story screencaps only, is a testimony to Tumblr's community deep interest in S's slightest PR/sales move and the easiness with which people like *urv managed to push their own agenda, in the process, to her unsuspecting, bicep-loving crowd.

Many of these comments asked just one question, more or less kindly and more or less openly: who are you, Sam Roland Heughan? Some of them, more along my alley, took a different angle: who are you talking to, Sam Roland Heughan?

Let me count the US crowds: the Wall Street yuppie crowd? the old money, WASP Knickerbocker / Colony Club crowd? Tribeca's sophisticated, culture-ish snob crowd? the UN international crowd? the laid-back (-ish) brownstone Brooklyn crowd? the DC politico types? the Boston Brahmin crowd? the Silicon Valley Bitcoin crowd? the Florida Latino crowd? the Bible Belt crowd? the Deep South charmingly old-fashioned crowd? the yee-haw, witty and ambitious Texans? the gourmet, nature-loving Seattle crowd? I am sure I am missing some (it's been a while I haven't traveled to the States and I have to say I miss all 50 of them, plus and perhaps above all my beloved DC :), but you get the idea. And the problem, or rather its first layer.

The second question this very poorly written article prompted is: what are you talking about, Sam Roland Heughan? I mean, what destination are you trying to promote? Scotland, through your Scottish gin, which I truly believe is exceptional? The Big Apple, like a counterpart to Sting, you know - a Scotsman in New York? That's not very clear, since that superficial girl just whirled you to a couple Chinatown speakeasies, rat pitter-patter included (bye-bye, Knickerbocker crowd right there) and that's pretty much it. New Zealand, that you mention at length, Maori tattoo story re-hashed, just because the book comes out next Tuesday? Ha-wa-wee, perhaps in a belated attempt to mitigate Tunagate? California, even, because it takes you back to humble beginnings? Granted, the Frisco one, not LA: that would be a horrible faux-pas, in a NY centered paper, much like me whimsically and idiotically mentioning Istanbul (instead of Constantinople), in a conversation with my Greek friends.

My head spins. And then let's add to that a ladle of recycled talking points, yours and C's altogether, like this gem:

Aspirational. Mmmhm. She said that. You said that. Multiple times, in multiple contexts that probably didn't even call for it. This is *** PR right there. I am not JAMMF. I am not Claire. But we aspire to that. Stop thinking we are these characters. No sane fan ever did: the insistence is unnecessary and has a real backfire potential. Stop thinking, period. But let it be my shipper sin, then, not to believe an iota of it and stubbornly think you people are, by now, way past the aspirational stage.

So, I took a long walk down memory lane today, while driving, trying to understand what the hell your personal brand is. Once upon a time, things were clear: you and C were a single brand. S&C - the fresh-faced, candid, witty and funny and oh, so in love new kids on the block. The spark was real and it was strong (it still is, only dampened and muted by PR-prompted shenanigans) and OL's audience was under its spell. People loved you, both of you, and some of us still do. You showed us as much as you could and for a while, it seemed to be convenient for just about everybody. That created expectations, but at the same time, you could have sold us land concessions on the Moon and we would have bought them, no questions asked.

And then, things happened. We know what: IFH, EFH, Remarkable Week-end. The spell was broken for many, who left in droves. Fans turned into bashing other fans. The S&C brand was progressively compromised and along with it, your Barbour Ambassadorship (for different reasons). Let's stop a bit at this point, in fond remembrance: that was the perfect pitch, for the perfect kind of corporate brand, for the perfect niche, for the perfect guy. A guy who had a credible, authentic story to tell, with a really strong potential to attract people outside of OL's crowd. Image and message perfectly aligned. Best case scenario.

So, with ***'s and your own PR benediction, what once was your solid gold starting point was ridiculed, trampled, shot to shambles, in a (failed) attempt to be sent to complete oblivion. You then had to think of something and try to branch out of both the blessing and curse of it.

MPC suddenly became more important than just any other charity project, of which there were a few (Cahonas Scotland comes to mind, the blood cancer one, as well). Cue in Sam the Athlete, Sam the Healthy Living Evangelist. The project was turned into a lucrative business, with a strong charity side. People bought subscriptions, people changed their eating and lifestyle habits, people lost weight - but really, I shouldn't write 'people', but 'women'. This was a women-oriented endeavor. A problem, again, on the long term.

Ha-wa-wee 1 happened, to more scandal and shrieks (that, I believe, was the reason you lost the Barbour project, another gold opportunity squandered because ten Internet bitches knew better). Then we were told another avatar was born: Sam the Entrepreneur. With a genuine, carefully curated, labor of love first alcohol product that clearly used the discarded S&C brand: The Sassenach and believe what you want, but just buy it. Mommies obliged. Antis obliged. Shippers obliged. All wallets are created equal, as I (often) use to say. And then COVID-19 came, putting a very real, very dangerous logistic strain on it.

Yet, you still had to somehow mitigate delays and losses. The Sassenach went exotic, with that limited edition tequila that probably won't be remembered by many outside OL's fandom, and that is a pity and a shame. The reason it won't be remembered is that you almost did not promote it, spare one or two Tick-Tock and Instagram clips. Does that justify the investment, the trips to Mexico, the very expensive retainers and commissions your tequila friends took for their trouble? I very much doubt it. That was, until being proved completely wrong, a flop. It brought absolutely nothing in terms of personal branding, spare perhaps a new faction in this paranoid cesspool of a fandom: the Gay Crowd, fueled by the image of a Lonely Bandana Cowboy, instead of the intended Sophisticated Traveler and Connoisseur. Yes, people are stupid, like that. Your PR and Sales team, too - and this comes from a place of deep understanding and appreciation.

We are now talking gin and boy, am I glad we do! This is perhaps an opportunity. Finally, a more democratically price-tagged, carefully tailored (again) drawing card product. But who is selling it to me? The California Boat Party Host? In that case, I won't buy it, but never mind me: maybe the fun-loving California Millennials would (we know the Smuggling Mommies would do it, anyways). The Sophisticated Traveler and Connoisseur you tried to show us again in Mancini's abysmal Departures paper and who is invited to important events, in recognition of his efforts?

You can't have the two of them, Sam, whatever those incompetents told you. You're either a 43-years old midlife crisis-stricken and shirtless clown or an Old World Industrious Thespian, with a stature and a status to match. A real Entrepreneur, not a cartoon scuba diver/beach boy Influencer. Eye Candy vs. Brain Power: after all, you are a '3x NYT best selling author', aren't you? Your pick, not mine. Stop the Sri Mataji-style Hugging and Booze tours: it's nonsense and that geriatric crowd is nowhere near what you need to make your dream come true. Do some real soul searching and stop listening to clueless 28-year old journalists, who tell you tacky rings are fun: they aren't. They make you look like an ageing Atlantic City Sinatra wannabe:

Sam Roland Heughan: currently at crossroads, trying to not choose between two opposite personal brands. Tricky position and an even trickier context, with the strike still lingering on and the pressing need to find an after OL strategy.

I promised you a tale of two brands and I think you wonder, by now, what happened to C, the other half of the primary SC brand?

The answer is, I honestly believe, not much. She has no personal brand, so to speak. Until now, she is just an Enthusiastic Dilettante. Book Club - started, unfinished and with that, farewell to any fan engagement. Cinema production rights - bought and then silence. Botanical Gin - first batch released (?) with no promo, no interviews (mentioning it in a podcast does not count), no reviews. Then teasing, then crickets again: a bit late, now, for the end of year celebrations. And I have to say I miss her or the part of her I never witnessed in real time (is such a thing possible?). I miss that starry-eyed, funny and witty girl. That girl was somehow completely swallowed by an Acrid Matron, who thought it was intelligent to yell at an Internet nobody, on Christmas Day, 'I am not married to Sam!' (ok, you aren't, but you're still lying). And I honestly don't know which one is best (or worst, for that matter): try to build something and make mistakes and try again until you hopefully find your way, or say nothing, do nothing and of course, never be controversial.

Now I am really interested to see how is she going to promote her gin. But you know what, I am not holding my breath, for some reason.

#BoozeWars

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storydays · 2 months

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Scrambled Eggs P2

(3rd POV)

*At the Overlord meeting*

"Hmph. Fine. Safe travels back to the nursing home, fuckers. Kiss my ass." Velvette flicked them off, cackling as she left.

"What the hell? We literally just got here." Zeezi laughed.

Odette turned towards her mother, worry in her face. "Mother?" she asked. Carmilla held up a hand to silence her before leaving, signaling the other Overlords to leave. Alastor caught sight of Zestial following Carmilla and her daughter into her office.

"Hmm! Well, that's interesting." He noticed Frank curled up on the floor, "You little egg creature. I have a job for you." Knowing this was something he could do, Frank perked up, "Oh, yes, boss." "Follow them." The Egg quickly followed the group.

*With the other Hazbin members*

Charlie, Vaggie, (Y/N), and Angel stood by the club door, varying emotions: Charlie was uncomfortable, Vaggie was pissed, Angel was smug and (Y/N) has hiding his hands in his face, peeking through his fingers, his entire face was red.

"Angel! What the actual fuck?!" Vaggie demanded.

Angel had brought them...to a BDSM club.

"No activity requires more trust than BDSM, baby." He wagged his eyebrows at Vaggie, who was scowling, as he played with a pair of pink furred handcuffs with his second set of hands.

"No bond stronger than those formed through bondage." Angel grinned before pointing to a sign nearby, "That's their motto."

It was indeed their motto.

"Angel, love the enthusiasm. But umm, uh...Hmmmm...." Charlie trailed off uncomfortably.

"Wait, what are they doing with that candle to that man's....what the hell?!" gaped (Y/N), eyes shruken as he continued to peek through his fingers.

"What makes you think anyone would be into this?" Vaggie growled, pointing a finger in the white furred spider's face.

A pleased hum filled the air, making the group look over at Husk as he received a back massage. "Ya know, I...I don't hate this..heh." He chuckled to himself, before catching Niffty's scent. He opened his eyes to see Niffty had changed into a black latex dom suit, and was holding a whip in her hand.

"I'm ready to punish some bad boys." she giggled seductively.

"Yee--Never mind. I-I'm out." Husk quickly fled the area. "Okay, hello, there." Charlie crossed her arms over her chest uncomfortably as a demon came and pressed against her,"Hi, um. Hm.."

Vaggie came to her rescue and pushed her towards the door again, "Ugh! I can't fucking belive I let you drag us down here, Angel! This is disgusting."

"It's no big deal Vaggie." Charlie smiled, "You know, maybe I can just help, uh.."

"No. I told you, you could trust me. And I'm not going to let you down." Promised Vaggie as she grinned to herself. "I just need to teach them the way I was taught."

Meanwhile (Y/N) yelped feeling multiple hands roam over his body. "Oh, no, no, I am not interested. Please stop touching me," hands continue to roam and he flinched feeling someone lick his ear. He could feel his temper running thin, "Okay, I asked you once, now I'm telling you! Leave me alone." He growled, as the demons touching him continued to touch him.

He was about to panic curse these demons when someone yelled out,"Hey! He already ask youse to stop! And he's taken! Back off!" Hissed Angel, standing at his full height, eyes now glowing a fushia color as he pulled the prince into his arms protectively. "Yeah, let's get outta here." Angel said, pushing the prince towards the door.

*On the rooftop*

"THIS IS HOW YOU LEARNED TO TRUST PEOPLE?" screamed Charlie as she and the others watched the battle below.

"There is nothing stronger than the trust between comrades in arms!" Vaggie shouted in her Sargent voice. "Buckle up, buttercups, because today you boys become men!" she smirked darkly as an explosion went off, making her hair fly to the side, making her more sinister looking than normal.

"Ah, fuck it." (Y/N) smiled darkly before standing on the edge, he pulled out his own angelic sword from his left wrist band, gripping it tightly in his right hand, before stepping off of the ledge, laughing wildly.

The other's blinked before Vaggie shook her head and she stalked forward and grabbed Sir Pentious as if he weighed nothing. "Wait, wait! I can't fight without my minions!" He screamed as he was thrown into the brawl going on downstairs.

"You are going to survive together!" she turned towards Angel who backed up, stuttering, holding out his white clad gloved hands out as if that would stop her. "D-Don't you even think about it!" "You are going to make this hotel work!" she tossed him over the edge as he screamed on the way down. Husk took the opportunity to leave before she noticed him, and silently closed the door.

Niffty grinned, doing 'up' motions to be picked up to be thrown over, "My turn, my turn!" She was almost thrown over when Charlie snatched her into her arms. "Vaggie, no!" "This is the only way they'll learn, Charlie."

"No, it's not! There are other ways. It just takes time!"

"Time we don't have! How many exterminations will have gone by before these idiots get their shit together? How many times do we have to watch your people be killed before we make headway?"

Vaggie turned away, clearly feeling some anxiety.

"Vaggie..." Charlie started before her girlfriend spoke up again. "I took charge today and it all went sideways. I'm supposed to make your dreams a reality. I'm supposed to never fail you." she looked down at the warzone, barely hearing Angel's scream of, "I blame you for this, you crazy bitch!" over (Y/N)'s cackling as he continued to fight through the demons without a scratch on him.

"You didn't fail me." Charlie tried to explain as Vaggie turned from her. "You're not--" "If I can't help you, then what's the point of me?"

The princess gasped sharply, "Vaggie, don't say that! You do so much! It's--" "I'm sorry, I'd like to be alone for a minute." Vaggie spoke quietly.

Charlie nodded before silently walking towards the door. Angel Dust had made his way up to the to roof with a Sir Pentious in over his shoulder, and (Y/N) walking behind him with a wide grin on his face, Niffty sitting on one of his arms as he carried her. Niffty was covered in blood, and (Y/N) was almost spotless, except the cut on his face one lucky demon was able to get on him.

That was okay, because (Y/N) quickly got the fucker back with one of his kunai feathers.

Angel threw Pentious on the ground before sighing heavily, "Made it." He cheered breathlessly.

"Let's go home, guys." Charlie said, looking downcast.

(Y/N) raised an eyebrow as he sensed the energy from the two women, but he knew how to read a room....well, roof. His....boyfriend (?) on the other hand..did not.

"Ugh! I just walked up all those stairs." He grabbed Pentious' tail and started dragging the traumatized demon behind him, his lover watching with an amused smile.

*With Carmilla*

Carmilla muttered under her breath as she poured a glass of liquor. She lifted it to her lips before changing her mind and chugging straight from the bottle, her daughters and friend watching in worry.

"Carmilla, what troubles thou? Losing thy composure is unlike thee." Zestial asked, concern on his face. "It's nothing Zestial, really." sighed the white haired woman.

"The felled angel, t'was by thy hand, was it not?" he asked. "Let's not talk about it." she walked away to her desk.

"Mom...maybe he should know." Clara spoke up, watching her mother. "Nobody should know. I did what I had to. I am not discussing this." Carmilla pinched her forehead in frustration. The sisters looked at each other before looking away.

*With Alastor*

The Radio Demon watched as the Egg Bois played in trash. "Ooh, this smells like fun." One of them yelled. "I love garbage!" Another yelled as the elavator dinged, allowing Frank to get off.

Alastor stopped him with his cane, "So, what did you hear?" he asked. "First the old guy w-was all, 'you're not yourself, you're the one that killed the angel', a-a-and then she was all, 'Whatever it takes--."

"And then what was that last thing?" Alastor leaned down to side eye the egg. "She killed the angel?" he asked.

"Interesting." hummed the red clad deer. "Let's keep this between us, shall we?" he glowed a bright red, voodoo signs appearing around him. "You got it, boss!"

*Back at the hotel*

"Hey." Vaggie greeted her girlfriend from where she was leaning against the railing. "Hey," Charlie said softly.

Vaggie sighed, standing next to Charlie. "I'm sorry I got so crazy today."

Charlie grabbed her hands, "No, no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I put so much pressure on you. We work as a team." Vaggie let Charlie talk. "I guess, I just thought this all this would be easier..But we'll figure it out...together." They shared a soft smile before Charlie gestured to the men sitting around the lounge area. "I mean, look what your exercise did for them."

*Down in the lounge area*

Laughter could be heard in the hotel. "And then, when that buff guy started beating the shit outta you." Angel laughed, white gloved hands mimicking someone beating Pentious, before leaning back into (Y/N)'s side, the prince's arm falling around the spider's shoulders.

"Ha ha! With the dismembered arm! Yes! That was particularly...unpleasent." Sir Pentious' face and shoulders dropped as he frowned, remembering the incident. Niffty appeared from under the table, giggling, "I liked that part."

"Well, hey, at least you can take a beating like champ." Husk complimented, before walking over to the snake, "You did good, new kid." He smiled into his booze before walking away as Angel and (Y/N) walked over to the two.

"Really? Oh, well, I suppose I did get into a little of the old rough and tumble today. Haha!" Pentious laughed before turning to the white furred spider demon, hand out. "And thank you for pulling me out of there." he said, shyly.

Angel laughed, hitting the snake on his back in a playful manner, the others joining him in his laughter, until Niffty started laughing manically, making the others stare at her weirded out.

(Y/N) merely knelt in front of Niffty, patting her head with a soft smile, "You were pretty killer out there, too, little lady." He chuckled before standing up, "You might be one of the only fighters I've seen who creeped their opponents out so much that they leave the battle willingly!"

"And you, (Y/N)! Where has that side been, man? Holdin' out on us, Prince?" grinned Husk. "Hey, you can't be the son of Lucifer and not know how to fight. Don't ya know it's the quite ones you have to look out for?" His eyes glowed an eerie red as he grinned darkly showing his fangs.

"Damn, my boyfriend is hot." Angel grinned, as he pulled on his collar, a light pink dusting his cheeks.

*Upstairs in the balcony*

"Well, how about that?" Vaggie smiled before hearing the door slam. "Alastor!" She called, "Failed to get rid of the eggs, I see."

"Yes, well, the little monsters prove to be rather useful." He grinned to himself as the other members approached.

"Why don't you give them back to Pentious?" Vaggie smiled. "Really?" gasped Pentious.

"Yeah, after today, I guess I can trust you with them. But seriously, no more weapons." She glared.

"Ahhh!! My eggs! Yeah." He squealed, looking down at the creatures. "Oh, it's so good to have you back. Now, go clean my quarters this instant!" He yelled, watching the Eggs salute him before rushing off.

"Maybe things will move faster than you think." Charlie smiled proudly at Vaggie who smiled softly back.

*In Pentious' room*

"Ah! How was your day with Alastor, my minions?" He asked, laying down. "It was awesome, boss! I went to this meeting, and there was this knife lady, and old guy,and a dinosaur!" Frank gushed.

"That's nice." hummed the snake, half asleep. "And the nice lady killed an angel." Frank puffed out his chest proudly. "And I was not supposed to talk about it." He facepalmed himself.

"Oh, I'm so sure, and maybe tomorrow, you'll meet martians tomorrow. But now, it's time for sleep. Good night, Eggies." Pentious smiled as the Eggs cuddled into him.

*With (Y/N)*

(Y/N) hummed as Angel brushed his wet hair. It was a long day, and (Y/N) still couldn't believe that Angel shared his feelings! But now that they're together,(Y/N) wasn't as flustered when Angel made his jokes and gestures, because he knows that's not Angel Dust whose flirting with him, that's Anthony.

Angel Dust is part of Anthony, but it was Anthony who (Y/N) knew needed help. At least mentally; but now both Anthony and Angel Dust needed help....and by his father's name, (Y/N) swore he would free the spider.

The hard way or the easy way was completely up to Valentino, but he hoped it was the former option.

Angel suddenly flicked the prince between his eyes. "Whatcha thinkin', about, principesco (prince)?"

"Di quanto sei carina (About how pretty are)." retorted (Y/), as he smiled up at the Italian, cupping his cheek and staring at his eyes, Angel's hair fluff vaugley encompassing them in shadow, their eyes glowing with clear admission and a slight bit of lust.

"Gentile Principe (Kind Prince)." Angel whispered, lips brushing against (Y/N)'s.

(Y/N) pressed his lips against Angel's, "Gentile Principe. (beautiful soul)."

Their first kiss so soft and perfect.

#hazbin hotel charlie #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel #viziepop #hazbin angel dust #x male reader #hazbin lucifer #storydays

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onesidedradiostatic · 1 month

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I think it’s funny that of all the reactions to arriving in Hell, Vox’s was “look at all that untapped viewership and non-existent marketing ethics” I guess he falls into the broad category of “A whole new city of suckers! Just for me!” a subcategory of “No rules! Yee-haw!”

Meanwhile I think Alastor is in the “Yep, thought so.” category. Maybe “Ahead of schedule, oh well. Best make hay while the sun shines! :)” *biggest murder rampage Hell had ever seen* “this one goes out to my mom <3”

Actually, Alastor’s arrival in hell reminds me of a comic where a fireman is deliberately an asshole so he can go to hell and fight satan. I can’t find a proper image link from my phone https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/447474912967138535/

LMAOOOO that's funny. this is the real reason he immediately started beef with lucifer, it was actually his life's mission (to fight the devil)

#ask #osrs.txt #hazbin vox #hazbin hotel vox #vox #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor

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pearl-blue-musings · 4 months

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Oh, bby girl. You can choose whoever you want for me, you know me best! I didn't know you wrote for Aizawa until now so...maybe???

-🌸

👀👀 how have i NOT shared my love of aizawa with you all????

Slight manga spoilers yee been warned

Pairing: Aizawa Shouta x reader

You’re shaken from your sleep when you hear the sound of metal against tile. Following that is the sound of grunting and panting. You turn over to where your lover is supposed to be and see it empty, the sheets being illuminated by the light of the bathroom. You push yourself out of bed and slip on your slippers, grabbing a robe and tying it around your waist. You trudge over to the door and push it open slightly.

“Sho? What’s going on?”

You put your hand on his shoulder as he sits on the closed toilet. Your voice is laced with tiredness and concern. Aizawa places his head in his hands as his shoulders shudder. You move to kneel in front of him, placing your hands on his knees to steady yourself. The metal under your hand feels colder than usual to the touch, curling your fingers on it to feel something. Clear warm liquid falls onto the metal of his leg causing you to perk your head up. You coo a bit and pull his hands away from his face. Your hands cup his face, your thumb rubbing close to his eyepatch, a comforting move he’s grown to love.

Aizawa grabs at your wrists and lets himself silently cry. He presses your forehead to his in order to truly capture himself in the present moment, in you. You hear his voice tremble and his breath catch in his throat. When he finally manages to speak, you hear his voice crackle in his throat. “I saw…”

You rub at his skin and finish his thought. “Oboro?”

He nods and holds onto you tighter. Ever since he’s returned from the hardest fought and endured battle, your lover hasn’t been the same. This is the third time this week he’s woken up in the middle of the night. But this is the worst nightmare he’s had. Aizawa’s voice and resolve is almost gone, broken just like his own voice. “This time,” he starts, “this time they took Hizashi. Oboro was still Kurogiri and was recognizable. He knew what he was doing and I couldn’t stop him.” You feel his breathing gets shallow and his body shake as he continues. All the while you’re giving him comforting touches on his skin.

“He hurt you,” his voice gives out finally. Tears fall down his cheek as the dream plays in his head once more. “Oboro hurt you and I couldn’t stop it.” Aizawa lifts his head from his hands to hold your gaze. He gently cups your face and you lean into his touch. “The people I love most always end up hurt or worse.

“Leave me. Before you end up hurt or die because you’re associated with me.”

Your eyes widen as a tear escapes. You’ve heard him cry and bare his emotions in front of you, but this is something completely new to you. What he saw in his nightmare was hell on earth. All his loved ones and reasons for being were turned against him, hurt, or killed all because of him. The bags under his eyes weren’t just from physical exhaustion, but also emotional and mental exhaustion. He’s been holding on to so much and it all manifests in his dreams, reliving and creating the worst scenarios imaginable.

You stand up and bring him to rest in his feet. Aizawa follows your movements and once he’s standing, he lowers his head to the juncture of your neck. His hands wrap around your waist as he pulls you in, crying into your warm skin. “It’s okay,” you whisper in his ear. “I’m right here…” Your voice is a soothing mantra as the two of you sway to the music of your hearts. His body is taut against yours yet it molds to yours perfectly. You run your hands in his hair, scratching at his scalp.

You’re not sure how long the two of you have been standing in the bathroom, the buzz of the lights and ticking of the clock the only sounds you hear aside from his light sniffles. When you feel him stop swaying, you pull away and look up into his eyes, tinted red from crying and sleepiness. His breathing is slow and heavy as he lays his forehead against yours. You brush your nose against his, smelling him and curling your fingers into his skin. You speak up gently, “you did not deserve what happened to you, okay? Those things happened and they weren’t your fault.” You pause to kiss his nose as he shudders. “I am here, Hizashi is a few doors down, and Oboro is being rehabilitated.

“You’re safe. We are safe, and I’m not going anywhere. I love you too damn much.”

Aizawa let’s out a calming breath, interlocking his fingers with yours. He pecks your lips a couple times over, finally coming to peace. You give him a calm smile and rub your hand up his arm. “Shall we get some sleep?” He nods and lets you pull you to bed. You lift the sheets and drag him in. He falls to side and you face him, intertwining your legs together as your arm rests on his waist. You watch him fall asleep calmly, your fingers playing with his hair as soft snores leave his lips, hopefully dreaming of happier times.

#🌸 anon #yara’s shell friends #aizawa #aizawa shouta #aizawa x reader #aizawa shota x reader #aizawa shota angst #aizawa angst #bnha x reader #mha x reader #my writing #i did the thing

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ludwigplayingthetrombone · 2 years

Text

OFMD Fix-it Part 2

Ayyy here’s part 2! Thank you so much for the incredible response to part 1! I read the tags and comments often y’all are too nice ;v; Enjoy all 69 pages! tw for blood and injury

Part one

kofi

Wee john: Fuck yeah! Roach: We took over Blackbeard’s ship!! Frenchie: Oh no! You dastardly pirates are too scary for me! I surrender!!

Stede: All good everyone! Crew: IS IT?? Stede: [gasp] Did you guys take back the ship?? Ed: You’re shitting me Stede: Excellent job, everyone!

Ed: Hey! Stede: Oh, sorry! I look forward to hearing about it! Ed: Please don’t crack your face again Buttons: Were yee crying? Both: WHAT?! No! Ed: I physically cant cry Stede: Why so you keep asking that? Crew: Captain! Stede: WAIT I’m not discouraging this energy, but please be careful of-

Ivan: What do you want us to do with Izzy, captain? Frenchie: OH FUCK THE KNIFE! Swede: PULL IT OUT! Roach and jim: NO!! [schluck] Pete: FUCK PUT IT BACK IN!! Roach and jim: NO!! Ed: Why disturb him? Sleeping so peacefully. I’ll deal with him later [schluck]

Pete: Where’s lucius? Stede: Yes, we’re missing lucius. Ed! Is the boy below deck? Pete: Did something happen? Frenchie: Oh yeah almost forgot! [knocking on the deck] Stede: What’s this, frenchie? Ed: Lucius is dea-

Lucius: OH THANK GOD! I was going mad in that wa-

Pete: Where have you been? Stede: Lucius! Good to see you, my boy! wee john: Cap’n... Lucius: I was hiding in a secret wall I’d found. Frenchie thought I was a ghost for about a week. Luckily the ship was a barnacled mess Frenchie: Still not convinced if I’m bein’ honest. Couldnt believe you’d survived, Stede: Survived? Pete: Why would you be a ghost, babe? Lucius: Because Blackbeard threw me overboard

Ed: A momentary laspe of judgement Olu: Oh shit

Stede: [knocks] Ed? [door unlocks]

Ed: Ship’s yours again. I can be gone- Stede: you’re leaving? Ed: I nearly killed lucius. Aren’t you upset? Stede: Absolutely livid, but you didnt succeed, thankfully! The atmosphere is tense, things are a little unclear, but they’re open to speaking. I’ve forgiven them for planning to kill me! Blows over quite fast, I’m sure- Ed: I’m a terrible person, stede. You don’t even-

Ed: Crew needed me. Wanted to help me. And I chose Blackbeard. All ‘cuz Izzy opened his FUCKING mouth ‘n backed me into a corner! Lucius would see right through it. I didn’t know what else to d- [flinch] Stede: It’s ok

Stede: Blackbeard is how you’ve been surviving. I understand that now. The only reason you were put in that position was because of my poor decisions. I promise I’ll be here no matter what to help us all get through this. Ed: Pull up the chair, I want my knife back Stede: Oh good finally...

Ed: So a big cat, a carriage accident, and a dropped piano? All at once? Fuckin’ hell, mate, you let ‘em have it. Though, I’d go as far to say the cat was too much. Stede: Whaaat? How could you say that about Ned? He did great. Ed: Just BITTER I wasnt there to see it

Stede: I’m sorry you had to do this again. I know you’re still angry...Ed: Wasn’t about being angry... not at first at least. Just felt.... sad. Really fucking sad, Stede. Didn’t know what to do without you here. None of us did. Felt... Like I just wanted to lay down and die Stede: I...I didnt think my absence would be felt this deeply

Ed: Oh shut- You’re not serious Stede: No, I’m serious. Mary and the kids were much happier when we were planning my departure fuckery. I genuinely can’t think of a time where someone missed my presence

Ed: Well fuck everyone else. Was the crew pissed when you said why you left? Stede: Very much so Ed: Then they missed you, cheers [mumble] I sure as fuck missed you Stede: You did? Sorry, Impulse. Ed: Lean up a bit Stede: I hop I can earn your trust back one day

Ed: Well, knowing about that Chauncey fuck makes me less pissed at you. Least you didn’t ditch me ‘cuz you didn’t want me around anymore. Stede: Oh no, I’ve liked you since the day we met. Ed: You did look hot bleedin’ out on the deck of that spanish ship. Stede: I’m choosing not to unpack that at this moment. Ed: All done up you go! [loud closed-mouthed scream] [ed repressing laughter] You good? Guts still in? Stede: [strained]I think so Ed: Lean on me til it passes

Thanks, did you sew me up the first time? Ed: Nah, that was fang Stede: That fang, beautiful work Ed: Go lay down. I gotta clean up your blood Stede: Again, sorry

Ed: If you apologize one more time for being stabbed, I’ll stab you again Stede: But it led to so much character development last ti- I’ll leave you to it then

Stede: Ah, is this my-? What’s it doing under th-

Stede: Forget I- Ed: No, that’s- I mean, it is yours... It doesnt even smell like y- JUST PUT IT ON

S: May I ask you-? E: shoot S: Why did you let me board the ship? E: I was tired of izzy nagging to blast you with the cannons. Kept talkin’ in my ear about you ‘n it just made me angrier and angrier. Got me so amped up to just fucking kill you the moment I saw you again. Thought I'd just be furious, but I felt... giddy? /hated/ that my chest was pounding, that just made me angrier

E: Then you show up with your tits out looking handsome as shit. S: hmmm [olu: One last thing, captain Stede: What is it, olu- RIP] E: I thought of it too. Leaving. Thought I’d get ahead before I disappointed you. Wasn’t itching for adventure, I knew I was in too deep with you S: I always thought I was disappointing /you/. I’m not the most exciting person E: Me?

E: Stede, you’re the boldest bugger i’ve ever met. Ever since i’ve known about you, you’ve made the most batshit ballsy moves. You took those English hostage, you swindled iz to get them back. you told blackbeard to go suck eggs in hell You stood up to the weird twins, to the English navy, to those richies at that party, to izzy, to jack, to ME. You’re the coolest, kindest person I know, Stede. I’m nuts about you. S: … guess I've never seen myself from that perspective E: If anyone else told me that story, i’d have them tied to the anchor for such a bullshit lie, but it’s you, so i believe it. Its as ridiculous as you are.

E: do you think I’ve ever gotten this upset over some quick drunk fuck parting ways? Only you.

S: Why only me, though?

E: You’re the only person that makes me feel… safe? Like I don’t have to be blackbeard 24/7. Most of my old mates were just dickheads who showed up when they wanted something the buggered off

Dont’ gotta worry about you stabbin’ me in my sleep cause i pissed you off. You don’t laugh when I talk about a fine fabric or a pretty looking teacup. I’ve told you things I thought I’d take to my grave because anyone else would throw it back in my face... But not you. I like your fire hazard, secret passage ship, your crew, when you talk about clothes ‘n book ‘n flowers. You don’t act like anyone else but you... And I envy that

Ed: Because it’s you

Stede: No one’s ever thought that about me... I’m sorry. Hah, I feel a bit dizzy. Ed: Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Lay down if you need [stede crying] Stede?

Stede: You’re the first person who doesnt think I’m a burden. My father, Mary, peers- My whole life- That I was selfish for being born [crying] Ed: Again, Stede, Feck ‘em

Stede: Meeting you was the best day of my life. I was so relieved when you- on the beach- Yuo looked so happy, and I destroyed that Ed: shhh

ed: It’ll be ok

Ed: Look at me. You came back

Ed: And that made Ed happ- IZ: EDWARD, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! [IZZY YELLING]

Ed:[calm] I’m sorry, Will you excuse me for one moment? Stede: Feel free! Ed: Thank-you [Izzy still yelling] [door slam] rapid steps]

[clattering above] [Izzy screaming] [crew cheering] foot falls approaching]

Ed: Now, where were we? Stede: ....Actually I do wanna know Ed: Let’s say, Bit too tied up to bother us again

[stede huffs a laugh] Ed: You look exhausted, you should rest. Pincushion gets the mattress Stede: oh no, I couldn’t. where are you sleeping? Ed: Perfectly comfortable desk right here. [pained moan] Stede: Right... Ed: Night, Stede

ed: I’ll steal a couch soon. ‘M too old to sleep on desks now Stede: I have no qualms [ed sighs]

Ed: Hey, stede Stede: Mm Ed: Can we.... Can we just forget about the beach and start over?

Stede: I don’t think I can this time, Ed. Ed: Slightly concerned you can forget me almost killing you but not a kiss Stede: I’ve decided to be done with running away from my problems and pretending they never happened. But beyond that, My whole world shifted with that kiss. I can’t ever forget that. The memory alone kept me rowing to get to you again

Stede: We’ve hurt eachother, but I’m more than willing to put in the work to mend it... Which is something I never did with mary. Ed: I wont stab you in the earhole by the way. Got mine out of he way. Stede: Only fair! We’re even now. Ed: But mine was funny [swat] [giggle]

Ed: Last thing, then you can sleep off the stab wound Stede: Oh good... Ed: If Blackbeard was gone for good, would you stay? Lotta folks want the novelty y’ know. ‘S been gnashing at the back of my skull. Stede: I met Ed first not Blackbeard

Stede: ‘M staying forever now. Best friends at first sight. From my point of view at least

Ed:...Olivia... How ya doin’, Iz? Iz: Are you fucking joking? Just tell me what’s going on

Ed: Stede won. Crew took the ship back. I’m staying. Oh and lucius is alive, as you saw. Kid said the ship was so mucked up, he was able to hang on to sneak onto the ship. Thought you handled that way back when? Iz: that fookin- Ed: So i’m giving you a choice.

Iz: Just cut my foot off at this point anything but this. Ed: why can’t you ever just relax, izzy? It doesnt have to go this way, yet you stomp your feet Every. Single. Time. How many years have we known eachother; do you even like my company? Iz: How could you even say that to me? I’ve given my life to you time and time again. And You’re going to let some tart waltz back in and uproot everything we built. Ed: Built what? We’re fucking pirates, mate!

Powertrip’s over. This is it. It was a good ride. Fang: Lucius! You’re missing this shit!! Ed: You may love waiting to end up like... another leather clad, middle aged sad sack dying alone in a puddle of his own piss, but you’re not dragging me there with you. So make a choice Iz: You’d really let me walk? Ed: Truthfully, i’d prefer you play nice and enjoy yourself for once. but I’ll give you three options.

Ed: Old way is gone. Either one, accept that and keep it pushin’. Two, I would just let you fuck off, but you’ve proven to be a liability out of my sight, so i’ll have fang cut your talk box, so you never speak stede’s name ever again THEN you can fuck off. And three, more of a clause to one,

Ed: If you go rogue, I’ll make you beg for hell. Threaten anyone on this ship again, You’ll never feel the warmth of the sun ever again

Ed: I’ll let you down if you behave

Iz: [despair sigh] just leave me up here a while longer. ‘S quiet for once. Ed: well alright, take some time to process. let fang know when you gotta piss Lucius: Bad morning? Iz: Yeah, keep staring, twat Lucius: That sounded threatening, right fang? Fang: He’s not above pissin’ on you, kid

Ed: [muffled] breakfast? [smack] Didn’t remember blackbeard snuck into your bed? Stede: No, I remember. Had to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating again. Also, once again, you’ve processed this very quickly

Ed: Were yee seein’ phantoms? Stede: No more guilt phantoms thank goodness. Was getting sick of those buggers. Ed: Love a good phantom. You seem less tightly wound. Glad you’re phantom free

Stede: Took awhile to realize, but This is where I belong. Ed: No fucking shit

Ed: Speaking of, Y’ know, I’ve thought on it, and I’ve decided I’m tired of being angry and sad and lonely. Fucking sick of it. Already stabbed you, no sense in wasting time acting mad when I know what I want S: And what is that? E: Wanna be liked and kissed and happy.

Stede: Perfectly reasonable things to- Ed: I also want to be co-captains with the gentleman pirate. [choke] I’m lying in your bed with you, stede. Who do you think’ll be kissing me? The swede? Stede: I didn’t want to PRESUME. Is this a new job role for co-captains? Ed: Is now! ‘S why I promoted you. But you’re still on thin fucking ice. Stede: Poor jim. Promoted in less than a day. Ed: Don’t actually tell jim. They’re super pissed at me Stede: oH Ed: Now, onto couch theft, I’m thinkin’-

Stede: You’ve got some- Ed: I get it? Stede: Not quite, just- Oh- fuck it

Ed: Dastardly man. Diabolical. Definitely not gentlemenly

Ed: Fuckin’ missed you!

End

#gentlebeard #blackbonnet #our flag means death #ofmd #my art

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kindestofkings · 4 months

Text

tis the damn season

robert keating x reader (she/her)

heres the requested bobby fic! reader is bobbys neighbour in dublin and they've had a situationship thats always off again on again, which ryan is v fed up with lol <3

masterlist

enjoy and also happy new year ! forgot how much I love making these so please come with some more requests, I always love getting them xxx

yourusername posted to their story!

year FIVE of working as a waitress during silly season, people need to be KINDER

yourbestfriend not all heros wear capes yourneighbour1 god bless you ↳ its been TOUGH but neighbours christmas party next week !! ↳ yourneighbour1 UGH best part of the season alsooo did I see a certain curly haired bass player make his return to the road...? ↳ feck he's home earlier than usual 😀 ↳ yourneighbour1 time to rekindle the infamous situationship??

yourusername posted to their story!

the return of the loudest next door neighbour known to man, yay 👍👍

yourneighbour1 😏😏 bobbyskeetz get rid of that sarcastic yay ryanmcmahon_15 yay my fav idiots have been reunited ! ↳ idiots? plural? why am I an idiot ryan?? ↳ ryanmcmahon_15 hmmhmm when will yee learn

bobbyskeetz

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bobbyskeetz home.

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joshjenkinson_ lookin so mysterious and interesting xx

inhalerfan1 he is one of us

inhalerfan2 missed the intense staring since tour has ended, thanks mr skeetz !

inhalerfan3 christmas came early

yourusername smoking kills

bobbyskeetz excuse me?? I have NEVER and WOULD never yourusername big fat liar yourbestfriend y'all are the worst, every fecking christmas ryanmcmahon_15 what she said !

yourusername

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yourusername the kids table at the neighbours christmas party is always the place to be <3

also slayed so hard with my kris kindle present he literally cried for hours 💅

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bobbyskeetz I cried cause you threw it at me

yourneighbour1 weakling bobbyskeetz ugh thanks tho.... I guess

ryanmcmahon_15 bobby and yn being adults when

yourbestfriend but then what would happen to their beloved situationship? yourusername guys you know this is MY comment section right?

joshjenkson_ hahah the perfect gift for him

yourneighbour2 ugh BEST PARTY EVAAAA

yourusername

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yourusername and it always leads to you and my hometown

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yourbestfriend ah ryanmcmahon_15 shes quoting tis the damn season by THE taylor swift, what does this mean?

ryanmcmahon_1 gasp not the sad tones..

bobbyskeetz confused we're from the same hometown...?

yourusername you uncultured swine its a lyric 😭

bobbyskeetzswife

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bobbyskeetzswife OH MY GOD I JUST MET BOBBY, IM FREAKING OUT

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inhalerfan1 no way what the hell !! where?

bobbyskeetzswife literally in Dingle, Kerry 😭😭 he said hes with the lads but they ran out of drink so he was forced to go to the shops 😭 😭 inhalerfan1 omg hahahah I can't believe they just played the 3Arena

inhalerfan2 no way wonder why they're in dingle, such a random Irish town...

inhalerfan3 that girl that they all follow is in Kerry aswell with grace (eli's girlfriend) bobbyskeetzswife is that yourusername? I wonder who she is, bobby is always interacting with her inhalerfan2 huh wonder has he got a girlfriend

graciebrns

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graciebrns wholesome few days before what I've been told, will be the best party I'll ever attend

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elijahhewson promise its not an oversell

joshjenkinson_ agreed yourusername throws a phenomenal party yourusername ah flattered lads thank you

bobbyskeetz the million hikes will be worth it

yourusername you said you loved going on hikes bobbyskeetz course I do love 😔 inhalerfan2 love ?? gathering evidence

inhalerfan1 wholesome band trip bless

yourneighbour1 woohoo almost time to partyyyy

ryanmcmahon_15 how did one row of houses produce so many party animals?

yourusername party animals okay old man bobbyskeetz just cause you can't ever keep up ryan yourneighbour1 its how we were raised 😤

yourusername

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yourusername hot people have birthdays on nye 💅

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bobbyskeetz so feckin hot

yourusername baby stapppppp that

yourbestfriend was the BEST time ever

elijahhewson class night it was, graciebrns whats the verdict?

graciebrns best. night. ever. yourusername I love you thanks for having me <33 yourusername you kidding me? thank you for coming !!

inhalerfan1 oh hello inhaler spotted ..

inhalerfan2 not bobby on the decks

bobbyskeetz

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bobbyskeetz happy birthday gorgeous, love cleaning up bottles with you on new years day x

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yourusername ahhhh the taylor reference 😭

yourusername my favourite nosey neighbour <3

ryanmcmahon_15 I have never been so invested in two idiots getting together properly

yourbestfriend so insufferable its taken like 13 years for them not to be idiots yourusername and what about you two being idiots.. bobbyskeetz whats your favourite book trope again love? yourusername FRIENDS TO LOVERS BABY, take notes ryanmcmahon_15 yourbestfriend

inhalerfan1 sad sad day for the bobby girlies 💔

bobbyskeetzswife noooooooooo

finished xx

#bobby skeetz #robert keating #robert keating x reader #robert keating imagine #inhaler dublin #inhaler band #inhaler fanfic #inhaler imagine #smau

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fatuismooches · 5 months

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I can't escape Dottore love it seems, so I'll use the "if you can't fight - join" idea, so I present the most unlikely family HCs, this time with Dottore (oh boy!!)

I honestly don't have ideas about how child even appeared in the first place, considering that Dottore.. isn't fond of children. My only thought is child being the only alive memento of fragile!reader

Zandik honestly has no idea how to treat his child properly, so, as much as it hurts his pride, he'll have to take a few parenting lessons from Pulchinella and Arlecchino, but he's a fast learner and passes that knowledge to his segments. Speaking of them, until kid reaches certain age, at least one segment is required to watch over you, unless they want to become subjects for next experiments

Dottore as a father is very very protective over you. Remembering your post about rulebook for interacting w/ his s/o, I imagine there's a same for his child, with similar rules, but possibly there's something like "Keep discussions child-friendly, using analogies that aren't hurtful for child psyche", "If C/N expresses interest in playing with you - don't refuse, otherwise they'll cry and you won't like the consequences. Also it's in your best interest to let them win"

So you know those baby carry bags? Yee, I just imagine Zandik with one and it kills me. He threatens fatui underlings, all while carrying a child on him in this bag..

One of pros of being Dottore's child is that they end up very knowledgeable. Of course he uses.. drastic analogies, but kid catches on quickly. If you listen to their conversation it won't make much sense, but the two(+) of them understand each other rather good.

I think child will copy Doctor quite a lot. They'll repeat his walk with hands behind his back, his laugh, smirk.. Lots of things, really. It's especially terrifying to other people if they inherited his red eyes and sharp teeth. It makes him **just a tiny bit** smug and proud. I think child also steals his coat, mask, earrings to play as him, it's honestly so cute

He's generally really proud of them (unless they want to enroll in academiya, he won't survive such betrayal, no he's not being overdramatic-- joking, joking)

-🥀

DADTTORE I REPEAT IT'S DADTTORE!! Dottore has no clue how to take care of a child, especially if you're no longer here to guide him. Hell, he could barely take care of himself at times without your constant reminders. But now the mad scientist is left with the kid, all alone and confused... though, at least his best trait as a father is his willingness to learn and ability to adapt. He will never live it down, going to the other two Harbingers for advice, even fucking Childe gives him tips as he's raised his siblings as well. Pantalone and Bina chip in too, the fun uncle and auntie. Although Dottore has his... feelings about them, they're better at making the child laugh than him. The child won't be left wanting for company, considering all his segments as well. They're on top of it when it comes to the kid.

HJEWBDEWWE THE FATUI HANDBOOK'S GUIDE TO INTERACTING WITH HIS CHILD 😭😭💗 You know that one is even longer than the first one. He's even more strict which leads to extremely specific rules in the handbook. Memorizing it is a must if you get transferred to work for Dottore. AND THOSE RULES ARE SO CUTE! It's so funny to think about how much his attitude changes when it comes to protecting his kid. He doesn't play. AND AHHAHA the baby bag, i imagine he also threatens them usually quietly because the kid is sleeping, and he finally got them to sleep, he doesn't want to wake up after trying for so long 😭 the agents are just like 🧍‍♀️

I imagine Dottore wonders a lot if his child will surpass him one day. He and the segments will usually indulge the kid's curiosity, and they pick up a lot of stuff easily. Probably can speak multiple languages at a young age 😭 His kid ends up asking lots and lots of questions, to which Dottore always has an answer. Is it always satisfying? No, but he wants his kid to discover things as well, rather than having it handed to them. That's the point of seeking knowledge. (Pls i imagine whenever his kid gets in an argument with him, they always pull 'i'm going to the Akademiya and graduate unlike you' to rile him up 😭)

And the kid definitely copies his dad a lot. 😭 It's like a mini him. 🥺 Dottore may not be the best dad, certainly not a conventional one, but he hopes you would say he's done a good job.

At the very least, Dottore makes sure his kid doesn't suffer the same way he did as a child.

#smooches talks #🥀 anon #dottore love notes <3 #ngl i never wrote dottore being a dad bc i was scared of it being ooc but i love this sm and im glad ppl do 🥺#idek if i want kids but... dadttore 💗 its cute to think abt

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