the apartment we won't share // jeonghan one shot
DESCRIPTION: Jeonghan had only broken his promise to you once and he swore to himself he would never put you through that again, even if it meant promising to watch you walk in to another man's arms.
PARING: Jeonghan x Reader
GENRE: Angst
NOTE: Took inspiration from Wooshik and his attendance at his ex's wedding. You have been warned. hehe
Highly recommend listening to the following while you read:
the apartment we won't share - niki
oceans & engines - niki
alright bye enjoy! xx
Adjusting his hair in front of the mirror one last time, Jeonghan let out a puff of air – trying his best to shake away his nerves.
He had been preparing himself for this day for years now, keeping his promise to you that he would not miss out on attending one of the biggest days of your life. Though, he had always thought that when this day rolled around, it would be just like any other celebration – as if he was just attending yet another wedding of his friend's.
And it was; you were his friend.
A friend who he once knew better than himself; now only settling for the updates he would receive every few months, or through your social media posts.
A friend he had once loved entirely, promising you of forever that he had unfortunately had to take back after three years of pure bliss.
A friend who willingly let him pursue his dream, cutting him loose from the ties of a relationship.
The two of you were far too young at the time, both with a promising future that awaited for either one of you. It would have been a stupid decision to try to make a relationship, that was clearly set up to fail, work – with his idol career taking off and your acceptance into law school.
You two may have been young, but not foolish – there was no second guessing that the end had come that random winter night. It was far better ending it while the two of you still had so much love for one another; rather than waiting for the relationship you two had cherished so dearly to implode on itself.
"You're going to meet a great guy one day, Y/n." Jeonghan sniffled, using his thumb to wipe the tear that had fallen from your eye. "And I hope– I hope that one day, I'll be there to see you marry him."
"It's not going to hurt?" Your lips quivered; unable to fathom the idea of standing at the end of the aisle with anyone else but him.
He shook his head. "I'll be your number one fan."
Jeonghan knew it was going to hurt, but what was he to do? The universe didn't write for your story to have any further chapters. Your love story was short, but it was sweet and it will forever be something he would hold near and dear to his heart.
The end had come and it was done out of love and respect.
"I'll do the same for you too, you know – all the milestones, I'll be there. I promise."
"I don't doubt it."
You never did break your promise – attending all the big events in his life. Their first stadium concert, their first day of sold out dome tours across the sea, their first show in the western hemisphere; there wasn't a single one you missed.
In the midst of the crowd of unrecognizable faces, he was always able to pick yours out; cheering loudly for him and his found family.
Just as all their other close family and friends.
Because that was what you were; a friend.
Just as you were there to celebrate him, Jeonghan had been there when you had passed the bar, when you became partner at the firm you had met your future husband, and more importantly... he was there to celebrate your engagement.
He remembered the sour taste that lingered in his mouth as he tired his best to swallow the drink he babysat in his hand; watching you mingle with the family he had come to know in the years he had been in your life.
Jeonghan remembered crying in the arms of his roommate that night as reality had set in – five years too late.
It wasn't like he had plans to rekindle the fire that once burned so passionately between the two of you, but god did it hurt.
He swore he was over it – he had to be. You two were nothing but a memory in each other's lifetime; there was no going back to change the painful fate that your story faced.
But Jeonghan was also human and he couldn't help but grieve the 'what if's'; blaming not only himself but the universe for having meeting you a little too early in his life.
Because if truth be told, if you had come into his life now, there was no way he would have let you go. He now had reached a level of maturity and fame where he was able to protect you from the outside forces he once couldn't imagine putting you through.
"Ready?" Seungkwan popped his head into the doorway.
Smoothing out his blazer, Jeonghan turned to his roommate with a tight lipped smile. "Let's get this over with."
・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.
Bringing his hand up to knock on the wooden door, Jeonghan chewed on his bottom lip as he heard the rustling sound – it was only a matter of seconds before he would see you, his heart unable to slow down in the anticipation.
He hated that he had promised to see you before the ceremony; unable to ever tell you 'no'. He would always fulfill his promises to you, all because he had broken one all those years ago.
A gush of air had hit his face when one of your bridesmaid opened the door – yet another wave of reality hitting him.
This time it felt like he had gone under, the water swallowing his body. The second he caught you standing at the corner of the room, he felt as though he was trying to swim up to the surface – his lungs slowly filling with water at the sight of you looking beautiful in an off-white dress.
The hired make-up artist had done a wonderful job highlighting your now matured features; Jeonghan taking in how much time had changed you with each step he took. He never did spend too long looking at your pictures when he scrolled throught your instagram, not wanting the demons in his head to consume him.
It was as if he had seen you for the first time.
"You make a beautiful bride." He grinned as he stopped a few feet from you, shoving his shaky hands into his pockets.
"Thank you." You mirrored his soft smile.
The two of you held each other's gaze in silence, knowing that you weren't only thanking him for the compliment but for so much more.
You two may have drifted apart, now living in two completely different worlds, but you were still able to read him – quite well. You could see how he tried to hide the pain behind his eyes; silently sending him your apologies through yours.
Jeonghan shook his head, taking your left hand in his – his thumb brushing against the rock that sat on your ring finger. "Don't worry about me."
"Don't be stupid," You let out a scoff. "I'll always worry about you."
"Not today," He gave your hand a squeeze. "Today is about you."
"Ten minutes!" Your maid of honor announced from across the bridal suite – not just for the two of you, but for everyone else who had been lounging about, waiting for their cue.
"I should go and find a seat." Jeonghan took this announcement as his sign to bid you a farewell; his mind silently thanking the universe for giving him an out before the tears began to pool in his eyes.
"I'll see you later?"
"I'll be here until the very end of the reception." He reassured, leaning into give you a hug. He didn't care of the possibility of wrinkling the silk off shoulder dress – this was the one and only time he was allowing himself to be selfish.
It had been so long since he felt you in his arms, and for once he felt him surface the water – breathing in all the oxygen he needed for when the other waves in the horizon would hit.
You didn't quite fit in his arms the same way you had before; he wanted to dismiss it as maybe it was the suit, or maybe the fact that there were eyes on the two of you. But deep down, Jeonghan knew – he knew it was because you were no longer meant to be his. You hadn't been in a long while.
・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.
The slow tempo of the piano echoed throughout the room, signaling for all the attendees that the time had come.
Behind the large wooden doors, you were stood holding all your favorite white flowers, a lace trimmed veil sitting perfectly atop your head – ready to take your next few steps into your new future.
As the two venue planners pulled the door open to reveal you, Jeonghan saw the ten foot wave in the distance – bracing himself for impact as he waited for the voice of hired singer to fill the air.
Your cue to begin your walk down the aisle.
Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can't help, Falling in love with you.
There was that wave.
Stumbling back where he stood, Jeonghan allowed for the water to drag him down with each step you took. All the pain he had overcome when he had first grieved the end of your relationship had come back again – only this time, images of what could have been began to flash before his eyes.
The house you two would never purchase, the daughter you two had once jokingly picked out a name for, the ring he never picked out, the dog you two had dreamt of adopting – they all stood dry at the sand while the waves continued to crash against him.
Shall I stay? Would it be a sin?
You were now half way down the aisle, your eyes remaining trained on the man who waited at the end with tears flowing quickly down his face – except unlike Jeonghan's tears, his were out of pure happiness.
Jeonghan wanted to look away; hell, he wanted to make a run for it – but he couldn't.
He promised.
He had broken his promise before, and he had regretted this since – he didn't want to break another.
Even if it pained him.
As you reached the very end of the aisle, he felt his body hit the sea floor – no longer fighting for a chance to hit the water's surface.
There was no reason to.
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