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azure-wolf-227 · 2 years

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I posted 2,299 times in 2022

That's 1,905 more posts than 2021!

166 posts created (7%)

2,133 posts reblogged (93%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@logo-comics

@dulcito-on-ao3

@shinybluebirdwizard

@cyclaes

@princess-of-the-corner

I tagged 2,137 of my posts in 2022

Only 7% of my posts had no tags

#spy x family - 734 posts

#hamefura - 540 posts

#my next life as a villainess - 260 posts

#katarina claes - 220 posts

#twiyor - 132 posts

#my next life as a villainess all routes lead to doom - 128 posts

#story idea - 127 posts

#fanfic summaries - 117 posts

#destruction flag otome - 113 posts

#analysis - 111 posts

Longest Tag: 95 characters

#alma also has complicated feelings about the candle because what she really wants is pedro back

My Top Posts in 2022:

Keith Makes a Wish and Sees an Alternative Timeline

One day, Keith thinks that things would be much better if Katarina never got engaged to Prince Geordo. A magical mirror near him reacts to his wish and shows him a timeline where Katarina never got engaged to anyone.

Keith soon realizes that things are not better in this timeline. For ien thing, if Kataria is not engaged, then the Claes have no reason to adopt Keith, meaning that he is still with the Colemans.

Also, if Katarina isn’t Geordo’s fiancée, the Geordo gets engaged to someone else. In light of Light Novel 12, let’s say that Geordo’s fiancée in this timeline is Frey Randall. This would mean Geordo would be unable to remain neutral and became tied to Geoffrey’s faction.

I’m not sure what else would be different in this timeline but the story would end with Keith realizing that his current life is the best alternative for everyone.

52 notes - Posted November 17, 2022

Plant Mage Katarina AU

Katarina's magic is actually very powerful but most of it is aligned towards plants (Botanokinesis or Phytokinesis). Very little is related to literal earth - explaining her Earth Bump - though she can make any soil optimal for plant growth. She can also make any plants, fruits, and vegetables grow bigger and faster, as well as enhance their attributes like taste, nutrituness and in the case of magical plants, enhance their natural properties.

Plant Magic is a rare variant of Earth Magic that very few people possess. It’s actually rarer that Light Magic as Katarina is the only person who presently has it - the last wielder of this magic lived about a century ago - and there are other Light Mages besides Maria.

Katarina first manifests this magic when she's learning to farm, around the time that she met Mary. At first, the girls notice that the plants seem to grow faster/thrive and wonder about it but, since it's not too extreme, they shrug it off as luck. That is, until Katarina mentally wishes that the eggplants or cucumbers or something were bigger; her magic activates and they instantly grow larger. The giant vegetables surprise everyone and after Katarina explains what happened, her parents bring some MInistry officials that confirm that Katarina is a Plant Mage.

Katarina's parents are shocked at first, then very proud when they learn that Katarina possesses a rare form of magic. Though Milli is a bit miffed that they had to tell the Ministry officials about Katarina's field. Then they learn just how valuable Katarina's magic is - the last mage with this power saved the kingdom from a famine. If she weren't engaged to Gerald, many nobles would be offering marriage proposals for the chance to have that magic in their families. The Ministry is also very interested in having Katarina join them. The only reason they don’t push is because the Duke and Duchess won’t allow their daughter to be pressured to join.

Due to the value of Katarina's plant magic and to prevent people from trying to exploit her, the engagement with Prince Gerald must be kept. Also, if the Claes try to annul it, other nobles could accuse them of wanting to keep the power to themselves. Katarina believes that this is a Doom Flag because Gerald can't just break the engagement anymore, even if they both agree. So (in her logic) if he falls for Maria he will have to get rid of Katarina for sure.

Since the engagement cannot be broken, Millidiana starts to put more pressure on Katarina to improve her manners, giving her longer and more frequent etiquette lessons that cut on her hobbies and time with her friends. Katarina initially puts up with it but, eventually, she can’t take the pressure anymore and stands up to her mother about it.

Katarina also calls her mother out on her favoritism towards Keith as well as her criticism towards Katarina’s hobbies and behavior for not being “ladylike”. Millidiana argues that she must think about the Claes’ family reputation and what the other nobles will think of her. Katarina argues back that her friends don’t mind her quirks and that she doesn’t care about what others nobles think because they don’t know the real her, so their insults don’t hurt her. What does hurt is that her own mother doesn’t have any faith in her. (I know that it seems OOC for Katarina to get angry and call-out someone like that, but she was under a lot of pressure that finally boiled over and everyone has limits). Katarina then goes back to her room, leaving a shocked and guilty Millidiana to think about her actions.

Afterwards, Millidiana and Katarina have a talk where Millidiana explains that she was so strict because she didn’t want Katarina to suffer like she did and was afraid that she wouldn’t be able to handle the responsibilities of being a prince’s consort. Katarina understands her mother’s reasons and promises to do her best to take her manners a bit more seriously while Milli promises to be a bit more open-minded about Katarina’s eccentricities.

Although she now has a better relationship with her mother, Katarina is still worried about the Doom Flags related to her engagement to Gerald. Her parents reassure her that, if she doesn’t want to marry Prince Gerald, they’ll ask for the engagement to be broken no matter what the other nobles may think, but Katarina doesn’t want her family to be hurt for her sake.

Sometime before her 15th birthday and social debut, Katarina talks to Gerald about how she feels like she has him trapped in the engagement and that she’s afraid that he’ll hate her for it. Gerald reassures her that he doesn’t hold it against her and he reveals this feelings for her. Katarina is shocked and a bit in denial, asking Gerald why would he fall in love with her. When Gerald tells her why, Katarina asks him how he’s sure that it’s not just a passing infatuation and that he won’t fall in love with another girl. Gerald is certain that he truly loves Katarina but, if she really doesn’t feel the same, he’ll break the engagement in a way that will keep her safe and won’t hurt her family. Katarina tells him that she needs time to think about it and he accepts.

After learning that Gerald confessed to Katarina, Mary and Sophia do the same. Katarina is surprised and flattered but tells them that, while she does love them, she only sees them as sisters. Mary and Sophia are sad but they understand and are glad that they at least told Katarina their feelings. Mary decides that she’ll settle for being her sister in-law by marrying Alan and Sophia has the idea to pursue Keith because “if Katarina won’t marry my brother, then I’ll become her sister by marrying hers!”

As for the boys, Keith accepts that Katarina only sees him as a brother, Nicol keeps his feelings for Katarina hidden, and Alan is still unaware of his feelings for Katarina at this point.

Due to her unique magic, Katarina takes specialized practical classes with Kai Gerran as her teacher - he’s part of the Department of Magical Powers Research. Part of her lessons include identifying what plants grow where and what uses they have. It’s a bit difficult to learn about all the plants but Katarina receives help from Mary, and the two girls enjoy spending time together. Katarina bonds with Maria over both having rare magic and the expectations people have on them because of it.

A few other things that Katarina does with her magic are: creating plant Golems/animals, growing fruits and vegetables in interesting shapes, and swinging on vines like Tarzan.

Most of the Academy plot stays the same except that Katarina is aware of Gerald’s feelings and her friends are not competing for her affection - though they still warn Gerald to not try anything funny with Katarina. Katarina begins to develop feelings for Gerald but it’s hesitant to pursue him because, even though Gerald has no interest in Maria, she doesn’t know if Maria is interested in Gerald. After talking to Maria and Gerald and being reassured by them, Katarina starts to go on dates with him. There also Alan/Mary and Keith/Sophia developing in the background.

Katarina will still get Pochi and will become a Grass/Dark Dual-Type.

Some of the threats that Katarina faces due to her powers are: unscrupulous Ministry officials interested in studying her magic and others countries with agricultural issues looking to acquire her for themselves. Some foreign nobles attempt to seduce her into marrying them but Bakarina is to dense to notice their attempt and her friends protect her. One noble resorts to kidnapping Katarina but he’s captured before he can return to his country - and Katarina had pretty much rescued herself already. There are a few more kidnapping attempt - from both nobles and researchers - but they are thwarted before they happen.

(Added 2/11/2022)

OG Katarina also had this magic but, since she never interacted with plants directly, it never awakened/became noticeable. Her ego would have inflated even more that it already was if she did learn that she had this magic.

OG Prince Gerald would actually benefit a lot more from keeping this engagement since having a fiancée with rare magic would intimidate other ladies. Unfortunately, OG Katarina interprets his words “I already have a fiancée that has rare magic” as “I love my fiancée” which would cause her romantic pursues to get worse.

Not to mention, OG Maria’s chances of graduating the Academy with minimal mental health would drop drastically - unless the other Capture Targets protect her.

53 notes - Posted February 8, 2022

Learning About Boundaries

An idea that I discussed with @dulcito-on-ao3

Ever since being rescued, Keith has taken to being more direct and pushy when reminding Katarina of his feelings and confession, not unlike Prince Gerald.

During one of those instances, Luigi walks in and demands to know what is happening, not pleased that his son is seemingly taking advantage of his daughter.

Katarina and Keith are scared that Keith will be disowned and kicked out. Luigi reassures them that won’t happen but he wants an explanation.

Keith explains the reason why he was acting that way. Luigi scolds Keith for his behavior because it’s inappropriate no matter his reasons. The Light Novels imply that Luigi knows about Keith’s feelings for Katarina and is not against them but I don’t think that he would approve of that behavior.

I’m going with the idea that Millidiana was not aware that Keith has romantic feelings for Katarina and is shocked to learn about it. Not because she is against it but because she never considered because she sees Keith as her son.

But she also doesn’t approve of his behavior. So Keith gets a long lecture about boundaries.

Luigi and Millidiana also have a talk with Katarina and ask her how she feels about Keith’s behavior. She explains that she’s conflicted and a bit uncomfortable because, while Keith is handsome, she has considered him her brother for years and those feelings still remain. Katarina realizes that she wants Keith only as her little brother.

Keith told his parents that Gerald also acted pushy so they ask Katarina about what the prince did. Katarina explains about the sudden kisses and whispered words that make her heart race. They ask her if that makes her uncomfortable but Katarina reassures them, explaining that she doesn’t hate it but it’s just very intense for her.

This is meant to be set before Volume 11, maybe a bit after they graduated and Katarina started working at the Ministry, but I want to Katarina to have her realization that she is scared of love earlier. She talks about it with her parents who give her some advice about it. They also give her a lecture about needing to be firm with her boundaries.

I have the idea that the Claes - maybe just Luigi - also have a talk with Prince Gerald about his behavior. Gerald would be regretful because he knows that behavior isn't right and he sees Luigi as a father-figure.

I want to end this with a bit where Katarina and Gerald talk about their relationship. Katarina is willing to give Gerald a chance but makes it clear what her boundaries are.

53 notes - Posted July 8, 2022

Anya’s Birthday

I hope that I’m not the only one who wants to see a chapter about celebrating Anya’s birthday.

This can go several ways:

1) Becky asks Anya when her birthday is and Anya is confused and like “What’s a birthday?” - I bet the scientists never considered celebrating her birthday if they wanted her to study instead of being a child. Once Anya learns what a birthday is, she asks her Papa when is hers is. Now, while Anya’s real birthday is unknown, Loid had have to write a date when he acquired (fake) ID papers for Anya, so that date would be Anya’s birthday.

2) Yor is the one who asks Loid when is Anya’s birthday and Loid gives the date registered in Anya’s (fake) ID papers.

After the situation of the birthday date is resolved, what’s left is to prepare the party. Anya’s favorite foods are prepared (including a cake) and guests are invited (Becky obviously but also Franky and Unkie Yuri). Party games are played and presents are opened. Just a sweet birthday chapter.

68 notes - Posted November 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Spy Sent to Seduce the Boys Fails Spectacularly

This idea was inspired by Accomplishments of a Duke’s Daughter.

Another kingdom sends a female spy/saboteur to weaken Sorcier/get information by seducing the highest-ranking young noblemen which are Nicol, Keith, Gerald and Alan. Of course, this fails because the boys are only interested in Katarina.

The spy thinks that the girls are the reason why her seduction isn’t working (she’s not completely wrong), so she plots to remove them by Wounded-Gazelle Gambits to make them look bad. These gambits fail because the boys don’t believe them, the girls (minus Katarina) know the spy is sus, and Katarina is to kind and dense for that to work.

The spy might try to set her sights on the older princes but that plan fails as well.

For a funny twist, the spy is convinced that Katarina is smarter than she appears and is onto her. Katarina, of course, does not notices anything amiss with the spy and is always nice to her.

This is meant to be a bunch of silly shenanigans of the spy failing to seduce the boys though it can be a more serious story.

184 notes - Posted August 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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crustswamp · 16 days

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Every once in a while I scroll through an influencers account on ig and feel just as susceptible as any other common pleb to the influence. She really embodies on her account everything I want to be- nutrituous, healthy, active, long healthy black hair, a skin care routine with the face to show for it, pet cats, aestheticism, all of it, and that makes me feel shallow and dumb but also inspired.

I need to not compare myself too much. She's a 22 year old, very wealthy (from her live-in bf or parents, who knows), and what income she makes is brand sponsorships with skincare and matcha powders. Her whole job is to look hot (and I dont even say that disrespectfully because she really shows that all the exersize, nutrition, and hygeine to look that way is work) and records herself putting in all that labour to be hot as a whole lifestyle advertisement, making her daily life consumable, profitable, content IS work.

Not explicitly, but implicitly by always featuring the labels of the same products in her daily routine vlogs, her job is suggestively promising you the same lifestyle. You want to look like me? Buy the serums and the matcha powder.

But Im not 22 and wealthy with a lifestyle that can be supported by making these routines my job. I have a full-time job and need to remember more realistic expectations for myself. She can live this way because it is her JOB to drink matcha and do skincare and go to the gym and make healthy cooking ASMR videos; I can do these things to the best of my ability outside my working hours, and its okay that my daily life doesnt look like hers because I am not an influencer (nor do i want to be)

#dream me #dream life #mine #vent

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casjanbarlowski · 1 year

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February - Creativity 1

For Creativity, I made myself nutrituous protein granola with banana and homemade chocolate topping. I added: oats, granola, banana, homemade chocolate sauce (made with cocoa powder, butter, and sugar), skyr yoghurt. It had around 50g of protein, which allowed me to hit my daily protein goal of 120g, apart from being tasty.

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urduhindipoetry · 2 years

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Nutritual stevia sugar free sachets Sweetener Powder | 100% Natural for Weight management | Zero Calories | Vegan | Keto & Diabetic Friendly - Pack of 3

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nutritual · 2 years

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Mens Vitality Tablets

Buy Nutritual Perform Vitality Tablets Online and improve sexual performance in bed. Safed Musli Kaunch Beej Gokhru Silajit Improves Testosterone.

#Perform Vitality Tablets #Mens Vitality Tablets

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keilemdarkmode · 3 years

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👀 feederism is my kink i can and have talked about this and scenarios like this for literal Hours heres another because why not-

Hawks adores keeping you well fed, the man loves every inch of you including your delightfully round belly after a day of eating the treats he's made for you, nothing too sugary or fattening, it needs to be nutrituous as, in his head, you're eating for two. At one point you make a joke about how all this extra food is making sure theres more "cushion for the pushin'" and hawks laughs at the joke and eyes you and your deliciously plump form and hes on you in a heartbeat, suggesting you let him cook tonight, you had such a long day at work, and you know how much he loves taking care of you and dont worry about feeding yourself- he says, ghosting a hand over your already pleasantly full belly. He'll make sure you get plenty of food in you

feeder keigo anon, FK anon if u will, THANK you for this brainrot im fucking living for it

(tw feederism, weight gain, nsfw, tw body image, tw readers body is describe as plump due to feederism for the love of god don’t read this if it isn’t your thing lol)

there's so many aspects for feeder keigo that i love. his pre, during and post rut brain not quite being able to tell if he's smitten with your round belly and thighs because you're well-fed or because it makes you lean a bit more toward looking plump with child (despite being on incredibly reliable birth control). there's something about seeing you sated, seated and content with a straining tummy that gets his own guts fluttering.

and god, you love. you joke about it too. about how your 'love handles really are handles now'. you have gained a few extra pounds and you've noticed that keigo is quick to appreciate. when you bring up the new pudge around your hips, keigo lights up in the sweetest way. he's in the kitchen, stirring a pot of something (?) (he's recently taken to cooking and you're happy to encourage it) and he melts, just by looking at you.

you look so happy. you're so content, settled on the couch under a blanket, hand over your plump tummy with a smile on your face. keigo had already hand-fed you a snack earlier (some of your favorite desserts from a bakery he'd come across while on patrol) and he knows you’re already full enough as it is. but he also knows you’ll never refuse a meal that he makes for you and feeds to you. you’ll open you lips so obediently and sweetly, taking bite after bite and only whining when it starts to feel like you’ll bursts.

he assures you, all adoration and his own private gluttony, to rest and let him take care of things. dinner is almost done, there’s lube and a bullet vibe tucked into a drawer on the coffee table. and keigo can’t think of a better evening than spoiling you, stuffing you, and bringing you to orgasm while your tummy aches from all his spoiling and indulging <3

#salami writes #slams hands on table #TW FEEDERISM #TW WEIGHT GAIN #TW BODY IMAGE #LOOK IM #hawks x reader #so fucking h word for this #god #GOOOOOOD #THANK U FK ANON

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crossed-out-name · 3 years

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I hope the Italian team had a very nutrituous breakfast of English tears (extra salty). 😎

#euro 2020 #italy nt

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danzameccanica · 3 years

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Alla fine del Quattrocento, Piero di Cosimo dipinse per il fiorentino Francesco del Pugliese, ricco mercante di lana piuttosto anticonformista (tanto che nel 1513 fu bandito da Firenze da Lorenzo de’ Medici il giovane per aver detto «el Magnifico merda») una serie di tavole mitologiche che rappresentano il mondo antico in un’Arcadia non convenzionale, lontana e piena di rimpianti, ma pregna di simboli ambigui e allo stesso tempo perfettamente coerente alle fonti classiche.

Questa narrazione inizia con Il Ritrovamento di Vulcano, acquisito nel 1932 dal Wadsworth Athenaeum di Hartford, Connecticut, dove era creduto inizialmente un Ila e le ninfe. Non compare nulla però del mito descritto nelle Argonautiche: non c’è acqua, non c’è l’eccitazione amorosa e assassina delle ninfe, non c’è Ercole. C’è una componente di sorpresa tale che alla donna più alla nostra destra cadono i fiori dal grembo e quella più alla nostra sinistra frena il passo sgranando lo sguardo. Qualcosa sembra essersi presentato all’improvviso, come caduto da un albero; o meglio ancora, caduto dal cielo. E infatti il fanciullo nudo al centro si sposa molto di più (secondo le fonti letterarie) con Vulcano/Efesto piuttosto che con Ila. A causa di una malformazione congenita alla gamba, egli fu scaraventato giù dall’Olimpo e destinato a crescere sull’isola di Lemno. Il nostro soggetto, in mezzo alle ninfe, è illeso ma, benché immortale, intontito.

Come mai compaiono solo delle belle ragazze e non «il popolo dell’isola nella sua interezza» lo dobbiamo alle classiche storpiature e/o interpretazioni delle traduzioni dal classico degli autori post-classici del Rinascimento. Servio traduce Virgilio con «qui [Vulcano] [...]ab Jove praecipitatus est in insulam Lemnum; Illic nutritus ab Sintiis». Termine ancora sconosciuto. Ma allora quel «ab Sintiis» è diventato absinthis, poi ab simiis e poi ab nimphis. Ovviamente scegliere fra Vulcano fu allevato con l’assenzio, Vulcano fu allevato dalle scimmie, oppure Vulcano fu allevato dalle ninfe, è stato facile fin dai tempi antichi. Giovanni Boccaccio scelse la variante delle scimmie, tanto che a Palazzo Schifanoia, nel mese di Settembre, i primati tirano il carro del dio-fabbro. E dice che come le scimmie imitano l’uomo, l’uomo imita la natura, e lo fa con l’ausilio della techné (τέχηνε) = «agire come agisce la natura» (Aristotele). Ma per praticare le arti e i mestieri, per raggiungere il primo stadio della tecnica, occorre il fuoco, e Vulcano è la personificazione del fuoco. Anche nell’errore o nell’ambiguità della traduzione, l’interpretazione di Boccaccio è magistrale. Il poeta dice che Vulcano è allevato dalle scimmie perché costituisce l’espressione allegorica per cui le scimmie sono lo stadio precedente, pre-umano dell’uomo prima della scoperta del fuoco, prima del suo saperlo mantenere vivo e prima della sua applicazione per forgiare metalli. Le scimmie nutrono Vulcano come l’uomo (ancora non completamente immaturo) nutrirà il fuoco. Boccaccio, che aveva lodato Vulcano come l’originatore della civiltà umana, gli aveva attribuito l’elemento per eccellenza attorno il quale nascono le aggregazioni, il linguaggio e addirittura la civitas: il fuoco. Questo lo ha fatto, ahimé, dimenticandosi di Adamo e della Bibbia ma ricorrendo a quello che Lucrezio spiegava nel De rerum natura, cioè che l’umanità non era controllata dal divino ma dallo sviluppo spontaneo e dal progresso. Lucrezio e poi Diodoro Siculo avevano narrato che la decisione di portare il fuoco fuori dai boschi in fiamme e di tenerlo in vita e sotto controllo avrebbe raccolto diverse persone, avrebbe creato l’invenzione del linguaggio, la mutua comprensione, l’elevazione di alloggi permanenti, la fondazione della vita familiare, l’addomesticamento degli animali e lo sviluppo delle arti e dei mestieri.

Questa interpretazione vitruviana di Vulcano mette in luce diversi dettagli di un’altra opera, Vulcano e Eolo, maestri dell’umanità, National Gallery of Ottawa, Canada. Il quadro è praticamente un pendant de Il Ritrovamento di Vulcano, hanno più o meno le stesse dimensioni e lo stesso stile e verosimilmente fanno parte di un unico gruppo. L’elemento chiave è sullo sfondo: ci sono degli uomini che stanno costruendo una casa primitiva, hanno gli attrezzi del mestiere in mano (martello, sega...) ma impiegano ancora tronchi non squadrati il che corrisponde esattamente a quello che Vitruvio chiama come «una primissima fase tecnologica della civiltà umana» («... e all’inizio elevarono rozze pertiche, vi interposero dei ramoscelli e intesserono le pareti col fango...»). In primo piano c’è Vulcano che brandisce il martello e sta creando un nuovo strumento: il ferro di cavallo. Ne ha già creato uno e il cavaliere al centro del dipinto è molto incuriosito da ciò. Il vecchio dietro al fuoco è Eolo che stringe in mano le otri piene di vento. Eolo e Vulcano vivono in un posto immaginario che è l’incrocio di due luoghi ben caratterizzati nell’epica, cioè fra l’Etna e le isole Lipari; il monte Etna, la residenza ignea dell’officina di Vulcano; le isole Lipari, meta ventosa dell’altro dio, dove per compiacere Ulisse, rinchiuse i venti sfortunati dentro delle otri da vino.

Gli uomini presenti in questa tavola rappresentano una civiltà pacifica e autosufficiente perché ormai fondata sul principio della vita familiare; Vulcano opera prima ancora delle prime ore dell’alba, orario in cui la gente ordinaria dorme (e si vede un uomo raggomitolato in primo piano); la famiglia si sta svegliando in un nuovo giorno, che allo stesso tempo è l’alba della civiltà. I due quadri avrebbero dovuto comporre una triade della quale l’ultima parte è andata perduta e, stando a Vasari, doveva rappresentare «Marte e Venere coi suoi Amori e Vulcano». Vulcano, in accordo sempre con Boccaccio, rappresenterebbe il fuoco fisico che consentirebbe all’umanità di risolvere i propri problemi pratici (lavoro manuale, artigianale, riscaldamento...) mentre Prometeo (rappresentato in due allegorie sempre da Piero di Cosimo) rappresenterebbe la chiarezza della conoscenza infusa nel cuore dell’ignorante; una chiarezza che si manifesta a spese della felicità e della pace mentale.

Altre tre tavole interessanti, che amplierebbero la lettura di questo ciclo, sono la Scena di caccia primitiva, Metropolitan, Il Ritorno dalla caccia, Metropolitan e, infine Vita umana nell’età della pietra, Ashmolean Museum, Oxford, una volta posseduto dal principe Paolo di Iugoslavia, ma sempre ideato per Francesco del Pugliese.

Queste tre tavole sono da leggersi in uno stadio temporale precedente alle due prima esaminate; raffigurano una fase della storia umana che precedette gli sviluppi tecnici e sociali indotti dall’insegnamento di Vulcano, in altre parole l’età della pietra contrapposta all’età del ferro. Tutte e tre non hanno le conquiste del fuoco e l’attenzione di Piero su diessi possiamo definirla quasi paleontologica. Nei dipinti non vi sono utensili o armi di metallo, i tronchi che servono per le barche de Il ritorno dalla caccia non sono squadrati e vi sono segni di rami ovunque; non ci sono materiali intessuti per le vesti, la gente va nuda o con pelliccia; non ci sono animali domestici e non veri edifici; manca la vita familiare e il principio dominante di questa condizione aborigena è l’ignoranza che l’umanità ha circa l’uso del fuoco. Il fuoco d’altronde è un leitmotiv che compare in tutti e tre i quadri, con un incendio in mezzo alla foresta perfettamente visibile in tutti i casi. La presenza del fuoco è visibile in tutte le illustrazioni a Vitruvio e, nel Rinascimento, significava l’età della pietra.

Nella Scena di caccia non c’è separazione reale fra uomo e animali; tutti sono contro tutti, ci sono satiri e esseri semi-bestiali; l’orrore regna sovrano, tanto che c’è un cadavere in primo piano; umanoidi e cavernicoli combattono per la vita con clave, braccia e denti.

Ne Il Ritorno dalla caccia vi è la stessa forma di esistenza ma in una luce poco più serena; le uccisioni sono terminate e gli umani portano a casa il bottino. Sulla zattera ci sono due teschi, uno di orso e uno di cinghiale (sia Leon Battista Alberti che Tacito scrivono che i teschi di animali posti su un palo sono amuleti protettivi e totem); accanto un uomo ne sta costruendo un’altra e una donna si sta accoppiando con un centauro. È una specie di ritorno all’ Isola di Citerea ma dell’età della pietra.

Ne La vita umana nell’età della pietra, di Oxford, assistiamo a uno dei primi dipinti realmente paesaggistici di tutta l’età moderna; le passioni proto-umane si sono placate, una capannina è stata costruita. Questo mondo lontano non è dissimile dalle rappresentazioni del Paradiso del primo medioevo, dove per un’interpretazione troppo letterale della Genesi, attorno a Adamo ed Eva, compaiono sirene, satiri, centauri, esseri umani con teste di cane e cervo. Qui, in modo simile ma alla rovescia, compare una capra col volto di uomo e una scrofa col volto di donna. Sono gli animali, nella loro completezza, che ancora abitano la foresta, si accoppiano ancora in modo irrazionale fra loro e questo che sembra un «regno di pace» in realtà è il frutto della paura comune per l’incendio. Questi animali sono così pacifici perché stanchi e in fuga, tanto che l’omino in secondo piano (preso da S. Giuseppe ne L’Incarnazione di Cristo, Uffizi) coglie l’occasione per catturare delle vacche.

Questo sistema di divisioni risponde alla logica della storia umana ante legem e l’era sub lege e infine l’era sub gratia. Queste ultime tre tavole rappresentano un’era ante Vulcanum mentre le prime due esaminate, un’era sub Vulcanum.

Il ritrovamento di Vulcano di Hartford e Vulcano e Eolo di Ottawa rappresenterebbero l’era sotto il dominio del fuoco e dei primi mestieri, mentre le due tavole del MET e quella di Oxford un’era ante Vulcanum priva di questa scoperta. Questo è un unico grande ciclo decorativo dove le tre tavole ante Vulcanum dovevano trovarsi verosimilmente in una stanza che avrebbe poi portato ad una sala con le altre due grandi tele (anzi, tre tele, se si considera anche quella perduta con Venere, Marte e Vulcano).

Piero di Cosimo era ad ogni modo attratto da sempre da queste passioni della vita primordiale e ci sarebbero altri due grandi quadri che si collocherebbero, idealmente, fra la serie di Vulcano e i due cassoni di Prometeo. Sono due quadri per il patrizio Giovanni Vespucci e rappresentano due scene della vita di Sileno: La scoperta del miele, Worcester Art Museum e Le disavventure di Sileno, Fogg Art Museum di Cambridge, Massachusetts.

La lettura inizia da La scoperta del miele dove Bacco e Arianna compaiono a destra, lei vestita alla greca; essi sono accanto al dio Pan che tira fuori delle cipolle da uno zaino all’interno del quale c’è anche il suo flauto (le cipolle dovrebbero essere afrodisiache). Bacco è presente nel quadro perché nei fasti di Ovidio il suo nome latino è Liber, colui che permette di consumare focaccette dolci chiamati liba da cui derivano anche le libagioni e libatio per le offerte sacre. Fu Bacco che al ritorno dall’Asia insegnò agli uomini ad accendere i fuochi sugli altari e si accredita a lui la scoperta del miele.

Dall’altro lato, e sopra l’albero cavo, ci sono tutti satiri impegnati a far quanto più rumore possibile per scacciare le api e prendere il miele.

Ma l’ubriacone Sileno, e qui passiamo al successivo Le Disavventure di Sileno, vuole fare tutto da solo: conduce il suo asino verso un altro albero cavo, scopre un nido di api e vespe che lo pungono; cade, si sloga un ginocchio, chiama aiuto e a destra lo aiutano a rialzarsi (addirittura con una trave di legno che faccia leva sul suo corpo pesante); dall’altra parte poi (Sileno è rappresentato tre volte), alcuni satiretti lo prendono in giro ma gli trattano le punture di ape col fango.

La straordinaria fantasia di Piero di Cosimo ha fatto trasformare quella che nelle fonti classiche era un corteo fastoso e una processione bacchica, con miriadi di devoti estatici (avete presente gli analoghi trionfi di Tiziano e di Bellini ?!), in una fantastica tribù nomade. Ovidio immagina un corteo di coribanti il cui rumore frenetico (che è lo stesso delle baccanti di Euripide) attira per caso le api; Piero immagina un gruppo casuale di persone, parte del quale si dedica all’apicoltura. Gli strumenti del rito bacchico si trasformano in maniera comica in cucchiai, stoviglie e pentole di legno, tazze e mestoli da caminetto, ossa e zoccoli di cervo. L’ottica è discostarsi da una condizione dionisiaca per approdare ad una più pastorale. Il suo Vulcano è un omino rozzo, Eolo un viandante dai capelli brizzolati, Bacco un ragazzotto di campagna col sorrisone un po’ da ebete e Arianna una ragazza sempliciotta che ancora sta esaminando la ghirlanda dell’amato. La comicità di Piero di Cosimo è diversa da quella, ad esempio del Roman de la rose, egli non è naïf e il suo humor è privo di malizia. Piero era perfettamente conscio della differenza fra il presente ed il mitico passato. Nelle utili attività di Vulcano e di Eolo, nella muta disperazione di un grosso cane che piange la morte della sua compagna (Morte di Procri, National Gallery) egli scopre una serie di valori fondamentali che rendono i personaggi mitologici accessibili ad una affettuosa comprensione da parte di tutti.

Come Lucrezio, Piero concepiva l’evoluzione umana come un processo dovuto alle innate facoltà e talenti della razza. La vita privata di Piero a stretto contatto con la natura; egli non voleva che gli si potassero le piante in giardino, i fichi dovevano continuare a crescere sui suoi alberi; preferiva a volte la carne cruda e mangiava fino a cinquanta uova sode al giorno. Non per una questione di economia, ma perché inconsciamente si discostava ed evitava quell’elemento che lo affascinava e allo stesso tempo lo atterriva, perché sancì il momento del distacco dell’uomo dallo stato di Natura: il fuoco. I suoi quadri glorificano gli dèi e i semidei classici che non erano creatori, come il biblico Geovah, ma incarnavano e rivestivano i principî naturali e indispensabili al progresso dell’umanità. Piero di Cosimo simpatizzava lietamente con l’elevarsi dell’umanità al di sopra della bestiale durezza dell’età della pietra, ma si rammaricava di ogni passo che andasse al di là di quella fase innocente, che egli avrebbe definito il regno di Vulcano e Dioniso. Per lui la civiltà significava un regno di bellezza e di felicità, finché l’uomo restasse in stretto contatto con la Natura; ma un incubo di oppressione, bruttezza e miseria non appena l’uomo se ne fosse estraniato.

Assemblato da Preistoria Umana in due cicli pittorici di Piero di Cosimo e Rinascimento e Rinascenze di Erwin Panofsky e Le Vite di Giorgio Vasari.

#Piero di Cosimo #Renaissance #Panofsky #Vitruvio #Dioniso #Vulcano #Eolo #XV #XVI #Vasari

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