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bittlebarnes · 2 years

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Let’s Talk

If you wanna skip the messiness and go to solutions, skip to the last four paragraphs and the resource list.

I know I’m one (probably loud, probably annoying) voice in a sea of many, but my spirit won’t let me rest until there is some kind of rectification. This is going to be it. If you’ve followed me for a while, you know this isn’t normal for me (and I don’t plan to do it in the future so don’t get used to it). I stick to my own corner of the internet and mind my business, but for now, we’re going to break the fandom wall a bit and talk about harm. As always in these discussions, I choose to practice reflexivity. I am a 27-year-old Black, pansexual, cisgender woman. I’ve been writing fanfiction for about 14 years. Because it’s relevant to this essay, my Master’s is in counseling with a specialty in BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ issues. My ongoing dissertation for my doctorate is on the intersections of race, sexuality, trauma, and cluster b personality disorders. I train new counselors on how to develop cultural humility and practice therapy with multicultural competency. If you’re new to the concept of reflexivity, know that these factors do not serve to claim that I am above reproach but instead serve as a clear understanding of my specific voice and lens. I’m trying to put aside my hurt feelings (and the urge to really dig in my heels and be nasty because the west end of Louisville wants to jump out, don’t let the job title fool you I still knuck and buck) and instead lead with empathy. I do not promise to be good at that, but I’m choosing to try to choose to “call in” rather than “call out.” At the end of this essay, I will also include a series of educational resources to aid in this discussion and provide further education.

I’m aware that Cor is gone, but as her impacts are still being felt, I intend to include her in this conversation. I will not be including screenshots because that feels disrespectful to me, but I will include relevant statements in quotation marks. For those of you who don’t know, Cor and I were paired together for the Buddie Big Bang. We worked collaboratively for several months and, on June 22nd, talked about selecting our posting date. On the 23rd, Cor contacted me in discord to inform me she was dropping from the big bang because she felt the “underlying themes” of my work were racist and that she could not in good conscience continue to work with me. I requested elaboration, but she did not respond. The way she phrased things, she made it seem like she had shared my work with “the BIPOC around me” as well as the mods of her server without my knowledge. Later, when pressed about this, she admitted that she had discussed my work with another individual without my knowledge or consent, which lent legitimacy to my concerns. Because of this, I chose to leave her server, not knowing that when you don’t share a discord server, you can’t talk to someone (I’m a Twitter girl like all the other therapists). Because of this, I tried to re-enter the server with the intention of leaving after I and the mods spoke. Seeing my request, Cor finally reached back out, apologized for “the way I phrased things,” and gave a surface-level explanation of the tropes of the white savior and spicy Latina, claiming that my fic fit into these tropes because Buck and Adriana are in opposition to one another. Personally, I encourage you to read it for yourself and draw your own conclusions but suffice to say, I did not agree. She informed me that she was attempting to protect me from “being torn down” like other authors she had observed during the blowback of the situation™ on her server. (Genuinely, I had no idea what she was talking about (I just caught up). I work 10-hour days, so I miss a lot. [Also now that I think about it, Cor trying to save me and be more “educated” than me literally places her in a white savior position. The jokes…well you know what they do.)

Again, I’m not beyond reproach. Because I always want to be reflexive, I shared my draft with my writing community, which consists of about 25 Black and Brown writers. They were confused about the claim. I was confused about the claim. We were all confused. I again attempted to engage Cor on this, but she was immovable. At this point, I wanted to discourse with someone other than her, so I contacted the 118 discord Tumblr account. It was still Cor. She made it appear that she had made the move to bar me from re-entry to the server (just to talk to her) not in isolation, but in collaboration with others (who? I didn’t know and no one else would answer me.) The conversation continued to be unproductive. She continued to emphasize the “immense amount of education [on race and racism in fic] that I have received over the last 10 days.” I will disclose that this is the point where I really started to get really pissed. There is something very activating about a white woman who’s been educated for 10 days trying to “educate” me on racist tropes while not being open to a perspective other than her own. In response to this, I chose to drop out of the big bang and upload the fic I wrote with a note calling attention to the claims (at this point, I hadn’t known who she had or hadn’t talked to and I was preparing myself for backlash.) If I had made a mistake, I wanted to face it head-on and open myself up to correction. I never want to cause harm with my writing and if I have, call me all the way out. We’ll discuss. We’ll confer. Changes will be made. The feedback I received was a resounding “WTF is she talking about,” which again pissed me off. When I again approached Cor with this, she gave (what felt to me like) a half-assed apology. We did not speak again, and there was never an attempt to rectify the situation despite the harm caused and I realized that had I not reached out to her, she would never have apologized. I was very upset about the experience, and when I noticed that Squid commented on it without ever speaking to me at all, I felt a type of way. I’ve tried to put to words this feeling, and I’ve decided that it felt like I was being left out of my own narrative. You could acknowledge that harm was done when speaking about me to others but couldn’t part your lips to speak to me about it until I tugged on your wig. It also again gave the impression that Cor’s decision had not been made in isolation. Language matters. Phrases like “our server,” and “we made the choice,” and “we weren’t comfortable with what might come from it” make this seem not like an individual action but the actions of a collective.

We’ve now gone from pissed to volcanic. I’ve kicked and screamed and cried and felt like shit and it all feels like it was for nothing.

But we move on.

Why do I still care so much, you may be asking. At the end of the day, this is conversation that is less about race and more about communication. Direct communication to be specific. When Cor came to the mods and made her claim, an easy way to rectify this situation quickly would have been to simply reach out and ask questions. “Can we read your draft?” “We have some concerns and we want to make our decision fairly.” I would have readily agreed and hurt could have been avoided. After everything came out, there still was no communication. There’s a saying: silence is complicity. Silence implies agreement (no matter how passive) with an action taken. Staying silent also puts the onus to correct the situation on the person who was harmed rather than the person (or people) who caused harm. It’s an inequitable shifting of power. This could have been resolved simply by someone be it Cor, be it a mod, anyone even passively involved choosing to reach out and say, “hey, we fucked up. We made a mistake and while we don’t want to let you back into the server, we acknowledge that it wasn’t right. We’re sorry.” It’s simple. This action requires a degree of humility and awareness. The fact that people had to be badgered into apologizing directly to me is, for lack of a better words, fucked up. It says to me that you’re not really sorry. You’re just saying what you have to in hopes that I’ll stop talking about this.

In the future, know that direct communication almost always leads to better outcomes. It’s what I teach my students, my interns, and my clients. Direct communication is a sign of respect. This all could have been avoided with an acknowledgement of harm and communication. We didn’t have to fight like this. I’m so frustrated that I had to get out of my character to get someone to say “sorry.” Maybe it’s a cultural difference but when I wrong someone, I go to that person, I don’t make excuses, I acknowledge what I did and I attempt to repair.

And since people want to talk about the racial implications of things, I think there is a conversation to be had about a group of white or white appearing women who know they did something wrong choosing to stay quiet and refusing to acknowledge that they wronged a Black woman, especially after I called attention to the fact that I was hurt. And when I do complain and make noise, I’m “wearing you out.” I think that’s very interesting and if you all want to talk about “underlying racist themes,” I would unpack that statement. Ask yourself where that’s coming from. Some of you are wielding these terms with very specific definitions, implications, and connotations, like a child wielding a gun and then acting surprised when someone is shot unintentionally.

Imma leave that alone though. Here’s so resources. Disclaimers: I am Black. Most of my resources are catered towards Black authors and Black thought. It pays to speak to diverse voices and discover your own diverse resources. Don’t burden people but seek out people who are interested in educating. They exist. Also, always check your local libraries and locally owned bookstores before renting or buying books from Amazon! Links are just provided, so you know what you’re looking for.

Why "Allies" Need to Learn to Knock

How NOT to be an Ally (BMB #14) Start at 14 min

White Tears/Brown Scars: How White Feminism Betrays Women of Color

killing rage: Ending Racism

I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness

All the White Friends I Couldn't Keep: Hope--and Hard Pills to Swallow--About Fighting for Black Lives

Tagging: @chromatophorica, @sadieyuki @aros_sage

#lynn speaks #911 #911 discourse #118 discord #buddie big bang 2022 #one last time with feeling #now that i've calmed down #i can put my academic hat on #i ate a snickers #and talked to my community #long post #if you say this is mean trust me the first draft was worse #this was very cathartic #i talked to my mom (a professor of black studies ironically)#and we talked for hours about what this needed to look like

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woolysstuff · 5 months

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I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT HIM

Evil!Sun my beloved (Edit// This Evil!Sun is from TSAMS and is not an AU of mine guys)

Bonus doodle

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thesherrinfordfacility · 9 months

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if s3 doesn't begin with aziraphale doing the fucking apology dance then what is the point

#sorry im spamming now but things need to be said #good omens #good omens season 2 #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 spoilers #gomens shitpost #lmao this was posted in righteous aziraphale rage but now that I've calmed down??? 💀 actually team aziraphale here

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royalarchivist · 2 months

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I love the QSMP. Not only has it introduced me to many amazing international creators, it's also introduced me to the French and Brazilian community, who are so sweet, funny, and chaotic in their own unique ways. I love seeing fans sharing their culture and learning from one another, and I myself have learned a lot this past year. I think it's incredible how QSMP brings so many different people together – all of us united in our love and passion for this project and its goals.

But passion can often evoke strong emotions, and these strong emotions aren't always positive.

The past few months, I have seen multiple waves of hate, bad-faith generalizations of communities, and racist remarks directed at fellow fans – especially those who are part of the French / Brazilian community. This kind of behavior is inexcusable, and is in direct conflict with the mission of QSMP, which is to break language barriers and unite communities.

We are a global community with a variety of people from different backgrounds. Miscommunications may occasionally occur because of cultural differences and/or language barriers, but we should use these moments as opportunities to learn and engage with other people rather than assuming the worst about them and starting fights.

Although certain issues can be resolved with communication, sometimes it’s better to block and move on. Avoid spreading negativity or hate, and save yourself the headache of interacting with people who are just looking for someone to argue with.

No matter what community we're a part of or what languages we speak, we're all here to have fun. Please remember to be kind to each other. We have more in common than we have in conflict.

#QSMP #mod talk #Additionally: we should avoid stereotyping entire communities for reasons I hope are obvious.#I think everything will work out in the end #I don't typically see this kind of stuff on here but I figured I'd post this anyways since I'm posting it to Twitter too #It's understandable that emotions are high because of everything that's happened to the QSMP community the past few months #but it's very sad to see fans attacking each other #everyone's a bit on edge it seems. I rarely use my personal Twitter but I opened it today and saw some close mutuals snapping at people #then after stepping away and calming down coming back to a conversation and apologizing #it's sad to see everyone in this state #So... comments from the peanut gallery I suppose. I do hope this helps someone though #I don't usually post things like this because frankly-#I don't think every single drama / controversy / whatever necessitates a public statement from every single member of the fandom #but I've been thinking a lot about this #Anyhoo. Hopefully I can start sharing clips again tomorrow. I've been moving the past week and life was hellish #hopefully things ease up a bit now

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h0estar · 1 year

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Yukine's journey toward acceptance of the life that was robbed of him, this time with finality, exemplifies the emotional and beautifully rendered arc that has defined his character.

Yukine finally accepting the reality of his death. Yukine stepping out from the fridge that contained memories of what was once his life. Yukine freeing himself from the shackles of his trauma. Yukine running to protect the person who cherished him the most in the world. Yukine standing up to an abusive father. Yukine wholeheartedly apologizing. Yukine's growth, and Yato tearing up as he stretches his little arms to pull him for an embrace.

Yukine's gratitude for what Yato did for him is evident throughout the series. He was given a name more precious than any other. He was treated like a human--an ordinary teenage boy. And life after that was one exciting journey after another. Now, Yukine can no longer be entirely consumed by the horrors of his past because he knows that his reality with Yato is so much brighter. Far brighter.

Yukine could break out from that refrigerator because of the true, sincere, and nurturing love shown by the only father figure in his life. Yato has said multiple times throughout the series that Yukine was his priority above all else, and Yukine was the only person he swore to protect the most. Hell, he even went straight to hug him after Yukine apologized for turning into that form! Yato did not need to summon Yukine. Yukine came to protect Yato on his own decision. As he always did.

The journey to their healing will be painful, and this chapter shows that Yato and Yukine will face it together. No more secrets and no more miscommunications. They will help and be by each other's side as they always have, not only as god and shinki but, this time, as family.

"I will not let him die. Not Yato. No matter what happens... I swear I won't let anyone take him from me!" -Yukine, Noragami Vol. 17 Chapter 67.

#noragami manga #noragami 104.2 #ah yes i've finally calmed down #i am still however sad as fuck but at the same time relieved #my boys have reconciled and i look forward to the yato and yukine duo once again :')#i was rereading my fave chapters and i missed seeing them in battle TOGETHER #hopefully we get that next chapter when they completely annihilate father <3 #i love them so much and i love this series sm #i will never shut up abt them man. their father and son dynamic is one of the best and i will stand by this till the day i die #i remember a post i made abt hoping yukine's life w yato will outweigh the grief of his past #and it did :'))))) it really did. yukine realized that himself and now he is back with yato #he is back by yato's side. the place where he rightfully belongs #i'm so emotional rn holy shit i've had this chapter dominate my head for the whole day today #anw WAR IS OVER LADIES Yukine has come back home 😭🫶#noragami #noragami spoilers #yukine #yato #mine

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sort-of-a-hero-that-way · 5 months

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Dennis shielding Dee whether it's physical harm or a verbal confrontation. And thinking about ada's tag alongside the gifs

They're both of equal threat to him...

#sorry i forgot who the 1st gif is from #i know its subtle but on one hand dennis distrusts strangers #bcuz they dont get him and they disrupt the gangs status quo #but dennis also just...doesnt like anger and will always calm people down #usually he puts his hands on their shoulders and massages when they get riled up and eases their tension #but here he's acting as a shield bcuz the threat isn’t coming from inside #it isn’t their emotions and their anger that needs to be hm let's say treated/controlled #it's an exterior harm it's coming from other people #dennis here understands dee's anger and sees reason behind it but he'll handle it instead #shields her away from it and speaks out #to me dennis doesn’t like anger and doesn't like himself when he's angry #so since he's calmer and more rational than dee in this instance he'll take over #cuz he knows anger doesn’t lead to anything good #he will always be the last to snap and he prefers running away to anger anyways #i feel like I've tackled too many subjects in the tags now I'll shut up #dennis reynolds #iasip #trash twins

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pangur-and-grim · 2 years

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dusk under the lilac trees

#Tallgeese #Wormbecca #I've been listening to this biweekly avian flu webinar for Ontario and following the maps of infected zones #and it FINALLY looks like things are calming down!#they said all along that the increasing heat + end of spring migration would help and I guess we're seeing that play out now #so the girls got their freedom back. they were so so happy #immediately went to their favourite dustbathing location and entered a dirt bliss #then went around eating all the fresh vegetation #it hurts that Anzu had to pass while they were still locked up. I know she hated being restricted to the run #if you'd held on one more moth you could've had freedom

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puretopia · 1 year

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got a bit carried away with Heidi’s office

#the 3rd office i've made her now like calm down me #i always wanted to use those half moon windows #ts4 #sims 4 #the sims 4 #ts4 interior #ts4 inspo

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natelia-aldelliz · 1 year

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Price : ... Nik?

Nik : No.

Price : Listen, if... if I don't...

Nik : Don't even. Evac is gonna be any minute now. You'll tell me later.

Price : ...ok. But you'll have to tell me what "zolawtsye" means.

Nik : *snorts*

Price : Oi, don't laugh at my accent, I'm literally dying.

Nik : You'll be fine, I'm here, I'll keep you alive.

(google told me it means 'golden one' or 'precious' btw)

#cod mw2 #captain john price #cod nikolai #nikprice #i've seen prikolai too someone tell me what i should tag pls i'll just tag both in the meantime #price is gonna be fine btw #his sergeants are gonna burst in any minute now worried out of their heads and he's gonna be rushed in a medbay #and then he's gonna have some 'vacation' while he heals #nik was trying his best to stay calm and smiling but he was really worrying because the blood didn't slow down #even as he put pressure on it and price was getting more and more delirious #nik sees price as his sun and himself as the moon because everyone orbits price and his own work is more in the shadows #he doesn't know that price thinks the exact opposite because nik brings him warmth and comfort and he feels he's darker inside #they're not together yet here but they're both secretely in love with each other

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hazel2468 · 3 months

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I'm feeling salty so I'm just gonna say-

If you can't handle the idea of feeding live prey to something.

Do not get a pet. That requires you. To feed it live fucking prey. There are SO MANY OTHER OPTIONS!

Also don't be that fucking weirdo who goes on other people's socials and bitches about how it's "inhumane" or "gross". They'd be doing it out in the wild. It's a little something called nature. And no, you cannot find an "alternative" for your mantis.

It's a MANTIS. It is like. One of the most famous predatory insects. It is infamous for eating its prey alive.

If you're going to be a little baby about feeding live prey. Then get a pet that doesn't need that. And shut the fuck up.

#its just annoying as fuck like #if you don't like the idea of predation in animals then like... don't get a predator #i've been in the hobby for all of a month but this shit is everywhere #and its not new!#i used to own a pair of lizards when I was in high school and I was seeing this shit back then too #because I would give them crickets once a month as a treat instead of their usual veggies #and people are so WEIRD about animals eating other animals like #wtf is wrong with people?#it's a CRICKET calm down #like sure all life is sacred yadda yadda but fucking #all life being sacred doesn't mean that death never happens #because if my mantis doesn't eat he dies #if my spider doesn't eat she dies #it's called nature you chucklefucks #Reaper Man and Bracken would both be eating bugs if they were out in the wild #Bracken is actually a species native to my general area so like #there are spoods out there RIGHT NOW eating bugs #she just gets to have a cushy life with no predators and carefully controlled humidity and big fat flies on the regular #and a cute little hide #same for Reaper Man he gets a nice cushy home and all the food he could need #and people are really out here bitching about how its cruel fuck the fuck off #if you come into the bug keeping world and whine about this I just think you're a moron

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golden-snackoos · 3 months

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[IMPOSSIBLE] // blackmadhi playlist

*Listen on Spotify!

Expect upbeat, melancholy, and tender vibes…

Tracklist Order:

1. A Quiet Prayer // Ace Attorney: Spirit of Justice 2. Shunrai // Kenshi Yonezu 3. Oshakashama // RADWIMPS 4. ラストダンス // Eve 5. No Plan // Hozier 6. Don’t be sad // Ku One Chan 7. Butterfly // Sogyumo Acacia Band 8. Yasashii Hito // Kenshi Yonezu 9. 美しく燃える森 // Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra 10. シャルル // Rib 11. Reminiscence: Inherited Hopes // Ace Attorney: Spirit of Justice 12. Prayer // Kensuke Oshio - DEVILMAN crybaby 13. Marutsuke // Given

Bonus Tracks: 14. Simon Blackquill ~ Twisted Swordsmanship // Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies 15. Nahyuta ~ The Last Rites Prosecutor // Ace Attorney: Spirit of Justice

(playlist inspired by Process of Elimination by attorneysgeneral on AO3)

#ace attorney #blackmadhi #simon blackquill #nahyuta sahdmadhi #my-art #reuploading this because omg i was obsessed enough to make this back then huh #wild... i'd like to think i've calmed down now. anyways i still think this is a fun listen #the fic goes crazy

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softpadawan · 8 months

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Dear Sabezra shippers,

I see you frantically searching for evidence and desperately analyzing dialogue and poring over body language and tone and microexpressions, basically turning yourselves into that Charlie Day meme as you battle to prove this ship might not be platonic despite Ezra referring to Sabine as his "sister" and—

Hey. Listen to me.

It's okay. Relax. It doesn't have to be canon for you to enjoy it. Just ship it. Ship it like FedEx. It's okay. I promise. You have shipped them for all these years and loved it. Keep on doing that. Write your fics. Share your headcanons. Draw your art. Make your gifs. It doesn't have to be canon for you to enjoy it. Don't be anguished or dismayed by new canon. You can ignore it. Don't feel like you have to prove to the world that your ship is canon before you can ship it. Ships are not automatically better or more powerful just because they're canon, and you don't have to justify your reasons for shipping anything. Your ship doesn't have to be canon in order for you to love it.

Sure, it's awesome to see two characters you've shipped for years end up together in canon. But it's not going to be the end of the world if they don't. And it shouldn't stop you, either.

Are certain people going to be mean to you because you ship Sabezra? Maybe. Block and ignore them.

Are certain people going to accuse you of shipping a "badwrong ship" because they see it as "problematic" or it doesn't fit with their character headcanons? Possibly. Block and ignore them.

Haters are gonna hate. Should you correct them, try to change their minds? No. It's a waste of time and energy, and you have better ways of spending both. Like enjoying your ship, no matter what canon delivers.

Don't let canon ruin the fun you've been having in this fandom. Because at the end of the day, it's all just a bunch of space wizards and light swords anyway.

Sincerely,

Someone whose ships are never going to be canon but that hasn't stopped me yet

#star wars #star wars rebels #sabezra #ezrabine #sabine wren #ezra bridger #ahsoka #the ahsoka show #shipping #canon #fandom #ship and let ship #i've been watching this fandom implode for the last week #at first it was funny but now it's getting just plain stupid & mean #people from both sides need calm down & logoff for a while #go pet your lothcat #get wedged in the suez canal #be THAT ship

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starfleetwitch · 2 months

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Berenice Griselda Wolfe tried to kill me and when that didn't work, she sabotaged my home set up by being a flirty MF with a TARDIS.

(Not a sentence I thought I'd EVER write completely sober or seriously but here we are)

This is a bit of a long story and now I've written it and got it out of my system I fully realise just how much I resemble a dog barking at a corner for no reason.

There is a TLDR at the end

Story time:

So I got this Tardis themed external USB hub for Christmas a few years ago.

It's kinda cool, lights up when you plug in a USB and what not. Fantastic. It also made that scrapping TARDIS sound when you plug in USBs. Also a fantastic feature, quite quirky. Much wow... For a week and then it really grated on my nerves. Found out after a month there was a switch on the side that let you turn the sound off. Wonderful. Fantastic. Problem solved. They all lived happily ever after, end of the story.

Except it wasn't.

Because the internet exists and with it, great knowledge that I shouldn't have been allowed access to.

I got bored and last year during some death scrolling, I found out I could change that hideously irritating TARDIS scraping sound...

...TO WHAT EVER I WANTED...

... And lesbian jesus help me, I wanted to be funny 🙈

So I decided to use sound bites from Holby City. Specifically from Bernie Wolfe.

We had "I say ding dong" for when a USB was pushed into a slot and "Easy tiger" for when a USB was pulled out of a slot.

Link here for reference: Where it all went wrong

Anyway. For a while it was quite funny... Except for you know... When my volume was turned up full blast and I was getting jump scared by Bernie Wolfe's voice every time I plugged in, lord knows what the rest of the house thought every time it went off.

I lived with it for a while... You know... Haha, scared me, GOT ME AGAIN BERNIE YOU OLD SCALLY WAG! But then things started going wrong. The jump scares started going into heart failure mode when in the middle of the night if I was doing a long download, she'd just randomly yell 'DING DONG!' or even worse, she'd start stuttering on full volume 'I SAY I SAY I SAY DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG'. GENUINE heart failure territory. Like FOR GODS SAKES BERENICE STFU!!!

Me being me, I forgot how I'd changed the setting to be her voice... And also at this point, I should add, the switch on the side to stop her talking stopped working.

I must assume murdering me in cold blood via jump scares just wasn't working fast enough for her because for a while she stopped.

All seemed well in the land of Starfleet Witch but unbeknownst to me, Bernie was plotting something bigger. Something she knew would REALLY insta kill me.

I started working from home for a bit and randomly about a week in, she did it again... Except this time she yelled 'EASY TIGER' and that was it. Nothing seemed out of place, she never spoke again after that. Everything was fine for a couple of weeks.

Until last week (AKA THE WEEK THAT NEVER ENDED.)

I'd been in an anxious spiral. Shit was happening IRL and I was TERRIFIED of the future. She saw this weakness in me, witnessed first hand how on the edge I was and decided, like the spiteful cunt she is, that now was the time to hatch her brilliant plan.

Wednesday morning. I had a deadline. 9:30am arrived... But my computer wouldn't turn on. I rang for help, I had switched it on and off many times... Nothing. 10:30am rolled around. I unplugged everything, had the very guts of my computer spread out across my floor praying it would be an easy fix... Nothing. At the 11th hour, I plugged everything back in and tried to turn it on again, constantly pressing F8 to reboot it and miracle of miracles, it worked! I downloaded some software to test the hard drive health, did some diagnostics and everything seemed fine. Better than fine. The computer was HEALTHY AF! So I prayed it may have been just a one off glitch.

It wasn't.

In fact my computer repeated its issue of booting up every morning after that, an expense I couldn't afford to fix any time soon but I NEEDED the computer for work.

Friday morning rolled around, I unplugged everything, held the very heart of my computer in my hands trying to find a loose connection or SOMETHING. Nothing. Everything was fine. Dejected, this time when I tried to turn the computer on, I only plugged in the power cable, screen and keyboard.

It worked first try.

And that's when I FINALLY got suspicions.

Over the weekend I decided to do some experiments. I tried plugging in different things I hadn't plugged in when I last tried switching it on and low and behold it wouldn't turn on when Bernie TARDIS was plugged in.

And that dear friends is when I decided aging 40 years in the space of days over a joke isn't actually funny and that I'd CLEARLY wronged a god somewhere along the way, for what crueller punishment could they bestow upon me than to have my very muse almost kill me via an anxiety induced heart attack?

TLDR:

I haven't found out how yet but my TARDIS with Bernie's voice clearly got possessed by a disgruntled spirit insisting on making my life a living hell and now it's in quarantine until I can cleanse it's soul and work out how to take it's voice away again.

Moral of the story: Don't give things Bernie Wolfe's voice, no matter how funny you think it'll be. Bolting upright in your bed because you heard Jemma Redgrave say "ding dong" at 3am isn't actually as pleasant an experience as you might think and when it happens several times, it's terrifying.

#Anyway I've lost my mind and I'mma go bark at a wall now I've calmed down and am less angry at actual bernie #Normal scheduling shall now resume #Maybe bernie wouldnt have been so spiteful if I'd given something else Serena's voice #FUCKING TERRIFYING #bernie wolfe

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valyrfia · 5 months

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HAND OVER THE FF LESTAPPEN

alright, check it out

Charles blames the Instagram algorithm, when one day she’s scrolling aimlessly only to come across pictures of Max Verstappen in a bikini.

Max lounging on her stomach across a sunbed under the European sun next to a cerulean sea, the band of her dark blue bikini riding up, sitting snug across her muscular shoulders peppered with moles and the unmistakable shape of a fading wine-coloured mark high up on the curve of her shoulder that makes something in Charles's throat curdle and sets something strange and deep in her core alight.

She sends it to Pierre immediately, because of course she does.

Charles Look at this shit. She probably called the paps on herself.

And that’s the odd feeling deep in her stomach, it’s anger, the fact that Max can be snapped near naked on a strange foreign beach without consequence and Charles has to be careful that the knee-length skirt she wears on errands in Monaco doesn’t get blown up, lest she gets another embarrassing lecture from Mattia on her public image. Be careful Charletta, he would say, Santina is a better nickname than Puttana. Puttana, a fitting word to describe Max’s recent endeavours, really. Charles’s socials have been pushing her the pictures all week. Max outside bars, hanging onto tall men who make more in a year than Charles would care to mention, their young pretty wives off to the side with them, seemingly resigned to the fate of what’s happening. After all, who could compete with Max Verstappen, champion of the world?

#the vague idea is charles leclerc heavily repressed lesbian with a shit ton of internalised misogyny AND lesbophobia #also in this version charles gets the nickname santina instead of/on top of el predestinata #mainly because of this whole idea in media culture of women must be passive in their narrative #basically it's fi takes on a man-centred world view and takes an unwilling ff lestappen along with her #lestappen #fic bits #also charles is still charles because a. i cannot name swap when i genderbend #and b. i decided charles was catholic so it would be appropriate for her to just be named maria charles leclerc #and she goes by charles obviously because everyone and their mother has the first name maria in southern europe #ALSO MATTIA USES THE DIMINUTIVE FORM WITH CHARLES'S NAME BECAUSE HE'S A MISOGYNISTIC ASSHOLE!#anyway fun facts with fi #i've thought this out #maybe now that work calms down i'll get around to writing this properly i anticipate it to be maybe like a 30k oneshot

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