I was only today years old when I realized that Trafalgar Law's names are probably references to two battles that led in our real life history to a certain emperor (Napoleon)'s defeat.

*arrives 10 years late with a meta post because of a realization*

uhh Dressrosa spoilers, I guess.

Trafalgar and Waterloo... Water Law.

In One Piece world that emperor being Doflamingo, who suffered two major loses thanks to Law's existence:

First being cca 13 years ago from the main storyline - at the Minion Island where Corazon managed to get the Op-op devil fruit for Law and saving his life from Doflamingo. On that island, Doflamingo lost both Corazon and the devil fruit he wanted to much to get his hands on, as well as Law, someone who he wanted to use as the sacrifice to get the immortality via the devil fruit's powers.

Tbh I haven't really heard about the Trafalgar battle before today. When I first heard about Trafalgar Law as character while I started to read One Piece only cca 5 months ago, I only thought "huh, isn't that a square in England, I was there on a trip once" but didn't look more into it now.

So I just skimmed throught the wiki pages of those battles, I don't know all the details, I don't want to compare it too much, but some maybe similarities/parallels that piqued my interest:

The Battle of Trafalgar were the spanish-france forces against english navy, and Donquixote/Dressrosa arc including all those spanish themes, as well as Law being from the North Blue (where Sanji and Mont Blanc Noland are/were also from) being a bit influenced by France, plays interesting role when this happened in North Blue as a prelude to what would 13 years later happen in Dressrosa (the birdcage, Doflamingo's rule, the puppets, etc).

This part of the Trafalgar battle describing the british was at first outnumbered, that the spanish had more ships along with one of their biggest one:

reminded me of how Corazon himself faced with the whole Donquixote family, including Doflamingo:

and some more interesting similarities how the "hero" of the battle died even before it ended:

but thanks to his informations, the Navy later arrived, and Law got away.

(even on the wiki of the Trafalgar battle there were mentions of some false informations, previous pursuits of the ships and admirals etc, so that vibe kind of fits.)

I haven't read much about the Waterloo battle, except how known it is for being the final defeat of Napoleon, by Coalition armies - which would nicely parallel to Law and Luffy starting their own Alliance during Dressrosa, and thanks to that it caused for Luffy to be there to beat Doflamingo once and for all.

Some other small details I noticed:

The Don Quixote book was apparently first published in two parts, one in 1605 and the other in 1615.

The battle of Trafalgar happened in 1805, and the battle of Waterloo in 1815.

I found one person even connecting the date when was published the chapter of Doflamingo's deafeat in Dressrosa - 18th of June, 2015, which is the same date only 200 years later after Napoleon's defeat at Waterloo.

I love that in some sense both battles have in common water, and for the One Piece world that is connected with pirates and ships - with the historical aspects the battle of Trafalgar being a naval battle, and Waterloo for the Water in Trafalgar D. Water Law - he concealed his full name from Doflamingo for all those years, his secret name as well as the will of the Ds. - for our world a possible reference if one looks more that he really was meant to be Doflamingo's downfall.

There's just something beautiful about Law's whole existence to be a sort of a foretelling of the fall of one of the emperors of the sea, just by having these names. And it's not just the names of his, but the parallels to the situations and results of the incidents taking place at those locations.

It's literally a middle finger to Doflamingo:

In your opinion, please rate thg movie series with 1-5 scale.

(1 = I hate it, 3=neutral, 5 = I love it.)

1.The Hunger Games :

Things that you like :

Things that you don't like :

2.Cathing Fire :

Things that you like :

Things that you don't like :

3.Mockingjay

Movie 1 :

Movie 2 :

Things that you like :

Things that you don't like :

Thank you 😊

@curiousnonny

So let me preface my ratings here by saying that I really think these books are already so well edited in terms of necessary content that making a movie version of any of them is a mistake. Maybe I'm biased and greedy, but I honestly feel like 99% of the scenes in the books play a crucial role in either plot, character, or theme development and removing them waters down the story too much, in my opinion. I would much rather have seen a series version on screen than a movie. Not to mention, Collins made her name as a writer in television, and you can SEE IT in how she writes her novels. It's structured like a TV series so it should've been shot like a TV series. Anyways. So my rankings are gonna be... kinda low for the movies. Sorry not sorry.

But also... my thoughts on this are fresh. My youngest was supposed to read The Hunger Games with his 6th grade class. The teacher sent home a form requesting parents' permission to do so. I signed it gladly and sent it back, but apparently there were a lot of parents who sent it back with complaints instead of approval. Enough that the class read the first Percy Jackson book instead. I'm fine with that too, lol, especially since my kiddo really liked it and is now on book five of that series. I've been trying to reread along with him and will hopefully be catching up to him this week, lol.

After his teacher switched books for the class reading, he and I decided we'd read THG books together once he's done with PJO, but then, my oldest skipped a field trip he really didn't wanna go on and wound up staying at school and watching... The Hunger Games and part of Catching Fire. He came home with QUESTIONS, which immediately sparked a "Hey, not fair!" from the youngest and prompted a movie marathon. We made it through all four movies back in March, and I'm still not forgiven for not warning him about Finnick btw...

Okay enough story time. *cracks knuckles*

The Hunger Games

Ranking: 2/5

Things I don't like: Ugh where to start? The removal of Madge and therefore the significance of Katniss's mockingjay pin as a symbol of wealth and power bestowed by the Capitol only to be flipped on its head and turned into a symbol of rebellion. Also, the implications of removing Madge in terms of how they tried to make Katniss into STRONG BADASS WO-MAN while dulling some of her softer edges and dependencies on other people. See also: leaving out the gift of bread from D11 to Katniss.

The dialogue is shit. Sorry, those are my thoughts. You already had really good dialogue in the book why change that? Also, the gutting of the dialogue results in the gutting of both Katniss and Peeta as characters. The first movie turns them into The Watson character, i.e. the character whose purpose it is to ask questions so that the audience can learn about the setting/plot/other characters/whatever. The first movie made Katniss and Peeta look naive and dumb about the Games and the very world they inhabit, which makes no sense for their characters. I get it. It's a storytelling technique to quicken up the process of world building and make up for the fact that we don't get to be in Katniss's head where she tells us what we need to know about her world. BUT their characters suffer for it. Katniss and Peeta are sixteen. Anyone who has interacted with a teenager knows that at that age, we usually have #OPINIONS on things, so in the books, both already have developing opinions about the Games because they are by necessity and by exposure aware of how the Games and the government essentially work. They've lived in this world long enough. They've started to develop opinions and world views, and they act accordingly. The first movie loses this completely from the books.

Do not get me started on the dialogue in the cave scenes we will be here until the next century if we go there.

Buttercup. Christ how hard is it to cast a yellow/orange cat?!?!?! Not that difficult. And granted, this is a minor detail in terms of symbols but at the same time... it's a minor detail. The fact that they didn't even bother showed a lack of caring about the details. Also see: Rock Peeta.

The stakes of almost everything are lowered, from the bread scene (we don't realize until MJ2 that she's literally starving and knocking on death's door in that scene) to the berry scene (and here it's Peeta knocking on death's door and Katniss is desperate to save him, enough to put POISON BERRIES IN HER MOUTH and risk her own life too)... the movie lacks the desperation for both of those crucial parts.

Peeta's leg Peeta's leg Peeta's motherfreaking amputated leg!!!!!!

Things I liked: The sound and sound editing. It's such a small thing, and I have a story to go with this okay? When I saw it in theaters, I disliked a lot of things, but one of them was something I could not put my fingers on. It bugged me for weeks until the movie came out on DVD (yes, I'm old and also saw it at the veeeeeeery end of its theater run where I live... like it was a $5 special...). Anyways. Mr. Kdnfb is an electrical engineer by education and is suuuuuper picky about our sound system in our house. So when I watched it at home, the Thing clicked in my brain. The SOUND. It had been Waaaaaay Off in a way that was awful in that theater for some reason. And once I watched it at home, there was just something about the way they did the sound that made a lot of what I had hated become less of A Thing to me. The more I've watched it, the more I've realized the sound and sound editing was excellent, and I put this as things I liked because my story goes to show how such a tiny thing can really screw up a movie.

Catching Fire

Ranking: 3.5/5 (Omg I'm gonna get barbecued for this one.)

Things I didn't like: See my caveat at the top. Okay, so. One of my biggest problems is just how much got cut to adapt this one to screen. Sooooo many scenes. Finnick "hanging" himself in training, "someone else can get the stupid goat knocked up," all the hullabaloo about the wedding is talked about but that doesn't happen in the movies, the setup for the existence of D13, the plant book and Peeta caring for an injured Katniss, training like Careers, scaring Peeta with the medicine, Katniss really starting to come around to the idea of a rebellion even before the Quell announcement, "Poor Finnick. Is this the first time you haven't been pretty?" Just so much cut for the sake of time and results in the story feeling rushed and sloppy ugh.

While the cast and crew for this one did a much better job adapting the dialogue to the screen, there are still a few crucial bits of dialogue that make me itch with hives. The post jabberjay scene and the death of the morphling mainly. Good lord. You finally let movie!Peeta be as eloquent and convincing as book!Peeta in D11, why not give him the space to do it in the arena, too?

Things I do like: The casting. Hear me out. After the first movie, I was still not entirely sold on Jennifer, Josh, and Liam for the roles they were playing. Really, the only main characters who live through the first movie that I was happy and 100% on board with with were Donald Sutherland, Elizabeth Banks, Woody Harrelson, and Stanley Tucci. Catching Fire is where I accepted Josh's portrayal of Peeta a little bit more, mainly because of the process of film making and what they put forth with CF showed me that he could nail the part if only they'd give him the dialogue and choose the cuts that best showed what he could do. I have no idea what sort of dialogue they were given or how much free reign they were allowed to improvise, but I do know that they will shoot a scene multiple times with multiple different delivery styles and slightly different dialogue. Which means that the actors really don't get a say on which version of their performance makes the final cut. But when the dialogue was spot on in the final version, I felt like Josh pulled off Peeta very well. I also think the way they shot CF allowed Jennifer Lawrence to put forth a better overall performance as well, although I'm still not in love with her as Katniss.

But really it's the Quell Victors/Tributes that I loved about CF. I went in unsure and came out convinced. My caveat here is that I tend to think of the movies as their own thing. The movie versions of the characters are their own iteration and I try really hard not to let them bleed into how I see or think of the characters in the books. That doesn't always happen, but I do try.

Okay this one is kinda not the fault of the first movie, but the increased budget for CF is apparent in several of the things that I liked, namely the costumes, the staging, the special effects. Much better all around.

Mockingjay Part 1

Ranking: 3/5

Things I did not like: Gale. MJ1 finishes off the complete removal of any depth Gale had as a character, a process that started with him rage rushing Head Peacekeeper Thread in CF and culminates here with him condemning Peete's words as a TORTURED PRISONER OF WAR rather than him not only intuiting what's probably happening, but explaining it to Katniss, then trying to protect Katniss from it, like he does in the books. The reason why book!Gale is so much more compelling to me than movie!Gale is because Gale's anger and fire and indignation has REASONING behind it in the book. It is chillingly easy to see the lines his reasoning could possibly take. As in... I've worked in weapons development and I have worked with real people who think like book!Gale or Beetee. Whereas movie!Gale is basically just RAWR!!! fury.

The rescue scene. I could write an entire essay on what's wrong with this, but it all boils down to they tried to shorten it by overlapping the video of the rescue with Finnick talking. Which makes zero military sense btw why the freak would you broadcast helmet video of your team going in on a stealth mission and risk someone intercepting it or noting the presence of an encrypted signal and figuring out what was going on holy hell you would NOT. You'd be freaking SILENT and just waiting to find out!!!!!!! And yes yes, but we need to see it. Okay, but you've already shown scenes with Snow and Seneca talking, Seneca and Haymitch talking, Snow and Plutarch talking, Snow and his granddaughter!!!! cuts from D11 and so much more that Katniss would not have seen, so play this like that. You can still show the audience but clearly keep Katniss and everyone back in D13 in the dark. The way it's shot is nonsensical and also pretty much waters down the horror of what Finnick went through and the impact of his words.

And while we're on this topic, they somehow used that overlapping and ridiculous video feed to try and shorten the scene, but wound up making it interminably and unbelievably long with the layers upon layers upon LAYERS of rooms the rescue squad has to go through and also the Skype Call of Inanity. The whole debacle is so freaking long that I no longer feel tense by the time it's finally over. It's so obvious that the Capitol is letting them take back Peeta, Annie, and Johanna because of how long a stealth mission (which should be almost too fast to process) takes that it becomes stupid for D13 to not suspect something. There's no desperation or high stakes for me with this scene because it's too long and too messy, makes no sense tactically and basically just erases all the emotional depth and pacing of what's in the books ugh. Seriously. You could've spent that time on the torture of the prep team or some of the Boggs and Katniss or Katniss and Finnick content we miss out on. Delly. Gale's siblings. Literally anything that you cut out. Rant over.

"He's gonna kill Peeta".... um no actually it's that Snow won't kill Peeta but keep dangling him in front of you, Katniss...

Things I did like: The sets. District 13 is... perfect. Sterile and drab and utilitarian. Zero luxury or any real sense that humans live there. There are zero personal touches in any of the spaces. No connections to art or joy or life.

Effie. I really wish we'd still gotten the prep team in D13, because it's an avenue through which we see how brutal and lacking in compassion D13 really is, but if it's Effie there with her for the movies, then Elizabeth Banks did a stellar job with what she was given to do. I do wish they'd allowed Finnick to keep his line: "They'll either want to kiss you, kill you, or be you." And if not that, then don't freaking cut the "Why, do you find this distracting?" scene. But overall, Effie in D13 works for me in terms of the movie universe.

Mockingjay Part 2

Ranking: 2.5/5

Things I didn't like: Facepalm worthy wigs and dye jobs. Dude. You are the final chapter of a big budget blockbuster franchise. I understand that the dye jobs have taken their toll and wigs may be just more practical for the actors at this stage, but DO BETTER with the money you have.

Just how much of Johanna they cut out of this part and what that does to Katniss's development.

The ending. It's so lackluster in so many ways. One of the things that I loved about the theme of the ending is how it shows that with the right kind of care, a life can be lived and be worthwhile even after the worst kinds of trauma. We get this through the sheer beauty of Katniss's final words in both the final chapter and the epilogue. To me, the movie ending felt just... blah. And I get that maybe they were aiming for a sense of calm and peace, but instead it came off as blah, we're broken and just going through the motions. Which makes sense right after the war ends, but not as the ending continues into the "Real" scene or the epilogue.

Mahershala Ali is highly underutilized in this movie. Let the man play the freaking part. He's already good with what you let him do. Let him unleash the acting chops and make Boggs sing as a character. And part of this has to do with what they cut from the film, like him carrying Katniss to the hovercraft in D8 and her vomiting on him. Same with Julianne Moore. Coin was not nearly cold or controlling enough nor did she convincingly clash with Katniss enough leading up to Peeta showing up in the Capitol.

The omission of the heartbreaking silence Katniss puts herself into and how they turned the sadness of the final breaking of her friendship with Gale into "Goodbye Gale." Ugh. I laugh at it, but it's not a good change. Like we can't allow a Strong Wo-Man Character to be sad or hurt about this, why not????

Burn. Scars. Burn. Scars. Burn. Scars. BURN! SCAAAAARRRRRRRSSSSSS!!!!!

Things I did like: The music. Odd pick I know, but even though the ending is not well done for me, I almost always start bawling the second Katniss starts singing the meadow lullaby as the credits roll. And that's just one weird instance of me liking the music for this film.

How they brought the hijacking to life. I can't even explain why this works so well, but it does. My only wish is that they'd given more time for the Real/Not Real game to develop on film and included more of Peeta's dialogue that shows both the struggle and him regaining parts of himself -- the cafeteria scene, his words to Pollux and Tigris for example.

And there you have it, @curiousnonny. My super long answer to your question. ;)

37 and 56 episode…4? of tcp caleb/adam but caleb had a nightmare and adam tries to help in the only way he knows (knew) how

hi friend! ok this is ep 3 au where they fall asleep before exploring! i did not reread this so hopefully it makes sense lol

as comfort (37) and out of habit (56)

Adam can't sleep, and he'd like to think it's the anticipation of exploration tomorrow. But he's pretty sure it's because of the boy in his living room. 

With a sigh of frustration, Adam climbs out of bed and pads to the kitchen, hoping a glass of water will ease his mind. (It used to work, when he was little, before he met Caleb. Then it was Caleb who helped him sleep.) 

I can't think like that, Adam berates himself. They've been broken up for a year now, and he needs to get a handle on himself, because that isn't how you interact with your ex. 

He fills a cup from the sink and takes a long drink, trying to settle himself. Bed, rest, sleep, relaxation, restoration… The exercise from long ago crosses his mind, and Adam spends a long minute trying to think through more word associations. His body relaxes, and as he finishes his water, Adam finally feels ready to sleep.

Until the night is split by a low moan.

Adam startles, because he recognizes the noise. Having slept in the same bed as Caleb for years means that they are intimately aware of each other’s nightmare habits.

And Caleb’s start like this exactly.

It’s not my place, Adam thinks. They’re not together, and comforting after a nightmare definitely veers into boyfriend territory. This is what he’s not supposed to be doing.

But then the noise comes again, and Adam can picture Caleb’s face crumpled up, his eyes squeezed tight as he battles whatever his mind comes up with. 

A good friend wouldn’t leave someone in turmoil, right?

Adam knows it’s a bad idea, but the instinct to help Caleb is so ingrained in him that he’s stepping into the living room before he can stop himself. Caleb is on the couch, blankets twisted around him from thrashing. 

Caleb takes up so much physical space, Adam had almost forgotten that extended to his sleeping habits too. He's as spread out as he can be on the shitty couch Caitlin bought, and his face is scrunched up just like Adam thought. It sends a pang of longing and sadness through his heart—a reminder of what he lost.

Caleb grunts, then mutters, “No….didn't mean…”

The fear in his voice is enough to shatter the last of Adam's defenses. He slides down to his knees by the couch, calling softly, “Caleb, wake up.”

Not that he really expected it to work. Caleb’s dreams have always kept a tight hold on him. Physical touch is the only thing that will wake Caleb up.

This close, Adam can't remember why they broke up. The last year is wiped from his memory—he's just a boy trying to soothe someone he loves.

Caleb whimpers, and Adam reacts. He presses his lips to Caleb's, just enough pressure to let him know that he's there, to pull him out of the depths of his nightmare.

Adam pulls back, and Caleb’s face has smoothed just a bit. He's almost there (and Adam doesn't want to know what it says about him that he knows what the different stages of Caleb's nightmares look like), so Adam doesn't let himself think, just leans down and kisses him even softer.

“Wake up, Caleb,” Adam says.

And there it is—Caleb’s eyes shoot open and he breathes sharply, taking a moment to orient himself. Adam leans back, giving him space.

The sudden realization of what he did hits Adam like a stack of books to his chest. He's done the exact thing he wasn't supposed to—that isn't his to do anymore. He kissed Caleb, without asking for permission or thinking it through. And now Caleb's ability is probably going wild.

“Sorry, you were having a nightmare,” Adam whispers, not daring to look at Caleb. “I'll just go…”

He stands shakily and makes his way to the hallway. He hesitates, but Caleb is silent behind him. Shame fills Adam, and he walks back to his bedroom, cursing himself the whole way.

Maybe bringing Caleb here wasn't the smartest move after all.

send me a ship and a kiss!

Can you tell me more about your writing process?

I’m literally enthralled by your writing and want to know everything about how you approach your ideas — once you get one, what are your next steps?

You’re phenomenal ❤️

Oh man ok let’s see. I apologize in advance for how long this is (I, too, don’t want to be this intense, I promise).

Once I get an idea that I’m stoked about, the extent to what I do next depends on if it’s a series or a one shot, but I’ll usually try to get a handle on the main characters involved. If it’s a one shot it’s almost entirely vibes, I stg, I just wing the characters and storyline, but follow the same kind of editing process as I do series chapters.

If it’s a series, I’ll make a folder for the series in my notes app, and a note for each main character and start writing down ideas for their main characteristics and backstories. This is usually when I make a Spotify playlist for the series.

Then I make a rough outline for the story based on these characters and the initial idea.

From there I can kind of tell what things I want to do more research into before starting writing. I’ll make a note for each of those things and dump anything I find helpful or interesting into the notes. Like… for Psychomanteum I have notes with: links to tabloid articles, excerpts from research papers on psychomanteums, quotes from this book on grief, excerpts from and links to articles on sexual grieving, etc etc.

After this I go back to the characters and flesh them out a little more. I’ll look at lists of characteristics, make sims (seriously), watch the source material for PP characters, look at character archetypes, and think of people I know IRL for inspiration. Then once I think I know them, I revisit the outline and tweak it accordingly.

When I’m ready to start writing a chapter, which i dont start to do for honestly like… months after the initial idea, I’ll make an outline for each of the scenes I want and start trying to write them. I’ll just kind of word vomit out my ideas and try my hardest not to deal w the parts i think are crappy right away (which is hard because, despite what a chaotic mess I am, I am a fucking perfectionist). Most of the time I end up either not strictly sticking to the outline or writing alternative scenes, too, because idk sometimes it feels like the characters wouldn’t do that??? And I like to have options?

Once i write all the scenes, I take a break for at least a day, then back in and reread and tweak things like, I don’t know, one million fucking times 😂 I end up rewriting a lot of pieces and fleshing things out when I do this though.

When I mostly like it and cut out all the things I don’t want (I always save these scraps in a separate doc because I might want to use some stuff later), I smoke some weed, read a bunch of poetry, put on my playlist, and edit it again. If I ever refer to “the stoned edit” this is it lol. I always end up adding a lot more sensory details and better explaining emotions when I do this.

Then I read It once or twice more for spelling, grammar, formatting, fine tooth comb stuff. I’ll usually post it and immediately find some errors anyway 🥰 but what can ya do lol.

AHHHHH hopefully this helps and isnt Just like… me blabbing on about useless shit 😂

OH ALSO! The book “consider this” by chuck palahniuk has been super helpful for me as far as writing tips and stuff. I’ve listened to that audiobook like... four times because I can’t remember shit ever lmfaooo It’s always helpful imo. I also really like to listen to audiobooks of horror novels and find them inspiring because they’re usually so visceral and engrossing.

OK SERIOUSLY SHUTTING UP NOW SORRY

aloha friends and people who left annoying incorrect opinions on my posts, raistlin is a waif he is the waifiest waif it doesn't matter if his twin is a brick shithouse you are WRONG I am kinda sorta back. maybe only for one tipsy night, but who knows. listen, I'm 1.5 ciders in and feeling Properly Tipsy as opposed to last night when I drank jack and cokes for the first time in a while and just felt nauseous, so I'm Thriving atm. ANYWAY.

i feel like i have cleared some cobwebs from my brain. kind of. mostly i redownloaded bc i have the irresistible urge to natter about my life. tbh i considered deleting tumblr for a while bc there are some things about this site (but also social media in general) that annoy the absolute shit out of me, and also i feel like I dedicated too much ~mental energy~ to this site in the past (not to sound like some new age crackpot) and I need to cut down on how much scrolling and getting mad about other people's incorrect opinions I do. However, there are a few beloved mutuals on here that I miss talking to and also tumblr is kinda Home, y'know?

anyway TLDR I'm back, kinda. might still delete the app during the day so I can focus on IRL shit instead of being a zillennial social media addict, so I apologize if I miss messages etc but. yeah. for the sake of my mental health I have to be better at self-policing. Also, no longer going to allow myself to use the For You tab, so sorry if I don't see your posts bc tumblr only served them there. I can't control it lmao. frankly the algorithm here just ain't good enough and I don't want to cry AGAIN bc a video of a naked woman jiggling her stomach with a caption about how much she hates herself and wants to lose weight came up on my feed. Frankly since this is tumblr I'm not sure if that's porn or self-harm, but either way, fuck off with that shit, man! I kinda hate my body too and I don't wanna see that!! I don't want that in my brain!! Hence why I quit and went to ig-only for a while. My IG is all pottery and miniatures and painting and European travel vlogs it's so PEACEFUL!

now onto the fun stuff, a list of things I consider interesting that happened in the past 3ish weeks:

have done a whole lot of reading lately: Homesick for Another World by Ottessa Moshfegh which is weird and off-putting by very worth reading, then a reread of the Unicorn series by Vicki Blum (always a delight) and finishing Princess Jellyfish (there's quite the plot twist in the last few books but overall it's a delightful series), then my hold for Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk came up (extremely interesting and worthwhile read, especially after listening to the No Dogs in Space punk series, very sad ending though bc of course a lot of the punk musicians passed away young), and now I'm rereading The Mermaid's Secret and The Dragon Prince by Vicki Blum as a palate cleanser, and then hopefully I'll start the LoTR reread I've been meaning to do for a while. So yeah I read like 16 books in 3 weeks. this is the power of quitting social media.

Also I've kinda discovered that I'm just pretty... disenchanted with all book-fandoms online. it's just so...kinda annoying? nowadays? just the same old drama over and over and I don't caaaare lol. Read what you want, at whatever speed you want, idc, none of it matters. I read for funsies after work. Some people read 24/7 because being a book blogger is their career. Some people are 17 and still have the mental stamina to read a 500 page book in 2 days. Idgaf if you read Maas or Austen or Sanderson or whatever, there's no moral high ground (except maybe not giving Sanderson money bc WOW BYU is a shitty organization). Also I don't necessarily want other people's opinions on what I read or if a book I just bought has "mixed reviews" or whatever (unless the person is a mutual whose opinions I value lol). So I might start posting on the book blog again but just....not interact with booklr. Torn between the desire to communicate with others and the desire to keep my hobby all to myself and free from unnecessary judgement or bullshit.

Finally rearranged my bookshelves, by ~vibe or whatever~. Might post photos tomorrow but the living room is once again in a state of chaos since I started gardening today.

On that note, started my garden! planted some veggies, herbs, and a whole boatload of tomatoes in seedling trays (listen, MacKenzie seed were on sale 3/$5 today at the store and I'm weak for weird tomato variants and herbs. Still need to find rosemary and fennel though). Have more stuff to do, but I'm going to give the seedlings a couple weeks to get started and then maybe plant everything else Easter weekend. Last year was nice, garden-wise, but this year I really hope we don't get 30C weather in May. My allergies cannot handle it 😭

saw the Alien/Aliens double feature our cheap theatre put on and it was a DELIGHT

we also got a record snowstorm that weekend, which sucked bc it was the same week I'd had a random friday booked off (previously for traveling with my aunt, very glad that was cancelled now) so I basically did none of the other things I had planned.

also after said double feature, had to make my first 911 call. luckily I rot my brain with true crime All Day Every Day so I handled it like a pro 😤 (i am fine it was for another person, and uh, it turned out to not be so serious once the emergency people were able to get them to stop crying hysterically and realized this poor person was just intoxicated, underdressed for the weather, and a bit lost)

discovered the health foods store near my place has a bunch of funky herbal teas for like $5.50 a box so I've been going a little nuts there. I LOVE FENNEL TEA IT'S SO GOOD. ALSO LAVENDER MY BELOVED! they also have a bunch of local coffee blends, and I'm seriously considering getting a coffee bean grinder so I can try them

saw Lisa Frankenstein the week after the Alien double feature at that same theatre, it was fucking excellent I laughed my ass off, also at that theatre you can get your ticket and snacks and drink for the same price as a Cineplex ticket, it's excellent

finally watched Saltburn, which was great. love the Donna Tartt vibes. i watched it while somewhat drunk off Soju, which I think is how it's meant to be viewed.

also started a Ghibli rewatch, to justify not cancelling my Netflix just yet (I know I know, I should but I technically can afford it and it's my emotional support streamer you know? how else am I going to instantaneously watch Gilmore Girls on a bad day?) So far I have only watched Kiki's Delivery Service lol

Also, funny anecdote: last week I got my period and was VICIOUSLY craving alcohol. like I went to the store and bought the most bizarre range of random things (soju, honey jack, and mead...and then proceeded to drink them at my normal rate lmao). Realized afterwards this is a combination of my usual craving for sweet things + my very stressed coworker constantly joking about how we need to crack a bottle of something when this stressful project is finished. At the time however I thought my uterus was trying to make me an alcoholic.

Did my budgeting with my new rent and discovered that I'm actually fine, because I had DOUBLED A NUMBER SOMEHOW! and I basically had $150/month freed up. I'm so smart. I continue to procrastinate my income tax though (shhhh I have another month....)

Started writing a vague story about two women hiking to a portal to elfland, which is located near an abandoned train station. There are cultists called vampires living at said train station who are such a fucking delight to write (not real bloodsucking vampires tho, they are currently eating paella 🥘). It's fun and weird and I'm having a good time with it.

started listening to a podcast called No One Should Believe Me about cases involving Munchausens by Proxy, which is very interesting. the host has a sister with (alleged) MbP and genuinely wants to get her (and of course her kids) help, so it's actually a really good, compassionate take on an issue that's usually played for shock value. I have to listen to it slowly though bc it's Heavy

started knitting again! made 1 dishcloth and started a second. have decided I'm going to take these into work when I have a few done. If my boss won't buy us proper cloths then I'll pawn my knitting practice off on them lol

there is a lot of early road construction near my office since, aside from that random snowstorm, it's been a mild early spring. be glad you haven't had to listen to me rant about that lol

finally bucked up and got a duvet cover for my comforter that was lowkey falling apart at the seams. it's a good comforter aside from some light "my washer is evil" damage so I'm happy I can stuff it into a (less expensive) duvet cover instead of having to replace the whole thing

The Sun and its Shade by Piper CJ

Edit 3/6/2023: That’s right, folks. I came back and forced myself to finish this stupid book because I have absolutely no self-control. If you were wondering if it gets any better after the 40% mark, it doesn’t. Strap in because the kid gloves are coming off. 

thank you to NetGalley for the ARC copy

THERE ARE SPOILERS FOR THE END OF THIS BOOK IN THIS REVIEW

the writing I know this is an ARC, so hopefully, these errors will be fixed by the time it's published, but there were a lot of punctuation marks and typos that needed to be corrected. Multiple instances of missing quotation marks when the chapter is starting with dialogue. The prose is just as overwritten as usual. Piper uses 97 words when she could use 5. It comes off just as pretentious and melodramatic as it did in the last book. Everything is so over the top that I constantly rolled my eyes. She misuses words all the time and has ridiculous metaphors that you have to reread 2 or 3 times just to make sense of. Basically, everything is as convoluted as it possible could be. Maybe some of ya’ll like this, but objectively this is not good writing. Sorry, not sorry. 

plot/characters So at the end of book one, Amaris and Gadriel escape from a battle arena on the back of a dragon, HP style and then jump off its back and conveniently land right next to this magic academy. The book ends, and one would assume that the sequel will lead to Amaris going to the academy and learning to hone her magic. If you thought that, then you would be WRONG. 

So we start exactly where we left off with little to no recapping of what happened in the last book. You're expected to remember, but it's hard considering how many unnecessary words are jammed between what little plot is actually in these books. They get taken to the magic school, and everyone thinks Gadriel is a demon, and they want to cage and study him. In some supremely dramatic and ridiculous monologuing, Amaris convinces the masters of the school that he's harmless. Amaris convinces herself Gadriel(now Gad) is her new best friend, but when Gadriel says, 'we fought together in Aubade' in response to being asked ', what does this woman mean to you?' she loses her MIND. She gets so assblasted mad because she thought they were friends, but APPARENTLY NOT. It's pathetic and ridiculous, and like Amaris is so naive and has no idea how the real world works at all. She cannot conceive why Gadriel won't share secrets he was sworn to keep with her even after he explains it could mean his life. Like how is Amaris supposed to be likeable lol?? Because Gadriel said they weren’t friends, and Amaris took that shit personally. Then he blames her for his shredded wings, and as usual, Amaris can’t take responsibility, much like her author counterpart. And this becomes a recurring thing in the book. Amaris stays butthurt nearly 500 pages in all because Gadriel said that she was ‘someone he fought together with’. Literally the entire book is them hot and cold with one another and it's exhausting. Neither of them are likable at all. 

They look at some books at the academy for two seconds, find zero answers and guess that this tower of magic has everything they need. And conveniently, it does. They climb 10,000 steps and find the hall of prophecies from the order of the phoenix (you know, the room full of shelves with glowing blue orbs well, this room also has shelves with glowing blue orbs, but the shelves are spiral-shaped, so it’s not plagiarism, guys.) otherwise known as the hall of orbs, and Amaris realizes the floor is invisible and there's an illusion cast over it. Gadriel goes to step over it, and instead of warning him like a normal person, Amaris screams wordlessly. That's it. Then she starts berating him for not paying attention to his surroundings, even though she should know by now that she can see illusions, but Amaris is too stupid to figure this out. After all, she's been aware of her powers for three years and only just started questioning their limitations and capabilities. She is literally an idiot. Gadriel asks Amaris if he can make the jump. She reads WAY too much into this question and thinks, "oh my god, Gadriel is putting his LIFE in my HANDS. He TRUSTS me." And I'm like...bitch; you're the only one who can see the distance. Are you for real rn? Anyway, he makes the jump, and Amaris cries in relief. Literally cries. Imagine if Indiana Jones cried in relief every time he solved a booby trap puzzle while searching tombs. He would look like an idiot. Amaris has a full-blown panic attack, considers leaving and becoming a seamstress and then jumps, doesn't make it, and almost dies, and then Gadriel saves her. They touch some magical glowing blue balls, get sucked into a pensieve(I mean orb), and see some curses/blessings where faeries explode into golden dust. They meet the oldest man ever, who happens to show them the exact thing they needed to see, then get tossed from the Tardis Tower. (it’s bigger on the inside)

Gadriel gets some conveniently 'manufactured' wings and can now fly again(literally has no lasting ill effects of having his wings literally shredded), and then they realize they've learned everything they needed to know and leave. (WHAT? YOU HAVE LEARNED LITERALLY NOTHING) They try to convince Amaris to stay, and she pretends like she's going to and then leaves at night, but it's the most dramatic thing ever. She tries to write it like it's something worthy of ballads, but there is no good reason why it would be. They didn't even do anything there. And that's it. That's all that happens with Amaris' magical boarding school plot, and that's when I realized how much of a waste of time this bullshit book is. You had a whole ass magical boarding school, and you didn't use it at all?? You could've had Amaris attend school, actually learn some things since she is the biggest idiot ever and then solve a whole mystery of how the school is corrupt and experimenting on people with unique magic while also searching for the answers to the curse. But no, Amaris learns about her powers in a different way, and WE WILL TALK ABOUT THAT IN A MOMENT. 

There’s a line I want to point out that I found hilariously ironic, and Piper(and Amaris) should take her own fucking advice. ” Ignorance is no one’s fault, but once you’re made aware of your lack, the choice to remain oblivious is when you become culpable.” So, if this is true, then why didn’t Amaris take advantage of the magic school so that she could not be ignorant about her abilities? Why does she continue to be ignorant of how she speaks with Gadriel by calling him terms she knows are offensive and racist? If this is true, why wouldn’t Piper fix what people have pointed in her book out as being racist, ableist and plagiarized. Why wouldn’t she do the work so she can not be an ignoramus? Hmmmm...

Now, the way that Amaris chooses to learn to wield her power is she ‘verbally consents’ to allow Gadriel to help train her. This book has a warning for consensual breathplay, but once again, Piper is full of shit and a liar. Saying, “yes, I would like you to train me to use my magic”, does not equate to “I consent to you strangling me in my sleep.” Yep, you read that right. Gadriel waits until Amaris is deep asleep, stands over her in a position that will ensure she can’t fight him off and strangles her until she explodes with sonic power(much like Ciri's power from the show....god, the plagiarism just will not stop.) And when she gets upset, he berates her for not using their safe word (snowbird). Tell me, how the fuck was she going to use a safe bird when you are cutting off her airway? How is she going to speak, let alone breathe? He says that he’s doing what any general would do for his troops, but in what fucking universe does a general strangle their troops in their sleep? This is not consensual breathplay, Piper, and if you think it is, then you need to reevaluate yourself and look up the definition of the word consent. 

Now on to Nox. Nox has been honestly just as irrelevant in this book as she was in the last book. She’s hanging out with Malik and Ash and has become a sudden Yes Man, and after literally a week hanging out with them, she decides she loves Malik. Are you fucking kidding me? This honestly makes me mad because Nox was coded as a lesbian. I don’t give a fuck if Piper says she’s bisexual. She wrote about her being repulsed by men, preferring women’s company. She literally says she doesn’t like men and prefers women, but because Piper really wanted to write some hetero smut, she forced her to be bisexual? Stupid af. Not to mention her obsession with Amaris. Has she suddenly forgotten about that all because one guy was nice to her? That’s pathetic. Stand your fuckin ground, Nox. Having her fall for Malik in this is a bad call because it nullifies the fact that she fought her way free from having to fuck men against her will just to get to the woman she loves, only to immediately fall for a guy for literally no reason. Malik doesn’t do anything to deserve being called ‘pure’ because he is literally no better than a sexy lamp at this point. If she had taken the time to actually cultivate a relationship here where Nox slowly learns to trust Malik, that would be a completely different story. But Piper was too eager to jump in and write smut. 

I also think it’s a strange choice to make your ‘dark fae’(which, according to Gadriel, is a racist term that has been used very freely throughout the entire book) have their powers associated with ‘nightlife’ and then make them all dubious POC. She even made their country's flag ‘bronze for the skin of its people’. That is a supremely weird thing to do. Nox literally says she is good at being sneaky because of her dark fae blood, which is also what makes her ‘bronze’. Gadriel, who is also dubiously brown, is good at picking locks. Like…Piper….what the fuck are you doing???? Stop being RACIST!!!???

Everything that happens in this book is pure convenience. Nox and Amaris constantly stumble upon the answers. There is no motivation; there is no urgency. Nox dallies most of the time at the Duke of Henares' house, eating a malum malus she got from the tree of life(which is called Yggdrasil because Piper can't make up original concepts, apparently, and has to steal from everything else). She sees the tree’s memories and watches this princess pray to the All-Mother for protection for her son. Then we find out that the priestess, who is only ever referred to as the Tarkhany woman with ‘onyx skin’, was blessed by the All Mother with immaculate conception and guess who the baby was? You guessed it. Amaris. The super white snowflake was immaculately conceived by a woman with very dark skin(because Piper has a really weird obsession with the contrast of dark and light skin, I guess). This is what they say to the nameless priestess(who actually dies earlier in this book in a very throwaway scene) when she asks if she gets to raise the child she just birthed. ”The child belongs to everyone and no one, beloved….This babe is the manifestation o the prayers of the faithful.” So not only is Amaris literally the purest PERFECT SNOWFLAKE ON EARTH BECAUSE SHE IS A MANIFESTATION OF A PRAYER(in other words, Jesus), but a nameless black woman was used and killed off for no other purpose than to be her vessel. 

We later discover that Nox's pen pal from the Chamber of Secrets, aka Tom Riddle, was actually the Gray Matron all along! She gets Nox to travel all the way back to the orphanage and tells her the truth(even though she had a literal magic quill she could've used to save everyone some time). Ya'll are gonna love this. Turns out that Princess Daphne, Queen Moirai's daughter, had a child with King Ceres from Raascot(the dark fae king dude). Daphne was apparently already married, and so to hide her child from this nameless husband, she goes to this CHILD MILL, leaves her daughter there and asks for a baby(specifically a boy) with similar coloring to her baby's. Then she leaves Nox there with the Grey Matron and brings the boy back with her and the boy immediately gets murdered because the nameless husband knows it's not his. This has left me with so many questions.

a) how did the orphanage/child mill have a baby of Nox's exact coloring when in TNAIM, we're told that Nox is a novelty and people of her complexion are never sold at the orphanage? She is literally put on display as a trophy becauseof her skin tone. So how did they manage to have a baby to exchange conveniently? (also, wow, way to callously kill some nameless child, Piper.)  b) how did no one realize Daphne had a baby girl? were there no midwives when she gave birth? this is medieval times; I highly doubt she gave birth alone because there's a huge chance of her dying. So how is it not a single soul outside of the nameless priestess and Agnes knew that Daphne actually had a girl? When Daphne went to the temple to pray for help, she asks for help specifically for her son. Why would she ask for help for a son she does not have? I know Piper was trying to trick us or whatever, but...that's just bad writing? Do you think the All-Mother is gonna realize you're actually talking about your hidden daughter, Daphne?  c)why, if Agnes never intended for Nox to be sold, did she allow Millicent to take her to the brothel? She says she didn't know how to deny her without spilling the beans, so she just....lets Nox be taken? In what world does that make sense? If she's supposed to protect Nox why did she let Nox think it was Amaris who needed to be protected? Why would she allow Nox to put herself in harm's way to protect Amaris? Why would she allow Nox to be whipped? Why would they constantly talk about Amaris being perfect and unmarred if it was truly Nox who was the important one and they knew it all along? None of this makes sense. 

Nox was named Nox, so she wouldn't forget the north. Fucking kill me. Well, she clearly knew nothing about it, so. 

Amaris tells Gadriel that she got turned on when he choked her nonconsensually, so then he chokes her consensually(even though she freaked out when he choked her and this could easily trigger her into another panic attack, but okay.). She blows him, and he finger bangs her while choking her but won't take her virginity because it should be gentler the first time. First of all, you cannot tell me that Amaris still has her 'maidenhood' when she's been riding horses all this time. Piper doesn't know shit about horseback riding, though, and that's obvious. Second of all, I am convinced Piper has a secret incest kink. Why do you ask? 

Well, Nox and Amaris were written as sisters, but now they're apparently star-crossed lovers? (yet they're boning random men along their journey to find one another. Makes sense.) Nox and Amaris are actually 100% based on Yennefer and Ciri from the Witcher, which is a mother/daughter relationship(Piper can say this book has nothing to do with the Witcher all she likes, she literally dedicated to this book to Henry Cavill as Geralt. We're not idiots.). Amaris calls her fellow reevers her 'brothers' and then tries to fuck one of them. And now she has a daddy kink with Gadriel(proven by the fact that Piper continuously calls him Dadriel.) 

Don’t give your money to Piper CJ. 

currently reading

This is what happens when you write a book in 9 days and don’t accept constructive criticism. You get sentences like this. 

“She knew she was about to watch the head of a man as it was gnawed from where it connected to his shoulders.”

The whole book is like this. How did this pass the beta reading process?? This is not ready for publication. 

pre-review

ya'll remember that time that Piper said that TNAIM wasn't even inspired by the witcher and then she went ahead and dedicated this book to Henry Cavill as Geralt? Yeah, me too.

thank you to NetGalley for the ARC copy

THERE ARE SPOILERS FOR THE END OF THIS BOOK IN THIS REVIEW

BIG WOOF, YA'LL. I gave up at 40% because I couldn't take it anymore. If you follow my reviews, you know how much it pains me to DNF books, but I'm trying this thing in the new year where I don't torture myself as much with bad books. If it's like dragging my body through shards of glass just to read one chapter, I won't do it. The fact that I made it to 40% is a miracle. Nothing of importance even happened in those over 200 pages.

the writing I know this is an ARC, so hopefully, these errors will be fixed by the time it's published, but there were a lot of punctuation marks and typos that needed to be corrected. Page one is missing a quotation mark in the very first sentence. The prose is just as overwritten as usual. Piper uses 97 words when she could use 5. It comes off just as pretentious and melodramatic as it did in the last book. Everything is so over the top that I constantly rolled my eyes. She misuses words all the time, has ridiculous metaphors that you have to reread 2 or 3 times just to make sense of. For example; the deer within Amaris tensed to run for the opposing tree line. So there's a deer within Amaris now? How about; It blocked their ascension with the stoic ferocity of an impenetrable sentinel. That was so many words for no reason. 

plot/characters Alright, like I said, I read a little less than half of this book, but I'm going to tell you about what I read, and I'm also going to tell you some things that I've been told by others who have read and finished this book. First, I was expecting this book to be about Amaris going to a medieval magic boarding school and Nox maybe becoming a monster hunter with the help of Malik and Ash. If you were expecting that, too, you would be sorely disappointed. We get some monster hunting from Nox, but Amaris is entirely useless. 

So we start exactly where we left off with little to no recapping of what happened in the last book. You're expected to remember, but it's hard considering how many unnecessary words are jammed between what little plot is actually in these books. Starting with HP rip-off number one, Amaris and Gadriel are dropped from the back of a dragon into/near a lake surrounded by a forest conveniently near this magical academy that happens to have the answers they're searching for. What are the chances?? They get taken to the magic school, and everyone thinks Gadriel is a demon and they want to study him. In some supremely dramatic and ridiculous monologuing, Amaris convinces the masters of the school that he's harmless. Amaris convinces herself Gadriel(now Gad) is her new best friend, but when Gadriel says, 'we fought together in Aubade' in response to being asked ', what does this woman mean to you?' she loses her MIND. She gets so assblasted mad because she thought they were friends, but APPARENTLY NOT. It's pathetic and ridiculous, and like Amaris is so naive and has no idea how the real world works at all. She cannot conceive why Gadriel won't share secrets he was sworn to keep with her even after he explains it could mean his life. Like how is Amaris supposed to be likeable lol?? Because Gadriel said they weren’t friends, and Amaris took that shit personally. Then he blames her for his shredded wings and as usual, Amaris can’t take responsibility much like her author counterpart. 

They look at some books for two seconds, find zero answers and guess that this tower of magic has everything they need. They climb 10,000 steps and find the hall of prophecies from the order of the phoenix, otherwise known as the hall of orbs, and Amaris realizes the floor is invisible and there's an illusion cast over it. Gadriel goes to step over it, and instead of warning him, Amaris screams. That's it. Then she starts berating him for not paying attention to his surroundings, even though she should know by now that she can see illusions, but Amaris is too stupid to have this figured out. After all, she's been aware of her powers for three years, and only just started questioning their limitations and capabilities. She is literally an idiot. Gadriel asks Amaris if he can make the jump. She reads WAY too much into this question and is like, "oh my god, Gadriel is putting his LIFE in my HANDS. He TRUSTS me." And I'm like...bitch, you're the only one who can see the distance. Are you for real rn? Anyway, he makes the jump, and Amaris cries in relief. Literally cries. Imagine if Indiana Jones cried in relief every time he solved a booby trap puzzle while searching tombs. He would look like an idiot. Amaris has a full-blown panic attack, considers leaving and becoming a seamstress and then jumps, doesn't make it, and almost dies, and then Gadriel saves her. They touch some magical glowing blue balls, get sucked into a pensieve and see some curses/blessings where faeries explode into golden dust. They meet the oldest man ever who happens to show them the exact thing they needed to see then get tossed from the Tardis Tower.

Gadriel gets some conveniently 'manufactured' wings and can now fly again and then they realize they've learned everything they needed to know and leave. (WHAT? YOU HAVE LEARNED LITERALLY NOTHING) They try to convince Amaris to stay, and she pretends like she's going to and then leaves at night, but it's the most dramatic thing ever. Like they made it into something that apparently is worthy of ballads, but there is no good reason why it would be worthy of ballads. They didn't even do anything there. And that's it. That's all that happens with Amaris' magical boarding school plot, and that's when I realized how much of a waste of time this bullshit book is. You had a whole ass magical boarding school, and you didn't use it at all?? You could've had Amaris attend school, actually learn some things since she is the biggest idiot ever and then solve a whole mystery of how the school is corrupt and experimenting on people with unique magic while also searching for the answers to the curse. 

On the other hand, Nox is now a Yes Man and likes Malik and Ash and is probably gonna fuck Malik, which I think is bullshit considering she was coded as a lesbian. Call her bisexual all you want, and I won't believe you. She was repulsed by the touch of men, only sought comfort from other women and was OBSESSED with her 'precious little snowflake'. Having her bone a dude in this is a bad call because it nullifies the fact that she fought her way free from having to fuck men just to get to the woman she loves. 

I think it's weird that the northern fae is all known to have 'bronze skin'; their powers are associated with 'night life', and their colors are 'black and copper', and they are considered the 'dark fae' aka the 'evil demons'. Like....girl... do you not see how deeply fucked up that is? Like, what are you doing? lmao. 

Now, some things I was told. Amaris was immaculately conceived by a black woman. I repeat. The perfect white, special snowflake was immaculately conceived by a black woman. The precious perfect too pure for this world white woman who had her 'bronze-skinned succubus friend' whipped on her behalf. Oh, and Nox is the princess of both countries; the grey matron who made Nox her serving girl was aware of this and allowed Nox to be whipped and sold to a brothel. Also, Nox was named Nox so that she wouldn't forget she was a 'dark fae'.....What the fuck??

Also, the 'consensual breath play' is not consensual, jsyk. You can't consent when you're asleep, and someone starts choking you. You're fucking asleep. Good god. 

currently reading

This is what happens when you write a book in 9 days and don’t accept constructive criticism. You get sentences like this. 

“She knew she was about to watch the head of a man as it was gnawed from where it connected to his shoulders.”

The whole book is like this. How did this pass the beta reading process?? This is not ready for publication. 

pre-review

ya'll remember that time that Piper said that TNAIM wasn't even inspired by the witcher and then she went ahead and dedicated this book to Henry Cavill as Geralt? Yeah, me too.

Small update on writing projects and other things so I can gather my thoughts and also hopefully feel more organized. Mostly about Symphonia, with small mentions of Adventure Time, Deltarune, Elden Ring and Dragonlance (tell me if you know this book series plz)

Still working on my Lloyd and Mithos fic which I shared a wip of here. It's slow going because it's going to involve some decent amount of dialogue and my brain is too ADHD right now for it. Thank you for those who shared interest in it! I want to finish this god help me.

Want to update my Wolf Bite fic (which is werewolf!Lloyd and Colette as Red Riding Hood) for this Halloween. I've started a chapter to continue the verse and also werewolf Lloyd is too cute. Plz look at this art by @frayed-symphony for my previous chapters that I still go crazy over.

I also want to write something for one of those October prompt events. There's a lot of them! Let me! Choose! One! I just want to make one, preferable spicy.

Speaking of October prompts, I still have this Colette time loop fic made for whumptober last year that I never finished, which was using all 31 prompts. I got over halfway! Then things happened. They always happen. 😔 I want to get to the happy ending already.

Finished Adventure Time with Sky, and now I am obsessed with a mentally-ill lemon guy. Can I write him?? Is there a point to write him?? But I also finished Fionna and Cake and now I have a small idea with the genderswap versions of him and Lumpy Space Princess (new ship). Might try it soon. And yes I will be reblogging a lot of art for this show, let me ride it out.

I am still thinking about that Deltarune Spamton fic I started like two years ago. I did have a plot but again, life happened. I'd need to reread it too. You'd think I had a problem with finishing multichapters!! Haha. 🥲 But I was able to finish my last multichapter fic so I can do it! Just gotta be lucky. I also had another short story idea with him and Jevil, and the main three. Maybe I can get to it when Deltarune finally gets chapter 3 in about five years from now lol.

The Elden Ring zine I was in finally arrived for me! It's cool seeing my fic in print 😭 I'll share later on but it's been fun being on these zine projects lately. My fic was about the Omen brothers because I have a thing for twins apparently.

Not fic but there is a new Dragonlance book by the Weis and Hickman duo?? After nearly a decade?? I saw the ebook for it on sale and immediately picked it up. This series was my gateway into writing so it does feel nostalgic to go back to this world. Only one chapter read so far (with whole new characters this time) but W&H have a knack for being really engaging in their writing. Even for their past stories when I didn't care for a plot, I still tend to finish their books.

Oh yeah, I'm also on bluesky. I use it sometimes maybe.

Rambling March Updates

A little bit of a fun update for this month and moving forward, since I’ve been feeling a shift in how I approach my creative work (and well, everything else too) and I feel like organizing my thoughts somewhere. It’s technically the 2nd of March, but after a mini vacation post half-marathon, I definitely feel like it’s a valid bookend to semi start at. I’m in my usual “time to overhaul my life and plans” mood so it’s fitting for that as well, like a spring cleaning for the mind!

Writing Updates:

I’m about halfway through my celebration oneshot, which is a Bellarke AU based on the winning tropes from my survey that I ran during my follower celebration. So in a sense it’s a collaborative fic which is pretty fun! I’m liking it so far, though I do feel a bit rusty writing the Bellarke again after taking a bit of a break.

If you somehow missed my excessive reblogs, I finished my longest fic ever last month (hence another writing break)! It was for Stranger Things/Hellcheer (Eddie x Chrissy) and ended up clocking in at just under 80k words. Pretty astounding and I haven’t really processed how long it is. I feel like I need to reread it just to bask in the accomplishment and to also remember what I wrote lol.

Organizing the new month means updating my word count calendar, and with it I’ll probably spend some time reworking some outlining and WIP plans. I still like most of my WIPs that are unfinished, though one or two might get axed and abandoned. But the ones I want to finish deserve a polishing up and fixed outlines so I feel more confident getting back into them! And of course, organizing some new fic ideas I have and seeing if I can prep myself into making them shorter, easier projects for the main reason I’m about to share!

The biggest reason I want to spend time narrowing down my approach and what I want to write in terms of fanfic is that I’ve finally confirmed to myself that I want to write my own original novel. The idea started bouncing around in my head and I tried to ignore. Thought about it a little longer, told my husband about it, and he enthusiastically insisted that I legitimately consider writing it. And now I can’t stop thinking about it, so I’m going to give it a go! I can’t let myself think about any goals beyond writing it, but I am excited to see how that goal can fit and how I can push myself with it and hopefully actually write it. 

Design/Visual Creative Updates:

I do want to eventually finish my Stranger Things episode gif sets. I find them incredibly relaxing to make and a nice little visual stimulation break! 

More episode posters such as this one are also something on the back burner. Mainly because I’m also considering expanding my efforts in an online shop and I think it would be cool to include them! A part of that is organizing the categories of work I want to do, as well as the very tedious element of figuring out a name for the shop so that I feel comfortable sharing it across platforms. Hopefully updates on that will come down the line by the summer!

In non-fandom thoughts, I desperately need to update my graphic design portfolio and take new headshots. It’s driving me bananas at how much I’ve stalled on that so that needs to be a priority 

I’m determined to learn how to book bind this year and turn my own fics into physical copies (also a nice tie in for my own potential novel). We’ll see how that goes––it’ll be added to my long list of physical creative projects I want to get into this year!

I’ve negotiated my current contract to being a four day work week, so I’m excited to see my schedule start to form in a way that I can maximize my time and work on more personal projects!

However all of this comes on the back of that my husband and I are officially looking to move to a new state and city! Which means there’s a buzzing amount of stress just consistently in my mind right now, which will most definitely multiple over time as we actually have to complete the process. That means I’ll probably put a lot of this all on pause later this month and into April, but I also think that moving to a bit of a slower paced lifestyle is also going to be really good for both of our goals moving forward. Very exciting and very scary at the same time as we look to start a new chapter in our lives!

Onward to updating Notion and hopefully getting some good work in today! Happy almost spring!

Daydreamer II Dream of the Endless (Part 1)

✧Pairing: Witch! OC x Dream of the Endless/Morpheus

✧Summary: When Dream of the Endless was captured by the magus Roderick Burgess and imprisoned, the Waking World and the Dreaming seemed to be on the path to destruction with Dreams and Nightmares running rampant with no master to keep them in check. All hope seemed to be lost until a special little witch made her way into the Dreaming, her existence vastly different from any other human and with her abilities, maybe hope wasn’t lost after all.

✧Notes: I have only heard of the Sandman through the Netflix and though I’ve watched all of it, I know little to nothing of anything outside of it so apologies if some things aren’t cannon. I am doing my research as I write this out. I also haven’t posted my own writing on tumblr in years so if there are any tips, critiques on post formatting and/or the story of the Sandman in general, would totally appreciate it. (Just please be nice lol I’ve only started writing again all of a sudden)

✧Warnings: some explicit language but besides that, nothing else (yet)

✧Word count: 1711

✧Part 2

Katarina heard the jingle of the bell and looked up from the book she had laid out on the counter, a smile on her face as she greeted the customer who walked in. She recited her usual greetings, asking if there was anything she could do or anything she could help look for and as the customer waved her off, her attention returned back to her book. It was a simple message sending spell that her grandmother had assigned to her but for whatever reason, this one was difficult for the young girl - the young witch - to get down, the spell always failing at the last second. Katarina blew her strawberry blonde hair from her eyes as she continued re-reading the same passage, trying to find exactly what she was doing wrong but to no avail. She didn’t realize how much time had passed, the sun was long and the light slowly dimmed within the bookstore. The bookstore owner, a family friend, came through the front door and he waved the young girl off, handing her pay as she passed by him, waving goodbye with a smile. As she made her way home, she stuck her belongings into her satchel, taking the paths off the main road to not attract attention. 

When she made it to her home, she looked up at the lights that illuminated the windows and she pulled her satchel closer as she walked up the cobblestone path. The front door creaked at her entrance and she peeked around, not sensing anyone within the main area.

“Your father has left,” her grandmother said and she let out a sigh of relief, taking a seat across the table. “How was work, dear?”

“It was alright,” the young girl pulled out the pouch, pouring the contents, “I still do not understand what I am doing wrong with this spell but I had plenty of time to read and reread so I shall try again tonight. Will this be enough?”

“This as well as what your mother could contribute should be enough to get the medicine and herbs. Thank you, baby.”

“Of course, grandmother. Anything for her,” the sound of coughing could be heard from upstairs, the two women looking up in sadness at the violent sound. “Hopefully it works…”

“All we can do is hope, young one. Now, go rest. Quickly before your father returns.” Katarina nodded and collected all the coins into a pouch, bending down to give her grandmother a kiss on her cheek before she made her way upstairs. Her body seemed to weaken the closer she was to her bed but she forced herself into a quick bath, washing away her stress if only for a moment with a whispered incantation. When she stepped out, she dressed herself in a big t-shirt and made her way across the hall to her room, stopping only for a moment in front of the door before hers.

“Good night,” she whispered against the door before entering her room, closing and locking it behind her before she crawled into bed. She rested on her side, her eyes gazing at the picture on her nightstand before she turned off the lamp and let them close, sleep to overcome her. Little did she know that was the night when the Dream Lord himself would find himself imprisoned and like many of those in the Waking World, she would fall victim to the sleepy sickness, some not being able to wake up while others could never sleep. Katarina was one of those who found herself a prison to slumber but unlike what was assumed of others, who were forced into a comatose state, she felt she was conscious as she traveled the mysterious world that she was walking through, her eyes scanning her surroundings.

When she first realized she was dreaming, she was quick to rid herself of her pajamas, opting for jeans and a shirt, a jacket covering the skin her top left bare. Lucid Dreaming. Not an uncommon skill for one to have but Katarina was unlike any other, having more control over her dreams than anyone has ever seen before. It was a gift she’s had since she was a child that she honed in on as she grew up and clearly it was beneficial now that she was forced to sleep for unknown reasons, her eyes scanning the area around her. No…this isn’t actually new, Katarina thought to herself as she looked around, studying the somewhat familiar buildings of a village she remembered her younger self would frequent. Her hands brushed against one of the small huts with mushrooms for a roof and she marveled at how much smaller everything was now that she was older. 

“I can’t believe this exists after all these years,” she muttered to herself as she passed the building that stood taller than the rest, her palm pressing against the bark. “My own little hut.” A small smile made her way to her lips as she opened the door, marveling at how the home looked exactly as she left it all those years ago. The hut was shaped like a mushroom, similar to all the others but the roof was purple instead of red and the inside was as round as it looked on the outside. Inside was a bed, though she didn’t sleep when she was here, a desk, a round table and shelves of books. Her fingers brushed against the books that laid across the tables, glass bottles of random substances scattered about the room. She picked up one particular book with a purple leather cover and she flipped through it. Her spellbook. 

After she was done running through memory late, she walked back out into the empty village. She let her hair flow freely, pulling her fingers through the strands and she adorned combat boots that were too expensive for her in the waking world so she no longer had to walk barefoot through the gravel. The Waking World. She was unsure of where the title for the world she used to inhabit came from but left the question in the air with the many others as she looked around her surroundings. As the days seemed to pass she met many beings, human and not, along her path and found they were all also affected by the Sleep Sickness, many of them talking about how their world is falling apart. Well, for the ones who knew. A few of the people she had passed paid her mind and she slowly discovered it was because she was not part of their dreams. They were living their lives just in a dream, unaware of the fact that they’re probably one of the many others who were basically forced into a coma. 

It felt like she was walking for what felt like forever before her boots slipped into sand, an enormous castle now standing before her. Although gorgeous, it seemed as if it was slowly but surely falling apart, debris decorating the ground. Her eyebrows furrowed as she felt the wind suddenly blow in a different direction from where it was, her hair almost feeling like it was being dragged to the castle with it. She raised her hand up, as if she was able to touch the wind and her eyes widened as some of the debris seemed to respond, rumbling against the ground. It didn’t move very far but she was able to clear a path for her to step onto the entrance of a bridge that crossed the vast mass of water, which led to the castle. A giant gate was left to stand between her and the castle, her fingers brushing against it as she wondered if it would open. Loud enough to startle her, the gate creaked loudly as she pushed her way in and she made the long trek across the bridge, the water glistening around her. When she made it to the entrance of the castle, she was left surprised as it opened without her even having to do anything, flinching away at the dust that spilled in front. She stared at the debris at the entrance for a moment before shrugging her shoulders and holding her hands out. With her hands guiding the debris, she willed it to move back to its place against the archway of the ceiling and hers widened as it seemed to work, though the pieces not exactly fitting together like they were supposed to. 

“My lord?” a voice called and Katarina looked over as a woman adorning a white button up and vest, a matching black coat with tails flowing behind her on top walked up. Their eyes met from across the room before moving to where Katarina’s hands were up in the air, the archway a shambled mess but somewhat put together above the entrance.

“I am unfortunately not your Lord..” Katarina muttered as she lowered her hands, “But I’m gonna go ahead and assume that him missing is the reason all this is happening.”

“...You would be correct, Katarina,” the woman said slowly as she nodded, “I am Lucienne, head librarian and the current guardian of the realm while our lord is away.”

“I’m Kata- wait, you already know my name?” the young girl asked but it sounded more like a statement to which the librarian nodded, her hands holding up a book with her name written in beautiful cursive letters.

“For the moment, I am in charge of keeping track of all the entities that travel to and from the Dreaming and these books are records of every dream that everyone ever has. I have been following your progress here in the realm since you first landed.”

“Oh..” Katarina said and she slowly nodded as she let the new information sink in. “So you know…?”

“Yes, as far as what you have dreamed for all your life and especially now, I know about it. Now, seeing as I gave you some information will you return the favor?” Lucienne asked though Katarina knew it wasn’t really a question so after a thought of her options and swallowing her flight and fight response, she nodded and moved to walk with the librarian as she led her deeper into the castle.

chayscribbles’ monthly writing update ☆ october 2022

☆ STATISTICS.

words written: more than last month. that must count for something

projects worked on: Andromeda Rogue, Andromeda Rising

proudest accomplishment: hit 100k words written since the beginning of 2022 across all my wips!!!

books read: Nona the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir; The Oleander Sword by Tasha Suri; Memoria by Kristyn Merbeth (in progress)

☆ GENERAL COMMENTS.

(i know i said i was gonna make a separate post for reading updates but then i didn't oops. if more than like, 5 people say they're interested i'll make an effort. maybe.)

(both Nona and Oleander Sword were 5 stars btw.)

writing continues to be hard (both for writing reasons and also Life reasons) but on god imma do it. i'll emerge shaking and covered in blood perhaps but imma kill this draft before it kills me.

more specific wip-related comments + featured excerpt below.

☆ COMMENTS: ANDROMEDA ROGUE (rereading)

i'm about halfway through this reread! i sort of stopped near the middle of the month as i switched back to AR3 but rereading this draft right away was actually such a good decision. it's been nearly a year and a half since i finished it so i'm constantly finding little things i'd written and forgotten about. like finding 5$ in the pocket of an old jacket.

i've been pleasantly surprised at how... not bad it is lol. obviously it's a first draft, there are plenty of things that need patching up, but while i thought i was gonna have to carve out its guts in the second draft, turns out it only needs a bit of a facelift. maybe even just a new haircut. if anything, it's motivating me to keep going.

one of the most jarring but amusing things is being reminded of how all the characters have developed since the beginning of their story. ESPECIALLY the dynamics between Finn and Petra hehe. let's say they've come a long way from being begrudging, mistrustful teammates.

☆ COMMENTS: ANDROMEDA RISING (drafting)

this is probably the worst decision of my life but i'm gonna try to finish AR3 for nano and just. clenches teeth. get it over with. lord help

at least i've figured out .... something for the rest of my outline (climax + epilogues). deciding what the gang is up to after everything was really hard and i'm still not sure i'm satisfied with it. oh well it can always be changed later! (<- repeated to myself under my breath as i rock back and forth on the floor hugging my knees to my chest)

hopefully i can take advantage of the collective writer energy of nano to blitz through it before i start doubting myself and paralyze myself with fear! head down eyes closed full speed no regrets !!!! (please give me all the encouragement, i'm gonna need it😭)

☆ FEATURED EXCERPT.

it is literally impossible to post AR3 excerpts at this point bc even if i find something that's not spoilery, it would require 3 books of context to understand, so here's some AR1 i rediscovered in my reread.

this scene is SO funny to me for some reason. for context this is Petra and Finneas within about fifteen minutes of knowing each other.

Petra placed her hands on her hips, hoping it would make her look more authoritative. “All I’m asking is for you to not insult anyone at team meetings.” “Do I have to attend team meetings?” Finneas groaned. “I’d like for you to,” Petra replied, although she was pretty sure her scowl said otherwise. “You’re part of the team.” “I don’t do teams.” “You could at least try.” “Mm, hard pass. You may have your job, but I have mine,” he said finally. “And I’m just the pilot.” With that, he whirled around and started for the exit. Petra wasn’t sure what it was, but something prompted her to call after him. “Pilot.” He paused in the doorway without looking back. “I’m not expecting you to like me,” she began. “I’m not planning on it,” he replied curtly. Petra bristled, but chose not to engage. Now was not the time for a fight. “But as long as we’re on this ship together,” she went on, “I need you to try to respect me, and I’ll do my best to respect you. Alright?” Finneas remained silent for a moment, his back still turned to her, and Petra wondered what was going on in that hard head of his, behind those cold green eyes. Finally, he said, “Whatever you say, Commander.” From his tone, Petra had little reason to believe he meant it at all.

...and we all know how THAT'S gonna turn out 😏

🦇thank you for reading and happy halloweeeen!! 🦇

☆ TAGLISTS. let me know if you want to be added/removed to either.

general taglist:

@nicola-writes @dgwriteblr @the-orangeauthorr @stormharbors @quilloftheclouds @ashen-crest @writeblrfantasy @celestepens @stardustspiral @pepperdee @extra-magichours @avi-why @lefttigerobservation @chazzawrites @bardolatrycore

andromeda trilogy taglist:

@bebewrites @nicola-writes @dgwriteblr @the-orangeauthor @stormharbors @akindofmagictoo @quilloftheclouds @nora-theteawriter @ashen-crest @corpsepng @writeblrfantasyy @toboldlywrite @celestepens @stardustspirall @pepperdee @cheerfulmelancholies @extra-magichours @writeouswriterr @cilly-the-writer @lefttigerobservation @rose-bookblood @drowsy-quill @chazzawritess @cynic-and-chief

I just hit post limit 😭😭😭 So now I'm in your askbox. How are you doing? Have you been watching or reading anything recently?

HAHAHA RIP 💀 istg tumblr is lowkey passive aggressive attacking me for having no life outside of this app I KNOW I KNOW IM GAY AND ALONE AND BASICALLY LIVE HERE LEAVE ME ALONE

ANYWAYS i am doing so not wonderfully well but i have been tumblring the anxiety away so it’s all good 😭😭 i haven’t gotten i watch something on my own in a bit because ✨school✨ but i did just start watching schitts creek with my mom lol and ofc reading byler fics until 1am for no reason AND I SPENT LIKE AN HOUR LAST NIGHT TRYNA FIND AN ELUMAX OR ELMAX FIC OMFG IF ANYONE HAS RECS PLEASE PLESE PLEASE SEND

and ofc i’ve been rereading random six of crows chapters and relistening to my fav podcast (seaweed brain!!!!! it’s gay and chaos and thoughtfulness and wholesome and burnt out gifted kids and critical literary analysis of pjo all wrapped up in one podcast. literally the reason i am back in my percabeth percy jackson phase i reCOMMEND don’t start with the first few episodes because that’s before guests and they’re a little slower so it took me a bit to get into them but the MoA episodes are all golden ofc so i’d recommend starting there and getting to know the podcast and then going back to listen to the precious books??? carter and erica are my adoptive parents atp also it’s such a great way to re-examine and basically reread all the rick series but like gay and better ahhh i relisten to my fav episodes over and over they are my comfort everything i basically have them memorized ok i’ll stop talking :) GO LISTEN if u want/are interested thou shalt not regret)

anyways YES I AM DOING WELL AS WELL CAN BE I HOPE U ARE DOING WELL TOO MY FRIEND HOPEFULLY TUMBLR LETS U CONTINUE ACE SCREAMING SOON 🙏🙏🙏 TY FOR LISTENING TO MY OWN VERY LONG ACE SCREAMING TO YOUR SIMPLE QUESTION <3

The last time I made a Sunday Currently post was in 2021 on my old Tumblr blog. Now I want to do this weekly series again and hopefully, I am going to be consistent this time.

Reading

Normal People by Sally Rooney. I started reading this book last year in ebook format. But I stopped reading at page 110 because my eye strain and astigmatism got really bad due to too much screentime. I guess I am really a physical book girlie. I started looking online for a physical copy and didn’t find the perfect copy until last February. I only read it though on my free time (alternately with The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD). Now I am currently at page 65 (I reread from the beginning when the book arrived just because).

Thinking

Whether to buy a microwave oven or not is one of the thoughts that has been occupying my mind lately. I do weekly food prep and I am tired of heating my food on the stove. The washing of used pans and cleaning the kitchen right after takes so much time. I live alone so there’s no one to delegate this chore to. It takes me 5 to 10 minutes to heat all the foods because I only have 1 burner stove, plus I’ll spend another 5 to 10 minutes in aftercare. I know this purchase is a need but I still am not convinced whether it will be worth spending 5k for or not.

Praying

For God’s guidance and peace of mind. I badly need those two right now.

Needing

Aside from guidance and peace of mind, I think I need to take a break from work because I can feel that I am about to get burnt out. I feel so drained lately that I could no longer focus on my work. I can no longer finish my tasks before deadline because I get distracted so easily and I am having a difficult time getting back to what I was working on. It’s honestly frustrating. Yeah, I need to take a break from work. Not sure when though :(

Loving

But despite feeling drained and exhausted due to work-related stress, I just love how I am living alone in a peaceful place where I can spend quiet time as much as I want to.

Watching

Queen of Tears and Can’t Buy Me Love on Netflix. I decided to watch Queen of Tears because I recently finished Penthouse (downed 3 seasons in 1 week lol) and I needed a banlaw series because Penthouse was quite heavy. My brain needed some detox from all the death scenes and verbal abuse… huuu!! Queen of Tears was tagged as comedy but the plot is getting thicker each episode. I kinda regret starting it but, oh well, I am now hooked. I have no choice haha! With Can’t Buy Me Love, I am only watching it for the SnoRene plot. I love them so much they’re so cute together lol!! I also recently watched Past Lives because I was finally emotionally ready lol. FYI. The name of the cafe in Penthouse was 인연 (InYun). InYun was also mentioned in Past Lives. Skl.

Omg have fun at the Barbie movie! I'm so curious about it if you wanna give a short review. Maybe I will see it later this week on a cheap day. I think I've heard good things so far. Unfortunately I'm not sure if either show is going to work out at this point..and they are on the same day anyway lol. But I found out they will show it in another city nearby in a few months if so hopefully I can make it work then. I love Les Mis sooo much and was really excited cuz I haven't seen it before but it's also a really popular show and the balcony was all sold out, which never happened before. I thought I would be able to still get tickets the day of since that's what I usually do. We'll see what happens with the Paramore show but I'm hoping it works out. For surprise songs, I'm not that picky..it's more that I have a few that I wouldn't want..which is maybe 3 of what's left lol. I Can See You would be cool since she never performed it and it's become a new favorite. I like anything from Lover and Rep and older stuff like debut and Fearless too. I would be happy with one older song and one newer since that makes it interesting but there's nothing I absolutely hate either. I'm more worried that I'll like the surprise songs of the other show better since I'm only going to one show lol. What about you? Was your show tonight? Can't wait to hear your review of the show!!!

hi friend!!!! i had the BEST time at barbie!!! i sobbed through so much of it (but i am a crier). my friends and i all held hands at one point and cried and it was just such a 🥺 moment for me. and just so, so special to watch it with some of my closest friends. i am such a like, pink, barbie girl and i just really, genuinely adored it. i didn't know much about what the movie was going to be about going in but it exceeded all my expectations. i never felt like the movie dragged or was too long or didn't hold my interest. the costumes were stunning. the set design is beautiful; it's just a visually beautiful movie, and you could tell how much care and thought was put into every detail. i'm a sucker for small things like that, and i know there's a lot of references i definitely missed. i'm thinking that i might go see it again at some point, but i think i'll be too busy this week and then i'm in chicago next week for lollapalooza, so it might have to wait till i'm back. i definitely want to see it with my mom. i just ... i loved it. america ferrera totally blew me away, as did margot robbie. i just ... genuinely really loved this movie. there were some bits that just made me laugh (some genuine laughter, some nervous "oh this hits too close to home" laughter). and the soundtrack is so good — billie eilish's, dua lipa's and charli xcx's songs in particular were standouts for me! trying to hold off buying the vinyl right now, because... well, pink (and also because i am on a vinyl buying ban for now). oh noooo :( i'm sorry to hear about les mis, but i really hope that the other city will work for you! i am keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you 🤍 it really is just such a special show and has such a special place in my heart (and i think it would have a special place in my heart even if i wasn't named after it). and this tour cast is so fun! i particularly loved gavorche; i left the theatre and was texting my friends about how phenomenal he was. and as i'm sure you've seen on my tumblr, i've been thinking about les mis a lot since. i started my reread/annotation project of it a little bit ago, and i'm trying to do "a book" a month, and then finish by the end of the year! i think i might rewatch the movie (or a bootleg of it) sometime soon, i definitely miss it. you'll have to let me know if you end up going to paramore! i definitely want to get into paramore's music more; i know some songs but i haven't done a discography deep dive yet. there's a lot of artists that i want to do that for and i used to be pretty good about listening to entire discographies while at work but i've mostly been lolla prepping and listening to the music of the artists we'll be seeing! i can see you is such a fun song! i'm really hoping she'll sing either foolish one or castles crumbling at my shows (i'm going both saturday and sunday) in terms of speak now songs, but i'll honestly be happy with anything and everything! i've been telling all my friends i'd love something from debut (especially since it isn't part of the setlist), but i'll genuinely be happy with anything she sings! i have a running joke with my friends that every surprise song we're like "i'm marked so unsafe :("/"this was such a loss for me" because we wanted to hear that song live — just a testament to taylor's discography, really! i hope you get songs that you love when you see her! are you going to the friday show or the saturday one? i'll be thinking of you next week! hope you have a good weekend, friend! 🤍 remember to drink some water + take it easy! hope you're enjoying your current read(s)!! x

haven't written one of these in a long time but it feels like i should

i'm trying not to be too optimistic because we have a long road ahead of us but i opened up my manuscript last week for the first time in like....a year? it's been quietly sitting on my hard drive while i've worked through a million different crises the last few years and even though i haven't done more than reread it, i felt the Itch. a lot of that comes down to tour starting and feeling inspired by taylor once again (thank god for that woman) but it's something.

i found another indie author on instagram today that kind of gave me that feeling i felt when i found olivie blake (hi olive <3) a few years ago — that sometimes it's okay to just be an indie author and traditional publishing doesn't have to be the be all end all. and like yeah, i'd love to get picked up by traditional publishing and a cool agent, but so much of my fear about editing is That. that i'm not good enough, that i AM good enough and then i have to keep writing after this book is done, that there will be more work in this that just another edit.

i was so driven for most of 2020 and 2021 and then my entire life got ripped apart and remixed and only now two years later do i finally feel like i'm stepping back into myself. i started therapy again and in preparation for that i was reflecting on all the shit that's happened in the last two years and there was a comment i made to myself about how meeting EJ gave me the space to become my own person again post-lockdown and for a long time i thought that meant a New me that wasn't at all like the old me...i thought that i was giving up the old pieces of myself because they no longer fit or they hurt too much or i didn't know how to be who i used to be...but in the last month or so i really feel like i'm returning to the old me (taylor fan, reader, writer, TV binger, artist) while also honoring the new me (climber, cook, emotionally stable lol). i can't explain it but the old light that died in me at the coffeeshop is coming back stronger now.

and now that i'm (hopefully) moving (!!!!!!!) into my own place (AFJHSDK) i think i'm another step closer to that version of myself i've been chasing. which is to say, i'm having grace with myself and remembering all the old things i used to love doing and i feel like very very soon i will be in a safe space where i can finally explore who i'm meant to be. and while i'm terrified of living alone (for the financial reasons obviously) i also have to remember all the benefits of that terrifying prospect. that i'll have the space to be myself. and that peace will lead me to so many wonderful places i don't even know yet.

i'm still not sure when the writing will return to me...in rereading my manuscript i feel like i spend half the time going "NO NOTES!" and the other half going "this is the most cringe, most terrible writing i've ever seen fix all of it please!" it's intimidating and i'm no longer confident in myself like i once was, but now that i feel like i have no deadline and i'm sinking into the idea of a self-published book i'm a little more at peace with it. like i feel like when i do get back to it and start sitting in coffeeshops on the weekends, i will have the space to fully explore this story one more time and put the new pieces of myself inside it.

it's weird because another reason i was so scared of this story is that when i was last editing it i was deep in the trenches of 2021. i intertwined so many people and experiences from that season of my life into the manuscript and it almost feels like i'm just reading about ghosts now. but it's also the ghosts of lockdown and the ghosts of my early twenties and the ghosts of rep tour and the ghosts of all the people i hoped i'd be by now. it's a book about a 21 year old but somehow at 27 this story is more relatable to me than it has ever been before. i am writing my own story that doesn't have a happy ending yet and i think since i don't have the answers it feels like i can't explore that on the page. if i can't offer hope or the promise of a happy ending then does that story deserve to be told? (yes)

i thought i had given up on books and then something changed (as it always does) and i found my way back. i always do. and i always find my way back to writing too. it's just so hard to see life as a string of seasons and cycles when it feels like every second is the start and the end. there is space to grow and change and come back and return and revisit and leave things behind. there is enough time. and sometimes your time is best spent falling back in love with your life. i've spent the past few weekends feeling a little useless - sitting around, resting, not doing much of anything - and even though i can't keep doing that forever, i has forced me to get back in touch with what i want and who i am. sitting in my room with all my books and my cameras and my cool decor centers me, it gives me a reason to keep on living.

i truly don't know where i'm going this year. i have some ideas, some hopes and dreams, but i have resigned myself to "fixing" my every day. to focus on where i am, to make my day to day better and spend less time traveling. and while that would've scared me a few years ago before a global pandemic, i think now it's like a promise to myself. a promise that i am worth investing in and that i can get better and that even if i don't get better, right now is good enough. i had so many dreams for this time of my life that didn't come true and for a while i grieving them pretty hard. and then i set myself free from those dreams and i thought i'd never see them again...but that's not true at all is it? the things that love us, the things that we love never truly leave us after all, they always come back.

also i finally had a vision for the WIP book cover and even though it might change if i ever hit that point...it gave me a little push that sounded like "keep going" <3

book tag!

i was tagged by my favorite enjoyer of so-called highbrow culture (complimentary) @allerod to do this. <3 it's not going to be that interesting because i don't read as much as i'd like to, but as books are a recently rediscovered interest of mine i wanted to do this anyway.

Last book I bought: when i initially thought about my answers for this tag i was planning to lie because i didn't want to be vulnerable, and name a book i plan to but have not yet bought (more on that later). but i figured i can just be vague yet honest. the last book i bought is a scholarly book by my professor crush. the most i want to say is that it has to do with book publishing. i liked it very much and will definitely reread it and look into other book publishing-themed academic writing.

Last book I borrowed: nothing because i don't understand how libraries work and at this point i'm too afraid too ask :( (meaning mostly i'm just scared of places i don't know so going to a strange library by myself is more than i can bear.) (very bad)

Last book I was gifted: the first volume of w.i.t.c.h. comics from my dad. hehe. i'm actually so happy they started issuing them again and he got me the first volume as a kickstart. :D i have the second volume already and have fallen behind with the other ones (there's at least two more out now), but i shall be ordering soon.

Last book I gave to someone: i got my grandma one of these river-interview (?) books with donald tusk. or is it a memoir? don't know, don't care, she requested it so i bought it for her lol. it was a gift completely devoid of sentiment or personal involvement. (i wish i had a less cynical answer but again... book-gifting is not something i do)

Last book I started: just a couple of days ago i finally started ulysses. it scares me bc it's a very hard book but i so want to read it and form an opinion. i read the introduction so far and took a peek at the first page. it doesn't look too bad; nevertheless, i am fear.jpg. i anticipate it will take me years to read properly. i can't die before i finish it, though.

Last book I finished: dubliners, aka what started my joyce fascination way back in high school and has now reblossomed. my favorite stories are araby, after the race, a little cloud, and the dead. araby is my #1 and joyce's streams of consciousness hit harrrd, especially the love-themed araby ones, and especially now... *zones out for a moment, then clears throat loudly* i also love the christmassy setting.

Last book I gave 5 stars: see above. hueh hueh.

Last book I gave 2 stars: nothing and hopefully i will never have to do that :v (said he, foolishly)

(bonus question i made up because i can)

Next book I'm planning to buy: i want to buy some james baldwin collections bc i am dying to reread him (took a class on him last semester). also, this book on shirley chisholm. i've always wanted to know more about her and am so thrilled there's a fresh new biography of hers coming out! also, more joyce. also also, more modernist fiction... but first, the first two i mentioned. gotta keep it cool, considering my snail-like reading pace.

i tag anyone who wants to do this!

[tl;dr. joyce this, joyce that]

I would love to get into billys mind when it comes to the divorce. Does he just act like it never happened cause he keeps saying ‘your husband’ ‘you’re mine’ like. He has to remember that he pushed her to her breaking point where the only option was to sign the papers.

But does he fault reader at all for letting the divorce go through? I was rereading and i came across the flashback where he said he wouldn’t survive without her and idk. That coupled with the fact that his connection with her sprung back up right after they left the courthouse… thats when he became interested even though he couldn’t recall their past.

I can see billy understanding why she signed but i can also see him being upset that she didn’t fight harder (but lets be real she really gave it all she had to make the marriage work). You write this billy so well because all though he royally fucked up, i am rooting for him to get his woman .. but i’m also rooting for reader to move on. Your writing talent makes it so much harder to pick a side and stay there lol.

Puts me in a tizzy thinking about these characters, Whew. But also Happy hump day :-) hope your week is going well. I know you saw your friend a while back and it made me genuinely happy. i had plans to go visit my friend for a week (in my hometown) and everytime i asked to plan it out she was too busy. Then she stopped replying to me for 4 days but she was on social media and she told me she was with her other friend for one of the days. And that really sucked!!! This was the week i was suppose to be with her so im feeling a little :( (im the anon from before that moved and hasnt made any friends yet - if you remember bc i sent that ask a while ago!)

but i’ve been trying to make myself feel better by reading. I’m dragging my feet to finish this book called the night circus. But i love that i can always come back here and be so engrossed with billy & reader

Sorry this was a wordy message and i just mostly complained at the end lol :( also if you’ve read anything interesting please send it my way! Xoxo

Right now Billy is actively avoiding the word divorce. He knows he's the one who asked for it but in his mind it wasn’t really him. All he wants is to go back to how things were before the accident but obviously Reader is not in that same place. To answer your second question, no, he's not angry with her about the divorce. He knows he's the one who fucked up but he keeps telling himself who he was after the accident wasn’t really him. They're both deluding themselves at this point 😆

And I'm so sorry about your friend flaking on you! That really sucks and I wish I could say something to make you feel better. Hopefully with the pandemic petering out you can join new interest communities and make friends. When I moved to California I didn't know anybody and those meet-up groups were a great place to start meeting people. Good luck!

I haven't read anything interesting bookwise recently but I do read fics ( Shadow and Bone fandom) when I have a few minutes here and there. I bought a whole bunch of mystery books recently that I can't wait to start reading. Gone Girl is one of my absolute favorite books if you haven't read it. Even if you've watched the movie, I'd still recommend reading it because there's so much ruch characterisation in there.

Thank you so much for the kind words 🙏 ❤️ ❤️ I did remember your message from before! Moving to a new city is really tough and I struggled a lot at first but now I really love it here. It will get better after a while!