How to handle seeing things you don't like on ao3:

Have you come across something too disturbing for you to handle on ao3? Like maybe somebody having sex in a position that isnt missionary? 😱 shocking, I know. Did someone maybe engage in mild bdsm? The absolute horror! Did two aged up characters do more than a kiss on the cheek??? The utter depravity. Well do I have a solution for you! It's an easy two step process. Step one is to find the back button. If you find yourself in a mildly uncomfortable position while reading a fanfic, you have the power to stop ❌ press the back button 🔙 and find a new fic that doesnt have such scary concepts 🔞. If you arent sure how to find it, here's what the back button looks like on my mobile browser:

It may be difficult for you to find, but I believe in you!

Step 2 is a little harder because I know you're nosy and think you know what's best for every person on the planet. But I still believe in you! You can do it! You can learn to mind your own damn business and walk away! If you see something you don't like, it's literally not your problem. Let me give you a personal example: there are people out there who still like the show breaking bad, which I found completely unwatchable. But you know what? It's none of my damn business, it's literally not my problem! I have learned that not every piece if media is made for every person, and that's not only ok, but a good thing! You too can learn to mind your own damn business and move on with your life. I promise it's not as hard as it sounds

This Week in BL

May 2021 Wk 3

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

It’s a cray cray Friday when Vietnam gets its eng subs up before GMMTV Thailand. What alter-reality are we in? Well, the Vietnamese offerings are better right now anyway. (Oooo, feel that burn.) 

Ongoing Series - Thai

Top Secret Together Ep 2 - pulping it up in the best possible way. Sure sound and production values are pants, and in classic Thai fashion the editing in post is exacerbating (rather than fixing) pacing issues, but it’s still CUTE AF. I don’t even mind the added university storyline, because they’ve got good chemistry (and a confident gay fresher after a panicked gay hazer is an old favorite... what can I say, SOTUS was my first love). We aren’t spending too much time with any one couple, so it’s weighted a lot better than Brothers was, but also character development is slow. 

Siew Sum Noi Ep 2 - Unfortunately, it’s just too hard to find, plus no subs. I’m dropping it in the hopes it comes back on my radar some day. 

Y-Destiny Ep 8 - (Thurs) It’s rough having a ghost boyfriend, half your friends are scared, the other half think you’re crazy, and kissing shortens your lifespan. This was a cute couple even if I wasn’t wild about the surrounding story. 

Close Friend Ep 5: (Dear My Star/JimmyTommy) - about high school penpals. It had to rely entirely on voice over work as the actors only meet face to face at the end. It’s a good thing they are appealing screen presences on their own, with good vocal control. It’s hard to imagine any other BL pair carrying this kinda plot. It’s by far my favorite of the series so far, and I’m not even a big JimmyTommy fan. 

Fish Upon The Sky Ep 7 - no subs. Do we care? Not really. Because we have... 

Nitiman Ep 3 - currently my favorite out of Thailand. It’s the university Thai BL i’ve been waiting for since... when was the last good one? My Engineer? Yowza. Anyway we got: head on my shoulder, baby is a floppy drunk (but still wants to be in control), proximity alert, boyfriend’s closet, seme gets seriously jelly, and a cute twist on feeding him. There’s something fun and complex about Jin’s character. He’s not a panicked bi. He knows exactly what’s going on, he just hasn’t decided if he wants Bb or not. He clearly enjoys being looked after, the compliments, and the attention, but he’s not sure if he’s going to like what happens if he gives in. I like that twist on the usual tsundere uke archetype a lot, cautious rather than willfully obtuse or freaked out. We can see Jin realizing in stages: I like this person, I like that they like me, I like the romantic attentiveness. But in the background is... do I actually want to f*k him? It’s a dynamic we don’t often see on BL. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 10 fin - the most ridiculous show using BLs worst tropes in a sort of weird smoothie of bitter greens and too ripe banana. The ending was the sappiest cheesiest thing ever, like cheese syrup tapped from the cheese tree. So of course I loved it, but I’m pretty sure I giggled through all the bits meant to be profound. Because, in the end, to tolerate this show at all, you just can’t take ANY of it seriously. RECOMMENDED (with some SERIOUS reservations and trigger warnings.) Full review here. 

Be Loved in House: I Do (Taiwan) Ep 1-2 - I don’t mind a damaged seme character but this one is a bit weird for me. Like creepy Cheese in the Trap level weird. On the bright side, the story has given our tsundere uke good motivation for his angst and great existing friendships, loyalty, and likability. Plus I’m invested in the cafe owner/innocent puppy side dishes. So if it’s only the seme character I’m not jiving with, and he’s the most established actor, it should all turn out fine. I believe in you, Taiwanese BL. 

Papa & Daddy (Taiwan) Ep 6 fin - speaking of belief. This such a good show but they gave us a cliffhanger ending. Now we must hope against hope for season two. That’s never guaranteed with Taiwan tho. So, I’m docking a few points and saying, RECOMMENDED so long as you realize it’s a cliffhanger. 

Love is Science? (Taiwan) Ep 1-9 (BL subplot) - this is a good het romance, but the fact that the BL subplot is a beautifully acted disaster bi + confident gay means you’re hearing about it whether you want to or not. Plus they just added in some GL! Come on! I gotta support Taiwan normalizing queer to this extent. They are fighting the good fight and if I also have to watch a career lady and her much younger softest straight boi get it on, too? Twist my arm with that service sub subtext. Go on Taiwan, TWIST IT. It’s on Viki. Join the revolution.   * Incidentally if you actually like the D/s het dynamic of this show, I highly recommend Japanese Kimi wa Petto - career woman keeps a hot young dancer boy as a pet. Oh yes, an actual pet, that IS the pitch. Never doubt Japan when kink is on the line. It’s also on Viki. Go get your kink on, thank me later. (If it helps: That was not a request.)  

Most Peaceful Place 2 (Vietnam) Ep 2 (AKA 5) - love triangles aren’t my thing, but if you’re gonna do it short form, by all means bring in the lead’s other BL pairing so the chemistry is on point. Now I've no idea who I want him to end up with. Can’t they just be in a poly triad? 

My Lascivious Boss (Vietnam) Ep 7 - I’m still enjoying it a lot. It’s still unabashedly queer and the tension is ramping up. We now have secret identity, blackmail, femme fatale, faen fatale, and incoming seme confrontation. Best of all, the series is still airing, which makes it longer than any other Vietnamese BL I’ve seen (aside from Tein Bromance - which is just too weird to count). 

Gossip - Thai BL 

SEVEN PROJECT TEASERS

No one is entirely sure what Studio Wabi Sabi’s Seven Project/7Project will entail. 

It might be like Close Friend (1 episode per couple, no linking), 

or Y-Destiny (2 episodes per couple, loosely linked), 

or The En of Love (4 episodes per couple, linked but independent consecutive stories). 

They’re giving the couple’s arcs separate titles. So each one would be what? Seven Project: Once Upon a Time or the like? We’re in Taiwanese title territory people and NO ONE WANTS TO GO THERE. Anygay... 

Once Upon a Time is the BounPrem (og UWMA) anchor story, and seems to be the most dramatic and likely saddest. These two can handle most of what’s thrown at them at this juncture, so it should be good. 

Vs Love is a BoomPeak (og Make it Right) university vehicle. Since I thought Boom was done with our nonsense, I couldn’t be more thrilled and surprised this pair is doing another show together. I don’t think either of them are the greatest actors but I find Peak very endearing and Boom charismatic on screen, so I’ll watch. 

Would You be My Love is the hotly anticipated SantaEarth launch. They’re a (cultivated) IRL ship and Earth is an established BL actor. They have great chemistry and high energy so this could be lots of fun. 

We are also getting a GL from this series from established BL actresses Samantha and Pineare. Nothing teased yet on that, but I’m looking forward to this installment the most. Also curious to see how the ladies handle the branding and promo side, not to mention the culture. (Thailand variety shows gonna force *girls* to play the Pepero game?) 

Secret Crush on You upcoming Thai BL with no release date, co-produced by and featuring (but NOT staring) Saint and directed by Cheewin (sigh) with all fresh faces. (Previously known as Stalker the series.) It looks like pure pulp and I’m not wild about the plot but could be better than expected as it’s adapted from a novel. Cheewin is an okay director when he has an actual story to follow. 

Don’t Say No the series. Coming from the producers of TharnType this is the JaFirst vehicle many have been waiting for. Friends to lovers + a good boy/bad boy pairing on a sports romance foundation. It’s basketball so they tapped Meen as well (he’s semi-pro). The bad news? You get one guess as to who is writing the darn thing? Yep it’s MAME. So, ya know, expect some slam dunk kidnapping, a light dribbling of rape, and me turning into a basketcase. AKA... 

Will I have to live blog this series in order to survive it? That seems to be the only way I can. So probably. Which means the bad sports puns will continue. Look, if I’m suffering, SO ARE YOU! 

Rumors of a new YinWar vehicle The Best Story (mini series) coming in July. Also rumors that their previously announced Love Mechanics (full length series) has either been delayed, is facing money issues, or is moving studios, or all three. 

Breaking News 

DELAYED (I’m talking these three off the watch list until we get new airing dates) 

Love Area’s release was pushed out but it got a trailer. 

Golden Blood was supposed to drop Weds but comments in MDL report that it is delayed due to C19.  

Love’s Outlet (Taiwan) is supposed to have started a 50 episode run (only 3-5 min each, what utter nonsense). Sadly, this delay is due to a surge in cases in Taiwan which was doing so well, but also doesn’t have many inoculations. 

Bad Buddy has started workshopping at GMMTV actual. 

Kang Insoo’s BTS for Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding is SO FLIPPING CUTE. You have to watch it. Trust me, I don’t rec behind the scenes stuff often. 

Next Week Looks Like This: 

Some shows may be listed later than actual air date for International accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

I don't get it - what's wrong with the BB interview? Even you've addressed how PTD wasn't that great yet still raced to #1. They could change their rules but to what exactly? It's a popularity chart. If the same people are streaming the same song over and over - is that not precisely what manipulating the charts is? I mean, we're smart and found a great loop hole but how is this great for the boys? Making them think they're more popular than they actually are? PTD was weak, man and I love them??

I'm really glad you asked me this question because I wanted a chance to talk about what I did find insightful about the article. To be honest, when I started reading the article I thought "They're right", but the more I read it the more the lack of professionalism and the clear agenda it had bothered me.

First of all, talking about chart manipulation isn't a bad thing. But paying a group to be on the cover of your magazine and mentioning their achievements only to question them isn't the right way to do it. You think they'd do this with anyone else? Had it been Dua Lipa, the article would've been about her artistry and achievements in the industry, and she would've been portrayed in a positive light. Did BB even treat BTS as artists? To me they were only treated as an interesting phenomenon.

BB could've done an exposé on BTS and chart manipulation, but not like this. It's a bit rich for BB to question BTS only. Instead of opening a discussion about the merit of the charts and the ways the industry circumvents BB's guidelines, the article points fingers only at BTS, implying that, in contrast with Dua or Olivia, BTS are cheating the charts. BB essentially avoids taking responsibility for its own methods and its influence in the industry by saying BTS are the only ones compromising the legitimacy of the charts and their value. It's an easy way to make BB look good and BTS look bad - the charts and the US industry aren't the problem, BTS and the Korean music industry are. Throughout the whole article, the way they talked about the "fascinating" case of HYBE and BTS's success felt more like an insult than a compliment, or even an objective analysis. Anything related to Kpop or Korea was more or less used against BTS.

Second of all, the way they discussed chart manipulation was deeply flawed. They didn't lie about Army's strategies nor were they wrong to question the ethics of mass buying, but they should've done their research first. Quoting twitter users, alluding to "experts", admitting they didn't know exactly how Army operated, etc. is really bad journalism. They want to expose BTS for chart manipulation without proper evidence? The language they used conveyed ambiguity and uncertainty too. They never explicitly stated things, it was all hearsay. What kind of journalism is this?

But, again, even if they had done their research, targeting BTS without likewise exposing other artists on the charts is having a clear bias.

The article was also very interested in HYBE. This is another interesting topic, sure, but HYBE isn't BTS. If they wanted to write about HYBE they should've done so in another article. And it's telling that they talked about HYBE almost exclusively in an unflattering light. What they said wasn't false: for example, they questioned the company's longevity and worth due to their undeniable dependence on BTS - I agree with that, but what about HYBE's success story? BB aren't anticapitalism. They are pro-money hungry companies, and HYBE is certainly smart when it comes to money. Were it any other company, BB would've been all over that. But with HYBE they mention Army, and how HYBE exploited the fan-artist relationship, as the reason behind the label's success only to make HYBE and Army look bad. Artists profit from their fans, but usually no one talks about it; it's bad form. We talk about how cool and iconic Beyoncé is, not the amount of money she made, directly or indirectly, from her fans - or rather, the money she makes from her fans is legit and not worth questioning, unlike the money BTS make from Army. (As an aside, had Beyoncé been on their cover, do you think BB would've questioned the legitimacy of her feminism/activism due to the money she earned from a clothing line made at sweatshops employing mostly woc?...)

I agree that the relationship between BTS and Army is interesting, but streaming is only the tip of an iceberg that BB didn't bother to uncover.

To me, it's clear they had an agenda. The way they spoke about BTS's diplomatic passports, HYBE, Army, the charts, etc. - all of it had a negative connotation and contributed to the narrative of BTS being shady or puppets, or whatever. It was more of the "dark side" of Kpop. Why does no one talk about the dark side of American pop?

Also, like I mentioned, the article tackled too many topics. If you want to talk about HYBE, write an article about HYBE - the company's executives were quoted more than most of the members; it doesn't make sense. And if you want to talk about chart manipulation, that's a separate topic that shouldn't be the main focus of a magazine Army is expected to buy. Who, if not Army, is expected to buy the 7 different editions for each member? Army is supposed to buy an article slamming them and BTS?

There is a time and a place to discuss these things. Most of what was said was legitimate, but the authors twisted the truth to fit their narrative when they refused to do actual research on the topic, quoted fans of artists competing with BTS on the charts, and refused to look at chart manipulation as a whole and how other artists are attempting it as well (they even pointed out that other artists' fans try to do what Army does but less successfully - which is why they are... what, more innocent than Army?...).

Another thing that was unprofessional was the fact that BTS were rarely quoted directly. On the last part of the article, regarding the English singles, I can't even form an opinion on what was said due to the ambiguous, even manipulative way, the section was written. They quote an executive on how BTS compromised with the company and make it seem like BTS were unwilling to release English tracks (which fits their narrative), but they don't quote the members themselves. In the initial article I read they noted that RM remembered the situation differently and quote him saying "There was no alternative", which made it seem like RM was never in conflict with HYBE. But now the article states "RM wasn’t fond of the idea, though he acknowledges it was a crucial way to keep buzz alive during the pandemic. “There was no alternative,” he says.", and now it seems like RM opposed Dynamite at first, contradicting the initial article. This correction only corroborates with BB's narrative. But what about the members that were allegedly in favor of the single? And why is Jin only quoted to share the struggles of recording the song? Why was nothing positive said about Dynamite when we know for a fact they must've said it? It simply wasn't interesting to BB. The members were only quoted when they had something juicy to say, and we were never offered much context or told what question they were replying to, what tone they used or how it fit the real time conversation BTS were having with each other and with the interviewers.

Essentially, although the writers didn't lie about most things, the article was biased, ambiguous, unprofessional and lacking in direction. It was like three insufficiently researched and prejudiced articles in one.

Also, while PTD wasn't that great, there are many not so great songs that make it to n.1 on BB. Being great has nothing to do with your results in the chart. Many artists make songs no one really likes yet we're forced to listen to them on the radio anyway. Fans streaming like it's their job and bulk buying songs isn't right, but at the very least you can say that it is their choice, and it reflects the fans love for their artist even if it doesn't always reflect their love for the song. A lot of American artists have it easy and top the charts with generic songs that the GP listens to without even meaning to - they're just shoved down our throats by their labels. That's chart manipulation too, isn't it? What is BB supposed to represent? Popularity? If so, maybe BTS don't deserve the top spot, but maybe those artists who do only get that number 1 because their labels know how to put them up there. If more artists had the same treatment that artists like Dua Lipa get, then maybe the n. 1 song would be different. Isn't that chart manipulation as well?

AHHHHHHH I HAVE IDEA!!

How about Henry interacting with Helpy and the “annoying” Ultimate Custom Night characters! Maybe throw in Funtime Freddy!! Helpy could be his son or maybe Bon Bon reincarnated! Just sheer silliness and stupidity :p

Animatronics: Bonnie, BB, JJ, Phantom BB, Phantom Mangle, Phantom Freddy, Old Man Consequences, Trash and the Gang, Helpy, El Chip, Funtime Chica and Phone Guy! (Sorry, no Funtime Freddy here, wasn’t an option- though I don’t mind adding characters that aren’t an option, I would just had to write around that a little more, so I didn’t want to go all in. Events and surroundings all randomly generated like this in-game! Just with slight adjustments for a bit of writing flow). (Special note: This is an experiment. This is a whole ass chapter. Tumblr might not be the right place for it, but I have no better place to put it. If you have an idea on what would work better, I’d love to hear it, but for now this is just it. If you don’t want to read a long chapter, you should probably not press “read more” Honestly, this might not be as much fun as I imagined it to be, I’m terrible at making fun events, heh. If it is, take solace in the fact that it might be the only chapter of this kind on this blog.)

Henry groaned, his bones sending agony through his nerves. It felt like his insides had splintered and were now stuck in his flesh. His throat was burning, but he managed to open his eyes. He was- somewhere. At least it was a place. That was actually news, good news, last time he hadn’t been that lucky after all. Having a couch below him and a room surrounding him was actually a deep relief- it was a room he didn’t have to create himself. Sitting up, he looked around. It seemed to be some sort of employee lounge, a coffee machine, a tv and a couch, with lockers against the walls. A few posters painted the walls. -CELEBRATE!- They said, over and over again. Henry showed his teeth, a grin with no hint of amusement. “… that is what you would like to do, huh?” Standing up he stumbled a little, but the pain only served to keep him awake and grow his confidence. It HURT. And it was GOOD. It hurt, his body hurt, HIS BODY was REAL and in PAIN. When he left to the outside, he was surprised to see that he was inside of one of the oldest locations- at least in form. He was standing beside where the stage was supposed to be, coming from where the saferoom used to be, but to his surprise instead of a stage it was a giant price corner, filled with all sort of plushies and other goodies. Sweets and candies, candles, little gadgets… … and a silver coin among them. It shined and felt oddly… powerful. Ten Faztokens. The other things didn’t even have a price tag, so he decided that he would check back on that later. All items were hidden behind a thin glass wall and he wasn’t sure if he could break through it. Maybe he should try later. Moving further down, he realized a few more things were different- There were TWO pirate coves in the main area and- ‘Pssssst… hey… I have something to tell you…’ Abruptly Henry turned around. Where had that voice come from?! ‘Hey… hey, down here…’ It seemed to come from one of the hallways, leading down to the office. As quick as he possible could, he followed the source of the noise, the mysterious whispers slowly growing louder. ‘It is really… really… important…!’ Finally, he was near the supply closet, looking around. “Hello? Where are you? Who are you? What is this place?” The questions broke out of him more erratically than he wanted them too, the desperation and quiet panic bubbling under the thin veil of cold control- it was almost cracking out of him. ‘Pssssst…’ He spotted a little crate with eyes, and leaned down to investigate- Suddenly a loud noise! The thing was all up in his face, making a low noise, pure bass, causing his head to HURT, but not enough that he would have to hold his ears- Just enough that it shook his skin uncomfortably, from the inside out. Stumbling backwards, he shook his head, the crate had disappeared, leaving him with a headache and burning aggression, so potent that his throat felt sore, as though he had screamed from the top of his lungs… despite not a single noise having come out of him. Moving inside of the office, he was somewhat stunned. It looked like a bedroom. With closet and everything. The wallpaper and whole atmosphere felt… old. A child’s bedroom… except there was an office desk, with a fan, a microphone and a weird little action figure of Bonnie on top of it. Some air ducts were hanging into the room and there were- multiple vents, two doors- A flashlight. Quickly he grabbed it. Great- now all he needed was a taser and maybe he would feel like- “… Henry Miller…” A raspy voice sounded to the side of him, causing him to make a few steps back. In front of him, a creature was forming, a Freddy, burned and see through- It grinned. “… long time… no see…” “I have never met you.” “… your memory is failing you, Mr. Miller…” At this point it seemed to become more and more corporeal, reaching out to the table, its paws scraping over and only slightly moving through the material. Turning to the Pink Guy, he opened his maw a little, nothing visible inside. It was getting ready… “… that’s on you however-“ A squeaky voice sounded. “Maybe you should shine your light at him, Mr. Miller!” Instantly, the flash of his light ripped through the ghostly Freddy, who was quite disgruntled to say the least. “… Helpy… you are supposed to help US.” With that he vanished, giving Henry the chance to turn to around and see who’s mysterious helper was. His eyes fell on a little walking bear standing on the blue shelf, trying to hide between the purple fan. “Whoops…” “… who are you? Can you EXPLAIN this place to me?!” “I’m Helpy! Don’t you remember me, Henry?” Fully irritated the Pink Guy stepped back. “No. No, I did not make you. I THOUGHT about making you, but I never did!” “Oh my, Henry, you must have fallen on your head!” Helpy laughed. “But- I can’t help you actually. Everyone else will be mad! So I won’t tell you how the other people here work!” “Can you at least tell me who exactly these ‘others’ are?!” “Uhm… no. I don’t think so.” Slowly he was reaching behind him for something- But Henry couldn’t worry about it, as a phone suddenly started ringing. Shoving off the bear off the shelf (resulting in a little squeak), he tried to find the source of the noise, his head throbbing. He thought he shortly saw a “mute call” button pop up, but as soon as he saw it, it was already gone. Instead a receiver just- fell from the ceiling, randomly. How? Who KNEW- “Uh- hello? Hello, hello?” “… Phone Guy?” “Scott. Uh- anyways- uh, anyways, I wanted to record a message for you, to help you get settled in on your first-“ “This is not a recording. You just interrupted me. And why would there be a phone RINGING if you were to play a recording!?” For a moment it was quiet, then Scott started laughing. “You never changed, did you?” Irritated Henry skipped past that question, having more urgent matters to talk about. “Scott. Good old Scott. Listen, I think I am in some level of hell.” Dumbfounded there was silence on the other end, while the ghostly Freddy tried to reform, being instantly shooed away by the light. Until finally- “… yes of course. Of COURSE you’re in hell, Henry. Uh. What did you expect?” “I-“ “No, no, no, let’s uh- let’s talk about this. Where did you THINK you are? Because, uhm- not sure how to say this, but- uh- I DIED and I’m in HEAVEN right now and you DIED, sooo… uh- yeah.” “I am glad we talked about this. I cannot recall how I GOT here, however. And everyone seems to know me.” Displeased he shined the light at the grinning grimace of the phantom, before he could even fully form. “Yeah… uh… can’t help you. Actually, I have to go. You don’t have a noise activated animatronic around, do you?” “A- what?” “Hm. Too bad. Talk to you later!” “Wait-“ But before he could say anything else, the connection was cut, and his camera system was blinking up red. ‘Catch a fish!’ the title said, his head becoming dizzy as he watched the little red thing move from one side to the other. Wait, that wasn’t just- the noise and the flashing, the air was getting harder and harder to breathe! … smells like brimstone. He managed to catch the fish, albeit just barely, then opened the camera feed, where a warning sign was blinking. The camera itself was completely covered by another phantomlike animatronic, the Mangle this time. Shortly he blinked at it, shaking his head, then clicking the button that said ‘RESET VENTILATION’. A gust of fresh air instantly blew through the location, allowing him to finally breathe again properly. The fan itself seemed useless- he deactivated it. Having climbed back up, Helpy was back on the shelf, looking at him happily. “Are you having fun?” For a moment Henry looked at him, shining away the Freddy once more. “… no.” Out of the corner of his eyes he spotted Balloon Boy, staring at him with his terrible grin. Instantly he hit the button to shut the door, a dull thud coming from it right away. At least that one gave him a hint of satisfaction, pleased with the mental image that the obnoxious plastic abomination ran face-first into the metal wall. “But you look like you have fun!” Helpy reached behind him, before Henry shoved him over again, still not interested in what he was hiding. “You are TERRIBLE at reading emotions then. A useless AI.” Pouting Helpy sat beside the shelf, not answering this time around. Looking around, Henry got comfortable in his chair, slowly growing… a little bit hot. Huh. Seemed like the fan wasn’t entirely useless after all. Maybe it kept the heat from the hell around them away. … what an image… a Freddy’s in the middle of a fire-y pit. He hoped it wasn’t the case. That would make getting out a lot more complicated. “Is this all I have to deal with?” Henry asked Phantom Freddy, who chose not to answer, but only smile grimly. “… I can live with that.” Leaning back, he quickly flipped up the screen once more resetting the ventilation and shutting the vent to the side one more time for good measure. Again, a bonk. Hopefully Balloon Boy. He relaxed. A routine would form easily. Shine your light, reset the vent, keep the generator going, close the side vent for a while. At least for now the place seemed empty- Suddenly something DROPPED from the ceiling. Lights flashed a heap of shadow-y humanoid figures entered with what sounded like cameras, flashing and shining, making Henry’s head spin. On the top of his table stood Funtime Chica posing elegantly. “Don’t get distracted~!” She spun around showing herself off, then blew a kiss down at him. Then she turned to Helpy. “Helpy!!! Why didn’t you tell me our guest was already here!!!” She whined, upset. Her paparazzi had vanished again, she however stuck around. “My first impression was TERRIBLE! Because of YOU!” “I’m sorry Miss Funtime Chica!” Helpy didn’t seem bothered by the accusation. “He was just suddenly here!” “Aw- well- at least he’s a total cutie!” “Why thank you.” Henry rose an eyebrow, but tried to continue focusing on the plastic children trying to enter the office, as well as the Phantom trying to materialize behind her. “I appreciate the compliments, especially from someone who seems to have an eye for it.” “Oooooh, look at him~ so adorable~ I wanna pinch his cheeks!” Sitting down on the desk, the bird smiled widely, watching him. “How’s the night going~?” “Rather fast. I think I have a grip on it though.” “Hm? Are you sure~?” Before Henry could answer his tablet acted up. For a few seconds he saw the little 8-bit fishing game- but before he could catch it, the screen changed showing an add. “COME TO EL CHIP’S FIESTA BUFFET, WE HAVE-“ Instantly clicking on skip, Henry managed to get another glimpse at the game- And then it was gone, a red GAME OVER stuck on his screen. His breath was getting shorter as the smell of brimstone slowly started filling the room again, the red alarms blinking, but the screen constantly flashing error when he tried to access it. More and more his head hurt, the room seemed to become darker and darker- was this smoke?! Was smoke entering the room? Would he be poisoned by the gasses!? Desperately he rattled the screen, while Chica only giggled and left, Helpy watching intensely from the shelf. “You know, if you just wait a few minutes, it’s gonna-“ Frustrated Henry shoved him down once more, his mouth filling with a disgusting taste as the room began spinning- It all come together, once Freddy formed, the Balloon Boy loomed in the vent, a second after, the telephone was ringing- Suddenly the screen flashed back up and he instantly grabbed it, trying to get his bearing as he hit the button to reset, being stuck for a second too long on the grinning grimaces of both a phantom Balloon Boy and Mangle- the latter of which suddenly crawled out of the screen and while he managed to hit the button, his office had descended into chaos. Helpy was holding a horn, the phantom Freddy had almost formed, the phantom Mangle was slowly extending its neck towards him, screaming and gargling in insane glee and to top if all off, the screen flashed red AGAIN, forcing him to focus on that instead of the other two things- Balloon Boy was snickering as he tried to make his way inside, Henry barely being able to shut the vent on him before discovering the stupid crate from the start looking at him from under the table. “Uh- hello? Hello, Hello?” “Scott. Bad timing.” “That is my job!” Cheerfully the Phone Guy said. “To be as much of a nuisance to you as possible. Uh- glad to hear the high praise. How are you? Bad? Good. Uh- anyways, I will now read to you the company greeting, but only the imperfect, first draft so you feel bad about what bullshit you wrote!” “I can crush this phone.” “No, uh- you actually can’t! The afterlife is neat, huh?” “I can mute you.” “If you are fast enough. Which you obviously weren’t. You really grew old, uh- up there…” “MY REFLEXES ARE GREAT AS EVER.” “If it were the case you wouldn’t, uh- y’know. Fighting with me over this.” “I am not fighting with you, I am merely correcting you. As I always did while we were alive.” Stopping the petty crap, seeing as he wasn’t even sure if this WAS actually the real Scott, he turned his attention to more important things. “What is this place? Who made it?!” “Uh- Welcome to Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza! A magical place for kids and grown-ups alike, where fantasy and fun come to life. Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person-“ Instantly Henry tuned out. “Good riddance, Scotty.” He mumbled to himself, taking solace in the memory that no matter what, this obnoxious Phone-head had been dead for much longer than he himself. While the words kept going in the background, he kept working, pausing as a bright green mechanical parrot flew through his office. But- it didn’t really do anything, so he decided to ignore it for now. A good amount of time passed with his voice in the background, until it was abruptly cut off- seemingly by the ad for El Chip’s. Once that was skipped, the office was quiet, aside from the fan. Finally! The silence lingered. For a second Henry felt a bit lonely. Not even the little bear was there anymore. There was enough to do though, as the air kept needing to be reseted, Freddy kept popping up, the parrot came through once more, the minigame, the annoying balloon children wanted in- At last… … it was five AM. One last time the call sounded. Henry allowed it to come through, despite eyeing the ‘mute call’ button. “Hello? Hello, hello!?” It sounded on the other side. “Hey! You’re doing GREAT. I, uh- didn’t expect you to last this long! I mean-“ He broke off. “Y’know. Usually I expected you to move on to other things by now… disappearing into the void like you should, seeing as there’s no out.” “I will not disappear.” “Huh. Guess I owe the person who made this place an apology. I was wrong-“ “Who?! Who was it?! Who are you TALKING about?!” But before anything could be said, the bell chimed. Six AM His screen changed once more, a high-score board showing, then loud music started blasting from the speakers, hyper and fast paced, the numbers blinking and colorful, rapidly climbing higher and higher as fireworks were set up on the screen and around Henry, raining down confetti as they exploded- GREAT JOB! FANTASTIC! The fireworks stopped and the jingle ended with a congratulatory little up and down. Then the office was dark. Slowly he stood up, leaving to the outside, checking for danger- “Hey! You won. Here, take this for your trouble.” Suddenly ANOTHER Freddy was there, a golden star on his chest- he dropped a battery into Henry’s hands that he had grabbed, then he walked off. “Wait- wait a moment! I need an explanation! I need-“ The bear was gone. After a while of searching around the place and not finding an exit, Henry finally sighed and made his way back into the saferoom- or employees only lounge, or- whatever. Inside it was just like before. Safe. Except this time the TV was on. And there was a Fredbear suit on the sofa. How? Who knew. Why? Hopefully not to kill him. Slowly he moved next to it, inspecting it. At this moment it seemed completely lifeless, yet somehow he felt watched. “Am I… interrupting…?” No reaction. Walking past the suit, he put away the battery. Still no reaction, but he could swear the creature was looking at him. Unsure he approached it once more, sitting down besides him. “… looking at… fuzzystatic. I see. I think I will… join.” Suddenly, a loud noise of came from the tv, then it flashed. INTERMISSION. A little bit later, Henry was done watching a samurai Freddy fighting an ULTRA edgy Foxy, he put his face into his hands. “… send me back out. Please. I actually prefer it.”

a million nights i've lived this quiet (i need to know if you hear this too) — 1/1

Summary: “That looks dangerous.”

“I eat danger for breakfast,” he snits, tone dry as a desert and the effect just as unpleasant.

She raises an unimpressed brow.

“You’ve been spending too much time with Toph.”

He smirks.

“That one’s on your brother, actually.”

“Figures,” she mutters with a roll of her eyes.

zutara + haircut

Ratings: General Audiences

Words: 2.8k

Warnings: unbeta'd, fluff, fluff without plot, haircut, hugs, hand holding, canon divergence (i think?), sozin's comet, set somewhere in the old masters (because as usual, we throw canon in the blender), generally a lot of wholesomeness all around, gratuitous use of sun and water metaphors (as you do when it comes to zutara), basically zuko and katara share a quiet moment before canon hits the fan lol

AN: i see a lot of zutara post agni-kai but what about zutara pre-agni kai huh?

Title from: wanna know by sabrina claudio

Other song inspirations include: frozen also by sabrina claudio and this version of chasing cars originally by snow patrol, covered by the wind and the wave. highly recommended listening.

Also on: ff.net | AO3

Other writing

Tagging: @jerkbend by request! hope you enjoy this one bb <3

-//////-

"That looks dangerous." 

He doesn't chuckle, but neither is he quick enough to suppress the tug curling at the right corner of his lips—his mirth incontestable even through the warped looking glass from which she views him, stood as she is at the opening flap of his uncle's tent.

By the time she fully steps into the living quarters, his face is schooled into the deeply discontented, partly pained-to-be-alive glower he so favors.

"I eat danger for breakfast," he snits, tone dry as a desert and the effect just as unpleasant.

She raises an unimpressed brow.

"You've been spending too much time with Toph."

He smirks.

"That one's on your brother, actually."

"Figures," she mutters with a roll of her eyes. "What with half his brain being in his stomach..."

The laughter that the gibe yanks from the firebender is biting and brief, but Katara's breath hitches at the sound all the same. She latches on to it, holds it somewhere between her throat and chest, not too distant from the pitifully hollow space in her heart that she isolates from the bitter, ugly parts of her that are forged in battle and conflict.

"Should you…" is there a delicate way to phrase such a question? No, judging by the dirty look he throws her way, guessing at her thoughts, no there is not. She stifles the giggles bubbling at her throat with herculean effort, before remarking rather bluntly, "Are you qualified to handle that?"

He maintains his glare a second more before bowing his head and releasing a hot huff of air towards the ground in resignation. He places the mirror—from which the whole of their interactions had been exchanged thus far—atop the low table in front of him, then shifts so the entirety of his figure faces her. When he lifts his gaze, the veil of gloom that so frequents his visage has dissipated enough to allow a brittle smile to peek through.

"Probably not," he concedes with an amiability uncommon to his appearance. "Will you help me?"

But she likes the way the expression settles on him. It quells the ragged contours of his scar, somehow—his eyes seemingly unburdened by the sorrow he often declines to share, for once. As if in putting breath and voice to the request, he's quieted the ghosts of his troubled past for the moment to be fully present, here. 

With her.

So when his metal-ladden hand falls almost shyly towards her, his stare gentle but no less piercing in its signature, sun-blessed intensity—obscured as they are by his unruly, ebony tendrils—she smiles. It is a fragile thing, muscles straining as they pull from the recesses of memories she also staunchly refuses to be tainted by war, but there—its sweetness shaped after her mother's loving lullabies, built in her father's effervescent embrace, and fashioned from each of her friends' unconquerable spirits. 

She catches him, fingers winding into the shears in his grasp, and there is nothing for her than to accept.

"So what do you wanna do," she starts, eager to dispel the solemn atmosphere. "Some more layers? A buzz cut? Oh!" she nicks at the air experimentally, gleefully. "How about we just cut everything off?"

"You look way too happy to have an excuse to point that thing at me. That very sharp, very death-inducing thing."

"Shut up!" This time she lets her laughter loose, shoving at him playfully so that he's once again turned to the wooden chabudai. "Seriously," she cajoles until he picks up the mirror and through it, she glimpses his sedate mien. The levity in her demeanor fades, pitch dipping instead to match his contemplative stare. "What do you want?"

"I've been asked that a lot this past year," he sighs, bending his legs into a lotus position before slumping in on himself. "Yet I don't think I've ever really given a straight answer."

Task temporarily forgotten, she abandons the scissors at her feet to squeeze both his shoulders in reassurance. "Well whatever it is, I won't judge, if that's what you're worried about."

"I know. You're a great friend," he leans into her touch, and she beams at both the declaration and the rare show of guileless affection. "Fortune rarely sees fit to favor me but I'm really lucky I get to call you so."

The gravity of his proclamation has distress roiling like a tsunami underneath her skin, tempered only by the tinge of whimsy that weaves itself into his articulation. More curious than concerned now (although the stale taste of it lingers on her tongue), she lets her alarm abate at his unexpected resonance. She folds into a seiza at his left, fingers trailing the stalwart line of his back as she goes before placing them serenely on her lap, in absolute symmetry to their figures from last night. And just like she did then, she does so again now, ears at the ready and heart wide open so she can be the friend he needs, someone deserving of his reverence.

(Someone, she thinks as flickers of retrospection—of fighting against him slowly evolving into fighting with him—burst into brilliant clarity, worthy to be at his side.)

"You asked what I wanted," he rasps, low and tenuous.

He meets her stare and she hopes the encouragement in her chest burns soft like an ember through her eyes, enough to fuel the feeling of safety that ignites all too easily the more they orbit each other's presence. He inhales deep in a way that is familiar from his meditations then releases, a surrender in the exhalation—as if his apprehensions could drift away in the warm gale.

"Peace," he whispers, breaking their connection to look down at his fidgeting hands. The revelation is wrapped in such unfettered fear, as if in admitting the longing he has secured its impossibility instead of the inevitability she knows it to be, and she aches for him. "I want to put a stop to the bloodshed, an end to the suffering of both my people and yours and the rest of the nation. I want there to be a place for my soldiers to come home to. I want my mom," he sighs shakily, "and for no child to ever feel what it's like to lose a parent and for no parent to have to fear for the lives of their children as they're forced to this—this—needless slaughter. I want Toph's parents to see her for the capable woman that she is and for Suki's fellow warriors, her family, to be okay. I wish Sokka's plan succeeds, whatever it may be, and that I could guarantee your father's safety and that of your tribe. I wish my sister wasn't so messed up and that I didn't have to keep relying on my uncle to clean up after me when he's already lost so much to this fight. I wish the Spirits weren't so cruel as to put the fate of the world on the shoulders of a twelve-year old. I wish—I wish I could take back the past year, the past hundred years. I wish I could make up for all of it. I wish…" his gaze darts to her neck, digits hovering just shy of the luminescent pendant there, but not touching. 

"I wish I could bring her back for you." He drops his fingers before he can make contact. His whole body wilts with the motion before he tightens his hand to a fist at his thigh. He shakes his head, craning it towards the ceiling where he directs his smile, devoid of any humor when he adds, "But yeah, a trim should do it."

Her heartbeat is loud in her ears in the wake of the silence his confession inflicts. The weight of his monumental aspirations sits heavy on her chest yet strangely enough, it doesn't leave her shaky. If anything, it strengthens her, grounds her, lends fire to the ice in her veins so when she moves, it's with the lofty grace she knows she possesses but doesn't always feel—the skill of a master and the experience of a hardened soldier encased in her fourteen-year-old bones.

But she is grateful for it anyway, when she positions herself at his back and the scissors don't tremble in her grasp when she loops her fingers around it.

"Yeah," she murmurs right back, smoothing her digits through surprisingly silky locks. "Yeah, I can do that."

She doesn't deign to push her skill given how dim it is—both inside and out, the sun sequestered by its billowing companions like it's taken refuge because it knows the blazing, celestial wildfire to come—and that there isn't much to cut in the first place. His tresses are at that awkward length of too long to be considered short but too short to be tied up into a bun or tail. So she merely evens out what she can, tidying stray tufts and snipping at scraggily ends, grappling at any excuse to keep her hands on him. And when that same excuse runs thin—because there's only so much she can cleave before she makes good on her drollery and indeed hacks it all off—she summons the dew drops hugging the blades of grass from outside the former general's tent. She glides the ribbon of water where her hands cannot reach, siphoning the severed hairs from his person and his clothes, before discarding the soiled glob completely.

"Thank you, Katara," he mumbles, though his focus remains on the distortion his image projects on the once cast-aside mirror, particularly on his marred skin. She wants to do something about the melancholy etching his warped effigy—a stark contrast to the hue of near-tranquility that had painted itself beautifully across his pale, elegant features—so she resumes her place at his left, sitting side-saddle with her left hand propping her up and her legs curved comfortably behind him. She narrows her vision onto his profile—the pucker of his mouth, the acuate bridge of his nose, and the graceful sweep of his jaw—then lays down her query with dogged finality.

"Will you do something for me?"

"Name it," he vows in that inordinately earnest manner of his, his countenance brightening enough to keep the deceitful umbrages at bay, that she feels almost bad for asking. "Name it and it's done."

She tuts. "I can't promise it will make up for everything, and it certainly won't be easy."

"I'm used to the fight." There is no arrogance in his enunciation, only a steeliness and determination that is uniquely Zuko. "I'll do whatever it takes."

"You promise?"

"I swear it, on my uncle's life—my mother's, wherever she may be—my nation—"

"Your honor?"

He chuckles—a little broken, a little watery and not enough amusement—but does accede. "Especially on that."

"Then forgive yourself, Zuko." He drops the looking glass in shock, head abruptly swiveling towards her in a dazzling collision of blue and amber, though she does not cower—her own renowned stubbornness stoking her fortitude when she simply holds his scrutiny. "And live. Live to see your soldiers come home. Live to reunite families, to find your mother. Live long enough to create the peace you seek, and to revel in this new world you will help rebuild, help heal. Because Aang's going to save the world. But you? You're going to change it."

I hope I'm there with you when you do, she wants to say, for he may not be able to alter the past but the future—

The future will be his to shape.

So she blinks back the mysterious haze in her eyes and swallows against the lump in her throat, and teases him instead, "I mean, you're not half as useless as I thought you were after all, so you could definitely do it."

"Your vote of confidence is astounding," his inflection is wry, but she is an excellent student and he had fast become her favorite subject. She knows him, and sees the carefully cultivated rancor for the barrier that it is, hoarding all the anguish and the grief but all that overwhelming love, too, that he is so hesitant to give. And who could blame him? When he's been shunned to darkness for every moment he's attempted to part with his vulnerability. All that radiance too afraid to shine, and she wants to tell him to let the light in.

(If Aang won't kill Ozai then she will convince—not that it would take much—Toph to dig the deepest, murkiest, most rodent-infested hole for the monster who dared to smother his own son's flame.)

"And I guess," she toys with rescinding, then thinks better of it, trading banter for sincerity when she unfurls his still-clenched fist and slides her fingers in the spaces between his. "Maybe I like having you around."

And, oh, but there it is—the soaring of the dawn, and all the exaltation of new beginnings it brings with it, in the exquisite harmony of his golden gaze.

"So," he hums, twirling the tawny ringlet right by her collarbone round his pointer before tucking it behind her ear. She reels with the gesture, tilting into his space. "Forgive myself, huh?"

"And live, of course," she miffs, albeit wetly. "If not for yourself, then for your uncle who loves you dearly." She tips her chin up defiantly, daring him to contradict her. "For all of us, who love you dearly."

"Is that all?" He rolls his eyes but that elusive, frolic quirk toils with his lips. He inclines his head until their noses are but a scant few millimeters apart, buzzing impishly, "Anything else I can do?"

"Actually," she hems, stroking at a badly-hewn strand by his cheek with just a pinch of regret before resolving not to volunteer for the act of cutting his hair again in the foreseeable future. "There is." 

She bites her lip, wondering if she should request it at all before ultimately throwing caution to the wind. "We still have some time. Can we just pretend for a little while…" but no, the thought of ignoring the war even for a few minutes reeks too much of Lake Laogai so she amends. "Just stay here with me, please? Just—" 

She brings their joined hands to his chest where she can sense his heartbeat, as strong and as steady as the soul it vivifies. With the tip of her finger from her other hand, she traces the frame of his too-tense lips until it is slack with repose, trails a featherlight pathway to the outer ridges that make up the border of his scar. 

"Be quiet with me."

Those scorching orbs dance about her visage like the flickers of a candle—except he is more wax than flame when she cups his scabrous flesh, and he melts into her caress.

"I would do it just because you asked," he utters in the most dulcet of notes, and she is honored, for she recognizes the tenderness for the offering that it is. "Whatever happens out there, I'm glad it's you," he sighs, just once more. "I'm glad it's you with me."

"Together," she agrees, chin slumping onto his shoulder for purchase at the alluring giddiness his words incite. She is whirling, unmoored, until the digits of his own free hand anchor at the downy arch of her waist. He nudges, and she ebbs into a pool of untouchable calm on his lap, awash as she is in the current of him.

She closes her eyes, and when he follows suit, content to flow at her pace like he always does in return, a piece of her she hadn't even realized was aslant slots right into place.

They are hours away from the most important battle of their lives, one in which its outcome could very well destine the course of the next hundred years. Katara will not know the caliber of her entreaty, the importance of his promise, until the comet is at its zenith and her life is a paroxysmal brand seared across his middle like a supernova.

But for now, foreheads touching and their fingers seamlessly twined right above his vibrantly thrumming heart, she stows this moment beneath her ribcage, right in that war-untouched trove that pulses to the rhythm of his heart.

They are steeped in stillness, disrupted only by the din of the busy camp, and even that fades away as their breathing syncs.

Somewhere outside, the sun coasts along the heavens, beams of brilliance wrestling against its adumbrate prison. 

The clouds part, feeble rays snagging at the canvas archway of their shelter.

The light pours in.

The shadows recoil.

And together, they shine.

-//////-

AN: okay this was supposed to be an exercise in brevity and restraint but uh, i don't think i succeeded?? but given that my goal was less than 2k and we're clocking this in at 2.8k, all things considered, i see this as an absolute win lmao so if you would be so kind as to let me know if you liked it, that would be stupendous!

come say hi to me!

CHANCE ENCOUNTER//MARK TUAN X Y/N

Description: Walking into the night shift at the hospital proves to keep you on your toes. Nights are left to the universe so you can only hope that tonight will be decent. What happens when you find out that one of your patients is THE Mark Tuan from GOT7? how do you try to deal with the chaos erupting from this chance encounter? and how many times do you have to tell yourself that you love your job?

Genre: fluff, slight cringe

Pairing: Black Fem Reader x Mark Tuan (though I will say there isn’t much description of black characteristics)

Word count: 3.5K

Warning: explicit language, slight heavy kissing

A/n: the way I actually wrote this story initially I included my real name and the friend in the story is actually based off of my irl friend. When I was talking to her about the story she really doesn’t have a bias in Got7 (but still loves the group). So she texted me one of those rapid gifs and told me to take a screenshot and which ever member it was was who was going to be in the story (she wanted anyone but BB. Don’t worry she doesn’t hate him, but homie is a whole different level of crackhead lol). So I wrote about her and the winning member, but she told me not to tell her who it was until I was done writing her sections which honestly made it a lot of fun to write.  

*All pic collages are made by me unless I state otherwise. Individual pictures in the collage are not mine and I give credit to where credit is due.

Chapter Seven 

The conversation keeps proceeds further and constant laughter fills the room. The boys slowly traded places to get their makeup removed, get freshened up, and jump into some more comfier clothing. This meant that JB was all finished and traded places with Youngjae to get freshened up. JB took the seat that was once occupied by Youngjae that sat between Jackson and Jinyoung. He made brief eye contact with me, but then suddenly looked away. Now, I have a problem. Did I do something wrong? We had been talking for a while before now and nothing seemed off. Our conversations were great and he was honestly the second member I spoke to the most following Mark. The brief shock of being able to talk to my bias on a daily basis faded, but I couldn’t help growing a little more feelings for him. The feelings I had previously were from a fan to an idol, but now these feelings were more.

“Hey is there something wrong with JB” I lean over to whisper to Mark

“Nothing that I know, why?” he whispered back

“Well he’s been ignoring me ever since y/f/n and I showed up. I had been talking to him just as much as I have with you before being here and even on the stage he was really energetic and he saw that I was there and made the chance to interact...well kinda...from the stage. So now I’m just really confused if I did something wrong” I commented sadly.

“Maybe he realized how ugly you are up close” Mark sarcastically replied. The reply called for me to hit him on the shoulder and him faking like it hurt. We ended up both laughing at the ridiculousness of his reply. It really felt like we were true friends. While laughing my eyes wandered the room and for a slight second I saw JB give a slight glance towards Mark and I having a laughing fit, but then suddenly look away once he was caught. I mustered up the little courage I had and went to go kick Jackson out of his seat to the right of JB. Of course he looked at me with a pout on losing his seat, but then remembered who my bias was and just gave in.

“Hey” I looked to JB

“Oh, hey” he replied

“How are you? The concert was amazing you all did an amazing job...especially you” I shyly commented

“Really? Thank you! I was genuinely surprised to see you that close to the stage, but it was really cool seeing you in person instead of over facetime” he commented excitedly 

“Ok, now I’m confused” I snap back

“W-what?” he looked frazzled 

“Let’s go somewhere else to talk please” I sigh

“O-ok” he agreed. We both simultaneously get up and walk towards the door turning heads of staff, members, and y/f/n. y/f/n and I made eye contact and I “eye-splained” what I was doing. Well...hopefully that’s what came across, but she might be thinking we’re going somewhere more private to do the devil’s tango. JB and I leave the room and I search around for somewhere more private where we could talk. After looking around for a few more minutes, I found a backdoor that led to the outside back corner of the venue. I looked around making sure there weren’t any fans that happened to sneak around or anyone else of that matter. I put a little block to keep the door propped in case it’s locked from the outside and turn to JB. 

“Ok did I do something wrong or say something wrong” I look to JB

“W-what do you mean?” he replies anxiously 

“We’ve been talking perfectly fine before today and even at the concert you seemed perfectly fine. Even going so far as to look me dead in the eye during the chorus to ‘A’”

“Well, you see, I” 

“Mark said it’s because you realized how ugly I was in real life, is that true?” I question nervously

“y/n, god no, it’s not that. I- was just taken aback when you came to the dressing room. It was the shock of seeing you in person for the first time. It had my mind backwards” 

“I could understand that, sorry I gave you a heart attack” I laughed

“But you ignored me the whole time and avoided making eye contact like you were mad at me so please tell me if I did something wrong” I replied almost begging like.

“You did nothing wrong I swear. Avoiding you, I...I think my mind was made up. Well it was made up before, but seeing you in real life really just sealed it” he said nervously

“W-what did you make your mind up about?”

“My feelings towards you”

“JB, I-”

“y/n...I’ve liked you for so long. Might even say it was around the first time we ever talked, though I wasn’t sure of my feelings then. I just thought you were cute in the beginning” he said with scratching the back of his neck

“I can’t believe this...so during the concert when y’all were performing ‘A’ was that-”

“Yes, it was my confession to you. I’m actually kinda glad you caught that” he said with a nervous laughter

“But why did you glare at me back in the dressing room when you saw Mark and I laughing?”

“I was hesitant confessing to you from the stage because I thought you and Mark were close” he comments

“Of course Mark and I are close, you forget how we met. Even then I’m lucky to be close to you and all the boys”

“y/n that’s not what I meant and you know it. I thought Mark and you were in a secret relationship that he was even keeping away from us or that you had feelings for him or for each other...I don’t know”

“I know what you meant and Mark and I are really just friends. Sometimes I don’t know what goes through his head, but one thing is for sure, my feelings for him are simply amicable”

“So, where does that put me then” JB asks hopefully 

“I...think I like you too”

“‘You think?’” he quirked an eyebrow

“My feelings are there for you, but I’m not sure if it’s from me just being a fan or it being more”

“So, does that mean there’s hope for me?”

“Honestly, I don’t think there’s much to hope seeing that my feelings feel like they run deep”

“So...can I?” he questions 

“Can you what?”

“Kiss you,” he said. I was shocked. My brain seemed to send out signals before I fully understood what was being asked. I was partially halfway through a nod of my head giving him permission when he leaned down and kissed me. The kiss was soft almost like he wasn’t sure if I actually agreed. When he slowly started moving his lips I reciprocated and that’s when he knew that he didn’t imagine it. 

The kiss got deeper and before I knew it our tongues were battling for dominance...he won. What felt like hours was really minutes and we separated to catch our breath. We stared longingly into each other’s eyes in total awe that what actually happened happened. No words were spoken for what felt like forever, but the silence wasn’t awkward. It revealed the true feelings that were never brought up during our long talks and laughing fits. 

“Wow” the word that pierced the silence uttered by JB

“Is it safe for me to assume that you feel the same way?” He pondered 

“JB if that didn’t prove it I don’t know how else to convince you” I laughed

“I mean, there is something else we could do...you know...just to make sure” he muttered. I thank the heavens that it was dark enough and that, for the millionth time, I was black so a blush wouldn’t be noticed. I look up to JB once more

“JB are you sure?” I ask. He takes a step closer, pinning me against the wall leaving no space for escape,

“Of course, that is if you want to. I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with” he says in a sweet voice 

“I-I want to” is all I could reply. He leaned back in and our lips touched once more, but the feeling was different. It was like he was savoring every moment, but was holding himself back at the same time. This kiss got deeper and deeper and I slowly felt his hands reach to my chest. 

‘Bbbzzzzzz’

‘Bbbzzzzzz’

‘Bbbzzzzzz’

Just like that, the moment was stopped. JB separated his lips from mine in order to answer his phone. I was a bit taken aback that everything was just halted by the vibrations of a cell phone, but I was grateful because I realized where we were and how much trouble we could’ve gotten in if anyone saw us. JB answers his phone with an almost breathless sadness, 

“Hey wassup?” He answers. A muffled chattering can be heard from the caller but nothing I could make out. 

“Oh, ok, we’re coming back right now” he replies and hangs up. 

“What’s wrong?” I ask worriedly 

“Nothing Mark was saying the manager was looking for us because we’re about to leave” he says

“Oh~ um ok” I sat a bit saddened. JB walks towards me and picks my chin up, 

“Why so sad?” He asks caringly, but I have a feeling I saw a slight smirk.

“Um, nothing, nothing at all” I tried to move, but was kept on the wall. 

“y/n, c’mon are you sad that we didn’t finish what we started” he asks slyly

“I- um” I panic. JB leans down by my ear, though unnecessary seeing no one else is around, whispers,

“Don’t worry we can finish later”

~Mark’s POV~

I’m laughing along to the story y/f/n is telling though it was similar to the ones before. To sum it up, y/n getting drunk and saying stupid shit. y/n leans over to me and questions why JB was ignoring her. Of course I didn’t realize this but as her...friend...I felt obligated to reply with something stupid. Of course that led to her hitting me on the shoulder, but it didn’t hurt. We start laughing and when I open my eyes for a moment I thought I saw JB glaring at me, I wonder why? Next thing I see is y/n kicking Jackson out of his seat and him of course looking mad, but budging anyways.

I keep my eyes on both y/n and JB as they’re making some obviously awkward conversation. Next thing I see is both of them getting up to leave and of course that didn’t go unnoticed. The room went slightly quiet, but neither of them turned around. After they left, I switched places with Yugyeom to get my makeup off and change into something comfortable. They both seem to have been gone for a while because I finished up and went to go sit back down. After sitting and enjoying more of y/f/n’s stories (which made me realize how much stupid stuff y/n has gone up too especially with y/f/n) I got up to use the bathroom. 

“Yo where you going?” Jackson questions

“Need to pee, be back in a bit” I replied. Jackson shrugs his shoulders and as I leave he says to be safe. That idiot is exhausting sometimes. I leave the room and make my way to the bathroom. After relieving myself, I leave the bathroom, but something catches my eye. It was a cracked door. I walked towards the door and began to get worried that maybe a fan actually snuck in here. As I reached the ajar door, I heard a voice that sounded all too familiar,

“I know what you meant…” I hear y/n say and continue on. So, we really must be good friends in her eyes...funny. I know I shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but I can’t help it. I don’t know why I’m becoming so hopeful about anything. I don’t know what I’m expecting to hear, but I feel like I’ll know when I hear it. I keep on listening when I get a sudden text from the manager saying to meet back at the room because we need to plan out how we’re going to get the girls out of the building. I replied that I got it and that I would be back in a minute. 

By the time I started paying attention to the children outside. Oh how I picked the worst time to listen back to the conversation. It was oddly quiet so I decided to take a peek through the cracked door. JB was kissing y/n, my...friend, and she was kissing him back. I really shouldn’t be surprised since I know JB is y/n’s bias and JB asked about her after the surprise facetime call, but why does it hurt to see her… with him? I divert my eyes from the scene outside and make my way back to the dressing area with everyone else. I made it a point to figure out my emotions enough to call JB (though I knew he was busy) so we could devise a plan to leave before walking in the room. 

“What is going on with my feelings?” I mumble to myself.  

 ~Y/N POV~

I’m dumbfounded. Utterly speechless and yet JB takes the chance to give me a last quick peck before grabbing my hand to walk inside. We separated hands once we saw a staff member coming and it didn't seem like she noticed. We walked side by side with our hands lightly grazing each other until we entered the dressing room. All heads turned as we walked in and faces full of suspicion. Before anyone could ask anything, the manager walked into the room in order to devise a plan on how y/f/n and I could meet back up with the boys. Leaving together could cause major issues and that’s something that is wanted to be avoided. 

“So there’s still fans waiting outside to see the boys so we can’t let the girls leave with them” the manager says

“Sorry…” He shyly apologized

“Why apologize? We understand. If there is a side door we could go out of, we could do that...actually I think I might know one” I speak up. JB and I make slight eye contact and I turn away quickly. The interaction did not go unnoticed. 

The manager nodded along and y/f/n and I made our exit. We said our goodbyes to the boys and made our way out. I pulled y/f/n towards the exit JB and I took earlier and stopped at the exit. I opened the door slightly and looked around to make sure there wasn’t anyone around. After I gave the coast clear, y/f/n and I walked out and headed towards my car. I get a message from Mark updating us on where to meet. I sent him a reply to confirm I understood. I turned to y/f/n,

“Mark messaged me and said some of the boys decided to head back to the hotel while some decided to go out to a restaurant” I mentioned to her. 

“So who went where?” She asked nonchalantly. Oh ok, I see what’s going on here.

“Alright, spill the tea bitch” I said teasingly. 

“What?” 

“I already know you don’t have a bias in the group so there would be no point in asking who is going where. You would’ve probably just gone with me” I say tauntingly. 

“So explain where you’re going?” She said with a smirk 

“Wherever JB is” I reply shyly.

“Oooo so are YOU going to spill the tea then? What kind of conversation did y’all have out there?” she asks with a smirk

“Um well I confronted him about why he was avoiding me. Turned out he has feelings for me. He confessed to me during the concert-“ I confess 

“Hold up, you didn’t tell me your mans was ignoring you and when did he confess to you during the concert?”

“Oh...that might’ve been Mark I told and do you remember that one part during ‘A’ where JB came to our side of the stage during the chorus? Well that was his confession. When we were talking he was scared he made a mistake because he thought Mark and I have feelings for each other but I convinced him it was completely amicable. So~”

“So~ what?” She side eyed

“I think we’re...you know...a thing” I say with my hands covering my face 

“OOOHHHHH BBBIITTCCHHHH” she screamed 

“Shhhhh shut up, you’re too loud” I said trying to cover her mouth. She starts laughing, but calms down after a while. 

“Well congrats boo, you got yourself a mans and a FOINE one at that” she said laughingly 

“Lol thanks, but now for you, I didn’t forget. Spill. The. Tea. Bitch” I demand laughingly 

“Well, when I started dishing out your messy moments upon Mark’s request”

“You know I hate both of y’all for that right” 

“Love you too bitch” y/f/n winked 

“Anyways, I started to go on and on and we were all having a good time. The boys were switching out getting that all ‘boyfriend’ look...aka lookin foine in a pair of sweatpants” she added. I rolled my eyes, but agreed anyway.

“Well after you and JB left, Yugyeom came to sit beside me after switching out with Mark. I greeted him and he just smiled. I didn’t pay him too much mind until he tapped me on the shoulder. I looked at him curious and he asked me my age. It was cute...he was cute. He just seemed so shy, completely opposite of what he’s like on stage, around cameras, around his members, or even around other fans. So I told him my birth year and his ears got really red. He was shocked that I was older than he was. He couldn’t make eye contact with me for a little so, you know me, I decided to tease him a little every now and then. Well I guess my teasing got to him eventually because out of nowhere he grabbed my arm and looked me straight in the eye. He didn’t say anything just...stared. Bitch the goosebumps I felt were close to unmatched. Then he just let my arm go with a smirk and that was it. y/n now you know I’m not into younger guys, but genuinely this boy has me confused and I kinda want to figure him out, ya know?” she continued. At this point we were just sitting in my car talking, letting no stone go unturned about all the events of the night. Looks like we both found someone...funny.

“So you have the hots for the maknae huh?” I say teasingly

“Oh shut up” she replied with the roll of her eyes

“Like you seem to really have an eye for him though. He is taller than you and he is an amazing dancer and has a great personality. Though he is a crackhead most of the time. I mean, apart from trying to figure out what he’s about, why don’t you shoot your shot too?” I say meaningfully 

“Ah~ I don’t know honestly”

“I mean what kind of harm would be done? He wouldn’t get your attention in the first place if he wasn’t curious about you now would he? And also, imagine actually dating him and I’m together with JB so~”

“So what?”

“Bitch we get our own personal Jus2 performance now wouldn’t we” I reply with a joking smirk

“Ooooo you right” she replies with a sudden understanding 

“But honestly get to know him out of wanting to please, not just because of what I said as a joke” I say

“Yeah I know, he’s just really fascinating” 

“Well there it is...and Yug is going back to the hotel by the way. Something about ordering food and just having a little self drinking time” I replied. Her eyes had a glint and I already knew her thoughts.

“Let me do you one better,” I continued. I get out my phone and open Kakao to Yug and mine’s chat.

“Yo fetus” I message

“y/n, I’m older than you, why can’t you treat me better?” he replies with a crying emote

“Because you’re a lovable crackhead that’s still the baby of the group hahaha” 

“Hmph I hate you…”

“Well you won’t hate me after I tell you a certain someone was just talking about you” I reply with a smirk emote. It takes a little while for a reply, I guess he caught on.

“Oh…” is all he replies

“Well do you want me to give her your contact so you can keep talking? I’m not the type to give away contacts without asking permission”

“WAIT REALLY?!” he replies suddenly and excitedly 

“Of course, so I’m taking that as a yes”

“Yes please” he replies. I look to y/f/n who is caught up in her social media feeds to notice what I had been up to. I send Yug’s profile to her and I know she received it by a slight gasp of ‘bitch’ coming from the passenger side. I turn to her,

“A Mr.Kim seemed a little excited to talk to you again” I sly

“Did he now? Well ok then...off we go”

Previous/Next

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A/N: so I found a little bit of time this evening to post the new chapter, hope y’all enjoyed!

Rewatching Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens

Although I have vague memories of the Episode III promotional material, this is the Star Wars movie where I truly was a part of the hype. December 2015 was a magical time where everyone was just...loved Star Wars. And it created a meme and parody culture that was just as wholesome as the original trilogies. None of that cynical and nitpicky, or in extreme cases sexist and racist, Star Wars fan culture we’re dealing with today.

So much like the first Avengers movie, the magic surrounding its release will make it impossible for me to judge this movie fairy. But I don’t care. I’m still very attached to it. Will this be the viewing where the magic wares off? Or will I find myself considering this better then the film it pays homage to. I’m excited to find out.

Seeing a brand new “A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far, Far, Away” and an opening crawl in theaters was just awesome.

“Will not rest until, Skywalker, The Last Jedi, has been destroyed,” Hey, Foreshadowing! I know there’s a ton of debate as to what was or wasn’t planned in advance for this trilogy, but still.

The First Order is Space ISIS/Neo-Nazis, and Leia leads an army to fight it. Pretty simple. I don’t get why people get so up in arms about how little the politics are explored in this movie. It’s probably a side effect of just how lore heavy Star Wars got after the original trilogy.

The opening shot of a space ship completely covering a moon. A new take on ironic Star Wars imagers. A pretty good summary of this movie. But I feel like such new takes make up for just how many recycled plot points this movie has.

The opening action sequence is the first time in years Storm Troopers have been intimidating (Clone Troopers and Stormtroopers are two different things). It’s pretty impressive. It’s a great way to establish how evil the First Order is.

Finn’s introduction is so impressive. A Stormtrooper who in his first fight, completely looses the will to participate in war. We may never know about his friend he saw die, but despite that, we still understand why he lost his will to fight. It might be a bit awkward for Finn and Poe’s friendship if they ever find out Poe shot Finn’s old Stormtrooper friend.

Kylo Ren stopping a laser with the Force. An awesome new way to use the Force. And I love Poe’s quip “So who talks first?” It establishes Poe as a fun, jokey character, which is why I don’t get why people got upset about his sense of humor in Last Jedi. He’s the sort of character that uses humor to relieve the tension of any situation he’s in.

J.J Abrams made this movie to be watched blind, and I really wish I could (but I saw spoilers before I watched it). Where is Luke? Who is this new Sith? What’s the backstory the old man hits at? There’s a good Stormtrooper? He talks off his helmet? Who’s this girl in the desert? I’d love to discover these things for the first time all over again.

I’m found of robot characters that go against their programming. Finn’s not a robot, but the beginning of his character arc has that concept. He does not believe in this cause, and he fights war terrifying. And he wants to escape.

Anakin was a slave, Luke was a farmboy, and now we have Rey, a scavenger, all alone in the world, just tying to service. She quickly establishes herself as incredibly tough, but also a bit cute. 

Of all the protagonists Rey’s backstory is the saddest in my eyes. While Luke had a happy but boring life with his aunt and uncle, and Anakin had a hard life but a living mother, Rey has had to fend for herself since she was a child, holding onto hope that one day her parents will come. She was all alone in the world. But now that’s going to change.

I don’t take any sides in the CGI/Puppets debate, but seeing puppets in a big Hollywood blockbuster again is pretty nice.

BB-8′s so cute. I have too much R2-D2 nostalgia to consider him my favorite Skywalker Saga droid though.

Rey’s relationship with BB-8 establishes that although she’s a survivor, she hasn’t let it harden her heart. She’s willing to help BB-8, and although she wants him to be on his way, she still won’t sell him off (despite being tempted to)

...Poe’s technically the Leia archetype in this movie. This tough rebel who got captured by the villains, and who sent a droid with something important.

The Finn and Poe escape scene has a lot of great dialogue. I’d argue some of the best banter in the series. It’s a pretty good action scene too.

Of all the characters, I like how Finn’s take on his archetype the most. He’s the Han Solo, the deuteragonist who wants nothing to do with the battle, and joins for selfish reasons, but in the end proves to be a loyal friend and hero. But unlike cool and collated Solo, Finn is nervous and cowardly. But that makes his eventual bravery and loyalty all the more satisfying. 

I don’t know if this is true, but I’ve heard Poe was originally going to die, but Oscar Isaac was so great they kept the character alive. I do believe keeping them separated is for the best, seeing how it makes sure Finn stays around for as long has he does.

Early on we establish that Kylo Ren is abnormally obsessed with Luke Skywalker, to the point where Gnearl Hux questions him.

Finn and Rey’s friendship stars off pretty rocky, but even then they have some good chemistry. At one point Finn’s all beat up, and he asked Rey if she’s okay. He may not be very good at it, but he’s trying to be a gentleman.

I love how the Millennium Falcon gets called garbage. It’s a funny bit of irony, concerning just how sacred everything else from classic Star Wars gets treated.

The first Millennium Falcon chase is another great action sequence. Rey and Finn are figuring things out as they go along, and BB-8′s being cute. And in the end they’re very impressed with each other. Characters becoming friends tough action sequences is a favorite troupe of mine.

Everything from Finn and Poe’s escape to meeting Maz Katana has nothing to do with a New Hope, and thus is a very underrated part of the movie. Although the tentacle monster scene is kind of forgettable.

Both Finn and Rey have no last name. They’ve never had any sort of family before. Heck, Finn didn’t even have a real name until just a few hours ago. They’re nobodies trying to find themselves, which sets of their arc that carries over into the next film

Kylo Ren destroying the console establishes him as short tempered for the first time. He drops his stoic facade and shows his true colors. Kylo looks indimiateing, but deep down he’s an insecure manchild trying his best to inhert a dark legacy. I’m found of this character, as well as similar characters like Berkut and Shiguraki

Did BB-8 give a thumbs up or a bird? The world will never know.

Rey keeps her guard up around people she doesn’t know to well, but she has a very soft and kind side as well. She’s pretty aggrieve to Finn early on, which is probably why....certain people, dislike her. Women and aggression tends to lead to backlash, after all.

I love how Finn slips in a bit of Stormtrooper knowledge. It comes in handy a few times in this movie. Some could say it should come up a bit more, but I think it’s used enough.

“Chewie, We’re Home” What an iconic line. I can still hear the applause.

Seeing Han become the Obi Wan archetype is a very unique direction for the character to take. And he handles the role very well. Harrison Ford may have been sick of this character, but he still brought his A-game. I love that Rey admires Han more for his smuggling than for his war heroics. And it’s very sweet seeing Han admiring just how much Rey knows about piloting. It’s a very sweet father/daughter relationship. In hindsight, Rey and Han don’t even need to be related for this relationship to be this good. Rey lost her parents and Han lost his son, and they can’t help but see each other as a means to fill those voids, even if they deny it to themselves.

The events of the original trilogy are legendary to these characters, which make the “It’s True, All of it” line so cool. It’s pretty interesting how chronologically, the events of one trilogy are legends to the characters of the next one.

Seeing Han be exactly how people remember his is pretty cleverly deconstructed. In-Univse it happened because he needed to escape from the pain of what happened to his son. And now he’s at the point where there’s nobody left to swindle. 

Whenever Rey’s in trouble, she’s always the one to get herself out of it. This is definitely meant as pushback to the fact that in so many things, women always need help while men can aways get out of a situation by themselves.  And I’m all for it. It’s great to see a woman be this strong, but she’s not flawless. After all, she shuts people out and is struggling to accept the fact her parents are never coming back.

Snoke even says “Last Jedi.” Even in this movie, Snoke is convinced that Luke is the hero of this story, and will stop and nothing to stop him. It is interesting that they introduced the Emperor archetype in this first movie, although maybe it was a sign that he wasn’t actually the big bad of this trilogy.

“It the hands of your father: Han Solo.” And the audience gasped (unless they got spoiled first. It’s one of those things we can never un-know). Although if I have to nitpick, I’d be nice if we found out alongside Finn and Rey.

I love that the space chess still looks like stop motion.

Rey doesn’t see herself as the hero. Just the delivery girl. Even Luke saw himself as trying to save a damsel in distress. But though this journy, she becomes a hero.

"Luke felt responsible. He just, walked away from everything.” This was established in this movie? Why did it take until Last Jedi for people to react to that plot point?

“I didn’t know there was this much green in the whole galaxy” I love that line. It’s so endearing!

Finn reminds me of Usopp. A liar and a coward, but someone who will always do the right thin in the end. He’s my personal favorite sequel character

“Women always find out.” Han has a ton of great lines in this movie.

“I’ve already been away too long” She’s so convinced her parents will come back she won’t even leave her planet for a few hours.

With Maz Katana, we’re back in a New Hope. I’m found of this character. It’s fascinating to see someone who’s Force Sensitive but not a Jedi. And she offers some great advice to Rey and Finn. I’d love to see her in the next season of Clone Wars.

Kylo Ren sees Darth Vader as the hero, the dark as good, and the light as bad. But he has regrets, and lakes the discipline and fidelity of Darth Vader. Of all the characters, he’s the one most desperate to fulfill his archetype.

“Though the ages I have seen evil take on many forms. The Sith, the Empire, today it’s the First Order.” “If you live long enough, you see the same eyes in many different people.” Of the the sequel’s trilogy’s biggest themes is that history repeats itself. But despite that, it’s still important to fight evil whenever it arises, instead of just sitting back and letting it happen.

It never occurred to me before, but Finn’s cowardliness might be the lingering effects of his brainwashing. Although he does not believe in the First Order’s Ways, he was still convinced all his life that they’re unstoppable, which is why he wants to run instead of fight. I also like how he’s admits the truth, instead of there being this “liar revealed” thing.

Finn and Rey have truly become friends at this point. Instead of just running away, now Finn wants Rey to come with him. As far as he knows, she’s the only friend he has, and he doesn’t want anything to happen to her. Meanwhile, Rey doesn’t want Finn to leave, because he’s one of the few people in her life to stick with her for this long. If he leaves, he might end of like her parents, who never came back.

Wait...how come nobody was demanding to know Finn’s parents. He was taken from a family he’ll never know after all. How come people accept that Finn’s parents don’t matter, but insist that Rey’s does?

Seeing Rey connect to the force for the first time (outside of  the piloting and scavenging skills I assume she she used them for subcoinsously before the events of this movie) is really impressive. We get flashes of her past, as well as Luke’s past and Kylo’s past, and even hear the voices of Yoda and Obi Wan. ok She’s getting her first glimpse at the Force that binds everything together, and she’s terrified of it. It’s also yet another divination from the New Hope plot, which is very welcome.

I forgot that Rey being Force sensitive was once a spoiler. How time flys.

I really hope Obi-Wan appears in Rise of Skywalker. He spoke to Rey when she connected to the Force for the first time, and I’d love to see that expanded upon.

“They’re never coming back.” A lesson Rey, and the audience, finds difficulty accepting. 

“The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead.” Such a great line. It’s a great summery of Rey’s arc, and I imagine people with difficult pasts can relate to it.

Maz tells Rey and Finn exactly what they need. Rey need to learn to move forward, and Finn needs to learn to fight for what’s right.

Why does the lightsaber choose Rey? I guess her midichlorian count is just right or something. It doesn’t really matter, and I personally find the idea that the next hero can come from anywhere inspiring.

...Come to think of it, Luke’s the only protagonist who isn’t just some rando.

“Why is Maz so interested in Rey” Probably because of her strong connection to the Force.

Rey rejects the saber. Classic rejection of the call. Can you blame her, after that vision?

The First Order sees the Republic as weak and dishonest. Seems straightforward to me. Maybe people were underwhelmed because Neo-Nazism didn’t get as much attention as it did just a few months later.

Starkiller Base. It’s cool looking power-creep. On one hand, since we don’t know anyone from those planets, it’s not as impactful as what happened to Alderan. But then again, we actually see people on that planet die. So It’s a bit of a mixed bag overall.

Finn’s not going to leave until he knows Rey is safe. How touching.

TR-8R. I miss that meme.

Seeing Poe’s triumphant return is pretty great.

Seing Rey’s trying to fight off Kylo Ren with a gun is very tense. This the the first time she looses a fight in this movie. Seeing someone so strong get captured really raises the stakes. This is where they first meet. Their relationship is standard Hero vs Villain in this movie, but things are going to change a LOT in the next one.

Despite how scared he is, Finn still rushes in to try and stop Rey from being capture.

Seeing General Leia for the first time is awesome. Han and Leia’s reuinon is so touching as well. C-3PO’s back to disturbing Han and Leia moments as well, which is pretty funny.

Seeing BB-8 and Finn get reunited with Poe is also very touching. 

Finn is helping the Resistance for the sake of Rey. He’s not quite a hero yet, but he’s getting there.

So the movie did established R2-D2 had the map in his back-up data in the actual movie.

Han and Leia went back to what they know best after the loss of their son. It’s such a tragic moment. 

Kylo almost has the depth  in one movie that took Vader two or three movies to get. I feel like that should be discussed more often.

Kylo’s face is removed to reveal...a normal person. Ben didn’t get any external injuries to turn him into Kylo Ren. It was all manipulation

Rey takes on the Leia role when capture, and Finn briefly takes on the Luke role, But when she frees herself they go back to being Luke and Han, respectively.

Even in this movie, Rey and Kylo are using the force to get to know each other, although mainly on accident. Maybe that’s where Snoke got the idea in the next movie.

After seeing Kylo using the Force, Rey decides to use it in order to escape, although she’s a bit hesitant to do so. It takes her three tires to do the Jedi mind trick, after all. I do wonder where she heard about it. Maybe she figured that if you can read minds, you can change minds.

Rey is a very fast learner in any situation, be it piloting, shooting or using the force. Maybe it’s her midichlorian count. 

Starkill base makes very little logical sense, but its still a very cool concept, and seeing day turn into night serving as a ticking clock is a very cool visual.

“No matter how much we fought, I always hated watching you leave” “That’s why I did it, so you’d miss me.” All these years later, and that still have such great chemistry. 

“That’s not how the Force works.” I love that line, but people misuse it.

Finn is doing something very heroic, putting himself on the frontlines and disabling the shield. But he’s only doing this for Rey. Despite that, he stays true to his word and disables the shields. I love seeing him stick it to his old boss. It’s a fun moment.

The Rouge One “Womp” is even in this movie! How did I never notice it until after Rouge One?

“As Long as there’s light, we’ve got a chance” A classic symbol, but one that still works.

Seeing Rey and Finn reunited is just another very touching moment. “We came back for you.” For the first time in Rey’s life, somebody actually came back for her. I love how Rey describes how using the force to escape was “Something I can’t explain, you wouldn’t believe it.” In general I love how the Force is depicted in this movie.

“We’ll meet back here” No! That was their last moment together!

Ben and Han’s confrontation is another utterly fantastic moment. Ben is tempted to go back to his father, but he’s too devoted to Snoke’s teachings. On top of that, he feels like it’s too late to go this far. He figures that to get rid of these regrets, he has to kill Han Solo. I love how the sky gets dark, leaving red as the only light source. It really makes Ben’s lightsaber stick out when he kills Han. And yet, Han still touchings the check of his son, showing that even despite this, he still loves him. Instead of letting the past die by killing his father, Kylo is left more conflicted than ever.

Meanwhile, Rey lost a chance to have a father yet again.

The snowy forest at night is such a great setting, and leads to an awesome lightsaber fight. Rey gets knocked out, so Finn has to protect her with a lightsaber duel. Kylo is beating himself, increasing his pain to increase his dark power. Finn puts up a valiant effort, but in the end, he gets knocked out, and Rey has to save him. But still, he bought her time, and gave her the strength to use the force to stop Kylo. Seeing Rey grab the lightsaber for the first time using the Force is just awesome. She’s barely holding her own, but true to the character, she’s a fast learning. Meanwhile Kylo is still injured, and maybe a bit worn out from fighting Finn. At the cliffside, Rey is at the ends of her seat, but when she trusts in the force, she manages to beat Kylo after he overpowered her during the rest of the movie.

Finn ends with the movie more devoted to Rey than the Resistance, but he still proves himself to be a loyal friend and a hero. I was worried about him for the two years between Force Awakens and Last Jedi

There’s no words between Leia and Rey. They both just know, Han is dead, and they both loved him. And that’s enough for them to mourn him together.

But in the midts of dealing with the loss of Han, there’s is hope. Specifically, the New Hope.

Seeing Luke for the first time in this movie is such a fantastic cliffhanger.

Overall, I still love this movie as much as when I first saw it. It’s got great action and effects, the new characters are some of my favorites in the series, and the old characters give some of their best performances of all time. Sure it messed with a happy ending, but I’m still investing in seeing how characters old and new are going to try and get that happy ending back.

This is my final response to the toxic waste of space that is intotheventures, aka the KH2-hating anon troll who is literally insane over the fact that KH2 is the most beloved game in the franchise. I didn’t want to pollute the KH Trinity blog with more of his nonsensical bullshit.

(BTW the REAL trinity is Birth By Sleep + 1 + Chain of Memories).

That makes no sense whatsoever, because that leaves a blatantly incomplete story.

What is natural about Sora falling to his knees for Riku? Nothing. 

He wasn’t doing to “for Riku”. He did it because he thought Riku was dead, all the evidence he was getting pointed to Riku having died, and he was overcome with relief that Riku, his best friend, was actually still alive after all. It was not an intentionally-written yaoi bait scene, no matter how fans took it.

What did the added AkuRoku scenes in Final Mix add to the story? Nothing. 

I’m not talking about Final Mix, I’m talking about the original KH2.

But yeah, that scene had no purpose being there.

Also “he made me feel like I had a heart” is cringy.

“Cringe” is the new, ill-defined buzzword this clod throws around to bash KH2.

And how is it cringy? It is quite literally saying what Roxas did for Axel.

Have you looked at a single reaction command? Sora chopping a building in half isn’t a shallow “badass” presentation? It’s all style, no substance, it’s more blatant than anything in any other KH game.

Except in KH3 where you get Keyblades that transform into new weapons of ultimate power, can summon fucking Disney World rides to inflict massive damage upon your foes, has Sora running up walls and even jumping on falling boulders, new reaction commands that feature more flashy “badass” moves, shotlocks where there are even MORE “badass” moves to be pulled off (something that was also in BBS), Flowmotion where you’re flying all over the place...literally everything about KH3 is more “all style, no substance” than KH2. It’s right there in front of everyone’s eyes, and you’re only denying it because you are a hypocritical, intellectually dishonest freak.

Sora became more idiotic (he wasn’t this dumb in DDD, contrary to popular belief, he was just blissfully unaware and let his guard down) and hostile, constantly taunting and insulting his opponents for little to no reason (contrary to popular belief, he was not like this in the other games)

“Contrary to popular belief”, and then you don’t back up your claims. Yes, Sora WAS that dumb - no, much dumber -in DDD, and even in KH3 there were more “lol, Sora’s stupid!” moments than in KH2, with his friends constantly mocking him about it. He was also just as hostile toward opponents in KH and COM, including to the point of killing them, and that’s not even factoring in Roxas combining with him at the start of KH2. There is nothing remotely OOC about Sora in KH2, you’re just whining about him not being the pure, positive soul you want him to be

Kairi became a shallow love interest

And yet she had a shit-ton more mitigating qualities than in KH3, which you deny.

Riku was more sullen

Because behaving exactly like the cocky asshole he was before would’ve indicated that he had no remorse for anything he did and had learned nothing, had suffered no consequences. You say “sullen”, I say “human”.

Namine only appeared for brief scenes and had little personality

How is that a problem? KH2 was never meant to be a big Namine-focused game.

Roxas’ angst was really overdone.

Again, no explanation as to how/why.

Personally, I think his angst over being completely fucked over was proportionate.

Too often he just magically solved the problems of various Disney characters, like Simba.

Yes, which he also does in the other games, including KH3. By this logic, he was a Gary-Stu in the original game because he trapped Jafar in the lamp and not Aladdin.

He’s not a Gary-Stu in DDD because he ended up failing the exam after Xehanort rigged it, and his idiocy cost him greater than in KH2.

I’ll give you that one. Riku was the Gary-Stu of 3D, not Sora.

KH3 connects all of the worlds and is better at not having filler.

Again, how/why? You cite no examples, and can’t defend against the MANY examples of people in their reviews of KH3, both text and video, saying how the Disney worlds are probably the biggest case of them being filler yet, as Sora has literally no reason to be messing around in any of them, and what the Organization gets out of them is incredibly nebulous and ultimately doesn’t really matter either. 

 A lot of things are just brought up and either resolved too quickly (like the “I can’t use the Keyblade!” scene or just dropped (”While you’re there, the nature of that world may tempt you to do something dark. You must resist that temptation at all costs!”).

Again, just like almost every other KH game, including/especially KH3.

None of the rest of the cast really contribute anything, most are just plot devices to pad out the character count. Kairi didn’t do anything better than she did in 1, Riku’s screentime was mostly spent lamenting about his very existence, HPO did nothing anyone else couldn’t have done, same with Namine, their roles are mostly interchangeable and obligatory. Plus KH2 had a much larger cast of OCs than KH1 + CoM so it’s a much more glaring flaw.

Kairi, Riku, HPO, Namine, etc. all do things that Sora absolutely could not do and would have failed in his quest without. You are confusing “screentime” with “contributions” - none of them have the screentime Sora does (because he’s the fucking main character), but they all play the roles they are supposed to for the story. Again, not that different from most other games, including KH3 where there’s an even LARGER cast of OCs, and yet you’re constantly defending that game despite it doing the exact same things you perpetually cry about KH2 doing, and usually doing them worse.

Submit your own character: The Organization.

How the fuck are the villains a case of “Submit your own character”?

Sex scene: Obviously none, but Kairi’s panties are close enough. In no other game was she used for fanservice/sex appeal.

The panties weren’t an actually thing you were supposed to see in-game, and if you think she wasn’t used for fanservice/sex appeal with her equally titillating short-skirt design in KH3, you’re fooling yourself. 

“That was undeniable proof that we totally owned you lamers!” (This sounded outdated in 2006)

He’s part of a computer simulation run by an old man. This is how said old man thinks that teenagers actually talk. It’s actually pretty brilliant.

“Sorry, “Mommy”, your poopsies are toast!” (Cringe)

How?

“Hmph, maybe you should have kept some to yourself.” (This maybe fits Riku, but NOT Sora!)

Again, how? 

“You gonna cry?!” (OOC, and doesn’t make sense in context. Frustrated Jacob even made fun of this line.) ”I guess you think you can psych me out by saying really random stuff!” (Like the above, FJ made fun of it.) “Tough talk for someone who stood on the sidelines while his Nobody flunkies did all the fighting!” (WTF)

Basically “Waaah, Sora’s a meanie-head to the poor Nobodies!” Gag me.

“[Maleficent]’s toast.” (Cringe, doesn’t sound cool in the least.)

So “badass presentation” is bad, yet you hate a line if it doesn’t sound “cool”. Got it.

“Lowlife.” (OOC)

HOW? DEFINE your goddamn TERMS, you utter twat!

“I bet you can’t even fight!” (OOC, just sounds like a prick)

“Just give it a rest! You’re Nobodies! You don’t even exist! You’re not sad about anything!” (He says this after meeting Axel, Roxas, and Namine. Plot hole + OOC)

“Then stop moping and DO something!” (later) “Why stick around if he’s not even gonna try?” (later) “C’mon, Goofy.” (This is too OOC to be Sora.)

Again, you want Sora to be perfect and nice to everyone. Got it.

In short, your ranting and raving means nothing. Not to me, not to anyone. You can keep up your insipid KH2-hate posts on your fringe blog, you can keep spamming the same messages in people’s ask boxes when they dare criticize other KH games over KH2, but KH2 is always going to be the most beloved entry in the franchise, KH, COM and KH2 are always going to be the real KH Trinity, and you aren’t changing people’s minds on that. Ever.

And now, to quote the great Ansem the Wise:

We’ve said enough! FAREWELL!

Reylo?   (Part I - Pro Reylo Perspective)

Definition: Reylo (pronounced RAY-LOW) – the romantic pairing of Rey and Kylo Ren from the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy “ST”.

So about the Reylo concept... there are certainly many arguments for and against Rey and Kylo coming together in a romantic, or frankly in any way.  That being said, this post will provide some Pro-Reylo thoughts and observations.  It will be followed in a coming post with anti-Reylo opinions as well, as I like to play Devil’s Advocate. Disclaimer: before you like or dislike my post, it is not the place of this author to weigh in on what she would LIKE to happen, only what I think WILL or WILL NOT happen, based on clues in the story, movies and novelization only.  I may also point to subtle clues given by the writer/directors.  Please read with an open mind.

  Reylo clue #1:  Rey and Kylo’s first meeting on Takodana

Kylo Ren takes Rey captive on Takodana.  He doesn’t have time to find BB-8 and believes that the girl has the map in her head, and he is interested to know more about her, so he takes her with him to Starkiller Base.  So, Kylo Ren, with a stormtrooper only yards away, makes Rey unconscious and “bridal” carries unconsious Rey to his ship himself - and quite a distance besides!

Kylo carrying Rey to the ship was NOT in the novelization.  It was only in the movie.  Visually, JJ Abrams maybe wanted to create imagery that will be more significant as the story moves forward, particularly, a surprisingly tender connection between Kylo and Rey.  The Dark Prince and Secret “princess”.  From a fairytale perspective, this was like Aurora meeting Prince Phillip or Ariel meeting Prince Eric.  Someone of Kylo Ren’s importance and rank surely would not normally carry a grown woman approximately 1/2 mile.  He would make an underling, a soldier do it.  This may very well have been foreshadowing a romance very early on in the story before anyone really realized what was potentially happening.  In the director commentary of the movie, JJ Abrams basically references this fairytale story aspect himself.   It’s not your imagination!

Reylo clue #2:  “I’ll Come Back for you” dialog (Rey’s Vision on Takodana)

Going back to Rey’s vision in Maz’s castle basement when she touched the lightsaber, in the novelization, Rey hears what is called “THAT voice” and someone says “Stay here, I’ll come back for you.”   We did not see this from the flashback of Rey being left on Jakku by her ... well somebody.   Is this novel reference what we think it is?  Was it Rey’s parents?  Or could this actually end up being spoken in Episode IX by Ben Solo? You decide! I can picture this and I kind of like it.  It would certainly be thematic. 

Why include this “...I’ll come back for you” line in the novel but take it out of the movie?  Was it cut from the script at some point?   If so, you have to ask yourself why? Maybe it’s because we were not allowed to hear that person’s actual voice in Episode VII.  It was too early to reveal the person behind that bit of dialog.  Or it could just be that it was unnecessary (if it was indeed her parents) to have them say they would try to come back.   

We have no idea still if Rey’s parents meant to actually return to her or not.   Hopefully we will find out.  If not, Rey needs to move on from this past of hers.  But if this was actually Kylo Ren/Ben Solo, imagine that there is a scene where they are together and for some reason he has to leave her behind but promises to come back, harkening back to the last time she heard those words that have haunted her for all of these years.  If Reylo is real, he WILL come back, indicating that she was special, she is loved.

Reylo Clue #3: Kylo Ren’s “Money Shot”

Need I explain this one?  Well, let me go ahead and do so anyway.  Look, regardless of what great physical shape Adam Driver was in by the time of filming this particular force connection scene in Episode VIII (the one where he is wearing only black, high-waisted pants), Rian Johnson would not just decide “oh heck, let me include a beefcake shot of Kylo Ren” (only the second one in Star Wars history) if Kylo Ren is in ANY WAY related to Rey (brother, cousin, etc…) - that would just be icky.  And whether you like him or not, Rian Johnson is too sophisticated a filmmaker for that.  This is not some sleazy CW show.  

This is the scene that actually made me realize there WAS a Reylo dynamic.  I had no idea there was a Reylo before I watched this.  I was honestly, completely oblivious.  I thought for sure, Rey was Luke’s daughter.  This was the scene that prompted me to do the research on the Google machine.  This is why it is an obvious clue.  After all, I watch a lot of those sleazy CW shows.  I can tell when two characters are going to eventually hook up.

Reylo Clue #4: The Hut Scene, Bare Shoulders and Hand-touching All the Way Across the Galaxy

Like the Kylo Ren shirtless scene, Rey is all wet and her shoulders are bare in this scene holding a little blanket barely covering her wet clothes and body.   Things are getting a little familiar, no?  We go from fighting and snarky dialog to clothing starting to come off and sitting in front of a fire within hand touching range of each other.  That Rian Johnson… I hope I still sound objective here, but again, this is where my “CW” radar went off.   Firelight, bare shoulders, wet hair, gloves off, bare hands reaching out, softly touching, Rey and Kylo have tears running down their cheek, then Dad comes in and interrupts.   What is happening????   Separate those two!!!

Reylo Clue #5: Snoke taking credit for the Force Connection = Disappointed boy

When Snoke reveals to Rey, in front of the kneeling Kylo Ren, that it was he, Snoke, who opened the Force connection bridge between Rey and Kylo, Kylo looks slightly upward with a subtle yet angry face as if to say “What the Hell????” He was surprised, disappointed, hurt.   Snoke said he saw Kylo Ren as too weak to hide his feelings from Rey.  Snoke used Kylo as a tool to get at Rey, the real threat, not Luke Skywalker.   This is yet another blow to Kylo Ren, who saw the Force connection between him and Rey as something special, something the Force intended.  Instead of an opportunity for Kylo to find a kindred spirit in Rey, he learns that this experience was something manufactured by another person.   It reminds me of that Hallmark Christmas movie where the girl creates a dating app for her business and starts “dating” the cute guy that came up as a match in order to show her boss how well the app works.  Then the poor guy finds out she was just going out with him to forward her career and he decides to move back to his hometown, but she races to find him before he leaves to tell him that she really likes him and they end up together at the end.   The point is that the dude was hurt to find out that it wasn’t “fate” that brought them together but some stupid computer algorithm.  Technology can be a real bitch sometimes.  And so could Snoke apparently.

Reylo clue #6: Kylo’s Botched “Proposal” to Rey after the throne room fight mirrors a classic literary romance!

Fans of Pride and Prejudice, like me, will find strangely familiar the moment that Kylo Ren, in a moment of passion and heightened self-confidence, asks Rey to join him in ruling together. When the offer is not immediately accepted, his ego takes over.  He makes Rey cry and tells her she is nothing, a “nobody”, only then to tell her that regardless of her being a nobody, with no real connection to anything or anyone, she means something to HIM and wants her to join him.  This is, of course, followed by her justifiable rejection of this proposed partnership and the pair of them going their different ways. 

This is mirrors what happens in the novel by Jane Austen, but in this case Mr. Darcy is Kylo Ren and Elizabeth Bennett is Rey.  If you read P&P, you will also know that Elizabeth misjudged Mr. Darcy based on her initial impression of him and that first impression somewhat tainted her reception of Mr. Darcy’s marriage proposal.  Also, despite being raised wealthy and well-educated, Mr. Darcy’s social awkwardness caused him to inadvertently hurt her feelings while expressing his true and tender feelings for Elizabeth.

We also see that Mr. Darcy’s pain of rejection influenced his transformation into a better, less proud man, worthy of Elizabeth’s love, and his second marriage proposal is more graciously accepted.  If Episode IX follows this story influence, we may see something of a transformation in Kylo Ren aka Ben Solo.  Look for signs in the first act of Episode IX of Kylo changing his own behavior and proving himself more worthy.  Otherwise, I’m not sure how he would be worthy of a romantic relationship with anyone, except someone as mean as him who will stab him in his sleep.  

Final thought on this scene – if Kylo Ren’s feelings for Rey were not romantic, would he have extended his hand to her?  If Rey were a man, would he hold out his hand to him?   No, he would not.  He wanted her to take his hand and walk away with him like they were the new power couple, like a King and Queen, like a Prince and Princess, not merely as a “partner in crime”.  He is a man, she is a woman.  It seems reasonable to him that she would say yes to him after they just slayed the dragon together. Also, Kylo Ren has been thinking about this new vision for the future, internally planning.  This is not spur of the moment.   He knew Rey was coming to him, he knew what he had to do.

Some last thoughts

These are the big clues, albeit not as obvious as Anakin and Padme, and the Han & Leia thing was way more obvious, more flirtatious.  If Reylo was the plan from the beginning, this is definitely a slow burn but totally possible, a modern day twist of the classic story - designed from the beginning to shock and surprise and audience.

The Reylo concept has been a very divisive topic among Star Wars Fans.  The point here is that you can be objective and scientific about this, keep feelings out of it. 

I will not be disappointed if Rey and Kylo don’t have a romantic relationship in the last movie of Star Wars.  I just hope the ending makes sense.  This is the Star Wars universe, not real life.  Yes, we interpret movies and TV through a current day lens, but anything can happen in this world.  The filmmakers are trying to surprise/shock us.  At this point, would Reylo be the shock/surprise or would Reylo be the obvious outcome?    Is the average fan even aware of Reylo?  I asked my mom about it and she just doesn’t see it.  What percentage of people also watched Episode VII or VIII and Googled “Rey Kylo Ren romantic” and found two years worth of online post about it?

Final thoughts

For Reylo to happen, there has to be a catalyst for Kylo to be redeemable, a believable turning point.  

Does Rey have to have a romance? 

Do you think we’ll see a more mature, more confident, sexier version of Rey in this story?  If so, then I think we’ll see her with a sexier counterpart/partner, someone with the intensity and passion of Ben Solo (Kylo), not Mr. Nice Guy Finn or Poe.  (see my next post!)

What is the true significance of Rose’s line about not destroying what we hate but saving what we love?  Will Kylo love Rey, and vice versa, and will that be key to ultimate end of the story? 

And by the way, what did Kylo mean when he said to Rey “don’t be afraid, I feel it too.”

HI THIS IS YOUR LOCAL GARBAGE GAY BOY AND HE WANTS TO VENT ABOUT KINGDOM HEARTS

A couple of days ago i had an enligtening talk about my favorite hot garbage series with a mutual and i kind of ended up realizing i had a lot of pent up stuff about it that i never really let out

While i did vent a little already i feel like i need to put this really out of my head because it’s been consuming me in a way. And since this site is designed for just screaming random stuff into the void i wanna take advantage of that for once

Now first and foremost this is meant as a very personal thing. This is not an elaborate critique or a well thought work. This is a vent and i want this to be read as a vent by a gay with a lot of feelings about video games. ESPECIALLY about Kingdom Hearts and some stuff about KH3. 

Now let’s get to the meat of this course of mind screaming

I’ve been into Kingdom Hearts for a very long time. The first game i played was Kingdom Hearts II (the original KH was kinda hard to find here for some reason) circa 2005/2006. Bear in mind i had no idead what KH was. Game advertisement wasn’t (and still kind of isn’t) a big thing here in Brasil specially if you were a poor kid like me. Hell consoles were pretty inacessible to most of the people i was close with and me and other 2 kids must’ve had a PS2 in the same time frame. The main way you would know about new or cool games was through word of mouth or recognizing brands like Castlevania and Mega Man. 

But i was always kind of a freaky little avant-garde child which meant i ended up having a very different taste from most of the people around me. I had like 1 other friend who had actually played a Final Fantasy around let alone something like Shin Megami Tensei for an exemple which i also didn’t even knew was a thing. And i’ve always tried to find something new. Something that gave me some new experience. I’ve ended up playing a lot of more niche games like Drakengard and the Atelier Iris games (god i still love 2 and 3 a lot) and it was this mindset that eventually led me into the game that had a bunch of random anime kids and disney characters in it’s cover.

To say that i was confused by KH2 is an understatement. I knew absolutelly nothing about the previous games. Who is this “Sora”? Who was the red haired man? Why the fuck am i fighting with a giant key? Again what the hell is up with the Disney characters? Also bear in mind i must’ve been 9/10 yo brazillian kid whose entire english vocabulary came from video games and a couple of songs. Some stuff wasn’t even the plot getting dense it was just me not getting the actual language. 

And yet it’s also an understatement to say the i fell very deeply in love with that weird little game. The combat was great. The plot had SO MUCH DRAMA and i knew only about 1/3 of what was happening at any given time. Keyblades where fun and ridiculous. Demyx was a bitch.

As soon as i’ve finished KH2 for the first time i used what little internet i had back then to learn more. I found out there was a game for the easy emulated GBA. It kind of sucked but it was more Kingdom Hearts. Being unable to locate a copy of KH1 for a while i did the only thing i could actually do: i’ve played and replayed KH2 to exaustion. I did most of the stuff except a couple of the minigames and gummy routes because they where boring. The feeling of learning how to fight against Sephiroth, mastering his moves and eventually being able to beat him with a Kingdom Key in proud was a big moment for me. Beating all the Hades cups felt great.

About a year later i was able to get a copy of KH1 and by this time Re:CoM was out so i got that too. Played both of them throughly even thought KH1 clumsy mechanics kick my ass to this day probably.

Then another year passes i hear two new games where coming out... to consoles i didn’t own and honestly i couldn’t justify the cost of to my parents. I was pretty bummed but still i kept getting invested. Hell i was already balls deep into this series and only dreamed of how it would take off in the future. I even remember kind of writing a “script” for a sequel that i tried to make with two other randoms in RPG Maker. Never went anywhere and i know in my heart it sucked but still. That was how into this i was. The prerelease hype for Days was killing me even. Member XIV? How?

Also side note: to my edgy ass 12/13 year old self the idea of playing as Organizattion XIII was literally a dream. 

Days came out and if you where like me in the good old days of youtube videos that had like 5 minutes at max then you know that video game let’s play were almost impossible to do. I had to get a LOT of info from second hand about what actually happened in Days. Then i ended up getting a “decent” pc and was able to emulate it with absolute WORST frame rate. Still it worked and i was able to know what was happening.

But BBS was a completly separate beast. PSP emulation was basically non-existant when it came out so it actually took me a couple of years to actually play it. I had a friend that had a PSP (and that to this day i feel only got a PSP because i kept raving about it having both a KH game and a Final Fantasy fighting game on it because he was 100% that little shit but that is completly besides any point) and of course he couldn’t lend me because it was pretty expensive around here and that’s a very useless tangent.

Anyway time passes as it must and just as Sora fell deeper and deeper into the realms of sleep i too fell into as much Kingdom Hearts stuff as i could. The complex theories, the AMVs (GOD the AMVs), the plot summaries for games i didn’t play, all that good shit. So for years i’ve built within myself this... tension i shall call. The grand plot momentum that mr Nomura seemed to be building. The misterious indentities the hinted at hidden plots. The nature of stuff that seemed very vague and opaque. And as the new games where released it seemed more and more that they where building blocks into the grand prize: Kingdom Hearts 3.

Now here’s the thing. I don’t 100% agree of the narrative that we waited “13 years” for KH3. I think if you where actually a fan of the series back then then each game in it’s own way seemed to be it’s own event. With that i want to say the while we ALL waited for KH3 for me at least it seemed it needed time to build up. 

Now here’s the thing. Between BBS and DDD being both in consoles i didn’t own and me getting an Xbox 360 (PS3 prices where absolutelly INSANE here) i seemed to drift a bit away from KH. While before i waited for new game releases with baited breath i now found myself very blasé about DDD. I was getting used to it i guess. Also high school came and a lot of stuff started changing. KH felt like a bit too connected to my childhood too i guess. I was still a fan and still loved it to death but KH ended fading away a little for me even if it lighted a fire in me when people talked about it. This must’ve been around 2010.

I think it wasn’t until KH3 was formally announced that it all came back to me. The drive to find and consume and engage with as much of KH lore and theories as possible. Also i didn’t really get into “proper social networks” as a whole until 2012/2013. Weirdo i know. By then consuming these thing was a lot easier. Internet was a lot more acessible. I could just open up a tab of a KH wiki in my phone and read away from there.

And there was this rush y’know. This thing of finally seeing a finish line. Not that actually expected or even wish for KH to end but it was KH3! The big one! And remember the tension i’ve mentioned earlier? It was always kind of present and it ended up skyrocketing during this period. I was already knowledgeable about KH but during this time i was almost a goddamn lore master. I knew the whole gig inside and out. Even the weird shit from DDD. The stuff they added to the collections just kept it going too. As did X/UX (which in my grand KH tradition i too didn’t play but i think most people feel me here).

All a big ball of complex yarn and plot and madness that would SURELLY burst with KH3. After all this time all this tension it would come. Release. Answers.

But to me that was the aspect in which KH3 failed.

Now don’t get me wrong i actually like KH3. Quite a lot. And Nomura did apparently tied up a lot of arcs. The lost are found and saved. Piss Grandpa Xehanort is dead.

But it didn’t release my tension. It didn’t burst it into the magic fireworks and ecstasy. The tension is still here. Hell the tension seems even stronger now.

And a lot of it has to with how KH3 seems to still be hiding so many fucking cards from us. Literally in one case. It was a vague feeling of unceartainty before but when i came through the Sleeping Worlds theory it just RUSHED onto me. The story doesn’t feel complete.

Now this is not the same as FFXV. I have a couple of... harsh opinions about it and it’s plot and story are front and center on the list. That story was absolutelly unfinished but not in the same way. To me it feels like Nomura just HID parts of the story. We are not getting the full picture. A lot of shit is really really REALLY weird. I’m still not over Riku’s sudden haircut.

But here’s the real gag to me. Nier: Automata gave me the same feeling the first time i played it. But then i came upon route B. And then Route C. and that’s when the TRUE game showed itself. Nier kept a lot hidden but it was hidden within itself. If you just keep playing you actually can access those hidden parts and eventually you reach your true goal. The actual ending. An ending so final that you might even like giving up your save data to help somebody else achieve it too is the only true option.

Yet KH3 has no such crowning grace. At least not for now. And that’s half the reason i made this. 

KH3 feels incomplete but in a way i could really love if the game eventually completed itself. Reading the Sleeping Worlds theory i was like “omg this makes VERY much sense. but if it makes so much sense why isn’t it in the game?”. And then it clicked. DLC. It’s 100% possible the actual plot may come as DLC. 

But an even darker thought crossed my mind and it’s filing me with actual rage: This is meant to be another game. This is the Powers That Be (Nomura, Disney, Square-Enix, take your pick...) unaturally extending this “Saga” beyond it’s ending point. If it does turn out that KH3 had some dream hijinks going on then it was 100% possible and BETTER to include that in the actual game. But since KH is known for having so many side games what is the harm in doing another right?

Well you harm the integrity of your plot. I know we say the plot is hot garbage but come the fuck on that is what is holding us here. Or at least it’s what is holding me for so long. Setting up another saga is absolutelly fine but breaking away for you ending like this is even worse. How? Why? The why is probably money but still.

Or maybe KH3 is just meant as that. There is no twist not weirdness. Maybe all that is by design y’know. 

This is long enough already. I’m tired. I started writing this at 2:30 am. It’s about 4am now. I slept very little last night.

This is a big colletion of nothing i guess. Not even sure it helped me. Oh well.

lengthy spoiler-y tlj thoughts that can be summarized thusly - i didn’t love it, or even really like it, but i didn’t HATE it either and if you added up all the things i loved and added up all the things i didn’t like, the things i loved would outnumber what i didn’t like. it’s just what i didn’t like was so much worse than what i liked was good, if that makes sense.

things i loved

the opening with poe on space speaker phone with hux was so funny and perfectly in character (”yes i’m on hold for general hux” “can he not hear me??” “tell him the general has a very important message...about his mother.”)

i knew paige would probably die to motivate rose into action because that’s a trope that itself refuses to die, but i’m glad she got to go out as a big damn hero taking out an entire dreadnought singlehandedly.

everything involving bb-8 was so much fun and him in that walker was so completely ridiculous i couldn’t help but love it.

i’ve seen people complaining about it, but most of the humor actually worked for me. there were some really notable exceptions that i’ll get to though (much like the rest of the movie, the bad stuff is just so much worse than the good stuff is good).

i loved that even though they were apart for the whole movie, finn and rey’s relationship was still central to their characters (when they were allowed to be their characters at least). finn asking about her and always making sure someone had the beacon and kept it safe so she could find them. rey thinking about him on the island and asking chewie to tell him something for her if she didn’t make it. their hug at the end. all great. these little moments were when the film had the most heart and it’s really a shame that rian kept them apart for the whole thing.

the parts where rey was, y’know, actually rey were awesome. like her following luke around and refusing to leave him alone or when she literally reaches out and luke messes with her with that plant and tells her its the force and she’s like “really????” i wish we could’ve gotten more stuff like that from them. the running gag of her fucking shit up on the island and the fish bird nuns getting pissed about it was also fun. and i loved her in the falcon on crait with her little “woo! i like this!” mirroring finn in tfa. there was also a really cute blink and you miss it bit with rain dripping off the falcon and her splashing her hand in it with a little smile. her reunion with bb-8 was adorable and i liked that they included the little meeting between her and poe that was cut from tfa. her final conversation with leia would’ve worked better if she’d had more of a connection with luke but it was still nice to see two women having a conversation about restoring hope and the resistance (would’ve been nice if rose were there too and not on the verge of death).

rey literally closing the door in kylo’s face 

leia using the force to FLOAT THROUGH SPACE. yeah it was cheesy and more than a little unbelievable but goddamn what a beautiful image. i’m gonna make it my desktop background the second there’s an hd leak

in the few moments she wasn’t completely ooc, rey’s interactions with kylo were kinda interesting. i actually liked the part where she was telling him she didn’t understand how he could grow up in a loving family and turn out to be a fucking murderer and kill his father. and also how annoyed she was getting with their little mind-skype sessions. i wish we could have had more of that and less of...whatever the rest of it was. i even liked their joint fight against the praetorian guards tbh.

“finn? naked? leaking bag? did you fry a circuit or something?”

“don’t you have a towel or something to put on??” a mood.

“you were always scum.” “rebel scum.”

when he was actually in character, finn was badass like always. i liked that he knew just as much as rose did regarding tech. his fight with phasma was also great, even though it was way too short. his entire arc was kind of redundant of tfa but it was really touching to see him ready to sacrifice himself for a cause because he believed in it and not just for a person even though i was terrified they might actually kill him off and i’m incredibly grateful they didn’t. he’s such a good man i love him so much.

i want one of the secret rebel logo rings

almost everything that came out of leia’s mouth was so emotional considering carrie’s gone. as was her reunion with luke(ish). the whole “is anyone ever really gone” thing really hit me hard, as did the whole “how can we keep going?” “we have everything we need” bit with rey.

even though i had some issues with her actual story, i loved holdo. laura dern was fantastic. her final conversation with leia was so good, especially when they stumbled awkwardly over saying “may the force be with you.” it was so heartwarming to see laura dern getting to say that line after hearing her tell stories of being such a big fan throughout the press tour. you could really feel the love from her (which was nice because you couldn’t really feel it from anyone else this time and i don’t blame them at all). 

i LOVED seeing billie lourde get to do more and i really hope she gets to step into an even bigger role in 9.

i love poe dameron and his ride or die attitude toward the resistance. i know some people had problems with his story and i did to a degree, mostly from other characters, but i also thought it worked to develop him a bit and make him more three dimensional. which i think was the intent for all the characters, it just really only worked for him.

i loved seeing so many women in leadership roles in the resistance. i’ll be interested in seeing the dialogue/gender breakdown. 

the porgs were perfect and amazing and did nothing wrong ever in their lives

the vulptices were perfect and amazing and did nothing wrong ever in their lives and deserve every bit the merchandising extravaganza the porgs received 

yoda finally admitting the jedi were kinda fucked up and needed to start fresh so he blew up the force tree himself when luke hesitated. also i laughed really hard at “page turners they were not” re: the jedi texts

also “we are what they grow beyond” was a great line that this movie did not deserve

luke’s reunion with artoo was everything i wanted it to be except it wasn’t nearly long enough. seeing the old recording of leia from anh made me so emotional even though i agree with luke that it was a cheap shot (i laughed so hard at that line) but i don’t care.

“SACRED island watch your language.”

poe in his x-wing blowing stuff up

resistance pilot tallie and her little salute before getting blown up

rose removing the saddle from the big-eared space horse and saying that would make getting caught worth it. as a big ol animal lover myself, that was when i connected with her the most even though it was cheesy as hell.

luke skywalker and his astral projection. that whole bit was amazing. LOVED when he emerged from that cloud and dusted off his perfectly clean cloak. this scene, the scene with leia, the bit where he messed with rey, and the scene with artoo were the only times he really felt like luke skywalker and i thoroughly enjoyed them all.

i am actually surprisingly okay with the ending of luke skywalker’s story (mostly because i feel like it’s not really an ending) but...

things i did not like

it just didn’t feel earned in the context of this movie.

while the increased number of women in important roles was great, there’s no reason they almost all had to be white except rose. there’s also no reason almost all of them had to die. it was especially gross to see so many woc on screen only to have them die a second later with little or no dialogue. also not a fan of rose ending the film unconscious and on the brink of death.

speaking of rose, that kiss with finn at the end was super awkward and came out of nowhere. there was no indication anywhere in their plot that she was developing feelings for him outside of a little hero worship at the beginning. it also made her big heroic moment about him and not her coming into her own as her own hero (something she unfortunately shares with rey which i’ll get to in a bit). also did not like how they had her zap him at the beginning either. did not like it at all. 

in fact i did not like how they used finn as a punching bag in general. i know john’s great at physical comedy and an instance or two would’ve been fine-ish but the stuff they did to him went way too far, especially since so much of it was straight up physical abuse meant to be “funny,” like “haha look at this black man stumbling around and getting zapped and hurt in really exaggerated ways.” it was gross. i also HATED how they had hux slap him. do they not know how that looked??? a white nazi stand-in slapping a black man on his knees in front of him???? no one took five seconds to be like “hey rian this is a terrible idea”? or did someone actually try to explain to him how racist this was and he just didn’t care? 

for that matter, i also hated when leia shot poe and how it was played for laughs as well. there was far too much abuse against poc being played for laughs. this is something people have to deal with every day in real life and it isn’t fuckin funny to sit in a theater and see it treated like a joke. i just saw someone say how when finn fell in the stable there was a pile of shit near him which i didn’t even notice and what the actual hell and fuck rian?

speaking of finn, i was willing to give the actual movie a shot before i made my own comments about him being sidelined in the movie and in the marketing because it kind of seemed like they were keeping the resistance story under wraps and marketing is bullshit 90% of the time anyway but...his and rose’s plotline really felt like such an afterthought. i mean overall i liked well enough if you remove all the gross shit and i love finn and i grew to like rose a lot, but there is absolutely no reason they couldn’t have included more of it in the marketing or even treated it with one iota of respect in the actual film.

actually one of my biggest complaints is that both finn AND rey felt like afterthoughts in their own story. finn was on this random side quest that ultimately didn’t matter anyway since they failed because benicio del toro benicio del toro’d them and rey was literally only there to service kylo’s story in a really ooc way. i get that snoke was the one behind their connection and that he was manipulating the way rey interpreted everything but it just didn’t work for me because there’s no reason to believe snoke is that all powerful and tfa set rey up to have a strong mind that can withstand that stuff so that entire aspect of the story just did not work so it makes rey act out of character. even if he was just manipulating and using her naive hopefulness and faith in people, that should have been, y’know, addressed. i’m pretty sure what we were supposed to get was not only kylo growing to fully embrace his role as a villain, but finn and rey paralleling this journey and fully embracing their roles as heroes. and we got the kylo part....but finn was just given the same exact character arc as tfa instead of having that arc expanded upon and rey was....there. 

everyone calling kylo a “boy” or “child” - HE’S A THIRTY YEAR OLD MAN

continued criminal under-use of gwendoline christie and lupita nyong’o

rey’s parentage stuff was so anticlimactic. i could so easily have gotten behind rey being a nobody from nowhere that comes from nothing stepping into the role of a legendary hero if had been handled even remotely well but it wasn’t. it was all about kylo and ended up just being about him manipulating her so he could go through his own character arc. the scene in the cave should have been about rey confronting the reality that her parents were garbage and she was responsible for her own self and she’s turned out great despite the deck being stacked against her not about kylo still having good in him or whatever the fuck, which again, i know that was snoke planting those seeds and kylo manipulating her but since they were never actually addressed...just like during that last confrontation with kylo, it should have been about rey coming to terms with everything, including the painful realization that having blind faith and hope in people doesn’t always work out (luke even says “this isn’t going to go the way you think”!!) but that entire thread was just left hanging.

speaking of hanging threads, wtf happened with the students kylo vanished with??? are they the knights of ren? where were they during this mess? why were these students never mentioned again???? what’s going on????

there are SO MANY inconsistencies with tfa that i can’t believe disney actually pays for a story group and apparently refuses to let them actually do their job. like, how are rey’s parents dead on jakku if we see them taking off in a ship and rey crying out for them to come back (fwiw i think kylo was lying at least a little about her parents - i’m not convinced they were just drunks who sold her off especially since she’s never actually been a slave). why were the knights of ren at the massacre in rey’s vision but apparently not in tlj’s version of the events??? why does leia suddenly know her son is already gone when she just sent han to bring him home because she still felt good in him two days ago???? why were luke and rey on the verge of tears upon seeing each other on that island only to have like ONE positive interaction and no real relationship to speak of??????

the ending with those kids in canto bight was stupid. this is the first star wars movie that didn’t end on a skywalker in some way and i hated it.

NO ONE SAID “I HAVE A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS”

things i never want to think about again

shirtless kylo

monster tiddy milk

it’s interesting because i have friends that both really liked tlj and friends that completely and utterly hated it, and friends like me that just....don’t know what to think. basically i think i feel like the movie had its moments but it was so bogged down by racist and misogynist bullshit that it’s hard to muster the enthusiasm needed to watch it again and enjoy all those moments i enjoyed. i guess the question is if someone handed you a bag full of shit and told you that there was a handful of gold nuggets mixed in with it, would you sift through the shit to get to them or just be comfortable with the knowledge that they’re in there and wait two years hoping you get a bag with just the gold nuggets in it?

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi Review [Spoilers]

Hey all! So I just got back from seeing The Last Jedi, so I can finally put my two-cents in on the newest installment of the trilogy. Before getting into spoilers, I will say this film is a worthy addition to the franchise, building upon concepts from previous movies while also creating new, creative imagery for this film that fits alongside the stuff that came before it. While I successfully guessed a few twists this film took, it also surprised me just as much, and I greatly appreciate that. It kept me on my toes the entire time. Overall, I would say every Star Wars fan will get something great out of this, even if they end up not liking the film as a whole.

Now then...spoilers ahead. Beware, all ye who enter here.

The Good!

+These action scenes...DAMN! I think they were easily some of the most creative and thrilling in the entire film series. Rose and Finn’s chase through intergalactic Las Vegas Canto Bight, the opening battle with the fighter jets, the confrontation at the rebel base, and the battle between Rey, Kylo Ren, and the First Order officers were all fantastic. The effects were spot-on, the music matched the movement perfectly, and the choreography of both the CGI and the actors was really well-done.

+Mark Hamill as Luke. I mean, yeah -- what can you say here except “duh?” Mark really went above and beyond here. Yes, I knew I was going to love seeing him as Luke again for nostalgic reasons, but what I love most is how much more depth Mark brought to the character, after all of the trials and tribulations he’s gone through between the films. He depicted a character who most would think would solely be a mentor figure, given his age and his beloved status, but who it turns out has his own learning curve to take on. He needs to acknowledge that while the Jedi were flawed, their philosophy shouldn’t just be completely thrown out and their old religion shouldn’t just be forgotten -- there are pieces that are still of use and should be passed on. It’s something Rey also realizes, and Kylo does not -- Kylo wants to burn everything down, including the past, regardless of the shreds of good there might be in that past along with the bad. And like Rey, as much as I was sad to see Luke go, I felt peace as it was happening. He is now one with the Force. Now he can guide Rey into the future and haunt Kylo for his mistakes -- both of which I will support him in wholeheartedly.

+Carrie Fisher as Leia. This truly was a shining performance -- I feel so beyond blessed that she was able to finish shooting her scenes before her sudden death, because hail to the motherfucking Queen, baby. When the Rebel bridge got blown up with Leia inside (good touch having it be Kylo’s men and not Kylo who did it, by the by), I literally felt myself stop breathing. But then she FLOATED HERSELF BACK TO THE SHIP TO SAVE HERSELF AND HOLY SHIT. It was actually eerie seeing Leia unconscious on the ship, as I couldn’t help but think of how Carrie had also been in a coma just before she passed...it was beyond merciful that Leia survived in this installment, and that she got to kick so much ass here. I do wonder how the filmmakers are going to handle her loss in the next movie...but wow, am I glad we got to see Carrie one last time on film, especially when she gave such a good performance.

+The focus on Poe. Honestly, Poe Dameron didn’t get that much attention in The Force Awakens, and I’m glad he got his proper share of spotlight here. I love the arc he went through and how he came to appreciate Vice Admiral Holdo’s leadership, even despite their differing approaches and distrust of each other. I think he’ll truly be able to step into Leia’s shoes as leader of the Rebellion in the future, now that he’s learned the value of human life over glory.

+The theme of rebellion being a symbol of hope to the oppressed, best exemplified by Rose and the other marginalized citizens of intergalactic Las Vegas Canto Bight. Yeah, I keep referencing Las Vegas when I talk about that planet, and yeah, they clearly modeled the look of the wealthy casinos and buildings off of it...but after having visited Vegas recently, and since I’m living in another wealthy tourist town myself (Anaheim), I must applaud the fact that they modeled the planet’s ugly underbelly to the same one that you can find in Vegas and cities like it, and actually took the time to discuss it. Where there is obscene wealth, there is also sickening, crippling poverty; where there is privilege, there will always be abuse. It ties back into the lesson Luke taught Rey about light and darkness -- how they constantly balance each other. But just like how Rey and Kylo mirror each other, being strong in the light and the darkness respectively, so too can rebellion become an equal to tyranny...and the end of the movie with the children likewise invigorated to take on the fight about to come left me feeling empowered.

+Finn’s arc from solely focusing on his friends and himself to seeing the Rebellion as something just as important to fight for. I’ve always seen Finn as a Hufflepuff or a Slytherin, morality-wise, in that he values his inner-circle over the whole world, but it was really neat to have him learn about how the world must be safe in order for the things he loves to be safe too.

+Kylo Ren killing Snoke. It felt in character and I think it will allow Kylo to go darker and become the real Big-Bad of the trilogy, since he won’t have to skirt around Snoke’s coattails anymore. Plus, admittedly, I always found Snoke sort of disappointing as Star Wars villains go, and I think it establishes how very treacherous the First Order is -- Kylo turned on Snoke, so who is to say Hux or any of his other subordinates won’t turn on Kylo? Unlike the Rebellion, whose bonds are strengthening, we’re already getting the hint of just how fragile the bonds binding the First Order together are...and that means Kylo has no one who he can truly rely on, unlike Rey, who of course has friends she can trust.

+I like that for all of the “mirroring” this film tried to do with Rey and Kylo, Rey still refused to follow him. She’s strong enough in herself and her moral compass to use her head and not trust him, even if he tries to lure her with knowledge of her parents and a promise of companionship. (I mean, seriously, Rey -- who gives a damn about your deadbeat parents, Finn and Poe and Chewie and BB-8 and Leia love you like few other things in this world! They’re your real family!)

+All of the actors gave very strong performances. I can honestly not pick out any weak links here -- they all gave it their all.

+The hacker character DJ I hope pops up again in the next movie. He seems like an interesting chaotic neutral character and since he didn’t get much of a resolution in this film, I look forward to what he’ll get in the next one.

+FINN KICKED CAPTAIN PHASMA’S ASS, HELLZ YEAH, THAT’S MY BOY. (Also, good to see Phasma having more screen time than in the last movie, even if it still wasn’t that much.)

The Not-So-Good...

+All the Reylo shipper fuel. *dodges knives* OKAY -- LISTEN. I do not support Rey/Kylo, and I probably never will, but shipping aside, here’s my problem with it -- the film did not properly convey why Rey has forgiven Kylo enough to let him into her mind. I’m sorry, it just didn’t. Kylo killed his father -- Rey’s mentor -- one of the first three protagonists that we all fell in love with in the original trilogy -- who went to bring his son back to the Light, only to get stabbed through the chest for his trouble. I just didn’t feel anything close to what Rey did when she started going, “Why? Why did you do it?” and questioning why Kylo destroyed the Jedi Temple -- I’m sorry, all I saw from Kylo in this film is that he was conflicted, not that he was sorry or had any interest in fixing his mistakes. It doesn’t matter if killing his father was painful for him -- it should be. He committed first-degree patricide. Feeling bad for your actions alone is not enough -- you then have to do something about it -- and Kylo did not do that. It felt like in some ways they were trying to parallel Padme and Anakin, where Padme likewise fruitlessly implores Anakin to come back to the Light Side even though it’s too late -- but there are a million and one differences between Anakin and Kylo, most relevant in this case being that Anakin’s reason to not turn back was out of misguided love for Padme (and later because he had no choice, since he’d alienated all of his allies and his suit basically left him tethered to Darth Sidious and the Empire), and that Kylo’s was to assert his loyalty to Snoke (and later to take vengeance against those who wronged him and assert his power). Anakin was trying to protect one of the people that meant the world to him after having known so little love in his life, while Kylo had a family who supported him, taught him, and trained him and he decided that Snoke’s approval and his own pride were more important than that. Anakin was raised to think that he was nothing -- a worthless slave -- while Kylo knew likely from the time he was very little that he was special and decided to act out because of it. Anakin’s initial fall was out of ignorance and a selfish kind of love, but Kylo’s was out of active vengeance, teenage angst, privileged frustration, and a toxic need to dominate and control. Snoke was right when he said that Kylo was no Vader, and that he instead was just a child -- he’s too immature to even acknowledge that his rationale for falling to the Dark Side and doing what he did was WRONG AND EVIL AND STUPID. That’s why I still don’t forgive Kylo Ren, that’s why I don’t think Rey should’ve been as open to him as she was, and that’s why I was satisfied by the ending where Kylo proved himself to be just as vile as I always thought he was, by blaming Snoke’s death on Rey so he can take over the First Order himself and go about terrorizing the galaxy. Someone who was truly sorry for what he’d done and had the capacity to change would’ve at the very least taken the “Zuko Alone” route and tried to recollect himself and redefine a new moral code that he can follow. As of now, the way things are now, I hope that in the final movie Kylo Ren burns, leaving nothing behind but a pile of ash, same as the Jedi Temple he burned to the ground.

+Rose/Finn. I know a few other people have said this, but...yeah. It was WAY too rushed. Honestly, the only thing I can hope for is that in the next film, Finn has to politely turn Rose’s feelings down, because honestly there was just not enough romantic chemistry built up between the two characters. I’m not a rabid Poe/Finn or Finn/Rey shipper, but I still think either of those couples had much more behind them than what this film gave Finn/Rose. Maybe this couple could’ve been written better, maybe it couldn’t have been, but regardless, it was a misstep for this film, the way it was handled.

+C3PO and R2D2 were pretty much dead weight in this movie. BB-8 remained relevant and necessary throughout the runtime, but our old veterans were basically props. They didn’t even really get that many laughs.

+Porgs may be cute, but...wow, were they oddly forgettable. I liked the crystal foxes (Vulptex?) much better.

I definitely look forward to seeing how this new trilogy ends. The messages and action of this movie definitely make me eager to see how the filmmakers will follow it up, and I hope that the few problems I did have are properly addressed. The new Star Wars trilogy is truly exciting...the possibility and potential for the next one truly are limitless, as far as I can see.

Overall Grade: B

Ack

 that sounds horrible, getting sick is the worst ;-; get as much rest as you can! I really hope you get better soon<3

(omg the pics are GORGEOUS. Like, Wow. Once I’m done writing this message I’m probably going to go back to stare at them for like an hour and silently scream over how awesome everything looks)

Don’t worry about it, I admit that Stoki is pretty much a crack ship ^^;;

And, well, the redemption fic I mentioned helped me fall deeper into Stoki hell, but I shipped it even before that XD I think part of it is just because I think they could have a really interesting dynamic- they’re just so different, complete opposites. Steve would confuse Loki so much tbh

Also, I just think that Steve (or at least, post-CW Steve) might be one of the avengers most willing to at least try to understand Loki. Partly because Steve’s just a nice guy, and then because of his relationship with Bucky- ‘cause Steve-Bucky and Thor-Loki are really, really similar and I think Steve would realize that.

And then like I said, Steve cares a lot about other people. If Thor ever told him about everything that happened between him and Loki Steve probably wouldn’t have too much difficulty in starting to see Loki as a human(?) being instead of some one-dimensional fairy tale villain.

Lastly, I feel like Steve is just the best person to handle Loki’s issues. He may not be able to personally relate to a lot of it (Tony, Bruce, maybe Natasha would be better for that) but he can take a step back and think rationally about the situation, help convince Loki that just because the rest of the world sees him as a monster, doesn’t mean he has to be one.

Hopefully this made sense? lol)

yeah, that’s pretty much how I felt about it too. It was just so freaking frustrating OTL

(And yes that letter destoyed my feelings too)

btw, can I ask what you think about T'challa? He doesn’t seem to have that many fans yet but I think he’s really cool and possibly one of the more sensible people in the CW movie (once he stops being furious at Bucky). Also the trailer for his new movie is epic and I can’t wait to see his sister…

Hisoillu is bizarre (sadistic murdery Clown with no sense of fashion + sadistic murdery needle guy with dead fish eyes) but also makes a lot of sense at the same time? Like, Hisoka got away with joking about killing Killua in front of Illumi, so…yeah. They’ve got something special LOL

omg imagine.

‘Satisfied but when you fantasize at night it’s Illumi’s eyes’

'Helpless but look into Illumi’s eyes and the sky’s the limit’

'History has its Eyes on you but it’s actually Illumi’

Why do I want these memes to be a thing

With the new revelation about who Touka was visiting at the hospital, I’m beginning to have my doubts about how this will end…maybe they might actually both survive for now???

But I’m a bit miserable rn because if one of them has to die I’d rather keep Juuzou too but it seems much more likely for Touka to survive. She’s like the main female lead, plus she has Kaneki’s baby…

R.I.P Naki, the sweetest cinnamon roll who just wanted to see his big bro again ;-;

(Also: Wow, way to go Kaneki, you finally started acting like an actual leader (in a way)! But can I just say, what absolutely perfect timing)

WTH I had no idea Soul Eater’s art style developed that much???!!! That’s actually pretty amazing! (And yeah, I know that SE has some pretty complex characters and interesting stories in it :D it’s just still a lot lighter and has different themes from the mangas I usually enjoy ^^ I might try it out though!)

Death The Kid seems really cool! (does he really have OCD in canon, though? Like, I’ve seen a lot of Soul Eater fans talking like he does but idk if it’s actually a thing? Maybe I sound weird but it just seems insensitive to say characters like DTK and Levi have 'OCD’ and talking about it jokingly when it’s actually incredibly difficult and stressful for people who actully have OCD, so I’m not sure how to feel about those fans)

Yay! Gotta go and try to find that fight scene now…

Join me in my suffering. I loved L so much ;-;

(But hey, don’t be too sad (what’s this? Is Evans actually COMFORTING Queen Luna for once instead of rubbing salt in the wound?!)! There’s always the book Death Note: Another Note (The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases)- it’s a prequel to the Death Note manga/anime with L chasing a murderer known as Beyond Birthday (…no comment on that alias). It also shows how he met Naomi Misora which is awesome if you like Naomi (I did, and kinda screamed when Light kiled her))

Eh, I think I’m one of the few people who doesn’t mind it being set in America because what’s the point of making an American adaptation if it’s going to be set in Japan anyway? I also don’t really have a problem with 'white-washing’ for this same reason (though I am disappointed because being Japanese-American would have added an interesting layer to Light’s character; despite fighting for justice, in canon, LIght’s never actually been victimized or discriminated against. He’s a handsome, intelligent young man who appears to be cisgender and heterosexual (even if it’s never confirmed) and is Japanese, just like everyone else around him. Japanese-American Light, on the other hand, would have really experienced how the 'rotten’ world could hurt people, so his acts as Kira might have more personal emotion in them)…like, it’s possible to cast a white actor as Light without it being white-washing, and since they changed the entire setting I think it’s fine to change other things too. Just, I’m cool with anything as long as they portrayed Light’s character properly…BUT THEY DIDN’T SO

I’m really just disappointed that they botched the characters and all the themes of the original Death Note story so badly. Sure, change the setting, change the circumstances, change the plot, changehe designs, but why did you have to take Death Note’s philosophy away?

But, because I might have been a bit too mean:

I will say that the movie LOOKS really good. The visuals are great. The soundtrack seems decent too. Also, though Ryuk’s motivations/role also weren’t done very well, Ryuk’s actor did an amazing job…and while I’m not happy with how L was portrayed in this movie, I do think that the actor they cast for him could have been a good L if not for the bad writing.

Well…from what I know, Light Turner ends up in a hospital at the end of the movie with his One True Love Mia(Misa) dead, so nah. The Keikaku failed.

(which just proves that Light Turner really is nothing like Light Yagami, because Light Yagami’s keikakus never fail.

Until the end of the Death note manga/anime, that is.)

Yeah, I know about SU’s terrible fandom, so I’m not going to actively participate in writing fanfic, drawing fan art or making HCs/theories with other people…I’m just gonna watch the show with my sister and look at pretty fanart XD

Tysm tho!

(Question: Which character do you think you are? And what kind of gem do you think you’d be?)

Aww, I’m so happy my awkward rambling actually made you feel better??? Like. Come on. You have no idea how much our convos helped me with anxiety and stress, so I have to thank you for that too <333

(And seriously, Queen Luna is amazing.)

For most people, they start going to elementary at seven (in international age) as far as I know, and then go to middle school at around thirteen. Then high school at…um…sixteen? Maybe? I’ve never really gone to school here so I might not be 100% correct but it’s something like that ^^;;

I really wanna try Mystic Messenger but since my phone is an old flip phone…I like my phone but sometimes this can be inconvenient LOL

(I’m totally fine with messaging here, but are you really ok with it? 'Cause if you’re not, we can try to work something else out!)

hi im luna and i wanna die.

HNNNNNNNNGH have i ever told you how much i hate school?  because i freaking hate school from the bottom of my heart i can’t feel my neck anymore from the amount of studying ive been doing that’s depressing.

anyway. heartfelt advice: do not fuck your stomach up in any way, because you will suffer if you do. take it from me, i’ve managed to develop this amazing thing called Gastritis and now i cant eat anything without getting the feeling that im gonna throw it back out which is absolutely wonderful. thankfully, i don’t throw up, but it’s freaking annoying and ive lost waay too much weight already. best part? the whole reason why i have it is apparently purely psychological,  too much stress. i got it in the middle of july. HOW my mom is also being INCREDIBLY helpful by basically telling me to ‘get over it’ like i can just snap my fingers and tell myself ‘oh yeah this is only in my head’ and it’ll all pass over. cause that’s how it works.  so is my sister by always laughing at me

oook moving on.

yep, school started and i am suffering. ive already gone through 4 tests and a bunch of oral quizzes. yay. thanks teachers for totally not putting horrible pressure on us from the start.  i stg, one of my most common thoughts these days is ‘see, this is exactly why i have a psychosomatic sickness.’ they’re sending my to a psychologist to see if i can let everything out and maybe get some advice on how to handle things better. i will laugh my ass off if i get diagnosed with a mental disorder. that’d be absolutely hilarious (I am in no way trying to make fun of people with a mental disorder, I’m just saying I honestly wouldn’t even be surprised if they said something like Burnout Syndrome or Depression (im not even joking when I say that I’ve been sleeping pretty much all afternoon + night these days, cry way too often, feel no motivation for anything, feel worthless, no apetite and also occasional suicidal thoughts which is oh so fun (ok but in my defence, the thoughts are really rare, probably caused by the fact that I feel nauseous like 90% of the time, and I would never ever do it, mostly because some people would miss me (I hope). there are moments when I go ‘wouldn’t it be easier to disappear?’ tho))

sorry about that rant

MOVING ON TO HAPPIER THEMES (and proper writing):

Yeah, Norway was truly gorgeous ^^ I don’t think I’ve ever felt more at peace than then. I fell asleep in the car at one point while watching the scenery outside, and it was one of the best sleeps in my life, despite being in the car. I’m glad you enjoyed them ^^ If you want, I can upload random pics like that every once in a whole.

Aaah, that’s pretty good reasoning! It makes a lot more sense now, thanks for explaining! 

Yeah, I kinda see why you’d ship it. Steve is a pretty understanding person and, like you said, would probably understand Loki the best ^^ Recommend me some fics and I might even start shipping it myself ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I LOVE T’CHALLA THANK YOU FOR ASKING YES.  I mean, he angery™, but also freaking cool! Not to mention crazily powerful *^* I’m pretty excited for his movie, cause more badassery from him!

Wow those sound like genuine memes. Seriously why can’t i draw XD

Also HIstory has its eyes on you but it’s actually Illumi will give me nightmares.

GODAMNIT I JUST WANT JUUZOU TO BE HAPPY IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?? (apparently yes)

Yep, since I have all the volumes, I like to flip through them sometimes and I’m blown away every time by the development.  I also cosplayed the main character a while ago, so it holds a high sentimental value to me. But it is a lot lighter than your usual reads, true...

Well, uh, it’s kinda hard to explain? I mean, DTK is obsessed with symmetry and will go to crazy lengths to preserve it, get mad if someone disturbs it, will jeopardise missions if he’s not sure if he left something perfectly symmetrically at home etc, but it’s not so much as a mental illness as it is a consequence of who he is (part of the Grim Reaper)? Like i said, it’s really had to explain.

Did you manage to find the fight scene?

My reaction to Death Note in general:  FUCK YOU LIGHT YAGAMI. oooh, I’ll search that manga up!

Well, I’m not so much upset about the whitewashing, more about the fact that I feel like the japanese general ideology plays a big role in why light decided to start killing bad people? Idk how to explain it... 

Oh, Japanese-American Kira would’ve been a really interesting thing to see!

Yay, at least you found some good things? Well, it’s nice that you managed that ^^

Damnit, so it didn’t go according to Keikaku! It’s all because they didn’t include the potato chip scene.

Uuh, i don’t exactly remember much of SU, but I guess I’m most similar to Pearl? I didn’t really sympathise with any characters that much tbh. As for gem. Uuuuuh *quickly googles gem meanings* ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA.  I like Zircon because of the colour and alexandrite because it changes colour which is incredibly cool!

Your rambling always makes me feel better tbh. It gives me a looong message from a friend I appreciate incredibly much so, yeah, I always smile when I see a message from you (even though my replies are so slooooooooow)

Aaah, I see! That’s pretty interesting ^^ Quite different from our system.

Ah, shame, you would’ve liked the most recent route, there is so so so much suffering.

Yeah, I am 100% fine!! Don’t worry about it! The reason why I suggested something else is because on sites w an instant messaging system, my replies would probably be a lot quicker,

I AM IN LOVE WITH THE AESTETHICS, ESPECIALLY LIZZY, THAT IS GOALS

and the drawings are adorable ^^ Hide tho ;-;

The Great ATOG Reread; Grey part 4

Holy fuck I am on a roll

Chapter 9

"Don't call my costume stupid! I love my costume!"

Really, what kind of life must you be living in order to joke about these things?

Nothing much happens in this chapter (compared to the previous arc). Blaine has suffered a lot and now he has to recover. It was yet again another turning point in his life.

What happens to Hector's son after Troy falls? Jesus. He's thrown from the walls of the city. Jesus, they were above that bridge, Blaine can't even think about it. And - Andromache -

They have gone through way too much. Like I said, I’ve read the Illiad after rereading Grey for the first time, but it didn’t do much for me so I can’t remember how it ended. Well Blaine, thanks for reminding me.

Meanwhile, Kurt is dealing with problem 2. He’s held a child. He slowly starts to realise that fuck, he kind of really wants a family on his own, but they can’t. Sure, Phalanx looked like he was about to die and the Ghost was emotionally exhausted, but for a second, while holding that child, everything seemed right.

You know who else is on a roll?

I've got nothing, fandom, I just don't have the *energy* to care about your pathetic childish shitfuckery right now. You want to judge her, and them, go right ahead. I hope one of these days you grow up enough to learn how to start judging yourselves too, since you'll never be able to control what she does but fuck knows you really ought to know how to control your own actions, or else what the *fuck* chance does humanity have . . .

Ghostly.

And righfully so. Remember what I said about fans tearing down other people on behalf of their idols. Blaine obviously knows fandom is capable of this, but it hurts Kurt like a ton of bricks.

People are harassing this woman???

BECAUSE OF HIM???

WHEREAS HER REACTION HURT, IT WAS COMPLETELY REASONABLE AND HUMAN???

FANDOM????

Jesus, how do Ghostly (and Blaine) keep up with this?

Kurt knows what he’s got to do.

"No." The thought of being near that baby - the thought of seeing that baby - has his guts like a snare; he can't. "I need you to. Please. And if you . . . you know, Detective, if you knew any, how shall I put this, sympathetic young female journalists who might be willing to put her side of the story out who you could introduce her to? Because . . . because I don't believe for one second that she's a bad person, she just needs . . . she just needs people to understand.

The fandom kind of calms down, but something else is happening. The fandom has always been the subplot: the craziness from the POV of three women. But things are changing. BB is no longer as active as she used to be, and Draxie has the feeling it’s got something to do with Ghostly.

Chapter 10

The team is back, and wow, they got a reality check. The moment iBorg got his head smashed against the helicopter, the others are dead silent. Even Incendiary. Sure, she’s impressed and amused, but fuck. The Ghost and Phalanx are not fucking around.

He doesn't like that she acts like she's better than everyone else, he doesn't like that she makes no effort to help the team bond - makes an active effort to stifle any attempts they make themselves to bond - he doesn't like the way she finds people's weaknesses and knows exactly how to push exactly there. She knows the Ghost is very unsure of how to interact with anyone here and while time could have made him more confident in that, she's gone out of her way to make him feel stupid and awkward and unwanted; she knows that Phalanx really does want to be friends with the other supers, so she makes sure to belittle his place among them - 'sidekick' - as often as she can. So they sit uneasily, the Ghost too tense and Phalanx already too angry, across from her.

This is exactly how I feel about Psyche. 

But this is her redeeming herself. Sure, she didn’t want to do this to them, but for the first time, she realised that they are actual human beings and that she really hurt both of them. To her it was a joke, to them, it was bullying. In fact, it was bullying, but Psyche just didn’t realise it.

She’s the first super on the team to really open up to them. By now, we’ve gotten some hints from Sam and Puckzilla’s pasts, but that’s it. This is Psyche, or Quinn, telling the truth.

There's something weird between them now, something Phalanx doesn't understand. He tugs a question at the Ghost's hand, and gets a quick swooping stroke of his thumb to settle him, hush hush. Psyche says, low through her teeth and right to the Ghost's eyes, "They took us when we had nothing and no choice. If I had any say in it at all I wouldn't trust them an inch."

When I first read this story, I didn’t understand what has happened. Neither did Phalanx, but the Ghost sure as fuck did, because he’s observant like that. But I (and Phalanx) didn’t get that that small moment changed their lives forever.

What Psyche had done to them was her wake-up slap, but it also slapped the Ghost and Phalanx in the face. This team could work, but there’s one major problem:

THEY. SUCK.

Really, they know absolutely nothing about being a hero. They don’t know what it’s like in the real world. They don’t know what they do every night.

He shakes his head, taking a breath. "I'll try harder. Because she's right." His eyes meet Phalanx's, and Phalanx stares for that second dumb, because, yes, so much prettier, through the grey of the mask so bright. "They want their powers but they don't care about them. God knows they don't care about us. And if we're not looking out for each other - Phalanx they don't have a clue, you know they don't, do you think those supers could survive a week of your life . . . ?" "I -" He thinks about the squabbling and the bitching and the whining and the laziness and the chaos and the pettiness, and then he thinks about talking a man rescued from a mugging through an anxiety attack in the freezing rain, he thinks about skidding into the road shields flaring everywhere as the girl comes off her bike in front of a bus, he thinks about performing CPR which is not like it is on the TV until the ambulance gets there, he thinks about standing with his hand over his nose and mouth at the side of the alleyway while the Ghost keeps a hand on his arm, talking quietly with the cell in his hood and turned away from Phalanx so he doesn't have to listen, because the suspiciously abandoned car turned out to have a body in the trunk. He thinks about all the crying and how when the Ghost isn't there he has to make people trust him after the worst things have been done to them. He thinks about all the blood, all the bullets and the knives and the baseball bats and the blood. He thinks about not throwing up while he calls an ambulance and the Ghost kneels to help the man whose eye is hanging out after a bar fight and who won't stop screaming. He turns his head away a little, eyes squeezing shut. And he says, jaw too tight, "No. Okay." He remembers their blanking faces, What do you think happens when people jump out at me -? They have to get those guys up to speed. They need to know what the hell they're actually doing. They have to let them know they'll help them, not just the people on the street, when they're going to need it. Because they are going to need it. Becoming a superhero, what do you expect? Not what it is. Not what their lives are. How can you expect that? How can you expect the things people are capable of doing to each other, before Phalanx started this he didn't have a clue -

I think at this point, the team starts to grow, but mostly based on mutual mistrust. Psyche is the team’s HBIC. 

And yet, she doesn’t trust them at all. She doesn’t trust this entire operation, the one she manages, at all. And she’s not the only one. While the Ghost is asking Mike for medical advice, Phalanx goes to Artie.

Artie bangs the helmet on the bench and looks right at it, like he's looking through its eyes, looking into its soul or something. "Power supply," he says to the helmet. "It's really expensive to run it, even for a short period of time. It's why I'm here. You never wondered why I was here?" "I just thought . . . I thought you volunteered. Like we did."

Phalanx is already on a rollercoaster of emotions AGAIN, so this comes as a shock to him. iBorg is the one who recuited them and told them to join, and now they found out iBorg didn’t even want to join in the first place.

Give me five years, he thinks, heading down the corridor. Give me another five years, I'll be just as good. (Yes, the voice murmurs inside him, you will. And he'll be five years even better.)

Goddamnit problem 1.

Chapter 11

He needs Blaine. He knows it. He knows it and he's terrified of him, sometimes. He needs him. No-one could destroy him like Blaine could. Whatever death he could face on the streets is only death; it's Blaine who would barely need words to ruin him worse than that, break him beyond mending, stamp his heart to mess with just a look if he ever looked at him like Kurt is . . .

Goddamnit problem 2.

Again, not much happens, because this time they’re actually on a break and most of their problems are quite small (compared to the ones I actually listed). They’re in the homophobic midwest, which is a problem. It kills you to read how trapped they feel in a place that they should call home.

Second, Blaine once again realises that his family doesn’t love each other- not really.

He doesn't know what to tell Blaine. Because honesty - being really honest with him, telling him exactly how much Kurt needs him and what it would do to him if Blaine left, telling him what future they can expect together and what the present will always be, telling him the truth would feel like blackmailing him. Blaine is a good person, and if Kurt tells him that he will never actually have the life he wants with Kurt but on the other hand Kurt's life will just disappear if Blaine leaves him, how is that fair? He doesn't want Blaine to stay with him because if he doesn't then Kurt will swim in the misery of the life he made for himself until he's got no strength left to keep his head above water. He doesn't want Blaine to stay with him because he feels guilty. He wants Blaine to love him. To actually want to stay with him. He wants this to be what Blaine wants, not just what he's settling for, for Kurt's sake.

Nevermind. Goddamnit problem 1.

Someone else is also having a problem. Ghostly has an anon, and in true Ghostly style, she finishes them off in an epic rant.

That little foot. He still sees it in the dark sometimes. That little foot, poking out of a trash bag, stiff and cold.

During their time away, they have the chance to take a fucking break and thinks things through. Especially after the bridge, everything’s been pretty rough. Kurt realises that he’s not as good with coping than that he originally thought.

I actually always skip the serial killer part. In writing, I can handle shit that usually triggers me much better, but not this. Oh god.

Chapter 12

Okay, meta roundup of the week! GeekingGreekly gave us a long meta post on Iliad-parallels in the Brooklyn Bridge fight, which for those of us who didn't have a clue was insanely interesting and informative. And that inspired in Paleandghostly a post on Modesty and the Ghost, from GeekingGreekly's thoughts on Andromache as good and modest classical Greek wife to the Ghost's costume's strange mixture of 'well that's a very fine ass you've put on show' figure-clinging suit and that cloak that covers him head to toe. Madalicelane gave her thoughts on the just kiss dammit debate, which sparked a lot of, uh, let's call it discussion, and Shieldbearingsoldier and Sociallyspooky are trying to work out the date of the superboyfriends' actual anniversary so they can throw a party for it, of course. We in fandom, our priorities, they are made of right <3

Fandom can actually be smart.

You know who isn’t smart?

RACHEL.

Fuck, at this point I kinda hate her more than Psyche. She’s so self-absorbed and she lets her stupidity blind her. She literally doesn’t understand what she’s doing. It’s not that she doesn’t care or anything. She cares a lot about the safety of the Ghost and Phalanx, and she would never betray them, but she doesn’t understand her actions COULD betray them and put them in danger. Everytime Kurt tries to make that clear to her, her pettiness and selfishness (and fucking stupidity) make sure she won’t even listen to him.

She meets no other than Jesse St. James.

This is where the tricky shit starts. I always say that ATOG has a lot of pysical damage, whereas Grey handles mental damage. Sure, they will work on it, because they’re strong, but it’s seriously messed up.

Jesse is one of the first bigger signs of that. By now, as a reader you’ve been introduced to their main individual problems, but they’re there with a reason. Jesse messes them up, big time.

". . . I don't know," he says, and the words are difficult in his throat, too big for it. "I - doubt. About - everything."

(He’s nothing compared to what’s waiting for them, tho)

EPISODE 0 (BALLOTS): GET ANOTHER SHOT AT TAKING THE CROWN - KEEGAN

I'm watching everyone join the chat and keeping tabs on who played once or twice so i know who look out for on the ballot or possibly in the game. I know people from my season probably hate me and will never trust me in games ever again so i'm trying to keep my head down and my wig on because i know if i do get voted in along with that don't like game me, i'm truly fucked. I'm still excited and hopeful for the best.

Every time I look at the ballot, I flinch and cringe a bit because it's almost guaranteed that whoever gets on this season will have a partner with them from their season which is pretty much an alliance right off the bat. It worries me because I could be without a seasonal partner which could put a target on my back if I do get into the game, or the game will be even harder to play because everyone will be expected to be with their partner and divergence from that system could cause serious chaos

Honestly, I don't think I stand a CHANCE against some of these other people in the ballot. Some people in the ballot are literal legends in both the TS and BB communites so I'm honestly just hoping for the best that I'll make the cut. If I make it onto the cast I hope Dom, Nick & Luke are there with me since I know them all but I'm sure I'll be happy with whoever I'm in the game with as long as I get cast!

Well I'm nervous as always when it comes to public vote. I think I can get enough votes to make it!! I know I have a fan club that is doing what they can. If I don't get in it's not like it's the end of the world!! Yeah it would be fun but there are always more seasons!!! I just hope it's not casted with people that are gonna be inactive or complete butts. Like Matthias - please no I like him but please don't cast him. In games he is a mess.

I feel like people have more connections with alot of people here in the tumblr community. Me in the other hand has less connections with most of the community. I can tell by this ballot that if you are popular you can get instantly in and I feel like there's more to this ballot but it's just my guess. I feel like the Great Lakes people are all in and another season of 4 I forgot (on phone btw) is in as well. That's probably a pre-made alliance by now and if I was in ima make sure to find an idol first and making sure my own cover is there so that way one by one they will go down, honesty is the best policy and I play true to the heart and I may be nice, but if I played a 2nd time ima play like a comp beast that no one can try to beat. My entity of advertising is to not campaign and not to ask people to campaign for me but to get them to campaign to vote me without me actually doing the work but with a little bit of me saying yes please vote me but without saying to vote me in a lot of vocabulary terms. Win or lose the ballot it was great being asked to play again despite whatever happens will happen.

i don't think i have a shot at being cast so i don't have much to say. i just hope that the cast is adorable. if i get in then this world is fucked up.

It's funny to submit a confessional for a series you haven't been cast on yet. There's 30 options. I have played exactly 3 games in the community since joining in late 2016. Myanmar was my first game and I tanked that pretty bad. Since then, I won House of Shade 16 and I played Survivor Wikia: Morocco on Facebook and placed 4th, winning Player of the Season. I now feel like I'm ready to come back to Tumblr Survivor and see if I can play a better game than previous. Looking at the prospective cast, I am the oldest on the ballot by 4 years, so I definitely have my work cut out for me no matter what. I have only played with Keegan, my Myanmar castmate, but I'm friendly with Trent (Kiribati) because he hosted Survivor Wikia: Morocco. My strategy for campaigning has been to just be visible in the VL because a lot of people have made it obvious that they only know a few people and they, for whatever reason, are required to fill up the ballot with 10 names. I'm befriending as many people in the chat as possible to take the opportunity to be fresh in their heads when they're selecting randoms to fill out the rest of their ballots. So far, I like Nick (bio video notwithstanding), Tyler (though the vast majority of the community has told me to stay far away from him), Renee, Ian, Benjamin, Zack, Logan, Ci'ere (who lives in the same city that I do), Steven, Ashton, Kage, Luke, and Bodhi (that list was longer than intended. It looks like I just like everybody).

To summarize: My campaign is literally just participation. My friends from other ORGs voting for me is the same expectation everyone else should have. The real game is convincing losers you don't know that they should vote for you in addition to the 3-4 people they have history with.

Um I'm worried I'm not gonna be cast becuz I don't really know anybody in this community but strategies hmmmm I'm in pretty big reddit org community so Ive posted the ballot in there everyday which probabaly got me some extra votes people couldn't get. But other than that I feel like the only people I'm getting are the other Great Lakes people which maybe is enough but I doubt it. Anyways, hopefully I'm cast..don't think I will be.

I'm not really doing much for the ballot honestly! I'm just posting it in a few chats I am in and sending it to friends that I know are voting for me. I am also making sure that I vote myself everyday and haven't missed one yet! I'll probably get more aggressive as the days go on, because I want to make sure I at least have a group of 10-15 I know are voting me. What I like is that you are required to vote for 10 people in my group so I hope I'm not just skipped and some people accidentally vote for me!!

Right now my strategy is being an annoying fly and fly into all the chats I'm in and tell them to vote for me. I was shook to see 4 Bora Bora reps including myself in the ballot. Not to mention 3 Mystic Falls peeps and Luke as well. I'm already trying to assess these people in the ballot and get a read on them. Anyways hopefully all the Bora Bora and Mystic Falls get casted because I love them all.

I'm supposed to be well liked so hopefully that gets me the votes?? Okay back to being an annoying fly.

Alright there friends. Welcome to my second season on Tumblr Survivor. I'm very excited to get everything working, it's all falling together with relative ease.

So on my ballot, there's quite a few people. A whole 15 of them in fact.

Ok so Logan and I are both from Maine. I have NO FUCKING CLUE where Ellsworth even is, but I'll trust that it's in Maine. We are also both Jews, and with the addition of Daisy, this might be the highest concentration of Jews in human history. We hit it off well enough, we'll work together if we can.

Dom R seems like a cuck, but fortunately for us, I'm also a cuck! what a beautifully cute insult. Now, Dom was kind enough to elaborate on his game in his little campaign video, and it is CLEAR to me that he is not that great at this game. He'll make the merge, and he'll be eliminated as a threat, and everyone(including me) will say "oh no, Dom was robbed." But we'll be wrong. He doesn't understand the game a high enough extent I don't think. He is very much on the "prove myself, make a move" train, which is NOT HEALTHY. I hope that Dom proves me wrong with his game, because I really like the guy off of my first impression alone, but I think he'll make a move too early and pay for it.

C, I, E R E, don't forget the apostrophe. God, this is an annoying way to say your name. On that fact alone, I didn't vote Ci'ere in the first two ballots. However, I decided on a whim to talk to him, and I actually really like the guy. He's a little over the top, but hey, so am I, just in a different way. I'm excited for Ci'ere, because I think that I can make other people feel rubbed the wrong way by him, but I also think that he could be a great ally.

Akito seems beloved, so I'm checking that name on every ballot. I want to maximize my own chances by throwing away my votes at people who I feel are already guaranteed a spot. I don't click that well with Akito, but I think I could if we were on the same tribe.

Max lists off 3 seasons they were on previously. Um, excuse me, but isn't this SECOND chances?

I am PUMPED for some Brett. I didn't care about Brett until now, but his calling out the Tumblr community in his paragraph that is posted ON TUMBLR is incredible. I really hope that he gets on, because we need at least one straight white male to fulfill the diversity requirements.

Keegan's intro is so LONG, but he seems like a good threat to have around. I think he's got a decent shot at winning, but not really. He says that he will do anything to win, which probably includes losing.

Steven and I won't click I don't think. He says iconic about FOUR DAYS. Like, iconic is only a cool word if you don't overuse it. See Brett for more info. He's gonna make big moves, so I want him on my side. He won't win, but he could make it a little ways into the game, and he'd be a convenient shield because EVERYONE is rooting for his success in the VL. I actually take back that we wont get along. "Nothing says winning like two rocks in your pocket" is a beautiful quote, and I really like Steven now.

Dom A was player of the season in India. I was POTS in my season as well, so hopefully there will be a mutual shield relationship with us two.

ASHTON and I never really clicked on GL. I liked the guy, but Kage wanted him gone, and I wanted Kage in charge, so I let it happen. Ashton was MAD at me, but I did what I had to.

Kage was my favorite. He LOVES grabbing control of the game and tearing it to the ground, but the problem is that everyone sees through him. Kage will be an early boot this season, but he'd better be on my side until he goes.

Luke thinks that he played a good game in Great Lakes. I very much disagree with this notion, and I need to avoid telling him that I think his game was very average. He just played idols that he found out of sheer luck too early, and got voted out for playing too hard. His social game makes everyone think that he's scheming too much, which is not exactly what you want the perception of you to be. I am excited to play with Luke again because I really love the guy, but I'm going to have to keep my mouth shut.

Lily gave a terrible bio, and all I know is that her perception of the game seems below average.

Daisy seems very intelligent. I would love to work closely with Daisy. She and I are both Jews, and I've very offhandedly mentioned the possibility of a Jewish alliance called "the Jews did this" just because I think that's funny.

Alright!! ON TO MYSELF! So am I going to win second chances? probably not. I don't think I have that much of a shot at all actually. But I'm going to give it my all, and try to play the most fun game that I possibly can. I'm floating around so very many new strategic ideas, and I'm narrowing in on a game plan. I want to be that one guy who is just controversial enough that people will think I'm a goat, but just sensible enough that people will want to work with me. I essentially want to be Abi Maria, except it's all an act. I am very excited to play this game out. I don't know to what extent I will take this strategy, but I know that to an extent I'll be playing a new character this season, which excites me quite a bit. I'll throw challenges just a little bit this time around, because I think that it's exhilarating, but I don't want people realizing that I'm throwing them. There's a whole new dimension that needs to be applied now. Originally, I just wanted to seem like I am not a threat at all, but now I have to seem like I'm not trying to seem like I'm not a threat, while still minimizing my threat factor. WHEW this is gonna be fun.

Outside of my ballot, I really like Ryan. He talks in a way that shows his intelligence. He pauses, and then lets out a bunch of words at once, which is a very appealing way to speak in my opinion. I think he's going to overplay, but I'd like him on my side while he does it.

Renee is going to be one of the bigger threats in the game. I think she's not in a great position to win, but she's got a good shot. I'm very excited to play with her.

I really love Ian's accent. He wants to prove himself which is great for my game. I don't want to prove myself at all, I just want to win, and these people saying that proving themselves is important is EXCELLENT.

Trent is over the top in the best possible way. I love Trent.

Apparently Ashley Sarah is very popular, so I'll watch out for her.

Zack is a very good player. That is no good.

Uh so like, I'm not entirely confident about getting onto the season and I really do think it's all down to the season that I originally come from. People literally hate the Great Lakes cast and it's not hard to see why because all tea, they're some of the most annoying people I've ever met in my life. I'm being shady by not voting for any of the other Great Lakers on the ballots but that's because I don't want any of them in the season with me! Ashton and Kage don't deserve it and quite frankly, Bodhi is full of himself and he ain't that great so there's that!

I'm trying my best to campaign for votes, getting a couple people from outside the community to vote for me so that's cute. I'm putting the link in my Skype bio, on my Tumblr and just places where people might click it and vote for me! I really do think that I deserve this second chance but there are 4 Great Lakers on the ballot and like....people won't wanna vote for all 4 of them so they might be leaving me out. I'm literally guilty by association for being on one of the worst seasons but I was one of the shining lights of that season, know that. Can't wait to get dragged for this in the GL reunion chat if this gets released. Oops!

Finals can't keep a hoe from campaigning

I'm so glad that campaigning is 1/3 of the way done because I think I'm annoying everyone by telling them to vote for me everyday lmao. I'm one of the lesser known people in the Tumblr community, so I'm going to have to work twice as hard to get my name out there and collect dem votes. Luckily, people like unique names so that's a plus for me!! My predictions on official cast locks from group one are Trent, Tyler, Matthias, Ryan, Nick, Renee, Ashley Sarah, Abel, Jeff and Zack. For group two: Bodhi, Keegan, Brett, Steven, Ashton, Logan, both Doms, and Kage. This is based on video views and how people are socializing/campaigning for their faves. I didn't really care for Max's video, but their self-deprecating manner and individuality makes me hope they get through. I'm trying to socialize a lot in the VL, send some cute selfies lmao, and literally message every group chat I'm in to garner votes. I literally gave someone my face wash routine asdfghjkl. I hope that people are liking me and that in about 9 days 'll be sending confessionals from in the game! I really want this second chance and I'm gonna go all out for it.

Hey fam so it's day 4 of the ballot and~~~~~ I'm not sure how well my chances of making it on are tbh. I've done some campaigning and asked friends to vote but it's really a daunting task to keep up with it everyday lol. Honestly though I do think I have a good shot of avoiding being the 5 who don't get in (from my group)

I see people advertising e v e r y w h e r e.... like they really going HAM!!!

I feel like there's sooo much pregaming going on that I'm not apart of kfhslajd rip. Bodhi in particular..... he messaged me like day 1 and we had a really good conversation and seems like someone I could work with. But as the days went on I talked to some others & they're all like "omg Bodhi is so great i love him" sooo I see you Bodhi!!!

WHICH OF YOU UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS DECIDED TO MOVE THE PREMIERE DATE UP TO A FRIDAY. THE ONE DAY I CANNOT BE THERE ON TIME. LITERALLY FUCK Y'ALL. Also idk why but some of the people that are potential cast mates annoy me. I hate that they annoy me and i know it's wrong but like, it's their names and the way they talk and how close they are that just... irk me. This is gonna sound so awful when these confessionals get released.

Whew! So I probably should've submitted by now but I keep forgetting. Anyways, so far my strategy is to not campaign too much. I figure most people are voting based off their friends, or based off who they think had the most convincing plea's. So if someone wasn't already gonna vote for me, they're not gonna change their mind just because i sent the link to a random VL and asked them to. If I see someone send a link I'll add on, "hey, vote for me too!" but I really don't think it's gonna make a huge difference. I really hope that people see me and know that I deserve this, and that they choose to vote me in.

It's the last day!!! I'm so nervous!!! I hope I get in but I also don't wanna flop !!! I think I have a decent chance tho. So many names I don't know will allow me to get some new allies so that will be nice. Unless they all turn out to be snakes. Ugh. I'm hoping that if I do get in I'll have at least one friend. Maybe Keegan or Dom. Not sure how Zack will feel cause I haven't spoken to him since game wonder if he would be ally or target me from start???

Oh man, I meant to send in one of these a few days ago right after the link was set up but work and life happened and I forgot oops.

Well, to start things off, I'm really hoping I got enough votes to make the top 10. I want my Second Chance! Plus my bestie Brett is also on the ballot! If we both get on we can power our way through the game together! First ever joint winners of Tumblr Survivor?

Other than Brett, I know Logan, Daisy, Ashley Sarah.... and.... Jevvon. I think that's it? I'm not exactly friends with any of them but having playing a bit with most of them I have an idea of how they're games are. I'd rather play with people I have some knowledge of rather than people I've never even heard of (sorry not sorry).

I'm not sure there's much else to say at this point. I put in a lot of effort, maybe not as much as I could have, but hopefully it pays off!

Today is the day!! I've gotten to talk to several people on the ballot as we help each other get votes. I really look forward to knowing if I made it in and working with some of these people!!! I really should play more survivor so maybe this game will help me get back into that side of the org community!! Nervous but I think I have enough to do it.

The more time that passes, i'm starting to think that maybe i didn't get cast for second chances. Truth be told, i'm not that popular and i'm sure the people that always talk will probably get voted in because they most likely made a bunch of email accounts and had their friends vote too, so i'm slowly losing hope on the fact that i got cast. To me, i'd rather expect not to be cast and then expect too much and get short changed. If the so called "annoying" people get cast and i'm not, then i would have dodged a bullet but i'd still like to play. I'm sorry i'm not that bitch, that's just not my style

Voting Closure- Well voting has ended and my chances going in are pretty...pretty low. I did not campaign at all and I know most of these people played harder to get in. It would be a total miracle if I was in, I would be surprised if I was in because I did not campaign at all. I guess it depends on how you are perceived as. Thank you so much for reading this and hope to see you another day. =)

i am filled w anxiety

well im not getting cast so that's fun. but it was super fun and awesome to be considered!!! anyways buy How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful on iTunes.

So the ballots have officially come to an end and now I wait. There are some people on the ballot I can 100% see myself trying to work with like Dom, Logan, Luke, etc. It doesnt appear to me that I have any enemies on the ballot, which is a huge plus... not to mention I have no rivalries with people because I havent played in 200 years. I think I have a far shot at getting a chance to come back... my name was first on the ballot which might help???? As long as there wasnt too much of a rigged system I shit be looking pretty to go in on Friday :)

With voting over and the game beginning on Friday, I'm starting to get nervous I didn't get enough votes to make the season.

I'd love to be on the season and get another shot at taking the crown!!

oh my god. okay so voting is over and all i can say is... i really hope i got voted in! i feel like a lot of the good people were on ballot 1 so idk if i'm like actually gonna get in.. a lot of irrelevants and people i never even heard of were on ballot 2 and i'm just like.. sis put me on ballot 2 so i have a better chance of getting voted in. but i still have hope!!! i campaigned my ass off so hopefully people who said they would vote for me actually did... i also hope i at least have some allies that get voted in with me so i'm not all alone!! ahh i'm stressed till friday... yall really stressin me out. but, let us pray. 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (translation: I have no idea if I advertised enough or if people like me enough, and I'm hoping that my doubts are misplaced on both of those fronts. So I'm just kinda sitting here and... waiting. @Drew hmu with those leaks ;) ayy ;) how bout it ;) i'll bring you something from wawa next time we come to michigan ;) i dont think yall have wawas in michigan so ;) ayy)

I'm not too confident as far as the result of the ballot goes, but I hope that I stood out enough to make people want to vote for me. Bodhi made a mock poll to see who people think got voted in and apparently I was doing well, so I think that's a good sign! Even if I don't get to play in Switzerland, campaigning was really fun (and stressful 😅) and I'm so grateful that the hosts considered me to return. So thanks to y'all and to everyone that voted for me! 💕 Cheers to the beginning of what will be a great season (that includes me in it)~

I tried being a bit more strategic with my votes in the final half. I tried voting for only one player from each season, because I know how difficult the game will be if there's already a huge alliance of players that know each other. I keep trying to reassure myself that there's only a small chance that I won't be making it just based on the nature of the votes, so I really hope I get in!

Brett is so annoying I hope we're both voted in so I can vote him off 2nd bc he isn't worthy enough to be a first boot

Right now I'm a bit anxious on the cast reveal. I really don't know if I made the cut or not. BUT, to my surprise some people whom I've never even talked to ended up voting for me! I'm kind of surprised and thankful for that. So anyways I have some confidence I will be cast but who knows.

I'd like to give shout out to those who voted for me! THANKS Y'ALL! I hope all of your votes were enough to get me in!!

Greetings there, cowboys. I've been listening to some cool music recently! And more importantly, I've been thinking out my strategy. I want people to think about me just the right amount at first, but then fade into the background. I want to be one of those people that on day one, people want to be the first to get to strategically, but then I want to float down that river until I crash into a goddamn beaver damn and get voted out in 7th place.

My social game is exactly what I want it to be. My pregaming hasn't been anything firm, but I've talked to a few people and planted seeds for future social connections. I'm not getting super close with anyone pregame, but I'm bonding with people over various portions of our identities. Oh, you're Jewish? Me too. Let's be friends. Oh, your name is spelled weirdly? Me too. Let's be friends and bond over lying about our names so that people don't misspell/mispronounce them when we order food. I've said that I refuse to play the same game twice, and that is still true, but I have to rely on my anyone-but-me if I want to succeed. I can't try ANYTHING strategic that people will be threatened by. I need to be very moderate, just empowering others to do what they want to do, and sticking in the background.

I've worked pretty hard to get on the season, so people are going to think of me as a threat, but my new goat personality might be enough that their fears will subside.

i'm feeling decent about my chances of getting on. most people have told me they felt like i was a lock, and lowkey i just got announced to be in another org so i didnt campaign like at all. so it could go either way.

The ballot is over and I feel like my chances going in is slim. Idk how many people voted for me and I feel like the most outcasted person since I don't know many of these people.... But let's see what will happen.

REVIEW

A True Cowboy Christmas by Caitlin Crews

Cold River Ranch #1

 Story telling is an art and this author is a talented wordsmith. Her characters have depth with backstories that illuminate. The plotting is tight and flows easily. I smiled and cared and wanted Abby or her grandmother to be my friend. I was able to understand why Gray and his brothers were as they were even though I wished I could have smacked some sense into Gray a time or two and I also understood the insecurities of Abby and her understanding of Gray’s daughter, Becca. I hated the people I was meant to hate and wished them the karma they so justly deserved. I smiled and cared and enjoyed this story even when it was painful. And, I can’t wait to read book two in the series no matter who is going to star in it.

 This book includes: marriage of convenience, unrequited love (till it is), dysfunctional families, small town romance, drama, friendship, awakenings and a whole lot more. I have enjoyed other books by this author but this is my first contemporary romance by her and I have to say that I enjoyed it immensely.

 Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for the ARC – This is my honest review.

 4 Stars

ABOUT THE BOOK:

From USA Today bestselling author Caitlin Crews comes A True Cowboy Christmas, the first in a sensational series debut about a cowboy, a farm girl, and the greatest gift of all. . .

Gray Everett has a heart of gold but that doesn’t mean he believes in the magic of Christmas. He’s got plenty else to worry about this holiday season, what with keeping his cattle ranch in the family and out of the hands of hungry real-estate investors looking to make a down-and-dirty deal. That, plus being a parent to his young and motherless daughter, equals a man who will not rest until he achieves his mission. Now, all Gray needs is the help of his lifelong neighbor. . .who happens to have grown into a lovely, spirited woman.

For Abby Douglas, the chance to join forces with Gray is nothing less than a Christmas miracle. Much as the down-to-earth farmer’s daughter has tried to deny it, Abby’s been in love with stern, smoking-hot Gray her whole life. So when Gray proposes a marriage of convenience as a way to combine land—and work together toward a common cause—Abby can’t refuse. But how can she convince Gray that sometimes life offers a man a second chance for a reason. . .and that their growing trust and mutual passion may be leading to true and lasting love?

EXCERPT

  “Why would you try to tell me that chemistry doesn’t matter? Of course it does.”

“I’m not saying it doesn’t matter. But sheer stubborn- ness matters more.” He heard the intensity in his voice, but did nothing to temper it. “If people want to stay married, they do. If they want that marriage to be a good one, they work on it and make it that way. It’s not rocket science. It doesn’t require your online profiles. You don’t need to get matched on your smart phone. You make a commit- ment to someone, then you keep it. It’s as simple and as hard as that.”

He watched in fascination as her hands curled into fists at her sides.

“I appreciate that you have experience being married, and that gives you a platform to make sweeping state- ments,” she said, her voice low, as if she was fighting back her own intensity. “That’s great. But you’re missing that I’m not interested in the state of marriage in a general sense. I’m telling you I am not going to marry someone I have no chemistry with. That has nothing to do with me being stubborn, not stubborn, or insufficiently committed. It’s actually all about the fact that I’m not staggering around in a grief-induced daze, proposing marriage to people I’ve never looked at twice before in my whole life.” That should have annoyed him, because he wasn’t dazed. Amos had been a mean, unhealthy old man. His death hadn’t been a real surprise. Gray wasn’t sure he was

 grieving him so much as the father Amos had never been, and he knew he wasn’t crazy with it. But he couldn’t seem to lose his grin, especially when he moved closer to her.

Because when he did, she lost that scowl. Her eyes went wide, that cute flush brightened up her face again, and she had to tip her head back to look at him. Not as much as some of the other girls he’d dated had, as she’d pointed out. Gray liked that too. He didn’t have to hunker over her.

She was . . . right there.

He had an urge and went with it. He reached over and curled his fingers around her ponytail, then pulled them gently along the length of it.

And figured the chemistry question was answered by the way her breath went shuddery.

But he didn’t end it there.

“If I’m following all this,” he said, his drawl low. Thick. “You don’t actually have any objections. You think we maybe ought to date first. You’re worried we don’t have chemistry. But at the end of the day, you’re not opposed to the idea.”

“It’s crazy. And I’m worried that you’re crazy, in a clin- ical sense.”

“If you agree to marry me, I’ll take you on a date or two. If that’s what you want.” His hand was still tangled in her hair, and he was close enough now that he could catch her scent. Gray breathed deep. She smelled like rosemary. And something that reminded him of the pies she and her grandmother had brought over the day after the funeral, warm and good. Right. “But we can settle the other question right here.”

“What do you mean . . . ?”

Gray didn’t wait. He didn’t answer her question, half stammered out with her hazel eyes so wide they looked like summer gold.

 He used his free hand to cup her cheek, flushed and smooth beneath his palm. Then he bent—only a little, which struck him as unexpectedly hot—to take her mouth with his.

He felt her tremble. And there was something about the way she melted into him as their lips touched, then brushed, as if she was being pulled by some kind of magnetic force he was half certain he could feel himself.

Gray had only meant to kiss her to make a point. The way a gentleman might, not that he’d ever met too many gentlemen out here where the mountains and the land were the only things that mattered.

But Abby’s lips were soft and velvety beneath his. And she made a tiny sound in the back of her throat that he could feel like a flickering flame.

Before he knew it, Gray was angling his head to one side and licking his way into her mouth.

As if he couldn’t help himself.

And everything got hot. Bright. Impossible.

This was Abby Douglas. Abby Douglas. There was something deliciously wrong about it being Abby that made it hotter, wilder.

It rolled in him and made a joke of him imagining he was in control of any of this. Of her.

Of this sudden storm of sensation that would have taken him off his feet, if that didn’t mean he would have had to let go of her.

When the door slapped open, both of his hands were sunk deep into her hair, and Abby was up on her toes, pressed against him, her arms wrapped around his back.

It turned out Gray wasn’t going to have to worry about easing his way into some or other form of eventual chem- istry with the woman he already knew would make him a good rancher’s wife. He was going to have to worry about

 what the hell to do with all this chemistry—so much it was like a lightning storm and he kept getting hit—with a woman he’d never paid the slightest attention to until his father’s funeral.

The fact that the front door had opened penetrated the heat and fog that was swirling around him.

Finally.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

USA Today-bestselling, RITA-nominated, and critically-acclaimed author Caitlin Crews has written more than seventy-five books, including Frenemies, Princess from the Past, A Royal Without Rules, and Undone by the Sultan's Touch. She's won fans with her romance, Harlequin Presents, women's fiction, chick lit, and work-for-hire young adult novels, many of which she writes as Megan Crane (including the dystopian Viking romance Edge series). These days her focus is on contemporary romance in all its forms, from small town heat to international glamour, cowboys to bikers to military men and beyond. She's taught creative writing classes in places like UCLA Extension's prestigious Writers' Program, gives assorted workshops on occasion, and attempts to make use of the MA and PhD in English Literature she received from the University of York in York, England. She currently lives in the Pacific Northwest with a husband who draws comics and animation storyboards, and their menagerie of ridiculous animals.

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