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#not this one though this one was unavoidable
nadvs · 2 days
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imperfect strangers (one-shot)
pairing zach maclaren x female reader
rating explicit 18+
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summary after a painful break-up, you and zach go no contact, agreeing it’s best to cut yourselves out of each other’s lives. when he cracks and texts you a month later that he’ll be at your college for a game, you lie to yourself that seeing him can’t be that bad of an idea.
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Zach has been dreading tomorrow’s game. And it’s only because it’s at your college.
He keeps going back and forth on if he should break the promise he made to you and himself that he wouldn’t contact you.
He blames the fatigue from a strenuous practice. It’s what muddles his mind and makes him give in.
You two agreed that cutting all ties was best. But he’s just reaching out to an old friend that he might run into. That’s what he tells himself.
You’re sitting in a lecture when Zach’s name flashes on your phone. Your heart leaps at the notification and you hate that it does that.
You were supposed to delete his number, but it felt wrong. He wasn’t just your boyfriend. He was your best friend.
Removing him from your life wrecked you, so little things like keeping his contact information and the promise ring he gave you the day of your high school graduation feel like acts of rebellion against the hardest decision you’ve ever made.
Zach: Hey. How are you? I’m playing at your school tomorrow. Just wondering if you’ll be watching :)
You reread his text a few times. You know he has a game here tomorrow. You’ve been following his soccer season even though you know you shouldn’t.
On the screen, you see the last messages you exchanged, a little over a month ago.
Zach: Wish you nothing but the best. You deserve it.
You replied: you, too.
The night of your break-up was agony. Your video call lasted three hours.
Zach’s eyes were glossy, matching yours. His dark honey hair was tousled and sticking in every direction after he raked his hand through it over and over in frustration.
Your dorm rooms slowly got darker as night fell, neither of you bothering to turn on a light. It was a cruel reminder that you’re not even a timezone apart. Your schools have only four hours between them and you couldn’t manage to make a one-year relationship work over the distance.
Hurtful words were exchanged. You accused him of neglecting your relationship. He told you his extra efforts in school and soccer didn’t mean you weren’t a priority. He said you were giving up on him. You retaliated that you were working harder to stay together than he was.
Somehow, things still ended civilly. You agreed that the distance was too much of a big, ugly, unavoidable wedge driving you apart.
You’re convinced that ending on good terms hurts more than ending on bad terms. It would be easier to hate him.
Your fingers hover over your screen, wondering what you should say. If you should say anything. You realize this means he didn’t delete your number, either. Maybe he’s been holding onto hope, too.
You decide to reply, trying to act casual and in good spirits.
You: I’ll try to make it! Just don’t be mad that I’m cheering for the home team :)
He’s grateful you texted back. He misses you so much that it hurts.
Getting better has been a slow climb for Zach. You two lasted a couple of months of long distance before calls slowly shortened and texts became infrequent. It was too hard juggling everything.
Now, he’s putting his all into school and soccer. It’s all he has left.
When dark clouds roll in on the day of the game, you think about how Zach never liked the rain and you hate that you’re doomed to remember these insignificant things about someone you’re not supposed to be in love with anymore.
You decide not to go to the game. It’ll be too hard watching him play like you used to.
But eventually, you lie to yourself that it’ll be fine and your feet are dragging you to the stadium on campus, your umbrella blocking the raindrops. You join the roaring crowd, sitting in the bleachers.
You always sat behind the opponents’ net. At every one of his matches. Zach is a striker and whenever he’d score a goal, he’d be right in your eyeline.
He would find you in the crowd when he scored, beaming at you before his team swallowed him in a group hug.
But that’s where you sat when Zach was your boyfriend. And he’s not anymore. So you find an empty seat on the side, close to the middle of the field.
You spot him immediately. He’s running down the field, his cheeks flushed.
The same boy who nervously asked you out the second day of senior year. The same boy you gave your first kiss to. The same boy who called you the moment he found out he was granted a full-ride scholarship. Now slowly becoming a stranger.
This is too hard. You need to leave.
But then you watch Zach gain possession of the ball and he’s running fast and suddenly, he collides with a player on the opposing team, sliding in one of the mud puddles scattered across the field.
The crowd erupts in a mournful whine, reacting to what was surely a painful impact.
You’re on your feet, rigid, heart racing as you watch him in the distance. He’s not getting up. Why isn’t he getting up?
You wedge your way out of the aisle and rush to the bottom of the bleachers, hands gripping the cold, wet barricade at the same level as the field.
A medic runs out onto the pitch but when he reaches Zach, he’s slowly standing up on his own. But then he leans over, hands on his knees, shaking his head.
The medic beckons Zach to put an arm around his shoulders and leads him off the field while the referee holds up a yellow card against the other player.
Zach’s hamstring is throbbing in pain as he limps through the wet grass, his cleats heavy, but when he sees you standing at the front of the stands, everything feels better.
He thought you wouldn’t attend. His lips quirk up in a smile. Your stomach twists.
Zach’s coach is trying to get his attention once he reaches the sideline, but he mumbles something to him and disconnects from the medic and closes the distance between you two, his steps short and quick.
“You came,” he says, blue eyes travelling over your face. It’s only been a month but he swears, it feels like it’s been years since he’s seen you.
The bright stadium lights are emphasizing every plane and feature of his handsome face. His hair is soaked and plastered to his skin, his uniform muddy.
“You okay?” you ask over the loud chattering crowd surrounding you.
No. He’s far from okay.
“Survived worse,” he says with that smirk that is so typically Zach.
“MacLaren!” his coach calls.
“I’ll find you later?” he asks. Your eyebrows lower in confusion. You know he typically goes straight back to his school after a game with his team. But you just meekly nod.
The game ends in a tie. Zach texts you that he’ll meet you outside in front and takes a rushed, hot shower in the locker room.
You’re standing under a streetlamp outside of the stadium, spectators pooling out of wide doors. The rain is simply spitting now, your umbrella closed in your hand.
When you watch Zach pace towards you, all cleaned up after a shower, a big duffel bag over his shoulder, you’re so happy you came. Even though it hurts, it also feels so good to see him.
“You’re walking totally fine,” you say when he approaches you. “Did you fake it?”
He loves how you make a joke right away because that’s what you would do when you were together and it’s nice to feel like you are.
Zach laughs and pulls you in for a hug and you hate how the smell of his shampoo makes an uncomfortable nostalgia rush through you.
But this is who Zach is. He’s always been warm and affectionate and cheerful.
He notices how tense you are in his arms and pulls back quickly. Maybe giving into the impulse to hold you was a bad idea.
“A yellow was ridiculous, right?” he asks. “That deserved a red.”
You gaze up at him now that he’s so close to you and try not to get enamored.
“How bad is it?” you say, glancing down at his leg. The concern in your eyes makes his whole body feel like it’s been wrung out.
“Just a sprain,” he says. “Didn’t pull anything.”
“Good,” you say, nodding. “How long are you out for?”
This feels like a conversation you’d have when you were together. Next, you’d ask if he needs a massage and that would always lead to making love, but that’s not happening this time.
“Next game isn’t until Wednesday, so I might be fine,” Zach answers. You know all about his team’s schedule, even their standings, but you don’t tell him.
A tense silence settles between you now that the small talk has been used up.
“So, this is no contact?” you ask.
Now that the break-up has been acknowledged out loud, Zach is disappointed. He liked having his head in the clouds and pretending like you’re still his.
“You texted back,” he teases, his eyes glinting in their usual playful way.
“Back,” you emphasize, pointing to him, finally cracking a smile. “You started it.”
“We can be friends, right?” Zach says. “It’s weird not talking to you.”
Being friends hurts. You both agreed to that. But he’s here already and things feel so good with him, so you ignore your instincts.
“Sure,” you simply say. Your short response throws him off.
“Nice campus,” he says.
“Yeah,” you agree. “I was gonna give you a tour when...” When he visited as your boyfriend. You never made it that far.
It was unlike Zach, the way he started to flake on promises to visit or call. You gave him grace, but you eventually reached your limit.
“You can give me a tour now,” he says, pushing the conversation into easier territory. He always had a knack for that.
“You sure you can walk?” you ask. He misses that tone of voice of yours. When you’re worried about him.
“Come on,” he says with an exaggerated scoff. “You’re acting like I’m some kind of baby.”
In reality, he always loved being babied by you.
“When are you guys heading back?” you ask. You already noticed the massive branded bus you assume he arrived on parked in the stadium lot.
“I drove up by myself, actually,” he tells you. “I’m gonna go see my family later.”
Your college is only half an hour away from your shared hometown. You nod and turn, silently beckoning him to walk with you.
“How are they?” you ask.
Zach shrugs, looking down. He’s always been close to his family and they always loved you, so telling them you broke up was almost as hard as the break-up itself.
“Mad at me,” he admits. “I told them it was mutual, but…”
“Yeah, your mom texted me,” you say.
“She did? What’d she say?” He sounds surprised.
“I probably shouldn’t tell you if she didn’t tell you herself.”
His mom’s message went into just how perfectly you fit into their lives, how upsetting it is that Zach let you go, how happy you make her son. You didn’t have the heart to tell her you don’t make him happy anymore.
You remember so clearly how she ended the message. I hope this is just a temporary bump in the road.
“Come on, tell me,” he urges with a joking tone.
“Zach,” you say quietly. “I’m sorry - I, um - we shouldn’t get into this, right?”
His smile fades. With a deep breath, he nods and looks at the ground again.
“Right,” he says.
Like always, Zach gently complies. You naturally took on a more dominant role in your relationship, leading while he happily followed, even during intimacy. It’s what you bring out in each other and falling back into your roles feels effortless.
“How much time do you have?” you ask, checking your phone to see that it’s merely minutes past six.
“Couple of hours,” he tells you. “You hungry?”
You know if you tell him you’re not, he’ll feel bad dragging you to a restaurant.
“There’s a place I think you’d like,” you say.
You’re soon sitting across from each other at an on-campus eatery, talking to each other like friends, covering safe topics like classes and dorm life.
It’s not exactly easy, but you were together for so long that holding a conversation with Zach is second nature.
“Aren’t you going to eat that?” he finally asks, pointing to your plastic-wrapped sandwich. He’s almost done with his food, while you haven’t taken a bite.
“Later. I’m not hungry.”
“What?” Zach watches you from his side of the table, heart thrumming at the adorable way you shrug.
“You wouldn’t have gotten food if you knew I wasn’t going to eat.”
“Oh, my God,” he laughs.
“You know I’m right.”
“You didn’t have to do that, babe.”
You both awkwardly straighten in your seats, bodies firming as far apart as possible. Your knees pull together. He rubs the back of his neck.
“Sorry.” Zach’s voice is low, eyes focused on the table. The term of endearment he used to always use for you just slipped out.
You feel stupid for thinking this would be okay. It’s way too hard to pretend like you don’t love him. You collect your bag and umbrella off the table.
“I should go. It was good to see you,” you mumble.
“You’re leaving?” Zach asks, a slight whine to his tone.
“This was a bad idea,” you say, avoiding eye contact, words quiet and rushed. “You should go see your family.”
You rush out of the building into the dark evening, the cold air pressing against your skin, hot tears welling in your eyes.
Zach’s leg is aching as he jogs behind you, but he’d do anything for you just talk to him, at least look at him one more time.
“Wait,” you hear. “Please.” The desperation in his voice is what gets you to slow down, letting him close the rest of the distance.
You’re standing on a pathway between a building and a courtyard, chewing on your lip, grateful nobody else seems to be around.
When Zach catches up to you, his chin dips as he studies your face, raising his hands inches away from your cheeks just to promptly lower them.
Your eyes are just as wet as they were the night you broke up.
“What?” you mutter.
“I’m sorry I called you that,” he says, breaths shallow. “Old habit.”
“We said no contact,” you tell him. You swallow hard. “We should have stuck to it.”
“Are you mad at me for texting you?” His stare is deep and so painfully sorry.
You’ve been on the receiving end of this look so many times. He was always on the sensitive side, needing reassurance that you weren’t upset with him.
Despite everything, you’re not mad. Your heart is broken, but you’re not mad.
“No,“ you say, “But we can’t be friends, okay? After what we… I just can’t.”
“So, nothing?” he says. “We’re just nothing now?”
“It’s what we agreed on,” you respond resolutely. “Just because this is easy for you doesn’t mean it is for me.”
“You think this is easy for me?” Zach puts a hand over his heart. You scoff at this, looking down, gently wiping under your bottom lashes. “It’s not.”
He puts his hands on his hips, grimacing.
“Why’d we break up?” he asks, voice thin.
“Zach,” you breathe. Just like that, the wound you’ve been working on patching up splits open again.
“I love you,” he says, hot tears building in the corners of his eyes.
“You can’t do this,” you say. The fact that you don’t say you love him back breaks him. “Do you not remember how bad it was?”
“We made each other so happy,” he retaliates.
“We weren’t even a couple by the end,” you say. “You got too busy for me, remember?”
“Don’t,” Zach mumbles. “I wasn’t too busy for you. You stopped trying.”
“We’ll just talk in circles,” you sigh, frustration bubbling inside you. You had this talk so many times. “I don’t have another three-hour conversation in me.”
He still has bad dreams about that night.
“See?” he says with a frustrated shrug. “You gave up.”
“You used to act lucky that you had me,” you say, your temper flaring. “Then I became a chore. Would you fight for me if I made you feel like a chore?”
“I’d fight for you no matter what,” he says.
“You’re not listening to me.” At this point, he’s being selfish by talking this to death. It’ll end the same way.
“As soon as it got hard, you left,” he says.
“As soon as it got hard? I tried for two months, Zach. You were so busy and got so distant and-”
“That didn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about you,” he counters. “There’s so much pressure on me with soccer and my scholarship.”
“I know and I tried to be there for you but I only added to that pressure,” you say. “Keeping up a relationship was too much work.”
“No, babe, I-” He winces. “Sorry. Just… Don’t you remember how good we used to be? How the summer was?”
You try not to think about it. The summer before college was perfect. You spent all your time together. You gave each other your virginities. You were sure you’d be together forever.
“I remember saying we’d find time for each other no matter what,” you mutter.
Guilt floods him.
“I’m sorry, okay?” Zach says.
“I know you are.”
He apologized so many times and nothing changed. He said he’d drive up to visit you. He never did. He told you he’d call you. Then he bailed more than half the time. That wasn’t the man you knew. You could feel him falling out of love with you.
“I thought we could get through the hard times,” he says. There’s that unrealistic idealism of his. You shake your head.
“My best wasn’t enough for us, Zach,” you say.
“Yeah, neither was mine, apparently.”
You nod, throat aching from your tears.
“Go see your family. They miss you. And don’t tell them we saw each other,” you suggest. “It’ll just give them false hope.”
Zach both loves and hates that the last thing you say before you walk away is something protective and considerate about his family. But your kindness is one of the many things he fell in love with you for, so it’s no surprise.
An hour later, you’re curled up on your bed, watching a comfort show with the lights off when you hear a knock on your door.
Zach’s heart is pounding in his ears. He still has your address from when he sent you flowers as a sorry for flaking on a video call you two had planned back when you were still together.
All he did since you left him standing by the courtyard is sit in his car and think and cry. He feels like an idiot for ever making you feel like a chore.
When you pause your show, turn on the lights and swing open the door, your body goes cold. His eyes are red and puffy from crying.
“Did you stop loving me?” he asks. “I need to know.”
You take his hand, the first contact you’ve had in months, and pull him into your room so that your neighbors don’t hear your private heartbreak.
The door shuts behind you and you stand across from him, trying to let go of his hand, but he doesn’t let you, his cool palm pressed against your fingers.
“Did you?” Zach urges.
You glare up at him, cheeks burning from how many tears you wiped away.
“No,” you admit.
“Then why aren’t we together?” he pleads. “You just have to remember why you love me.”
You let him continue to hold your hand. The contact feels so good.
“I never forgot,” you say.
“Then tell me,” he urges. “Tell me why.”
“I…” You look down.
“You want me to go first?” he says. “I love you because you bring out the best in me. I love how when we joke around, we annoy the people around us and you never care.”
You huff a chuckle. Too many times to count, you’d send each other into a fit of laughter, leaving your friends or families confused over what was so funny.
“You went to every single one of my home games in high school,” he continues, “even though I know you hated it.”
“I liked it,” you counter. He smirks. You always had such a big heart.
“Try for me. Please,” he says. “We’ll make it this time.”
You’re silent and it scares him. You could be seconds away from telling him to leave.
“This is why I love you,” you say. “You’re so optimistic that it’s irritating.”
Zach laughs, still holding onto your hand.
“What else?” he asks lowly.
“You’re funny and sweet and…” you say through tears. “When you care about someone, you care so hard. That’s why…”
You loosen your hand out of his grip. His heart feels like it’s been wrung out.
“That’s why it hurt so much when you didn’t make time for us. It felt like you stopped caring. Like you stopped loving me and you didn’t know how to tell me.”
“I never stopped loving you, babe, I swear,” he says. “I just didn’t know how to deal with everything.”
Zach didn’t anticipate how hard keeping up with classes and practices and games would be, especially with the weight of his scholarship looming over him. He failed making you a priority. He knows that.
“It was hard and it only got harder when we broke up,” he says a little quieter.
You frown and Zach cups your face with his hands. His thumbs slowly rub over your cheeks as his gaze penetrates you.
“I’m not saying that to make you feel bad,” he says, words rushed. “I just want you to know you were never a chore. You were the best thing in my life. I messed up.”
The way your lashes flutter as you blink away tears makes what’s left of his heart crumble.
“What’ll it take?” he asks. “I’ll drive up here every weekend. We’ll talk on the phone every night. I’ll text you all day and I promise I won’t flake.”
“That’s crazy,” you say with a soft laugh.
Although he’s the more passive of you two, he’s determined that he’ll make it with you. He can’t picture a world where you’re not his and he’s not yours.
“I’ll do it.” You meet Zach’s eyes and you can tell that he wholly, sincerely means it.
“That’s not what I need,” you tell him with a small smile. The love in your gaze is exactly why you always felt like home to him. “I just need the you who kept promises and made time for me. When we were together, you were present. Like this.”
“Anything you need,” he says eagerly, head bobbing with quick nods, making you giggle. “Can I kiss you? Please?”
You revel in how his long thumbs drag over your skin, gazing at you through desperate eyes. Being so close to him causes a gentle heat to trickle through your body.
“You can do more than that,” you reply. He smiles and exhales sharply in excitement, leaning down to kiss you passionately.
Zach’s stomach tightens the second he feels the softness of your lips and the taste of your tongue. He slowly dips to kiss your neck, breathing in the sweet scent of you that he has smelled so many times.
His hands trail down your waist and over the curve of your hips, pulling you as close to him as possible, gripping just tight enough not to hurt you.
You always loved this about him. He makes you feel so cherished.
Your hands are in Zach’s hair as his hot mouth smacks on your skin. His body curves against yours perfectly, a piece completing the puzzle you missed being a part of for so long.
You can feel him growing hard against you and you lower a hand to rub him over his jeans, making him groan against your neck.
“Already?” you tease in a whisper. He chuckles, missing your touch and your voice and how hot it is when you taunt him.
“Fuck, I missed you,” Zach groans. You smile. He hardly ever swears, usually reserving it just for moments like these.
His fingers dip below the hem of your shirt, his skin warm against yours. He feels you nod, granting him permission.
As soon as he pulls your top off of you, he groans in delight when he sees that you’re braless. As he leans down to kiss you again, you push his jacket down his shoulders. He promptly and impatiently tugs it off, followed by his shirt, earning a laugh from you for his enthusiasm.
You gently push him backwards, straggling to your bed together. Zach lies down, desperately reaching for you as he watches you lean down over him.
You straddle him, kissing him deeply, his arms wrapping around you tightly as your bare chests press together.
His love for you consumes him, driving him to pull back and kiss you all over, puckering his lips over your cheeks and your nose and your forehead.
“Babe,” you laugh.
“I’m so sorry I made you so sad,” Zach says between kisses. “I’m so sorry I let you walk away.”
“I’m sorry, too,” you say as he continues to pepper soft kisses over your skin. “We’re never fighting again, okay?”
“Never.” You always say this after a fight. It never sticks, but you both love pretending it will.
You thought you were destined to experience these shared quirks through memories only. But now Zach’s here in your dorm room, panting beneath you, holding you like he might die if you pull away.
You feel him buck his hips forward, his hands squeezing your waist. You press your forehead against his, biting your lip.
“You want me, hmm?” you purr, the power you have over him filling you with excitement.
“I need you,” he whines. His breath is warm against your cheek. “So bad.”
“What do you want to do?” you ask, rolling your hips. The sensation of you grinding on him is so perfect. He couldn’t ever feel another girl like this and he wouldn’t want to.
“I wanna taste you,” Zach says. “I wanna make you feel good.”
“Take my pants off.” You shift to kiss him, smiling against his lips as he pushes your bottoms and panties down with eager hands.
You kick off your clothes and shuffle to hover over his face, your naked core inches away from his mouth.
Zach’s hands hook around your thighs, beckoning you to lower your hips, hungry for you. You inhale sharply once you feel his hot tongue press against your folds.
He knows you well, knows where to lick and suck to earn moans from you. You look down at him, his eyes closed as he laps at you, fingers dug into your flesh.
“That’s so good,” you say. “You’re so good with your mouth.” The praise makes him suck even harder. You tremble as you slowly roll your hips on his face.
“I love how you taste,” Zach says, muffled. “I can’t live without you.”
You throw your head back, pleasure flooding your body at the sensations and his words. You put a hand in his hair, lightly tugging as he works his mouth with slow, hard movements.
You start to breathe harder, tension coiling in your stomach.
“Can we…” he asks. He’s starving to feel you from the inside. You look down to meet his striking, needy eyes. You know exactly what he wants.
“You wanna be inside me?”
“Please, yes, yes.”
“You’re so cute when you’re desperate,” you coo. He nearly rolls his eyes from the pleasure of hearing you talk like this again.
You put him out of his misery when you pull his pants and briefs off of him. You sit on your knees above him, taking his length in your hand and earning a groan from him.
“Where’d you hurt your leg today?” you ask, stroking him up and down. “Want me to massage it?”
“I just want you to ride me, babe, please,” Zach shudders.
“Don’t you want me to take care of you?” Your eyes are locked on his as you caress him, rolling your wrist.
“You are,” he says, whimpering at this point. “Please let me feel you. I miss you.”
Your body remembers Zach’s perfectly. As you sink onto him, sitting up, every muscle in your body loosens. He dips his head back, lips parting, jaw sharp.
“Shit,” he groans as you squeeze him in your soft heat. “You’re perfect.” His hands run over your thighs, your hips, your waist. He pulls you down so he can kiss you again.
“So big,” you whisper, noses nudging together as you rock slowly.
“I’m always going to be yours,” he says, his voice gently shaking. “Even if you don’t want me.”
“Zach,” you whisper, pulling back just enough to meet his eyes. He’s crying again. “I’ll always want you.”
You drag a thumb under his eye, cleaning away a warm tear. He nods, looking at you with a sorrowful gaze.
“Do you promise?” he asks.
“I promise,” you say. “My sweet boy.” He trembles at your words. You kiss him again, your pace starting to quicken, the pressure of him inside you so nice.
Zach swallows hard, forcing himself to believe you. Breaking up shattered him. He can’t go through it again.
“Hey,” he says against your lips.
“Hmm?”
“I’m gonna marry you one day.” You’ve loosely talked about the future before, but he has never said these words to you out loud. Your heart numbs.
“Do you promise?” you whisper with a smile. The coil in your core tightens again, making your breath shake.
“I promise.” Zach feels you clenching around him and he can’t stop himself. His muscles tense and he tightens his jaw as he feels himself reach his peak.
“There you go,” you praise as he shudders beneath you. The drunk look on his face is what makes you climax, joining him in his euphoria.
He’s heaving beneath you, your skin taut and warm and sticking together. You shift to rest your head on his shoulder and he finds your hand immediately, bringing it up to his mouth to kiss your fingertips.
“I love you,” he whispers. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, too,” you say, your heart burning.
Zach holds your hand inches away from his face, a finger tracing down one of yours.
“Do you still have it?” he asks, afraid of your answer. You look at your ring finger, where you used to wear his promise ring.
“I couldn’t get rid of it if I wanted to,” you say. He shifts to meet your gaze, his eyes still glossy. “It’s in my dresser.”
“Will you wear it again?”
“Of course,” you say. “And I’ll get one for you, too.”
The thought of having a constant reminder of your love for him on his hand makes his stomach flip. His dimples cave into his cheeks as he beams at you.
“How’d I play today?” he murmurs. Zach would always ask your opinion on how he did after a game. Tonight’s no different.
“Amazing,” you say. “I… I’ve actually been following your team. I know we said no contact, but…”
Zach’s elated that you cared enough to follow his progress.
“I’ve been checking every social media account you have every day,” he admits.
You giggle and he hugs you tightly, burrowing his nose into your hair. Suddenly, the memory of your argument outside rushes back into your mind.
“Wait, did you go home?” you ask.
“No, I just… sat in my car,” he tells you.
“What? Zach,” you say, voice heavy. “Aren’t you going to see your family?”
“I never told them I’d be in town,” he confesses. You shift to look at him again. “I knew that when we saw each other, we’d… realize we should be together. And I knew I’d only want to spend the night with you. I’m sorry - I only didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to feel pressured.”
Zach’s undying faith in your relationship melts you. Even after a messy break-up and a month apart, he believed in you two making it.
You nod, pinching his cheek, making him smile again.
“We could go now, if you want,” you offer. “They’d be so happy to see that we’re back together.”
Hearing you confirm it out loud makes Zach’s heart leap.
“Next time,” he says, squeezing you tight. “Right now, it’s just you and me. And eventually, we’ll be sleeping in the same bed every night and there won’t be any distance at all.”
You can’t wait. Neither can he.
(continuation blurb)
author’s note: i started this blog with the intention to write for rafe only but my friend showed me the zach maclaren light and for that @juniebugg i owe you my life 🫡
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jaggedjot · 2 days
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“Louis de Pointe du Lac. That's an interesting name.” “Louis of Pointe du Lac Plantation. My great-great-grandfather owned one. All that remains is the name.”
“And a sizable trust to oversee as a consequence. Capital accrued from plantations of sugar and the blood of men who looked like my great-grandfather but did not have his standing.”
When introducing himself to Daniel both in 1973 and in 2022, Louis alludes to the ways that the legacy of chattel slavery in the United States remains present through his life. The ramifications of this history will be explored further in his interviews; it is intrinsic to the racism that Louis describes experiencing, and it is built into the economic and cultural foundations of the societies that Louis has and continues to navigate through. The way that this subject is broached however, in both the past and present, specifically centres the relationship between slave plantations and Louis’ own affluence.
Daniel’s remark being prefaced by Louis offering to “Get the boy whatever he wants”, before carelessly pushing a platinum credit card between them, implicitly correlates Louis’ response with that ostentatious display of wealth. It is not an intentional association made by the characters, and Louis immediately downplays the link when he recognises it (“All that remains is the name.”). Given his reaction, it seems likely that Louis did not talk about this topic during his subsequent interview with Daniel, though, again, that does not mean it would have had no bearing on other matters discussed. By contrast in the present day, Louis broaches the subject himself and fairly openly acknowledges the correlation. It was a slave plantation and the exploitation of enslaved people that created the sizeable trust that paid for the house and lifestyle that Louis and his family enjoyed. While Louis does not state it directly, the unavoidable implication of Louis clarifying that his great-grandfather was black and had a different social status to that of slaves (“[…] the blood of men who looked like my great-grandfather but did not have his standing.”) is that several generations of Louis’ black relatives have, at least indirectly, financially profited from chattel slavery. It is unlikely that this wealth was all inherited after the fact, considering that the abolition of slavery in the United States occurred only a couple of decades before Louis was born. These pieces of information seem to contradict then the implicit suggestion of Louis’ earlier explanation in 1973, that the only direct bearing the de Pointe du Lac plantation has had on his life is a shared name.
Both the dismissal and the acknowledgement are characteristic of how Louis describes the past; factual as a basic statement but carrying additional implications whose accuracy is more questionable and or left carefully unexamined. This is a rhetorical device that aids Louis in maintaining control of the narrative and its meanings while avoiding, as much as he can, outright lies. While Louis does view Daniel as a necessity for him to revisit his story, it needs to be stated that this does not prevent Louis from consciously and unconsciously tailoring it for his audience. It is possible that Louis only acknowledges the subject at all in the second interview because he is aware that Daniel has likely done some background research on his family. Considering how insensitive to racial issues Daniel can be, as well as his deliberately combative and contrarian approach to interviewing, it may be that this is a subject that Louis does not want to explore with Daniel specifically; it is perhaps notable that the penthouse Louis shares with Armand contains at least two pieces of art (Slave Auction by Jean-Michel Basquiat, and Transformation by Ron Bechet) which are about chattel slavery. Regardless of the reason for Louis’ selectivity, this context continues to hover on the periphery of Louis’ story, adding additional layers of meaning to the events that follow.
It contextualises the contradictory feelings Louis has about his work as a landlord and pimp, roles that may step outside of the shadow of sugarcane and slavery but are only made possible through investing the profits of them. When Louis confesses to the ways he treats his workers, tellingly he invokes plantation imagery with “[…] I lie to myself, saying I'm giving them a roof and food and dollar bills in they pocket, but I look in the mirror, I know what I am; the big man in the big house, stuffing cotton in my ears so I can't hear their cries.”. This conflict then deepens the resentment Louis has towards his family for criticising how he provides for them, with Paul being the only member who even entertains the idea that they should not spend the money at all (“We should tithe that o'er to St. Augustine's 'fore this house falls in on us.”). Whereas the family judges Louis for connecting them to an industry they view as sinful and lacking respectability, contrasting it to the seemingly fondly remembered family plantation (“Daddy was here, we'd still be in sugar cane.”), Louis is troubled by the exploitative nature of that work and capitalism as a whole. Yet there are also times when Louis exhibits pride towards his business dealings (“And I was now the owner of the brightest club in the district. My club, my rules. […] It was everything I had ever wanted or wished for. […] I made a mountain of money, enough to retire and be buried like a pharaoh.”). This could be suggested to be partly because Louis has moved away from the legacy of his family’s past to create something that he can try to believe is helping his, primarily black, workers (“I paid the staff better, paid the band better, all the while helping those who had been with me down the block to better themselves.”).
Most significantly of all, this context adds an additional lens through which Louis and the audience can examine some of the overarching existential ideas that Louis has been grappling with throughout his life, and that the second interview brings to the forefront. How does the past continue to define our present? Can we be considered in any way culpable for the actions of others? What reparations can we make for the harm, deliberate and unintentional, that we do? The open-ended way that Louis approaches the link between his inherited wealth and chattel slavery, as well as the subsequent ways that these have shaped his life, is reflective of those unanswered questions. Louis is desperately trying to find, if not a definitive answer to these philosophical quandaries, an insight that can give his existence purpose and direction. It is vital to Louis that his experiences offer some greater lesson (“That's the purpose. Our book must be a warning as much as anything.”), and ideally one that he can prove that he has already learnt. The different ways that Louis approaches the subject in 1973 and 2022 then reflect how he is revaluating the past and himself (“The passage of time and the frailties that accompany it have provided me perspective.”), but despite this, critically and symbolically, Louis still does not seem to have come to any conclusions.
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chirpsythismorning · 10 hours
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The Vanishing of BLANK Wheeler
I wanted to make a list, from least likely to most likely, for which Wheeler I think is going to go missing.
But I also wanted to give a little disclaimer first, that even if these titles are real, they could still be fake, or could even possibly change given how much time we still have until s5 actually premieres.
For s2-3, the Duffers literally released official promo videos announcing episode titles for their upcoming season, with some of them changing when the season finally premiered.
Like in the case of s3 for example, they dropped a s3 episode promo video only a day after they completed filming. Meaning them titling 3x06 The Birthday, made absolutely no sense. They knew they didn't film anything birthday related for that episode. So they intentionally gave that one a fake name.
In the case of s4, that was the first time they promoted an upcoming season without giving fake titles, with the s4 promo announcing them following through with what we ended up with when s4 finally dropped.
I guess I sort of assumed s5 would follow in s4's footsteps, but from a leak standpoint, it might be smart to remember that fake titles are still a possiblity regardless. Especially in this case, where it's getting to the point in production where leaks are unavoidable. And so that might even explain why they play with this idea of fake episodes, which is because they can rest easy knowing leaks will mostly consist of half fake titles they planted there.
But for the sake of this post, lets humor the title for episode 2.
For starters, it's worth noting that the person who shared this leak originally said 'BLANK wheeler'. So as far as I know, they did not give any number of letters via underscores (_) to hint at who this Wheeler could possibly be. It's when ST news accounts caught wind of the leak and started rolling out posts, replacing BLANK with 5 underscores, that led a lot of fans to assume that the Wheeler had to have 5 letters in their name, which would have obviously ruled out Ted and Mike. But since all the Wheeler's are still on the table based on the original leak, they will all be included in this list.
5. Ted Wheeler
Believe it or not, there is something that I think actually warrants considering Ted as a possiblity.
There were some posts @stranger-chichka made a while back, comparing visual parallels between Stranger Things and Chernobyl, which could be hinting at this concept of Ted being in danger.
TBH though I think Ted being in danger or ending up dead is a possiblity regardless of him actually being the missing Wheeler.
Technically speaking, quite literally no one on the show is ruled out from being in danger at this point, so that's not saying much.
And considering the show is going to need to kill off some people next season and they are insistent on not killing any of their leads, supporting characters amongst the ranks have a high risk at being taken out. The emotional connection for Ted from the audience isn't as strong as other characters, but at least him being in close relation to a few main characters is something? I mean, he's funny I guess?
Quite frankly I don't think it's likely nor do I think it would actually make sense narratively for Ted to be the one to go missing out of all of them. I think it's a lot more likely they'd just kill him off, hence the Chernobyl parallels which imply he's gonna die. And so wasting time by having him go missing, only to kill him, just doesn't track. I think they'd just get that over with without dragging it out for very long, if anything.
Can you just imagine someone on the show shouting emotionally, It's Dad (Ted). He's gone.' Like, okay... And? I have a hard time imagining the characters being in serious turmoil over this, at least not enough for it to warrant like final season stakes amongst a bunch of other crazy shit happening. At best, the characters would be indifferently guilty for getting him roped into all this.
So yeah, I really don't see it happening.
4. Nancy Wheeler
I honestly feel like Nancy is even less likely to go missing than Ted, but the un-seriousness of an episode titled The Vanishing of Ted Wheeler is so astronomical, that I really had no choice but to put him last.
The reason I think Nancy is just very unlikely to go missing is because they technically already had her go missing as a cliffhanger between Vol 1 and 2 last season. It would just fall flat if they repeated something along those lines, with that same character, 3 episodes later. Vecna could have killed her and yet he didn't. His point was to send her a message, which was why he did what he did and then released her. The choice to target Nancy and taunt her about her family's safety in the first place, felt like their attempt at foreshadowing the danger that is to come for all of them, but one specifically. One of them that is not her. Which will make this moment back in s4 feel a lot more impactful upon rewatches.
So yeah, not feeling like Nancy is very likely.
3. Karen Wheeler
Karen is sort of a hard nut to crack all around. In the case that she is somehow connected to the Creels (Alice), anything is possible in terms of not only her being targeted, but again the entire family being at risk in some capacity. Without much to go off of outside of the obvious very haphazard timeline confusion, I feel like putting her somewhere in the middle. She was given a poster for s4. If she is Alice, then yeah it would make sense to target her. The stakes are also a lot stronger in comparison to Ted, because she was the parent in the family that actually came to Mike or Nancy and told them verbally that she wanted them to open up to her and is actually shown trying on several occasions. Whereas Ted is sort of just there when he's on screen. So the characters' distress would be a lot more dire and interesting to see unfold amongst everyone.
I also remember there being a leak in relation to Karen, Holly, Mike and Nancy all being at the hospital filming. And this was also like a day or so after ST dropped a video of Cara saying she was filming that day to hype up fans. So that leak did check out on the Karen front at least. Which puts her at the hospital at some point, potentially along with the rest of the Wheelers. Now that I'm thinking about it though, this could all fit with a Ted Wheeler death...
At this point, I'm sort of like indifferent to the possiblity, but it's still more likely than Ted and Nancy to me.
2. Holly Wheeler
It all goes back to s1, when Karen was visiting the Byers to console Joyce after Will went missing, when Holly sort of ventures off to Will's room, being guided by the lights, and sees the demogorgan in the wall.
I feel like people overlook this moment too, because it's kind of crazy that Holly has seen UD shit for herself. She was young enough that she could rule it out as just imagining things. And that could be partly the case even if she is skeptical.
There is something about Holly that makes her curious and sort of open to this world that most around her have no idea exists. And yet simultaneously some of the people closest to her do know about it and could easily clue her in when the time comes to do so, and because of that, I think she would probably be able to believe it all a lot faster than others.
Maybe this is a story where things need to happen and it just always ends up this way, but she has this tendency to be included in things that feel very important. Like in s4 with her playing with the lite-brite, and how that ended up being used to communicate with the others in the UD. There's this almost clairvoyance vibe about her. Her feeling the need to follow the Christmas lights to Will's room and her noticing and then fixating on the trees in s3.
Like I said, I don't know if it's something deeper, but it very well could be in the case she is connected to the Creels.
And while that is all somewhat compelling, at the same time it also feels very convoluted. Even if the Wheelers are Creels, I don't think that means the Wheelers would have powers, given that Henry got them when he was a child, meaning none of his family could have gotten them unless they too were taken in by the lab at some point, or were born with it.
Though I'm being full serious when I say the theories about Mike having time powers or maybe just manifestations from his emotions connected to the powers of others around him is one of my favorite theories of all time. I want it to happen. It would be cool. But that just opens the door to all of the Wheelers in my opinion, assuming his time powers came from being related to Henry. And if it was done that way, I feel like it would add way too much confusion to the story, where now all the Wheelers are gonna need to have powers, and then as a result would just takes away from the uniqueness that is already associated with Henry, El and potentially Will. One person potentially having powers without us knowing until the end aka Will, is enough honestly. Adding the Wheelers to the mix might be a bit much.
I'm also not totally convinced of the Wheeler's being Creels, and yet I also can't seem to want to rule it out entirely. But the prospects of Holly having powers or some sort of ability and just going through the same thing as Will when he was young and unaware of his powers, who is just now finding out the truth about his experiences... It just feels like serious whiplash honestly, when they haven't spent much of any time on Holly up to this point.
Like what are the stakes here exactly? What makes her disappearance and what that would look like compelling, on her front specifically? Because sure, I can see it being compelling watching the perspective of those around her reacting to this, what they would do to try to save her and all that, but what does that mean for her exactly? Are we going to see what she's doing? Are they going to hide it from us like they did with Will and then have to spend even more time uncovering it later on. And what does she even gain from being alone and taunted by Vecna presumably? What does the audience gain from witnessing that sort of event? There isn't a lot of story to explore there, outside of maybe making direct parallels to Will in s1? And then wouldn't that sort of take away from the importance of Will's role in it all just now being uncovered, if it all just repeats for Holly?
Which brings me to something that I see a lot of people using as strong evidence for why it has to be Holly, which is the fact that they recast her character.
What I think people are failing to consider is the fact that the twins who were cast to play Holly originally, were like 3-4 years old while filming s1. They weren't just kid actors, they were damn near baby actors. And while I know a big part of the reason why they gave Holly such few lines over the years was because the actors were aging way faster than the character they played, I think another factor could have been the fact that their acting experience is near nothing outside of Stranger Things, which is also pretty little on its own as well given that they have very few lines on the show.
It's not at all uncommon for child actors, let alone toddler actors to leave the industry once they start getting older. It could be for personal reasons, like wanting to explore other ventures, or it could be that they just don't perform as well with all the added expectations that come with acting as a character who is a kid with a lot of lines vs. a baby with 2 lines.
The girls got cast because at the time, they were able to perform as well as a 3 year old possibly could and would be expected to be in that role. But does that skill carry forth as they grew older? When now they have to deliver full sentences and carry conversations for scenes that are longer than 5 minutes? They've never really had to do that up to this point. Is it something that they feel comfortable with doing? Is their performance believable and is it something the writers feel confident about?
Honestly, I think they might have recast Holly, not because I think she is going to be targeted and focused on as this missing person they have to find, going through a near identical situation to 11 year old Will, but because they simply want her to be more apart of the story in general. And maybe because either the twins and/or the production didn't feel that they would be able to perform it in the way that they wanted it to be done.
And I mean, even if Holly isn't the one to go missing, one of the Wheelers is going to go missing based on this leak. If it was one of her parents, she would get a lot more scenes than she has in the past. If it was one of her siblings, again it would make sense for her to be more involved with the story. No matter what she is going to have a bigger role.
So no I don't think her being recast is as strong enough of proof as some might believe. If anything I think there is much stronger evidence that, like Karen, if they are related to the Creels, Holly is as fair game as any of them. The stakes could be high because she i such s a child. And her parents and Nancy and Mike worrying about her seems like something they would obviously do because she is so innocent and completely ill-equipped to endure something like that. But like I said, I just can't picture an focus like that on her, for her character, being very compelling given that Holly isn't really someone that needs like alone time with us witnessing it...
But there is one Wheeler left, and boy oh boy would he benefit from being alone.
1. Mike Wheeler
The most simple explanation for why it makes sense for it to be Mike, is that he genuinely benefits more than anyone when it comes to being alone with his thoughts, and with the audience watching. There's a lot of stuff dude has to work through in his own head, and since they haven't really let us have a moment alone with him that isn't under ten seconds since s3, an episode or two dedicated to making that a priority would make him coming back and things building up to the end, feel a lot more earned.
The audience needs to feel confident about how Mike feels about things. It can't be a guessing game for much longer when so many different factors are involved.
And while I think Mike may be the strongest possiblity in terms of the value it would add to the overall story is compelling enough to put him at number 1, the evidence supporting it happening is even stronger.
If we want to be crazy we can go back to the beginning. Plenty of fans have already speculated about how Mike is always late at the start of every season and how that might play into the beginning of season 5 again. I made a post about this recently and speculated it would happen one last time around the 15 minute mark. And maybe I was wrong... but maybe I was also right? Because if the second episode is called The Vanishing of Mike Wheeler, it's likely Mike's fate wouldn't be confirmed by the opening of 5x01, but in fact the closing scene of 5x01.
Throughout the show Mike plays a key role in leading the others, he's even referred to as 'the key' in s3 by Hopper. You know this show and their keys, they don't joke about that sort of thing. It's likely that Mike's story and what it is leading to is going to be central to how all of this ends.
Also in s3, there is one scene in particular that I think could be hinting at Mike being targeted, along with the s4 main poster with all of the characters. In the poster, we see El at the top, with Max and Mike as near equals on each side of her. Of course their roles are central and that's a fair layout on it's own arguably, but the equal-ness provided to Mike and Max feels very intentional. While she is slightly bigger than Mike in the frame, that could be a hint in regards to her being central now in s4, with Mike joining the mix alongside her in s5. Honestly, they could have made it so these two were beside other characters that also played a huge role in s4, and yet they chose those two to give a specific focus to. I think that is interesting (and probably intentional).
But if I'm being honest, there are so many moments in s4 specifically that hint at Mike being in danger, that I will not be able to include it all in detail in this post. So I'm going to link those below and then build off of some of it with some new details I've recovered that are worth re-contextualizing again with all of this in mind.
Hints regarding Mike and Will being targets of the town, but Mike specifically being focused on after the word 'missing' is said...
I'm gonna expand on this one because I think it's important to recognize the massive curtain in the background as this is all happening. And I vaguely reference this concept here as well which is worth checking out. But not is this whole concept of the curtain pretty blatant in this episode, this scene of the town all fleeing to hunt down hellfire club, is followed directly after, by this:
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Notice how Mike is nearly always central in these moments? And how what follows feels eerily similar to what is about to go down at the end of s4 aka Suzie = Mike.
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Now, this has already been talked about plenty so I won't go into detail, but... based on everything else happening surrounding this, this would apply to Mike in the sense that not only is he not in love with El, he's gay and in love with Will aka a boy. A BOY!
And then this mention of 'the terrible truth'. This word has been used like 3 times in the last few minutes. First intensely during Jason's speech about a terrible truth, with Ted and Karen being focused on with the Mike and Will extra in the background.
But what is even more crazy is that what follows sort of seals the deal for me that, this IS about Mike and it's foreshadowing what is about to come in s5.
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5:02... 5x02!!!!
Also peep the watch and the letter from Dustin under it... I don't want to speculate but lettergate is looking extra relevant within all of this as well...
And to close off this point, lets show the shot that follows directly after this one.
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Then later in the season, after Nancy is back from being taken by Vecna, here we have this long and emotional pause before she says Mike's name, last after her mom and Holly.
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If they wrote and filmed this scene, knowing Mike would be the Wheeler missing early s5, it would make sense for them to list off the characters like this.
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Mike peeking in the frame at this moment is not suspicious at all...
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If it wasn't enough that Jason hyped up the whole town to see the Hellfire club as their enemy responsible for all of this, here we have a focus on Mike specifically being targeted by Jason.
The Duffer's statement about the show overall in the Piggyback script, and I gotta say it fits Mike a lot more than any of the other Wheelers.
Mike is a Paladin. And when they break an oath, they might spend an all-night vigil as a sign of penitence... aka everything is going to come to a head and Mike is going to be alone dealing with this shit for a bit, until he can come back ready to face it.
And I know it's controversial, but this post explains perfectly why Mike being central to this would make the show go full circle in a really compelling way.
Mike hasn't really unpacked...
Karen lookalike standing in front of the missing persons board. Could be any one of them but still, considering the costume of this extra looks closer to what Karen was wearing when she reunited and hugged Mike... I'm gonna put it more so with him.
Mike's guilt and shame regarding the past and what it has led them to could also play a big role and why him going missing would be worthwhile to explore. Part 1 / Part 2
Mike paralleling Yuri, who eventually reveals the truth (in his pocket) after stalling. If Mike parallels him all throughout the start of that moment, what does that mean for how it ends for Mike?
An antique funeral home fan behind Mike in the s4 character promo photos in the Creel attic, how Mike is seen sitting before Will sits beside him shortly after and it involving upside down imagery, Mike's first line in the show being used to later foreshadow his fate in early s5, and also bringing it back to Suzie's house which I already went into but it might be helpful to look at it again from this lens.
The Duffers would not pass up on the opportunity to parallel Mike with Finn's other character Richie in IT, which is literally based on a book that heavily inspired ST in the first place. And how all of that plays into the queer-coding for Mike going all the way back to s1.
The Duffers revealed after posting the funko-pop shotplanning pictures (2) that they were finished with planning for 5x01-5x02.... meaning this shot of Mike all by himself, is going to occur in one of those episodes...
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We could still hypothesize Holly is the one to be taken, given that she doesn't have a funko and so they couldn't include her here regardless. But the fact that Nancy is with the other seems to imply to me that they are all likely working together to get Mike back, who is alone.
This one is a little more hard to pinpoint for sure, but it comes from a BTS Ross posted recently.
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We are clearly in the Wheeler's house here. And if you zoom in, it looks like someone is standing (hiding?) behind a doorway/curtain. And the only person that seems to fit it imo is Mike... But why would he be hiding in his own house...?
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It just makes me think about what is going on with Mike in early s5. What would be occurring that has him in this sort of situation? And it makes me wonder if him going missing has solely to do with him being taken and gone in one single moment, or if it could involve him avoiding his family and others potentially, with him being taken after that.
Lastly, I'm going to go into more choppy territory, stuff I know only a couple of people will actually consider. But it is pretty fucking fitting of what is about to go down so I can't not mention it.
In the Puzzle Tales' most recent Hellfire Campaign, this is the title...
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Like the whole chapter is just a big joke on Mike about him being scared to be alone, which is painfully ironic if this is the direction the show is about to go for the next 2 upcoming episodes.
And then we have a song WSQK posted on Twitter back in January. I know people don't believe that this account is connected with anyone in the production, which is fair because I myself rarely believe leaks from anonymous accounts as it is. But I've been keeping up with it and it genuinely doesn't seem like a fan could come up with these songs.
The song I'm about to mention is the 7th song they posted, called Army Dreamers by Kate Bush. And you might fight it sounds a lot like the situation Mike might find himself in in early s5.
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And though I'm sure I didn't cover everything, I feel like all the things I've mentioned and referenced from other posts are plenty to at least consider this as opposed to rejecting it all together.
At the end of the day I think there are some valid arguments for all of them to some extent. And quite frankly all of the Wheelers and most of the characters in the show will find themselves in danger in a way that is going to probably last longer than just one single moment the entire season. So even if it's just one of them, I don't think that rules out the others playing a bigger role in what is going down.
I just think narratively, there is one person that benefits from being on-screen and alone with their thoughts. And the other 4 being confronted with what that person discovers eventually will also make all of this a lot more worthwhile than any of the other options in my opinion.
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icantdothistodaybruh · 5 months
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Happy New Year⭐
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fishyartist · 1 month
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Ui idea tests, thrown together bc im eepy. Was planning on doing more but I spent all my days energy on the second one oops
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jacksprostate · 3 months
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It happens in Paper Street. Tyler is still gone. The building is oozing with monkeys, but on the upper floors where Tyler and I sleep, I am alone.
I am not alone.
There is two of me. I don't have a twin.
If there's two of me, then there might be two of Tyler.
Tyler would probably think killing myself to monopolize him and his clone is a step closer to bottom.
If there's not two Tylers, I have to kill him anyway.
All of this becomes clear to me in the time it takes for my clone to stare at me and shake his head and get his shit together.
I play it cool. I am so ZEN, he will not realize when I reach over to crush his windpipe.
I say, hey. This is weird.
"Yeah," he says, and my voice is way too loud coming from him. I don't like it. He needs to shut the fuck up. "Is Tyler here?"
I ask him, do you think Tyler would know why the universe broke? I ask him like he's asked me if Tyler would like to take a nice little shopping trip through the local designer stores and pay off the companies' tax breaks by giving hundreds to their check out charity.
I think Tyler would know why the universe broke, of course. He'd be the one to break it. Maybe this is another one of Tyler's little tests. This new version of me seems less certain of that fact, more like he's looking for his daddy's coattails, and now I really can't wait to punch his teeth out of his skull. He doesn't have the hole in his cheek, and I can see him watching it wink when I talk. He looks like a jealous rat.
We must both be Joe's Clenching Bowels.
I ask him, do you think we're different? Maybe there's a butterfly effect. Parallel universes. There has to be a reason he's so pathetic.
"I'm sure we are," he says, like he's telling his boss about sawing cross tips into bullets. Touching.
How'd you meet Tyler?
"On the plane. He gave me his number. Called him after my condo blew up."
I smile. I met him on a nude beach. He gave me his number. I called him after my condo blew up. Every word after nude turns my copy's face a bit ruddy, little tectonic nudges to the ring of fire.
"What were you doing on a nude beach?" he spits. "Gargling your boss's balls?"
Watching Tyler. Naked and sweaty, muscles flexing as he pulled around driftwood and pilings to sit in his own hand of perfection. I know I sound like a priest that wants to keep God for himself. I am.
"You're a fag," he says.
I think of my birthmark on my foot. I think of Tyler. I think of Marla. I think of how stupid this version of me is, to pretend he wouldn't get on his knees just for the chance of a taste of Tyler. Is that not how he got the kiss I can see on his hand? His Tyler must have had to lower his standards.
Best not to accuse others of things you're guilty of, I say. I'm willing to face any number of uncomfortable truths if it will get rid of him, I realize.
He's flustered. "No, no, it's not —" he waves his hands. "It's not like that with me and him. No."
Yes it is. It's not love as in caring, sure.
I step closer.
It's property as in ownership.
This must be why Tyler likes it. I see myself wither like a guy kicked in the balls on the first night he attends fight club.
I could be over that table every night for Tyler, I say. You would just be jealous. Just like you're jealous of Marla. Of that one pretty kid you probably pummeled into the ground too. Or did you not even have the balls for that?
Eliminate the competition. Face the truth only to drive it deeper into this jammed copy of myself. Win Tyler's affections. I have already seen the bones in my yard, I can tell, he has not.
One of us is committed. I pull my human sacrifices out of my pocket, throw them at him. One of us wants this. I get in his stupid face.
It's not you.
He swings at me, I'm fighting to the death.
"Tyler isn't here, is he?" he taunts me.
"Tyler left you."
"He doesn't want you anymore."
All things true, but maybe not once I kill you.
I am the abandoned dog, performing tricks so its owner will come home. I am myself, calling my father and telling him about graduating college, like it means fuck all to him. I am myself, pushing onto that next step on his list, anyway. Tyler's my new list, and he wants murder. I've known it. I'll face it.
He gets me in a headlock, hits me over and over, opening up that hole in my cheek. I go limp, drag him down, flip him over myself and grab his throat. I slam his head into the ground. It's soft, moldy wood, not concrete, so I have to start squeezing, instead.
Death will commence in five.
Five, four.
He's gasping, slamming his palm into my nose, breaking it over and over.
Four, three.
Three, two.
His body is shaking under mine. Seizing. He has the primordial strength of a man about to die, and I have the primordial strength of a man about to live.
Death will commence in two.
His eyes are rolling back. I can feel his throat giving in.
No more chance for breaths. It crumbles beneath my hands like the ribcage of a hummingbird.
No chances for evacuation.
Death commences.
Now.
On the upper floors of Paper Street, I am alone.
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grinchwrapsupreme · 2 days
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i have been trying so hard to be serious about this vampire novel i'm writing but i've reached a scene where a vampire priest is pointing a loaded gun at a door with a werewolf behind it and i'm coming to terms with the fact that i was doomed from the start
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soulsxng · 3 months
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"Naturally, I am more than willing to offer services to anyone willing to pay...or to trade me something worthwhile, at the very least. Discretion is something I take very seriously, so even the most illustrious of clientele need not worry about a thing when in my care. I should also mention that teleportation is hardly the only service available-- in fact, I feel confident in saying that I have such a wide range of offerings that I have no doubt that anyone could find something that catches their interest."
Helai was, after all, considered a king of the underground and black markets for a reason. Fast and reliable transportation was a must for someone like that, and so he'd made sure that multiple methods fulfilling that need were made available to him.
The only real issue was dealing with competition, and those that might attempt to steal said methods...but that wasn't too terribly difficult.
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hanzajesthanza · 2 years
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i think the witcher makes me feel a profound sadness every night because it’s about all the things we love so much, or that we wish we had, but can never get back. the tragedy of the uncontrollable. the pain of loss.
ciri, despite her youth and innocence, loses her home and family and then she even her adoptive parents, and then she even loses her youth and her innocence, and is left with nothing but a grotesque scar symbolizing her trauma that doesn’t fit her childlike face and a hardened, green glare. and a sword, which is only a burden.
her parents, despite their incredible love for her, despite all of their agony and sacrifice to get her back, despite their own loss of their honor, their pride, their blood — they lose her too. they lose a child, the most tragic loss of all.
dandelion loses his best friend, clutching at his memories like the weeds growing by loch eskalott, trying to grasp the last twenty years to write his memoires.
milva hears her father’s words when she shoots, and his wheezing echoes in her mind.
regis lost himself, his entire life, all the people he ever loved and chased away.
cahir, despite his large family that loves him more than imperial orders, can never return to darn dyffrya, feel the sun on his face in vicovaro ever again.
angoulême wonders if her mother would have loved her had she not abandoned her, imagines what her hand patting her head in praise could have felt like.
and then geralt loses them. all of them, one by one.
and nimue, reading about it all, can never meet the figures of the legend she has obsessed over for years and years… she has her part to play in it, she can know their voices from dialogues and know their faces from etchings, but will never be able to tell them she loves them, tell them how much they mean to her.
even when they find what they’re searching for, even when they find what they’ve desired so — it’s only for a bittersweet moment. they shortly lose it again. everyone in this series is so intertwined together and caught in the same snare of destiny, and at the very same time so very alone and abandoned
#additional edit: this textpost brought to you by carolina in my mind#edit: and no one’s loss is the exact same! even though there are parallels — everyone suffers differently.#i used to feel guilty describing my experience as ‘loss’ because it wasn’t pertaining to death and that’s typically what loss insinuates#but you can lose so many things outside of death. and inside of death i don’t rule that out — but for me at least#the witcher books made me realize there are soooo sooo many ways to suffer and girl i’m not special lol#like all the protagonists experience this horrid sadness and tragedy and they KEEP LIVING and then they SUFFER EVEN MORE and then they DIE#and its like omg thats horrifying but like that didnt make the read any less enjoyable. in fact it made it more so#if they just were happy all the time there would be no story#so it made me realize that even if you are suffering or even if you have lost. life is still worth living#and also that rage and ‘bad’ emotions and selfishness and all these evil things that rise up from within a person are in fact natural#the creation of children of contempt seems almost unavoidable in the world we live in#but the point is that you cant stay a child of contempt. you have to humble yourself or someone else (BONHART) will humble you#dont hurt others or leo bonhart will snatch that beret with the rooster feather right off your ashen-blonde head#the witcher books#txt#analysis#kind of? analysis: a big theme in this is loss. lol kind of obvious not really groundbreaking you’ll have to forgive me#f: a hansa's a hansa#f: i want to see the sky#damn who would think a war saga would be a tragedy smh#obv /s#personal
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amaranth · 1 year
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jongdae's puzzle piece being the only one posted 15 minutes late + a fucked up unfinished version and him being in like 0.5 seconds of any content they upload lately...sm i'm coming for you
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i-am-tiny-sun · 1 year
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So stupid shit happens to Tiny and will until the day I die 🤦🏻‍♀️ my great grandpa always used to say that if anyone was living in a sitcom, it would be our family…HE NEVER LIED IN HIS LIFETIME AND HE’S CERTAINLY NOT WRONG EVEN IN THE GRAVE
So if y’all get follows from this blog, followed me on my old one of the same url, and are wondering why: this is why.
I’ll be at work on rules and a masterlist for the fandoms I write for, listed below:
Blue Lock
Tokyo Revengers
My Hero Academia
Chainsaw Man
Spy x Family
Bungou Stray Dogs
I also might dabble in Twisted Wonderland for some of y’all who like yassified Disney villains
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ziracona · 2 years
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[[Hawke v Arishok, 9:34 Dragon]]
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halchron · 9 months
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judgement  :  is your muse forgiving of themselves ? how about of others who wrong them ? //yusuke
arcana hcs // accepting
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forgiveness in others and himself is something he's still learning. he often doesn't even care about other people enough to even think twice about how they've wronged him, but it's entirely a different story when it comes to someone he cares about. in madarame's case, he can never forgive him for all the things he's done to him and others, but he doesn't outright hate him either. maybe later in his life he could forget about madarame and finally crawl out from the other's shadow, but that won't be for a long long time.
as for himself, he's extremely hard on himself and he believes that he's at least somewhat at fault for the reason why he can't forgive himself. just like he can't forgive madarame, he can't forgive himself for being so willfully blind to the other's mistreatment and wrongdoing. truthfully, he sees himself as a coward who was unable to act even though he knew it was wrong, and if he can't forgive others for that, why would he forgive himself ?
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leonisloresmith · 1 month
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@thenecropolix I’ll be tackling your questions in two parts because I have some long answers.
My earlier doodle with Sasha and Milla didn’t have a particular context but there’s two points of contention with their relationship that develops after they (yes both of them) find out he’s not human.
The first is that Sasha is near physically defenseless when he’s not in human form. His star body is a collection of hot gases and a soul. Anything he physically interacts with is due to either his magic or his psychic abilities. It worries Milla a lot, especially since time is taking those abilities away from him.
The second is (sorry for this bummer) the unspoken fact that Sasha is going to outlive Milla, by a lot. Sasha’s a newborn by star standards. He won’t even hit star adulthood for thousands of years yet. He doesn’t exactly want to do it without her. Unfortunately, even if she could be there, a star’s life is lonely. Kinda hard to hangout when your body burns up anything that gets close.
Now’s the fun part: how do stars work?!
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The first notable thing about stars in this au is that they’re living creatures. Their general lifecycle is almost identical to real life but spun a bit.
Newborn/infant stars start in their birth nebulas. At this phase they’re like Sasha is now: some hot gases and a soul. They haven’t developed a gravitational field yet, which is the key defense mechanism of adult stars. Instead they’re able to move at relatively incredible speeds and have access to a large reservoir of magic to interact with things around them.
Many infant stars will just stay in their cosmic nurseries before heading for empty deep space in search of a good place to develop their gravitational fields, but some very adventurous ones will head for an adult star’s solar system. They’ll seek out planets either interesting or populated with life to spend their infancy around before heading to deep space.
A star’s gravitational field is the defensive tradeoff a star gets in exchange for their magic. Their magical prowess diminishes as they age, restricting their movement and ability to interact with things.
I keep mentioning defensive mechanisms, what’s with that? Well, stars as a species only have one predator: …I just call them star eaters. Simply, they’re a much much smaller and faster species that live up to their name. Adult stars use their gravitational fields to throw star eaters off their “scent” and to collect assorted debris like a shield.
So here’s another question: how’d Sasha end up on Earth without knowing he’s a star? He’s a very common case of human genes beating up everything else in the genetic lottery. He had a star relative very very far down his mostly human family tree somewhere and the stars aligned (hehe) just right for the star “genes” to win the metaphorical boxing match this time. The exact specifics I can get into later, but many of the characters who aren’t human were born with the residual magic that makes them appear as such. That kind of magic tends to stick until near adulthood for many, longer for other cases.
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sunriseverse · 4 months
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thinks too hard about sunrise!xiaosanjiao and explodes.
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seveneyesoup · 8 months
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hate parting with jackets love cutting them up for notions…. it’s like returning them to nature
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