One thing they don't tell you about having raging undiagnosed moral OCD is that if you play a D&D character who is trying very hard to be a good person, they will accidentally get every single one of your Symptoms™ and years later in retrospect you will be extremely grateful your friends were willing to share a table with you

i might read John's showing up in Newport thing as a tiny bit less indicative of being Weird than you do... to me it seems sort of like, the sort of Grand Gesture impulsive thing you might do out of total desperation, especially if you consider they've been together a long time, John has been kind of repressing and hiding all his actual emotions about the situation so when he expresses them they come out in big bursts. Also, as far as we know, we never see him get input from anyone else about his relationship like friends etc so maybe its the sort of thing that makes sense in his head and its not like. Actually maybe this is not so good of an idea until he's already gone and done it

Thank you for the ask!! Love 2 read thoughts on this. And I see now after drafting this that you sent follow up ones too but i will go ahead publish this one first

I think my thoughts on that are. The Newport behavior makes sense as something to Think about doing... Many people think about things like that regardless of brainweirds. Winning an argument in the shower etc etc.

But actually doing it... especially when there are SO many steps to doing it. that is bonkers behavior. It isn't like, inherently mentally ill, like is that behavior someone without brainweirds would do—Almost certainly so. sometimes people do ridiculous things. Fully believe there are guys who do that kind of thing and would not get diagnosed with Weird.

But. and this is most important to my brainweirds headcanon. it is not something that seemed to line up with the rest of John's behavior. It came totally out of left field for viewers, everyone went nuts. Blog reviewers that commented on the plotline universally were like "this is deranged and came out of nowhere, what a guy". logistically it is just. ridiculous amount of effort to go to for a guy who is giving introverted and going with the flow in most of his screentime. like he absolutely snapped, he had been holding back and communicating extremely poorly and making assumptions that he could ignore it and it would blow over etc, but the Way that he snapped...

I think a normal person would leave it at the restaurant. well truly I think a normal person would not have gone there during the restaurant but everyone has times where emotions run high! but i think it would have been left there and then he would have had a whole argument in private when oscar got home...

instead he goes completely absolutely out of his way specifically to draw attention to how wonderful and fine his life could be without acknowledging oscar in it at all and that he can make himself more desirable than oscar and harm oscar's plans... there are So many things he could have been trying to demonstrate but all of them ultimately, I think, are intentionally to fuck with or hurt oscar or at least to Teach Him A Lesson...

oscar, someone he otherwise seems to be quite ride or die for and is extremely in love with and is i think trying to serve that With whatever bananas sentiment he is directly trying to express with his newport behavior. Like he cares deeply about oscar but is still taking ridiculous steps to get the upper hand.

That is the part that doesn't make much sense in the context of his previous & upcoming behavior and most of his s2 behavior as well, and makes more sense when you decide you want him to have brainweirds! imho.

because like I think the key thing to keep in mind when looking at My thoughts etc on my tumblr dot com blog is that I am reading John Adams as brainweird because I want to. And I want to because, a, it is historically fun, that family was chock full of brainweirds, but also because, b, I myself am brainweird. But i do think it enhances the text and is supported by his actions !!

Also something I think is Very interesting is that when I polled, most people seemed to think that John would Not feel anything resembling regret or embarrassment etc about his actions in Newport... which was not at All the lens I myself was looking through because of my own experiences. like when my brain makes me do crazy shit it is like. Absolutely cringe and bananas after it's over and i want to forget it ever happened. and in 1.09 when john is so sullen and pouty when Oscar teases him about flirting with gladys...

he's giving 1880s bipolar disorder. to me <3

Random Headcanon's for the Scream Character's

Billy really was a normal sweet kid and a good boyfriend before his mom left. Everyone paints him as always being crazy and his mom just triggered him but I honestly don't think that's true. Sidney and her parents would not have been okay with her dating a bad boy from Sophomore year onward. Sure it happens and maybe she saw past it but If Sidney would have seen how Billy acted with Randy in the videostore; instant break up imo. He could not have hid that side of himself for two years straight. Remember, they were dating a whole year prior to Maureen cheating. My theory is he may or may not have had a 'side' to him or other undiagnosed disorder in his gene pool (Mrs Loomis snapping too.) but Billy's psychotic breakdown was mostly situational + groomed by Roman and there were other things in his life that probably were boiling over and Debbie leaving him completely broke him. So, he was in an extremely vulnerable state when Roman came around and molded him. THAT is why Sidney trusted him so much in Scream before the phone incident and even somewhat after. Because Billy was a good boyfriend before her mom's murder and she would have never suspected it. Now how her or no one else could see him tumbling into madness or at least deep depression before Roman sank his talons in is beyond me. Maybe she did and he shrugged her off? Either way, the situation made him shut down all empathy towards other people and changed him. His empathy is towards his mom, possibly his dad since Hank never died and that is it. He has symptoms of a psychopath and even though that is usually genetic I 100% think a psychotic breakdown could do it as well.(Don't come for me bitch I'm not trained in any of this just using what I know from research 🧍‍♀️) If his mom never left and Roman didn't come along; Billy would have never been a killer

Contrary to Billy's situational psychological crazyness. Stu was always going to kill. I don't even think it's is he a sociopath vs a psychopath argument as much as he is just disconnected from reality. (Though he would most likely be a Sociopath if he was bc of his lack of boundaries as well impulsive behavior. Thinking killing was a game.) Stu possibly suffered abuse as a child. He was terrified of his parents more than the law. Either A. They abused him and permanently terrified him. Or B. He really has a stunted mentality and thinks of killing as a game and fears his parents more than the law bc the consequences are just not clicking LIKE A KID. He's like a giant little kid with no sense of how things work. He still could have been abused and that is what stunted his growth mentally. However, his violent tendacies were always there. Never preplanned just urgent anger or sadistic glee he couldn't control. Billy just suggested the killings and he was instantly down. Like, hell yeah cool. Most ppl no matter what mental illness they have or how severe are not that easy to convince. Whose to say he hadn't killed before or was planning to? My theory is he is so disconnected from reality that killing really is a giant fun game to him and he would have eventually murdered someone even without Billy.

Idk why this isn't more thought of throughout the fandom. Billy and Stu did not rape Maureen bc the evidence would have pointed to someone other than the guy they were framing. Cotton Weary had sex with Maureen, left, Billy and Stu taunted her on the phone and lured her away, they killed her, police suspected rape bc A. they didn't know about the affairs. B. Cotton's semen or her discharge or bruising being there. They naturally assumed it was rape but in actuality no one raped her. Cotton's dna from their affair incriminated him even more. Not saying that Billy and Stu would think of rape as morally wrong enough not to do in their book BUT it would have been stupid on their part and made it obvious there were other suspects besides Cotton.

Stu isn't a lapdog. Stu literally revealed on the phone he was going to throw Billy under the bus. He hesitated giving him the knife. Stu is like a kid. He most likely suffered trauma that regressed his mental age. He's eager to please, desperate for attention and most likely fawns over people he feels close to in an obsessive way. He could have even been in love with Billy and vice versa which is why he was so eager to please him. However, he was not nearly as stupid or a lapdog as much as the fandom makes him out to be. I think Randy saying it in the videostore sealed the deal for people even though he was only acting like that bc he was helping Billy too and covering their tracks. Billy was the one with the plan. Stu just tagged along out of the urge to kill. But he 100% had his own plan to kill and bail if needed. My mind is made up on that.

There was a third killer in Scream and it wasn't a teen or Roman. You're telling me two 17-18 yr old guys could come up with every detail? Roman only told Billy the basics. How did they get tactical police shoes? How did they get to the houses so fast and leave just as quickly? How did they both take down and restrain Steve or Neil by themselves enough to tie them up? Sure, Stu was deranged and tall but these two lanky teens were able to take on a football player with muscles and a grown man? Possible but stil meh to me. Their plan was too thorough for two teen boys to come up with on their own. Both crazy. One completely unhinged and disconnected from reality and the other so blinded by revenge he was stupid at times. (Fucking stabbing yourselves before killing Neil and Sidney. Not even thinking to AT LEAST tie Sidney up as well...Really? Jill was smarter in 4 in that respect tbh.) I truly think their was an adult involved in Scream helping them or guiding them. I would say Roman if it wasn't for him going back to Hollywood. But Billy and Stu had help DURING the killings 100%.

Randy is not this mecha survival final boy like the fandom thinks. The kid watched one too many horror movies and based them on real life. Scream itself is making fun of slasher movies and Randy was supposed to be the narrator setting most of the dumb rules up into play. Everyone is like "omg that's so out of character how he died in 2" no its not. If the rules work then him losing his virginity did him in. He was drinking, he was pissed off and not thinking. Plus Mrs. Loomis attacked in broad daylight, something no one thought of. (And the whole debate how a middle aged woman could pull him in. LOOK. Randy is a fucking small guy and she grabbed him backwards, using momentum to haul him back into the van. PLUS she was enraged at what he said about Billy. Adrenaline is a hell of a super drug as far as testing the bodies limits. I have seen tiny girls become the hulk when they are pissed I'm jus sayin) Point is, Randy was just a teen boy that loved horror movies. He was not some survival guide especially since it showed him even on the couch not aware of Ghostface behind him. He was a giant satire showing how even he didn't always follow the rules of slasher movies and how dumb the rules are.

Tatum loved Sidney and had more chemistry with her than Billy. I am not saying they weren't just BFF's and I don't want to ruin female friendship with constantly thinking "omg they are gay together" any time two women are close. BUT it is strange that it was only those two as friends especially since Sidney didn't fit into Tatum's popular social circle. It's like Tatum went out of her way to be friends with Sidney. Maybe they were childhood friends and that's why? But I think it's entirely possible that just like it's speculated that Stu and Billy were secretly in love; Tatum possibly was at least bi and in love with Sidney.

@dressrosaa and anyone else unfamiliar with pretty little liars, a postmodern tone poem about girlhood and violence, an experiment in storytelling divorced from linear time about how all cops are bastards and dads are even worse, one of the most bafflingly homophobic pieces of media i have ever seen despite the fact that the showrunner for all seven seasons is literally a lesbian like GIRL are you OKAY blink twice for I NEED THERAPY:

pretty little liars tells the story of four friends: spencer hastings (deranged genius/former and future speed addict, perfect); hanna marin (blonde shoplifter/recovering bulimic, an angel we don’t deserve); emily fields (gay swimmer, has no personality but it’s hard to tell if that’s because pll is homophobic or because shay mitchell CANNOT act but is almost hot enough to make up for it); and aria montgomerry (the fucking goddamn worst i know it’s wrong to hold this much hate in my heart for a sixteen year old who spends the ENTIRE show being sexually preyed upon but in my defense it is fiction and frankly barely even that; truly the relationship between pretty little liars and our normal human understanding of narrative is tenuous at best; the point is if aria were real she would be deserving of infinite compassion but she is not so she just sucks). a year after their queen bee alison disappears, her body is found, at which point they all start getting texts from the mysterious “A,” who knows their secrets with NSA-bugging-a-therapist’s-office precision and seems to have nothing to do in life other than to torture them into constantly endangering themselves or betraying each other or doing other horrible things that will then hang over their heads for 800 years.

PLL is sort of like what if a classic dead blonde whodunit has a nightmare octopus baby with jj abrams “mystery box” storytelling spliced together with a sense of pacing even more deranged than the magicians at its most unhinged; the reason i make so many jokes about its lack of interest in physical spacetime is because it’s technically canon that two and a half entire seasons, during which among other things spencer has a nervous breakdown and an addiction relapse and goes to rehab and then gets out of rehab T W I C E, takes place between the first week of school and thanksgiving break. it is not by any means a “good” show and it’s pretty clear that any “ideas” in it were there by accident, but watching 6 seasons in a month was one of the most enthralling television experiences of my life, and it really does love to remind you that no men on earth are good (*except for hanna’s street rat hacker boyfriend caleb played by tyler blackwell whose face makes me feel extremely safe who is the most perfect dreamboat in the history of televisual dreamboats). part of its unhinged M. O. is of course keeping you constantly guessing about who “A” is, taking you through like 7000 red herring reveals (along with some real reveals later retconned as beta-A’s working for the real A - i’m telling you this shit is fucking nuts) in which we spend a couple episodes thinking (if we have never watched a television show before) that so and so must be A, only to have their nefarious behavior explained away by some other mechanism.

i’m giving this context because i am taking your inquiry about the throwaway reference i made as a chance to explain my favorite of the A fake-outs, which centers on ezra fitz. who is ezra fitz? he is a demon in human disguise. he beats out craig manning on degrassi for worst fictional boyfriend in the history of teen melodrama. he is a dude who macks on a fifteen-year-old aria montgomery at a bar the weekend before school starts and then turns out to be, surprise! HER ENGLISH TEACHER. because the show, despite being incredible and amazing and iconic, is also very bad, their relationship, which goes on and off the entire seven seasons and winds up endgame, is sold as like a torrid and angsty secret affair, and not the creepiest thing that has ever happened. despite the fact that ezra is the closest the show has to a male lead and played by the second hottest dude on it, in season 4 they were running out of A candidates and started giving us shady clues to ezra’s shadiness, discovered and mostly put together by spencer, who simultaneously was coping with the stress of trying to get into an ivy league college while also saving herself and her friends, all of whom take turns sharing one brain cell leaving her to do all the thinking, from the constant assault of a blackmailing emotional terrorist who at this point has also tried to kill them several times. one time aria winds up in a box on a train next to a dead body and also it’s halloween and adam lambert is performing on the train, god when riverdale season 1 was good i thought riverdale was like what if pretty little liars but on purpose but with the benefit of hindsight clearly PLL had what riverdale fucking WISHES it could.

in order to deal, spencer has fallen on her old pill-popping ways (for, just to reiterate, the second time after leaving a mental institution in the span of like 10 weeks), and JUST as she is on the verge of really PROVING that their english teacher is A, she suffers a stimulant-induced psychotic break i.e. gives the show their framing device for doing a Theme Episode around the theme of Film Noir, where everything is in black and white and everyone talks funny. you can watch a clip here to get the flavor. sidebar at this point alison has appeared to every single character i think and it’s like still fully a mystery whether they all individually hallucinated her at times of stress or if she’s secretly alive. once again this show owns.

anyway her friends totally freak on spencer when she tells them her theory, because she is literally the only person in town with a brain, but then we get this amazing episode where aria (a child) is at her english teacher’s cabin for the weekend and he’s acting exactly like a serial killer the entire time and she starts to have doubts and has a very tense ski lift ride with him and THEN! THEN what’s amazing is that ezra is NOT A, but in explaining why he has been acting so shady despite not being A they manage to somehow make him not ONLY worse than an english teacher who was fucking his high school student but ALSO make him POSSIBLY WORSE THAN AN ACTUAL MURDERER IMO, because it turns out that he met alison briefly before she died/fake died and then got obsessed with her death and SO he came to town and got a job at the school AND MADE OUT WITH THIS DEAD TEENAGE GIRL’S EQUALLY TEENAGE FRIEND IN THE BAR THAT DAY AND PURSUED A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HER AS HER ENGLISH TEACHER.............................................. IN ORDER TO DO RESEARCH FOR A TRUE CRIME BOOK. LITERALLY the most incredible thing i have ever witnessed on television. it’s SO incredible and PLL is SO far from being what you could call a “normal” “story” that my love for it is not even diminished by the fact that aria eventually takes him back because this show is evil and she is stupid (again i would NOT say that of an ACTUAL child victimized by an english teacher/pathetic truman capote wannabe, but aria is made up and not around to hear about how bad she sucks and i hate her) (my god she’s so bad guys like you simply cannot watch the show and retain empathy for her it WILL break you). it does help that in between those things ezra gets his dumb ass shot. yeah for “love” or whatever but like he deserved it i’m not gonna complain.

anyway i hope that helps clarify matters. just to stress the important part, this is not in the top 10 most deranged things that happened on this show. one time A snuck into a dentist’s office and knocked hanna out with laughing glass and implanted a tiny strip of paper in her gums which when the liars extracted it later read DEAD GIRLS DON’T SMILE. another time for a fashion show they were getting dressed up and one of them realized she was wearing a corset made of human finger-bones. they all go to jail because they have been framed but then on the way to jail they get kidnapped in an underground bunker styled to look like their childhood bedroom where A makes them milgram experiment each other for three weeks. watching this show will literally change the structures of your brain. i heard it’s finally legal in oregon now.

Aphorisms On Madness, Philosophy, & Society (from my book, Gaslit By A Madman)

Aphorisms On Madness, Philosophy, & Society (from my book)

Wittgenstein on Otto Weininger.

Wittgenstein once said about Otto Weininger: “If you were to reverse all of his assertions, they would still be equally fascinating and worthwhile. ” That tends to be how I view all utterances. (If only SJWs thought like this about all utterances!) This is much closer to truth as aletheia, the Greek and Heideggerian notion, rather than strict formal, propositional veracity.

If you believe in truth, you are delusional!

.......Thus, as things became even more extreme, and relativism spread from ‘values’ to truth itself, we increasingly began to see the crazed spectacle of Professors of Psychiatry ‘scientifically’ labelling everyone who simply happens to have different beliefs from themselves as ‘sick’ and ‘delusional’i. e meaning they have a ‘fixed false belief’. while their prestigious, highly rewarded colleagues in the Humanities, Philosophy or Literary Studies department loudly proclaim there is ‘no truth, only interpretations’! No doubt somewhere or other, the two doctrines have been combined and solidified in the very same individuals such that if you still believe in ‘truth’, you are delusional, i. e you have a fixed ‘false’ belief and require urgent ‘treatment’! Pretty deranged, eh?

Truth as the best healer

Real truth saves lives; real truth works better than any pill. Especially for the honest.

On self-identity and freedom of conscience

Nowadays, if a ‘woman’ came into a psychiatrist’s office and professed to be a Champion Bull, raring to butt horns in the otherwise peaceful long-grassed meadows of her youth once more . the good Dr. would quite rightly feel obliged to continue the interview in aggressive snorts and threatening raking at the carpet, like any other modern, non-bigoted professional. But if this erstwhile proud Minator were to opine that there is no such thing as ‘schizophrenia’ or ‘mental illness’, someone’s professional opinion would be gravely offended and someone else’s dosage – that of the poor, once righteous monster -- would be judiciously and roundly quadrupled.

Excessive codes of 'civility' as cause of hateful outbreaks

Excessive codes of 'civility', which rule out certain antagonistic, strongly felt forms of speech, when such cosy 'civility' is not truly felt are one of the leadingyet most over-looked causes of hatred and violence. The reason that throughout society and on all social media websites especially there is enforced civility is because the powers-that-be were afraid of people's differences being worked out in a peaceful manner and them growing united and thus harder to control and dominate.

Psychiatry’s inversion of health and sickness.

In all discernment between healthy and pathological behaviors, the key thing to be aware of is that the nature of the former is to be a deliberate, willful action -- realizing one's 'true will' to quote Aleister Crowley -- whereas that the latter is to be picked up unconsciously or half-consciously from one's environment, sometimes with a dimly conscious but burgeoning awareness that it is vulgar, stupid or slavish. Psychiatry precisely inverts the true nature of this dichotomy, labelling healthy, i. e willful liberation as pathological, and unhealthy, slavish unthinking conformity as healthy: it is the exact opposite.  "Its sickness is for its traits and the traits of its parts to be traits by which the soul does not do its actions that come about by means of the body or its parts, or does them in a more diminished manner than it ought or not as was its wont to do them. Al Farabi

Harm, punish, or 'treat'.

If you harm, punish or 'treat' an bad man, he might just re-consider his wicked ways; but if you harm, punish or 'treat' a good one, he is often liable or prone to re-consider his good ways.

The disadvantages of self-control.

The exhortation to self-control is really an exhortation to obedience and submission. (When they said I lacked 'self-control', what they actually meant was I wasn't controlling myself according to their demands. and they proceeded to take actual selfcontrol away from me) If we are really going to free ourselves of the crippling influence of convention and actually arbitrary, oppressive socalled 'authority', we probably ought to rid ourselves of all self-control that is not absolutely necessary.

Real change.

The cave-dwelling masses and everyday non-mental -patients, while all too fatuously and recklessly embracing ideologies of social 'progress', are frightened of a real change in their Being and locked into a pattern of stagnation and decay. The madman, (remember, the etymological meaning of the word 'mad' is to 'change') at least in the normative, ideal sense of that term, (as well as often he or she who is solabelled), has awakened to the need for spiritual becoming, both in himself and others.

Madness and Art.

Madmen and poets are alike: they both give freer reign to their emotional and linguistic expressions than is considered decent. And, both of them too, do it largely for socially admirable, therapeutic reasons. Albeit the 'mad' one is more often misunderstood, since people forget that all life, and the unartistic life most of all, is a good opportunity for art, for therapy.

The unartistic life is the most drab, automatic, unredeemed kind of life, in which salutary disruptions are still possible No one blinks twice if they see an eviscerated heart in an art gallery nowadays. But if they see an eviscerated heart while it is still in someone's chest. That's magic.

Autobiography of values as requisite.

To counter-act the tide of artificial, false pretenses to expert, scientific 'objectivity', and the docile, herd-like conformity that actually entails within social science, within the healing professions, and within society a whole, I propose that a personal account of one's life-story, focusing on how one came to arrive at one's central, integral values, become a standard for all such careers. This would be a move towards bolstering the development of personality and character throughout society, preventing people from hiding entirely behind their professional veneers, and presencing the real-lived experience and actual, rather than false selves, of individuals. I don't propose this merely as a helpful task for the 'professional' on the way to qualifying, but as a central piece that he must present to his or her clients/patients. A kind of C. V., but, as I say, with the focus on HOW HE CAME TO HIS CENTRAL CONVICTIONS ABOUT LIFE

‘Recreational’ drug use is medicinal drug use.

The potential of currently illegal substances such as LSD and DMT, as well as more common and less potent ones such as marajuana, to provide radical new, mad vistas of consciousness, and so heal the mental sickness with which mainstream society is so disastrously afflicted ( see the work of Terence Mckenna), is no less important than their capacity to treat physical illness or relieve physical pain. While all substances can potentially be used ill-advisedly, the depreciation of supposed ‘recreational’ uses ignores the dire and gaping need even so-called ‘normal’ people have for fresh inspiration, hedonic sustenance, and the health benefits that all true enjoyment, relaxation or true insight brings. It merely repeats the fallacious and artifical seperation between these supposedly mutually alien aspects of ourselves, a long with the superstitious, ascetic and crude utilitarian privileging of the mere functionality of ‘health’, over the supposedly wicked nature of happiness in this world --- a sad residue of religious puritanism and centuries of slavery to sadistic dogmas of control --even though it is only Epicurean pleasure that ultimately justifies life itself. This attitude is so pervasive and so perverse that it simply cannot be under-stated.Ravi Das, a neuroscientist at University College London who is researching the effects of ketamine said: “The potential benefits are definitely downplayed in face of these drugs being used recreationally,” he said. “People view their use in a research setting as ‘people are just having a good time’. ”From this vantage point, must one not wager the theory that almost the whole of modern medicine, most obviously in terms of mental illness, but even in its approach to illness as such --- including physical illness- -- as simply a form of prolonged Christian hatred-ofthe-flesh and jaw-dropping sado-masochism on a mass scale ? That is why Prof. David Nutt equated the barriers to research to the Catholic church’s censorship of Galileo’s work in 1616. “We’ve banned research on psychedelic drugs and other drugs like cannabis for 50 years,” he said. “Truly, in terms of the amount of wasted opportunity, it’s way greater than the banning of the telescope. This is a truly appalling level of censorship. ” Ignoring the importance of psycho-active drugs for promoting health is bad enough, but to ignore or denigrate the importance of pleasure to this aim, is like discounting the use of the eyes in driving to work in the morning! --.

Beyond rational self-preservation ((lock him up! He's a danger to himself.

.!)

. Enlightenment thinkers such Thomas Hobbes and John Locke tried to appeal to and foster what is called man's rational selfpreservation, inserting it above all other goals as the centrepiece and pivot of the whole of society. Notice here the two concepts, reason, on the one hand, and self-preservation, on the other, are heavily intertwined, which still remains the case today. Madness, on the other hand, is commonly associated with throwing caution to the wind, tightrope walking over a precipice just for the sheer Hell of it, and embracing a variety of dangers that may very well end in personal extinction. However, when one considers the nature of our own inevitable mortality, is making selfpreservation our highest goal really so rational? In order to face life in all its grim reality, is it not necessary, at some point or other, to eschew 'rational' self-preservation for a bold leap, (if only in the imagination, if not outward practice), towards an affirmation and embrace of this inextricable fatality? Especially if one seeks to give birth to something greater than oneself, like the Christ, and take on the grave sacrifices that sometimes requires. In other words, rather than 'rational self-preservation', isn't the ability for the‘insane self-annihilation’ of loving sacrifice equally, or an even greater sign of maturity - or of true morality? Thus also the Buddha would seem to have it, who equally, in view of the passing away of all earthly things, preached 'Loss of self' rather than the steady incremental Lockean accumulation of an estate that is eventually destined to perish anyway; he who is said, out of compassion, to have given his life up to be voluntarily devoured by a starving tiger. Reminds me of those ‘voluntary patients’ on the ward that I was on!—.

Consequences of the dehumanization of madness on the collective mind.

The villifIcation of madness and the various phenomenon which are labelled as ‘mentally ill’ in our society, such as ‘grandiose delusions’, ‘hallucinations’, ‘paranoia’, etc. , a long with all the other countless  represents a form of collective repression that not only has unspeakably dire results for those so labelled, but wreaks utter havoc on the collective unconscious and the collective conscious. Rather than being the shamen, the spiritual leaders of society, such men and women are quietly tortured and cast into ignominy. Thereby, society is not only deprived of its natural guiding elite, but everyone in society is trained to feel a senseless (‘paranoid’) fear and hatred of their own deepest spiritual roots, that prevents them re-connecting with these forbidden aspects of themselves and manifesting their true potential. Take for instance ‘paranoia’. This stigmatization of questioning the benevolent motives and fundamental agendas of one’s government is one of the most cynical and blatant causes of that government getting out of control and the citizenry failing to protect their own rights and freedoms. The same applies to all the other associated phenomenon of madness, which as has been argued, represent a perenial bed-fellow and midwife of intellectual and spiritual awakening. Just as the criminalization of drugs produces an association between drug-use and general criminality that does not exist independently, re-validating society’s negative view of drug-use in its own eyes, so the category of mental illness and the inhumane, disabling treatments with which those who fall subject to it suffer, is not merely a product of but re-inforces and creates society’s negative attitude to those who manifest these various ‘mad’ phenomenon. All the while, the fact that the sacred key to everybody’s own selfrealization is so maligned and spat upon understandably produces a deep, unacknowledged sense of disconcertedness and pessimism in the population as a whole, the root cause of many other of society’s ailments and self-destructive tendencies. In truth, the real mental illness is the senseless conformity which the ‘mental health’ establishment sacralizes. This sanctified madness then, unconsciously aware of its own shortcomings, in order to sustain its own self-conception as reasonable and sane, is driven to ever more fervent quest to identity and persecute those it delusionally deems ‘mad’, for the sake of externalizing and thereby gaining some sense of control over its own deepest insecuries, and having an Other to label & stigmatize in opposition to which it can re-affirm its own false, insecure and groundless sense of Self  

The question is.

why do 'sane' family members (& Dr.s & nurses) have such an enormous problem correctly even identifying their 'unwell' relatives extremely normal human needs? ~Max Lewy 

Exploring childhood trauma and its effect on adulthood.

Currently, I am required to take an English 115 course where I thought I’d just be doing basic English learning things such as grammar, writing essays about whatnot, and taking a bunch of quizzes. I already assumed the negative and prepared myself for a long boring semester of English class. However, during some point in the semester, the topic turned to a book called “We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves” by Karen Joy Fowler, where the book follows the chaotic but intriguing life of UC Davis college student named Rosemary, who grew up with a chimp as a sibling, has a runaway brother that is wanted, and two semi deranged parents. To follow up with the book, my English 115 class also watched a documentary titled Project Nim, which is quite similar to the book but documents a different experience that is under the same criteria and theme. Scientists wanted to create and discover verbal communication between chimps and humans, so when Nim the chimp was just a baby, he was given to a human family to see if he can be conformed to society and communicate verbally. Overall, the experiment did not go well and caused many issues within the family and most prominently to Nim. The book and documentary opened a discussion about many issues such as trauma, memory, communication, and childhood. This part of the class became really intriguing to me, and although I had and still have a really hard time keeping up with English 115, the topics discussed are of great interest to me and I loved discussing it. I decided to narrow down my topic and do further research into childhood trauma affecting one’s adulthood, which was a recurring theme in both the book and documentary and that I actually found relevant to myself as well. I’ve come to the conclusion through my research and in-class activities that one’s childhood is a great influence in the way a person develops in present time and in their future, and if not raised correctly and/or unfortunate events have occurred in one’s life, then certain behaviors and psychological disorders are developed as a result of those events or experiences, and can negatively impact the development of the brain. For the rest of my mini-essay/blog, I want to explore the research I did and elaborate more on the documentary and book to further prove my conclusion of the impact of childhood trauma on adulthood.

Throughout the book, it is quite evident that Rosemary has many issues that stemmed from her childhood, with the chimp being the greatest factor of them all. The most saddening moment in Rosemary’s life was when her “sister” Fern, also known as the chimpanzee, randomly “disappeared” one day. It is quite obvious that being raised with a chimp is a whole different experience than being raised with a human sibling. With that being said, because Rosemary considered Fern as a sibling, she developed different perspectives, expectations, and social interactions as a result of conforming to Fern and her ways of interacting. As a result, this caused Rosemary to be an awkward child, and even an awkward adult in her social interactions. She felt as if she had no friends and had a hard time communicating with others. However, Rosemary did, in fact, make one friend. In the opening introduction of the book, Rosemary witnesses a chaotic argument between a woman and who it seemed to be her boyfriend. Out of impulse, Rosemary becomes dramatic as well and joins in. They both disrupted the peace of the environment and both got arrested. While under custody, the woman introduces herself as Harlow Fielding, who is also a UC Davis student studying drama (how ironic). Rosemary stated specifically that she was intrigued by Harlow and decided to interact with her because she exhibited the same characteristics of a chimpanzee (A.K.A Fern); being impulsive and reckless. With the information about some scenes and about the characters I have provided, it is evident that there is a deeper psychological meaning to the actions taken and the effects of certain outcomes as well, and how it plays into how someone may act or perceive the world due to the way they were raised or through past experiences.

Through my research, I found that people who have experienced childhood maltreatment or trauma may reflect those same experiences through their behavior or how they react to people and situations. It was also found that they may be drawn to people who exhibit the same characteristics as the people who they interacted with during their trauma and childhood experiences (Mulder, Tim, Kimberly C Kuiper, Claudia E Van Der Put, Geert-Jan J.M Stams, and Mark Assink, 2018). For example, as mentioned in the previous paragraph, Rosemary found herself intrigued by Harlow due to the fact that she showed many similarities to Fern, who is someone that was dear to Rosemary and was suddenly taken away from her. Although Fern may have a special place in Rosemary’s heart, it does not mean that Fern was a positive influence in Rosemary’s life. Fern was reckless, impulsive, sometimes violent, and caused problems, and because of this it became normal to Rosemary; therefore, it became a behavior that Rosemary exhibited and behavior that Rosemary was attracted to, hence the curiosity she had with Harlow. Harlow was not exactly a good influence on Rosemary and trapped Rosemary into many different issues. Wrapping and connecting all of this information up, it is evident that someone who was greatly influenced by someone in their life, positive or negative, and experienced some sort of trauma or great event in their life, will be drawn to the same negative behavior and experiences that ultimately will affect their behavior, way of life, and social interactions.

Moving on to Project Nim, I just want to say it was an extremely saddening documentary. What those people put the poor chimp through just for a psychology experiment was hard to watch, that ultimately left Nim with what it seemed like an identity crisis, trauma, violence, and non-conformed behavior that was uncontrollable, which was all due to the fact that he was given to a human family to be raised in. The first caretaker he was given to was an American family whose task was to raise Nim as a human child to conform him to society. Nim learned some English Sign Language (ESL), but he still acted like a chimp and would act out in violence where he would destroy their house or hurt the family members. This eventually became too much for the family to handle and for the next several years Nim was passed down to different caretakers because he was simply too much to handle for humans. Eventually, Nim was moved to a notorious research facility that kept chimps in small cages with other chimps. Nim had an extremely hard time socializing with other chimps as he was raised by humans and was constantly picked on by the other chimps. It was evident through Nim’s behavior and facial expressions that he was full of fear and sadness, almost as if he was in a depressive state.

'Keeping Chimpanzees In Cages Is Torture', Bob Ingersoll. 

Fortunately, Nim was moved to a ranch for abused animals where he was able to spend the last of his years in harmony and peace. The life of Nim was one that was especially important because his saddening experience as a science experiment and documentary brought awareness to the fact that one, chimps and animals are not for our amusement to use as our experiments, and two, chimps should not be confined in cages in research facilities that causes many mental issues and trauma to the chimps, who have scientifically been proven countless of times that they are just as smart and aware as humans, and their brains are no different than ours.

Going into the research I did about trauma, since the brains of chimpanzees are extremely similar to that of a human, we can draw the same conclusions to get an estimate as to how they develop certain behaviors throughout their life, and a lot of the conclusions drawn is just simple cause and effect as well. As mentioned previously, the chimp’s trauma began when they took him from his mother and in the arms of complete strangers. You may think it was extremely hard for the family to raise Nim as he’s just an animal, but imagine being disciplined for who you are and the nature of your being, which would ultimately create an identity crisis for Nim. Studies have shown that children who are in abusive households tend to exhibit the same behavior while interacting with other people and especially in schools, where reinforcement is needed by special staff and more caretaking (Shen, April Chiung-Tao, 2009). This information can be compared to Nim’s experience where he was put into a cage with other chimps of his own kind for the very first time. Because Nim was raised by a human, his behavior was more similar to the way they raised him rather than how an actual chimp would act. As a result, the other chimps would bully him and Nim became lonely, this caused him to go into a deep depressive state. Nim also had violent behaviors with most humans and would not want to interact with them at all. With research, I found that this behavior is a result of childhood betrayment that causes negative behavior towards people who have similar characteristics to the person that originally caused their trauma (Hocking, Elise C, Raluca M Simons, and Renata J Surette, 2016). With this research, it can be concluded that Nim felt betrayed by his original family and by humans in general while he was being passed down to different caretakers and put into a research facility, that caused him to be violent or negative with humans in general.

Concluding all of the research I have done, and the in-class assignments of reading the book and watching the documentary, it is quite evident that childhood trauma and certain experiences through one’s life can negatively affect the way that someone may see the world, how the world perceives them, and their overall behavior and social interactions. The book and documentary is a good way to see the trauma and its outcomes come into play, and how it affects one's life. It creates more personal experience as you can see the struggles of Rosemary and Nim and how they adapt to their later life with what they know from their experiences and how they conformed to society. The research was an add on and helped further prove and conclude my statement, creating a deeper understanding of the book and documentary, and even for one’s self. I hope that this mini-essay/blog helped you better understand yourself, a loved one, or someone you may know if they act in a particularly negative way. If you notice someone or something is off in their behavior and social interactions, remember to be the bigger person and maybe ask if they’re okay, they may be going through something. To further wrap up my text, if you may think that you are going through something similar do not hesitate to reach out for professional help, to do research, or talk to someone you can trust. Everything has a fix, it just takes time.

Understanding Clinical Depression: Case Study Of Myself

I'm writing this for many reasons, but mainly because people rarely understand what Clinical Depression is, or what my particular form of Clinical Depression is like.

First I’ll describe Clinical Depression as briefly as I can. After that, I’ll describe my particular type of Clinical Depression.

Clinical Depression:

~ Is NOT simply “feeling sad”, as people constantly misuse the term – most of whom have never experienced clinical depression. In many forms of Clinical Depression, individuals a) don't feel sad, but b) have symptoms including inability to eat, sleep, move physically (AKA psychomotor retardation), socialize, recreate, take care of their health, or do constructive activity (including working for money).

~ Can also include insomnia of various kinds; hypersomnia; no motivation or willpower to do anything whatsover; inability to enjoy anything (including food or entertainment); inability to think, reason, or concentrate, to various degrees; loss of interest in life, to various degrees – mild to total; suicidal ideation; suicidal tendencies; and suicide attempts.  

~ Is DEFINED by not being able to function adequately – not being able to work for money, work on chores or errands, socialize, or take care of one's health adequately. If you can do all these things, but feel “down” or “sad”, it's NOT Clinical Depression, and is totally normal.

~ Is statistically proven to be the #1 reason / precursor to suicide.

~ Medications may or may not help, but usually does, to some degree – once people find the right medication for them – which could take days, months, or years

~ Is almost always helped, to varying degrees, by cognitive-behavioral therapy. Cognitive therapy deals with changing a person's cognitions; behavioral therapy deals with changing a person's actions. There are hundreds of proven techniques that work for clinical depression for each type, and they're almost always used in conjunction, leading to the term Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (AKA CBT).

~ Is almost always helped by physical exercise.

~ May be totally physical & unrelated to one's situation/environment, or totally dependent on such, or (usually) is some mixture.  

My particular form of clinical depression:

~ Is purely situational / environment-based. This has been proven countless times. In an adequate safe/sane/stable living environment, with access to medications and therapy and exercise, adequate housing, adequate health food, and adequate income to afford my basic needs, I have NEVER been clinically depressed. I'll have “down days” and “bad days”, but I can deal with those and keep functioning, working, taking care of my health, socializing, enjoying recreation, doing chores and errands, eating, sleeping, etc. And: Whenever I’ve been clinically depressed, it has ONLY been after severe, prolonged lack of one of those needs.

~ Began occurring regularly in 1998 – 21 years ago. Before 1998, I suffered Clinical Depression only rarely, only a few times, and was able to recover because I was able to get my basic needs met, one way or another, and get back to working or studying full-time.  

~ Since 1998, I have been in depressive states about as often as non-depressive states. The difference has been whether I'm getting my needs met.

~ Is a component of a vicious cycle that I've been struggling against for 21 years: If I don't have my needs met for months in a row, severe Clinical Depression results – which then results in not being able to work for money adequately – which results in not being able to afford adequate housing or healthcare or health food or medications, and also results in not being able to exercise or socialize – which reinforces the depression, completing the cycle.

~ Is a component of my legal diagnosis as being “Bipolar Type I” AKA “Manic Depressive” – which was also purely situational: I would get manic episodes or depressive episodes whenever I couldn't get my needs met for a prolonged theory of time. (Currently, and for many years, I have not gotten in any manic episodes, though, because of 2 mood-stabilizing medications that work on such, but do not keep Clinical Depression from happening.)

~ Is virtually guaranteed to continue as long as I'm unable to get more than $850/month income (from Disability Insurance), which is a few hundred dollars less per month than I realistically need to satisfy my basic needs, especially basic housing. The simple truth is that I do not get enough of an income to live a sane, stable, healthy life on, especially when homeless (which happens on a regular basis, because I don't have the money for a decent place to live). The best housing I can afford on this income would be a small room with strangers in Tucson, where living expenses are lower than practically anywhere else in the US. I could actually get an adequate room, with tolerable roommates, for about $400/month. However, finding roommates who are tolerable or even sane is an extremely difficult, time-consuming, and wildly uncertain process. People who present themselves as nice, friendly, and tolerable often turn out to be one or more of the following: unreasoanable, irrational, drug addicts, drug dealers, criminals, deranged, depraved, thieves, liars, lunatics, or they just can’t tolerate me for very long for whatever reasons. I have had around 26 roommates over the decades, and only about 20% of them have been tolerable or better; while every one of them seemed reasonable and friendly on the surface. Also: most roommate situations involve young college students who do not want to live with someone who isn't also a young college student. And then there are too many other difficulties to mention – such as those who don't want to live with someone “Bipolar” or depressed.

~ While in Clinical Depression, I cannot exercise or take adequate care of my health, or afford therapy or health food, and so my mental, physical, and physiological health continually deteriorate. This is one reason why people diagnosed as Bipolar I or Chronic Depressive typically die 20 years early, on average, according to the statistics.

The main basic need I have that I have extreme difficulty in getting met is that of adequate housing. The current plan to get this met is to get a room in Tucson with people that I've thoroughly screened. But I've done this before, and the chance of failure is enormous. I think that, with weeks of constant effort, my chance of finding a tolerable roommate is about 50%, at the very best.

I once had a tiny run-down studio apartment in Tucson for $400/month that worked out adequately 15 years ago, and I was not depressed at all during this time. However, a) that studio would cost about $500/month now, and b) was far from the city center, which was a problem even when I had a car, but would be an enormous problem without a car. (The reason I left that apartment was because all my friends had moved to Seattle, and I wanted to live with them – which I did – which didn't work out, because almost no one likes living too close to anyone else for very long, and the situation just gets increasingly difficult and stressful as people get on each other's nerves).

Was considering moving back to Luke's, but this looks unlikely, as he won't write me back.

Am also considering bike camping / touring at free campgrounds throughout CA (there are hundreds of them), though this looks very difficult, too stressful and harsh, and likely to result in clinical depression as I'd effectively be homeless, alone, and without a therapist or even a pet. It would also be somewhat dangerous at night, possibly lethal, in unfamiliar campgrounds or Slab City part of the time. But this would make the most sense economically, as my SSDI would go up to $1050/month or so for being a) homeless & b) in California; while I'd have zero rent, and could get most of my food from food banks, so I'd have about $500/month left over for saving up for a van or minivan or motorhome to live out of.

The core problem is that SSDI simply doesn’t pay enough for me to live on.

The final solution to the resulting predicament I’m in, and a permanent end to the vicious cycle I’m in, can only happen if I have a good, safe, healthy housing option that is guaranteed to work out AND that I can definitely afford with just SSDI (because I cannot rely on my ability to hold a full-time job right now).

Since getting affordable housing has proven next to impossible, my plan is to save up for a van, minivan, or motorhome, then to live at free campgrounds, which is something I could definitely tolerate, and I’d be able to work on web design & political projects & writings with my laptop tethered to my cell phone from virtually anywhere.  And free rent, most food coming from food banks, and getting the maximum SSDI of $1050/month, I’d be able to save $500-$550/month for emergencies, repairs, health problems, and a better life in general.

CHARACTER ANALYSIS : OLIVER THREDSON

on todays episode i estelle will break down the character of oliver thredson. let me preface, i in no way am about to excuse anything he has done. in fact i am here to state just the opposite.  things i am aiming to prove in this analysis: 

OLIVER THREDSON WELL MENTALLY IL IS NOT ACTUALLY INSANE & JUST A NOT GOOD HUMAN BEING !!!!

why am i writing this you may ask ? well because despite his flaws i actually did find his character interesting. nothing beyond that. but i am getting a little worried that people are so easily sympathizing with him ?  which is quite, not good guys not good.  we need to stop sympathizing with assholes cos they are pretty but thats a post for another time. 

you may be thinking “ oh, but hes mentally ill, its not his fault. “  let me clarify for the record that i too have a similar mindset when i hear someone is mentally ill. i auto want to sympathize, but like ???? mental illness isn’t an excuse to be a “ deranged ” serial killer. i use air quotes because according to text book definition he is not actually insane. 

now to state, i am no psychology major. i have no degrees, no certificates, nothing that certifices my knowledge. but i am studying to be a mental health and addictions worker. i know little about psychiatry, and i am not going to pretend i can know someones psyche. but i know what mental illness is, what causes it, and further more what an insane person really looks like.

SO LETS GET STARTED SHALL WE 

*****TO PREFACE BELOW I WILL BE PAINTING THE CHARACTER IN A NOT SO NICE LIGHT, HOWEVER THIS IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A HATE POST. MORE OF A POST ABOUT HOW HIS ACTIONS ARE JUST NOT GOOD, AND PEOPLE SHOULD BE AWARE OF SUCH INSTEAD OF JUST SEEING HIM AS A TROUBLED SOUL. 

CONTINUE TO SCROLL IF YA DON’T WANNA READ. 

lets get the ball rolling on the subject by pulling up the definition of insanity.  

in·sane/inˈsān/

adjective

in a state of mind that prevents normal perception, behavior, or social interaction; seriously mentally ill."certifying patients as clinically insane"synonyms:mentally ill, mentally disordered, of unsound mind, certifiable;

give that a quick read. now what do you see there ?  lets break it down

according to this here definition a person who is isane does not behave in a mind set that is “ normal “ that is the norm. by textbook an insane individual would behave outside the norm and not be aware of this. ( this is why in most cases someone has to claim insanity for you )  and what does that mean you might ask ?  well friend let me tell you something.

it means, that an insane person would not actually be able to acknowledge they are insane. because to them ? there is nothing wrong with what they are doing. they believe it to be right, they see nothing wrong with their actions. 

let me direct you to this little canon piece of evidence where doctor oliver thredson spits some major bullshite. 

see right here... the man is acknowledging he is insane. which thus proves HE IS A VERY SANE INDIVIDUAL WHO KNOWS WHAT HES DOING IS GROSS AND IMMORAL !!!!!!!!!!

literally by saying that he put himself out on the line to be thrown in the damn electric chair. to be perfectly honest had lana acknowledged his words here, not shooting him would have been better in the long run. there was no goddamn way he would have gone to prison if there was some way to prove he said this sentence.   but even if she had called him out ? well he still would have gotten off because as a psychiatrist he knows how to act insane to get himself a lighter sentence ( and there was no way to actually prove what he said )    -----  which  again is evidence enough the guy is just messed up. 

now if your still not on board let me state that, no hes not just conditioned because of his med school training.  see becoming “ insane “ is something that is triggered. what triggered oliver's “ insanity “  was the dead body he had to work on in med school. now let me state if the guy was truly insane ? there would have been a lot of things he would dismiss during medical school. and as far as we know the man was perfectly alright in his schooling. 

if the guy was insane he wouldn’t be following this practice the way he does, for one thing. he is definitely extremely mentally ill, but he knows well hes doing. and he uses his medical training to hide behind the fact.

a lot of serial killers are well aware of what they are doing is wrong. they are cunning, and manipulative people. they know they are doing fucked up shit but they do it anyways. thredson is no different. 

 ---- he couldn’t even pretend to accept what his schooling / practice told him but actually not believe it, because a real insane person would not even be in the mindset to fake understand things they think are impossible. that is exactly why they are labeled as insane in the first place !!!! they do not have a normal grasp on reality !!!! 

now if we really wanna get into it, we can go back to when he was telling lana his story. 

he talks about where this all began, as i mentioned above it was in medical school with the practice body. --- now the way he tells this story, it sounds like he really is crazy cos it sounds like he believes this is okay. but you have to remember, he is a medical doctor, a psychiatrist in fact who literally knows all the manipulation tactics. who knows what insanity looks like, and how easy it is to fake insanity.  ---  he talks about it being a “ craving “ which again sounds like hes just crazy, but thats not the case. oliver is mentally ill, and sees no other way to deal with his illness then falling victim to it.

this is the stage where he could have sought himself some help. he was aware what was going on was wrong, was not right --- but he chose to fall victim to his impulses, rather than get himself help. seeking help with mental illness is a choice. you cannot help those who do not want to be helped. --- he chose to continue what he was doing, knowing full well as a medical student and professional it was a product of mental illness.  therefore, his actions are of his own doing. 

mental illness makes us feel certain things, but the trick is to not let it control you. we are so much more than our inner demons !! i will admit sometimes it isn’t a choice, sometimes we are stuck -- sometimes we have bad days and let it consume us. but there is hope on the horizon !   however when your a medical professional who has textbook evidence on whats going on your head needs help ?? its just not possible to not have a violent reaction if you are insane. you would outright reject the possibility of you needing help, because your train of thought would be outside the behaviour norms ! 

oliver chose to fall pray to his demons, his abandonment and developed a sick obsession out of it.  

HE CHOSE TO BE A KILLER ON HIS OWN ACCORD  !!!!!!!!!  

to make my final point. i will give you a textbook example of insanity in the show itself. 

you remember kit walker right ? this little fellow here. 

kit as we know was sentenced to the asylum under claims of being bloody face, but more so that he was as many called “ insane “  kit in fact ( we all know he was truthful but not many else did ) was exhibiting textbook definition of insanity. being insane doesn’t just extend to your behaviour it also extends to your beliefs. kit believed that aliens abducted his wife, which sounds really just messed up to someone who doesn’t know the truth. 

by rejecting the claims that he cut up his wife, by instead claiming she was abducted by aliens, that right there is behaving outside the normal realms of behaviour. kit really believed this is what happened ( and again it was true, as we all know i am merely just making my point ) and to a doctor ? this is what real insanity looks like. the patient genuinely believes the crazy fantasy. kit does not believe anything else is true.   i could go deeper into how it could be a product of another mental illness but that is not the point of this here post. 

now to make this ironic as we all know... oliver literally diagnoses him.  

oliver classifies kits “ delusional “ claims as acute clinical insanity.  kit believes his story is the truth, and a doctor or anyone not knowing otherwise would think him insane.  by this, oliver further exhibits he knows what insanity is. if we want to go further we can go into the fact thredson tries to manipulate kit into admitting to the crimes, but not claim insanity. 

in a way i think that is oliver projecting a bit, not just trying to protect his own ass ( and why would he be so worried if jail is all he had to worry about ?? hmmm i call bullshit but ya know ) but to try and make sense of what he is doing. which again proves how much of an warped individual he is cos hes using his knowledge as a psychiatrist to manipulate a patient. so again, oliver knows exactly what hes doing. hes trying to save his ass cos he knows, that what happened was wrong.

thats about all i have to say on the matter tbh. if you chose to still think him a misunderstood boy who needs love well.... all i gotta say is he was at one point maybe. but as soon as he chose to give into the impulses that was all up into the wind.

feel free to reblog and add stuff if there are some points i missed. but i think i got all the important ones. 

Titan

Have I got a stu for you. Fowl stumbled upon this guy and since he’s preoccupied I think I’ll take the spotlight for now. Here goes nothing.

GENERAL TAGS

Gotta add a stroke of comedy in there to balance out the asshole in him. I see we may as well make him both of those characters and the actor himself because why not? A bit of an edgy Star Wars character perfectly compliments an alcoholic junkie as well as an actual person. Aww, how sweet! He’s both a deranged lunatic and holds the best couple status. Wonder what goes on at their place every night. Of course, we gotta add that “sinnamon roll” part, too! Everyone knows that if you’re a psychopath you’re as equally lovable as you are terrifying and unpredictable.

APPEARANCE

Kudos to the role-player for not substituting “eyes” for “orbs”. I have to give them credit for that. If he has a lot of muscle I would suspect that some of that would make its way to his outward appearance. Seems he’s able to retract his muscles at will, what a champ. Oh yes, it has to grow out specifically when it’s colder because snow leopards do not tend to already have thick fur built for that sort of weather. That would be ridiculous.

PERSONALITY (OR LACK THEREOF)

I’m not going to even bother with that fancy personality acronym shit and I’ve never read or seen a Harry Potter movie but I’m pretty sure Slytherdor is not a thing. There’s some more alignment bullshit and honestly, I don’t think it fits. If you kill with no reason (mentioned a little further on in the personality section) then how are you good in any way, shape, or form? Moving on, they just have to balance out that murderer in him with cuddly qualities such as “sweet” and “protective”. Serial killers have great senses of humor when they’re not gutting people alive for the hell of it. Yada, yada, yada, more killing and twisted shit. Here’s the summary and yes, I would agree that the man who’s disturbed is a pretty chill guy, wouldn’t you? Yeah, extreme physical violence is a definite teenage thing. I could understand that minor harm would be, but to the point where you’ll gravely hurt somebody or endanger their life doesn’t sound very teen-like to me. “...He’s trying to constantly prove himself through physical and mental tests.” So you mean killing? Seems reasonable. The role-player mentions maturity and let me tell you, I got a laugh out of that one. Attributes totally going against what has already been laid out are thrown in which is pretty lazy. All in all Mister Titan completely counteracts himself in the behavior department. 

RELATIONS

There’s our problem right there: he killed his adoptive parents! He turned against the people who, out of the kindness of their hearts, took him in and raised him. This is a coming-of-age story for the ages. I’m appalled that this guy has friends. They must be really forgiving for all the lives he’s taken and destroyed. “Bisexual heteroromantic.” As if he wasn’t special enough and hey, he’s even got his own ship name. 

BATTLE TAGS

Now we’re getting into the deep bullshit. Put on your gas masks, folks. You’re gonna need them. Here’s a personal favorite that justly sums him up:

He’s even got the Force, how can he get any better? A lightsaber, too! Guy must look like a fucking Star Wars geek on that battlefield. Not to mention the tiger vocal chords he’s got in his arsenal because a normal Snow Leopard’s just doesn’t do it. 

Welp, that about does it. I’ve been fed enough bullshit today and it’s about time I wrap this up. I’ll leave you in the most appropriate way I can.

May the Force be with you, Titan. And also with you, dear readers.

—  Mod Tabaqui

“With Liberty and Justice for All”

(copious amounts of profanity ahead)

After the initial shock left me numb, then angry, then depressed, the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach took over and, funny enough, for a long time I was pissed off not because of what happened, but because it was allowed to happen. I wasn’t even furious with the key players anymore because they’re...well, real life versions of one dimensional characters, they did what they were supposed to do, what they would always do, what everyone knew for a fact they would do. I was mad at The People. The American People. Not at the - we’ll never really know how many - millions which were racist, misogynist, xenophobic, hateful and downright stupid enough to feel that donald was worth a genuine vote, but at the vast majority whom, between Clinton, 3rd party candidates, write -ins (and assorted silliness) didn’t vote for donald. Why was I so mad at these - mainly sane - folks? Because a majority let itself be ruled by a minority with, until recently, barely a peep in protest. Very few people took the fight as seriously as it needed to be taken and where we are today is a result of that.

Had this been a normal, fair election...it would be one thing, but it’s been clear since the start that things were far from an even remotely legitimate deal. The U.S. had bad Presidents before, it also had dumbass Presidents before, look at Bush Jr. who was as sharp as that kid in your nephew’s class who eats all the crayons; Jr., funny enough, found himself down in votes as well, but still “won”. However, and despite that - let’s call it - coincidental similarity, donald is frighteningly different from W. He’s not only ignorant and illiterate, he’s something Bush wasn’t: a vicious sociopath. donald isn’t just unbelievably stupid (and so very proud of his stupidity), he’s not just a loud clown, he is a fucking deranged monster and if you think I’m exaggerating, you haven’t researched him thoroughly enough because his track record will scare the shit out of anyone. The dude truly is criminally insane. 

Now, donald supporters will argue till they’re blue in the face that non donald voters are sore losers, “libtards”, “snowflakes” and whatever else colorful little adjectives the not too bright amuse themselves with in order to have something with which to (try to) annoy others and thus, not having to confront their own stupidity. However, recently we’ve learned that not only has the corruption and treason which lead us to this situation been reliably and extensively documented, but also that American intelligence agencies had the information for months...and sat on it. The connections between donald’s minions and the shadiest shit imaginable has been established, foreign intelligence services have been frantically waving their arms in the air, begging US intelligence to, for fuck’s sake, look at their findings regarding very blatant treason...and yet, YET...here we are. Now the public knows all about it and the backlash has been until recently, pretty damn weak. Thankfully the public’s fighting morale picked up in a big way with the women's march, but it’s still a long way from effective. Plus the march was very rightfully so focused on specific topics, but what’s needed is an all out blitz of opposition and protest. For every - single - thing.

A lot contributed to donald’s - LOL - “victory”:

1) partisanship within the agencies (here’s looking at you, Comey)

2) the Russian meddling (through blackmail, money, influence, disinformation, paid trolls, and other endless etc’s)

3) vote tampering (took a shitload of lawyers and some serious bribe showers to keep that one on the low...seriously, look into it and your jaw will drop like an anvil on a road runner cartoon...but apparently, we’ll just ignore outright mathematical impossibilities and documented bribery because that’s the world we live in now)

4) voter suppression, critical in areas with large black communities because the overwhelming majority of black voters weren’t here for this fuckery - especially women, go Ladies, making us proud as always!

5) useless 3rd party voting despite the many, maaaaaaaany warnings not to engage in it because it was so DAMN clear what was gonna go down and people still did it cause stupid reasons no one cares about; how are you enjoying that skinny ass high horse now, fuckers???

6) the utterly shitty job by American news organizations who sucked donald’s lil dick dry for months in the name of ratings and which now are shocked, shocked I tell you!!! that the motherfucker turned on them...who could have possibly seen that one coming,unbelievable!!! And still, STILL they haven’t learned from it, they’re still airing donald’s mental diarrhea verbatim all - the - time, calling racist and xenophobic shit “controversial” and having lap dogs like Crack Barbie Conway talking about goddamn “alternative facts” on national television with a straight face!

7) the impotent and pathetic opposition put up by democrats, I mean seriously folks...some democrats voted in favor of donald’s cabinet members; have you learned nothing from 8 years of republican fuckery? Oppose ALL the things! If it wasn’t for Maxine Waters “fuck you AND this shit” attitude, Tim Kaine’s “I just think it’s funny how...” brand of shade and a few other good folks in there, we could just throw the whole damn party in the trash

8) republicans having been WHIPPED by donald’s cheap reality star popularity which was - sadly - more than enough to outshine the zodiac killer and whoever else they had lying around. Republicans had to drop to their knees for donald and, in exchange, they can pull off a U.S. fire sale like they’ve been aiming for for 8 years now. Make no mistake, there isn’t a terrorist organization in the world which can hold a candle to the American republican party, their business is death and destruction for profit and they excel at it

9) the “slow moving right wing coup” (Maher called it, just before the election), the almost decade long crusade of misinformation and public manipulation through garbage like fox news and breibart through puppets like hannity and kelly. donald’s fake shot at the Presidency would have been impossible without the massive groundwork that came long before he was even considered to be viable enough for this

10) the fact that a lot of folks adored donald’s catchy tune of hate and racism. trump voters didn’t vote for him despite this, they voted because his message was music to their ears. How an uncharismatic, orange, shar-pei looking motherfucker managed to establish a cult of personality would actually be impressive if it wasn’t terrifying.There’s no real “economic angst”, there was no “reaction against the status quo”, nobody wanted to drain no damn “swamp”, the “he tells it like it is” excuse is just that...everything which was used to justify donald’s popularity is utter BULLSHIT. donald got votes because a black Man was President, because women had valid sexual and reproductive health rights, because the LGBT community got basic rights recognized, because Islamophobia is a reality, because black folks were asking not to get killed for sitting and reading a book, or ringing a doorbell asking for help, or buying skittles 

and of course, 11) the fact that trump made it totally cool to just go right for any pussy you fancy at any time, i.e. normalized sexual assault. If that doesn’t scream about the rampant engulfment of society in rape culture, I don’t know what does.

Yes, a lot helped donald get to where he is today, but the problem isn’t that this stuff happened, it’s that it was allowed to happen, the beginning of the shitstorm. It’s not like the asshole totally changed his tune overnight; everyone knew he was a risk and still, it was constantly underestimated. Just a few days ago the U.S. was forced to go with a 100% illegitimate President, one planted by a foreign power, under blackmail from that same power, with an estimated 1.5 billion (that’s billion with a B) dollars in debt, making him one of the brokest motherfuckers in the world (and oh boy, is he robbing the Presidency blind already...between selling access to himself and facilitating businesses abroad...), supported by the terrorist hate group formally known as kkk and every filthy, inferior white supremacist around, with a cabinet filled with incompetent, batshit insane, corrupt picks who’ll be responsible for everything from your tax dollars to nuclear weapons - fucking TERRIFYING - and who’s sole job is to burn it to the motherfucking ground and piss on the ash and oh yeah, let’s not ever stop talking about donald’s sex abuse history which includes confessed predatory behavior, strolling through teens changing rooms and rape accusations from minors to his ex wife. You really can’t expect much from a guy who once said “Is it wrong to be more sexually attracted to your own daughter than your wife?”; she was 13 at the time. 

So while the rest of the world had been pulling its hair and collectively asking: “What, in the absolute name of FUCK is going on and why is it allowed to continue!?”, most people had been showing indignation...on Twitter, being extremely angry...at home. It took some pretty dark reality checks to shake folks up. The thought of 22 (now some sources say 30+) million Americans losing healthcare brought a few thousand people out, just a few thousands out of 71 million who voted for a different candidate. For months now I and many others have been begging anyone who’ll listen to go out, go beyond the fallacy of sticking solely to hashtag activism and actually act! Before the women’s march injected some much needed life into people, I was met with everything from sheer indifference to a sense of total hopelessness (useless sentiment), but the worst thing so far, the one that really angered me to the fucking core, was the sickeningly common sentence “we can’t do anything about it”. Buying into the fact that you’re powerless, failing to understand that people run the government and not the other way around is the most successful form of oppression ever deployed and let me tell you, there’s nowhere else on earth where it has been applied more successfully than in the US. Politicians running wild knowing there’s 0 accountability for their actions is what motivated the batshit insane last few weeks in which republicans have released a kind of greatest hits of nefarious fuckery which include the sentencing of millions to death or bankruptcy (or both) without health insurance, getting rid of what little oversight they have (though that was over with? Check again...), and paying the bill for donald’s dumbass wall which may be the most ridiculous, useless thing ever made...this kind of distancing between politicians an accountability is why crisis like Flint drag out for years with no resolution - or even interest for a resolution.

It really is a damn tragedy the situation has been allowed to run out of control, so now it’s time to get a handle on the lunacy. Before American women (actually, women everywhere) brought it, a few weeks back, LA and NY showed up early with marches of about 10 thousand people each, the most meaningful actions pre-post-inauguration; some folks burned a couple of trash cans in Portland (and conservatives have been crying out that “the cities are burning!!!” ever since, failing to mention, of course, that rioters are mainly paid elements to create this kind of disruption so people like donald can bitch about it later; see also Washington DC a few days ago) and that’s about it really...So what have we learned? Massive protests, shutting down streets, cities...it’s the only way to go. There needs to be a continuity to the kind of spirit which propelled the women's match. Politicians will never admit it, but they’re terrified of people in large numbers, they may despise voters but they also need them. So this “inauguration”, these disastrous first days, a ridiculous circus which would have been deemed too stupid to be featured in the cheapest of French farces can either mark the end of The American People’s chance to act or the start of a proper, comprehensive uprising. If you were waiting for the inauguration to then push for an impeachment...that won’t fly here, it’s too late for any of the regular democratic processes. Election was illegitimate, electoral college voted illegitimately...relying on this kind of stuff is dead and buried. Keep hearing folks talk about 2020, elections...bless their hearts...even if by some miracle we reach that date, do y'all really think there will ever, EVER be anything remotely close to a free election ever again? With these corrupt fucks in power? Nah, that ship has sailed. donald getting “elected” was what’s called a proof of concept and now, like a cancer, his so called administration will infect every nook and cranny of government, making it impossible to remove. Best case scenario, some key players get kicked out and there’s a chance to start repairing the damage, but the root is firmly planted and there will be massive problems for many years to come because donald and his posse got this far. Plus, external influence is and will continue to be massively powerful; Russia has republicans tightly grabbed by the balls which means all their decisions aren't really their own and that the US is now a satellite state. Cold War era communists would piss themselves in excitement like puppies if they had ever even dared to dream that such a thing could be possible. And the kicker is, the U.S. wasn’t even the main act, it was just a beta test. France and Germany are coming up next, efforts to end NATO and the EU are well on their way and in Europe, stupid people are falling for the same kind of “populism” (aka very poorly disguised racism and xenophobia and other assorted far right ideological diarrhea) that stupid people in America fell for when sprayed by golden boy himself. My faint hope is that a large enough number of Europeans will wake up in time. So far I remain disappointed. Twice now in fairly recent times Europe fucked itself up; soon it will be on its way to a third go. “Those who don’t understand history...” etc.

So here we are, 2017 and worried about world wars, nuclear wars, a Russian empire, nazis and the end of democracy. Ain't that a bitch? The real kicker tho, the part that made me so very pissed off at the reasonable, logic people out there is that the whole thing was so, so, SO very fucking avoidable...we got complacent and lost focus on how vicious the fight was and how vicious we had to be to win it. I love FLOTUS44 to no end but the motto should have been “when they go low, we get a motherfucking club and crack their head open cause they’re already in a convenient position to get bashed and we gotta take these fuckers out, pronto” - not as catchy, but it was the right attitude. To show just how soft and out of touch people have become, this week there’s been a debate about if punching a nazi is wrong. I shit you not! “If” it’s wrong...smh. And even if throwing hands isn’t your thing, all anyone ever really had to do was show up. Right at the start, show up, provide the numbers for “strength in numbers”, be a body in a crowd. Wasn’t hard, wasn’t costly, didn’t need a great deal of planning...call up a couple of friends who in turn call up 2 or 3 more and just...showing up and demanding the most basic legitimacy needed for an election, demanding that a line was drawn between free speech and hate speech, demanding that something as vile as donald and pence and bannon and kushner and flynn and every other piece of shit in the gang wasn’t allowed anywhere near a Presidential election. People knew what was at stake, people saw the democratic processes fail.

Like I said, the key players are predictable, they don’t break character; you know for a fact what they’ll do: donald will always be a sociopathic old perv and act like such; republicans will always be money hungry, moralless whores (and I use that word for the actions themselves, I mean no disrespect to hardworking, honest prostitutes who don’t deserve to be compared to something as disgusting as republicans); white supremacists will always be inferior whiny bitches; and the people who support all these aberrations will always be too fundamentally dense, too goddamn stupid to understand the seven ways till Sunday in which they’re getting fucked while cheering for the ones pounding their ass. But the people who know better, the people who’ve seen this ridiculous charade since the start for what it is and got lost in pointless shit like in house fighting (who had the best candidate cause of reasons) or simply didn’t lift a finger in any serious and meaningful way to try and stop it...they’re ones responsible for the mess being in play. It’s pretty simple: you see a toddler with a gun, you don’t wait till it shoots itself in the damn face, you take the gun away.

So where will we be a little while from now if things don’t change dramatically? Well let me put on my Carnac The Magnificent hat on (a lil something for the kids to Google, take their mind of this whole “we’re all probably gonna die horrible deaths” dealio): Our buddy Vladimir, finding out this shit actually works (whaaaaaat? Long shot win!), will try and succeed with the same model in other countries, Europe will be at war again, a short one because Russia will steamroll resistance as it takes over.NOT looking forward to that. The US will be carved like a thanksgiving turkey; first, the complete demolition of the Obama legacy because, you know, memories of a black Man in office for 8 years won’t do, gotta bulldoze that shit like, yesterday! Remind “the blacks” (as donald says) of their place, make aberrations of the LGBTs again, and fuck this environment shit cause who needs clean air and water when there’s fucking oil to drill, goddamn it!!! However, it won’t be just a gutting of government and liberties and rights, but also of territory. California will be the first to exit, also with - very indirect and covert - Russian backing, NY will follow. Texas will probably join in cause...well, it’s Texas, it’s just itching to shoot at something. The rest of the territory will be as miserable as any third world country. Sadly I won’t get the pleasure of shouting “MAGA!” and laughing my ass off in the face of every single Trump voter while they starve or die from most banal diseases in the book. A true shame. Russia will continue to fund terrorism like it does with ISIS, as well as planning/carrying out terrorist attacks whenever it suits their strategic interests (see Berlin, last Christmas), with donald being ISIS’ greatest poster child for recruitment while his buildings will make for great targets. Convenience! Oh and let’s not forget that in a pre-butchered US, Republicans will still need a war, so expect one. Republicans will also need 9/11 levels of terror, so expect a 2.0 version of that as well. 

All of this of course if donald’s alarming mental decay doesn’t throw a wild card in the mix and he just decides: “fuck it, I’ll nuke everything” cause someone sent him a mean tweet. #Sad. And even if by some other wild card donald were to get impeach over prostitutes pissing on him or whatever the fuck else the shithead got recorded doing, the problem would still be the same: compromised government, completely invalid election, proven concept for aspiring global dictator, and resounding triumph of white Amerikkka’s “values”. The only way to do something which means a damn is to go out in force, quickly. 

In a week marked by reporters get yelled at, at the White House, over crowd size “alternative facts”, a week in which we find donald had the inauguration pictures photoshoped to make his hands look bigger (what a fucking LOSER. That dick must really be in the micro category, I swear), a week in which the president elect goes nuts with executive orders to, out of pure spite, demolish the Obama legacy (donald is so insanely jealous of 44 that it clouds whatever shred of reason that pea brain of his can still muster) while simultaneously rambling about a blatant lie of millions of illegals voting while people in his goddamn entourage are actually guilty of voter fraud, a miserable week which saw government put a gag order on agencies divulging scientific facts, making them create “rogue” twitter accounts, an alarming week with revelations that staff and golden showers himself use all kinds of unprotected email services, the same thing which haunted Clinton forever without a shred of substance to it and that now, apparently, is totally cool, a sad week in which the megalomaniac embarrassment moved forward with orders to keep women in children stranded in war zones...is a week in which everyone should be planning exactly how seriously they want to contribute to the containment of this situation. personally, I suggest very and as soon as possible.

[This take on things is my own. Will not try to impose it nor debate it]