absolutely unreasonable over this coworker that i rlly like rn. thank god i don't like men or i would have fucking Lost it by now! as it is i don't even know what has me so dkfjghsdf about him i'm just sitting there with my head in my hands going "he's so normal about trans people..."

White feminists, I’m looking at you.

Another week, another raft of Press articles by self-professed white “feminists”, defending their own prejudice by bashing other women. It’s as if they can’t stop themselves, these women of a certain age, a certain class and a (very) certain privilege, who seem quite happy to see women abused, as long as those women are different from their own privileged circle of friends.

These are the women who “don’t see” race, and who think that counts as a virtue.

These are the women who “don’t see” class, or disability, or neurodiversity, or gender, except perhaps for that one friend, who represents all others, and will be used as proof of their tolerance and lack of prejudice whenever the question arises.

These are the women I interact with every day, many of whom I think of as being decent, well-meaning people.

But in actual fact, not seeing race (or gender, or class, or disability) just means you don’t see your own prejudice. I get it: it’s very convenient not to be able to see how one’s privilege impacts on others. Because as soon as you can see that, things start to get uncomfortable. Criticisms people make of you start to seem more justified. It becomes harder and harder to hide behind your comforting circle of friends - all of whom are telling you that you’re right, you’re good, you’re kind, in fact, you’re the real victim if ever your prejudices are called out– your friends, who think just like you.

But here’s the thing. We’re all privileged. We all have unconscious bias. Just because we’re women in a patriarchal society, doesn’t mean we’re not capable of punching down at someone more vulnerable, or causing another person – or group of people - to do so. And let’s face it; those people are usually men. Misogyny loves it when women attack other women. And it’s intersectional. Look closer, and you’ll find how often it leads to racism, ableism and transphobia.

I’m looking at you, white feminists. Using the patriarchy to confirm your own social and racial prejudices, rather than hearing the voices of those women who most need your support. Women of colour. Trans women. (And no, I’m not going to let you deflect by arguing about what exactly makes a woman – there are plenty of people who have done that. Read them if you want to.) What really matters is not whether someone looks or thinks or behaves like you. What really matters is who suffers harm, and who benefits from your actions.

Women are in a majority. Sometimes we forget this. We fight against sexism and prejudice as if we were a minority group. We’re not – or at least, we wouldn’t be, if we didn’t keep splitting into factions, attacking each other, then looking all surprised when the patriarchy keeps rolling on, harming women everywhere. And the saddest part is that we have so much potential energy. If only that energy were directed to bashing the actual patriarchy, rather than by heaping blame upon the women who are its victims, we might be making progress instead of tearing each other apart.

I’m looking at you, white feminists. I know how angry you must feel when people call you prejudiced. I know you’re used to the moral high ground, to the feeling that you’re the real victims of a system that’s loaded against you. And I know that when people call you racist, or ableist, or transphobic, it feels like abuse. It feels that way because you’ve never really considered your privilege in all this. You’ve never really considered the impact your words – amplified by social media, or published in the national Press - might have on real-life people.

You really need to do that. And no, it isn’t easy. First, you have to suppress that urge you have to tell the world that you’re special and different, and therefore have no unconscious prejudice. You’re not, and you do. The fact that you don’t think you have any is precisely because it’s unconscious prejudice. Unconscious prejudice is like a black hole: only detectable through its actions. And if your actions cause POC harm - or trans people, or autistic people, or any other marginalized group likely to receive abuse, or worse, because of something you said, or did – then you need to understand what you did, and acknowledge it.

The first and most important thing is to understand is that this isn’t about you. Too many people fixate on whether or not they’re really racist (or sexist, or ableist, or transphobic) instead of looking further. I get it. It’s easier to focus on the words and what they mean, rather than the reason they were used in the first place. So stop thinking about the words, and think about what you did, instead. Consider whether you said or did something that was harmful. You’re not in the best position to judge. (Unconscious bias, remember?) So listen to your critics. Instead of feeling offended that someone used an ugly word, ask yourself why they used it. Look at their reasons, not yours. Understand their perspective.

That means first putting aside all your excuses and justifications. This isn’t about you, remember? No-one cares why you made a mistake. You might have done it by accident. You might have done it out of ignorance. You might have stuff going on in your life that made you careless or vulnerable.  But this isn’t about you. No-one cares why you caused harm. All that matters is that you did. The harm might be direct – causing offense to someone through your words or actions – or indirect – for instance, reinforcing harmful stereotypes, or attracting the kind of negative attention that might result in trolling, doxxing or violence.

Whatever it was, if that happens, the first thing to do is to acknowledge it. Own it without making excuses, or arguing over semantics, or talking about your feelings, or making the process about you.

And no, it isn’t easy. It involves centring the conversation around someone other than you. You may not be used to doing this. It may make you feel uncomfortable. It may even upset you. But remember, this isn’t about how you feel. The fact that you’re instinctively trying to make this about you, even now, should be telling you something.

So yes, get over your feelings. If you said or did something that’s likely to cause harm to someone, own it. Educate yourself. Apologize. Move on, with a greater awareness of what you need to do to improve. That’s all. We’re none of us perfect: we all make mistakes. But when we do, we need to put ego aside, and try to stop repeating them.

Only then will feminism stop tearing itself apart. Only then will feminism be truly deserving of the name - when white women finally understand that if they continue to support and care for only the women who look and think as they do, then the patriarchy wins, and that they are doing its work.

White feminists, I’m looking at you.

White feminists, I’m looking at me.

Harry has for a while now been sort of frontlining a ‘campaign’ to normalize dressing however you like with no judgement. He’s talking about how anyone can wear anything, and especially how men should be able to dress feminine and that it’s completely okay, and does not define you. I feel like people speculating in his gender or sexual identity - and using his dress style as an argument - takes away from what he’s trying to do. I’d say the main reason why a lot of men are ‘scared’ of using—

— eminine outfits, even as costumes, is because they don’t want to be questioned, so when we do that to Harry, instead of promoting his attempt of helping other men embracing femininity, we end up with loads of comments on social media about his GI and SI. It doesn’t matter to me what he is, I love him for his heart and his personality, and that’s that, but I wish people would accept and promote him in the ‘package’ he comes in now, as opposed to make posts about what he could or couldn’t be.—

— I understand why people wonders, who haven’t? And I don’t mind when people speculate based on quotes like ‘not that important’ in terms of girls, or the whole ‘sue’ debate, that’s fine. But when it comes to this, something that he (to me) seems passionate about, I wish people wouldn’t take away from the importance of his statements about femininity, like ‘make men manly again’, by debating whether he is a man at all. (3/3)

Just because Harry is being used as an example by cishet media outlets trying to scrub queerness from gender nononcormity, doesn't mean it's something Harry is campaigning for. He's only spoken on his own, personal comfort with wearing what he wants without concern for the gender binary, while the media and public project "new masculinity" and "real manhood" onto those acts a way to remove any queerness from his self expression.

Men are afraid to wear dresses because of homophobia, transphobia, and misogyny, for fear of being seen as gay, transgender, or feminine. Telling them they're still masculine cishet men while in a dress or makeup does nothing to address their bigotry. Any campaign to defend the preservation of men's masculinity is absurd. And calling anyone in a dress the pinnacle of masculine cishet manhood does a horrible injustice to trans femmes looking to express femininity and womanhood in those things cishet people are trying to turn into a "real man's" thing.

Which is what Harry was doing when he captioned his photo "Bring back manly men." He was not declaring himself a manly man. He was rejecting the existence of that concept altogether and proudly mocking it, not announcing himself as the new standard of true masculine cishet manhood. To do that is to erase the fundamental queerness of gender nonconformity. And Harry, a queer person, would never take away gender nonconformity from the queer community by leading a campaign that encourages cishet men trying to preserve their cishet masculine manhood into claiming queer culture as their own, preserving the transphobic, homophobic, misogynistic beliefs that made them not want to do it before. If you don't believe he's queer, then he wouldn't do it as a decent human being!

Harry's VOGUE cover didn't prompt us into believing he's trans. No one believes Harry is noncis just for wearing a dress. The belief was prevalent since before he ever publicly wore a dress. Anyone who thinks Harry is noncis because he wore a dress is very ignorant! No one should think that. But here on this blog, no one does! So there's no need to tell us that!

It's a bit exhausting to repeat the reasons why trans people believe Harry is trans, especially to defend ourselves from lazy accusations that we think a dress in a photoshoot makes him a trans woman. The reasons are too long to put into a single list, especially every other week to educate people who came to the blog with a certain impression of us they didn't try to confirm before presenting us with arguments against it.

Please look at our 'trans harry' tag to understand that none of the talk about Harry and gender began over a dress in a photoshoot! It's full of queer coding, signaling, statements, and behavior that spans years and began officially when Harry put the trans flag on the cover of Fine Line. All of it are interpretations from trans people in fandom, people who don't need to be told the difference between a cis person in a dress and a closeted trans person expressing kinship with their community.

If you can't be bothered to read through the entire tag, we can't be bothered to summarize one year of posts for you in a single ask. Please have a nice day!

This never happens

I’m 19, back from a year abroad, ready for a fresh new start after a bout of depression. I spent my whole summer coming out to be people. It’s not that coming to a sudden realization during my depression made me want to scream it from the rooftops. It’s that literally every single of my parents friends’, my relatives, the neighbours, my high school friends, keep making that same joke. “Did you meet a nice foreign boy over there?” No. No I didn’t. I met a nice foreign girl. It didn’t go anywhere. I regret being such a coward. But I’m not a coward anymore.

I start college again, with a new direction. I’m a brand new person now. I know where I’m going in life (or so I think). I know what I can and cannot do. I know what I want and what I don’t want. I feel so self-confident, so done with this pushover doormat bullshit I used to pull as a way to avoid responsibility.

It takes a full semester before I try joining the GSA again, like I did before my gap year abroad. I'm apprehensive, but since I know most of the old members have graduated, including the one who’s been haunting my nightmares for over a year now, I feel relatively okay going in. I meet new people. New friends. New friends-of-friends.

Some of those friends-of-friends are trans. There were only three trans people in the GSA back when I left, but now almost a third of the membership identifies that way. Mostly “AFAB” nonbinary people and transmen. I think nothing of it. My LGBT etiquette is decent, I think. I know what’s fashionable to say and what’s not. The first time I hear someone call one of our members, a lesbian, a “TERF” for stating that she could not have sex with someone who has a penis, I stay quiet. I don’t think the other lesbian ever came back.

-

I’m 20. One of our senior executives at the GSA is another lesbian. But then one day, at an educational panel which I’ve organized (I was elected president by that time) at the request of a teacher, she suddenly declares, to an auditorium of over 100 people, that she’s actually “homoflexible”. She tells the whole 100 people that lesbian is the label that she’s “most comfortable with”, because most people “understand it right away”, and anyway she doesn’t think it’s likely she’ll ever date a man again, but she likes to “keep an open mind”, because “you never know”.

A cold feeling of betrayal invades me. I ask myself why. Why? Why not “bisexual”? What’s wrong with “bisexual”? Why do you have to do this to me, and to other lesbians? Why do you have to launch yourself on a diatribe explaining why you, as a bisexual woman, feel more comfortable telling everyone that you’re a lesbian? When actually, you’re perfectly aware that you’ll be a lesbian until the right man comes along? You’re literally playing right into dangerous stereotypes that make existing as an actual homosexual woman a living hell!

Three years later, I’m 23, I have a minor disagreement with a bisexual friend on Facebook, over some unimportant semantics. We’re settling it quite calmly, like adults. Enter homoflexible girl, barging in, berating me for saying something she perceives as “biphobic”, accusing me of “transphobia”. Through that interaction, I learn that homoflexible girl is now dating a “pre-operative trans woman”. Her friends join in for a good old-fashioned dogpile. Eventually, I have to block all of them.

-

I’m 19 again. One of the friends-of-a-friend I’ve met through the GSA is a transwoman. Well, our GSA has two transwomen. But the other one is different, and we don’t interact much. She’s “straight”, for one (as in, she’s a transwoman who dates men), and lived as a gay man for years before starting her transition. She passes better (because she’s been transitioning for longer, and also because she’s very invested in replicating femininity), and I feel like I relate more to her, although I can’t put my finger on why. I now know that it’s because I related to her same-sex attraction and experiences of homophobia.

The other transwoman is a “lesbian” - she only likes women. Specifically, she likes lesbians. Particularly cis lesbians. I don’t really know how to respond to her awkward, even creepy attempts at flirting (she follows me to the train station multiple times). She’s clearly very nerdy and very socially awkward, and so am I. But beyond that, I can’t find it in me to return the affection. I know I should be able to experience it, but I never could. I just can’t do it. No amount of reading about terfs and genital fetishism and transphobia and how wrong and sick and worthy of death all this is can make me right. I desperately want to want her. I know I should be able to.

The school year ends. Summer comes. I meet my first girlfriend on some dating app. By the time I’m back to school, I’m unavailable. The transwoman switches her attention to someone else, to a new, younger lesbian. I say nothing.

-

I’m 23 again. Every single girl who called herself a lesbian back in my GSA day is either dating a man, dating a transwoman, or is now openly calling herself pan/bi. One of them berates me on Facebook for objecting her demands that we relabel the LGBT community as the “Queer” community. Continues to call me queer and dyke throughout the discussion despite my repeated expressions of distaste for the slurs. One of her friends jumps in and calls me “privileged” for being a "cis lesbian”. The former lesbian blocks me after I deadname her - that’s right, she identifies as a “him” now. I didn’t even know until someone else told me later. A small loss.

-

I’m 22. It’s Pride and we’re at a gay club, so while the club is full, I’m perfectly aware that the actual ratio of gay to straight is not typical of the establishment. I’m also very aware of how I look on a clubbing night. It’s fine if someone is attracted to me, if they try to flirt with me, even if they’re male. I get it. But once I’ve stated obvious disinterest, and once you see me clearly trying to hook up with someone else, you should leave me the fuck alone.

The transwoman who shows up with my friend - apparently she’s her roommate - doesn’t understand this simple rule of etiquette. She tries to hit on me in the most awkward, pathetic way, while I’m desperately trying to wriggle away. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Tonight is a night of celebration, and I’m not actually mean, contrary to popular belief. I’m also drunk, and I’m not sure how drunk she is, but I really don’t want to anger her. And finally, there’s this other girl. Ex of an ex. She’s a cutie. I want to tap that. But it’s hard when a scrawny boy wearing a choker and eyeliner keeps trying to get between the two of you.

All night long, the transwoman interferes in the other lesbian and I’s attempts at finding some time alone. She follows us to the atm. She sits between us when we find a table on the rooftop. She keeps trying to talk to me about the most absurdly uninteresting things while I desperately try to stay in group conversations. She’s so obsessed with herself, talking about her job, her parents, hell, even her hormones, and I’m not even sure if she even asked me anything about myself at any point, or if I ever got to spontaneously share. It may have been the alcohol, but throughout this whole ordeal, all I could think of was how heterosexual our rapport felt. She, the male, talking at me, apparently not seeing utter disinterest in my silence. Me, the female, not wanting to hurt her male feelings, quietly enduring.

Finally, we all decide to call it a night. We all need to take the last subway to go home. But as I’m about to join my friends, the girl I’ve been trying to hit on holds me back. “Wanna go dance?” She asks. She knows I’ve been wanting to, but no one else would, so I didn’t. I’m elated. I say yes.

The transwoman turns around. Looks at us. And says “you know what? I think I’ll stay.”

I don’t remember ever feeling this angry at someone in my life. By this time, she was more drunk than anyone else - she’d even been sick (in the women’s bathroom, naturally). We were responsible for her. But all we wanted was to go dance and then go home and have good old fashioned gay sex.

The night had a happy ending regardless of this “woman”’s interference. I regret not simply telling her, at the subway station “sorry, but we’re going home after this and we’re going to have sex and you’re not invited”. But there’s something terrifying about saying no to someone who is supposed to be oppressed, but still behaves like they have privilege. You know others will quickly jump to their defense if you don’t handle their feelings like they’re made of glass. And at the same time, they still have the power to seriously harm you.

-

This was just a collection of ramblings about the modern LGBT movement. There’s no conclusion to it. This is just it.

[ ELLIOT FLETCHER, TRANSMALE, HE/HIM ] — If you’re strolling Derry today, you might see [ OLIVER MOORE ] along the way! The [ TWENTY FOUR ] year old can usually be found at [ DERRY HIGH SCHOOL ], when they aren’t busy with [ TAROT CARD READINGS or YOGA ]. I hear they seem to be [ FUNNY and FRIENDLY ], but they are also rumored to be [ HOTHEADED and CYNICAL ].

tw; transphobia (kinda)

name: oliver moore age: twenty-four birthday: december 15 gender: male sexuality: pansexual family: trent moore, adoptive father - retired army captain bio:

On December 15th almost twenty-five years ago, Olivia Duke was born in a hospital in New York City.  The baby’s mother was a child herself, only sixteen years old and completely on her own as she learned to nurse her baby, and change her diaper.  After leaving the hospital, she brought her baby home to the small apartment she shared with four other “delinquent” teens (delinquent to their families, though their only crimes were that they’d in some way offended their conservative families), and did her best to make a life that her child could fit into.  She had already dropped out of school so she could work a minimum-wage job, and quickly she learned that being a young mom meant no longer having real friends or a social life of any kind.  And within a month, she was at the Fire Station, sobbing and handing her baby over to a firefighter who knew better than to ask any questions.  Baby Olivia was handed over to the state.

Olivia was put into a foster home immediately.  The couple she was given to were in their mid-twenties and unable to conceive, and they loved Olivia unconditionally for a long while.  When Olivia was old enough to refuse to wear the dresses and bows they tried to put her in, they adapted.  The couple was more than happy to support the child wearing t-shirts and boy shorts, even letting her decide whether she wanted short or long hair when she was only three years old (she chose short, and she was ecstatic to run around looking like a boy).  They raised her as if she were their own for four years, and then Oli’s foster father got sick.  At first the couple tried to keep Oli, but as his health deteriorated it became too difficult, and since they hadn’t yet adopted the young child, a social worker eventually came to take Oli to a new family. 

As a four year old, Oli learned that anyone that came into her life was temporary.  The social worker tried to explain things to her in a delicate way, but all she heard was ‘you don’t belong to anyone, you will probably never belong to anyone’.  And it made her a little troublesome for a long time.  She struggled to make connections with her next foster family, refusing to let them hug her or help her do anything.  She wanted to be independent, wanted to make all of her own decisions, and constantly yelled at the other foster kids in the house that tried to be kind to her.  Eventually, she was pulled from this home as well, and placed with another.

By the time Oli was ten, she’d been with six more foster families.  The next family they placed her with was a military family; the structure seemed to be good for Oli.  She actually started going to school, getting halfway decent grades.  Things were okay for about a year...then puberty happened.  Oli was almost twelve when she started to develop, and it was a crisis for her.  She’d started going by Oli when she was four years old, she’d always worn “boy” clothes and done “boy” things, and half of her peers were surprised to find out she was a girl when teachers or other adults called her one in public (truth be told, when Oli was ‘mistaken’ for a boy, it just felt right).  Starting to transform into a young woman was torture for Oli, and she made sure everyone around her felt just as tortured.  Oli’s behavior was worse than ever; she ditched school, hit other kids just for being in close proximity to her, and even shoved a teacher who tried to help her on a math test.  Then she started hurting herself behind closed doors, and her foster family was at a loss.  Once again, the social worker came for Oli.

The next foster home was Trent Moore, a widower, an older man who had once been a captain in the army.  He took Oli in with open arms, and gave the child the space she needed.  Trent was able to take Oli into school himself every day, make sure she got to class and to therapy and even got her involved in yoga with him on weekends.  Oli started to do better, though not great, and when Trent found out she was still hurting herself, he sat down with her and waited patiently while she cried, waited patiently until she could put words behind what she was feeling.  When Oli told Trent that she hated her body, that she didn’t feel like a girl, Trent was understanding.  He didn’t tell her she was wrong for what she was feeling, didn’t really tell her anything other than he was so thankful that Oli had opened up to him, and he would do whatever it took to help the child.

Trent was unfamiliar with the territory, so he did his research.  He found the specialists, called at least ten different therapists and doctors, and then compiled all of the information he’d found and sat down with Oli again.  For the first time since Oli was four, he felt listened to and safe with an adult.  Trent immediately started referring to Oli as his foster son, talked about Oli as a he, things belonging to him, his opinion on such-and-such.  Oli was enrolled at a new school for eighth grade as a boy, and Trent spent a lot of money on fancy binders to help his son feel comfortable around his peers.

There was still some bullying, kids finding out about Oli from kids at his previous school.  He was often picked on, beaten up, tossed around.  And after the tenth black eye, Trent got sick of teachers and principals that couldn’t stop everything, and picked up their lives and left for Derry, Maine.  A fresh start was just what Oli needed, Trent figured.  And it truly did help Oli.  When Oli was fifteen, Trent asked if he would be okay with Trent adopting him.  Oli was overjoyed, having previously thought this could still all be temporary.

A few of the teachers at Derry High School knew about Oli’s ‘condition,’ and they took it upon themselves to make sure everything went smoothly for Oli.  He had support in gym, so students never got a chance to see him change in the locker room.  One teacher got permission for Oli to use the faculty bathroom instead of having to hold it all day rather than risk using the boys bathroom.  They frequently (though also inconspicuously) checked on Oli, making sure he was doing okay, getting everything he needed, facing no issues with peers or even other more narrow-minded teachers.  As someone who had previously thought adults were only there to hurt him in the long run, this meant a lot to Oli, and ended up being a huge factor in what he decided to do with his future.

At sixteen, Oli was officially adopted.  In celebration, Trent immediately took Oli to get his name legally changed from Olivia Duke to Oliver Moore.  Everything seemed to be falling into place for Oli...or Oliver, as he really, really enjoyed being called for a long while.  When he was eighteen, Trent scrounged up enough cash to pay for Oliver’s top surgery, something that Oliver will never stop being grateful for.

Oliver graduated from Derry High School, which he knew would have amazed the majority of his previous foster families.  He went on to college to study secondary education and mathematics, getting his degree by the time he was twenty-one.  Then he was immediately hired on at Derry High School as the remedial math teacher, exactly the role he’d wanted.  The remedial classes were the ones he’d been thrown in as a young teen; the classes for the students who struggled with academics, usually because of outside forces beyond their control.  More than anything, he wanted to be like the teachers that had supported him through the toughest time in his life.

Trent was getting older, and more and more tired as time went on.  The cold winters were getting to be too much for him, and Oliver had really been taking care of Trent more than the other way around since he was just about sixteen years old, right about the time he’d been adopted.  When Trent brought up leaving Maine to Oliver, when Oli was twenty-two, Oliver had immediately offered to go with him.  But Trent refused, saying he didn’t want to deal with selling their little house, but really because he knew Oliver was happy where he was at.  Trent moved to a retirement community in Florida, and now he and Oliver see each other mostly for holidays, though they text and talk on the phone frequently.

career: remedial math teacher at derry high school personality:

Oliver is a sweet and funny guy, always wanting to make others smile or laugh, cheering up anyone he thinks is in a bad mood or having a rough day.  

He absolutely loves his job, and thinks of the kids at the school almost as if they were his own children.  Romantically, it’s difficult for him to get involved with people.  He can be very flirtatious, but he still remembers the issues he had back in New York when people knew he was trans.  Telling someone now that he is trans requires plenty of trust on his part, and sometimes that trust is really hard to gain.

Oli hasn’t really dated much, but there are a few individuals that he has hooked up with.  When it comes to casual hookups, he’s more likely to hook up with men.  Generally they’re less likely to ask questions when he goes down on them, or jerks them off in a club bathroom.  He tends not to do any more with them, though on several occasions he has been drunk enough to go further.  He usually wakes up feeling regret and shame, though, so he’s not too big of a fan of those occasions.

He is a fiercely loyal friend, and will blindly support anyone that has earned his trust.  He’s the type of friend that will be at your side with the torch and pitchfork without even knowing what he’s protesting, because an enemy of his friend is also an enemy of his.

more to be added!

why not go to therapy for gender dysphoria?

I see this question often posited by both trans people and radical feminists, as well as garden-variety homophobes and transphobes. This is a brief attempt at an answer from my perspective. --- 1. The first reason is that trans people aren't stupid. They are right when they say there is no known therapeutic modality that is known to reliably reverse transgender identity or get rid of gender dysphoria. This does not mean that transition is therefore the best means of dealing with gender dysphoria, but it means you cannot currently just go to a psychologist or therapist and "get therapy" to make it go away. I’m tired of dealing with radical feminists or gender critical types who dismissively insist that this is currently a possible option. I am skeptical that you can ethically treat transgender people with the intent to change their personal identity anyway even if some sort of treatment protocol was developed. There may be some way to lessen gender dysphoria in a therapeutic context without major ethical violations, but few therapists are willing to try, and those who will work with people wanting to ease their gender dysphoria without transition often are working blind and therefore are liable to make mistakes that can harm already vulnerable patients. Even barring the political environment around transition right now, I am not sure therapists generally know what to do to help people or even how to conceive of the problems of those who come into their offices framing their issues as "gender dysphoria" but who do not wish to transition or who are postponing the choice to do so. When I discussed my gender dysphoria outside of a transition context with two different therapists previous to desisting from trans identity, one in about 2007 and the other in about 2014 or so, the first one told me I couldn't possibly be transgender because I was waffling on wanting a penis and attempted to get me to work on rejecting femininity by asking me to do CBT practices when I got compliments about my appearance, and the second did not even know how to deal with my gender issues at all, asked me to educate him on trans identity more broadly, and then tried to get me to accept that I was attracted to men because I considered myself bisexual but was not wanting to interact sexually with them. I ceased discussing it in therapy (and considered the times I had attempted to an unacceptable risk) because I sensed it was actually impossible for my feelings to be understood outside a transition-based context and at the time transition was impossible for me. The desisting and detransitioned women I know who are trying to reconcile with their femaleness seem to have had a very mixed bag of luck with therapists; the ones I know with positive interactions with therapists around their gender stuff have had to go through multiple therapists to find a decent one, and I know a few women who avoid therapists entirely now. Even if you go explicitly seeking a therapist for this issue as a full and competent adult with decent boundaries and deep pockets you will often have poor luck. 2. Those people offering means of getting rid of transgender identity or gender dysphoria are generally explicit religious conversion therapists or pediatric doctors using unethically coercive strategies to alter children's gender behavior. These are the last people you want to be in contact with if you have a gender or sexuality problem, and their strategies don't work except insofar as they might shame you into suppressing your feelings and desires. The doctors offering these therapies for children are direct descendants of therapists who used these strategies to prevent adult homosexuality, some of the older ones literally having studied under gay conversion therapists or at clinics offering anti-gay therapies, and I would guess they probably have similar outcomes in that they permanently traumatize kids. You would have to be extremely self-negating to seek these people out or literally under the pressure of authorities, which obviously isn't conducive to developing a way of coping with your body, sexuality, and gender structures that is healthy and promotes your well-being. 3. One of the hallmarks of being trans is wanting to transition, and one of the hallmarks of gender dysphoria in female people is either strongly wanting to be male or literally believing you are in some way male. Trans people do reach for "being trans" as a primary explanation for their thoughts and feelings about gender, even though they may have pervasive doubts and obsess over the question of whether they are "really" trans or their dysphoria is "real". Female trans people in particular often believe that if they aren't trans or don't have gender dysphoria, they must be "making things up" or that their suffering is stupid, only for attention, not as severe as they thought it was, and so on. The obsessing over whether you are "actually trans" or not ends up locking you into your dysphoria deeper than you might have gone otherwise, and means you will hold onto being trans as an explanation and the trans identity far longer than you otherwise might, because your dysphoric mind is telling you that if you aren't trans then you must really have been a stupid girl this whole time. The last thing a dysphoric female person wants to be is a stupid girl, so you will continue holding onto interpreting your experiences as trans or as gender dysphoria because that is part of the dysphoria itself. I don't believe most trans people look to transition as something they wholeheartedly "want" to do (and those that claim to are likely extremely dissociated from the reality of transition and their bodies more generally); most I think recognize to some degree that transition is risky, painful, socially isolating, legally fraught, and a medical nightmare. But the whole problem with having gender dysphoria is that it's self-reinforcing; if you are actively dysphoric, the way your dysphoria works is to propagate itself and that means you will not try a solution that invalidates "dysphoria" or "being trans" as the reason why you feel this way. Although in some sense nobody "wants to be trans", most trans people are relieved in some way or another when they find out transgenderism exists and that transition is possible, and most female trans people actually resist the possibility of therapy to get rid of their self-concept as not-female. I have not met a trans man who actually wanted to stop considering himself a man, although I have obviously seen many trans people want to ease the suffering caused by gender dysphoria and stop being subject to the negative social consequences of being trans or transitioning or being subject to misogyny/homophobia/transphobia. The reason why trans people reach for transition is because it purportedly allows them to maintain their self-identity and also get rid of the suffering caused by their body being incongruent with their self-identity. If you already conceive of yourself as trans or have extensive gender dysphoria it is unlikely you will reach for a solution that will invalidate your own perception of what's gone wrong, a.k.a. you will not go to therapy that will eventually cause you to let go of the idea that you are a man or not-female. The problem is that the self-identity is not separable from gender dysphoria, and interpreting your suffering as the result of the fact that your body is female but "you" are somehow not is a framing driven by the insecurity cycles and obsessions particular to gender dysphoria. You cannot ease dysphoria long-term without being able to recognize and confront that you are female in a value-neutral way. I honestly believe to the extent that transition can work, it works precisely because it allows some trans female people to let go of constant nitpicking at their bodies, it allows them to be among other female people who don't see them as worth less because of their bodies (albeit ones changed through transition) and in an environment where they can freely discuss their experiences together, and it permits some to actually experience being embodied without shame and distance from themselves. This should not sound unfamiliar to most trans people as it's exactly how the positive results of transition are framed. I just disagree that transition is necessary to achieve these results, that transition actually achieves them persistently in most people, and that to whatever extent they are achieved it means that trans people are right about why they happen (that it means you are a man or not-a-woman). 4. I don't think therapy to achieve peace in your body usually works if you are female, whether you are dysphoric or not, and it's because I think the therapeutic relationship and medicine more broadly are a small-scale replication of the authoritarian and misogynistic practices that cause female people to be alienated from their bodies to begin with. I don't think most female people want or need an authority implicitly or explicitly telling them that their bad feelings about their body are wrong when authorities have inculcated these feelings in us to begin with. Most female people don't end up with gender dysphoric feelings specifically, but I don't think it's an inherent sign of mental illness or irrational for trans men or other female trans people to avoid authorities trying to invalidate or reinterpret their experiences with gender, sexuality, and their bodies. Maintaining a core identity (even if it's a male one) that is untouchable by others trying to convince you out of rejecting womanhood, when "accepting womanhood" means a shitton of gross, dirty, and violating things, absolutely makes sense, and I'm never going to try to convince anybody otherwise. Therapy is inherently intended to guide you to "better functioning" and for most therapists, this means decreasing your friction against social reality so you can hold a job, housing, maintain relationships, and so forth. Obviously being able to survive is important, but being able to survive in this world means making some horrible bargains against your well-being (such as devoting forty hours a week to being captive to people who don't share your interests in a place you don't want to be so you can make enough money for shelter and food) and therapists do not usually frame these bargains as having severe costs. They sometimes actually frame you as ill precisely because you recognize the costs of these decisions, and because you fixate on trying to find a way to escape them. So why would you go to a therapist, then, so you can make yourself believe you are a woman again, if that therapist won't acknowledge the costs of everything required for you to psychologically adopt that identity as well as try to adjust as a "proper woman" to others and gives you a pathological label for insisting that the costs are real or too high? If you are a trans person attracted to your same sex, why would you try to go to a therapist to adjust to being a lesbian for example when few therapists even know what healthy adjustment looks like, nonetheless the kinds of terrible bargains you have to make to avoid or deal with homophobia? One of the most isolating and devastating things about having gender dysphoria is that nobody else seemingly sees how awful it is to be female, and the people around you who should be supportive of you (your female family members, friends, peers, coworkers, etc.) are invested in doubling down about how happy they are and how great it is to do things that you find invasive and traumatic, and seem to be in horrific denial of how it could possibly affect you and may even attempt to force you to adopt these practices and attitudes yourself. If therapy is supposed to get rid of these feelings and replace them with the feelings of the women around you, of course you won't go! Of course you won't go to therapy if the therapist herself is one of these women, or is a man who does not seem to get it at all. If "adjusting" and "functioning" means accepting your lot, trying to gaslight yourself into believing your shame about your existence was unwarranted, crazy, or came from nowhere, and fixing your dysphoria means learning to act and speak and think like these other women and to LOVE it, then hell no, most of us will not adjust or function until our feelings are recognized in some way or another. For some of us this means maintaining being trans and pursuing transition, and for others it means politicizing our experience and becoming active feminists and/or radically anti-authoritarian. It’s telling to me that the medical industry is supportive of one rather than the other, because the latter choice is more likely to indict psychology as a practice and transition is capable of being incorporated into medicine. But seeing it that way is a function of my political view on the whole thing.

Listen..

I really don’t like serious discourse. I’m not the biggest fan of call out culture.

I’m someone who wants to understand where other people come from, and then base my decision on the kind of person they are. I forgive when mistakes are made. People need to learn what they do is wrong, and how to improve.

I try not to use violence, or be cruel, or get angry. Yes, trauma can get the best of me, but I want to show compassion towards people who don’t understand the bad mistakes they make.

NOW.

I’d like to make something very clear

There is a BIG difference between someone who makes a very bad mistake, VS someone who IS JUST PURELY BAD AND EVIL.

I am Christian, and the question of “is violence right?” comes up. A lot.

Let me tell you something, if you go to any pastor and ask this question, if they tell you yes, they are wrong. If they tell you no, they are also wrong. 

The answer depends. Fuck. Look at the bible. You got them 10 commandments and I swear to heck one of them says “do not murder”. So why is it that God deliberately commands his people to go and kill those that stand against him?

((you think about that))

Now I wonder why the rise in transphobia is really bothering me.

Listen, @smstransformers @tilallareimagined especially are going through a lot of hatred and I’m genuinely disgusted.

More and more, Trans people in my community are murdered and kidnapped all the time. Today I met a two spirited person that had 7 of their trans friends disappear, die etc within this year alone. 

I’m done. I don’t want to watch my family get killed and murdered by these toxic transphobes.

Yes. I am kind. I give compassion. I want to understand, and I want to educate those who don’t understand what being Trans is like because let’s be real I’ve been in that situation and learning about what Trans is and the whole notion of it can be very intimidating.

I am also a fierce warrior. I intend to protect my community, and my family no matter where they may be in the world (that’s right. Trans people. You’re my children now).

I’d be careful. I don’t tolerate transphobia, racism, antisemitism , homophobia, sexism, etc.

You all disgust me that you have the audacity to pick on people that haven’t even graduated high school.  

I am an mentally ill. I am Asian. I am a trans Christian ADULT.

More importantly, I am a solder. I am a warrior that is here to protect my community.

To those who show this kind of blunt hatred with no regard or decent respect for human lives that don’t replicate your own, get the FUCK out of my blog NOW. 

It’s not for you, and a place like this will never be here for you.

I am forgiving, but don’t fucking waste my time spewing hate all over my community with 0 remorse or guilt.

You can come back once you realize your sins and vow to never spread that kind of unethical nonsense.

okay.

--inhales deeply--

--waits four seconds--

--exhales deeply--

I don’t think people understand what it’s like to watch people you know and love disappear and die mysteriously due to the discrimination and oppression. 

Tl;Dr - To ALL YOU transphobic, racist, , homophobic, sexist (etc) people. God bless your soul becuase with the way you are headed, judgement will be served and it will be hot and it will melt you away the same way your stomach acid eats away at everything that it touches.

okay but if someone doesn't experience homophobia or transphobia then they're not lgbt it's as simple as that.... the lgbt community doesn't exist for the purpose of being "inclusive" it literally is by nature exclusive to people who experience homophobia and/or transphobia

No, I’m sorry, that’s simply not true. I’ve written an awful lot about this, which you can find under my ‘ace exclusion’ tag. But since there’s a lot under there, let’s hit all the highlights. Frankly, it’ll be nice to have an omnibus post I can just pass to people from now on. 

This post is not an argument of your point, it is a reference post, because you are simply wrong.

This post is going to be very, very long, and very, very US-centric. It is important to state right up front that this discussion is extremely Western-centric. I do not have the right personally to speak on gender and sexual orientations from indigenous communities of which I am not a member, but it is absolutely important to acknowledge that the colonization of gender and sexual identity of non-Western peoples is a) wrong as fuck and b) we need to knock it off and c) none of the stuff I’m writing necessarily applies to non-Western peoples/indigenous peoples. 

1) This ‘formed to fight homophobia and transphobia’ definition of LGBT is literally and completely an invention of Tumblr. It started on Tumblr, it really only exists on Tumblr, and it only exists for the sole purpose of excluding minority sexualities and orientations (not limited to but currently focused on asexuality). It’s a very recent invention and this specific definition is less than eighteen months old. Probably less than a year old, but I’ll be honest: I don’t have the time or patience to go through the history on Tumblr and read all the hateful stuff that I’d have to in order to find the first use of that particular little piece of nonsense.

2) If that’s the case, then bisexuals (that big ol’ B in there) wouldn’t necessarily be part of the community, because bisexuals experience biphobia, which, no, is not the same as homophobia, is not homophobia lite, is not because they are ‘perceived to be’ homosexual and therefore homophobia. Your definition also casually and totally sweeps intra-community biphobia under the rug, which, good golly, part of the reason that bisexual people became part of the acronym is because lesbians literally kicked bisexual women out of the term lesbian in the seventies. And of course that’s pretty funny considering that the discourse before the ace discourse was the bihet discourse. All of this has happened before, etc. etc. 

3) The acronym has constantly been in flux since the rise of the modern community, so trying to claim there’s some sort of continuity that goes back to a singular point and it’s always been LGBT and it has never been anything but LGBT is just… wrong.  (see point 5 and all subpoints) It was ‘the gay community’ > ‘the gay and lesbian community’ > ‘GLB community’ > ‘LGBT community’ (as a specific attempt to decenter gay men and also adding a letter because trans people fought hard for inclusion and are still fighting hard for inclusion) > LGBTQ/LGBTQI/LGBT+/LGBTQIA/LGBTQIPA - all of these have been in use for a really long time. That last set? Some of them have been in use for a decade or more. Some of them are much more recent. And the LGBTQ community is not a monolith, though with the rise of the internet we have certainly become much more connected. Organizational and regional variations absolutely exist. 

3a) Here’s a non-Tumblr link from a 53-year-old bisexual writer who discusses her history with the terms the community uses, and who suggests ‘NSP’ for Non-Straight People. Two therapists in 2013 (including the director of Pink Therapy) suggested that GSD ‘or Gender and Sexual Diversities,’ should replace LGBT.

Officials on the group’s Facebook page echoed those sentiments. “The point we’re trying to make is not that our community shouldn’t be called LGBT, it’ that actually our community is SO much BIGGER than simply LGBT,” they noted.

3b) Before the sexual revolution of the 1960s, there wasn’t really any kind of non-derogatory widespread term for the community or even for the people themselves. Uranian was used in the 19th century to refer to gay men (and later lesbians), and the ‘third gender’ – which was used for gay and lesbian people as well as gender-non-conforming and trans people most commonly in the 1950s and 1960s in the US  – was used. The term stopped being used in the 1970s in the US as gender identity and sexual orientation writing and identification started to separate into different things. So, again, our community, and our people, haven’t been called the same thing even over the last 2 centuries, let alone since the start of human history.

4) To stress again, ‘LGBT’ as an acronym began widespread use in 1988. Before that it was gay community, GLB, Lesbian and Gay community, etc. What we have called ourselves and why has always been changing. Always. 

5) Circling back to your main assertion, let’s turn it into questions and ask each of the major LGBTQ orgs via their mission statements and actions: what is the point of the community? And does the point of that community include asexual people? And since when has it done so?

5a) Human Rights Campaign Mission Statement:

The Human Rights Campaign and the Human Rights Campaign Foundation together serve as America’s largest civil rights organization working to achieve LGBTQ equality. By inspiring and engaging individuals and communities, HRC strives to end discrimination against LGBTQ people and realize a world that achieves fundamental fairness and equality for all.

The Human Rights Campaign envisions a world where lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people are ensured equality and embraced as full members of society at home, at work and in every community.

5a1) Isn’t this just a rephrasing of ‘fighting homophobia and transphobia’?

Nope. While it’s obvious that this is part of HRC’s mission, it repeatedly does not limit the discrimination that LGBTQ people face to ‘homophobia and transphobia.’ The mission statement very specifically talks about ‘working for LGBTQ equality’ and ‘end[ing] discrimination’ and ‘ensur[ing] equality and embrac[ing LGBTQ people] as full members of society.’ These sorts of things are read and debated and discussed, and this word choice was extremely purposeful. There were no accidents in this phrasing.

5a2) Are asexual people explicitly included? They don’t say it in the mission statement!

Yes. Asexual people are repeatedly and explicitly included.

In the HRC Equality Forward “At The Intersection” document from 2009, on p9, discussing a survey taken in 2008 to discuss the issue of race in what the document calls the LGBT community:

About half of the LGBT people of color in this survey identify as gay orlesbian (51 percent) and another 41 percent identify as bisexual. Theremaining 8 percent use a number of other terms to describe theirsexual orientation, including queer, intersexual, asexual, human and prefernot to use labels.

To be clear and to repeat, they didn’t kick people out of the survey if they identified as asexual. Asexual was included as a legitimate and LGBTQ orientation.

Also here, in a guest blog post written by Romeo Jackson, a self-identified QPOC: 

When I hear the national narrative on coming out, rarely do I hear the experiences of trans people, asexual people, or people of color represented. It seems these experiences are often over looked, and because of this, the coming out process as experienced by LGBT people of color is sometimes misrepresented and/or misunderstood.

Not only is it important for asexual people to be included, but it is important for asexual people’s coming-out stories to be included in our community discussions.

A couple more instances, for example this scholarship listing for UW-L Eagle Pride, and the HRC #AM_Equality Tip Sheet from May 2016 (listing of article educating people on asexuality).

5a3) Conclusion, subsection 5a: Human Rights Campaign’s mission statement does not define the community, their work or our struggle as ‘fighting homophobia and transphobia,’ but as a struggle to achieve equality for LGBTQ people in all communities, and they explicitly, repeatedly, over the course of at least seven years, well before the start of the ‘ace discourse on Tumblr, define ‘LGBTQ people’ and ‘LGBT people’ to include asexual people and asexuality. 

5b) The Trevor Project MIssion Statement:

The mission of The Trevor Project is to end suicide among gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning young people. The organization works to fulfill this mission through four strategies:

1. Provide crisis counseling to LGBTQ young people thinking of suicide.

2. Offer resources, supportive counseling and a sense of community to LGBTQ young people to reduce the risk that they become suicidal.

3. Educate young people and adults who interact with young people on LGTBQ-competent suicide prevention, risk detection and response.

4. Advocate for laws and policies that will reduce suicide among LGBTQ young people.

5b1) Another major org, and this one doesn’t even touch on fighting bigotry in any way (except potentially as fighting internalized bigotry in those who are suicidal) until their 4th point, and in that point, they clearly are advocating for laws and policies to protect LGBTQ young people. There’s no statement of ‘fighting homophobia and transphobia is what we do, it’s all we do, the end.’ Not even close.

5b2) Are asexual people explicitly included? They don’t say it in the mission statement!

Yes. Here’s their asexuality FAQ, and at the bottom of it they link to AVEN (I realize AVEN is a somewhat controversial organization but I view that as an intra-sub-community issue and not for me to speak on, AVEN is clearly a legitimate resource to The Trevor Project), Asexual Awareness Week, and their own Asexuality 101 PDF. A notable quote under ‘ace issues’ on page 2:

LGBT communities aren’tuniversally supportive ofasexuality.

5b3) Conclusion, subsection 5b: The Trevor Project explicitly includes resources for asexual youth, giving asexuality a header equal to every other subgroup on their Resources page. They acknowledge that LGBT communities are not universally supportive of asexuality, but they address it as an issue, that is, an issue that needs to be addressed, and one for which asexual youth require explicit support. 

5c) GLAAD does not have an explicitly listed Mission Statement on their site. This is their About page:

GLAAD rewrites the script for LGBTQ acceptance. As a dynamic media force, GLAAD tackles tough issues to shape the narrative and provoke dialogue that leads to cultural change. GLAAD protects all that has been accomplished and creates a world where everyone can live the life they love.

5c1) I hope at this point I don’t have to explain that this is not just a rephrasing of ‘fighting homophobia and transphobia,’ but an affirmative statement of working for acceptance and protection for the LGBTQ community as a whole. 

5c2) Are asexual people explicitly included?

Yes. February 1, 2015:

…it’s critical to boost acceptance of LGBT people, not just among non-LGBT folks, but also among members of our own community.

And that includes increasing acceptance of and being good allies to the Asexual, Agender, and Aromantic community.

Let us say without equivocation, the ‘A’ in LGBTQIA represents millions of Asexual, Agender, and Aromantic people, who are far too often left out of the conversation about acceptance.

(Note, this is over a year before GLADD added Q for ‘queer/questioning’ to their official acronym. The Q is a whole other kettle of fish, I provide it only for context of inclusion.)

July 24, 2015, re: a project on The Advocate called #21AceStories:

Cruz also previously curated #27Bistories, which similarly addressed misconceptions about bisexuality.

Cruz writes that the “erasure of asexual identities disenfranchises the asexual community from the LGBT community, perhaps more so than any other marginalized community.” It’s necessary to make asexual individuals feel like they have a place and a voice in the LGBT community – for their emotional wellbeing and physical safety.

October 29, 2014, re: Asexual Awareness Week:

GLAAD celebrates Asexual Awareness Week to amplify the voices of those who identify as asexual, aromantic, demisexual, and grey-asexual to be able to live the life they love.

This an explicit callback to the mission statement and an inclusion of asexual people in GLAAD’s ‘about’ and their mission.

February 12, 2016, in “The GLAAD Wrap”:

Every week, The GLAAD Wrap brings you LGBT-related entertainment news highlights, fresh stuff to watch out for, and fun diversions to help you kick off the weekend…. In the most recent issue, popular Archie Comics character Jughead came out as asexual. 

June 16, 2014, on Pride Flags:

To help clear any confusion and to refresh the memories of those who already know, Mashable has compiled a very useful list of iconic LGBT flags and symbols… 

 GLAAD put Mashable in touch with several LGBT leaders to talk about the symbols. Sarah Toce of The Seattle Lesbian and Sue Kerr of Pittsburgh Lesbian Correspondents explained the background of many of the LGBT symbols used within the community. GLAAD also worked with Geena Rocero, model and founder of Gender Proud, and BiNet USA’s Faith Cheltenham to provide commentary on the post, as well as GLAAD’s own National Spokesperson, Wilson Cruz…

The asexual pride flag has four stripes colored black, grey, white, and purple from top to bottom.

October 2016, Media Reference Guide, 10th Edition:

AsexualAn adjective used to describe people who donot experience sexual attraction (e.g., asexualperson). A person can also be aromantic,meaning they do not experience romanticattraction. (For more information, visitasexuality.org.) 

HeterosexualAn adjective used to describe peoplewhose enduring physical, romantic, and/or emotional attraction is to people of theopposite sex. Also straight.

Please note that the GLAAD reference guide lists Asexual and Heterosexual one right after the other, and lists them as two different orientations and two different experiences. ‘Straight’ is only listed after Heterosexual.

From an article discussing acronyms, queer, and the GLAAD Media Reference Guide with The Advocate, Kate Ellis, GLAAD’s president and CEO: 

“It is still, of course, particularly concerned with media, aiming to assure that both news and entertainment media represent us in a manner that is fair, inclusive, and accurate. It has been publishing the Media Guide for about 20 years, so updates have come about every two years, Ellis notes. Other changes in the 10th edition include expanded definitions of the terms asexual and intersex, based on conversations with those populations, she says.” [Emphasis mine]

Note the inclusion of asexual and intersex with ‘us.’

5c3) Conclusion, subsection 5c: GLAAD does not have as an extensive a documentable history of asexual inclusion as HRC, The National LGBTQ Task Force, or The Trevor Project. They do expressly, repeatedly, explicitly include asexual people - notably, the GLAAD-written sentence “It’s necessary to make asexual individuals feel like they have a place and a voice in the LGBT community – for their emotional wellbeing and physical safety.” as well as explicitly including discussion of an asexual comic book character in their LGBT media roundup and explicitly including the asexual flag in their own write-up of LGBT Pride Flags in preparation for Pride Month. They expressly amended their Media Guide (one of GLAAD’s main projects) to include asexuality and do not define aces as straight but as LGBTQ.

5d) National LGBTQ Task Force Mission Statement:

The National LGBTQ Task Force advances full freedom, justice and equality for LGBTQ people.

We’re building a future where everyone is free to be themselves in every aspect of their lives. Today, despite all the progress we’ve made to end discrimination, millions of LGBTQ people face barriers in every aspect of their lives: in housing, employment, healthcare, retirement, and basic human rights. These barriers must go. That’s why the Task Force is training and mobilizing millions of activists across our nation to deliver a world where you can be you.

…

Everyone in our community is able to be exactly who they are and able to lead the lives they’re entitled to live. We want you to “be you.” We’ve made a lot of progress in the past 40 years and we never take that progress for granted. The Task Force community wants more than equality – we want to create a transformed society.

It’s very important to pause here and clarify that the National LGBTQ Task Force was founded in 1973 and is the oldest national LGBTQ advocacy group in the United States. It’s also important to note that “In 2014 the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force changed its name to the National LGBTQ Task Force; it was founded in 1973 as the National Gay Task Force and added Lesbian in 1985.” Over and over again, we see the evolution of the acronym, the words we use, and who would be therefore included. Our identity as a community has never been static.

5d1) Isn’t this just a rephrasing of ‘fighting homophobia and transphobia’?

Not in the sense of it being an exclusionary, ‘this and only this’ statement. The history of the Task Force is absolutely focused on fighting homophobia, homophobic violence, transphobia, biphobia, and all forms of anti-LGBTQ violence and discrimination. They do not just seek to ‘fight all forms of LGBTQ-phobia,’ either, which is directly stated. They seek a transformed society in which there would be complete equality. 

5d2) Are asexual people explicitly included? They don’t say it in the mission statement!

Yes. 

April 30, 2013: The A Is Here To Stay

Now LGBT groups are having conversations about asexual issues. There have been workshops at the last two Creating Change conferences. The Task Force is joined by the Trevor Project and Campus Pride as the first LGBT organizations to include asexuality in their work.

April 2013: Wonky Wednesday, written by Jack Harrison, Policy Institute Manager

…I was very excited when Sarah Beth volunteered to write an Ace 101 post for the Task Force blog…

…there’s relatively little research by asexuals on asexuals, and what has been done is largely based around asking others their opinions of asexuals to determine the possibility of bias or psychological research attempting to establish possible reasons why people experience themselves as asexual. That means there’s almost no data based on methodologies of asking aces to articulate their own experiences.

I’ve been involved recently in a coalition of activists and academics, primarily from ace communities, trying to remedy this…

…the bulk of respondents [to a 2011 survey about asexuality] (76%) were between the ages of 16 and 25 years old, the implications of which are very interesting to someone like me who is very concerned about employment discrimination. This means that most ace-identified folks may not have entered the work force and thus, as advocates who believe that everyone has the right to be judged on the quality of their work rather than on their sexual or non-sexual identities, we need to be preparing for a rise in instances of discrimination in the coming years.

5d3) Conclusion, subsection 5d: The National LGBTQ Task Force evolved its position on its name in its 44 years of existence. They seek to create a truly equitable world and not only do they explicitly include asexuality in the LGBTQ community which they serve, but their Policy Institute Manager not only recognizes the need for more writing and work by asexuals about asexuals within the community, but considers the entry of a largely younger asexual community into the workforce to be an action item for which the Task Force should be prepared, in order to better handle instances of discrimination against the asexual members of the LGBTQ community.

5e) May 17th, the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia, A Worldwide Celebration of Gender and Sexual Diversities

Are Asexual people explicitly included?

Yes.

May 17 was first known as the “International Day against Homophobia” and mainstreamed through its acronym “I.DA.HO”In 2009, Transphobia was added explicitly in the title of the name, in the recognition of the very different issues at stake between sexual orientation and gender expression. “IDAHOT” became another popular acronym used alongside the initial one.Since 2015, biphobia is added to the title, to acknowledge the specific issues faced by bisexual people.

At the level of our Committee, we have kept the acronym ‘IDAHOT’, which we’ve been consolidating for years. We acknowledge this is an imperfect solution, but a necessity for communications consistency. We totally support other organisations who adapt the name of the day to their contexts and their priorities. In the UK for examples, the Day is increasingly known as IDAHOBiT*, in Latin America Lesbophobia is almost systematically included and placed first, etc.

To ensure even more inclusion and reflect the diversity of sexual and gender minorities, we have created at global level the baseline “A global celebration of sexual and gender diversities”. This is probably the only “solution” to the issue of inclusion and reflection of other diversities, such as Queer, Asexual, Pansexual and regional identities such as Hijras, Weres, Two-Spirit, etc. [emphasis mine]

The Day is not one central trademarked brand and everyone is free to communicate as they wish. This creates inconsistency but this is the cost to bear for large ownership.

No further comment is needed on this; the evolution of inclusion, and the explicit inclusion of asexual people, is already clearly delineated by the Committee’s own words. 

5f) The National Institutes of Health, in a study begun in 2009, included asexuality in an LGBT Health study. (Sadly this is behind a paywall, so I’m not going to go very far into it, just providing a link.)

5g) Before we go, here are a few links to college pride organizations which explicitly include ace people that I just happened to stumble across when I was looking for other links for this answer. I wasn’t even explicitly looking for them, I just found them. 

Conclusion: 

Our identity as a community has never been static. Since the rise of the modern US LGBTQ community in the 1960s and 1970s, our community has been consistently moving toward greater understanding of the massive complexity of sexuality and gender identity. What started as the Gay Community has gained so many letters and such great understanding of the incredible diversity of human gender and sexual experience that it has become necessary to use umbrella terms for ease of communication.

Unfortunately, sometimes those umbrella terms are taken as prescriptive, rather than inclusive, terms. Given the examples from every single major LGBTQ organization, the National Institutes of Health, and The Advocate (arguably the premiere or one of the premiere LGBTQ publications), asexuality is a part of the larger LGBTQ community, expressly accepted by every single major organization in the United States. 

Like transgender (including and/or alongside non-binary, genderqueer, genderfluid and all other non-cis gender identities which may or may not consider themselves to be explicitly transgender or part of the trans community), pansexual, queer, and bisexual before (and in some cases alongside) it, asexuality is not a new identity - it is a relatively newly-understood identity. And just like all of those identities before and alongside it, acceptance both within and without the community has been and continues to be a struggle. 

Like bisexual and pansexual people especially, asexual people face accusations of being ‘outsiders,’ ‘secret straights,’ etc., who either face demands that they perform a certain amount of queerness to the satisfaction of others (with goalposts that constantly change), or are rejected outright. 

Like transgender, non-binary, genderqueer, genderfluid, etc. persons, asexual people face pushback from people who claim their identities aren’t real, don’t belong in the community - ‘what does a lack of sex have to do with being LGBTQ?’ ‘What does gender identity have to do with being gay, it’s a totally different thing, drop the T’ - and all other manner of exclusionary pushback.

Just as bisexuals faced much more pushback a quarter-century ago when I came out and started coming up in the LGBTQ community, but face greatly-diminished pushback now and a greater general acceptance that we are simply part of the community, and just as there was no word, no string of words that existed in the community vocabulary when I was a teenager for my gender identity, but there are now, asexuality, aromanticism, and all of the many other identities along the a-spec continuum, I have a great deal of faith that in the next few years, even Tumblr will move on from this particular division or discourse and move on to the next argument. I have every faith that given the fact that every major organization has explicitly included ace/aro folks, we will move on, and ace/aro folks will be a pretty-damn-completely-accepted ‘default’ part of the community, the same way that bi and trans people are accepted by all but a very small, non-representative portion of the community.

That’s already the truth outside of Tumblr. I simply hope that we can move on from this already, even on Tumblr, because the LGBTQ community in the United States is in for a really bumpy ride over the next 4+ years. 

There are a lot of battles we need to fight. They shouldn’t be against each other, and yes, ace people are part of ‘us.’ That argument is over. . Let’s move on to protecting the LGBTQ community from whatever 45 and his vizier are planning to inflict on us.

I hope you’ll stop wasting your energy and the energy of others on pointless infighting over an argument that’s over. We have a lot of work to do. We’re going to need all our energy. 

yr fave is problematic

Up Front Disclaimer: I actually think the language of "privilege" is uniquely ill-suited to articulating cis women's relationship to being CAFAB, and some day I'd love to sit down with cis women and try and articulate exactly how the particular differences between cis women's and trans women's experiences function and what that means for our ability to function as a coalitional political unit, but right now...

Where mainstream (and even mainstream "radical" or "woke") feminism deigns to engage with the lives and experiences of trans women at all, they are so convinced that transmisogyny is the purview of TERFs or some comically-off-base-and-clearly-self-interested caricature of "White Feminism" (like yr radical queer!! space isn't white as hell? come on) that nobody is looking at their own shit and asking if maybe yeah, they've been part of the problem.

Like white people who talk about hating other white people, this performative anger/disdain/rejection is a distancing strategy, a way of avoiding the reality of transmisogyny in their own spaces and communities by offloading that burden onto a safe (frequently entirely imaginary, in fact!) target.

True story: your Feminist Fave has probably participated in, or happily rubbed elbows with others who have participated in, transmisogyny to their own benefit. Your friends have almost certainly done so. The loose collective of Canon Good Feminists who aren't overtly racist, etc. is rife with cis women more than happy to mock trans women and equivocate or just ignore it when called out. With entertainers it's basically a sure deal (I think Kate McKinnon is cute, too, ya'll! Doesn't change that she's been doing transmisogynist shit forever without a second thought!) but even your honest-to-god icons are guilty here, too: every riot grrl band who wouldn't cancel their show at MichFest, every theorist who acts like "people with penises" is a coherent social class, every trans dude who thinks tr-nny is his word, too...

The fact that you, as a person at least somewhat invested in feminist spaces, people, and theory, don't have to keep track of this shit, is cis privilege. But unlike the more insidious parts of cis privilege, the parts more deeply embedded in our dumpster fire of a society, this is actually something you can disown. You can educate yourself on what your feminist role models and icons have said about trans women--all it takes is googling "*name* transphobia* every once in a while. If shit has been said, it's pretty likely that some trans woman out there has done the emotional and intellectual labor of writing a summary post on their bullshit. It'll be good for your praxis too--I think I'm a pretty decent feminist and 80%-ish of my personal feminist canon is trans women theorists and activists, TBH.

But I don't realistically expect most cis people (or men, for that matter) to do this work because frankly, trans women don't have the social capital to make our withdrawing support a meaningful action--and beyond that, we are oppressed under misogyny and can't afford to not challenge it, even if the people we're working alongside are actively sabotaging us. Nonetheless, it is possible (and not even that hard, in my opinion, but I have pretty well-worn pathways in my brain for sorting people according how sketchy they are wrt transmisogyny so IDK) even if yall don't do it.

If I'm being honest, I am low-key a trans lesbian separatist, and this is why. I don't trust cis folk or men to have my back because they've seen fit to stick a knife in it one (or two or five or a hundred) too many times, only to have ostensible allies to trans women make excuses for them or look the other way or hand them another fucking knife.

The question here cannot be "is my community and my feminism transmisogynist?" because I assure you, they are, and those questions are literally the least you can do. We need you to start asking "how are my community and my feminism transmisogynist, and what can I do about that?". If you don't, then no matter how well-intentioned you are, we're gonna keep spinning our wheels, stuck in the same ditch we've been in for the last 70 years. Trans women are gonna keep dying, and nobody's gonna do anything about it except other trans women, who are also being killed by the cisheteropatriarchal medical-/prison-industrial-complex that was, in a real sense, designed to do just that.

Again, not all of you will follow through here. This won't be the first or last time I'm disappointed by folks who aren't trans women. But I hope I've given you something to think about, that even if you still fuck up sometimes--which we all do--you've course-corrected at least a little. Trans women's lives depend on it.

Written in reference to this tweet thread from Raquel Willis.