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gentlemanoftimetravel · 4 years

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Adrinette April

Day 1: Pranks

April fools day.

Marinette hates April fools day.

Every year her whole school becomes a circus. Alix and Kim outdo themselves which one could prank the most classmates. Chloé, even if she claims that hole day is utterly ridiculous, plays a few pranks herself. Admittedly some more cruel than the most pranks common for that day.

The girls and the boys played against each other and Marinette is just so done with that whole day.

Normally she would try to avoid that whole day. But this year is different. This time she had a plan of herself.

For the past few years Tikki always was her voice of reason. She endured all the pranks and did nothing in return, that’s why she normally despised that day. But since she accidentally found out that Chat Noir was Adrien, she made a deal with Plagg. Without Tikki’s knowledge of course.

A little mischief with the god himself could only be fun. Now she knew why Adrien’s pranks were always so good, he had help. But not this year. This year it was her turn.

The day started simple. She baked Macarons, colourful as always, and stepped into class with a wide grin.

“Good Morning everyone. I brought treats, please help yourself!” She took the first one to empathise her point and to hide her smirk. She could see the joy in everyone’s eyes and she knew that they weren’t cautious opposite her, Marinette never played pranks. Until now.

Half of the class enjoyed their treats the other half gaged in response. They eyed their Macarons curiously, don’t want to believe that they didn’t taste like usual, another warily bite. Finally they spat them out and loooked with betrayed eyes towards Marinette who cackeled behind her own sweet. “April Fool!”

The whole class gaped at her, they couldn’t believe that their normally sweet classmate, who never ever played one single prank, fooled them. Unbelievable.

Some started to laugh, mostly the students who had luck and grasped a sweet one. “Wow Marinette. That was sneaky! Who would’ve guessed you had that in you!” Alix elbowed her.

“Yeah Dudette, who would guessed.” Nino’s voiced dripped with sarcasm, he was one of the unlucky.

“Seriously thought, what did you put into these? They tasted weird.” Alya wrinkles her nose in disapproval.

“I think I tasted Camembert.” Adrien gulped down another swallow from his bottle. “I will definitely not get rid of the taste.” He whined between another sip.

Marinette chuckles. “You’re right Adrien. The pinkish with the white filling are either Peach or Camembert, the green ones were either apple or wasabi, the purple is either blueberry or red cabbage and the red one is strawberry and the only winner. My dad tried to create these specifically for today and I asked if I could bring some with me to school. He liked the idea.” Marinette carefully plastered a shy smile on her face, tries to look innocent and shrugged in response.

First rule from Plagg, try to shift the blame away. Marinette has a Aura full of innocence, if she wanted to play her charade all day long she needed to play a low profile.

Laughter filled the room. “Your dad has a cruel sense of humour. How can we ever trust these pastries ever again?” Kim eyed the box and glanced at Alix. “Hey Alix! I bet I can find more sweet Macarons out of that box than you!”

“Oh your so on!” Alix launched herself at the box and soon the class cheered the pair on.

Marinette glanced around and placed a small box full of Camembert Macarons inside Adrien’s bag and winked at Plagg. Tikki looked up at her chosen with disapproval written clear in her eyes, she only played along because Marinette promised her every sweet thing Tikki wanted for the next month.

Phase one completed.

Phase two started two classes into the day. Throu Plagg she knew what Adrien planed for his pranks. It was physics time. Originally Adrien wanted to switch some liquids and ingredients so that his classmates would have quite the different reactions for their experiments. Thanks to Plagg, only his experiments went downhill. Marinette tried to hold back her muffled chuckle, but after another failed attempted and an annoyed huff from Adrien she couldn’t take it anymore and let out a louder giggle.

Adrien turned slightly and raised an eyebrow towards her. Confusion written across his face at her obvious joy.

“You seem to have quite the Bad Luck, don’t you?” she quietly whispered, a twinkle of mischief in her eyes only he could see. His frown deepened and Marinette escaped another chuckle.

“Monsieur Agreste! Did your experiment fail again?” He flinched and turned slightly towards their teacher. “I’m sorry Madame Mendeleiev. I don’t know what’s wrong today, I will try it again.” She nodded in approval and turned toward another student. Adrien glanced over his shoulder but Marinette already studied her own Projekt.

Phase three started in the middle of lunch break.

Alya suddenly squeaked. Everyone turned their heads in surprise, only Marinette had a small knowing smile dance across her lips.

“You won’t believe this! Someone submitted anonymously a video to the Ladyblog. One that has Ladybug and Chat Noir starring! And they kissed! KISSED! You can see the love in their eyes! Oh my god, I can’t believe this! My ship is finally sailing. I need to post this right away!” Alya exclaimed.

“Ähm babe? You know what day it is today. I don’t believe that that video is real.”, Nino clarifies.

“No Nino, that would be too cruel. That can’t be a prank! I won’t believe this injustice.” As Nino and Alya continues to argue, Marinette get up and walked past Adrien. She stopped for a moment behind him and whispered in his ear: “What do you think Kitty? Real or Prank? Did it happen and you forgot it again?” Adrien’s shocked and confused face drew another silent laughter from her. She winked at him and disappeared through the main door.

Throughout the rest of the school day she played some minor pranks. Some for the whole class and some specifically for Adrien, which grew more frustrated as time passed on. But her gran final was planned for patrol later in the day.

Patrol started as always. They came together, discussed their route and split up. Shortly before midnight they meet up again at the Eifel tower. Marinette started her last plan for that day. She knew, thanks to Plagg, that Chat himself had something planned out. But she never let him get there.

The second he set a foot on the Plattform she launched herself at him. “Chat! I just saw that footage on the Ladyblog”, thank you Alya for posting it, “that we kissed but I don’t have any memory of that incident. What about you?” Ladybug looked at him with concern in her eyes. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, a slight blush crept upon his cheeks at how close she pressed herself against him.

“No?”, he squeaked, his blush deepened. He cleared his throat. “I mean No, I don’t have any memory of that incident. But now that you mentioned it, someone very close to me made a strange comment about it.”

Ladybug leaned slightly back in his arms and raised one eyebrow. “Oh? But Alya just uploaded it, how should she know something about it, unless ...”, she trailed of, hoping that he would pick up on her train of thought.

“Unless she was the one making that photo! That would explain some things, but why should she submit it anonymously to the Ladyblog? And her comment made no sense, the only one calling me kitty is you but she called me that in my civilian form, which made even less sense.” Marinette sighed, his thoughts can’t connect these two details right now. She need to push further, more drastic.

Faintly she heared Notre Dame chime Midnight. Perfect timing. She leaned back in and stopped his rambling by kissing him. As she pulled back, he only starred at her. “If this is a April Fools Prank, I’m really mad!”

Marinette giggled. “Don’t you hear it? It’s already past midnight, so no prank here. But come on Kitty, connect the dots already! I left so much breadcrumbs throughout the day.”

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion and slowly she could see understanding flash in his eyes. He looked back at her with disbelief and wonder. “Marinette? Is it really you, but how? Why? When did you ... how did you?”

She laughed again. “Yes Kitty, it’s really me! I’ll explain everything to you, but first come here Adrien. I want to kiss you again, I waited the whole day!”

He obeyed her with pleasure.

————————

That’s the end of the first story.

Seriously, I have no idea what good April Fools pranks are. Nevertheless I hope you all had fun reading this story. I’m not one hundred percent happy with the outcome, but I don’t know how I should write it differently. Maybe I’m coming back sometime and change it.

I’m writing slower than I would like but I really want to write all the story’s for @adrinetteapril

Wish me luck and check out all the other awesome writers for this monthly challenge.

Tag:

@jinxthe1

#adrinetteapril2020 #miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #adrinette april #adrinette #Day 1 : Pranks

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theabominableblogger · 6 years

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Rewatching “Batman” (1989)

Decided to rewatch this classic before I watch the new Justice League movie that’s out this week

I, for one, am so glad Danny Elfman brought the Batman theme back into “Justice League”

*jams out to the Batman theme*

JACK NICHOLSON

Billy Dee Williams! And he’s only in it for like 5 minutes

Jack Palance!

Oh my gosh, I forgot Prince did music for this movie

Aaaand it’s the Batman symbol!

Matte painting! Matte paintings everywhere!

Why do they always portray Gotham as freaking packed? I know it’s supposed to be a bustling metropolis but this is too much.

Why yes, random family, let’s take a shortcut through a shady ass alleyway.

What the...

Batman, brought to you by American Express

*Batman floats down behind the robbers* Eeeyyyy!!

*Batman gets shot* Welp, he’s dead. End of movie. Cue end credits music.

Gotta take your sweet ass time revealing your cape...

He raises his arms so high in the air in order to do it.

“I want you to tell all your friends about me.” “What are you?!?!?” I’M BATMAN! DAAAA NA NA NAAAA NAAAAA

Lando?!?

Mayor Borg?!?!?

“People of Gotham City, I [Harvey Dent] am a man of few words.” Nah, he’s a double-crossing, no-good swindler.

All righty, unpopular opinion time: I don’t like Jack Nicholson as the Joker. I just don’t. He’s just... Jack Nicholson in clown paint. Plus they establish him as a character before he becomes the Joker.

Oh, and of course, they name the Jack Nicholson character “Jack”

So who’s the Lieutenant character again?

Heelllooo shady lookin’- oh it’s Jack Nicholson.

Bob the Goon!

Matte painting!

This movie should be subtitled “Matte Paintings: The Movie”

Oh my God, Lando, what did they do to your hair?

Eeeeyyy!! Bob Kane!

“Vale, will you marry me [Knox]?” “Nope?” “Wanna buy me lunch?” “Maybe.” “I eat light!” Pffftt....

Story time: the Quidditch coach/captain of the team here at college (who is notorious for being a flirt) asked me to buy him supper one time before practice. I knew it was a joke but I told him “Nah, you gotta earn it” and I was applauded by the team

Obligatory purple Joker suit!

Obligatory Joker card!

Why is it such a big deal that Jack Nicholson is involved with that one particular moll?

You gotta hammer it in that Jack Nicholson’s gonna become the Joker

Why is there a casino set up in Wayne Manor?

Michael Gough!

Why is Vicki Vale dressed like she’s getting ready to be married?

I like that we don’t actually meet Bruce until like 20 minutes into the movie. Plus they establish him as a mystery character- technically the main characters at the beginning of the movie is Knox and Vicki and then it shifts to Batman. And then again, we don’t get a lot of background on either Batman or Bruce.

I never really had time to appreciate how great Michael Keaton is as Bruce Wayne but dang he’s good. And I love the reasoning behind this casting: there’s no way he could be seen as Batman and when we do find out, it’s a big shock.

Holy crap, how many cameras are set up around the manor?

Oh my gosh, Bruce has reading glasses!

Sound stage!

FreEEEZZZEE!!!

AN: I’m only 25 minutes into this movie. We gots a bit to go because I’m such a motormouth

Boom goes the dynamite!

Yes, let’s have a police shootout in a chemical factory! Great plan, guys!

Man, Gary Oldman’s Commissioner Gordon would be on the ball when it came to this situation. Pat Hingle’s Commissioner Gordon just stands around and gives orders

Um, officers, you’re walking into a puddle of toxic chemicals...

In all seriousness though, I want Jack Nicholson’s hat

Never have I seen a smirkier Batman than Michael Keaton’s Batman

Well there’s also Kevin Conroy’s Batman

*Jack Nicholson falls into the chemical vat* Welp, he’s dead. End of movie. Cue end credits music.

AXIS

Why were Jack Nicholson’s fingernails dyed green from the chemicals? I know it’s comic book logic but still...

This scene in the dining hall is my dad’s favorite scene in the movie.

That is an impossibly long dining table.

Aaww, they’re having dinner with Alfred in the butlers’ quarters!

“Alfred’s great. I [Bruce] couldn’t find my socks without him.” Cue in Batman: The Animated Series, Joker literally cannot find his socks because Harley’s not there.

That is no way to take bandages off properly, Jack...

Mirror... MIRROR!!

“You see what I have to work with here.” Yeah, those are some shitty surgical tools there, buddy.

Oh, throw that shoe, Bruce

“Who the hell are you?” “It’s me [the Joker].” *sings* IT’S MEEEEEE

“Jack? Jack is dead, my friend. You can call me.. Joker! And as you can see, I’m a lot happier!”

This freaking circus music though

*Bruce and Vicki cuddle while sleeping* Cue Bruce going “Aw man, I can’t enjoy spending time with this awesome lady because I gotta brood, man.”

WHY IS HE UPSIDE DOWN?!?!?

WAIT ‘TIL THEY GET A LOAD OF ME!

Why the hell is Jack Nicholson dressed like that?

What kind of hand buzzer is that?!?

HAVEN’T YOU HEARD THE HEALING POWER OF LAUGHTER? NOW GET OUTTA HERE!

YOUUU... ARE MY NUMBER ONEEEE... GUUUYYYYYY!!

How does Bruce Wayne AKA Batman not notice Vicki trailing him from his house to Crime Alley?

Random mime... more random mimes...

Why is Bruce just standing there? Ooohhhh... wait a minute.. there’s this whole schindig about him recognizing Jack later in the movie

There is literally no reason why Jack Nicholson becomes the Joker since he’s already been established as Jack Napier before the whole ACE Chemicals thing.

THIS TOWN NEEDS AN ENEMA!

Alfred just wants some grandkids, gosh dang it

How the hell did you get those pics, Vicki?

Oh my God, I hate that this Joker has this weird crush on Vicki. I hate it so much.

“I’m in a mind to make some mooky.” Ugghh...

Oh my gosh, the Smylex commercial

Oh my gosh, the newspeople aren’t wearing any care products... pfftt...

What kind of cake foundation does Joker have? That’s like the stuff we had to wear in high school

That waiter just addressed Vicki as “sir”

Did Joker write that message in crayon?

That elderly couple is dead after falling off the balcony like that

LET’S BROADEN OUR MINDS!

*jams the crap out to “Party Man” by Prince*

*One goon paints over a bust* Hey look, it’s the Jared Leto Joker

What the crap is this music that plays? It plays during one of the trailers for “The Shape of Water”

Oh wait, it’s the theme from something called “A Summer Place”

I quote the “one dollar bill” quote all the freaking time at my house.

The prosthetic work on Alicia looks pretty sweet, I gotta say

Oh, a little song.. a little dance... Batman’s head on a lance...

Oh my gosh, I forgot how much Kim Basinger screamed in this movie

They even color coded the cars for Joker’s goons

*The police get involved in an accident involving a farmer’s market truck* NO, NOT THE CABBAGES!

There is no way in hell that Vicki only weighs like 108

Remember when the Batsuit was made out of rubber, you guys?

*Crazy, sword-wielding guy goes after Batman* Seriously? Did you not see “Raiders of the Lost Ark?”

For the Batmobile, it looks like they made the toy first before constructing it for the movie

Gotta love that Danny Elfman score...

*Vicki tries to see under Batman’s cowl* Yo, Vicki, don’t distract Batman while he’s driving

The Batcave!

Why is there just this one random bat hanging out in a bird cage?

Forgot that Michael Keaton literally could not turn his head in the Batsuit

Oh my gosh, how short is Michael Keaton here?

Oooohhh nice transition!

How the hell did Vicki end up back there?

Gotta admit, that’s a nice apartment

“You see, my life is really...” Batsy!

JUST TELL HER YOU’RE [Vicki] BATMAN!

I like how Bruce walks right by the fire poker in order to get a freaking tray to hit Joker with

YOU WANNA GET NUTS?!? C’MON, LET’S GET NUTS!

EVER DANCE WITH THE DEVIL IN THE PALE MOONLIGHT?

“Never rub another man’s rhubarb.” What?

There is no way in hell that Bruce deflected that bullet with the tray

Matte painting!

“Can you hear me? Just the two of us.” *sings “Just the Two of Us” by Will Smith*

Gotta admit, Michael Keaton’s Batman has an awesome thinking/pensive face. It’s probably the eyebrows that help

What is it with families being targeted by random gun-wielding criminals in abandoned alleyways?

There’s no way that that’s Jack Nicholson playing young Jack Napier

Nevermind, it’s some dude named Hugo Blick

*scats the Batman theme obnoxiously out of tune*

Batman’s belt just slipped. Never gonna un-see that

Why is it that every time this Batman is in the Batsuit and glaring at somebody, he looks like he’s really constipated?

Seriously, is there not a bathroom in the Batcave?

Is this another Prince song?

So where exactly did Joker find the time to find all of this stuff and prepare for an impromptu 200th anniversary parade?

The Batplane!

Matte painting!

“Me? I’m giving away free money!” And it looks faaaaakkkeee...

Something is up with that clown balloon’s nose... just saying...

Yeah, lets go after the Joker’s goons with a baseball bat, Knox. That’ll go well.

I love the sounds all the buttons make on the Batplane dashboard

“My balloons. Those are my balloons! He stole my balloons!” Iconic.

Hahaha he [Joker] used Bob the Goon as a step stool off the parade float!

*The Batplane pauses in front of the moon* Eeeeyyy!!

*Joker pulls out the gun with the really long muzzle out of the front of his pants* No comment

Again, why is Vicki Vale dressed like she’s either getting ready to get married or go to a wedding?

“Better make it ten [minutes].” What makes this awesome is that ten minutes actually goes by both in-universe time and movie run time. My dad actually timed it the first time I watched this with him.

Mad respect to Tim Burton for the aesthetic in this movie, I gotta say

The eyebrows on Batman’s cowl strangely match Michael Keaton’s. Was this intentional?

*Joker “dances” with Vicki* Now see the last time I recall Joker dancing with somebody was the 5 second long Alex Ross scene with Harley Quinn in “Suicide Squad”

Unpopular opinion time: I like Jared Leto’s Joker better than Jack Nicholson’s Joker *gets bombarded with hate mail and darts*

Eugghhhh Vicki’s pulling a freaking Jasmine from “Aladdin”

“You wouldn’t hit a guy with glasses now, would ya?” Cue Wreck-It-Ralph

How the hell did Joker pull Batman and Vicki off the roof like that?

Oh my gosh that 80s falling effect

Yeah no, from that drop, the Joker’s body would be a freaking mess

“The reign of crime [in Gotham City] is over.” BWAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh hi Billy Dee Williams!

You know what would be awesome: if Kim Basinger had a cameo somewhere in the Batman solo movie directed by Ben Affleck. Just saying

Yoooo....

#batman #1989 batman #jack nicholson #Michael Keaton #billy dee williams #danny elfman #vicki vale #joker #commissioner gordon #kim basinger #the blogger reacts #bruce wayne #prince #Tim Burton #jared leto

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artificialqueens · 7 years

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TROIKA (Trixie/Alaska feat. Katya) Prologue/9- Spoky

A/N: In the end, it’s just RPF. @veronicasanders & @fryshook, cheers comrades.

Summary: You can’t choose who you fall in love with and sometimes it’s inconvenient; it’s challenging, cumbersome, difficult and pushes you in directions you previously thought impossible. This is a story about negotiating love when everything you thought you knew about family, relationships and sex proves to be insufficient.

TROIKA

“What happens if you fall in love with an individual, but that individual is more passive? He’s a bottom. And you’re also more passive. You’re a bottom. What you need to do is, break up . ‘Cause you know what you want, and you know how you want it, and you know that he’s not going to do it how you want it.”

- Willam Belli, 2013, 00:56-01:20

May, 2017

“Thank you,” Katya said as he stepped into the silver space.

“Not at all. Which floor?”

Katya glanced up from his mobile phone and smiled at the middle-aged woman who’d held the elevator, seeing him approaching.

“Top, thanks,” he said and smirked at his inner dialogue. Top, thanks. Not that many guys fought him on that one, not in West Hollywood anyway. Well, they hadn’t really fought him on it in Boston, either.

The woman nodded in response, pressed the button and sighed heavily as she leaned against the elevator wall, closing her eyes.

“Rough day?” Katya asked as he stuffed the mobile back into his pocket. The woman looked worn out, carrying three bags of groceries and a backpack that belonged to a Spiderman-fan.

“You could says so,” she said and chuckled through her nose.

Bing.

The elevator stopped at the second floor and a young, blonde girl jumped in through the slowly retreating doors.

“HA! Made it!” she announced victoriously, slightly out of breath and pointed at the woman with her index finger. She couldn’t have been older than six. Her hair was tied up to a messy ponytail that swung from side to side as she twirled around in the small space in her bright yellow glitter jellies. As she turned, she noticed Katya in the corner and got embarrassed. Shyly, she retreated next to the woman, who Katya guessed had to be the mother.

“Yes, to the second floor,” the woman said. “I thought you were supposed to beat me to the top?”

The elevator doors started to close slowly and the girl grabbed the spiderman backpack, throwing it sassily over her shoulder.

“No. I meant second,” she said and studied Katya discreetly through the mirror. The woman rolled her eyes but didn’t argue, clearly used to the child’s antics. “That’s a girl’s bracelet,” the girl said then, eyeing Katya’s wrist carefully as the elevator twitched to move again.

Katya glanced down at his wrist and chuckled. Trixie had forgotten the pink, plastic trinket into his car almost a month ago and he hadn’t had the chance to return it before today. He’d grabbed the thing from the backseat of his car before making his way to the apartment complex and decided to wear it, rather than stuff it into his backpack, thinking that the chances of him forgetting to return it were smaller that way. He fondled the jewellery affectionately, adjusting the lock against his pulse point and smiled at the girl.

“Yes, I guess it is,” he agreed.

“But you’re a boy,” the child said immediately, squinting her eyes as if trying to identify whether her gendering was accurate or not.

“Ethan,” the woman said emphatically and looked down at the child scoldingly.

The child, Ethan, pursed his lips together and crossed his arms across his chest, covering the flower print of his light purple t-shirt. He never stopped staring, though.

“I’m sorry,” the woman apologised Katya. “They’re very interested in gender.”

“No, it’s alright,” Katya grinned, looking at Ethan and feeling a tiny bit jealous of their freedom and confidence. He wished he’d grown up in a similarly progressive time, in a society where a third pronoun was a possibility, but things had been a little different thirty years ago. “You’re right, I am a boy,” Katya said to Ethan, “- but sometimes, I’m also a woman,” he added cryptically, as if letting Ethan into a secret.

Ethan looked at Katya skeptically at first but as the elevator binged for a sign that they’d reached their destination, they huffed as if coming to a conclusion.

“Yeah, I get that,” they said, nodding compassionately to Katya before storming out, their hands spread wide as if flying, their lips pushed forward to make convincing airplane sounds.

Katya turned to look at the woman, who was now staring at him openly.

“Thank you,” she said seriously. “They don’t get to meet a lot of adults like them.”

“No, thank you ,” Katya praised as they stepped to the hallway, hoping that the woman knew what he meant. Thank you for providing a safe space for a child like me, thank you for letting them be what they are, and most importantly, thank you for not being ashamed of them.

Katya nodded his goodbye as they parted ways and could still hear distant, cheerful airplane sounds echoing in the hallway as he paused behind Alaska’s door. Meeting Ethan had left him slightly unsettled and while he was excited for his meeting with Trixie and Alaska, somehow he felt unbalanced, as if something wasn’t quite right. He shook his head and knocked, determined that the feeling was fleeting, nothing that a cigarette couldn’t sort out. Luckily, it took Alaska just a moment to answer his summons.

“Hey girl!” Alaska greeted as he opened the front door and let Katya into the apartment.

Katya pulled the other man into a brief greeting hug, took notice of how good he smelled and took another exaggerated whiff as he squeezed the man closer.

“You smell divine! Just hold me as I dry hump your leg, would you?”

“You’re confusing me with Willam, again,” Alaska snorted, barely hiding his amusement as he slithered out of Katya’s arms. “But I’ll take a hello?” he added with a flirtatious tone and cocked his eyebrows suggestively at Katya over his shoulder as he led him further into the organised chaos he called home.

“Hello,” Katya drawled and grinned widely, eyeing around in Alaska’s apartment.

Unlike Delta Work’s notorious label as a messy queen, Alaska’s similar reputation had nothing to do with his behaviour on social media. The apartment was clean, but there was clutter on most surfaces: jewelry, makeup, photos, art, drag queen merchandise, post-it notes, postcards – some of which he’d clearly received through the post whilst others sat tightly in the protection of their plastic sleeves. Katya dropped his backpack on the couch, next to the embroidered pillow that read STUN in pine green, and turned to Alaska.

“Seriously though, dire nicotine deficiency, it’s either a cigarette or a panic attack. Choose wisely.”

Alaska chuckled and placed the mug Katya hadn’t noticed him holding on the coffee table.

“You know where the balco-”

Alaska’s sentence was cut short by a knock at the door.

“That’s Brian,” Alaska noted and turned to walk back to the front door, leaving Katya hovering next to the sofa, baffled. He couldn’t recall a single instance of Alaska referring to Trixie as Brian, not one, and yet, the name had rolled through Alaska’s lips with complete ease. The two must’ve gotten close while working on their project. The thought caused a tiny sting of jealousy in Katya’s lower abdomen, but he quickly buried it underneath other unimportant feelings and thoughts. After all, he was here now, they’d invited him over to talk about the project, there was no reason to feel left out. He took couple of steps to his right, for a better view of the hallway and the front door.

Katya followed with interest and slight confusion as Alaska opened the door with a rushed “Katya is here” instead of a “Hello” and let Trixie into the apartment. The pair nodded to each other but no hugs or verbal greetings were exchanged between them. It was odd, but Katya didn’t have time to analyse the interaction further as Trixie noticed him in the living room and rushed over.

“I thought you’d decided against transitioning, Mr. Dolezal,” Trixie mocked as he pulled Katya into a firm hug, sending him into round of giggles.

“Yes yes, against genital snippety-snappety,” Katya agreed enthusiastically, “but look at this skin!”

“Very Pocahontas,” Trixie nodded in approval. “I hope its spray tho’. I’ve put my money on lung cancer, not every fricking subtype of melanoma.”

Katya screamed and flung his fists in the air excitedly. He hadn’t seen Trixie in over three weeks and while they hadn’t stopped texting, being in the actual presence of his best friend felt somehow soothing. Katya’s socially constructed reality felt little more balanced, interesting and manageable in a close proximity to Tracy Martel. He still wanted his cigarette, though.

“Thanks for the reminder. I need a smoke break,” Katya announced, glancing at Alaska briefly for permission to use his balcony. “It’s the least I can do for Tracy’s retirement fund.”

“I’ll be sure to bring that up when they ask for a character reference.”

* *

Katya closed the balcony door behind him and took a seat at the rattan bench next to Trixie. The sun was starting to set, discreetly painting the sky with hues of orange over the still dominant baby blue. It was hot, though. One of the hottest days yet and Katya pulled at the collar of his t-shirt to stretch it out. The leg of his shorts was rubbing uncomfortably against his damp thigh and he felt momentarily jealous of Alaska, who didn’t seem too bothered by the heat in his white tank top and jeans.

“Kim never sweats,” Trixie chuckled. “It’s so weird. Once we were in New Orleans and I swear you could’ve cooked eggs on the sidewalk and this guy is just there, chilling, while the rest of us are on the verge of dehydration, smelling like rotten cabbage.”

“You trying to tell me something?” Katya asked, cocking his eyebrows as he lit his cigarette. The first inhale worked as a lasso that pulled most of Katya’s disoriented thoughts into a some type of, if not organised, then at least contained pile.

“I’m used to your rank,” Trixie brushed him off, spreading his legs wider as he slid slightly lower on the bench to get more comfortable. Katya couldn’t not to notice how his shorts got tighter at the crotch, trapping his dick into a very evident bulge.

“It’s genetic,” Alaska said, catching Katya’s attention.

Alaska was leaning to the balcony rail, his hands crossed over his chest loosely. The pose reminded Katya of Ethan in the elevator. The look that Alaska was giving him, though, Katya couldn’t place. It was curious and simultaneously somehow judgemental, criticising? Alaska glanced quickly at Trixie’s crotch and back to Katya, giving him a discreet but teasing smile. Katya just grinned, not even slightly embarrassed that he’d been caught appreciating Trixie’s current posture.

“Genetic?” Trixie asked, turning to look at Alaska.

“Yeah, like, I read somewhere that the Koreans have like, less sweat glands or something, so they don’t smell like the rest of us.”

“You’re kidding,” Katya snorted.

“No no, I’m not. Google it.”

“I’ll add it to the list of things to google the next time I’m having an existential crisis and need to make sure the world is actually relatively real,” Katya said through laughter before taking a long drag of his cigarette and inhaling deeply. He blew the smoke slowly up towards the ceiling and from the corner of his eye studied Alaska, who was smoking his cigarette in shallower breaths. Alaska’s style reminded Katya of the type you saw in some European movies where less than half of the smoke was inhaled after the initial drag while the rest was released in an extravagant puff. It was somehow sexier, maybe little extra, very drag. In conclusion, suited Alaska perfectly. “So, you guys wanna tell me about this project of yours?”

The relaxed atmosphere on the balcony shifted after the question. Trixie corrected his position to sit more straightforward while Alaska started to absentmindedly massage his shoulder. Katya glanced to Trixie whose gaze was directed at Alaska under his slightly wrinkled brows. He was rubbing his right index and middle finger against his thumb in small circles, a sign of which Katya recognised as Trixie’s subconscious habit while nervous. The pair was looking at each other in silence and Katya frowned. They had invited him over to talk about the project, but didn’t want to talk about it?

“I think I want a beer,” Alaska said suddenly and Trixie was quick to jump on the train.

“I think there are couple of Stellas in the fridge.”

The speed in which Trixie stood up and stepped towards the door made it obvious that he was trying to escape the situation. Katya was getting more confused by the second.

“It’s fine, I’ll get them,” Alaska drawled, stumped his half smoked cigarette into the ashtray and wiggled his way around Trixie to get to the balcony door.

There were two things that struck to Katya as the two competed in what seemed to be a race out of Katya’s uncomfortable presence and questions. One, Trixie seemed curiously knowledgeable about the alcohol contents of Alaska’s refrigerator and two, the ease in which Alaska opened the rainbow striped jar placed on the windowsill next to the balcony door told of a well internalised habit. Almost subconsciously Alaska had pushed aside the ceramic lid with his pinkie, grabbed one of the white balls between his index and middle finger like a Go stone and popped the thing into his mouth before leaving the balcony, not once even glancing at the jar itself as he had been staring at Trixie.

As Alaska disappeared inside, Trixie was left hovering in between the balcony door and his earlier seat and Katya couldn’t recall a time he’d ever witnessed Trixie quite as tense. Possibly in Australia when they’d almost gotten arrested? The Barbie was shifting his weight from left to right and was clearly at loss on what to do next. Trixie’s discomfort felt alien to Katya. He’d thought they were beyond these type of encounters but apparently, he’d been wrong.

“What’s in the jar?” Katya asked, hoping for the mundane question to break the strained charge.

“Mints,” Trixie answered instantly, still staring after Alaska, “I would think,” he rushed to add as a hasty afterthought whilst turning to Katya, as if suddenly realising that he wasn’t supposed to know. “I would think mints.”

Katya looked up to Trixie, puzzled. He could think of two reasons why one might want a mint after a cigarette, neither of which made very much sense in the given situation, so he dismissed the oddity as one of Alaska’s quirks. Something was bugging him, though. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it as the trepidity Trixie practically radiated made him feel ill at ease, blurring his thoughts.

When Trixie had called him two days ago to arrange the meeting, explaining that he had something he wanted to talk about, something new and exciting and slightly out of his comfort zone, something that involved Alaska, Katya had gotten excited. Whatever the two had planned was bound to be hilarious, but also professionally executed, and Katya was here – H. E. R. E. Here. – for it. It had been months since Trixie had first mentioned that he was working on something with Alaska and absolutely refused to spill any of the details. Katya had tried probing Alaska for some information as well, but the man had acted like Helen Keller without a pencil. He felt a little honoured that they’d finally decided to include him, whatever the project was, but the awkwardness and secrecy was driving him slightly mad.

“Come on man, he’ll get them,” Katya said and pulled Trixie back onto the sofa from his shorts leg.

Trixie complied with ease and took a deep breath.

“Fuck man,” Trixie swore quietly and brushed his palm against his knees. “I’m just trying not to fuck this up.”

“What exactly is there to fuck up?” Katya asked, but knew that he wouldn’t get a straight answer.

When Trixie didn’t reply at all, however, or even recognise that Katya had said anything, Katya started to think that maybe, just maybe, it would’ve been more productive to stay at home tonight. He could’ve watched the latest season of Game of Thrones instead, as it seemed like Alaska and Trixie were not going to get anywhere. He leaned his elbows against his knees and thought about Ethan. The confidence of the kid intrigued him.

“I met this kid today,” Katya said not quite certain why he was telling the story.

“Kid?”

“Yeah,” Katya nodded. “Curious little thing. I thought they were a girl at first but then the name was Ethan, so I think non-binary.”

“He introduced himself to you?”

“They,” Katya emphasised, throwing Trixie a judgmental look with cocked eyebrows. Trixie lifted his hands up in mock surrender and pursed his lips. “No, the mom called them that. Or like, I assume she was the mother.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah.”

Katya turned his gaze to the yard where a group of young teenagers were fighting over a inflatable dolphin. They weren’t being incredibly loud, or maybe they were just too far for him to hear, but the flirtatious play he could see them engaging in was disturbingly heteronormative. They boys would steal the toy and take it into the pool, into which the girls couldn’t possibly enter because of their hair or makeup, possibly both. So they would guile one of the boys to help them to steal the toy back, and so it went, back and forth, like a very peculiar mating dance. Ethan would probably have to pick a side eventually.

“They were – was?” Katya asked Trixie who just shrugged, clueless. “Were,” Katya decided. “They were wearing these yellow glitter jellies-”

“-that you wanted?”

Katya laughed out loud before singsonging: “Yes, God! And like this purple tee and I- I think I was kinda jealous of their confidence.”

Trixie hummed and nodded as a sign that Katya should go on, that he was listening.

“I don’t know, man,” Katya said and grinned. “Like, meeting them was just like…” Katya paused to look for a word.

“Nice?” Alaska suggested and drew Katya’s attention up from the young, lekking teenagers.

“Yeah,” Katya grinned, meeting Alaska’s eyes. “Nice.”

Trixie grabbed the green Stella Artois Alaska was holding out for him and took a sip.

“I’ve got some weed, if you’d like?” Alaska asked Katya, once again leaning against the balcony rail. Katya chuckled through his nose and shook his head as he lit a second cigarette.

“Nah man, I’m good.”

* *

Katya threw a used napkin on the empty pizza box and leaned his elbows against the dinner table as he lifted his gaze up to Trixie and Alaska on the other side. Trixie was munching on the last slice of pizza, paying clearly no attention on Alaska, who was talking vividly about something Katya hadn’t heard a word of since, well, since the beginning really. He assumed it was something to do with drag, purely based on the excited glimmer in Alaska’s eyes, but he wasn’t really listening. Instead, he fixated on the incredible ease in which Trixie reached over Alaska to grab his beer, to wash down the pieces of pizza he was currently chewing. Trixie had finished his own bottle ages ago and now failed to return the stolen bottle back to Alaska, placing it instead next to his empty one. The exchange reminded Katya of his father who was in a habit of stealing his mother’s red wine on occasion, if she didn’t finish it quickly enough.

“So, spill,” Katya interrupted Alaska without apologies. “And for the record, I know that both of you are capable of coming up with ideas worthy of the Vienna Academy of Art rejecting young Adolf, but I’m open for anything consensual and unanimous,” Katya said sternly as he leaned further into his elbows. He was determined to get to the bottom of this damn project the other two had been avoiding for the past two hours.

Trixie and Alaska exchanged yet another uncertain look between them, as if once more confirming with each other that Katya was to be let into the secret. Katya wanted to roll his eyes but restrained. No idea, however tentative, could be that fragile. Had they fucking met him? Truthfully speaking, he felt like he should’ve been slightly offended that they kept going back and forth with their decision to include him.

“Look,” Katya sighed. “I get the impression that this thing of yours might be a little out there, even for me. But listen, we still have Bob the Politician as the current fucking reigning. As long as it’s not another United Airlines joke, or a rerun of the RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 76 skit, because both of those were badly executed, mama, and I’m talking some serious BFA offensive to be edgy bullshit, I think we should break some PC boundaries – or bones, if it comes to that.”

Trixie blinked at Katya’s words and Alaska bit her lip to prevent a laugh.

“God I hope we don’t break any bones,” Alaska muttered quietly and Trixie threw a disapproving look at him, trying hard to hide his amusement.

Katya watched, intrigued, as Trixie swallowed the final pieces of the pizza, wiped his mouth to the back of his palm and faced Katya with a rather un-Trixie-like seriousness.

“There’s no project per se.”

Katya’s enthusiasm was taken down a notch.

“No?” he asked, now completely confused. “Don’t tell me, you’ve collectively decided to stop the music industry and retire to Baan Souy at Pattaya?”

He reached over the table to offer a hand in solace to Trixie. “I know you want to support your singer-songwriter sister here,” he said solemnly and glanced briefly to Alaska, “- but it’s not your time yet, you still have some good years in you.”

Alaska chuckled lightly as Trixie pressed the feet of her palms into his eye sockets and leaned his elbows to the table, groaning loudly.

“I could-” Alaska started but was immediately cut off.

“No,” Trixie said firmly and sat back up. “I’m doing this. I need to do this.”

Alaska nodded and successfully avoided Katya’s questioning eyes.

“Katya,” Trixie said seriously, too seriously, and Katya had to grin. There was bound to be a joke, it would just take some time for Trixie to crack.

“We’re not retiring. We’re dating.”

Katya was looking at Trixie straight into the eyes and had to admire the raw talent in which he embodied the character. Trixie’s words came across completely sincere, as if he was entirely convinced of his own words, with no trace of the practiced script whatsoever. It was Meryl Streep level artistry. Katya glanced at Alaska, who was still avoiding his gaze and thus he turned back to Trixie, who was now pursing his lips together like he always did when expecting an unfavourable reaction or bad news from his manager.

“You’re kidding,” Katya said and realised that now she too sounded serious, too serious. He rewinded back the previous two hours: the odd non-greeting when Trixie had arrived, the avoidance of the project as a topic of discussion, Trixie’s familiarity with Alaska’s refrigerator’s alcohol contents, the stolen bottle of Stella Artois, even the mints in the clay rainbow jar on the balcony made suddenly sense; Trixie had always hated kissing people who tasted or smelled like cigarettes. Trixie and Alaska in a romantic relationship made about as much sense as the Trump Presidency; just because it seemed too absurd to be true didn’t mean it wasn’t real.

“I wish I was, because your face is a fucking picture right now,” Trixie snorted, but his voice didn’t quite reach the lighthearted tone he was clearly aiming for.

Trixie was nervous, Katya realised. He was apprehensive of Katya’s reaction and was waiting for his reply, possibly even his approval? Holy Mary and Jesus’ twelve Apostles in alphabetical order, they were not joking. Trixie Mattel, Katya’s co-patient from RuPaul’s seventh group therapy session, was, if her word was to be trusted – like, who knew, she could’ve been on any kind of drug possible! Katya swallowed the idea. Trixie Mattel was the least likely of them to be high in this situation and currently, according to her words, dating Katya’s all time favourite drag superstar from RuPaul’s best friend race.

Katya turned to look at Alaska who was now looking at him calculatingly, as if trying to figure out what was going on in his head. What was going on in his head? Katya didn’t even know himself. He was shocked, and confused, and a little disappointed that Trixie hadn’t told him earlier. How long had this been going on? He figured he should probably also feel happy for the pair, but he was too busy feeling shocked and confused to be able to branch out.

He turned his eyes back to Trixie, who looked slightly worried. What was he expecting Katya to say? Surely there was nothing he could say that would somehow affect the situation? Was Trixie expecting him to be upset? Why? Just because Alaska was Katya’s favourite, and admittedly hot as fuck, that didn’t mean that Katya would be upset. Hell, even if the game at Hey Queen had been just a joke, Katya had picked Tatianna over Alaska to kai kai with! It had been Trixie himself who had picked Alaska, not Katya, and… A small lightbulb lit in Katya’s head, very similarly to the scenes one might see in the 1990’s cartoons. Trixie had picked Alaska… The self-proclaimed high femme with a rainbow collection of “BOTTOM”-labelled baseball caps had been chosen by the country cowboy for a mutually satisfying coupling. Now, it certainly wasn’t the politest, or even the most relevant question. But it certainly was the first one Katya’s brain jumped to and before he could prevent himself, he had blurted it out:

“But, who tops?”

Trixie groaned in frustration and hid his face to his arms against the table.

“Funny you should ask,” Alaska drawled slowly as he reached to gently massage Trixie’s neck, an amused grin decorating his lips. “We were kinda hoping that you would.”

___________

A/N2: Thoughts?

#spoky #troika #trixie mattel #alaska thunderfuck #katya zamolodchikova #fluff #polyamory #rpdr fanfiction #canon compliant #alaska x trixie #rare pair

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multipleforks · 6 years

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Pujol put Mexico City on the foodie road map when it made Pellegrino’s list of the top 50 restaurants in the world as #20 and as #4 in Latin America’s top 50 restaurants. Attention of the restaurant grew even further when it was featured on the Emmy award winning series, Chef’s Table on Netflix. Everywhere you turn now it seems Mexico City is making its mark on the worldwide food scene. From delicious chocolate mole sauces at restaurants like La Capital in Polanco to the local taco street vendors, it’s easy to find delicious, mind blowing food at reasonable prices. Fortunately for me, a foodie friend of mine from the NYC metro area moved to Mexico City about 10 months ago and dove head first into the restaurant scene the day he arrived, and still hasn’t come up for air. As I drove him insane sending over new restaurant openings via Eater.com, he finally said, Shannon, seriously…why don’t you just come visit? So I did. (Don’t threaten me with a good time!) Here are some places I highly recommend checking out on your next visit to the beautiful capital city of Mexico. (Before we move forward, I suggest you plan on staying in Polanco, the “Beverly Hills” of la cuidad de Mexico. This area is known for its great shopping, upscale malls, high end hotels and amazing restaurants-over 80 total).

La Gruta at Teotihuacan: if you have access to a vehicle, it’s worth taking the hour drive to the pyramids of Teotihuacan for multiple reasons. For many, it’s seeing and climbing thousand-year-old pyramids. For me, it was the promise of eating local, authentic, Mexican cuisine in a ornate, dimly lit, underground cave. (How often do you get to do something like that?!) Anyway, we arrived on a sunny, and pleasantly warm Friday afternoon, parked the car and stood at the top of a ‘cliff’ that showcased the massive cave restaurant. We were then led down the narrow staircase, and seated towards the back of the cave next to a stone carved staircase lit with tea light candles. The whole scene felt very prehistoric and authentically Aztec Mexican. Each wooden table was covered in white linen tablecloth, complete with multicolored wood and straw covered chairs pushed into each table and beautifully decorated clay colored ceramic plates were setup in front of each potential diner. After we sat at our table, the waiter was quick to bring over an assortment of spicy salsas and chips. To start, we ordered the tortilla soup which was unlike anything I have ever eaten before. The pictures give you a general idea, but definitely does not do it justice! The bowl contained tortilla strips, chunks of local cheese, pieces of avocados and dried pig skin. Then the waiter poured a delicious hot, salty, broth on top of it. Muy delicioso! For lunch I had pollo de pipian (pumpkin seed sauce). The pieces of chicken came with lots of sauce in these beautiful ceramic pots with small bowls of black beans and rice on the side. (Very cultural and ethnic). Then we climbed the pyramids hoping to work and ‘sweat off some of the calories’. Wishful thinking my friends. We climbed up once and called it a day!

La Capital: incredible gastronomic food, excellent food presentations, great service, and not terribly expensive; this was one of my favorite restaurants in MC. When we arrived, we ordered a round of drinks to start, then decided to split two appetizers and one entrée. The lychee martini was easily the best lychee martini I ever had. The drink itself had a well-balanced flavor of lychee juice and vodka and was topped off with a nice layer of foam on top. I could have easily had 5. (I stuck with 1, I promise). For dinner we ordered tuna tartare which was wrapped in thinly sliced avocado pieces atop a significant amount of spicy mayo (apparently Mexicans love their sauces!) Then we split the shrimp tacos which came 4 small pieces to a plate, decorated with dollops of spicy aioli and black bean puree. For our entrée, we went with the duck enchiladas swimming in chocolate mole sauce which I highly recommend. Seriously, the four small enchiladas needed a lifesaving best to survive the plate of creamy and hearty mole sauce. Nonetheless, the dish was incredible. It was hard not to lick the plate clean.

Four Seasons hotel: if it’s a Four Seasons, you know it must be spectacular, and the Mexico City location is no exception. First off, the cocktail menu is a solid 25-page book complete with lots of pictures of unique and amazing alcoholic concoctions. (Every bar needs to have this!) Secondly, the outdoor courtyard area is stunning, and since the weather in Mexico City is almost always perfect, it’s well worth sitting outside on their very comfortable, posh, cushioned seats. If that however, does not tickle your fancy (or you hit rainy season and sitting outside is just not an option), consider grabbing a cocktail indoors on their luxurious couches or at the indoor prohibition style bar. They do a fabulous brunch for $55 from 12-5pm on Sundays which includes a sushi cart, meat cart, salad cart, sandwich station, and one mimosa (or you can pay more for unlimited cocktails). While we were there, we opted to sit out on the patio, drink a few cocktails and just people watch for an hour. The drinks were fantastic and the people were gorgeous!

Cerveceria Polanquito: apparently, they are a many Cerveceria’s in Mexico City, but the Polanquito location is unique because while dining here you feel like you’re in the middle of the Amazon jungle. The ceiling is covered in fake tree branches and leaves and there are plants and trees situated all around you. What’s also cool about this place is the number of TVs they have hanging up high amongst the tree branches. In addition to the ambiance, the menu is quite extensive with lots of authentic Mexican options to choose from. We ordered the fish and shrimp tacos as a pre-dinner starter, knowing we had dinner reservations two hours later (the definition of gluttonous right here). Anyway, the shrimp tacos really hit the spot. As stated earlier, Mexicans really love their sauces and the second you order food, they generally bring you a selection of sauces/salsas to add to your dishes. This place gave us three sauces and a ton of limes on the side. (It’s such a shame my pathetic self can’t handle spicy foods! Sad!) The shrimp tacos also came with an avocado mousse which was spectacular! It was light and fluffy and paired well with the crispy shrimp and purple cabbage.

Rosa Negra: two things stand out when it comes to Rosa Negra: one, they greet you with delicious, crispy, warm, cheese stuffed pastry breads sprinkled with parmesan cheese and three dipping sauces; and two, they play upbeat electronic dance music on the weekends along with a live drummer. Between the cheesy bread, the bumping beats, and my glass of Albariño, I was all set. We did however agree, we should probably order something aside from the free ‘pan’. So for dinner we agreed to split the salmon ceviche in a coconut curry sauce and the huarache pulpo (squid). The ceviche came in a bowl made from half of a coconut and had a strong red pepper flavor. The pulpo was the largest and thickest piece of squid I have ever seen! The dish also came with oven roasted potatoes and black olives.

While you’re in Mexico City if you have the time, check out el museo del tequila y el Mezcal (tequila museum). It costs about $3 USD and comes with two small shots of tequila you can redeem at the rooftop bar. It only takes about 15 minutes to walk through, but then you can head up to the rooftop to enjoy your tequila. When we arrived on beautiful, warm and sunny Friday afternoon they had a very talented and gorgeous Columbian woman singing serenading music at the festive and colorful bar, it was blissful.

One place I was a bit disappointed in was Jose Andres. The restaurant is inside the W hotel so it has that “W hotel” trendy, upscale, funky feel to it. This location was nothing like Bazaar Mar (his restaurant in Brickell, Miami, FL). Anyway, we sat outside on large, colorful, semi-circular couches overlooking the street below. The menu itself was a bit disappointing. It felt more like a W hotel bar than a Jose Andres restaurant. We went to order paella, but that took 45 minutes, and we didn’t have that much time to spare, so we went with the fish croquettes, chicken and shrimp atop of squid ink pasta. Honestly, the breaded fish croquettes tasted frozen as did the chicken and we were a little peeved the shrimp over squid ink dish came with three shrimps for two people. What the heck is that?! I was still a little hungry after this so we ordered the fennel salad which was nothing spectacular. I must admit, that was a terrible idea, as once we put in an order for that their April-October late day tropical rainstorm hit with a vengeance, with winds gusting, thunder and lightning and wicked rains, so we were forced to go inside. The inside is small, and uneventful, except for the unique ceiling which looks like trees in a fairytale. Having been to Bazaar Mar in Miami twice, I apparently had high expectations. His Mexico City location just didn’t do it.

Have you ever been to Mexico City? Where did you eat? What restaurants and bars do you suggest? I was only here for four days, so I’m sure there’s so much I missed!

A food lover’s guide to Mexico City: five great restaurants and one awesome tequila museum Pujol put Mexico City on the foodie road map when it made Pellegrino’s list of the top 50 restaurants in the world as #20 and as #4 in Latin America’s top 50 restaurants.

#mexicocity #restaurants foodieinmexicocity lacuidaddemexico gastronomy #travels travelsinMexicoCity Mexicanfood #Foodie

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fadingfartconnoisseur · 7 years

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AK Monthly Recap: July 2017

There’s nothing like summer in the city, feeling droplets fall on you and wondering if it’s pee.

I kid, I kid. At least 10% of the time I’m certain someone’s spitting out their window.

I spent almost all of the month sleeping in my own bed in New York, only leaving to visit the Keys for five days. Here are the best and worst happenings of July 2017!

Destinations Visited

New York, Amagansett, Montauk, East Hampton, Sagaponack, and Bridgehampton, New York

Key Largo, Grassy Key, Marathon, Big Pine Key, Stock Island, and Key West, Florida

Favorite Destination

KEY WEST. Man, do I love that place. So much fun, so chilled out, so beautiful, and as wacky as ever with all the Hemingways.

Highlights

A fabulous trip to the Florida Keys. I just wrote about the trip in depth, so I won’t repeat myself here, but the biggest highlight was hanging out with all the Hemingways at the lookalike contest!

My first real Fourth of July barbecue in years. I’ve been traveling so often on the Fourth of July, and when I’m at home, I usually hang out in Boston or go to a Red Sox game, so this was unusual! But my friend and her husband bought a house with a yard in Brooklyn this year, so yeah, they were kind of contractually obligated to invite all their friends over.

At that barbecue I was introduced to Secret Hitler. Have you ever played that game? It’s an insanely fun party game made by the Cards Against Humanity people. Think Clue plus politics. There’s nothing like celebrating your country’s birthday by accusing everyone of being fascists!

Hanging with blogger friends — and Miss Marcella. I keep joking that New York is the new Chiang Mai because so many travel bloggers pass through! This month, Steph from Why Wait to See The World (formerly Twenty-Something Travel) and Mike from Art of Adventuring visited for a few days with their 11-month-old baby Marcella. We met up with Jodi of Legal Nomads and former blogger Joel. Fun fact: I have partied with all of them in Thailand.

Steph and Mike are two of the blogger friends I’ve known the longest, so it was amazing to meet their baby. She’s definitely a kid of the 2010s — she smiles big as soon as you aim a phone at her! I hope to hang with the three of them (but let’s be honest, mostly Marcella) once they move to Bologna this fall. Like I need an excuse to drop by my favorite Italian city…

Celebrating a special bachelorette. A travel blogger friend celebrated her bachelorette party in New York this month and I got to plan a lot of it! While she was open about it being her bachelorette on social media, I’ll let her tell the story on her blog when the time is right.

Drinking on the Staten Island Ferry. This is my new favorite thing to do in New York. Did you know that it’s totally fine to drink on the Staten Island Ferry? They sell beer in both terminals and you don’t even need to brown-bag them. My friend Matt loves to do this and he invited all his friends to join him on his birthday.

The result? Around 25 of us rode the ferry four times in total, drank a variety of beers and ciders, ate cookies, visited the Flagship Brewery in Staten Island, and had a grand time! Matt even made us cozies that read “I don’t start partying — I keep partying.” SO MUCH FUN.

A fun day trip to Montauk and the Hamptons. My friends Beth and Colleen and I drove all the way out to Montauk, which is a bit ambitious for a day trip from New York (you should really stay overnight), but we had a blast anyway! I’ve wanted to visit Montauk since I got into The Affair, and we visited several sites from the show, including the Lobster Roll, the restaurant where many key scenes take place.

I really liked Montauk, even though we didn’t have the best weather. It’s very casual and down-to-earth, albeit quite expensive. Also expensive but much fancier were East Hampton and Bridgehampton, which feel like New York transplanted to the beach — LOVED it. Also, there was a guy with four border collie puppies and I got to play with them.

Later the weather cleared up and we stopped at the gorgeous Wolffer Estate Vineyards for a tasting. The single best dish I ate this month was the lobster spaghetti at Almond in Bridgehampton — perfectly cooked pasta with lobster claw meat, red scallions, grilled cabbage, lemon, crushed red pepper, and parmesan. There’s one in Manhattan, too!

Visiting the Museum of Broken Relationships display in New York. I visited the actual museum in Zagreb years ago and loved it, so I was delighted to hear the exhibit was coming to Flatiron for two days. It featured artifacts from New Yorkers’ past relationships and the stories behind them.

Challenges

I went through the biggest tech headache of my 7.5-year blogging career this month. My site was attacked twice by a Russia-based operation that disguised their traffic to make it look like it was coming from all over the world.

Not only did this shut down and block a lot of you from the site, I also took a financial hit. My display ads stopped running due to the influx of poor quality traffic and I had to pay a lot out of pocket to get the issues fixed.

And not only that — it took several teams of tech professionals weeks to figure out how to block the attack. Finally, the team at Sucuri figured it out and shut it down. If you run a website for business, I highly recommend you get protection with Sucuri so you’re prepared in case an attack happens to you. Their basic plan is just $9.99 per month.

Anyway, I went through hell and back this July. I’m glad to now have my site in the hands of the team at Performance Foundry, who are making my life infinitely easier by handling the site, protecting it, as well as managing myriad tech issues I never dreamed existed.

We had a weird encounter in the Hamptons. While at dinner at Almond, we sat down next to a table of slightly intoxicated men around our age. One made a comment along the lines of, “Sorry our friends are drunk,” and Beth said something innocuous like, “Oh, that’s fine with us.”

Well. We think that they might have misheard her, because that’s the only explanation for what happened next! They started glaring at us, making snide comments to each other about us. Then one leaned over and said, “You’re in town for the weekend? Oh, that’s CUUUUUTE. I live here.”

What the fuck?! Seriously?

Colleen and Beth and I looked at each other with giant fake smiles on our faces, unsure of what to say to each other. The men were sitting so close to us that they would hear everything we said. Eventually I started telling stories about Scrooge McDuck and we started talking about…that. Every time we laughed, their table would swivel their heads toward us and glare. One even banged his head on our table and pretended it was an accident.

The men left when our entrees came and as soon as they were gone, we exploded. What was their problem? Why would you treat strangers like that? What did they think she had said? We had been afraid to move or say anything because we didn’t know what they would do next and it looked like they were friends with our waiter. Just such a bizarre experience.

The “summer of hell” on New York transit. A lot of construction is taking place this summer, especially at Penn Station, and the trains are running slow and less often. 1 trains aren’t running to my stop on the weekend this summer, and on two different weeknights it took me two hours to get home from Brooklyn. This reminded me of how grateful I am not to have to commute to work, though.