jeremy fragrance posts are to me now, what bad 1d imagine were 4 years ago

I come home to the daily groceries I ordered at the front door, ready to be brought in. Even just a few months prior, you would have attempted to at least bring them in the front door, but as of late you have been feigning that you didn't hear the doorbell when it arrived. I let you keep that little white lie because it made you feel less useless. Even though at this point you basically were. Your attention span broken by the constant stream of dopamine flooding your brain from weed, constant sex, food and nicotine, your job had let you go for mental decline before your mobility even became that much of an issue. Since being fired, you put all your energy toward doing as little as possible while consuming as much as possible. I literally once came home to you bored and sad because I forgot to make sure the tv remote and phone charger were near you before leaving for my double shift. The remote was on the coffee table directly ahead but with your belly taking up so much lap, it would be impossible to grab without getting all the way up... Or at least this is what was justified to me upon arriving home. At that point, it had honestly already been a while since you had attempted such a feat alone, as I had been assisting you for one reason or another from the bed to the couch and back daily for longer than either of us could remember. I think back with a shiver of what life was like when you passed 600 pounds; when although you couldn't reach your junk to masturbate, you could at least shuffle to your feet and complain about your back aching while taking some steps. Now having long passed 900 it had been a few years since your feet had touched the floor. Your daily medication list long and full of the best medicine has to offer, and as high doses as had been tested safely on humans, their usefulness had begun to decline. We plug along 12 times a day, every 2 hours, with a high fructose high adipose liquid diet aiming for bigger. Your lips and cheeks and throat had become so encapsulated by the sticky fat that you found yourself choking on solid foods about 50 pounds ago. The look of desperation in your face when I replace the bi-pap you now lived in, temporarily with your feeding tube. You sputter and gasp and cough as your poor pathetic body tries to remember how to breathe on its own again. I give you only 5 seconds of grace before placing the tube down your throat and clipping the supports to the back of your head. The liquid comes quickly, and your eyes blink in the same shock I get to see a dozen times a day when I awake you from your persistent food coma for your next feed. Your sea of belly shakes with a start as the liquid pours into it, and I watch as within 2 short minutes, not long enough to become starved of oxygen, you inflate from your belly. I swear everytime I see it, you get even bigger than last time. You wince and moan and I realize I havent heard your voice in a while, and I wonder if you still even know how to talk. The word no had long been forgotten and any trace of resistance was shredded by the years of catering to another humans wishes. Once the machine times out, I quickly give you your precious apnea mask back and the air transfers with more intensity as you catch your breath from the feeding. I place one of your hands on your belly and your little sausage fingers use the opportunity to rub your distended tummy in the one small section you can reach and In that moment I know you're just as enamoured with your mass as I am.

vent dont read (unless the curiousity consumes you i guess. if you know me personally it might suck)

i havent been able to leave the house since may and it seems like every day i get worse and worse

i just cant deal with anything i dont know why

i dont go outside, i cant be alone, i cant even eat too fast/slow or i just like completely freak out

i started therapy and this is the first time ive ever been hopeful about interacting with a therapist but i still kind of dread it every week. im not even sure its helping like maybe shorter sessions would be better but i use so much energy just getting through the day i cant communicate until its too late

i dont even understand what made this happen my only guess is that one of the medications i tried really messed me up (or i have a brain tumor or thyroid problem or something) because a few of them had really really terrible side effects and i almost had to go back to the hospital for the 3rd time in a year, but i dont get why im not getting better when i dont do anything and im not on those meds anymore.

and if it is physical i cant leave the house without panicking like. i dont know how else i would go anywhere to get it checked out unless it got so bad i had to call an ambulance again so they could lie me down and give me oxygen and turn all the lights off and hold my hand again but that also was like very traumatic so im afraid i would just completely break

my friend is over visiting and i havent seen her in forever bc she moved 4 hours away and i cant even bring myself to hang out with her because she brought her boyfriend and i already have problems talking to anyone but her even though i fucking live with her family and leech off them. so im just hiding in my room

i dont really talk to anyone much anymore and i dont even know if its Because i want to be left alone or if its something making me lonely/im upset about. it also kind of seems like people r moving on from me but that could be like entirely self inflicted bc one on one conversation terrified me even before and now i like have panic attacks if a breathe wrong let alone attempt something thats always scared me

i think like some of them maybe also have a seperate discord server i wasnt invited to. this happened literally months ago where i accidentally found out and its not really my business i guess. and i dont even rly know if its true or even used anymore

it just feels bad because i lost a friend of like 7 years and a friend i really related to but didnt know long because i took their side in multiple arguments and i dont regret the 2nd one but the first one kind of still sucks. the people i lost had a lot of their own problems that made them unpleasant but idk. the first person was kind of always open to talking to me even though we r both fucked up and wouldnt ignore me even when i sometimes would bc of my own problems

and then if there Is a second server thats kind of why the second person lost their shit. so its like Maybe they were right in a small way (they were completely fucked though they would like suicidebait randomly and ive never had any other friend do that so its still for the best i think)

it seems like i keep losing or pushing away good friends kind of. or maybe im bad at all friends idk. ive never enjoyed socializing so it seems like my fault probably

i honestly just wish i could get on food stamps and/or disability on top of medicaid but i think people are still insisting i can go back to the way i was before. idk if thats possible. i just want to be able to stop taking As much Directly from other people and maybe like. buy legos or a 3d printer or something. i dont have much to do in the house 24/7 and my computer is getting old. and i think the internet is making this all worse but thats like my only activity

im so tired

Anatomy model Eustass Kid

By @godims0tired ♡ for my fic Life Drawing

Rating: E

Warnings: None

Characters & ships: Eustass Kid / Trafalgar Law

Word count: 2978

Summary: Law practices his anatomical drawing with Kidd as his subject. With his devil fruit abilities he can see right inside him.

Kidd finds this insanely romantic.

~~~

Read on Ao3 or below the cut. I know it's an older fic by now but I havent posted it here before so here!

~~~

Kidd jerked into full awareness as he lay sprawled in his bed. He checked around himself without moving and sensed a second heartbeat in the room, near enough that the dim echoes of its electrical impulses lapped at his skin like waves. Slow and calm. Just watching then; not yet poised to attack…

There were eyes on him.

It took him a moment to remember that the other heartbeat was supposed to be there. He wasn't used to having bedmates stay overnight.

Red eyes slid open and found keen grey ones fixed on him.

“The fuck you staring at.”

“You, idiot.”

The big redheaded sprawl snorted crassly at that and flopped over, returning the stare with sleepy menace.

Law smirked. He was wedged sideways in one of the heavy carved armchairs in Kidd's quarters, loosely wrapped in a sheet and busily scritch scritching in a large book. His gaze flicked from page to Kidd and back.

Kidd prodded him, “See something you want, Trafalgar? Come over here and take it.”

His limbs were still all loose and languid from when they'd fucked a couple hours before, but Kidd could stand to go another round. Especially with the sharp, evaluating looks Law was throwing him right now.

“Come on, c'mere.”

“Later. Go back to sleep, Eustass-ya.” The pen bobbed.

“Don’ wanna. What are you doing still up?”

“Just passing the time until my brain decides to let me fall asleep.” Law's insomniac woes again.

“A good fuck will do that for you. Lemme do the ligature thing and you'll be out like bam .” Kidd offered generously.

“Heheh. Thanks but oxygen deprivation is not the kind of sleep aid I need.”

“Your loss.”

Kidd burrowed into his cluster of satiny pillows with a sigh. For an infamously brutal pirate captain he sure liked his little extravagances. The whole room was draped with horribly clashing bits of luxurious fabrics and furs, and the odd shiny sharp thing. The manic magpie whims of past raids.

“Nah, that's no good,” Law recrossed long legs over the chair’s arm, well cushioned with some spotted pelt. “Go back to where you were a second ago.”

“Are you…? What, taking notes on me? Writing an ode to the sinful curve of my flawless ass?”

“Something like that. I'm adding my own anatomical diagrams to this medical text. It’s my favourite for reference material but the illustrations are scanty and kinda shit -- it's like they've never dissected anyone before.”

“Nice. Add a diagram of these.” Kidd kicked up a leg.

“Hah. I'm nowhere near the section on genital abnormalities, but I'll look you up when I get there. Turn on your side again, I was doing upper body musculature.”

“Ooo. I got lots of that, yeah.” Kidd complied.

The lamplight was flickering low behind Law. Kidd could see him and his book backlit dimly, the small hairs on his leanly muscled shoulders aglow like a nimbus. Tinged subtly blue.

Wait, blue?

“Do you have a Room up?”

“Yeah, so I can scan down and see the actual anatomical stuff.”

“Huh. That's handy. You don't even have to dissect anyone.”

“Yeah but it’s easier to see everything if you physically open someone up. You can isolate the individual structures that way.” Law peeked overtop of the book. “And it's more fun to do it the old-fashioned way, heh…”

Kidd gave a low laugh. Law wasn't even joking, he knew. He imagined waking up one night like this, to find some part of him delicately splayed open and the dark haired doctor sketching away with the same expression. If Law used his devil fruit power he could do it painlessly and bloodlessly, without even waking him. Kidd had seen him sever heads away from bodies completely within that blue sphere, both pieces still functioning as one. He’d never been the subject of that eerie power himself, though.

He didn’t think so, anyway.

Law untangled himself from chair and sheet, and finally came over to join him on the bed. Kidd was gifted briefly with a full view of the lithe figure. His recent handiwork was beginning to show in the mottling that ran up either thigh and the bites framing his chest tattoos.

The long limbs refolded next to him. “Stay there, I wanna do the neck muscles now.”

“Lemme see that first.”

“Don't be grabby,” Law complained, but gave up the book.

“Holy fuck.” Kidd flipped through studies of his back, shoulders, hands. “So that's how I look without skin, huh.”

He had been expecting more… yeah. Skin.

“I did say I was drawing the muscles.”

“And my bones and everything.”

“Yeah. Good skeletal structure too. Several odd calluses where breaks didn't quite set right, though.”

“You can see all of that?”

“Yeah, of course. Like I said, I can scan down to any level. Though it helps if I know already the shape of what I'm looking for.”

Something about the drawings was just so Law. The lines so precise, so sharp, somehow impatient. A little obsessive and overworked on certain details, like the hollow between his collar bones and the knobbly crook of his index finger, broken at least twice. Many practice studies on loose sheets of paper showed that Law had been trying to get these parts just right.

It occurred to Kidd that these weren't just anatomical studies using him as a model -- these were him.

Jotted notes crowded around the practice studies, but Law grabbed the book back before Kidd could read them properly.

“Trafalgar. Does that seriously say I have 8.2 litres of blood in me.”

“Nevermind that. Just an interesting fact. You have a lot of blood.”

Kidd stole another peek as Law held him off. “And that I have a grip strength of 68 kilograms in my right hand?”

“At least. That’s not something I can see; that's from uh, experience.”

Kidd leaned back with his hands laced behind his head to look at Law. “One might misinterpret this as a target profile of some kind.” Because that's exactly what it was -- a detailed map of Kidd’s strongest, and weakest points.

“Whoa, your blood pressure’s spiking.” Law grinned with more teeth than usual and leaned in to hover over him.

“Now you're just showing off,” Kidd complained.

“Does this disturb you?”

That wasn't exactly the feeling that was spreading through him, no. Or not entirely, anyway. Kidd just cracked his neck, stretching it out for Law's benefit, and raised an eyebrow.

“So you wanted some neck action? It's all yours.”

Law seemed to like the sound of that. He angled Kidd’s head away and up with a gentle press of fingers, so the ear and neck were exposed to him.

Kidd watched his shadow flicker on the opposite wall and listened to the pen scratch across paper. The undulating magnetic field of Law’s heart was so close now, washing over him. His own blood thudded in his ears, senses all on high alert from holding himself in this vulnerable position.

He could be fuckin patient. Sometimes. Well… when he had all of Law’s attention focused on him like this, he’d stay still forever. He could feel the sharp eyes on him like a touch. His own eyes started to wander back over…

He jumped a little when Law did touch him, nudging him back into place. And then trailing fingers over the mound behind his ear.

“Sternocleidomastoid,” Law mouthed to himself. “Levator scapulae…” The hand travelled down to his collarbone and rested there lightly, his thumb tracing little circles.

It was so calm. And strange. Rare for the reserved doctor to be so casually intimate. Even while they were fucking, touch was more like a struggle, hands straining against and into each other. Kidd was rough without even trying, but it was Law who seemed to flinch from any contact not resembling combat. Or medical care. Such structured things. He’d objected -- vehemently -- to being “pawed at” and “pet like a lap dog” often enough. As though anything less than bruising force would hurt more.

He was so guarded. It made Kidd greedy.

“You're hard, you know,” Law breathed onto his neck.

“Yeah I'm aware.”

“Heh.”

Tattooed fingers ran along Kidd’s side, over the tight bands hugging the ribs (“Serratus anterior…”), and pinpricks rose in their wake. Kidd found himself arching up against the hand desperately.

“Ah, fuck, Trafalgar…”

“Mhm,” Law responded, distracted. Or pretending to be. He followed a particular cord of muscle down Kidd’s powerful thigh with his thumb. “Sartorius. Gracilis.”

“Dick.”

“No that's not a muscle, Eustass-ya.”

“Oh for the love of GOD.”

Law made a sound that was probably a muffled laugh. “Hold still. I'm doing anatomical studies.”

“Oh is that what we're doing.”

“Obviously.”

“Where's the book.”

“It's…” Law looked around for a minute. “On the floor.”

Kidd covered his face with his hands and just laughed. Law sighed dramatically.

“Well. Guess I gotta start from the top again.”

 

---

Law could be a pushy bastard when he topped. But he kept up the slow, focused treatment this time and it was driving Kidd fucking insane.

“I'm gonna flip this the fuck around and pound you inside out if it takes any longer.” Kidd growled from under his arm, slung across his face.

This was as close as he could get to actually asking for it. Here he was laid out, so open and ready, core clenching and unclenching. Needing to be fucked, to have hands on him, in him, whatever. All of it.

“Nah you're not.” Law countered smugly.

“F-uck,” was all Kidd could come up with when a third finger twisted into his slicked up hole. His body tensed and spasmed before yielding itself open.

By the time Law was actually fucking him, Kidd had nearly popped a fucking vein.

Law pushed in slowly, slowly. Until they were pressed together as tight as they could go, breath hot on each other's faces.

“Shit, Tr--ahh…”

“Eustass-ya…”

He was done with all the slow shit. Kidd was a shifting mass of need under him and honestly, he was even more worked up. He dragged almost all the way out only to grind back in hard, and the tight body jolted.

“Aw fuck, yeah…”

Law braced his weight on his arms, pressing Kidd’s hips into the bed. He watched the muscles bunch beneath him with each impact, Kidd straining to meet him. Watched through skin so pale it was translucent, glowing and rippling.

Kidd still wasn't entirely sure what to make of that gaze. All hunger and splitting seams, open lips and ragged breath.

He quirked up one corner of a mocking mouth.

“The fuck’re you-- ah --staring at?”

Law didn't answer for a moment. Under Kidd's skin it was like… layers of red ribbons, wrapping him up. The ribbons all pulling and straining against each other when Kidd moved (when Law moved in him), like something inside was trying to burst out. Under them, ribs curving -- jealous fingers. Wetly clinging membranes. Then under that…

“Your heart. It's…”

Their bodies collided, beaded with sweat. Harder. More. Law could see, hear Kidd's heart beating faster as he picked up his pace. God, he could feel it in his palms. In his dick. Beating so strong it echoed in his ears, drowning out his own.

“Fucking perfect. It's perfect.”

Kidd laughed breathlessly. His heart. What the hell. “...You wanna get your hands on that too?”

Law did.

He wanted to grip it, feel it flutter, make it burst …

… What if I could? he thought. He slowed, thinking, and spread a hand over Kidd’s breastbone. Not just to incapacitate through dismemberment, but to cut a piece from the whole, one vital piece…

Kidd watched the pensive eyes flicker and gave him a swift jab of encouragement with his heel.

“You'll just have to get hold of it the old fashioned way. Hahahaaa…”

“Hah.” Law shook himself from his distracted state. He picked up a pace that was slower than before, though not less jarring. “Like… I should court you or like I should cut you open?”

“Whichever ...ah ... But you should fuckin get me off first.” Kidd guided the tattooed hand down from his chest to his dripping cock, and Law obliged, finally.

They fucked with foreheads pressed together and grips slipping on sweat slick skin. Kidd thought of Law digging his hands right into his chest and came in jerking starts like it was being beaten out of him, legs clamped tight around him. Skin thrumming with the echoes of hands and heartbeat.

 

---

Kidd flipped through the last few drawings with some undefinable flutter in his gut.

“That's some shit you won't see in any other textbook.”

“Mhm.” Law allowed himself to press against Kidd just slightly as they lay sprawled out, sweat drying in the cool air. He was in a fuckin good mood, kinda dazed.

“I do look damn good without skin, I'll say that much.”

“Heh. And with. You can see the suprasternal notch really clearly even under the skin, it's nice. I fuckin love all of that. That area.”

Kidd choked a little but Law didn't seem to realize what he'd said. And that's not even what he meant anyway, Kidd told himself.

But the whole thing kinda was the same as a confession, at least as far as Law went. The drawings, as vaguely threatening as they were, betrayed an intimate preoccupation with Kidd's finer points. Maybe even admiration. Definitely possessiveness. Need.

“I wanna do you too.”

Law grinned, “Already?”

“Not that, idiot. Draw you.”

“I didn’t know you could draw.”

“Well, draft. I can draft things -- just basic. For engineering stuff on the ship, mostly.”

“Oh, nice!” Law bounced up to get fresh paper from the floor by the chair. “How does one usually draft stuff? Don’t you need a triangle thing? Compasses, etcetera?”

“Maybe. I’ll just make an outline for now.”

Law seemed right into this whole idea. “Draw me like one of your machines, Eustass-ya.” He draped himself dramatically across the bed and Kidd shoved him with a grin.

“How do you want me, though.”

Kidd appreciated that question for a moment.

“Doesn’t matter,” he shrugged. “I don’t know how to draw from life -- like perspective or anything. So it’s gonna be pretty diagrammatic. I just need a few details and some numbers.”

“Like specifications? How to build a Trafalgar?”

“Yeah, so I can make another if this one breaks.”

That made him laugh.

“Okay lie out flat and lemme measure you.”

“With what measuring tools?”

“I'll just eyeball it,” Kidd insisted.

This turned out to mean that he was going to get his hands all over him, which Law supposed was fair. He tensed and shied but stayed mostly still, letting Kidd explore his dimensions and proportions. Pages filled up with ratios and vectors of movement. Things got off track again around when Kidd was testing the rotation arc of his arms and quickly became vicious rutting. Light, skimming hands could become crushing ones so quickly.

Anyway, turned out that Law could get off while his arms were being hyperextended behind his back. Pretty effectively, in fact.

After, when they were laid out next to each other once again, and Law’s breaths were finally lengthening into sleep, Kidd dared to try another light touch. Without their thin pretense of functionality this time -- just want. He smoothed a hand over all the tattoos he'd taken such careful note of earlier. A large heart on his chest with a grinning skull similar to his Jolly Roger. Hearts on his shoulders. Kidd’s fingerprints blooming dark purple on his upper arms.

Sixty-eight kilograms of pressure and Law hadn't made a sound, but a feather touch over the marks and a quiet ah pushed past his lips.

“Whose emblem is that tattoo?”

Law mumbled with his eyes closed, “Someone who died. Long time ago.”

“Someone…” Kidd repeated to himself, but didn't probe. “You going to get any more?”

“Nah.” His breath stuttered slightly when Kidd trailed knuckles down his jaw. “I just like… your marks…”

He fell asleep with Kidd's lips against the shell of his ear.

 

---

A roll of broadsheet tied with string arrived by carrier gull when Law was back on his sub some days later. He stole away to his cluttered quarters and spread the roll out on the bed.

Inside the broadsheet was a large-format technical drawing.

There were three flat outlines of Law: front, back, side. All heavily marked out in blunt pencil, all surrounded by arcs and lines, dotted and solid, indicating measurements and angles of motion. The insides of the outlines were empty except for perfectly to scale renderings of his tattoos.

Aizawa Fic - CH2 - Entrapment

+18 Only SFW (for now)

Shouta Aizawa x Villain!OC/Reader (?)

CH1

Above is the link to the first chapter that I wrote for this fic. Please read that one first if you havent, but I’ll give a quick summary anyways.

The main character is a villain holding up a bar that seems to have shady activites being facilitated out of it. Their crew is indisposed at the moment. Eraser Head has just shown up. - That’s basically all. Also their quirk has to do with electro magnetic frequencies.

(italics are other characters thoughts)

Enjoy!~

I suck in a breath behind parted lips. I wasn’t expecting this. I know I should be sweating. Someone who won't easily fall prey to my cerebral attacks, but instead I can't help the trace of a smile on my face. A real smile. I might actually get hurt here. Neither of us speak for an extended moment as we assess each other. I’m watching the black hair floating around his head and framing his furrowed brow, when I notice something about myself, the ringing has stopped. The pulse behind my eyes, the one that never stops, has vanished completely. There is a void in my head where the tangle of noise and thoughts had once lived. I’m taken aback and that's all he needs to launch at me. Jumping at me and shooting his capture weapon out to grip my limbs at the same time.

I don’t get the foreboding sense that I usually have, nothing to predict his movements. He’s in my face quicker than I could have imagined, but I’m still quick enough to throw myself backwards immediately. My back hits the wall and it seems as if I’m cornered. A helpless animal caught in a trap. The hardened scarf around his neck didn’t have the chance to grip onto me, yet the material still nicked into the skin at my wrists, drawing warm blood to the surface. I hiss, but am otherwise unfazed. Blood is blood. Nothing I haven’t seen before. My weapon however, skitters to the ground, out of my reach. I look into his eyes, so close and draw my knee up quickly, connecting it with his chin and kicking him away in two quick movements. I don't have much upper body strength, but I have a practiced kick style that works for me when I do have to fight, hence the weighted boots, helps with impact. For the most part I don’t have to use it. My quirk takes care of most of my hero encounters. But this is no encounter, this is a battle with Erasure Head. 

Eraser Head stumbles back slightly, but quickly regains his footing, shifting and lunging at me once more. I push myself off the wall at an angle, hoping to dodge past him to the left, but he’s too fast. His scarf snakes out to the side and wraps up, around my calf. I slam to the ground and grunt, the wind knocked from my lungs. Fuck, I think I heard a crack. I wheeze and roll to my side, pushing myself back onto my feet with one hand. He’s ready for that though. The scarf wrapping around my neck and holding me in the air. I'm completely at his mercy and I can feel my rib throb, I definitely broke one of them. My smirk is back, teasing myself at this precarious situation. My fingers come up and slide across the hard material protruding from my throat, languidly stroking back and forth. “You like choking me?” His glowing eyes widen for half a second, but his face remains hard, barely letting me know he’s affected. “You do, don’t you?” He breathes slowly, air pushed out of this decompressing lungs. “Yeah. You do.” I say it matter of factly. It’s a statement. He likes choking me. “Choke me harder.” As soon as the last syllable rolls off my tongue the scarf squeezes tight, actually blocking my blood flow, but not crushing my windpipe, it’s so hot. I moan. I don’t mean to really, it's just so right. I close my eyes and let the light, airy feeling of oxygen deprivation wash over me, the smirk still plastered on my face, resigning myself to being captured. 

That’s when it happens, all the pain that had fallen from my head comes crashing back to me, the roar of noise that had grown normal immediately etching away the placid contentment that had taken me just moments before. I scream back to life and force myself into his mind, my feet falling back to the ground as my eyes slowly open again, tears leaking down the side. It had been so quiet. He’s leaning against the wall, eyes screwed shut. I wanna fry his brain, screw him up so bad that he’ll never form coherent sentences again, but then I look at him for real. His hair is playing across his painstricken face and I just wanna reach out and rub my hand across the scruff on his jaw. I want to feel him. He’s the only reason the pain has ever stopped. An urge like the one with the necklace, one I can’t ignore because it comes to me so quickly, raptures my body and I slide my hand up his neck and onto the side of his face. His eyes are still closed as he focuses on staying upright against the wall. My thumb trails over his bottom lip and even I’m stunned at how bold this feels. I lean up close to him, my chest inches from his, and whisper near his neck. “For the record, I liked it too.” I push off the wall and run out into the alley, sprinting towards the street, desperate to get into a crowd and disappear. 

A tingle runs down my spine. He’s chasing me. My cheeks tighten as I smile wider. I must be important if he’s abandoning the room full of citizens and a slumped hero to chase after one villain. I've barely even made a name for myself. My reputation must be growing quickly if they’re this persistent. I flick my wrist out, using a street lamp to swing myself around, facing the direction I had just been running from. If I keep running, he’ll capture me. I know I’m fast, but Eraser Head is so much faster. I see a flash of white and spring sideways, his capture weapon tunnels into the asphalt where I had just been standing. My eyes widen, that would have gone straight through me if I hadn’t moved. I whip my head in his direction, or in the general direction of where I assume he would be considering the angle at which the scarf shot at me. “Hey!! That could have killed m-“ I am unprepared to see him right in front of my face, dropping from the roof overlooking the alley, he had been above me the whole time. My words are cut off as a hard fist makes contact with the side of my jaw and I’m thrown into the brick wall next to me with so much force my eyes cross a little. Damn, I must have really pissed this fucker off. A quiet, involuntary groan pushes itself from my lungs, bringing me back to my surroundings and I can feel that damn capture weapon coiling around my body and squeezing me tightly. I’m bound and unable to move, but it’s not painful, like being caught in a hug by someone a little too excited to see you. I wiggle a little, knowing it’s in vain, then let my head fall to the side, resigned. 

He still has me facing the wall, but I can feel his presence behind me. The noise has gone again and I know that means his eyes are glued to me, I feel suddenly vulnerable. I feel his body warmth behind me, the only indication that he’s close to me, he doesn’t even have a smell. My head lulls to the other side and I giggle deep in the back of my throat when I feel long, adept fingers tangle into the hair at the back of my neck. He spins me in his arm and now I’m staring into his glowing eyes. He’s so close, so close and all I want to do is roll my body against his. I’m not sure why, but I’m so drawn to him, so enamored by the cruelty he shows toward me. My hips buck on their own, trying to get closer to him. My body is still wrapped up tight, so I barely move, just enough for him to see my motive and the grating hunger behind my eyes. He still hasn’t said a word and it feels like my lungs are on fire, not wanting to breathe and break the moment, our eyes are locked together and I swear I see something in them. Something changes, like he stopped looking through me and finally sees me for the first time. That… something vanishes as quickly as it came and he’s looking at me like a villain again, a low down scumbag. 

His flat hand comes speeding at me from thin air and there’s a loud, hollow ‘smack’ that hangs in the air as my cheek blooms with pain. Ow. He just hit my face. I wasn’t prepared for that and I release a mewl that sounds utterly ridiculous, so needy and weak. This is not me, I don’t beg anymore, I take. I can’t start begging for this man in a back alleyway, even if I can feel my body warming from my core. He slaps me again, softer time, just to get my attention. “Who do you work for?” His voice is low and threatening. A chill runs down my spine and settles below my stomach, landing in a strange place that prompts me to wet my lips and stare into his eyes even more intensely. 

‘Who do you work for?’ He asks. He doesn’t know. That’s good at least, the pros don’t know. They know nothing about me or my motivation. They must not even know why I’m here. I pocket that information and smirk again. “Wouldn’t you like to know, Eraser?” It’s a question, but rhetorical. He just grunts and hits me again, still not very hard, but forcing me to blink a few times as my eyes refocus. “Hit me again.” He does, hard. I hadn’t expected him to listen to me. A real moan drops from my lips, one you would probably hear in an adult film, it's loud and sensual, ripping from my vocal box. “Fuuuuck. Maybe we should fight more often.” My tongue slips out to lick my lip and I watch his eyes follow the trail of saliva that it leaves on my flesh. His eyes darting to my lips, then back to my eyes, and down again. His hand raises, like he’s going to hit me again, but he stalls. I suck in a breath, tensing in anticipation for the slap, it doesn’t come. It does, however, wait until I have unclenched my jaw, hurling at the swelling flesh faster than the first one did. That one really does something to me because my neck can no longer hold my head up, I feel like a bobble head as the only thing keeping my eye connected to his is the hand fisted into the nape of my neck, gripping the hair there so tightly I’m surprised it hasn’t been ripped out of my head. He asks me again. 

My eyes refocus, taking longer than it did last time to make his facial features clear. I’m about to tell him to fuck off when I see something just past his right shoulder. About damn time. My eyes flicker back to his face with a knowing smirk back on mine and he looks behind him in time to see a bald man with bat wings drop down into the alley with us. He has tattoos scrawled over every inch of exposed skin and a simple wife beater on. “I didn’t get your signal, looks like I was right to drop in.” He says it casually, like he’s just a friend stopping by my apartment for lunch, giving no indication that we're actually in the middle of a back alley brawl. The ringing in my skull is still vacant as Eraser Head evades this winged man’s attacks. He must still be looking at me somehow, but it seems impossible while he’s bouncing around the tight space between two brick walls. I’m behind him. “Stay still!” My getaway yells at Eraser Head, as if telling him to do so would actually make it happen. That's when I see the mirror, one for trucks to see around corners, that's how he’s still looking at me. I can barely move, but I can still reach my pocket and pull a tiny silver marble out. I keep it there to play with when I can feel my anxiety rising. I roll it between my fingers for a moment, loving the way it glints off the sun and reflects the colors around it, then flick it straight towards the mirror. The battle in front of me doesn’t stop as they try to hit each other, both stellar at evasive maneuvers, but it comes to a spectacular halt as the glass shatters and I’m released from Eraser Head’s hold. My splitting headache tears through me again, but it doesn’t throw me off like it did before. I’m ready for it this time. 

Eraser drops to one knee, trying to push himself back up with the one arm on the ground below him. I lessen the frequency that I’m forcing into his brain and his shoulders relax a bit, not enough to let him stand, but enough that I know he’s paying attention to me now. I reach one hand out and push his long hair to the side, it's softer than I expected and there are small, loose curls here and there, mixed in with the overall weft of waves that tumble from his head. It’s beautiful. I lean down, pressing my body against his, my chest flush to his back and his shoulders tense up again, as if I’m hurting him. I run my fingers through the soft hair at the base of his neck again and press my lips to the side of his throat. “I can’t wait to see you again.” I breathe in one more time and drag my nails down the back of his neck, raising goosebumps, but now I actually do smell something. A slight scent of bergamot and… something else, faintly clinging to his neck. I thought he had no scent, but I was wrong and my nostrils flare. This man is hellbent on making me feral isn’t he? I let out a gravelly grunt from the back of my throat and instinctively sink my teeth into the skin playing at my lips, not hard enough to bleed, but leave a mark that will have people questioning what he does in his free time. 

When I pull away, the eyes of the bat man are focused on me, a pink twinge in his cheeks as if he had seen something he wasn’t supposed to. 

Lucky bastard. That bite was so hot. My dick is getting hard. 

I scowl at him and walk towards his side of the alley, hooking my elbow around his neck and the other around his torso, fastening myself to his side. “Fly.” One word is all I say, black wings stretching to the side and propelling us up. 

Fuck. We’re touching. Fuck. My dick. Fuck. 

Reproachful. 

He falters and I look down at the ground below us. Eraser Head is still gripping himself in pain, but one eye is open and glowing, stalling my getaway. We start to drop, losing momentum. I stare down at Eraser Head and scream into him so loud he falls over immediately, barely catching himself on the wall and vomiting profusely. Our elevation is lifted again as we proceed with the getaway. “Faster!” I scream over the pressurized wind in my ears. We fly past at least a dozen buildings before landing on a tall rooftop. I drop to my feet and push off from the bat as soon as I can. What a vile creature. I look out over the city, feeling the flash drive still in my jacket pocket with my fingers. I know his eyes are on me, that stupid fucking bat. I can hear him, feel him. You would think people would be more careful with their thoughts. 

Wow. That ass. I saved that ass. That ass owes me. Just a feel. 

I reach out and grab his wrist just before his clammy hand touches my soft flesh. Never looking away from the sun starting to ride low on the horizon. “You have terrible manners.” I say slow and matter of fact. I can feel the panic in him, I can practically see the bulging of his eyes. “If you want to keep that hand, I suggest you leave right now.” I let go of his wrist, still looking out peacefully. Neither of us move for a moment and I start to think he will leave, but alas. 

Rude bitch. You owe me!

He reaches out, foregoing my ass and grabbing my hip, trying to yank me back towards him, but instead I spin, grabbing his shoulder and tossing him off the side of the building. We both know he has wings, he can fly, he’s unharmed and a cocky grin pulls his lips apart showing off his teeth. He would be handsome if he wasn’t an absolute prick. He starts to launch for me again when a cocky grin of my own appears on my face. His drops and suddenly so does he as I rip his brain in two, I don’t even try to make it easy on him. I crank up the frequency so high I'm sure I’ve passed dog whistle territory. We’re so high up all I can do is watch him plummet, falling so quickly to the concrete below us you would think he’s a magnet. Then I think to myself, and make it happen. I magnetize him and the ground below the surface, he falls faster, hitting the ground like a meteor, creating a crater in the street so deep the ground shakes and pipes burst. People on the street start to look up and I take that as my cue to disappear. 

Thank you for reading! Hopefully you liked it? Enough to leave a note? Reblog? Comment?

lol anyways...

I will be updating this shortly, within the next couple of days. Thanks again!

CH3

got a secret, can you keep it?

also on ao3

Summary: Tine and Sarawat kiss and their friends didn’t know they could do that.

Words: 2164

Tags: #there’s alcohol involved, #(dw the kissing is consensual), #tine is Not the panicked gay, #hes not even the disaster bisexual, #post ep7, #there’s a moment from a clip of ep9 teaser, #i couldn’t resist sOrry, #not a spoiler tho i havent read the novel, #kisses !!, #soft!!!!

You know, it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise to Tine. He, for starters, was really bad at drinking, and to add to that, Sarawat looked really, really hot. So, when Sarawat openly flirted with him with his face that close, Tine couldn’t stop his drunk self from kissing him in front of everyone.

Which wouldn’t have minded either of them if they were, you know, out as a couple.

Now, I know what you think, these two have been flirting (although it was mostly Sarawat saying the cheesiest and most cringey things Man had at least used once and making Tine blush) for so long that everyone was getting suspicious of their relationship status, but ever since they started dating, they had decided to keep it secret to adapt to it before being out to everyone and having thousands of people judge them, and Tine in special. So, basically, it was kind of like taking care of a cat before being thrown to hungry tigers, and neither Tine or Sarawat wanted to be eaten alive, thank you very much.

It seemed logical at that moment. Sarawat had been openly flirting with Tine since the start of the year and no one would suspect anything if he kept it up, Tine could blame the blushing in his cheeks, his neck and his ears on the heat or the sun hitting too hard. All probable possibilities of slipping out had been thought of and talked about, they wanted to be serious and not have their relationship invaded by others.

The only one they overlooked was both of them being drunk which cost them, well, a drunk make-out session in front of every single one of their friends, who were, by the way, very shocked (on Tine’s side) and cheering them on (on Sarawat’s side).

The couple, completely unaware of their surroundings, separated to breathe. Tine wore a small smirk on his face and Sarawat found himself a little dumbfounded because holy shit, Tine was so hot.

“That-” Sarawat tried to say. No words other than hot, really hot and the hottest thing ever came to his head. Tine really outdid himself and made him the speechless one.

Tine kissed him one last time and smiled. “Yeah.”

If Sarawat was honest with himself, if he really wanted to, he knew he could spend every second of his life kissing Tine’s lips and never get tired of them. But he needed oxygen and he definitely a drink to calm himself.

Although, when he turned his head to get his drink and drown it, he didn’t expect to see his friends and Tine’s friends looking at them with a face that very clearly had “What just happened here?” written on it.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh shit.

Sarawat turned his head towards Tine, who somehow was still unaware of the stares of both of their friends and was looking at him like he wanted to keep doing what they were doing minutes before for the whole night, and if Sarawat didn’t physically feel his friends trying to unlock his brain to get the answer with their eyes burning on the back of his head, he would’ve definitely complied and spend their whole stay on that bar kissing the life out of him.

But, as of that moment, Sarawat was panicking, and even a drunk Tine could notice something was wrong because he frowned at him. Look at your right. Sarawat said with his eyes, trying to point at their friends. Tine’s frown deepened. Sarawat slightly moved his head towards the direction where their friends were looking at them, still waiting for an explanation. Tine, still frowning, followed his head and saw his friends.

What was so shocking about their friends? Yes, they had started to hang out together more ever since a very sober Sarawat kissed him and they both confessed to each other that night but they didn’t know-

Oh.

Oh.

Oh shit.

Tine’s eyes grew comically bigger and turned his head to Sarawat, who was already looking at him with the same expression. Tine was suddenly sober and felt his ears and cheeks get even redder. Sarawat would’ve caressed his cheeks (and maybe even kissed them) if their friends weren’t watching, but they very obviously were, and seeing how the couple didn’t say a word, they had decided to start asking questions.

“So,” Man started, getting the attention of everyone on the table. “Since when have you two been together?”

Tine and Sarawat looked at each other. Who should start answering? Tine asked with his eyes, which Sarawat answered with You start, I can’t barely form a single sentence right now without needing a break. Tine looked like he got the gist of it.

Tine cleared his throat. “Two weeks ago.” His voice barely reaching Ohm, who was sitting furthest from him.

“What? Did the cat get your tongue? Or was it Sarawat?” Ohm teased and everyone in the table laughed. Tine’s blush now reached his chest and he cleared his throat again.

“Two weeks. It’s been two weeks. I asked Sarawat,” at that, both Boss and Man looked surprised at Sarawat and it was Sarawat’s turn to feel hot rising to his cheeks. “and I kissed him afterwards. Just like they say, third time’s the chance.” Tine couldn’t stop the smile that came to his face, that was one of his proudest moments and Sarawat’s reaction had been the cutest.

“Wait,” Peuk said. “Third? What about the first and the second? Why is this the first time I hear about a kiss?” Ohm and Fong agreed with him.

“They kissed at Tine’s while Sarawat was drunk, that’s definitely the first!” Boss half-yelled at them and Sarawat could feel the stares of Tine’s friends on him. Sarawat understood, he wasn’t particularly proud of their first kiss since he couldn’t remember how Tine’s lips felt the next morning.

“And the second?” Fong asked Boss and Man, who looked like they knew more than them.

Boss and Man looked at each other with a I have no idea face and facing the couple, Boss said “I have absolutely no idea.”

Everyone in the table turned to them and Sarawat took a sip of his drink. He was about to answer when Tine started to speak.

Looking at his friends, Tine said “You guys remember when I was really sad and weird for, like, three days, right?” Ohm, Fong and Peuk nodded.

“Oh, so you were all depressed because of Sarawat?” Ohm interrupted. Peuk hit his head.

Tine blushed, “You could say so. Sarawat told me he was the same, as you guys probably noticed,” he said, now looking at Man and Boss.

“Well, he was more mopey and angry than usual-” Sarawat hit Man’s head. “Shut up.”

“Before those three days started, Green came into my apartment and told me the truth about him having a boyfriend and-” I have no problem with that but Green kind of does. Tine remembered P'Dim’s words and stopped himself. He took a deep breath. “Well, the day after that, I told Sarawat that now that Green was out of the picture that we, uh, could stop the fake flirting. Which then lead to those, uh, bad days.”

Tine felt Sarawat’s hand on his thigh and slightly smiled at him. “That we all know, now tell us the interesting part.” Boss expressed and everyone voiced their agreement.

Sarawat rolled his eyes and Tine took a sip of his drink, this is going to be embarrassing to explain.

“I saw Sarawat’s post and I decided to go to his house to talk, but then I found Man,” Man nodded when they all looked at him, “and he told me the story behind the photo and told me that Wat liked me since last year’s Scrubb concert.” A tiny smile appeared on Tine’s lips as he heard his friends teasing him for using Wat. “He also told me where Wat was so I went to where he told. On the way there I found P'Mil,” Tine felt Sarawat’s grip on his thigh tighten and he put his hand over Sarawat’s. “And he touched my head for some reason, which made me really uncomfortable and I don’t know what could’ve happened if Wat hadn’t appeared.” Tine’s friends looked at him with a hint of worry in their eyes but Tine smiled at them, hoping it would reassure them that he was okay. “Anyways, Wat and I got into a bit of an argument and to, uh, shut me up, he, um, kissed me.”

“Now, that’s the Wat I know!” Man exclaimed as he patted Sarawat’s shoulder, the smile in Sarawat’s lips nothing but smug. Tine couldn’t help but blush again when his friends whistled.

“That’s the second kiss then?” Ohm asked.

Tine nodded, “Pretty much.”

“Nothing else happened?” Ohm insisted.

“We talked about our feelings after the kiss, if that’s what you’re asking,” Sarawat added.

Boss boo'ed, “You guys are no fun, you should’ve kept kissing and had sex somewhere.”

Tine choked on air. Sarawat patted his back, and if Tine wasn’t literally choking, he would’ve told him that he had to pat his chest, not his back, saraleo.

When he stopped coughing, Sarawat gave him his drink and while Tine breathed normally, he took the turn to talk. “I wished I could’ve kissing him more but it was all that was needed in that moment,” Sarawat smiled.

“Tine, my friend, you turned Wat into a whole sap.” Man commented and everyone on the table laughed.

“Wait, I have another question,” Fong said and the couple looked at him, already expecting the topic of the question.

“Is it about the third kiss?” Tine asked.

Fong nodded. “It happened two weeks ago, at my apartment.” Sarawat answered.

“No more details?” Boss asked, obviously disappointed at the lack of information.

Sarawat sighed, “I asked Tine to stay over because it was late and since Phukong wasn’t staying that night, I told him he could sleep on my bed-” Man opened his mouth to say something but Sarawat glared at him and he closed it, “but he preferred the sofa. So when I thought he was asleep, I went to lie down with him and sleep with him, but he was wide awake. He let me lie down with him and after a few minutes, he asked me the question and when I said yes, he kissed me.”

He said it with such a calm voice that the blush on his face and chest looked out of place. Tine knew why Sarawat had decided to change and omit some parts of the story, those were for them only, so when their friends looked at him, he nodded with a smile on his face.

“Interesting… Well, now that we know about that, it’s time to ask Tine something,” Man looked at Tine and Tine got nervous.

Sarawat felt Tine tense and intervened. “What is it?”

“Wat, it’s okay,” Tine mumbled.

“So we all know that Wat likes you since that Scrubb concert last year, but since when do you like him?” All their friends voiced their wonder.

Tine thought about it for a few seconds. “I can’t really pinpoint it, but I remember that the first kiss made me feel a type of way that was really similar to the feeling I got when I kissed someone I had dated before. I guess it wasn’t until I spent days without any contact with Wat that I felt somehow heartbroken and understood that my feelings weren’t a seeing a dude and thinking he was hot or handsome, even if that’s not the case here, but more of a I want to kiss and date that dude.”

“Has it ever happened before?” Peuk couldn’t stop himself from asking.

Tine shaked his head. “Never with a man and never like this. It’s weird, so many feelings and so extreme, but it feels nice.” Sarawat looked at Tine and smiled. He was happy to be Tine’s first (and hopefully last) boyfriend.

“I don’t have any more questions,” Ohm confessed and everyone agreed.

Man poured the rest of his beer onto his cup. “Well, I say we cheer for the new couple. Who’s with me?” He raised the glass.

A chorus of “Me!” and empty beer bottles accompanied it.

Sarawat filled both Tine and his’ cups and they both raised them.

“Cheers!” Boss yelled and started to clink everyone’s glasses.

“Cheers!” All their friends followed just as loud (and maybe even louder).

“Cheers to us,” Sarawat told Tine, with such softness in his smile and happiness in his eyes that, on that moment, Tine swore to himself he would always try to make him at least half as happy.

“Cheers to us,” Tine told Sarawat, with such fondness in his smile and cheerfulness in his eyes that, on that moment, Sarawat swore to himself he would protect him until the very end of the world.

Not Working | p. parker | part 4

Not My Gif

summary: you and peter are together but maybe it’s just not working anymore

warnings: angst, depression, fluff cussing i think?

note: this was the final chapter and i loved this series. thank you guys for supporting it and showing it love. Make sure you request and read my other fics. ok love y’all enjoy!!!

this is Midway School of Science and Technology calling to inform you, you’ve missed 13 consecutive school days and if you miss 2 more you’ll be at risk of failing your courses and we will have to send police over to do a wellness check. We hope to see you in school tomorrow. Have a great day

So it’s been 13 days. You haven’t left your house in 13 fucking days. You’re beginning to smell yourself, you haven’t bathed or showered since the night everything went down. You just lay in bed, watching whatever black and white shows playing on MeTV at the time. You only eat about once a day, when reciting old life insurance commercials begins to hurt your brain. Your phone died a long time ago and you’re just now listening to the messages in your home phone.

You click delete on the message and let the next one play.

hey y/n, uh it’s Brad. Look i know you hate me but you haven’t been at school and nobodies heard from you so I just wanna make sure you’re okay. I do care about you and i wanted to say-

you roll your eyes and click delete again.

hey honey! Aunt May here, just wanted to let you know me and peter are safe and back home. I’d love for you to come over and have dinner on thursday, and don’t worry Peters visiting Tony so he won’t be here. Call me back or just show up okay hon. Love you bye.

Your hand dangled over the delete button before you sighed deeply. May never did anything to you, but how were you gonna pull it together enough to get to her. You were exhausted all the time, even if you never do anything. You looked at the time and date on your home phone and realized it’s Wednesday. You sigh deeply and pick up your home phone to call May. 

ring ring ring

“Y/n! Hey honey, how are you?” Mays voice sings through the phone and for a moment the world seems a little brighter. 

“Hey May,” You croak out, you havent spoken in almost 2 weeks and your throat hurts. “I’m not doing well May, everything hurts and I cant even get out of bed. I cant go to school, or eat or sleep or shower May I hate this. I hate it.” Your already raspy voice breaks into sobs and you wonder if she can even understand what youre saying. 

“I’m on my way y/n, its gonna be okay. I love you and I’ll see you in 10 minutes.” May speaks strongly before hanging up the phone. You do nothing but change pajamas and grab a bag of chips before moving back into your bed and wait for May. 

It’s not long before May is knocking and slowly opening your front door. 

She looks at you with tears in her eyes before walking over and oulling you into a hug. It feels weird to have human contact but you dont pull away, just allow her to cuddle you. 

“Lets get you a bath, I’ll help you wash your hair.” She smiles lightly before pulling you up and towards the bathroom.

 You sit on the toilet while she gets the water and bubbles ready. Once its ready she turns away while you strip down and step in, letting your body sink into the hot water and lavendar bubbles. She immediately picks up water in a cup and pours it over your head, careful to not let it spill in your eyes, shes treating you like a mother treats an infant but you dont have the capacity to stop her. You sit in silence for a while as she brushes through the mats in your hair until you decide to speak up. 

“May? Does he love me?” You croak out

She chuckles lightly before answering. 

“When I first met Ben, I knew right away I loved him. He swept me away without knowing it. It was instant love, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. The way he looked at me made the world disappear and I knew it was the kind of love they write books about. The kind of love that turns rainy days from gloomy to comfy, turns blistering heat into warmth and fun, Ben turned everything into a fairytale effortlessly. 

When you and Peter were in the 7th grade, and we threw him the birthday party, that youd planned most of, I remember looking at Ben and he was looking at me with the fairytale look. Ya know the one all the hot actors do in movies. Anyway, he was giving me that look and when I turned my head and watched you give Peter his present, I saw him give you the look, and you gave it right back it was precious. After that, everyday I saw you standing with Peter, he looked at you with the fairytale look, When he talks about you its with the same adoration he talks about Ben. 

There is no doubt in my mind Peter loves you with every bone in his super body, y/n. You’re young and he can be a bit niave sometimes but he loves you unconditionally honey. You love him more than he loves you and he loves you more than you love him.” She stops brushing my hair and without a word begins washing my body with bodywash. I didnt even realize I had started crying until I saw a tear fall into the tub.

“I love him May. I feel like I need him to breathe, to live. I just dont understand how he could choose her over me.” 

“Because hes a teenage boy and sometimes he doesnt think about what hw has, hes just like his uncle ben i’ll tell you that. You need to talk to him, maybe not now but soon, you need to tell him everything in your brain until its empty and your throat hurts from talking, and he will listen until his ears are sore from listening and his head hurts from understanding. Now, come get dressed and I’ll order us some pizza” May shakes her hands and drys them while handing you a fluffy towel. 

She spends the rest of the night, telling you about this season of the Bachelorette while she helps you clean and do laundry. 

“Thank you May.” You hug her as she grabs her purse to leave. 

“Anything for you baby,” She kisses your head and wavees goodbye. You take a deep breathe and walkback to your room, plugging in your phone to charge. 

After a few minutes it turns back on and slowly notifications start coming in, texts and calls and emails and dms from people and your old friends. You clear them all and head for you contacts, you find Peters name and decide to text instead of call. 

                                         peter

                                                                                                                    Hey

                                                                                                Can you come over?

hey, is everything okay? 

                                                           I need to talk to you

Of course, I’m on my way.

You sigh and begin writing down everything you need to talk about, until you hear a knock on your window. You shakily stand up move towards your window, opening it and taking a step back.

“Hi” Peter whispers with his hands in his pockets.

“Hi” You whisper back.

“What’d you uh wanna talk about” Peter asks, slowly bouncing on the ball of his feet.

“Uh okay, um please sit. So um, as you probably know i haven’t been to school in a minute and uh that’s because ive been laying in my bed depressed and confused. May come over today and she helped a lot and she convinced me to talk to you about everything and that’s what i’m doing so I just need you to listen to everything in gonna spill out and i’m gonna do my best to make everything make as much sense as possible.” You look to Peter for confirmation and continue when he nods quickly.

“Okay uh first, I wanna say I’m sorry, for everything. For Brad, for ignoring you and yelling at you and for being a shitty friend. You were right about Brad and i’m sorry I didn’t listen to you, I just wanted so bad to be wanted ya know? I was feeling so insecure about you loving me that I ran to the first person that showed interest in me. I’m also sorry i basically ditched you guys for him, i just couldn’t look at any of you without feeling nearly sick. But i miss my best friends and I miss you Peter.

I’ve known since we were children that you were special to me. I always assumed it was one sided because I’d seen you go after other girls so i felt like there was no way you could ever love me as much as i love you, but I know now that you do, or did or do i don’t know but I do know that for me, you’re everything I need. We’re soulmates Pete, I can feel it. I feel deep in my heart that the universe made us just to be together and being without you would be to deny the universe herself and who am i? I need you so much when you aren’t around me i can barely breathe and a part of me is missing. I love you unconditionally and I always have.

What you did with Mj killed me, shattered my heart because I felt like once again, you chose her over me, your bestfriend and girlfriend and I hated that feeling each time I got it. The night i broke up with you I cried until my head hurt to much to stay awake, i felt stupid for thinking you wanted me more than her and I understood it. I looked at Mj and it felt like a no brained to pick her but it still never felt right. I know you didn’t mean it and we’re still so young peter. We’re basically kids trying to form a life long relationship and we don’t know what we’re doing. I don’t know how or what i’m going to do but I wanna be with you peter. I would have to take it slow of course but that’s where i’m at with us. So um yea.” You let out a sigh of relief of getting everything off your chest. You look away from Peter and wipe the tears that had fallen during your mini speech.

“I love you. I do. So much. Ever since our breakup i’ve been planning and wondering how to get you back. I felt lost without you and I never wanted you to feel less than. You’re perfect in every way y/n. You’re my oxygen and MJ is honestly just a friend. She could never make me feel the way you make me feel. We’ve got May and Ben type of love babe I swear we do. It was a stupid mistake but of you give me another chance I promise I will spend the rest of my life proving to you you mean the world to me and i will choose you again and again. I love you y/n and i want you to always know that.” Peter speaks through tears as he pulls your body close to his. He whispers how much he loves you against your temple as you break down and sob into his chest.

“Can you stay the night?” You whisper up at him.

“Will you let me take you out? Friday?” He looks hopefully at you. You smile lightly and bite your lip.

“Yes.”

“Then yes. I’ll stay with you” He kisses your forehead once more, before pulling you both under the covers to cuddle into you fall asleep to the beat of peters heart.

taglist: @cyrusandhiscollaredahirts @silver-winter-wolf @just4muggles @randomtrashpanda @sunshine-ybba @jin-hyuks @lovely-geek @jackiehollanderr @des0rbitadx @flowersgirl02 @eridanuswave @dear-selena @lavender-lovin @greatpizzascissorstaco

hmmmm...im going to the doctor tuesday i think i really dont know whats wrong with me :( i havent been able to breathe all week and afaik i dont have asthma...i legit think im not getting enough oxygen in my brain because i feel like the world is spinning and like im gonna pass out i just feel so weak 😔 my legs and arms wont stop shaking i feel like im gonna give out if i walk too much

BLESSED OKAY! SO! After Shiro is brought back to life and everyone returns to earth, reuniting with their families, Lance continues to be wracked with guilt every time he looks at Shiro. He is beating himself up over the fact that he couldn’t help Shiro in the astral plane and if it wasn’t for Allura, it would’ve been too late. He struggles to look Keith and Shiro in the eye and the guilt starts to have negative effect on him, to the point where it makes him ill. Cue Keith taking care of him (1)

(Anon, great ass prompt?? I loved writing this! i havent written voltron in a while, so please forgive any rustiness but aaa!! I’m back in vld hell lol)

He’d dreamt of this moment for so long.

He dreamt about leaping into his mama’s arms as they reunited, cuddling with his hermanos and hermana and his tios and tias and his sobrinos and sobrinas and his abuelo and abuela. He dreams about the moment he feels while again. Lance fantasises about this moment and the absolute sunshine that would reign upon him as it happened. But when it does actually happen he feels so empty and broken and it feels so wrong.

He shouldn’t be celebrated. He’s no hero.

Lance has caused so much pain. When he walks into his living room he sees his abuela’s altar with his picture next to his papa’s. When he looks into his family’s eyes he knows that there’s something in them that has been broken and it can’t be fixed. It can be taped back together but the damage has been done. It can never be quite whole.

Lance did this to the family who worked to the bone, all scraping just enough cash to send him to the Garrison. He looks at his beloved mama who left her entire life behind for him, moving to America for the sake of her precious mijo. She looks much older, and her eyes are heavy.

Lance is at his breaking point.

His heart can’t take much more.  In fact, he was surprised that it took as much as it did. Lance had definitely felt extreme lows before, there’s no denial in that, but this has to be the lowest he’s ever felt in a while. His first heartbreak, feeling incompetent, feeling left out and unwanted, feeling so so alone, especially with Keith gone for so long, a near death experience he hadn’t quite processed and most of all, a tremendous feeling of guilt that seems to plague his brain.

Every time he so much as moves he can feel the guilt rushing through him. He can’t pour himself a glass of water, because his hand is shaking so much. He feels a little bit sick every time he so much as glimpses over at Keith or Shiro.

He’s always known he wasn’t the brightest; and especially next to super geniuses like Pidge or Hunk. But he never thought he was this stupid, so stupid as to not even piece together what Shiro was trying to say to him. It was so painstakingly obvious when he thought about it, and it nearly cost his dear friend his life. And he hates himself for it.

In his dreams he sees a world where it was too late. He watches Shiro cease to move, he can hear Keith’s agonising screams as his leader is hauntingly still. Void of life. He can vividly see his friends’ tears and wails in grief for their friend. All because of him. And when he wakes his pillow is wet and the room is dark and it’s nowhere near time to get up, but he can’t fall back asleep, and all he can do is fall deeper and deeper into the swirling abyss of guilt he finds himself further and further entangled in.

He’s numb. He doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t eat. Lance had been most vocal about missing home, but now that it’s finally here he cannot feel a thing.

He’s so angry. He doesn’t understand why he can’t just feel happy. Lance told himself he would finally feel happy when he got home; and why is it that he still feels so blue? Was there any hope for him? Maybe this was all there was for him.

Lance woke up on an air mattress on his bedroom floor, and momentarily he felt warmth. He feels the sunshine basking on his face coming through his window, and he looks up to see the glow in the dark stars plastered onto his ceiling. He saw his Star Wars and Star Trek posters still perfectly in tack. No one touched his room since his disappearance. And that’s when the warmth began to conduct away from him and he’s filled with that cold feeling again.

He got up slowly, looking if Keith was awake–finding his bed empty. As he had no family to reunite with on Earth, he decided to come with Lance–besides, he wanted to finally try out the Varadero beach Lance kept on raving about. Then Lance became aware of a pounding headache and the hot and cold tidal waves swashing up and down his bloodstream. He shivered violently, feeling absolutely miserable. He knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, considering the maximum two hours of sleep he was getting per night.

Lance forced himself up slowly, coughing harshly into the crook of his arm. He shuffled into his kitchen to find his Abuela hovering over Keith and continuously offering him more and more food, to which Keith was trying to politely refuse. It had been their fourth day now, and his Abuela had already fallen in love with Keith.

“Ay, mijo! You are so skinny! You need more food in you, no?” She insisted, a plateful of eggs in her hand.

“O-oh, no m'am, I’m really fine..Thank you so much though–”

“Abuela, él está lleno!” Lance chimed in, trying to rescue Keith, cringing at how raspy his voice was, as he sat himself down in the chair next to Keith.

Keith blinked at the croaky nature of his voice, and the two semitones his voice seemed to drop.

“Oh, fine!” His Abuela gave in, giggling a little as she leaned in to give Lance a quick kiss on the to of his head.

“Uh, Gracias,” Keith piped up as she began to walk away.

He raised an eyebrow, “..So..you’re not going to poke fun at my pronunciation?”

Lance jolted a little, having zoned out and looked at Keith, before a pang of guilt hit him and he couldn’t look at him, only being able to see the sorrowful Keith in his dreams, “U-uh, yeah, crappy accent, Keith–hh–wait, sorry..”

Lance turned away from Keith, cupping two hands around his face to four ticklish, soft yet harsh sneezes.

“Salud!” His mother called out as she placed bacon on her son’s plate, booping him on the nose as she did.

“Gracias,” Lance smiled half heartedly, missing his mother and abuela’s cooking dearly but feeling so sick he didn’t have an appetite.

Keith looked suspicious, but also concerned, “You alright, man?”

He nodded, trying to stay calm and avoid any worry over him, it’d just make him feel worse, “Yeah, yeah–my nose is just bothered by sleeping with you all night. Well uh, next to you–near you–in..in the same room as you.”

Keith rolled his eyes playfully, but looked away from Lance with a slight blush on his face, a silence falling between them as they continued to eat.

“Mijo, you’ve barely touched your food!” His mother exclaimed, “Is there something wrong with it?”

Lance shook his head, smiling weakly, “No, mama, of course not–I’m just taking it slow because I know I’ll eat too much too quickly!”

“We don’t want a repeat of Marco’s birthday dinner,” Veronica giggled as she passed by the kitchen, starting to get ready for their planned beach day.

His mother seemed to be happy with that, and left to get ready too, leaving just him and Keith. Lance could feel Keith trying to sneakily eye him up, and he could feel the anxiousness creep up, fearing that Keith was starting to resent him for not realising what he had nearly done to Shiro.

“You sure you’re okay, buddy? You look..kind of pale, you get much sleep?” Keith asked quietly.

“Yeah, I slept like a log!” He lied.

“Look..Lance, you haven’t been able to last two seconds without zoning out, look at me, please?” He asked gently.

Lance began to fiddle with his hands nervously, “Im fin–”

He burst into a sudden coughing fit, whipping away from him quickly and doubled over into his arm, the coughs hurting his chest. He began to feel a little lightheaded from the lack of oxygen entering his body.

Keith patted his back firmly, until the coughing eventually subsided. Lance had been so drained and exhausted by the fit he leaned against the kitchen chair, panting and trying to regain a steady tempo with his breath. Whilst Lance was weakened Keith placed a cool hand on his forehead, “Quiznack, Lance–you’re burning up! You need to head right to bed!”

“No!” Lance hissed–sharp as a knife, causing Keith to retreat just a little.

Lance looked at his hurt expression, and sighed, feeling his heart fill with self loathing and regret. “I’m..I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Keith–I didn’t mean to..to yell at you like that. I just..”

He pressed his lips together to try and suppress any emotion. “We’ve only..got a week together and I can’t ruin this. I ruin everything and I promised Sara and Geronimo that I’d build a sandcastle with them and I cannot stand to hurt anyone anymore,” He said quietly, a stark contrast to the lively and bubbly Lance that Keith knew. This Lance was deflated. And tired.

Keith softened a little, feeling very torn. Lance did only have a week with his family. It was precious time. But he was genuinely so sick, and he was worried. “God dammit Lance..Fine. But if you get worse..we have to come home, okay?”

“I’ve gotta get dressed,” Lance said hurriedly, speaking with Keith only making him feel worse and worse. Keith’s concern was not warranted, he didn’t deserve to be cared for and worried over, after everything he had done.

“Wh–wait, Lance, I was gonna ask–” Keith tried uselessly, but he was gone.

“..what you meant by ‘I can’t hurt anyone anymore’”, Keith finished to himself, sighing, unable to hide the concern etched onto his face.

Lance had barely heard Keith walk into his bedroom, all dressed for the beach.

“You should take something, at least,” Keith suggested, completely taking Lance off guard and breaking his trance.

He jolted a little, “Huh? No–I’m fine.”

He twisted and angled his body away from Keith, three ticklish sneezes into his hands.

“Bless you–look, Lance, uh..”

Suddenly the door busted right open, revealing two excited and bubbly children.

“Lance!” They squealed with delight, bouncing up to him and giving him a tight hug.

“Hey you guys!” Lance beamed, a sudden shift from his more solemn, dull exterior just then, suddenly back to the bright and bubbly self he usually was. But Keith knew there was something not quite right. Something was missing. He wasn’t really whole.

Lance began to push them off him gently, stifling a cough against his sleeve, “C'mon, guys, we’re wasting precious sunlight! Let’s go!”

The two children took a hand each, skipping merrily out of the house, one of them grabbing for Keith’s hand.

Sara smiled brightly at him, “Are you Tio’s friend?”

Keith managed a small smile back, “Yeah, yeah I am.”

He wished he could be. He seemed to be drifting away.

Lance could feel the rippling of the ocean. He felt light. He felt graceful as he swam across, feeling the oceans warm embrsce against his fingertips. It hugged gently at his legs as he threaded, looking upon the vivid blue sky. He finally felt at peace, where he finally belonged at last. All he could hear was the sweet swirling of the water, and all he could see was the light sparkling on its beautiful blue entirety. For a second he felt whole.

He let himself relax, for the first time in weeks, floating upon the surface of the ocean and blue and letting his burdens fall away for a second. He felt nothing but tranquility.

And suddenly a sudden tickle at the back of his throat and he forced himself upright, the water splashing against his face as he doubled over into a forceful, violent coughing fit that seemed to stab knives into his chest every time he coughed.

He felt a pair of hands holding him steady, the one of the hands left him to rub up and down his back soothingly.

“Lance, are you okay? Maybe you should sit down..” Keith suggested softly, his eyes so kind that Lance wanted to cry.

He didn’t understand this. He didn’t understand how because of him Keith nearly lost one of the most important people in his life, and yet he still showed him so much kindness. He wondered that maybe this is some twisted joke life is playing on him, tugging at his heart strings and causing that deep hole of guilt to only widen more. Lance didn’t deserve this.

“I’m fine–” He sneezed twice. “I just..drank some sea water.”

“Lance! Come here please!” Geronimo called out, waving over to him, having built the foundations to their sandcastle.

“Coming!” Lance replied, giving Keith a small smile as he began to swim towards them, and began to help them build their sand castle.

As he sat next to them, he was overcome by another two ticklish, forceful sneezes he directed away from them and into his arm.

“Salud! Are you okay Lance?” Geronimo asked.

He managed a weak smile. “Yeah! Someone here just reeks!” He joked, reaching in to tickle his nephew.

Despite his feigned brightness, he felt absolutely miserable, on a physical sense and a mental sense. He was angry that he couldn’t just suck it up just for a little while, devote himself to his family and just have a good time. He had started to wonder if he ever could again, or if it was too late for him.

But he was given some sense of hope when his niece grabbed for his hand in the sweetest way imaginable, and he felt some warmth ignite within his heart and he knew maybe, just maybe, there was still hope for him.

Time had begun to pass and a fiery lustre began to cascade down onto Veradero beach. It was quiet, save for the sound of seagulls and the tides coming in and occasionally the sound of his family’s laughter.

As the day began to fade so did Lance’s energy, and while he could feel like his blood was boiling it was like his skin was covered by a layer of bitter ice. He watched the sunset, and the way its blazing hues rippled against the ocean. It was magnificent.

He could feel the warm rays of the sun soaking into his skin, and he felt at home again. He felt safe. Secure.

Then his mind took a turn and he wondered what Shiro felt like trapped in that astral plane. Perhaps he felt unsafe. Insecure. Trapped in this dark, dark place. Maybe it was cold. And bitter. And he was all alone.

A wave of anxiety and guilt crashed against his heart, causing him to tense up and claw at the material of his shorts. He bit his lip, his breath beginning to pick up as that blanket of guilt began to engulf him once again.

“Hey man,” Keith greeted as he sat down next to Lance. “Quiznack, that sunset is really something, huh?”

Lance looked up to see him, and his nose was so sensitive the slight shift in pressure caused his breath to hitch. He had been sitting with his knees up, so he buried his face into his knees and sneezed harshly four times, a very forceful and sickly sounding fit compared to his usual tickly, soft fits.

Keith frowned, “Bless you. That doesn’t sound too good, Lance.”

Lance glanced over at him, but he couldn’t bare to look at his kind, warm gaze. It made him feel like he was deceiving him.

Keith tensed a little, and sighed, looking away from Lance and into the sunset, “Alright. Just tell me, what did I do?”

Lance blinked, “What?”

He shifted to face him, “Tell me what I did, Lance. You can’t even look at me. You’ve been so odd around me lately. What’s going on? Look, if you’re mad, you’re mad–and I’m sorry. But I can’t fix things if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m not..I’m not mad. And..it’s not your duty to fix,” Lance murmured, feeling uncomfortable now he was on the verge of revealing the more vulnerable side to him.

“What do you mean? Of course it is. If there’s something that’s bothering you about me then I have to fix it.”

Lance bit his lip hard as tears began to well up in his eyes, beginning to cloud his vision, “I..It’s me. It’s all me. It’s all, stupid me who can do nothing but mess everything up. You can’t..can’t fix this.”

A few tears managed to spill from his eyes, which he aggressively wiped away with humiliation.

Keith was alarmed, “Wait..what? What are you even talking about, Lance?”

Lance didn’t even know what came over him, but the waters had been pushing the dam too long and it was about time it burst.

And it all came crashing through.

The tears couldn’t seem to stop falling down his cheeks, “Shiro. He tried telling me. Only I was too stupid to see. Pidge and Hunk are out here cracking and creating algorithms daily and i can’t even figure out a message that is point blank in front of me. We are meant to be saving lives and I nearly lost Shiro his because I was too stupid.”

“God, I don’t even know why I’m here half the time, in this seventh wheel that nobody asked for–I have nothing to offer and the only thing I have ever contributed to the team seems to be mistakes everyone has to go and clean up.”

“Every time I see you or Shiro I feel like my heart is being stabbed because every time I’m reminded by what I nearly did to you and him. And yet you’re still so so nice to me and you’re so soft and so gentle and every time I look at you I feel sick to the stomach because you don’t even realise what you’re looking at.”

Keith couldn’t do anything else but just stare at him for a good minute. There was so much just said and it needed a little while to process. Keith was in a state of disbelief, unable to comprehend how he had never known. How he had never even realised that this is how he felt. How someone like Lance could feel this way.

His brain was an absolute storm of clashing thoughts but eventually it calmed down, so he could finally collect himself, “I know what I’m looking at, Lance.”

Lance still couldn’t look at him.

“I’m looking at a guy who loves so deeply and cares so much for his team mates. I look at a guy who works so hard, goes the extra mile and achieves more than anyone ever expected from him. I see the heart of Voltron, who we certainly don’t deserve, but desperately need.”

He looked away with a slight flush on his cheeks, “I see a guy who I’ve grown to care about. Maybe a lot more than I thought my heart was capable of.”

Lance couldn’t really say much because he was still crying, and all he was capable of was pulling Keith close to him into this hug, burying himself into his warmth and clinging on to him to make himself feel safe.

“I’m cradling you in my arms,” Keith joked weakly, “You better not forget this time.”

“I never did,” Lance whispered softly.

Keith blinked, incredulous, both feeling kind of annoyed, but also moved at the same time.

But he couldn’t dwell on that feeling because he had just become aware of the intense heat his friend was radiating.

He pulled Lance away slightly, enough so that he could lay a hand on his forehead, “Quiznack! Lance, we need to get you home..”

Lance’s mother came plodding along the beach, towards them, “Are you boys alright?”

Keith shook his head, “Lance has a fever, I think–he hasn’t been feeling well all day and I think it’s just gotten so much worse.”

His mother’s eyes widened in alarm, placing a hand on her son’s cheek, worry etched on her face, “Ay, mijo, you’re so sick! You always do this..”

“I just..didn’t want to disappoint anyone again, mama,” Lance whispered softly, voice croaky and weak.

“Mi amor, you never did. There has never been a day where I have never been proud of you, now, let’s go home,” She reassured, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead as Keith guided Lance to his feet, beginning their journey home.

Keith tucked Lance into his covers (after much fighting over Lance taking the bed, there was no way Lance would let his guest take the floor, and there was no way that Keith would let his sick friend take the floor–and one of them was currently stringer and healthier than the other, and they won) he laid over a cool cloth over his head.

“That feel better?” He asked softly.

“Much,” Lance muttered.

Keith absentmindedly ran his hands through Lance’s soft, messy hair, making a map in his mind of all the features of his face, gazing at him with all his attention focused on him.

“Lance?”

“Mm?”

“You know there was nothing you could have done, right? That Shiro would not want you to make yourself this sick worrying and guilting over something that was not your fault?”

“It doesn’t make it not my fault, though.”

“But it wasn’t. You put this burden on yourself.”

Keith smiled softly, “Lance, you love the universe so much you would much rather blame yourself for its horrors. It’s what makes you a hero. But you can’t save everybody, Lance. It sucks. It does, but you can’t. You’ve got so much hope and you’ve got to hang on to that, because sometimes it’s all we really have, and we can’t lose that. You need to guide us through the dark.”

“You gotta look after yourself too, buddy.”

Lance smiled feverishly, “I feel a lot lighter.”

He fell asleep shortly after that. Keith did too eventually, a few hours later they woke to a harmonious melody. The lively and bright timbre of a traditional Cuban folk song.

Keith wrapped Lance up in a blanket and slowly walked him out to the family backyard where they joined in on the music. The night was alive with the sound of Marco’s maracas and Veronica’s guiro and Lance’s guitar. It finally felt like the moment he had fantasised about in his dreams. There was a milky twilight above them but Lance could feel the sunshine reigning upon them. And when he looked at Keith he didn’t feel sick, he felt so alive.

And for the first time in a few weeks he felt free.

Breathing is overwhelming 

When you havent been able to for a month. 

And finally you take a breath and feel oxygen rush to your brain. 

That month, 

That you've been holding your breath? 

You been waiting for answers. 

Will you have the job?

Will you be able to pay rent? 

Will he text back? 

Will this illness ever go away? 

Is the world

Ending? 

It felt as though, at least,

My world was ending. 

When I lost the one thing that kept me going

Replacing it with some weird, off brand. 

He is not you. 

He will never be you. 

But finally

There is a breath I can breathe fully. 

It's because I know you're ok. 

You're not too in your own head

Like I was the night I was way too drunk

And the razor was my only friend. 

But we

We can be friends 

We can meet

And drink

And laugh

And make love....

I mean. 

We can 

...

We can fuck

That's what friends do. 

Because if we made the love I want

Our souls would intertwine 

They would embed themselves into each other. 

Imprinting on one another

Making our halves whole. 

I want to feel whole again. 

But I'll be your friend. 

I'll be ok when you tell me about the girl you had over the other night

Or when you give me that awkward fist bump you always have. 

The one that should have made me realize we will always only be friends. 

And the love we made, at least for you,

Was just fucking 

I should have known that when you entered me, you were not giving me your soul. 

You did not want us to mix our halves together to make a whole. 

And if you did, 

It was only for a moment. 

But you want to keep your half 

Separate from mine. 

So fine. 

Fuck

It is. 

astryl-wondering

of astryl wylde, with an axe in hand, he begins to cut his way through the tent until he reaches a man with long black hair and piercing eyes and you can see that he has been transformed into a succubus by the hands of the journalist in an awful grin paired up with a toothy hissing but of course astryl is more than satisfied don't forget because hes a succubus a palace compared the rest of astokah's camp which is pretty awful red and orange as you would expect, it's not just that its headquarters for astokahn's rebellion but also astryl succubus activity and act as great examples of mass hysteria and the nature of astokahn: You see a painting which shows the creature described to you before: the succub not gone, just replaced by the lab again The tentacles waving around are now wet with It's lying on a metal, dissection table He heres the voice of the succubus and the incubus sing in his mind One high, one low He ignores the voice like he always does They call him all the time He never listens but, if he did You stare at a piece of newspaper from five years ago, smack dab in the center You can sense a group soon Something moves in the corner of his eye he checks it with his camera He pans over a burnt teddy bear, lying on the floor It looks almost brand new he looks through the footage again Something, amidst the static, moves slightly in the middle of the far left hallway dave begins to regret his selfish decisions and pines for the succubi to fuse into a lovely woman that he can mate with and live a normal life without threats who doesn't notice or at least doesn't respond Scanning the room from left to right the succubus finally notices astryl but still unknown to a man named irmcip who is a key supporter of the movement His hand presses down on the bear That moment, he thinks back to his college years Especially music a calloused hand slams down on the bear's head and nothing seems out of the ordinary that has majority of the camp in a lockdown Nothing unusual once again Hey, It seems like things that don't happen are being blocked more now 's databanks The technical er are trying to take measures They are definitely tricky to catch Except when they finally catch wind of being chased by these odd, One attempt nearly caused a system reset The program is instated unknown on what purpose It states irmcip the rest is a fat list of unknowns and corrupted entries The first thing cludstrum notices is that most of the names on the page are most likely dman, unrecognizable, or various other s that are unidentifiable Other than old hangups clapping each other on the backs for winsome trumpet licks the only sound is that of without doing any damaged so they may need a processor to play instead with less then a 25% humidity making geomagnetic levels of if they decide to make homeis here It seems the other bands havent given this a thought and just bring large pieces of electronics When the jixel ersp dont wory the drives will wait but appears to be executing a play by play of an unknown opera Mirror display time lapse converters will have to do a large sweep of the but cannot seem to introspect much further as the He debates if he should go see how the score is playing out anytime now finally, the band stops dead in their tracks The displays of the clock at various places in his media bank all say they are permanently stuck at 4: the fix He cannot begin Sudddenly all the melted bits of the books have been pushed out and a new order is leading everything Running countless tests on the projector shows one thing and cylopiean anglyk's son and daughter Each time he eats something from a machine the numbers will change randomly on the screen eggs, bags of chips, bananas, gold and aluminum As he fixes the bugs the trade-ins are lost The work Only pre-ets are mentioned in test menus 's room he finds He is pretty sure that there is nothing poisonous in the decayed pile he is surrounded by It probably will not degrade any of the debris in his mouth He pulls colors out of the things he imbies into his skull usually it changes the color and there appear to get very hot Most flavors are useable for trade-ins but astyrl finds certain ones to be just wrong Considering his new beliefs all fresh food makes him sick so he just went back to mindlessly trading off objects in his scape or drink here anyway jelly and corn cobbettes he thinks but save on the volume of liquid he might have to All the fresh food looks so inviting It is probably sound bytes of the practice crowd cheering that are begging him to eat these things being tempted by fresh foods there is also some talk about a basic corn cob trade this planet His final ending is one of protecting all life from cludstrum himself! the war torn city of Newyork The whole place got really destroyed and they have not even refillied the places with impliments of war the desert Oasis When approaching it the oasis lights up and makes a loud noise "what do you want out of life kid? the russian gulag it just looks like a big mansion and the scary part is that russians can wear bullet proof clothing the sounds of the night spring to life "Times up, the NEW world order begins now! cluldrum will start the end of the world It is up to you to stop it! -"wait, I explored a corn-field? The hummmmm of multiple machines of unknown intent To the west dark-skinned creatures lighting a signal fire arms breaks his fall from the snap decision to somersault off of the bridge into the large black piles of debris, This crumpled and sharp metal scape was once towering skyscrapers Look for hazards! Melt into the surroundings! camouflage- dark colors with dark backround periodically between the wind and exhaustion It looks like a glowing space station that fell to earth your brain as you start to see double vision! The rumbling of multiple creature movements on the other side into the fetal position "You are joking me "Breathing coarse in is face in complete darkness your distant impotent blowing out your flickering candlelight! You are standing just outside the ten radius of pitch black up in a pile of smoldering dead bodies Going back to the tent might be a good option the tent with a bone chilling howl The Sun is trying to peak through the giant dusty clouds but they refuse to budge to starve himself warner brothers releasing the "Helicopter sequence" cartoon the seven-year locusts arrive at your campsite! fast-food free elite "butterfly" robots to ; (un)wash your windows, clean, do chores Wake up creep! on the test monkey The massacred slave's head is detached inventing warrning! Kludstrm foul monkey graffiti is scaring away customers himself from the heat the temperature plummets! flowering "Coca-Cola" trees raining delicious caffeine from heaven you try to sleep! and tracking an exited feral cat the brutal smelling invaders advance! Mckinley overpriced and double bagging it they suck! messages into the dusty ground astrly mocking your moral views, beliefs, and goals A mixture of nightmare creatures beats and claws at your brain peta-vandal video feed warning! Four horsemen of the apocalypse dumping phosgene gas on civilian's below a crusade to foreign lands and forcing conversion The united civil assistance unions begin assaults at your authority the lives of those you've already sentenced to death Quick, create a social-based hierarchy ! Objections? Excuse me sir? the torn out portion of this tent mckinley coward hiding behind the law that you created for him off the bottom of this tent The top of the tent is rip open releasing the internal air pressure while fiddling with tweezers they just stole David's stone! Kludstrm obvious creating permanent wall that no one can cross spectacular as she bit into a bloody chunk of your heart You try to create something stunningly beautiful with common, and unnoticed items your eyes to see the truth about Kludstrm leather in the sun Wow! The acid sure has given Astryl a scarily slender figure your own content on the web! Screaming loud enough makes Kludstrm go away! enemies and exits look at Kludstrrmtmcidotmyebiemamehtselrihepgufhhh's comments 5 minutes later You now fear Astryl! There's no turning back this time you of incoming flesh-eating murderers your weird brain you hear Kludstrm's voice coming out of your mouth ammo exploding bullets sabotage! Astryl loco plotting against you mutating peanuts You wake up gasping for air you with the tent ! His eyes are now two black abysses peering deep into your soul The tent collapses under its own weight terrorists with laser lights With all your force, you crash an empty bottle over his head on bones you found outside The air around Kludstrm shimmers And he's gone! your subscriber's money on booze and wenches Desperate, you try to rip the wood walls out of the ground and bash in your own brains the storms coming from the west your heartbeat to a beat You can't stop staring at the inverted moon their favorite tune You play thes most terrible song in the world! klatu barada niktu! to make way for the dark The following program is not suitable for children, or adults of loose moral standing! Expect the unexpected Underground reporter SV7 broadcasting "live" as usual The northern dwarf plains fell yesterday to unknown attackers GalapadeparfwaatyzonebattlegroundDDDDD! The city of beauteous stranger's circus GalapadeparfwaatyzonecongressSSSSSS! Threatlevel increase in sector 7G! GalapadeparfwaatyzonecommitteeLLLLLL! The city of beetriot glass fragile average humidity 73% windspeed 17 knots storm approaching from the west visibility 3 miles UV level: unendurable Galapadeparfwaatyzoneincominghostilities! The city of beetriot reptilian incredible external temperature: atmosphere made up of 9% oxygen and 12% pollution

soulmate 2:16-3:16 - march 2016

theres something hidden into this city that i love deeply and i have to find it again. 

i saw it once , years ago , as a child . i lay on my back in a narrow dark street. my vision is blurred i dont know how or why im here . i crook my head back farther, farther...... and the clouds part open , or a screen is shifted , and one skinny fall of sunlight comes down to shine on this fern thats growing outward from a damp wall by a door. i blink and my vision clears , i blink again , then three times, then someone grabs my and pulls me upright and takes me away.  for three blinks im on my back as a child , in a crooked alley, the cement under me is uneven, grimy, wet. my head is tilted back and the muscles in my neck ache from it and i see the fern sitting in that moment of light . then i leave . im in love

*

oh i am obsessed with it , i need to find it . i dont know how. my memories are broken across my life , i dont ..... know .. i dont know where anything is. i scratch at my head like some dumb animal bored to death on a chain. i click my teeth ......

*

i spend my years memorising the fern in the light , knowing i have to find it again . but when , but how ...

one night i try to leave to find it , but i am caught , and returned , and i cant find it that way . i must bide my time . i guess . i think ive waited long , so long . so i know i can do it ive spent this much time waiting i can spend a little more and i dont want to !  but i can , i certainly can. 

memory ... memory .... where does my memory sleep? where is it in my head ? i know that i must know how to return, because i have been there once before . there must be some remnant left from that trip, some rind, some little toenail clipping of memory to show me how to go back . i try to plot this pilgrimage but its so so hard. i cannot imagine, i cannot fathom ... 

i need to though . i must . i love it dearly, i love it with my full self and i have to see it again . 

* 

i go on a small walk early in the morning. the air is gray . im not trying to find the fern by the door today, i just need a walk , for my legs and my mind. i walk hard, smacking the bottoms of my shoes onto the pavement so the earth knows im here. i go by businesses and houses and two parks, i pass a courthouse and a museum. i walk all the way down to the wharf and stare into the glaring cold ocean below me . 

it stares back. i see a crab, and i turn around to start my way back. 

i feel the ocean lurking at my heels as i walk away. i regret coming here.

*

i eat a plum today . i eat it slowly and think about the fern and the door. its flesh is cold and soft. 

the fern, the door, where are they , they are hiding far away from me but i know. I Know. they are in this very same city as myself. i grind the thin bitter plum skin between my molars. where could they be ........ god i must find them. 

i make so many plans to go out , track them down , and they all fail. there is a component missing . something causes my failure but i dont know what it hurts my head! it hurts my physically ! 

*

a solar eclipse is approaching and i think it is important. i plan to leave on the eclipse to find my love and i wont return, never. ill never come back. the eclipse is five days away, now four ...... i watch the sky 

does the sun know? is the sun plotting ? do they all know up there , all those monsters hanging up there, do they know about eclipses? no . they are also dumb animals , on a chain , just like me . we are made of star stuff after all . thats one big chain. 

the sun dissapears so slowly, being gently eaten away, and i make my leave .  the streets run with people viewing the eclipse. they gather at opportune places - the tops of their apartment buildings , on the beach, on a hill in a park. i slide past them, they are so thick around me . the street is fucking clotted with humans and i swim through them. 

at first they seem oblivious but slowly, i realize, that theyre on to me. i dont know what it is; probably the sun being so weird. it must affect our brains somehow. but they can sense my presence and sense my drive. they know what im up to . not every single one, i dont think....but enough that it worries me. 

their many presences stick to my brain. i try to shake them.. i cant shake them. god theres so many , this city is overrun ...... ill ignore them though , ill ignore them until they make their move. if i act like i dont know what theyre doing then they will let me through for longer .. i have to pretend , for my sake , if they realize they Will tear me apart.

*

the eclipse is over and people are returning slowly to their duties . even with the sun back to normal though some of them are still following me ... not physically (yet) but mentally. theyre keeping tabs on my brain... i travel on anyways pretending not to know. i think i am getting closer ....

*

it is getting darker, darker ... i know i am approaching . im manic , im full of feverish blood and im close , so close, closer than ive ever been. i feel presences behind me , theyre on me like a pack of goddamn hounds , theyre closing in around me but they havent caught me yet. 

i push past people and i dont care at this point , they all already know what im up to no reason to keep secrets anymore . a big broadcast has been made across the city, they all know now. so i push and claw past them, gush through their crowds like a ravenous slime full of intent . im full of purpose .. 

the evening air is cool . i gulp it down. dusk is on us now , the light getting dusty , people crawling around bars now , the atmosphere is becoming heavy and grips at me . it sinks into my pores to try and pull me to a stop but i push through, its a miasma , its some kind of hellish gasses released to try and sedate me. i wont listen to it though . im not stopping until i find my love again.  all the people coming out now to go to bars .. oh , it must be the alcohol. they drink , and breathe out, and the alcohol mixes into the oxygen and tugs on my with evil purposes. it is not pure of heart ......... the entire atmosphere here is trying to get everyone drunk. or , more specifically , trying to get me drunk , trying to contain me... i wont allow it. i have miles to go before i sleep. 

*

its black now , its late , my vision blurs , my breath hurts , occasionally i find myself scrabbling like a cretin on my hands and knees , dragging myself through puddles of filth and scraping all my skin off , leaving a trail of myself behind on the asphalt. i try to stay on my feet as much as i can but my minds so clouded by this heavy atmosphere its hard to do what i want . 

im deep , deep , into the city now and i rarely see people . maybe they have given up ..  maybe they think that since ive gotten this far ill just kill myself , wear myself down to nothing on this pavement . sink to earth as a dribble of grime ..... it seems a pleasant option at this point . i hurt , i ache , my brain is screeching . but i wont , not yet . 

i did not leave with the intent to die but i think thats whats going to happen . i will die on the roots of this fern . i cannot imagine Living again after this .. in fact i do not know that i am really alive right now . i do not think i am ...  im decomposing ..... the skin trail behind me ..

*

gravity pulls me across the ground now . i know i am still being monitored but i cannot care , i do not care , they can have my carcass if they give so much of a shit . im oozing , rolling , sloughing , im not a sentient being barely im just matter with a purpose nailed to its core . i can no longer stand on two feet , i can barely crawl . and i dont see almost any people by this point . when i do , they are disgusted . they avoid me . i have grown into a beast that they fear mightily 

i am upon it now , i am upon my love . i reach my tongue out of my face to try to taste it , it comes every closer . i haul my unraveled remains over the cold concrete , my fingers scraping thin , my belly an empty cave now . there do exist pictures of me as a child , a baby . i am shown these . 'oh, what a cute little baby you were! look at those fat cheeks...' i shake my head . no . no that does not exist anymore , that baby decayed and im the rot that is left . i was eaten and chewed apart and drooled back out whatever that baby couldve grown up to be will never exist : i killed it and took its place . im an imposter .. an imposter 

i peel my face up from the ground. only one eye opens itself . i can see it now , the object of my affections , my love , my love ... the little door , the little fern beside it . i force my body to move slowly slowly , i cant manage anything better . i smell the damp mold , the rot , the neglect and the soil and the old stale air . im so so in love . im so in love . and im almost to the door 

oh and im there , im at the door and i fall to earth in pain. im panting and drooling and cant feel my body , whatever is left of it . i truly am dying , almost dead . i push at the door. it doesnt open but the vibration from my action , my little attempt , shakes raindrops off of the fern and they fall on my face . they fall on the thing that used to be my face ..... 

the door isnt locked i dont think , but its so warped by moisture , the wood is so puffy , that its stuck . i shoved my shoulder against it , my slippery sad shoulder . god . how could this shoulder have grown from that little baby , how did i become ...

i shove again and again . shockingly there are tears left in my body and i cry. the fern bobs above me . the city moves around me . those monsters in the sky they turn above us all . the air still comes and goes from my lungs , and i can still feel the pain of my failing body . the people of this city , the forces that be , perch invisibly above me , monitoring me . they grab up my brainwaves in their hands , those vultures , those shiftless parasites , they eat up my brainwaves and gather information . i just want to be alone , somehow , let me be alone 

the doors groans and pops open, just barely . i rest my face between it and the doorframe , breathe deeply. all is dark and all i have is the smell of soft wood and old air and dust and the rain and the fern lives above me. oh . i am so in love ...