I saw a hc post abt how Last Legacy love interests react to MC actually going back to Earth,so can I ask some hcs abt this one? I'm curious of what you come up with!!

I actually made the same request to @lucigucci !!

For this ask, I had to play the entire game once again because I couldn't come up with anything. Hope you'll like it!

MC Going Back to Earth Headcanon

Warning: Sad feelings and pain...

Anisa

Before giving in to her emotions she will make sure to not miss anything important for your return to Earth

She'll check with important magical necessaries for the portal

Check if you have everything you would possibly need

If you ate well

Will check twice everything she prepared for you to take with you to remember her

She will also give you the Orlando postcard

It is important to her but also you two shared many memories together talking about Earth looking at the postcard

She knows when you visit Orlando you will remember her

After she is done with everything

The realization of you actually leaving her will hit her HARD

She knew you for only months but fell for you in a way with no return

You became her breath

The meaning, the cause she wanted to live further

The center of her life

Her priority

Her peace

Her shelter, and safe place

If only she could stay in your arms for a little longer...

If only she could find a way to see you again

The smell your scent while she buried her nose to your neck

To your hair...

She misses you always

Even for a couple of minutes without you within her eyesight makes her feel troubled

She misses you to death before even you leave her...

She will use all her strength to not cry in front of you

But the moment you hugged her and kissed her the last time she broke

She never struggled like this

Never felt hurt like this

The devs mentioned that each character will have multiple endings, so I headcanon two different happy endings in this situation

One is being Anisa letting you go while she stays in Astraea

She knows that she might not be able to fit in

You are people of two different worlds

Quite literally

And it shows

Anisa however will never love again after you

She will refuse every potential partner both in her romantic life or in her bed

She will confess her feelings for you and give you her hair ribbon as well as the most painfully mesmerizing kiss...

The other ending being Anisa leaving Astraea with you.

She is half-human and can tell people that her marks on her face are tattoos on Earth

She will see this as an opportunity to start a new life

Without the guilt of who her parents are and what they have done

Without the danger of magical monsters or assassins tracking her all around

She is smart, a quick learner, and curious about Earth

With your support, she can get used to life on Earth and get a job

I am thirsty for Anisa as a workout or martial art trainer

But I can also see her going to college and finish it quicker than expected to work in a school

Counselor Anisa

You two will travel the world together

No matter the lifestyle you live Anisa is happy

She doesn't need a lot of money

All she needs is you

Also another surprise, she doesn't miss Astraea one bit

You are what she calls home now.

Sage

I am a Sage hoe myself but I can't see him leave Astraea with you

He can't fit in to Earth

He has to be free and living on Earth means he has to follow so many rules that he struggles to understand

Also Sage will absolutely refuse to leave Tulsi behind

There are only two people he actually cares about in this world

You and Tulsi

You two are his family and home

He is a family guy

And oh my god does he want to make his family larger secretly

Sage is a character that struggles with emotional confessions

He is also a good liar

So even tho he wants a future with you

If you want children, raise your children together (adopted/surrogacy/biological/a found family...)

Finally settling down and actually live in a home

Sage will experience the feeling of home with you the first time

He never felt safer and not worried about being vulnerable to someone

Having family dinners, family meetings with auntie Tulsi...

Celebrating anniversaries

Getting yourselves in trouble and moving to a different town

Even though he would fight the gods themselves to have this future with you, he will not tell you to stay

He will not say anything at all

He'll watch you and make sure to prepare everything for your return

And to make sure of your security during the process

You will look into his eyes each passing hour, hoping him to say something

Anything

But he will not

He'll only give you his signature soft half-smile with tired eyes

He will drink the entire day before your depart

Spend the whole night with you

Watch you sleep

Memorize your face

Your body

Will listen to your breathing

He will take everything he can get to never forget you

Also, cry too

Silently

Without you noticing

Tears will fall down to the pillow one by one

He wants to scream and tell you to stay but he can't force you to do anything you don't want

Any word out of his mouth might make you change your mind and do the opposite of what you want to do

You have a family too and you have to see them

A life you have to return to...

So if you don't say that you want to stay he will stay silent forever

If you choose to leave, do give him something to remind him of you

A necklace? Your laser pointer? Your foam sword?

He will carry whatever you give him with him

Always

Until the day he dies

Let's say you gave him a necklace, anyone who knew you will feel the pain in Sage when they see him still wearing the necklace after all those years...

He will never love again. It was a one-time thing.

He will not open up to anyone

He will not let anyone see the real Sage the way you did

He might have bed partners but it is not emotional

He is in pain and will either drink or throw himself somewhere to spend the night without thinking anything

But that can only happen if he is too drunk to remember what happened the night before

If you choose to stay, he will feel relieved

Guilty too but mostly relieved

He will build the future he desires with you

But will also look for ways to make you visit Earth and come back

Felix

I don't think Felix can fit in the Earth either

He grew up as the Arcmage's son and spent all his life studying magic

He can't live in a world where magic doesn't exist

He can't live a lifestyle where he will have to learn everything anew

I just think he is too sensitive for our world.

But unlike Sage and Anisa, Felix will ask you to stay

He'll ask you to stay and live a crazy but full of love life with him

He'll promise to take care of you since he is filthy rich

Then admit his fears of losing another lover

If you decide to leave he will feel betrayed and abandoned at first

He'll cry, then disappear for a while, then appear and tell you that you gave him a lot of hope

And disappear once again

He'll get drunk and then cry loudly too...

After Rime, you taught him how to love again

You made him feel safe and supported

Accepted for who he is...

You taught him how to properly love someone

No toxicity

No lies

No rivalry

He only wants to sleep in a bed in your arms around him not wake up for years

The idea of you leaving him hurts like someone stabs a dagger into his heart

He'll start to believe that this is his cruel destiny

To be the one stays while the other leave

He wants to follow you but he knows he can't live with you on Earth

He couldn't even fit in his own house yet...

Once he cooled down he'll admit how important your life back at home to you

And how it is his fault to steal that life away from you by bringing you to Astraea

He will open the portal for you himself

He is not trusting anyone else for this work

Before you leave he will tell you that he loves you and promise to never forget you

Here comes the pain

But he might fall in love again after you

You will always have a different place in his heart and in his memories though!

Felix did try to bring someone he fell for back from death then fall in love with someone else

I just think he will be more flexible with what life brings in front of him

And get even more depressed with time...

If you accept his offer and choose to stay his eyes will see nothing but you from that day and forward

You are officially his spouse now, no ceremony necessary

You will go on the vacation you both need and deserve then get a house to live together

You two will be the scary power couple

People will talk about you two as "the small necromancer and his spouse- yes the spouse. They are the one that fought the Lord of Shadows and the undead Rime. I also heard they got a relic the moment they stepped on Astraea- I KNOW it is crazy..."

Felix will share everything he owns with you, even his thoughts

He is so open to you that he knows you understand him the best

thirteen. “til death do us part”

kozume kenma x fem dazai!reader

(bsd x hq)

tw: mentions of suicide, jumping off a bridge ;-; (nobody dies tho)

masterlist.           suicide freak!

"well what happened afterwards??" kuroo asked kenma 

the boys were in kenma's room chilling and playing games while kenma tells kuroo about his confession "uh.. nothing really" kenma said with a sigh 

"she didn't respond but she didn't really reject me either" he said "she had a call from her agency saying they needed her for something and she had to leave" 

kuroo was visibly disappointed at the result, patting his friend's back as he let out a sigh "well, like you said, she technically didn't reject you" he said "plus, she's been fawning over you for a long time. im pretty sure she likes you back" 

kenma furrowed his brows and shrugs. "sure i guess.." the pudding head muttered 

"cmon, kenma! don't get all sulky on me now!" kuroo exclaimed. the boy laid back on the bed and pulled out kenma's phone, placing it between them and began counting

"ten.. nine.. eight..seven.. six.." 

"what the hell are you doing?" kenma deadpanned "im counting down the seconds it takes before y/n tells you to meet up or something" kuroo explained 

".. five.. four.. three.." 

"im pretty sure it doesn't work like that-" he was cut off by the loud ringing of the phone. the caller id was shown, revealing it to be y/n herself. kuroo jumps up and cheers, yelling and howling in happiness as he ruffles kenma's hair 

"kenma, i told you!!" kuroo exclaimed excitedly "dude, i should be a fucking psychic" 

"no, you shouldn't" 

kenma picks up the phone with shaky hands. he sends kuroo a wary glance, who simply gave him a thumbs up in return. his trembling fingers answered the call, and then pressed the phone to his ear 

"h-hello? y/n?" 

"kenma! how's my favourite pudding-head doing? ow-" she asked 

kenma furrowed his brows as he heard her wincing from the other line, undoubtedly from pain. "um.. are you okay?" he asks worriedly 

"oh yes, of course i am" she answered way too quickly for it to not be suspicious "but i do need your help for something.. come to the same bridge from last night" she said in a serious tone 

kenma gulped as he made various frantic gestures to kuroo, silently asking for his help. though kuroo was no help since all he did was smile blankly while holding up two thumbs up 

"um, okay! do i go there now or..?" 

"yup! bye-bye ~" 

kenma then let himself drop to the ground as soon as the call ended. he felt like turning into a puddle and drying up from the nervousness flowing through his whole body at the moment

"k-kuroo.." he mumbled "dude, you okay?" kuroo asked with a chuckle "like i said, y/n is definitely responding to the confession!" 

"yeah okay-" kenma grumbled 

"but please help me up. 80% of my nervousness is now in my knees. i can't stand." 

kenma nuzzled his nose into his hoodie, covering half of his face as he nervously approached the riverbank. like he said beforehand, his nervousness has traveled down to his knees and it seems that it still hasn't left. 

"hey hey hey ~ over here, kenma!" she yelled 

kenma looked up to see her waving her arm around like a madman. though, one of her arms were in a sling, and she just looked quite roughed out more than usual 

he jogged over to her with a frown while eyeing her obvious injuries "hey, what what happened to you?" kenma asked her 

"oh this? this is nothing" she said with a laugh "i somehow broke it during a mission last night, but not to worry, the ever so lovely yosano-san cured me" she laughed nervously 

"ah yes.. yosano-san.." she shuddered 

it left kenma thinking of what could have possibly been so bad about getting cured. though he left it be and paid no mind. 

"so why did you call me?" he asked her. he was feeling quite anxious at the moment and he was feeling very thankful that she wasn't acting indifferent towards him 

"well, i called you over for multiple things" she said 

"firstly.." 

kenma gulped as she paused dramatically, leaving him to anticipate whatever it is that she has to say 

"i need you to play this game for me so i can pretend to be better than chuuya." she stated with a straight face. she then handed him her phone, which had the game's chat open and had chuuya laughing and teasing her 

chuuya's messages consisted of 'you're such a fucking loser' and 'you suck balls' among others. 

"what?" kenma sweat dropped 

"please! that munchkin will get too happy if he wins one more time!" she pleaded 

kenma sighed but did as he was told. he was playing the game while she watched him with sparkling eyes "kenma! you're a lifesaver!" she exclaimed once she had won the game 

"could you imagine me losing to chuuya?!" she scoffed out with a grin "gosh! my ego wouldn't be able to handle such torture!" 

"now, secondly.." she paused once again "eat this ramen with me!" 

kenma sweat dropped as she had randomly pulled out two cup ramens, which for some reason are both hot and in well condition 

"where did you even get that?" kenma asked her with a soft laugh 

"that's a secret! but did you know-" she mused "the reason i got this for us is because ranpo-san told me about it. apparently, its a 'deathly spicy ramen' and he wanted to refer it to me" 

kenma blinked at her but smiled anyways "wow. so then im assuming you're expecting us to die from this?" 

"its worth a shot!" she cheered. she handed him chopsticks and sent him a cocky grin "i'll let you know i can handle spicy food quite well" 

"so if all else fails, i packed a ghost pepper just in case-" 

"please put the pepper away <3"

kenma sighed as he reluctantly ate the ramen, slurping on the noodles and soup as tears brimmed his eyes "im not very good with spicy food.." he muttered as he fanned his mouth 

"finish it!!" she exclaimed, though tears has also brimmed her eyes 

"you're in the brink of tears too!" he groaned in agitation 

"these are tears of happiness! i can almost taste the death looming over us!" she exclaimed with a grin 

after finishing the very spicy ramen, she had unfortunately concluded that it was, in fact, not deadly. in the end, the pair had to run to a nearby food stall to buy some drinks

and as they were drinking, y/n had once again perched herself onto the flat surface of the metal railings, letting her feet dangle as they watched the sunset in peace 

"y/n.. about last night.." kenma muttered out nervously 

"ah yes, your confession?" she chuckled "no need to worry about that. i already know what im gonna say.." 

kenma blinked in shock, frantically averting his eyes from her and to the ground as he felt his anxiety rocketing 

"which brings me to my third reason of calling you over.." she said "kenma, there's something i need to tell you" she said 

her expression had gone aloof and the playful smile on her lips has now faltered "what is it?" he gulped 

she took two steps back as she looked him in the eyes. her (e/c) orbs not seeming to give any hints as she peered at him 

"y/n.. if you're gonna reject me then-" he was, of course, cut off once again as she suddenly pulled her 'injured' arm out of her sling and popped it out to wave at him

"boo!" she cooed out with a dumb smile 

"what the hell." kenma replied as he blankly stared at her

she laughed and slipped the sling off, folding it neatly before casually throwing it down the bridge "did i have you fooled?" she chuckled "anyways.. about that statement you didn't get to finish.." she hummed 

"what makes you think i would reject you?" she asked him 

her bandaged hand patted the spot next to her, indicating that she wanted him to sit. following her wishes, kenma hesitantly sat next to her. 

he was fiddling with his fingers as a huge and overbearing wave of silence washed upon them. fortunately for him, she wasn't looking so she couldn't see his trembling body, and the nervous look on his face 

"well, i kind of assumed you don't like me since.. you kinda left me hanging last night.." kenma muttered 

"hm, i did do that.." she hummed back quietly "what would you do if i said i liked you back?" she asked him 

kenma couldn't see it, but it seemed he could basically feel her cheeky smile appearing "um.." he stammered 

what would he do? he didn't really know. he didn't plan that far ahead. and kuroo was nowhere to give him some awful but doable advice. 

"i-i don't know.." he stuttered out. kenma could feel himself heating up. its like his cheeks was on fire as he felt bursts of embarrassment and butterflies banging on his stomach. 

"would you kiss me?" she mused 

kenma froze up. he looked up at her, face beet red and eyes as wide as saucers, as he mumbled incoherent words 

"well- no? i don't really know how to do that-" he stammered "or yeah- if you want- or um- i love you." 

she chuckled and slowly faced him with a gentle smile "i love you too, then" she laughed 

kenma has officially blown a fuse. 

his face exploded into a bright red as he felt all the weight of the pressure and anxiety leave his body 

"so, do i get my kiss now?" she asked teasingly 

"uh well-" kenma muttered with a sheepish smile "i dunno how-" 

he was cut off by a hand grabbing a tuft of his hair from his nape. her fingers tugged on his faux blonde locks as she pulled his face closer to his 

"itadakimasu~" she cooed out 

kenma.exe has stopped working. 

once her lips had pressed onto his, his whole body tensed up. though a total contrast to his reaction, she was quite calm. obviously calm enough to shove her tongue down his throat. 

their kiss was short but sensual. he took notice of how deliciously addicting her tongue danced against his. he definitely needed to ask where she got all those kissing skills from later on. 

he may not like the answer since it was from chuuya, but let's not get into that..

she pulled away after a minute, her grip on his hair loosening as she pressed one last peck on his parted lips. she backed away and licked her lips to tease him. 

"oh my" she cooed at him "if i would've known you taste this good, then i would've kissed you much sooner" 

"u-umm.." kenma muttered bashfully 

he was blinking sluggishly as his fingers lightly graze his lips, reminiscing in the feeling of hers against it. 

"y/n.. will you be my girlfriend?... please?" he asked in a quiet and flustered tone. all the nonexistent confidence he had before has now fully evaporated away. 

"of course." she mused 

"wait-really??" kenma asked her with a look of disbelief and sheer happiness

he bit back a smile as he looked up to look at the setting sun, then back at her. her features were illuminated by the soft golden rays, making her look simply ethereal, atleast to him. 

kenma was then brought back into reality as he felt the soft skin of her hand and the textured bandages touch his. 

she intertwined their hands and brought it up to her lips, pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles. she chuckled at him as he turned his head to the side, trying to hide his blush from her. 

"til death do us part." she grinned 

"okay, that was very sweet.. but when it comes from you, it kinda seems like you're about to kill us both-" 

without uttering another word, she pushed herself off from the railings she was sat on, and tugged him along with her. 

"y-y/n?! y/n!" kenma shrieked as he felt himself free falling in the air. his grip on her hand tightened as he nervously recoiled into a ball. the cold air hit his skin in the most nerve wracking way, leaving his skin with goosebumps and shivers tingling down his spine. 

"so this is what it's like.." she mumbled 

kenma looked over to her, the panic in his eyes gradually fading as he was met with her warm and love-filled orbs. she held the most tranquil and peaceful smile as she looked at him with a sense of joy and plenitude. 

"y/n.." his lips quivered as he gripped her closer 

she simply smiled at him as both of their hair flew erraticly due to the wind. the sound of the flowing water got louder and louder 

until finally, they hit the surface with a huge splash. 

she faintly heard loud and ragged breaths coming from kenma as he swims back up for air, hastily paddling against the strong current to drag himself and, her as well, back to land. 

"I KNEW IT! ARE YOU CRAZY?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" he exclaimed once he catched his breath 

she laid down on the grassy ground beneath them and closed her eyes. she had a faint smile on her lips as she mumbled under her breath 

"double suicide.. im definitely not dying unless it feels like that.." she whispered 

kenma's demeanour softened at her words. he laid down beside her with a huff, tucking his wet hair behind his ears and doing the same for her. 

"if we're gonna kill each other, atleast tell me first." he sighed "also, drowning is definitely scratched off your list" 

"well, you look like you can't swim so.." she chuckled playfully "that's not a valid excuse" kenma sighed, though a fond smile etched itself on his lips

they probably looked quite strange to other's perspectives, if anything, they looked like dead bodies that had washed up to shore. 

but they didn't really care. 

"also, that was a very weird assumption. do i really look that lanky to you?"

"yes <3"

kissing scenes are so weird to write, or at least for me  ;-;

sweet dreams (are made of this)

       ✞ prompt:  “You know that part in scary movies when somebody does something really stupid and everyone hates them for it? This is it.”

✞ pairing: yoon jeonghan x reader        ✞ warnings: blood mention, the word bastard ✞ genre: fluff, a little crack, modern vampire au        ✞ wc: 2.7k

✞ a/n: i was supposed to finish this yesterday so it would fit for jeonghan’s birthday too but it’s still his bday for me so its okay shhhh (even tho i rushed it oops) but it still fits under the cwc october event which i was very excited abt so i hope u enjoy!!

There’s an incredible amount of ups and downs to being roommates with Yoon Jeonghan.

The main downside was that he seemed to gain the reputation of the college campus crush. And even worse, you couldn’t find any reason to disregard the attraction towards him, with his good looks, intelligence and wit, musical ability,  and athleticism.

Yet the upside is the very same reason, leaving your dorm empty for your own leisure often due to his popularity. 

Perhaps that was for your own good, or his, that you didn’t find out his secret until later. 

As you step inside one evening, one typically reserved for movie nights and indulging in junk food, you’re taken aback at the figure sitting on Jeonghan’s mattress. You recognize him as Kwon Soonyoung, the leader of the dance team, and he greets you cheerfully. You’re too flustered to notice the way he seems out of it, and he giggles, flopping down.

“Any spare blood?” 

“Excuse me?” You blink, pausing in uneasiness as if you’d misheard. He opens his mouth to respond, sitting up and swaying slightly as if he were drunk, but before he can voice the clattering thoughts, the bathroom door slams open. 

“Sorry, we were playing basketball and he got hit on the head really hard, just ignore him.” Jeonghan butts in quickly, hiding something behind his back while taking his friend by the arm, who sends you a toothy smile and a wave.

“Sorry if he said anything weird.” Jeonghan offers as he re-enters the room, and you assure him otherwise automatically, inquiring if Soonyoung was alright.

You’ve always been on amicable terms, always been something easily compelling about Jeonghan, teetering on the border of acquaintances and friendship, and you think it’s this moment that tips it towards the latter.

“Any plans for tonight?” He pipes up curiously, and you tell him hesitantly, his eyes lighting up. “That sounds fun.”

“Did you want to join?” 

“If it’s not too much trouble?” He looks hopeful, neither of you even remembering the last time you both spent a night in the dorm in each other’s presence, and you rummage through your shiny bag of sweets to avoid awkward contact.

Yet you’ve always been told it’s only an awkward situation if you make it one.

“I’ve got enough snacks to share.” 

Throughout the film, you don’t notice the way he barely touches them.

He tells you on a whim one morning, and he has to admit that the fact you hadn’t suspected anything pertaining to his condition surprised him. You’d grown closer in the passing months, and with many close calls, Jeonghan decided to bite the bullet.

“I’m a vampire.” 

“Ha, ha, funny joke.” You don’t look up from pouring coffee into your chipped mug, and Jeonghan blinks.

“I’m not joking.” 

“Yeah, and I’m a werewolf.” You deadpan.

“I’d hope not. Though I’m sure I would’ve been able to tell.”

Finally looking up at him, you study his expression, and it’s the epitome of solemness and sincerity, causing you to truly consider his words.

“So… those juice packets… that time with Soonyoung…” your mind races to draw the connections, and Jeonghan shrugs. 

“Blood, and that idiot overworked himself that day and our dorm was the closest.”

“This better not be another prank.” You warn, and Jeonghan smiles.

“I’d never dream of it.”

You come to the conclusion that there’s no evidence to point otherwise to Jeonghan’s confession, and your mind is turned into a tangled mess of frayed threads.

“You know that part in scary movies when somebody does something really stupid and everyone hates them for it? This is it.”

You’re spinning on your desk chair, the circles making your head swim, but maybe that was just your mind attempting to comprehend the weight of his statement.

“Okay, rude.”

You lift your head to see if he’s really offended by your deprecating comment, but he’s absorbed with his phone, slumped down in his bed, smirking at whatever was being displayed. He glances up, catching your gaze with a quirked eyebrow.

“What?”

“You’re a vampire. And my roommate.” 

And someone you have feelings for, your subconscious whispers devilishly and you swat it away like a buzzing gnat. 

“So?”

“I dunno.” You sigh, unable to stitch together your words comprehensible to yourself and him, afraid of piecing together a monstrous Frankenstein to loom over you both. Instead you let your head fall to your desk with a full thunk.

He seems to suspect your hidden truth, and sets his phone aside, sighing. 

“Didn’t you know you aren’t supposed to invite vampires in? That’s on you, really.”

You don’t reply, so he shuffles over, tapping the top of your head. When you don’t respond, he tugs at your hair lightly, still garnering no reaction. So he places his hands on each side of your head, lifting so you’d finally face him. 

“If you want me to go, I’ll go. Mingyu has a ton of spare bedrooms at his place I can crash at.” 

But you don’t want him to leave, pulling yourself from his touch, and with a dismissive air, as if you didn’t care whether he left or not, you tell him it doesn’t matter, whichever was easier.

“But if you stay, can I ask questions?” You add on, and he laughs.

“Tomorrow. It’s movie night tonight and it’s my turn to choose.”

“So do you sparkle in the sunlight?”

“Please don’t tell me all your questions are from Twilight.” He groans. 

You’re lying on your stomach on your bed, Jeonghan sitting cross legged, facing each other. 

“It’s a valid question!”

“No, I don’t. I can also eat food, including garlic, though not too much, I can see myself in mirrors, and can go in the sun but get burnt real easily.” He assumes a bored demeanour as he rattles off what you assume to be frequently asked questions. “Process of evolving I guess you can call it.”

You purse your lips, pondering what else to ask. “When were you turned into one?”

“Nineteenth century or so? I travelled the world a lot though, I forget.” He muses, and it’s just a number to you, not settling in his many years of life. 

“Who else besides Soonyoung?” 

Jeonghan rattles off the names of his friends, some that were completely understandable and others that stunned your thoughts.

“Is it… hard to live for as long as you have?”

He seems startled at your question, and ponders it, turning it over in his mind like the clothes tossed in a washing machine’s rounds. 

“Sometimes.” He admits. It’s difficult to amount the trials and effort of living for decades into words, sometimes feeling as if you were stranded in the sea, bobbing with your head barely above the water, gasping for breath. Others, like you were floating in a serene pool, the sun warming your bones. You move on.

“Can I... y’know... see your...” you stretch your lips back slightly to show your teeth tentatively, pointing. Jeonghan obliges, baring his teeth, fangs snapping out briefly and he grins at your fascinated expression. 

“Are you gonna ask me how it feels to be bitten by them?” He wiggles his eyebrows, and you snort. 

“I’m not looking for a death wish.”

“I know you’re curious! Everyone always is.” 

Nothing externally changed, settling back into your daily routine (with the exception of Jeonghan spending more nights at the dorm); yet there’s still some inward aspects you both had to deal with.

You detect something’s awry with his mood the minute you walk in, Jeonghan not even sparing you a small nod in greeting or acknowledgment. No matter how tired or upset he may be at times, it never affected his fond disposition towards you. Setting down your belongings on your mattress, you pipe up nervously. 

“Are you okay?”

“Fine.” He responds in a clipped tone, pausing before elaborating slightly. “Just hungry. Forgot to restock yesterday. Texted ‘Cheol. Said he’ll come as soon as he can.”

You’ve come to know that expressed hunger for Jeonghan didn’t apply to the human need, but rather the vampire need, and you fidget with your fingers.

“Will you be fine until then?”

He nods curtly, and you know it’s not personal, but the manner it’s delivered stings.

“If you want, you could… I could help.” You finish lamely, nervously.

He snarls, lip curling, and it rises the gooseflesh on your skin, your hands tightening over your phone as your heartbeat pounds out of your chest. 

“I said— just drop it, okay?”

You stand there for a few moments, feeling rooted to the floor as he turns away sullenly, and you force yourself to trudge away quietly. When Seungcheol arrives, he pulls you outside after delivering the packets.

“Is he okay?”

“Yeah, don’t worry. He’s just a little grumpy, the equivalence to being hangry.” Seungcheol smiles apologetically. “I hope he didn’t scare you or anything. Jeonghan’s actually pretty tame when he’s hungry, but I know you saw Soonyoung once and they’re quite different.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.” Seungcheol looks at you curiously.

“Does.... blood taste different depending on the person?”

“Yes and no. For instance, we can tell if someone’s smoked or drank alcohol, but in terms of different people having different tastes, it’s just a matter of blood type. Why?”

“Well, I offered to... y’know...” you tilt your neck, gesturing lightly, and he nods understandingly, a smile and twinkle in his eyes. “But he got really snappish with me, so I guess I thought maybe my blood was weird or something.”

“Did he really?” Seungcheol is unable to hold back his smile this time, and you furrow your eyebrows, so he explains further. “A lot of media nowadays take the vampire biting to a whole sexual level, and to a certain extent it can be true, depending on when you were turned, but for others, it’s common for feeding to be completely off limits to those we're interested in. As a matter of respect, you could say.”

“Are you saying that...”

“I’m not saying anything.” Seungcheol holds up his hands in an air of innocence. “But try asking him.”

You mull over the words as Seungcheol departs, and re-enter the room to meet gazes with Jeonghan, crimson liquid drifting up the straw from the plastic packet.

“I’m sorry I was rude. I know you were just trying to help.” He swallows, licking his lips, and you catch a flash of sharp ivory. 

“It’s okay. Seungcheol actually told me something kinda interesting.”

“Like what?” He straightens, setting the blood aside carefully, and you make your decision.

“Nothing.”

Jeonghan narrows his eyes, but doesn’t push, and you’re torn between feeling relieved and disappointed.

It’s not brought up again, verbally between anyone or within your thoughts, until Halloween rolls around. It’s almost ironic, you think, the most haunting night of the year opening the chapter that haunted you the past year.

“Are you coming to Mingyu’s party?” 

“Wasn’t invited.” You shrug, and Jeonghan laughs. 

“Like that stops most people. But if you really care, he said I could bring a plus one and I choose you.” He points at you playfully, as if choosing a Pokemon. “It's a masquerade. He’s always had a liking for those things, he used to throw them all the time back in the days.”

You don’t know how long ago he’s referring to, but you still attempt to picture Jeonghan and Mingyu elaborately dressed and adorned with delicate masks.

“So what do you say?” He leans forwards, as if your answer was an intimate secret, and you tell it to him, never having much luck in refusing Jeonghan.

He tells you he’ll meet you there, yet it’s an hour into the celebrations, and you’ve nursed a few drinks, danced with some strangers, and haven’t seen any sign of him. It’s apparently not uncharacteristic of your roommate, as you converse with the host, Kim Mingyu, so you don’t worry too much. 

You’ve forgotten to track the passing hours by the time he arrives, lost in the lull of the rise and fall of voices and faces unknown. 

“There you are.” 

You almost don’t recognize him, gold spun locks turned to raven black, in addition to the mask resting upon his features. 

“I couldn’t find you, so I had a few drinks with the guys.”

“You changed your hair.” It’s a childlike, wondrous instinct, the way your hand comes to curve into his hair, and he lets you. 

There’s something addictive in the way you touch him, uncaring to the swaying bodies on the dance floor, the pulse of the music thrumming through your veins. 

“Let’s talk somewhere else.” He pulls you away, searching for a relatively quiet place, but the bathroom is taken up by a poor soul retching into the toilet, the bedrooms locked (Mingyu having enough sense with that at least, Jeonghan thinks), so he finds a closet instead. 

“Why are we here?”

He doesn’t respond at first, the closet shades slanting horizontal lights, framing his face dangerously, like the edge of a knife.

“I see the way you look at me. Like you love me. I’ve been around enough to see it.” Jeonghan doesn’t let you speak, yet you’re not sure what you’d say if he allowed you to. “You said the stupid part everyone would hate you for in a horror movie was letting me stay. I think so too. But I think my own part is falling in love with you back.” 

“Are you drunk?” 

“No. Vampires can't get drunk.” Jeonghan huffs, and you cross your arms disbelievingly. “Why is it that whenever I tell you something serious, you brush me off?”

“Because you don’t have to be so dramatic and make it sound like sarcasm!” 

“Well, I’m not trying to!” He glares exasperatedly. You both stand in silence, until you pout.

“You didn’t have to say that liking me was stupid.” 

“It is stupid.” Jeonghan snorts. “I’m a vampire. You’re a human.” 

“So?”

Jeonghan pauses, sighing. 

“I didn’t say I don’t like stupid things. I did confess to you after all.”

“Hey!”

He grins, stepping closer to grab your hands, slender fingers wrapping around your wrists before sliding down, perfectly fitting into your own. You tug him closer, and he propels himself snugly against you, chest to chest, breath fanning upon the shell of your ear.

“Can I kiss you?” 

You don’t answer, nodding breathlessly, and he leans forwards, smiling against your lips.

Jeonghan takes out a box of mementos for you to rummage through a week later, spreading out the photographs, journal entries, and other knick knacks across your mattress you both sat cross legged upon.

He mainly does it for your amusement and interest, answering the spare question or comment you’d make offhandedly, browsing through his phone, but when you burst into giggles at a seemingly whim, he straightens up.

“What’s so funny?” Jeonghan peers over your shoulder, and you hold up the photograph gently towards him. 

It’s not exactly comedic material, but something about the photo tickles your throat with laughter; Jeonghan dressed pristinely, a solemn, almost bored, expression upon his fine features, styled hair without one strand out of place. 

“What’s wrong with that picture?” He jutted his bottom lip out accusingly. 

“Nothing.” You assure with a gleam of a smile, and he rests his head on your shoulder after some inward deliberation at the truthfulness of your answer. “I was just thinking about how lucky I am I guess.”

He doesn’t move from his position, but you can tell he’s listening intently so you continue with a breathless laugh.

“You’ve lived for so long, and I get to be a part of it. Maybe I’m taking a page out of your dramatics, but I dunno. It’s nice to find something unexpectedly that I didn’t know I was looking for in you, even if it was kind of weird. I guess Seungcheol was right.”

“That was really sweet, and I thought we were going somewhere, until you said the last part.” Jeonghan furrows his eyebrows, looking at you confusedly, and you chuckle, telling him about the time Seungcheol dropped off blood for him last minute.

“Bastard.” Jeonghan mutters, and with your fit of laughter, it’s passed over, Jeonghan’s unsaid words lingering on his tongue. 

He sets them free when you fall asleep on his lap, midway through parsing the box’s contents, and he cleans it up with his best to not disrupt your sleep, talking in a soft voice. 

“Everybody’s looking for something. I’m glad we found that something in each other, in this lifetime. ” He presses a kiss to your forehead, and you stir lightly, smiling gently.

“Me too.”

✞ taglist: @seijoh​ @soranihimawari​ @peachy-yabbay​

All Out of Love

♥ Jisung/Minho (Chanlix- mentioned)

♣ Summary:  Jisung was unsure where this sudden attraction to his best friend and groupmember came from. Was it the time when Minho decided to prance around through the dorm in a pair of basically translucent basket ball shorts that did nothing to cover up the apparent bulge between his legs? Or the time when they sat together and watched a movie, naked thighs rubbing together and Jisung wanted nothing more than just straddle those thighs and ride the older until they forgot their own names...

♠ Rated: Explicit. First time blowjobs, love confessions, canon compliant, porn with a lot of plot 

♦ Words: 6,151

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They were alone, just laying on Jisung’s bed. The dorm was quiet, and the sun kept getting lower by each passing minute, casting the bedroom in a soft, blushed, golden light. Yet another packed day had passed and the older of the two had been away on dance practise and music lessons all afternoon. Jisung himself, had been lonely and down in a low mood the entire day, barely scribbled down a lyric that could… probably become a song after a lot of fine adjustments, while the rest of them worked on individual pieces of music as well or just had a day off. He thought that he’d held up a nice act throughout the day, acting like he didn’t just wanted to crawl back underneath his blanket and forget about all the missed opportunities that had passed by, the fact that they missed out on a whole tour, and that they were all basically stranded at their dorm. He didn’t have to say a word though, when the dance line had gotten home. Nearly falling through the door but successfully picking themselves up again when the smell of tteokbokki and samgyeopsal made their stomachs growl- Minho just met his eyes instantly and gave him a soft smile, as if he’d missed his company as well. Jisung was just about to start eating and had paused mid-air when his friend met his eyes from across the room and watched him for a few seconds like that, with the corners of his lips curled up, hair sticking to his neck and the cap he’d been wearing almost damp from sweat, and pushed the bowl of food he was about to start eating, into the older’s hands instead with a small smile before making another one for himself. His friend sat down next to him, thankful and intoxicatingly sweet talking like always, smelling strongly of deodorant and musky sweat and that little something, that… warmth that was his own. Jisung didn’t remember what they had talked about during the meal, he’d agreed and disagreed at some points but that was pretty much it. Minho’s back was lazily pressed against his chest during the entire time they ate and he couldn’t help but inhale slowly and steadily through his nose, feeling like a creep but couldn’t stop himself non the less when his heart fluttered happily at the smell that surrounded him. Minho noticed his distance in the conversation though, he must’ve, because he came and visited him just shortly after they had cleaned up the trash that was left after the take-away. Fresher after a quick shower and dressed in soft new clothes. Jeongin only gave them both a small, knowing smile before he unplugged his charger and took both it, and his phone with him out of the room, closing the door after him. Hyunjin’s loud, surprised shout could be heard from the other side of the dorm barely ten seconds later and Jisung couldn’t help but snort out a small chuckle. “Place for one more?” Minho had asked while he closed the distance between them, already knowing that the younger wouldn’t say no and Jisung only hummed back a low “Of course” while he tried his best not to stare at the unbelievably unfair way the setting sun outside successfully shot it’s last beams straight onto the older through the window, making the shine in his hair and glow of his flushed, exhausted body seem ethereal. So lithe, and kissed just for a second or two before he placed his foot on the edge of the bed, took one big step over the younger, curled up on the pillow next to him like a tired cat and fished up his phone from the pocket of his sweats. Jisung went back to what he was doing and soon enough, music from a playlist with songs they both enjoyed played softly from the older’s phone. Just a few minutes passed in quiet calmness, ten or fifteen at most, before Jisung sighed dramatically, swung one leg over the older’s hips and locked his phone, “Hyung, I’m boooored” Minho glanced at him for just a second when he whined before going back to what he was doing. “But hyuuuung…” “Entertain yourself then” the older answered bluntly, not breaking eye contact from the twitter feed again while he aimlessly scrolled through it and Jisung turned to him with a small frown. It was embarrassing, since they’d laid like this for such a short while, but he still got completely caught up in the moment of it, of Minho, like he’d done countless times before. Mind turning completely blank while his gaze rested on the other’s features- of them just laying so close together, bodies pressed up against one another, legs entangled now since the older pressed even closer to him, Minho’s right hand fingers seemingly unconsciously caressing the younger’s knuckles, and his face so close to Jisung’s that he only had to scoot forward a decimetre before he could place a soft kiss against his jaw. … He didn’t though. Mostly because he was worried of what would happen if he did. If Minho would just give him a disappointed look, get up and leave, or if he would get angry because Jisung would finally cross that invisible line in their friendship that separated them from being an actual couple. There’s was small stubble on it, barely covering his jawline with short, fine, prickly hair and he frowned again, found himself reaching up and stroked the back of his finger gently over it while wondering quietly to himself if he’d ever be brave enough to find out how it would feel against his lips. The sudden touch caught the older off guard and he turned and gave his best friend a soft questioning smile. Like he didn’t mind the affection and rather just wondered where it came from and if Jisung, perhaps, needed more of the physical contact they both had missed throughout the day. He met the younger’s gaze, brown meeting brown and damn it- what the fuck was Jisung supposed to do? He was bored out of his mind, constantly horny like any other average libido, young adult living in the same house as seven other equally horny guys without the space or time to even masturbate every once in a while, depressed like a middle aged man who’d been divorced twice and lost his kids, but thankful that they could at least go to the studio so they didn’t had to be locked inside their dorm all the time, but it was not enough. He longed to see other people, to live normally and not be scared to death that any of his friends or family would get affected by the raging bullshit that was currently happening. No, it was not even nearly enough to pull him out of the fact that he was currently spending more time with his members than he’d done since pre-debut… don’t misunderstand- He loved them. He really did and it was all good some days- even enjoyable when they spend a full day having Mario Smash Bros tournaments or alike, but also damn near infuriating because they were all close as brothers who constantly picked on every annoying feature of each other and conflicts quickly arose. He tried to keep himself busy, wrote a new song just for the joy of it, even recorded it and happily waited for it to be uploaded to their YouTube channel, and yet, there was just a big gaping hole in the centre of his chest that craved to be filled with something. Well… he knew what he longed for even though it was impossible at the moment- the big stage and Stays from around the world. Their shouting voices, singing along, dancing, gaining happy memories and having a good time. He even missed the stress of going abroad, the rush of arriving to yet another new city. The way his heart hammered so hard that he could hear it in his ears when they went out to do a performance… “Jisungie?” Minho’s voice pulled him out of his daydreaming, and he chuckled nervously when he realised that he must have stared at his friend while being lost in his daydreaming. “Got lost in thought, I’m good” he mumbled, and shifted slightly against the older’s body. Minho was a familiarity against him that felt as natural as breathing but somehow, he just couldn’t get comfortable again. He went back to his phone, squirmed when he became hyper aware of Minho’s naked arms pressing against his own, the older’s gentle breathing at the side of his face and the fact that his friend was still so unbelievably cosy warm from both dancing all day, plus the apparent hot shower he’d had prior to him coming knocking, didn’t exactly help. Oh, and of course, how could he forget; his quite newfound (yep, he totally blamed the quarantine) fascination of the older… more so than the brotherly familiarity that he’d previously felt. A bigger, more intensively burning… love? Fondness? Affection maybe? than the family love and care that had always been there. He wasn’t even sure of how it started, if the “love” part came months ago and he first now started to think about the older’s body in a more… objective way than earlier or if the love had always been there and moments here and there these past few weeks only emphasised the strong affect the older had on him. He didn’t even know where the sudden, intense attraction came from. If it was that particularly hot day four weeks ago when Minho decided that walking around in only a pair of basketball shorts that did hid exactly nothing from the wandering eye, was a perfectly fine idea (yes, nothing. Especially the free hanging bulge that was very much apparent behind the thin mesh material. It wasn’t that Jisung was even looking very hard, Minho was just a good looking athletic guy with the nicest legs, those thighs, and a *cough* perfect upper body *cough* completed with abs and a hard chest that was perfect to cuddle up against) … or it could’ve been that evening around that time as well when they decided to watch a movie and, somehow, the both of them ended up sharing the same side of the couch. Way too close for Jisung to be fully comfortable with half; because he hadn’t been able to jerk off for days, and half; because the constant lovey dovey bickering between his twin in crime and leader, mixed with him finding them both heavily making out on the kitchen counter while Felix tried out yet another one of his many recipes- sadly reminding him that he was living a much more “human contact” less life than them. Minho had placed an arm around him just as the climax of the movie was going down, one leg thrown over Jisung’s and the warmth of his own naked thighs rubbing against the younger’s was making him dizzy and light-headed and insanely aroused, but he cared for Minho, and it just made the whole situation like 100 times worse because he couldn’t just blame the racing somersaults in his stomach- or the heavy flutter of his heart- on just his own crazy, up-in-the-clouds horniness. Couldn’t stop the fantasies of him just straddling those thick, muscly thighs when they had a moment alone. Couldn’t stop thinking about how fucking gorgeous his lips were, with that perfectly curved cupids bow and full lower lip and how agonizingly badly he wanted to taste them. Couldn’t stop the dreams that played over and over again during a few intensely hot minutes after he woke up. Dreams of him on his back with the older above him, on him, inside of him and he simply let out a deep sigh after realizing that it was a recurring thing after having the same sort of dream four nights in a row. He glanced at the older next to him where they laid and thanked god that there was no such thing as mind readers because he’d surely be fucked if Minho would be able to hear all the shit that swirled inside his deprived mind. He swallowed and tried to get back at his phone but Minho’s breathing next to him was too close now, way too close and he sighed, deeply unhappy with his situation, the fact that his dick had started to spring to life with all the intense thoughts about what he wanted to do to the older and made a move to sit up. Completely giving up on the fact that the comfortable moment they’d had would feel the same again. But a hand around his wrist stopped him just as his feet hit the floor. “Don’t go… please. I don’t know why you’ve stared intensely up at the ceiling for the past minutes but… if there’s something…” Jisung looked back at him, eyes peeking down on the hand around his wrist before he made eye contact with his friend, “If you need to talk, not necessarily having a deep talk but just… about anything. I mean-” the older stuttered and swallowed hard before giving him a sweet smile, “Just stay with me. I- I need you” Minho begged and the younger inhaled sharply, The older wasn’t one to ask such a thing, and especially not beg- not something that was so straightforward and upright (that was all Jisung himself and his highlighted neediness through and through) and there was something more in his voice that only emphasised the words that fell from his lips. Something shameful, like he’d just told a secret. Minho himself looked equally surprised over what he’d said and the hand that gripped him hard let him go just as fast. “Ok, I’ll stay” the younger answered with a gentle smile curled around a voice that wavered only slightly, while his heart thumped hard enough to get stuck in his throat when the older scooted closer to the wall again to make place.

I know we feel the same, rea-la-lize Don't think too hard about what you are going to say, just reply My slightly playful metaphor I wonder how you will interpret it

The lyrics in the song that played from the older’s phone gave the whole moment an even more embarrassing feeling and Jisung could feel his cheeks flush when he laid down with his face towards his friend again. Their bodies found each other before their minds could stop them- like two magnets getting close enough to slam back into one another and Jisung had to stop himself, again, from wiggling too close, from just reaching out and pull the other in. “Do you remember uh… when we just got back from the tour a two months ago?” Minho asked, with one hand pressed between his cheek and the pillow while the other sneaked around the younger's waist and Jisung only nodded, a bit breathless from the weight of his friend’s arm around him, “Do you remember what happened that night?” the older continued and he nodded again, a bit more puzzled. They’d been tired and even though it wasn’t even that late, jet lag was like a punch in the face. Chris had excused their messy, fatigued minds and just let them all leave the dirty laundry as tomorrow's problem before preparing for bed to get back some lost sleep from travelling over time zones. Jisung himself was exhausted and decided to watch some tv and relax a bit before bed. Laying with his head on the armrest and curled up underneath a blanket, one channel seemed even more dull than the next and he sighed with boredom while member after member bid him goodnight. Minho had been quiet when he laid down next to him while Chris flicked off the lights in the living room on his way to the bedroom, giving them both a soft smile while doing so. Or well, the older laid himself down on him to be more precise, and even though he knew that the rational thing would be to ask Minho to please get off because every muscle in his body hurt- he was simply way too tired and way too proud to say that he’d missed times like this, when they could just be close without worrying about oversleeping the next day, or having to worry about another roommate, or making sure that they slept properly and didn’t made a harder work for the styling and make-up noonas the next day. “Why aren’t you going to bed?” Minho had asked after some time while he drew small circles over his sweatshirt clad chest with one finger and Jisung had answered something half-assed about him being unable to go because the older was laying on top of him, “I can move… but you have to do something for me first” the older had said slowly, like he was still considering what he wanted to say, “What?” Jisung had asked, half annoyed by the other’s sudden trial and finally turned his gaze towards his friend. Minho’s eyes glinted with mischief and the younger might have gotten worried of this “thing” that he had to do, if it wouldn’t have been for the unsure smile on his lips. “I wanna kiss” he’d said in the sweetest voice he could muster and Jisung froze underneath him. “What?” he asked again, voice breaking from surprise this time but Minho just stuck his tongue out with a bright grin before sitting back up and walked off to his room like he hadn’t just dropped a bomb in his friends lap. Jisung stayed where he was though, in… shock? of what had happened. But Minho never brought it up the next day, or any time afterward and the younger was sure that he must have been too tired to remember what he’d suggested. At least that’s what he thought. “Do you remember what I said… back then?” Minho looked both like he really enjoyed himself, eyes glinting dangerously dark, full of teasing seduction, much like he looked on stage and his body seemingly getting closer to his friend by the second- but also like he’d rather be anywhere else than next to him at that moment, eyes flickering and feet rubbing across the sheet like he wanted to run away. But he stayed his ground and only inhaled sharply when Jisung placed a gentle hand on his cheek. “I wanna kiss” the younger’s voice stuck a little in his throat and he felt like he he’d gone back to the teenager who just met Minho again. Scared and nervous while excitement bubbled adrenaline through his body. “Yeah, that’s what I-” the older started but was quickly interrupted, “No- I mean… I wanna kiss- I wanna kiss you” Minho opened his mouth but no sound came out and Jisung only chuckled under his breath while he scooted a bit closer, eager and much more confident now when the older seemed to lead him on (cryptically, yes, and much less forward than the younger would be but that was just Minho) They were close enough to feel each other’s breath on their faces when the younger stopped, “Is this ok?” he asked, a bit worried still that he was coming on too strong but Minho only smiled, all crinkly eyes, scrunchy nose, tongue pressing against his upper teeth and lips curled up in a way that was just so Minho that the younger couldn’t help but close the very last distance between them. The older tasted off the same kind of bubbly happiness that he felt himself and a small startled groan slipped between their lips when the surprise of Jisung’s sudden determination slammed into him. Hands wandered up to grip onto hair and clothes with a neediness to pull the other closer. “If you only knew, hyung” Jisung mumbled between heated desperate noises for more, the wetness of lips moving against one another and Minho’s hitched gasp when he rose himself up slightly, braced his upper body on his elbows and let the younger take the lead even though he was the one getting pressed onto the mattress, “I knew” the older whispered back between their lips, “that’s why I tried to trigger a reaction from you back then” “Wait. What?” Jisung fully separated them and looked up on his friend but only received a smug, lopsided grin, “Yeah, but I chickened out when you seemed so stunned. I knew that you’d probably be surprised but speechless?” he snorted out a small chuckle, “I honestly thought I made a mistake” The younger rolled his eyes and leaned up to capture the other’s lips again, the tip of his tongue sneaking out to taste him while he let out a small noise of frustration, “We could’ve been kissing for weeks” Minho hummed something back in agreement before letting his fingertips run down the side of the younger’s face, over those cute cheeks that he adored so much, his soft jawline and revelled in the hitched gasp that slipped between his lips when he grabbed a hold of his chin to coax the other into deepening the kiss. It was slow, maddening and agonizingly wonderful. Sweet, with Jisung getting braver by the second underneath him, pushing up against the older in a silent competition of who would brake first. Who would lose the last compress of control. Who would give in completely. Minho hesitated, swallowed when yet another sweet groan broke between them and held back a small noise of delight when the younger pressed his hardening cock against his thigh. His breath hitched, paused for just a second when he realized that his friend had noticed his tense body, Fuck, were they really going to have sex right here? In Jisung’s bed with an unlocked door and the members just a wall away? Jisung seemed to think the same because he paused as well, longer than the second Minho had, and looked up at the older with eyes that were so impossibly dark that Minho had to swallow hard. “I want you” the younger said, bluntly and with a choked-up breath in his throat. He separated his legs and Minho, who already laid half draped across his body, found himself almost automatically slotting down between them. He bit his tongue when his friend locked his ankles around his lower back, pulled him in closer in the process and damn it, of course Jisung had to wear short gym shorts and a tee that did nothing to shelter away the honeyed, rough skin of his, covered with fine dark and so boy-like in a way that was driving Minho insane. “Want you in any way you’ll have me. Fuck, I just wanna be yours” Jisung groaned and raised his hips up to rub against him. The desperate motion, combined with the begging voice of the younger, was like a punch to the stomach and Minho exhaled out a deep whine. He always used to take pride in his calm and collected self. Even when he felt threatened and was endlessly teased by the younger ones in the group- he executed his warnings with a contradicting, peaceful smile. He was undisturbed by most things, hardworking and naturally chill when it came to his own emotions. But the way that Jisung made him feel at the moment though… licking his lower lip into his mouth before nibbling on it with a shyness that made his heart ache, his fingers playing with the lining of Minho’s sweatpants, only waiting for the queue to pull them down. Fuck, it was driving him crazy, in a way that Minho had never felt towards anyone or anything in his entire life. Crazy in the way that he wanted to scream to the whole world just how much he loved him, how much he would cherish him until the day he died. Crazy in the way the younger felt against his body, twitching with arousal and so fucking gorgeous with that small flush on his cheeks that Minho could feel his own body shiver, like a predator that was just about to pounce his prey. The fact that they still both wore clothes was beyond him, he needed the younger now. “T- touch me hyung, please” Jisung begged and something inside him snapped. He leaned down, hovered over the younger who immediately responded the second Minho shoved his hands underneath his tee. Jisung was strong, he knew that, and the abs on his stomach was a clear result of hours upon hours put in the gym, but it still surprised him- to be able to touch his friend in the sort of way he’d never done before. Fingertips roaming over the other’s stomach, muscles clenching under his touch and he was impatient, he knew that, but at the same time there was really no holding back. No fear of rejection, because Jisung buried the back of his head further into the pillow with a growling moan. Not a single move made that would indicate the other being uncomfortable, so he rid the younger’s shirt up higher, up until his collarbones and savoured in the way that his friend groaned softly to the small, butterfly light kisses he pressed on his abdomen before they travelled up over his chest. Tongue licking one nipple between his teeth, nibbling on it gently before he held back a satisfied smirk when Jisung had to hold his breath when he repeated the action on the other one. “We don’t have much time” he hissed out and Minho nodded to himself, lost in the way that his friends cock rubbed against his lower stomach before he sat back up, “What do you wanna do?” Minho asked, hoping that the younger could put words on the craving that burned so harshly inside him. “I want your hands on me, do- do what you want” It was shameless, the many thoughts and possibilities that showed up in Minho’s head like a rolling tape, but he quickly just stuffed them all into a box to be able to even move again. His cock strained against his underwear and pure need was choking him up by now but he still wanted to take it easy, to not rush because he’d wanted this for so long now that he’d be damned if he destroyed it by being too eager, “Hyung, please” Jisung begged again and he didn’t hesitate this time before plunging his hand into the younger’s gym shorts and closed his hand around his leaking cock. “Fuck” the curse got dragged out and Minho could only watch with wonder while his friend’s back arched from the bed, “Just like that” he exhaled and whined, actually whined, when Minho started to jerk him off, Beads of pre-cum quickly slicked his index finger and the older couldn’t help but smirk to himself. This was all his, at least in this moment- from Jisung’s tiny moans and sharp exhales to the way that Minho’s other hand cupped just perfectly around his hip when he held him down. He captured his lips and the younger groaned into it, his own hands eager to start feeling up the older as well. It was unceremoniously, with the younger’s trembling fingers reaching into his sweatpants before they closed around his cock as well- unceremoniously but so damn good. Minho’s head rolled back on his shoulder’s when Jisung started to move his hand as well, matched up the pace that the older had set and he was lost, utterly and completely lost. It must have been ages since he touched himself, or he was just way, way too pent up on the feelings inside him but he felt himself twitching hard in Jisung’s hand, unable to stop the pre-cum that flowed down his shaft. “Hyung, can I taste you?” Yep, he was gonna die. Fast and clean like an immediate swipe of a knife to his heart. “Yeah, of course” he breathed out and Jisung only smirked at him while they changed positions and his head hit the pillow with a soft thud. The younger grabbed a hold of his sweatpants and pulled them down swiftly before he could protest. A gentle snicker broke between the youngers lips and shame showered over him like a sudden cold rain, “Goin’ commando, are we?” Jisung asked and Minho swallowed hard, both from relief that the younger wasn’t making fun off him and the fact that he was just centimetres from his hard, leaking cock. “Yeah, I uh…” he paused, unable to process words while his friend closed his hand around him again and gently gave him a few gentle tugs,   “Hyung, I… I’ve never done this” Jisung sounded small all of a sudden, embarrassed from his lack of experience but Minho only gave him a gentle smile, relief in his chest from the fact that he wasn’t alone in this. That their first time being like this was together, “Me neither” he said sincerely, “Just uh, do what feels comfortable” Jisung nodded, seemingly feeling better with the knowledge that Minho didn’t know what to do either, carefully stuck his tongue out to kitten lick a small bead of pre-cum that dripped from the tip, and Minho couldn’t help the deep groan that slipped past his lips. The younger hummed back, delighted by the reaction and yep, Minho was definitely gonna die because despite his inexperience, Jisung just opened his mouth and took the older down as far as he could, like he’d done it a hundred times before. A sharp gasp broke the wet sound of Jisung sucking him off and he buried his fingers in the younger’s hair to have something to hold onto, something that could push him down on the ground again. “You’re doing so good, Sungie” he praised and felt his heart flip hard in his chest when his friend met his eyes behind dark, full lashes. Eyelids heavy with arousal while those pink, beautiful lips stretched around his cock so good that he had to push himself down into the mattress to prevent the urge of thrusting up further into that warm, wet mouth of his, “You sure you haven’t done this before?” he asked with a grin when Jisung hallowed his cheeks and sucked hard, his hand jerking him off at the same time to cover what he couldn’t fit in his mouth and the vibrations from the deep, proud chuckle of the younger sent shivers up his spine. He was just about to lose it completely, just seconds from coming when a sudden shuffling outside the door stopped their movements immediately. He slipped out of Jisung’s mouth with a soft pop and hissed loudly to the fright that exploded in his chest, the relief when the footsteps kept shuffling and the chaos in his mind when his friend just as quickly took him in his mouth again. It didn’t take long, despite their little scare and Minho only managed to whine out a soft “I’m coming” before Jisung let him go and he came all over his own abdomen and chest, back arching and a soundless scream leaving his lips while darkness enveloped him in warmth. “Come here” he whispered, still dazed out from the post-orgasm, jelly-like feeling that spread through his limb and Jisung smiled heartily, “It’s fine, hyung. You don’t have to” “I want to” he interrupted, a bit too blunt to be coming from him and would probably regret his own impatience if Jisung didn’t look like he did at the moment- way past horny himself, with his lips red and blood filled from all the work he put in while sucking the older off, hair dishevelled, eyes dark and heavy and fuck it, he loved him so much that he’d let the younger do anything as long as he could look at him with that fucked out expression every day. Jisung did as he was told without another word, a small blush on his cheeks while Minho grabbed a dirty tee from the floor and frowned with discomfort when he dried most of the cum off himself in the meantime. “Hyung, wait” Jisung placed his hands over the older’s when he reached up to pull down his gym shorts, He looked up, surprised, maybe even a bit disappointed but Jisung only nodded towards the door, “What if someone walks in?” He couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle, “You think about that when I’m the one who’s gonna sit with my ass in the air and mouth around your cock” “Well, I just don’t- I don’t want the others to see you like that” Jisung explained and the older felt a bit stupid. Jisung was actually concerned about him as a hyung and the fact that the untold hierarchy of the house might change if anyone saw him in such a compromising position. “I’m doing this because I want to” he said simply and didn’t allow the younger to say another word before he pulled down his gym shorts and underwear. “Fuck” Jisung mumbled when Minho closed his hand around his cock, laid down comfortably and then took him into his mouth with one careful swipe of his tongue, It tasted like nothing he’d ever tasted before. Tangy, musky and but still exactly how he always imagined Jisung to taste like. Eager, trembling fingers immediately buried into his hair and he groaned loudly when the younger harshly pulled on it while he swallowed down more and more of him. “I wish you could fuck me next time, hyung. Bet you’d feel so good inside me” Minho choked slightly and swallowed hard to try and cover it up when the words slipped from Jisung’s mouth as if he talked about the weather, “You feel so good now too but-” he made a noise as if he was embarrassed but Minho didn’t dare to look and instead just closed his eyes while he sucked harder, pushed the other’s cock down further into his throat… “I want that hyung, I’ve wanted it for so long. For you to just bend me over the nearest surface and fuck me. I don’t care if the other’s see or hear. I just-” He inhale sharply and Minho recognise the shudder in his thighs because he did the exact same thing when he was close enough to almost taste the oncoming orgasm. “Don’t stop” Jisung moaned out, deep and desperate and thrusted up, carefully, into the older’s mouth, only stopping to push Minho away when he came all over himself as well, body spasming and eyes rolling back slightly. “I love you” Minho said, mindlessly, while wiping his mouth from spit, just as the younger opened his eyes again. It wasn’t what he wanted to say, not at all, and Jisung seemed to believe that it was a joke, “And I loved how you made me feel. Fuck, I needed that” “No I-” Minho paused and realised that he might as well be honest now when he’d already opened that can of worms, “I mean it. I love you” “What?” Jisung asked, disbelief in his voice while he tucked himself back into his shorts, fully confused now, “Yeah, in a totally romantic kind of way, for nearly two years now” “I love you too” Jisung answered, feeling a bit lightheaded but didn’t know if it was because he’d come harder than he’d done in months or because the sudden confession was like a breath of relief in his worried mind. Loving Minho had always been as easy as breathing and he never thought he needed a special moment to say so, but he guessed that this moment was as perfect as any, with the older’s body against his own, his laboured breathing, his flushed skin against his own, “I love you too” he said again, and gave his friend a big smile. He was just about to get up and plant a gentle kiss on the other’s lips when a small knock on the door made them both freeze up. “Are you two finished or?” It was Jeongin, a bit nervous and bothered from the tone of his voice and Jisung let out a gentle laugh while he felt his cheeks flush from embarrassment, made sure that they were decent and shouted back a, “Yeah, come in” “Dear god, guys, please open a window. I’m gonna sleep in here” the youngest complained and was met by laughter from the couple on the bed, “Sorry Innie-ah” Jisung sang, and Minho held onto his friend tighter, feeling the light feathery feeling of serenity rest upon him when he watched as Jeongin tried his hardest to not break the serious expression he forced on his face.

1820 Nov., Thurs. 16

9 1/2

1 1/4

Four of V [Miss Vallance] last night. Vide the above of this page, which should have been dated as this morning. Long talk with V [Miss Vallance] at and after breakfast, till one. My question of last night was referred to, and I finding I might, pressed it farther. Giving her to understand that her manner was in fact an answer and my own mind was made up. But if she chose to say yes to my suspicions I would certainly tell my reasons for them. 

At last she whispered, ‘Yes’ and it gradually came out that she had, in an unguarded moment and a long while ago, submitted to the embrace of the man to whom she then believed herself going to be married. But who afterwards turned out to be such a scamp it could not be. See my j[o]urnal of two years ago. He was guilty of forgery. She did not mention his name, but he only got out of prison by the insolvent bill passed on the death of the late king – She said how sorry she had been and how bitterly she had repented. That it was always on her mind and she could not be happy – 

I said all I could to soften, reconcile, and console, and in telling the reasons of my suspicions, owned that they arose from the first time of my being connected with her. And that tho I had at last asked the question almost inadvertently, yet it had often occurred to me, and in my own mind the thing had very nearly mounted to conviction.

She then explained why, in spite of the mortification, she had felt so [o]bliged to me for asking the question. If I could find it out, another might and it had determined her to tell Andrew before she married him. But on this she asked my opinion, silently aware what a man must feel in such a case. I was for disguise, saying it might depend on her own conduct whether it was found out. Another might not be so observing as I, for I had been more led to it by some expressions she had at different times used.

She could not depend on herself, could not disguise anything – She knew, or had heard, a lady who had been in the same unfortunate situation who afterwards married another. Her husband saxed her with it the first night. She did not deny, but said he had no business with it. Became very violent instead of humble. Her husband declare[d] he would not live with her and they parted the next morning – 

She had heard in trembling a conversation on this subject. At the Napiers all were very liberal. She durst not press the question, to know Andrews opinion about confessing, but Mrs. Napier was for and Mr. Napr against it. I agreed with Napier. Said it might be concealed if a woman knew what she was about. For that, in fact, ill health might have occasioned the difference of formation. And if the question was asked, she might say it was in consequence of using a uterine syringe. ‘Ah,’ said she ‘that looks so like being taught, I cannot bear it. But I really was obliged to use one for many months.’ 

In proof that the thing might be c[o]ncealed, I said I knew of an instance where it had never been discovered till after the death of the lady, who died before her husband. And then it was by the treachery of a servant. I alluded to Baron and Mrs. George of Dublin, Tibs friends, at this moment. I am uncertain if it was not by her own confession – 

I[sabella] N[orcliffe] returned from Wiganthorpe at 1 – She said it cleared up at Kirkham – She was not at all wet, had had a very pleasant visit, and was well pleased at having gone forward – Charlotte came down soon afterwards.

From 2 to 3 1/4 walked with Miss V– [Vallance] in the low garden. Recurred to the subject. I changed my opinion about disguising the thing, and agreed she had better tell Andrew before they married. For it appeared, from what she said, that the fellow might give her some trouble, as he had told he[r] she should never marry another. And meeting her on the night her sister Anne was married in the lobby of the theatre in London, he being drunk, said before her brother (her being not far off) he had at least this consolation that she never could marry another – 

This V [Miss Vallance] said did not appear to be understood as she knew he meant. For not a soul in the world, she believed, but he himself and she knew anything about it – She afterwards told me that I was of course aware. How she trusted me. That she would not make any appeal to my honour, because she knew it was unnecessary. 

She could not calculate what impression what she had told me might make on me, but she hoped if I felt to esteem her less I should tell her so. She could not bear to be loved without being esteemed. Nor could she bear the idea of my thinking lightly of her. For tho she had fallen she was not unprincipled, and from the moment that I shewed any levity of manners towards her, or presumed to shew any want of respect, she would never see me more.

Weak as she was, she had more firmness than I supposed, and if once determined, she could and would keep her determination. She had nearly resolved to have nothing to say to me after my question last night, but she had then given me a fourth kiss out of gratitude – 

She asked if I had ever spoken of her lightly. I mentioned candidly the only time I had done so. It was when Tib long ago said that, do what I would, I could never get V [Miss Vallance] to yield to me. That I answered, ‘Trust me, Tib. V [Miss Vallance] is not as very much better than all other women’ – 

I owned that my conversation on that ominous Saturday had been rather libertine. But that I had done it to try her to see what lengths I might go, what liberties I might take, and that she had behaved very properly and had come off with credit – I said I would not make professions, but time should prove by my conduct whether I esteemed and respected her or not. I really pitied, excused, and forgave her, and know not whether the dignity and propriety of her conduct at that moment did not make me feel to esteem her more than I had ever done before – 

Poor soul. She told me early in our walk that the dread and agony she felt at the thought of meetin[g] the man again, after the thing had happened. No words could describe, and she could never forget. When I, speaking about it and saying she was not the only one who had thus unfortunate, she mentioned a young officer and a young lady who both make her their confidant, and to whom the same thing happened just after her affair. The young man was obliged to go abroad to join his regiment. They both were in a great fright, but nothing came of it. They never were able to mary, and both were now dead – 

Went up to my own room at 9 1/2 – Miss V– [Miss Vallance] came to me for 1/2 hour – Then wrote page 194 and to the word ‘finis’ of page 195. When Charlotte came in to wish me good night, asked her to sit down. She did and staid (Monday morning November twenty) one and a half hour. I was writing my jurnal when she came in, and sorry to be interrupted. But in my anxiety not to shew this, seemed in better spirits than usual. That is rattled on more than I should otherwise have done to Charlotte. From little to more, I talked her into taking all I said in good part. Persuaded her I was not changed towards her, but made it plain that she appeared so towards [me] and this was the real cause of any mistake between us etc. etc. 

Tib came. I went with Charlotte to her own room. Said I knew she liked to be met halfway but that I would willingly do it two thirds, yet still supposing the way divided into twenty parts she could not expect me to go nineteen out of the twenty. She said no, she could not. Burst into tears, fell on my neck. Said she had behaved very ill to me. Begged my pardon and added that if I knew the miserable state of mind she was in, I should excuse her. That as to the coldness of her answers to me, she had often been obliged to do so or she should have burst into tears. 

I instantly kissed her. Said she had done but little for me to excuse, but if it had been a thousand times more, what she had would have been amply sufficient – I wished her every happiness, kissed her very kindly. Said we would not misunderstand each other again, and thus left her. When I had just before said I knew she would not take advice, she said I was mistaken. And on my mentioning the letter I wrote her, saying she had never thought it worth any notice, except such as must give me pain. ‘Ah,’ said she. ‘You don’t know the state of mind I was in when I received it’ – 

I just told Tib that Charlotte and I had made all up, and that Charlotte had apologized – Went for a minute or two to V [Miss Vallance], tell the same, forbearing to say that Charlotte had begged my pardon and then got into bed – Frosty morning. Fine Day – 

[sideways in margin] In the course of the morning read from page 15 to 51 Blackwall’s Court of Augustus.

I hope you don’t mind if I ask, do you think Hamilton could have had some kind of ptsd?

Fascinating question! I hesitate to ascribe any particular mental health diagnosis to historical figures, because it’s really hard to tell what’s going on with them internally based on scraps from letters and descriptions. That said, Hamilton certainly suffered through some major traumas during his life. His manner of coping with those traumas is a really interesting topic to explore.

His childhood was rife with trauma, from the death of his mother to his cousin’s suicide to being left to fend for himself at a very young age. Though he did keep in touch with some friends and family back in the Caribbean after he left to some extent, his manner of dealing with the horror of his early life seems to have been largely by burying it deep and cutting himself off from that time in his life. Hugh Knox, Hamilton’s friend and mentor, bemoaned the loss of contact with Hamilton in his letter dated 27 October 1783:

My old & good friend. Faith between you and me, it hath puzzled me very much to account for your long Silence. Three years have now Elapsed since my last from you, tho’ I have wrote you frequently in that time. Can any thing have happened on my part, which Should have So long deprived me of the pleasure of hearing from you? When you were Covered with the dust of the Camp, & had cannon balls whistling thick about your ears, you used to Steal an hour’s Converse with an old friend every 5 or 6 months; & now, in a time of profound peace & tranquillity, you cannot, it Seems, find two minutes for this kind office. I think I know you too Well, to Suppose you could take offence at any free Strictures on the times which might have dropped from my pen in the Confidence of friendship, when you know how firmly & enthusiastically I was attached to the Cause in which you were Embark’d. Or, Since your Marr⟨iage to t⟩he amiable Miss Schyler, are you So loss’d in ⟨– – –⟩ as to render you forgetful of your other friends? ⟨Or⟩ are you grown too rich & proud, to have a good Memory? Or are you so Engaged in Writing the History of the American War (Cujus Maxima pars facisti, & which you know I have appointed you to) that you have no time to write letters? Or— or— or— pray what is it? Pray make Haste to Explain this Strange Mystery!

Hamilton does appear to have confided in Eliza some of the more painful parts of his past. When he received news in 1782 that his half brother Peter Levine had died, he wrote to Eliza simply, “You know the circumstances that abate my distress, yet my heart acknowledges the rights of a brother.” A lingering anger and a reticence to revisit that painful period in his life can be inferred from the brief note. John Church Hamilton also said that his father rarely spoke of his childhood. When Hamilton broke that silence, it was to speak of happier times to do with his mother or his schooling:

His mother died during his childhood, a woman of superior intellect, elevated sentiment, and unusual grace of person and manner. To her he was indebted for his genius….[R]arely as he alluded to his personal history, he mentioned with a smile, his having been taught to repeat the decalogue in Hebrew, at the school of a Jewess, when so small that he was placed standing at her side upon a table. ( “Life of Alexander Hamilton” v.1 pg. 42).

The war also seems to have left it’s mark upon Hamilton. During the war, Hamilton often showed himself not only resigned, but eager to die in battle. In a letter to John Laurens date 8 January 1780, he confided:

In short Laurens I am disgusted with every thing in this world but yourself and very few more honest fellows and I have no other wish than as soon as possible to make a brilliant exit. ’Tis a weakness; but I feel I am not fit for this terrestreal Country.

When Hamilton came home after the battle of Yorktown in 1781, he fell sick and spent almost two months in and out of bed. (On 29 December 1781, he wrote to his friend Nicholas Fish, “I have been very sick—I am still alternately in and out of bed.”) Hamilton had a history of falling dangerous ill after periods of intense strain, but I wonder if that illness may have had a mental component. Later in his life, he confided in Eliza about an “impertinent gloom” hanging over his mind, which has the strong flavor of depression. Perhaps the trauma of battle made it hard for him to get out of bed as much as any physical illness.

In a letter to Vicomte de Noailles from November or December 1781 regarding Lord Cornwallis, he expresses holding on to rage and anger towards both the commander and the British, which may have been a way to cope with having killed in battle a month or two previously. He confessed to de Noailles:

Your knowledge of our nation induces you to think, that after a victory, in the tranquil moment of reflection, we can judge with calmness, and even protect the person whom the preceeding hour we had attacked with eagerness; though for myself I disclaim the loss of animosity, certain that a constant and eternal hatred is the only method to humble our enemy—like Rome who inflexible in her enmity, even after the destruction of Carthage, could not forgive her former glory.

The thought of taking a human life clearly weighed upon him until his death. On 10 July 1804, the night before the duel with Burr, Hamilton wrote Eliza an explanation for his decision to throw away his fire:

The Scruples of a Christian have determined me to expose my own life to any extent rather than subject my self to the guilt of taking the life of another. This must increase my hazards & redoubles my pangs for you. But you had rather I should die innocent than live guilty.

Losing Philip was another major trauma in Hamilton’s life. I’ve written in more detail about Hamilton’s reaction to Philip’s death, but briefly, he seems to have dealt with the worst of it by burying it down deep, much like the terrible memories of his childhood. In a letter to John Dickinson dated 29 March 1802, he explained:

I was not, My Dear Sir, insensible to the kind attention shewn me by your letter of the 30th. of November last. But till very lately the subject has been so extremely painful to me, that I have been under a necessity of flying from it as much as possible. Time and effort and occupation have at length restored the tranquillity of my mind, sufficiently to permit me to acknowlege the kindness of those friends who were good enough to manifest their sympathy in my misfortune.

As a means of distracting himself in the white hot intensity of his grief just after Philip’s death, Hamilton began an essay series entitled “The Examination” that ran in the New York Post from December 1801 to March 1802. These essays have been largely ignored by historians, as the editors on Founders explain in the introductory note to the series:

“The Examination” was by almost any standard of measurement inferior to most of Hamilton’s earlier polemical essays. Many of his points are petty or inconsequential; his reasoning is at times more superficial than profound; and his repetitiveness and verbosity stand in marked contrast to his usual incisiveness.

[scenario] serendipity

Pairing: reader x S.Coups; a side roommate!seokmin x nct jaehyun, mingyu is here, too!

Genre: soulmate!au, slight!angst

Word Count: 3006w

Warning(s): implied (?) mentions of death; seungcheol is on crutches, mention of alcohol, and some implied nudity eheh nothing big tho

masterlist (but i really should update it) | writing page?

desc:  Soulmate!au in which people have two timers; one says when you will meet your soulmate, but you never find your second timer.

a/n: um idk i kept listening to enchanted by taylor swift while writing this lmao

----

Incessant taps of the pen against the kitchen table punctuates the kicks to its legs, jarring your line of notes into uncertain knowledge on the page. You pull your pen back, eyes flitting up to your roommate scowling at his notebook and textbook in front of him. You plant a palm on the table to stop the wood from shaking, from scratching the hardwood, and call out his name.

The first "Seokmin" melts right into the yellow lights.

The second "Seokmin" disappears somewhere in the textbook.

The last "Seokmin" is harsh out your throat, but it gets him looking up trepidation. "Let's walk outside."

Spring night heeds no warmth for the two of you, still leaving hints of winter breaths out your lips when you heave exhales after chasing him down the stairs and out to the walkways of the apartment complex. He tucks the hood of your sweatshirt up and behind your ears, mumbling about "keeping the cold away" as he tugs on the drawstrings.

You both head for the fountain, still sending cascades of water at this late hour. "What's on your mind?"

"Is it that obvious?" he sighs, runs a tired hand over his face. His entire smile wipes off with his palm and sears some slow, exhausted blinks behind. "Just school and work and I don't know, life." It hits you that the timer trailing down a vein on the back of his arm will reach down to zeroes soon, but you don't remember how long exactly. Perhaps he remembers; perhaps he forgot.

"Is it about your soulmate, too?" is quiet through bubbles of fountain water.

Seokmin sucks in a breath, grabs your arm, and tells you to stop. "I never thought of that." He loosens the grip on your arm to check, rolling his sleeve up and screeching. "I have four minutes, but there's no one here?"

"Let's just keep walking." And you allow Seokmin to lead the way, weaving closer to the sidewalk. You ask about his work, about the daycare across the university. "I bet the kids would be excited to meet your soulmate."

Seokmin shrugs and his broad shoulders sink heavy at his aching bones. "I don't think I'd be ready. I never have time fo-"

A groan shoots form beside you, followed by a thump, and Seokmin sits on the ground, scratching the heel of his palm. He winces after a drag of his finger over streaks of blood and you kneel down to examine is hand. He dusts stray pebbles off his skin, whispers a "Thank you" without glancing your way, and stands up. He offers back his unscathed hand to hoist you up.

"I am so sorry," you hear someone behind you, voice worn out and huffing. "I wasn't looking where I was going."

"No, no, it's okay," escapes monotone out of Seokmin's mouth and it's nothing of the cheery voice he gives you in the day hours, far from comforting levels he soothes into night hours.

"I'll run to the store, give me five minutes." You look up to Seokmin poking at the back of his forearm, scratching and sending more dry scratches of his nails into his skin.

"Wait, no, come here." After making sure that the timer on Seokmin's arm slices down to zeroes and after the man blushes, confesses that his timer is on his hip, you trail behind Seokmin and the man to the convenience store to buy a first aid kit.

Seokmin settles on the sidewalk with the man, who introduced himself to you as Yoonoh once he sprays antiseptic all over Seokmin's palm. He explains that he jogs at nighttime because the air singes cool into his lungs, nothing warm like the afternoon or evening breezes. No one ever bothers to walk at nighttime and he's usually the only one outside in the neighborhood. He apologizes again for bumping into Seokmin, cheeks blushing under blinking fluorescence of the shop sign--from the slowdown of his jog, Seokmin himself, or the fact that Seokmin is blushing, too; you're not sure why.

The number of your friends without a soulmate starts to dwindle down the closer you get to graduation, and you're one of the few that remains with a ticking timer. Seokmin never minds walking into a dressing room with you or tripping up six flights of stairs to peek at the time on your shoulder blade in the comforts of your shared apartment. He assures you that wearing off some anxiety of waiting for zeroes is something that will never bother him.

"Besides, you do the same thing for me all the time," he always tells you, scratching the back of his head with a one-corner smile.

But what bothers him, that he mentioned to you only once, are the nights where you peel off every piece of clothing to find that second timer lost somewhere on your skin, under your flesh. You remember Seokmin's hesitant fingers trailing down centimeters of your skin to find it. You remember stumbling into a bed, tinges of alcohol infused into your system, with people you met just once. You remember asking them if they can trace time under their fingertips, but their hands are caught at your back and their lips are gone from your shoulder blade. One quick kiss to sleep and you find your bed empty the next morning.

You remember Seokmin's second timer just right. Millimeters away from the base of his hairline, curving some distance beside the shell of his ear. He asked you to read the time, but never tell him how long is left. He asked you to read the time, but pretend you never did. He asked you to read the time, but lie that there is still so much left.

You lose Seokmin and Yoonoh in their conversation. Three in the morning feels much closer to you than Seokmin has this entire night and even if your class starts early into the afternoon, you don't plan on walking around at this hour.

Relief washes down on you that Seokmin found his soulmate, that his months, years of anxiety reward him with this nice guy who jogs at nighttime, who apologizes even when Seokmin dismisses that he's "okay, it's just a scratch." But you know, just like all of your friends, that it means the apartment will be more empty with your presence than with yours and Seokmin. Your nights of studying will be stretched longer without a second person to worry about waking up in the morning. It means coming home to a lonesome front door because Seokmin is stepping into Yoonoh's instead.

----

Despite the distance of your friends with their soulmates and graduation in front of everyone, you hop into your car and you're pretty sure there aren't enough seats for everyone. Someone probably has to sit on another’s lap in the car ride to the mountains and at this point, no one cares who will sit on someone's legs.

You pull out baskets, folded blankets from your trunk as others find the perfect spot that opens up the stars to the city down below. You and Seokmin help spread the sheets over the grass, drop baskets at each corner to hold them down. You lie down next to Seokmin and you know at the other side, his thumb rubs the back of Yoonoh's hand.

You wonder if you will see each other in a month, a year, two years. With no exams or classes to study for anymore, one of your friends turn on the flashlight of their phone and asks to look for each other's timers. "Of course, those who still have their first timers going."

Everyone lifts their sleeves up or pokes a peek at their hips, rolls the sleeves of their sweatpants up to the knees or tugs the collars of their shirts down. You shy into the restroom because taking your shirt off to find it is not something you're entirely comfortable to do in front of so many eyes. You whisper to Seokmin to help you find it again and when you come back, your fingers dig into his sleeve and your toes jump at your steps.

Your friend sits with a planner on her lap and she flips through, jots down when the first timers will reach zeroes. "Y/n, when will your timer go off?"

"In two months," you whisper, and your heart thumps hard at the thought of meeting your soulmate, especially when more than half of your friends are sitting with theirs right now.

"What happened to you?" she asks another, lifting her hands to wipe your other friend's tears away.

It's not common to find a frozen timer. It's not common, either, to find one already set at zeroes before you realize it.

"Why before graduation? Why when our lives are just about to start?"

----

A couple of months after walking across the stage, you lie on the couch, one leg hanging off the edge of the cushion and the other toeing the lamp next to the armrest. Seokmin moved in with Yoonoh after graduation, just like you predicted, and they probably spend their nights walking around the city.

So you get up, promise yourself that you will walk around the neighborhood at this much safer hour. You slam down the idea in your brain that you want to absorb the neighborhood after you missed so much of it when burying your eyes in the books.

The flower shop suspends some potted plants outside, leaves only the name of the store on glass in view. The cafe tempts you with a second cup of the day, but you dodge it. The bookstore wafts in scents of yellowed pages, new prints, hard spines trying to keep up with polished paperbacks. Everything screams for a date and you want to run away.

Your eyes fixate on the old woman stacking coins at the register as you walk down, tear your view just before you would have tripped on someone. A shorter guy slings his arm around the taller, scowling at something below him.

"Sorry for blo-" the taller one starts, black hair matching the black marking up his ribs. Tan skin peeks out the low dip of his tank top and shines against spring sunlight.

"Mingyu, check my timer," the shorter one says, wincing when the one named Mingyu lifts his arm off his shoulder to tilt his neck back, to check something there. A pulse, maybe, but why would he do that when the short is still breathing?

"Seungcheol, it's at zero," Mingyu barely breathes.

"I can't believe I meet my soulmate like this," the one named Seungcheol groans and you can't help the laugh escaping your lips. You haven't checked the timer on your shoulder blade, not since Seokmin moved away, because trying to look at it would snap your neck. You think the guy is just messing with you, but you waive a chance.

"What's with the limping?" you ask, pointing at the bandaged heel.

"I will tell you later," he promises. He leans against the car at the curb as his taller friend runs back inside one of the stores and returns with a pair of crutches.

"Would you like to sit at the cafe?" Seungcheol nods for the next door after situating the crutches under his arm and bidding his friend goodbye and thanks.

You open the door for Seungcheol, bell ringing right above you. You pull the chair behind him, lift a hand to his shoulder as he eases into the seat. You head for the counter to order, returning to the table with hot mugs.

The second you sit down, he asks if he can see your timer. Heat rushes to your cheeks before telling him that you'd have to take your shirt off to show him. Heat bounces from your cheeks to his and even teases his ears. He grabs for the mug too quickly and he flinches, flails his hand to rub the cool air onto his skin.

He sighs, apologizes for asking, and props his elbow up on the table. He leans his cheek into his palm. "I'm sorry, I don't even know your name."

He says your name right after you, flat at his voice the first time. He repeats it, but higher, much softer, and tilting his head to the side. Curves of his lashes blink slow at you and a smirk teeters from his lips. Your eyes avoid his, resort to looking down at your lap. You want to hit him, slap his shoulder if you just reach across the table, to get him to stop looking at you, but he doesn't need a second injury.

You glance back up to pick up your mug, tread through the question of what happened to his foot and if he'll be okay.

"I’ll be fine," he assures you, swirling the spoon in his empty mug, "but I want to show you once it's healed."

You lift an arm over the table, pinky out. It pulls a gentle giggle right out of his lips. "This is serious," you affirm, and he drops his smile, loops your pinkies together, and lets your thumbs press together.

"Can we meet again like this?" he asks, low and disappointed that the cafe closes early today. "Can we go somewhere and just talk? Mostly because I can't walk at the moment."

You tell him you'd love to. He saves himself on your phone as a curt Seungcheol and once you save your number on his phone, he calls his friend to pick him up.

"Do you live with someone? Maybe they can help you."

"I live alone, but I'll survive."

"Seungcheol, what if you trip on something?" He chuckles, mumbles that he's grateful to have a soulmate who cares about him already. But you roll your eyes, offer to drop him home if he waits here. "I live nearby, so I can just walk home and drive back here."

Athletic trophies line up his apartment--from the metal baseball bat, basketball, to a black belt. A flimsy picture of a violin as tall as the boy holding it leans on the wall of the kitchen counter and Seungcheol explains that his mother wanted that picture of his violin recital somewhere in his apartment. He situates on a chair at the kitchen table, propping the crutches on the seat beside him.

As if knowing the question before you get the chance to ask, he says he's studying kinesiology and is currently an intern. "I know it doesn't look like it right now, but I want to be a physical therapist." He mentions that he will be graduating next year before turning the unspoken question back to you. When you tell him that you just graduated and are simply waiting for an interview at any of the four places you applied for, he assures you that you'll get into one for sure.

He shifts in his seat, not exactly finding the right place to stay still. "What's wrong?"

He opens his mouth to reply, but a bashful frown makes its way through instead. "I was-uh, planning on taking a shower, but I don't think I can with the bandage on my foot," he admits, pinks winding back to his ears.

Without thinking, you stand up and suggest on helping him into the shower and he blushes harder, more squirming into his seat than before, and mutters that it's okay. "I have to learn more about my soulmate, anyway, so I might as well," from you earns a scoff from him.

"We haven't even been on a proper date."

"It hasn't even been a day since I met you."

"But aren't you glad you did?" through fluttering eyelashes. You cross your arms, roll your eyes, and turn around to leave, but he calls out your name and submits to needing help. "While we're at it, can I see your timer?"

The soft fingertips at your shoulder blade wakes up goosebumps across your skin and you think twice to realize Seungcheol gasps at the zeroes down your skin.

Seungcheol leans back on the chair at the kitchen again as you dry his hair under a towel. His gray shirt clings onto the muscles on his back and you glance down at lean outlines carving through.

"What's wrong with your foot?"

"I got a tattoo before I met you."

"On your foot?"

"Yeah, I didn't think this tattoo through."

"Can I see it?"

"When I take the bandage off, I'll show you."

After drying his hair, Seungcheol hops on one foot to the kitchen, opening the fridge and looking through. He proffers to cook you dinner, but it's cut futile when your phone lights up on his counter and Seokmin's message asks if you met your soulmate today.

"Who's Seokmin?" Seungcheol pouts, shoving all of the ingredients back in the fridge.

"He was my roommate," your voice drowns in a longing of how the apartment used to be filled with laughter at mornings. "He lives with his soulmate now, so I guess it doesn't matter."

Seungcheol nods, finalizes that "you should probably get home, then." You bid him goodnight, but he apologizes for today, for the fact that he can't do much at the moment. He promises that when his tattoo heals, he'll carry you to the car and take you on so many dates. His head loses in his verbal cloud of thoughts of properly making you dinner and dropping you off home, instead of leaving you alone at the parking lot.

You shake your head at his fantasies, but you hope that he will try to bring those fantasies to life. "I'll come over again tomorrow to check up on you, okay?"

Worry kicks the smile off his face, to a slight frown at his lips. "Message me when you get home?"

You lean down, press a kiss to his temple, and swear that you will.

Y/n

I'm home

Seungcheol

Goodnight ❤️

----

a/n 2: i feel like i mostly spat this out but i have some soulmate!aus i really want to write, even if i think that my writing is going downhill. sdfkjsdlfkj maybe it’s just with scenarios idk. anyway, here’s baby seungcheol with a violin