#no matter who you are or what you struggle with you're worthy of unconditional love | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zenkindoflove · 1 month

Text

So I wrote this post about Lucien deserving Elain in a fit of anger. And now I'm back with more anger because guess what guys.

Elain ALSO deserves Lucien.

I see it all the time. "Lucien deserves someone who actually likes him." Followed by bashing Elain as if she is the worst person ever and doesn't deserve love.

Please stop pretending like you're making this argument because you care about Lucien. Lucien deserves his soulmate. He deserves to have that HEA with the one person who he has a soul to soul connection with. Don't throw side characters and randos at him that do not make sense at all to his narrative or how SJM had canonized how mating bonds work. Do you honestly think Lucien is going to care that some other female wants him???? Do you even get that Lucien can easily get any female in Prythian and has gotten many of them but none of them really mattered to him the way Elain matters to him.

Listen to his words. He tells everyone he's a mated male now for a reason. He is loyal to Elain regardless of whether she is showing him desire.

Elain is a GOOD person. Just like Lucien. She is kind and thoughtful. Careful and empathetic. Strong and resilient. Elain loves with her whole heart. She loved her father when no one else could see as worthy. Not even her sisters. She loved Graysen faithfully even if he was a scumbag who didn't deserve her devotion. So, I think Elain knows what it means to love, and she is not ready to give away her heart so fast again. Especially not to someone who can see all of her.

Yes, it's hard that she isn't ready to love Lucien yet. But girl has been THROUGH it. She has been struggling with a loss of her autonomy, her future, and her identity. And all of that with the pressure of a soulmate who is a stranger. None of you can say you'd handle it perfectly either.

And guess what. Lucien, my brave and soulful man, understands that. He is the only one who acknowledged when Elain was severely depressed in ACOWAR that she suffered a trauma. He is the only one that gives her space rather than pushing his opinions or desires of what he wants her to be onto her. He knows she isn't ready. And he's waiting. Giving her space but also being present enough so she knows he is there when she is ready to get to know him. That is all he has wanted.

Jumping to the assumption that Elain "doesn't even like him" is bold. You don't know Elain's thoughts. You don't know how she really feels about Lucien as a person. We have some inklings about what she thought about the bond right after her terrible breakup that she was still mourning. We know that before Lucien left on a dangerous mission, she took a half step as if to stop him. We know that she has shown genuine care over whether he's hurt. And we know that she feels the connection to him (I can hear your heart beating through the stone) and that is never going away. We know that Elain is affected by Lucien and it's not a leap to think that she feels as drawn to him as he is to her, she just has to be ready. And maybe Elain can tell Lucien is a good male who she doesn't want to inflict her messiness on just yet. Maybe she knows to jump in too fast wouldn't be fair to him either.

So many denigrate Elain and say she is boring, selfish, or mean all because she is struggling through a tough time in her life. And even in that struggle, she still maintains her kindness. She still searches for hope. She still wants to better herself. Which sounds a lot like that mate of hers. And when she is ready to fall in love again, she will get exactly the man that she deserves. Lucien Vanserra. Because Elain deserves the unconditional love that he has to offer. Finally someone will return it back to her.

#elain archeron #pro elain #elucien #pro elucien #elain x lucien #lucien vanserra #when i say dont throw side characters at Lucien #ship who you want to ship #fanon ships are valid #what im meaning is insisting on these fanon fantasies as canonical endgame #ive shipped many fanon ships before #and trust you dont need to twist and turn the canon for your ship #just saying

94 notes · View notes

myun-saidthoughts · 2 years

Text

What is a disorganized attachment style and why can it be detrimental?

With this attachment style, there is a push and pull internally that you struggle with. You have this dire need and desire to be wanted by someone, to have someone, to be someone’s person, yet nothing terrifies you more. Nothing makes you more sick to your stomach, and nothing brings you more anxiety.

There is a constant dilemma wavering over your head. Usually, one parent emotionally starved you through their non-verbal absence, they never met your needs, they never protected you, they never gave you the unconditional love you so desperately craved for, and quite frankly needed and deserved. And in most cases the other parent represented a constant rollercoaster of emotions. They were unpredictable, chaotic, abusive, but also loving, nurturing, and caring in some circumstances. They brought you the safety and took it away just as fast. Over and over again, “I’m here!” to “I left again” over and over again. Because of this you looked at your parents in fear instead of comfort. Instead of walking towards them for protection, you ran away in fear and confusion. This abandonment wound has grown so deep in you to the point where you believe they wouldn’t come to you when you need them the most, because they never did.

You started to believe that they wouldn’t give you the security or stability that you need. Both parents emotionally (sometimes physically) left, with no explanation or communication. Or in some other severe cases both or (one) parent abused or neglected you and your needs at a very young age, and so you grew up thinking that 'love' is a conditional circumstance, and it's not given, especially by the people you're supposed to hold close to. In short, they didn’t provide the emotional or physical support or security a parent should have brought or in a way that you needed.

You felt as if you weren’t enough for their love so why would anyone else in your life be different? Why would another soul bring you the security your own parents starved you from? How can you become vulnerable to someone who would just leave in the end? How do you show the darkest parts of yourself to another? How do you let the wall come down? You were taught that no one will be there when it does. And with all this fear, there is still a part of you that wants a home.

You want someone to hold you and give you the peace you never felt. You want someone to look at you with pure intentions, and with care. You want someone to put you first because no one in your life ever did. No one ever showed you that your feelings matter, or that you are worthy of the love you crave. You want a home, a safe, secure, stable home. And now you search for it. Everywhere. And when and if you do, you run.

The idea of someone else actually seeing you, and all your parts makes you insecure and afraid. Being vulnerable is terrifying, showing a part of yourself just means they will take that part from you, and leave. Because they always do. Yet still, you have this deep void. A deep void of wanting a connection, wanting to be needed, and wanting to give. Now you may struggle emotionally and wither between being numb towards wanting a partnership to wanting nothing more. “What if the person I choose doesn’t choose me?” And this constant dilemma goes around and around your head. You feel as if no one is able to understand you, or love you in the way that you need. So instead, you fall for the people who naturally represent the abandonment wound that bleeds in you.

You fall for the one person that you know will leave, because that's what's most comfortable to you. It’s what’s most known in your eyes, it's deemed as what’s most ‘safe.’ The person you choose to give your heart to, is the same person you know that will abandon you. You already know how the story ends, so you naturally will choose someone who fits that absent character. They will never love you in the way that you long for, in the way that you search for, but that’s the type of love you only feel safe enough to accept. You’ll go in circles with this person, and you’ll constantly ask yourself “Why am I never good enough?” “Why can’t they just understand me for a second?” “Am I asking for too much?” “I’m never worth it, I’m not enough.” And the cycle repeats.

Or in some cases you find someone special, and the second they don’t represent your abandonment wound, the second they get too comfortable being with you, too comfortable with showing you their affection, their secure love, you run. This type of love is not common for you, nor does it feel safe enough to have, or to hold. Only until you heal that abandonment wound you have deep down, the only people in your life will just be a walking affirmation that says “You are not worth it.”

Ultimately, you crave to find the love you never received, but search for it in all the wrong people.

The people you choose are mirrors of everything you feel about yourself. You don’t think you deserve the safe love you yearn for. So when someone comes in, and they don’t represent the ‘safe’ mirror of being the person who will leave, nothing scares you more.

So until you look in the mirror, and see someone who is only deserving of the love you never received, you will only keep seeing a broken soul crying to be truly seen.

#fearful avoidant #fa attachment #fearful attachment style #disorganized attachment #abandoned #abandonment issues #trauma #attachment styles #psychology #cant commit #afraid of love

746 notes · View notes

lild3m0nnn-bpd · 2 years

Text

🦋Chronic People Pleasing Pt. 1🦋

Compulsively trying to earn love and acceptance doesn't work and actually leaves us feeling dissatisfied and empty. All attempts to gain love and approval fall short of achieving the nearly impossible prize of unconditional love, regardless of how well you please others. Though this strategy doesn't work, however, the driving force behind it is understandable and the state of feeling unloved is worthy of great compassion.

Chronic People Pleasing Thoughts

🦋"I'll Do Anything to Be Loved"🦋

You may think you need to satisfy others no matter what the cost is. If others approve of you, you'll finally obtain the unconditional love that you've always wanted. If you don't satisfy others, your chances of receiving unconditional love are slim to nonexistent and you may be abandoned.

🦋"What Do Others Want From Me?"🦋

This is characterized by compulsive worry about what others think about you, what they expect of you, and what you should do about it. Worrying about others' desires and opinions and you fixate your attention outside yourself. If you know what others want and give it to them, surely they'll provide the unconditional love and sense of safety you desire. Avoid displeasing others and creating any conflict that might result in love being withdrawn. You may not even truly know what others want from you, you simply assume you know what they want and then go for it.

🦋"It's Up to Me"🦋

The presumption that people actually need to be taken care of sets you up for worrying about how to help them. You are the one who should do the caretaking. This can elevate your worry to new heights and fuel the fire of chronic people pleasing.

🦋"I'm Not Worthy of Love"🦋

Fairly common belief that there's something innately wrong with you -- that you simply aren't worthy of love and therefore must constantly try to earn it. It's only natural that you would discount your own legitimate needs and focus on others desires. Feelings of unworthiness can make you work even harder to prove your worth by trying to please others.

🦋"I'll Be Judged and Replaced"🦋

People pick up the notion that they are doomed to be poorly judged if they do not act as others would want the to act. That criticism is a harbinger of rejection and therefore you're acutely sensitive to it and possibly adept at avoiding it. You may compulsively scan the environment for indications that someone needs you or is upset with you and be acutely attuned to potential signals that this is occurring. You may interpret the rhythm and force of someone's footsteps as an indication that the person is angry. You may think a certain tone of voice means the speaker is upset and that you're responsible for it, so obviously it's up to you to fix it. The purpose of this is to avoid conflict.

🦋"I Must Be Perfect"🦋

Trying to be perfect and attempting to anticipate and correct any personal faults is another common way to avoid rejection. This becomes a grueling struggle fraught with endless, painful self evaluation and self criticism. Perfectionism may bring about an idealized image of ourselves that masks feelings of unworthiness and shame. This leads to exhaustion and a paradoxical sense of failure. Its instinct to void abandonment and the common tendency to internalize our caregivers criticisms, this kind of perfectionism and self judgment makes sense. If you don't allow yourself to be seen exactly as you are, you can never be accepted exactly as you are.

🦋"You Decide"🦋

If someone asks you directly what you want, you're likely to respond with whatever you think the other person wants or deflect the question back to them. You may know exactly what you want, but you find it nearly impossible to say so because you have a fear of hurting others' feelings or offending them. You may have difficulty deciding where you want to go for dinner, let alone uttering any choice out loud.

🦋"How Do I Stack Up?"🦋

A frequent and unfair comparison of yourself to others. This results in judging yourself as less than or not as good as others and may cause you to think that others are always better than you. You begin to idealize others, further eroding your self respect and self trust and making equality impossible in your relationship.

🦋"I Come Last"🦋

The belief that you deserve to come last and that taking care of yourself is selfish. You often initially find it difficult to take time away fro others to meditate. You feel guilty about taking any time for yourself.

5 notes · View notes

delicioustrashlove · 2 years

Text

spaghetti brain

Wellness Wednesday .

At a moment in time , you need to stop and breath . And remind your self not every minute spent is survival mode. You can relax now.

Is that true though? … Is there such a thing .

We often forget to let our guards down because we have been fighting so long . I my self have come to a conclusion I self sabotage . And I am so afraid of things ending that I tend to push them away or I'm so used to such a dark place , that I struggle believing that good things are meant for me .

But I know I'm worthy and deserving . It's a Mental battle honestly . And its hard and very up and very down. It scares me a lot so I convince my self I'm better alone . Because why should any one want something so complicating ? Right .

Well, here’s the other half of my Brain about to speak its mind lol . Why should someone want something so complicating because I'm so so worth it . And I'm worthy . Thats the point of wellness Wednesday to reflect , to have a safe place to openly speak your mind and address your fears your insecurities and then conquer them . Its okay to feel low sometimes just don't live there. So every Wednesday I Will dedicate some free time to admit to my self to have a conversation with me , expressing and opening up about my worries and fears and concerns , then I will watch my self over come it .

“Oh sweet heart what on earth has happened to you that you're the only one you can trust .

The mind is one extremely powerful tool. It can build a empire or it can dig a very deep hole. Guess what though , guess who is in charge of that. You . You're in charge . You're get to design your own life. No one gets a say of what you can and cant be what you can and cant do. You're an artist baby, and here’s your brush . You're beautiful mind your nurturing heart and unconditional love and immensely pure soul . Those are the most powerful tools of them all. At your fingertips lies the ability to paint your canvas as you desire.

Sometimes you will fall some time you will even get kicked while you're down, but god sends his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. And in my heart of hearts I truly believe all things happen for a purpose. How will you chose to let it serve you. Its easy to get lost sometimes but thankful of the bread crumbs you leave behind they will always lead you back home

And maybe home isn’t always a place , maybe its two arms holding you tight.

Some times they are your own arms , just being at peace with in your self. The ability to be alone is very brave and to find utter ad blissful content in that honestly very strong of you. Sometimes your the one that has to pick your self up off the floor and sometimes you have to wipe your own tears. But you have to keep going. For a majority of life you're going to spend a lot of time alone and with your self so get comfortable. That soul of yours its amazing . And tell your self e very day I love you.

People will come people will go , you’ll swear some days you cant go. On any longer . Then one day your okay then one day your striving then one day your thank yourself for being strong enough o wake up each morning and giving it your all. Whether that’s self care or slaying a project . Or sometimes it may be as small to the world and brushing your teeth and getting out of bed. And god forbid anyone would ever have to experience that situation as an accomplishment , but if you do , its okay. You did your best that day based on your emotional state your intellectual state your well being .

Wellness Wednesday .

I do this thing where I feel my struggles aren’t valid . Due to the world and the problems and the struggles others have to handle . I don't feel worthy of this pitty I some times allow my self to endure. Struggles are like lies though no matter how big or how small it has the same effect. And your struggles also fall into that category . They are just as valid . And its okay to express that or to reach out for help if need be. This is an ordeal I still am learning to partake in. The part where I accept my struggles are valid .. and its okay to feel pain .

Its important I say this to my self. Brianna you are doing great . You’ve survived a wild situation And you’ve over come a lot . And guess what your going to continue to grow And learn and blossom and strive. You know the amazing women you are and the Beauty and joy you bring to peoples lives. You light up every single room . You are not our faults you are not your struggles you are not a burden. Your a blessing and you matter and you make a difference. You touch the hearts and soul of everyone that crosses your path. You truly are one of a kind and nothing compares to you. You may me struggling form time to time with your mental health and well being .sometimes you get lost and sometimes you mess up , but you are an extravagant creature. Let all those things teach you and guid you and serve its positive purpose . You are meant for so much . You will change the world piece by piece and step by step , one day at a time. The unexpected challenges to prepare you for well …. For you . The real you . The you your meant to be . Im thankful for my struggles and im also thankful for my mistakes . Yet I may have guilt behind some of my bad choices , I wouldn’t change a thing. It taught me a lot . It made me me. And who I am today . And im able to help and teach and be more open to learning.

The world is a little scary and love is a little scary and life is a little wild at times, but I challenge my self to not live in fear and not allow my self to doubt my potential. This world deserves my heart and all I have to give it . There’s so many things that I don't understand “why is this or why is that or what’s the point of this “ when those things have served its purpose then I will then be thankful yet again for something I went through and over came. The thing im most proud of is the compassion and self love I’ve learned. I’ve grown a lot and its served me well thus far. I never thought id look back and say wow thank you . Thank you god thank you me thank you to all those things I went through at the time I didn’t understand . I get it now .

People always ask me “what do you want Bri”

I could come up with a million and one structured literature and grammar to convince you I have that Devine plan .

But heres he truth .. HAPPINESS .

I want happiness . It's simple and sounds like there isn’t much thought behind that . But trust me its all I think of. In life I have chosen to take the ups and down and let life lead me where it needs to. But through all that the ultimate goal for me is pure happiness .

If something isn’t serving me that purpose I must set it down. If im not living my full potential in something, or if I'm not passionate about X,Y,Z I must set it down.

Happiness is often over looked. We set that on the back burner .

I understand though . But I vow to myself to never get lost wrapped up or settle for anything that doesnt give me my happiness. It's too important to me . And the meaning of what happiness is to me …. Well that’s a story for another day .

Until next time

And we have successfully indulged in wellness Wednesday ……

Side not: (this is just where my Brain is. do what brings you peace.

4 notes · View notes

hellomynameisbisexual · 3 years

Text

Sex should be fun, but it can also be complicated. Welcome to Sexual Resolution, a biweekly column by sex therapist Vanessa Marin answering your most confidential questions to help you achieve a healthy, joyful sex life. Here, she answers a question from a reader who came out as bi to her boyfriend.

DEAR VANESSA: I recently came out to my boyfriend as bisexual. Even though we are in a committed, hetero relationship, it was important to me to not be an invisible bi person any longer. He didn't take it well, and now I'm reconsidering our entire relationship. However, we have a really long history together, and I love him tremendously. Is there any way to salvage this? - Boyfriend Wants Me Back In the Closet?

DEAR BWMBITC: I’m so sorry that your boyfriend didn’t have a good response to you sharing this part of yourself with him. I want to acknowledge that it takes a lot of courage to come out to someone, and I know that it must have been difficult to have that conversation with your partner. As you mentioned, bi-erasure is a big issue, but I want to be clear that it’s not about who you are — it’s about the responses of others. Just because you’re in a heterosexual relationship at the moment, it doesn’t mean that your identity is invalid, or that you aren’t bisexual. That said, I’m glad that you felt the desire to contribute to more bi visibility and share your truth. Unfortunately, I do hear a lot of stories about those who aren’t bisexual struggling to understand it, often due to horrible myths and stigma, and I want to be clear before I even share them that none of these things are true. Sometimes, people with bisexual partners worry they won't be able to satisfy them, even though that person is making the choice to be in the relationship. People often misunderstand bisexuality and believe it means people are more likely to cheat, because of the false notion that bisexual people have more options. Additionally, there's also the myth that bisexual people are actually gay but haven't "fully come out yet." While your boyfriend may believe some or none of these things, it can be helpful to know some of the myths and stigma that are out there so that you can dismantle them within your own conversations moving forward.

Since you said you have a positive and long-term history with your boyfriend, this may not necessarily mean the end of the relationship. Some tough conversations don’t always go as well as we had hoped, even with people who love and respect us. So my recommendation to you would be to loop back around to this topic again when you're feeling ready. It may help to give him a bit of time to gather his thoughts. I would start with something like, “That conversation didn’t go the way that I was hoping it would, so I would like for us to talk about it again soon.” Then, plan to have a conversation again when you've both thought about how you'd like things to go.

When we’re trying to have tough conversations with people, we typically get nervous about what we’re trying to say. But you can improve the conversation’s chance of success by specifically telling your partner what you need from them. For example, maybe you'll tell your boyfriend, “I need you to see and accept who I am as a human being.” Start with that essential request and see how it goes.

Based on your history together, you might have a better go at this the second time around — however, this might still be something that he doesn't understand, and you should be able to be your full self with any partner. If your second attempt doesn’t go well and you still want to maintain the relationship, I highly recommend going to see a couple's therapist. Having an objective third person in the room can help these conversations go so much more smoothly.

I hope that with time and effort, your boyfriend can realize that your sexual identity deserves his utmost respect. However, there's always a chance that no matter how much time you give him and how understanding you are, he may not get to that point — and ultimately, you’re the only person who can make the call about whether or not this is a deal-breaker for you. If you’re asking for my advice, however, I think that if he can’t acknowledge and validate something as central as your sexual identity, he doesn’t deserve to be with you. While that's a last resort scenario, I want you to know that you are worthy of that unconditional acknowledgment and love.

3 notes · View notes

lost-eternity · 4 years

Text

Match Up Requests: CLOSED.

Please read the rules before requesting

Match up for: @melancholicbutbeautiful

Okie dokie! I match you with....

The 9th doctor!

I know. This isn't everyone's favourite Doctor. He isnt as cute as the 10th or as puppy-man incarnate as the 11th but hear me out. I think he needs you.

Let's start simple, shall we?

He absolutely adores your height.

Standing at an impressive 182cm (6 feet), the 9th would be all over you. He's got a good 18 cm on you. Fully expect him to be "accidentally" leaning on your head and cracking short jokes at the most inappropriate times.

You're running from Daleks (it's an occupational hazard)? He'd say something along the lines of "hahah! I'm suprised they can even see you down there!" Cue and unamused glare from you. It's like.... we're trying not to die here and NOW you are making a short joke? Seriously?

You both probably meet at a museum. One of those quirky wax museums. Life-like historical figures expertly sculpted in wax, their empty eyes somehow full with false life. It combines both your passion for history and art, enabling you to walk up close to these esteemed figures who shaped our society.

But you can't focus on the wax creations, nor the historical excerpts that come with them. Instead, you keep getting this unnerving feeling like your being watched. When you turn around, you catch this one guy staring at you. So you look back at him like ???. And instead of quickly looking away like a NORMAL person would he just continues to stare.

So now things are awkward and your kinda tempted to reach for your keys. You know. Just in case.

And that is when you feel someone grabbing you from behind. Weirdly cold hands wrap around your arm, constricting you in a white-knuckle grip. Spikes of numbness shoot up your arm as the blood circulation is cut off to your hand.

You whirl around to face your attacker and are like ???. Why the HELL is Bob Ross attacking you? Like. What?

That was when the fire alarm began to go off.

Before you could react much, someone full on BEHEADED Bob Ross. He immediately releases you and promptly walks himself into a wall. The now headless wax Bob Ross backs up, then moves forward again. Then hits the wall. Rinse and repeat.

The guy who was staring at you earlier, now clutching the ironically red fire axe. Guess you now know who pulled the alarm.

The expression on this guy is borderline mianical as he Cheshire grinned at you. "Hi! What's your name?"

"Uh... y/n..."

"Nice to meet you, y/n, I am the Doctor. Now. Run!"

He grabs your hand and you charge for the exit, herding everyone else out of the museum as more and more wax figures come to life.

Springing into animation, they kinda slowly amble after you. It's not exactly efficient but it is pretty damn threatening.

This moment lead you into a series of events that eventually concluded in you both accidentally almost blowing up Big Ben to stop and alien hive mind from taking over Earth.... whoops. Not that it mattered to much. Because despite the terror and confusion that seemed to now be perpetually stricken in your mind, you had the time of your life.

But despite your pestering and begging, the Doctor adamantly refused to allow you to tag along on his next adventure. He wouldn't explain why. Instead he just dropped you off at your house, swearing to wipe your memory if you spoke a word of this to anyone.

Of course, you called him out on it, asking him if you could meet the "Men in Black" later.

He wasnt amused by your jab, saying that you reminded him of someone who we couldn't afford to lose again... and then promptly vanished after that

At first you thought you would never see him again. That he was just a phantom that emerged in your life, a chance crossing that never should have been. The moment your life was touched by something bigger... greater than the mundane reality you have been so long trapped it.

It was intoxicating. Addicting.

But as fate would have it, you did meet again. Except this time you weren't saving him from a domineering alien race, or robotic tin cans that sewed a path of destruction. No. You were saving him from himself.

Cut off from his own kind, the 9th Doctor was a damaged man, disparagingly grieving over the intense suffering he had witnessed; the destruction he had inflicted on his people as the result of his own actions.

He tore himself up, berated himself. Told himself that he did not deserve to be alive. After all, he was a monster in human skin. Because only a monster could cause the pain he had

The doctor struggled with the idea of isolation, he was the last of the Time Lords, having left the conflict with the excruciating knowledge of his hand in its apparent grisly conclusion and he would react strongly if pushed on the matter.

And for whatever reason, he came to you. You found him delirious and beaten down on your porch step, rambling, hardly making sense of himself and... glowing a little? Wtf?

You took him in, and only did not call for emergency care at his persistence and mumbled pleading. After doing the rather peculiar things he instructed and gave him a few questionable concoctions, the glowing stopped and he checked out.

You were up all night worrying yourself sick over this man. This stranger that you hardly even knew. I guess it is just the kind of person you are.

You were there when he awoke in the morning, calling out for you. At least you think it was you because he never said your name. Instead called for a "Rose". You weren't sure if this "rose" was a person or another wacky demand on his part.

You never did find out exactly what happened to him. From what he would say, he had an encounter with an alien species that really kicked his ass. Although you thought there was something more to it than that. Some more emotional undertones and reconciliation. You also did not understand why he came to you. You hardly knew each other. There was definitely something he was not telling you.

Whenever you asked who Rose was, he merely dismissed you or cracked a joke about your height. If you continued to press the matter, he would quickly get very snappy and drop his energized, maniacal façade.

It was after this moment that the Doctor agreed to allow you on the TARDIS with him. And you officially became his traveling companion. However. It was never all sunshine and rainbows. Although it was a rare occurrence, the Doctor would occasionally slip up and call you "Rose" again. He would always act like nothing happened and deny it if you brought it up. It was clear that this Rose person had a major impact on his life so... what happened to her?

So. I think you would be wonderful with the 9th Doctor because of your empathy and compassion. You unconditional understanding and empathic nature would definitely be unnerving for the Doctor at first. He feels like he does not deserve a person like you in his life. You are too good and pure. He fears that he will hurt you. So he pushes you away like he always does.

And this is why he needs you. I beleive that you would not stop pursuing him. Healing him. Your compassion and life would be what slowly seals up the wounds of his past and his own self-inflicted hatred.

He will finally be able to see his own worth because of you. And that was the primary reason I had for matching the 9th doctor with you. He is the one who needs someone like you the most.

Also. While you are genuinely empathic and loving, you will not allow yourself to be walked over. As you two grow closer, the 9th doctor will greatly appreciate your quips and sarcasm as it mirrors his own. You wont always be lost and confused like most of his companions end up being. Instead, you manage to keep pace with him. It's refreshing for him, honestly. And he will enjoy the playful banter exchanged between the two of you.

Also your dreams to travel align perfectly with the Doctor's noncommittal wanderlust shared by every single one of his incarnates. Your appreciation for other cultures and ways of life is something he can deeply relate to and will have a blast showing you more subtle cultures that may have otherwise bored his previous traveling companions.

Actually, as you two travel the universe together, you slowly grow closer and closer. The doctor begins to develop a kind of dependency on you. Because he only ever feels worthy of this love when he is around you.

Isolation really messes with his psyche. He can't handle being alone with his own thoughts. They constantly remind him of the pain he had caused, jeering and taunting him. They tell him that he will just run away from you. Like he always does.

He probably will try.

Don't think he will get far.

As he opens up to you, he finally tells you about Rose. Who she was. What she meant to him (I'm making this an AU where Rose died somewhere along the way).

And the realization is painful.

You dont just REMIND him of Rose. He is PRETENDING that you are Rose. Because for him that is much easier than coming to terms with her death.

I mean. Can you blame him? You look so much like her. Even down to your height.

All of those height jokes were made because of the way he used to tease Rose.

Your hair, your eyes, even your personality is a painful reminder of her. Which is why is tried to abandon you the first time. It is also why he showed up at your house when he got hurt.

He was running on empty and just instinctually went to the place he knew he would be the safest. At your house. With the person he sees as Rose Tyler.

Honestly it's not psychologically healthy.

So now you have a choice.

Do you want to remain with the guy who is clearly still hung up over his ex? Going so far as to convince himself that you ARE Rose? Or do you think you can work with him. Help him. Heal him and allow him to reconcile with not only her death, but the deaths of his own kind.

I guess that decision is up to you...

Aaand, I am done! Whew. Sorry that one ended on such a downer. Haha. But most of the Doctors are psychologically traumatized and their coping mechanisms are super unhealthy. I would feel like I am betraying his character if I did not find some way to portray that. Anyways. I hope you enjoyed 😁. I had fun writing it.

#match up #ships #ship #shipping #doctor who #bbc doctor who #9th doctor #rose tyler #reader x doctor #reader x doctor who #reader x 9th doctor #matchup #matchups #ship request #doctor who match up #doctor who ships

9 notes · View notes