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straightupsickfics · 2 years

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At @onetrickponi ‘s encouragement, i wrote my own wwdits prompt <3 nandor is confused by his urge to take care of Guillermo when he gets sick

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“Guillermo?” Nandor calls. “Have you seen my cape?”

Nandor frowns as he stalks out of his room in search of his familiar. It’s bad enough he’d had to get himself out of his coffin this morning without the help of Guillermo, which is no easy task with a lid that solid.

Now he can’t find his cape.

“Guillermo? You’re not locking yourself away in self-pity again, are you? I thought we talked about this…”

“What’re you on about?” Laszlo asks, appearing from nowhere in the hallway.

“Gizmo’s not missing again is he? I need my dry cleaning,” Nadja sighs.

“No, no, he isn’t missing. Though I don’t actually know where he is,” Nandor says. His eyes flick through the living room and dining rooms with no luck, and he finds the study empty, too.

By the time he makes his way back to Nadja and Laszlo, Colin Robinson is awake, too, peering at him skeptically from behind his glasses.

“Sorry to be captain obvious here,” Colin says, clearly not sorry in the slightest, “but has anyone checked his bedroom?” he asks, a single eyebrow raised.

“Of course he’s checked the man’s bloody bedroom!” Laszlo says before Nandor can admit that, no, he hadn’t actually looked there.

“I, um… will be right back, just one moment,” Nandor says, turning on his heel and making his way over to Guillermo’s room.

The house is a mess, he realizes, dust in places it normally wouldn’t be, a body left at the foot of the stairs. Come to think of it, when was the last time he’d seen Guillermo? It’s rare they go an hour without speaking, but now that he’s really thinking about it, Nandor hasn’t seen him in at least a day or two now.

“Guillermo?” Nadnor raps on his familiar’s bedroom door before charging in and finding Guillermo…. In bed. Well, there’s a Guillermo-shaped lump on his bed, anyway, covered from head to toe in blankets. Where had he found all of those blankets?

“You’re still in bed? It is nine o’clock Guillermo, what are you still doing in here?” The room is warm and close and there’s a terrible smell that Nandor isn’t familiar with. Like sick people and decay, almost. Nandor gives an unhappy sniff before poking at Guillermo.

“Guillermo,” he repeats, and finally gets a response. The blankets shift to reveal his very disheveled looking familiar. Guillermo’s eyes are red and watery, and there are unusually dark rings beneath his eyes, too. His nose is red, and he looks so pale, even in the darkness of the room, Nandor can see he looks more vampire than mere mortal today.

“Oh, snf! hi,” Guillermo says tiredly. He scrubs a hand over his face and looks up at Nandor.

“Yes, hello,” Nandor says. “I have been looking for you everywhere.”

Even as bad as he looks, Guillermo narrows his eyes. “And my room’b was snf! The last place you thought to check?”

Nandor just barely manages to suppress his eye roll. “That is not the point. The point is you were not there when I woke up this morning and now I cannot find my cape.”

“It’s in the basement; you had me iron it the other day, remember?”

Ah. He does remember, now that he thinks about it.

“Okay, well, will you be joining us today because you’re supposed to be —”

Nandor is cut off by a sharp gasp from Guillermo, and when he looks up, the man’s face is frozen, his eyes squeezed shut as his breath snags again.

“h’Uhh-hh! huhhTSCHhoo!”

“Guillermo, what was that? What’s going on?”

Guillermo sniffles and scrubs at his nose, which only makes his face crumple again, bending forward and sneezing into the blankets. “hetCHssh! tChisshh!”

When his familiar just blinks up at him for a long moment, Nandor’s struck with an unfamiliar feeling in his gut, like something warm and fluttering had crawled into his stomach. What a strange morning it’s shaping up to be.

“It was a s’dneeze,” Guillermo explains. “I caught a cold, I think.”

“A cold,” Nandor repeats, trying the word out.

Guillermo nods, then ducks aside, shaking with a coughing fit.

“I’ll try and get some stuff done later, okay? I really don’t feel well,” Guillermo says. “I’mb freezi’g and my n’ndose won’t stop…” He shakes his head and sneezes a few more times, one following hot on the heels of the last, and Nandor feels it again, that strange feeling.

“I will be right back,” he says, and leaves Guillermo to snuffle into a handful of tissues.

“I found him. Guillermo is… unwell,” Nandor reports when he gets back to the living room. He shifts uncomfortably as he says the words.

“Unwell? It’s not that damned Scarlet Fever, is it?” Laszlo demands.

“He said it is… a cold,” Nandor explains, eyebrows knitting together.

Laszlo snorts. “Ah, nothing to worry about then, he’ll be right as rain in a matter of days. Do keep his germs away from the rest of us though, won’t you Nandor?” With that, he takes Nadja’s arm and the two of them leave the room, apparently ready to get on with the rest of their day.

“Well, what do I do now?” Nandor asks, turning to Colin Robinson.

Colin frowns. “Do? Gizmo’s the one who has things to do that aren’t getting done.”

Nandor glares at him. “He looked so pathetic and small in there. He looks quite ill. I felt a bit odd in there myself,” he says.

“You can’t have gotten sick from him already,” Colin says. “Can vampires even catch colds?”

Nandor isn’t sure, but he doesn’t want to explain his mess of feelings to Colin. “I don’t know, Colin Robinson, maybe you can look it up on your world wide website…” He leaves before Colin can reply.

In his room, Guillermo is sitting upright now, but he isn’t looking any better. He looks like he might start sneezing again at any moment, actually, and he keeps making a sound in his throat that Nandor knows he should find irritating, and yet…

“You’re up!” Nandor says, like this is a great accomplishment.

“Umb, yeah…” Guillermo agrees. “I took some m’bedicine so, hopefully that kicks in…”

Nandor nods. “Yes! Medicine, a great invention.”

Guillermo nods and continues to stare at him. “Why are you… I mean, what… I mean… what’s going on, master? I told you I would catch up later, and I found your cape for you so you can really just…”

“You do not wish for company when you have… a cold?” Nandor asks. The fluttering in his stomach is really out of control now, what with the way Guillermo is looking at him all sad like this and sniffling over and over again.

“You want to keep me company? I’mb kind of gross…” Guillermo says.

Nandor shrugs. He can’t put it into words, but he has no desire to leave the room, though he isn’t sure what, if anything, he can manage to do for his familiar when he’s like this.

“What’s that you’re watching?” Nandor says instead, sitting uncertainly on the edge of Guillermo’s bed. It’s warm, and the smell he now knows is from the medicine and cough drops Guillermo has been consuming.

“Uh, Gilmore Girls,” Guillermo tells him, holding out his phone for Nandor to see.

As if he has any idea what a Gilmore Girl is, Nandor nods excitedly. “Ah! Well, if you do not mind, I would like to watch it with you. Make sure you do not get any worse.”

“I don’t think I’ll get w-worse, I’m just… sndeezing a lot,” Guillermo says, then bends at the waist and sneezes down at the blankets again. “h’ttCHshh! hehTSch! Tschew! uhh… uhhIShiooo!”

“That was…quite a lot. I will stay here if you do not mind,” Nandor repeats, and if he didn’t know better, he would say his familiar is almost pleased by this. A different kind of warmth settles over him at this, and he makes himself comfortable beside Guillermo on the bed.

Before too long, Nandor looks over at a soft, rumbling sound and finds his familiar sound asleep, his head against Nandor’s shoulder. It looks like he really isn’t going anywhere now.

#my fic #canonical Gilmore girls enjoyer guillermo my beloved #ww//dits

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writterings · 2 years

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the thing about wwdits is that you don't want guillermo and nandor to get together. but yes you do <3 it's like. they will be so toxic for each other. they have tried to kill each other. nandor has joked about letting guillermo get killed multiple times. he constantly puts him down. he locked him in a cage in a basement for a full month and only fed him raw chicken. he literally broke every bone in his body once (by accident).

but then guillermo like. has so many chances to leave. he's a pro vampire hunter. he literally escaped the basement cage the first day he was there but kept going back to it so he could clean the vampires' house when they were asleep and so they were thinking they did a good job. he calls nandor and all the vampires family but then at the same time lets the camera crew and audience know that he could kill them at any chance. he has several vampire-killing weapons all over the house and on his person. he kidnapped nandor once and also regularly emotionally manipulates him and nadja. he has openly admitted his attachment to the vampires and nandor isn't healthy but he literally doesn't care.

but then they do obviously care about each other. like nandor got guillermo a sparkly painting of them together. he thought guillermo was having diarrhea one time and just barged into the bathroom to help him??? he stands up for guillermo sometimes and constantly insists that he's a bodyguard, not a familiar. he calls him his friend and gets sad when guillermo leaves. he doesn't let him get killed by the vampiric council. he refuses to turn him into a vampire because he sees it as a curse and he cares too much about guillermo to do that to him. he calls him a little rascal. and guillermo is just obsessed with nandor and has appointed himself as his "heart guard". he sleeps with a stuffed toy of nandor that he made.

like. their relationship is genuinely like nothing i've ever seen before in mainstream media. it's not even about the gay aspect. its just, they're both so unhinged and so cruel to each other sometimes but they literally just put up with it because they're gay and insane and obsessed with each other but also hate each other at the same time. love wins <3

#wwdits #what we do in the shadows #finally finished the show a night or two ago #toxic relationship rights i guess #like fr i dont like toxic relationships irl for obvious reasons but like. in fiction? we don't get them as wild as this tbh

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mephistofowl · 2 years

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it's so amusing seeing comments about guillermo and his character arc like "[insert situation] is good for him b/c it means [insert someone other than nandor] might offer to turn him!" or "i don't like nandermo b/c guillermo is so [insert positive trait] and he deserves better!" i mean. come on.

sure, guillermo is incredibly sweet and patient and loyal and hard-working and very very very determined to become a vampire but. he literally would not have it any other way. his vampire roommates locked him in a cage in the basement, and — even though he was easily able to escape — he VOLUNTARILY STAYED AND DID THEIR CHORES WHILE THEY WERE ASLEEP b/c he's just that dedicated to them, nandor especially. he's a fucked up bloodthirsty killer with a body count in the hundreds. he's so madly in love that he made hand-sewn plushies of himself and nandor, even after 12 years of dealing with nandor's bullshit. he implied that he would kill nandor if nandor ever stopped caring about him.

guillermo is a slayer. if his primary goal were only to become a vampire, fulfilling that goal would be as simple as threatening any old vampire (nandor included) to turn him. or else. we as the audience know it's deeper than that. he wants it to be nandor, but he doesn't just want it to be nandor. he wants nandor to want it too.

does guillermo deserve someone much better than nandor? absolutely. but would he be completely and utterly miserable settling for anyone other than the man to whom he's dedicated TWELVE YEARS of his life? abso-fucking-lutely.

#let the fucked up little murder baby (affectionate) have his fucked up giant asshole vampire warlord (affectionate)#he deserves anything he wants and maybe what he wants isn't good for him but that's okay <3 #what we do in the shadows #nandermo #duckie quacks #wwdits

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vampireshmampire · 2 years

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What's in a Name (wwdits fic)

(most special thanks to @vampira-de-la-cruz for the spanish translations and also for giving me the idea for this fic in the first place *blows a kiss at u*)

It’s hard to call Nandor by his name. After over a decade of not using it, it feels strange on his tongue. But calling your boyfriend ‘master’ makes for a dynamic that doesn’t quite fit the two of them.

Fortunately, there are other options.

An absentminded querido when he needs to get Nandor’s attention from the other room; a playful bebé when they’re alone and Nandor’s hands are roaming while Guillermo tries to clean; a whispered amor when they are a tangled mess of limbs and sheets and shadows; and when Nandor is doing something so breathtakingly, mindblowingly stupid…

“Cariño,” Guillermo says, in as even a tone as he can manage. “What are you doing?”

“Ooooh, he’s in trouble~” Nadja crows. Whatever they’ve gotten into--or more specifically, whatever the people they’ve eaten had gotten into--it’s got all three of them dizzy and silly. Laszlo and Nadja are upright only because they’re leaning on each other and crammed into a corner, watching Nandor with wild, childish glee.

Nandor, for his part, has not picked up on the warning tone. He is standing beside the curtain, held open ever so slightly, and is trying to stick a lock of hair into the sunlight. He is dangerously close to overbalancing and putting his entire head into the sunbeam, but despite the look of serious concentration on his face, Guillermo knows he hasn’t noticed.

“Cariño,” Guillermo says, a little louder.

“I am trying to see if I can cut my hair with the sun,” Nandor says, as if this is obvious. Guillermo shuts his eyes, but only for a moment, because as soon as he does, there is a sizzling sound and a hiss of pain.

Nandor shakes out his hand and blows on his fingers and then yes, yes, goes right back to it. Now he is flinging the lock of hair forward into the light, which is only marginally better.

“Why,” is all Guillermo can think to say. Nandor gives him an affronted look, as if the question is somehow insulting.

“To see if I can.”

Guillermo manages to bury his scream in the back of his throat; strides across the room and tugs the curtain closed.

“Get in your coffin. Coffins,” he specifies, giving Nadja and Laszlo a meaningful look. “It’s almost eight in the morning! Go to bed!”

Nadja sticks her tongue out at him and the two stumble off. Guillermo follows just long enough to ensure they actually do descend into the basement, and then hurries back to Nandor’s room because yes! Yes! He has reopened the curtain and has one lock of hair dangling in the sunlight where it is smoldering. He gives Guillermo a triumphant look.

“Look, Guillermo! It’s working!”

“Tesoro, noche a mi día, amor y luz de mi vida, te voy a matar con mis putas manos ” Guillermo says, darkly. Nandor’s response is nothing but a glazed look of incomprehension. Guillermo points at him and says in a stern voice “Get in the coffin before I put you in there myself.”

Nandor gives Guillermo a look that is probably intended to be suave and seductive.

“No, this is not a sexy threat, this is an actual threat,” Guillermo pries his hands off the curtain and shakes the lock of hair loose until the steaming stops. Nandor steps forward and presses his mouth to Guillermo’s neck, beard tickling his skin as the man mumbles something.

“What?” Guillermo asks, trying to back Nandor towards the coffin.

“What if I made you make it a sexy threat?” Nandor says, feeling around blindly. Guillermo assumes Nandor is trying to get under the hem of his shirt, but can’t quite wrap his brain or hands around the concept of ‘tucked into Guillermo’s pants’.

“You can’t make me--No. Bedtime. Come on.”

It’s very easy to wrangle Nandor out of his cape and boots, but significantly harder to wrangle him into the coffin and not out of the rest of his clothing.

“Goodnight, cielo, goodnight,” Guillermo says, pointedly, pulling his hands free and finally, finally closes the coffin lid. He turns to leave--he needs to clean up and then maybe take a nap himself, for once--when a muffled voice behind him calls his name.

“What?” he snaps, wondering if he’s going to need to sit on the coffin to keep Nandor in there.

“I love you,” Nandor says, meekly, and Guillermo feels a sting of guilt.

“Y yo a ti,” he says. The coffin lid peeks up just a fraction of an inch, and while Guillermo can’t see inside, he can easily imagine two dark eyes peering out, and the expression they’d be wearing.

“Does that mean you love me too?”

Guillermo has to smile. He crosses the room again and peeks in the coffin, more for Nandor’s sake than his own.

“Yes. It does. Goodnight, amor.”

“Goodnight, Guillermo,” is the happy reply, and the coffin lid shuts again. Guillermo pats the coffin and smiles.

“Tu y tus pendejadas,¿cómo sobreviviste por tanto tiempo sin mi? Solo por eso te debería dejar morir.”

“Does that also mean you love me?’

“Sure does, cariño.”

#nandermo #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless #nandor x guillermo #what we do in the shadows #wwdits #what we blog in the shadows

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danepopfrippery · 3 years

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Alright finale rewatch: after a vampire dies, they make a new portrait so they can move on as quickly as possible and forget the dead. They clearly are not handling it well, lots of screaming.

It starts w Guillermo trying to get them to talk about Colin’s death, while privately musing its his turn god dammit. They immediately rip him to shreds. Nandor seems to defend him but is really just defending the hell hound who is there w Barren and Girly Jim (best couple really).

Nandor runs off, musing he hates his life and emotions and doesnt want to be the last guy there like a loser. Guillermo does not take this well. Going to secure Nadja and Laszlo as staying its revealed as someone here guessed that she was offered a chance to be on the main vampire council. Laszlo meanwhile is salty af, revealing its mostly about colin (whose body he hasnt seen and wont let anyone move despite ‘starting to smell’ cuz he cant face him despite not caring). But he also hates england cuz he was kicked out of some ancestral club and their classists fucks so fuck them.

Guillermo feels safe he wont go til Laszlo reveals it was because he was kicked out for marrying peasant girl nadja. She says hey we’ll be leaders, he agrees. Nandor makes sure its about him again by announcing hes leaving too. Guillermo tried calling them family while they just yelled. Girlyjim and Barren just watch.

The guide is helping Nandor travel, suggesting the backpack. So guillermo runs to his room to throw a fit. Nandor condescends to him. Guillermo goes ‘you’re only alive cuz i let u be.’ And bam there goes the homo fight. Nandor almost wins but Guillermo outsmarts him. Ironically nadja and laszlo have no trouble overpowering guillermo.

So nandor cries uncle, says guillermo should go w him and he will make him a vampire at the bank of the river tigris. Guillermo is tickled ass pink and runs off to plan. Nandors lil giggle at the start kills me

Plans are going, we see laszlo finally come up from the basement. Nadja says did u say goodbye to his body and Laszlo goes something like that. Guillermo asks nandor to take his bag, so he can help nadja and laszlo load on their boat. Nandor gives him a lil sass but its clear he seems to genuinely respect him.

At the boat they say their goodbyes. We’re shown nandor at the train station w the bags. Laszlo is acting odd. He has food for his coffin making me think hey u got baby colin in there? Guillermo thinks its odd too and bam laszlo flips him in the coffin. Guillermo is hysterical. Nadja doesnt seem to hear any of it.

We see nandor ready to board the train alone. Hes clearly fucking heartbroken. My heart imploded. We hear laszlo writing a letter to nadja and while hes vague we’re shown what really happened: he went to say goodbye to colin only to find a slimy trail to the other room colin always wanted to move into. Theres baby colin crying.

Laszlo stayed behind to take care of him even had fucking baby clothes for him!!!!! In his letter he reveals he tricked guillermo so he could protect her cuz he is a good bodyguard.

So guillermo is locked in a coffin, nadja doesnt know laszlo left her and dolly behind, and nandor doesnt know guillermo didnt willingly leave him behind. Laszlo betrayed all of them for colin

#what we do in the shadows #wwdits #spoilers #guillermo #nandor #laszlo #nadja #colin robinson

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clitfisto · 3 years

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wait omg what do u mean the narrative in wwdits is out for blood? the narrative in wwdits isnt locked in the trunk but rather alive and on the prowl???

thank you SO much for asking, this might not make much sense but i am Convinced that the narrative is specifically out for nandor's blood, possibly nadja and laszlo too, spilled by guillermo's hands

(disclaimer im not caught up with s3 so this might be blatantly bullshit but bear with me for a second)

so like. the narrative in wwdits is slow at best cause each episode focuses on one scenario and how the characters react to it because that's how sitcoms work, but when you break down the overall story it seems to have a pretty clear trajectory? cause like. it's all driven by guillermo killing vampires.

so the first thing to note is that guillermo is not a vampire hunter by choice, he's a hunter by fate. he's descended from van helsing, which makes him really fucking good at it, but he only ever kills vampires in situations where his hand was forced (killing accidentally, self defense, to save his vampires, etc). he doesn't actively seek out vampires to kill them, he just keeps ending up in situations where someone has to die. even the time he joined a vampire hunting group and went out to intentionally kill vampires he joined accidentally and only went along to try and sabotage their mission. he's not trying to be a vampire slayer, he spends most of s2 trying to avoid it, but he can't help it! the dude just keeps killing! it's not his fault the narrative puts him there!

second thing: the idea of guillermo killing his vampires has been foreshadowed repeatedly. from the van helsing reveal the idea of guillermo killing them is fucking everywhere, things like when he buys wooden stakes for laszlo's topiaries or when he puts out the fire on nandor with holy water and they both immediately accuse him of trying to kill them, or that bit where he throws 3 stakes away from him and they just happen to stab perfectly into portraits of the vampires. after the vampires find out guillermo has been killing other vampires they immediately become afraid of him (which is fair), eg. when nandor finds out about carol and guillermo accidentally presses the sharp broom handle to nandor's chest and there's that tense moment, then later nandor asks "why are you so interested in how vampires die", and also s3ep1 where guillermo's locked in the basement n shit and nadja wants to kill him and then they try to hypnotize him into not harming any of them (which! doesn't work! and i'm pretty sure that's a surprise tool that will hurt us later!)

so BASICALLY the idea of guillermo killing nandor + the others has been brought up multiple times by other characters, and it's also established that guillermo regularly ends up in situations where he has to kill vampires whether he likes it or not, and is fully capable of hurting nandor if he wanted to. do you see why i think it's just a matter of time.

the reason i think guillermo will kill nandor specifically is because they've always had the closest relationship so it would be the most emotionally effective, but also because nandor holds the power to turn guillermo into a vampire, which is the key to guillermo's character arc. if nandor chooses to turn him then the fated vampire slayer thing probably isn't a thing anymore (they're just kinda antithetical, i don't see a way for both things to coexist), but the longer he holds off the more guillermo will resent him for it and the more opportunity he has, like. there's this perfect tension in guillermo's character between wanting to be a vampire but slowly coming into his own as a vampire killer, and the question of which one wins out all hangs on who breaks first.

tldr: guillermo regularly has to kill vampires whether he wants to or not, the idea of him killing nandor nadja and laszlo has been foreshadowed for a while, and him killing nandor specifically would be a dramatically satisfying end to his character arc

#this is..barely coherent but i pray someone gets what i mean cause this has been taking up my brain all fucking day #wwdits Will Be A Tragedy i am Convinced #long post #wwdits spoilers #maybe? idk #please i beg of you someone understand this

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fairlylocalcryptid · 3 years

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locking nandor and guillermo in the basement cage until they have an honest conversation about their feelings. and im fixing the hole 😤

#wwdits

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indigoire · 2 years

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I never do this but I'm like five seconds in to the finale of wwdits season three and I'm already going feral, so here's an actual live reaction to the episode, HUGE spoilers under the cut!:

-omg Guillermo is being painted with them yes king

-yes Nandor you stand up for your bf! Oh he's talking about the dog :(

-"and I deserve it" YES YOU DO MEMO YOU DESERVE IT ALL KING

-DID THEY GET RID OF ALL OF COLLIN'S PAINTINGS IN THE INTRO??? OMG THEY SCRATCHED HIS EYES OUT ON THE POLAROIDS???!!! yo, that's fuuucked.

-eeesh this is not healthy

-omg Nandor is losing it

- :( poor Nandor. He needs therapy for real tho

-private bf chat (and of course the crew is spying on them)

- :( not Nandor abandoning Guillermo AND making him do his travel planning

-lmao the fucking RuPaul ref

-"yasss queen"

-lol they DID tape over RuPaul

- O_O Laszlo is having a rough one

-Laszlo tried to come on to Walt Whitman, iconic

-Guillermo is gonna girlboss too close to the sun

-... Guillermo is gonna kill The Guide, isn't he?

-aw, chosen family

-awwwww Laszlo left home because he loves Nadja

- :( Guillermo being left behind like this

- "I will fix" oh Nandor

-oh my god Guillermo throwing down the gauntlet

-YES YES LET THEM FIGHT

-damn Nandor, if I didn't know you were dumb as a rock I'd accuse you of manipulating Guillermo so he'd put down the cross

-WAIT WHAT THE FUCK

-omg it's happening! It being Guillermo being turned by Nandor

-still no hugs allowed :(

-"traveling the whole world with my Nand--master" BITCH I CAN'T

-damn, this is really underway huh

-aw Guillermo's little "gracias"

-mmm don't like the whole Laszlo staggering from the basement like that

-Nandor just like clunking the luggage along lol

-what the FUCK LASZLO

-OKAY WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK THO

-Guillermo is gonna miss the train with Nandor :(

-...Nandor leaving without him :(((

-Laszlo what the fuuuuuck

-oh this is some Alien shit

-BABY COLLIN ROBINSON?!?

-yeah baby Collin Robinson, that Laszlo stayed behind to look after

Okay, quick season four predictions:

baby Collin grows into full grown Collin in a few months, and he's basically the same guy except with Laszlo's brand of sexual proclivities

Guillermo finds his way out of the coffin, gets thrown off the ship before they reach England, and rendezvous with Nandor in Iran

Nadja goes to face the Vampiric Counsel, but it's been a trap this whole time to lull her into a false sense of security

They're about to execute her when Guillermo stops it like he did in season two, but this time as a vampire. Nandor kept his word.

They all survive and go back to Staten Island, where they find out about Collin Robinson and why Laszlo stayed behind.

Resume the status quo, except Guillermo is a vampire now, who they still treat like shit but maybe just a little less so

God this was a good episode (but I do feel bad for Guillermo getting locked up like that and Nandor having to leave him behind)

#wwdits #wwdits spoilers #What We Do In the Shadows #god I'm already looking forward to the fic

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chelsfic · 4 years

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Leftovers Part 9 - Nandor the Relentless x Reader Fanfic

Previous parts: Masterlist

A/N: Quick note-- most roller derby leagues don’t actually take a break from practicing during the off-season *shrug.* Hey, hey, hey, guys? Let me know what you think! I am an ACTUAL ENERGY VAMPIRE, but I feed off your kind words and support--love you!

Summary: Nandor is on the reader’s shit list, but will they reunite when a minor medical emergency pops up? (yes)

Warnings: Female Reader-insert, Angst, Medical shit (migraines, lasting effects of the vamp attack at the rave), Hypnotism

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“Guillermooo! I’m ready for my slumber now!” Nandor bellows, standing impatiently by his open coffin and waiting for his familiar to arrive so he can complete his bedtime routine.

Guillermo appears, huffing and puffing, a moment later, “I’m sorry, master! I forgot…”

“Well, that’s unacceptable, Guillermo!,” Nandor whines with a scowl. “You’re my familiar. It’s your job to remember these things. You’d think after five years--”

“Eleven,” Guillermo interjects with a pained smile. “Eleven years, master.”

Nandor looks momentarily shocked before regaining his momentum, “Okay...Eleven years… Fine. You’d think that you would remember to come and help me get ready for bed. It’s not that difficult.”

Guillermo lets the scolding roll off his back. He knows his master is hurting. In truth, Nandor hasn’t wanted Guillermo’s help at bedtime in weeks. It’s only now that his coffin is feeling a little lonely that he’s reverting back to his old ways. Guillermo rushes to untie his master’s cravat and helps him slip off the heavy cape. The vampire looks temporarily mollified.

“Very well,” Nandor sniffs, taking Guillermo’s hand as he steps up into the coffin. “I forgive you.”

“Thank you, master,” Guillermo smiles lightly and moves to take hold of the coffin’s lid. Nandor suddenly reaches up to stop him.

“Guillermo…” he fidgets and avoids eye contact as he asks, “Do you think she’ll be angry with me for much longer?”

Guillermo looks down at his master, feeling contrary ties of loyalty tugging on him as he decides what to say.

In the end he takes pity on Nandor, reaching down to pat his soft hair and murmuring, “I’m sure she’ll forgive you soon, master.”

“Thank you, Guillermo,” Nandor sighs, shutting his eyes and crossing his hands over his chest. “You’re a good familiar.”

He gently closes the lid, feeling a happy swell in his chest despite his concern. It’s been a few days since the orgy and his friend still hasn’t shown any signs of forgiving Nandor. He knows she’s hurt, but Guillermo silently hopes things will smooth over soon. An angsty vampire makes for an unhappy familiar.

---

After Nandor let you out of the basement you ran to the shower, dousing yourself in steaming water to chase the chill out of your body. But no matter how many hot showers or layers of clothing you put on, you can’t ever seem to warm up. At least not on the inside. In the span of just a few days you’ve gone from the heights of happiness to the dumps of misery. The worst part is that you’re not even angry anymore. You’re numb to it. All you want is to fall back into Nandor’s arms and let him make you feel good like no one else has.

But…

It’s not that he slept with who knows how many people at the orgy. It’s not even that he locked you in a basement and forgot about you. It’s that he treated you like a thing. Like his possession, whose feelings and thoughts are insignificant in the face of almost eight hundred years of immortal life. For a little while Nandor made you feel special, and then he’d gone and ruined it.

You don’t even have your usual outlet! Bout season is over and practice won’t start up again for another month. And to make matters even better: all this drama seems to be aggravating your stupid brain because, for the first time in weeks, you’re feeling the dragging ache in your head left by the vampire attack at the rave. It’s been a dull, throbbing pain for a couple days now, but tonight it’s grown into a pulsing, stomach-churning migraine. You lock yourself up in your room with the lights off. The housemates probably assume you’re brooding over Nandor. But mostly...you’re just in pain. And scared.

It’s after midnight and the pain shows no signs of diminishing. You finally drag yourself out of your room, squinting blearily against the blinding glare of the candlelight, and seeking out one of the two licensed drivers in the house.

---

“The closest urgent care is on Richmond, but according to the Google reviews, we’ll have shorter wait times if we drive a bit farther to the one on Victory Boulevard. Of course, it’s entirely up to you but--”

“Colin,” you interrupt, your voice barely above a whisper, “can you please take me to the closest one and maybe try to resist the urge to feed? I already feel like shit.”

Colin pauses, tightening his fingers on the steering wheel and saying, quietly, “I wasn’t...I was just trying to be helpful.”

You immediately feel guilty and then you question if, in fact, he’s still feeding. Being friends with an energy vampire is...draining.

He drives you to the urgent care, walking inside the crowded waiting area with you and taking charge of your intake paperwork. Okay, now you could kiss him, because bureaucracy is like Colin’s native language and you’re pretty sure he uses some of his power to manipulate the staff into getting you seen sooner. In under an hour you’re leaving with a prescription and feeling a little less anxious about the possibility that you might drop dead from an aneurysm.

You’re pulling out of the pharmacy parking lot and back out onto the road when a small, squeaking, flying thing suddenly soars through your open window and erupts in the backseat, transforming into your dark, sullen vampire lover.

You shriek in alarm, looking out the window and noting the lightening sky on the horizon. Your heart jumps up into your throat, “Nandor! What are you doing, it’s almost daybreak!”

Nandor sits forward in his seat and leans in close to you as he speaks, “Guillermo told me you have been to the human medical shamans! What is wrong, my human?”

“It’s...nothing, Nandor. I’ll be fine. I had a bad migraine,” you mumble. You’re too exhausted to be having this conversation.

Nandor continues, unphased, “Then you should have come to me, not fucking Colin Robinson!”

“Why?” you blurt out, suddenly done with avoiding the hurt you’ve been dwelling in for days. “Because you care about me? Or because I’m your property?”

Nandor looks bewildered, “You are my human…”

You shake your head violently, turning away in your seat with an angry growl.

“...And I do care, my love…”

Sighing, you fix your eyes on the metal guardrail at the side of the road as it flashes by. Colin Robinson is sitting rigid in the driver’s seat, beaming as he gulps down the emotions flooding the vehicle. Nandor reaches out to curl his fingers through your hair just as the first rays of sunlight break over the horizon.

“Nandor, the sun!” you cry, all thoughts of your hurt and anger flying from your head. You turn around in your seat to lock eyes with your lover for one meaningful instant before he transforms into his bat form.

You scramble for the purse at your feet, upending it onto the floor before holding it up and frantically gesturing to the flapping little bat in the backseat.

“Get in, baby!” you plead, uncertain of how much communication actually gets through in this form.

You breathe a shaky sigh of relief as Nandor flies into the bag, curling up at the bottom with a frightened squeak.

“Fucking hell,” you mumble. Your heart is racing in your chest. Cautiously, you open the purse to peer inside at the furry, winged creature who is...your boyfriend. You reach in and gingerly stroke your fingers over his little head. The bat’s teeth close on one finger in an affectionate, soft bite. “You’re okay now…”

Colin Robinson pulls up outside the house and turns to you with his eyes blazing, “Well, this has been quite the night!”

---

You carry Bat-Nandor into his room, taking him out of your bag and gently placing him in the fur-lined coffin. Even though you’re expecting it, you can’t help but jump back when he transforms before your eyes. You’re still not used to witnessing actual magic.

He looks up at you with a look that’s all soft, liquid eyes and remorseful submission.

“Will you stay with me?” he asks diffidently, toying with a tuft of rich fur on the coffin lining. “Please?”

You weigh your options. On the one hand you really miss falling asleep in Nandor’s strong arms, with the comforting scent of him wrapped around your body like a blanket. And when you pause for a moment you realize that the ache in your head hasn’t bothered you since he flew into Colin Robinson’s car.

On the other hand…

“Is there anything you want to say to me, first?” you prompt, arching your brow expectantly.

Nandor swallows his pride, thinking back to those horrible days when Guillermo left him for fucking Celeste. He sits up and takes your hand in his as he says, “I’m sorry I treated you like a belonging and not a person. I appreciate you very much. And I--I love you. And also, I’m sorry for forgetting about you and Guillermo in the basement…it probably won’t happen again.”

You let out a laugh, tears stinging your eyes as you reply, “I love you too, Nandor. And...I’m sorry, too. I don’t even care anymore about the stupid orgy anymore. But I should have...tried to understand it more. I think.”

Nandor sits up, grasping your face between his hands and pulling you in closer.

“I wanted you with me at my side, my mortal,” he hisses, dropping little kisses onto your lips. “One day you will be. I’ll make you a vampire and together we will be the life of every vampire orgy. We’ll feast on virgin blood and make love until the end of time.”

Before you can form anything approaching a reaction, he claims your mouth with his, sucking your lower lip and pushing his tongue forward to tangle with yours. You cling to the fur collar of his coat, hanging on for dear life as your knees go weak. Every time you kiss it feels like you’re diving into a hot spring, losing yourself so deliciously to the sensation of his touch.

“You want that don’t you, my mortal?” he pants against your lips, reaching down to casually lift you off your feet and settle you on his lap. “Immortal life? Immortal love?”

He pauses kissing you and you rest your cheek against the top of his head, enjoying the soft brush of his hair against your skin. Do you want that? To be a vampire? To never see the sun again? To drink blood to live? To never say goodbye to this beautiful, idiot man you seem to love?

“Yes, Nandor,” you murmur, pressing your lips into his hair and breathing his scent. “I do.”

He leans his head back and kisses you once more, running his lips over your cheeks, your jaw, the long column of your exposed throat.

“Uhm!” you interrupt, a little panicked. “But not this minute, right? You have to give me some warning…”

Nandor chuckles, smoothing his hands up and down your back in reassurance.

“No, mortal. Dawn isn’t exactly an ideal time to make a new vampire…”

“Oh...okay, good,” you sigh, settling down into his arms once more. “Because I have one condition…”

---

A little while later, you’re sealed up, snug as a bug in Nandor’s coffin, with his arms wrapped around you and your face tucked into the crook of his neck. You press a kiss to his cool skin and his chest rumbles with a satisfied purr. For the first time in hours and hours your skull doesn’t feel like it’s about to crack in two and you ponder the reason for that. Of course, like all vampires, Nandor has the power of hypnosis. Maybe his very presence has a soothing effect? Like he transmits a frequency that cancels out whatever that asshole did to you?

“Nandor?” you whisper, unsure if he’s fallen asleep yet or not.

“Yes, my mortal?” he answers at once, tightening his arms around you.

“When I’m with you my head doesn’t hurt so bad… But, do you think--do you think that vampire did some kind of...lasting damage?” the question has been on the back of your mind ever since the attack but you’ve been too afraid to give a voice to your worry.

A low growl escapes his throat as he replies, “That shit chicken vampire hurt you because he can’t even hypnotize correctly.”

“But...” you pause, steeling yourself. Are you really about to put this level of trust in him? “You can fix it, can’t you?”

Nandor pauses, swallowing down a lump of nerves as he considers. He wants nothing more than to make you feel better. But there was the time he and Laszlo gave Sean the brain scramblies…

But this time would be different. He would be so, so gentle. So careful…

He raises the lid of the coffin, sitting up and pulling you with him. A few candles still flicker from the tables around the room, forgotten in his eagerness to have you in his arms. Nandor’s pale skin glows faintly in the low light, the lines of his body lost in shadows.

“Look into my eyes, little human,” he commands, his voice is deep and drawling.

You obey, looking up at him as your body visibly trembles. You’re frightened.

“Shh,” Nandor hushes, running his hands up your arms and settling them onto your shoulders. “I’m going to take care of you.”

You nod, remembering how fragile and weak he’d felt when you’d carried his bat-form in your hands. You can give him the same trust. You can put yourself in his hands now and know that he won’t hurt you.

His dark eyes burn with intensity as he continues, “You are now under my command…”

---

A/N: I require CAKES AND CREAMS!! Candies and streamers and sticky, sticky toffee! Actually I just need some soft comments because I AGONIZED over this??!?!?!?!

Tags:

@festering-queen @kandomeresbitch @strangestdiary @glitterportrait @scuzmunkie @redwoodshadows @sarasxe @rileyomalley

#nandor the relentless #nandor #nandor x reader #nandor the relentless x reader #nandor the relentless fanfic #nandor the relentless imagine #wwdits fanfic #what we do in the shadows

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vampireshmampire · 2 years

Text

A Whole in the Family Portrait Ch 3/5

Guillermo is gone, and his absence is so palpable even the new familiar notices. Nandor's so busy moping he might miss his chance find a way to bring him back, and lose him forever.

But Guillermo's heard too many apologies already. It's going to take something really, really big.

Guillermo glares over the camera at the crew.

“I’m doing this one, and it’s only so I can set the record straight. Alright? It’s nothing against you guys, I just, I want to put that part of my life behind me. Okay? Okay.”

Now Guillermo looks directly at the camera.

“They didn’t lose me, I left. Five months ago, I put down a deposit on a little apartment, applied to a few real jobs, and then I quit.” His voice is slightly shaky, but remains determined. “I packed up my things, and I told my ma--I told Nandor that I was leaving.”

Guillermo’s jaw works back and forth; he swallows hard.

“I told him that I was done, that I was sick of being treated that way. I told him that I knew--” He cuts off short and blinks hard several times. “I knew he was never going to turn me into a vampire. And he got mad, and said that he was totally planning on doing it, and I said that was bullshit, and he said I was being ungrateful--”

The camera cuts briefly, and Guillermo is a few feet away, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“No, I’m fine,” he says softly to an off-screen crewmember. “I’m fine, I just...need a minute.”

When the camera cuts back again, Guillermo’s eyes are a little redder, but his voice is steadier.

“Does it hurt to let go of that dream? Yes. A lot. A...a lot. But sometimes you just have to face reality. Sometimes things just don’t work out. And there’s nothing you can do about it. So you know what, yeah. Yeah, he did lose me. ”

He shakes his head hard.

“No, I’m done. I’m done, that’s it. No, I ca--that’s enough. We’re done.”

"So I kind of....massively fucked that up," Rusty says, very pale. He is sitting crouched behind a low wall, an open notebook on his knee. He fiddles nervously with his pencil. "Nadja and Laszlo were really mad, I mean really mad. I thought they were going to kick me out. Or eat me."

He peeks over the wall and then sits back down again.

"Nadja did lock me in the cage in the basement and say she was going to leave me there to die, but Nandor let me out the next day so I think she was just trying to scare me."

Once more he looks over the wall. This time he makes a note on the notepad.

"Anyway, Nandor said that there was something I could do to fix it. So now it's my job to find where Guillermo lives."

The camera lifts up slightly to show that they are across the street from the TGIFriday's.

"And I thought, easy! I already know where he works, I can just follow him home." Rusty sighs. "But we spooked him last week, and he's got his guard up. And he rides his bike to and from work, which means I can't follow him in the car and it is /really/ hard to subtly follow someone while riding a bike. So."

He pulls a penknife out of his pocket.

"I feel bad for popping the tire, but desperate times. I can't go home empty handed again." He puts the penknife away and sighs.

"He was a familiar for ten years. I've been here for like. Six months." He gnaws his lower lip. "It's just. I didn't think it would take that long. Maybe this wasn’t–”

There’s a distant explosion of curse words. Both Rusty and the camera peek cautiously over the wall again. Guillermo is hunched over his bike, face red with anger. The camera only just manages to duck down as Guillermo raises his head to look around.

“Okay, that’s my cue. You guys stay here. No I mean it! You guys are not hard to miss!”

“Ow. Ow. Ow.”

The camera follows Nandor’s voice down the hallway towards the kitchen. He glances up only briefly. In one hand he holds a dagger; his other hand is open, palm pointing out. In one swift movement he slashes the dagger across his palm. A steady stream of blood gushes from the wound and dribbles down a large funnel into a heavy-duty plastic water bottle.

“Ow.”

In seconds the cut on Nandor’s palm heals and is gone. He drags the dagger across his palm again. There is another small spurt of blood before the cut heals again.

“Ow.”

The water bottle is barely a fifth full. The R U S T printed on the side are still visible, as is half of the Y.

Nandor looks up at the camera and says wearily “This is going to take for-fucking-ever.”

“Familiars do get turned into vampires,” Lazlo says, lounging back in his chair. “Just not--”

He hesitates and glances around.

“You sure he’s left? Right, good. As I was saying, vampires do occasionally fulfill their promise to make a servant a vampire. We have to, otherwise eventually they’d figure it out and we’d have to start paying people to work for us. Nobody likes doing it, because then you’re out a familiar, but every now and again, it does happen. Just not as often as they think it does.”

He snorts, amused.

“Honestly, you’re more likely to be struck by lightning, win the lottery, and then immediately be struck by lightning again.” He pauses. “And then win the lottery again, while being struck by lightning.”

There is a shot of a tall, run-down apartment building. The front door is heavily rusted. The paint is cracked and the windows sport long streaks under ancient air conditioning units. Most of the windows are dark. The words on the screen say Guillermo’s Apartment

“I have been following Guillermo for two weeks,” Nandor says, quietly. He is huddled behind a clump of trees in what could generously be called a patch of weeds and broken glass pretending to be a park. “I needed to be sure when he would be alone, so I can catch him off guard and take him away without being seen.”

He gives the camera a smile that is pretending not to be nervous.

“Fortunately, he hasn’t noticed.” He turns and yelps “fuck!” when he nearly runs into Guillermo, standing barely two feet away.

“I noticed,” Guillermo says, dryly.

Nandor lurks on the rooftop, gazing down at the sidewalk below.

“There he is,” he whispers. The camera zooms in slightly on the figure riding a bike towards the apartment building across the street. The figure comes to a halt and hops off the bike. Abruptly it looks up.

“Get down, get down!” Nandor hisses. After a few seconds, the camera peeks back over the ledge. The figure is now slowly and steadily banging its head against a nearby tree.

“Poor Guillermo,” Nandor says, sadly, shaking his head. “Look how this terrible life takes its toll on him.”

“Hello, Guillermo,” Nandor warbles with fake cheer and a painful attempt at a casual wave.

“Why are you here?” the human demands.

“I need to talk to you about something very important,” Nandor says, solemnly. An awkward pause follows. Guillermo spreads his hands impatiently.

“About…?”

Nandor glances at the camera crew.

“Could you guys maybe, you know, give us the space? For the private important conversation I need to have with Guillermo?”

The camera cuts away and picks back up on the other side of the six foot square patch of scrub that wouldn’t even qualify as an abandoned lot.

“I was thinking about what you said, and what I said, and what Colin Robinson said, and about--” Nandor stops again and gives the crew an exasperated look. “Seriously, you are killing me with this.”

When the camera cuts back again, it is on the other side of the street. The focus is zoomed in as far as it can go.

“You were right, Guillermo. I did not appreciate you. I was being selfish. I did not realize until it was too late, because I forgot that other people sometimes have feelings and want different things than I do.”

Guillermo folds his arms and looks extremely unimpressed, which does not help Nandor’s visible nervousness.

“I knew you would not believe me if I just said I was sorry--”

“Because I told you I wouldn’t.”

“--so I wanted to prove it to you, so that you will--I mean, so you will know that I want you to want to come back.”

“I already know that you want me to come back. I don’t care,” Guillermo says, sharply.

“No, not what I want, what you want! I want you to want what you used to want because that is what I want now--”

“What are you talking about?”

Nandor threw his hands up.

“I want you to come back!”

“And I. Don’t. Want. To.”

“I am trying to make you want to!”

“Make me want to.” Guillermo’s tone is very dangerous, but Nandor is too worked up to notice.

“Yes! I am giving you a real actual apology that I really mean!”

“I’ve already had apologies from you, a million of them. It doesn’t matter anymore! It’s too late! I can’t keep waiting for things to be different.”

“Yes!” Nandor says, pointing at Guillermo. “Yes, exactly! I never did anything different! But this time I am proving to you that it will be different.”

“You can’t. There’s nothing you can say--”

He stops and stares. Nandor is holding out the plastic water bottle in both hands, as if he is offering it up in supplication to a long-forgotten god.

“What is this?” Guillermo asks.

“My blood.”

“Your blood,” Guillermo repeats. “You’re giving me your--” The words catch in his throat. “Oh shit, oh my g--you’re giving--”

“There is nothing I can say, so this time I am doing.”

“You...you give me what I want, so I know you mean it,” Guillermo says, slowly, staring at the water bottle. “And you hope that when I know you mean it, I’ll want to come back home.”

“Yes!” Nandor says, excitedly, throwing his arms open wide. “Yes, exactly! Well, mostly; I am hoping you will want to come home in general, but also to me specifically.”

“To you…?”

Nandor nods, vigorously.

“Yes, because I have feelings about you. For you.” He waves a hand. “You know what I mean.”

“No,” Guillermo says, faintly. “No, I have no idea what’s going on right now.”

“I am in love with you,” Nandor says. He gives an amused little shrug. “Obviously.”

Nandor lies face-down on the ceiling of the library. His hair hangs down straight behind him. On the floor, Nadja and Lazlo stare up at him, unimpressed. Rusty is balanced on the top of a ladder, nervously clutching a broom.

“Nandor old chap, this is getting rather fucking ridiculous. It’s just a human! There are literally billions of them out there!”

Nandor doesn’t lift his head, so the words are slightly muffled.

“There are billions of them, but there is only one Guillermo.”

“He’s got me there,” Lazlo mutters.

“Dusty,” Nadja says, waving a hand. Rusty looks from her to Nandor in open panic.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am bloody well sure!”

Rusty holds onto the bristles of the broom and leans forward, stretching the handle out towards Nandor. Just before it can make contact, the vampire speaks and the familiar jerks back in fright.

“What is the feeling when your heart is being torn out of your chest and devoured while it is still attached to you but it keeps going on forever?”

Rusty gives the camera a terrified, confused look.

“Indigestion?” Nadja guesses. Nandor lifts his head.

“...maybe?”

Guillermo deflates with a long, strangled wheeze and slumps against a tree. Nandor holds the bottle out to him again, expectantly.

“I...I don’t know what to say,” Guillermo manages. There is a brief pause.

“You could say yes,” Nandor suggests, helpfully. “Or, ‘yes, I love you too’; that would also be good.”

Guillermo holds up a finger.

“Could you just...give me a minute?”

Guillermo is standing with the camera crew. On the other side of the street, Nandor is waiting patiently, occasionally kicking at the larger pieces of broken glass. Guillermo has his hands pressed together and his fingers against his lips. His brow is furrowed in concentration, his eyes wild and confused. His breathing is rapid and labored.

“Ok,” Guillermo says. “Ok. So let’s say you want something for so long you forget what it’s like to not want it, and then you have to force yourself to realize it’s not going to happen and walk away, and then just when you’ve started to be able to imagine that you can have a good life without it--”

He stops, and swallows hard; gives the camera a manic, terrified grin.

“The universe just walks up to you and dumps all of it in your lap at the same time! What are you supposed to do when that happens? Other than have an anxiety attack which I’m pretty sure I’m having right now. Or a panic attack. Or both. Can you get both at the same time?”

He buries his fingers in his hair.

“What am I doing?” he hisses. “I should be saying yes, why am I not saying yes? Why didn’t he do this a year ago? Why didn’t he do this five years ago? Why did he have to wait this long?”

“Guillermo, the sun is going to be coming up soon,” Nandor calls. “I cannot spend the rest of eternity with you if I am turned into a crispy fry.”

Guillermo shoves his knuckles into his mouth and muffles a scream.

Guillermo is back on the other side of the street.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” he says.

“Ok, good,” Nandor says, nodding.

“I just, this is really fast. This is a, a lot to take in after ten and a half years of basically nothing.”

“Ok,” Nandor says. “So...that is a yes, yes?”

“I--I guess?”

Nandor frowns, sternly.

“Guillermo, this is not an ‘I guess’ kind of question. That is like when I ask Lazlo if he wants to go out to eat or have someone delivered and he says ‘yes’; that is the wrong kind of answer format for the question!”

“This just isn’t how I imagined this happening.”

“This is not how I planned it to happen!” Nandor says. “I was going to catch you unawares and fly you somewhere nice! To the river or on top of a bridge or something. I don’t want this to be our spot.”

“Our spot,” Guillermo repeats.

“Yes! Two hundred years from now I do not want to go walking by here with you and have to say ‘hey, look, that was where I professed my love for you and turned you into a vampire, right there next to the piss alleyway and the dog shit trashcan’.It’s not romantic!”

Guillermo is back across the street, screaming around his fist again.

Nandor, now thoroughly exasperated, calls over “Guillermo, will it be faster if you decide to be a vampire now and then decide if you are in love with me later?”

Guillermo stops screaming. He turns and stares across the road at the vampire.

“What?”

Nandor says “It is two very big decisions, but only one of those we need to make before my blood goes stale.”

Guillmore looks at the bottle.

“Does it go stale?”

“Yes, it gets all lumpy and gross. It was a huge pain in my ass to get it this full and I do not want to have to be doing it all over again.”

“So...even if I don’t come back, even if I say I don’t love you, you’ll still turn me into a vampire? You don’t have a problem with that?”

“I have a huge problem with that! I will feel like shit and my heart will go back to feeling like it is being constantly ripped out of my chest. But I will still turn you into a vampire. Guillermo, this is the proving part. I give you what you want, and then you choose if you come back to me. That is the whole point.”

For a long moment, the two simply stare at each other. The intensity of their shared gaze is so strong it can be easily seen from the other side of the street.

“Guillermo, I really do not want to rush you but the sun comes up in like two hours and I still have to get you somewhere nice--”

“Right, yes, ok, alright.” Guillermo takes the bottle of blood from Nandor. “Yes, I want to be a vampire.”

Nandor grins and clenches his fists in victory.

“Yes! Ha! One out of two, good start! Now I will take you someplace nice.” Nandor wraps his arms around Guillermo and pulls him close.

“Don’t drop me this time.”

“I apologized for that!”

Before Guillermo can respond, they are up in the sky, soaring off into the distance.

#nandermo #nandor the relentless #guillermo de la cruz #what we do in the shadows #wwdits

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chelsfic · 4 years

Text

Leftovers - Part 8 - Nandor the Relentless x Reader Fanfic

Previous parts: Masterlist

Summary: The night of the vampire orgy arrives and brings with it a boat load of angst!

A/N: I decided to just run with it and let my angst flag fly. Bon appetit!

Warnings: Female reader, Angst, dumbassery, idiots in love, infidelity I guess

---

The cameraman steps up to the barred window of the cell and points his lens inside. You’re curled up with Guillermo on a hastily installed couch, leaning into one another for warmth in the cold, damp room. A mouse scurries across the floor and something drips from the ceiling over your heads.

“You don’t think they forgot about us, do you?” you ask, trepidation clear in your voice. You tug the sleeves of your sweatshirt down to cover your frozen hands and press yourself further into his body for warmth.

Guillermo glances at the camera with a wince as he lies, “No. I’m sure they didn’t forget us.”

---

Earlier in the evening:

“The last orgy was a bit of a disaster and I never got to use it…”

Nandor stands in the middle of his room, doing a twirl for the camera to show off his outfit. Chains and leather straps crisscross his bare chest, and his waist and legs are studded with protruding dildos of varying sizes.

“Life of the orgy!” he gushes.

There’s a beat of silence that follows and then a muted question from the documentary crew, “And will...[unintelligible]...be participating in the orgy?”

Nandor avoids answering, looking away from the camera and baring his fangs in a nervous smile.

---

Guillermo’s lying across your bed, absently scrolling on his phone while you dig through your closet, holding up and rejecting piece after piece. Your “style,” if you could call it that, consists almost entirely of work out clothes, derby merch and the odd sundress for special occasions. Not exactly ripe pickings for a vampire orgy ensemble. But you know you still have that pair of fishnets from when you first joined the league and you figure you can build a look around them.

“So, you’re not gonna wear the t-shirt?” Guillermo grins, rolling onto his side and showing off the highly fashionable “Do Not Eat” shirt.

“Nandor will protect me,” you reply automatically, your voice is muffled from the back of the closet. “I just moved in! How can it be such a disaster already?”

Guillermo gets up and comes over to lean on the door frame of the closet as he cautiously warns, “Uh...okay, but...Nandor isn’t--um--he’s not known for being very reliable in social situations…”

Guillermo’s mind flashes back to the time at Simon the Devious’s club, when Nandor would have gladly handed him over to a strange vampire just to avoid confrontation. Still, his loyalty tugs at him and he adds, “I mean, his heart is in the right place...most of the time. But he just gets so excited and he has this need to impress when he’s around other vampires.”

You back out of the closet, clutching the rogue fishnets victoriously in your hands and looking back at Guillermo quizzically, “I know he can be flakey, Guillermo. But...he loves me.”

You recall the words falling from his lips that night...my love...and an irresistible smile forms on your lips.

Guillermo stares at you, gobsmacked, for a moment before replying, “Alright, Smash. But...are you sure you even want to go? I mean--and don’t be offended--you lost your virginity like a minute ago and now you’re going to an orgy?”

Heat spreads across your face and you look pointedly away from your friend. You walk over to the bed and pick up the little card from your nightstand, smiling down at it and tracing your fingers over the glittery letters. After a minute you finally answer, “It’s not--I mean, I’m not going to...do anything with anyone else. I just have to be there because…”

Because you’re afraid your boyfriend is going to have insane vampire sex with strangers if you don’t keep an eye on him… Because you’re too chicken to actually talk with him about it… Because what if he thinks you’re silly and stupid and decides being with a human is just as boring as he always assumed?

Guillermo reads your thoughts on your face and he croons, “Oh, honey. Listen, I was here for the last orgy. And, even though it never really got going… Smash, it’s not something for the faint of heart.”

“I’m not faint of heart!” you insist, your voice pitched up in indignation.

“No!” Guillermo agrees, moving to sit beside you on the bed. “No, you’re not. You’re in love with an immortal blood-sucking fiend who has centuries of experience on you, though. And you’re very, very new to...all of this. I don’t want to see you get hurt. You should talk to him.”

You can tell from his tone that Guillermo isn’t optimistic about the likelihood of Nandor understanding your human worries and actually changing his ingrained behavior in response. But you know he’s right, you should still talk to him.

---

You find Nandor in his room, making a few last minute adjustments to his attire. As soon as you set eyes on him you stop in your tracks, making an involuntary choking sound as you take in the ridiculous number of enormous dildos strapped to his body.

Nandor looks up as you enter and he puffs out his chest, stalking toward you with his arms held up and his mouth open in a menacing hiss.

“What do you think, my mortal? Do you want to run in fear...or do you want to come?”

You can’t think of a single thing to say to that. All that’s running through your head as you stare, transfixed, at Nandor’s ridiculous costume, is that he clearly hasn’t planned this with his freshly deflowered lover in mind.

You finally clear your throat nervously and mutter, “That’s what you’re planning to wear?”

You look down at your PJ pants and hoodie, feeling suddenly, painfully ordinary. How could you have ever thought you were a match for someone as intense, seductive and dangerous as Nandor the Relentless?

Nandor misses your reaction and enthuses, “Isn’t it great? If I position myself just right--” he drops into a squat-- “I can accommodate two astride each knee and hip while still having room at my pelvis…”

He starts thrusting into the air lewdly and you hold out your hands to stop him.

“Nandor,” you’re at a loss for words, feeling a hollow ache in your chest already anticipating the hurt to come. “I thought now that we’re...an item...you might want it to just be you and me, tonight.” And forever.

Nandor stops mid-thrust with a quizzical expression, “At an orgy?”

“Well…” how to explain your seemingly very human sensibilities on monogamy. “You said you love me, right?”

Nandor rises and comes toward you, looming over your smaller frame and taking your shoulders in his large hands as he answers, “Yes, my sweet mortal. But what does that have to do with the vampire orgy? Didn’t Nadja explain to you--?”

“Yes, yes!” you interrupt, frustrated. “But I don’t want you to...have sex with anyone else! Not while we’re…”

The cameraman bumps into a heavy lamp by the door, momentarily drawing Nandor’s attention. Suddenly feeling the weight of expectation on his shoulders, Nandor bristles and straightens his shoulders as he answers your concern.

“But you are my human,” he says, slowly as if he’s explaining to a child. “I am not your vampire.”

You close your eyes for a second, holding a hand to your chest as if you can somehow stop the damage happening inside. You really didn’t think he could hurt you so much with just a few words.

Desperately you try one last approach, “But...if you’re going to be busy having crazy, acrobatic sex with all these strange vampires...how are you going to protect me? Or do you think Nadja’s t-shirt is really going to stop someone who’s determined?”

“Ahhh!” Nandor cries with a relieved smile. “That’s your worry! Well, fear not, my human. I have worked out the perfect arrangement to keep both you and Guillermo safe for the evening.”

---

Nandor, wearing a heavy, fur-lined robe over his sex gear, leads you and Guillermo down the narrow staircase into the basement. You haven’t been down here since your first night in the house, when Nandor locked you up in the cell to save for later. Though it’s late April, there’s snow on the ground outside and a chill in the air. As you descend the steps the temperature drops even more. But you hardly notice in your effort to keep yourself from falling apart after your disastrous discussion with Nandor. Your eyes are trained on the broad expanse of his back, as if you can somehow will him to turn around and really see how much you’re hurting. Guillermo takes your hand in his and gives it a squeeze.

“Here we are!” Nandor announces, stopping in front of the human cell with a grandiose sweep of his arm. “I’ve made it nice and cozy for you. You’ll be locked up safe and sound, so no wandering vampires can get you. And I’ll come down and let you out before dawn.”

You glance skeptically inside and see that one of the couches from the library has been moved down here for your comfort. Other than that it’s still the same damp, dark, depressing cell you remember.

“Nandor, this is...extreme,” you complain, looking up to meet his eyes for the first time since you left his room after he said those harsh words. You see his gaze flicker as he takes in your red-rimmed, tear-misted eyes, but his expression is inscrutable.

“I agree, master. We could just stay upstairs in Smash’s room…”

“Silence, Guillermo!” he hisses, not taking his eyes off of you. He reaches up to cup your face in his hands and his expression softens. “This is the safest place for you to be. Only I have the key to the cell. You will be...protected.”

“I don’t care about being protected!” you cry. “I just want--”

“Enough! My word is final on this!” Nandor cuts you off and his tone is closer to the one he uses for Guillermo. You shrink away from his touch and he looks crestfallen for a second, but then he straightens his spine adopting the warrior’s confidence that he wears like a robe to cover what’s underneath. “Into the cell, now. Both of you.”

The door closes with a creak of its hinges and the heavy thunk of the lock sliding into place.

Nandor peaks through the barred window and waves at the two of you, “Alright, have a good night! Wish me luck at the orgy!”

His footsteps echo through the basement as he walks away, trailing the camera crew behind him. Once they leave, the cell is only dimly illuminated by the guttering flame of a single candle stick mounted on the wall outside. You meet Guillemo’s eyes silently for a long moment and then plunk down onto the couch and cry.

---

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” Nandor curses frantically as he clambers down the basement steps, two at a time.

It’s the night after the orgy. He’d gone to bed at dawn feeling drained--literally and figuratively--and covered in the slow-to-heal puncture wounds characteristic of vampire fangs. The orgy was a resounding success. Though, truth be told, Nandor spent much of the night going through the motions as his mind fixated on the look of hurt betrayal on his human’s face before the party. He couldn’t understand why you’d begrudge him a night of dark fornication, a celebration of his vampiric identity. Nor why you’d resent his efforts to keep you safe from the violent debauchery. All he knew for sure was that with each new sexual encounter of the evening he found himself missing you and wishing more and more that you were by his side.

That is, until he and Laszlo partook of some opium infused blood towards the end of the festivities. Nandor stumbled to bed with a pleasant buzzing in his head that completely drowned out the small voice warning him that there was something important he’d forgotten.

“She’s going to be pissed!” he hisses into the camera while rushing down the dark corridor toward the cell. As he approaches the door he says, louder, “Good evening! Wake up time! Everyone have a nice sleep?”

He turns the key in the lock and swings open the door, ducking inside with a grimace of trepidation. He finds you curled up with Guillermo on the couch. The two of you are shivering against the cold that feels like it’s settled permanently into your bones. You’ve spent an entire night and a day locked in a frigid cell without a blanket, food, or any amenities whatsoever.

Nandor fiddles his fingers nervously and asks, “Guillermo...mortal...are you alright?”

It’s Guillermo who finally answers, “You forgot about us.”

“No, no...not exactly,” Nandor denies. “But you know how it is with guests over. Things get very hectic--”

“You forgot,” Guillermo repeats. “About. Us.”

Nandor’s shrugs helplessly, “A...bit. I forgot a bit.”

You can feel the intensity of his eyes on you, but you refuse to look up as you stand on shaky legs and make your way around him and out of the basement.

Nandor stands there silently for a moment before turning to the camera and mouthing, “Fuck.”

---

Tags:

@festering-queen @kandomeresbitch @strangestdiary @glitterportrait @scuzmunkie @redwoodshadows

#nandor #nandor the relentless #nandor x reader #nandor the relentless x reader #nandor the relentless imagine #nandor the relentless fanfic #wwdits #wwdits fanfic #what we do in the shadows #what we do in the shadows fanfic

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chelsfic · 4 years

Text

The Hot List, in which the NYC Familiar Discord Ranks their Masters - Nandor x Guillermo Fanfic (one-shot, crack!)

Summary: The familiars of New York City use Discord to connect and blow off steam...and also to rank their masters’ hotness. Nandor discovers this impertinence and throws an internet fit.

Tags: Crack with a touch of angst

A/N: I don’t know.

---

NYC Familiar Chat #thirsty

Celeste-is-Best: nngh, have you guys seen Mr. 50ss’s’s’ss instagram story????

Celeste-is-Best: He’s so pretty! it’s like turn me, already!

Imurdad | colby: I know, right? I can’t believe he’s only 7 on the hot list…

[Gigi the great and sam teh pretty like this]

Gigi the great: Don’t forget to vote on this month’s poll!!

Best Hair!

We’re the ones who make them look pretty--but who’s the prettiest one of all? This month we’re voting on the NYC vampire with the best hair. Cast your vote!

A. Simon the Devious

B. Nandor the Relentless

C. Tilda

D. Evan

E. Houston

F. Nancy the Relentless

---

Guillermo locked his phone with a little smile. If he could he’d vote a hundred times for Nandor’s hair. It was unlikely that his master would win against the likes of Evan, Tilda and Nancy. He’d thrown Simon on there as a joke and was kind of horrified by how many familiars seemed to be into the limp mullet look. To each their own, he guessed.

On that note, it was almost nightfall and Nandor’s hair wasn’t going to brush itself. Guillermo made his way into the crypt, lighting candles and gathering the soft brush, comb, detangler spray and hair oils. Nandor was what he lovingly referred to as “high maintenance.” He was also surprisingly pitiful for a 750-year old warlord. It took Guillermo ages every night to carefully tease out and brush the knots from his hair without hurting him. It should’ve been annoying after so many years, but the chore remained one of the highlights of Guillermo’s day.

For one thing, he got to touch his master without being scolded or hissed at. So that was nice. For another thing, Nandor’s hair was as soft as his personality was prickly. Guillermo would often drag out the task, running his fingers through the silky strands and lightly touching Nandor’s jaw to get him to tilt his head this way or that.

He was doing just that, as well as admiring the expanse of cream and bronze skin revealed by the open collar of Nandor’s loose shirt, when the vampire opened his mouth.

“Guillermooo...Did you happen to get any virgins for tonight?”

Guillermo’s fingers momentarily tightened around a hank of his master’s hair. He imagined giving it a sharp tug. He forced himself to loosen his grip and replied, “No, master, I’m sorry. Virgins are getting pretty thin on the ground lately. I managed to pick up a couple people from a bible study class, though. They should taste pretty innocent, right?”

Nandor made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat before answering, “You’d be surprised.”

---

NYC Familiar Chat #the-struggle

Gigi the great: I know we all jealously guard our sources, but I’ve been in a dry spell for a few weeks and my master is going to lose it and drink me one of these nights. Anyone have any new leads on virgins in the area?

Gigi the great: I’ve tried the usual stuff...LARPers, church socials, chastity clubs (surprisingly unhelpful…). I’m kinda desperate!

Direct Messages

Celeste-is-Best: only because you had my back last month when I ran out of burial sites…

Gigi the great: OMG! Celeste, please!! 🙏 🥺

Celeste-is-Best: there’s a magic the gathering tournament in brighton heights this weekend...😈

Gigi the great: You are like the virgin whisperer, Celeste. Thank you!

Celeste-is-Best: np

Celeste-is-Best: hey! Are you posting the poll results soon? I voted for Tilda--don’t tell Houston!! LOL

#main

Gigi the great: The results are in! The vampire with the best hair in NYC is……..EVAN!

Check out the Google Form for the full results...

docs.google.com...best_hair

Evan (26%)

Tilda (22%)

Nancy the Relentless (17%)

Simon the Devious (16%)

Nandor the Relentless (13%)

Houston (6%)

---

“What are you typing over there on your intelligent phone?”

Guillermo hurriedly tucked his phone away and looked up to find his master mopping blood from his mouth with a lace-trimmed handkerchief. They were in an alleyway a few buildings down from the comic shop. The limp body of Nandor’s victim lay discarded on the dirty ground. Guillermo smiled affectionately at Nandor trying and failing to clean himself. He took the hanky from him and set about doing the job himself. The snow white fabric was quickly drenched in dark red arterial blood.

“I was just, um...checking on another potential virgin source,” he lied.

The familiar Discord was strictly secret. If any of their masters ever found it and saw their human servants’ uncensored discussions... The thought sent a panicked tremor down Guillermo’s spine and he thought--for the thousandth time--that he should delete the app and not look back. But the idea of continuing with this emotionally draining, thankless job without his little support system was just as disturbing. Besides, the server had really come through for him tonight.

“Well done, Guillermo!” Nandor praised him and Guillermo’s heart swelled pathetically. A small, shameful part of him imagined Nandor patting him on the head and he didn’t hate it. “That was the most delicious virgin I’ve had in months!”

“Thank you, master,” Guillermo smiled sweetly, his cheeks dimpling. Nandor watched him for a long moment and he could swear he saw his master’s eyes linger on his mouth. He shut that thought down before it could bloom into a hope that was only doomed for disappointment.

“Well…I’ll see you back at the house.” Nandor vanished before his eyes, taking his bat form and darting out of the alley with a high-pitched squeak and a furious flap of his leathery wings.

Guillermo sighed, looked at the broken body and wondered if he’d be able to fit his car down the narrow alley or if he’d have to drag the corpse to the opening. He fished out his keys and started the short walk back to his parking spot. All the while thinking, with distracted horror, Simon the Devious beat out Nandor for best hair?!? Really?

---

Direct Messages

Gigi the great: Hey, thanks! The Magic tournament was a hit!

Celeste-is-Best: i do live to serve…

Gigi the great: Har har.

#bitch-session

mish-bish: Ugh!!! Pretty sure my asshole master is hypnotizing me again.

call-me-karen: That’s rough, Misha! You wanna talk about it? My master lets me take the car whenever I want. I can come pick you up…

mish-bish: Yeah, like...I definitely have a huge black hole in my memories from last night. Fuck.

mish-bish: Oh, that’s ok Karen. Thanks.

Gigi the great: Hey @mish-bish. Sorry you’re having a hard time. If you feel up to it, check out the #support channel. A lot of other familiars have gone through this and talked about it there. Sometimes it helps to hear how others cope!

---

“Guillermo! Guillermoooo!”

Nandor’s panicked bellow reached him all the way in the basement where he was checking his lye supply. Guillermo huffed it up the stairs and raced into the fancy room where he found his master staring aghast at his laptop.

“Wh-what is it, master?” he asked, bent over and catching his breath.

“Someone named...Rap4Unlyfe has sent me a fake news!” Nandor wailed, gesturing to the laptop as if the device was personally responsible.

Guillermo suppressed an eyeroll and walked over to sit beside his master. He watched in dismay as Nandor scooched farther down the couch but he tried not to let it sting too much.

The browser was open to Nandor’s Hotmail account. He leaned forward to read the open message, unsure what to expect. The blood drained from his face as he read.

from: [email protected]

cc: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected] ...

subject: rofl bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahah

yooooooooooooooooOO!

Has ne1 else seen there familiars on this site??? I hypnotized mine last nite to give me his phone password and...👀

Mierda. There were two screenshots attached. One was the survey results page from the “best hair” poll. The other was an excerpt from the chat, specifically Guillermo posting the winner of the poll and the link to the results.

Guillermo’s face fell into an adorably distressed frown. He darted a glance at Nandor but the vampire just looked confused. It wasn’t clear if he yet suspected that his own familiar might be “Gigi the great.”

“Huh…” Guillermo leaned back and smoothed his expression into one of untroubled amusement. “You’re right, looks like fake news. You should probably just ignore it.”

Nandor punched his fist into his thigh and snapped, “But Guillermo! I cannot let this go unanswered! This...this...ludicrous insult! Imagine...me losing a hair contest. Everyone knows I have the most beautiful hair!”

Guillermo blushed magnificently, “Of course, master! This is just...a prank. Someone playing a mean trick on you. You shouldn’t give them the satisfaction--”

The laptop chimed. Guillermo dove to prevent Nandor from reaching it but the vampire simply slapped him away with a petulant whine, “Give me that! Fucking guy…”

Nandor’s lips curled into a snarl as his eyes scanned over the screen.

“Oh, no! Now they are making a mockery of me on the ether net!”

from: [email protected]

cc: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]…

subject: RE: rofl bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahah

Oh! That is too delicious! Suck it, Houston and Nandor!

It gets even better. Have you seen this, yet?

vamp_hot_list.doc

“Guillermo, what is a hot list?” Nandor asked with a worried frown, clicking on the attachment.

“No, master! Don’t--”

It was too late. He watched as his master’s eyes lit with understanding and then intrigue and finally outrage.

“29?! I am number 29 on your dirty hot vampire list!? What is the meaning of this?” Nandor bristled like an angry porcupine, his eyes shooting metaphorical quills into Guillermo’s soft flesh.

“It’s not my list, master!” he insisted and then, guiltily, “Not only mine…”

“Guillermo!” Nandor gasped, his eyes returning to the screen for a moment before pinning him with outraged accusation. “So, it is you!? You are...Gigi the great? Well, I do not think you are so great, little guy! In fact I think you’re pretty un-great right now! And disrespectful!”

Guillermo sank into the couch cushions, melting under his master’s ire and replying miserably, “It’s not as bad as it looks!”

Nandor turned back to the screen and began reading off names from the top of the list, “Viago! Nancy the Relentless! Evan! I suppose these are all vampires you’ve been dreaming of doing the hanky panky with! Putting them on the top of your list above your own master! That’s two demerits, Guillermo!”

“What!? No! Master, I didn’t make the list! We vote on it! Everyone gets a say. If I made the list of course you’d be at the top--”

Guillermo snapped his mouth shut. His face was on fire and he felt like crying. Nandor must have some inkling of his crush, right? After ten years of service? This couldn’t really be the life-ending mortification that it felt like. He waited, wide-eyed, for his master’s reaction. Nandor stared at him, his huge, dark eyes filled with shock and anger. After a long minute he turned back to the laptop, waving a hand dismissively in Guillermo’s face.

“Go to your room now, Guillermo! I need to think of how to punish this impertinence!”

Guillermo stood, barely holding in humiliated tears. He gestured to the device in Nandor’s lap, “My laptop…”

Nandor held it out of Guillermo’s reach and hissed, “No! Vampire only computer time, Guillermo!”

Guillermo left, trudging out of the room with a sinking feeling in his stomach as the sound of Nandor’s flop-wristed typing followed him out the door.

---

#main

Gigi the great: Is everyone okay?

call-me-karen: not fukcing great!

Imurdad | colby: Seriously! WTF!!?

Gigi the great is typing…

Guillermo lay on his little cot with the crocheted blanket his amá made for him pulled up to his chin. Tears streaked down his cheeks and the phone’s glare reflected in his glasses. He thought back to every off handed complaint, every silly photo turned into a “master-shaming” meme, every confession, every joke. All of them laid bare to the world. The Discord server started out as goofy, harmless fun. The hot list was the perfect embodiment of that. But it became so much more. Being a familiar could be lonely. You were isolated from other humans and surrounded by cold, uncaring monsters all the time. Guillermo loved Nandor. Everyone knew this...there were even memes about it on the server! But sometimes his master’s aloofness got to be too much and he needed to reach out to other humans who understood him!

He threw his phone down onto the mattress, angrily pawing at his teary eyes and wondering if this was it. Not just the end of NYC Familiar Chat, but the end of Guillermo the Great, his long-dreamed-of vampire alias. There was no way Nandor would keep him as a familiar after this…

---

Direct Messages

Celeste-is-Best: OMG! Guillermo, have you seen this?

Celeste-is-Best: http://familiar-hot-list.colinrobinson.net

Celeste-is-Best: hey, if this is Nandor’s big revenge scheme I think you’re going to be ok

Celeste-is-Best: we miss you!

---

Guillermo heard his master calling him and cringed. It had been a week since the hot list incident and Nandor had spent every waking moment making little jabs at his familiar and grousing about how he’d been betrayed on the internet. But to Guillermo’s surprisingly intense relief, he hadn’t been fired. After ten years of disappointment and hopeless pining, Guillermo half-expected to welcome the prospect of finally being put out of his misery, so to speak. He was kind of shocked, therefore, to feel happiness and gratitude that his master had decided to keep him around, even if only as a verbal punching bag.

He found Nandor in the library, smugly brandishing the purloined laptop.

“Come have a look at your punishment, Guillermo,” Nandor patted the couch beside him. “This is what happens when you disrespect vampires on the ether net.”

Guillermo swallowed the lump in his throat and collapsed beside Nandor feeling like a man condemned. Their thighs pressed together but for once Nandor didn’t move away. He shoved the laptop at Guillermo and handed him a yellow sticky note with Colin Robinson’s handwriting on it.

“Colin Robinson has assisted in creating a webpage for your disgrace. We have done our own hot list! A familiar hot list. All of the New York vampires voted. So, now you can see how not nice it feels to have your hotness besmirched for all the world to see.”

Guillermo typed in the URL and blinked as the neon green background scorched his retinas. The page was a hideous callback to the internet of the late 1990s right down to the hit counter at the bottom. There was a border of pixelated dancing Draculas surrounding bright orange text.

NYC Familiar Hotness Ranking

1. Guillermo (Nandor the Relentless) - 19%

Guillermo looked at the screen, then over at Nandor, then back to the screen again.

“Master? Have you looked at the results yet?”

Nandor’s brow knit with confusion, “No, why? What does it say?”

He grabbed the laptop and squinted against the garish colors. Guillermo watched Nandor’s face carefully as he read the results. He looked surprised and almost...pleased at first, before giving in to his patented aggravation.

“Fucking Colin Robinson!”

---

New NYC Familiars Group! #welcome

Imurdad | colby: Hey @everyone! Welcome to the new Discord server. Guillermo has stepped down as a mod but he’ll still be around. We don’t have a perfect solution for the security problems we had with the last server. We’re asking everyone to be vigilant about hypnosis and if you feel like you’re losing time, please be sure to secure your phones/computers away from your masters….

---

to: [email protected]

from: [email protected]

subject: Something you might want to see…

Hey Nandoorman! How’s it hangin’?

Listen, I’m sorry that your revenge didn’t go as planned. I noticed you’ve been a little short with Gizmo ever since this whole thing started. As someone who cares about my roomie, I want to advise you to knock it the hell off. Also, I don’t relish the thought of returning to the days before Gizmo came along. Do you even remember what the house used to look like? Pools of blood everywhere. Dead bodies. Melted candles all over the place...

I digress… I managed to snag this screenshot from Count Rapula. I think you may find it interesting.

Your pal,

Colin Robinson

discord_gizmo.jpg

#confessions

Gigithegreat: Hey guys. This isn’t easy for me to share but I know I’m not the only one who’s dealt with this and if I can help one of you feel less alone then I’ll be glad. As most of you know, I recently “celebrated” my 10th anniversary as Nandor’s familiar. I was convinced, absolutely convinced, that my master was going to make me into a vampire. Well, once again it didn’t happen. He made me this weird portrait out of glitter instead. And the thing is...like, I should leave, right? He’s never going to turn me and that’s the basis for our whole arrangement. I serve him faithfully, he turns me into a vampire. It’s simple, right? So why am I still here? Why am I still burying bodies for him and making human sacrifices? Dressing and feeding him? Treating him like he’s some kind of god and not an ancient cranky baby? It’s because I’m in love with him. Hopelessly, stupidly, self-destructively in love with my vampire master who thinks of me as nothing more than a really well-trained poodle who can talk. Why? WHY? Because he makes me laugh. Because he’s fiercely protective of his vampire family and (sometimes) that includes me. Because when we’re alone he can be so adorably, painfully vulnerable and it feels like a privilege that I get to witness that side of him. Because he does ridiculously stupid but considerate things like spending hours making me a glitter portrait. When he’s happy with me I feel like I could float and when he’s disappointed I feel like being swallowed up by a sinkhole. And, yeah, he’s also man-of-my-dreams outrageously hot and I cannot believe you cretins have him ranked #29 on the hot list. It’s a crime.

Gigithegreat: So, yeah. That’s why I stay. I’m no longer hoping for a bite that will never happen. Now it’s a kiss, a hug, a touch, a look. Anything he’s willing to give me I’ll gladly hoard in my little closet-room along with my glitter portrait. Because I’m pathetic. That’s it. That’s the confession.

Imurdad | colby: Brave words, Guillermo. Hang in there, friend.

blood_princess: this is a mood

sam teh pretty: Sending you healing head scritches ❤️

Celeste-is-Best: look, i think i speak for us all when i say we need to see this glitter portrait!!!

[You’re Viewing Older Messages … Jump To Present? ￬]

---

Nandor looked uncharacteristically thoughtful while Guillermo readied him for sleep. The familiar guessed he was still angry that his little revenge plot had backfired. He couldn’t help but feel a little smug about his position as the hottest NYC familiar. Even if he was pretty sure it was mostly due to the other vampires messing with Nandor. Guillermo couldn’t really enjoy his victory, though, not with Nandor’s feelings of betrayal still weighing on his heart.

Nandor’s face was a stoic mask as Guillermo helped him undress. He cooperated listlessly, picking up his feet for Guillermo to remove his heavy boots, lifting his arms up over his head as Guillermo took off his brocade tunic. Finally, he placed his giant hand in Guillermo’s soft, small one and stepped up into his coffin. Guillermo stood by the side of the coffin as he always did, watching over Nandor with affection choking his throat. Nandor smoothed his hair down and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Sweet dreams, master,” Guillermo whispered, leaning across him to catch the lid of the coffin.

“Wait, Guillermo,” Nandor spoke without looking at him, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. “I wish to say something to you.”

Guillermo’s heart sank in his chest. Oh no...his stupid middle schooler revenge didn’t work and now he’s going to send me away… Tears pricked his eyes and he choked, “C-can’t it wait until tomorrow, master?”

“No. I must say this now,” Nandor responded, oblivious to his familiar’s internal drama. “I want to say to you that--and I think I’m being extremely gracious and lenient here--it is fine for you to have your little, pathetic familiar group on the dark internet.”

“O-oh,” Guillermo quickly swiped the tears from his eyes, “thank you, master…”

“But no more mee-mees, Guillermo! Master-shaming...very disrespectful!”

“Of course!” Guillermo laughed, delirious with relief.

Nandor looked up at him with a final warning glance before softening, “Alright, then. As long as we are clear on that…”

There was a long beat of silence during which Guillermo found himself locked inside his master’s gaze. Nandor’s eyes were like pools of rich, melted chocolate. Guillermo imagined himself as the German kid from Willy Wonka and for a second he was in danger of breaking down into giggles. But then his master spoke in that soft, uncertain tone he only used when they were alone and he was feeling fragile.

“Guillermo...did you really vote for me to be the number one hottest vampire?” Nandor toyed with the buttons on his shirt and looked up at his familiar with a shy, open expression.

Guillermo’s cheeks burned and he wanted to laugh and hide and kiss his master on the mouth all at once.

“Yes, master, I did. You’re…” he cleared his throat and tightened his grip on the lip of the coffin, “so handsome, master. So beautiful...”

He watched his master’s chest expand with pride and his lips twitch into a haughty smirk.

“That’s true, Guillermo. Good job for noticing,” Nandor praised him in a voice that was a little too loud. It rang with a false sense of self-assurance. After a few seconds he went on in a quieter tone, “Do you know, I--this is very silly, Guillermo, you mustn't tell anyone this--I voted for you, too. As the hottest familiar…”

Guillermo’s stomach did a little swoop and his lips curved into a blinding smile. His dumb, beautiful master thought he was attractive? Guillermo tried to reel himself in; he tried to remind himself that Nandor probably only voted for him to boost his own reputation. But--wait?--hadn’t the list been meant as a revenge against Guillermo? God, what a handsome idiot.

“Thank you, master,” Guillermo gushed and now he was certain that Nandor’s eyes strayed too long on his smiling lips and red, dimpled cheeks.

“Alright then!” Nandor pulled the emergency break on the moment. “Time for my evil slumber. Night night, Guillermo!”

And in a slow motion moment that would feature in Guillermo’s dreams that night, Nandor reached up and put his hand over his. Nandor’s cool, smooth palm rubbed over the back of Guillermo’s warm hand and his fingers squeezed slightly. The breath rushed from Guillermo’s lungs and he could only squeak in reply, shutting his master into his coffin and moving away with a dazed smile on his face.

A muffled sound came from the coffin just as Guillermo reached the door to the crypt.

“...And I don’t think of you as a poodle…”

“What was that, master?” Guillermo called.

“Nothing, Guillermo!”

Guillermo shuffled off to his little room feeling like he was carrying a happy little flame inside his chest. For once he gave himself permission to hope without fearing disappointment.

---

New NYC Familiars Group! #thirsty

Celest-is-Best: SORRY NOT SORRY!!!! Simon can get it…

blood_princess: ummmm thirst after your own master, Celeste. Oops sorry she’s 12.

mish-bish: Lmaooo. Gross Celeste!

Celeste-is-Best: listen.

Celeste-is-Best: ...i got nothin. I want his evil dick.

…

Gigi the great: Please look respectfully at this photo I snuck of my master the other night. Do I really need to explain myself further???

Celeste-is-Best: that’s it. guillermo, ask nandor if he needs another familiar. my body is ready!

Gigi the great: Back off, bitch!!!!

Gigi the great: jk love u

Gigi the great: but srsly back off

#master-shaming

mish-bish: submitted without comment

[Imurdad | colby, Gigi the great, Sam teh Cat, and 6 others like this]

...

Gigi the great: 🙄🙄🙄

Gigi the great: I hate him I love him

#main

black-peterrr: ohohoho, has anyone talked to Guillermo lately…..?

black-peterrr: a little raven told me he and Nandor were seen HOLDING HANDS in the park the other night…

call-me-karen: WHATTTTTTTT

Celeste-is-Best: @Gigi the great, CONFIRM OR DENY!! GIIIIIGIIII!

Gigi the great: ……...I don’t kiss and tell 😉

Imurdad | colby pinned a post

Imurdad | colby: This is momentous.

#memes

Gigi the great: hot take…

Imurdad | colby: bahahaha, okay…

Imurdad | colby:

Gigi the great: But have you considered…

Imurdad | colby: lol compelling

Call-me-karen: I mean…..👀

Celeste-is-Best: Ha...ha...ha…*sob*

Direct Messages

Celeste-is-Best: Gigi! we miss you! ur never online lately...

Celeste-is-Best: too busy getting that ottoman empire dick, huhhh??

Gigi the great: OMG Celeste! You’re out of control!

Celeste-is-Best: that wasn’t a denial…

#main

Gigi the great: Hey guys...sorry I haven’t been active lately

Gigi the great: Quick update though....

GIgi the great:

blood_princess: OSDFJweoiflkdfaf omgggggg gggggiiiiiiigiigigig!!!!!!

Jameson: Holy shit, man. Congrats.

Celeste-is-Best: GuillerrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmooooooOooooO!O my baby! you look amazing!

call-me-karen: DO YOU NEED A FAMILIAR!!?!?!?!?

Celeste-is-Best: jesus, karen lol

blood_princess: my master is having an orgy right now. I just locked myself in the bathroom--I’M FREAKING OUT!! What is it like? IS that blood on your collar??? OMG how was ur first feeding?

Imurdad | colby: FAMILIARS ONLY, GUILLERMO!!

Imurdad | colby: I’m kidding. OMG I’m so happy for you! (And burning with jealous rage)

Celeste-is-Best: look how fucking happy Nandor is

Celeste-is-Best: i’ve been shipping you two from the beginning, Gigi!

Celeste-is-Best: …..hope you’re not going to forget who helped you out with those virgins last month…

---

“Guillermo!” Nandor’s voice was half whine, half growl. “It’s very difficult to sleep with that light filling the coffin! What are you doing anyway?”

The screen illuminated Guillermo’s grin as he answered, “Just posted that selfie we took to the familiar chat. They’re freaking out.”

Nandor turned onto his side, nuzzling his face into Guillermo’s neck and tickling him with his beard, “That’s nice. Sleepy time now, Guillermo.”

“Yes, master,” Guillermo breathed and Nandor purred low in his chest. Some things had changed since becoming a vampire and others had stayed the same. Calling Nandor “master” had taken on a new, thrilling subtext.

Nandor’s arms snaked around Guillermo, tugging the smaller vampire into his chest. He let out a contented sigh and his body went still as he began to fall asleep.

“I guess I should probably leave the group,” Guillermo yawned--force of habit. “Since I’m not a familiar anymore.”

Nandor wrenched himself from sleep with the power of his own petulance, “Hey! What do you mean ‘not a familiar anymore’? Just because a guy gives his boyfriend the gift of eternal life he thinks he can quit being his familiar!? Who’s going to brush my hair?! ‘Not a familiar anymore’...fucking guy…”

#nandor x guillermo #guillermo x nandor #nandermo #wwdits #wwdits fanfic #nandor the relentless #guillermo de la cruz

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chelsfic · 4 years

Text

Unseemly Desire - Chapter 3 - Guillermo x Nandor

To read past chapters: WWDITS Masterlist

Summary: Nandor and Guillermo deal with the fallout of their makeout session and the almost-attempted mind wipe. Guillermo discovers the untapped well of anger living inside him!

Warnings: Angst, Blood drinking, gratuitous use of the word Fuck, Angry kissing

A/N: Look how frickin handsome Nandor is in this gif. No wonder Guillermo can’t resist this idiot. Also, I wrote this really fast and barely edited it sooooo ehhhhhh sorrayyy.

---

Shit! Fuck! Damn! Fiasco!

Nandor retires straight to his coffin after storming out of his familiar’s room. He’s still fully dressed and the little hair pins in his bun stab the back of his head as he lies down.

Fucking guy!

Who gave him permission to have those kinds of feelings, anyway? Nandor’s almost certain he included something about not falling in love in Guillermo’s employment contract. He’ll have to check on that tomorrow evening. He growls in angry frustration as he realizes the contract is locked in one Colin Robinson’s basement filing cabinets. Maybe he doesn’t need to worry about checking. He’s positive that he mentioned it to Guillermo before he became his familiar. No falling in love with me. End of discussion!

How dare that little guy ruin his perfect plan? What does he think, just because he has smooth, tan skin, a disarming smile and perfect wavy hair he can just go around forcing Nandor to be horny for him all the time? It’s unacceptable!

Nandor turns onto his side in a huff. He has half a mind to go back there and mind wipe him after all. But the vision of Guillermo’s tear streaked face as he begged Nandor not to hypnotize him floats before his eyes in the darkness and he feels that stabby, annoying pain in his heart area again.

And now he’s having more confusing heart palpitations again. Great!

---

The movie is still playing on Guillermo’s discarded laptop. Claudia shrieks after learning that she can never grow or change as a vampire. It’s his favorite movie. He’s watched it hundreds of times. And Guillermo is only just now contemplating the real world evidence of that phenomenon. Nandor may have centuries of life experience but emotionally he is still the same repressed, spoiled, arrogant 13th century warlord he was when he was turned, just with a few new pop culture references under his belt. Can he really never learn or change? And if that’s true then what the fuck is Guillermo doing here?

He’s frozen in place where Nandor discarded him like so much refuse. His eyes are fixed on the curtain in fear or hope--he’s not certain--that Nandor might come blazing back into his little room, filling it up with his massive presence for better or worse. Salty tear tracks stain his cheeks and he’s still half wrapped up in the dumb snuggie. His face crumples and a silent sob escapes his throat. He’d been so stupidly happy there for a moment. Nandor--his dream boy, his vampire, his Nandor--kissed him and held him like Guillermo had always dreamed. But the memory tastes bitter in his mouth now as he remembers the cold, blank mask of his face after Guillermo mistakenly confessed his love.

He fists his hands into the soft material of Nandor’s snuggie, burying his face in the fabric as his tears start anew. He begged for this, didn’t he? How pathetic is it that he pleaded with Nandor to let him hold onto the memory of yet another rejection? He falls asleep like that, crying silently and clinging to the only physical evidence of his master’s fleeting, mercurial affection.

---

When he opens his coffin the next evening Nandor finds Guillermo waiting to attend him like always. The vampire hides his surprise and holds out his hand for assistance with all of his typical haughty self-importance. He spent all day plagued by nightmares of his familiar running away into the sunlight. Packing up his computing book, his cute little sweaters and his pizza rolls and fleeing from Nandor like he was some kind of...monster.

Ridiculous, of course.

Guillermo won’t leave him. He’d said so last night. He’d promised in exchange for his pathetic memories. But then Nandor notices the human’s hands are shaking as he adjusts his cravat and Guillermo won’t meet his eyes. There is also a strange new smell coming off of him that he usually only encounters around victims.

Fear.

“Guillermo…” Nandor wrinkles his nose “Have you been cleaning the cell? You should really shower afterwards. It’s not hygienic to be dressing me after being around all those human juices.”

His familiar finally looks up at him, eyes narrowed in confusion as he tries to parse his master’s thought process.

“No…” he finally answers and his voice is like a ghost, thin and ephemeral. “I haven’t been cleaning the cell master.”

He self-consciously leans down to sniff his own armpit and Nandor grimaces in disgust.

“Well, then why--” he stops himself, his deep brown eyes going round as he finally makes the connection. Guillermo is afraid of...him? It is like his nightmares are coming to life!

“Guillermo! Snap out of it now! This is very upsetting and...unprofessional. Why are you afraid?”

Guillermo flinches as if struck by Nandor’s words. He didn’t realize how transparent he was being. His first instinct is to deny it but a flare of anger takes hold of him and he’s speaking before his ingrained habit of suppressing his true feelings can kick in.

“Why am I afraid!? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because you almost erased my memories last night? And you could do it any time you want and I’d be powerless to stop you?”

Nandor’s brows knit together and he scoffs, “But that’s always--”

He stops himself, guiltily averting his eyes, but it’s too late. Something changes in Guillermo’s face. The anger bleeds away and his skin goes pale. He almost looks like a vampire or… or one of his victims. The thought sends a shiver down Nandor’s spine.

“Master…” Guillermo’s voice is calm and cool but Nandor has a feeling that what comes next will determine something very important.

“Have you--” He swallows against the lump in his throat. “--Have you hypnotized me before?”

Nandor grimaces, baring his sharp fangs in an uncomfortable smile and looking like the vampiric embodiment of a dog shaming video.

---

There’s the time he dropped Guillermo while he was helping him dust around the spider houses…

...the time Guillermo saw Nandor fall down at the roller rink and the human children all laughed at him…

...when he shamed himself while Guillermo helped him adjust his orgy suit…

And countless other small, trivial moments that now seem to add up to quite a lot.

And, of course, there’s the other night when Nandor admitted that Guillermo is special to him.

---

“...Once or twice.”

Nandor watches his familiar’s face fall and his eyes start leaking. Guillermo angrily scrubs the tears away and shakes his head, throwing off the hurt as he’s learned to do all his life. From elementary school bullies to the love of his life, Guillermo has been rolling with the emotional punches for as long as he can remember. This is no different. So what if the last five years are a lie? So what if he can't trust his own memory? Guillermo is resilient. Guillermo is rubber. Guillermo kills ‘em with kindness and lives to fight another day. Or...

“Fuck you, Nandor,” he reaches up to finish tying the cravat, angrily cinching it around the vampire’s neck with a painful tug.

“Ouch! Watch it with that!” Nandor complains, batting Guillermo’s little hands away. Guillermo crosses his arms over his chest and glares back at him with fierce, thunderstorm eyes. Nandor’s never seen his familiar like this. So forceful…he shakes his head violently, banishing the stupid horny thoughts attempting to take over.

“Alright! So I hypnotized you a few times. So what? Kind of comes with the job there, Guillermo. Did you even read your contract?”

“You mean the one you scribbled on the back of a Panera menu?” Guillermo rolls his eyes. “How did it go? ‘I.O.U. one unholy transition. Signed, Nandor the Relentless’?”

Nandor scrunches his face up and he shifts his eyes as he tries to remember. There must have been more to it…

“I don’t think…” he falters, losing steam for a second before riling himself back up through sheer force of will. He is Nandor the RELENTLESS! “That’s neither here nor anywhere, Guillermo! The point is...eh...the point is you should have expected the occasional hypnotic trance when you took the job! It is common sense!”

“You’re right, master,” Guillermo says in the tone he uses when he doesn’t mean the thing that he is saying. “Silly me, expecting that you’d treat me any differently than one of your victims.”

Nandor feels like he’s rapidly losing the thread of this conversation. Or, more realistically, that the thread ran out from between his fingers long ago and he’s grasping at the empty air. Guillermo thinks he treats him like a victim? After all the troubles he went through to get the smelly red flowers and the music for his dirty biting fantasy? After he saved him from Nadja’s horrendous aim? After all of their chess games and strolls through the moonlit hunting grounds and the countless hours Nandor has spent listening for the soft thump of Guillermo’s human heart? This is what he thinks?

Nandor curls his lip and hurls his next words to Guillermo’s feet with disdain, “Didn’t you say you were jealous of my victims, Guillermo? Well, now you do not have to be. You are one. Perhaps I should finish the job.”

Guillermo barks out a sound that’s somewhere between a laugh and a sob, “Oh, please! You’re not going to kill me anymore than you’re going to turn me.”

Guillermo turns away, the job of dressing his master left unfinished and he starts to leave. Nandor looks at his familiar’s back and he sees him running away, abandoning him just like in his dream.

“No!” he roars, lifting off the ground several inches as he flies at Guillermo, tackling the human into the wall of his crypt and knocking a 700-year-old sword to the floor. He presses his hands into Guillermo’s shoulders, pinning him in place and marveling at the soft give of his flesh layered over strong muscles. “You are my familiar and I have not given you permission to leave!”

Guillermo’s eyes harden and he parts his lips to deliver what Nandor is certain will be a devastating blow. He’s going to leave him. He’s going to quit. All because Nandor wasn’t aloof enough! He can’t let him do this! If Nandor’s heart could beat he’s sure it would be bursting from his chest this very second. He squeezes Guillermo’s shoulders too hard, painfully grinding the bones beneath his palms as he lunges, burying his face into the pristine, smooth expanse of his familiar’s neck and biting down with all the force in his body. Guillermo screams and flails against him, but it’s pointless. Nandor is too strong and he’s hell bent on giving his human a bruise to match the one on the other side of his neck.

Guillermo’s blood was made for Nandor. It floods his mouth, coating his tongue like a thick, sweet nectar. He swallows it with a savage groan and presses harder against Guillermo, digging his growing erection into the softness of his belly.

Guillermo is lost in a confusing tangle of rage, sadness, fear and arousal. He can’t fucking believe that Nandor is doing this, basically proving that Guillermo is nothing more than another human victim. And it really, really shouldn’t turn him on this much. His words ring in Guillermo’s ears as the life pulses out of him. Perhaps I should finish the job. Guillermo doesn’t believe for a second that his master is planning to kill but just in case…

He fists his hands in the vampire’s shiny, soft hair--hair he’s lovingly brushed and arranged every night for the last five years--and he yanks it back with all of his might.

“Ouch! Fucking--” Nandor rears back, blood pouring down his chin and his eyes blown with hunger and lust. He captures Guillermo with those eyes and the familiar is drawn in like a moth to the flame. Why is he always chasing the thing that will hurt him?

Before he can second guess himself, and before Nandor can do something stupid like turn into a vapor, Guillermo grabs the vampire’s collar, tugs him down to his level and slams his mouth against his in a brutal, angry kiss. Fuck you for throwing an axe at my head. Fuck you for making me feel inadequate. Fuck you for kissing me and then trying to erase it from my memory. And really, truly, deeply, fuck you for making me love you anyway.

Guillermo’s hands paw at Nandor’s bearded jaw, holding in place as their lips slide together, tongues seeking and massaging. The salty copper taste of Guillermo’s own blood fills his mouth as Nandor plunders inside. The vampire moans, his hands straying down over Guillermo’s chest, his stomach, reaching around to settle over the round curve of his backside. Guillermo whimpers into Nandor’s lips as the vampire squeezes his fingers into his buttocks and simultaneously rolls his pelvis. There’s a sound in the distance trying to attract his attention. As if Guillermo would let go of this moment for anything in the world.

In the next instant, the door to the crypt flings open and Laszlo ducks inside, slamming it shut again just in time to keep out his shrieking, furious wife. Nandor breaks away from Guillermo, jumping back and holding his hands aloft with an obvious, guilty expression.

Laszlo takes one look at Nandor’s blood stained mouth and Guillermo’s utterly ravished appearance and snorts in amusement.

“I fucking knew it!”

#nandor x guillermo #guillermo x nandor #nandor x guillermo fanfic #guillermo x nandor fanfic #wwdits fanfic #wwdits #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless

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