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esmiblood90irisglimmer · 5 years

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Say No To This (Eliza Version/Role-Reverse)

Disclaimers: LONG FANFIC!!!

Theodosia POV

Another warm summer night engulfed the city NYC where I began yawning and realizing it was already past ten o'clock. Deciding to wrap things up by going through one last files one last time before going home. Knowing Aaron would be worry sick that I stay longer at work than I’ve intentionally. Oh well, at least I can have my handsome holding me in his strong arms. Just thinking about me make me blush and giddy all shyly, which I know it’s stupid for a grown woman to be acting like a teenage girl again. Hey, that’s love for you especially being married to the man or women you’ve been for more than a decade. It’s a magical experience when you created the wondrous memories as a married couple. There’s going to be ups and downs and which is part of life and you just have to accept it. Even when you’re in complete denial. Which I could say for a certain I know that writing completely non-stop at the office next door.

You see, my old friend my dearest Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton is working her ass off to the brink of exhaustion. I worry about her but knowingly how stubborn and hard headed she can be sometimes. I often worry about her physical and mental state. I hope she doesn’t scare me like last month when she was buried alive under all those paperworks. That woman is seriously gonna give me a heart attack one these days. Anyway, as a good friend basically the mother friend of our group. I always tend to check up on her before leaving the office. Knowing that her answer will be that she’ll be spending another night here at the orphanage. I wasn’t going to argue with her about it but still at least take one day off. Then again it has taken her husband almost a decade to finally take a break from work. Well, like wife, like husband as some may say.

I see her with papers scatter around the desk with multiple profile of some the new orphanages we receive from other states. Lightly knocking on the door which caught Eliza attention which she given me her usual soft smile.

“Yes, Mrs. Burr. Is there anything you need?” she asks

“No, I’m letting you know that I’m heading home now. It’s already past ten o’clock so Aaron is probably worry sick about me”

Eliza chuckle lightly before understanding that Aaron is a bit overprotective of me but in a cute way. Deep inside her heart she was longing for the company of Alexander but he and their children were at Upstate. Apparently, visiting her father until catching up with Lafayette mid-way through the journey to South Carolina. They wanted surprise John with a visit of their own unannounced. I can understand her loneliness but she made the choice to stay behind for the orphanage and for me. We share our goodbyes before taking my leave as I left the door to be locked. Since I didn’t want any strangers or psycho manic having the intention to murder my innocent friend. Anyway, during my walk on the way I notice a tall male with a noticeable black eye. I whine on the inside feeling that he either got it from a bar fight or from his wife.

Domestic abuse isn’t uncommon sadly and seeing the abuse victim walking toward to our orphanage is heartbreaking but brave as well. What weird about him is that he’s wearing a large black hat with a long black coat. Perhaps to cover the bruises and the scars he received from his spouse. But that one thing stood out from his outfit was a tight red shirt that would grasp on his muscular chest. Ignoring my appearance despite me waving at him to be polite but I didn’t care. He continue to walk toward the direction of the orphanage before looking at the window in which located Eliza office. It made my heart skip a beat just for a moment but there wasn’t I couldn’t do since I’m off work.

Walking away from the scene as I pray deeply that this doesn’t become that I think would lead to. I hope that Eliza doesn’t do something stupid that would cost her marriage. Then again, our Lord works in mysterious ways than beyond our imagination. I simply shrug and ignore the tangles of knot that bewling with one gut to another.

Theodosia Sr

There’s nothing like summer in the city.

Someone under stress meets someone looking sexy

There’s trouble in the air, you can smell it

And Eliza is by herself....

I’ll let her tell it

Eliza POV

I was left alone in this semi-huge orphanage just by myself working on each of the children files. Just the ones that I’m assign to but that wasn’t enough. By that, I mean the only ones here are the servants on night shift. They look after the kids making they’re sleeping peacefully. Or looking after the ones that were deeply sicks and so they manage their medication from here and there. Sighing to myself out of despair as I thought about my darling Alexander and my friendly Lafayette. They decided to go Upstate in order to visit my father since the children dearly misses him. Along with the midsummer is when they’re going to visit Laurens in South Carolina since it been so long since they last met. Mulligan is going to meet on the middle part of the journey since it would be nice to create a surprise visit for John. It’s nice to know that they all have each others but Angelica and I are separated from miles apart. Not to mention...I lost Peggy from the war after she was shot..from a signal gunshot wound. Sacrificing her life for an innocent child that had nothing to do with it. Except being a daughter of a sl....I can’t bring myself to say it. But yes, that event change me and Angelica a lot especially toward my father who clearly cherish her since she is one of his beloved daughters.

Leaving behind her husband and beautiful son behind but we still visit them but enough of the depress thing. I harshly rubbed my eyes as I been here at my office for a week. Brushing my fingers into my semi greasy hair and thought I should go home as well. Packing my things up as I thought about Alexander just holding in his arms. As we share the bed we slept in together. Or having Lafayette just escorting me around the city while trying to make me laugh. His corny jokes somehow manage to make me laugh from here and there. Just would’ve been nice to have one of them here by my side. Until I heard a knock from downstairs.

Eliza

I haven’t slept in a week

I was weak, I awake

When I’m alone in my room, sometimes I stare at the wall

Longing for Lafayette, Missing my Alexander

I heard a knock on the door, I knew it wasn't my husband That’s when Mister James Reynolds walked into my life He said:

Walking downstairs before opening the door to see a tall man with a large black hat and long black coat. Quite an odd outfit but I brush it off. I notice the black eye on his face which aches my heart. Knowing that this black eye must’ve come from his abusive spouse. I offer him some tea as we discuss in the living room before introducing himself to be Mr. James Reynolds. Which he announce his reasonings of why coming to the orphanage so late at night.

James Reynolds

I know you are a woman of honor

I’m so sorry to bother you at home

But I don’t know where to go

And I came here all alone...

Eliza:

He said...

James Reynolds

My wife been doing me wrong

Beating me...

Cheating me...

Mistreating me...

Suddenly, she up and gone

And, I don’t have the means to go on

I felt extremely upset to know about this poor going through an abusive marriage. Not to mention that he has a young daughter only about five years old. Wondering how could I help this man and his daughter as well. Giving me the facts that she comes and goes from three days to weeks, lead to months from on end. Decided to give him some extra crash that I’ve stock away in her desk drawer. Pulling out approximately about thirty bucks which is quite a lot back then. Thirty bucks could’ve equivalent to like a hundreds. Then again it’s the 1700s, so it wasn’t an issue trying to store a few extra cash. Giving, Mr. Reynolds the money to see that he’s very grateful that anyone would loan him such a large amount of money. Wiping the tears of joy away before leaning his arm to hold onto. Well, I didn’t see a problem for a woman to escort a find young man home.

Eliza:

So I offered him a loan, I offered to walk him home, he said

James Reynolds:

You’re too kind mam

Eliza

I gave him thirty bucks that I have stock away

He lived a block away, he said:

James Reynolds:

This one’s mine, mam

Surprisingly the the orphanage isn’t that too far off from where Reynolds live at. Then again, he live only a block away so it was only a short ten minutes. I would stand outside just letting the kind man to enter inside his house safe and sound. Hopefully, his wife is either asleep or isn’t home at the moment which brought a tight knot in my stomach.Then, i could go home and take a long hot bath and probably take the day off tomorrow. Since I haven’t slept nor bathe in a week. So, I probably smell very sticky which isn’t very ladylike of me. Turning away as I started to walk in the direction of where my home was. About to take my leave I felt James hand grabbing my own with a light blush on his face. Veryly confuse, as I didn’t prepare myself of what was about to happen next.

Eliza:

Then I said, “well, I should head back home,” He turned red, He led me to his bed Place me between his legs and said:

James Reynolds:

Stay?

Eliza:

H...Hey...

James Reynolds:

Hey...

Not even knowing what just till the last second is when I’m between Reynolds legs. With his arms around my waist as I lay on top of his bare. Apparently, I must’ve believe that he unbutton his red shirt during the time I went blank. Feeling my entire body heating up and my face turning into cherry red. Wasn’t sure how I magically escape from the grasp of his arms but that wasn’t the case. As a married woman and Reynolds being a married man shouldn’t doing something so sinful. Not to mention, I have Alexander and can’t let myself be the one to break his heart. Reaching toward the door but before getting the grasp on the knob. Reynolds held me from behind just my heart accelerating and my body hitting once again.

Feeling his lips just leaving butterflies kissing across my neck to the my bare shoulders. Barely knowledge that this man has strip my dress off my body. Leaving me in my closet and others underclothing just leaving me to shiver. Turning me around as I face this man in the eyes but adirmating his bare chest. Lightly breathing heavily but soon I mentally slap myself. Telling myself that I have a husband and children nevertheless. This devilish man has this sinfully smirk as he place his chest just feeling his heart beating.

Eliza: That’s when I began to pray:

Lord, show me how to

Say no to this

I don’t know how to

Say no to this

But my god, he looks so helpless

And his body’s saying “hell yes”

James Reynolds:

Whoa...

Eliza:

Lord, show me how to

Eliza/ Ensemble (Aka the fandom): Say no to this

Trying to put my dress back on and get the heck out there but Reynolds has other plans. Holding me closer to him as our lips were just meter aparts just barely brushing each others. The grids in my mind were grinding wildly just telling me “Get the hell out of there”. But I couldn’t feel my body, didn’t have the courage to pull away. That wasn’t the case...I didn’t want to push myself away from this find man. Turning my face away for a moment. Until, I felt him lifting my chin up just meeting my gaze to his before leaning. His lips against my own just made everything I have thought just few out the window. Before he lead me to the once again.

Eliza: I don’t know how to Eliza/ The fandom Say no to this Eliza: In my mind, I’m tryin’ to go The Fandom: Go! Go! Go!

Eliza: Then his mouth is on mine, and I don’t say…

Throughout the entire time I spent with this stranger of man just letting him pleasure. Just forgetting Alexander, Lafayette, Angelica, the kids. Basically just everyone I’ve ever knew as he and I done it in his bed. At his house, where his wife could’ve walk in on us but I didn’t care. I was alone and longing for companion. But my mind is screaming me with rage literally scolding for doing a cruel act. Letting myself get involved in adultery that I’ll soon regretted later on.

The Fandom:

No! No! Say no to this!

Third POV

Unaware by his wife adultery with another married man, Alexander Hamilton a proud father and helpless husband. Smiling happily while looking at the pendant that his late younger sister- in law, Peggy gave to him. It was originally a birthday gift but the widely woman decided to give this little gremlin as a wedding. Chucking by the memories of the late Peggy but blush while smiling a little. It was a picture of him and Eliza on their wedding day which brought warm memories to him. That day brought heartbreaks to both Lafayette and Laurens. As the French general has fallen deeply in love with Elizabeth Schuyler but given her up for his brother. While John is in love with his best friend but was already marriage and have a daughter of his own. Still, they wanted to see this Caribbean immigrant keeping a beautiful smile while basketing his love for Eliza.

The Hamilsquad has finally reunited after being seperated from the war for far too long. Which has been nearly a decade or more since the four men last saw each others. Apparently, Burr is suppose to meet up with the others at Lauren house but wasn’t able to at the last minute. As his daughter has gotten ill which is terrible for a child to be sick during the summer. Anyway, nearly getting side tracked as the four males were playing around with the children. Dancing with them, playing with them, and etc. As the children run around Alexander pull his pendant. Staring at the picture at his beautiful as he felt helpless once again after all these years during their marriage.

Alexander / The Fandom:

Helpless!!

(Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey)

Looking into your eyes

And the sky’s the limit

(Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey)

I’m helpless

(Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey)

Lafayette saw his brother smile weakly while spinning around like the lovesick puppy that Hamilton is. Walking away from the immigrant as the French male heart tighten a bit knowing fully well that Eliza will never be his. He has come to terms with it but still heartbroken after all these years. Now, married with another woman in France with children of their own. Yet, Lafayette still loves Eliza and that would never change. Even that meant marrying someone else. As one brother is smiling happily with hearts flying around him as the other brother was staring out the window. A single tear rolled down his caramel skin before brushing it away in order not to let others know.

Alexander/Lafayette

Will she ever be satisfied?

(Down for the count,

And I’m

Drowning’ in them)

She will never be satisfied

Back at New York is where both men were unaware that Eliza is sleeping with another married man. But also growing mutual feelings for him as well. As Eliza woken up from his bed in shock and disgusted with herself for letting this happen. Trying to break it off and made sure this was a one time only moment. Well ain’t that fantasy that Eliza suddenly ask for too much. As the guilt and regrets will arrive years later and she won’t even how the affair being leak out. Though she didn’t care and immediately left the house luckily, no one was around to started ridiculous gossip. Heading straight home to take a bath and sleep hopefully this is the final counter she’ll have with Reynolds. Or so she thought.

Eliza: I wish I could say that was the last time I said that last time. It became a pastime A month into this endeavor I received a letter From a Mrs. Maria Reynolds, even better, it said: Maria: Dear Madam, I hope this letter finds you in good health And in a prosperous enough position to put wealth In the pockets of people like me: down on their luck You see, that was my husband who you decided to Eliza: Shhhh—

A month past by and her affair with Reynolds continue and escalated to him spending multiple night at her house. As they slept on the same bed that she with her darling Alexander. No matter how many time she wanted to call this affair off. Reynolds always seduce her back into his arms by that charming and charismatic attitude of his. Those methods always make her legs jelly and wobbling. It lead them to exchanging tiny little love letters from here and there. Until one day, at her office Theodosia brought her letter which was sent from Mrs. Maria Reynolds. Feeling her blood run before locking the door. Reading the telegrams which is promptly by none other than Reynolds wife. Claiming that she knows about the affair and herself as well. A large lump began to form in his throat as she continue reading the paper. Feeling that dark presented behind Eliza back just feeling Maria mocking her for sleeping with her own husband.

Yet, that not even the worst part.

Maria: Uh-oh! You made the wrong sucker a cuckold So time to pay the piper for the dress you stripped And hey, you can keep seeing’ that piece of shit If the price is right: if not I’m telling your man

Straight up blackmailing the young wife that if she doesn’t pay in the correct. This other wife would spill the details to her Alexander. In pure anger, she races out of her office but not without leaving confuse looks on her coworkers face’s. Nearly running toward Reynolds house as she proudly let herself to slam the door shut harshly. Racing toward upstairs as I saw James right before myself as I proceeded to slap him hard across the face. Shock but also hurt by this reaction as Eliza shove the letter in front of the man’s face.

Eliza: I hid the letter and I raced to his place Screamed

“How could you?!”

in his face He said: James No, Mam!!

Eliza:

Half dressed, apologetic. A mess, he looked

Pathetic, he cried:

James:

Please don’t go, mam!

Not caring if this man was even half naked or half dress in front of her. This affair is officially over but Reynolds grabbed Eliza’s hand. Not wanting to lose of what they have during the entire period of summer. Pulling herself away from this man with a look of anger spreading on her expression. Whimpering on the inside as Reynolds never saw this side of Eliza before. She was so kind and thoughtful toward him. Never forgetting her generosity to donated a large sum of money just for his daughter Susan. Holding Eliza in his arms once again but this married woman firmly pushes herself out of his reach. Tears were streaming down his face before on his knees. Betting this kind hearted woman to not leave him alone with his wife. Despite not knowing either he was serious or was all of this an act.

Eliza:

So was your whole story a setup?

James:

I don’t know about any letter!

Eliza:

Stop crying

God damnit, get up!

James:

I didn’t know any better

Eliza:

I am ruined...

Frantically pulling her hair while her own tears flooded her face. Realizing that consequences of what this affair leading to. This could ruin an entire innocent happy marriage and another marriage leading to a divorce in court. Both of them panicking as Maria has full control of them especially Eliza. Since she did indeed fallen trip into their spider webs of lies. The married man tries to persuade to stay with in his arms. Work before and show work again. Doesn’t need any other woman but her at the time being. Even it may cost him his life. Holding her into his arms once again while wiping her tears away with a soft touch.

Eliza / James:

Please don’t leave me with her, I’m helpless

(I am helpless—how could I do this?)

Just give her what he wants and you can have me

Eliza:

I don’t want you

James:

What?

Eliza:

I don’t want you

James/Eliza

Whatever you want (I don’t...)

If you pay,

You can

Stay!!!!

Eliza wanted to pull away but didn’t have the strength nor the energy to do so. Letting Reynolds cherish her one last time. Clinging onto him before letting the small kisses into full on make out. Which them on the bed once again. Just like how the first night when they first met. Eliza feeling regretful but yet a bit satisfied about this affair. Not sure why...she didn’t even know her self. They just want the pleasurable moment for one last time.

Eliza

Lord, show me how to

Say no to this

I don’t know how to

Say no to this

Cause the situation is helpless

And his body screaming “hell yes”

Lord, show me how to

Say no to this

Eliza/James

How can I say not to this?!

Eliza:

There is nowhere I can go?!

When his body on mine I do not say

Sharing a kisses from here and there from the lips, neck, and other sort etc. James notice a matching pendant around Eliza neck. Open by itself to see the man that Eliza is currently married to in made him freeze for a moment. Just staring at the picture on the day on this woman married her husband. Shaking lightly before shutting it quickly just wanting to get this over this. That picture suddenly began mocking him. Feeling this affair might put a tired on Eliza marriage with Alexander. Which he praise that doesn't happen. Which it's rare to have this emotions that he never had before.

Still both Reynolds and Eliza mind were screaming at them.Telling these two adults that “NO! This isn’t right” basic stuff. That both of them knew but decided to ignore it.

Eliza/James/The Fandom

Yes (Yes!)

Say no to this!

No!

Yes (Yes!)

Say no to this!

No!

Yes (Yes!)

Say no to this!

No!

Yes (Yes!)

Say no to this!

After this finally orderal, Eliza slowly and shamefully getting dressed as Reynolds lay in bed. Not looking at each others seem to be the best choice at the moment. Eliza wiped a few tears feeling so dirty and disgusted with herself. Her actions. Hopefully that she can put this in the past. And forget that it ever happen in the first place. Pulling out two envelope from the pocket of her dress. Both fill with crash.

Eliza:

Say no to this...

I don’t

Eliza/James:

Say no to this

Eliza:

There is nowhere I can go

The fandom:

Go, Go, Go

Right before her stood Maria Reynolds at the doorway with a little girl by her side. Apparently, this is their daughter that James mention before. Wearing a beautiful red dress that seem to share the same color and color of her husband shirt. Having a smug look on her face full aware of what just happened since this bedroom. But she could care less since its the money she need for a lawyer during a divorce court. But sweet little Eliza doesn’t need to know about that.

Maria:

So?

The other married woman sigh in defeat as she place the two full envelope on Maria hands. About thousands dollars in total. Looking down as the child stare at in confusion and curious of what was happening. But her innocent must be protected and so for that. The deed has been done and all of this affair is just hush hush. Racing out of the house in a rush with tears threatening to leave her eyes. Returning back to the orphanage in an hour as Theodosia, Martha, Dolley didn’t notice her return. Until hearing you close the door to her office and locking it. Her back was press against the wood before sliding down as she held her knee tightly. Tears spring down to the fabric of her dress before quietly whisper to herself.

“Nobody needs to know”

Nearly given up writing this fanfic but I made myself to finish. But yeah.. hope y'all enjoy

#hamilton #hamiltrash #Hamilton fanfic #Say no to this #elizabeth hamilton #Alexander Hamilton #John Laurens #Lafayette #Hercules Mulligan #romance #affair #drama #guilty #regrets #james reynolds #Maria Reynolds #Role-Reverse

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solidburnreturned · 5 years

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by popular demand, here is my oc chatter regarding stuff like relationships n random character traits. its rly long oops but i divided it by character at least lmao,, these are all things that i think id also wanna use if i ever use these characters as humans (which i def will at some point honestly)

- i thinkkkk i want toad and pike to date. toad would come across pike in their lagoon one day while hes wandering around on another wonked exploration and pike is like hey lol :B with their pointy teeth and long ass hair and toad is like :0 he just sits and talks with pike for hours and comes by a few times a week to hang out with them. they fall in LOVE

- fred and lani are def gonna date too. two butches who use he/him pronouns fuck yeah? they have a powerful relationship. mega BDE. power couple. not a lot of pda but alone together theyre both very loving and tender, its a vulnerability thing for both of them. like lani is very cool and can be either stoic or borderline obnoxious while fred is punkish. fred is very head over heels for lani tho

- mardi n berg.....complicated....i gotta figure out how they actually end up together. berg is a jogger and mardi is a piercer/tattoo artist so that doesnt....make them line up very much in that department. ill think about it more and figure something out. itll probably have something to do with berg’s nose stripes and eye rings

- also side note on mardi......i want his backstory to include a grey period set off by his brother being eaten when they were both young at the troll tree. like he becomes angry and depressed, sorta like branch, his tattoos that he gives himself the only color on his body, until he learns to let go and his colors come back (high key this was inspired by 21 savage, mardi’s voice claim, and the line in his new song A Lot “my brother lost his life and it turned me to a beast”). ill develop this idea further but i just wanted to get it written down

- bismuth.......unsure. they had a crush on pepper and kept trying to ask her out until she came out to them as a lesbian, then they were like :’) but theyre ride or die theyre not gonna be an ass to her because they cant date her. they just care a lot about her. its like icarly

- gazpacho and jupiter CUTE two small trans trolls in That Love. i need to develop them more but. theyre just cute

- talia is still a little too new for me to develop her......but im thinkin about it...

- kinda same with ernie and olive. they kinda mostly just exist as cute babby characters right now? if anything olive is a trouble maker and ernie is a chatterbox

- clem and thursday also fuckin cute as hell......clem was a nervous wreck asking thursday out but theyve been together like ever since, which is more than a few years. they have a rly cute gentle lovey dovey relationship. thursday is usually hanging around up on her gf’s shoulder giving her kisses on the cheek

- bea and crystal.......adorabl relationship......crystal is another character thats kinda nervous but bea is so chill n confident is helps calm her down. theyre both trans and love the hell out of each other. rly slow n steady relationship, bea is very patient

- pj and marcus!!!! dumb mlm rep relationship. pj is so so gay for marcus he can barely comprehend it. its a dumb ego boost for marcus but hes also very in love with pj, he just expresses it in a weird cocky way idk marcus is a nerd. i need to make more content for them i think about these two way more than it seems

- dwight!! he has a boat. he lives on the boat.....ive thought about maybe pairing him with toad and pike. deciding on his voice claim has been the most difficult thing ever

- kass and current HELL yeah buff gf and tol gf......they spar with swords and wrestle for fun and hang out at the beach a lot. kass fuckin loves the gem on current’s back. i gotta make more content for them

- celia......i wanna do more with celia. friends with berg probs theyre both sporty. shes just a sweet giant troll who loves mushrooms. i gotta pair her with someone whose palette goes nicely with her pastels

- carrot and harriet are literally cricket and tilly from big city greens just older. yeehaw siblings. havent thought about relationship stuff with harriet yet.....i think she also needs ANOTHER redesign her colors are just too heavy still. maybe if i can make her colors compliment celia’s that could work as a pairing? hm hm.....carrot tho is dating ford’s oc rye theyre gentle country gays

- rainer. hm. i dont think theyre rly the dating type......theyre just chill with being them. they just wanna swim and be funny

- hammond and andromeda are probs two of my least developed characters.....hammond still needs a redesign. he might be cute to pair with walter, theyre around the same age. andromeda tho i have no idea. she might be a nice pairing with eve? if i ever feel like pairing her with someone...who knows. eve is very carefree and might find andromeda’s energy too intense

- radish i wanna make more content for!! i rly like her a lot....i think shes another troll who isnt interested in dating. shes very focused on being a chef instead. loves her friends a lot!

- mack and pepper 2gether 4ever obvs......they have a relationship that gets richer with age for sure

- im just gonna ramble about mack. i thinkkkkkkk i wanna make her half latina? columbian specifically. she doesnt quite read as white and i didnt make her with the intention of making her white. anyway i love mack a whole lot and should really develop her backstory more. its not rly as like...””tragic”” or whatever as pepper’s i know that but she def has layers. i wanna give her whole family more depth. she has a very complicated relationship with her own feelings and motivations that i need to think about more fully. my powerful femme tho i lov her

- mack’s parents, robin and champagne, i need to like....think about them more. they have kinda a comedic relationship thats sorta inspired by roger rabbit and jessica rabbit. robin is a very caring, gentle troll who’s very smart and cares a lot about his nursing responsibilities in the village. champagne is very relaxed and the “voice of reason” character of the family. she loves a good party and has her party planning down to a science. both are very successful power parents. kickass family

- i already talked about topaz and marney in a separate post but i still love them both so much. big wesbiabs

- pepper....pebber. im gonna talk about her the most obviously gfhjdkrs i wanna talk about her mental health i feel like i think about it a lot but i never write about it explicitly? this is gonna be long oops hgjfksd she has depression and ptsd stemming from the trauma of her crash...im thinking she also has adhd and thats just something shes always had. her depression rly got heavy during her recovery and right after like...she hated being bed/housebound and felt rly powerless to her situation and just let it eat at her until her personality had actually changed considerably. like extroverted wild child rebel to introverted, soft-spoken sulker. this got better with time but she still is pretty introverted, just turned her moodiness into chill energy.

- she has bad depression habits like letting dishes, old food, laundry, or just stuff pile up in her room until it gets overwhelming and she spends like two days just manically cleaning; or staying in bed for way longer than she should and messing with her hygiene; or eating way more or way less than she should eat in a day. just stuff thats hard to completely break out of when youre recovering. her color is pretty consistently the dark red but if shes having a particularly rough day she might look a little paler, or like a muddy brick color at her worst. thats kinda rare tho

- her ptsd is the thing she hates the most. for a while it made her feel very weak and she’d beat herself up over being traumatized by the crash which was obviously not helpful to her mental state but she was really all over the place during her bodily recovery. its part of the reason why she started working out, she wanted to reclaim some sort of feeling of strength and power that she felt she’d lost completely. she still gets really frustrated with this feeling of loss but she gets a lot of support from loved ones which has helped her not self-blame so much. her ptsd manifests mostly as nightmares/insomnia, chronic headaches/stomachaches, intrusive thoughts and sometimes flashbacks. the nightmares are what rly get to her, she really doesnt get a lot of good sleep and it can get to the point where she just doesnt want to sleep sometimes and she’ll stay awake until she crashes hard

- her scars used to be a big trigger for her ptsd, which is why she has her bangs covering the one on her face and wears long pants (her knee braces are too bulky for pants and would force her to wear shorts which would force her to expose her scars). she just. really really hates them. this is something she struggles with for a majority of her life

- once she and mack start going steady with their dating and start consistently sleeping in the same bed, pepper starts to sleep better. she still has nightmares that wake her up at least weekly, but having mack there to comfort her (whether she wakes mack up accidentally or if mack is already awake) helps a TON with getting her back to sleep soundly. it also just helps her sleep in general to have that comforting, loving presence in her bed snuggled up to her ;w; mack is a big help in general with pepper’s mental health, pushing pepper to make better, healthier choices and get out in the village more and have fun. mack for sure does not “”cure”” pepper of anything but shes a very positive light in pepper’s life that helps her pull thru tough times!

- i love all my goofy trolls so much. its so fun to just chill and blab about them to relax between working on big projects ;o; ty if u cared enough to read this whole thing ur so rad

#writing about my hooligan troll ocs is so relaxing #like im not overly invested its just something fun to think about and thats just very nice #txt #oc #oc rambles #ill tag it as that so i dont lose this #trolls #long post

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returnedmemories · 5 years

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Somehow this post turned into my life story

This past month I've been able to call my kids every Sunday night. Im thrilled. The new medication I've been on has abled me to to feel things and be less depressed . I cant believe Im finally doing well enough and that I have earned enough trust with their guardians. I feel less disconnected from my kids. The calls dont usually last long, but I now get to hear about what they have done during the week, and whats happening in their lives.

Before I saw them only a few hours once every 3 months. Inbetween visits, I worried about them every day. Were they happy? Are they doing ok? Are they getting enough love? How are they handling all of the trauma they have been through? Did they miss me? Did they cry alone, struggling with their emotions? Or were they so shut down that they were barley living?

They have both come so far. I know my oldest is most likely going to struggle most of her life. Its hard to over come trauma. I know. Its a daily struggle not to relive the past over and over again. And living with depression can literally suck the life out of you. I hope she can heal. I hope she doesnt make the mistakes i made.

Being abused and rejected by my dad, and knowing my mom couldnt or wouldnt protect me left me feeling worthless. I was alone with a monster and I couldnt protect myself. Being told over and over again that I was stupid, fat, lazy, and worthless. Having my dad raging and yelling, being told that he HATED me.

I became a shell of a person. I was empty. I hated myself so much. I was eventually sucked down a dark hole of depression that I couldnt escape. I became suicidal by the time I was 11. All I wanted to do was cut open my skin and climb out of my own body. I wanted the pain to stop. But it didnt. It got worse. I was afraid to go home after school. Home wasnt a safe place. Not when HE was there. At home we walked around on egg shells hoping he would leave us alone. But there was always something. Always. I cant tell you how many times he kicked me out of the house. And when that happened my mom wouldnt know what to do or where to take me. It hurt me so much, my mom didnt stand up to him. She always said she just wanted everything to be okay, but really by doing nothing she was choosing him over me.

By the time I was 13 I discovered a way to distract myself from the pain that consumed me. Cutting. When I cut myself on the outside I could focus on that pain, and it momentarily relieved me of all the hurt inside. I tried to hide it at first. Then I stopped caring. My mom found out, she was understanding. But when my dad found out, I was assaulted with his rage and hate. I already hurt so much that most days I thought about ending my life. And what does my dad say to me? "Your not my fucking kid. Why dont you just go shoot yourself in the head witn a gun". I'll never forget that moment. I'll never forget those words. They destroyed me. Im grateful now that my mom made my dad get rid of the gun he had brought into the house. I wouldnt be here now if she hadnt. I would have done it. My entire life had become nothing but fear, depression, and self hatred. Life wasnt worth living.

I was 14 by the time I had become full blown anorexic. It was the one thing I could control. I also began going for long walks. I was 100% convinced that I was fat. Maybe I would have had this problem anyway, but I believe having my dad tell me I was fat and lazy my entire life had something to do with it.

I just stopped eating. And On top of not eating, I would take laxatives, and I would take epicac AND I would intentionally give myself food poisoning. All so my body would eject anything that might still be in my body. Im lucky I didnt end up in the hospital. I felt weak, and dizzy. There were times I fainted, or suddenly felt like the room was spinning. But I was in control. And it became normal. Not eating. Whenever someone offered me food, my immediate instinct was that I was being threatened and it was time to flee.

But of course, (even though I was never fat), no matter how thin I got, I still thought I was fat. I thought I was disgusting, and Unworthy. No one loved me. And I had no one to protect me. I wanted out! I began thinking if only I didnt have to live with my dad, that I could be safe and happy. I couldnt wait to turn 18. I couldnt wait to be out of his grip. I would turn 18 and he wouldnt own me anymore. I was so stupid.

Life became even harder when I began having PTSD episodes. Even when I was away from my dad, at school, I couldnt escape him. I began re- living times he hurt me. And his voice became my inner voice. All day I could hear him whispering, "your stupid, fat, lazy, worthless, I hate you, why dont you just go shoot yourself in the head with a gun?" Always in the same order, on a loop, repeating over and over again. I was in my own personal hell. Trapped. Miserable. Suicidal. Why couldnt I be like all of the other kids? I didnt understand why this was happening to me.

I was in highschool now. All of my middle school friends were seperated from me, and I began struggling in school. Highschool was much bigger, with alot of students that I didnt know. I began having severe anxiety and panic attacks. I spent alot of time in the schools councelors office either bawling, hyperventilating, or so shut down and disociated that I couldnt speak. I was trapped in my head, reliving trauma, and hearing my new inner voice(thanks dad): "your stupid, fat, lazy, worthless, I hate you, why dont you just go shoot yourself in the head with a gun?"

Most school days I left early. I couldnt handle being around so many people. Inside my world was falling apart. I felt so alone, so empty. I couldnt cope.

I was 15 when I began trying to get help. I packed a bag after one of my dads abusive raging throughout the house. He kept instilling fear into me, and kicking me out of the house (for no reason. It was a way for him to control me) He expected me to go somewhere and wait several hours until his anger had settled, then come back. If I didnt come back right when he decided he wanted me back he would threaten to call the police and report me as a runaway. AFTER HE KICKED ME OUT!!! So this time I fought back. I went to two different shelters. One was called Simonka Place. It was a shelter for women and children. I was there for a while, but I was still in the middle of a mental health crisis. I had a panic attack/ptsd episode/dissociative state and was sent to the hospital because staff was worried I may have overdosed on something. I tried to tell the doctors I had not taken anything, but I was a kid, and they didnt believe me. My hands and feet were in restraints and they forced a tube down my throat and into my stomache where they pumped me full of charcoal. They said if I took anything I would throw it up.

I didnt throw up. I didnt take anything!

When I got back to Simonka house they said I couldnt stay, because they werent equipt to handle my problems. I was upset and angry at the time, but looking back, they were right. I was a very messed up child who needed more help then they could provide.

The next day I went to the host program. It was a shelter for teenagers that provided family counseling.

I left the very next day. They said I had to eat breakfast, it was part of the program. That wasnt going to happen. Food was the one thing I had control of. So my fight or flight instincts kicked in and I ran. (In hindsight, looking back I can see where I was prob having manic episodes. I didnt find out until I was 21, but I have bipolar disorder, along with depression, anxiety, ptsd, and dissociation disorder)

I dont know how this post became my life story, but whoo! It feels good to get this shit out! Im going to end this now, but I definitely want to continue this.

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nothingneverforever · 4 years

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Yesterday (2019)

When I’d just seen the trailers and promo stuff for Yesterday, there was some great excitement in me. I loved The Beatles years ago, I mean, I really really loved them, I’ve got about 15 books on them, borrowed my mom’s credit card to shop online for DVDs of all their original movies when I was 14, etc etc, so Yesterday’s premise added up and seemed to look like something I’d enjoy: Danny Boyle, mysterious ultra-niche alternate reality in an otherwise utterly regular world, some kind of deadpan irony about the whole situation…

Then it came and went in cinemas and I never got down to seeing it. So I watched instead this film review by DazzReviews on Youtube, titled “Yesterday Missed A MASSIVE OPPORTUNITY (SPOILERS)”. It’s a short and simple analysis of key weaknesses of the film, being that its actual contents greatly pale in comparison to its great potential. Even without watching the film, I understood Dazz’s gripe because even seeing snippets of the film bored me. It is such a unique, and almost cute idea afterall: a blackout causing selective loss of memory in every single individual in this world (save for 3, later to be discussed) where post-blackout, The Beatles and other cultural/social phenomenon do not and have never existed. Our protagonist, who pre-blackout was a struggling singer/songwriter, then decides to release Beatles songs from his memory as his own, thus gaining global popularity and attracting immense adoration. It’s not novel, perhaps reminiscent of time-travel narratives idk, but it’s still fun right?

Yet even after watching this review video and understanding the film’s flaws and being able to imagine how disappointing the film would have been, watching it in full for myself was still an upsetting experience. Google tells me that Yesterday is of the ‘Drama/Fantasy’ genre, which gives me a good starting point for my critique: how utterly un-fantastical it is.

Our protagonist Jack Malik is LITERALLY the most vanilla, ungrateful, boring, not-alive, nothing-at-all, annoying, pathetically male (in terms of tantrum-throwing and ingratitude) character I have ever seen. None of this is hyperbolic, his character literally sucks so freakin much omfg, absolutely devoid of any redeeming or even remotely INTERESTING qualities at all. In fact save for maybe one scene (which I will talk about below), I don’t think there was another single second in the entire film where we saw him smiling. This is not to say that he’s portrayed as especially tortured or depressed in demeanor, merely to indicate his absolute dearth of warmth and personality.

Meanwhile, it becomes clear as the boring film progresses boringly that Yesterday is in fact nothing more than a love story. The cute Beatles twist is merely a device to show us how Jack and his “love interest” Ellie (inverted commas cos their love sucks omfg I cant imagine that ANYONE viewing it is convinced) were in fact meant to be, with Jack’s momentary superstardom existing to show him that all he ever wanted was his old life, the one with Ellie (even though they were never together because THEY ARENT EVEN MEANT TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE OKAY….). But, just as Jack’s character itself is flawed and awfully written, our female protagonist Ellie is SOOOOOO early 2000s. Just think of the most typical stock supportive, sweet, pretty, unfailingly kind and patient female whose presence is taken for granted etc etc… So her stock sweetie pie female character coupled with the most unbelievably charmless and unlikable male character make for the most unshippable couple you could possibly imagine. We are supposed to be charmed by her obvious-to-everyone-except-him love for Jack, supposed to have our heartstrings tugged by the singular scene of teenage schoolgirl her standing by the wings of the stage with hearts in her eyes while teenage schoolboy him sings a most soulless rendition of Wonderwall but it literally does absolutely nothing. The means has not met the end! This is a grossly uninspiring love story and there is no fantasy whatsoever!!

Honestly how is this even a Danny Boyle product? But then again… Zhang Yimou, boasting the incredibly genius Raise the Red Lantern (1992) on his resume, also did The Great Wall (2016) so I guess even heroes have the right to bleed or even the best fall down sometimes or something. OMG WAIT I just googled the film again and not only is it directed by Danny Boyle but also written by Richard Curtis LOL wtfffffffffff okay this is the worst film ever seriously

Early on just after the global blackout thing, before Jack becomes the huge superstar that he does after his music (“his” music) is released into the world, when he first decides to use the songs of The Beatles, he is cajoled by his parents into performing for them in their humble living room. (by the way his parents are played by Sanjeev Bhaskar and Meera Syal who I have LITERALLY seen in about 1000 British TV shows and movies by now… idk maybe Yesterday was intended as a semi-ensemble cast film? Since there are other “appearances” by other known faces… ok whatever.) I guess this scene of him, superstar-to-be, sitting down at his piano in the claustrophobic living room with his parents exaggerating their domestic inclinations and comforts (by holding their cups of tea and settling themselves into their sofa-chairs etc) is meant to be comedic, we’re meant to laugh at how his parents have no idea the genius that is about to be released unto the stratosphere embodied by their all-great son Jack Malik, and it’s a predictable scene: his parents get disturbed by the bell and other things in the first 10 seconds of his performance, so Jack has to begin Let It Be 4 times over and never gets past a few lines… and okay, it’s funny because they are treating Jack’s “performance” as such because he has never before produced anything worthy of actual attention and has never performed in any manner that has demanded any respect given that he was an absolutely mediocre singer, but the scene is ruined by how Jack was written to have to react. Instead of taking it in his stride and recognizing that his parents are taking it so lightly because they have no idea how big the song is going to be because they have had no reason to expect anything great of him before, Jack throws a big fucking tantrum and asks why they cannot and have not respected the greatest song to ever be written etc etc… and okay, maybe this was intentional because we are to infer that Jack’s reaction is a projection of his own insecurities about releasing entirely unoriginal songs as his own, perhaps he has doubts about whether they would do as well as they did when The Beatles themselves released them, perhaps he has doubts that he is the right person to do this at all, anxieties and fears about being able to get away with it all… Sure, but I don’t want to give the writers the benefit of this doubt. If I were to watch the scene with my eyes and ears and not my brain, all I’d see is a dumbass manchild with a temper and ego problem incapable of accepting responsibility for the decisions he’s made, plus being unnecessarily cruel and disrespectful to his simple parents who want only to support him, if superficially. Basically, he’s dumb and the worst protagonist you’d want for a romcom.

But let it not be said that I am an extremist with my views: there was one sub-plot that showed promise and that made me think perhaps there was more to this film than the nothingness it had conveyed hitherto. When Jack played in Moscow, as an opening act for Ed Sheeran, we saw the haunting face of a large man in the crowd, carrying a knowing look in his eyes. It gave us a great sense of unease, seeing his concerned face contrasted with the throng of pretty girls screaming their hearts out (you know, à la “Moscow girls make me sing and shout”). Then later we see an English lady (played by the iconic amazing Sarah Lancashire who I know and love so so much from Happy Valley), who like the Russian man, carries the same speculation in her sharp eyes, as she sees Jack manically making his way through Liverpool, visiting key landmarks like Eleanor Rigby’s grave, Strawberry Fields, Penny Lane etc because, as she says to him later, “you cant write songs about places you’ve never been to”. So anyway, this odd pairing make up the only 2 other known humans in the world who for unexplained reasons also remember the existence of The Beatles, and thus recognize that Jack’s positioning of the entire Beatles discography as his own original work to be fraudulent.

So we as audiences who hardly care for this dumbass Jack but have still held on to some hope that the film would bring us some element of surprise and karma for this annoying fraud (whose singing voice by the way is literally the most forgettable ever), we would have loved nothing more than for Jack to face the sound of music (as Mother Mary comes to him). But instead of, I dunno, chopping his head off or outing him to the world, the mysterious duo thank him for bringing their much beloved Beatles songs back into the world, the whole who has forgotten them. They thank him for doing justice to the memory of the greatest band of all time, and together the duo and Jack dance and cheer in a side room minutes before Jack goes out to perform for the biggest crowd he’s ever played to. It’s just… lame and not even a satisfying easy way out. Oh remember above when i said there was literally only about one scene of Jack smiling, this was it. And he only smiled because obviously he was relieved at not having his secret revealed to the world by these two..... ughhh WE DONT WANT TO SEE YOU HAPPY!! WE HATE U!!

Okay haha I shall end this as I do all my other ‘reviews’… by saying that I’m lazy already and cant really be bothered to continue but shall conclude by proclaiming that this film sucked… not in a remotely camp or quiet or interesting manner either. It was just boring and bad and of great disrespect to the music of The Beatles.

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Omg I have just attempted to read some actual reviews of this film and some actually think it’s ‘charming’ and ‘surprisingly moving’ and that the leads have ‘chemistry’………….. that’s literally the fakest thing I’ve ever heard lol bye bye!

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whateverisfinebyme · 7 years

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im getting better

1. for months on end i did not sleep more than a few moments a night. it was the dead of winter- and the snow here- in this town makes everything more quiet. the world-at least the parts of the world that i can see with my eyes right now, in this moment, are desolate. i watch the cars pass every so often from my fourth floor apartment. i am alone, and thats okay

2. its 3:45 on a monday morning. there are voices coming from the living room in the other side of my apartment. they are telling me to kill myself. i cover my ears with my pillow but they only get louder and closer

3. there are days where i feel on top of the world in all of the ways that can hurt me. nothing is real and that is okay. there are days when i cant move because the dark overcomes. everything feels too real. there arent many days in between

4. there are bags under my eyes so deep and purple that i drag myself to the drug store to buy makeup with more coverage. if a tree falls in a forest and theres nobody there to hear it, maybe it doesnt make a sound. if nobody knows that im not okay, then maybe i am

5. but im not. i sit in an office that is supposed to be the place where i find out why i cant function. testing and conversations where i give myself over to a stranger. she says shes sorry about my past she says this isnt your past thats keeping you up its

6. bipolar disorder. manic depression. whatever you want to call it. she writes out a prescription for tiny pills that are supposed to regulate something in my brain but i feel numb because i dont want to be damaged

7. people have laid their hands on me more times than i could tell you but nothing hurts worse than being told theres something wrong with you. there is something wrong with you and there always has been and there always will be. sitting in the back of my throat

8. tiny pink pills for breakfast and for dinner. it is somewhere along the lines of extraordinary that something so small- smaller than the tip of my smallest finger is supposed to help change such a huge piece of me

9. i am afraid that when people hear about my diagnosis they will be afraid of me. all i have ever wanted to be my whole life is gentle, even though i am not always gentle to what i see in the mirror.

10. wear long sleeves so that nobody sees the scars.while there is bravery within vulnerability, i am not willing to be brave nor vulnerable

11. but its been some time now. people say that time heals. i used to swear that time only teaches you how to be quieter. i dont know if i need healing because i dont think that theres anything wrong with me anymore. sometimes i am able to sleep. more often than not i am able to sleep

12. i havent known what its like to have a brain that isnt like mine so i dont think i am jealous of brains that arent like mine. chemical imbalance does not mean that i am damaged.

13. i used to shower six times a day because the shower was the only place that felt safe. i shaved my head because i ruined my hair. its been seven months since the diagnosis. i showered once this morning and my hair is growing out

14. i have bipolar disorder. i wouldnt change it if i could because i imagine it would feel like it may feel to change my name. its a piece of me like my favorite book or my right arm

15. there are so many days in between the bad days.

16. i took a handful of pills when i was sixteen and left a note but i woke up the next day. i didn’t plan on making it past sixteen but i woke up the next day. i am navigating in waters that i never even planned to swim in but i am doing it so well

17. i threw away the note and i will never write another. there is, there has to be a reason i made it past sixteen. four months ago someone asked me why i thought i was alive and i said i was alive so that i could give love away. i decided i wanted to be a social worker when i was ten because i will not change the world but if i could save at least one person, one soul in this world, my life will have had purpose

18. i used to believe that growth only counted if it was linear and if it did not deviate from what i thought growth was supposed to look like but growth comes in tiny steps. some of the exquisite flowers sprout through soil.

19. i am nineteen and was nineteen when i was diagnosed but the difference between now and then is that i want to be here so bad

20. in three months ill be twenty. i am growing

#mental illness #poetry

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huonperrenials · 7 years

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Kings Canyon

Hi There,

Now I never thought that I would do a nine part and counting series on our three-week holiday to the Northern Territory, but here we are! No need to panic just yet, I can assure you that it wont be long and we’ll be on the home stretch. Meanwhile the stretch of road we were facing now was the Meerenie Loop. A 154km stretch of dirt road which is a short cut to get to Kings Canyon, you can go the long way its only about 500km! For the Meerenie loop you need a permit as it goes through some Aboriginal Land Trust area, also a 4 wheel drive vehicle of some description would be beneficial although not mandatory. I’ve taken the next bit from The Outback Travellers Track Guide Book for Alice Springs to Yulara. “The Meerenie Loop is very undulating with many crests, dips and creek floodways. This area is mainly gravel with some rocky sections but is often plagued with corrugations and dusty conditions”.

To say it was corrugated and dusty would be a slight understatement to say the least! The first section was an absolute quagmire of corrugations and at a slow speed you felt like you were on some sort of manic rollercoaster, every bump was a shudder of immense proportions. This was going to be great for another 140 kilometres. It did improve though. We decided to see what would happen at a faster speed! Well it was an improvement at a speed of 75-85kmh, mind you it was now a constant smaller shuddering. I can only describe it as a cat the size of an elephant purring beneath your car with the reverberations oozing up into the vehicle and oneself. Everything was just a constant shudder!

You can see above the dips and creek floodways, these were the worst. As you approached you would slow down to get across them and occasionally some were quite deep with pot holes in them which the front tyres would slam into with a tremendous thump. It all sounds bad but it was an enjoyable experience and the scenery was quite beautiful. Look at the rolling seam of rock in the left side of the photo above.

There was a couple of classic road signs we saw, both on 44 gallon drums, one before a corner “LIFT UM FOOT” and the other around the corner “PUTTUN BACK DOWN”. I was too slow in getting any shots but click HERE to check them out! What a classic!. Having stopped for lunch and then continued on our way we soon came to Ginty’s Lookout.

In the distance you can see George Gills Range and Kings Canyon is at the right hand end of this range in these photos.

I think the boys enjoyed a chance to stretch and let off some steam, also gave me a chance to quickly check the vehicle and camper trailer were all in one piece. There was a slight problem with the bike rack attachment on the camper trailer, parts of it had come loose and needed replacement, luckily I had spares!

Of course there were plants to admire, check out this pretty Erimophila!

Cant remember how long it took to complete our journey along the Meerenie loop but we had finally arrive at Kings Canyon. Just in time to set up camp and then watch the suns rays set on the entrance to the canyon.

The next morning dawned fresh and bright and away we went to get amongst the Canyon. Kings Canyon is part of the Watarrka National Park and sits at the west end of the George Gills Range. The walls in the canyon are over 100 metres high and make for some great panoramic views. Here we go on the rim walk which is highly recommended, give yourself at least 4 hours to truly appreciate this place and watch out for the opening climb, it will test you! Make sure you stop on the way up this straight up climb to admire the views, just don’t let on that you’re puffed!

Here’s one of my scenic views(puff,puff,puff) lucky there was some plants to look at!

Above is Tall Mulla Mula also known as Pussytails or scientifically as Ptilotus exaltatus. Below is a Blue Bush. Maireana sp, I’m not sure which one, there are 57 specie endemic to Australia. Now that I’ve got my breath back, lets continue up the steep climb!

In the above photo in the middle on the right you can see the car park receding in the distance. Below you can see the canyon walls starting to come into view. The river of green at the bottom is Kings Creek, providing the life blood for those plants.

Once you get to the top the rest of the Rim walk is quite easy and breathtaking at the same time! Firstly you are walking through scrubland and rocky formations before you really get anywhere near the rim. Mind you, you don’t want to get too close to the edge!

Picture below is of Sandstone mounds which are quite prolific up on the top of the George Gills Range. They are known as Mereenie Sandstone which has been cross bedded. Basically over time(lots of time) wind has deposited sand in different directions(see description in next photo). The domes you see have been eroded along joint-bounded blocks with rain and wind eroding the corners and sides of the blocks giving us these domed shaped sandstone mounds. Looking closely below you will see Rhinoceros Rock. Well that’s what I called it!These two photos you can see those Sandstone domes I mentioned earlier. Now we come to parts where you need to hold your breath as you edge closer to the edge.

It is a shear drop off the edge there!

Kings Canyon sits in what is known as the Amadeus Basin which is a intracratonic depression covering approximately 170,000 square Kilometres in Central Australia. Interpret that as an inland sea I would think! Now I will quote the Geology of Kings Canyon National Park by L. Bages, report 4 for the Northern Territory Geological Survey. “The oldest exposed rocks in the park are those of the shallow-marine to continental Cambrian Pertaoorrta Group. This group is conformably overlain by the marine Cambro-Ordovician Larapinta Group which is conformably overlain by the shallow-marine Mereenie Sandstone. The sequence was gently folded, faulted and partly joined during the Alice Springs Orogeny between 400-300 million years ago. Since the Carboniferous, the area has undergone a long period of erosion. During the Tertiary, the climate was tropical; fluvial sediments were deposited in places and silcrete and ferricrete were formed. During a period which lasted from the late Tertiary to the Quaternary, acolian sand dunes and sheets, which now cover large areas in Central Australia, were deposited under arid conditions.” Did you get all that?? Basically means what a fantastic landscape we are looking at now!! Here we have the ocean floor with ripples in it, incredible!Above we are looking out towards the car park and yes, the views are quite beautiful. Yes you are correct, those are people on the opposite side of the canyon looking over the edge! No fences here! Scary!Not a great photo below but just showing a chasm(Joint) and the cross bedding(layers) in the sandstone. Lets have a look at a few of the plants up here. The Desert Heath Myrtle, Thryptomene maisonneuve were in full flower. These Thryptomenes are widespread throughout arid Australia and can grow to 1.5m high.

The ones on top of Kings Canyon in the open were quite close to the ground to get out of the wind!Below is Macrozamia macdonnellii, The Macdonnell Ranges Cycad, interesting to see cycads out in arid country! This one below looks like some kind of Hibbertia sp. Also know as Guinea Flowers, pretty nether the less. Not sure of this one, obviously situated in the Daisy family, could be a Calotis or a Minuria or some form of Brachycome or I could be totally off the money. Nice flowers though!This is Pandorea doratoxylon which we saw at Serpentine Gorge . This is the stunning Holly Leaf Grevillea, Grevillea wickhamii. A shrub or small tree 1-4m or even 8m tall in places, seen in Western Australia and inland Northern Territory.

We’ll leave the plants alone for a little while and head back into the scenic elements of Kings Canyon.

Below we are looking into the Garden of Eden, an oasis in the middle of Kings Canyon fed via Kings Creek which creates a sublime environment in the heart of this arid country.Look at the reflection in the water, beautiful! Here is a stand of the Macdonnell Ranges Cycads.

Check out these reflections! Not Bad!

The one below is actually taken looking directly into the water!Staircase leading out of the Garden of Eden and on towards the rest of the Rim Walk.Here we are around the other side of the rim. That edge to the right of those people is a straight drop of about 100m or more and then maybe double that to Kings creek at the bottom, scary stuff!

On this Sandstone cliff you can see the horizontal layers that have been laid down over time.Wow!

A bit more information above and no we didn’t smash any rocks to check the insides! The colours were truly amazing!

The photos below show to good effect the Sandstone domes and layers

I like this one above, it shows a couple of fault lines running in different directions. We are now on our way back towards ground level and the finish of the Rim Walk, a few more plants have caught my eye! I think this one is either a Goodenia, Lechenaultia or Velleia sp. Pretty little shrub on the sandstone hills on top of the canyon.

This one below is quite possibly Goodenia cycloptera.

Plants have an amazing knack of growing anywhere, have a look at this fig below.

This one below looks like a bit of an oddity and haven’t been able to work it out yet!

A few more pics of Ptilotus exaltatus.

Here’s a good photo of one we’ve seen before, Solanum quadriloculatum.

This is Kestrel Falls, apparently where lots of Kestrel’s roost and also some good waterfalls here during the wet season.

A few more plant photos showing the tough environment here.

Well I must admit that’s about it. It was a big day and everyone enjoyed it even though we were tired!

It was good to sit down again!

Cheers!

A trip to the Northern Territory. Part 9. Kings Canyon Hi There, Now I never thought that I would do a nine part and counting series on our three-week holiday to the Northern Territory, but here we are!

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