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mychemicalaromanticism · 3 years

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things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

#cat talks #lore #ok2rb but what a mess this post is

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vacuousauto · 4 years

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📃🎥🏳‍🌈

tysm for tha ask molli!! ill talk abt kny here bc its takin over my life rn qwq

spoilers ahead 4 tha whole series!!

📃 what is the plot of your hyperfixation? and is it a movie, game, show, etc?

kny is a manga w an anime adaptation thats had 1 season so far n a movies bein made of my fav arc!! (also this plot desc may not b perfect bc i havent read it in like 4 months)

its abt a boy called tanjirou whos whole family got killed by a demon, n his sister nezuko got turned into a demon (which fun fact: in kimetsu theyre man-eatin creatures w different powers called blood demon arts!!)

hes sent by giyuu (a demon slayer!) 2 join tha demon slayer corps so hell become stronger n mayb get a little revenge. as a treat (and also mayb find a way 2 turn nezuko human?)

as he trains he learns how 2 do water breathing (a sword technique taught by him n giyuus mentor, urokodaki) n his final challenge is 2 cut a massive boulder in half w his sword

its real hard 4 him (as u can imagine) so 2 kids in fox masks named sabito n makomo come n help him, but after tanjirou cuts tha rock n tells urokodaki abt him its revealed theyre dead???

@ final selection (basically a demon slayer entrance exam where u win by surviving on a demon-infested mountain 4 seven days) he learns from a real fucked up demon that hes exclusively been targetin urokodakis students n that not even sabito could slice its neck open?? (thats how him n makomo died)

after tanjirou kills tha demon n basically puts all tha water breath students’ souls @ peace he passes tha exam!! its been 7 days n now he gets his nichirin blade (the only kinda sword that can kill a demon, tha only 2 ways they can die is thru a slice 2 tha neck from a nichirin blade n sunlight)

turns out nezuko was turned by the strongest demon of all, michael jackson muzan kibutsuji, n so he sets out 2 hunt him down n try 2 kill him

but he aint so strong @ first so he needs 2 try 2 take down tha twelve kizuki first (the 12 strongest demons besides muzan)

another reason he needs 2 kill tha kizuki is 2 gather their blood for a demon named tamayo n her assistant yushirou!! tamayo can make a cure if tanjirou can gather blood samples 4 her (the stronger tha demon tha more of muzans blood they have so hes gonna have 2 aim high)

he meets a bunch more slayers along tha way, includin zenitsu (a scaredy cat thunder breath user who basically simps 4 nezuko n becomes a badass when hes asleep) n inosuke (a rowdy beast breath user who wears a boar mask n lived in tha mountains)

after lower moon 5 gets killed by giyuu, nezuko unlocks her blood demon art (exploding blood!) n tanjirou remembers how 2 use tha hinokami kagura, him n nezuko get captured by a slayer called shinobu qwq

turns out she n giyuu are 2 of the nine hashira, the strongest of all tha demon slayers!! but theyre all havin a debate over whether they should kill tanjirou n nezuko 4 goin against corps rules n travelin w a demon

eventually oyakata-sama (tha leader of tha slayer corps) comes in n tells em its ok, urokodaki sent a letter explainin that nezukos never hurt anyone n if she does, tanjirou giyuu n urokodaki all have 2 die basically

oyakata-sama also tells em that tanjirous met kibutsuji, at which everyone goes feral at (and understandably, none of em had ever even seen him before hes that elusive)

so they get 2 live bc theyre like. tha best hope the slayers have @ findin kibutsuji

the rest of the hashira are kyoujurou (flame), muichirou (mist), mitsuri (love), obanai (serpent), gyoumei (stone), tengen (sound) n sanemi (wind)

theres also kanao (shinobus pupil, flower breathing) n genya (sanemis brother, eats demons 2 gain power n basically become a demon temporarily, also He Has A Gun)

ive gone on a lot here so ill try 2 keep it brief now but i HAVE 2 explain infinity train or ill die (slight suicide tw but no one actually does that outside of dreams)

BASICALLY the lower 6 moons have a meetin @ kibutsujis infinity castle, muzan decides 2 dismantle tha lower moons bc they keep fuckign dying

all of em get their shit wrecked except enmu, who avoided death by usin muzans “dont tell me what 2 do” rule against him n beggin 4 death basically

so he gets a metric fuckton o blood n goes off 2 kill tanjirou

turns out he keeps killin people on his train n kyos gone 2 investigate!! the main gang (the kamaboko gang as the fandom calls it) are there too bc tanjirou needs 2 investigate what hinokami kagura really is (turns out its sun breathing, the og form and ones that only folks w the same mark on his forehead can use) n if anyone knows abt the alleged “fire breathing” as they know it rn its the fire hashira!!

so they get on tha train (inosukes lovin tha experience bc hes Literally Never Seen A Train Before) n kyo basically adopts the whole group

they take some tickets n promptly fall asleep HERES WHERE ENMUS DEMON ART COMES INTO PLAY!!! DREAM MANIPULATION BABEYYY

BASICALLY he can make people fall asleep in a buncha ways (the mouths on his hands, his weird eye thingies, the tickets) n once thats happened he n his henchmen can access said dreams (he can even control em!!) n if they find tha “spiritual core” they can destroy it n essentially leave em as an empty shell thatll never wake up!! yaaaaaay /s

he fails bc tanjirou realises a way out n its by cuttin his own head off in his dream, eventually everyones awake again n tanjirou finds enmu on tha roof(?) of tha train

after a while he does manage 2 decapitate him but surprise!!! hes not dead

turns out he literally FUSED WITH THA TRAIN n is plannin on eatin everyone inside, includin kyo n the gang

but he doesnt bc Main Protags Cant Die(tm) n dies while complainin that he wants a redo (sorry enmu, ily but u cant turn back time unless ur yoshikage kira)

also sidenote enmus tha only kizuki w/o a canon backstory as far as i can remember and????? H??

ANYWHO after that whole debacle basketball akaza (UPPER moon 3) shows himself!!! FUCK

n after all that struggle against the 8th strongest demon of all time now they gotta deal w tha 4th strongest????? damn,

so yeah it goes how youd imagine, its a tough fuckin battle n its Not Fun but it turns out kyoujurou fucking dies n i genuinely didnt realise until he said “kamado my boy, lets have one final chat” bc i was so in denial n lets face it i still am now

long story short idk how im gonna manage 2 get thru the movie w/o breakin down @ the end

anyway after that horrible horrible time tanjirou goes n meets senjurou, kyos little bro, who gives him kyos sword guard thing (its shaped like a flame!!) n i havent read it in a while so i cant FULLY remember but i think this is where he learns abt sun breathing??

after that they end up goin on a mission in tha red light district w tengen, his 3 wives are there 2 serve as spies (theyre kunoichi, which i think are ninjas of some kind??) n the boys have 2 find em

they do manage 2 find em but not after runnin into upper moon 6, who are 2 twins called daki n gyuutarou

after that fight tengen has 2 retire bc he got fucked up p bad from that fight n he wants 2 make sure tha girls are ok above all

so after that arc tanjirou n nezuko go down 2 tha swordsmith village (bc the guy who usually makes his swords is fuckin tired of repairin it) n run into mitsuri!! she tells tan that theres smth in tha forest thatll make him stronger

ngl this is tha arc i remember tha least abt so this desc is prolly SO inaccurate despite havin 2 o my favs in it)

but muichirou shows himself too n hes mean 2 tanjirou >:/ (he does get nicer eventually but 2 him specifically)

a 10 y/o kid named kotetsu shows tan this 6 armed trainin robot called yoriichi type 0 (based on tha first slayer 2 use sun breathin) n tanjirou breaks it by accident qwq

but he keeps trainin thanks 2 kotetsu but tha kids a harsh fuckin trainer ill tell u that

anyway so we have a whole buncha demons 2 deal w here except most of em are 1 demon split into different parts

hantengu n gyokko, upper moons 4 n 5 respectively!! mui deals w gyokko while mitsuri genya nezuko n tanjirou deal w hantengu

in these fights mitsuri n mui get their demon slayer marks!! these are marks that they get when they surpass the limits of tha human body n they look like tha marks demons have (muis looks like clouds on his cheeks n mitsuris is 2 hearts on her collarbone)

next up is tha hashira trainin arc!! everyone gets trained by each of tha hashira 2 try n unlock their slayer marks

each have a dif trainin style that focuses on dif stuff (for example gyoumei focuses a lot on physical strength n stuff like that, obanai is more abt accuracy) n this is where giyuus backstory gets revealed bc he doesnt think hes worthy o bein a hashira :((

basically him n sabito were absolute besties!! they both trained together n sabito basically told him not 2 die ever

but it all goes wrong @ final selection- sabito manages 2 take down every demon on tha mountain but one of em, that bein the hand demon that exclusively targets water breathers (theyre easy 2 distinguish bc of their blue haoris n custom made fox masks)

he manages 2 save giyuu n everyone else from tha selection except 4 himself (this is why giyuus haori is like that- its made from his sister n sabitos haoris)

giyuu blames himself 4 both of their deaths bc he failed 2 protect em n says that he doesnt deserve 2 have passed tha selection let alone b a hashira,, but tanjirou convinces him otherwise!! ^^

then one day while giyuus trainin w sanemi disaster hits- oyakata-sama, his wife n two of their kids just died

the 2nd to last arc- the infinity castle!! thingsre gettin real n muzans revealed himself

in tha infinity castle EVERYONES there but can u really blame em theyve been workin up 2 this 4 millenia

shinobu runs into upper moon 2- douma, aka the bastard that killed her sister as well as inosukes mum

she is. justifiably pissed. n she gives it her all but he kills her :(( douma ily but also FUCK YOU.

so perfect timing!!! heres her adopted sister!! as well as inosuke!!!! revenge battle time >:0

in the end shinobus poison is what kills him- her whole body is filled w wisteria poison thats deadly 2 a demon so he basically consumed her whole body weight in poison rip

but ofc word gets out via messenger crow that shes dead n its just a real sad moment tbh :( but theres no time 4 that bc giyuu n tanjirou just ran into akaza >:((

so tanjirous pissed as hell now n w their combined efforts they take down tha basketball lookin bastard (bastardball??)

meanwhile obanai n mitsuri (n yushirou iirc?? he uses his own art 2 control her @ some point tho i cant remember when) deal w tha new upper moon 4 (nakime, whos also shiftin tha rooms around w her blood art n makin tha fight super fuckign annoyin tbh) n muichirou genya sanemi n gyoumei deal w kokushibou (upper moon 1, also tha original sun breathers twin brother so he gets moon breathin >:3)

mitsuri n obanai fake their deaths w help from yushirou n muzan falls 4 it, which comes in handy later ;3

zenitsu also deals w his former bully, upper moon 6 aka kaigaku aka dickhead supreme who if zenitsu didnt kill i would personally kill w my bare hands

so after everyones taken down all thats left is muzan >:( muzan kills tamayo real early on n everyones goin all out on him

we also learn that he has multiple brains n hearts in his body eww

also the hashira have their marks now!! but all but sanemi n giyuu get killed n giyuu loses his arm :((((

genya also gets killed noo

eventually ofc the battle is won thanks 2 everyones relief, it took for fuckin ever bc the only way muzan can die is tha sun so they had 2 kill time n keep him out in tha sun 4 a long time

also nezukos been cured!! shes a human!! n shes comin 2 help!!

but OH GOD OH FUCK MUZAN TURNED TANJIROU INTO A DEMON N GIYUUS CRYIN N INOSUKES CRYIN THRU HIS MASK N ITS GOIN SO FUCKING WRONG but he gets tha will 2 turn back bc Fuck You Muzan, The Power Of Friendship Defeats All

the 2nd to last chapter is tha happy endin, the kamaboko gang visit tanjirou n nezukos house, giyuu cuts his hair n SMILES n tha hashira have their final meetin w oyakata-samas son kiriya

i cried readin it ngl their sufferin is finally over...... it cost a lot but now theres no more demons,,,

chapter 205 is set in tha modern day! kanao n tanjirous descendants are shown, as well as zenitsu n nezukos

everyone who died/never had kids get reincarnated (for example gyoumei is now a daycare worker, kyos reincarnation toujurou is besties w one o tans descendants n giyuu (giichi) is friends w sabito again!! makomos their friend too!!

ALSO KIRIYA IS STILL ALIVE hes the oldest man in japan!! this is huge bc the ubayashiki family dont usually live past 30 bc of a curse that was put on em when they had muzan

yushirou is still alive too but thats bc hes a demon n he paints tamayo for a living qwq

it just made me cry so hard bc waaah,,, everyone gets 2 live a demon-free life now,,, anyway typin this took me like an hour im sorry mint (as well as anyone else who read this)

🎥 do you have any favorite scenes from your hyperfixation?

tha infinity train arc as a whole tbh??? its basically enmu n kyoujurous big moment and. i care them sm. i cant wait 4 tha movie qwq except 4 their deaths ofc

🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

i have a lotta headcanons really!! outta my f/os favs tho i hc:

giyuu is trans bi n autistic

kyo is gay n has adhd

muichirou is nb n pan

mitsuri is pan

douma is gay

enmu is nb pan n autistic

#long post #ask 2 tag #death tw #asks #vacuous answers #menherapiers #vacuous rambles #kny

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green-has-moved-to-another-blog · 5 years

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EVERY SINGLE DW ASK or whatever as many as you want feel free to skip 🌺

thank you flower anon ily and i owe u my life

1 - Who’s your favorite doctor?

oh u kno,,,,,, them*

*ten and thirteen

2 - Who’s your favorite companion?

I WOULD YEET MYSELF OFF THE EDGE OF THE GRAND CANYON FOR DONNA MCHECKING NOBLE

4 - What’s your favorite new who season?

series 4!!!

5 - What’s your favorite new who episode?

fukc i have a lot dfhsfdshsdfh uhhhh the runaway bride, smith and jones, blink, voyage of the damned, partners in crime, the fires of pompeii, the doctor’s daughter, midnight, journey’s end, vincent and the doctor, the woman who fell to earth, rosa, demons of the punjab

6 - What’s your favorite doctor who villain?

top ten questions scientists still cant answer

7 - What’s your favorite classic who season?

ive only seen season 1 so????

8 - What’s your favorite classic who episode?

idk i havent watched classic who in abt 59349602682 years

9 - How did you get into Doctor Who?

ok so get ready to read an entire essay!!! so there was this girl in my class that had a massive crush on ten and i wanted to be her friend bc i noticed she was into the same things i was into!!! so in order to get her attention i tried to talk to her abt warrior cats and creepypasta but that didnt work bc she still ignored me,, so i gave up on talking to her but over the summer of that same year i watched doctor who,, we met each other again in this summer camp thing we were volunteering for and we were put on the same station (we didnt plan that at all btw),, so for a few days things were really awkward bc we knew eachother but we didnt know what to say,, but then she came in with a doctor who shirt one day and i just kinda went “hey!!! i like doctor who too!!!” and yeah thats how i got into doctor who

10 - Who do you think is the worst companion?

clara oswald will perish at my hand i hate her sm (anyone that likes her is valid tho!!!)

i also dont really like rose too much either tbh??? she isnt bad, i just,,, dont like her,,,,,,,,,

11 - What do you think is the worst season?

series 8-9 bc, imma be real with u chief,,,, i dont like twelve

12 - What do you think is the worst episode?

the entire fandom thinks that its love and monsters but u kno what??? theyre right hdsjafkagsdhghf

13 - What companion do you think you would get along best with in real life?

dONNA NOBLE!!! I RELATE TO HER SM!!!

14 - What Doctor Who episode has scared you the most?

probably the impossible planet/the satan pit??? mainly bc religion has been a huge part of my life for almost as long as ive been alive and the fact that it might not even exist absolutely terrifies me

15 - Who’s your favorite show runner/writer?

hhhhhhh rtd

16 - What do you think the show should stop doing?

shrug emoji i guess

17 - What do you think the show should do more of?

again, shrug emoji i guess

18 - What’s your favorite soundtrack piece?

i dont listen to the soundtrack that much but uhhhh probably the doomsday theme or i am the doctor???

19 - What are your thoughts on the newest doctor?

I LOVE THIRTEEN SM GJDXBLVDFKSBHD SHE HAS SO MUCH DOCTOR IN HER THAT I NEVER GOT WITH TWELVE AND GFBHKLSLNHKZF SHE REMINDS OF TEN, BUT SHE HAS JUST ENOUGH DIFFERENCES TO MAKE HER HER OWN DOCTOR AND SHES SO CUTE ALL THE TIME GHDFJXKLBVGDFKLSJ THIRTEEN MARRY ME WHEN???

20 - Do you listen to the Big Finish Audios? If so, what’s your favorite?

i dont bc my parents would never pay for something like that lmao

21 - If you could travel to any planet or any event mentioned in Doctor Who, which one would you choose?

tbh id just be happy to be in space bc thats something ive always dreamed of

22 - Do you think traveling in the TARDIS would be worth the danger?

h*ck yeah!!! absolutely!!!

23 - Do you watch any of the spinoff shows? If so, what’s your favorite episode and what’s your favorite character from it/them?

ive only watched the first three episodes of torchwood and the one episode of the sarah jane adventures (the one that ten was in) so???

24 - Do you ship anyone in Doctor Who? If so, who?

i ship really weird obscure ships that no one would ever even think of??? like one of the first ships i ever shipped in doctor who was ten x tardis,,, i also shipped ten x amy, eleven x rose, martha x donna,,,,,,, thats all i can think of rn (i also currently ship yaz x rose like the gremlin that i am)

25 - What are you hoping the most for in the next season?

MORE ANGST!!! CHIBNALL GIVE THAT GAYS WHAT WE WANT!!! or at least make decisions that have more long term effects,, i think i said this in a post but the conflict that happens in an episode can usually be solved in the same episode,, not saying thats bad but it makes the show a bit boring bc i feel ike its not leading up to anything and it makes every episode feel like a one off or a filler episode??? i still love this season tho, dont get me wrong!!! its just,,,,, this aint it chief,,,

#🌺 anon #doctor who #someone talk to me abt the doctor whomst blease

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vanillastudies · 7 years

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Question Tag

rules: answer the 92 questions and tag 20 people

I was tagged by @study-the-past tysm!

since there were so many questions i put them under the cut

Last...

drink: water

phone call: my mom

text message: “do you have a bike helmet?”

song you listened to: uhhh im listening to Bruno Mars Radio on pandora rn

time you cried: i was watching the OA (great show) and this guy was describing the effect ALS had on his wife (my grandpa died of als)

Have you...

dated someone twice: never even dated anyone lmao

kissed someone and regretted it: no

been cheated on: impossible as ive never been in a relationship

lost someone special: yes

gotten drunk and thrown up: no

List 3 fav colors

burgundy, teal, light blue

In the last year have you...

made new friends: yes

fallen out of love: What is love? (baby don’t hurt me)

laughed until you cried: several times- it’s very easy to get me to cry when i laugh

found out someone was talking about you: I came to a realization that I exist to people outside of just seeing them so like, yeah but not in a bad way?

Met someone who changed you: probably not

found out who your friends are: yea

kissed someone on your facebook list: ew no they’re all relatives

General

how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: all of them

Any pets: my dog Jackson :)

Do you want to change ur name: u know, I don’t exactly love mine but I also can’t imagine going by another name

What did you do for your last birthday: I was on an orchestra trip on my birthday and didn’t realy celebrate it but then when I came home my parents surprised me with chinese food and cake :) (and presents ofc) and my aunt took me to get pedicures

what time did you wake up: 10:00, but i prob wouldve woken up later if my dad wasn’t blasting country music downstairs

what were you doing at midnight last night: trying to sleep

Something you can’t wait for: gee idk im a p patient person but I guess going to Europe after senior year?

when was the last time you saw your mom: like 30 seconds ago

one thing you wish you could change in your life: as a studyblr I’d probably say my study space. My house is really loud and as someone who needs basically absolute silence to consentrate, there’s not really a good place for me to do homework there. So I guess I’d like to be able to go to the library more (except I need my licence for that)

listening to rn: Animal by álvaro soler

Ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah, he was this annoying guy in my middle school orchestra

Something getting on your nerves: my dad’s insistence on playing country music

most visited websites: tumblr, ao3, school website (for grades)

Other info About myself

moles: none

marks: I have a red splotchy birthmark on the right side of my foot, and a few chicken pox scars if thats what ur looking for

childhood dream: i have a hard time recollecting many memories and thoughts from childhood but probably to be an author or sth

hair color: dark brown

long or short hair: short hair definitely! long is so hard to manage (although it’s easier to do cute hairstyles)

do you have a crush on someone: does a celebrity crush count? Fictional characters?

what do you like about yourself: I love my eyes, and also my nails? Idk that’s a weird thing to like but they’re very paintable

piercings: just the standard one on the lobes of my ears

blood type: i have no idea

nickname: kenzie is a nickname, or kenz. I’m not really a nickname person

relationship status: single

zodiac: taurus

pronouns: she/her

favorite tv show: ahh there are so many good ones! Prob Gilmore Girls, Sherlock, and The Good Place as my top three

tattoos: none, but id like to maybe get a flower tattoo or sth when im older

right or left handed: left

surgery: none

hair dyed a different color: I bleached the underside back in the beginning of april

sport: i literally just quit swim team so none i guess

vacation: ik ive already talked about this but im really excited for my europe trip in 2 years!

sneakers: i have one pair that i wear and they’re these awesome nike skateboard shoes

More General

eating: rn im not eating anything but for dinner im having chicken and baked beans

favorite thing to eat: a local grocery store sells this amazing sushi that ive found in few other places- it has a good sauce and cruchy stuff on it

drinking: water

im about to: eat dinner

waiting for: dinner (im rly hungry ok)

want: uhhh now im thinking abt food but aside from that i want some zebra mildliners and the grayscale tombow brush pens. Also some cozy sweaters and sweatshirts

get married: i dont think so, but i have a while until i’ll have to start thinking abt that

career: smth in law or politics?

Hugs or kisses: hugs

lips or eyes: probably eyes

shorter or taller: shorter, but I love when tall friends lean on me

older or younger: if we’re talking abt relationships then neither??? otherwise i prefer talking to ppl older than me

sensitive or loud: i consider myself sensitive but im prob more loud

hook up or relationship: relationship bc im a minor

troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant, definitely

Have your ever...

kissed a stranger: no

drank hard liquor: just a sip

lost glasses/contact lenses: glasses, yeah (how do u lose contact lenses)

turned someone down: nobody’s ever asked me out, but on other things yeah

sex on the first date: ew no

broken someones heart: not that i know of

had your heart broken: no

been arrested: no

cried when someone died: yeah

fallen for a friend: maybe a small crush? but not like in love

do you believe in...

yourself: i guess...

miracles: only like, metaphorically, not religious miracles

love at first sight: no

santa claus: no??? why

kiss on the first date: no

other

current best friend name: chase :)

eye color: light blue

favorite movie: rn it’s definitely spider man: homecoming omg i cant wait to see it again

Now tag 20 ppl

alrighty @rainbowdrink @gloomstudy @coffeeandcommerce and anybody who wants to! (this is a lot of questions, I don’t want to burden anybody with this responsibility that doesn’t want to lmao)

#kenzie got tagged #kenzie speaks #i accidentally saved this as a draft oops #so like ive already eaten dinner and am technically not looking forward to it anymore #whatever ill keep it

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bootisimo · 7 years

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ok so i dont care if im spamming my personal shit bc this is fucking tumblr & i need to just talk abt things

so im going to talk abt my best friend audrey. i havent had a best friend since around 7th grade (I’m a graduating senior this year) & my overall friend group has been really unstable & changes a lot, so I didn’t realize it at the time, but I haven’t made any deep connections in high school and it’s kinda sucked. Pair that up with me being super insecure because everybody talked about me behind my back in middle school and literally nobody outside of my group of 5 friends could stand to be near me (which I only learned around 2 months ago & it’s fucked me up so much, especiallyl because i was so oblivious & for all i know the same thing could still be happening), so I’ve felt very isolated and alone without realizing it for basically all of my scary developmental years. & then this new girl comes to school, and I meet her a the beginning of senior year! & she’s so wonderful and we click so well and after knowing each other for barely any time i felt so close to her and I was essentially drunk off of finally being close to someone again and she was all i ever thought abt bc i loved spending time with her so much! ((that sounds weird and obsessive but i promise im exaggerating i just kinda accidentally started idolizing her and absorbing her mannerisms bc thats what i always do)) & following my stupid fucked up pattern for people im clsoe to, i was all over her for a few months then i started doing that isolating thing and i convinced myself that her & the rest of my friends barely tolerate me (it didn’t help that this is senior year & shit actually did happen w two of my other close friends so my friend group is shrinking rapidlyl and i dont want to put effort into roping it back together), so I became really unhappy without realizing it bc i repress everything and i literally have so much trouble processing and actually feeling what’s going on around me . thats where my problems with derealization come from, because it crosses the line into literally not being able to say if im awake or in a dream, or if i exist or not, so how the fuck would i be able to know if i was happy or unhappy? im realizing tonight that ive been actually, truly depressed for an indeterminant amount of time, and that really scares me with the whole bipolar issue bc ive figured out that i cant live life without control. i need independence and control over my entire sense of self or i can’t cope, and its super unhealthy but its the only way i know how. and if im bipolar like im starting to believe i might be and like my therapist thinks is a definite possibility, then kind of by definition that means that i don’t have control, over my actions or my moods or my life, especially if it’s bad enought that i need medication. and judging by just how bad things have been recently, right when i start being able to feel my emotions without automatically shutting them down (so I’m feeling them to the full extent that i shielded myself from, in other words), i don’t think i can succeed, or even survive, on my own if this is what my daily life becomes. I’m losing my control right before I’m really going to need it, right before i turn 18 and go to college and actually need to take care of myself, and I’m so anxious about it that I constantly feel like I’m going to vomit, and like there’s a dumbbell sitting both on my chest and at the bottom of my stomach. when I repressed everything, i was always relaxed. i literally could not make myself stress or feel bad about anything, which is super unhealthy, but now it’s like i can’t make myself not be stressed, and i can’t reverse it!! I’ll try to feel like I used to because not feeling is so so so much easier than feeling, but it’s like I’ve forgotten how!!

anyway part of the reason my relationship with audrey is so good and so bad is bc it’s super hard for me to actually talk to her, because I always struggle with guilt because of how easy my life is compared to my friends. feeling like i have things better than anyone makes me feel so guilty that i want to die, which is probably a part of the depressive episodes, so I’ll go through periods where I’ll talked to audrey but i literally wont’ say anything to her bc i feel so guilty about how much she has to deal with, and then it’s like we aren’t even friends anymore and its 100% my fault because I consciously pull away and just think about dying for a week or two and convince myself that i dont need or deserve any friends or anyone to talk about the issues im having with. when i actually do share things with audrey, i lover her even more, because she never makes me feel guilty for having things she doesnt, and she always reminds me to that im trying to be conscious of the differences in our lives, and she always makes me feel so good about myself because that’s the kind of person she is. she’s been through so much more than most people, and I don’t even know a lot of the details about her life. its amazing though not just because she went through it--it always pisses me off as a trans person when people tell me i’m “brave” just for living and transitioning, and i know she would feel the same if i thought she was amazing just bc she’s survived so much. but she’s amazing for how she deals with it, mostly. you can tell she has a lot of problems coping but she still always makes an effort to make people feel included, and to better herself, and to be fucking kind. I’m always so amazed by how kind she is and how little she deserves all the shit that life throws at her, and I dont say that to her bc it’s always uncomfortable when people tell you that, but I’m really starstruck by her. i very often just start thinking about what a genuinely caring, selfless person she is--not like me, who does everything because of the reaction that I anticipate from other people. when she’s kind, you can just tell that it’s because she wants to be kind and doesnt care about the consequences. she is a good person far deeper down than I am and its amazing to see that at work. I’ve actually been standing up for my beliefs and saying something when I think someone’s in the wrong just because I’ve been around her and I’ve seen her do that

but the worst thing is that we met so close to the end of graduation. we just found out we’re all staying in the area next year but with my habit of suddenly dropping people for no reason, I can’t guarantee we’ll stay close, and that makes me so so sad because I genuinely think the more time I spend with audrey, the better a person I become. it’s hard to balance because I also make all my bad decisions with audrey because we fuel each other because w’ere so similar, so that makes it hard to. (haha we’re both geminis after all, and i dont believe in astrology but the idea that two geminis always have short, intense bursts of relationships, so they’re hard to make last, seems super accurate for us, and I’m afraid that tha’ts whats going to happen)

anyway I’m just typing a lot because dear audrey gave me an adderall to take so i could last the night & not die, and it’s more than I normally take, so my focus on this post is so intense, and adderall makes you rambly anyway. it’s good to take a lot every once and a while though because just thinking things through in this focused, controlled but optimistic and basically unbiased outlook that adderall gives you can be super helpful--typing this out has actually been pretty similar to my therapy sessions, except nobody has to ask me questions and prod at what I say to interpret my thoughts. damn i hope i can get a prescription because i feel like this is exactly how people who can actually ge their work done and not drift off constantly feel like, and I feel like now that I know how adderall feels and how homework is actually feasible when I take even a small dose, like half of a 30mg pill, I can’t expect myself to keep fumbling through my academic life once it costs 20k per year, and when I’m not on adderall, I’m always, always fumbling and confused, no matter what I’m doing. I feel like I’m just realizing how much I need it, and the people around me aren’t as surprised because they’ve always seen it, because it’s literally always been there, but they just assumed I was disorganized and spacey, and when I say “I think I have ADHD,” theyre’re jsut like “oh, I never thought of that but now that you’ve said it I absolutely believe that, I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.” It’s inhibited me enough in my life, especially in school, that in my freshman year all of my teachers called my parents in and told them to test me & my sister for ADHD, and the only reason it never happened is because there was a miscommunication and my mom thought the school had screend us for free, when me & emma have never ever seen a doctor about it

things are jsut bad rn bc it’s like i stand on both edges of a really small planet. on one side is the adhd stuff, and the realization that if I get treatment, life could be a lot more possible for me than I ever knew it was possible to me. on the other side is the emotions that I’m not able to repress anymore (maybe it’s the bipolar vs the adhd, maybe not--again, not diagnosed, and definitely not self diagnosing). these emotins that I’m actually starting to be able to process are a lot worse than I ever realized they were, and it’s promising the opposite of the adhd side--that things could get much worse than I ever knew they could get, and that they’re already headed that way.

sorry for making you all scroll past this thing, but it’s been really helpfulto be able to sort my thoughts out like this. I definitely feel like i just prepared myself to make progress in my therapy session on friday, at the very least. maybe things can actually be ok after all

#personal #really fucking personal #also very voluminous personal jfc #i just spent 40min typing this instead of doing math homework #nice

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priscillaravenclaw · 7 years

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70 questions game! tagged by @wheeinthighs thanks cutie!! 💖

i tag @doomtotheuniverse, @anothercallowaysister

1: DO YOU HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENTS? yes, more or less. i do love them dearly

2: WHO DID YOU LAST SAY “I LOVE YOU” TO? man i don’t remember. probably a family member

3: DO YOU REGRET ANYTHING? mmh yeah. i honestly wish i could erase the memories some ppl have of me because i opened up too easily

4: ARE YOU INSECURE? yes.

5: WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS? gnrfifniwnjcjnk why you gotta come for me like that. single

6: HOW DO YOU WANT TO DIE? the thought of death kind of triggers something bad in my brain so i wont answer this one

7: WHAT DID YOU LAST EAT? plum sorbet.

8: PLAYED ANY SPORTS? no. i hate sports and i hate the fact that i have 3 hours of p.e. class every goddamn week

9: DO YOU BITE YOUR NAILS? not anymore.

10: WHEN WAS YOUR LAST PHYSICAL FIGHT? i have never really fought… i just try to w my classmates sometimes when im drunk

11: DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE? no.

12: HAVE YOU EVER STAYED UP 48 HOURS? not that i remember.

13: DO YOU HATE ANYONE AT THE MOMENT? no, but some ppl do get on my nerves.

14: DO YOU MISS SOMEONE? no, at least not really. just when i remember the good ol’ days

15: HAVE ANY PETS? yes!! two cats, felix and salem

16: HOW EXACTLY ARE YOU FEELING AT THE MOMENT? im tired, lonely and kinda annoyed but i dont know why gnfnpiwbgb

17: EVER MADE OUT IN THE BATHROOM? no :(

18: ARE YOU SCARED OF SPIDERS? no!! im usually the one who takes care of them when my arachnophobic friend spots one

19: WOULD YOU GO BACK IN TIME IF YOU WERE GIVEN THE CHANCE? no. i know i dont have the power to change anything

20: WHERE WAS THE LAST PLACE YOU SNOGGED SOMEONE? i dont know what this means what

21: WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THIS WEEKEND? i’ll work a bit and then i’ll go out to celebrate my sisters bday w my family!! also i have to watch lion and prepare myself mentally to face the long ass oscars night

22: DO YOU WANT TO HAVE KIDS? yes, a few. idk why

23: DO YOU HAVE PIERCINGS? a tragus and a helix

24: WHAT IS/ARE/WERE YOUR BEST SUBJECT(S)? english and italian.

25: DO YOU MISS ANYONE FROM YOUR PAST? kinda. my grandma and my childhood bestfriend

26: WHAT ARE YOU CRAVING RIGHT NOW? affection ((i need a gf))

27: HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART? idk??

28: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CHEATED ON? nope

29: HAVE YOU MADE A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND CRY? nope

30: WHATS IRRITATING YOU RIGHT NOW? i honestly dont know…. i just know im irritated

31: DOES SOMEBODY LOVE YOU? i hope so lmao

32: WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOR? purple, any shade of it. baby blue and pastel pink too

33: DO YOU HAVE TRUST ISSUES? yes.

34: WHO/WHAT WAS YOUR LAST DREAM ABOUT? i dont remember exactly but i know for sure it was some weird shit bc when i sleep on the bus i usually make some odd ass dreams

35: WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU CRIED IN FRONT OF? my sister when we where watching goblin gnjngjjbfwhrfwfb

36: DO YOU GIVE OUT SECOND CHANCES TOO EASILY? yes. i need to stop doing that.

37: IS IT EASIER TO FORGIVE OR FORGET? forgive for sure.

38: IS THIS YEAR THE BEST YEAR OF YOUR LIFE? idk yet!! we’ll see

39: HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU HAD YOUR FIRST KISS? 17

40: HAVE YOU EVER WALKED OUTSIDE COMPLETELY NAKED? no id die

51: FAVOURITE FOOD? spaghetti with clams!! i lov them. also my grandmas chicken wings and my grandpas pork ribs

52: DO YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON? mmh no not really

53: WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU DID BEFORE YOU WENT TO BED LAST NIGHT? i watched some youtube videos… probably of red velvet

54: IS CHEATING EVER OKAY? no.

55: ARE YOU MEAN? i surely hope im not

56: HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU FIST FOUGHT? 0 lmao

57: DO YOU BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVE? maybe? idk ive never been in love and ive never met someone who has found their true love

58: FAVOURITE WEATHER? when it storms. thats my shit. or when its sunny but not too hot, and i can lay on the grass feeling all warm and fuzzy

59: DO YOU LIKE THE SNOW? only when im home and i can look at it through the window. OR during snowball fights

60: DO YOU WANNA GET MARRIED? uhm i think eventually. if i find someone i really want to spend the rest of my life with.

61: IS IT CUTE WHEN A BOY/GIRL CALLS YOU BABY? if i like them (even as friends) yes i melt immediately. otherwise i find it creepy

62: WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY? learning and understanding new stuff, girls, nice ass books, tv shows & movies. basically anything w a good storyline. being appreciated!!

63: WOULD YOU CHANGE YOUR NAME? no

64: WOULD IT BE HARD TO KISS THE LAST PERSON YOU KISSED? not if i were drunk gnjfjwfblw. but if id do it when im sober then yes, very.

65: YOUR BEST FRIEND OF THE OPPOSITE SEX LIKES YOU, WHAT DO YOU DO? bitch i run. i dunno how to handle these kind of situations.

66: DO YOU HAVE A FRIEND OF THE OPPOSITE SEX WHO YOU CAN ACT YOUR COMPLETE SELF AROUND? mh kinda. he doesn’t approve of some things i do but who cares gnjfnrcnjd im old enough to drink and not regret it.

67: WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON OF THE OPPOSITE SEX YOU TALKED TO? my friend

68: WHO’S THE LAST PERSON YOU HAD A DEEP CONVERSATION WITH? i THINK one of my classmates. but since we were talking abt him idk if it counts. last time i confessed deep stuff abt myself was w a friend.

69: DO YOU BELIEVE IN SOULMATES? i believe in all kinds of soulmates

70: IS THERE ANYONE YOU WOULD DIE FOR? the people i love.

#things i'm tagged in #sorry this is so late gndndjb

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