#my carpel tunnel will not forgive me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

naturesburritos · 4 years

Photo

This picture is from a trip to Sedona, which ended up being hands down one of the most incredible and important adventures along the way. Arizona is so diverse when it comes to landscape. You can drive two hours north landing yourself in Sedona. Which reminded a lot of Utah, it really felt like a completely new area of the world. It’s all red rock, and there is nothing like grabbing a cold brew from Oak Creek Cafe, trying macadamia milk for the first time and catching the sunshine. Sedona brought me a lot. I was in one of the prettiest places i have ever set my eyes on. It brought me to tears, really.

You can drive two hours south and hit Tucson, which is kinda like this old ghost town. There is not a whole lot there besides , University of Arizona. Which was my initial plan to attend. A lot of sand, a lot of sun. It’s this really quiet place and it has a very old western cowboy type vibe to it. Which personally i really enjoyed. Everything in my life started to slowly look different , everything felt quiet. Spiritual. ( i was listening to A LOT of mumford and sons so) and still am. I deemed myself explorer and climbed everything i possibly could in AZ. I was a tourist everywhere and everyday. It was an adventure. Life is really freaking weird.

I knew i had to come back to NY to finish out college. I knew at this point, i wasn’t done with Arizona yet. But i knew that i had to figure out a few things before i moved my whole life AGAIN. My brother and i were on different levels he had to stay, and i had to go and that freaking sucked. We might as well have been twins because we’ve always been attached at the hip.

So, i repacked everything, into my small hyundai and was on my way. Drove 2,000 miles back to NY alone. i slept in motels, hit a raccoon, and discovered one of the best coffee shops in Amarillo, Texas. I listened to my soul speak to me. Gut instincts. Before the move, everything was an uphill battle i couldn’t ever get ahead in. A lot of people who have drove thousands of miles (alone) cross country, have said they found it to help immensely with anxiety and confidence. Both of these i found truth too. I would really recommend anybody spending 3 days alone in your car with just your thoughts and some good music to guide you. You’ll come to conclusions that make a whole lot of sense. An unexplainable love. A set plan for what you wanna do next. You kinda forget you are by yourself for awhile but it’s really nice alone time. Before i moved to AZ, my anxiety levels were at a point of breaking. My sadness was crippling. I was cheated on and then dumped. Spending the remainder of my summer thinking what i must’ve done. As i think a lot of us do after these types of things. Like a hamster on a wheel, re running over and over until my mind was fried. Beating myself up over things that i had nothing to do with nor any control over. I know this now. I did this for years previous too, and all it got me was more sadness. So leaving NY will always be the best thing that happened to my little life.

Despite all of this awful there were/are so , so many more beautiful places and people to meet. Ultimately what i made everything into was up to me. I could either get better or bitter. Yeah, at first i spent nights eating oatly ice cream curled up in a ball crying into lavender scented pillow cases. Yeah, i would sometimes spend the entire hike up mountains repeating what i should’ve said. Or What happened. I guess i mostly learned during this time, not everything needs an answer or closure. Sometimes, things just are. And you’ll just have to learn to be okay with all of that. I literally didn’t know how to take back control of my own life or thoughts for a few months. I found repeating the past more exhausting than not. Eventually. Every-time a self hating bullshit thought came in i’d take full control of it. I was gentle. It was and still remains a tricky process. Someone told me once “to treat myself how i treated the people i love” I found that to be one of the best gifts i have received. Coming into myself.. This different more life loving, crazier, joyful, blonde.

Everything you need is always and will always be inside of you. Joy, confidence, love. All of it. It just really about opening yourself up, to the world and life. Knowing you are here alive and you are ready to stay. Saying fuck whatever happens, happens and i got this. Its about taking back control of your own head space. It’s yours and always has been. Mediation. Lavender Tea. Books. It’s about crying until your eyes bleed. Writing until your hands get carpel tunnel. It’s about shouting and screaming fuck you to the ones who hurt you. But allowing your i love you to always, always be a bit louder. It’s all about starting over and over and over again. Sunrise and sunsets. Letting the darkness come but kicking her out when she can’t help you anymore. Loving everything a bit more. Forgiveness for yourself. A pretty haired girl scrapping peanut sauce off your hummus. To only not finish even half of the hummus. Airplanes. Earth. It’s about letting love back in, despite all odds against ya. It’s about now, what’s happening right now in this very moment. Because time goes on, People hurt us. We hurt people there will be more of that. But you can’t get back time, redo things, and in your attempts too you’ll miss out on a whole lot of life.

2 notes · View notes

voiceofreader · 5 years

Note

the whole a-z NSFW for Izuku Midorya please?

I’ve gotten this request like three times now. So, I had to get it done. Writing this has given me a thirst for Young Midoriya that I thought I never would acquire. Forgive me, Katsuki, I didn’t mean to accidentally fall in love with Deku.

A-Z Izuki Midoriya (Lemony)

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after): He is the sweetest most attentive person ever. He is making sure you’re content. After you’re all settled, he’ll cuddle up with you and hold you tight.

B = Body part (They’re favorite body part as well as their partners): After injuring himself a lot, he actually doesn’t like his body much because of all the scars and marks. He’s a bit embarrassed to show off his body for those reasons.

It’s already proven he’s gotta thing for boobs. But his favorite part on you is your hands. Just because of how smooth and small they are compared to his. It isn’t a dirty thing, he loves to hold your hands in his, or feel your soft touch on him. It’s very comforting.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum): Izuku really wants you to cum before him. If he’s close and you haven’t orgasmed yet, he’ll focus purely on your pleasure first and then go back to his own.

D = Dirty secret (Dirty Secret of theirs): Izuku watches porn. It’s not that big of a deal, but to him it is. He will die if anyone, especially finds out. He’ll be so mortified. It’s not just the act of watching, reading it that embarrasses him, it’s the type that he watches. Not only does he not want anyone finding out what he’s into watching, but what he gets off on.

Also, he can get really caught up in the plot and stop wacking off. He’ll pull his pants back up, and enjoy the dialogue if it’s that interesting enough, and he will also rewind certain parts.

And yes, he also sometimes takes notes from what he sees. Because, I 100% believe he’s doing hardcore research on how to properly please you so when it finally comes to it, he’s prepared.

E = Experience (How experienced are they): This broccoli boy went into this with barely a first kiss down. He was a pure, innocent boy before you.

F = Favorite position (Basically says it in the title): Really likes you on top. He loves you riding him. He can see almost all of you, and if he’s also sitting up, he can just kiss you while you roll your hips into his.

G = Goofy (How serious are they? Do they prefer joking?): This kid is hella nervous during the first handful of times you two were doing it, so he’s stuttering, clumsy and muttering to himself a lot. If you can calm him down, he’s going to be a soft smiley boy. Now, when he’s more confident in himself, he’s casual and sweet. There’s no harm in joking or laughing. He’s joining in on the fun once he makes sure you’re not laughing at him.

H = Hair (Does the carpet match the drapes? Are they groomed?): It’s a bit messy and unkempt. Only if you don’t make a comment about it. He doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with the bushy mess unless you have a preference.

I = Intimacy (How they are during the moment): He’s clumsy and blushy. He’s blushing the whole time. He will try to hide his face and that usually ends up with him either kissing you or his face in your neck and then he’ll kiss you there. He tries to keep all his attention on you and he makes sure you’re comfortable. All in all, he’s in absolutely love with you and he’s the happiest boy.

J = Jack off (Masturbation headcanon): He’s not an avid masturbator, but he does do it, like above, he usually has some sort of xxx entertainment to help get him to the finish line. He usually does it to help calm his nerves before bed.

K = Kink (One of their kinks): He really has a thing for you dressing up all cutesy. Like in pastel colors, and flowy lace things. You just look so cute to him. Baby doll lingerie is his absolute favorite and biggest turn on.

L = Location (Favorite place): His favorite place is the bedroom. It’s private, safe, comfortable and the most appropriate place.

M = Motivation (What turns them on): Just affection in general. Just love him. I mean, anything you do gets him a blushy mess. But like, if you really show that you put in effort to love him. Like if you dress up special for him, plan a really extravagant date, draw up a bath to share, make a cute playlist to do it to, he’s forever grateful and it turns him on a lot.

N = No (Something they won’t do): Doesn’t want to hurt you. Nothing rough. He’s scared to accidentally hurt you, and also even if you might like it, he doesn’t. He can’t do it.

O = Oral (Giving or receiving): He doesn’t have that big of a preference either way. Although, if you go down on him, he doesn’t last long at all. He just can’t believe you’re willingly doing that to him?? You’re putting his dick in your mouth, and you’re really really great at it and you look so beautiful. He finishes so quickly because he just gets so into it. On the other hand, once he masters his own method of going down on you, and gets confident with it, he’s going to be doing it a lot because he really wants to make sure you feel as great as he does.

P = Pace (Are they fast or slow):He can go whatever speed he or you want(s). He can go faster when you’re begging for it, but when he’s just wanting to love you, he’s going to be more soft and slow.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies): He’s into them. Like the first time you pulled him into the bathroom stall for a quick go, he’s dazed. He’s bewildered. He loves it. He rarely will try to initiate it. He lets you take the lead on those.

R = Risk (Will they be down to experiment in risky locations): It depends on the areas, but yeah. If you’re into it, he’ll be most likely into it as well. He trusts that you’re not trying to purposely get caught when you start seducing him out in the open and leading him to a closet, or a public bathroom. Although, if you two are together while in the dorms, you might be able to convince him to do it on the common floor. In the showers, or the common area on the couches, or on a table in the dining hall. Although, those more risky areas, he doesn’t fully comprehend where he’s at until afterwards. Like you’re so damn irresistible that he doesn’t completely understand that his dick is out and Aizawa, or even another student could just walk into the common area and see you two. It’s not until you two get done or almost get caught that what just happens is there in full consciousness. He’ll lecture you for being so irresponsible but that doesn’t mean you’re not gonna do it again, because it’ll happen a lot. He forgives you pretty quick.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go): This boy can go for however long as you want. He has stamina for DAYS.

T = Toy (Do they own toys and if they do, will they use them): He doesn’t have much knowledge on toys, but will use them if you want to.

U = Unfair (How much will they tease): He is the fairest one in all the land. He gives in without you asking. He doesn’t even have the thought of holding back.

V = Volume (How loud are they if they even are): He cries and whimpers and tells you how good you feel. Although, he’s pretty quiet about it. Just loud enough for you to hear.

W = Wild card (Headcanon of choice): He doesn’t know how hot he can be. Like you turn him on constantly and immensely. He doesn’t think he has the same effect on you. But oh boy, he does. He can be a bit touchy but he doesn’t know that sometimes where he touches, as innocently as it may be, isn’t. Or sometimes he says something that wasn’t supposed to be suggestive at all, but the way it sounds makes it xxx. And he doesn’t know that. 6/10 times he turns you on, he doesn’t know he did or does it on accident.

X = X-Ray (What’s going on down there): He’s got an above average girth size. What he lacks in length, he makes up for in width.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive): Everything you do can and will give him a boner. So as long as you’re in existence, he is horny af all the time.

Z = ZZZ (How quickly do they fall asleep):He’s one of those people who will scroll on their phone for hours when they’re supposed to be going to sleep. He’ll stay up the whole night if you keep talking to him. Or if you don’t fall asleep or can’t sleep, he’ll be awake with you.

But in general, he falls asleep after you do.

Y’all I’m tired, and might be getting the plague, so I’m a bit out of it. Also, I’m a big drugged up, trying to manage the pain in my right hand/wrist from my carpel tunnel. So if there’s any typos or grammatical errors, I’m sorry.

#bnha x reader #izuku midoriya x reader #voiceofreader

123 notes · View notes

serensama · 7 years

Text

To Speak

To my dearest Nonny, I hope you are smiling, I hope you find happiness- I am still here if you need me. All of us here are family you can count on.

PLEASE NOTE THAT I HAVE INCLUDED SOME FAIRLY HEAVY STUTTERING TO MC’S SPEECH AND I AM NOT TRYING TO MOCK ANYONE.

Yoosung:

- It was their first date and everything was going so well…

- Except… she wasn’t speaking so much… and she blushed and giggled a lot

- … which was good right? Blushing and giggling meant that she liked him… right?

- But he’d ask a question and she’d give him one or two word answers, a shake or nod of her head- was she just that nervous around him?

- Yoosung didn’t push it, didn’t want to rock the boat but after three dates and she’d still barely talked to him he needed to know if there was something wrong. It just didn’t make any sense? She was so chatty via texting he was sure he was going to get carpel tunnel syndrome but as soon as she was face to face with him she’d clam right up.

- Maybe… maybe that meant she didn’t really like him?

- Unfortunately, halfway through their fourth date… he just kinda blurted it all out? One long session of paranoid verbal diarrhoea about how scared he was about being boring or if she thought what she had to say wasn’t important to him or maybe she really didn’t like him after all-

- “N-N-nnn-no! Tha-that’s n-nnot it a-at a-aall” she replied, her cheeks aflame and her eyes brimming with tears. She continued slowly, trying her best to calm herself down so her stuttering didn’t get worse than it already was.

- She explained to him that she had a profound stutter and that she’s hyper aware of it and would hate for him to be seen in public with a girl who couldn’t even speak properly.

- Yoosung clapped his hands over his mouth in sad state of shock, his blonde head twisting side to side in disbelief

- “No, No please don’t think that way MC! I’m so sorry that I asked so abruptly- I never thought it could be for that reason! I’m sorry if I offended or embarrassed you, please forgive me!” he begged, hands clasped together at his forehead in a sign of contrition.

- The two were a muddle of words and apologies and MC just gave him a kiss to stop him falling over himself with self-flagellation.

- Yoosung has to admit, he much prefers this way of communicating with her.

- He then tells MC that he will happily talk to her and she can answer in any way she wants, a nod or a smile a thumbs up or down.

- Some of their dates consist of him asking questions with only yes or no answers

- It’s after a few months of truly getting to know him and being with him almost 24/7 that her stuttering starts to improve.

- One day MC is talking and notices Yoosung staring at her with stars in his eyes so she asks what he’s staring at, “Oh you’ve been talking for the last 15 minutes and haven’t stuttered once.”

- Which of course makes her stutter come back instantly.

- MC slapped her boyfriend on the arm playfully.

- “Awww MC, stutter or no stutter you know I love you… besides, it’s super cute when you still get flustered around me…”

Zen:

- When MC came over that time when he was injured he didn’t even realise that he had talked for most of the stay.

- To be honest he assumed she was so quiet for the most part because she was so awed by his perfection that she was rendered silent. Mute due to his beauty. It wouldn’t have been the first time it happened.

- …and after the bomb it made sense that she was stuttering because well… he was surprised she was still even coherent, he was just impressed she could still speak.

- … and before the party it made sense for her to be nervous…

- But after the party- when it was just the two of them at home… and she still stuttered…

- “Jagi… do you�� I mean… do you have a stutter?”

- The red flush and look of utter surprise and astonishment that sprawled over her face was enough of an answer for the ivory haired actor.

- The next morning, he tried his best to engage with MC, talking to her and asking her question after question but it all became too much, too fast and MC squealed and buried her face into his well defined chest.

- … which got him spluttering and stuttering so badly that MC leant back and stared at him.

- AND LAUGHED.

- Shocked, he blushed and laughed along with her.

- “Okay- I get it. Slower. Fewer questions. There’s no rush is there Jagiya? I’m not going anywhere.”

- Later in the week he comes bounding into the house and picks her up by the waist and spins her around and around until she yells at him to put her back down.

- “Jagi! Jagi- Jagi- Jagi- Jagi- Jagi!” he bounced up and down like an excited puppy, grin lighting up his face.

- “Y-yes Zen?”

- “I was listening to our vocal coach at rehearsals today and he was saying that his son has a stutter and has since taken up singing lessons and his confidence and his speech has gotten so much better-” “Z-Zen?” she asked apprehensively trying her best to wriggle out of his grasp.

“How about it MC? Try singing… at least with me! Just me and you and we can take it slowly, however fast you want it! I’ll make sure it’s good and fun and you’ll be singing with me in no time!”

- MC blushed at the double entendre…

- As they go along… he finds that she has the sweetest voice, quiet and unconfident… but sweet and oh so perfect.

- Zen always comes home straight after practise so he can sing with his lady; he’ll wake up early on days off so he can make breakfast with her and sing along together, even cleaning the house is a musical affair.

- One day as MC is singing a rather challenging song, Zen sits back and watches over his prodigy and love. Smirking to himself Zen has to fight to hold back his chuckle; he guesses if all else fails and she can only sing without stuttering… there’s no harm in them singing their wedding vows to each other, right?

Jaehee:

- Noticed straight away when she talked to MC over the phone and of course when they met face to face.

- She didn’t make a big deal of it at all and smiles at her reassuringly. She can tell MC was trying her best to hide it, poor dear must have been embarrassed, last thing she wanted to do was bring attention to it when the woman so obviously wanted it kept hidden.

- When she gets more and more flustered as she speaks, Jaehee takes her by the hand and squeezes it. “Breathe with me, MC… in…. and out… in… and out… now please, try again, in your own time.”

- Whenever it gets really bad though, Jaehee will take out her pen and paper and let MC just write out whatever it is she wants to say.

- They spend days and days like this; taking turns to write in a notebook the other has brought along, writing jokes and flirting quite literally between the lines.

- Jaehee can’t help but notice how beautiful MC’s penmanship is and how lovely it looks entwined with hers all over the page. Not one page isn’t filled with silly drawings or comments and when she gets home she looks over the dated pages and laughs and laughs. Such wonderful memories they’re making.

- Sometimes they write out a shopping list.

- Sometimes it’s a sonnet.

- Sometimes it’s just “I love you.”

- Jaehee really wants to hear her say it though, even if it’s just once.

- It isn’t long until MC is emailed a very long and detailed list of current programs and speech pathologists she can undertake if it was something she was interested in doing.

- Jaehee is with MC for every session without fail, encouraging her and taking notes for how she can help her practise at home.

- Will always encourage MC to try to use her words, but she understands that her emotions affect her speech and that sometimes… sometimes it’s just no good. She just can’t do it… and that is okay.

- Jaehee always has a pen and paper ready so they can converse normally until MC feels confident enough to start to try talking again.

- Jaehee has kept every single piece of paper since they’ve met, to her, every word written or spoken is precious.

Jumin:

- He never understood the preoccupation MC had about the sound of her voice.

- It was beautiful.

- So, what if she stuttered? She could say his name fine- to him that was perfection. Everything he ever needed to know was in how she said his name. It was his hello, his goodbye, his I love you. His own name becoming a mantra when coming from her lips.

- However, he could see how it affected her self-confidence. She would try her best to speak to him when it was just them at home, he would smile to himself whenever he’d come home to find her on the floor with Elizabeth the third, chatting and meowing away like the oldest friends… but outside. She’d never say a word.

- “Jumin… the-the p-press w-will m-m-make f-ff-fun of m-me and you,” she would always say and always look close to tears whenever he’d try to encourage her to speak. He was never one to care for other people’s opinions apart from his own and to him she was perfect… and he wanted desperately for her to see that.

- Within two weeks (and much help from Assistant Kang… her holiday now included a very generous cheque for her spending money) the best speech pathologists from around the world were at Jumin Han and MC’s beck and call.

- MC met with each one of them until she found the one she was most comfortable working with.

- Months and months passed as MC and the therapist worked day and night until Jumin came home, to which then the pathologist would give a detailed report to him about their progress.

- MC would often be tired and her throat sore from speaking all day so the time with Jumin was often spent in silence or with him talking about his day at work.

- At night, Jumin would still read to her as she told him that it soothed her and that she loved nothing more than the sound of his voice lulling her to sleep.

- Almost a year and a half of work and the pathologist said that unfortunately that there was nothing left that he could do and that only God would be able to help her now, leaving a very disgruntled and frustrated Jumin. Not because he needed MC to speak without a stutter- he just couldn’t fathom how anyone could ever give up on MC.

- Walking up to his wife, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her on the temple, “I don’t care what that stupid man says MC, if you want to keep going, we’ll bring back all those other therapists and start again. I’m sure that this time around-”

- “N-no thank y-you Jumin. I don’t w-want to do this again, please d-don’t make me,” she weakly replied.

- “Of course my dear,” he answered as he tightened his hold around her. “Now how about joining me for a bath? That man has left me in a foul disposition and nothing sounds better than you in my arms and a nice bottle of wine to share.”

- As they readied themselves for bed, Jumin went over to the bookshelf and found a new book to start reading. Even if he was upset, there was no reason to disturb their nightly routine.

- Settling into the covers with MC tucked away in the nook of his arm, Jumin cleared his throat and was about to read the title, when MC read it aloud before him.

- Startled Jumin looked down at his wife, but she was already busy turning the page.

- “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”

- The ebony haired director sat stunned and silent for more than ten minutes, just listening to his wife read to him without stuttering once, not once.

- Overcome with pride and emotion, Jumin threw the book to the end of the bed and swept MC into an all-encompassing kiss, ravishing that tongue that held such a wonderful voice.

- When they parted, MC was left panting and wanting.

- … As Jumin dived to the end of the bed to retrieve the book.

- “Well go on then my love, you were doing such a wonderful job, please, continue.”

- For the first time since his last Nanny left him, Jumin slept to the sound of a woman reading to him and felt a new kind of peace wash over him.

- Mr and Mrs Han now quarrel regularly over whose turn it is to read the other to sleep. That and how much the yearly donation to the speech therapist’s treatment centre will be. They are the only things they argue about.

Saeyoung:

- He had known since the first day. There it was on her records, plain as day.

- Which is why he so loved to text her…

- But… he really wanted to hear her voice… so he had to call sometimes….

- Upon hearing that melodious voice there was no way he was letting it stay trapped behind those lips forever- NO, HE, 707- DEFENDER OF JUSTICE WOULD GET THIS WOMAN’S VOICE FREED!

- But like… how?

- He studied up on speech pathology that’s how!

- Boy builds robots and cures speech ailments in his sleep.

- He had planned to start helping her at the apartment but… things got weird between them really quickly… instead of helping her and encouraging her he was telling her to go away and to shut up.

- How the hell was that going to help her?

- By the time it was all over and they were back home… she still wasn’t talking well… she would smile and sadly shake her head as he tried to get her to say anything… to no avail.

- He pulled out his phone and showed it to her before starting to type

- “I met you and fell in love with you over the phone. If the only way I can speak to you properly is through this- then so be it. Now… did you want tacos for dinner?”

- They would talk through messenger or text or tripter or snaptalk, every known non-verbal way to communicate.

- Saeyoung however… never gave up on hearing her speak to him properly.

- “Let’s try something MC, mouth your words, don’t speak, just mouth them and I will try my best to understand you… let’s just start from there.”

- Funnily enough, without hearing her faltering words, MC became super talkative and Saeyoung became eerily proficient at lip reading. NOONE WAS SAFE FROM THIS MAN NOW.

- Soon she started to speak only the first word of every sentence, building up her confidence by adding one word at a time.

- Her first complete sentence was, “Saeyoung, please put your dirty clothes in the hamper, I swear to God I understand why Vanderwood was so hard on you now.”

- Saeyoung was so thrilled that he even did as she asked. He was so in love with what she said he almost got it tattooed upon his arm (MC had to physically restrain him and Saeran was of course spurring him on… “Cmon MC… it would look so damn stupid on him, let him do it. It will complete his aesthetic.”)

- Now even though MC can generally converse almost normally, Saeyoung still often reverts back to their non-verbal communication.

- “I still love the way you type, baby.”

Saeran:

- He’d been watching her for weeks before choosing her, of course he knew she had a stutter. He could see how she actively avoided speaking to anyone, how reliant she was on her body language and non-verbal cues. He could see how much she hated herself for not being able to do something children learnt how to do properly… and yet she couldn’t.

- He could see all of that.

- So, when they had decided to try to make this official he decided two things; if she never talked he was ok with that- and if that meant he had to stay silent too, even better.

- For the first two weeks, the two had a silent relationship.

- It wasn’t that awkward really.

- Both were used to living silent lives but having someone to share it was… actually comforting.

- They would go for silent walks, they would read in the library. They would go to the ice cream parlour and use the self-service kiosk to order and get their ice creams delivered to their booths.

- However… they had to communicate and neither had the patience to deal with technology (she had more than enough of that with the RFA and the party planning and the last thing he wanted to do was text her like he used to do as Unknown… the idea creeped him out and made him remember memories he’d rather forget) but her stutter… it got even worse around him because she loved him so much and she didn’t want to embarrass herself… something that Saeran found so damn endearing.

- Not that he ever admitted it to anyone. Ever.

- So, Saeran taught himself a new language.

- Sign language.

- MC was baffled- how had she never thought of this before? With grateful tears in her eyes and an overjoyed smile on her face, she sat upon Saeran’s bed as he taught her the sign for the letter A, then B and then C

- After two days she spelt out “thank you” … to which then Saeran taught her the actual sign for thank you… still, it meant a lot to him.

- It meant the world to her.

- They could communicate now.

- They would talk and walk for hours in the park. The would discuss the books they were reading in the library. They would still order using the kiosk though… cos screw socialising with other people.

- Eventually when they were in bed and she did finally say his name… he realised how much he missed hearing her voice, how much more he desperately wanted to hear from her.

- Kissing her forehead before pulling back, he simply signed, “When you are ready, I want to learn how to speak with you. There is much to say. When you are ready. Until then, we have our very loud silence. I am happy.”

- Had no way of knowing she had a stutter until she introduced herself at the party.

- He was surprised but all he heard was the kind voice that wavered ever so slightly when she said “Jihyun”. He was too preoccupied with how nice it sounded coming from her.

- MC was hesitant to enter a relationship with V, not because she wasn’t attracted to him but she… she didn’t want to weigh him down.

- She was already a burden to the average person, but someone who would so heavily rely on her voice to communicate? It was only asking for disaster.

- However, knowing everything he knew about her and just hearing her voice… even if it was only once and months ago- V was a man who trusted his instincts and every fibre of his being was telling him to chase after this girl. So, he did.

- After wearing her down until she could no longer refuse him, they went on one date.

- One quiet date. With a legally blind man and an almost mute woman sitting at a restaurant surrounded by happy, chatting couples.

- It was stunted and weird with MC unable to order verbally or assist V who could not see the menu, but somehow, they managed to order their meal.

- It soon occurred to MC… that as tough as she had it… V had it just that little bit tougher. She could get by without her voice, it was undeniably tougher to live without your eyes. Yet here he was, making an effort… she should try… but she didn’t know how.

- V had scooted his chair scandalously close to MC’s and a bright pink flush graced her cheeks at the furious whispers of the people around them- she stuttered people, she wasn’t deaf!

- V turned to her and smiled, that dazzling, enchanting, mesmerising smile and lifted his right hand, his elbow propped upon the edge of the table. “M… May I?” he asked as he wiggled his fingers.

- Oh, he wants to see my face! She thought as she scooted forward with a grin of her own. That she could do!

- “Y-Yes!” she answered almost confidently as she leaned forward.

- She guided V’s hand to her cheek and sat still.

- His fingertips gliding over her cheekbone, in the hollows and contours of her face, down her jaw and up her chin- until his index and middle fingers rested on the centre of her mouth.

- “Please… speak… mouth the words… anything,” he requested, a slight blush forming on his cheeks.

- MC was glad he could barely see at this point because she was almost fuchsia.

- “I… I…. h-hello, Ji-Jihyun,” she mouthed almost silently, barely whispering his name.

- “Hello MC,” he beamed, so happy he could still see the movements of her lips through one eye and whatever he missed he could feel with his sensitive hands.

- Although it attracted a lot of attention- the two still felt completely at ease in their own private conversation no one could hear.

- V was never one to truly push however so he felt completely content with how they communicated… it was MC who came up to him 4 months into their relationship.

- “Ji-hyun…” she said… that perfectly sweet voice ringing in his ears. “Jihyun… i-if I a-agree to g-go to the-the spee- to the speech ther-p-pist… w-will you con-sider g-getting y-your eyes f-f-fixed?”

- They sat there in the silence for 15 minutes straight.

- His eyes were a sign of his devotion and love to Rika, his penance for being unable to save her… but she was willing to find the voice that was calling him home… it would only be fair for him to be able to see exactly how beautiful that home would be.

- “Of course, MC. Of course.”

510 notes · View notes

specialchan · 4 years

Text

I feel like nothing is working out for us via /r/islam

I feel like nothing is working out for us

First my father passed away on April 28th, two months after he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. This led me to have continuous panic and anxiety attack and a fear of me going to sleep at night which is affecting my health but I’m working on that.

However, my father is the only breadwinner of the family. My brother is only a part time worker at Dunkin Donut. My mother is hard of hearing and has awful carpel tunnel syndrome that makes it hard for her. I have RA.

We don’t know if we can keep the house or car. There are days we cannot buy food. But regardless I tried to be optimistic. I tried to view this as a test. Even though I am new to Islam, every night I try to memorize duo and truly understand the meaning of it. I am trying to read the Quran and have donated with whatever little amount of money I have. I have talked to family and friends to increase my knowledge

Our AC broke. Still I tried to think positively. Our laundry machine broke and we had to replace. It’s okay things will get better right? One of the bathrooms got flooded. We already have little money but had to get it fixed. It’s okay, just keep believing in Allah and everything will be okay.

Today our power went out. Our power went out a few days ago because of a storm, but now it went out again, and I am honestly having a breakdown. I got so mad and frustrated, that I even said some bad words in my mind to Allah and felt immediately awful and guilty and begged for forgiveness. I’m trying so hard not to give up and I know there are people in worse situation than me. And I am thankful to Allah for the things he has given me. I beg him to allow me to wake up every day and he has blessed me with the kindest and most loving family. And in my mind, I keep repeating it is during the hardest time that one needs to keep their faith to Allah. I keep reminding myself that Allah will hear me. It’s just all these bad stuff continuously happening is wearing me out

Submitted August 09, 2020 at 11:09AM by OhMaiMai1993 via reddit https://ift.tt/33GLPbJ

0 notes

alldayjesusfan · 6 years

Text

My Journey to Divine Health - Part 5

The Testing

This whole time I kept up my practice of praying in the Spirit for about an hour a day, and was also doing other praying and worshiping as well. And I kept being hit with one health symptom after another, including pressure in my chest, shortness of breath, acid reflux burning my throat (even while taking prescription Nexium), chronic fatigue, joint pain, intermittent wooziness/dizziness/light headedness/feeling faint, and intermittent fiber myalgia type of muscle pain.

Even though I had felt such a strong faith and confidence in God after he had spoken that word to me in the shower that day, it only lasted a couple days before I could feel it starting to wane. I could tell that my normal everyday trust in God was still lacking, so I began to ask him about it and actually did get an answer from him. See that next below…

Lord, how do I trust you better? My trust seems to be based so much more on my past experience than it is on your word alone and I can’t seem to shake that. What can I do?

Remind yourself of those past experiences that did work for you. Remember getting healed of the sleep apnea and let that experience increase your trust in me. Remember getting delivered of the stabbing pains in your head and let that experience increase your trust in me. Remember the time you were simultaneously healed of both MSG poisoning and the flu within minutes and let that experience increase your trust in me. Any time you are tempted to not trust me, keep reminding yourself of these successful experiences and cast all your cares about any past failures on me. Also remember the 2 times you stood against carpel tunnel pain in your forearm and got healed within a couple hours. And the time you commanded that mole to fall off your neck and how the piece that was attached to your neck started getting smaller and smaller over time until it was hanging by a thread and finally came right off.

Wow, thanks Lord! I had forgotten about a couple of those.

Well, the devil just kept up his lying symptoms. So much for thinking I could tackle my health issues one at a time. Nope, the devil made sure to hit me with one symptom after another and sometimes several at once. I was even hit with lying symptoms in my vision one Sunday morning while at church. During the service I started to loose vision in my left eye. It was like these flashing streaks going across the center of my eye in a curve and I couldn’t see anything I looked directly at with that eye because the streaks were in the way. And I could see the streaks even when I closed my eyes. And no, I wasn’t seeing a vision. I’ve seen visions before and this was not that. This was something the enemy was doing to mess with my optic nerve or vision receptors in the brain or something, but by the time church was over it had faded away.

So far I have been able to stand my ground believing that I already am healed and I’ve not given in to the enemy’s temptation to blame God or give up trusting him. Actually, since receiving the emotional healing that I did, it’s been almost no struggle at all against the temptation to blame God for my suffering. But, the physical suffering has been terrible.

Thursday night (5/3/28) I started to feel like I was dying. The suffering was indescribably terrible and there is no way for me to explain it in a way that anyone could understand or comprehend it without them experiencing it for themselves. If I were to make a feeble attempt to explain it, I would say that the only thing that could even come close to comparing it to would be that it felt like a combination of starving to death and having the flu at the same time, but that doesn’t even begin to describe it. And I wasn’t fasting, I was eating normally. I couldn’t sleep all night because of it and the next day wasn’t much better. But thank God it did start getting a little better by that afternoon and was mostly gone by the next day (Saturday).

So instead of me tackling one health issue at a time, with Holy Spirit’s help I’ve been taking them on as fast as the devil is throwing them at me. Every time I have a symptom I thank God that he already has healed me, and knowing that I must pass the test/challenge of the enemy, I refuse the temptation to stop trusting God or get mad at him about it.

I’m sure some well-meaning Christians would say, “Why don’t you just rebuke the devil? Why are you letting him attack you?” And I would have said the same thing myself just a few years ago. Well, I did rebuke the devil and command him to stop attacking me, and I did it many thousands of times over several years, and concerning my current health issues it did absolutely no good! You can’t just rebuke the devil when he has a right to be there because there is darkness in your heart or soul. Any negative feeling you carry in your heart is an open door for him to afflict you and cause a wound in your soul; and in some cases, even to afflict your body. Not only does he have a right to dwell in darkness, he also has a right to test/challenge your faith, to see if you really do believe like you say you do. He does this by bringing lying symptoms to see if you will fall for them or not. At the same time he tempts you to believe that God is not faithful, that he didn’t keep his word, and that he didn’t heal you. If you believe his lies then the symptoms can remain because you believe in them.

The scripture says to ‘Submit to God, resist the devil and he will flee’, but resisting the devil is not just saying “I rebuke you devil, get out of here and stop attacking me”. You resist the devil by not yielding to or falling for his temptation. This is not just the temptation to commit outward sins like lying, stealing, or sexual sins. It also means to not yield to sins of the heart like anger, jealousy, resentment, bitterness. These are all sins of unforgiveness where the person committing them is neglecting to operate in love. Love always forgives and never holds anything against anyone. If you fail to resist the enemy’s temptation (fail to love) then you are not submitting to God and the devil doesn’t have to flee. So when it comes down to it for matters of your own heart, submitting to God and resisting the devil are exactly the same thing.

For your consideration…

1 Peter 1:6 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, 8 whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, 9 receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls.

1 Peter 5:10 But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.

0 notes