#my book just told me what to write
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You know how sometimes you've just got to set down the book you're reading to regain your bearings after a major plot twist reveals itself?
I've done that too...but I'm the one writing the book.
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Not me creeping up to the wordcount of the fourth longest book ever written
#A Reflection of Starlight#AROS#valvert#fanfic#writing#Hey I switched back to LibreOffice again after setting up my new computer#(RIP my old computer's installation of MS Office 2009)#And also my old computer in general as it is now giving me the blue screen of death upon boot#but ANYWAY#does anybody know how to make LibreOffice stop highlighting formatted areas? BC with Dark Mode it's highlighting white text#which makes it impossible to read my footnote and page numbers#Also I CANNOT believe this program was coded to be so that 'Ignore' and 'Ignore All' options only do so for the CURRENT SESSION ONLY#Like what in god's name???#I spent 3-4 hours reformatting AROS after converting it only to learn that all the 'errors' I told it to ignore just popped back#the second I reopened the document like jesus christ#Why even offer those options if it doesn't do it permanently for that document file#HHHHHHHhhhhhhHHHHHH#I then spent another several hours being forced to change the language formatting to French for all the French bits#JUST so it would stop underlining all of them in red#And there's no way for me to get rid of the underlining on things like cut off bits of dialogue#bc they are NOT proper words and I refuse to add them to my Dictionary (thus polluting it) just to get rid of them#Ugh#So anyway remember years ago how I joked about what if I accidentally wrote a fanfic longer than the source material itself#That being one of the longest books ever written (technically THE longest book ever written#if we're counting the FRENCH version of it and not the English translation#And yeah I know I technically split AROS into 3 books but that was only for reader convenience#It's still one book in my heart#And also because I think it would be REALLY funny to surpass Hugo's wordcount#Which is entirely plausible bc in English it was only about 531k so I only a little over 100k off and I think I can easily make that#with the material I have left to write but is already mostly plotted out
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#im about to FREAK OUT bcs of my boss#like yes i'm so thankful and happy to be employed. really.#but my boss is so#it feels like he's never doing anything.... he's only in the office max 2 days per week and idk#hes just very strange#but the worst thing is that he just takes his own work and dumps it on me#which is fine in some ways! like i sometimes just sit around with no work to do#so then it's good to have something to do#but today... not only did i already have a shit ton of work to do but#he tells me to book a hotel for a conference they're having ?? and that's not even near what's in my work description??????#(i basically just do numbers rn. i sit with spreadsheets and move numbers around and stuff like that)#and the worst part is that he told me i cant email them... i must call........#and i get that this sounds super silly to those who don't have a fear of speaking on the phone but#it makes me freak the f out#i cant even talk on the phone with my parents. or my brother. or a friend. like genuinely just no i cant#it brings out so so much anxiety in me#i get dizzy just thinking about it#and again this is really really not even similar to anything in my job description ???? i wouldn't have signed up if i knew i had to do thi#and when i have things that i need to do but i physically cant then my brain just goes into pause mode and i don't do anything at all#instead of doing one of the many things i *could* do (like write an email anyway)#there's just no way im gonna be able to call but idk what my boss is gonna think if i mail.... because he specifically said that i must cal#rrGGG im just so frustrated!!!!!#and i needed to get this out.... soz for the rant#i just think i would cry (genuinely) if i were to make that call#alSO BECAUSE THE INSTRUCTION IS SO UNCLEAR LIKE ALWAYS WITH THIS GUY#I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO DO#gonna go drink a lot of water so i dont cry now 👍 sorry bye
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seems like my heart does nothing but break lately
#oh my god dont read the tags. it breaks for everyone :( but on a more personal level#for my gf whos sinking deeper into something n i cant even help bc im a wreck myself but i am so so scared to lose her#still havent even been able to book a psych appointment n i rlly dont know where to go with all these ..em*tions#Guys i rlly dont understand one thing. how come one random freak whos in ur life at some point can derail a whole person like eons later#jeopardise their whole future just by crossing some lines for funz i really dont understand this#not fair not fair at all this is evil#and becasue u got unlucky someone wanted to be disgusting u have to carry the consequences#i rly still cant even say it i still cant even write it#i dont even know how . irl the only perosn i told in some capacity#is dealing with her own trauma and i hate that jsut being understanding is not enoughlike#Wow Lmao Its just Funny How it Shapes You. & U Can Never bury it forever becuz it will always catch up to you😂😂😂😂😂😂#AND THE PAST CAN NEVER BE ERASED 😃😃😁😁😂😂😂🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔪🔪#at least my gf has been taking steps to deal with it for.3 yrs and i just never even#LOL i feel like such a coward but the sh*me and the g**lt associated with the Thing..r so overwhelming i cant even admit it#what would i even do at the psych appointment like straight up what am i gonna say Lol#hai iam here to process something i dont actually remember probably becasue i was a child but imnot sure. n id rather#kms than tell u how i know 😂. So thats also why my heart breaks. for that little girl who was a ball of shame i guess and no matter#how much i cognitively.like rationally know its not my fault the ball of shame n guilt is still there#n it swallows me every time i vaguely start 2 think about acknowledging the Th*ng#or whatever. And thats just my end of the deal but my gf has it worse genuinely bc she remembers everything n still has to see the freak#n it went on for yrs n her family doesnt know n heres the worst thing hes a beloved family member a sweet boy with struggles of his own#well i hope he walks into traffic for doing what he did to her
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who the fuck thought it was a good idea to do performance evaluations at the end/beginning of the year, it is fucking Winter and i am simply Not in the headspace to think about a ~career~ lmao
#text#personal#job#whine whine whine#anyway got desk bombed LITERALLY FOUR TIMES TODAY#AND A BUNCH OF THAT SHIT WAS ABOUT CAREER STUFF#LEAF ME ALONE I DON'T WANT A JOB I JUST WANT MONEY#but also i'm bored to tears so i guess i should like. address that. in my eval meeting.#no i DON'T know what i want besides a book deal#i just know i'm not doing what i was told i'd be doing in the interview lmaooooo#(i say not in the headspace to think about a career in winter like i'm EVER fucking in headspace for that)#(reader i assure you: I Am Not)#(see: i just want money not a job)#(unless that job is Write Fiction)#(in which case GRABBY HANDS)
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2023 reads / storygraph
The Poisons We Drink
YA urban fantasy
a girl who brews powerful potions is coerced into making potions to interfere with D.C.’s most influential politicians in an attempt to stop a dangerous Witcher Registration Act from passing, and will do anything to protect her sister after their mother is killed
bi MC, nonbinary love interest
arc from netgalley
#The Poisons We Drink#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#this is…….a lot of cool ideas but also so many elements and high stakes that i kinda lost track of them#the pacing is weird. the worldbuilding is random?#why is brewing SO overpowered & risky for her but the other powers seem to have pretty normal low-scale risks?#it’s definitely ambitious and has some cool ideas and also some great characters just. didn’t execute as well as I’d like#as much as we’re told the main threat is the government trying to put through a Registration Act#most of the actual antagonism we see is from other Witchers?#like the systemic discrimination got a bit lost in the witcher family drama and murder politics#important things to say about oppression and police violence but like....idk#she has this ‘deviation’- essentially evil sentient magic inside her head (and you KNOW I love that trope)#but it’s barely explained and very underutilised? other than helping her get out of bad situations you could take it out & would barely#change anything#also it’s explained at the start that she’s an empath but other than the very occasional mention I kept forgetting#will also note that I bumped this up my tbr because I saw the author talking/promoting it as the MCs sister being aroace but no mention#maybe it’ll come up in a sequel (there weren’t really any places where it would have made sense to bring it up here) but idk#(just the way the author was asking for advice on how to write an ace character and stuff you’d assume that they’d….put that in the book?)#not really a critique of the book itself but anyway. I really wanted to like this but the way it was put together just did not vibe with me#edit: I saw the author say on twitter that the version used for ARCs was before ace stuff was added and that there's other signif changes?#so perhaps that will be there! i'm not sure if I want to read it again but might skim just to see what that's about
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there’s something so sacred about sharing what you love with others: whether it be a song or food or clothes, a show or a movie or pictures. it's just... such a deep and personal thing, you know? having someone carve out a little part of their heart and gift it to you with an abundance of joy and excitement and passion... yeah.
#i lowkey had an awful day today lol#and it was my first day taking over as teacher so that's a great way to start it#there are people in seventh period who literally despise me and maybe that's an exaggeration but i looked over their creative writing for#the day and one of those kids literally wrote about how he was having a good day but then it turned into a bad day when i started the#creative writing with them so that was great and other stuff happened idk and one of my tics was really... uh... present today and i was so#aware of it and i feel like everyone was laughing at me because of it even tho ik that was just me being self-conscious but God i wanted to#cry and i shared a piece of my heart with them today for the creative writing exercise and so many of them just. told me how awful it was#like someone straight up started with 'this song is terrible' and then proceeded to write a paragraph about how bad it was#idk. it made me feel like a young kid again - sitting by myself on the playground and reading books. like i was in middle school and#everyone was telling me that the things that i loved were stupid. like i was a kid getting teased just lowkey enough that the teachers#couldn't tell because it wasn't necessarily outright bullying but they were making fun of what i loved which Hurts and then i was in high#school having to defend what i love and then in college hearing 'you ruined this for me because you liked it too much' and it just. idk.#it hurts. i find sharing passions and what i love with others so sacred and important and it Hurts when they just tear it and you down and#ik they're juniors and ik there will always be people like that but it was constant and idk. i'm just sad lol#so anyways even if someone shares something with you that you don't like there is literally No reason to be rude about it. you're allowed#to say you dislike it but it's not okay to just tell them straight up it's stupid or awful or you'd rather get hit by a car than hear the#song again. hm. ig i have some unresolved trauma lol#sorry for the rant y'all i just. needed to rant ig idk
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#gods staring at The Crane And The Knife#and every concept just Fucks So Hard#like I figured out one of my big plot questions in book 2 to 3 and just#it required an element of worldbuilding that is So Fucking Cool in hindsight#gotta say even though it's kind of opposite of my usual MO#really REALLY love the degree to which this writing project is 'okay what do I need to be true about the world for this to make sense'#instead of starting with the thing and going 'what are the consequences'#and every single time the thing I come up with fucks so hard#[housemate] if I haven't already told you by the time you see this ask me about Heralds#and also how batteries work
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frustrating how so many craft books have a section about "how to sell what you've made"
like on one hand i get it because the person writing the book has obviously made their craft a full-time job. and they might have some tips and tricks that might be useful, and there are people out there who might be trying to start a small business out of it
but on the other hand it's just exhausting and feels like another voice saying "what's the point of having a hobby if you're not going to monetize it"
#the one of those that rly boils my blood. that i still think about all the time. almost ten years later#the art of language invention by david peterson lmao. fuck that. it is NOT actually a helpful resource if youre trying to get into conlang#in the intro he pretty explicitly was like 'yeah i'm only writing this bc the publishing house approached me bc#i made up some languages for the game of thrones show and that's popular so they thought it would sell'#the meat of the book itself is pretty rudimentary stuff iirc. 'here's the ipa chart. this is what a morpheme is.'#some cool stuff in there about how to build your own font and mess with the kerning to make cursive but it was a program i dont have so#and at the end. hoooooo boy. this is where u can tell they told him to put in this kind of section bc he basically straight up said#'if you're reading this because you want to learn how to build a fantasy conlang dont bother :)#if you weren't on this specific forum in 2002 youll never get it. just hire a Real Conlanger instead'#like. that absolutely colored the rest of the book preceding it bc the entire thing was stuff i had literally just learned#in the intro to linguistics class that inspired me to want to learn how to make a language. so it was nothing new#and the added antagonism of basically saying 'if you dont already know how to do this IM not gonna help bc you'd be competition'#again i understand why he had that attitude bc that's probably how the publisher pitched it in the first place#'this is going to be a book for the average joe who knows nothing about language mechanics and might have aspirations#of writing a story with its own language (because obviously gameofthrones was the first to do that /s) and is wondering how to do it'#but just a very weird attitude to have#mine
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okay so i was thinking about ahuru, as one does, and i was thinking about how much i don't want her death to just. be keika's backstory, yknow??
like i don't want to reduce her to just the main characters motivation, which is why i try to give her so much life in any scene she's in. but i think i wanna like- so, ahuru's death literally shapes nobodies hero, right? there'd be no story to tell if she hadn't been killed. and that's kind of a Big Deal to me.
so i think i'm going to symbolise the fuck out of birds. foreshadowing or whatever.
like when keika first meets mattie- he's in priah and he still doesn't have his memories back. he decides to go for a walk, just wandering through the mushrooms and the woods and then all of a sudden a game bird gets shot with an arow right in front of him. and when he looks up, he sees mattie with a bow and arrow, and that's how they meet.
and then in the next book it's revealed that Mattie is, technically, responsible for ahuru's death. it wasn't personal, in the same way hunting that bird wasn't personal, it was just...self preservation. they just shot an arrow and watched it land.
#i want the first thing for keika to see when he leaves the mahina woods is a dead bird#just. for every wrong path keika takes there's a dead bird waiting for him yknow#when he's in the library in the palace in prota he can hear the birds. and when he kills sasha they dont sing for days.#it also helps with my idea for there to be 'stop go back wrong way' signs all over the place the entire time keika's on the quest#like he's CONSTANTLY being told he's going the wrong way. he's not where he's meant to be. and every step leaves feathers in his wake.#im trying so hard to properly convey what i want to do with the birds but none of its coming out right#i'll just have to write it ugh#anyway#ahuru my beloved you will haunt every word in these books if it kills me#oh my god what if all throughout two ghosts he hears birds but never sees them......#i might have to adjust the title slightly to allow more wriggle room for more ghost metaphors#plot stuff
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In another life itd be cool if i had a night time only roommate who like came out of a wall and was a human version of an owl (not vibes but horrible lab accident) and we chatted and socialized when i have insomnia and cant sleep so its like. A positive opportunity instead of a failure that will be pointed out 150 times tomorrow
#😵💫im anxiouser now#owlman would translate owl books for me#i cant grasp the cultural nuance but some of their jokes translate funny#he still has a beak but it might be made of cartilage#idk what he does that keeps him moonlighting. early evening work but then hes up all night and sleeps from like 6-2pm#who motorcycles around at 5 am i guess anyoen could but#apartment living means hes so loud right outside rn#once a prof told me (creative writing#)#that if i was feeling motivated i should chase that even through the night make sure you write and give yourself space to follow the impulse#i still use to justification internally if i ever need to if i ever feel like staying up#but i just cant figure out how to make it work with my gf living with me#love her to death but she finds routine disruptions really annoying and is kinda judgmental about sleep issues without meaning to be;#i guess depressions making me act in strange ways and its scaring me so im. ruminating a lot
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leaving secondary school & no longer doing English classes has made me realise that I actually really like English Lit just the stress of a timed essay made me loose my shit so bad that I fully did not want to go to classes for 4 years.
#dyslexia#like i actually remember alot of the poems we did in the poetry unit & some of them do influence my ideas#and i do genuinly enjoy trying to understand media & characters n shit#like thats fun. i like that#i want to understand stories#just the idea of having to write an essay made me HURGH#(i did go to my classes anyway btw skipping was hard at my secondary & i was a goody two shoes)#like i remember during my yr11 i had the best english teacher ive ever had (wish id had her all 4 years)#(my teacher the year before somehow missed the memo i was dyslexic. ripped into an essay i did at parents evening-#- made me cry and then told my mum she should get me tested for dyslexia 😐)#we did 'an inspector calls' and i had so much fucking fun lmao. She'd have us all have discussions about the book - ask us what we thought#and would take our awnsers seriously! she was so fucking cool man.#ramble#i am rambling
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I need motivation to keep writing it so uhuhssbsjfb take this snippet of my story before I stop writing it 👍
"It was on purpose, wasn't it?" Lynx mocked, her face scrunched up with bitterness in her voice. "She trusts me! She told me herself, she does!" Lynx angrily flicked the lighter open and shut. Snap, snap, snap, snap.
"I did what I was supposed to. It's not my fault she's too blind to see that!" Snap, snap, snap. She was walking in circles on the railing of her perch, high enough to see miles of open water. She loved it up here. Made her feel as though she were one of those white birds she'd seen as a kid, flying above the destruction. Safe. Free.
Snap, snap, snap. But she wasn't free- and she certainly wasn't safe. She was still trapped here, whether Marine was trying to imprison her or not. Still trapped with those visions, with her.
The burning person stood next to her, watching her take laps around the railing. Watching her with those blue eyes, the blue eyes that still reflected the fire.
"That isn't fair, you know," Lynx said, waving a hand in front of their face. "You weren't even there for that! You were not my fault. You shouldn't be here! You shouldn't!" She was yelling now, wishing with all her might that the vision would fade. But it doesn't.
No matter where she ran to, she was never truly alone.
Snap, snap, snap. Snap.
Lynx hovered the flame in front of her, the light illuminating her face. Slowly, she lifted her gaze to the being across from her. Slowly, gently, she extended her hand. The fire flicked up and down, the light dancing right through the vision.
it got closer. It was right in front of them now, hovering directly under their chin. And then Lynx stopped. her hands shook, and she begged for them to raise just a little higher, but she couldn't do it. Real or not, she couldn't do it- not again.
"Not again, not again, not again, NOT AGAIN," she shouted, hurling the lighter over the side with a blood-curdling scream.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't go I need you you- you keep the others calm, you keep them away," Lynx sobbed, leaning her head onto the pillar. What she would give to hug the being.
Dramatic kid, Lynx thought, the memory brought with it like an ice-cold wave of snow. But she couldn't help it. The tears flowed freely, her nose sniffling. She slid down the pillar, pulling her knees up to her chest.
Dramatic kid, dramatic, dramatic dramatic. Pick it back up. Pick it. Back. Up.
The thoughts swirled around her, seeming to consume her whole. PICK IT UP! She placed both her hands on her head, her nails digging into her scalp. She fought miserably to keep the memories out of her head, but they leaked in anyway, taking her back to the cabin. Taking her back to them.
Miserable sobs escaped her lips, and she wished she could tear her head open and rip the thoughts out with her bare hands. She felt the heat of punishment on her back, as though she were in the cabin now, apologizing through blood-stained lips. She felt the cold rush of air on her face as though she were still dragging boxes through the snow, frostbitten and terrified.
She let out one final screech, launching herself upwards and towards the railing.
#SOBBING I LOVED THE IDEA SM I JUST CANT FINISH IT#my writing#writing snippet#writing#a little hex once told me#idk what to tag this 👺#book#???
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Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..
I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.
I was texting my sister today about it and she said
“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”
I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences
#I relate to all of this so much#and it’s so sad how many people truly have religious trauma#I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine#it’s really hard cause my parents still think I’m a Christian#honestly at this point I have no clue what i am#even if I end up still being a Christian that doesn’t help or heal all of the years of church trauma#but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents#growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold#cause I know that’s what my parents wanted and I didn’t want to disappoint them#but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there#their perfect angel fell from heaven#and I feel like ever since I haven’t been really their daughter…. I’ve just been living on the outside looking in to everything#it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith#it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally#the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church#when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with#wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was#YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for something…. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away#and the thing is I don’t necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone)#but honestly it’s just the environment they grew up in too… like I’m 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life#but won’t get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it#which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didn’t need to#^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop#sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma#yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse#sure I’ll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? it’s 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while I’m dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past#please don’t get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I don’t blame them - they did their best#it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didn’t grow up in the church or in a super religious family#I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help
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the way one of my friends offered to get people drinks. one of the others asked for a rum and coke, so i asked for a vodka lemonade n then they stood right behind me and went 'is olive allowed to drink?' it killed something inside me a little bit. like i wasn't episoding i've been responsible about my drinking recently don't take away my autonomy when i'm capable of looking after myself please. i know i barely can but don't. don't make this one of the few things people will actually talk to me for
#sorry but i just feel so isolated in the friend group#like no-one's leaving me out its just everyone is coupled up and the only other single people are in a qpr and go home together to watch#korra everytime we hang out and it kills that i'm the only one who has to go and be alone. everyone else skips off all happy and i'm left#to go back to my little den of depression and fight through the panic abandonment response that i get every time i leave them#but if i isolate myself completely i will be even worse. my therapist told me to make myself socialise as much as i can and i've been tryin#and it's usually alright for most of the time when we're together. like nice even if its heartbreakingly lonely and i dont have the spoons#to contribute consistently to conversations#vent#sorry i'm just. i feel like i'm falling apart slowly#catching bits as they fall and shoving them back into me but still deteriorating faster than i can fix myself#i want to stop.#i can't be a human anymore#i can study and live in literature but i cannot be human#i can't be loved.#i just want to beg one of my tutors to let me camp out in their office for a few hours so they can help me somehow do my essay#like. i can't do it on my own. i can't think enough to scrape up my memory of the books i'm writing about#and i don't have time to reread them to find quotes#i just. want to be a cat hiding under people's tables with the occasional pet from people who are kind enough to like my type of creature#but be left to sleep and do what i need to at my own pace#is that really so much to ask? can i become smaller please. take away this body of mine and give me something that fits the shape of me
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kinda eating drywall abt the karlsson trade but it is what it is
i consider it a win in that i didn't lose nick cicek in the trade honestly, which probably says intensely worrisome things about my priorities in the sharks org AND my perception of nick cicek's trade value but. yeah no we got fleeced not only by pittsburgh's most eligible president of hockey ops slash gm AND kent hughes, which is an ego blow on unforeseen and sloppy levels. like my mom could sell me to kyle dubas and i'd be like fine, whatever, but mike grier is a whole ass nhl gm. he should have protective charms in place against that man so i gotta ask. i gotta ask. mikey you good. you good babe??? you need some electrolytes???
congrats to sid crosby for adding another boytoy to his dman harem tho. personally cannot wait to see what happens when karly (mean cat), tanger (evil cat), and gravy (anxious greyhound) get in the same locker room. the sparks...they're flyin
#or gravy ends up in wilkes-barre. i'll kill you gmkd don't test me#back for a hot second to check one (1) thing for a challenge but i could not resist explaining my passions (gay defensemen)#maybe there's a god above...all i ever learned from love...was how to write ryan graves in various situations getting stressed out#have i ever written ryan graves smut? i can't remember. huge L if i haven't. someone inform me if i have. i don't remember at all#this tumblr break is going great. i started and finished a fic for time begins that needs psychological spiritual and emotional help#''you know what this baseball fic needs? a trans grandmother who is witch-coded'' boy no it doesn't!!!!!#if i were smart i'd lean into urban fantasy and just go nuts. blake sabol the magic is within YOU#alas the grandmother is simply from sonoma (at first she was from bolinas and then i was like i CANNOT validate those maniacs)#still packing but i'm so stressed bc i have one episode of tunnel talk left and i'm like what do i do if i run out of episodes untll sat#my sister told me to listen to the audiobook of gideon the ninth and i'm like dude i don't know if i'm smart enough for that#i bring a real ''checking books out on libby and not listening or reading to them'' that libraries paying for ebooks and eaudiobooks#per use on a proprietary license do not enjoy#so i'm holding off on gideon for now. i checked out the night tiger while i wait for time war to come round again we'll see if i listen#what am i talking about. i rediscovered spotify's tropical house playlist and that's all i fucken listen to now#on some secret level i am on a sunny beach far away from here getting [redacted] by [redacted] while [redacted]#it's so interesting how it took me a half hour to respond to this and yet i gave anon none of the commiseration they wanted or needed#cage replies#anon
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