#most likely from a changed environment
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tbh yeah with a face like that it’s hard to focus on anything else 😭 maybe he has a little bit but no more than others his age and it’s not super noticeable imo, even if it was who even cares like you said he’s human
Yeah
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I wish she had more scenes... Whateva
#dungeon meshi#rinsha fana#kabru#tumatawart#dont tag as ship#? Do people still use that these days#**SPOILERS in the tags I will ramble a little.**#I like how they have opposite ways of thinking with their shared environment shaping them greatly. I wanted them to talk about it together#Kabru just separates from the group for the rest of the series when the Canaries arrive without any reaction and I was like What...#Maybe briefly entrusting Rin as the party leader since in his eyes she's the most reliable... Having her do things her way.#Not necessarily showing how they fare. Thatd get messy but a slight change in dynamic after they come back together in the finale dinner#Maybe I need to reread I might be missing something u__u
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What they don’t tell you about autism is that it feels like you’re simultaneously one step outside of reality yet two steps too far into it at all times
#chatter#salt grain thoughts#autism#I truly don’t know what I’m explaining here#but this is what I feel like constantly when I’m inferacing with the world#too far away from it yet also too inmeshed in it at the same time#like I react to things with a weird sense of almost astonishment like I’m experiencing everything fresh for the first time every time#(I don’t literally go ‘woah’ or anything but the intensity of the thing never changes)#which can either be good or like most times overwhelming#it’s probably why I keep myself so zoned out a lot of time#…#might just be a me thing but this feels quite connected to how my brain works I guess#feels like my head is just never goddamn prepared to experience anything at all#which lends to the whole needing control over your environment thing with autism#gotta have some sort of expectation and consistency happening or else your nervous system might shit itself
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I opened Pinterest for the first time in months.
That made me realize a lot about how bad I was actually doing and how much of a Waffle House Index use of Pinterest is for adult me, apparently.
I hadn’t realized it had grown that foundational to me in a healthy-brain-exercise-and-hobby-joy way. Nice to know moving forward! It’s another sign I can keep track of and use to spot correlation/indicator patterns earlier my behavior.
I love this kind of thing, it makes me so excited!
#personal data hacking is my passion#someday I’ll tell a story about the most notable times I tracked things or hacked my own mental processes from childhood to now#including the fear of spiders and bed wetting and behavior changes and posture and heart rate and cursive and putting kitchen items and#trash away as soon as I’m finished using them instead of never ever or ages and ages later#I’m so proud of that#you have to give it time and still commit. chaining thoughts and routines and behaviors really works#we are not separate brains and bodies and external environments#anyway I’m gonna go haha I used up he last of my energy burst on Discord and here and I need to go rest and lie on the floor and probly doze#love you all be back soon bye mwah!#add to journal#trauma evolution#my Waffle House index#this is going to be a fun new tag I’m so going to have fun with this and I bet it’ll be a helpful example reference for other people too#more than just for future me!#so excited so proud of myself so happy so grateful for hope about me really trusting that my ability and my behavior and my performance#are able to and going to yes keep getting better#long many-milestone path-journeys of potential#like when I was a little 6-7 year old kid-team athlete looking ahead at a concept of a future with me over time getting#stronger and cleverer and faster and slicker and calmer and even happier and more and more capable and able to accomplish!#a gift. all this time I didn’t think I’d have and have been living anyway is such a gift.#knowing that I truly have future time to grow and explore and change and improve in even though I still can’t FEEL or IMAGINE that future#time yet. also a gift.#the time I will one day realize I can imagine a future and imagine myself alive? will be a gift.#breath is a gift. experiencing life is a gift. other life is a gift. rhythm is a gift. motion is a gift. awake is a gift. color is a gift.#such a great expanse. all of it new. all of it eternal. all of it me. all of it nothing I’ve ever known before. all of it all of it#all of it. gifts.#gonna go have floor time now. this would be such a nice time to re-re-regain my ability to cry!#mwah I love you future me. take care of your hand and thank u for writing all this down 💛#hey little star whatcha gonna queue?#my poetry
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whenever i think abt writing Nandor and i get going thru a series of sequences of him behaving like a well-adjusted, caring, adult i have to stop myself, backspace several mental paragraphs and remember that he's basically a semi-captive lion being observed in a nature documentary and he functions on 92% Id
#wwdits#what we do in the shadows#nandor#nandor the relentless#neat fanfic trick: if you're nandor is behaving ooc like a normal well adjusted empathetic human being just ask yourself#“what would a lion do in this exact scenario?”#and whatever the absurdity it's probably closer to the truth than not#anyways i have a lot to say abt the amorality of the vampires and how they simply don't function with the same human ethical thought#but that doesnt mean they dont care and love and have social behaviors of their own that shouldnt be judged less than#and will express those emotions in ways that might feel foreign to most humans#...is what i say to myself to keep from crying as i delete 3 pages of nandor talking out his feelings 😭😭😭#(also brief note: when i say he functions on Id its not that he lacks intelligence or the capacity to use it along with his ego/super ego)#(as seen in the s5 finale)#(but rather he's an apex predator so his whole being is funneled into traits for hunting. not other things we think show intelligence)#(in the mordern non hunting/gathering world)#(which is partially why he's so disconnected from the world and struggles to find purpose in an environment that no longer values him)#(truthfully nandor is human but simply the definition of humanity has changed rapidly from what it valued centuries before)#(and leaves nandor lost)#(except for guillermo. his one connection to humanity and what anchors him to the modern world 🥲)#(...looks like i got lost in the tags again...)
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my hope for the pokemon presents that i know will not happen is gates to infinity remake ok bye
#listen i knowwwwwwww explorers is more popular and its got more fans and itd sell well and itd be good to see it in the spotlight#i agree with all that it makes sense. but i cant help but view it as a bowsers inside story remake scenario#where its just like. kinda pointless bc the original is functionally fine#meanwhile my soul hurts when i think about how gti was kinda screwed over by its development and time#it came out during that time all 3ds games felt really janky to play so it feels awkward#and like. just compare the environments in gti compared to psmd#psmd doessss have more diverse environments to be fair but environments that should feel more grand just feel off in gti#like glacier palace doesnt look AWFUL but it hurts to see it compared to the animated version from the commercials#and like. imagine the glow up if it got the dx treatment. if the environments were all fixed and the job system was updated#and we got a larger starter pool and maybe even a postgame. ik they didnt add much to pmd dx#but that game had a fairly beefy postgame and all that while gti has.... pretty much nothing besides dlc#anyways it wont happen bc gti is the most hated pmd game by a fairly wide margin and itd piss ppl off and itd probably get a bullshit $60#price tag#but like. i want it. i want it ok. i want to see them fix gti and bring out its full potential. i love its story sm#ik theres the demake but theyre also changing the pokemon choices there (which ik they cant help. repository doesnt have timburr and gurdur#but still) so i kinda wanna wait to see when thats done or its got all the assets
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Bugs…
#doing worldbuilding for Te’rra#It would be kinda nice to have a comic or show about it one day tbh#even if that would mean I’d have to make off-brand samus or an entirely new character to follow#more likely a character. just someone else’s story unrelated to skeemus#or vaguely related like#perspective of someone whos in the same generation as skeets#and what their life is like pre and post re-opening the borders#while the change wouldn’t be instantaneous Te’rra would have to keep in contact with the rest of the universe somehow#take measures to protect themselves from other potential attacks#would be a good way to really focus on worldbuilding an environment and the visuals of that#hm. that would could make a pretty cool game too#like hunting themed or exploration themed#chill and cozy for the most part#one of those story-driven exploration games I guess#drawing#luna draws#sketch#oc#original character#art#sketchbook
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im curious, do you think there is any good way to portray a redemption by death? like, can a character truly be made a better person by dying? or is it just an all-around bad trope? i vaguely saw what the authors were trying to do with tom and sandgorse's situations, but they just sucked too bad and gave it the absolute wrong effect imo
I think there's a way to make anything work! So I won't say "NO NEVER." But personally, I have a big bone to pick with it so I avoid it
A redemption death doesn't give the character time to meaningfully change, imo, or truly make up for their actions. That all has to come before the death itself. And even the very idea of giving your life up to "redeem yourself" just... sits uncomfortably with me.
Dying never makes a person better. It just kills them. A person who's dead is not changing nor growing.
So Tom and Sandgorse... what their deaths are supposed to do is re-frame everything they did before that point. With no apology on Sandgorse's end for how badly he hurt his son or wasn't there for his mate, he was a good enough person to die for someone else and thus must be forgiven. Tom thrashes two women and they both die because of him, but he was still willing to heroically throw his life down for his child, and so he is 'worthy' of being avenged and honored.
No growth. No change. No acknowledgement. The death is supposed to add sympathy to them, while there's no actual reckoning of how they hurt their victims. Not even a real consequence. "Their intentions were good, and this is proven through the ultimate sacrifice." As if that changes anything. It doesn't.
I think if there's an decent example of a redemption death in warriors, it's Bluestar's. I still have problems with how it believes Stone and Misty have to "forgive her" for some reason, REALLY don't like the fact that this series has always equated redemption and forgiveness... but that aside? Just focusing on Firestar, ThunderClan, and Bluestar?
I think what makes the moment so strong is that it is a moment of clarity through her cruelty arc. We saw the heroic person she was at the start of TPB. We know that her actions are coming from anger, spite, and paranoia. That is never shown as a thing to be excused. But while she's wrapped up in her own misery, Fireheart is being the leader she isn't.
And her last life is a return to form, spending it the way she is supposed to, as a leader, and as his mentor.
Her arc could never be about 'growth' because... she WAS a great leader. She WAS selfless, long ago. Her redemption death is a return to that, and a plot necessity. Bluestar and Firestar cannot both exist.
But, anyway, it's generally a trope I'm not fond of. I think that nearly anything can work in the right context, but I think it's so situational that I personally avoid it when possible.
#And plus...#THIS is very personal taste#but it's so unkind.#I don't really like writing or reading deeply unkind fiction#I believe strongly in the idea that the most important step you take is the next one#There's nothing a person can't come back from and it's never too late to be better. To stop hurting people#I think that love and kindness are actually their own rewards#When a character redeems themselves through death that's it. they never have to face the consequences of their actions#burned bridges and distrust. Loss of power or control. Toxic environments of their own creation#Being a miserable person HURTS#and I think 'deserving' can be a bit of a loaded word#(not that im not guilty of using it myself)#the better way to think about flawed characters is-- *would* they ever truly change?#Would they *want* to? Would they ever be able to properly introspect?#Would they be *capable* of listening to an outside perspective?#and for clear sky I feel that answer is a STRONG no. To all of those. And I think that's shown clearly in the post 'redemption' narrative#redemption isn't about feeling Very Guilty about what you did. It's not about suffering. You aren't better because you're in pain#If we were FORCED to go through a Clear Sky Redemption I wish so badly that he lost his power#because he clearly can't handle it#actual consequences for his actions#but anyway#I ramble in the tags once more
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sometimes i worry that Noah's college frat boy environment will turn him homophobic, especially since Will is already seen as a joke to most of the GA
#noah has been acting his ass off to give us the best possible version of will from DAY 1#he loves will and he's absolutely not gonna change that just bc of some shitty college environment#like obviously i don't know him and can't speak for him. but that's what i'd like to think based on his past behavior#noah is almost the complete opposite of will but that doesn't stop him from giving the best most nuanced stunning performance every season#👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻#ask sarah#hot take hour
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Hi Pia! Hope you had a nice time over the holidays.
Since Gwyn is such a despicable asshole in UtB has he ever raped or assaulted anyone? Who is he attracted to (other than himself lol) and what do you think his kinks are?
And did he ever learn the Omega Theory modules co-written by Temsen at the school he went to? What did he think of them if so?
Hi anon!
I definitely think it's possible that Gwyn in Underline the Black has already raped/assaulted an omega, though I don't think he's really attracted to anyone, and I imagine that kind of scenario happened because his gym friends egged him on and he hired someone to kind of 'relieve' himself with (i.e. so he paid, but he was too rough).
Gwyn isn't attracted to anyone at all (normal for peak alphas) and I don't think he has any kinks aside from those that come with most peak alphas (control and sometimes aggression).
Tbh I don't think of most of the alphas or peak alphas in the Underline series as being kinky, beyond that which is the natural territory of them being an alpha or peak alpha! Augus is the only one I think of as actually being into BDSM.
The rest so far are just doing what comes naturally to them re: displaying ownership, being controlling, or displaying alpha dominance. Aside from 'the kink is built in' - this is a not very kinky universe! That's why so many of these alphas and peak alphas aren't using safewords, and aren't negotiating anything in advance. They're having what they know to be completely normal sex.
I'm sure Gwyn did learn Omega Theory, and much like Efnisien says to Gary, Gwyn was probably one of the alphas who went and harassed an omega immediately after just to make a point. Efnisien wouldn't have made this observation if he hadn't lived with someone like Gwyn, I think!
A lot of what Efnisien says about omegas is rehashed from his family. Efnisien calling Omega Theory modules 'utopian nonsense' is very much something he likely heard a version of from Gwyn in the past. It sometimes takes Efnisien a little while to start using his own language for things, and until then, we hear a lot of Gwyn's words in his mouth when he describes omegas and his feelings towards them.
#asks and answers#gwyn ap nudd#underline the rainbow#like as always#if it's not in the story it's not canon#so i might change my mind whether gwyn has actually assaulted anyone or not (other than efnisien who has absolutely abused)#it's definitely not canon that he has#but it's certainly within his mindset#i don't think he'd necessarily seek it out because he gets more 'sexual satisfaction' (i say this loosely)#from being in control of his environment#than he does from being attracted to people and consuming that#as is normal for most peak alphas
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I think someone put the brain of a mouse or maybe a squirrel inside my head at some point because all winter I was like “I crave nuts and seeds” and now that it’s getting warmer and brighter out my brain keeps going “it’s fruit time”
Like, modern transportation has made it possible to move many fruits all over the world (in theory) all the time! But the primal early plesiadapiform part of my brain is like “you must eat what is available this season”
#I was going to go with euarchonta or plesiadapiform brain but I think the early members of both of those groups were from a tropical#ecosystem. if I’m wrong though and either are from more seasonal environments I could change what I used#actually. wait. plesiadapis is from the late Paleocene. yes. but tropical plants have reproductive cycles too#do they generally vary by season or are they just doing it all at their own pace by species#I am from a very cold seasonal climate that gets hot af in summer but is pretty cold for a good five-ish months#not all equally cold#it’s bad for our environment if it doesn’t get cold as balls for a bit every winter#and we didn’t really get that this winter. but that’s not my point!#I mean to say I can’t remember how it works in tropical environments#if the plants just time their reproduction whenever in the year or if there are seasons for most plants at the same time#does that make sense? I’m using the primate-like-mammal. if it’s wrong then whatever#fuck it we ball#maybe I should have gone with a group further back in time but I couldn’t find climate info easily about things that far back and fuzzier#i am not the most familiar with primate evolution. especially early evolution of the group. I’m open to learning more#i just tend to fixate on certain other things like early mammals and horse and cat evolution#paleontology#emma posts#I like juice all year though#one day I want to try many varieties of fruits that I cannot access easily where I live because they can’t be shipped here#or they just aren’t as popular a variety on an industrial scale#maybe one day i will have a big greenhouse and i will be able to grow the banana varieties I want to try#I can see why some plant varieties aren’t grown on a large scale. some of these bitches are SUPPOSED to be able to grow in zone four but#they refuse to work with me! blueberries make sense. the soil here is nowhere near acidic enough and they would need to be in a pot or#whatever. ya know? but some plants just won’t! or I get them and then the weather here which would NORMALLY work is different that season
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I've seen a lot of people complaining that the new River Hobbits look too much like small humans. I see their point, but have they considered: they're adorable
#lotro#ALSO#VINDICATION#not really but ive always been in the apparently very small headcanon camp#since basically forever tbh#that hobbits are an evolutionary branch of human#most likely originating from the same people as the rohirrim and the people from dale#but they moved off to the gladden fields away from other humans#started living in holes and fishing a lot#and as time passed just sort of. changed to match their environment and habits#and maybe there was some sort of magic influence that helped things along#but the changes are primarily cosmetic#i hc that theyre still actually 100% human#i know a lot of people like to imagine that theyre very different from humans and the 'yavanna made them' theory is very popular#but ngl i find that idea quite boring#but so easily people forget that they can reproduce with elves#or did no one else notice the part where its said that one of the took ancestors 'took a fairy wife'?#which. if yavanna did an aule and make hobbits before the firstborn arrived#how and why would she have made them compatible#(theres no evidence that dwarves are compatible with elves and humans and absolutely no record of a half dwarf anywhere)#(so its safe to assume that theyre NOT compatible. theres No Way no one ever tried)#(and the obvious explanation for that is that aule didnt make them compatible.)#(either because he didnt know how to or he didnt think it was important)#so anyway my line of reasoning is (unconfirmed) rumors of half hobbits half elves indicate that hobbits were designed by eru#and not a vala#and also i think it was mentioned in concerning hobbits or one of the appendices#that in universe the 'human offshoot' theory is considered pretty likely#idk exactly where tho but it stuck in my head#anyway. relevance to this post is that its perfectly reasonable for hobbits closer to their origin to LOOK more like their origin#so there
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finally managed to get a pic of the kind of brown-ish mantis that lives in my yard. idk if it’s the same kind that i caught and released from my house tho, that was a darker color and smaller
WOAG I NEVER SAW A BROWN ONE BEFORE?????
I did some light research and apparently brown mantis are not a species of theyre own they just happen to have a small range of colors that goes through green yellow and brown (i thought it was a molt thing but no theyre just like that)
Is pretty much a european mantis but is a great find nevertheless! Theyre amazing creatures
#insects#i found some mildly interesting stuff also#like the brown mantis are most likely found in places where the grass is kinda burned#and the green ones like fresh green grass#like i dont know is very fascinating how they can just change from color to color due to the environment#the humble praying mantis never fails to impress me#respostinha
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tiny, scribbly, nigh-incomprensible teaser <3
#yes these are directly from my godforsaken instagram. whatever#aggressively first pass. i’m having so much fun doodling him though i know he’s extremely generic kid character rn i promise i’m trying to#branch out artistically but sometimes. cute’s cute. plus it ups the tragedy factor#the most important part of the design i need to get down is his hair. being aggressively just the grown out original bowl it#BOWLCUT. kid hasn’t ever set foot in a hair salon and goodness knows none of the ninja give a shit. later on he’d care#but atm dude needs a popsicle and week long nap self exploration can come later#also. cole calling lloyd a sprout bc of the tiny pigtail lives in my head now#the dark part of his hair isn’t bc he dyed it it’s bc he grew six inches in five seconds and NONE of that blond hair has been exposed to#sunlight. hair color changes SO MUCH based on context (like amount of copper in your environment literally any number of buckwild factors)#and i have many thoughts on the logistics of the age up. but also the ohoge is immune to hair growth rules he deserves it both for the added#cuteness-tragedy points and to tie in with how i draw kai and nya#ninjago#lloyd garmadon#art✨
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youtube
this is not the exact one I watched but I saw one of these "dish scape" things at someone's house who actually has TV (like they pay for dish/cable instead of just watching stuff online) and I think they're meant to be relaxing atmospheric stuff that you mostly ignore, but I sat there for 35 minutes watching absolutely engrossed.. further proof that I genuinely think my brain is incapable of experiencing boredom lol..
#IT'S BECAUSE there's so many little details that like you can spend minutes just scanning every corner of the image and taking it all in and#you keep finding new things! like 'oh I didn't know that blade of grass moved!' or 'I didnt see that bucket before!'. And then on top of#so many details - some things genuinely do change. The one I saw was a Beach house scene and sometimes a bird would fly by or ONE TIME kite#came out of nowhere. a sandcastle built and unbuilt itself. there's a firepit and it comes on when the sky changes from day to afternoon!!#this is like watching a sports game to me. I need weird detail oriented friends who will sit for 20 minutes staring at a barely moving pict#ure & cheer and clap with me when a seagull flies across the screen ghgj.. THERE HE IS!!!! etc!! and there's just so much to think about!!#Like how the images are layered or animated and the choices that were made (like I think the sunrise and sunset sky background images for t#e beachouse are just the same picture flipped and recolored) and trying to predict what's going to happen next (will the lights in the hous#turn off for night time? will another bird show up??) etc! I even got up at one point to walk close to the screen and get a better view of#hese paintings that were visible through the beachhouse windows. and then thinking about building a similar home in the sims! OR ALSO THIS#WOULD BE SUCH A COOL medium I think to tell a story! Like you upload a video to youtube that is framed just as a completely average moving#screensaver ambiance type of thing. It's like 7 hours long and mostly loops the same still image. However. over time at certain points you#can see some thing happen like watching characters interact through the windows. animals or people walk across the screen. certain elements#in the environment morph or change. etc. In such a way that an entire like plot is conveyed. maybe like fantasy mystery sort of thing. I WI#SH I could do this style of art / had friends who could or had money to pay somebody to. I would LOVE to collaborate on a weird surreal#It's Just Your Average Slowly Looping Moving Screensaver Video I Promise' type story.. jjhhgHH.. Or even just making one of these set in so#me of my fantasy world environments. not as a secret thing with easter eggs that tell a story but just literally an image like this tha#moves over time and etc. HHRRGRGHhhhhGG.. ANYWay!! I had to actually turn it off not because I was bored but because it was distracting me#. which is funny since again. I think for most people it's meant to be a 'just leave it on in the background' type of thing that's bland an#neutral . But it was just making me think too much ghjgh.. This is why I can't go to amusement parks or nightclubs bars or concerts like..#a moving screensaver image is too overstimulating to my brain. Could you imagine me going to an environment just full of sensory informatio#like loud noises poeple talking flashing lights etc. etc. ? hghghb... Visiting a grocery store at a slightly busy hour is like my upper lim#it... Anyway.. everything is just so interesting to me. Even if I was locked in a room alone I would have plenty to think about & amu#se myself. I am also a hater definitely like I'm a very analytical person who is critical of society and systems & everything that exists#and even generally am just very opionated and have distinct preferences - so just because everything is INTERESTING does not mean I LIKE or#enjoy everything or never get tired of/annoyed by situations or ideas or etc. But it's more just like.. I literally dont think I could ever#be bored because of the way my brain works and also I approach life with elements of childlike whimsy and constant obsessive curiosity and#attention to detail. so as much as I am an analytical bore I also love everything and the world is fascinating at all times. lol.. duality#of man. if you get it then you get it. ANYWAY.. wanted to ramble abt it. I don't like the above video as much as the one I actually saw but#I couldn't find the beach one online.. BUt.. aaHH! best viewed whilst talking to yourself narrating/cheering! ALSO I want to make one!!!
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Does Steve have the best redemption arc in TV, or does he simply have the loudest?
#like. look. I think his heel-face turn at the end of s1 is an inspired piece of TV writing#not because it’s particularly deep or realistic#(it’s passable)#but because it’s fun and energizing and sets up a more interesting dynamic than if he died or stayed bad#but in all subsequent seasons the show tries to capitalize on the goodwill from his redemption#without having him meaningfully change#he’s just kind of stalled out at being basically nice but sort of clueless#which would actually be fine#if his arc was presented as one of self-actualization#I can root for Steve just finding his unconventional path to happiness while also being basically nice#but it’s galling to have everyone fawn over him for not being a high school bully anymore#while also minimizing his s1 behavior by framing Robin and Eddie’s initial hostility as mostly jealousy#(also. I would hope he wouldn’t be a high school bully anymore)#(as he’s not in high school)#I believe people can change after being shitty teens#it’s incredibly common because teenagers have poor impulse control and still-developing empathy#and also no one’s at their best in most high school environments#I would not care about his past if the show weren’t always insisting i like him so much for it
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