turns out i still have some psych fics left in me :)

here's a two part series that i absolutely loved writing. they both take place simultaneously

When mana transfer gets too romantic for Chilchuck

Since Fernweh Saga [by @lacunafiction 💖] lives rent free in my head, I’ve made some doodles 🙈 it was supposed to be a simple exercise, starting and ending with James, but ofc I couldn’t stop there...

Below you can see every single one of them in separate pics.

I’m just thinking long and hard about the way Akiren and Akechi are written as foils for each other. Because of course, the game drives it home for us that the two are narrative foils: Akiren is the champion of free will who finds power through his friendships, Akechi represents the ways society binds us. He is chained by his desire to be wanted (importantly, by the wrong people– I’ll get to that).

At first glance, Akiren and Akechi’s point of divergence has to do with their relationships– Akiren has confidants, Akechi doesn’t, and this is the deciding factor in Akiren’s victory over Akechi on November 20th and in the engine room. Still, while this is certainly part of what makes their relationship important as a narrative device, it’s not the full picture. That, I think, has more to do with the fact that they both desperately want the very relationships that are used to foil them. They have common ground, and that’s what makes the emotional beats of their differences hit as hard as they do.

Even though Akechi doesn’t have the close bonds that Akiren does with his friends, he is defined as a character by his desire to belong. He wants to be praised and given everything he feels he was denied by Shido’s callous disregard for his mother and society’s unjust treatment of him after her death. He was a self-proclaimed “undesirable child” who spent his young adult life doing everything in his power to never feel unwanted again. He literally spells it out in his engine room monologue– “I was extremely particular about my life, my grades, my public image, so someone would want me around!”

Akiren, like Akechi, begins his character arc as a social outcast. Unlike Akechi, who appeals to systemic power to claim social clout and chase his own sense of belonging (the Shido revenge plot, which would, uhm, theoretically end with Shido acknowledging his son’s worth), Akiren finds family with other outcasts. All of the Phantom Thieves understand his struggle, and because of this they foster a sense of understanding and community that Akechi never gets to experience.

It is important to note that these bonds are deepened when Akiren helps those around him. While there’s absolutely nothing bad about doing things for the people you care about– in fact, most would argue that this is what makes a friendship a good one– we can take a reasonable guess that Akiren craves the love of those around him just a bit more than is healthy for him. He plays therapist for half of Tokyo– he stretches himself absurdly thin for the sake of his friends. That’s a bit much to ask of one person, but Akiren seems to demand it of himself. This is the nature of confidant routes as a game mechanic, of course, but hey, reading into game mechanics is important to getting a solid reading of who Akiren is behind the mask!

The crux of it is, Akiren and Akechi are both lonely characters. Their desire to be loved quite literally drives the narrative of the game, both in terms of plot and gameplay. What makes their foiling so tragic is the fact that Akechi so obviously wants what he has himself determined he can’t have. He says as much in the engine room when he questions why Akiren has things that he doesn’t, despite being (as he says) criminal trash living in an attic.

And yet, Akechi’s isolation is frankly the result of his own decisions. He is the one who chooses to work for Shido. He is the one who acts on a worldview that requires he keep his cards close to his chest to win— against Shido and against the world that wronged him— and to be considered desirable (even despite the fact that this mindset obviously works against satiating his hunger to be loved. He really needs to go to therapy, but I digress).

I don’t think Akechi even knows how to go about claiming what Akiren managed to. Akechi has agency in the actions he takes, absolutely– he would be furious about any suggestion to the contrary– but in many ways, the choices he feels himself able to make are constrained by his circumstances and the lessons imparted to him by his past.

All this to say, Akechi and Akiren aren’t different because Akechi doesn’t want teammates, or even friends. He sincerely wants everything Akiren has. He tells us this in the engine room. He shoots himself in the foot by prioritizing approval from society and love from Shido above other relationships. But thinking from inside his shoes, what else was he going to do? Where else would he have thought to turn to find what he wanted? He was dealt a horrible hand and he played his cards according to the rule book he was given. If the world were just, Akiren and Akechi wouldn’t be foils. It’s the injustice implicit in that that really drives home the point I think P5 is trying to make when it foils Akiren and Akechi in the first place. It also, personally, has been making me want to scream all day.

On a related note, this is also the exact reason that Akechi being the one to bring up that things might have been different if only he met Akiren a few years sooner makes me want to throw things, but this post is long enough. I’ll save all that for later!

pov that one part of the genocide route where Flowey gets scared of you lmao

Thought this audio fit that moment a lil too well (minus the slapping ig DNDJDMSJ)

Oop- well... guess earth's lil' villain bro finally got payback!! >:3c

rebirth is gonna destroy us i just know it

kevin is leaving behind life in copenhagen and has bought a house on the same street as his in-laws and close to his dad and siblings near his hometown ✌️

victorious + tumblr again

Guys I think we might be cycling back to songwriting mode super soon, don't be surprised if there's more updates about that superbat folk album

If Radio Silence acknowledged (and I mean acknowledge, in the movies) that Sam is deranged and enjoys hurting people, I’d still like her! The main thing that annoys me about Scream VI (in regards to this topic, anyway) is that they’re treating Sam like a Hero™. It makes her feel boring, but it’s also irritating because the only thing making her better than the Ghostface killers is that she hasn’t hurt any innocents... yet. I mean, how long before she actually fully snaps?

Otherwise, she’s just like Amber or the Kirsches; she clearly enjoys butchering people. (Idk if Wayne enjoyed harming people, but he clearly had no qualms with doing so.) She just uses the excuse of killing serial killers and her father being a serial killer. If she hadn’t gone so ham, cheese, and turkey on Richard, the Kirsches wouldn’t have snapped. (That is canon, Wayne literally told her that.)

I just really hate the aspect of: “This super important character can be this way, but these characters must die for being slightly worse.” 😒 And it’d be much more interesting if they acknowledged all of this!

Well thanks for those posts, now I'm depressed! Dear god poor Antoine. I feel so bad for him - LGL

Aw LGL my beloved….

I do hope I didn’t truly make you depressed! I know how rough that can be and I don’t want to inflict that one on anyone else (except maybe my pixels themselves who I am torturing bless their little digital hearts.)

If it’s any consolation I can promise you that by 1930 I won’t leave you in such a state! ❤️

Also I got this after I had already typed up a response to your regular Nonny Reacts (but never had time to post it), so I’m going to tack it on here! But please know that you are the absolute sweetest and that hug is for both messages.

I unfortunately think part of the problem is that I burnt myself out making content. Damn EA and their horse pack because of them I moved my post schedule up almost two weeks, so I’m reaching the end of a Darlington creative spree/mad dash. But y’all actually send thanks to EA for once because otherwise I would have y’all sitting on cliffhangers much more often in the great and grand year that is 1929 😜

Needless to say it’s definitely time for a little break before the 1930s!

Yeah, that goopy carbonara sucked...

Genuinely feeling healed deep in my soul after last week, there really is something to be said for found family 🥺🥺 I am holding tight to these memories for the next couple of months until I move out (🤞🏻) I really love my gaggle of nerds that love me for me 💖

i forget sometimes that you also make art. i nearly thought you just make swag commentary most of the time

AJSJSJSJSDJDJ ive been trying to do more art recently!! ive just been busy w a lot of irl stuff so swag commentary is all ive been able to do lately LMAOOOO im glad u like it tho!!! i will do more art soon too i prommy

bold theory but im like 80% sure that the spiderman 2 story was a little lackluster because the dlc is going to be doing a lot more of the heavy lifting this time around