#maybe now i should finish all the other games in my backlog. or i could start 5 new ones. hmmmmmmmm
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20 Questions for Fic Writers
I saw this going around a little while ago and wanted to do it myself mostly because it doesn't involve me having to answer about anything I did this year.
1. How many works do you have on A03?
20
2. What's your total A03 word count?
262,994, apparently
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Ace Attorney! I have to admit I've been writing persona 5 fanfic for most of this year but am still undecided on if I actually want to publish that. if I ever finish it.
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
A Rose By Any Name (by a margin of like 1000 kudos), Deep Dark Secrets, Childswap, The Catch-Up Game, Love Languages.
I am eternally going to feel a bit bitter that the first one is that high.
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I used to respond to them all the time because I love the interactions, but then I started getting burnt out by school and now have such a massive backlog..... so I pretty much never do these days. I'm very sorry and I still read and really appreciate all the comments I get!
6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
I don't write a lot of angst... and I definitely don't have a tendency to leave things on an angsty note. Maybe Need Not to Need which was in early disbarment era, or Left Behind, Looking Ahead because it's a missing scene in the middle of aai2, and Franziska ends it on the conclusion that she should prepare to not have Edgeworth in her life anymore.
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Since I don't write a lot of angsty endings most of them are happy lol. Maybe The Opposing Council's Proposal because it ends on a proposal, which is a pretty happy event.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Nope! Everyone's been really nice.
9. Do you write smut?
Definitely not. It takes me like five minutes to work myself up to writing a kiss. I'm too squeamish about that kind of thing.
10. Do you write crossovers?
No, and I feel like that's not something I'd be very good at doing. There's so much work involved and I haven't had any situations where I feel like characters from different franchises have to meet in order to express some aspect of characterization that they couldn't do otherwise, which would be my main motivation for writing one.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not as far as I'm aware.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes!! Plenty of my fics have been translated into Chinese. I had one person write an entire rec list for my works in Chinese before and was so happy about it.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Nope, I feel like I wouldn't be good at this either, I've always been the kind of person who isn't good at playing with others and would want to take control of the whole thing lol.
14. What's your all-time favourite ship?
Narumitsu without question. It takes a lot to get me to actively care about romance, much less write it.
15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
I have a PLvsAA canon divergence fic where everyone stays brainwashed for a much longer time (and Edgeworth also gets brainwashed) that I wish I could finish, but I feel like it's a lost cause at this point. I have an earlier version of that fic which went in a completely different direction and is less than one chapter away from being complete. There's also One Good Narumitsu Story left in me that I've had in my head since 2018, never been able to bring myself to write it, and am not sure if I ever will. I hope I do someday, though.
16. What are your writing strengths?
I think one of my favorite comments I've ever gotten talked about putting effort into developing relationships and characters outside of the main focuses of the fic - Catch-Up Game being an example, even though narumitsu is the focus, I spent some time paying attention to Phoenix's relationships with Trucy, Maya, Iris, and generally tried to make it seem like the characters had their own lives outside of what Phoenix and Edgeworth had going on. That's something I still feel pretty proud of and try to keep up when I can.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
DESCRIPTIONS. I can't describe people very well at all, probably at least partially because my facial recognition skills are atrocious. I can't describe locations or settings, either. I sometimes feel like it becomes far too obvious that I rarely leave the house.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
I think it's fine on a one-off but not extensively. Like with Klavier as an example, the occasional Achtung or pet name or whatever is fine, but when it starts to be longer sentences or full conversations I draw the line.
Overall I think the best way to handle it (in a hypothetical conversation between Franziska and Edgeworth, depending on if the POV character is Edgeworth or Phoenix):
a) If the POV character speaks the language (like Edgeworth), doing something like "Franziska switched to German, so Phoenix couldn't overhear. "I am speaking in German, but you are reading it in English.""
b) If the POV character does not speak the language (like Phoenix), saying "Franziska switched to German and started yelling at Edgeworth" makes more sense - when I hear a foreign language, at least, I wouldn't be able to repeat it afterwards, because my brain does not process the words like it would English words, so I don't think it should stay in writing either.
There are practical purposes too: I wouldn't trust google translate to capture any nuance, and don't speak any other languages, so I'd want to find someone who knows the language to translate for me, which can be annoying and inconvenient for them. Also, readability. I don't think a reader should have to open up a new tab to understand your fic, is the point.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Warrior cats!! Way back in 2012 or so.
20. Favourite fic you've ever written?
The Catch-Up Game is still my favorite, at least partially because I got so much engagement while posting it that it was a lot of fun to go through comments on it. The narumitsu server talked about it a lot, and I'll forever be bitter that a rogue mod wiped those channels, because it's a really good feeling when something you write can inspire discussion like that. Also, I'm still satisfied with most aspects of that fic on its own - I reread a couple of chapters just the other day and was enjoying myself, which is always a win.
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Backlog Catch-Up
With all the new releases coming out in 2023, I am reminded once again of the limited time I have as someone that must work for a living. Coupled with the fact that I’m out socialising more and exploring the world when I use my leave, what little free time I have must be used in the most efficient way possible spread out thinly across video games, writing, reading and keeping up with shows and movies.
As of the writing of this post, I’m in the fourth chapter of Tactics Ogre Reborn, mopping up most of the side quests and unlocking new characters and classes before the final battle. But the temptation is there to put Tactics Ogre Reborn down and play through The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom instead since it’s new and shiny and everyone who is anyone is hyped for the new Zelda entry.
I even saw someone play on the commute to work!
While that something most gamers will do, hopping from one game to another, I’ve always found that the best way for me to tackle the glut of video games that catch my eye is to finish them off one by one before moving on. Otherwise, I’d have far too many incomplete games and not enough storage space on my consoles for anything more. A terrible dilemma given the size of games nowadays.
At least, that’s what I tell myself as everyone else is raving about the latest games that they’ve got their hands on.
Of course, even if I were to finish the game I was currently playing at the time, it doesn’t always mean I’ll play the latest and greatest title. The game I start could be part of my backlog or a fairly new and flashy game. And though it shouldn’t matter if that title is the one in the current zeitgeist or if it was something that came out years ago, I know in my heart of hearts, I should only be playing what’s new. If only to keep up with the discourse.
Still, the FOMO that I feel is a reminder that I can still engage in the content, though I may not have the entire experience. After all, I’m not one that shies away from a few spoilers. In fact, I relish them.
But I’ve found that when it comes to my gaming habits, and even on dates when I chat to others, it’s always been a struggle for me to be open about my favourite games. While some hyperfixate on a title, I tend to enjoy the stories for what they are without diving too deep. Some of that could be from the fact that I’ve managed to glean all that I can from unofficial wikis. Other times, I’ve simply not felt the need to obsess over every small detail in the game.
Still, I have to wonder if some of that comes from my childhood. Growing up, there weren’t many people around me that played video games. Even if they did, they were older than me and didn’t want to entertain the curious preteen. In high school, there was still the perception that games were played by boys and what was a nice girl like me doing spending so much time in front of the computer screen?
Even now, I don’t talk about games with my work friends or those that don’t really play anything more than cosy games like Animal Crossing. Sure, I now know of people that play the big releases and that’s something we can talk about briefly but those titles serve as conversation starters. Water cooler conversations, if you will, because neither of us know how far the other has gotten and don’t want to ruin the experience.
If I wanted a hot take about a game, I turn to the internet. One glance at YouTube and you can see why. I couldn’t tell you the number of videos I’ve seen reviewing game titles, assessing games and what they bring to each individual or just having an opinion about something controversial. You name, there’s a podcast. And if you engage with those creators, form a parasocial relationship, you’ve essentially found ‘your people.’
So, maybe it’s fine for me to take my time instead of racing through. Even though popular discourse seems to favour remaining relevant when posting reviews or impressions on the internet. Something that I’ve done with my games.
The same, however, cannot be said of books. Perhaps because I’m not on BookTok or on BookTube. Even if I were, there’s no real rush to be on top of the latest releases unless it’s YA. And given my favourite genre and my minimum page count being 500 pages or more, I’ve never felt compelled to quickly finish a book just to get to a new one. In fact, the more time I can spend with a book, the better. The atmosphere, the worldbuilding, the characters...these are all important aspects to me and there have been times when a book reaches the end that I wish the author had simply written more about their characters.
I very much like exploring someone else’s head and seeing their interactions in the quiet moments.
That’s probably why I insert so much of it in my own writing. I like to get to know a person inside and out.
Beyond the occasional YA novels, though, you won’t find whole wikis filled with the history of characters or their backstory. Books are a completely different medium and their fans interact differently with the source material. While yes, you will get the occasional fan art, it’s only recently that I’ve seen Rhysand and Feyre fan art being sold at conventions. I might have shuddered, but given that there’s no movie or TV show of Sarah J Maas’s work, it’s very impressive that there is actual fan art that exists for a wholly book series.
Books, more than games, have always been something I’ve been passionate about. And while there are books that I will put down something else to read if the chance arose, I don’t feel the immediate FOMO that one might have if a new game comes out. Yes, there’s hype but I never feel like I’m missing out on the conversation.
Maybe, of course, there’s the fact that reading is a much more passive experience than gaming. True, tehre are people out there that will immediately buy a book as soon as it releases and finish it within a day but even with BookTok and BookTube becoming increasingly prevalent, public discourse doesn’t have such a huge emphasis on new book releases. At least, not on the scale of video games or films/ TV shows. For example, Sarah J Maas became increasingly popular with the advent of TikTok but back when I was still reading the first few books of the Throne of Glass series back in 2015, there was no-one I knew within my immediate circle that had read the books.It’s only been in recent years that I’ve seen people fall in love with the world of A Court of Thorns and Roses and jump on the fae bandwagon.
And don’t get me started on Robin Hobb!
Too bad, of course, that no-one has truly been trying to promote the intricate worlds of M.A. Carrick in the Rook and the Rose series. Or have started reading the Black Magician trilogy by Australian author, Trudi Canavan. Honestly, those worlds have been some of the BEST I’ve ventured into.
Then again, much like games, I don’t talk about books very much to my friends. Mostly because it’s hard to find someone that has read the same type of genre that I do. Even if we DO read the same genre, we may not have read the same books. Have you SEEN how many books are churned out each year? Something, of course, I want for myself but I’m sure if I am ever published, I’ll just be one of the dime a dozen authors that disappear once more into the woodwork. It takes talent and grit and a fair bit of luck to become the next Sanderson or Rowling or Martin.
Still, now that I’ve joined a book club at work, I’ve been able to talk about books freely with people that have, at the very least, read the same book that I have for the month. No longer do I have to spy on people on the train and muster up the courage to chat to them about the latest Stormlight Archive book that they’re reading (which I’ve finished) and nerd out over Kaladin and lashings and the Cosmere.
And while the genres may not always be the ones that I enjoy the most, I do like discussing the book of the month with those in the office. There’s something special about going into deep dives about the book we’ve all just read as we go on about themes or elements that particularly stood out.
Even if I secretly hope to steer them towards the more magical side of fantasy given enough time.
But that’s a thought! We have book clubs. Why not game clubs? I know that video games are social mediums by their very nature, but I’d like a proper sit-down and in-depth chat about a game’s story with my fellow gamers as we talk about things that we liked or didn’t like, the mechanics that worked and didn’t work and how the ambiance fed into the game world to make it the unique experience it was for each person.
I don’t want someone to talk at me about a game. I get enough of that on the internet as people try to extol the virtues of whichever game has become their whole personality, nor do I want to have to sit through a one-sided discussion during a date. Given that games are a valid medium of art, we can start treating them as such.
But maybe instead of viewing games and books and whatever else that’s inbetween, I should simply just enjoy what I have for the time being and worry less about trying to keep up with whatever is popular. I’m not, after all, a gaming journalist. There’s no money to be made in my blogs. I write about what I like, I read what I like, and I play whatever takes my fancy. Games come and go. And since I’ve purchased them and they’re sitting pretty on my shelf, it’s all just now a simple matter of picking them up, dusting them off and slipping the disc into the console.
Speaking of which, I need to ALSO finish of Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky SC and the third title before tackling the Crossbell arc of games. Eugh!
So much to do, so little time!
#personal blog#video games#books#hobbies#FOMO#catching up on backlog#i am a crow who likes shiny things
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Hello Surgey Buddies
Have you taken your Doctor's temperature lately? Not that thermometer THE OTHER ONE.
I hope you are healing and well and enjoying the emense and intense HEAT. Please stay hydrated. But slowly. Don't try to gulp liquid down when your very hot. Drink slowly a little at a time. But steadily. If not, your body will sure tell you. "That was too fast"! You'll end up tossing your cookies. Nice and steady is the way.
So here's a question for you.
Have you ever made a phone call and been confused with a phone solicitor? At least that's what I think they thought. "Wrong number"....(click). Holy Crap.
Now I feel it's better not to call them again. Unless they call me back. Sheesh.
Today marks the 7th month I've been in this wrist brace. I have to have ice on it 24 hours a day.
The diagnosis I got was, "It just happens " WTF?
Let me explain. They thought my injury was a condition called "Kenibocks syndrome" where the bone in your wrist is losing it's blood supply and eventually has to be removed. It usually happens because of an injury..they think.
Think?? I went back, he presses on the bone and no pain at all. The supply was back. However the pain still continues. For those of you who may get this it's best to keep the blood flow up. I was surprised that it can be done with wine. Or red grapes.
PARTY! I don't drink so I used massage and gentle pt.
Dr. Says it may be neurological. I've become exasperated.
Have you noticed it's very difficult to get an appointment right now? There's like a back log of patients. So your appointments are weeks or even months away. The belief is because of the backlog of effects on society and Covid.
Hopefully within the next 6 months things will adjust. It is very important to keep the appointments you make. Stay vigilant. Because you don't know when you will get another.
I may see some of you in recovery soon with this wrist. I'll bring enough ice packs to make an igloo!! Maybe we should try to play some pinochle or jenga (oh sure). And plenty of rubber bands to fling at the Doctors. Be nice to your nurses. Remember they put the bandages on.
It is true that the healing of wounds or surgery can move quicker with a lack of stress and anxiety. It helps the body to adjust in a healthy way to healing. Also very important to rest. Don't go ga-ga that the healing is finished. You could have a longer time to heal or have other complications.
Ok so someone told me that a show called "Peaky Blinders" was really good. I started watching and ended up not being able to stop. It was a marathon week. Give it a look. It is a true story.
Have you ever done that? Watched a show and you can't stop watching? It's a really great show. Hence the reason I haven't watched the final season of "Derry Girls". I hate when good shows are done.
I've started ideas for the next book. And have procrastinated with the publishing. With this wrist. You really don't know how much you use your hands together and forget to stop from trying with the injured one. "SOAB"!! has been ringing out through the entire house.
As the summer comes to an end..don't stop going to the gym. This happens to many people. And it's during these next months that your body will need it most. Halloween candy, Thanksgiving, Christmas. Even if you go twice a week you'll feel better and keep your weight in check.
I keep looking at my guitar and sighing. I'm counting on the process of the wrist to be over soon. Remember I still have 4 nodes in my throat that will be removed. Everything having to do with music is in the waiting room.
How am I coping? "Animal Crossing ". I play one handed but it takes my mind off. If you're in the game and you'd like to see my island send your amiibo#.
That's the story for now.
Always,
Chris
🌹❤️🙃
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These steps you take
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Bruce makes Clark pancakes. They share experiences on an early morning.
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Words: 1,661
Relationship: Clark/Bruce
A/N: Another morning after at Clark’s apartment, because I love those.
This one is a culmination of me making pancakes for breakfast, and remembering some specific comic panels about Bruce's cooking skills (just reblogged).
Read on AO3
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It was an unusually early morning for Bruce, and Clark was still asleep next to him, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore. Clark’s apartment, a forced night off, and a mind restless with unsolved cases all played a part in this, and so much so, that it was one of those rare mornings that he got out of bed before Clark, quietly and careful not to wake him.
In the living room, he scrolled through some work emails on his phone and Oracle’s backlog of cases from last night, until he knew exactly what everyone had been up to. The light outside was still faint and grey and not quite dark-blue, and some of the windows in the city had coloured yellow with light. A pair of feet shuffled around in the apartment above Clark's. A child started crying in an apartment on the other side of the hallway. Breakfast seemed like a good idea.
Clark’s kitchen was small, and messy, but the counter was clean. Bruce located a bowl, flour, milk, eggs, butter, and a scale that he wasn’t sure Clark ever used. He used a whisk to mix ingredients, as to not wake Clark up, although to be fair, he should be able to wake up from a sound that small if necessary. Shortly after, he was flipping the first pancakes with a practiced flick of his wrist, and looked satisfied at the golden-brown colour of the three somewhat-round cakes. It had been a while.
He made sure not to burn any, but also not to undercook them, patiently waiting for them to solidify, start bubbling, change colour. He stacked them onto a plate before pouring more batter in the pan. Lost in concentration, he didn't hear Clark enter, but there he was, with a stretch and a yawn. In his flannel checkered pyjama pants, hanging low on his hips, and his black hair, sticking up in a wonderfully soft mess, more so than Bruce’s own. After a quick glance, Bruce returned his attention to the pancakes, and felt Clark’s bare chest touching his bicep. He hugged Bruce, kissed his ear, and Bruce allowed him to turn his face to kiss his mouth, even though they had just spent the whole night next to each other.
“Hey, good morning,” Clark smiled.
“Morning.”
“Did you sleep well?”
“You know I always sleep better after sex with you.” It was their game of catch and return, this. Replies to put them two steps ahead of each other, a set-up for the next quip. Most people would call it flirting, and whatever it was, it kept Bruce on his toes, and Clark never missed a beat.
“Hmm, my true superpower,” he smiled, and then, finally, looked down at the stovetop. “Pancakes? Smells delicious.” Clark’s warmth at his side was unsurprising, yet overwhelming on a cold morning, and Bruce hadn’t realized the cold of the floor under his bare feet had seeped into his body. He let himself relax a little against Clark.
“You’re warm.”
“The bed was warm. I mean, metaphorically it was cold because you weren’t there anymore… Do you think I should change the covers already?”
“Hmm. Do you have blueberries? I couldn’t find them.”
“Freezer.”
“That’s where I looked.”
Clark looked over at the freezer at the bottom of the fridge, his eyes going glassy for just a second. “They’re there. Kind of at the back.” He squatted down to open it and dug out pizzas, frozen veggies, and casserole dishes that surely came from Kansas, until he got to the blueberries. “Here you go.”
“Put them in the batter, we can still have one half with blueberries. You change your blanket? Why?”
“Um, force of habit, I guess? Ma always put thick covers and a wool blanket on my bed back home in the winter, even though I never actually needed it.” Keeping up appearances, a form of pretend-normalcy, then. Little habits that made Clark more human than his powers could ever make him alien. “I told her, but she insisted… every little detail had to be right. Hiding who I was even at home, in my own room… I mean, you never knew…”
“If anyone would ever see something out of the ordinary?”
“Yes,” Clark sighed. He leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms. The pan sizzled, batter slowly solidifying again.
“She’s smart, your mother,” Bruce said.
“Scared. They were always so scared someone would come take me away.”
“They were right to be… protecting you.”
“I know that.” He smiled apologetically. “Sorry. I had a good childhood, Bruce. I shouldn’t...”
“Doesn’t mean you can’t complain about it.” Another flip, and sizzle. “You don’t have to hide now, not here.”
Clark uncrossed his arms. “Thank you, B.” He hugged Bruce again, chin on his shoulder, and looked down at the stack of pancakes that were already finished and resting on a plate. “Hey, these actually look good… I haven’t smelled any burning… And here I thought you didn’t cook.”
“I don’t.”
“Bruce. You’re making pancakes. Don’t play tricks on me.”
“I don’t cook. I know how to make pancakes.” Clark looked at him, questioningly. Go on, he motioned with the smallest jerk of his head and motion in his eyebrows. A personal story. Clark had just shared something personal. That’s what you do in a relationship, right? He poured another ladle of batter in the pan and cleared his throat.
“When Dick had just moved in with us… he woke up very early every day, earlier than Alfred, even. Maybe a circus thing, I think. I would hear him just… pacing outside of my room, not knowing what to do, too scared to wake me up, maybe.”
“But you heard him anyway?”
“Needless to say, I wasn’t sleeping much, back then.”
“You don’t sleep much now.”
“Fine. I was barely sleeping at all.” Some days, he had been able to catch a couple hours of rest after Alfred took Dick to school. Most days, he ended up falling asleep in board meetings. He continued: “Whenever I heard him, I would get up, and take him down to the kitchen, where I would try to make pancakes, because Dick liked them. I… tried to make it like home, for him. Or, at least, to resemble the mornings he’d had with his parents.”
“You learned how to make pancakes for Dick.” Clark stated.
“It took me a while to get it right.” Bruce remembered Dick patiently waiting at the kitchen island only to stare at his plate of burned, or undercooked, or completely messed up and mis-shapen pancakes with a blank expression when Bruce finally served them. Thanks, he’d mumble, and would start eating them slowly anyway, before Bruce decided it was enough and dumped the rest in the trash, putting down a bowl of cereal for him instead. Until finally one morning, Dick’s blank expression had turned into a smile, humming along while eating his pancakes and then Bruce’s too. He had hugged Bruce after, exclaiming that he shouldn’t change a single thing!
It had felt like solving a case, one that he could easily crack all over again now that he knew the steps. He smiled at the memory and looked at Clark again. “At least a dozen mornings like that. But yes, I did. It helped.”
“It did,” Clark said, with one of those sheepy grins on his face. “You’re an amazing dad, Bruce.”
“I doubt the children would agree with you.”
Clark angled his head and pursed his lips. “You could definitely vocalize a little bit more how you feel towards them, but they know.” Bruce huffed. He was not a good caretaker, not really. Alfred had said as much, in his Alfred-way, and Barbara, curt and to the point, and Dick, clear and unmistakable. “You’re dedicated,” Clark explained.
Some would call it obsession. Not Clark. Bruce tried a smile.
“So, just pancakes?”
“Just pancakes. When Dick started feeling more at home he started sleeping in more, and so did I. Alfred took over on breakfast again.” He flipped the last pancake out of the pan and onto the stack. “Done. Let’s eat.”
Clark zipped out of the room to get a shirt, got them each a glass of orange juice, and cleared the table before Bruce had reached it with their breakfast.
Taking a bite of his first pancake with butter and maple syrup, Clark hummed. “I would almost say," and his voice dropped down to a whisper, "these are better than my mom’s."
“Don’t tell her that,” Bruce said, washing down his smile with a gulp of juice. Outside past the window, Metropolis lay quiet, shining under a blue sky and a rising sun. Clark looked out too, catching that light on his chin and closing his eyes. Clark, who rose with the sun but waited for dark to meet in the middle with Bruce, however long it took. Clark, who literally came to find him in the deepest darkest parts of his mind, who would gladly let Bruce pull him up to his feet after a hit even though he was the one with super strength, who was forced to live his life a 1000 miles a minute and still found the time to appreciate the world's beauty. If he weren’t here, Clark would have opened the window to really feel the sun, Bruce was sure.
“Hm,” Clark swallowed another bite. “Any chance you’ll figure out how to make waffles for me? Or croissants?” Clark’s narrowed, smiling eyes didn’t disguise much. Another set-up, for more.
The reply, easy. Bruce only finished his bite properly to feign nonchalance, to tease. He put down his knife and fork, knowing he couldn’t fool Clark, not with the skip that his heart made. “Give me a couple more months of mornings like this one.”
Clark’s retort, honest and uncalculated, was much faster. “Yes.”
Yes. He could do that for Clark.
.
.
.
end note:
So yeah, I’ve just reblogged them and maybe you have seen those panels of Bruce making pancakes for Alfred, Dick, and Tim (Batman: Gotham Adventures #60, he says it’s his first time making them, but they come out perfect. Bruce you’re a liar, you’ve done this before). And at the same time, this man cannot make a tuna sandwich for the life of him (“How can you screw up a tuna sandwich? ...Oh. that’s how” :/ - Tim in Detective Comics #698). Anyway, this is why my Bruce can make pancakes and literally nothing else.
(yes I'm aware that's two different canons, come at me)
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Stress Relief
AN: Rafael Barba x Reader. Nick Amaro x Reader. Continuation to “The Gift.” This is all smut, NSFW fo’ sho.’ CW: threesomes, oral sex, some humiliation/name calling (i.e.: slut), vaginal sex, anal sex, double-penetration, bukkake. Like the whole kitchen sink. So heed the warnings. Smut is under the cut.
AN2: @itsjustmyfantasyroom requested: “We need that conversation between Nick and Barba with the leave up to that 😂 oh hot damn.” So, we get the convo between the two - so basically, it may be a prequel also to The Gift?
AN3: Apologies for any typos/misspellings.
WC: 2.6K words
**
Flashback to the events leading up to The Gift...
The second your head hit the pillow, you were fast asleep, snoring slightly. Rafael tossed and turned, unable to find a comfortable position. With an exasperated sigh, he climbed out of bed and made way to the living room. He turned on the TV and scrolled through the channels before landing on the cooking channel. Some celebrity chef cooking show was on. Whatever was happening on the show though, he was paying no mind to. Rafael could not get the image of you kissing Nick out of his mind.
--
The next morning, while you were showering, Rafael called the hotel to make sure all of the plans and accommodations were in place for your birthday festivities. Satisfied that the dinner and hotel reservations were in place, Rafael made one more phone call.
“Amaro, it’s Barba. We need to talk about last night. Can we meet?”
--
The coffee shop was busy with patrons needing their java fix. Nick popped his head in, before walking inside. He scanned the crowded shop before spotting Rafael in the back sitting in a half-booth. Rafael locked eyes with Nick and waved him over. Nick pushed through the crowd before landing where Rafael was. He pulled out the chair and sat. Nick was unsure as to why his fellow Cuban had called him – he had thought the air was clear, that it was a misunderstanding and that you were just acting recklessly since you were drunk.
“Thank you for joining me detective.” Rafael greeted. “I took the liberty of ordering you a cafecito.” Rafael pushed the small, but very strong, cup of coffee in front of Nick.
“Look – I thought last night was just a mistake. Y/N... she just got ahead of herself – it was the booze.”
“What if it wasn’t just the booze?” Rafael asked almost so quietly, Nick barely registered that the attorney said anything at all.
“She loves you. Everyone knows that.” Nick replied. “You two were made for each other. Just because Maria and I didn’t work out, doesn’t mean it won’t for you two.”
“I’m not talking about that.” Rafael replied, waving him off. “I’m talking about what if we wanted to make Y/N’s fantasy a reality?”
Nick nearly choked on the cafectio. “Excuse me?” He sputtered, spitting the dark liquid everywhere. He reached for a napkin and wiped himself.
“I’m serious. Look, Y/N and I have a very healthy sex life. We experiment, we play games, how is this any different?”
“Counselor, are you sure you’re not drunk right now?” Nick asked, eyeing Rafael.
“I’m not. I was just thinking I’d like to make it a reality for her. I have seen her with you – and you with her during interrogations.”
“That’s just – that’s a tactic used with perps. It doesn’t mean anything.” Nick explained.
“So you’re saying you wouldn’t fuck Y/N if given the chance?”
Nick inhaled sharply. He found himself unable to respond. Instead, he called over a waitress and requested another coffee. Nick turned his attention to Rafael. “That’s not fair.”
“I am not condemning you. I am offering you an opportunity.”
“So how would this work? Her and I … let’s say we hook up. Where are you in this little scenario?”
“I’ll be there.”
“So you’d watch? Or would you be… involved? How exactly would this work?
Rafael sighed himself and leaned back against the plush cushion of the booth. “I want to watch. If I decide to get involve, or if Y/N wants me involved, then I will.”
Nick sipped his coffee. Temptation called him. He had to admit the idea was enticing. Even though you were partners for years, there was always some kind of sexual tension between you and him. Timing was always poor. He was with Maria until he wasn’t. And when he wasn’t, you got involved with Rafael. And then Rafael proposed, he figured the door was shut for good.
“Does Y/N know about this little stunt of yours?”
Rafael shook his head. “No.”
“And you think she’s going to be okay with this? What if she’s not – this kind of thing can ruin a relationship.” Nick replied.
“I know my fiancée well enough to know she’s going to be okay with this.”
Nick nodded. “I’m in. What do you need to know about me and what should I know about you two?”
“We’re both clean. Y/N’s on birth control. I can give you copies of our bloodwork to show we’re clean.”
Nick raised his hand. “I trust you both. I’m clean too. I haven’t been with anyone since Maria.”
Rafael flashed a toothy grin. “ Okay. It’s just this weekend. Nothing more. Me entiendes?” Nick nodded. “Great. Let’s discuss her limits and boundaries.”
--
Fast Forward to Present Day
---
You slammed your hand on your desk after your laptop froze for what was the umpteenth time that morning. You had been in the office early to work on the paperwork that you were completely backlogged on. You had been sleeping like shit as of late. You also were concupiscent, or in other words, horny. Rafael had been consumed with “the trial of the century” and the two of you were passing ships as of late. Your once healthy sex life had hit a wall and you found yourself hot under the collar, wearing out your battery operated boyfriend. All in all, it made you very cranky.
“You alright?”
You looked up at the voice. It was your partner, Nick. You gave him a small smile. “Yeah, it’s just this stupid computer.”
Nick put down the cup of coffee he had in his hand. “Let me see what I can do.” You pushed your seat back to allow Nick into your space. As he leaned over, you got a whiff of his cologne and instantly your mind was transported back to the night of your birthday weekend. You remembered what it was like to sit on his face, his five o’clock shadow creating the most delicious burn. You remembered what it was like to have both his cock and Rafael’s cock in you at the same time.
“Fuck.” You mumbled. Nick turned to you, his brow raised.
Your cheeks flushed. “The computer. I am already so behind as it is.” You lied. Your breathing had increased slightly and Nick’s eyes glazed over your décolletage to the top swells of your breasts. He remembered what it was like to taste your sweet skin and have your tits over his face. His cock twitched under his pants.
Nick cleared his throat and tried to return on the task at hand. After pressing a few more buttons, he was able to get your computer back up and running.
“My hero!” You exclaimed. You gave him a full smile and all Nick wanted to do was pull you in for a kiss.
“You’re welcome.” Nick replied. “Um, how’s Barba? That case must be eating at him.” Nick felt a pang of guilt for feeling what he did – the rules on your birthday were one weekend, which happened. It was in the past.
“Busy. Cranky. So you know…” You began.
“The usual.” Nick finished. You laughed.
“Basically. I just hate that this case takes up all of his time. We hardly see each other. I miss him.” You replied wistfully.
Nick squeezed your shoulder. “It’ll be over soon enough.” As he walked away, an idea crept in your mind.
--
The light to Rafael’s office was still on despite it being near midnight. Rafael was pacing in his office, going over his case. The grand jury was indicting soon and he needed to be ready.
The slight rap on his door interrupted his thoughts. You poked your head in. “Hey.” You replied softly, as you walked in.
“Y/N! What are you doing here?” Rafael questioned. He approached you and pressed a kiss on your lips. “Is everything okay?”
The sound of the door creaking made Rafael realize you weren’t alone. “Nick.”
Nick approached the room, shutting the door behind him quietly. “Barba.”
Rafael’s eyes darted between you and Nick. “What’s going on?”
“Look, I know you’re busy and stressed. We were hoping maybe, we could help with that?” You replied.
It was then that Rafael realized you were wearing a long trench coat.
“Y/N.” Rafael’s voice was low and warning.
“Oh come on, counselor. You’re all wound up and stressed. We can help.”
Rafael shook his head. “I’m too busy. I can’t be dist…” His voice trailed off as you removed the trench coat, letting it pool to the floor. You were naked save for the thin straps of material that dared present themselves as lingerie.
You whipped around to Nick and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a deep kiss. Nick’s hands trailed down your sides, to your ass. He grabbed a handful of flesh and pulled you tightly against his body. You gasped at the feeling of his cock, already so hard against your stomach. Nick’s kiss was intense; he swallowed your mouth almost as if he would never get another chance. His mouth moved along your neck and as he sucked a bruise on your neck, he opened his eyes to meet Rafael’s.
Rafael’s bright eyes were blown with lust. He moved to undo the straps of his suspenders, letting them hang off his waist.
Nick banded one arm around your waist and spun you to face Rafael. A large hand trailed down your neck, down your sternum, and down your abdomen to your cunt which was already soaked. Nick’s fingers pushed your panties to the side, the tips of his fingers were coated in your arousal. His fingers stroked the outside lips, teasing.
“She’s already so wet.” Nick panted. “God I missed this sweet little cunt. I told you then, I’ll say it again now… you’re a lucky man, Barba.”
Rafael could barely focus on Nick’s words. His mind was fuzzy as he watched Nick slip a finger inside of you.
“Do you know how jealous I am that you get to fuck Y/N day in and day out? And then I find out you’re too busy to take care of her needs and poor Y/N has been so horny.” Nick continued to goat. He slipped his finger out of you, causing you to whine. He shoved his finger in your mouth and you sucked his finger clean, pretending it was his cock.
“Is that so?” Rafael questioned, his voice rough and gravely. His shirt fell to the floor, followed by the rest of his clothes, leaving him just in his boxers.
You batted your eyes coquettishly. “Oh yes, papi. It’s been so lonely without you home.”
You walked up to Rafael and reached around to unclasp your bra, freeing your tits. Rafael growled and pulled you in for a kiss. His fingers circled your nipples, which were hard as peaks. He pinched them playfully, eliciting a moan from you. Meanwhile, Nick was sitting on the couch, shirtless. His cock was freed and he was unabashedly jerking himself off.
“Eres cochina.” Rafael growled at you. You smiled before dropping to your knees. You ran your hands in front of the tent in his boxers, feeling how hard Rafael was.
“You love it.” You replied huskily, before reaching up to pull the waist band of his boxers down. Before Rafael could reply, you took his cock in your mouth. Rafael hissed and he wrapped his hands in your hair, guiding you as you bobbed along his cock. Feeling particularly lascivious, you relax your throat and suck Rafael all the way down, deep throating him. The sensation alone was enough to make Rafael to near lose his balance but he recovered quickly. His hands gripped the desk from behind tightly as you continued to blow him.
Rafael’s eyes met Nick’s once more. Nick’s stroking was becoming more fervent. Rafael pushed your head off of him. You pouted and he caught your chin. “Nick is going to fuck you while you finish blowing me.” Rafael winked. As you bounded to Nick, Rafael swatted your ass, causing you to giggle.
You joined Nick on the couch. “How do you want me?” You asked Nick.
“Ride me baby.” Nick requested.
Rafael returned with a bottle of lube. Nick eyed Rafael. “Really? Lube here?”
“I told you – Y/N and I have a very healthy sex life.”
“Sometimes I say I need a warrant… sometimes I just need his cock.” You giggled.
Nick took the bottle of lube and poured some on his hand, before moving to stroke his cock. “Saddle up baby girl.”
You saddled Nick’s thighs. One arm braced his shoulder and you used your other free hand to guide Nick inside of you. You both groan as he stretched you from the inside out. You languidly begin to rock against Nick’s cock. Nick leaned up to capture a nipple in his mouth. You gasp briefly as Rafael shoved his cock in your mouth once more. Rafael drove into your mouth with rough strokes, causing you to gag and sputter on his cock.
Nick’s hips rise, fucking into you. You cry out around Rafael’s cock, feeling your orgasm quickly build. “God your pussy is so good.” Nick panted.
“Do you like Nick’s cock in your pussy Y/N?” Rafael asked in between grunts. A broken ‘yes’ bleeds around his cock as he continues to fuck your face. Rafael pulled out from your mouth, and you gasped. “Oh my God, don’t stop Nick! Oh fuck!”
Rafael reached for the lube and gathered some on his hand. He stood behind you, watching as Nick was balls deep inside of you. He looked over past your shoulder to Nick. “Lean her forward.”
Nick reclined more on the couch, pulling you close to him. Your pressed your tits to Nick’s face, allowing him to run his tongue on your skin.
You jump slightly feeling the cold lube drizzle along your ass. Rafael rubbed the lube over your puckered rosebud. Nick’s mouth was on your nipple and you reached down to rub your clit. Rafael pressed the head of his cock inside of you and you moaned loudly in response. Instinctively you rock your hips back, causing Rafael to push further in.
“Oh my God!” You cry out.
Rafael pressed himself so he’s close to lying on you. He moved your way hair out of the way and pressed kisses along your neck. “Cómo te sientes mi amor?”
“Full. Oh Rafael… fuck!” You cried out.
Rafael and Nick fuck you, finding a rhythm quickly. The pressure deep inside of you builds quickly and you come hard, your body spasming in orgasm. Your pussy clenched tightly around Nick’s cock. Nick continued pumping into you and before you knew it, he comes hard and deep inside of you. An animalistic grunt emanates from Rafael and he backs out of you to shoot thick ropes of hot come all over your ass.
Rafael collapsed onto the couch beside you and Nick. “Wow.” He panted. “Fucking wow.”
You hum in content, lazily kissing Nick. You break the kiss, and turn your head to Rafael while you lay against Nick, his cock still inside of you. You could feel some of his come weep out despite being still connected.
“Feeling better?” Rafael asked you. You sit up slightly to look at Nick and then at him.
“Mmmm, most definitely.” You sighed contentedly.
“So this was your idea then?” Rafael asked, reaching over to grab some tissues to clean up.
You bit your lip and nodded. “You’re not mad, are you?” Nick asked as he stroked your back softly.
Rafael smiled. “Not at all. I think I made a mistake saying last time was one time. We were overdue.”
You light up as his response. “Do you have more to do here?”
Rafael arched a brow. “Can’t get enough, hmm? I guess I can come to the office early and finish.”
“What our girl wants, she gets, isn’t that right Barba?” Nick asked, before pressing a kiss to your chin.
Your eyes meet Rafael’s once more.
“That’s right Amaro. Now lets take her home.”
FIN.
Tags: @madpanda75 @tropes-and-tales @delia26 @mgarner1227 @beardedmccoy @youreverycolor @neely1177 @the-baby-bookworm @mrsrafaelbarba @skittle479 @ottosuricato @delia26 @sass-and-suspenders @mommakat32 @dreila03 @beccabarba @garturbo @lovebennycolon @imjustreallynosy @sweetsummertime99 @whyissvuruiningmylovelife @annabelleb49 @scarletsoldierrr @cesarofangirl78 @redlipstickandplaid @redlipstickandblacktea @zoeykaytesmom @differentshadesofgray @misssirenlove @esparza-army @bananas-pajamas @mishaissocoolike @thefanficfaerie @theenchantedgalleryofstories @catnip987 @choppedgalaxynerd @pieceofshittytitty @ktiz90 @evee87 @itsjustmyfantasyroom @blk0912 @detective-giggles @rampantmuses @jazzyjoi @caked-crusader- anyone else, just ask!
#rafael barba smut#nick amaro smut#barba x reader#barba and reader#barba x reader x amaro#amaro and reader#svu smut
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Reworking the Fuzzy Gaming Quest
This is the first time I've ever blogged publicly about something like this. I usually talk to friends about it, but I just as often don't say anything, because when I talk about video-games I get hyperfocused and sometimes the conversation takes a long time, so I often feel like it's a bit rude to get people wrapped up in it. But I remembered I have a tumblr now and people actually blog on here sometimes, so: prepare to suffer.
To set up why I'm so weird about games allow me to explain: first of all, I'm obviously not neurotypical in some way I don't know but one day would like to figure out. SECOND, I've been playing video-games literally since I can remember. My first real memories of cognition are watching my dad put cartridges in the NES, and climbing on the bed to put our Thai bootleg cart in there myself so I could play weird sprite hacks of Super Mario Bros. So anyway, gaming has factored heavily in my life since the beginning.
Anyway long story short, this has led to, for a long time, me wanting to leave some kind of legacy behind me in the form of a trail of beaten-up old video-games. Often this takes the form of just wanting to curate out a collection (physical or unholy--I mean digital) that I can leave behind in some state of completion, but on top of that it comes as me wanting to sit down and truly spend time with the games that are most important to my history over the course of my lifetime.
This has led to me making innumerable 'systems' for approaching the task of having a humongous backlog of video-games (some might say longer than is completable than anyone in a life time, and I recognize this) and often these systems get replaced or revised for being inadequate in some way. The latest no-thought system on my part was the Fuzzy Gaming Quest, in which the goal was basically to play through games starting from the beginning of time and blasting through at hyper-speed, with the intention of covering as much ground in order to induce familiarity as fast as possible with arcade games from an era I've rarely played (but longed for in my old man's soul).
This was working but I quickly ran into a snag (after recording about 250 videos 😥): I wasn't spending as much time with individual games as I'd like by any means. On one hand, I was backlogging games I was enjoying just to get them out of the way and continue the progress. On the other, sometimes I wasn't sure how much time you'd even spend with a game to consider yourself familiarized enough to rank it in some way, without necessarily having to beat everything (who has the time?). Not to mention arcade games that have no viable ending for the regular player (Pac-Man, Galaga, etc).
So anyway all this is leading up to me explaining the next iteration of the Fuzzy Gaming Quest. Here's a picture!
What you're looking at is essentially a 7 day scoreboard for various games that I selected out as important during my previous pass through the 70s and most of the 80s. These are all games I wanted to play more of or possibly log in a list.
7 days is my naive answer to how long I think would be good to spend on a game, in order to get competent enough at it to get a decent score and/or feel you've experienced your average game enough to go ahead and put it somewhere in a list. It might seem like overkill for a simple arcade game (though I'd argue you need to play repeatedly and give your brain time to absorb it to get the true experience), and it may seem like underkill for an RPG (though I'd argue that most RPGs probably aren't changing much more if you've been playing for 7 days already, but this doesn't forbid from continuing to play if I choose to), but this is my naive and probably flawed answer, anyway.
This is meant to serve the purpose of:
- Progressing reasonably fast (notice this is a list of basically banger games everyone has heard of, I will probably only include a few games here or there that are lesser known that I just happen to like--I'll also be avoiding some consoles intentionally that I don't particularly like (like the Odyssey 2, sorry, it's my list though--convince me otherwise if you like))
- Filtering into some kind of "best of" list (if I don't even want to play it for 7 days (in brief sessions), it must not be very good after all and doesn't deserve to be on any best of list I would leave behind me--games that I do get through the 7 days I should understand enough to rank competently enough to make myself happy)
- Giving me an excuse to spend more time on the games that really matter to me, today, in case I get hit by a bus tomorrow
- Giving me a target for when I'm able to comfortably say I've experienced a game enough and don't need to feel bad about moving on if I want to but still haven't "beat it," and also leaving room for playing more if I like (I can sort it, take it off the board, but finish it anyway on the DL) (Also, if I do beat it, I can stop there with the board)
- Satisfying whatever kind of ADHD thing I have going on by allowing me to keep a variety of games on rotation for some amount of time and not just getting stuck behind one game at a time
- Breaking game experiences down over multiple days to allow a longer time to think about them and grow accustomed to them, also to allow me to fit them into my busy schedule by playing Space Invaders on the toilet for ~10 minutes
- To leave behind a journal of high scores or information about how far I got in various games as I plod on
So, you may (rightly) ask: What's the point of all this? Why can't I just play games that I like and call it a day?
Well my first answer would be, "shut up I know you're right I just can't, my brain is broken," but my second answer, the one I would say aloud, might be that I really have always wanted to take a targeted approach to going through all of game history and that's what this is in service of.
I have no false expectations about getting all the way through game history up to now in one lifetime, at least not without sacrificing a lot of games in the process. I definitely won't ever get to the point where I'm always keeping up with contemporary games. It's lucky for me that I mostly fell out of favor with games around 2011 for various reasons, but really it had been a steady decline of interest since about 2005 or so. I have a shorter-hand target, but if I were to ever reach it, I'd like to keep going on, even if it means playing PS4 games in 2061 when I'm almost as old as my dad is now.
Anyway, your second question (and wow, if you made it this far) might be: "so what does this mean for your tumblr, which I care about intimately after seeing 20 posts, and was gutted when you temporarily took a break, and have been looking for meaning in my life ever since?"
Well, true believer, if you want I might post my 7 day high-score for various arcade games or something along with some pictures or videos of high points of the game (when I get to games complicated enough to have cool art). I haven't decided yet. I'm open to suggestions! I'd love to see people try to (and succeed!) at beating my scores (I'd feel like I influenced someone into maybe playing some old, great game they wouldn't have before deciding to just then).
If nothing else I hope it was interesting to see my thought process about this stuff.
If that's not true, I hope you were entertained by a write up of someone's journey ever deeper into video-game delirium.
And yes, I will get frustrated with the system and change it again in approximately a month.
#long post#fuzzy-gaming-quest#spreadsheet#video games#retro games#rambles#crazy guy talks about video games
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1558w, complete, General Audiences, No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Kamila & Sissel (Ghost Trick), Jowd & Sissel (Ghost Trick), Yomiel & Sissel (Ghost Trick)
Characters: Sissel (Ghost Trick), Kamila (Ghost Trick), Jowd (Ghost Trick), Yomiel (Ghost Trick)
Additional Tags: Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Christmas Presents, Video Game Mechanics, baby engineer at work, professional ghost at work
For @azurefishnets... last year! But what’s a backlog amirite. Now it’s seasonal again!
Kamila shook her head.
“Too bad you don’t get it, Sissel, do you? It would be fun to work on this together.”
Talking to the cat was a tried and true pastime whenever she got a technical break from the absolute concentration her projects required. In that cozy wintry afternoon, brandishing a plastic welder that would be heating up for next minute or so, Kamila looked at her cat, at the pieces of the soon-to-be noise-cancelling earrings spread out on the table, at her apple tea in her favorite mug which had gone cold thirty minutes earlier but everybody knew that it was the thought that counted and that tea was more of a state of mind anyway, and felt at peace with the world.
Sissel could not quite say the same. What didn’t he get? Couldn’t he? He walked onto the table, feigning nonchalance as only a cat (or a ghost) could do, watching her solder three blue plastic rings and fasten them to an earrings base on one side and to a short chain on the other. At the other end of the chain were the blue silicone bits Alma put in her ears at night, the ones Sissel was not allowed to play with. The look of the plastic rings matched that of the silicone plugs – not the same, but they looked good together, as if they were always meant to be part of the same item. Sissel meowed: he got that much. Kamila set down the rings for a moment and sneaked him a scratch on the back, but did not seem to care for a follow-up to her statement.
The earrings were not the only item on the table. A small crawler robot retrofitted from one of Kamila’s early competitions was waiting for the finishing touches – its flashy new red coating was taking entirely too much to dry, as resin coatings are wont to do, and a bottle of ketchup stood next to it. Sissel slipped into the ghost world to paw at the bizarre contraption, still wondering. He understood soldering, he understood knitting, he knew it was bad when acrylics dripped out of their bottles. He understood checkers and had a beginner’s grasp on chess, and knew how to play mean card tricks with a small human help, so all in all, there was no reason to cut him out of the afternoon’s entertainment. He found the knack that made the little robot start and gave it a little ghostly push, out of boredom and contrarianism.
The robot grabbed the ketchup, surveyed the table, found what looked like a dish and was about to squeeze the condiment on Kamila’s tools when she reached for the off button.
“Sissel, no!” she snorted. “Not like that!”
She never could figure out how the cat pulled these pranks, and as a prospective scientist it stung like a personal failure. Still, as a prospective scientist, she had come to the irrefutable conclusion that it was none other than the cat who did it, and it felt like their little secret, and a bit of magic that brought a strange joy to her rigorous world.
“You silly kitten, you know you are my favorite tester in the whole wide world.” She fastened the welder to its holder and gave Sissel her undivided attention. “And I know you are very, very smart.” That netted her some understated purring that may or may not have been intended as a demure agreement. “And that you understand at least half of what I’m saying. The other half is the stuff you don’t want to hear so that doesn’t count.” Busted.
“But these are the presents I am making for my mom and dad, Sissy. We don’t know who your mom and dad are, so we can’t bring them presents!”
Kamila ran a hand through his cold fur, giving her full consideration to the scenario she had only evoked in a burst of mindless musing. “...or should we bring cat treats to the park next week? Maybe they’re still there and I would not want to be rude. I am very grateful to have you, you know.”
Was that all? Sissel headbutted her wrist when he grew tired of pretending to have a heartbeat and breathe, moving away to the other end of the table and staring at her with bright unblinking eyes.
Humans did love to overcomplicate things, really.
Yet that thought, or part of it, remained appealing.
So he set out to work.
It so happened that Jowd shared many traits with the quintessential cat. This was not always a help to Sissel, who had taken to spending most of his time among humans and sometimes felt like he missed out on the finer complexities of both species. It was, however, enough for him to know, deeply and intimately, that the way the detective went on and on about his upcoming work trip overseas was a desperate caterwauling, a call for help. He was so offended by the sheer fact of being expected to hold a speech at some conference that he neglected to share any details about it, or Sissel wasn’t paying attention on the rare occasions when he did, but what was clear was that the sole thought of leaving felt like torture.
Sissel, then, played a waiting game. He would need a stage for his trick: the right moment had to present itself at the police station, among a crowd of Jowd’s colleagues.
It rained; McCaw walked into the atrium and threw the wet plastic wrapping of a snack into the nearby trashcan. Sissel closed the lid when nobody was watching, letting the plastic fall toward the ground; a well-timed loosening of the radiator’s valve blew it away from the trashcan and close to Jowd’s feet. Now – and this was crucial to Sissel’s plans – Jowd had good eyes and lightning-quick reflexes. He would see the perilous transparent slip of plastic and sidestep to avoid it, even gaining a modicum of admiration from the bystanders. It would only garner more sympathy for his plight, then, when an improbable chain of events that began in the dusty spaces above the cupboards made a bowling ball fall on the desk next to where he’d landed, triggering the drawers’ spring-loaded latches at once and throwing all three drawers at Jowd’s calf with considerable strength. The man yowled in pain as he fell over and squinted at the last movement of this drawers disaster: a sheet of wrapping paper and a ribbon somehow flew out of them only to land exactly on his shoulder.
“Doctor’s gonna order some rest for this. You are welcome,” he said through the ghost world. Jowd’s laughter almost tore down the place and so Sissel congratulated himself upon a job well done: his dad had gotten his present.
His other dad would turn out to be a more complicated affair.
Not that anyone else in all his extended families had any claim to the title of “uncomplicated”, ever, but Yomiel remained the uncontested champion in the opposite direction and so Sissel tailed him for a few days, in and out of the ghost world, waiting for inspiration to strike. Yomiel’s new life needed… a dishwasher, a subscription to at least three computer magazines, a book called “Cooking for newbs” (spelling uncertain), a substantial supply of hair gel, a cat-shaped ladle and a cat-printed tie, Sissel learned, none of which were things a ghost cat could provide, unless a ghost cat felt like stooping to ghost crimes.
Rain again. It was a dark and stormy afternoon when Yomiel grabbed an umbrella and got ready to make a run to the convenience store down the corner; Sissel duly followed him inside the umbrella itself. They coasted a pile of junk discarded next to the wall of an abandoned building – broken chairs, a desk, file cabinets, cardboard boxes littered the sidewalk. Nothing special, nothing new. If not for his ghost senses, Sissel would have never given it a second thought. But that presence was there, undoubtedly. So Sissel jumped out of the umbrella and into a fire hydrant, and from there he frantically looked for the control unit of the nearest street lamp.
Sunlight was fading, and the city would soon bask in in its warm artificial lights, but that one street lamp lit up ahead of time to shine a spotlight on the pile of cardboard boxes. Yomiel raised an eyebrow under his shades. The street lamp went out and lit up again. Yomiel shot it a pointed look and approached the boxes underneath.
As he moved one of them aside, a kitten meowed at him, red fur darkened by the relentless rain. It was lost and hungry and had the biggest, roundest paws; Yomiel teared up as he tried to hold it and felt it hold him in turn. He cradled the kitten close to his chest and greeted it with his warmest, most private smile.
The whole street lit up.
“I know it was you, Sissel,” Yomiel whispered to the empty boxes. “You could’ve just told me! Who’s givin’ ya this knack for theatrics?”
“Statistically, you.”
“As if. I’m onto you. But… thank you, my friend.”
“...you are welcome. Just don’t name it after me, will you? Try to break the streak?”
“I’m not making any promises.”
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I keep promising to attempt to return to regular posting and then not really doing it, don't I? XP
Well, hopefully this time I mean it. I do want to. And whether you guys can tell or not, I have made some behind-the-scenes strides towards being able to. One of the things pushing me this time though is I'm mad at myself that I neglected to post really anything substantial in March, which is going to mess up how I end up filling out this year's Art Summary in December/January time. That probably sounds like a silly thing to be worried about, but...I don't know. I like having at least one thing to show per month that shows what I did during the year. It's like a super-extended checklist of, "Yeah, I did something that month!"
Anyway. I thought maybe posting something like this--A bit more than my usual WIP Wednesday of empty promises--would help hold me more accountable...and now you can also see I'm not kidding when I say I have a backlog of stuff I haven't posted yet. XD Some of my be familiar, some of it I've mentioned once or twice before, some of it is totally new to you guys...and some of it was technically "backlog" even before my unintentional off-again on-again hiatus. But I've blurred the names since some of the titles aren't finalized and a few I'd like to keep as a tiny bit of a surprise. ;)
As for the WIP Side, technically most of what you see is also backlog now, but it hasn't been scanned in yet, so I'm withholding "backlog" status until then. Still, you can see I have finally finished the Art Snacks piece I've shown actually WIPs for twice now, a funny little cat drawing I've said nothing about, the PRINTED PROOF FOR THE NAPOWRIMO BOOK! :D, and underneath all that is the planner I set up to...help me keep track while playing catch in Animal Crossing.
Yes, part of my absence initially included not playing AC:NH since mid-November, and then more recently was because of me trying to catch up in-game between when I stopped playing and the present day.
Now, the NaPo Book is probably the most exciting thing for obvious reasons. And while I don't want to drag out the details too much here (I fully intend on doing a separate post about that), I will say that I now understand A. Why there's usually a whole team of people behind making a book and not just one person; and B. Why we order proof copies before putting the thing up for sale. Because somehow a handful of mistakes made it past me and at least three other people I had look at the book before ordering the proof. XP
Something also kind of exciting is I do have a small assortment of supplies that I'm almost done swatching (which yes I have totally been procrastinating on) and will then need testing, which means viable excuses to make yet more art to add to the pile!
Of course, then the problem becomes getting myself to sit down and write out all the descriptions for said art. I know technically I don't have to, but I like having that written record of what I did most of the time--because I do revisit my old descriptions sometimes to replicate the process for a new piece--and I personally don't like how some artists make these big elaborate pieces and then have nothing to say about how they made it other than how long it took. To me, there's something humanizing about explaining the process, so to just skip it altogether would just feel wrong to me. Although considering how not wanting to physically put in the effort to do that has held me back, I may experiment with not going into quite as much detail or otherwise trying to streamline my process a bit. (And admittedly some pieces have been in my backlog so long I don't fully remember all the details...which is exactly why I try very hard to get the descriptions done sooner rather than later.)
And you know, in some ways it may look or feel like I'm constantly playing catch-up in one way or another, but I've realized that when I really get in the mood to sit down and dedicate time to something, sometimes I actually like having a looming pile staring at me. Part of the reason I hadn't played AC in so long was I was a bit burnout and kinda bored with it, but having so much to do to catch up really reignited that fire in me. The game felt like it had purpose again.
While we're on realizations, I probably don't have to tell a lot of you that I'm still in the camp that a lot of my life and my mental health is just better and more enjoyable when social media is not in it. Extra so for Twitter, in particular. Do you know how much nicer it is to only have to check my very small list of "favorites" to see what they're up to, which takes about 5, maybe 10 minutes at a time, and not feel like I owe it to any of them to interact with their tweets? [Because most of them are too big to even notice me anyway, but I digress] That is SO much better than the endless home feed scrolling of hundreds of people, lots of whom I don't even follow they just show up because people I follow, follow them (which I want to turn all the way off so badly but I can't because that's not how Twitter works) and half of which is content I. Could Not. Possibly. Care less about.
I like Twitter for news on content creators that can't easily post a small status update to Youtube or whatever. I DO NOT like Twitter for Social Media. AT ALL.
Seriously. I opened myself up to posting pictures of my cats over there, and it's STILL not enough to keep me posting and engaging regularly. That's how bad it is.
Ahem. My little rant aside, I have thus decided since the Twitter Game™ does more harm than good to me, in general I'm just not going to play it anymore. I'll post my art over there and other stuff when I feel like it, but otherwise, I'm just captial-D Done With It until further notice. It's just better that way.
Speaking of games, you may all be surprised to know I've been chipping away at a little video project [about a game] while all this has been going on, too. The NaPo Book comes first, but I'm hoping to have some serious headway on the video done, if not have it finished, by mid-June/July. I've mostly been bouncing around various software trying to find one that can do everything I need on a budget of exactly $0, and the good news is I think I've finally landed on one...which I'll spare you the details of for now. Once the video is closer to being a reality, then we'll delve more into that.
So...yeah, that's what's been cooking in the metaphorical Mystic Kitchen. And I tell you guys all of this to 1. Hopefully be the first of that "regular posting" I want to do (still looking at once a week, which I've said probably 500 times before now), and 2. Putting it out there, as I alluded to before, will hopefully be like me signing a contract with myself. "You said you were going to do the thing, so do it."
And with that, I suppose I should end this here since this description is surely long enough already, and get back to work on some of that stuff so I'll be more likely to follow through with it, yeah? ;)
See you soon, I hope
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Things I Enjoyed in 2020 Despite Everything
Seasons Greetings! This year has felt like an eternity for so many reasons, and before it’s over, I’d like to take a look back on the distractions that got me through it. Along the way, I’ll occasionally point out where I was emotionally at the time and whether I got into a particular thing before or after the pandemic hit in mid March. I hope you enjoy this little retrospective of some of my experience during one of the worst years of human history!
Games & Mods
Might & Magic VI: The Mandate of Heaven
When I was making my 2020 resolutions list late last year, one of my goals was to play more old games in my backlog and not buy many new games this year. That goal largely went on hold, because, well, I sought out enjoyment wherever I could find it instead of forcing myself to play one thing or another. But before Covid, I was really enjoying my new playthrough of M&M6. I’d made attempts at it before, but it was really GrayFace’s mod that made the game click for me. Modern features like quick saves and mouselook make the game much more accessible, and I’d recommend it to anyone who wants to try an old-school RPG. It’s a great stepping stone into a mostly-dead genre. I’m hoping to get back to it soon. I just jumped ship to simpler ventures like Doom Eternal after the pandemic hit and haven’t looked back since.
Pathologic 2
I learned about the Pathologic series late last year and have since become a little obsessed with it. Hbomberguy’s lengthy video essay on the original game really intrigued me and lead me to trying the sequel/remake in April via Xbox Game Pass. In a weird way, it was cathartic to be a doctor in an even more dire situation than our current one and still see signs of the townsfolk trying to help each other deal with a supernatural plague and little help from their local government. The game helped me express a lot of what I was feeling at the time, when I was still getting used to working from home and wondering just how long this could go on for. I’ve gone back to it recently, and I’m hoping to finish it someday, if I can find a way to stop dying. Above all, Pathologic 2 teaches you how to make choices in no-win scenarios with little information or resources and still persevere, despite the world going to Hell around you. And that’s maybe the most important thing to practice at the moment.
Overwatch
I’ve continued to look forward to weekly Overwatch nights with my friends every Thursday, and it’s really important to have something like that right now. Even if it’s just a new episode of a show airing, a new video from a favorite YouTuber, or a regular Zoom call with coworkers, it helps so much to have something to anticipate from week to week and month to month. Otherwise, it’s really easy to feel like nothing’s going on besides the entropic deterioration of the universe. Overwatch itself helps with this, because it’s such a positive, bright, and optimistic game, as only Blizzard can create. And it’s improved a ton in the past couple of years, in a lot of ways. If you haven’t played in a while, hop in and check out all the new content with your friends; I think you’ll have a great time. It’s looking more and more like Overwatch 2 is right around the corner, and I’m very much looking forward to it.
Go
I learned how to play Go after watching a documentary released this year about AlphaGo, the computer that beat the Go world champion, and I have a huge appreciation for the game now. I think it’s even more beautiful than chess, though even more insidious to learn. If you haven’t played before, start with a 9x9 board, teach yourself the basics, and try playing with another beginner friend. I guarantee you’ll be amazed at the amount of strategy and imagination that a game ostensibly about placing black and white stones on a grid can inspire. Go’s one of several new hobbies I’ve picked up this year, and those new hobbies have really helped me pass the time in a way that feels productive as well as take my mind off whatever depressing news just got blasted across Twitter.
Doom 64
Doom Eternal was fine, but Doom 64′s where my heart lies. The PC port on Steam is great, allowing everyone to easily play the game with mouse and keyboard. Its levels are tight and colorful, often asking the player to backtrack multiple times through the same areas to unlock new ones and take on whatever new twists await down each darkened corridor. It’s a surprisingly fresh experience. Unlike many modern Doom mods that strive to be sprawling marathons, 64′s levels are short but memorable, and the game is a great entry point to the series for newcomers because of that. Retro FPS’s continue to inspire and entertain me, and Doom 64 is one of my new favorites.
Golf With Your Friends
I’m not usually that into party games, but Golf With Your Friends strikes the right balance between casual tone and skill-based gameplay. The maps are vibrant and devious, the different modes are creative and often hilarious, and the pacing is near-perfect. If you’ve got a squad itching to play something together for a few nights, I guarantee you’ll have a lot of laughs trying to knock an opponent off the course or turning them into an acorn just as they’re about to attempt a nasty jump.
Quake 1 Mods
I probably sound like a broken record by now to a lot of you, but I won’t rest until I get more people into retro FPS’s. The outdated graphics and simple gameplay can be off-putting at first, but it doesn’t take long at all to get hooked after you’ve played the likes of excellent mods like Ancient Aliens for Doom 2 or Arcane Dimensions for Quake 1. And it’s only getting better, with this year marking probably the best year for Quake releases ever. The industry even seems to be taking notice again, with many talented mappers getting picked up for highly-anticipated, professional indie projects like Graven and Prodeus. And while the marketing around the retro FPS renaissance as the second coming of “boomer shooters” should be much maligned, the actual craft involved in making mods and brand new games in the genre has never been stronger. I even contributed four levels to the cause this year, but you’ll have to play them yourself to decide if they’re any good: https://www.quaddicted.com/reviews/?filtered=burnham.
Streets of Rage 4
I had not tried Steam Remote Play before this year, but it works surprisingly well if you have a decent internet connection. Because of Remote Play, I was able to complete Streets of Rage 4 with my friends, and it was very close to the experiences I had as a kid playing brawlers like Turtles in Time on the Super Nintendo. The game is just hard enough to make you sweat during the boss fights but just easy enough that the average group of gamers can complete it in a night or two, which is ideal for adults with not a lot of free time.
Hard Lads
Hard Lads is a pure delight of a game by Robert Yang about the beauty of a viral video from 2015 called “British lads hit each other with chair,” which is even more ridiculous than it sounds. It made me smile and laugh for a good half hour, and I think it’ll do the same for you.
Commander MtG
The Commander format for Magic: the Gathering is one of my favorite things, and in 2020, I dug into it more than any other year. More so even than playing or watching it being played, I created decklists for hours and hours, dreaming up new, creative strategies for winning games or just surprising my imaginary opponents. I sincerely believe this little ritual of finding a new legendary creature to build around and spending a few days crafting a brew for it got me through the majority of this summer. I didn’t have a lot of creative energy this year, but I was able to channel the little I did have into this hobby. Especially during the longer, more frustrating or depressing days at work when I had nothing else to do or just needed a break, I could often dive back into card databases and lose myself in the process of picking exactly the cards that best expressed what I wanted to do for any given deck. And it’s nice to know I can always fall back on that.
Yu-Gi-Oh!
I played a lot of Yu-Gi-Oh! growing up but never had the cards or the skill to be particularly good at it. I just knew I enjoyed the game and the 4Kids show, but I quickly them behind when I got to high school. Fast forward to 2020, and the game and franchise have evolved substantially, not always for the better. But I do find it so intriguing, with a skeptical kind of adoration. It’s not nearly as well-supported as Magic, but what it does have are gigantic anime monsters on tiny cards with enough lines of text to make your head spin. And it’s so interesting to me that a franchise like that can continue to thrive alongside more elegant games like the Pokemon TCG and Hearthstone. And the further I’ve delved into how the game has changed since I stopped playing, the more invested I’ve become, going so far as to start buying cards again and looking into possible decks I might enjoy playing. An unequivocal win for Yu-Gi-Oh! is Speed Duel, which seeks to bring old players back to the game with a watered-down, nostalgia-laden format with fewer mechanics and a much smaller card pool. So if all you want to do is pit a Blue Eyes White Dragon against a Dark Magician, that’s 100% still there for you, but the competitive scene is still alive, well, and astoundingly complicated. And I think that’s kind of beautiful.
Black Mesa
I wasn’t expecting to have the tech to play Half Life: Alyx this year, so Black Mesa seemed like the next best thing. And it really is a love letter to the first game, even if it’s far from perfect. I even prefer the original, but I did very much enjoy my time with this modern reimagining. If you’ve never played a Half Life game before, I think it’s a great place to start.
VR via the Oculus Quest
Around halfway through this year, I started to get really stir crazy and yeah, pretty depressed. It seemed like I’d be stuck in the same boring cycle forever, and I know for a lot of people, it still feels like that. So VR seemed like the perfect escape from this dubious reality where you can’t even take a safe vacation trip anymore. And you know, I think it works really well for that purpose. The Oculus Quest is especially effective, doing away with cords or cables so you have as much freedom as you have free real estate in your home. I don’t have a lot of space in my studio apartment, but I have enough to see the potential of the medium, which is completely worth it. Next gen consoles are neat and all, but I’ve got my heart set on picking up the Quest 2 as soon as possible.
* Beat Saber
I was most looking forward to trying Beat Saber on the Quest, and I was not disappointed. You’d think rhythm games had reached their peak with Rock Band and DDR, but the genre keeps on giving with gems like this. It’s hard to convey if you’ve never tried it, but the game succeeds so well in getting your entire body into the rhythm of whatever song you’re slashing through.
* Half Life: Alyx
Again, I really did not expect to be able to experience this game as intended this year, and I still don’t think I really have. The Oculus Link for the Quest is admittedly a little janky, and my PC barely meets the minimum specs to even run the game. And yet, despite that, Alyx is one of my top three games of 2020 and maybe one of my all-time favorites. Even as I was losing frames and feeling the game struggle to keep up with all the AI Combine soldiers running around, I was still having a blast. For me, it is one of the best reasons to seek out and own VR and a pinnacle of game design in its own right.
Hades
For me, Hades has mostly been similar to every other Supergiant Game that I’ve played: fun and well-polished but ultimately not engaging enough to play for very long. And there’s always this sheen of trying to be too clever with their dialogue, narration, and music that rubs me the wrong way. But Hades is certainly their best game, and I can’t deny the effect it’s had on people, much like Bastion’s reception back in 2011. And I’m really hoping Hades gets more people into roguelikes, as a more accessible and story-driven approach to the genre. Timing-wise, I wish it hadn’t come out around the same time as Spelunky, because I think it did make some people choose one over the other, when the best choice is to play both and realize they’re going for very different experiences. The precise, unforgiving, arcade-like style of Spelunky isn’t fun for everyone, though, and Hades is thankfully there to fill in that gap. I’m really glad I found more time to play it this year at least to succeed on one escape attempt; it’s a fun game to think about in a game design context. And I do think the game has a lot of merit and is doing some clever things with difficulty that the studio likely could not have honed nearly so well without the help of Early Access. The most impressive part of the game to me is not the story or the music or the combat but the massive amount of contextual dialogue they somehow found time to program, write, and record at a consistently high level. All of this is just to say, Hades is obviously one of the best games of the year, and you should play it if you have any interest in it at all.
Spelunky 2
I’ve spoken a lot about this game on Twitter, so I’m not going to rehash much of that here. For me, it’s been a journey of over 1,000 attempts to learn the intricacies and secrets of a deep and demanding game that’s been as frustrating as it’s been rewarding. But it remains a constant source of learning and discovery as well as mastery and pride for me, and I still have hopes of reaching the Cosmic Ocean and getting all the trophies someday. It’s been a joy to watch other Spelunky players too, even as some fair worse than me and others fair far better. And the Daily challenge keeps me coming back, because seeing my name high up on the leaderboard just makes me feel so damn good (or at least I’ll get a good laugh out of a hilarious death). At its heart, Spelunky is a community endeavor, and I think it succeeds at that better than almost any other game this side of Dark Souls. I think it is my Game of the Year or at least tied with Alyx, I really can’t decide. If you don’t think you’d enjoy it, all I’ll say is, the frustration and difficulty are integral to the experience of discovery and surprise, and your brain is better at video games than you think.
Chess
Okay, yes, I watched and enjoyed The Queen’s Gambit, but I think 2020 had already primed people to get into chess this year regardless. Like Yu-Gi-Oh!, chess was a childhood pastime of mine that I really enjoyed and then quickly left behind as I discovered things like music and the internet. If I had to assign a theme to my 2020, it would be rediscovering old hobbies to remind myself how good life actually is. And now I’m more committed to chess than I ever was before. I’m watching international masters and grand masters on YouTube (as well as the incomparable Northernlion), I’m playing regularly on Chess.com, and I’m even paying for lessons and probably my own theory books soon. Like most fighting games, chess is a complicated form of dueling a single opponent with zero randomness, so mistakes are always on you. And modern chess platforms offer extremely good analysis tools, showing you exactly how, when, and why you screwed up so you can do better next time. Like Hearthstone, it’s a quick, addicting, tense, and rewarding way to train your brain and have fun. And it seems more popular now than ever, in part due to a certain Netflix original TV show...
TV
The Queen’s Gambit
I think a lot of people want to be Beth Harmon, even if they know they shouldn’t. It must feel so good to be the best at something and know you’re the best, even while under the influence of certain substances. It’s what makes characters like Dr. Gregory House so fun to watch, though you’d never want to work with the guy. For me, anyway, I always wanted to be a prodigy at something, and what little success I’ve had made The Queen’s Gambit very relatable to me. More so, it’s easy to relate to growing up in a conservative environment with few real friends and fewer outlets of expression, only to realize you’ve finally found your thing, and that no one can take it from you. That’s mostly what I’m going to take from The Queen’s Gambit anyway, more than chess or the Cold War commentary or the problematic relationships Beth has with her cadre of rivals/boyfriends. The show gets a strong recommendation from me for fans of chess as well as lovers of optimistic coming-of-age stories.
March Comes in Like a Lion
Similarly, March Comes in Like a Lion features a protagonist who is scarily close to a version of myself from like eight years ago. My best friend has been urging me to watch this show for years, and I’m still only a few episodes in. But I love how it portrays a young person who’s moved to a big city away from home for the first time, with nothing more than some meager possessions and the hopes of becoming the best in the world at something. And Rei is not confident in himself or outgoing at all, he’s extremely depressed despite pursuing his dreams and trying to distance himself from his somewhat toxic family. It’s a great reminder that the smallest kindnesses can often change our entire perspective on the world, and that even the people that seem the most well-equipped to handle life often still need help. I’ve been very fortunate to have people like that despite mistakes I’ve made, and I hope to be that person for others too.
Umbrella Academy
I’m pretty burnt out on superheroes, but UA put a good enough spin on them that they felt brand new. The show is rough in places, but it’s surprising in some really clever ways. And the comics are some of the wildest stories I’ve ever read, like Hitchhiker’s Guide meets Watchmen.
HunterXHunter
I binged about 100 of the 148 episodes of HxH this year, which I recognize is not a significant number in the wider world of long-running shounen anime, but it’s quite an undertaking for me to finish a show of this length. The series goes places I never expected and made me care so strongly for characters I thought I’d hate at first. It’s the smartest and most endearing show about a band of misfits going on crazy adventures and punching people for the good of the world that you’re likely to find.
Hannibal
This is the rare show that’s simultaneously comforting and nightmare-inducing if watched for extended periods. I can remember nights after binging a few episodes where I couldn’t get many of the disturbing images out of my head. Fair to say, Hannibal is not for the faint of heart, nor is it without some low points. But for those who enjoy gory thrillers or gritty detective dramas, it’s a must-watch.
Yu-Gi-Oh! Original Series, English Sub
You can probably imagine my surprise as I discovered this year that the Japanese version of the Yu-Gi-Oh! anime is not only much better than the 4Kids version we got in the States, but it’s actually a decent show. The plot makes much more sense, it’s more interesting, the stakes are higher, the voices are better, and overall it’s just more enjoyable to watch. I don’t know if I’ll stick with it long enough to finish it this time, but this is definitely the way I’d do it and would recommend to others.
Fargo Season 4
It’s a miracle we even got another season of Fargo this year, let alone on time and of the same high quality as the first two seasons. It has a great setting, cast, and conflict. I love Chris Rock, and it was so cool to see him act so well in such a serious role. There’s a Wizard of Oz homage episode that is nearly flawless. And the post-credits scene at the end of the season is just the cherry on top. If you haven’t checked out Fargo by now, you are really missing out on some of the most interesting stuff happening in TV. I can’t wait to see what Noah Hawley does with the Alien franchise.
Movies
Cats
I had to include this one because it was the last full movie I saw in theaters before the pandemic hit. I technically went to Sonic too, but my friends and I walked out after about 30 minutes. The less said about that movie, the better. Cats, though, is a strange and curious beast (pun intended), adapting an already unruly animal (pun intended) to the big screen and yowling to be recognized (pun intended). But for every awkward or embarrassing scene, there’s one of pure joy and magic, like the extended ballet sequence or Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat. The film knows exactly what it is and leans into it hard, like a familiar yet slightly insane feline begging to be stroked, which I imagine is exactly what fans of the musical wanted.
Children of Men
There’s not much I can say about this film that probably hasn’t been said better elsewhere. I was intrigued to watch it when I learned it was one of my friend’s favorite movies. And I have to say, it’s really profound in a prescient way. Clive Owen gives one of the best performances I’ve ever seen. You should watch it, but only when you feel like taking a severe hit to the feels.
Basic Instinct
Vertigo is probably still my favorite film, so when I learned this year that Paul Verhoeven made a bloody, sex romp homage film to it in the 90s with Michael Douglas starring, I simply had to watch it. And you know, it’s not bad. It’s nowhere near as good as Vertigo, and you can see the ending coming a mile away. But what it does have is the immaculate Sharon Stone, who you cannot take your eyes off for the entire movie. And the movie knows it, making her look as alluring and suggestive as her character is to the detective investigating her. You could do worse than to watch it, just don’t expect any of Hitchcock’s subtlety or looming dread to seep into the final product.
Books
Dune
I finally finished Dune this year, and I can genuinely say it lives up to the hype. It’s not the easiest book to get through, but it’s by no means one of the most difficult either. I’m still bummed that the new film was delayed, but it might give me time to read the rest of the original book series.
The Fifth Season
Another fantastic piece of fiction, I cannot recommend this book enough. N.K. Jemisin is one of the best living authors of our time. If you want an original setting with a brilliant magic system and complex, compelling characters, look no further.
Video Content
Northernlion
I’ve been a fan of NL for years, though I’ve never been that into The Binding of Isaac. He just has a charismatic intelligence to him that sets him apart from most “Let’s Play” YouTubers to me, and he’s very funny to boot. I guess I’d say he seems a lot like me or the person I could picture myself being if I were a professional video content creator. So I was really excited for NL’s series of Spelunky 2 videos, and I still watch them every day, months later. And now he’s teaching me how to get better at chess, being a good 600 ELO higher than myself at the moment. His sarcastic and improv-laden banter have withstood the test of years and gave me some much-needed comfort and laughter in 2020. Somehow, the man even found a way to keep up his prolific output this year while raising his firstborn child. There are those who said it couldn’t be done...
The Command Zone - Game Knights
Josh Lee Kwai and the rest of the crew at The Command Zone continue to put out some of the most well-produced tabletop gameplay videos on the internet. It’s perhaps no surprise, seeing as how Lee Kwai created trailers for such blockbuster films as Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World and Jimmy Wong had a supporting role in the live action remake of Disney’s Mulan. But the crew around the two hosts are just as important and talented, and it’s clear that they all share the same singular vision for the channel’s future. They’ve carefully crafted a team of expert editors, animators, cosplayers, and voice actors to deliver one delightful video after the next at a consistently high level. If you’re into Magic: the Gathering at all, you simply need to watch Game Knights.
Cimoooooooo
I found Alex Cimo’s channel shortly after the algorithm learned I was interested in Yu-Gi-Oh! again, and at first, I was less than impressed with him. But it’s clear to me now that he not only loves what he does, he’s an expert Yu-Gi-Oh! player and analyst. Plus, he’s very good at explaining some of the more complex concepts in the game in a way that newcomers can understand. I’ve watched every new episode of The Progression Series and The History of Yu-Gi-Oh! so far, and they’re the best way I’ve found to learn how the game developed and changed over the last 20 years.
Team APS
This is another great Yu-Gi-Oh! channel, focusing more on skits, gimmick videos, and casual games rather than analytical or theoretical content. Mostly, they seem like a really great group of friends that just have a blast playing Yu-Gi-Oh! together, and their love for the game makes me want to play more too.
Tolarian Community College
Somehow, a community college English professor’s channel went from a quirky little deckbox review platform to the most popular Magic: the Gathering channel on YouTube in only a few years. But it’s easy to see why when Brian clearly loves what he’s doing more than most people ever will. He’s not only a fantastic reviewer and MtG scholar, he’s one of the most outspoken voices for positive change in the community and the game. Is he too hard on the Magic team at Wizards of the Coast? Perhaps, but without his measured and well-reasoned takes on all things Magic, I think we’d be much worse off.
IRL
Cooking
Even I get tired of eating the same things every day, so I’ve taken it upon myself to learn how to make more dishes, mostly out of sheer boredom. And I know I’m not alone in that, but I have to say it’s been a rewarding and fun adventure. It’s really surprising what you can throw together with a decent recipe and a little creativity in a modest kitchen when you decide to break away from the microwave for once.
Chinchillin’
Like many people, I felt that I needed a pet to survive this year, and I’ve always wanted a chinchilla. So I took a risk and bought one from a seller on KSL a few months ago, and my life has definitely changed for the better. No longer simply alone with my thoughts all day, I have a furry little companion to commune and bond with. And it’s more difficult to find time to feel sorry for myself when a basically helpless tiny creature depends on me for almost everything. Not to say it’s been a perfect experience however, people don’t say chins are difficult to care for for nothing. And I have learned more about them than perhaps I ever cared to know before, but that’s only made them more interesting to me as a result. Overall, I would recommend them as pets, just be prepared to give them a lot more time and attention than you would to say, a fish or a hamster. I’ve seen the commitment compared to that of a large dog, and I think that’s fair, though chins seem far more difficult to train and are far less cuddly. Basically, imagine a fluffy, super fast squirrel that can jump half your height, shed its fur at will if grabbed too tightly, that sleeps all day and bathes in dust, and that cannot get wet or too hot or eat 99% of human foods without serious complications. And they get lonely, and they all have their own surprisingly distinct personalities, some shy and mischievous, others bright and social, and everything in between. But I’m glad to be part of my little buddy’s life and hope to make it a long and enjoyable one for him. Part of why I wanted a chinchilla so badly is they typically live between 10-20 years, much longer than the average rodent or even many cats and dogs. And they’re sadly endangered in the wild, poached for their incredibly soft fur, which is why I believe it’s critical that we care for and learn more about them now. And above all, I adore my chinchilla’s antics, even when he continually tries to dig up and eat the paper bedding below his cage when I’ve provided perfectly edible hay and pellets for him in much easier to reach locations.
And that’s all, folks...
If you’ve read this far, know that I really appreciate it and hope you learned something new about yourself, art, or the world. And please do let me know what’s kept you going the most this year too, as I suspect I’ll still be searching for new distractions next year, even after I’m able to get a Covid vaccine injection. As Red Green would say, we’re all in this together, and I’m pullin’ for ya. <3
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Final Fantasy Review
Year: 1987
Original Platform: Famicom
Also available on: Nintendo (NES), GameBoy Advance (Final Fantasy I & II: Dawn of Souls), PlayStation One (Final Fantasy Origins), PSP (Anniversary Edition)
Version I played: PSP
Synopsis:
The world is in danger. Four monstrous fiends, each corresponding to an element of nature, have wreaked havoc on the world, causing each of the four elemental orbs (in later remakes, crystals) to turn dark. Four Heroes of Light, each holding their own orb, meet and band together to take on these fiends and restore nature to its proper balance.
Gameplay:
The original game introduced the Job System. The six jobs are Warrior, Thief, Monk, Black Mage, White Mage, and Red Mage. Each have their own stats. You are free to name each of your heroes. Later on the game, each job can be upgraded.
We are introduced to a classic setup of turn-based combat. Final Fantasy was notable for being the first video game RPG to show your characters on the right and the enemies on the left; all previous video game RPGs had a first-person view with the enemy directly in front of you.You choose your action between Fight, Magic, Drink, Item or Run. Then the enemy takes their turn.
It’s a simple system that at the time was already well-known. It was really the Job System that intrigued players. Black Mages perform destructive magic, White Mages heal and restore, Warriors are the powerhouses, Monks deal damage without weapons, and Thieves can run from battles successfully (they cannot steal, as later games would introduce that).
The game can be quite difficult on the original Famicom and NES. It was made at a time when technology was limited, so developers had to make the game harder so that people spent more time playing it. There’s a gaming term that I’ll be using in many of these Final Fantasy reviews called “grinding”. Grinding is when you end up having to run around and fight monsters for the sake of leveling up your characters. There is a lot of that in this game, as well as the early Final Fantasy games in general.
Unlike games today, the direction isn’t fully laid out. You are thrown into the world and wander about from town to town to figure out where to go next. Instead of games like today where other non-playable characters (NPCs for short) tell you what to do in cutscenes and whatever, you actually have to approach the NPCs and find out the information. The overall effect is more open-world. You walk across fields and oceans and deserts. There are caves and other secret places to find more items.
From a modern gamer’s perspective, the exploring can be quite bare and – for lack of better word – boring. The remakes, like the PSP version that I played, brightened it up with updated graphics. They also added a couple extra dungeons. I actually spent time in those extra dungeons believing they were part of the story, appalled by how difficult they were, when I later found out they were extras put in for the PSP version. That has happened a lot to me with remakes of old RPGs (Chrono Trigger for the DS, another example). A little more obvious sign would have helped to make me realize that I didn’t need to finish those extra dungeons.
The pace is definitely slower than the other Final Fantasy games. Most of your time is spent grinding. Grinding can sometimes be a wary word when talking about video game RPGs. If an RPG is too boring or tedious, grinding is the last thing you want to hear. But even when an RPG is fun, grinding means that you need to spend time battling enemies, and that means hopefully you don’t have a huge backlog of other video games. It's probably why I never got around to finishing the original NES version on an emulator. Once and a while I'd be pumped up about going through with it but then as I played I just. . .got distracted by other video games that I wanted to finish.
You definitely need time and patience.
The most aggravating thing about the original version (Famicom/NES) is that if your character is set to attack an enemy but another one of your characters defeats it first, that character attacks nothing but air when it's their turn. It was a very annoying issue that they fixed in all subsequent remakes.
When comparing the original to any other version, the original always is the best way to experience the game. It can also be the hardest and most time-consuming. You would need to pay attention to this game entirely and not be distracted by anything else.
The PSP version is watered down. I found it infinitely easier than the NES version. I actually played them side-by-side to figure out at what point the difficulty branched off. Right away when you venture to save Princess Sara, I realized that the PSP version gives more XP per battle than the NES version. Hence, you have to grind more in the original version.
Graphics:
Everybody loves some 8-bits, but let’s be honest here – there’s a whole lot of black empty space going on when you battle.
But hey, that was due to the limitations at the time. Battles may seem more boring to you due to the lack of detail to catch your eye.
The later remakes added a floor or ground where appropriate. The PSP remake did a good job of giving a facelift to the original, as shown below. It has this cute, rounded feel to the characters.
(My favorite battle background was in the final battle.)
The opening FMV sequence is ripped straight from the Playstation One remake. That didn’t age well. It’s awkward as hell. Want to see how awkward it looks? It looks mad awkward. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Just look it up. I don’t want to sully this post by posting a screenshot. In my opinion, they should have created a brand new opening FMV sequence for the PSP version.
Story:
The first several minutes of the game acts as a prologue. The Four Heroes of Light save a princess - Sara - from the clutches of Garland, and then the King of Coneria allows a bridge to be built for them to enter the world and save it. It’s not until that bridge is built that the game truly starts and the title screen actually displays – much like a late opening title in a movie.
In retrospect, saving a princess probably seemed like the most common trope in video games throughout the '80's. Gamers would have been used to it by then. That short prologue acts like a trope-breaker. The average gamer would have probably expected the game to be like Mario or Zelda. Oh yeah, save the princess from some evil fiend, okay, got it. They would have then maybe been perked with interest when they "defeated" Garland so quickly, and then when the King of Coneria lets them pass into the world and the title screen opens up with the theme song, they maybe were like, "Ooooh. NOW it starts." Final Fantasy then plunged them into a wide open world.
The bulk of the story is mostly comprised of self-contained incidents. You run into someone who needs help with a thing so you do that thing and then you’re on your merry way again. You know what would be a great adaptation of this game? A Netflix series. It’s very episodic. First you deal with these pirates led by Bikke, then get a ship to sail across the land and go on a sort of delivery quest for a crown, a crystal eye, an herb, a magic key, until the main story picks up with defeating the Four Fiends and bringing light to the darkened orbs.
There's no real huge spoiler other than the time travel paradox at the end, which had me wracking my head a bit. It's quite admirable that a game this early in video game console history produced a higher concept plot involving time travel.
Music:
Composer Nobuo Uematsu created a legendary score that immediately became on par with the Mario and Zelda theme songs. The Prelude/Crystal theme – the harp-like scale that we are all familiar with – was actually composed last. Uematsu had complete the score when Sakaguchi approached him at the last minute realizing they needed music for the game’s introduction. None of them had any idea that the theme would become a staple for Final Fantasy.
Due to the technical limitations at the time, you can imagine that the soundtrack is limited, but even so it was still quite expansive for its time. There are several individual tunes for dungeons, for sailing your ship and for flying your airship. The map theme will have you humming it without realizing it.
Uematsu drew his inspiration from two sources – classic rock and living in Shikoku, an island off Japan. The melodic world map theme in Final Fantasy (and the rest of the series) derives from the picturesque memories he has of the island. The town theme is reminiscent of the sleepy villages – as he was never a city person. Meanwhile, the battle theme has undertones of rock music.
There’s only one battle theme, even when fighting bosses and the final boss, but the amazing thing is that it never gets old.
Final Fantasy games are known for their great battle songs. The opening bassline always gets you in the groove to fight. You’re fighting but want to sing at the same time. Maybe that’s the brilliance of Uematsu; because of the fact that you need to grind many times in these old Final Fantasy games, he created a tune that you wouldn’t get tired of because it’s not so serious or mundane.
Not to crap on other great developers, but other video game RPGs at the time of Final Fantasy didn’t quite have memorable battle music. Just look up the battle theme to the first Dragon Quest game (released before Final Fantasy). You can imagine how that simple tune could get old really quick. I could be pulling this out of my ass, but after Final Fantasy, it seemed that battle music in video game RPGs suddenly got better. If you listen to the Dragon Quest IV battle theme, there is a portion that sounds similar to the battle theme of Final Fantasy.
The PSP version adds more tracks, specifically to the boss battles, and I like how they incorporate the original battle motif thrown into the new battle songs. The original battle theme has a guitar and drums added, which is the style that Final Fantasy battle music was known for by then.
There is one last thing to note about the score that I found very interesting for its day and age. You see, in a movie score, you have themes and motifs, just like a video game score. But in a movie score, other tracks reference those themes and motifs. For example, you have The Raider’s March in the Indiana Jones films; that’s the theme for the character Indiana Jones. Then in the movie, whenever Indy does something badass, you hear his theme blare in that instance. Obviously the entire theme doesn’t play, but it is incorporated in snippets throughout.
Uematsu actually does this with the Town Theme. He incorporates it at the ending music in the epilogue. It took me a while to try to understand why. Then it hit me. The epilogue mentions the heroes becoming legends as people talk about them. Legends are told and spread in towns.
It’s a very small detail. It’s such a small detail that it could be nothing but if it is what I think it is, then it’s cool that he was already in the mindset of passing on themes and motifs throughout the game, treating it like a movie.
Notable Theme:
I already posted the main themes in the introduction, but here’s the original battle theme:
youtube
Verdict:
A strong debut to the Final Fantasy series. To a modern gamer though, you may be spoiled by the fast-paced, eye-catching video games of today. When console games first hit the market, developers had to create games that took longer than the average arcade game to finish, or else kids would get bored with their games in minutes and gee, wouldn’t that be a waste since they paid way more than a quarter? Thus, that’s another reason why old games are harder. Given the technical limitations at the time, developers couldn’t expand much on the game, so there’s a lot of leveling up and grinding because what else could you do? You know? Ultimately, playing a video game back then was all about honing your skill with that game.
Ideally, you could play through every Final Fantasy game in order of their release, and that would give you a greater sense of the evolution of the gameplay and the series as a whole. However, most people reading this (and me) are probably more modern gamers – and as such, our perspective is biased on what feels “exciting” and “remarkable”. The first Final Fantasy game could feel boring and tedious to you now, but if you put it in the context of when it was made, this was entertainment for hours on end. This is basically like watching one of those silent adventure films starring Douglas Fairbanks. Yeah, you’ve been spoiled with more amazing stuff like The Matrix and Star Wars, but golly – this stuff blew people’s minds back in the day.
Direct Sequel?
No. However, there have been multiple remakes, which I have already listed above.
#final fantasy#final fantasy nes#final fantasy famicom#nobuo uematsu#square enix#square#squaresoft#final fantasy i#final fantasy origins#final fantasy psp#final fantasy anniversary edition#onvideogames#video games
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Quarantine Tag Game
Tagged by @dabitchisback thank you!! I needed something to get me through this very slow morning of work!
Under a cut because y’all know I’m a wordy motherfucker lol.
Are you staying at home from school/work?
Yes I am! I actually requested to be moved to work from home in part due to the COVID-19 stuff and due to some coworkers behaving like high schoolers and flat out bullying me (and I had had enough of that shit once it started making it hard to do my job lmao.)
So just as they were setting it up for me, the clinic suddenly started realizing how serious this was and all of a sudden, they could find all the money for all the work from home equipment for a bunch of us in the non-direct patient contact side of things (funny, considering I’d begged to work from home over a year ago due to how bad my anxiety was getting with coworkers and patients when I was still in the direct patient contact part of it all, even offered to pay for the equipment, and was told it would always be too expensive and never be in the cards, even after my therapist recommended it for the sake of my mental health and blood pressure. Funny. that. Real funny.)
If you’re staying home, who’s there with you?
Mostly my cat, Nisha. My mum works at the same clinic, but is front desk, so they’re rotating who goes in to the clinic and then who gets days off “to keep the financial health of the clinic” aka begging anyone who stays home for a day off (or in my sector who takes a day off due to reduced call volume) to take that time unpaid and not use PTO or EST...but we both have that time to use, so it is Being Used or we won’t be able to keep the lights on or the condo lmao. However, she does have assigned days off coming up, so on the weekend and those days off, my mum is here too.
Are you a homebody?
Ohmygod yeah. The older I get, the more I dislike going out in general like. I work a full time job, I barely have time for chores or relaxation after, even now being work from home because scared patients asking you questions you can’t answer or don’t have an answer to (because no one has answers right now) just...idk how to explain it. But it gets weirdly exhausting, even though it sounds like it shouldn’t, and by the end of my 8 hours I just wanna lie on the floor and nap usually. So going out has never been my thing too much, because then my writing/chores/nap time gets neglected lol. I don’t mind the occasional appetizers and drinks night with mum and her friend, back when we could go out, but tbh it’s just nicer still to drink at home. Even on vacation, I go out more than usual, but also if there’s a night we can drink in the hotel with the mini bar, and just enjoy being somewhere other than home...I will take that night in a heartbeat.
My anxiety also doesn’t love going out, but I’ve been working and getting better at dealing with that. Of course, current times might mean a bit of a setback, but I’m going to work really hard for it not to be too bad. I haven’t been in six years of therapy for nothing lol.
An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled?
Um...does my root canal count? And I wasn’t really looking forward to it per se, I just am afraid of the tooth getting worse and starting to have worse pain.
Other than that, it hasn’t been cancelled yet because we’re playing it all by ear (but I admit I’m afraid it probably won’t happen due to the virus stuff, even if it’s over by the time this thing was supposed to happen), but I have a trip to New York City planned with a good friend in August. Even if things have calmed down, I know New York has gotten hit extremely hard, and if they’re still fighting with the aftereffects of it all...might not be fully open for business by August so to speak. And besides, with everything as it is right now, and the talk of a vaccine being at minimum over a year away, with periods of possible social distancing needed even if this calms down but possibly goes through flare ups until a vaccine is ready...travel might not be back to normal for awhile, I can’t say more than anyone else on that I suppose. I’d really like it to be, by August, I admit that as selfish as it is. I was just really looking forward to it, kind of living for it even, and now...yeah.
But, better to be at home and healthy in the end, travel insurance exists for a reason, and trips can always be rescheduled.
What movies have you watched recently?
Haunt (Mum and I never got to see it when it was in theaters), Queen Rock Montreal (my go to oh no I’m sad movie), Tammy (a fave of mum’s, and we both just like Melissa McCarthy in general), and Jojo Rabbit. I’ve got a bunch I bought and rented just last night too (maybe not a smart financial decision, but I’ll deal with that when I have to lmao), since it feels smart of have a backlog of stuff to watch right now.
What shows are you watching?
Mostly rewatching the IT Crowd, the Office, Travel Man, and other tried and true faves. It helps mum to relax since she loves all those too (including any episodes of 8 out of 9 Cats Does Countdown I can find, I finally got her hooked on that!) Basically if it has a chance of Richard Ayoade or enough episodes to keep us going for a bit, then it’s on the list to watch.
What music are you listening to?
So many. No, but legit, I’ve been all over on Spotify as of late, especially searching for music to help the fic writing. A lot of Queen, Elton, Clams Casino, The Weeknd, Kendrick Lamar, David Byrne, Childish Gambino, St. Vincent, and Moses Sumney especially.
What are you reading?
Fanfic, trusted news sources like AP, Reuters, updates from WHO, wanting to reread Mercury and Me and Elton John’s Me, and really need to get back into reading And The Band Played on by Randy Shilts (started it right as shit started to get wild, so it got put to the side, but I want to finish it asap.)
What are you doing for self-care?
Trying to enjoy that this is also the trial time to see if I want to make work from permanent (work is making me make it a trial, I’ve wanted to work from home for years so...yes is the answer to that lol) and what I can do now that I’m home, like work more on my writing and music. Not to mention, eating foods that normally upset my stomach/I have sensitivities to like meat and dairy (I might be developing straight up allergies to them, but we all know I can’t afford to see an allergist lmao) but that since I’m safe at home where I be sick and still work...I can indulge. I can also play music more and movies so long as I pause them if I get a phone call during work hours, so overall I’ve been a lot more relaxed and my BP is down during work as a result, which is something I’ve never really felt before in my life, and I’m rather enjoying.
Aside from that, video games have also made a resurgence in my life, especially Saints Row, and that’s been fun as well.
All of this in between taking care of Mum of course, who worries and panics, and tends to believe everything she hears and reads and watches without thinking critically or carefully, so...that’s been a thing.
Actual therapy appointments would be my best self care of course, but the last few have been cancelled due to everything going on. This week, however, my appointment is supposed to be done via telecommute and I should finally get to catch up with my doctor, which I admit I need pretty desperately right now. It’s getting hard feeling like I’m on my own, helping soothe others but struggling to soothe myself most of the time. But, c’est la vie, right?
Tagging (if y’all feel up to it and wanna!): @skylinepigeon, @freebooter4ever, @bearkare, @rathernotmyname, @galaxy-starheart, and @youdontrememberthesomme
#text post#ask box things#ngl this was...very cathartic to type out#not sure all why#but I know I've been doing a lot of these tag things lately#and each one just makes me feel less alone#which is nicer than I can fully put words to
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Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Bonus 4.1 - Ultimate Talent Development Plan (Mostly Kaito Edition)
This is postgame content, so people shouldn’t be reading this without having already finished the main game anyway. But just to be safe: while this is non-canon character stuff, I will sometimes be mentioning events that happened in the main story, so there will be spoilers for the main game.
First off, some of the usual preamble about how this mode even works. Functionally, it’s, of all things, a board game that serves as a companion for another bonus mode which is a dungeon crawler RPG. Characters don’t gain experience from battles in the RPG; instead, you level up characters in this mode, by playing through the board game as them. I could go on at great length about all the mechanics of this, because I got rather addicted to it at one point. (Apparently all you need to do to make me invested in the mechanics of an RPG is to put characters I already love into it, and then I will do everything in my power to figure out how to turn them into the awesomest fighters they can be. Kaito is the best tank and will take all of the hits to protect his glass-cannon sidekicks!) But we’re here for the story aspect, so I shall restrain myself.
Flavour-wise, each playthrough of the board game follows your chosen character as they live out three years at Hope’s Peak, in a non-despair AU in which the casts from DR1, DR2 and DRV3 are all in the same school year. (Well, it’s mostly non-despair – at the end of the three years, an army of Monokuma robots is unleashed under the school, and that’s the dungeon crawling part. But your heroes ultimately deal with that threat before it can cause any chaos outside.)
The board game is only a very abstract representation of this story. Each turn supposedly represents one month, but really most of the spaces on the board are just various ways to level up your various attributes and don’t have any real narrative. The only spaces that matter for our purposes here are Friendly Spaces, which will show you one of five scenes featuring your character, that I’ll refer to as “friendly events”, in which they interact with one or two other students. If you land on enough Friendly Spaces, which is easy enough to do if you’re aiming for it, you’ll see all five scenes with your character.
The other source of story here is seasonal events, which trigger automatically on a specific month in each of the three years. The character you’re playing as gets a choice of three possible things they can do for the event, each of which results in a scene with one or two other characters. Unfortunately, these choices are mutually exclusive, so to see all of a character’s scenes, you need to play as them through almost the entirety of the board game (because the last seasonal event is near the end of year 3) three times.
…But actually, that’s not all, not if you want to really see all the scenes for a single character. Friendly Space scenes are easy to see all of because they’ll appear when you’re playing as any of the characters featured in them. (Well, usually; one of Kaito’s doesn’t appear for him, but that seems to be just a programming oversight.) But the seasonal event scenes don’t work this way and only appear for the character who is given the choice of what to do. So any given character is also going to appear in a bunch of other characters’ seasonal events, and you’re only going to see those scenes by playing as those other characters. Worse, if you’re interested in a specific character’s scenes, there’s no way to even know which other characters’ seasonal events they appear in. So the only way to be sure that you’ve seen every single scene for a given character is to play through the board game three times each as *every single one of over fifty characters*. (Actually, the exact number is fifty-three, which… I think is genuinely just a coincidence. Heh.)
In short, thank god for the wiki. I do not envy but am immensely grateful to the people who went and did exactly that and got transcripts – with sprites, even – of every single one of these scenes. Thankfully, each character’s page for this mode on the wiki contains all of their own seasonal events and all of their appearances in other characters’ seasonal events, so you can see absolutely all of their scenes in one place. I am not using my Vita for this one. (I wouldn’t have wanted to anyway because the backlog function doesn’t work in this mode, but.)
While it makes things way more inconvenient in terms of actually seeing every scene, I do prefer the board game as a framing device for this AU’s story far more than the framing device for the Salmon Team AU. Salmon Team used the same interface of Shuichi walking around and talking to people that the main story had, which resulted in an impression that, in-story, everyone was just robotically standing in the same spot every day doing nothing until Shuichi came to talk to them. But this board game is abstract enough that we know none of the rolling dice and landing on spaces is really what’s happening in-story. The scenes we see give us a glimpse of the students’ school lives, but there’s clearly so much more happening offscreen that we don’t get to see. It feels like an organic and fully-realised story that the board game just happens to only give us a series of brief windows into.
Before beginning into the board game itself and seeing any of the actual scenes, you also get a single textbox from the character you’ve chosen to play as, as they get ready to enrol in Hope’s Peak.
Kaito: “Alright! I’ll keep training while I’m here and after I graduate, I’ll go straight to space!”
Kaito’s words here raise a few questions, honestly. If he’s already started astronaut training, he should be focusing entirely on that and really should not also be attending high school. He questioned in the demo why he’d have bothered enrolling in some academy when he should just be working on getting to space as soon as possible; you’d think he’d feel the same even if it was Hope’s Peak! It seems like the writing is just desperately trying to have it be the case that Kaito is both already an astronaut trainee in order to justify his Ultimate status, and yet is also attending Hope’s Peak, even though dividing his focus like that really doesn’t seem like the right way for Hope’s Peak to nurture his talent.
However, we could get this to work by imagining that Kaito is exaggerating here about having already started his training. Perhaps what’s really going on is this: Kaito managed to impress the space program despite being way too young, so they made him a deal. They recommended him to Hope’s Peak as the Ultimate Astronaut, having acknowledged his incredible potential to be one, and if he graduates from there, then he gets to jump straight into astronaut training without also needing a college degree. After all, part of Hope’s Peak’s deal is supposed to be that you’re “set for life” if you graduate, which I can imagine would equate to getting privileges like that.
I wonder if these privileges also mean that Maki doesn’t have to be an assassin any more after she graduates. This is the one universe in which Maki has actually killed people and her assassin cult actually exists and she’s going to have to go back to killing people again once this is over, which makes me very sad. Unfortunately I really doubt the canon Hope’s Peak would have given a fuck about helping Maki out like that, and all of the scenes we see here remain very vague about what’s going to happen to Maki once she leaves. Buuuut maybe we can pretend that this AU version of Hope’s Peak is nicer and is going to abolish her assassin cult as its way of making her “set for life”? I just don’t want to imagine Maki having to go back to killing once she leaves here. I can’t imagine Kaito or Shuichi would stand for it either.
Meanwhile, in Shuichi’s little intro line, he isn’t wearing his hat, when he really should be if you think about it. Until he meets Kaito and Kaede and starts trying to be braver, he’s not going to take that thing off.
…So, if this introduction didn’t already make it obvious, I’m going to be focusing on scenes featuring at least one of our adorable training trio, with a particular focus on Kaito because what did you expect, it’s me.
Shuichi (featuring Kyoko)
Obviously one of the friendly events I’m here to talk about is one between Shuichi and Kaito!
Shuichi is already Kaito’s sidekick in this event, which is something we don’t really need to be shown coming about, not when we can easily fill in the gaps and imagine that it went roughly like it did in canon. Kaito saw Shuichi’s weakness and made it his business to help, just like Kaito always does.
…It is a little different from canon, because there isn’t the context of Shuichi needing to have his act together in case there’s another class trial, nor is there the subtle Kaito’s-issues context of him feeling like Shuichi has already been more of a hero than him and wanting to make himself a part of that in order to feel useful and not inferior. But this just goes to show that those reasons were never necessary and Kaito would have reached out to Shuichi regardless, because that’s genuinely just who he is.
Kaito: “Why’re you looking so down now? I thought you’d been looking better than when you first got to this academy. If there’s something going on, then spit it out! It’s a hero’s job to help out his sidekick!”
Shuichi: “It’s nothing, I just… I feel as though I haven’t used my detective skills lately.”
Kaito noticing Shuichi looking down and encouraging him to talk about whatever’s wrong is still so good. It seems Shuichi would normally have felt this wasn’t important enough to mention, but thanks to Kaito’s prodding, he’s been starting to learn that it’s okay to talk about even small-seeming problems, because Kaito will help him with anything.
(And Kaito is indeed actually right in his judgement that something was wrong, because this isn’t chapter 4 in which he’d become desperate enough to forcefully insist Shuichi needed his help when he really didn’t. No I am not going to stop mentioning the time Kaito did that in his chapter 4 FTE; it was delightful.)
Shuichi: “I feel like… I should be doing something. I got my Ultimate talent by chance, so…”
Props to Shuichi for wanting to do something about this. Even though he feels he got his Ultimate title by chance, he’s not just going to wallow in the feeling that he doesn’t deserve it – he wants to work until he can feel like he does deserve it and can be proud of it! It’s definitely Kaito (and probably also Kaede; she’s his friend in this AU too, of course) who helped Shuichi feel this way, because this was very much not his outlook at the beginning.
Shuichi: “But… a detective can’t work unless there’s a case to solve, or a request to fulfil.”
Kaito: “No! Your talents are more than just that!”
Shuichi: “Huh?”
Kaito: “Hey, Shuichi… I’m an astronaut. Do you think I’m useless when I’m not in space?”
Shuichi: “You’re not useless! You have good teamwork, and you always help people in need. Everyone really depends on you, Kaito.”
I really like Kaito’s approach to this. Of course he’s not useless when he’s not in space, because all of the skills he has that gave him his astronaut talent can also be applied in so many other ways! In terms of current achievements, Kaito is a far worse astronaut than Shuichi is a detective, because Shuichi has at least solved a good few cases, while Kaito’s never even been to space. But Kaito doesn’t let that get him down! There’s so much else he can do with his skills before he gets there!
Kaito: “Then what about detectives? Are they useless without cases or requests?”
Shuichi: “Well…”
So the same should go for Shuichi, right? Obviously!
Kaito: “So I’ll be the hero and you be my sidekick!”
Shuichi: “…Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?”
It’s… a little hard to translate the Kaito-ese here, and I don’t blame Shuichi for getting confused. But I think what he’s trying to get at is that he’ll cheer Shuichi on while Shuichi goes out there and lives up to his potential, because that’s what the hero-and-sidekick thing is really about.
Kaito: “And when someone’s in trouble, you help ‘em out! Like, by giving them advice or something! It might be different from your usual detective work, but… Instead of rotting away like that, it’ll make you feel alive by helping out those around us.”
It’s adorable that Kaito’s basically encouraging Shuichi to be more like him, in the sense of trying to help people. After all, he knows that Shuichi’s a naturally compassionate person who does instinctively want to help others a lot. Their respective talents lend themselves to helping others in quite different ways – Shuichi isn’t necessarily going to be as great at giving advice as Kaito is – but that just means that there’s things that Shuichi can do for people that even Kaito can’t.
There actually is something of a running theme of Shuichi doing this kind of thing in some of his other scenes in this AU! The types of cases he took on at his uncle’s office were often about finding lost pets or missing people, so he’s really good at tracking things down, which can come in very handy when others have more practical problems than the kind Kaito helps people with. Just like in canon, Kaito is good at helping people with his words, while Shuichi is good at helping people with his actions.
This also comes up a little in another one of Shuichi’s friendly events, with Kyoko. Because, yes, she’s here too, meaning there’s just awkwardly two different Ultimate Detectives in the same school year somehow.
Shuichi: “An apprentice like me doesn’t deserve to share the title of Ultimate Detective with you…”
Which, predictably, makes Shuichi feel rather inferior when comparing himself to Kyoko and her accomplishments.
Kyoko: “Others accept that you are a detective, and have also come to rely on you, too. The other day, I saw you running all over the place with Ryoma and Peko… No doubt because they needed your insights as a detective, right?”
Shuichi: “Ah, I was just looking for a missing cat around the academy… I’ve handled plenty of missing pet cases before, so I was able to help, but…”
This is indeed a thing that happened – there’s a scene between Ryoma and Peko (the former of whom is a big cat person and the latter of whom loves fluffy animals in general) in which they discuss a lost cat they’ve seen around school and ultimately decide to get Shuichi’s help to track it down and find its owner. That scene doesn’t actually get as far as featuring Shuichi in it, but this scene here with Kyoko confirms that he did indeed manage to help solve that “case”! It’s neat how there’s various events that are referred to in multiple scenes, to help things really feel like a cohesive story.
Kyoko: “Do you think it’s meaningless for people to rely on you?”
Shuichi: “…No, that’s wrong. It makes me… so happy to be helpful.”
Kyoko: “Then I see no reason for you to compare yourself to me. Every detective is shaped by their motives, methodologies, and case histories.”
Kyoko has such a good point! She and Shuichi are very, very different types of detective and shouldn’t really be compared to each other. Kyoko is a homicide detective and takes a very objective, impersonal approach to things, whereas Shuichi handles more domestic cases that are about solving people’s problems and generally has more of a focus on helping people in the process. It’s possible that Kyoko brings up people relying on Shuichi because she actually kind of looks up to him for that, since that’s very much not something that her own type of detective work makes her suited for.
This idea gets explored a little more in another scene Shuichi has with Kyoko, as one of his seasonal events for the final year. (I’ll mostly be trying to do the seasonal events in chronological order as we go along, but there’s some final-year events, such as this one, that exist as kind of a follow-up to an earlier friendly event between two characters. So I’ll be doing those in conjunction with the relevant friendly event, even if it means we have to temporarily skip ahead to the end of the three years now and then.)
Shuichi bumps into Kyoko about to leave for some urgent business in such a hurry that she won’t even have time to tell her classmates she’s going to miss the closing ceremony, so Shuichi offers to let Makoto know for her.
Kyoko: “If that’s the case… I’m sorry, but would you mind doing it?”
Shuichi: “Ah, don’t worry about it! It’s alright to depend on others when you need to. I’ll give you advice someone gave me. Don’t try to do everything by yourself. Sometimes, asking for help is exactly what you need. Even if it’s something small.”
The way Kyoko apologises before asking Shuichi for something this small does suggest that she’s very much not used to relying on others at all. Kyoko is of course naturally very capable and independent and doesn’t often need help in the first place, but she can also be reluctant to rely on others even when it would benefit her to do so. Good thing Shuichi can help her a little with that, in part thanks to all of the advice Kaito’s given him!
Shuichi: “Ah, but… I might be getting a little *too* much help from everyone…”
Kyoko is a detective who maybe doesn’t rely on others enough, while Shuichi is a detective who relies on others maybe a little too much. It’s a neat contrast.
Kyoko: “I never meant to hold it in… That was never my intention. When you involve yourself in someone else’s business, you can easily misjudge them.”
Shuichi: “I’m sure you’re right. There are certainly situations like that. But aren’t there times that make you think… you want to really trust someone? Even if you might get hurt?”
Kyoko at least tells herself that she tries to refrain from personal ties and relying on others in order to remain detached and impartial for her detective work. That is perhaps more important for a homicide detective than it would be for a domestic detective like Shuichi. Then again, in canon, Shuichi had to solve a bunch of murders, and he managed to do that despite also having an emotional side that willingly formed bonds and wanted to believe in people. You don’t have to throw away Kyoko Kirigiri in order to be the Ultimate Detective, Kyoko!
Also, Shuichi’s words about wanting to trust someone even if you might get hurt are definitely paraphrasing Kaito’s principles on that topic here and I love it. He’s had much less of an issue with that notion in this AU when there haven’t been any murders, but maybe instead it was the beginnings of their friendship with Maki that prompted Shuichi to ask Kaito how he could believe in people so easily.
Maki Roll (featuring Chihiro)
…And than brings us rather conveniently onto the next friendly event I wanted to cover, because of course Kaito also has a scene with Maki.
Maki is also already Kaito’s sidekick in this scene, but unlike with Shuichi, we can’t just assume this went basically how it did in canon. See, Kaito (and implicitly also Shuichi, though he’s not in this scene) knows about Maki’s talent, but nobody else does. Which is in fact a huge difference from canon that warrants some lengthy speculation about how Maki even ended up as Kaito’s sidekick in this universe at all.
In canon, it only happened because Kokichi found out Maki’s talent and told everyone. Kaito started properly reaching out to her and trying to make her his sidekick after that, and since she had nothing to lose because the worst had already happened and her secret was already out, she didn’t put up that much resistance. Kaito’s continued belief in her despite knowing her true talent let Maki realise that people knowing wasn’t the absolute end of the world like she’d been terrified it would be.
Here, though, without a class-wide bombshell revealing Maki’s identity, it’s very remarkable that Kaito even knows at all. Throughout chapter 2, Maki was so terrified of anyone finding out her secret, because she was absolutely convinced that it’d make everyone hate and fear and try to kill her and she’d end up forced to kill them in self-defence, which she did not remotely want to do. That fear might not be quite as intense outside of a killing game, nor without a whole room full of proof of her talent readily available for anyone to wander into, but it’d still be there. She’d still be reluctant to get close to anyone even under the guise of being the Ultimate Child Caregiver, not only out of a belief that she doesn’t deserve to have friends, but also out of a fear that letting someone get too close will increase the risk of them finding out her secret somehow even if she’s trying to hide it.
So obviously Kaito’s persistence and stubbornness would still have been a huge and necessary factor here. Although he didn’t know Maki’s talent and therefore just how weak she was and how badly she needed it, he must have seen her as a potential sidekick anyway. She was still cutting herself off from the rest of the class for reasons that Kaito’s instincts could tell weren’t malicious, meaning he probably figured that she was running away from something and needed help. So he’d have kept trying to talk to her and include her in things and invite her to train with him and Shuichi and generally be his incredibly stubborn self at her.
But… because Maki’s secret wasn’t already out, it must have taken way more stubbornness from Kaito here than it did in canon to finally get through to her. She’d have realised that he’s trying to figure out why she’s so closed off and get her to open up, but she would be utterly convinced that telling him the truth would only make him fear her and give up on her, and probably also warn everyone else about her talent and ruin everything.
There’s two possibilities I can think of for how Maki eventually gave in and opened up. One is that Kaito and Shuichi managed to figure it out themselves after enough attempts to talk to her, through a combination of Shuichi’s detective skills and Kaito’s intuition for people. Then they gently confronted her about it, with a very clear message of “we know this is why you’re scared, but it’s okay, we trust you, and you can trust us not to tell anyone, we only want to help you”. I’m not totally sold on this idea, though, because it would still leave Maki with the fear that she couldn’t actually trust them, not after they figured out her worst secret without her consent. (Also, hello Shuichi’s issues about accidentally figuring out truths that the subject of them hates having exposed.)
The more likely possibility, then, is that Maki did eventually tell Kaito herself, not out of openly trusting him and being comfortable with him knowing (because she would never believe that anyone could be okay with her being a killer until she’s already seen it happen), but more out of just trying to get him to finally leave her alone already. Surely knowing that she’s a killer will make even a stubborn idiot like him give up on her and realise she’s not worth getting close to, right? But that’s still remarkable, because people finding out her talent is still the worst and most terrifying scenario imaginable to Maki. So while she’d be telling herself on the surface that this is just to get rid of him, she would still have had to genuinely trust somewhere deep down that Kaito would at least respect her secret and not tell anyone else, even if he’d also totally never want to speak to her again.
I’m pretty sure that’s roughly how this must have gone down, and that’s really incredible. Maki would have had no obvious, undeniable way to realise she could trust Kaito, not like she had in canon from the simple fact that he continued to believe in her despite knowing that she’s an assassin. Imagine the absolute persistent supportiveness Kaito would have needed to display in order for Maki to start to instinctively feel that way anyway. And consider how huge it is for Maki that she did end up coming to trust Kaito enough, even if she wasn’t admitting it to herself, that she was able to briefly lift her otherwise-unbreakable barrier of no-one must ever know, if only in what she was telling herself was an attempt to push him away. Kaito is so good, and Maki absolutely needed someone as stubbornly, recklessly kind as him to begin to get through to her.
Kaito: “Hey, Maki Roll! You better remember our promise for tonight!”
Maki: “Are you talking about training? You made that promise, not me. And stop calling me Maki Roll.”
These opening lines put this scene very early on in Maki’s sidekickhood. Kaito has started calling her Maki Roll, which it only took him a few days to do in canon after she’d become his sidekick (and after he knew she was an assassin and therefore that giving her the most un-assassin-like nickname would be a good way to help her). But Maki has not yet given up telling him not to, which also only took a few days.
Plus, Maki is still acting like the only reason she’s going to training is because Kaito is nagging her to and is not yet openly accepting that she’s choosing to go for her own sake. In fact, the way they talk about the promise like it’s not already a regular arrangement suggests that tonight may be the first time Maki will ever come to training, or at most the second, if it happened for the first time last night and Kaito told her to come again tomorrow.
That moment in which Maki finally gave in and told Kaito about her talent must have been no more than a few days ago, then. Kaito would of course have responded by reassuring her that he still believes in her, and that rather than pushing him away, she should be accepting his help in growing stronger, for which she should obviously start coming to training with him and Shuichi.
Kaito: “Alright, you remember! I’ll see you there!”
Despite Maki acting like she’s only doing this because he’s nagging her, and not even explicitly promising she’ll be there, of course Kaito knows that she will definitely be there. He called it a promise in the first place because he knows that she has already made the choice to try and get stronger. And he can tell that she must already trust him on some level to have even told him her secret in the first place.
Maki: “…Is that why you came to talk to me?”
Kaito: “Nah, I’ve got a message from Kaede. She wants to talk about the promise you made with her. I dunno what kind of promise it is, but… since when were you guys so close?”
Maki: “We’re not close, and I wouldn’t call my arrangement with Kaede a promise, either. She offered to play piano for the kids at my orphanage. That’s all.”
This is actually a promise Kaede makes if you do Maki’s FTEs with Kaede in the main game! It’s lovely that they also put it into this AU and made it an actual thing that happens, because man was that never going to actually be able to happen in canon for multiple reasons.
Maki is probably right to say that she and Kaede aren’t that close. If she’s this early on in being Kaito’s sidekick, she definitely hasn’t really started to open up much with other people either. But it seems that despite that, Kaede has tried approaching Maki anyway and had similar conversations with her as she has in her canon FTEs, because Kaede is lovely and always trying to make friends even with more guarded people like Maki.
Maki: “But… I left that orphanage years ago. Kaede thinks I was the Ultimate Child Caregiver at that orphanage before I came here, but…”
This is of course the assumption Kaede was running under in her FTEs with Maki when she offered to play piano for the kids then. (Not that Kaede hypothetically learning Maki’s real identity would change anything, once she learned Maki’s reasons for it – if anything, it’d only make Kaede even more determined to do something nice for Maki and those kids. Kaede is just as good as Kaito is.)
Kaito: “Hey, there’s no reason you can’t go to the orphanage, right, Maki Roll? So just take Kaede there with you. For the kids living peacefully there you worked so hard for… Let them hear Kaede’s music.”
It’s lovely what Kaito’s doing here. Maki is telling herself that she barely deserves to be going back near that happy life at the orphanage any more now that she’s a horrible murderer, but Kaito’s trying to reassure her that hey, none of that means she can’t at least visit and do something nice for the kids she cares about so much!
…And, okay, so apparently we’re also at a point after Maki has opened up about exactly why she became an assassin, which took several days longer than her initial decision to try and change (and happened after she’d given up protesting the Maki Roll). It’s a little surprising that she reached that point so quickly, because subconsciously trusting Kaito not to betray her talent to everyone is a lot different from actually telling him why she’s an assassin and more or less admitting that she never wanted it. So… I am starting to get the sense that the writers here maaaay not have fully thought through what they were implying with this scene’s opening lines, because those definitely gave the sense that Maki had barely started training if she was reluctant to even admit she was coming.
Unless maybe things happened in a different order in this universe, such that Maki had already begrudgingly told Kaito a few stories about her orphanage during his persistent pestering for her to open up (just like she does with Kaede’s attempts to reach out to her). Which might mean that when she finally threw up her hands and told him she’s a goddamn assassin so leave her alone, it wouldn’t be as much of a leap for her to then admit, with some more questioning from Kaito, that the orphanage stories were still true and are actually quite related to her being an assassin. Maybe.
Kaito: “Oh! I just had a great idea too! How about me and Shuichi tag along? Yeah! Let’s do it! If Shuichi’s with us, I bet Kaede will get all psyched up!”
Aww, Kaito. It is making me very happy imagining this gathering of these four being friends at Maki’s orphanage and making the kids smile. (I bet Kaito is also very good with kids. Especially if they’re aware he’s the Ultimate Astronaut, letting him jump right into his inspiring hero role and tell them all sorts of exciting things about SPACE.)
…Kaito’s comment about how Shuichi’s presence will psyche Kaede up does imply that he might have figured those two have a bit of an unspoken romantic thing for each other. But even if that’s the case, I like to imagine that Kaito wouldn’t make any overt moves to act on this and try and set them up together without one of them directly asking him for help. After all, Kaito’s only working on a hunch here, and if his hunch happens to be wrong, then trying to push his friends into a romance they don’t actually want would be a dick move. (More on a similar concept regarding Kaito’s hunches in another scene next post.)
Maki: “You want to tag along… and bring Shuichi?”
Kaito: “Yeah! If there are any problems, Shuichi and I will help out!”
This is the real reason Kaito invited himself and Shuichi along, though. He can sense that Maki is uneasy doing something that comes so close to her personal life and the truth about herself when she’s including someone who doesn’t know her secret. As such, Kaito’s offering to go along with Shuichi to be there for her and help her feel safer. Since it doesn’t make much sense for there to be logistical problems with Kaede playing the piano to the kids, Kaito is really talking about the possibility of there being problems with Maki’s talent remaining secret. He’s saying that he and Shuichi will be there to cover for her, and, if worst comes to worst and her talent ends up coming out anyway, talk Kaede through the revelation and assure her that Maki still deserves to be treated like a person. (Kaede would definitely understand, of course, but she’d need some explanations, and Maki might not be comfortable giving those on her own.)
Kaito: “Do you not want Kaede and the others to find out about your real talent? But… I know you don’t wanna distance yourself from them like when you first got here, yeah?”
Maki: “…Don’t make assumptions about me.”
He’s right, though, isn’t he, Maki? However, she’s still not quite willing to admit that yet herself, so this is still quite early days, one way or another.
Maki: “But… I guess I’ll give the orphanage a call.”
Kaito: “Alright! Then it’s decided!”
Maki’s going to do it! I really, really get the sense that without Kaito’s reassurance, she wouldn’t have actually acted upon this and would have left Kaede hanging. Kaede might well have been trying to prod Maki about it herself and getting only vague uncertainty since Maki wasn’t truly comfortable doing it. That could be why Kaede asked Kaito to talk to her about it, having noticed that he seems to be closer to Maki than she is.
Maki does have a friendly event with Kaede, too, but it turns out to be more about Chihiro, who’s also in the scene. Maki and Kaede happen across Chihiro crying, and he explains that he found an injured bird that died before he could take it to Gundham to maybe save it.
Maki points out that that’s not Chihiro’s fault and Gundham might not have been able to save it anyway.
Chihiro: “You’re… right… But when I thought about how it probably wanted to fly more, I just started crying…”
Chihiro is projecting his weakness issues onto this poor little injured bird that probably wished it was stronger, but then it didn’t manage to get any stronger and died because it was too weak! Aww, Chihiro.
Maki: “I don’t think you should be crying over that, though… But… I do think it’s fortunate it had someone to cry for it.”
Maki looks distant during that second part, because apparently she’s also somewhat projecting her issues onto this bird. She’s acknowledging that it’s sad when someone suffers alone without anyone knowing and being able to care about it. In a very, very indirect way, she’s saying that her past suffering matters, and that she deserves to have others know and feel sorry for her about what she’s been through. That’s a big deal coming from Maki! (And I’m sure others do know about her suffering; if she’s admitting this, then she’s probably already told Kaito and Shuichi about some of the more awful parts of her assassin training by now.)
Chihiro wants to bury the bird, so both Kaede and Maki suggest they should take it to Gundham, who’d know about how best to do this sort of thing. Maki offers to come along, which Chihiro seems surprised about.
Kaede: “You know, Chihiro… Maki may seem edgy on the outside, but she’s actually very sincere.”
Maki: [pouting] “…You don’t need to come with us, Kaede.”
Kaede: “Why!? I only said the truth!”
Maki is a good caregiver! And also embarrassed at Kaede earnestly telling near-strangers how caring she is. Kaede is good and I hope she and Maki continue to be friends; she’d be able to help Maki out a lot too, even without necessarily having to know her secret.
Maki: “I can’t just leave a crybaby like you alone. That would leave a bad taste in my mouth…”
Maki mentioned during her FTEs that her best friend from the orphanage (who is no longer alive) was something of a crybaby who tried her best to be strong. Is Chihiro reminding Maki of her friend here? Because that’s adorable.
There’s a little more Maki and Chihiro in one of Maki’s third year winter events, not precisely as a follow-up to this but I might as well cover it here anyway. Maki happens across Chihiro in the dining hall, and after some conversation about Chihiro not having the strength to open a jar (but wanting to keep trying rather than having Maki do it for him), Chihiro comments that Maki must be like a reliable big sister to the kids she looks after.
Maki: “I don’t think… I’m that reliable.”
Chihiro: “Huh, why?”
Maki: “I’m not good at taking care of people and I keep secrets. You can’t rely on someone like that.”
Makiiii, you are very good at taking care of people. And you only keep your secret to protect both yourself and other people, not out of any kind of malice or intent to deceive, so that doesn’t inherently make you unreliable. I guess in this universe Kaito never got the chance to give his speech about how having secrets is just human and doesn’t necessarily make someone a bad person.
Chihiro: “You keep secrets?”
Maki: “Nothing. Forget it.”
Chihiro: “Um… Uhhh… Keeping secrets might be bad… But I don’t think it’s strange… Even I… have secrets.”
Turns out this is something Maki and Chihiro have in common! Chihiro isn’t keeping his secret for a malicious reason either, nor does it make him any less worth relying on because of it!
Chihiro: “Maki… is there anyone you talked to about your secret? Or have you not told anyone?”
Maki: “Well… I have told someone.”
The fact that Maki says that she told Kaito and Shuichi her secret makes it all the more likely that the reason they found out really is because she slowly grew to trust them enough to tell them. I don’t think she’d word it that way if they’d been the ones to figure it out first.
Chihiro: “Okay, then you’re fine. It’s a bit of a relief to have someone to talk to.”
Maki: “That’s true… I actually do feel a bit relieved.”
Chihiro is saying this because, in this AU, he’s entrusted Mondo with his secret and Mondo has been training him to get stronger, a lot like Kaito has with Maki! This is a big thing they have in common, and it’s lovely to have that brought up here and see them both agreeing that it’s nice not to have to bear their secret alone.
Honestly, if Chihiro had happened to be in Kaito’s class instead, he’d probably have admired Kaito’s strength and gone to him instead with his secret to ask for help getting stronger, and damn right Kaito would have immediately taken him on as a sidekick and it would have been adorable. But instead, Chihiro has Mondo, which in some ways is essentially the same thing and in some ways is rather different, as we’ll get into later in this post.
Year 1 seasonal events
The first year’s seasonal event is the summer sports festival. There aren’t too many here I want to cover, but I might as well group them together for it anyway.
Show ‘em what you got in the three-legged race! Maybe you should talk to someone before the race. But who?
- My sidekick, of course!
One fun thing about the way the game does these seasonal events is that the narration and the choices are written in the POV of the character you’re playing as. Kaito is so into this and so eager to talk to his sidekick – obviously he wouldn’t pick anyone else! (He did keep saying back in Salmon Team that the sidekick totally wouldn’t pick anyone besides the hero – and that at least is something that goes both ways!)
Kaito: “Alright, bro! It’s finally time to show off the results of all our training! Don’t hesitate! There’s no way we can lose after training through blood, sweat and tears!”
Shuichi: “Blood, sweat and tears sounds like a little too much… But it’s true that this training will give us an edge in the festival. I feel like we can win!”
Of course their training will help! Not just in the sense that it’s made Shuichi physically fitter, but also just because it means Kaito and Shuichi are so very in-sync with each other. The three-legged race is an event that relies less on physical prowess and more just on extremely good teamwork, so it’s perfect for Kaito in general, and especially for him and Shuichi since they’re such close friends. I bet Kaito signed them both up the moment he heard there was going to be a three-legged race, probably before even asking if Shuichi was up for it (because he already knew he would be).
Kaito: “I’ve already decided I’m gonna win at everything today. So as my sidekick, you better support me!”
Kaito is still pretending like the sidekick thing is even remotely about Shuichi making him look good when really it’s literally the opposite of that. Though I suppose events like this give him an excuse to actually make things seem this way for once, so that he can set a super-awesome example for his sidekick to strive for.
Despite acting like he definitely wouldn’t have chosen to talk to anyone but Shuichi, Kaito can also talk to his opponents, one of whom happens to be Fuyuhiko. (Another event implies that Fuyuhiko’s partner in this race is Kazuichi, which means we were so close to seeing Kaito and Kazuichi interact! They do not have a single interaction in this mode and I feel incredibly robbed.)
Kaito: “Oh hey, Fuyuhiko. Never thought I’d be going up against you!”
Kaito starts with this, so it seems he’s aware of what Fuyuhiko’s like and knows that it appears to be unlike him to be at events like this. (This is, after all, a Fuyuhiko before his canon character development in which he warmed up to everyone.)
Fuyuhiko: “What, am I not allowed to be here or something? Did you think I’d just ditch school events?”
Kaito: “Nah, man! I’m glad you’re here! I always thought you were the type that’d show up to this stuff!”
Fuyuhiko: “Geez… don’t act like you’ve got me figured out. I never wanted to do any of this lame shit.”
But Kaito does have Fuyuhiko figured out, doesn’t he! Despite what he said at first, which was based on how Fuyuhiko appears on the surface, Kaito can also see past that and tell that really Fuyuhiko does want to join in with this kind of thing with his schoolmates and is just very prickly about it. And by being so forward with the “Yeah, of course you’d do this!”, he’s also trying to get Fuyuhiko to realise that it’s really not so embarrassing to want this and he should be more open with it. Kaito is so good.
Kaito’s other opponents, and last options to talk to for this event, are Hiro and Hifumi. There’s nothing of substance in that conversation other than pointing out how hilariously ill-equipped they are for a three-legged race. And since Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi are not super in-sync with each other and liable to bicker, Kaito and Shuichi definitely destroyed the competition and showed everyone what an awesome team they are.
Kaito appears in a few other people’s sports festival events, but none of them are that noteworthy. He suggests Gonta should play more aggressively at basketball, protests that his face is not dumb-looking when Mahiru decides to take photos of the three-legged race, and encourages Peko to be enthusiastic in cheering on her friends.
Kaito: “Shout whatever you think will help. That’ll become their strength out there!”
Words becoming other people’s strength is so very luminary of him and it’s lovely to see him passing that idea onto others.
Maki has a brief noteworthy bit during the sports festival, in an event you get as Kyoko, who is one of Maki’s opponents in the girls’ three-legged race.
Maki: “Even though sports festivals are a pain… I don’t intend to hold back. There’s someone in my class who would nag me if I don’t do my best.”
Guess who she’s talking about! Sports festivals may be just for bragging rights and not really Maki’s thing, but Kaito has managed to instil her with at least a little of his philosophy that anything and everything is worth getting passionate about and giving your all.
The sports festival happens in June, while Japanese school years start in April. Which means that, man, Kaito really got to work fast on his prolonged stubborn pestering to get through to Maki if he’s already done so in the space of only a few months. …Or, since she only says “someone in my class” and not “a friend”, maybe this is before Maki has actually told him her secret (though she’d still be reluctant to admit he’s her friend for a little while after that). But even if she’s not his sidekick yet, clearly he’s still been pestering her plenty about doing her best and getting involved in things, because of course he has.
Meanwhile, Shuichi’s events for the sports festival involve him tracking down and apprehending Monokuma, who was causing chaos for the hell of it (yes, Monokuma is here in this non-despair AU as a separate autonomous character, somehow, just go with it). Shuichi’s using his detective skills to help people, just like Kaito was encouraging him to!
Mondo (featuring heroes and sidekicks)
Another of Kaito’s friendly events, and one which is followed up on with a third year seasonal event, is with Mondo. While I am endlessly sad that there are no interactions between Kaito and Kazuichi… perhaps that’s understandable, because Kaito would have full-on sidekicked the hell out of Kazuichi and it would have been a whole thing that this mode wouldn’t have room to do justice. But I do also like Mondo a lot, so maybe Kaito’s interactions with him here are the next best thing.
Mondo: “…”
Kaito: “What’s up? Is something bothering you?”
Given Kaito’s intuition, he’s probably right to assume that something’s bothering Mondo here. After all, Mondo definitely has a lot of issues that he hasn’t remotely sorted out yet.
Kaito: “Alright, then I’ll tell you about the universe! It’ll make your problems look insignificant!”
While this could read as such, Kaito is not saying this in any kind of self-centred sense of “my space stuff is more important than your issues”. Rather, he’s trying to help Mondo realise his problems maybe aren’t quite as big and as scary as he’s making them out to be. “The universe is impossibly vast” isn’t necessarily just something Kaito says to geek out about space. Perhaps it’s also a way he’s found to help put his problems in perspective (you know, when he has them, which is definitely never and why are you asking where his parents are), so he’s trying to do that for Mondo, too.
Mondo: “You talk about space and shit all the time, but… you ain’t even been there yet, right? And even so, you’ve still got such a confident look on your face.”
Kaito: “Of course. I’m Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars! It’s already been decided that I’m gonna go to space! Right now is just before that happens!”
This is such a straightforwardly Kaito outlook. It doesn’t matter that he hasn’t been to space yet, he’s definitely going to, so he might as well carry himself like somebody who already has! He’s so good at having confidence in himself and what his future holds.
Mondo: “It pisses me off, but… hearing you say something like that makes it sound possible. Space, huh? To have a dream like that, you gotta have some real balls, man.”
…And maybe that sort of outlook is the kind of thing that could help Mondo. Kaito presents himself the way he does not just to make himself look good, but more importantly to try and inspire others to have that same incredible confidence in themselves.
Kaito: “Right!? I knew you’d get me, Mondo! Space is huge! It’s filled with the unknown! It’s a man’s passion to explore it, right!?”
Mondo: “A man’s passion… Like the wind on ya when you’re riding your motorcycle at top speed? …Is it something like that?”
Kaito: “That’s right! Just like that! It’s somewhere you’ll never reach if you live normally!”
Look at these manly dorks. Even though exploring space and riding a motorbike are two very different things, I like that Kaito agrees they basically both fall under the same principle – it’s about pushing the limits and doing whatever you’re most passionate about, no matter how out-there it is. Kaito’s concept of “a man’s passion” is somewhat different and more specific than just his general concept of manliness, and in his case, it’s all about that passion for SPACE. Still not inherently gendered, I might add.
(Mondo also has his own general concept of manliness, of course, and his is definitely very gendered, although there’s still a decent overlap with Kaito’s in terms of things like integrity and honour.)
Kaito: “Hey, what’s your dream, Mondo? I bet yours is filled with fire and passion!”
Mondo: “Nah, I… ain’t got something like that.”
Mondo does in fact have a dream – he wants to quit his bike gang and become a carpenter when he graduates. But it seems he’s embarrassed to admit that, perhaps because it doesn’t sound “fiery and passionate” enough next to Kaito’s dream of space.
Kaito: “Really? Are you only looking at the past or something? You can’t move forward in life if you’re looking backwards, y’know?”
Some good advice and definitely something Mondo needs to hear! He is very stuck on the past and what happened to his brother, when he should be looking to the future and trying his best to move on from that.
(Also remember that Kaito lost his parents, and while that presumably wasn’t at all his fault like Daiya’s death kind of was Mondo’s fault, Kaito is still very much using his past pain to push him forwards rather than hold him back.)
Mondo: “…”
Kaito: “What? You don’t wanna tell me? Don’t compare your dream to mine, y’know? You’ll get scared by the size of the universe…”
Again, this is not Kaito doing a self-centred “my dream is better than yours”. In fact, it’s the opposite – he’s telling Mondo that he shouldn’t worry about comparing himself to others. Just because most people don’t have dreams as ridiculously huge and over-the-top as Kaito’s dream of space, that doesn’t make their own dream any less important if it’s something they’re equally passionate about! The example Kaito is trying to set as a luminary isn’t about inspiring everyone to literally share his goal of going to space, but rather to just be as passionate about their own goals as Kaito is about his!
Kaito: “Then chase your dream with confidence! Don’t think your dream is too small or you’ll become small yourself!”
Mondo: “Like hell I’d do something like that! I’m gonna be the best in the universe at my dream!”
Kaito: “Heh, that’s what I like to hear!”
Exactly! Being a carpenter may be an ordinary job, but that doesn’t make it small and insignificant, not if it’s what Mondo’s really passionate about! And Kaito succeeded in getting Mondo to feel that way! He’s going to be the best carpenter ever!
Kaito is so good. Mondo has a lot of issues he needs to work out, and while Kaito didn’t really begin to get into any of them, he still managed to encourage Mondo to be more positive about his future. I always say that Kaito presents himself with so much overblown confidence to try and set an example for others to do the same, and here’s an instance of that very tangibly working on someone and helping them out.
As a brief interlude between the two Kaito and Mondo scenes, Mondo can end up serving Shuichi from the yakisoba stand he’s working at for the school festival in a second-year seasonal event.
Mondo: “Thanks for coming, it’s on me!”
Shuichi: “Hm? That’s… Are you sure?”
Mondo: “Hey, don’t worry about it. Any buddy of that spaceman is a buddy of mine.”
Aww, Mondo really does appreciate Kaito’s encouragement! He didn’t need to make a thing of it in front of Shuichi at all – Kaito would never know or care that he hadn’t – but he did anyway. Mondo is a good guy. This kind of suggests that maybe he and Kaito have been hanging out offscreen a bit more than the one scene we saw – evidently not to full-on sidekick levels, but at least a little.
Mondo: “He’s like a younger brother to me. Seriously, it’s on me, man.”
Shuichi: “…So that’s what he is to you, huh? You’re both the same age, though.”
Yes, Mondo, that is definitely what he is to you. While he’s happy to show his appreciation for Kaito, Mondo doesn’t want to tarnish his tough-guy image (nobody must know how weak he really is!!!) enough to admit that really Kaito’s the one who’s helped him. Mondo is totally a born big brother figure, it’s definitely not like he was actually the little brother who adored and looked up to his big bro or anything.
Shuichi is right to be sceptical, not only because Kaito and Mondo are the same age, but also because he knows that Kaito is always the supportive figure and is highly unlikely to end up being treated like a younger brother by anyone.
Shuichi ends up insisting that he repays Mondo’s free yakisoba sometime and that he’ll bring Kaito along. The three of them hanging out would be adorable! It’s a shame we don’t get to see it.
Then, in one of Mondo’s third year winter events, he ends up bumping into Kaito on a nighttime walk. Most of the scene is just Kaito being very enthusiastic about space and confident about getting there one day.
Mondo: “With that kinda confidence, I think you might actually make it up there…”
Kaito: “Well of course! I’m the Ultimate Astronaut, y’know!? Everyone told me it was impossible… But the impossible is possible, all you gotta do is make it so!”
Ayyyy! Of course this is still a thing in this AU. Plus a very rare instance of Kaito referring to himself as the Ultimate Astronaut rather than the Luminary of the Stars, perhaps only because he’s literally talking about being an astronaut and going to space.
Kaito: “You can always change your present and your future, as long as you don’t give up!”
Mondo: “You’re right. I can’t change the past, but I can do something for the future.”
But Kaito also reiterates this advice from before, and it really does seem to have got through to Mondo and helped him move on from his brother’s death. This scene doesn’t add much, but it’s nice to underline what Kaito did for Mondo and show that it really did stick.
Kaito: “Yeah, that’s the spirit! Do your best, even after you graduate, Mondo!”
Mondo: “Don’t talk to me like that, I’m not one of your sidekicks…”
Heh, I like how this implies that they’ve had enough conversations for Kaito to have told Mondo plenty about his sidekicks, allowing Mondo to have figured out roughly what he really means by the word. Mondo isn’t exactly one of Kaito’s sidekicks, no, since Kaito hasn’t quite made it his personal business to help Mondo out in every single way he can… but since Kaito has helped Mondo out a little anyway, it’s not too far off from that.
It’s almost a shame we don’t get more insight into these conversations they had about Kaito’s sidekicks, because the sidekick thing is rather similar to what Mondo has been doing with Chihiro in this AU, in that Mondo’s been guiding Chihiro through physical training to help him get stronger. Mondo wouldn’t call it this, but Chihiro is effectively his sidekick in Kaito’s definition of the word!
So, even though scenes featuring only DR1 characters would otherwise not really belong in this V3 commentary, I am going to talk a little about the Mondo and Chihiro scenes here for the purposes of comparing their relationship to the one Kaito has with his sidekicks. When I say that, I mean specifically Kaito’s relationship with his sidekicks in canon, since in this AU he’s genuinely fine, but in canon he was not as strong as he was pretending to be, a lot like Mondo. And by “sidekicks” I of course mean particularly Shuichi, since he’s the one Kaito secretly looked up to and saw as already greater than himself, much like Mondo does with Chihiro. See? Similarities! But there are quite a few differences, too.
Mondo and Chihiro have two scenes together, the first a regular friendly event and the second as one of Mondo’s third year seasonal events. The first scene presumably happens not especially long after Chihiro has begun training, because it features him struggling to do even half the push-ups expected of him, while Mondo reassures him that he’s just got to keep working at it. The second scene has Chihiro remark that the exercise makes him feel refreshed, which Mondo points out is great progress when it used to make him feel sore all the time. Chihiro agrees that maybe he really has got at least a little stronger over the past three years, to the point that he’s starting to feel brave enough to tell everyone the truth about himself before they graduate.
Chihiro: “Even though I can never be as strong as you, I’ve been doing my best… I feel like… I can tell everyone. And it’s all thanks to you, Mondo.”
Mondo: “Hey, come on. I didn’t do anything special.”
Look at how Chihiro looks up Mondo as the perfect ideal of strength that he’ll never quite be able to reach and has no idea that Mondo has any kind of weakness. That sure is familiar.
Similarly familiar is the way Mondo feels like he barely did anything to help (because it was really all Chihiro’s own strength and hard work, right?). And yet, simply having Mondo there both as an example to strive for and as a friend so that he wasn’t doing this alone made a huge difference from Chihiro’s point of view. It only takes a nudge, but that nudge is vital! You did help him, Mondo!
Mondo: “Besides, from the very beginning, you…”
Chihiro: “Huh?”
Mondo: “…Nah, nothing.”
Obviously, Mondo was about to say that he feels Chihiro has always been strong – stronger than him – but then backed out of admitting it. This is reminiscent of the part in chapter 3’s first training session in which Kaito almost admitted that Shuichi wasn’t weak like Maki was, but then caught himself and changed the subject. In Kaito’s case, though, I think he was only just starting to realise that he saw Shuichi this way and wouldn’t have known how to properly articulate it even if he’d actually tried to (because wouldn’t that mean that Shuichi was never really his sidekick and didn’t really need him at all? and NOPE nope abort let’s just not even think about that). But here with Mondo, I get the sense that he’s already been very consciously aware the whole time that Chihiro is much stronger than him and is simply unwilling to admit it to anyone but himself.
Both our pairs of training buddies have a delightful thing going on where they each look up to their friend for having a kind of strength that they lack and assume that the other is stronger than them because of it. In Kaito and Shuichi’s case, they’re both types of emotional strength: Shuichi’s ability to focus on finding the truth no matter how much it hurts, and Kaito’s ability to keep being positive and upbeat no matter how bad things get. Ultimately, they’re still basically both as strong as each other, just in different ways. But with Mondo and Chihiro, Mondo’s strength is entirely physical, while Chihiro’s strength is entirely emotional, so they’re not really comparable at all. Which means that when it comes to the more meaningful kind of strength, the emotional kind, Chihiro is just stronger than Mondo.
The problem is that Chihiro doesn’t seem to realise that emotional strength is equally if not more important than physical strength. Yet Mondo clearly does, since he knows Chihiro is stronger than him – so if only he’d tell Chihiro that! That’d have helped Chihiro realise what he really needed to be striving for, and that getting physically stronger, even if it’d help him feel more confident in himself, was not really the main point. (If Chihiro had been Kaito’s sidekick, Kaito would absolutely have made that point clear and let Chihiro know that simply by trying to change he’s already grown stronger than he was before.)
Mondo wouldn’t even have needed to mention his own emotional weakness while hypothetically telling Chihiro that emotional strength is more important, so he shouldn’t have had an inherent reason not to do so. Perhaps the issue could be that Mondo was afraid that talking to Chihiro about emotional strength would lead Chihiro to probe about Mondo’s emotional strength too and realise the truth about him.
It could also just be that Mondo wasn’t at all used to this whole having-a-“sidekick” thing. Therefore he felt that the only way he could really help was by helping Chihiro with the thing he is good at, aka physical strength, and he didn’t feel like he was qualified to talk about emotional strength at all. …Essentially what I’m trying to say here is that maybe Mondo didn’t want to talk through Chihiro’s emotional weaknesses while still refusing to admit to his own because he didn’t want to be a giant hypocrite. That’s very possible. After all, he doesn’t have Kaito’s double-standard of “but I’m the hero so it’s different for me because they need me to be strong already” that caused Kaito to not even realise his hypocrisy.
See, Mondo is hiding his weakness here simply out of weakness, that same kind of cowardice that Kaito pointed out in Maki before he convinced her to face her issues and try and change. Mondo’s just too scared to bring his weakness out into the open and have everyone know that he’s not the tough guy he claims to be and that his brother’s death was his fault.
Kaito also didn’t want to admit to his weakness out of fear of shattering the image others have of him, but that was for other people’s sake and not his own, because he was convinced that he wouldn’t be able to support Shuichi or Maki or the others any more if they knew the truth. Mondo also evidently doesn’t want Chihiro to know that he’s weak, but I feel like that’s more for his own sake, because Chihiro looking up to him so much lets him feel strong and helps him continue to hide from the weakness that he’s too scared to admit to. He seems relatively willing to admit to himself that really Chihiro would be fine without him, so it’s not that Mondo thinks revealing his weakness would cause Chihiro any problems.
Although, there is some level of selflessness in Mondo hiding his weakness – not in terms of Chihiro, but in terms of the members of his gang. They all look up to Mondo as their awesome leader who bested his big bro in a bike race (even if that ended tragically, that was Daiya’s fault for getting reckless because he was about to lose, wasn’t it?). So Mondo’s afraid that if they learn the truth and how weak he really is, the whole gang will fall apart. I’d like to believe that’s not actually the case and that his gang members are good enough bros that they’d understand and be supportive of him and still look up to him anyway even if they knew. But it’s hard to be sure of that without knowing much about what they’re like, so it’s possible that Mondo actually does have a more legitimate reason to be afraid of this than Kaito ever did.
Once Mondo and Chihiro are done training in their winter scene and Chihiro has left, Mondo has one last line to himself…
Mondo: “I wonder… if I can change too. I don’t know if I’ll ever be as strong as you, Chihiro.”
Just admitting to that desire to change is the first step, Mondo! And with that alone, in some ways, Mondo has immediately got further than Kaito ever did in canon.
Admitting it to Chihiro would be a bigger help, though. After all, even Chihiro himself needed someone else to share his problems with in order to be able to change in the way that Mondo is admiring so much. It’s a shame that Mondo can’t even use that as inspiration to find the courage to do that himself, in order to start working on his weaknesses like he so clearly wants to do. You’d only need to tell one person to begin with, Mondo! And Chihiro would keep looking up to you for your physical strength anyway, because that’s a separate thing that you still undeniably have!
(Which was totally a different thing for Kaito, since Shuichi looked up to him for his emotional strength, so surely Kaito admitting that he’s emotionally weak would have ruined that entirely! It couldn’t possibly be that he’s still emotionally strong in some ways even if he’s weak in others and Shuichi would still have every reason to admire him – if he’s weak at all then that instantly means he’s a failure as a hero, right?)
If only Chihiro had ever learned about Mondo’s weakness one way or another, he would definitely have been able to help. Even if he wouldn’t have exactly known how to, he’s an absolute sweetheart who’d have done his best anyway to try and reassure and encourage Mondo that if even Chihiro can work to get stronger and admit his secret to everyone, surely Mondo can too!
It does seem like Mondo made some decent progress over his time at Hope’s Peak, based on this winter scene with Kaito and another one with Taka in which he openly talks about his plans to quit the gang and become a carpenter (Taka is adorably proud that he wants to put in the effort and contribute to society). That’s a little bit thanks to Kaito, but also a lot thanks to simply having friends like Chihiro and Taka and having had time to reflect on things. But if only he’d been brave enough to confess his weakness and what happened to his brother to at least just Chihiro, they could have talked about it more and Mondo could have made a lot more progress on the real root of his issues. Alas.
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3, 15, and/or 24 for the fic ask meme?
from end of year asks post
thank you anon
3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year
2019 is the year i rejoined fandom! i grew up reading and writing harry potter fanfic, took many-years break, and came back in january 2019, post-break-up, for the raven cycle and all for the game. so it’s really been a year of learning how to write again, learning how i like writing. it turns out i really like one-sentence paragraphs. here are some examples i can think of, i guess i do this style a lot, which i do unapologetically.
from (trc) alive, alive alive
Something tugged inside Ronan and he stomped outside. He made his way towards the first field and just started walking, jacket forgotten, boots sliding easily through wet grass, skylight dimming, his breath coming out in shudders like smoke, and at some point Opal had come running out of a hedge or a tree or a rock, had run rings around him, had shown him all the stones she’d found that she thought looked like her opal, and he’d nodded, had accepted a stone in cold dry fingers, had felt it in his palm all rough texture against rough texture, had watched her bobbing head as she exhausted herself against the day, had looked at the wet grass curled around his boots, at the line of trees curling at the foot of the hill, at the dissipating clouds in the paling orange sky.
from (trc) sunlight feels good now don’t it
When Adam woke up it was to tight skin and dreams of his father towering above him, Adam on the ground, please stop please stop please stop and his left ear ringing – he touched it, vacant, elsewhere; it was to loud warring voices in his head and him, frowning, and not opening his eyes as he thought I overreacted, Gansey wasn’t saying – but also – I am broken and he knows he knows he doesn’t want me to break him too – and he swung a leg out of bed, and then the other, eyes still closed, and thought – I really don’t think that’s what he meant, this isn’t fucking logical Adam – but also – but ok we do know I’m manipulative and selfish and weren’t those the exact qualities Gansey’s afraid of – and then he opened his eyes and his skin was crawling and his father was walking towards him and he just wanted it to stop and he imagined smashing a glass into a wall and wished for a split second it was his father’s face, no, he wished it was his face – it was a little your fault, wasn’t it Adam? – and then he opened his eyes, stared, a little stunned, blood on his knuckles and the bathroom mirror shattered, glass dripping into the sink, and from somewhere far away Daniel’s voice, “Adam?”
from (aftg) hold me close
“I don’t need protecting, and you promised to stop that bullshit a long time ago. Do you understand or do I need to repeat myself?”
There’s a couple of birds flying overhead, their calls to each other just loud enough to filter through the pounding in his head, and it sounds like the sky is singing, and then he can hear waves too, crashing against the sand he’s standing on, and it’s like he’s trapped in a soundscape that he hadn’t been listening to before – or maybe wasn’t able to hear – but suddenly it snaps back to him with a jolt of colour, and noise, and the understanding that he’s barely awake, that he’s standing right where his mother died, screaming at someone he doesn’t want to live without.
so, yeh, there’s that. but also here is a favourite single line i can think of, from (trc) sunlight:
This speech had been made to the sky, and Adam spent a while after he’d finished speaking wondering at the appropriateness of that. That someone the scale of Ronan could only fit into something as infinite and wondrous as the sky.
15. something you learned this year
ah man. idk. i spent a lot of this year digesting my own mental health / general life woes by reading and writing fanfic. so something i’ve learned. maggie s said in a writing seminar you can’t write about a problem you have if you haven’t solved it yet. i think about this a lot. i think about writing adam parrish grappling with the concept of anger, thinking of himself as a monster he can’t escape; neil josten unable to admit something’s wrong, unable to take the first steps in fixing what’s wrong in his brain chemistry. idk. maybe i was able to write these stories because i have, at least partly, dealt with my own issues with the concept of anger, with taking a step forwards in seeking help. maybe it’s because i’m in fandoms where we fucking love talking about our problems. which i think is a really really good thing. or maybe il reread these two stories in a few years’ time and think “hoo boy she really was still in the thick of it and had no idea eh”.
this was supposed to be what have i learned. i have learned that:
it is ok to use writing fanfic as a way to learn about yourself; but it can’t be everything
it is ok to use reading fanfic as a way to feel your emotions safely; but it can’t be everything
be yourself! that is what i have learned. the rest will follow.
24. favorite fic you read this year
my gosh well that’s not fair because i’ve read essentially the entire backlog of the trc and aftg top hits this year and then some. however, these are the ones that stuck out, that i’ll keep going back to (ignoring like the five you’ve all already read anyway):
(the raven cycle) Like Storms: this fic man… selectively mute adam meets gansey and ronan at college, and they in turn meet ghost!noah in a church and… i dont know my heart just Did Not Cope. i don’t know how to explain how special this one is, except to really emphasise that i spent this year really only reading fanfiction, and this is the one i’m choosing to recommend.
(harry potter) Away Childish Things: this broke me. it’s basically an excuse to have harry and draco deal with their traumas by meeting the younger version of each other, and figuring out shit they should have figured out already. it’s, genuinely, one of the most beautiful things i’ve ever read.
(all for the game) we might be hollow: im going to cheat and very quickly give you this, possibly my favourite long fic? neighbours au, and, stunning, i just remember the pacing was perfect and i felt like *a lot*. BUT im sorry can i also just very quickly shove this in your face. paper skies: favourite short, hands down, no contest. absolutely gorgeous short piece about andrew’s favourite colour, and how he uses it to search for meaning in his life. i’ve read this one so many times.
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ok that’s all. ask me more questions if you can stand such long answers.
#aftg#trc#fanfic#w r i t i n g#and reading!#and answering questions too#ao3#is just the best place#dont you think#hp#harry potter#a lil bit
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Unconventional Roommates (Part-5)
Word count: 4K
Pairing: Dean X Reader
Warnings: Fluff-ish? ;)
Series Summary: Now that his brother is at Stanford, for the first time in his life, Dean does something for himself. He takes a step towards chasing his own dreams and moves away from Lawrence to start college, which is both thrilling and scary at the same time. Only catch, in this unknown town, he is stuck with the MOST infuriating female on the planet- the roommate from hell!
A/N: Yes they’re talking!! ;) This is also written for @spnfluffbingo
Square filled: Slow burn
Thanks to my Darling @deanssweetheart23 for beta reading this. This wouldn’t have been possible without your love and encouragement. Love you <3
Unconventional Roommates masterlist
"Why do you look like someone died?" Cas' voice was curious, but his expression was borderline pitying when he found Dean on the lone bench in the quadrangle with his head in his hands.
"It's me. I'm about to get butchered in there," Dean sighed.
"C'mon, it can't be that bad."
Dean looked up to meet Cas' eyes. "You know exactly how bad it is."
It was Friday. In an hour and a half Zachariah's class would begin and Dean would be thrown out again if not failing for the whole semester. He had just one set of drawings done along with the assignment written one and a half times. That asshat of a professor was going to bury him alive. But Dean knew he couldn't have done any better. With all of his college work drowned, he had other subjects to take care of, too, and yet, he had put in every free second into this stupid redo.
So much for wanting to be in college.
Cas nodded sympathetically because he knew of the flooding tragedy that had befallen Dean, but then he smiled, placing a hand on Dean's shoulder. "Well, my dear friend, I have some good news for you."
Dean doubted it but he still tried to put on an interested face while internally trying not to drown in doom.
"Zach's class is cancelled today."
"You're kidding!" Could it really be possible? Could such good luck have really befallen him?
"Yep," Cas smiled. "I was just at the office and the assistant was talking over the phone trying to reschedule Zach's lecture to Wednesday. Apparently he has the flu."
"You're me telling the truth, right?" Dean asked, barely believing his ears.
"Hundred percent," Cas grinned.
Dean got up, smiling for the first time in the past couple days. "You're a frigging angel or something."
"Barely," he said. "You deserve a break, man. It's been coming at you from all sides, all the time. How about you join us tonight? There's a party at the beach and you can tag along with me, Meg and the other guys."
Beach sounded tempting, but given the chance, he would rather stretch his legs and complete the backlog at a more comfortable pace than the desperate speed he'd been working at.
"I'd love to come, but I think my sanity would thank me for a full night's sleep now that I have the option."
"Well you have to go there two weeks later anyways to click pictures for the paper, it would be nice to get to know the area."
This was going to be his first assignment for the magazine. "What're the pictures going to be about?"
Cas' face brightened up. "Oh, there's going to be the fall fair there. Ferris wheels, games and all that stuff. We cover it every year for the paper."
Again, Dean was tempted to say yes, but he knew better.
"Thanks Cas, really, but I think I'll just have a quiet evening. I could use some quiet about now."
"Alright. Let me know if you change your mind."
Dean watched Cas walk towards his class, thinking about how people seemed to actually have a life here, while he was stuck trying to grasp the pieces to keep it all together. At least, there was one person whose life seemed to be as boring as Dean's. He hadn't seen her since the broken tap debacle. God knows what she did in the day, but, by the time he got back home, her bedroom was always locked.
He'd spent most of those nights in the living room, drafting the sheets on the small table in front of the TV. It was large enough to mount an A0 sheet. More times than necessary, his eyes had flitted towards the red door, even though he knew there was no one behind it. Dean had tried his best to forget the look of absolute panic on Y/N's face when he'd asked to enter her room and he found himself wondering what could possibly be in there. Years and years of filthy clothes? Maybe that was it, maybe she hadn't cleaned the place in a while and was embarrassed by it.
Then there was also the question of what she did. About that, Dean had some idea though. Only the night before, when he'd left the work table alone to make himself some coffee at 3 in the morning, he found math books had been laid out on the counter in front of the coffee machine. They were all worn out and from what Dean could guess very advanced math. She'd probably put them out to dry after the water in her room. So, she was a university student too, either she took night classes or it was correspondence.
That gave Dean some perspective about her life. She attended the night classes and took up a job immediately after. Maybe a call centre? But that seemed unlikely given how uninterested she was in any sort of conversation. He'd laughed out loud to himself even picturing her speaking to anyone politely. What an impossible idea. But no matter what, Dean could see she was taking so many efforts to learn. He could respect that. For all he knew, she worked a day job, too. He was just never around to ascertain it.
Dean spent the rest of his day trying to figure out how to finish his work. It seemed impossible in every way, but he was sure going to try. When the last lecture for the day ended, he quickly picked up his bag, flung the leather jacket over his shoulder and got out of his seat, only to be obstructed by Meg.
"Where you heading, pretty boy?"
"Home. You guys have fun at the beach."
Her brows furrowed. "You're not coming?"
Before Dean could reply, another guy from behind her spoke up. "Oh, he needs to figure his shit out first. Trying to ace the class and all."
Nick, Dean remembered. His name was Nick and he was the asshole who always snickered in the back of the class when Zachariah gave him a hard time.
"He's better at this than all of us put together," Meg shot him down, but Nick only smirked and sidestepped Dean to walk out of class.
Dean couldn't care less. He did thank Meg for extending the invitation though. She'd been very supportive of him in the class and otherwise. He knew that he could trust her and Cas without question, and that was something.
Dean didn't pay any attention to the door on the opposite side out of habit when he got home. Since the rare opportunity had presented itself to him, he just walked into his room, pushed the jacket and the bag in a chair, stripped down to his boxers and threw himself on the bed face first.
Sleep. He needed some sleep to function and before he could even complete that thought, Dean was out like a light.
The room was immersed in complete darkness when he woke up, and Dean sat up bolt, his heart pounding, before he remembered that it was Friday evening and he still had 5 days to finish the stupid assignment from hell. He let himself breathe in and out deeply a few times before pushing himself off the bed. On his way out, he grabbed his black T-shirt and pulled it on. He took a minute to splash water on his face before dragging his feet to the kitchen to boil water for instant noodles. That would have to do. Only when he turned around did he notice a small figure huddled in the corner of the sofa scribbling furiously on a small notepad. Black shirt, black tracks and a black beanie. Y/N looked ready for ninja action.
"What're you doing here?" Dean asked, all sleep suddenly gone.
"Uhhh I pay the rent?" She replied. "More than you."
Oh, how he had missed the snark.
"I meant why are you home at this time," he said patiently, going to sit on the sofa opposite to her. "You work nights, don't you?"
"I took this weekend off," she said, without looking up from her little notepad.
"Why?"
She looked up this time, judging whether or not it was worth telling him, then muttered quietly. "I'm visiting my family."
That seemed fair enough, but another thought had stuck Dean- if she had to request an off, that meant she worked weekends, too. That looked like a lot of hard work.
"Does your family live close by?"
"Close enough," she muttered, her tone effectively ending the conversation. Dean left her to it, going back to his noodles. He briefly wondered if he should ask her if she wanted some, then decided he would make for two anyway. If worse came to worst, he'd have to put the rest in the fridge and reheat it the next day.
She looked up again when he put a bowl in front of her.
"Chicken noodle," Dean commented, taking his seat back. "Eat."
And she dead ass picked up the bowl and emptied it in a minute flat. All Dean could do was stare.
"You want me to finish yours, too?" She grinned, clearly smug about his shocked expression, then shook her head a little. "Thanks for the noodles. I was hungry."
"Yeah, I could tell," he murmured, trying to scarf his own noodles.
"Why are you up at 1?" She asked, and Dean realized he'd never actually checked the time. She probably had her sleep cycle inverted anyway.
"I've got to finish my assignment," he said.
Y/N raised an eyebrow. "It's Friday night. You got nothing better to do with it?"
Dean had a retort somewhere about how she wasn't doing anything too exciting with her life either, but it got stuck in his throat, because the remnant of her grin was still visible in her odd eyes. It was distracting. He just blurted out the truth. All of it, from the delayed assignment that had to be done five times, to the ruined sheets from the water.
Her face was a delicate mask of horror when he was done.
"I don't blame you for any of it," Dean clarified quickly. "I just don't know how the hell I'm going to finish it."
"How much are you done with?" She asked, and even without looking, Dean could hear how sorry she was.
"One set of the sheets. That's a total of 5 sheets and the assignment one and a half times."
"Hey you have one set done, the rest is easy right?"
Dean stared. "How is that easy? It took me the better part of 4 days to get 5 sheets drafted. I just have 5 days for 20 more sheets."
"Just Glass trace it." She shrugged, like it was the simplest solution.
"Excuse me, what?"
She looked at him like he'd suddenly grown a third eye, but elaborated all the same. "You have one set of all drawings done, so just trace it."
"How?"
She grinned cockily again. "Wait here."
Dean watched as she disappeared into her room and appeared with a light bulb, a holder and an extension cable. She screwed the bulb to the holder, attached it to the extension, which she then connected to the nearest switch.
"Hand me some scotch tape," she ordered and Dean followed her instruction, curious to see what she was up to.
Y/N carefully taped the bulb to the underside of the glass surfaced table he'd been using as the makeshift drafting board.
"Hand me your completed sheet," she said and Dean did. Y/N mounted the sheet on the table. She then placed another blank sheet over it, perfectly aligning the edges, then turned on the bulb.
At first, nothing happened, but when she turned the lights off for the whole living room, with only the bulb under the table glowing, he understood the term "Glass tracing" exactly. The bulb was illuminating the lines drawn on the sheet below to reflect it on the sheet above. The section, isometric view and components of an diesel engine were perfectly visible on the new sheet, too. All he had to do was take a pencil and trace it out now.
"I'll be damned," he swore softly and somewhere over him in the dark, Y/N's soft chuckle sounded.
She turned the lights on.
"That should help," she said. "I can't believe you didn't know about this. What sort of Mechanical student are you?"
Dean was asking himself the same question. For crying out loud, he'd been an assistant in college for 3 years. How did he not know?
"Let me take a look at your report," she asked, and he handed that to her, too, mutely, still lost in his own thoughts about the trick.
"This seems easy enough," she commented, reading through his assignment. "Calculating the load on the engine, I see. If you get the formula correct, the derivations are easy enough. This is good math."
He nodded, mentally realigning the time-table he'd drawn for himself in his head. He had a lot more time on his hand now.
"Tell you what, just get done with all your sheets while you are at it. Who knows, maybe after the weekend, you wouldn't have to worry about them at all."
She turned to leave for her room, but Dean stopped her.
"Hey, Y/N!" He called. "Thanks."
Her Y/E/C eyes were ambivalent. "For what?"
"For… for letting me know about this trick."
She didn't dismiss him quickly, like he'd come to expect, instead, she tilted her head to a side and then murmured, "You surprise me, Dean Winchester."
He hung his head, expecting as much. "Because I'm stupid enough to not know about it?"
"Because you are sincere enough to not know about it," she said, not as praise, but as a statement. Somehow that just gave more meaning to her words. "Not very many people are that sincere… they all know the cheat codes… except you, apparently."
"Thanks… I guess?" Dean frowned, unsure what else to say.
"Get some sleep, Romeo. I'm sure you can afford some more of that now."
Long after Dean had settled in his bed, her words still hung in the air. Something about the way she'd said it made him think that sincerity was a quality she valued. If only she wasn't so cryptic, he'd know what to make out of her.
The next day he'd fried enough eggs and bacon for two. When he went over to knock on her door, it was locked. Again. Who knew how early she had gotten up to see her family. Dean wondered if they were as weird as she was.
Having the whole house to himself for the weekend made him restless, and it was hard to believe that just a week back he had been hoping for this very thing with all his heart. Nevertheless, he put his time alone to good use, tracing all sheets to the best of his abilities. He was smart, he knew better than to just blindly trace, so he made sure that all the drawings had light guidelines in the background to make it look like they had all been drafted individually. It took a little more time, but it was thorough. It assuaged some of the guilt he felt for tracing.
Come Sunday evening, Dean found himself lounging back on the sofa, phone in his hand. He'd been so busy that he'd never had time to reply to Sam's hundred missed calls or messages.
His brother picked up on the second ring.
"If I didn't know better, I'd have thought that you disinherited me," Sam jibed and, even thought Dean could hear his brother's scoff, there was also a petulant hint of accusal in it.
"I'm sorry," Dean said, running a hand over his face. "Things have been crazy around here."
"Crazy enough to forget that you have a little brother? You could have at least picked up one call."
Dean wanted to laugh out loud, not because Sam's worry was hilarious, but because it was comforting. Over the last year since he'd started at Stanford, Dean worried if Sam would grow distant, love his new, exciting life more than the one Dean could provide him in the dusty town of Lawrence, but Sam had never fallen back on his calls, and even though Dean used to be rueful about the two or three calls in a week, turned out Sam was much better at keeping contact than he was.
"Look, I'm really sorry. I know you must've been worried."
"Worried?" Sam said. "I went so crazy worrying that I almost drove over."
Oh. That wasn't good.
"But you didn't," Dean tried meekly. He was really feeling bad now.
"Yeah, only because Jess said I should call up the University pretending to be a worried kin. But, I was a worried kin."
Dean smirked. "Jess, huh? At least you're talking to her."
That calmed down Sam some. "Some student body person told me your attendance checked out and I know you wouldn't pull a bunking stunt in the first week. That's how I knew you were alive."
Sam lecturing him like a mother? Oh how the tables had turned, but secretly it made Dean feel all calm inside.
"Tell you what?" Dean tried to placate him. "I think I have the next weekend free. How about I drive over? It's like 6 hours. We can grab a few beers and I'll tell all about my misfortunes."
"Misfortunes, huh?"
You have no clue little, brother.
"Something like that," Dean smiled, because not all of it had actually been unfortunate.
"Sounds like a plan," Sam smiled. "I'll look forward to it. Don't stand me up."
Would the kid ever stop whining? "Do I look like the busty blonde who bolted on you yesterday?"
Sam chuckled on the other side of the line. "This one didn't bolt. Sleep on that." With that call ended.
Dean looked at the phone for a hot minute. Even Sam was getting action- Sam, the eternal virgin Sam! While, he, the apparent leather- jacketed stud the rest of his class thought he was, was stuck doing homework.
Such was life.
Monday morning was relatively more cheerful. If he stayed up for the rest of the two days as well, he'd manage to get the assignment written, too, the remaining three and a half times. That way he could catch up with rest of it before weekend and then he'd be free to go see his brother. It sounded like a lot of work, but, at least, there was light at the end of the tunnel. Even Bobby noticed when he caught him whistling.
"You're happy, boy!"
Dean nodded, putting his head back into fixing a bike that none of Bobby's other boys could figure out what was wrong with.
"Is it the girl?" He asked, and Dean threw back his head, laughing.
"Who? Y/N? God, Bobby no. It's not like that. She's a crazy girl."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
Dean considered. "Nothing actually, but it's not like that." He'd be getting way more action if it had. But he answered Bobby's question more fully now. "I'm happy cause I'm going to see my brother next weekend… if there's no work here that is."
"Go on, boy… there's nothing that we can't manage here," Bobby said gruffly. "Didn't know you had a brother."
"I do, a little brother. He's up at Stanford," Dean said proudly.
"Two University boys? Your folks must be proud."
Dean started working back on the bike, fixing the wench under the engine. "They're both dead."
"That's… uhhg-"
"It's okay, Bobby. It's been a while now, we were kids then."
Dean drove back thinking if he should have told Bobby the truth. The full truth that is, about his parent's death. Sure his mom had died when he was a kid, but his dad had been alive up until a few years ago. Dean just wasn't sure he was ready to talk about him yet.
He walked up distracted. Absentminded enough to even realise that the lift was working. Finally! He was all the way up and almost to his room when a voice that seemed too familiar called out to him.
Y/N was standing by his makeshift worktable, looking harassed.
"What happened to you?" Dean asked, rushing over. "You look-"
"Like someone drowned me 5 times and was brought me back just as many times?"
"Well… yeah." She looked exhausted, sleep deprived and ready to kill." Knowing her, he wouldn't put that past her.
"The traffic on the road sucked!" She said. "I thought I'd never make it back home in time."
"It's okay, you're back now," Dean urged. "Sit down, you look ready to fall."
She shook her head, then pulled out something from the puffy satchel hanging across her frame, and dropped a thick bundle on the table. "Here."
"What's that?" Dean asked curiously.
"Your assignment done five times over." She looked pleased with herself.
His eyes widened as he bent down to pick up the neatly stapled bundle of papers, scourging through leaf after leaf of tall pointed handwriting, neatly compiled into what was now the assignment.
"When? How?" This was better than he could have expected.
She hesitated, the way she did when she was sharing something she wasn't sure if she should. "Me and my sister did it together. I wrote it, looking at the one you'd already done and she drew all the diagrams. I mean, you're new, it's not like that douchebag professor would know your handwriting to notice the difference. Besides, all your assignments from now on would be typed, anyway. This will never come up."
That was probably the longest speech she'd ever uttered.
"You spent your time away with family writing my imposition? Why?" Dean was astounded. It was all beyond him. The girl worked so hard so she could get a weekend away to meet her family and then she uses that time slogging through his work? Wow, she was crazier than he ever gave her credit for.
Y/N stole looks from under her long lashes. "Well, it was my fault you had to do it anyway and then some of it got drowned… also because of me." She paused for a second, looking him full in the eyes. "And, also, because my sister isn't like me, she's a nice person who didn't mind carrying my guilt and helping a stranger."
"Well, looks to me your sister is a lot like you… Good," Dean mumbled, still shocked. This cleared up his week completely. He would surely get to see Sam now. "Thank you so much, Y/N. This just- you just did me huge favor."
"Just don't ever mention it," she all but warned. "Ever."
She hurriedly readjusted the satchel and then turned to leave.
"Where're you going?"
"Work! Now shut up, so I can leave."
But Dean just couldn't let her go yet. "You'll go to work in those?" She was back in the baggy black pants, grey hoodie and beanie.
"Oh, I can always change when I get there," she smiled unexpectedly, like it was her own private joke.
"Hey, Y/N," Dean interrupted her again, just to annoy her and her expression didn't disappoint when she turned around.
"What now, Romeo?"
He simply grinned. "Try not to murder someone tonight."
She winked. "I'll try." Then the door slammed shut, leaving Dean grinning in its wake. Maybe not everything was unfortunate after all.
************************************
A/N 2: Any guesses about where this is headed?
A/N 3: Please do consider reblogging my work and leaving feedback. Reblogging helps spread it, and also helps against the “best posts first” option tumblr has. The more the notes, the less chance of it getting buried beneath others posts. And the comments are what keep me going. I love you guys and I’ll be in forever grateful <3
Here’s my side blog @percywinchester27-writes. You can give that blog a follow and turn the notifications on to know about updates.
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#dean winchester x reader#reader x dean winchester fluff#dean winchester reader insert#dean winchester fanfiction#dean x reader#Ana writes Dean#anawrites#anawritesspn#Ana writes UR#ur part 5#please let me know how you like it?#q
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Wings plays BotW, Day Nineteen
Oh boy, quite the busy day today (mostly because I didn’t have the energy/mood to do anything else). You all are gonna be so proud of me!
Started off strong by accidentally stumbling upon a memory! Can’t complain there.
As promised, I started to explore Hyrule Castle (although first I had to wait for it to stop raining because I wanted to be able to see where I was going. I got in from the northwest, entering through the Docks via Cryonis and the Zora Armor. From there I made it as far as the Library before deciding not to take that path too far up, but I got a Great Flameblade for my efforts.
That intense moment when you walk out from somewhere and immediately have a Guardian’s laser honed on you, so you duck behind the wall, ready an Ancient Arrow, take a deep breath, and go back out. Heightened by Hyrule Castle’s music...it’s an amazing feeling.
Since I was there, I decided to look up where to find the Hylian Shield. I was basically one entrance off, so I went for it.
Hot spring under the castle!
I took on my first Stalnox! Honestly I did pretty good, minus the fact that I apparently couldn’t aim to save my life. But it worked out, so the Hylian Shield is now mine.
Link can balance on the rail cart tracks! I enjoy this fact way too much because it’s exactly what I would do.
It was only after leaving that I realized I didn’t look for the cookbook the guy asked about. With my luck it was in the Library.
After that, I started working on my backlog of side quests. Stuff happened in-between but what, exactly, is escaping me.
Started with Zora’s Domain stuff, specifically the Blue Hinox at Ralis Pond. Decided I might as well ride the adrenaline as long as possible. It proved to be a bit more challenging, getting in more than a few swipes at me and doing a lot of damage, but early on I burned off the guards on it’s leg with the Great Flameblade, allowing me to basically go to town.
Spent a long time looking for Mei, the wife that vanished during the downpour. Ended up going down the wrong river. Worth it though; found fun stuff, and even managed to follow my first Falling Star (I’ve gotten Star Fragments as rewards, but haven’t collected one myself)!
I’m so mad because I found one of Kass’ shrines and I know exactly how to do it but it’s proving challenging. It’s the ‘Crown of Bones’ one. Which is great because I was wandering that area vaguely wondering what it could be, and I stopped to take a picture of a Mountain Buck that looked like it had different antlers from what I’d seen (surprise! It didn’t), and after a moment I was like...’ooooh’. Except I couldn’t sneak up on a buck for the life of me. I managed to mount a soothe a doe, but no luck with the buck. Gave up for now.
Eventually had to look up where Mei was because I had a feeling I knew, but honestly that river flows into almost every other river in the game. I love that she’s so happy about her successful fishing when you find her that she doesn’t realize like two months have passed.
There was this one quest where I had to prove I was the Legendary Hero to a young woman, just by having the Master Sword. I remembered, and went to do that...and apparently I’m not her type. Then she got on my case about wasting time when I should be saving Hyrule.
Meanwhile Zelda is probably in the castle like...’Link you were so close’.
Ran through the desert in a sandstorm to get to the Leviathan Bones. Saw a Molduga from a distance. Made a mental note to avoid it.
The shrine by the last Great Fairy Fountain was fun...until the last part with lining up the wiring to unlock the cog. It was a solid minute before I noticed the big metal brick, several more minutes (and several falls into the water) before I realized the stone block could be separated, another solid minute to remember I could Stasis, and then another to actually make it work. So that was a thing.
Didn’t have the money to unlock the Fountain so it was snow bowling time! Even using the trick, I’m really hit or miss with that game, but I made my total Rupee count over 11k.
All four fairies are now unlocked! Now I just need to collect the stuff to upgrade everything. The only thing I could finish was a piece of the Climbing Set, and I still need to get the last piece from a Major Test of Strength.
It decided...it was time to take on a Molduga, for that one woman that needed the guts for medicine. Overall, it went pretty well. Save for when I was entering the zone, the Molduga wasn’t getting me, but I couldn’t figure out why I kept getting hurt. It was only after Mipha’s Grace activated that I realized I was still in the blast zone of my bombs. Great job Wings.
Worth it, though-she was so grateful. I stopped her on the way out of town and she asked my name, and while she admitted it sounded like more of a voe’s name than a vai’s, she asked if she could name her child(? I’m assuming that’s what ‘vehvi’ is, it sounds like ‘baby’) after me. Honestly I teared up a little.
Helped a little girl get her garden started. Stopped another Gerudo from littering. Captain Planet would be proud of me.
Couple of other small side quests. Sold my first horse, June, to that one guy who needed one. Figured she was gonna get sad staying in the stable all the time since I have Kelpie, Thunder, and Yarrow (and Tulip). Still a little heartbreaking.
I didn’t have to, but...I decided to go after another Molduga. Because my first impression about the quest to find Barta (again) was that I would have to fight another Molduga. When I got near that one I mentioned at the beginning, though, I noticed there wasn’t anything implying that. So I checked, found out where she was, then decided to fight it anyways.
The battle would have gone a lot better if an Electric Lizalfos didn’t decide to join in, shocking me an robbing me of my Great Thunderblade and my Hylian Shield. It was fun to see it getting attacked by the Molduga, but ultimately I struggled to keep luring it over to where I could fight it without being double-teamed. Rude.
Got Barta back to Gerudo Town, and with that finished up all the side quests for the Thunderhelm. Which...I thought there was one involving fetching ice? Because I was dreading that one. But I mean, Riju gave it to me, so...
That’s about it for today. Well, I say ‘that’s about it’ like four mini-bosses isn’t a big deal for someone like me. That’s a lot of progress, honestly. Potential goals for tomorrow (as usual I’m up for suggestions/hints/ideas):
Stock up on Hearty Durians again. I’m running low.
Basically grind Guardians and stuff until I can get the full Guardian gear set, because I would feel a lot better having that before I take on the Major Test of Strength shrines, one of which I really want to do to get the last piece of Climbing Gear.
I also want to do some of the stuff for horse gear. I have the Royal set and the Monster set, but I know there are at least two mini-games I can do to further deck Kelpie out.
Again, maybe the Labyrinth shrines?
I currently have seven active side quests, and I think I can get that down to...Maybe three? If I decide to look up the locations for the ‘Missing in Action’ quest I could get it down to two. One of the quests I plan to do means going back into the castle.
Gather materials for upgrading armor.
If I’m feeling brave, maybe fight a Lynel. It’s also about time I take on a Talus. I have almost no excuse now.
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Backlog Post: MG Spec-Ops Asuka Ep 4
Good to see you, friends!
I’m glad you stopped by. You see I think I’ve uncovered the secret as to why I’m so torn on this series, particularly in the writing department.
That’s right, Squeenix is involved. Don’t get me wrong I like a fair few of the Final Fantasy games. I really need to finish Bravely Default one day, and FMA is one of the godfathers of anime, but we all have to admit that Squeenix has a troubled history with good stories. Granted, they’re just the manga publishers so it’s not like they’re directly responsible for the writing, but the fact that their name is attached to a product where I’m iffy on the writing just makes too much sense to me.
Now at this point you may be wondering, “Fic, don’t you research the shows you plan to watch?”
To which I can only respond: “I’m a dragon living in an extra-dimensional library in need of occasional maintenance or else other realities start bleeding in,” followed swiftly by, “Of course I do research on the shows I want to watch. Would you like to see that research?”
And that’s how I came to watch Magical Girl Spec-Ops Asuka.
Synopsis: This episode is basically all about the world-plot all the time. Even in so far as the character plot is concerned so no extra synopsis this week. Essentially we pick up where we left off with Sporty having been kidnapped by the Babel Brigands. Things seem like they’re going to get right down to the action, but first we get a flash-back nightmare sequence!
[Cue Wayne’s World Flashback transition]
During the war Magical girl’s actually died. Including the original leader of the Magical Girl team who was named Francine. She actually died in Asuka’s arms since the group hadn’t found her in time for Stalker Nurse to do anything to help. She told Asuka to take over the team and remember that no matter how much horrible shit is in this world it also has beautiful things in it. It’s a really touching scene… Too bad the show doesn’t remember the “there are beautiful things too” bit.
[Flash forward]
So, you want to know what the response of the Police Brass’s response to the kidnapping of a high-ranking officer’s daughter happens to be? What with all the Magical nonsense going on and all you’d think maybe they’d have a response team for this sort of thing. Or maybe they’d open communication with the offending party and offer an exchange of hostages seeing as Mophead Mcterrorist is still kicking around. Or, you know, anything? They are Police even if they do have a different name. I presume they’re still there to protect and serve in some capacity even if that idea isn’t associated with the Japanese police the same way it is in the states. No, that’s not what happens at all.
When the concerned father comes to his superior about the situation concerning his kidnapped daughter what does she tell him?
Allow me to elaborate just a bit. Boss-lady here tells Sporty’s dad that they can’t go up against Mophead’s organization because of the risk they have more killer mascot kaiju which, fair enough, that makes sense. However, she then goes on to say that they can’t go running to the JSDF for help because this is too small an issue. BUT if they let this man’s DAUGHTER DIE then they can get a massive budget from the government which should somehow allow them to overcome giant killer plush-toys.
NO! BAD SHOW! You JUST got done telling us there was beauty in the world worth defending. Oh, right, my mistake you DIDN’T get done telling us that I skipped ahead a bit. No what really followed on the heels of the PTSDream was a scene of Sporty all trussed up while “I need Scissors 61” talks about ‘grilled meat’ a whole lot, and basically works to creep Sporty the fuck out.
Back to the failure of Bureaucracy: At the same time or very nearly to the meeting at the police headquarters, Asuka is being told about the situation and how the Police won’t be intervening. She asks what the super-special-magic combat squad for the SDF is going to do and Cyborg Dude’s all like, “Nothing we can’t act without a police request. BUT if a magical girl were to JUST HAPPEN to SHOW UP OF HER OWN VOLITION and a MAGICAL FIGHT were to break out then the incident might escalate to a point where we would be called on to intervene. HINT. HINT.”
So Asuka and Stalker Nurse say they’re going to head out and OH YEAH this is what I’m talking about. Give us half an epis-
What?
What!?
WHAT!?
Oh yes, friends, we get to spend 4-5 minutes of the episode in the basement with Heckel, Jeckel, “I need scissors 61”, while Sporty is tortured. I suppose I should be fair and say that a large portion of that time is filled with exposition on the villains. The most important tidbit being that this whole operation was aimed at luring out magical girls to take one captive in order to create what ‘I need scissors 61’ calls “A Girl of Mass Destruction”. HOWEVER, we’re still getting all this information while Sporty is stripped down to her… Sporty wear, tied to a wooden horse, and BEING FUCKING TORTURED! Even if it is in small bursts it’s still freaking chilling.
So yeah, we don’t get half an episode of the Magical Girls kicking terrorist ass to rescue their friend. Instead we get to see them take down a grand total of one doorknob, one wire trap, and three guards before they get to the trussed up Sporty.
‘I need scissors 61’ is all like, “Hello my dears I’ll be your transparently evil sadist for the evening. By the way I hope all the bondage and guro fetishists in the audience are getting off on what, for them, must amount to softcore.”
Asuka’s fires back with, “Okay, dirtbag, let our friend go and I won’t kill your ass then send the rest of you to kiss it in hell.”
“Let her go,” Says Scissor-bitch, “Why certainly.”
And she CUTS OFF SPORTY’S LEFT ARM! What grinds my gears the most is that she even makes the stupid fake-cutesy. “Woops I totally meant to cut the chains and missed. Tee-hee.”
So official psycho bitch orders the magical girls to put down their weapons or she’ll straight up decapitate the hostage, and at this point I’m SO happy that these are Magical Girls and not gritty Nineties military characters who would be like “go ahead, princess, make my day”. So Asuka makes a show of dropping her Karambit…. At which point the pair proceed to kick ass. Kurumi fires the massive needle-point on her primary weapon through ‘I need scissors 61’s shoulder pinning her to the wall and through a combination of swift action and a magical flashbang theys coop up Sporty sans one arm and make their getaway.
Naturally Runs-With-Scissors is pissed so she and the Ruski’s (Oh yeah the two people helping her torture an adolescent girl are Russian Mercenary Sorcerers) go and chase after the fleeing magical girls. Asuka stayed behind to try and hold them off, but of course Scissor-girl sics the Ruskis on her and chases after War Nurse on her own. We get a teensy bit more action and expository dialouge and that’s where the episode ends. Now I’ve got some serious…
Thoughts: Now to devil’s advocate it’s not wholly inappropriate that the torture scene take place. I’m bringing prejudice to the table based on what I expect out of a usual Magical Girl Show which is made for a MUCH DIFFERENT target demographic. Honestly along with more fanservice one should go into a Seinen show expecting more grim or edgy aspects to take the forefront. My problem is that those sorts of aspects don’t necessarily make a show more mature.
I guess I’ll never get over it, but Madoka was a perfectly mature take on the Magical Girl template that didn’t need a lot of edgy gory content or blatant spank material. This show seems to not know what the audience for it would want. I came into this thinking “Military Magical Girls in a series whose rating might allow them to actually show the horrors of war? That seems neat.” What I got was a post-war series that doesn’t seem to know if it wants to be about the trauma endured by what effectively child soldiers; a story about a war hero fighting to live a somewhat normal live while realizing the responsibility they have to keep fighting the good fight; pandering to the various circles who would find under-dressed young women attractive; softcore fetish porn; or any of a number of other things.
At the end of the day what did the torture scene serve? What purpose did it have? Was it important to the narrative that we see it? No… No it wasn’t. All it did was show us that one of the Ruski’s has a water Persona and the other likes to heat metal implements and is referred to as a chef. These are things that could have been exposited in combat, and I get that’s more a shounen thing but it doesn’t make the point any less valid. As for the explanation of what Babelfish wanted a Magical Girl for they could have moved that up to when Scissor-girl was tormenting Sporty with grilled meat earlier, or moved back to the classic villainous monologue after our heroes had arrived. If there had been even an iota of reason for the torture scene. Then I probably wouldn’t be this mad, because strong emotional reactions are what I look for to see if a piece of media is doing its job well. Getting angry at a story doesn’t immediately indicate that it’s bad. It’s when you’re mad for reasons other than those specifically written that we have a problem.
I didn’t see the torture scene this episode and think “Those monsters! I want to wring their necks!”
… Okay yes I did, but the problem is that I also asked a question: “Why is this here?”
Having a villain do an evil thing because they are wicked makes sense. SHOWING us them doing said evil thing has to have a narrative reason beyond just “Oh they’re the evil villain!”
Okay… I think I’m starting to repeat myself on that point so let’s talk about the other concern I have. The Flashback PTSDream implies that Asuka is driven to fight by the fact that despite how bad things can be there are still things worth protecting in the world. The problem, as I said in the synopsis, is that the show seems to have missed the memo on that. On the contrary the world is a place where young women get kidnapped and tortured, war heroes can’t get a good night’s sleep, and even the people who SHOULD be the good guys come across as evil schemers.
I know I skipped over the fact that the Police Lady and Cyborg-Scarface were actively manipulating Asuka and Stalker-Nurse into action, but so far as Sporty’s dad knows his boss is someone who’s willing to sacrifice a subordinate’s daughter to get a BUDGET BUMP!
If you’re going to stand on the premise that there are things worth protecting in the world you need to actually SHOW US THOSE THINGS!
“But, Fic, There’s Sporty and Bookish! They’re worth protecting!”
Yes, how very astute. Innocents ARE worth protecting. However, what about the WORLD makes it worth the Magical Girls’ efforts? Where is the beauty that Francine loved? We should have seen at least a sliver of it in this episode.
[Sigh] I stepped away from this post for a while to clear my head and I can’t come up with a positive note to end on. Oh well. I suppose we’ll just have to look forward to other things. Hopefully the future of this show will balance things out, but I know I’ll have fun digging my claws into it regardless.
That said: Until next post keep talking fiction, friends! I’ll see you soon.
P.S.: This week’s Spec-Ops will be posted later this evening. I need to take some time to myself first.
#Anime#Let's Talk Anime#mahou shoujo tokushusen asuka#Magical Girl Spec-Ops Asuka#Fictionerd#In-Character#Winter 2019#Winter Season 2019#Winter Anime 2019
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