#maybe i can just manifest one
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day 2 of the move this is gonna be a long fucking four weeks omg.
#ooc.#it's only six and i do think i could go to bed#like i'm so. exhausted#it's not even like Hard work it's just#long days. and stuff#i'm asleep by like 10:30 now#Old Man Era#might try to poke at something on here idk#might Think about a carrd#maybe i can just manifest one#the Idea of a carrd. like how lacroix#anyway ilu all so much#thank you for following me here even tho i am So Fucking Dead
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avatrice au fic recommendations:
i don't think there is a single avatrice au fic that i haven't read so here are some my favorites. i tried to find ones that weren't as popular, so hopefully there are couple here you haven't read.
I want to believe by puppybusby @yashastrongarms - x files au - basically 23k of avatrice flirting while being incredibly reckless with alien shit. unfortunately, it is only a one shot that doesn't delve into their relationship, but it is so worth it. and the tension. woof.
Truly a Steadfast Love by StoicLastStand - medieval au - they have a whole series of ficlets, but this is one of my favorites. there's a tournament to win ava's hand in marriage, ava goes undercover to fight for her freedom, but she ends up falling for the very knight who everybody wants to win. i also love their lucifer au, Greater Sacrifices.
a lover, or something of mine by Smokestarrules - reincarnation au - each chapter is a different life with a different story, and i promise you, if you have anything that even resembles a heart, you will cry. i keep going back and rereading chapter 4 because apparently i love to hurt myself. i also love the world is just illusion (trying to change you) by them, it's a road trip au.
i should love you (and i swear i do) by Noteveryonefitsintothebadbitchgenre - harry potter au (fuck jk rowling) - its that trope where they're married and they talk about each other constantly but nobody actually knows they're married. their students all think that professor silva and professor young have a friendly rivalry, but there are a couple of moments that don't add up.
purple by sxftmelody - hitman au - technically, but really it's just sad, i always cry at the end. beatrice helps ava run away after a job, and slowly they open themselves up and start to fall in love. tw: major character death. also love turning page by the same author, mercenary/princess au.
in our corner of the world by definitelynotthere - roommate au - i know, i know, there's a thousand roommate aus, why would i recommend a fic that isn't even finished and will probably never get finished? i don't know, i just really love this one, and if you're like me, you'll go "ooh, two cakes" and read it anyway.
The last hero of Ogygia by jessnope - percy jackson au - specifically calypso au, ava is calypso and beatrice is the flirty hunter that washed up on her shore. it's super cute.
stay there, 'cause i'll be coming over (while our blood's still young) by britishngay - spiderman au - ava's character voice is actually designed to be spiderman, and bea is the perfect doctor lady that patches spidey up when she gets hurt. plus beatrice telling lilith to "shut up and sit down" will never not be iconic.
sunday people (sunday shines for you) by gilligankane @piratekane - another roommates au - jealous ava is back again and out for blood, specifically jenn-with-two-ns blood.
this is my prayer (I'm in love with you) by nyxtyka - my best friend's wedding/spies au - i'll be honest, this fic went to my marked for laters to die. i don't know if it'll ever be finished, but it is one of my favorite aus, i promise it'll be worth the pain.
spellbound by onomofication - witch au - beatrice is the witch in the woods that ava goes to to finally find a way to explore the world like she has always wanted to. but as she gets to know the surprisingly kind, serious, kinda-sorta witch, she discovers that maybe the world was smaller than she had once imagined. i also love another fic by this author, hit me with you best shot, which is basically a cupid au, where ava runs around trying to stop jc, a cupid, from shooting the love of her life, beatrice.
the celestial glow is blinding by understreetlights - firewatch au - did i think ava and beatrice sitting around, looking at trees, and falling love with each other through walkie talkies was going to be interesting? no, but the world loves to prove me wrong.
too cold, it's withdrawal by KatieQgle - captain america au - give this one a chance, even if you don't like marvel. beatrice is hot as fuck as bucky and honestly the winter soldier plot line needed a little sapphic yearning. come on, avatrice in the army in the 1940s, being badass and fighting nazis together? who wouldn't love that?
i have a ton more, reach out if you want them!
#is it clear that i love 15k one shots?#i'm sorry for all the unfinished ones they're just too good#and hey maybe you can manifest them updating#just don't harass the writers#fic writers are like cats stuck under a building#you have to lure them out with gentle words and treats#warrior nun#avatrice#warrior nun fanfic#avatrice fanfic#avatrice fanfiction#avatrice fic#avatrice au#also i'm sorry if i didn't tag everybody on tumblr i just suck at tumblr sometimes#some accounts i just couldn't find#if there's an account that i forgot to tag please let me know
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Linktober Day 9
Deity
*sneezes after downing coffee* Well irl stuff got in the way so I'm way behind my original schedule for these and for Linktober but here we go with another arguably short one, fuelled purely by self indulgence, headcanons, spite against my linguist essays that kept me from keeping to schedule, severe sleep deprivation, a shout out to the Ender Lilies soundtrack and Majora's Mask soundtrack, and Nintendo for not clarifying anything about the lore so I'm snatching what I can and making it my own lol. Look, when you fíxate so much on details the Zelda team doesn't elaborate on you have to fill in the gaps with what you can.
As always can be read as romantic or platonic, technically in a LU context but not explicitly in it by itself.
The Lord of the Mountain liked hearing people sing.
In a way, it wasn’t a surprise, Hylia and the Golden Three each had their ballads and symphonies and minuets, each splendid and with cuts of their divinity in it, Farore was fond of lightning and forest alive minuets, and you could swear Farosh sparked just a bit brighter when one would him the beginnings of the Minuet of the Forest near their spring, Din was fond of boleros, fiery and alive and howling with the echo of flame touching earth that made a shine run through Dinraal’s scales, Nayru, in contrast, was much fonder of blizzard and river quiet serenades, the songs of contemplation at first snow ringing clear when Naydra curled around it’s spring, content to be free of Malice.
And of course Hylia had her ballads and lullabies, perfectly fitting to her display of divinity, of honey days and vast bird like wings, of ambered summers to come and to pass and dazzling solar storms of starlight and sunlight sparking through the human form of her descendants and heroes. So in a way, you weren’t surprised at all that the Lord of the Mountain – Satori, with a familiar touch of londsleite divinity, the hunt of the woodland beasts and diamondscar adoration for the Hero of the Wilds, similar in glory to the Light Spirits petrichor and vermeil fondness for the Hero of the Twilight – liked to listen to people sing. What you were surprised was how it attempted to follow along, it’s head across your lap the second you sat down in the clearing, a gentle hum on back of it’s throat, an owl’s cry and a cicada’s humming and faintly, chirring purring as presses it’s faces into your hands, a gentle request for petting.
It was adorable, even with the faint notes of the chill of clear spring water on winter and the livewire feeling of magic, like holding your hand too close to a flame but not quite touching it.
A low chuckle brushes against the back of your mind, a feeling like biting on ice, the prowl of a wild beast and the build up of lightning and light used to create his blade, the amused affection of a warrior reconvening with their brother in arms, you think you see the bone ivory of the Deity’s hair on the side of your vision, though you know he’s not physically there, ‘He likes you.’
You hum, gently patting behind it’s ears, pushing through the chill, gracefully not mentioning the burning with a smile at the mythic being’s faint chirring, birdsong and the wind through cherry blossoms that sparkle like rose quartz, “Well I quite like him too, I can see where it’s gentleness comes from.”
The ghost of a touch over your hair, the caress of lightning striking over your skin and the hair on the back of your neck pricking up and the crisp cold of winter, the chill of the ending and the flame of a new dawn, of new days, the phantom of magnolias and spring water on your tongue. The fragrance of pine, daffodils and blood soaked lilies on ashen fields on your senses, gentle and careful, marking but not claiming, ‘Only because it’s you, beloved. It’s not something easily given.’
You sigh, shakily composing yourself, you let yourself relax into the phantom sensation. Of hopes and dreams and healed suffering, of the divinity of hunt turned into protection and lightning given form, of tangled timelines and crystalized memories, “I know. It does not change my opinion, either way.”
To be the subject of a god’s care and regard was dangerous, after all. For the human and the deity in question, you know the stories from your world well, of the effects of Hylia on First and Sky, of Twilight and the personification of the Twilight Realm and the spirits of his land, of Wild and clawing from death’s embrace into that of the wilderness.
Knew how the fact the Fierce Deity’s mere proximity causing pain on those who changed him into hunting for hunt’s sake into protection for the sake of someone else cut deeper than even the ever encroaching entropy all beings must one day face. It was no wonder the Song of Healing was his creation, to want to ease the burden.
You gladly grant him some peace, in turn, even if it wasn’t much. It’s the least you can do, for always having his ways of watching over your heroes.
“Join me? We can make a duet.”
You feel more than see him shift, ephemeral, fleeting, gentle against the edges of your existence, as foreign to Hyrule as your own, sparking over your spine as you feel ozone and rust on your teeth. Satori is humming again to match the rumble of thunder in the man’s voice, the heralding of songs of war and elegies for the dead, ‘Of course, though I’m afraid I do not know many songs, besides…’
“It’s alright,”, you smile faintly, there’s a white ocarina in his hands, as he leans, a spectre against your side, “I’ll teach you some of my own, though you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t remember all the lyrics.”
‘It would be my honor to learn.’
You think he smiles, from the fluttering of something ancient and long forgotten against your side.
You sing to Satori and the Chain, a small respite of familiar and forgotten tunes, the Lord of the Mountain hums along. The Fierce Deity’s song cutting through any nightmares that may ail your heroes for another night.
When the dawn of a new day comes, the feeling of divinity against your skin feels just a bit more obvious, sinking into every crack of your being like a shroud, falling over your boys like a veil, reflecting the breath of eternity over Hyrule.
(First gives you a look that’s half exasperation, half understanding. Sky pointedly sticks to your side as Time looks you over, markings deep with vibrant color. You shrug with a helpless smile as you feel the lightest brushes of Hylia’s fond days of gold and starlit summers days against the Lord of the Mountains warm, luminous affection and the Fierce Deity’s smug, but content lonsdaleite smile.)
#linked universe x reader#fierce deity x reader#is this after Majora?#Is Fierce Deity really there or just manifesting due to being fond of Reader and living in their head rent free?#Is Hylia jealous because she couldn't stake a claim first?#Did he create Satori in this?#That's for future Summer to know and y'all to find out lol. Though this does reference the theory he's the one who sealed Majora#The divinity of Hyrule changes people the closer they are to it#Fierce Deity is both a warrior/demon god and the hopes and dreams of the people of Termina and that duality is fascinating in this essay-#Really I believe that Fierce Deity doesn't mean to harm his users or people who aren't enemies#But the Eldritch Vibes ™ are so much even when he's toning it down it's a slippery slope#Good thing Reader is a divinity magnet just from proximity to the Chain and can put it aside#Plus Time putting on the mask as either Sprite/Mask change the FD as much as he changed him and same for First and Hylia#summer writes linktober 2023#summer writes#maybe I'll add more tags or elaborate later idk I need a nap and to work on the other prompts
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He needs so much attention, all the time (Patreon)
#Doodles#Wander Over Yonder#Commander Peepers#Lord Hater#Wander#Death Glare#Wandering Eye#Those first two made me start a whole new page just to get them out of my head and then a bunch more followed lol#Early Death Glare maybe? First coming to terms with his massive crush? Just an average day of being Commander Peepers? Who's to say lol#The idea of him vibrating out of his skin trying to not act weird around Hater is very funny to me haha#How do act normal around the guy you like when it's just you two but in a professional setting?? Training didn't cover this#Meanwhile Hater is oblivious obviously haha#They have to be mismatched - one has to be like ''Oh grop I love him so much but can never tell him'' at a time for the max comedy of errors#Peepers is so small I can't get over it lol#And then a little Wandering Eye for the road <3 He can't be emotionally open so much of the time!#Anger is about it and even then it mostly manifests as frustration - he sublimates it into work as much as he can#Anger is hit or miss depending on what Hater's willing to put up with too ahh#Give this man a therapy session and a box of tissues pls#Is it because it's fun to draw his whole head/face crying? Shhhh that's irrelevant (it's not) lol#Wander always has a hug ready for whoever needs it <3#Sweet lad#Both of their feet are really fun to draw too haha - Peepers' are like plush and pillowy#While Wander's are so stretchy and squishy and silly haha they're fun to pose!#Been so happy with the points of contact lately as well ah ♪ Knees and ball of the feet touching the ground! Yes!
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lizzie get two wolves 👍
#strato.txt#oil painting#wip#im worried ive unbalanced the composition w the second one on the right tho... its so much closer to the edge#ugh whatever. aunt lizzie is the focus here#i wish i knew what she actually looked like this is just cobbled together from general features of my family#solid build... dark curly hair... bigass ears. she could be one of my cousins. she could be me#ok rq im gonna lay out the story in the tags for anyone who hasnt seen the previous lizzie art#my great-something aunt lizzie was disabled and couldnt walk very well and she died young#she wanted to see the second floor of the farm house real bad but no one ever carried her up there and she died before seeing it#they buried her in a long white dress somewhere down at the creek. we dont know where her graves lost unfortunately#the night she was buried something wearing a white dress walked into the house and up the stairs and disappeared#and sometimes you can hear her down around the creek screaming#somewhere along the line wolves got mixed into the imagery for me#my uncle told me a story about another 'white thing' that was wolfish and would jump on cars#so i just assumed lizzie was a werewolf my whole life#anyways. i think her staying after she died was a manifestation of her desire for autonomy. maybe#maybe if shed had modern accommodations she wouldnt have felt the need to stick around. or maybe she would have idk#either way i think death afforded her control over her own desires in a way she hadnt experienced before#and i think thats why she still hangs around the creek#i hope she would like this. maybe ill take it down there and leave it out for a night when its finished so she can see
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I have had the worst day I've been down all fucking day and paranoid and sad and just feeling like absolute shit
#txt#any advice on paranoia would be great#i feel like im thinking about negative stuff too much that im gonna make it happen#like manifesting bad shit lmao#omg i hate this#iicant help but message him cause i have no friends#no one to talk to#any moots that have said i can talk to them if you see this maybe msg me idk!#i feel bad#just dumping my shit on people#im actually shaking like i dont feel good at all#i miss him so much i cannot do this
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good morning everyone :( i am in a Funk really bad and i wanna say it’s school but i know it’s a bit deeper than that. i dunno what to do i just feel weird… i hope everyone is having a good day tho imy guys :’)
#.mei’s chatter ˚༘⋆ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖#yk when you wake up and you just feel like you haven’t slept at all#pretty sure i even dreamed abt my problems bc when i woke up they were instantly on my mind#it’s like this sick feeling#ik it’s a lot of stuff combined and the feelings r just manifesting thru smaller stuff but it still sucks so bad#idunno…. what if im not good enough for f/os and i should drop them all and let them Be Free..#im just not feeling good abt myself i guess. i think im scared to go home tbh#one week til i go home… :(#then i have to get my wisdom teeth out and start my new job and see my friends again who bully me for fun#can’t wait………..#im going to try to keep learning japanese hopefully that helps me yk#to have a hobby to throw myself into#i don’t know… i guess it’s a plus that i don’t have school again til august#maybe something good will happen in that time. maybe i’ll get better#maybe i need a therapist but aaaahhhh…… scary….. it’s harder now that im older and no one can make me go#i just am unsure that i can be fixed atp i don’t know if i can have a normal life or if i’ll just always be this way#hhhh…. i don’t want to go home at least here i feel somewhat happy
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every day when i wake up i say to myself “dykeyuu you are not purchasing any sanrio merchandise today” but then i find the deal of the century……..
#like. i only buy it if i know for sure ill NEVER find it at that price again#2007 corduroy keroppi that literally doesn’t exist on the internet? $16#i came across it by chance and it took me hours to find evidence that anyone else had ever owned one#found a chococat one too from the same series but it’s pricier…#but it’s the only one listed anywhere that i can find so. perhaps#sike i found one in the philippines there’s TWO corduroy chococats on the internet#i mean there’s literally one reddit thread i could find from years ago confirming that this series existed#and it’s only got like two commenters who only vaguely remembered the series#and a handful of worthpoint entries confirming that a couple of each of them had sold on ebay at some point#all the other sanrio corduroy plushies i could find were from other series#there’s a hello kitty and my melody from the same year but it wasn’t the same series#both series were rereleases in 2007 and the original release year for hk/mm was earlier than cc/k#20in 2012 fiesta keroppi? $40 when he usually goes for $100+#(this includes shipping…)#was devastated to find an etsy listing for the 2010 limited keroppi build a bear for $85 that had already sold…#the next cheapest one of those is like $140#and dont get me fucking started on chococat#no build a bear should EVER go for $500#like be serious. maybe it was limited edition 14 years ago but it’s still a damn stuffed animal#manifesting they rerelease the original sanrio build a bears to beat the price gougers into submission#the intersection of two special interests: sanrio and buying things from people who don’t know what they have#throwback to the 1993 keroppi squeaky toy that i thrifted for 25 cents#just looked it up to see and i found the exact same one but only on worthpoint#he used to be a keychain… mine is just the little guy with no chain#comparable one from the same year same size/material etc just different design goes for $20+#context i refuse to make a worthpoint account and pay them just to see what things sold for on ebay they can kiss my ass#me when i need to infodump but gf is at work and has already heard like half of this
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wanted to share an almost full-body pic for the first time in probably almost a decade because for once I'm actually proud of how I'm progressing and think that the changes I'm making will end up being permanent bc I'm genuinely enjoying them. Plus, the few selfies I have shared over the last five years have been very photoshopped and at flattering angles, so I feel like most of y'all don't know what I actually look like. So this is me in my children's theater teacher fit last monday!
I'm 17 lbs down from my highest ever weight, but my trainer thinks I'm probably up at least ten to fifteen lbs in muscle. I'm cooking my own food, eating more reasonable portions, and going to the gym at least five times a week because I want to, not because I feel shame or guilt. And now that I'm working as hard as I am, I'm a lot less triggered by looking at new pictures of myself because I know I'm doing my best. I'm still obese, and probably will be for awhile more, but I'm starting to appreciate what I look like and feel like. And hopefully it'll just get better from here!
#weight loss cw#sorry if this sounds super corny lmao#I probably sound so neurotypical rn but I swear I'm being totally honest#I'm obviously not turning this into a weight loss blog or anything but expect a lot more documentation of my journey going forward!#and if you don't like seeing this stuff I recommend blocking my 'personal' tag because I'm going to be talking about this a lot#I've struggled with my weight since premature puberty hit me like a truck in 4th grade so this is a big deal for me#I just wish my pediatrician hadn't treated me like shit for it because maybe if she'd approached me with compassion#I wouldn't have spun off the rails as much as I did#but either way I'm a grown ass adult and I did this to myself#so I'm the only one who can get me out of it#if you're also fat or fatter than I am please dont take it personally#but for me fatness is a physical manifestation of my long term neglect for my health and struggle w mental illness#and I want to get better#personal
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Melissa Roxburgh, the prettiest woman!!!
#no seriously she is gorgeous!!!!!#everyone needs to watch manifest just for her <3333#melissa roxburgh#i started this one many many months ago and now i finally finished it yayyy#lyxchen's art#manifest netflix#also please#even if you don't know her#maybe still reblog my art of her#(you can never have too much beautiful woman on your blog)#because i get so little reblogs on a lot of my current art :(
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So, given that Earthspark Soundwave's design is clearly influenced by Cybertron Soundwave...
Is it too much wishful thinking that we may finally get an on-screen appearance of Logos Prime? A guy can dream
#Transformers#Transformers: Earthspark#Earthspark#Earthspark Spoilers#Soundwave#Earthspark Soundwave#Logos Prime#Cybertron#Japanese Transformers Continuity#Just thinking because we know Quintus Prime is in this#So maybe the other primes are too#Including certain JP continuity exclusive ones...#Manifesting Logos Prime in mainline TF media. I believe it can happen
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still waiting for a jure photo from damon with his face in his hands to complete the set
#i'm so ready for that post you wouldn't believe#ik he has one with his head in his hands but it's not the same#jure maček#joker out#damon baker#also more jan and nace photos but i'm losing hope on that front#even though they've had so few photos#i still think they'll post their joint photos at some point soon though... can i manifest it being on valentine's day...#i just don't think it makes sense to have taken the photos and post their individual ones but not the ones together#or maybe i need help.#anyway. i think i'm so excited for the mv it's doing things to my brain.
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the worst part about being a pianist is that you can't just...simply take your instrument with you
#friends I am BEREFT#I was incredibly lucky to have my own piano for the last three years of college#and I mean like. someone gave it to me for free#and I also had access to a social network in the area + a pickup truck + my father who is an experienced piano mover and problem solver™#but anyway I could not bring it with me when I left#and even if I could just manifest it here there is nowhere to put it in this house#that's the thing like. you can find pianos pretty cheap on facebook marketplace these days#but moving one is a whole ordeal#and then you have to have somewhere to put a whole piece of furniture#our living room is tiny :(#thinking I could maybe fit a keyboard in my bedroom if I could find one#but it's not the same...#anyway my best hope atm is getting door access to the church I attend#but I have yet to converse with anyone in a position to help me with that#and it's only a short walk which is nice#but still not the same as home piano#ik ik this is a very ''first world problem''#but for most of my life I have been in the habit of playing almost every day#it's stress relieving! it's creative! it was...kind of loadbearing in some ways...#it's a very Jane Austen predicament. where's a secret fiancee to buy and deliver a surprise piano when you need one
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MAJOR S-CLASS HEROINE SPOILERS
@vnikat HSFJNEFKODDK DOMT'T CALL ME OUT LIKE THIS 😭😭😭
#s-class heroine spoilers#vnikat#ACCEPTANCE NEXT MAYBE!!! MANIFESTING#denial and bargaining stages were one and the samr#'theres no way theyll let reed be unhappy when hes as much tesilid as 117 is!!! right!!!'#WRONG#SCREAMING#LIKE#if he were the OG tesilid who never had ailette to begin with#that maybe i can be like haha ok hes just some templatr#BUT NO#HOW MANY VERSIONS OF TESILID ARE OUT THERE RUNNING AROUND MISSING AILETTE#WHAT HAPPENS TO THOSE GUYS?#< loves every version of tesilid disease#THERE HAS TO BE SOME WAY TO RECONCILE THAT RIGHT..............#surely i just havent thought of it yet hahaha!!!!#obligatory 'dont answer with spoilers or hints at them thank you' disclaimer#u_u hes fine. surely he's fine#constantly cycling between the stages of grief
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St Thereses little way and small kindnesses shape the world and make it go round etc etc etc
Yes that is ALL true and I don't discount it but ALSO have you considered I ALSO want the Big Grand Kindnesses and Great Works and Gestures
Not just for the drama. Not for the recognition, I generally hate to be noticed. But for the competency. The satisfaction. The possibility that I CAN. Surely there is this ambition and drive for a reason. Surely I am incredibly hungry and yet have no concrete selfish tangible dreams, just a Grand Desire for The Good in some great manifestation, surely for a reason. A meaning. A purpose.
I want it. More than comfort and kindness and love I want this. The deepest hunger of my existence. The reason for my existence.
#franposting#actively chewing and biting at work today#and its only a Monday#oh boy. oh boy#is this maybe just a manifestation of a need for control#has every existentialist prior also sought this desperately#it is less the despair and more of the hunger#of knowing it is there. beyond my reach or capability but not beyond my desire or mind#it is a terrible thing#sometimes i think it better to have been ignorant of it. to be content with the small and the simple and the good#and not know or want for more#those are better people. tbh. they can do more good than all my navel gazing pretensions can#and yet. and yet#this is why i cant be left alone to get bored#ive been out of school for only a year without a concrete end goal#and i am already redesigning the world in my ambition and my benevolent tyranny#actually. yknow what. fuck it. i finally understand galadriels temptation.#or at least. in part#fuck. OHHHH journal we're really init now#god forbid one day anyone ever reads these things. bitch is a lunatic.#shoutout to all the homies who wouldve been diagnosed with female hysteria
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.
#i kind of want to kill myself. im so disconnected from anything. i have no original thought. everything is scripted#everything is just put together pieces from things ive heard elsewhere and i do not have a single original thought#everyone can see that im masks all the way down and everyone can see that i am nothing underneath and even that is a stolen way of saying it#i have no way of making nothing palatable but i am simply nothing. invite me over and ill try to adapt to you and write a new script based#off new media but if you make me truly comfortable and somehow manage to unplug my behavior then youll be rewarded with me just sitting#beside you on the floor and staring at whatever media you show me without speaking much and only occasionally seeking further warmth from#you#i vocalized it to someone close recently but im a nothing void and i wish people all acted in exactly the way i wanted regardless#i have selfish fantasies about people just doing everything to make everything easy for me and if i were a god i would be an entirely#selfish one#if the right people would go and stay as i please even though im a nothing void and dont deserve them around#if they would all do whatever i needed like gave me cuddles or sex or affirmation or money or treats#if life was one long cycle of being the most treated god by everyone then maybe i could be something i dont know#maybe something could be manifested into me#everyone already projects an idea onto me so maybe a collective idea held by all with a great deal of love would make whatever they say of#me true and maybe then id exist fully#until then oh well#though in reality im just sanitizing a bit. having others fully as puppets serving me isnt something that i want because i think itll “fix”#me by any measures and id likely only grow far more sadistic and selfish but i wish for that world because i could live in perfect comfort#i could do anything i wanted and have anything i wanted and nobody would stop me#sorry this is just like. a long rambling in tags. i should shut up now
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