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#though in reality im just sanitizing a bit. having others fully as puppets serving me isnt something that i want because i think itll “fix”
girlthingdecay
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4 months
Text
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#i kind of want to kill myself. im so disconnected from anything. i have no original thought. everything is scripted
#everything is just put together pieces from things ive heard elsewhere and i do not have a single original thought
#everyone can see that im masks all the way down and everyone can see that i am nothing underneath and even that is a stolen way of saying it
#i have no way of making nothing palatable but i am simply nothing. invite me over and ill try to adapt to you and write a new script based
#off new media but if you make me truly comfortable and somehow manage to unplug my behavior then youll be rewarded with me just sitting
#beside you on the floor and staring at whatever media you show me without speaking much and only occasionally seeking further warmth from
#you
#i vocalized it to someone close recently but im a nothing void and i wish people all acted in exactly the way i wanted regardless
#i have selfish fantasies about people just doing everything to make everything easy for me and if i were a god i would be an entirely
#selfish one
#if the right people would go and stay as i please even though im a nothing void and dont deserve them around
#if they would all do whatever i needed like gave me cuddles or sex or affirmation or money or treats
#if life was one long cycle of being the most treated god by everyone then maybe i could be something i dont know
#maybe something could be manifested into me
#everyone already projects an idea onto me so maybe a collective idea held by all with a great deal of love would make whatever they say of
#me true and maybe then id exist fully
#until then oh well
#though in reality im just sanitizing a bit. having others fully as puppets serving me isnt something that i want because i think itll “fix”
#me by any measures and id likely only grow far more sadistic and selfish but i wish for that world because i could live in perfect comfort
#i could do anything i wanted and have anything i wanted and nobody would stop me
#sorry this is just like. a long rambling in tags. i should shut up now
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