midnight happenings
gojo satoru x fem!reader
summary: satoru wakes up and looks for you
warnings: references to things that none of us will understand (kidding), little angst, mostly fluff, nightmare and such
last part | next part
*
year three
"satoru?" you whisper, blinded briefly by flashing white hair.
your door has been creaked open--like you usually keep it in the dead of the night--but the hallway light is on, illuminating the body in front of you like a ghost.
you could be dreaming, still, but your head hurts from the sudden interruption, so you know you're not.
he's like a monster lurking in the dark. waiting for a moment where you're vulnerable before he attacks. he's always been better at patience, remaining in one spot for a millennium, than you have.
but still, you sit up, because you've never been afraid of him. you blink, trying to recognize his cobalt-aquamarine eyes in the dark. they are still so bright, it's a bit shocking.
he inches closer, not saying a word.
there is no smile on his face that you can see. no hint of mischief in his movements. usually, when he creeps into your bed this late, he's looking for something unobtainable. something you know he won't take and you won't give.
but tonight his eyes are brief matches in the dark, lighting and flickering out, waiting for you to understand.
and you do.
"are you okay?" you whisper, not wanting to break the hesitation between you two. you don't know where it goes next, once that bubble pops. your voice is groggy and slightly dry.
"sorry," he responds, the only real answer you need.
satoru doesn't apologize for anything except his sheer audacity.
you sit up even further, flicking your light on.
the both of you flinch at the intrusion of your lamp. but you don't look away from him, brows furrowing. "can't sleep?" you ask, instead. as if it will get you somewhere.
he shakes his head.
you watch him for a moment more, long and lanky in your room, his throat bobbing as he swallows.
then you pat the space next to you, folding your legs underneath your body, trying to remember how to read him this early in the morning.
satoru doesn't say anything, but he's quick to respond, crawling into bed next to you without a look at you. clearly, he doesn't want you to change your mind on this.
it's the quickest you've seen him move in a week.
you watch as he curls himself under the expensive bedsheets--ones he bought--probably scoffing at the color choice internally, but he doesn't look back.
his eyes are stuck on the duvet like the pattern is going to jump out and attack him.
you don't have a single thing to say. no question to ask to put the two of you at ease, no witty remark to keep you afloat when satoru seems to be dredging through the water.
and still.
"you look tired."
"yeah," he murmurs.
"did you--" you shake your head. "did you finish the rest of the sesame cookies again? sugar rush?"
his head lulls over to you, and there's a brief, anxious smile. "of course not," he says.
"then why are you still awake?"
"missed you. it's lonely in my room."
"it's been..." you turn towards the clock. then back. "four hours."
"too long."
you smile, slightly, understanding this deflection better than anything else. "you're like the kids," you muse, "coming to cuddle in the middle of the night."
"smart ones, those two."
you lean closer to him, eyes falling to his hands, which are raking through the covers like he's going to discover that you've hidden something in them. you can almost see them shake. you swallow. "do you need to talk about something?"
his eyes dart towards yours. "what? no."
"okay."
"do you need to talk about something?"
you shake your head. "no. i'm good."
"okay. good."
you bite your lip as he looks away, focused again on any inanimate object you have in here. the floor, the ceiling, your dresser, or the bouquet he bought you rotting on it. you sit there, watching his hands trail over the sheets, his eyes flick over the walls, his mouth move like there's something stuck inside--something he can't quite say.
so you do it for him. "i couldn't sleep, either."
his brow raises. "i heard you snoring from across the hall."
"i do not snore, satoru, please don't insinuate ridiculous things."
his lip quirks.
you sigh, making a show of rolling your eyes. "anyway, i get it. how come it's always so cold in this house?"
"because you told me that i shouldn't install a different furnace in every room."
you hum. "could've gone with a fireplace, though. some ambiance. spice this place up a little, you know?"
"i don't think i'll be taking your interior design advice," satoru answers, looking at you--all of you, finally--his smile a slight thing.
a hint at the boy you're used to, his frustrating demeanor.
"another mistake you're making," you tease, smiling back.
and you watch it--as his face shifts, momentarily, like 0.2 seconds is enough for him to process every emotion that's ever flooded through his body. his eyes dart away, his mouth folds, and satoru goes back in on himself.
and you know it was the wrong thing to say.
"hey," you whisper, words coming out before you think about them. "i like it here. even if it is cold."
"yeah?"
"yeah. with you and the kids. and this giant bed that serves no purpose for one person."
"that's why i'm here," he says.
"oh, of course."
"have to make sure you're respecting all of the mattress space."
"well, i wouldn't want the mattress to be unappreciated," you lean your shoulder against his, sighing when his head falls on yours, stepping stones leading to one another. "would i?"
"you're welcome."
"very observant, satoru."
"it's the eyes."
you laugh hard enough for him to feel it, for your body to shake against his--like it might ground him back to the world. pull him from the water and shake him off.
you don't quite know who this satoru is, because he's not really yours. but he's not the man who could wipe everything out in an instant, if he just wanted a little break. and he's not the man who's dealt with that alone, without any person to help, no one to ask any questions.
maybe he's a child, again. one you never got to meet.
but it feels a little impossible.
you swallow, after a moment. then you move your head back, shifting so you can properly look at him. "you sure you don't want to talk about it?"
satoru looks back, his eyes an expanse of sky and pain, mirroring some parts of you. he doesn't shake his head, doesn't nod. "i..." he whispers, like an answer.
"was it a nightmare?"
this time, he nods.
"i get them, too. sometimes."
"yeah?"
"why do you think i end up in tsumiki's bed every couple of nights?"
"i thought that was a girl thing."
you smile, leaning to nudge your forehead against his. "nah, tsumiki's just a good cuddler."
"how 'bout megumi?"
"please. i think he'd probably dislocate my shoulder in his sleep if i even tried. at least now that you showed him the hand-to-hand stuff i told you not to."
satoru raises a brow. his eyes are close enough that you can feel his eyelashes fluttering. "everyone needs a little protection from ruthless midnight cuddlers."
"who's going to protect me from you?" you ask.
this time, you get a full-blown grin. a satoru special, just for you. "no one," he says, "you're stuck with me."
"don't i know it."
you tilt your head back, remaining a couple of inches away, but breaking the contact.
satoru watches. his eyes are so focused on yours, that it feels like some sort of manipulation.
but you know it's not.
or, at least, not any sort of manipulation he can control. you've dealt with satoru's sweet eyes and addicting smiles since you were a teenager, and there's no escape.
"you know," you whisper, blinking rapidly, trying to fall away. "it helps to talk about it. sometimes. remind yourself that it's just a dream, and nothing more."
satoru looks down, watching your lips as they move. he could be asleep with how still his face is. so unlike the usual expressions you dread to watch, the neverending shifts in behavior. the quirks and quips falling from his horrid mouth.
"it's not..." he shakes his head, leaning back. "it's not really a dream."
"what do you mean?"
"it's--it's always things that have already happened. memories, i guess. it's not a nightmare."
or maybe it is, goes unspoken.
"oh."
"so, i don't think... i mean, i can't wake up from real life, or whatever."
your body stills. you want to tell him that if he talked about it, it might go away. that his memories are pushed so far back that they're intruding on reality. that he needs to let it go, let the past fade like a scar. still there, but unburdening.
but you know that satoru won't listen. if you know anything about the man--anything from the seven years that you've spent with him, watching him react to the constant battle of living--it's that.
he's not going to listen to you. he never does. and you shouldn't expect him to. not when he knows that you can't understand, that you never really will.
still, the words rest on the tip of your tongue, like a dagger ready for the plunge.
"it's okay, though," satoru shrugs, suddenly. brushing his entire existence off as if it's removable. "it's fine."
"it's okay if it's not."
he blinks. "i know," he says, almost defensively. "but it is."
"okay."
satoru swallows, his fingertips brushing on the bare skin of your leg. you haven't been this close to him for a couple of months, since he stopped coercing you into staying the night. it's strange, the environment of the two of you. an inadaptable habitat.
"sorry," he whispers.
"it's okay. it's fine."
"okay."
"i have nightmares about megumi a lot," you say, short. "he's always doing something stupid. something you would do."
satoru tilts his head. "like what?"
you roll your eyes. "forgetting to turn off the stove and setting us all on fire. drinking out of the milk carton. or bringing home a curse just because."
"i only did that once. i wanted your opinion on something."
"'do you think it's eyes are green or brown? maybe hazel?'" you mock, shaking your head.
"it was a dire question," his lip quirks.
you shake your head some more. "but when i wake up i always remember that megumi isn't stupid like you. he thinks things through."
"hey," satoru chides, but he doesn't really care.
"and sometimes," you say, again, even softer. "i have dreams about you. about you doing something stupid, like always, but..."
the rest goes unsaid. it's not an idea that needs to be verbalized. not a belief you hold in the pit of your heart, a fear you've experienced too many times.
satoru leans closer to you. "i know," he says, instead of an apology, or some type of comfort. "i get those too."
so you wrap your arms around his shoulders, almost unconsciously, leaning in as you let satoru hold you up for a moment. like he's done all of those other late nights. you hug him close, unsure if you'll ever really break the distance between the two of you.
but you can feel it as satoru's arms wrap around your waist, squeezing with you, differently than he usually does. his breath is soft against your head, a break in the dark.
"i know," you whisper to him, an echo, and it should be enough.
but you're not sure that it--that this, the proximity between the two of you--will ever be enough.
that thought fades into the night, though, like every other sleep-deprived whisper you've shared with satoru. it won't be worth it to bring it up again in the morning. so you won't, and neither will he.
but you'll hold him now. like a promise you can keep.
*
when you wake up in the morning, your fingers are curled around satoru’s.
every part of you feels achy. like just being this close to him has infected you with another disease—some curse you won’t be able to shake off.
and you only realize this when two heads are standing above you, watching you closely.
“are you awake?” tsumiki asks you, like your eyes are not an indication of anything.
“doesnt that hurt?” megumi frowns, immediately after. “gojo is heavy.”
he’s referencing the man that’s partly on top of you, his mouth leaving a sure mark on the skin of your neck, breath hot and wet.
you blink rapidly, trying not to flush under the feeling of him there (literally under).
“you guys hungry?” you say, wincing at the sound of your own voice.
they both nod.
“okay, just—“ you sigh, hands raking through satoru’s hair. “gimme a minute to wake him up. go get your backpacks and i’ll make breakfast.”
tsumiki nods and steps back. megumi’s brows furrow at you. “we have to leave in thirty minutes.”
you roll your eyes. “i know, megs. i’m up.”
he shakes his head. “not you,” he nods. “don’t crush her. i have school.” he tells satoru, sternly, and then walks away, dragging tsumiki along and out of the room.
satoru, who’s eyes are wide and open, so close to yours that they are almost nothing.
“hey,” he whispers, grinning.
*
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a/n: for all of you that think i hate satoru, he's my baby
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