Thinking always of the fact the very first thing Caleb does after being resurrected is use the last of his strength to limp back to Molly's side and beg the others to resurrect him. Even though Lucien was the one who killed him in the first place--
Caleb saying, "Get him out of there," when Molly was still trapped in the ruins of the city. And when Caduceus gently suggests they wait until they're home to try and cast the ritual, Caleb insists, "No. Now." Because he's seen Molly suffer enough, because he can't bear the thought of making his Circus Man wait another moment longer--
Thinking of how Matt described Molly as, "Bloody, naked, still a heavy gash in the front--lifeless." Caleb seeing him like that and immediately reaching for his Transmuter's Stone, refusing to accept that he'll lose Mollymauk like this again--
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IT IS A CRIME TO BE THIS GORGEOUS!!!
While I love Tim Curry's Frank...
I feel like David Bedella was born to be Frank!
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His sister bought him the clock!! For his birthday!! ; ; They tried to play a little game of it, "In a sham of a seance..."
Leo Amicus: "Has it all been a dream? Am I waking up for the first time? Am I still with my family? Am I not crumbling yet? It just isn't fair...Not just, not me--any of it. To anybody. It's just not fair. I can hear the sounds so much--it's so much louder now. I can hear it over everything. I can see it again. The machine. I remember her face. I remember too much. When did I start crumbling? When do you start growing and stop crumbling? I--I don't trust myself. And...it could be worse. I'll put that on my tombstone at that point."
Thinking about...how the through-line of all these little threads is every character agonizing over family. Malcolm wondering, "Was my family involved?" Edgar grappling with how much it hurts that he saved someone in Candela, "someone who wasn't my family," instead of finally chasing down the one lead on his sister he's had in years. Grimoria fearing what will happen the day she feels a spirit and it's her own family's. Leo wishing he could turn back time and forget that clock and just have his sister back--
The way Taliesin describes Leo's trauma as, "I can hear the sounds so much--it's so much louder now. I can hear it over everything." The way it so heartbreakingly parallels his description of love as, "And it makes the sound of whatever happened to you before quiet. At least for a moment--"
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the grief of bigger than the whole sky speaking more directly to how i feel about myself and the dead girl whose existence illness stole and whose breath i walk around invisibly in, and the ghost i feel like i am, and the way i constantly mourn her because she never got to live, she never got to accomplish her goals, she never got to follow her dreams, she never got to fall in love...all those experiences i once thought i would have and know, have known for basically half my life now, will never be, because illness and pain consumed everything i was and all the potential i once had...nothing has ever spoken to that so directly, and it's the one song where i feel like...it becomes so personal depending on what individual trauma and grief we live with and that haunts our minds at night...that girl i was ultimately existed for such a brief moment, she started to die as a teenager, i was still in many ways a child when my future began to crumble, but she was more than just a short time...i have a lot to pine about, i have a lot to live without...every single thing i've touched for my entire adulthood has become sick with sadness...i'm never going to meet what could've been, would've been, should've been...it resonates so painfully close and nothing else has ever quite expressed that before and it makes me cry, but i'm also thankful for it because it gives me a frame for the way that grief affects me. for that she herself is a haunted house feeling. there so often haven't been words, and she gave me words.
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I hate drinking
I hate being drunk
I hate not being able to say no when someone's bought me a drink
Cause no matter how nice their intentions I still end up at home crying myself to sleep over shit I should be over.
It's been over a year, I have to pull myself together but I also believe grief takes as long as it takes to pass.
So come in, come in. Sit down. I have tea. There is honey. This will take as long as it takes.
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