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#magnifying school
the-busy-ghost · 1 year
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Alright uninformed rant time. It kind of bugs me that, when studying the Middle Ages, specifically in western Europe, it doesn’t seem to be a pre-requisite that you have to take some kind of “Basics of Mediaeval Catholic Doctrine in Everyday Practise” class. 
Obviously you can’t cover everything- we don’t necessarily need to understand the ins and outs of obscure theological arguments (just as your average mediaeval churchgoer probably didn’t need to), or the inner workings of the Great Schism(s), nor how apparently simple theological disputes could be influenced by political and social factors, and of course the Official Line From The Vatican has changed over the centuries (which is why I’ve seen even modern Catholics getting mixed up about something that happened eight centuries ago). And naturally there are going to be misconceptions no matter how much you try to clarify things for people, and regional/class/temporal variations on how people’s actual everyday beliefs were influenced by the church’s rules. 
But it would help if historians studying the Middle Ages, especially western Christendom, were all given a broadly similar training in a) what the official doctrine was at various points on certain important issues and b) how this might translate to what the average layman believed. Because it feels like you’re supposed to pick that up as you go along and even where there are books on the subject they’re not always entirely reliable either (for example, people citing books about how things worked specifically in England to apply to the whole of Europe) and you can’t ask a book a question if you’re confused about any particular point. 
I mean I don’t expect to be spoonfed but somehow I don’t think that I’m supposed to accumulate a half-assed religious education from, say, a 15th century nobleman who was probably more interested in translating chivalric romances and rebelling against the Crown than religion; an angry 16th century Protestant; a 12th century nun from some forgotten valley in the Alps; some footnotes spread out over half a dozen modern political histories of Scotland; and an episode of ‘In Our Time’ from 2009. 
But equally if you’re not a specialist in church history or theology, I’m not sure that it’s necessary to probe the murky depths of every minor theological point ever, and once you’ve started where does it end? 
Anyway this entirely uninformed rant brought to you by my encounter with a sixteenth century bishop who was supposedly writing a completely orthodox book to re-evangelise his flock and tempt them away from Protestantism, but who described the baptismal rite in a way that sounds decidedly sketchy, if not heretical. And rather than being able to engage with the text properly and get what I needed from it, I was instead left sitting there like:
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And frankly I didn’t have the time to go down the rabbit hole that would inevitably open up if I tried to find out
#This is a problem which is magnified in Britain I think as we also have to deal with the Hangover from Protestantism#As seen even in some folk who were raised Catholic but still imbibed certain ideas about the Middle Ages from culturally Protestant schools#And it isn't helped when we're hit with all these popular history tv documentaries#If I have to see one more person whose speciality is writing sensational paperbacks about Henry VIII's court#Being asked to explain for the British public What The Pope Thought I shall scream#Which is not even getting into some of England's super special common law get out clauses#Though having recently listened to some stuff in French I'm beginning to think misconceptions are not limited to Great Britain#Anyway I did take some realy interesting classes at uni on things like marriage and religious orders and so on#But it was definitely patchy and I definitely do not have a good handle on how it all basically hung together#As evidenced by the fact that I've probably made a tonne of mistakes in this post#Books aren't entirely helpful though because you can't ask them questions and sometimes the author is just plain wrong#I mean I will take book recommendations but they are not entirely helpful; and we also haven't all read the same stuff#So one person's idea of what the basics of being baptised involved are going to radically differ from another's based on what they read#Which if you are primarily a political historian interested in the Hundred Years' War doesn't seem important eonugh to quibble over#But it would help if everyone was given some kind of similar introductory training and then they could probe further if needed/wanted#So that one historian's elementary mistake about baptism doesn't affect generations of specialists in the Hundred Years' War#Because they have enough basic knowledge to know that they can just discount that tiny irrelevant bit#This is why seminars are important folks you get to ASK QUESTIONS AND FIGURE OUT BITS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND#And as I say there is a bit of a habit in this country of producing books about say religion in mediaeval England#And then you're expected to work out for yourself which bits you can extrapolate and assume were true outwith England#Or France or Scotland or wherever it may be though the English and the French are particularly bad for assuming#that whatever was true for them was obviously true for everyone else so why should they specify that they're only talking about France#Alright rant over#Beginning to come to the conclusion that nobody knows how Christianity works but would like certain historians to stop pretending they do#Edit: I sort of made up the examples of the historical people who gave me my religious education above#But I'm now enamoured with the idea of who actually did give me my weird ideas about mediaeval Catholicism#Who were my historical godparents so to speak#Do I have an idea of mediaeval religion that was jointly shaped by some professor from the 1970s and a 6th century saint?#Does Cardinal Campeggio know he's responsible for some much later human being's catechism?#Fake examples again but I'm going to be thinking about that today
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earthandsunandmoon · 4 months
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Never understand people buying insects online to pin...like bro go outside ....
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tachiguin · 2 years
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yes, Tanizaki's normal outfit is 10/10,
but have you seen him
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he looks so neat in Japanese clothes! it gives him a different energy than usual. 11/10 vibes
also Tanizaki just looks so different in Japanese clothes! his usual fit is very lazy casual, so the kimono makes him look more dignified than usual
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willgrahamsleftear · 4 months
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Can someone just beat me up I think it’d fix me
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lvpercalia · 8 months
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I'm trying to learn actually useful sustainable stuff for actually living like idk, solar energy, growing my food, how to wash my clothes ecologically? And the stupid "eco house" in my city keeps sending me emails that say "new course for the ODOSD this month! Subscribe here for the AJTRE! It consists of ESOPT!!!!!" And when I click the link it's another bird observation course or a fucking game for children. Are this people even aware of the state of the world. Do they care. Do they know what they are doing
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msboutofcontext · 2 years
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bigfishthemusical · 2 years
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actually look at this. Just took this one off the wall. I made this in highschool but I really think I peaked here. Like I think I still have the capacity to be as good as this but I don’t think I could ever do anything better than this ever again
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border-collie · 2 years
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Actually I don’t know if anything can ever be the same again
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arsenicpanda · 1 year
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Shout out to the School Days anime--I haven't felt that level of catharsis followed by euphoria at the end of a work before or since
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zemnarihah · 1 year
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ok my cds got delivered I am ok again
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bkgpackets · 5 months
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inspired by this wonderful post and this AMAZING one, both written by @cashmoneyyysstuff lmk if u want this taken down!
flower territory
the way katsuki crushes on you has stayed the same, since he was four he has made sure that everyone, including you, always knew that you were his.
he offers you roughed up flowers from the sandbox, covered in dust and dirt, shoved into your hands are the bundle of wild chrysanthemums and crumbled weeds, and in exchange are the paper rings you made before going to the park, because even when you were four, you already knew bakugou in the way you knew the names of the stuffed animals in your room; a sense of pride nestles inside, somewhere between your little childishly innocent heart and your soft fluttering stomach when you see your katsuki declare proudly with a smug smirk to all his groupies that he's now a married man, and that doesn't change.
in middle school, aged 12 bakugou isn't afraid to lean over your desk and stare you down and demand your time during recess, even though his cheeks used to redden when his female classmates would tease him for being such a romantic for you, he's learnt that it's either he toughens up and take this, otherwise he has to deal with the other boys from his class chatting you up, and seeing their little cheeks redden when they're spared even an ounce of (undeserved) attention from you is much more painful than having his own apples tinge pink from your gaze.
katsuki changes a lot in U.A. but not in this. maybe the other class 1A kids don't have enough reference to notice, but izuku sure as hell can tell that the slight glisten and shine in his childhood best friend's eyes when he looks at you have only ever grown in brightness as you mature and age. as your body takes shape and your voice deepens, his affection for you simply gets magnified from a sheer adoration for your ability to keep up with him on the monkey bars and to withstand his loudness, either that be from the epicentres of his palms or the ever growing intensity of his voice when deku gets in his way, his respect for you grows and grows and festers and festers the more you win in the sports festival, the more you train, the more muscular you get, and the more internships you are offered.
as his own brashness gets dimmed down while the months go on, deku is no longer the only one who is able to notice the soft spot he has for you. jirou and shoji can only ignore the way bakugou whispers 'that's my girl' to you during class drills so many times, ochako and mina can only turn a blind eye to the way bakugou always cooks for you during the late nights where you collapse from exhaustion before eating so many times, by the end of the second year, even shouto knew to always find bakugou when you got hurt during missions and to just leave you two to your own devices for the rest of the evening.
the smirks might have grown less and less smug throughout the years and maybe more genuine, but the childlike wonder when katsuki looks at you stays always the same, it stays constant from when you were four all the way to when you're walking down the altar, it stays the same, from stepped-on flowers to bouquets of roses, from 'that's my girl' to 'that's my wife', you've always been his, the switch from craft paper to the 24 carat diamond ring on both your fingers never changed that; his face, to deku, looks identical; whenever dynamight is on a talk show and is asked to watch a clip of you fighting, the soft creases next to his eyes have always been there, bakugou's lips just twitch upwards when it's you;
what can he say? your katsuki has always been a prodigy, he knew since he was a kid, since the second his grabby little hands and tiny rolling eyes were laid on you, he has since decided that you were the only one worthy of his greatness, no matter how shitty his temper was at age 15, he looks at you like how sunflowers look at the sun, and that will never change.
masterlist
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narwhalsarefalling · 2 years
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my dad taught me how to set shit on fire when i was 6 with a magnifying glass. instead of reading us stories he would read us his flight training manuals until we got so bored we would pretend to be asleep so he would leave. on my birthday one year he somehow made fish sticks in the shape of stars and seashells. he let us paint our bedframes in six different colors with different levels of success. in middle school i was assigned to make a mouse trap car and he helped me make one that worked so well that i was banned from making mousetrap cars again. in my first year of uni he would drive 3 hrs from work to pick me up and another 3 to take me home to visit, and would do it every time without complaint. he used to do my hair in pigtails every day, and that turned to learning to braid when i got older. he would always pretend to be bad at the video games we played so we could win. he made our beds so perfectly that we had to stretch the sheets out to get back in.
my brother is younger then me. for my birthday one year he presented me a lego minifigure of myself that he had hand painted. when he had his first crush he carved her name in a piece of wood and shaped it into a dolphin. not because dolphins were her favorite animal, but because he thinks they’re cool. he let me destroy a piñata he made in school because i was having a bad day, and we both laughed as we ate the candy he put inside of it. despite always being squeamish around dead things, he once brought home a hog’s vertebrae he found on a hike because he knew i would love it. (i did). when his girlfriend’s birthday came around, he spent all his time restoring a nightstand for her, carving cats and flowers into the panels and smoothing them with sandpaper.
i have more of these stories. my cousin’s husband incorporates his children’s names into the code he programs. my grandpa helped me pull a leech off of my ankle after a swim in the pond. my great grandpa carried a photo of my mom in the sole of his shoes until the day he died. the neighbor boy across the street once captured a very weird bug under a cup and walked it across the street to show me. my best friend collected old batteries and bits of wire for me because he knew i liked to play with them. a boy in my first grade class colored his nails pink with highlighter because he really liked my pink dress i wore the day before. my coworker took a photo of a cactus he saw because he knew i would like it. my 3yo cousin insisted i take home his most beloved plushie when he learned i would be living away from my parents.
i can’t help it. i love the way men love.
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heart2beom · 1 year
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cliché
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pairing: bsf!yeonjun x reader
genre: fluff, best friends to lovers, crack, little angst
synopsis: after yeonjun hears you referring to him as someone who's like a brother ...he tries his hardest to make you see him as a potential boyfriend.
or in which you're perplexed at all the movie hangouts your friend has been initiating.
warning: mature language, reader is assumed to be fem
notes: honestly, i always try to cut down the word count to make it more available for people who only read drabbles/blurbs but i just CANT. so here's another short oneshot T-T and as always, reblog to help the algorithm pick up on this :D
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yeonjun was confused walking back home -- no, the whole day, he was disturbed. the reason for this was yesterday...when he went to get drinks for both you and him at a frat party.
the crowds were insanely hard to get through (and it didn't help that people kept on stopping him to 'catch up' or whatnot) so it took him more than fifty minutes to come back with the drinks he promised to get.
but it looked like it was too late because the people you were surrounding yourself with when yeonjun was there...disappeared. instead, you're bundled up, alone in a corner, with a guy he does not know. which was already weird because yeonjun knew everybody, and that was enough reason for him to hurry his ass up through sweaty frat drunks and make sure the unknown guy isn't some sleazeball.
that time he wasn't aware that he rolled his eyes but he did conciously plan to squeeze himself into the conversation...and technically cockblock.
but when he neared you...that's when his world shattered...on more dramatic terms. it was more like his confidence was shot down to the deepest depths of hell.
"oh, yeonjun? pfft, he's like a brother!"
even though it was almost barely audible due to the blasting music, 'brother' to his ears were magnified -- the word circling through his head.
brother. brother?!
and as a result of this baffling situation, he had backed himself in an opposing corner with your cup in his right and his cup in his left, way further than you now, thinking of where did it go wrong?
he's never had someone friend-zone him -- for heavensake, he's yeonjun, he's aware of how attractive he is. but brother-zone? that was even worse of an attack!
it doesn't matter that you said it -- come on, that's barely the case. it's the fact that someone was so unattracted to him that he was seen as a sibling.
sure, you and yeonjun were a sort of bunch that have been together since... forever, really. seriously, you were friends since elementary -- when you joined the school, fourth grade, mindlessly kicking rocks at recess he approached you like the social butterfly kid that he was, asking you if you wanted to come play with his friends.
once he took another sip of the red cup in his right hand, the fruity punch being way too overbearing (just how'd you like it), he furrowed his brows together.
he definitely doesn't see you as a sister.
he'd have to admit that when middle school hit and his puberty was acting up around ...the seventh grade? he was convinced that he would eventually marry you like the way his parents were. a brother wouldn't have felt that way about his sister! normally that is...
granted, he mostly blamed that on the first strikes of puberty because right after middle school, he moved on from the thought -- completely abandoning his pre-puberty dreams, but that was besides the point!
he was getting nauseous from the sweetness of his drink and the further he thought about the way you thought of him, he felt that he would ruin the party by vomiting on someone.
his night was officially ruined. absolutely, fundementally, literally ruined.
and thats how he found himself unfocused on everything around him the next day, finally making the decision to consult with his roommates about this frankly, very big conundrum.
"you can't just purposefully leave out important details? like, how am i supposed to diagnose you properly bro?" beomgyu asked as he spammed the keys on his controller.
"you're not diagnosing me--" yeonjun exhaled, wanting to to keep the banter to the minimum in respect to the issue he's facing. "literally what do you think we're doing right now?"
"i'm going to be completely honest and say ...i have no idea-- shit, what the fuck are you doing heeseung? jump! jump!" he yelled towards the big screen in front of him.
yeonjun groaned, turning his head to behind the couch. "soobin, it's not too late to help out your only friend!" he yelled out in hopes of it reaching the guy's bedroom.
and with no response, he turned back to watching the game beomgyu was playing. "god, you know how many times i gave that guy life changing advice on women?"
"and this is how he repays me?"
beomgyu nodded along to whatever yeonjun was mumbling about until the brunette magically connected dots and euphoric realization hit him. beomgyu almost scrambled around to completely face him this time, "hold on, hold on. yeonjun you lost me, are you having girl problems?"
to that, yeonjun rolled his eyes. "i wouldn't call it 'girl problems', that sounds like a problem soobin would have."
"uh-huh ...uh-huh. no, no yeah." beomgyu said nodding mindlessly to save the guy some face. "heeseung i'm logging off dude, yeonjuns got girl problems."
yeonjun just deadpanned to the back of the guys head, having no will to correct him.
he wanted to get the pending issue out of the way first.
it was more situated a few minutes later. instead of beomgyu sitting on the floor criss crossed, leaned on the couch yeonjun was sitting on, beomgyu was now sitting on the chair next to the couch, his elbows on his knees, brows deeply furrowed.
and not to forget yeonjun's pen and paper in hand.
"so... you're trying to get a girl to like you?"
"not like. i want her to see me as someone she would want as a boyfrie--" when he saw beomgyus brow raising up as to say 'whats the difference' he cleared his throat. "yea, basically."
"don't you know how to do that though?"
he shrugged, "it's different this time."
"how?"
"trust me, it's very different."
"okay but how?"
"you'd be the last person i'd ask for an interrogation beomgyu, that'd be a task for like... taehyun or something."
"i'm sorry that i need to understand my client first--"
"i am not your client" yeonjun said, rolling his eyes.
"what's going on here?", yeonjun turned his head to see soobin behind the kitchen island, scooping himself some icecream.
"dude, where were you when i needed you?", yeonjun asked.
"me and yj are holding a dating therapy session."
yeonjun turned his head to beomgyu, "again, it's not a therapy sessio--"
"you're getting dating advice from beomgyu?" soobin asked, his face scrunched up doubting if it really got this bad.
and back to soobin. "when you say it like that.." "soobin can you please leave yeonjun alone? he's in a very vulnerable state right now"
then beomgyu again. "i'm seriously going to beat you up." he said, biting his bottom lip and raising his fist against his roommate. beomgyu immediately jumps dramatically, shielding himself with his arms up.
"see? he's getting violent!"
soobin finally plopped on the couch next to yeonjun with his cup of icecream. "explain it to me, maybe i can help you out."
"i'll save you the trouble, he's not explaining for whatever reason--"
"a girl said that i'm like a brother to her." yeonjun reluctantly mumbled.
a wave of silence hit the dorm, for a minute yeonjun thought they just didn't hear him and to be completely honest, he was about to thank the gods because he regretted saying anything the moment he did, but that thought was immediately shot down when both sides of his ears were being blasted by humiliating laughter.
soobin got up, patting yeonjun's shoulder as reassurance, still laughing. "yeah, good luck with that hyung."
"okay, it's not even that bad--"
"dude, not even cha eunwoo would survive the sibling zone." beomgyu said, a hard reality check for yeonjun. "though hyunbin might.." he mumbled to himself. yeonjun caught it though, but it didn't matter. yeonjun was no hyunbin.
"fuck." he breathed out, the utensils he was holding had lesser grip on them as he just stared into nothingness. beomgyu was right. he's forever stuck as a brother in your eyes.
but then a ring of his phone snaps him out of it.
when he checks the id, his ambition is restored almost immediately for whatever reason; it was you.
"yo why are you smiling?", beomgyu said trying to peep at yeonjun's phone, but yeonjun reflexes took over, and he immediately turned his phone off.
"beomgyu, don't you think i kind of resemble hyunbin?" he said with a head tilt and an overconfident smirk, talking like he just had an epiphany.
"the one from crash landing on you? uh no."
yeonjun jumped from the couch a new man, his pen and paper in one hand and his ringing phone on the other. he finally faced beomgyu as the man he was, choi motherfucking yeonjun. "i gotta answer this call...and also, if you ask anybody who my celebrity doppelganger is, everyone would proudly say its hyunbin dumbass."
then yeonjun left with a smile and a surge of new confidence overtaking his face as he spoke away on the phone with you, while beomgyu was left in the living room more than confused as he looked up the actor on his phone.
instead of finding the difference, beomgyus brain was tasking him into finding the similarities...which, there was one to yeonjun's credit.
black hair.
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"when are the others coming?" you asked looking around the crowded floor as yeonjun was buying popcorn and drinks. "the movies about to start.." you mumbled, checking your phone for the hundredth time.
"oh, i guess its just me and you again." he said with the popcorn and bottle of coke finally in his arms.
"again? don't you think this is getting suspicious?" you said as you walked alongside yeonjun, not noticing the way yeonjun just gulped.
you stopped in your tracks, in turn yeonjun bumping into your back a little, a few popcorns dropping on the floor.
"hey...you don't think.." you furrowed your brows, in deep thought. this has been on your mind for a while now. "you don't think they're trying to set us up or something do you?"
after the third time your friends stood you and yeonjun up, you were starting to think they were pushing, what they called, the 'ynjun' agenda..but it was the first time you'd ever bring it up to yeonjun, so you just laughed it off -- scolding your friends will come on a later date.
"nevermind, lets go inside the movie theatre jun."
"ya' y/n, wait."
you turned around to an awkward standing yeonjun at first, but he immediately straightens up and clears his throat, with a smile you've grown so attached to -- the smile that reached his eyes. for something so simple, it made your heart beat a little quicker than normal.
"can you hold the coke for a sec? i'm trynna--i'm trynna do something."
you break into a light laugh, "um, okay." that snapped you out of it because you remember who he was again -- your platonic best friend.
you took the cola bottle off his right arm, expecting him to take his phone out of his pocket to check something.
but as you stared at your sneakers, checking if they're untied, you felt his hand on top of your head, which startled you.
you looked up to meet yeonjuns eyes, a brow raised.
before you could say anything, he ruffled the top of your hair gently, leaning towards you a bit, to shorten the height difference.
"y/n, let this be our first date." your platonic best friend's voice, so warm and gentle you thought you would only hear in dreams, said those words...to you.
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"so you asked her out on a date but you don't even like her...? that doesn't make any sense." soobin said, sitting on the couch watching beomgyu hog up the tv screen, his use time running out.
"bros an asshole..but i feel like we knew that already-- fuck you heeseung. you fucking suck ass you need to get off my team." beomgyu yelled.
"okay, first of all, it's not that bad. she doesn't like me at all, plus the date was how we would usually hung out anyway."
soobin just shook his head -- being the only guy with a functioning moral compass amongst the people he called his friends was exhausting.
as soon as he was about to lecture yeonjun, the tv timer goes off -- and that makes his plan a fleeting thought.
"it's my turn now, throw me the remote."
"bro give me a second, let me finish this gam--"
"no! unplug your console." soobin yelled impatiently, he knew better than to let beomgyu go over the timer again.
beomgyu groaned, abandoning heeseung in the game and unplugging his console. when soobin got control of the tv and opened up netflix, beomgyu stood up to sit next to yeonjun -- who had gotten a notification from you.
"yj, who's the chick? you never told us."
"uh, you don't really know her." he mindlessly answered, focused on the messages from you.
[y/n, 9:16 pm] that serenade ..as cringe as it was.. [y/n, 9:16 pm] like lets be serious, there was NO reason for u to get on top of the cafeteria table lol
he hadn't yet told his roommates what he did this morning, thinking that he'd get a longer lecture by soobin.
but he had took inspiration from the movie you guys were watching the other night at the cinema. you talked his ear off about how romantic it was, how you would fall at the feet of dicaprio if he did the same to you..
he was no dicaprio, but he could try is what he thought. and though you forced him to get down half way through, he could still enjoy sharing the laughter, your laughter, that was ringing in his ear.
[yeonjun, 9:17 pm] as cringe as it was...? you're in love w me ;)
he typed it as a joke, a smile tugging on his lips waiting for your reaction to his teasing.
but beomgyu hovered over his phone out of boredom again, and out of instinct yeonjun threw his phone -- the three chois looking at the phone on the floor in shock.
"bro, why are you being so secretive? were you sexting?" beomgyu yelled, accusatory.
"can we collectively have some decency in this house, jesus fucking christ beomgyu." soobin muttered.
"shut up church boy, yeonjun's hiding something for sure."
"or maybe he just wanted some privacy dude?" soobin retaliated.
yeonjun jumped up pointing at soobin, "exactly! exactly! listen to soobin, you were invading my personal space. so not cool beomgyu."
"yeah, okay. you've never agreed with me with this much enthusiasm before. he's hiding something. quick, check his phone." to soobins order, beomgyu was prepared to run to the phone when he made eye contact with the owner -- but yeonjun was quick.
"good god, wait wait. what do you want beomgyu--fuck, if you wanted her name it's y/n alright? the chick's y/n!" yeonjun doesn't do well under pressure, at all.
"what are you talking about--" beomgyu's face morphed into shock with his mouth agape. "--oh my fucking god. yeonjun, y/n's the chick? the one who brother zoned you?" beomgyu yelled.
"yeah...?" he said hesitantly.
"i can't--i just can't. soobin knock some sense into him." beomgyu turned away dramatically, shaking his head.
"yeonjun--" soobin started.
"dude, y/n has been in love with you for like a decade!" beomgyu blurted out, turning to face yeonjun again, interrupting soobin.
"uh..no? guys, i literally told you that she said she sees me as a brother. i saw her telling some guy that at the frat party last week."
beomgyu walked towards yeonjun, grabbing both of his shoulders, shaking him, "she. didn't. brother. zone. you. you stupid fuck!"
"she's been saying that to people because its so obvious that every time she tries moving on, she still likes you." soobin added in.
yeonjun, with his brows furrowed, tore beomgyu's hands off his shoulder -- walking towards his phone.
and it felt like a million thoughts were racing around his head the three seconds it took for him to get his phone, like a storm, a big tornado clouding his mind. but the most heavy was...how long? a fucking decade? and he never noticed?
he found it hard to swallow, almost nervous...that it was true.
the two other chois were staring at him, exchanging glances.
and when he picked up his phone, it was like he feared.
his text was left on read.
yeonjun's roommates were right for once.
all the secret glances he'd catch, a smirk twitching on his face as he pretended not to see, all the times you'd practically asked him out -- he shot it all down subconsciously thinking it was nothing more than coincidences on top of coincidences.
"you know, i was thinking it was weird you freaked out so much about the brother thing. yunjin told you that right to your face like last month and you didn't say anything." beomgyu said as he let himself fall on the couch.
beomgyu was right, he didn't care when yunjin said it.
yeonjun looked at beomgyu, eyes confused. "so...what are you trying to say?"
"maybe you feel the same way...? god, do i have to spell it out for you every single time?" he said dramatically, groaning.
"okay yeonjun. drama's over, go do your walk of shame to your room." soobin said, getting comfortable on the chair again to watch the premier of his show.
"and reflect!" beomgyu shouted out as yeonjun went over to his room, obeying soobin with his phone tight in hand.
"what are we watchin?" beomgyu finally asked, soobin giving him a side eye in response.
"we? beomgyu, i'm not watching another show premier with you again."
"just because my commentary is too good doesn't mean you have to get all jealous--"
yeonjun bursts out of his room through the narrow hallway that lead to the main door, a coat hanging on his right arm as he hurriedly slipped on his sneakers.
it startled both of the guys on the couch, looking over at him with brows raised: what is yeonjun doing?
no one could get a word in, not even beomgyu, before he was totally out of sight.
only adrenaline was rushing through his veins as he shut the door behind him, putting his arms through his padded coat, and sprinting to the elevator -- frantically spamming the button to make him falsely hope the elevator would reach his floor any faster
it wasn't like he had to do something in the ten minutes his head thought he had left, no, it was the realization that had him acting in urgency he never thought he'd have for a girl. all of his stupidity dawning on him -- for fucksake, of course it mattered that you said he was like a brother, it was you.
and as he ran out the building -- his head felt dizzy, not because it was overwhelmed with thoughts, no, this time he only had a few but those were harder to manage his head.
did he ever give up on you in middle school?
did he ever move on from you in highschool?
did he really dump a dream, you -- the dream he had as a boy, with all the other dreams he never thought would happen?
when yeonjun was finally in front of your family house, the one you still chose to live in through your college experience, he moved to where'd he guess the window of your room was.
"y/n?" he shouted out with all the energy he could muster up. he had to bend over his knee to catch his breath, because he would shout your name again.
again, and again, and again.
blood rushed up to his cheeks, not because of the cold, because he was embarrassed -- what if you weren't even here?
he waited, staring up at the window which showed no sign of your room light being on.
but he wouldn't give up, he'd have to try something else.
yeonjun looked down at his feet, the absence of the sun being harder on his vision. there were no rocks, the only thing visible to his eyes were branch sticks which only made him hope that his aim was good enough to get your window a few times.
it wasn't.
when the last stick that he found hit a window that wasn't the one he was trying to aim at - he cursed under his breath, defeated. yeonjun concluded that this was a bigger fail than the fucking time he found out that he was flirting at a family--not a class, reunion.
he could just go back to his dorm and call you is what he thought as he exhaled, a fog escaping his lips into the cold, feeling even more of a loser.
"yeonjun?!" he turned around at the familiar voice calling out for him and his eyes widened, lighting up as they set on your face, finally out of the window, with your room light making it a little easier for him to see your features.
"y/n?" he shouted back, ecstatic.
"what are you doing out here?", you shouted the words slowly so he could pick it up. then add, "it's fucking cold!"
"i just wanted to know" he inhaled, the cold air burning his nostrils, "why you didn't answer my text!"
it was silent, yeonjuns lips agape waiting for a response.
"you're fucking insane!" you said laughs slipping between your words, yeonjun scoffs lightly, a wide smile on his face.
he put his hands up as walls to his mouth to echo his words louder, "for you!" he shouted out in response.
"shut the fuck up!" it was a distant yell, one you both assumed, as you met eye contact, was y/n's neighbors. and then you laughed again at the untimely part of it all.
when you turned away from the window, yeonjun found himself yearningly waiting for you to come back. hands that were in his pockets felt a vibration -- his phone.
he took it out just to see a notification from his, quite frankly, favorite person ever.
[y/n, 10:26 pm] lets talk on here lol
he looked up and saw you at the window again, with you waving your phone at him -- it earned a smile tugging once more, on the ends of his lips.
just how did he manage to ignore overwhelming feelings about you, of you, for the past decade?
[yeonjun, 10:27 pm] come down. i'm not gonna tell u this thru text [y/n, 10:27 pm] why not? [yeonjun, 10:27 pm] don't wanna [y/n, 10:28 pm] youre asking me to get out of my cozy ass room just bcs u dont wanna??
"yeah! basically dumbass!" he shouted, startling your poor self out of your focus on your phone. you glared at him, yeonjun most likely missing it.
[y/n, 10:28 pm] STOP DONT DO THAT THOSE PSYCHOS ARE GOING TO CALL THE COPS ON ME [yeonjun, 10:29 pm] ok then come down before i freeze my fingers off
when you slid your window closed, closing your curtains, he immediately turned to quickly run towards the front of your house. yeonjun leaned on the fence of your porch, smiling with thoughts of you clouding his mind, as he looked up at the moon.
it was all so cliché -- the type of scene his roommates would squeal over and one that he would roll his eyes to, but if he were to watch this part of his life, again and again -- the moment you opened the door, the moment you both exchanged looks that communicated 'we feel the same way don't we?', a short awkward laugh that was shared, the moment you hesitantly opened your mouth to say something -- and then, the final moment of his longing lips crashing onto yours, his cold hands warming up the moment he cupped your face, the repocracy from your side making him smile into the kiss, the euphoric realisation that he wasn't late, you didn't stop loving him yet, and when he cut the kiss short, both your lips barely apart, yeonjun whispered an i love you, and to it you smiled, pulling him into your house, to finish your kiss -- he would too, squeal over the scene, kicking his feet like a highschool girl.
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ending a/n: YOU FINISHED IT YAY :D yeonjun was lowk an asshole for wanting to lead on mc at first for his own benefit, but hes such a cutie im sorry, its easy to forgive T-T let me know what you feel about this piece, it was so fun to write!!
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t1red-twilight · 7 days
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oblivious pining headcannons
summary: you and spencer are so unbelievably unaware.
content/warnings: gn!reader, fluff, idiots in love, cursing
notes: i’m so lonely (rip)
word count: 0.4k
masterlist
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- spencer is blissfully unaware and in denial that anyone could ever like him romantically
- this is driving the team INSANE.
- because you are interested. very much so, in fact.
- you have his coffee order memorized, and you even bought the creamer he likes for the office
- “i made you coffee:)”
- “this is perfect! thank you? how’d you know what i like?”
- “i bought that creamer you like!”
- and derek just kinda stares in bewilderment. “these idiots are so fucking dumb. oh my god.”
- hotch has taken to being cupid (middle school teacher style)
- you are assigned to share rooms with each other, and you accept no questions asked. (like when teachers put kids who have crushes on each other next to eachother on the seating chart)
- “it’s just because we are close friends!” no. it is not.
- spencer always saves you a seat on the jet.
- gets pissed when anyone tries to take ‘your spot’
- loverboy™
- staring at each other when you think nobody is looking
- lingering touches
- this becomes magnified when one considers that spencer is a germaphobe
- emily was watching in disbelief as spencer was showing you something about the geographic profile. you were practically nestled into his side; very much in his personal bubble. “morgan, come here.”
- “oh my god. so much for ‘bacteria transfers instantaneously.’”
- going out of his way to be near you
- he approaches you whenever you enter a room
- he doesn’t say anything most times. just kinda stands next to you
- you’re the only one to listen to his tangents
- “you didn't finish talking about narcissistic tendencies earlier, spence.”
- “oh! so narcissistic breakdown can be identified through-”
- he points out your little quirks to other people
- “they do that when they’re nervous. i hope they're okay”
- now that i mention it
- CONSTANTLY checking in on you.
- “are you okay?”
- “i’m still good to come over right?”
- “text me when you get home, okay?”
- he’s hyper aware of your little tics and can read you like a book:(
- like he is so perceptive and will then proceed to check in on you (as stated previously, he does quite a lot)
- researches your interests so he can talk to you about them lol
- eye contact 24/7 (i’m a sucker for puppydog eyes</3)
- team is lowkey disgusted by your sickly-sweet interactions
- minus rossi. who will just say something about his third wife and be like “ah. young love.”
- he holds your hand all the time. will wiggle his fingers to get your attention
- anyway it's just really sweet
- you're really sweet with each other.
- and even though it's excruciating to watch, the team encourages you two that you should just ask the other on a date
- and when you do, it's a quiet win for everyone.
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purpleparrot · 2 years
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i don't mean to sound ageist but tenured professors over like 70 shouldn't teach
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ghouljams · 27 days
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What Once Was
A perspective shift, a pause, a brief respite before doubt takes hold again. Android!Ghost feels his heart beat.
You grew up in Manchester, or at least you had a job out there. You don’t like thinking about “growing up.” As far as you’re concerned you’ve been doing this your whole life. Fixing things. You had a job, an apprenticeship, with a bot mechanic at one of the industrial plants. You’d taught yourself coding, but at risk of electrocution you’d found someone to teach you the rest. It was hard, but the work was rewarding. You were young, but unlike people, bots care more about the results than how long a doctor has been a doctor. They didn’t ask questions, they didn’t know they should have. 
The area was rough, you always liked the industrial parts of town, but even you could admit the place had seen better days. There was this old butcher shop. Real old school, but people like that. Meat tastes better when it’s cut by human hands, you’d heard someone say once. And there was this kid working there, Simon, he couldn’t have been much older than you. You saw him on your lunch breaks sometimes. You shared your sandwich with him.
He smiled sometimes, more than you would have thought given everything you knew about him. He liked working with his hands, you got that. He liked being away from home, you got that too. He never called you crazy when you talked about bots like they were people. He was sweet, you liked that about him. 
He disappeared one day, without saying goodbye. You figured that was just what happened to people who lived like you two did. You didn’t even bother with a police report. Maybe you should have.
-
You still sit with your knees pulled up to your chest when you’re working on small parts. Your brows still furrow the way they did when you were a teenager. Ghost watches you flip down your magnifier over your eyes and remembers teasing you about needing glasses from squinting too much. You still blow the dust out of old cartridges and stick them into your arsenal of wires just to listen to the technicolor drone of ancient video games while you work.
“Just the music,” you’d told him years and years ago, “it helps me focus.”
You’re exactly the same, and yet you’re so unfathomably different. Or maybe he’s different. Different in the ways that matter most, in the ways that mean you’ll never recognize him. It’s better like this. He’s been through too much to be the sort of man you deserve. Barely a man at all, really.
That doesn’t stop him from circling you, like a moth to a flame, or a weary soldier to the comfort of home. He finds himself in your workshop with repairs that aren’t repairs, with injuries that he’s never been bothered by before. Ghost sits and lets you run diagnostics, lets you poke and prod at his gears, and he never says a word. Never mentions that you still look beautiful in work lights, that you shouldn’t hold your tweezers in your mouth because you always pinch your lip, that you’re still you even when he isn’t sure he’s still himself. He never mentions that he has a million things he’s never told you, that he wanted to tell you but never got the chance to. 
He thinks them sometimes: when he’s watching you work, when you smile up at a bot warmly, when you ask him what’s wrong, when you start walking towards him before you even know what he needs, when you lay your hands on him and he flips every sensor to try and feel your warmth. He thinks that he loves you, that no matter how little of him is left he’ll always love you. He could love you with nothing, with bare circuits and white matter, and that would be enough to keep him going.
It was enough to keep him going. It isn’t anymore. Not when you’re here, so close and still a thousand miles away. Not when you don’t recognize him, when you don’t see the scrawny kid from Manchester in the corded steel and dense circuitry. 
Did you think of him when he left? Did you worry? It always felt melancholic, said as a joke that neither of you laughed at: it’s gonna kill me one day, this world’s gonna kill me. Was that what you thought happened? When you knew about his father, when he sat down for lunch with fresh bruises and a split lip, did you think that’s what happened when he didn’t show up the next day? Did you mourn him?
He should have taken you with him. Sixteen. Young enough to kill for a living, but still too young to save you. He couldn’t save anyone, couldn’t even save himself. 
They shouldn’t have put him back together.
Not if it meant he’d see you again.
Not if it meant you’d look at him like this,
Like nothing.
Repairs that aren’t repairs. Injuries that never bothered him before. Diagnostics. Circling. He knows it will burn him, he can feel the heat, but he can’t stop. Androids aren’t supposed to feel. Men aren’t supposed to be metal. And you don’t love him.
Not anymore.
(If you ever did.)
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