Nobody ever bothers looking anything up about schizophrenia, even people with schizophrenic loved ones. I'm having a bad day of it today and my husband doesn't know what to do despite me begging for months for him to do research, because reading about this thing that affects every aspect of my life until the day I die is just "so stressful" to him. And I can't fix myself because I can't think. If I get additional medical trauma from being thrown in a psych ward, I... I guess I'll die. He already can't help me when I'm a little fuzzy. I'm so scared. He keeps saying he cares but I've been begging for months. I don't even know how to look up what could help. I don't even know how to look up what I'm experiencing right now. I can't help but think if he knew, he could help. But he just outright refuses.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I think your husband should absolutely listen to you and do some research. Having schizophrenia is always more stressful and harder for the person experiencing it than the people around them. It would honestly be bare minimum for someone who claims to care about you to do some research into something you have to live with every day. There are so many resources out there for the loved one of people with schizophrenia, more than for the people with schizophrenia themselves. And I firmly believe it shouldn't be the responsibility of the person suffering to teach people around them how to help or even just care. He isn't the one experiencing it, he has the ability to do his own research, there is no excuse for him not to.

You deserve to be cared for and listened to. Having schizophrenia and having bad days because of it isn't your fault at all. You have every right to be upset. I wish I could do more to help, my dms are always open and you can talk to me if you want to.

ntn spoilers ahead

Question!

I appreciate that you champion Harrow's schizophrenia, and I had a thought that I'd like to run by you. It's intended with full respect for anyone with the disorder, and is also related to the neuro-bio-psych elements.

When Nona, Cam, and Crown are visiting the Captain, Nona hears Varun speak through the Captain. Afterward, she references the incident and realizes that neither Cam nor Crown had heard this happen. I was confused *how* Nona-lecto had that sort of experience, but...

If Nona-lecto is in Harrow's body, is it possible that she's experiencing schizophrenia symptoms? I'm not wanting to imply that it's a full hallucination, though perhaps since Harrow's 'meat' is schizophrenic meat, there are effects. Would mental health/illness be tied to the soul? Personality certainly seems to be, and some forms of memory.

Just rolling this around in my head a bit, and have no thoughts more advanced than this. Thank you for all your theorizing and writings about the books 💀 - heedee

I've been wondering how or if Harrow's schizophrenia effected Nona since the cover first dropped, and literally speaking, the way you're wondering about? I'm still not really sure. Brain stuff is complicated, even before souls are part of the equation, and everything about Nona is already so goddamn weird. I do think Nona is thematically schizophrenic, the same way she's thematically intellectually disabled.

Like the scene you're talking about here:

I think you're absolutely onto something, seeing this as related to psychosis. Reading this scene with that framing in mind, Nona's experience is so clearly about hallucinations. She was just trying to change the subject, and fuck. Turns out no one else heard that! Camilla and Crown's reactions, too.

But to your point about neurobiology, and the relationship between soul and body, it doesn't really tell us much. Nona wasn't hallucinating, because it turned out Judith wasn't just screaming. Varun was speaking to Nona through Judith in the language of a murdered planet, a language that sounds like screaming to human ears. Like Nona's uncanny knack for human languages, that's a product of her soul, not her brain.

We get proof of that later when Nona is pretending to be Harrow, and faking being effected by the blue light. She imitates the way Judith screamed, makes her mouth make the same shapes Judith's did, and her words come out in italics; just like Judith's words that Camilla and Crown heard as screams. She calls for help, in the screaming language she'd heard from Judith, with Judith in the room to hear her, and Varun answers by attacking the planet.

To your question about whether schizophrenia would be connected to the soul or to the body in setting, I don't think there's a dichotomy there. Body and soul aren't separate things, even when they're separated.

Lyctorhood, for example. You'd think muscle memory would be a clear cut case of living in the body. It's muscles. But when Ianthe chowed down on Naberius' soul, she got his reflexes with it. His swordsmanship, his stance, his training. The soul brought the body with it. And when Harrow literally cut Gideon out of her brain, it removed Gideon from her memory even when her soul was elsewhere. She spent half that book in the River, but didn't remember Gideon until her skull construct failed and her brain began to heal. So I would say that, just like memory, it's both. Harrow's schizophrenia is tied to both her soul and body, and there's not really much point in trying to separate the two.

Keeping Up with the Creatures (a reality show in someone’s brain)

IDK for once just feels annoyed that they’re here (draw your squad)

(creatures by acmeiku, @waffle-bog + real.megamind, bog.boyy, @pnkrathian, @luidilovins, @feather-box-moth [left dyslexia], and @sunshine-1722 [right dyslexia])

Hiiiii how have you been love bug? (Please tell me if your uncomfortable with that term since you are non-binary and they/them I’m not sure what nicknames you are uncomfortable with it’s just what I call my friends and just a nickname I have for people in general🫶🏻🫶🏻 ) so I’d like to to request farah with a adhd reader who is hyper forgetful and sometimes has meltdowns ( as someone with adhd)🧡🧡🧡

Hey! I'm fine! Bought some more yarn for my leftover blanket today, which I'm excited to work on! And don't worry, I think love bug is really cute! I don't mind most nicknames, but thank you for being considerate, I really do appreciate it! Hope you're doing well as well ^^

I don't have ADHD, so I don't know at all what it's like for someone with it! I had to do some research on it, so I don't know if these are actually viable methods of helping, but I tried! Please do correct me with something that might help and I'll add it in this post afterwards! I hope this is enjoyable to you regardless! Thank you for the request!

Farah with a Reader with ADHD

Farah doesn’t particularly know a lot about mental illnesses. She may be traumatized, yes, but that doesn’t mean she ever had the time to research any of them. So she’s definitely not the best person to go to when it comes to things like these, but she tries, even if she can’t always understand everything that’s going on. You’re suffering, and that’s enough for her to know she should do something to help you.

You being this forgetful may be a cause of concern for her, though. It’s not every day she meets someone who forgot what they did five minutes prior. It’s especially concerning when it’s something important, though, like seeing a doctor. Although she may be worried for you potentially developing something as severe as dementia eventually, she’ll try to push her worries aside and help you to the best of her abilities. If you ever need reminders, she can help you. Farah remembers and retains things very well, she’s never had any issues with it since she had to in order to get by. If you need to remember something, she’ll remind you a few times a day. You have an appointment? Don’t forget about it tomorrow, I’ll tell you again then. However, she’s also a big fan of post its and will write down whatever it is you may need and place it somewhere she knows you’re going to see it. I know, out of sight, out of mind, but she’ll also text you and have you make reminders on your phone for important things so you don’t forget. Won’t get mad at you for forgetting your anniversary, she can see that it’s hard for you to remember things and won’t yell at you or anything either. However, she will mention that it was your anniversary, or maybe her birthday. For the most part she just wants to spend those days with you, if she can, and will thus remind you. Again, you don’t need to feel ashamed for forgetting, she’ll tell you that it’s quite alright and that you shouldn’t worry. She’s patient like that.

If you have a meltdown in front of her, she definitely would not know what to do at first. Depending on what kind of meltdown it is, she’ll react differently. If it creeps up on you, slowly making you irritated, then she’ll ask you what’s wrong. Regardless of your answer, she’ll ask you how she can help you, if you would like to be left alone or if you would like to take a small break in any way. She gets it and she’ll get you away from whatever is stressing you out so you can slowly recharge. If you really do want to be left alone for a while, she will comply, but will knock on your door to check up on you every once in a while and will bring you some food as well. Farah just wants you to be well, so she’ll take care of you how she thinks might help. Food is always good, food usually helps her, so she hopes it’ll do the same for you as well.

If it’s a sudden meltdown where you don’t know where left and right are anymore, then she’ll get you away from everyone else at first. While she can’t imagine what it’s like for you, it likely isn’t very pleasant for you to be crying and screaming in front of other people. Hoping that you trust her, she’ll try to ground you, asking you how you’re feeling, what you’re feeling and how she could help you. What happened is also another question she would ask you. Again, she won’t really know what to do on her own, but she tries her best. Farah will talk to you in a soothing tone and try to distract you at first so you can calm down a bit. Whether it be cracking a joke or asking you about your top five favorite reptiles. Even if you can’t answer her properly, she’ll just reassure you that it’s okay, that everything is just bad in this moment and that it’ll pass. She’s with you this entire time and won’t leave you unless you want her to. Asks you to breathe a bit with her. In all your time being together, she’s likely learned a breathing technique or two that might help you.

Once your meltdown is over, she’ll be very gentle with you, especially if she can see you’re beating yourself up over it. You really shouldn’t feel ashamed for something that you can’t help, it’s not your fault. If you feel especially down, she’ll give you a kiss on the forehead and get some ice cream with you. Something like a meltdown seems exhausting to her. While she doesn’t want to seem like she’s rewarding you for having a meltdown, she does want you to be kind to yourself afterwards, that’s what the ice cream is for. And if you don’t want ice cream, then some berries, fruits or a small snack will suffice as well. Either way, she’s there for you the entire time until you feel better.

Saw someone who followed me simping so hard for antipsychotic medication that they went as far as to say that questioning or doubting whether you want to be on them counts as a delusion, and so I blocked them lol

We support non-medicated schizophrenics here, Sir

Everybody gets to choose their own paths of treatment and recovery, just bc you have a psychotic disorder instead of depression or anxiety doesn't mean you have less autonomy or choice in how you want to manage your symptoms. We can make our own medical decisions, idc if everyone in the world has been preprogrammed to think a schizophrenic person off their meds is the worst thing in the world and they must not be thinking reasonably - we are capable of making our own medical decisions and yes we do have rational concerns and valid justifications.

@wabitham For you I will try and think about Amber and Tara. I started writing this and then you posted this, and I gotta say I agree with what you've written.

I decided to put a read more for a ramble, and add a summary of Amber and her relationship with Tara up here.

Amber is protective and possessive: once she determines she wants something or that something is hers, it's hers. Tara is one of those somethings.

Amber hates Sam because Tara still loves her despite hurting her, when Amber is the one who has been there for her.

Amber becomes Tara's person once Sam leaves. She pretty much relies on Amber for her entire emotional fulfilment, and Amber loves the feeling of power it gives her.

Amber has never been a people person, but she knows the world is easier with connections, and that it makes Tara happy, so hence the friendship group she associates with.

The year after her dad leaves is super hard on Tara, she ends up getting held back a year, much to her frustration. She was already older than her classmates, and now she's even older. Not to mention the embarrassment of being held back, of everyone whispering about you and staring at you all the time. It's like everyone knew what was going on in her life except her.

Amber has always been studious & mature for her age; she's at the top of her classes. When Tara is put into her grade, Amber is asked to help her assimilate back into the school environment and help her with her classwork. Everyone knows that they're already familiar with one another, and it's expected that that's what Tara needs in these trying times, a familiar face.

Amber doesn't think much of Tara at first, she doesn't really think much of anyone. People are just annoyances she has to deal with. She likes that Tara does what she says, even though she's older and people let her get away with things they wouldn't let others get away with. She's used that to her advantage sometimes, Tara would do anything for a smile and a compliment, Amber realises. She stops demanding her parents get her dog a month after being saddled with Tara.

It's just after Christmas, 4 months after receiving the role of Tara's tutor and buddy when The Incident happens and Amber begins to see Tara in a whole new light. She realises there's an anger inside of her, just like Amber, and it feels important to the girl somehow. She decides that Tara is no longer an obligation, she's hers.

So Amber becomes protective, possessive some (their friendship group) might say. Tara doesn't mind, so the others only grumble about it jokingly.

Amber hates Sam. Sam doesn't deserve the love and adoration her Tara heaps on her. Amber is the one who's always there, who sees her sadness and her tears. Amber is the one to hold her hand and cheer her up and help her with her school work and scare away the bullies. Sam is too busy getting drunk and fucking her way through every teenage boy in Woodsboro.

And Tara? She's needy. She's emotional and weak and she didn't realise how much she needed her sister until she wasn't really there any more. Then the world sends her Amber. Amber who couldn't stand her at first; carrying a dismissiveness that reminds her of her own mother. But it didn't matter, because she let Tara tag along and come home with her after school and she helped her with her homework even though it had to be frustrating for her sometimes. Tara just didn't want to be alone.

Skipping forward.

Sam leaves and Amber is all Tara has. She has her other friends sure, but they don't know her like Amber... or Sam. They don't fill her with comfort and radiate safety, they don't protect her like them. They don't love her like them. But Sam left and so she clings to Amber, and Amber doesn't push her away. She revels in it. Tara adores her and she takes advantage of it, curious; Tara's not unwilling, embarrassed, to curious to learn, to practise. She doesn't date though, Amber won't have that, she scares anyone who might try away. Amber doesn't share.

Years pass. She moves into the old Macher house. She develops a new obsession. She remembers the little secret Tara's mother once revealed to her. It consumes her. She speaks to people online about it, to others just like her who share her passion and her thoughts. She can't speak about things like this with Tara, Tara's too sensitive, Tara likes characters and stories and happy endings. They don't share this love.

She meets Richie. She let's it slip that she knows Billy Loomis' daughter. He makes a suggestion, she makes a suggestion. Before they know it they've got a plan and they've committed to carrying it out.

Amber pries when Tara's half asleep: have you talked to Sam lately? Do you ever wonder where she ended up, what she's been doing? Does she ever plan to come home? Tara reveals she knows where Sam is, she's been stalking her social media ever since she left, she never reaches out (if Sam wanted her in her life she would contact her, she would come home, Tara thinks). That's a surprise to Amber. Tara's never kept a secret from her. Of course it would be Sam's fault.

She tells Richie, and he begins his part of the plan. It takes him 2 months before Sam will even give him the time of day, another 2 before she ever opens up to him. They bond over shitty families and legacies left behind by their fathers and being disappointments, both of them skirting around the details. Until one day he catches Sam on Instagram, looking at a specific account. She reveals she has a little sister. He waits until she's drunk next, to bring up her little sister. He pries, and she talks about the little sister she loves so much who she abandoned. How much Tara must hate her. He asks if she would ever go back - not a chance - not even for your little sister? I would do anything for her. Even go back? Even go back.

It hurt Amber, doing what she did to Tara. But it had to be done. It irritates her and fills her with pride in equal measure when she fights back. Unfortunately, it means she gets a little more hurt than she intended. She shouldn't have fought back if she didn't want her leg broken. This was about Sam.

"This will all be over soon," she says as closes the cupboard door. She could convince Tara to keep her mouth shut, to say it was the robed and masked figure who tied her up and locked her away, that she didn't know who the Ghostfaces were. After all, once Sam is gone, Amber really will be the only one she has. But first Tara has to see. She wants her to see, to know she's all she has left. Tara's a good girl, she'll do as she's told.

It wasn't supposed to go down like this. Sam wasn't supposed to untie her.

Fuck Sam Carpenter.

Everyday I think about how Misty isn't the antler queen and how she was the first girl to be disproven right off the bat to not be her. You would think it would be her at first right? She's unhinged, she's unable to see the fault in some of the things she does, she murders and murders, and essentially everything that happened in the wilderness is indirectly her fault because she destroyed the box. But she was the first girl to be shown unmasked because Misty doesn't attempt to hide, or maybe she just can't. She's unmasked because we see her nature right of the bat, there's no pretense of normalcy or repression of who she is.

The antler queen is hidden, behind the scenes. She isn't the one who dragged pit girl's body out, prepared it, and served it. It was served to her. If the wilderness is the representation of trauma, then the antler queen is the source of it and the instigator. The center.

If Misty is a hammer used to beat someone to death, then the antler queen is a quiet poison that you don't even know is in your system until it kills you. Anyways here is why I believe with my whole heart that Shauna is the antler queen.

despite my criticisms of disco elysium and falling out of favor with it still thinking about this. possibly the best media representation of experiencing mental illness in a Very Specific way (He’s Schizophrenic. He’s Schizophrenic Okay.)

Okay fineee finally getting back into figuring out an original comic of mine i plan to draw and publish. Well two✌ comics maybe three the third one i wanna make a movie or animation. They're The original stories ive had forever but keep losing inspiration for but that always live in my head ones like danger days meets the matrix meets the terminator and im working on my style guide for it rn getting inspiration back and sketching the creature designs. That ones science fiction post apocalypse gay dystopia and the other one would be like. Short like one part while the dystopia one would be like a series or at least multiple issues but the second one is apocalyptic fantasy and kind of cosmic horror? But its not really horror it just has the same like. Unexplainableness. Its just kind of sad tbh its like. Hopeful but somber but Weird and has a nuclear war and powers and mental illness and genderless entities and a lonely god and queer love facing an apocalypse together and life and reincarnation and ends and beginnings and just. Its my darling. And the third one i want to be a film of some sort is straight up horror lol a lot of body horror and like. Its a hopeless apocalypse it doesn't have a happy ending. Im thinking since i dont know like. cgi or anything. Im thinking of making it a mixture of live action for the characters and stopmotion for the Creatures since i could greenscreen them in if i just make them puppets. itll be a project for when i have free time and money for an adobe subscription lol. If you guys wanna hear abt any of these i might make a sideblog if i start drawing the comic until then just ask me abt any of these and ill gladddly infodump lol. Gay matrix terminator danger days dystopia is for now called In Our Dreams(we can be complete) the weird fantasy apocalypse one always been loosely titled The Stargazer but i could call it Sending My Love(from the other side of the apocalypse) to match lol. And the third one i just call the Bonepocalypse. Also these all came from wild dreams i had like the universes i fully dreamed up its crazy

Sorry sorry I was just reading a reply of a post where someone was like the difference between a mental illness and a mental disorder is that one implies a strive to find a cure and I'm just like... babe what world do you live in where people don't want to "fix" you

before you complain about being around or "dealing with" psychotic people, im begging you to think about how they feel

when you give dirty stares to the "scary" homeless person in the streets screaming to themselves, imagine what they are going through to act that way, all alone, scared and unsafe in the streets going through a mental crisis with no support

when its "hard to see" your loved ones going through psychosis, imagine how they are feeling beings the ones actually suffering with psychosis

when you are emberassed by your psychotic loved ones actions, imagine how emberassed they are to be syptomatic around their loved ones who judge them

when you complain about how hard it is to "walk on eggshells" around psychotic people, imagine how hard it is for them, the ones who actually have to deal with the concequences of the things you say to them that could make things worse

when you dont know what happening in a psychotic persons head and you dont know how to help, think about why they dont want to or cant talk to you about it, think about why they dont want to or cant get help themselves, think about what you can do to make yourself more trustworthy to them, what research you can do to learn more about psychosis, and what professional resources you can set them up with because you cant give them treatment by just sympathysing

you need to think about how the psychotic person feels, you need to think about what might be causing their actions, you need to sympathyse with them, but that alone wont help them. as someone in touch with reality you do have the power to help them, to call upon prefessional outsiders, to do your own research, to try to make the things you can control in their life easier for them.

and i promise you, as a psychotic person myself, its so much harder to be the psychotic person than it is for the nonpsychotic people around me. psychosis is an internal struggle, the worst part about it is how it makes me feel, not how it shows externally to others.

Hey can we like. Stop villainizing people with mental illness?? No matter what mental illness they have?? Thanks xo

my ocs from 2008 true to their hearts >w<

I need u… I want u…

some tumblr ads i've been getting a lot recently