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#long term food storage containers

saganlife · 1 month

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starry-eyes-love · 5 months

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Ch 8- A Christmas Story

Main Masterlist Series Masterlist

My Journey to You Series: Ch. 8- A Christmas Story (can read as a stand alone or in order with the series).

Pairings | Joel Miller x F!Reader with a lot of Ellie interactions

Summary | A Christmas Story in January, three wishes granted, and finally the concept of a family once again…and F!Reader and Joel’s teasing hit an all time high between them.

Warnings | 18+, Minors DNI. Language, slight angst (Joel and reader overthinks stuff again), sexual tension/teasing to the max, panic attack (Joel has one), a ton of fluffy fluff fluff stuff (like a ton), a lot of funny/cute little moments, references to smut (without actual smut though), passionate kissing, terms of endearment (baby, honey, etc.), Ellie calls Joel dad (it needs its own warning), Joel hears Sarah’s voice, Christmas theme stuff, water and snowball fight, Ellie and Joel banter, implied age gap (without any reference to age), Christmas cookies, family and marriage dynamic references, and I don’t want to spoil too much more. This one is a tear jerker (funny laughter and fluffy stuff wise) but in the best possible way for them. And a ring may be involved (shhh). Ok, not going to spoil it anymore…just read it…oh and an old guy in a fat Santa suit :)

Word Count: 10.9 K (not sorry really)

Ellie immediately started laughing as Joel struggled with the Santa suit. “Joel, you look funny in a fat suit,” she said, laughing out loud at a pillow peeking through his Santa jacket. “I haven't heard of no Joel before, I'm Santa.” He said, with a husky voice. “So what happened to Joel? Did ya kill him when you landed your fat ass on top of him with your sleigh…”

Joel had hunted for the perfect Christmas tree. He tried to find one that wasn’t too big or too small, something that would easily fit inside the cabin. After searching for the better part of a day, Joel finally found one that was perfect. You had been sitting by the fire, relaxing after making jerky for food, when you heard Joel through the door say “Hey, can ya help me with this?”

When you opened your eyes and peered through the window you gasped at seeing the tree. “Joel, are you serious? Did you actually get us a Christmas tree?” you said, eyes bright and a huge smile plastered on your face. It had been ages since you had a Christmas tree, let alone a proper Christmas. Christmas was always your favorite holiday and you were absolutely blown away that Joel was making the effort to give you something from your childhood, even though it was long past the holiday season.

After the tree was up, Ellie and you searched the storage totes again and found some old Christmas decorations with lights. There were only a few ornaments in the storage containers, so you improvised. You hung a few spoons, a hunting knife that was broken, a few old holey socks, and a few pieces of paper that had fallen out from old books; all of which were placed on the tree like ornaments. It wasn't the best looking tree, but it meant something to the three of you. It showed that even with survival, there was still a chance of having a family once again.

The following days after you put up the tree you kept to yourself more, getting lost in your own thoughts of the past again. You thought about what time of the year it was, and by your calculations and best estimate, you figured it was sometime in the middle of January. Technically Christmas was in the past, being a December holiday. When you brought this fact up to Joel, he told you to stop worrying. That the whole point of any of this was to give Ellie a taste of Christmas, no matter what time of year or suggested date it was on the calendar. No one kept a calendar anymore, all any of you could do was guess.

You tried not to worry, but you started overthinking again. You didn't tell anyone, but you silently hoped that Christmas would bring you a family once again. You knew Joel hadn't said that he loved you yet, but you were hoping he'd say it now for Christmas. What you didn't know was that Joel had been saying that he loved you, but just in Spanish, and you didn’t speak Spanish. Joel said ‘te amo’ almost every day to you, which meant that he loved you. He said it in front of Ellie once, and you saw Ellie's eyes go wide. Joel shot her a quick glare to be quiet. When you had asked her why she reacted that way, and if she understood Spanish, she said no. You didn't voice it, but you knew that she was lying. You tried asking Joel again what ‘te amo meant’, but he never answered you. He just walked outside and pretended not to hear you. You were starting to think that maybe your idea of Joel telling you that he loved you was wrong, that actually he was being mean to you once again, but this time in Spanish. You were so lost and confused, overthinking things once again in your head.

In the following days when you heard that the traps needed to be checked and reset, you volunteered to do it. This allowed you to mull things over in your head, without interruption or having to explain why you were being more quiet and keeping to yourself. You were gone for the better part of a day, taking longer than normal to check and reset the traps. You were so lost in thought, bent over and working on the last trap that you never heard Joel approach.

“Ya know, I didn't think watchin’ you attempt to check and rest a trap for the last 20 minutes would be so sexy. But I guess I was wrong.” He said, leaning up against a tree with his arms crossed.

You slowly straightened up and glanced over your shoulder, raising an eyebrow up at him. You didn't want to argue or fight, so you were wary of saying anything. When you looked at Joel, frustration was not what you saw. You saw him look at you like he was a wolf, and that you were his prey. His eyes were dark and pupils blown wide with lust. When you trailed your eyes down his body, you saw a tight prominent bulge in the front. The longer you looked, the more you felt your own heat rise up in your spine, and a deep throb started someplace else inside of you. How can that man stand there and look that damn sexy, you thought to yourself.

Joel stared at you, wondering the same thing. Damn woman. You're making it so fucking hard f’me. I just wanna bend ya over right there and fuck that nice tight lil’ ass of yours. Joel's thoughts were running rampant in his head, he was fighting hard to keep his calm composure and not give in to his animal instincts. After a moment of eye fucking you he said in a husky voice, “Ya wanna bend over for me, nice and slow baby? Let me see that nice tight ass of yours?”

“Yeah, well Miller, you can't touch now can you?” You said, smiling at Joel, trying to push the beast in front of you to give in and devour you. You craved Joel in every possible way. And by the way he was glaring at you, you figured he was thinking the same thing that you were. You wanted him desperately to stop being so noble, to just give in to his animal urges and claim you completely as his.

With a slight smirk and another slow palm to his crotch Joel said, “well baby, that's why I'm asking ya to bend back over f’me. I wanna see that nice, big-”

“You better not be referring to my ass as being big there old man, or so help me God, that'll be the last time you see it in this position.” You glared at Joel, silently challenging him to continue.

You saw Joel swallow hard, his Adam's Apple bobbing up and down at your statement. Apparently your mouth turned him on. God, why did your smartass attitude sound so incredibly sexy to him right now? You watched Joel place his hands on his hips, slowly taking a few steadying breaths. It was getting harder and harder for him to deny you. This little chase game between the two of you was heating up, and Joel was miserable. You've been teasing the fuck out of him for days, not kissing him or allowing him to touch you sexually. He was about two seconds away from saying screw it and give in to you. He wanted you, desperately. Evidence of this was inside his pants right now, straining hard against his zipper. Throbbing and pulsing to every fast beat of his heart, reminding him that even in this unforgiving world, that he was still a man that had needs. And his needs were screaming at him to bend you over and claim that perfect little cunt of yours as his. God man, get a fucking grip on yourself.

Joel scolded himself internally, he remembered the discussion the two of you have had recently regarding the act of penetration. “Joel, do I not turn you on, do you not want sex? Every time I try, you say no. I want to. Please.” Your thoughts and mouth had overflowed with doubt and anxiety at his relationship with you recently. It wasn't like he didn't want to have sex, God he wanted nothing more than to give in and give you everything. But he was trying to do this right, or so he thought. “Just a little while longer,” he had said to you. But the more he watched you right now, the more he started to question his own logic.

Joel, being so lost in thought, was surprised when you slowly bent over and ran your hand up the back of your ass. “Mr. Miller, I want you to fuck this so bad.” You had said, looking back at him, pleading with your eyes.

Joel was trying to be a good man for you, a true gentleman. But you almost made him cum right there on the spot with that move. Right now he wanted to throw all caution out of the way and just bury himself deep inside of you, claim you as truly his. With a low growl, and a firm palm to his crotch, Joel looked at you with warning eyes and said, “Darlin', ya can't say shit like that t’me and expect me not to-” Joel had to stop himself before he fully admitted to his weakness. He knew that if he told you that he wanted to fuck you, that you'd touch him. And the moment you'd touch him would be when his last resolve would snap, and he'd give in to you with no restraint.

When you looked back at Joel, he looked completely wrecked. That man is truly like iron steel with his resolve. Holding back and not giving in, you thought. For a moment you truly were impressed with his ability to say no. But as the intense stare down continued, you knew he was on the verge of breaking and giving you what you wanted. But by how black his pupils looked, you knew he wouldn’t be able to be gentle, and that terrified and excited you all at the same time. You wanted him to give you everything that he had, to not hold back anymore, and to just let himself feel something. “Ya alright?” you said, while walking over to Joel. When he didn't respond, you were concerned. So with a long exhale you said, “Look Joel, I'm sorry, I-”

“No ya ain't. Ya ain't fucking sorry and you know it. Fuck woman, ya need to stop teasing me like this.” He said, pointing down at the front of him. You could see that he was uncomfortable, pants visibly tight around his big length. He was slightly throbbing through his denim jeans as his belt fit nice and snug on his waist. His lips were slightly parted as he slowly licked them, getting them nice and moist. He ran a hand through his hair, breathing heavy, cock twitching at your staring eyes. You heard a low growl emit from his chest as he said with a stern voice “quit fucking staring at me like that, and stop your god damn teasing, now.”

When you slowly raised your eyes up to Joel’s face, you saw the wild man, the wolf within him, stare back at you. Joel had that look in his eyes of pure dominance. He wanted you to challenge him, so he could claim you as truly his. Every warning bell was going off in your head from him, and you did the only thing that you knew you could do in this situation. You pushed him a little more, wanting his resolve to snap hard. “Teasing you? I'm not teasing you Joel.” You said, allowing irritation to lace your voice. Here you were minding your own business, thinking about stuff when he told you that you looked sexy and to bend over, and now giving you fuck me eyes. What the fuck was his problem, he was teasing you, you thought.

Joel didn't say anything, but he continued to look at you breathing hard. He knew you were challenging him, hoping that he’d lash out and teach you a lesson. You two had a lot of sexual tension building up over the past few months. And honestly, you two needed to fuck it out, but here was not the proper time nor place to do it. So he gently shook his head no, and took three steps back from you, dropping his hands to his sides while whispering “baby, we can’t.”

You knew that Joel was backing down, retreating from his feelings once again. And this made you frustrated. This was the whole reason why you were out here in the first place. You needed some time to be away from the tension inside the house, from the constant reminder that Joel didn’t want you sexually the way that you wanted him. So when you turned back around to go back to the trap, you were surprised to feel Joel grab your arm. Confusion laced your face when you looked down at his contact with you. His voice, almost in a pained whisper said, “baby please, just wait a sec. Maybe we could, I- uh want to, I want- shit.” He said, shaking his head.

“Joel, what is it?” You were hoping that if he couldn’t do the act that he obviously wanted to do, that maybe he could just at least talk about it with you.

Joel just stared at you, pleading with his eyes for you to understand him. He wanted to say ‘Baby, I love you and wanna fuck you so bad,’ but he couldn't voice it to you. Joel was scared. He was scared of feeling the things he felt for you in a world that was truly unforgiving. He didn't want to feel the pain of losing you, like he had when he lost Sarah. He also didn't want to be alone anymore. So with a huff he said “looks like ya got it all figured out. Don't- don't take too much more time.”

When he turned to leave, you reached out and grabbed him by the arm and said, “what, no kiss goodbye?” You wanted something to hold on to, something that said that all this sexual tension was worth it, that he wanted you. That maybe he actually did love you. But when you saw Joel looking at you with a stone cold look on his face, one that was also mixed with pain, you heard him whisper “no” as he pulled further away.

“Why? Did I do something wrong? Joel, what did I do so wrong, why don’t you want to-”

“No darlin' you didn't do anything wrong.” He said, stopping and smiling kindly at you. “I just- it ain't a good idea right now is all, ok. We can’t, not here. I need to get back.” And with that he yanked his arm out of your grasp and marched towards the cabin once again.

You called back to him and said “why? Joel, I don't understand,” but he never stopped. You were left standing there, now more confused than ever, thinking to yourself, what in the hell was that?

Do you want me to fuck you? Is that what you want? Your words kept playing over and over again in Joel's head from the other night as he marched back to the cabin. Do you even want me Joel? He couldn't stop the racing thoughts as they entered his mind.

When he got back to the cabin, he went inside. Once he was inside he slammed his fist onto the closed door, placing his head against it with his eyes closed. He was breathing hard and fast, heart pounding hard inside his chest. He tried to slow his breathing down when he felt the ache in his chest start again, like it has so many times before. But this time it was a little different, he felt a tightness take over too. His vision started to blur, and his ears began to ring. He was spiraling out of control into a god forsaken panic attack once again.

Before he was sucked too far down into his fears, he felt someone put their hand on his back and softly whisper, “dad you're gonna be ok. Just breathe. Come on, slow breaths for me.”

“I can't, it's too much.” He said, eyes shut tight as he felt his heart pound hard into his chest.

“No, it's not too much. One long breath in, hold for two seconds, then exhale for three. Come on dad, with me.”

Joel heard the breaths going in and out, and the voice that attempted to calm him. He thought he was hallucinating, hearing Sarah’s voice once again, but it sounded different from what he usually could hear in his mind. As he tried to focus on breathing, he struggled. Then he heard the voice say in a soft and gentle manner again, “What scared you?”

“I don't wanna be alone, but I don't want to feel the pain of losing you again” he said, feeling his heart pound faster in his chest at the admittance of what caused his panic attack to start.

“You ain't gonna be alone dad, we love you. Now come on, breathe with me and repeat after me ‘I’m safe, I'm calm, I'm loved.’”

Joel repeated it multiple times, for several minutes, listening to the voice calm him and slow his breathing down. His heart had returned to normal in his chest, vision no longer cloudy and ears no longer ringing. Finally he took a big breath in and out, steadying himself once again. But before he opened his eyes he heard the voice say, “I love you dad, please never forget it.” And then the soft voice was gone. Joel opened his eyes and looked behind him as he slowly watched Ellie walk towards her bedroom. It was then that he realized the soft voice wasn't Sarah, it was Ellie. And his heart constricted once again, but this time out of love for the teenager he traveled with. “Thanks baby girl” he whispered as Ellie walked away. Ellie never acknowledged it, but she heard him loud and clear.

Once you got back, Joel was already in his room with the door shut. Ellie said that when he returned, he just walked in saying that he wasn't feeling well, and then went to lay down in his bedroom. She never told you that he had a panic attack, and that she helped him calm down. You sat talking with Ellie for a bit, she continued to ask you a million questions about what life was like before during Christmas. Eventually you felt your eyelids grow heavy, so with a smile you said “I'm gonna go and get some sleep Ellie. It’s been a long day.” You were still hurt and sensitive about your earlier discussion with Joel, second guessing his feelings for you once again.

Ellie just nodded at you, not saying anything in return. As you got to the hallway you heard her say “just so ya know, te amo means I love you or love you in Spanish. Joel, he's emotionally constipated and hurting right now. He doesn't want to lose you or I like he did Sarah. So, I don't know, just cut him some slack or something. I want a family for Christmas.”

You just looked at Ellie and nodded your head. When she went back to reading her book you went to your own room, letting Joel have the other room by himself. You two needed a break, well mostly you did. You were exhausted and needed to sleep, but didn’t want to lay next to the man who made you ache inside for him when he wouldn’t do anything to help relieve that discomfort. You and Joel used to play around with each other, where he’d use his fingers and mouth to help you get off. But recently he wouldn’t even do that. Something was different with him, and you didn’t know what caused it or why.

After you laid down you found that sleep quickly caught up to you. And for once it gave you pleasant dreams. Dreams of a family and a life that you wanted with a foul mouthed teenager named Ellie, and a wise old grump named Joel. Christmas was going to be great this year, or at least it was like that in your dreams. Little did you know, your dreams would soon become reality.

3 Days Later

“Joel, you can't see for shit beyond ten yards away. You're old and blind” Ellie said, sitting by the fire and talking with Joel.

“What the hell does that even mean, ya little shit? I can see beyond 10 yards, ya smartass, right y/n?”

“Hey, don't bring me into this argument,” you said, laughing at the banter between Joel and Ellie.

“See y/n agrees, you're old as shit Joel.”

“What? How’d you come up with that logic? She didn’t even say anythin,’” Joel huffed, going back and forth with Ellie. The banter between these two for the last few days was getting more frequent, which made you laugh harder each time. It wasn’t that these two were fighting. They were just bickering with each other, playful banter really, and something that reminded you of a family. You remember seeing your uncles do it with their teenage daughters, it reminded you of home.

“Look here smartass, don't go and spread lies ‘bout me that ain't true. If ya can’t verify it or back it up, then you’re just making stuff up.” Joel was now standing tall and pointing a finger at Ellie. Ellie, relaxed on the floor, was questioning Joel in whether or not he could even see to shoot a bow, as he was struggling to read the book in his hands. He kept squinting, huffing to himself and saying that people needed to stop printing books in such small print.

“Joel, you can’t see the large print book in front of you, when it says ‘large print’ on it. You’re fucking blind ya old man, ain’t that right y/n?” Ellie said with a serious look on her face.

“Ellie, god damnit watch your mouth. Ya hear me? I said no swearin’. And you over there,” Joel said while pointing a finger at you, “stop your damn laughing.” You were rolling around on the floor laughing so hard that your stomach hurt at the calm bickering that Ellie and Joel were both doing. You could barely contain your laughter, trying not to hurt or bruise Joel’s ego at the situation that he swore just as bad (and if not worse) than Ellie did, yet he was yelling at her for swearing.

“Damn it, I can’t read this sentence. Y/n what the hell does this even say here with this small print. I tell ya, they don’t make books like they used to.” Joel mumbled to himself, while pointing out the sentence he couldn’t read.

Ellie immediately tried to grab the book, offering to help Joel read it. But Joel quickly batted her hand away, putting the book into your hands. You glared at Ellie and Joel, trying to decide what you should do. Ellie was pleading with her eyes for you to crack a joke so she could continue with the easy conversation of teasing Joel. Joel was looking at you to solve the problem he was having. After a moment you brought the book up so you could read it, deciding to help Ellie have some more fun, and for you to have a little fun with the old man that was in front of you. You needed to relax too, not every interaction with Joel needed to be so intense.

“Ok Joel, I’ll help you. What do you want me to read?” you asked innocently, hiding the devilish smirk behind your calm exterior. When Joel pointed out the sentence, mumbling again how books aren’t created like they used to be, having the print too small, you couldn’t help yourself. You took a deep breath and said, “well first off Joel, this book was written back in 1945. But you’re right, they don’t make them like they used to. And you’d know that perfectly wouldn’t you, with your age.” You then went to start to read the sentence and you noticed that Joel froze as he sat down, looking over at Ellie who was sitting upright, not yet laughing or saying anything at the old reference. You had to hand it to the kid, she patiently waited until your next sentence came out.

“Ok Joel it says, ‘once upon a time, an old man named Joel couldn’t see, so he decided to blame the world for being old. He asked a beautiful, young, and attractive woman to help his poor, old, feeble self by reading something that a blind man could honestly see. So she decided to help, because he was really cute, and in the end, she agreed with the teenager that he was old as fuck. The End.’”

“Gimme that wiseass” he said as you finished. Ellie was now bent over laughing so hard that she was hyperventilating at how much you were in on teasing Joel too. “No respect from the younger generation I tell ya, no respect.” Joel then got up with a groan and sulked towards the bedroom with his book in his hands. When he got to the hallway he turned around and said “if y'all are through laughin’ at me, I’m gonna go and read in the bedroom and get some sleep.”

“Cause you’re old as shit” Ellie said.

Joel, not realizing what Ellie had said out loud, commented “right, see you in the morning.”

You and Ellie both roared with laughter at the fact that Joel didn’t realize what he agreed to. After a moment, he stopped and then hit his head with the palm of his hand, saying, “I didn’t mean that. I’m not agreeing to that.”

You replied, “see Ellie, apparently he’s old, blind and deaf too.”

“No respect I tell ya, none.” He said loudly upon hearing what you said. Huffing to himself, he marched into the bedroom yelling “and yet y’all need me to survive” as he slammed the door.

Both Ellie and you continued to laugh in the living room. After a moment you said “we probably shouldn’t make fun of him so much, he gets a little touchy ya know.”

“I know,” Ellie said, “but it’s so much fun teasing Papa Bear like this. Reminds me of what it’d be like if he was my dad. Well, I’m gonna go to bed.” She said, then getting up and leaving for her room.

“Night Ellie,” you said as Ellie walked towards her bedroom. You sat there in the living room for a little while longer, rubbing your eyes and giggling to yourself at the funny banter that happened. Life was feeling pretty good for a bit. But now with the quiet, you felt your heart constrict and those empty thoughts of being alone came rushing back in. After sitting there in silence you decided to go to bed yourself. Forcing your thoughts to rest in your head at the fact that you were going to be sleeping alone once again.

When morning came, you had decided to bake Christmas cookies in secret. You recruited Ellie to help you keep Joel distracted for the afternoon. Ellie had apologized to Joel in the morning, he had called her a smartass again, but it seemed like he forgave her. He wouldn’t talk to you really, telling you that you were mean to him and that he doesn’t talk to mean people. You knew he was just joking as he gave you a wink and a light hip chuck at the statement when he stood next to you in the kitchen. You’ve never seen this side of Joel, so carefree and fun that it shocked and surprised you, but also turned you on. You loved carefree Joel, someone that you hoped you would be able to see more of. Once Ellie was talking Joel's ear off outside, you started to bake your surprise Christmas cookies.

“Hey old man, why haven’t you told her what Te amo means yet?” Ellie asked, leaving out the part that she already told you what it meant. She wanted Joel to say it to you, knowing that you both loved each other very much and she wanted both of you to be happy.

“Not the right time” was all he said, huffing as he swung the axe to chop firewood. “And stop calling me old” he said with another grunt and swing of the axe.

“When’s the right time Joel?” She questioned, transfixed at what he was doing.

“Dunno” was his only reply as he swung the axe yet again.

“Joel I-”

“Ellie, this ain’t none of your business what her and I- what we- Look, her and I have-”

“God Joel, you’re forgetting that I’m practically an adult, I know you two have your little love sessions. That’s what I mean, if y’all can fuck, then why can’t you tell her that you love her?”

“Keep your voice down” Joel snapped, approaching Ellie for a moment to grab another piece of firewood. “And for the record, we ain’t fuckin’ yet, so-”

“Why not? Can’t get it up old man, is that the problem?” She joked, smiling at her sarcasm that she just gave him.

He just shook his head at her, not answering her. Getting it up was not the problem, that part was evident last night when he went to bed. You had given him a lot of sass last night and Joel hated to admit that it was a huge turn on for him. You were strong, could keep up with him and you weren’t afraid to put him in his place. When he walked into his bedroom last night, he was hard as a rock at the fact that you had a sassy mouth. It only took him a few minutes before he came hard around his fingers, wishing he was buried deep inside of you. This no sex thing was getting to him, he needed you in more ways than one, and he didn’t think he’d be able to hold off for very much longer.

“So what’s the reason Joel?” Ellie said, snapping Joel out of his train of thought.

“I just want to do this right” was all he said.

“How do you ‘do it right?’” Ellie asked genuinely, not understanding the complexity of relationships like this yet.

“What’s with all these questions, huh? Look, her and I, what we- I know what I’m doing, ok? Don’t worry about this, it ain’t your concern.” he said, swinging the axe and chopping another piece of firewood.

Ellie loved teasing Joel, especially about you. You had asked her to go out and keep Joel occupied as you started baking something inside the house. You found an old recipe for Christmas cookies, specifically sugar cookies. You went through the pantry and saw the makings for the cookies and you wanted to do something nice for Joel, considering the tension between you two wasn’t the best at the moment. You didn't know what was the matter, you figured it had everything to do with him remembering his last Christmas with his daughter. That's why you wanted to make this Christmas perfect for him and Ellie too.

“So do you?” Ellie asked Joel as she continued to watch him.

“What?” He said, breathing hard after he swung the axe yet again, chopping another piece of firewood.

“You heard me. Do. You. Love. Her?” she said, emphasizing each word so Joel could hear her. Ellie was genuinely interested in whether or not Joel actually did love you.

Joel, not wanting to talk about his feelings, started sifting through the log piles, pretending like he was trying to find something. Ellie could tell that he was nervous, not wanting to answer the question. She walked over to Joel and then said “Papa Bear, what's the matter?”

“I do. I do love her it's just that-”

“You're just scared to love that hard again, I get it.” Ellie said, smiling at him at his attempted admission. Every time she's ever tried to get Joel to talk about his feelings he's always blow up either at her or at you for asking. So this little attempted admission made Ellie feel good, knowing that he did in fact love you and that Joel felt comfortable enough to share.

“Yeah somethin’ like that. Now enough of making me talk, what are you gonna give y/n for Christmas?” Joel said, trying to change the subject.

Ellie had talked Joel's ear off all afternoon. When he got tired she took a turn and chopped firewood for a little bit. You watched through the window at the two of them, seeing how he just fell into the typical dad role. At one moment you saw her jump on his back to try to get him on the ground. He was able to twist around and finally held her down, tickling her. You could see that he loved that sassy foul mouthed teenager as if it was his own Sarah.

You were finally finished baking the sugar cookies, as they were now cooling on the rack, when all of a sudden you heard Ellie yell “hey y/n, can you come out here for a second?”

When you didn't respond right away, as you were grabbing your boots and coat, you heard Joel yell with a booming voice “woman, get your ass out here now.”

You quickly ran outside saying “What? What's the matter?” When all of a sudden you were hit by a flying snowball. You looked around to see where it had come from when you got hit right in the face again with another one. When that happened, you yelled as it had stung and surprised you.

“Oh shit Joel, you hit her in the face” you heard Ellie say.

“Shh not so loud, you'll give away our position” he countered.

When you looked around eventually you saw Joel and Ellie poke their head out of a little hiding spot. “You shits,” you had said, while forming a snowball yourself and then launching it at them. The next thing you knew, the three of you were having an honest to God snowball fight, like you were all 8 years old again. Quickly though it became girls against the boy, as Joel accidentally hit Ellie in the back of the head and she yelled “What the fuck Joel?”

His response was “well when ya got a big head, and are in the way, what do ya think will happen?” That caused you and Ellie to form a temporary alliance to get even with Joel.

As the three of you were forming strategic positions and developing an art to this snowball fight, you had an idea to really get Joel back. You went into the kitchen and filled a large pot with ice cold water. This will get him good, you thought. Then Ellie got him cornered and you approached him with the water.

“Woman, now put that down now. No use you gettin’ yourself hurt.” He said, trying to get away from you, but Ellie had him backed into a corner. When Joel saw that you weren't backing down he said “so help me God y/n, if ya do that I'll throw your naked ass in the snow later.”

“Hear that Ellie? I believe Joel just gave me a challenge. What do you think, kid?” You said, while approaching Joel. He was quickly glancing around to try to find an exit, when he couldn’t find one he thought intimidation might stop you.

“Look here, that’s not a challenge little girl. It's a fucking promise. Ya do that I will throw your ass naked in the snow.” When you didn’t back down he quickly shouted, “woman, put it down now or else-” and that's when you did it. You tossed the water at Joel and drenched the entire front of him. He immediately yelled saying, “Jesus Christ, that's cold. Ya tryin' to freeze my balls off here or somethin’? What's gotten into you?” He then got grumpy and started walking inside, not wanting to look at anyone anymore. He looked like a wet pup, and boy did it make you and Ellie laugh.

When Joel entered the cabin he stopped as he smelled a familiar old scent in the air. When you walked in behind him you put your hand on his back and said, “Merry Christmas Joel.” He turned around, and said, “did ya bake Christmas cookies?”

“Of course I did, honey. Sugar cookies only though. It was the only thing I could find the ingredients for.” You said, biting your lip nervously. Ingredients were hard to come by but you managed to find enough for a batch of cookies, and then some left over for bread. Sugar cookies were cooling on the wrack and bread was still baking in the oven. You knew they wouldn't have that fresh taste as you had no idea how old the ingredients were. You couldn't use chicken eggs or butter, so you substituted it for some water and other ingredients like stored coconut oil you found that was still ok.

Joel stood there sniffing the air, a wide grin plastered onto his face. He may be a man in his 50s, but right now in this moment he looked like a young boy, excited to have baked Christmas goods. “Um, do ya think that maybe I could-” Joel said, shuffling over to where the cookies were cooling, dropping large pools of water everywhere with how wet he was.

When you looked down you giggled to yourself at how his threat of throwing you into the snow naked hadn’t happened yet, something that you weren’t going to remind him of. “Hey, how ‘bout you go and get outta those wet clothes, then come over and have the first official taste test. Let me know how I did.” You said, nudging him gently towards the bedroom where some warm and dry clothes were.

Joel nodded and quickly shuffled off to change his clothes, leaving large drops of water all the way down the hall. “Is he gone?” Ellie asked, peeking her head around the door while still standing outside, not wanting to get attacked herself with water from Joel.

“Yeah, he went to go and change quick,” you said, bending over and checking the bread. Seeing that the bread was done, golden brown but flat, you took it out of the oven and shut the oven off. You stood there glancing at it and then pinched the bridge of your nose, muttering to yourself, “well, it didn't rise right. That yeast must be too old.”

“Still smells amazing darlin', I'm not picky” you heard Joel say, standing close behind you. When you turned around to look at him, you saw a flash of something different. It almost looked like happiness, something you don’t think you’d ever see Joel have. “Well Ellie, ya want your first taste of a Christmas cookie?” Joel asked, then motioned for Ellie to take one and bite into it first. “Well how does it taste?” He said, smiling at the way her eyes lit up, savoring the bite like it was the best thing that she’d ever tasted.

After a moment she said “um- wow. That's really fucking good.”

“Language Ellie, Jesus Christ” Joel mumbled. “Damn kid needs to watch her mouth.”

You silently laughed because it was like watching a father and daughter interact once again. Soon Joel bit into the cookie himself, and then he moaned at the taste. “For something so old it sure tastes damn good” he mouthed, cookie still half in his mouth.

“Yeah, I know you taste good,” you said softly so Ellie couldn't hear.

Joel started sputtering and coughing at the statement of you referencing how he tasted and his age. He grumbled to himself saying, “Dammit woman, you're gonna kill me one of these days. Jesus.”

Ellie was still going on about the taste of the cookie and how it compared to other things she's tried, that she didn’t catch the slight sexual innuendo interaction that you and Joel just had. According to her, the stale taste of the cookie ranked high on her list of her favorites. The three of you enjoyed a total of two cookies each, agreeing that you should keep the rest for later, just in case Santa would come. Ellie, even though being older, was still holding out hope that a big fat guy in a red Santa suit was actually real. What she didn’t realize was that she was going to see Santa sometime soon.

A Day Later

Joel decided to go out hunting, to see if he could bring back a true Christmas feast for you and Ellie. Ellie decided to go with him, saying that she wanted to prove that she would do a better job at shooting something, telling Joel that he couldn’t see. The same argument that started a few days ago about a book continued as they walked off into the woods together. They were gone a long time and when they returned, it was almost dark out. When they returned Ellie came running inside saying that she shot a deer. You congratulated her, saying that you were proud of her for being an expert marksman. When you went out to help Joel dress the deer, you found him laughing silently to himself.

“What's so funny?” You asked as you slowly approached him.

“That kid over there.” He said, kneeling down and craving into the deer while motioning with his head in the direction that Ellie went. You looked down at him and gestured for him to continue with your hands. “She- uh, she never hit the deer. That one couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, so I had to kill it. But I-I made it look like she did it.” He said laughing and shaking his head.

Joel then told you that when Ellie pulled back the bow and shot at the deer, that she missed. She had immediately shut her eyes, not seeing if she hit the deer but asked Joel if she did. Joel, having already had his bow drawn, saw that she hit a tree stump only 3 feet away. When he realized that she missed he released his arrow and killed the deer, you three did need to eat after all. However, after he killed the deer, he had decided to tell Ellie that she did it, knowing that it'd make her day. “So ya see, I couldn’t not help the little shit” Joel said laughing out loud. “She made this big fuss about it ahead of time, and I couldn't just break her heart in telling her that all she managed to truly kill was the tree.”

“Aw you're so sweet, you know that” you said, smiling at Joel looking out for Ellie.

“Yeah, I've been told that a few times I reckon” he said while standing up and looking at you with dark hungry eyes. “I’ve been also called old and an asshole too many times too,” he stated with a smirk, then bending down again to continue to slice into the deer.

You didn't know how to respond to his teasing, so you just stood there silent. After a moment you turned to head back into the house when you heard Joel say, “Te amo, baby.” You still didn't know what he was saying in Spanish, if Ellie was true with her statement, it meant that he loved you. So before you entered the house you gently replied back, “Te amo Joel and Merry Christmas.”

When Joel was finished dressing the deer he cooked the venison. As soon as you bit into the cooked venison you let out a low moan in pleasure. The explosion of flavors with fresh meat felt amazing to your taste buds. Joel hummed in contentment and blushed a rosey red in his cheeks at your outward display of gratitude. You told him that it tasted amazing and that he was the best cook ever, even Ellie agreed with you.

After the food was consumed, and the table was cleared, the three of you sat around the fire. You and Joel taught Ellie Christmas songs and you three all enjoyed feeling like a family for once. When time came to open up the presents, you could see that Ellie was just like a toddler. She was jumping for joy at seeing things under the tree for her that was wrapped up in old rags as wrapping paper with her name on them. As she opened her presents, she was excited at what she saw.

Joel gave Ellie a warmer winter jacket, one that he found at the other abandoned cabin that was located about five miles West from where the three of you were. He found the cabin about a month ago, abandoned just like this one was. He had been bringing over more supplies from there periodically. The jacket that he found was too small for you or him, but it fit Ellie perfectly. When she tried it on she was beaming at how comfortable it felt, and how warm it was.

You had given Ellie a handmade necklace, made out of different rhinestones that you had found in a storage craft box in the cellar. Crafts were something that you always loved to do when you were younger, and something you’d do in the QZ if you could find them. Joel and you also gave Ellie three joke books that you both found. As soon as she saw them she started crying, saying that it was the most perfect Christmas she’s ever had, and yet the biggest surprise wasn't even there yet.

Joel and Ellie both gave you a Wilderness Cookbook, something that he found in the other cabin also. He explained to you that the cookbook had recipes of how to cook rabbit, venison, and other things in the wilderness. You were grateful and thanked them both. Joel then whispered quietly in your ear, “I got something private, just for the two of us to indulge in later.” He said, gently squeezing your knee when you looked up at him with hopeful eyes, questioning him silently for what he had planned. You then saw Joel slowly open his mouth, sticking just the tip of his tongue out, as he moved the tip of his tongue back and forth fast. Using the same motions that he did when he’d eat you out. You blushed a dark crimson shade of red and quickly adjusted in your seat. Your panties suddenly felt too tight on you as you pushed your thighs together for some relief at the throb you felt in your core. “Later” he whispered again to you, while giving you another gentle squeeze to your knee and a chaste kiss to your cheek.

Joel then opened a few Western books from Ellie, ones that you had given her. You had just finished reading them recently and you knew that Joel wanted to read the books. So you gave them to Ellie and told her that you had found them at the other cabin and thought that maybe Joel would like to read them. Joel thanked Ellie and acted all surprised at seeing the books. Neither one of you told her that Joel had already asked to borrow them from you whenever you were finished reading them.

Joel then also opened a small homemade bracelet from you that you had made him. The bracelet had a butterfly pendant attached to it. When he saw it, Joel froze and just looked up at you. “Tess told me that Sarah used to love butterfly’s.” You told him as he gently ran his finger over the pendant. “Joel, if I could give you Sarah I would but-”

“No, it's alright. It's beautiful.” he said, sniffling slightly at the sight. Sarah, his babygirl, God he missed her. After a moment he quickly shook his head and then stood up, remembering that he still had two other gifts to give. Joel quickly said, “um, excuse me for a moment. I ah- I need to grab something” and then he disappeared by walking outside. Ellie was so focused on her joke books that she never saw Joel leave. All of a sudden you heard a knock at the door, followed by a “Ho, Ho, Ho” behind it. Ellie immediately tensed and you casually went over to the door, holding a gun for good measure, nevermind you knew who was behind the door. When you opened the door you saw Joel dressed head to toe in a Santa suit.

“Howdy there little lady- Jesus Christ woman, ya gonna shoot me or somethin’?” he said, shaking his head, looking at the gun you had pointed at him. “I heard y’all been having a hard time here so I thought I’d bring ya some Christmas cheer.”

Ellie immediately started laughing as Joel struggled with the Santa suit. “Joel, you look funny in a fat suit,” she said, laughing out loud at a pillow peeking through his Santa jacket.

“I haven't heard of no Joel before, I'm Santa.” He said, with a husky voice.

“So what happened to Joel? Did ya kill him when you landed your fat ass on top of him with your sleigh? Crushed him didn't you? It's ok, he probably deserved it. Killed by an old worn out fat guy with no fashion sense. Better than a clicker really, ya know.” Ellie said, laughing.

“Ok, look here wiseass, I ain't no old fat guy.” Joel said, grumbling to himself in his regular voice.

“Well you look ridiculous dressed like that.” Ellie said, doubling over and laughing hard again. You were rolling on the floor with a pillow over your mouth laughing at Joel and Ellie bantering again. You didn't know why, but seeing these two go at each other warmed your heart in a way that you never knew.

When Joel looked over at you he said “You stop your laughin’ over there” as he pulled the pillow out from his stomach and sat down with a huff on the couch. “Got no respect from the younger generation anymore. Ya hear me, no respect. Here I am tryin’ to make your Christmas special and all ya do is laugh at me and-”

“Joel it's ok” Ellie said, interrupting Joel’s little rant. “We love you anyways Joel, ain’t that right y/n?” Ellie continued, trying to look serious but failing miserably at it.

“Honey, you look amazing and-”

“Both of you just shut it, I know when I'm not loved.” He said, shaking his head and mumbling. “Shouldn't have to give ya both these now, but here ya go.” Joel handed you a small box. “Here ya go wiseass, so you don't feel left out either.” He said, shoving a box in Ellie's hands.

Ellie and you both quieted down and then looked at the little boxes in your hands with a piece of paper folded up over top of them. “Ellie why don't you go first,” you said, wanting her to enjoy the gift.

When Ellie opened the box she found a small seashell bracelet with black thick string with it and the piece of paper was a note that read the following:

My dearest Ellie,

I know I ain't your father, but over the past year you've grown so much on me kid. Ya got that sassy, smartass mouth on ya, and ya got a horrible attitude to boot. But you're strong kid, so strong. And you remind me of what my daughter Sarah was like, but so much more. I know your favorite thing is the Sea and one day I promise I’ll take ya there, and build those sandcastles with you, as tall as me. I love ya kid, like you were my own little baby girl. I wear a copy of your bracelet as a symbol of my love for ya honey.

Forever, my love for you child, Joel (or Dad if ya want)

After Ellie was done reading the note out loud, you found that you both were crying. Ellie immediately ran over to Joel, hugged him tight, crying into his shoulder saying, “you better fucking mean it. Swear to God you mean this Joel, and don't lie to me.”

“Baby girl, I swear to God everything in that note is true. I love ya like you’re my own honey, like you’re my true daughter cause ya are.” Joel then held Ellie, kissing the top of her head as she cried into his shoulder, this time her tears were tears of joy. Ellie got her Christmas wish after all, a family, something that she has never had ever in her life.

After a moment of them holding each other, they pulled apart and both looked at you. It was now your turn to read the note and to open the gift from Joel. You hands were shaking and you were panicking. You wanted more than anything for someone to love you, a man, with no strings attached. You were scared of what you were going to read in the note. But with a shaky breath, you opened your note and read it out loud.

Y/n,

The first time I laid eyes on you it was in the QZ and I thought that I had finally died and had gone to Heaven. My heart stopped in my chest darlin’, and I became nervous, still am when I look at ya. I remember thinkin’ that you were the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, and baby, you still are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

The first time I kissed you, I was a goner. Forever to be the only woman that I’d ever want in life again. I used to be so angry, not because I didn’t want ya, but because I thought that I couldn't do any of this right. I couldn't date you properly, marry you, or even have babies with you the way that I’ve wanted to. And baby, I was so angry, I was angry because you deserve all of that from the world, and so much more. But then I realized somethin’, you and Ellie were sent from Heaven above, from my Sarah to help me now. For me to love and be loved once again.

I prayed honey, I prayed so hard for so many years, wanting to see my little girl again that was taken from me. And I don't know how or why, but somehow she sent me you two. And God, if I don't now have something worth fightin’ for. You and Ellie make this life bearable, make me want to live again. And truthfully, I'd be lost without ya both.

Now I know I ain't always good with my words, or tellin’ ya how I feel. But Angel, you mean everything t’me. Now open your gift honey, and let me tell you with the words myself.

You turned to Joel with tears in your eyes and trembling fingers while he gently coaxed you to open your gift. “Go on darlin', open it.” he said, ever so gently. When you opened your gift you gasped out loud. Inside the box was a ring, a birthstone ring for June, your birth month. You looked shocked at Joel when you saw it. He motioned for you to give him the ring.

With the ring in his hand he then reached out and held your hands, looking you in the eyes saying, “you mean everything t’me y/n and so much more. If you'll have me, I want you to wear this on a specific finger baby.”

Joel slowly took your left ring finger in his hand while holding the ring in his right hand. “I found this in a jewelry box in that other cabin and I thought Sarah must be telling me somethin’. I know it's not the proper one, but hell, nothin' is proper anymore. I promise if we ever get back to civilization again, I'll do this right. I swear it baby. Please be mine. Forever.”

You looked at the ring that Joel was holding, confusion washing over your face for a moment, not understanding what he was meaning. Joel looked over to Ellie and she smiled, understanding what was happening and gently said to Joel “dad, it’s time to tell mom what you told me in secret before.”

Joel nodded and took a breath to steady his nerves as he looked into your eyes. When he stared into your eyes he saw your hesitation. Not because you didn't want what he felt, but because you did and you were so scared that he didn't feel the same way. So with renewed confidence he said “I promise I'll do this right later if we can. But y/n-” and then he felt it, the pain searing tight in his chest at the thought of losing this, of losing you. It gripped him so hard, and tried to swallow him whole at the thought that he couldn't keep you safe. He was scared, and frightened at the thought of losing you or Ellie like he did Sarah. But this time as the pain consumed him, his thoughts drifted to Sarah. Sarah knew that her father loved her with everything, even as he held her when she died.

Joel remembered the night that Sarah was conceived. The way he and Sarah's mom desperately moved in unison together, trying to grab onto something for stability in a world that they felt was falling apart. He never connected with Sarah's mom again after that, it was only on that one night when she was created. It was like the world, the universe, told him that he needed to be a father at a younger age. He felt like that was the reason why his first marriage with Sarah’s mom failed. That they never were truly in love, except for where Sarah was concerned. But now things were different, especially with you. Joel was in love with you in a way that he's never been with a woman before. So with a smile and a chuckle he shook his head, finally finding the strength that he needed, to be able to say the next part out loud.

“Woman, you drive me nuts and make me feel things I, at my age, didn't think I deserved to feel anymore. I used to think you were sent here to torture me, make me pay for all of my sins. But then I saw what it was. That Sarah sent you to me because she had heard my darkest fears, my biggest dreams, and my silent pleas in the night. That I didn’t want to be lonely, that I wanted a family once again. And that I wanted a woman to love me so bad that it hurt, and not because I forced her, but because she wanted to. And baby, I got you and now you got me. Sarah sent me you and Ellie so I could be happy and not be so lonely anymore.”

With a shaky breath Joel continued, opening his heart even wider for you to see. “I've made mistakes darlin’, said and done the wrong thing most of the time. Hell, I’ve yelled at you and sometimes have treated you horrible, for that I’m sorry. But I'm scared. I'm scared to lose both you and Ellie. I love that kid over there like I was the one who created her, like she was my own daughter. And I view you as if you were her mother and my-” Joel shook his head, feeling the burn in the back of his throat hit as he struggled to say that he viewed you as his wife.

“Te Amo Joel. I love you” you said, softly towards Joel while holding his hand. Now that you said it, you hoped that he'd say it back. You just wanted him to say it to you in English, to tell you that he in fact did love you, and not just hint at it anymore. You wanted to hear those three words from him. But you never expected him to say what he was about to with you.

After a moment of looking at you he smiled, while looking down at your hands. He gently squeezed them to remind himself that you were still here. Then he looked up into your eyes and said, “Ah hell woman, marry me please? I know it's not conventional, but this ring I got you, it goes on your left ring finger baby and I-. Shit. I-I want you in this life and the next, ok. I promise I'll spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you. Te amo baby, it means I love you. I love ya woman, so damn much. And I know I don't deserve it but I'm askin’ anyways. Marry me honey, please, make me the happiest man and I promise I’ll-”

It was in that moment that you crashed your lips hard to Joel’s mouth. You wanted to shut up his rambling but also show him that you were so happy. That was what the feeling was in your chest right now, happiness, something that you didn’t think you could ever feel or again. As you kissed Joel, a million thoughts were running through your head. You never thought he'd say any of this to you ever. But when you looked inside yourself you knew you loved this man more than anything. Yeah sure, he was cold, moody, and a complete ass sometimes. He hasn’t always done or said the right thing, but he has been there and protected you when other people should have but didn’t, or when others had walked away. To you, that meant more than anything, that he’d stay and was truly committed to you.

When you pulled away from the quick kiss you said out loud “yes. Yes Joel. Te amo baby, te amo. I'll marry you.” And with that admission Joel crashed his lips hard onto your mouth. There was nothing gentle about this kiss that he gave you, it was like the flood gates finally opened and Joel gave you his entire heart and soul right here and now. The kiss said everything that the two of you haven't been able to say to each other. That you both needed each other and that you both were there for each other.

When you gently parted your mouth for a breath, Joel licked into it in a way that a husband claimed his wife. It was heady and needy. Both of you kissed each other fervently, finally allowing the dam to break between you two. You both were lost in the moment, feeling the passion rise up between you that you had forgotten that Ellie was still in the room. All of a sudden you heard a heavy sigh followed by a smartass teenage girl.

“Look here assholes, I ain't wantin’ to watch you two fuck, so can you both tone it down for the kid in the room, please. Joel, you promised me we could have more Christmas cookies and then tell more stories. Come on.” Ellie said, exhaling loudly.

Joel pulled away and snapped saying “Ellie, language.” He fully pulled apart from you, placing the ring on your left ring finger, then gave you a chaste kiss on the mouth while whispering, “we'll continue this discussion later baby.” You gently nodded in return.

The three of you then sat around the fire telling funny stories to Ellie about Christmas. Joel told the classic tale of ‘A Christmas Story’ for the first time to Ellie, something that he still remembered by heart as it was Sarah’s favorite Christmas story. Both Ellie and you eventually fell asleep on the floor, heads touching at the top and holding hands as a family as you both looked up at Joel, listening to him tell the story.

Even after knowing you two fell asleep, Joel continued reciting the story until it was done. When he was finished he grabbed blankets from the bedroom and tucked both you and Ellie in. Smiling to himself he laid down on the couch, content at having a family once again. Joel was relieved that his family, even though unconventional, loved him fully in return. As sleep slowly crept up, he found himself turning to one side and staring at the low light of the Christmas tree. This time, it was as if he could see her again yet again, his Sarah, just sitting down and smiling at him. His heart felt full today, something that hadn’t happened since the last Christmas he had with his daughter, about 20 years ago. As Joel slowly drifted off to sleep he swore he heard Sarah say to him ‘Merry Christmas Dad, here's my Christmas wish for you. For you to have a family once again. And always remember, that I love you.’

-End Chapter-

A/N: This one was a heck of a roller coaster to write on so many emotional levels. These three will be back in the future, got some fun things planned for them. Enjoy, and be sure to check out my other series and one shots in my Master list.

Taglist: @punkshort @shotgun-shelby @strawbunnyx @orcasoul @pedritoferg @chiogarza @jesfreedark @untamedheart81 @rainbow12346 @nandan11 @swiftpascal @eliza-8 @joeldjarin @vickie5446 @nastiasnow @staywildflowahchild @ratoonstown @l3laze @its-always-420-on-the-moon @kirsteng42

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foodandfolklore · 4 months

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Kitchen Witch Essentials

I want to preference this by saying your priorities of tools for your craft will vary as you get more experienced. If you get more into baking, you may choose to invest in a kitchen mixer. If your path goes more down drinks, you might want to get a French press. This list is for those starting out or looking to maintain general witchy cooking. Nothing on this list is mandatory, so don't feel like you need to go spend money just because it's on this list.

This list will also assume you have general kitchen stuff, like pots, pans, and knives. You may not have everything, but you have enough to cook.

Wooden Spoon

If for whatever reason you don't have a wooden spoon, and you want to do kitchen magic, I strongly recommend you go and get one. You can get them at any store that sells Kitchen Utensils, including the dollar store.

For some kitchen witches, the wooden spoon is like a magic wand. Allowing the witch to direct energy. Personally, I just enjoy using natural materials whenever I can. Also, it's just such a useful tool to have when cooking. You can stir your food on stove top, and since it's made of wood you don't need to worry about damaging non stick surfaces. If you're boiling pasta, stirring with a wooden spoon helps get rid of the foam overboil. You can also just leave the spoon over the pot to prevent pasta water overboiling. Baking bread? Flip the spoon around and use the handle to bring the dough together.

Some people choose to add sigils or other symbols onto their witchy spoons. If you decide to do this, please do not use paint or stain, as this can come off while cooking. Unless this will be a display only spoon, of course. Safest way is to laser burn a design. Check etsy for custom spoons.

Herbs/Spices you know the properties of

I'm sure you already have some non perishable Herbs or Spices in your pantry or spice rack. Black Pepper, Garlic powder, Cinnamon, Paprika, that kind of thing. I want you to pick one and deep dive into the history of that Herb/Spice. What it's been used for in the past, what are some common magical properties and associations; what do YOU associate with it. Write down the magical association, like protection, banish negativity, prosperity, ect. Start with one, work your way up to three. If you have trouble memorizing, keep a little cheat sheet near by.

Now when you add these seasonings, you know what energies you can add/attract with your food.

Mortar and Pestle

If you already have another way to grind spices, like a coffee grinder, this does not need to be a priority. And if you have arm or shoulder issues, I don't recommend using. The main benefit to using a mortar and pestle is the crushing style of grinding tends to release more aroma and flavor then the cutting style of a coffee grinder. If you plan to just use for dry spices, you won't need a very big or fancy one. 20 dollars should get you something small and solid.

Make sure you are getting one made of stone. I tried a wooden one and it's garbage. I use it to hold messy spoons. There are also metal ones, and while I've never tried one, I encourage caution. I worry about long term use stripping whatever coating is stopping it from rusting.

Jars

Glass Jars are so great to have in the kitchen. Leftover sauce? Put it in a jar. Suddenly made a jam? We got jars to put it in. Meal prep overnight oats? Jars are here for you! They're just great for storage. And you don't need to buy them. Lots of things come in jars; just give them a hot soapy soak, scrap the label off, wash and reuse. If you prefer mason jars, I recommend washing the lids by hand. The lids aren't meant to be reused for jarring, so they rust fairly quickly after a few washes. You can buy replacement lids, however.

Plastic Containers

Jars are great, but things get a little dicey when you want to put stuff in the freezer. Water likes to make sure everyone knows it's cold by puffing up bigger; like look at me, I'm freezing here! Which means, there's a chance your glass jar can shatter.

But freezing food is the best way to preserve food since you don't need to add anything like extra salt or sugar. So get some freezer safe containers. I love making batches of broth and stock, and freeze it for later. Or if we have a lot of leftovers, I'll freeze enough for a dinner another week, incase I don't have enough spoons to make dinner one evening. And don't worry, you can wash and reuse plastic containers too.

I'll also freeze food I notice is starting to go weird. If I buy a huge bag of baby spinach, but can't get through it all, I'll transfer it to a freezer bag. Adding frozen spinach to food as it cooks is one of the easiest ways to up your nutrients. You can also freeze other vegetables, just make sure you cut them up first.

Crock Pot/Slow Cooker

Every Witch Needs a Cauldron, and these are Electric Cauldrons. Prices vary mainly based on the size you want. There are different brands, different colors; you can even get some in the theme of your favorite fandom. But they all have the same 3 core settings: High, Low, and keep warm.

Slow cookers are....well, slow. Which is great for certain kinds of food that need to sit for a long time, like meats. But it's also great for Kitchen Witches with a lot going on. Non witches will "Set it and forget it" but it's a good idea to stir every once in a while. Which is where the magic comes in. So, if you're a scatter brained Witch, Like me, or have ADHD and have trouble focusing, an electric cauldron might be for you. Throw everything together in 15 minutes, then give it love and attention when you remember. Normally that happens when you start to smell the food.

Again, this is my preference. Some Kitchen Witches I know prefer to identify a specific pot as their cauldron. Some went and got an actual full size, cast iron cauldron; which is amazing but not feasible for most. I grew up using a slow cooker, so I'm very comfortable around one. But if it's not your thing; that's fine. Maybe your cauldron will be a rice cooker or a Boston Shaker.

#witch #kitchen witch #kitchen witchcraft #klickwitch #food and folklore #Food magic #magic #witchy #witch tips #pagan #February #kitchen magic #house witch

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thestudentfarmer · 10 months

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Hello and Good day everyone!

Today I want to talk about some simple preservation and kitchen scrap tips. With having an interest in sustainability, low waste, eco friendly and growing food for my family it just makes sense to know how to store produce for long term, convenient use and to make the most of my crops and groceries.

I had a few carrots and celery bags I picked up this week for varied food use and figured I'd do a lil post today on one of the ways I preserve carrots.

I don't have a pressure canner, or else I'd make some half pints and pints of carrots for the pantry. Instead I make do with what I have~ which is a freezer, dehydrator, or pickling.

Today im going to focus on freezer method.

You'll wanna take your carrots and wash 'em up. You can let them dry after wash up but its not strictly necessary.

Chop of both ends of the carrot. You can peel your carrots too if desired (save all these bits for later soup stock or to give to your chickens or compost piles) if you have nice leafy greens on your carrots, you can use those greens similar to parsley or as a salad additive. (Chickens enjoy them as well!)

For freezing carrots you'll want to blanch them first.

Blanching is just taking a pot of water, bringing ro a rolling boil and dumping raw veggies in (like carrots, green beans, broccoli spinich, sweet potato greens) the veggies will often go from a almost matte color to a brighter color when ready. It's suggested across media that about 5-10 minutes is enough.

Drain the carrots from the hot water and give them an ice bath (I usually don't have ice so I soak and rinse a few times to bring down the heat in the veggies)

I let the carrots drain and dry a bit, when dry I spread a towel over my baking pan, layer out a layer of carrot, popped it in the freezer.

When frozen, I pull the towel up, roll the carrots round a bit to break any that may be together apart and pack them in the storage container and pop them back into the freezer till needed.

That's it for today's post, short and simple :)

For more preservation ideas check out the links below

https://nchfp.uga.edu/how/can_04/carrots_sliced.html

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/how-to-freeze-carrots

https://nchfp.uga.edu/how/can_06/pickled_carrots.html

🥕🌱Happy homesteading! 🌱🥕

8 21 2023

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country-corner · 4 months

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Food Storage Racks

I've been getting questions IRL about food storage and whether they should by specific racks like the following

homemade above or commercially sold below

Honestly, I can see advantages and disadvantages to these kind of racks.

Advantage: You have an automatic rotation system of your canned goods.

Disadvantage: They honestly don't hold that much. And if the container is glass (which I've seen people put in these kinds of shelves) I would be leery of breakage.

Personally, I would only have one of these as an in house daily/weekly/monthly use rotation system. For long term in the root cellar/basement I would have a regular shelf system where I could stack several cases and just mark the purchase date and any suggested "Use By" date on the case.

But the choice is yours. Look at the space you have for the storage and look at different storage systems. Look at the pros and cons for each. Then go for it. But be willing to change and adapt, if you find the system you picked is not working for you.

#survival #preparedness #food storage

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authorspiritwalker · 5 months

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How to Properly Store Your Food Long Term

Storing Oats: Oats are considered non-perishable, but they can go bad if not stored properly. To store oats for the long term, you must protect them from pantry pests, mold, oxidation, and bad smells. Here are some ways to store oats long-term: Freezing: Freeze the oats before storage to kill any insect eggs. Store them in an airtight container to protect against moisture and…

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#EmergencyPreparedness #author spiritwalker #collapse #food storage #homesteading #how to #long term food #off grid living #prepare #prepping #self sufficient #sustainable #WW3 #WWIII

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a-d-nox · 2 years

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it’s my birthday today :)

i think this is fun to do, so feel free to comment or reblog what you think will happen this year to me based on my chart, while i make my own predictions for my solar return chart. feel free to treat this as a solar return observation post! perhaps next year i will come back and see if my predictions were correct?!

first things first i have to point out this is a 2022-23 chart i always get funny looks for this but hi i turned 22 on october 27th, 2022 why would i look at a 2023 solar return that takes place october 27th, 2023 - i would be 23 then? so from this point on EVEN WHEN WE ARE IN 2023 i will be referring to the 2022 chart for the solar return year. make sure you verify your stuff before looking at your solars.

1H IN LEO AT 3°

words that come to mind: adventure, appearance, death of an aunt or uncle, grandparents, health, nation and its health, arrogance, bets, fainting spells, heart disease, politics, president, romance, royalty, social affairs, accuracy, activeness, anxieties, authors, books, logic, manuscripts, mentor, whispering, and wit.

my thoughts: FINALLY SOME RECOGNITION! i feel like i may have some anxiety struggles and continuing health issues BUT i have some hope that this may be my year. i have been trying to publish my manuscript since 2020 - i finally have found an english professor that actually wants more of me and my writing and literary views so with luck i will have a mentor and a published novel. i also feel like i may be a bit popular this year. the sun square asc aspect still indicates me being me though - i’m abrasive and literally only socialize when i must. venus square asc too i don’t feel like my first impression are gonna be that great or charming BUT THATS LIFE LOL. the pan sextile asc is giving public panic attack vibes and i am not here for it… lastly that paris opposite asc - am i helen this year? possibly? if i decide to date, will people be unable to look away - DEFINITELY! mostly because i never date and everyone always “assumes that i’m already with someone.” so it will definitely rock the boats.

2H IN LEO AT 23° (contains abundantia)

words that come to mind: budget, cash, voice, bets, courtship, astrology, society, and home.

my thoughts: i feel like i never truly content with the 2h *shrug* - the fact that i have some aquarian influence with that degree feels like the universe giving me back up. it doesn’t matter what i do so long as i am happy - money matters but at the same time i’m young and stupid so it doesn’t matter. i sense having a lot of spare change and having a roaring 20s type of time - just fun and games. if the group is happy so am i. i feel like whatever it is i am doing to get money positively effects my home and societal status BUT it feels pretty up in the air as to how it will effect my social and romantic realm perhaps i will be paying for others giving abundantia’s presence here (kinda in the same vein were people feel awkward when a friend pays for your things or your lover takes you on a date and you grab the tab before they can? ya know?).

3H IN VIRGO AT 18° (contains midas)

words that come to mind: written agreement, savvy, dictionaries, novels, rumors, signatures, first aid, fingers, food storage, nerve specialist, and uterus afflictions.

my thoughts: i feel great about the book indicators but horrifying by the health omens. not to mention the ruler being sickly virgo with abdominal issues and me having possibly DIE. seems like a hot about cold era. socially, i feel uprooted in terms of midas being here maybe as though i will be doing a lot of “short trips.” also as though socially i will receive both hate and adoration.

4H IN LIBRA AT 19° (contains sun, mercury, venus, ambrosia, and aphrodite)

words that come to mind: agriculture, ground, homestead, uterus, womb, art, love, music, poetry, unions, weddings, dead, reproductive systems, research, copper, surgery, ambition, power, wisdom, authors, book, confession, limericks, novelist, public speaking, companion, hope, hobbies, honeymoons, ovaries, and suitors.

my thoughts: just wanna say could this be the year - a libra house with venus in it?? could i possibly be dating someone?? that would be a first. i feel like for sure i’m going to start gardening that’s the vibe of fourth house ambrosia - you are like a naturally a green thumb i have never gardened before but i already have pepper seeds!! i also have a weird feeling that maybe i won’t be publishing the book i thought i would but instead i will be publishing poetry (mercury conjunct venus, mercury 27°, and a heavy lean on libra energy for this house) which is not necessarily shocking. not to keep harping in “non-medical” houses but this one is the womb - i wonder if (sorry if this is over sharing) my gyn is gonna tell me i have to be on birth control and i get a cooper IUD (copper is venus and libra ruled). that would lowkey piss me off but ambrosia here makes me think maybe i’d feel better. aphrodite here makes me think with balanced hormones i’d be hot lmfao - or this could be another romance symbol with all the libra and venus energy going on.

5H IN SCORPIO AT 25° (contains moon and frigga)

words that come to mind: magic, pelvis, poisonous plants, surgery, inflammation of womb, inflammation, pregnancy, romance, babies, breasts, childbirth, and fertility.

my thoughts: i read this a part of my chart and go hm - pregnancy scare? endometriosis? raspberry leaf tea? endoscopy?? any way i cut it it seem sus??? or this could have to do with me writing poetry again considering the moon’s presence. frigg here makes me think of pregnancy because she’s the mother. but it could also suggest romantic promise!

6H IN CAPRICORN AT 2° (contains pluto and huitzilopochtli)

words that come to mind: doctors, healing, order, ashes, black, clocks, contraction, depression, limitations, politics, profession, beauty, copper, profit, voice, bladder, regeneration, and sex organs.

my thoughts: i feel like this is like the last opportunity sign from the universe. i can get my shit together now and become my best self OR get really bad lol. it’s funny but it’s not because huitzilopochtli is just so energetic meanwhile we have contemplative, semi-hustler capricorn and slow moving pluto here - so this could go either way. given the ambrosia square saturn my best bet is likely food/diet. the square may indicate that i shouldn’t take it all upon myself to figure it out sooooo NOTED.

7H IN AQUARIUS AT 3° (contains saturn, amalthea, arachne, and paris)

words that come to mind: art, boyfriend, books, communication, debates, intelligence, journalism, proofreader, studies, writing, cramps, freethinker, friends, society, ambitious person, blindfold, doom, doubt, long lasting friendship, ink, jealousy, monogamy, loneliness, possessiveness, cold, time, tragedy, tradition, and winter.

my thoughts: the ruler is in the house :) perfect a relationship that is either gonna last or be toxic af considering it’s saturn lol. but we have to giggle little at this description he’s like paris - i’m the prettiest girl in his eyes, nurturing like amalthea, and talented like arachne. I KNOW WHO HE IS LMFAO - it’s the guy who sits next to me in class i am half curious if he is an aquarius. we are both nerds - he asked me to write a scholarly article with him. lol is that getting asked out? part of me says this connection is likely to further mature as winter sinks in.

8H IN AQUARIUS AT 23° (contains kleopatra)

words that come to mind: inheritance, occult, sex, sex organs, surgery, astrology, blood and circulation, cramps, and spirituality.

my thoughts: kleopatra huh??? *smirk* looks like an intimate relationship. i don’t really feel like i need to say the stuff i have said before as i see similar words arise in this category/house.

9H IN PISCES AT 18° (contains jupiter, neptune, and chiron)

words that come to mind: counselors, education, philosophical societies, long distance travel, university, writing, advisor, celebration, education, honor, luck, recommendations, writing, aesthetics, delusion, fantasy, fiction, mythology, poetry, editing, satire, studiousness, fictitious name, and self-undoing.

my thought: this is my year - i’m gonna graduate, jupiter 0° is 100% the vibe. but as for the rest neptune could be writing now that i am in the english program it could be telling that i am getting into it-into it. refer to 7h i really am working with him to create a scholarly paper so :) it’s doing somethin’. the self-undoing may be my own fault in terms of anxiety :/ OH WELL WHAT ELSE IS NEW - i kid you not i’m not like “i have butterflies in my stomach” anxious i am “i skipped class tuesday-thursday this week because i got paranoid that i was going to vomit in my class in front of my peers and i wouldn’t recover from that” anxious.

10H IN ARIES AT 19° (contains uranus and north node)

words that come to mind: achievements, authority, career, cramps, curiosity, change, freedom, freelance, romance, freethinking, shock, writing, courage, energy, affection, companions, friendliness, partnership, and poet.

my thoughts: i’m not getting a traditional job - i’m taking 6 months off to do whatever i want and that likely means freelance which is uranus vibes mixing with the libra degree. the freelance stuff could be very critical to me as a person as well as the forward movement in my careers to come. whatever it is has me talking and writing A LOT given the tight orb between the ruler mars and the planet mercury.

11H IN TAURUS AT 25° (contains mars, agamemnon, odysseus, and pan)

words that come to mind: acquaintanceship, companionship, working ability, adventure, aggressor, ambition, challenge, chemistry, contest, fearlessness, fights, inflammation, love/passion, men, participation, courage, dancing, wealth, and voice.

my thoughts: it’s gonna be an odd friendship year seems competitive given mars, pan, and agamemnon - all of these objects are competitive or have critical competitions within their myth. odysseus could indicate some travel with friends or becoming the last man standing - we should recall that odysseus came back home and only had two people who he could actually trust and having zero crew-mates left. given this is societal interaction house of things this could be a romantic or passionate light for me to stand in given - mars and taurus. the ruler in the 4h could indicate me being a hostess and opening my doors to others.

12H IN CANCER AT 3°

words that come to mind: anxiety, books, breathing, literature, manuscripts, restlessness, homemaking, and uterus.

my thoughts: health anxiety. and escapism via reading, writing, and cookings lol YEP THATS ABOUT RIGHT LOL.

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horsesarecreatures · 1 year

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Book review - Cry of the Kalahari by Mark & Delia Owens

Many of you probably already know Delia Owens as the author of Where the Crawdads Sings. It’s a book that I liked a lot, so I decided to read this book as well. It’s a memoir of the 7 years she and her husband Mark spent completely isolated in an uninhabited area of the Central Kalahari Game Reserve called Deception Valley studying wildlife. I enjoyed this book as well and learned a lot about the animals there. However, when I looked up Mark and Delia Owens to learn more about them, I found out that after this book was published they were involved in a very problematic incident in Zambia, and are still wanted for questioning over a murder that occurred there. I’m going to describe the book first and then describe what happened later.

The book has chapters supposedly written by Mark and supposedly written by Delia, but the tone of all are the same so it doesn’t really have 2 separate voices. It begins in 1974, when Mark and Delia first went to the Kalahari with very little of their own money and no one funding them. As the years passed by, they wrote letters to universities and zoological societies with their findings and secured grants that allowed them to buy radio tracking collars and a plane, but in the beginning all they had was a truck and their journey into the desert was quite dangerous.

Despite the truck breaking down, wildfires, losing their water supply due to a hole in the storage container, and almost running out of fuel many times, they managed to persevere there. Their main animal of study was the brown hyena. Very little was known about them compared to the larger spotted hyenas of the Serengeti. Their behavior was very odd, as they were thought to be solitary, but constantly left scent marks that other hyenas would find. Eventually, Mark and Delia discovered that they were not truly solitary, but the reason why remained unclear for a long time. In their own words:

“..after several months, a sketchy picture of their social organization began to emerge. We were sure that the 7 hyenas in the area were not solitary animals but members of a clan. Through muzzle wrestling and neck-biting contests, each had gained a particular rank in the social hierarchy, which was displayed and reinforced in greeting. Ivy, the only adult female of the group, was dominant...

Usually, when 2 hyenas met on a path, they would confirm their status through greeting, then separate. Neck-biting followed only when the status was not established, or when a hyena tried to rise through the ranks...

Lions, wolves, and other social carnivores usually sleep, hunt, and feed with at least some members of their group. But though the browns lived in a clan, they usually foraged and slept alone, only meeting with other group members occasionally, while traveling along common pathways or a kill. They have a limited repertoire of vocal signals, and none with which to communicate with over large distances, as do the spotted hyenas. This may be because the dry Kalahari air does not carry sound far, or perhaps because the territories are too large to transmit and receive even loud calls effectively...

This lack of a loud voice might seem to present a problem for animals who roam separately in jointly owned territory... However, the hyena’s well-developed system of chemical communication through scent marking - pasting, as it is termed, probably takes the place of loud vocalizations...

So, the brown hyenas were a curious blend of social and solitary: They foraged and slept alone; they fed together at large carcasses, but carried away the remains for themselves at the first opportunity; they did not use loud vocalizations to communicate with each other, but did leave chemical messages. And, at least for a while, the females allowed the youngsters to follow them when they searched for food...

Despite the fact that they always foraged alone, brown hyenas, we now knew, we social - and quite social at that. But animals associate for adaptive purpose, not because they enjoy being together. Lions, wild dogs, wild wolves, primitive men, and spotted hyenas hunting in a group are able to kill larger prey than can a single individual. Brown hyenas were scavengers, for the most part, and they rarely hunted. But since they did not hunt together, why did they live in a clan and share large kills left by lions? Why did they need each other? Why did they socialize at all? There was a single answer for all these questions, as we were to discover.”

Aside from hyenas, the authors also made important discoveries about Kalahari lions and how they are different from Serengeti lions. The Kalahari is a much harsher environment, and therefore there is more mixing of lions between prides, and in droughts the prides often disband completely so the individuals can spread out over larger territories.

The level of detail the authors went into about all of the animas was amazing. The overall tone of the book was pretty calm. The authors focused almost exclusively on the animals, and I found the book to be a pretty relaxing read. Which makes what I found out about the authors more surprising.

‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘

So after this book was published, the 2 of them got kicked out of Botswana for criticizing the government too heavily. There was really no indication of this until the last chapters, when Mark and Delia explained the issue of the thousands of miles of fencing meant to curb foot and mouth disease causing the deaths of thousands of antelope when they had to migrate to water during a 2 year drought. They said that the government was in general good about conservation given the abundance of wildlife reserves in the country, but they had to take this issue more seriously, and it would likely upset the cattle ranchers and ultimately not much would be done. They said that people warned them that they might get kicked out if they pressed the issue too hard, but it didn't sound like they believed it. But anyway, it did happen, and for their next research project they went to Zambia and studied elephants.

While there, Mark became heavily involved in anti-poaching campaigns. Delia apparently separated from him during that time due to his excessive risk taking. But ultimately they got back together, and published the book The Eye of the Elephant, which was another success. While they were in Zambia, ABC also did a news segment on them called “Deadly Game: The Mark and Delia Owens Story.” During that documentary, a poacher was shot and killed, and they aired this. The cameraman who shot the murder claims it Chris Owens, the son of Mark Owens and Delia’s stepson (who was never mentioned at all in the first book - sounds like Mark abandoned him those 7 years), who delivered the fatal shot. Several people have also accused Mark Owens of later dumping the body into a lake off an aircraft. It was never found.

Overall, it sounds like Mark may have been operating a shoot-to-kill poacher policy in a country that didn’t have one. Mark, Delia, and Christopher are all wanted for questioning in Zambia and are unlikely to return there. This all sounds eerily similar to the plot of Where the Crawdads Sing, where the main character Kya commits a “justified” murder, and never returns to the town where she was accused.

#cry of the kalahari #mark owens #memior #non-fiction #conservation literature #bookblr #book review #delia owens

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writingquestionsanswered · 2 years

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Hey there, hope I'm not a bother, but I need some help.

Alright, I have two characters(a man and a woman in case your curious. I'll call them John and May for now.). The chapter I'm writing has them locked in a stereotypical dungeon(barred cells, dark/damp/wet/cold, etc.) inside a large mansion/estate with security at every turn(camera's, bodyguards, gates, etc.) Is there any possible way they can escape and/or evade security in any way?

Incase you need more context, May has been kept there for years. The person who kidnapped them believes that John has information they could use, while May was kidnapped just to lure her husband(John's brother) into a trap.

Plotting a Basement/Dungeon Escape

While I'm not able to plot your characters' escape for you (that's part of your job as the writer!) I can help you with some things to consider and methods you can use to help you figure it out. :)

So, the first thing I think you need to consider is the building itself. "Stereotypical dungeons" are actually a facet of European medieval castles and weren't as common as storytelling leads us to believe. In the 1400s and 1500s, European royals and nobles largely abandoned the building of old stone castles in favor of palaces and manor houses. These did not include dungeons, though they often had basements that were used by servants and housed all of the areas required for the domestic upkeep of the palace/manor house.

Unless the "mansion" in your story is in fact a medieval European castle, it probably doesn't have a "dungeon" but rather a basement. In mansions built before the 1950s or so, basements would have been finished and used to house things like staff, kitchens, pantries and food stores, storage, etc. In mansions built after the 1950s, basements would usually be finished and used for additional living space and storage. So, in order for a mansion's basement to be dark, damp, cold, and contain barred cells, it would probably need to be old and in some level of disrepair, probably having been abandoned for some period of time. This is most likely a temporary base of operations rather than someone's permanent home, as dampness in basements means there's a leak in the foundation and that can lead to costly damage if not taken care of. So it's unlikely anyone living in a mansion permanently or for the long-term would allow there to be damp in the basement.

Having further thought about where/what this mansion is, you can think a little more about these cells. Since this is probably a finished or partly finished basement in an older mansion, that was later converted to include barred cells, I think you've got a case for construction errors to aid in your characters' escape. Also, things that the captors may not have considered like access to windows, vents, old cupboards within the cells that allow access outside of the cell, that kind of thing.

You might want to look for real life mansions that fit the mansion you're imagining. See if you can find photos or a layout and try to imagine how the cells would be incorporated, then see if you can figure it out. At the very least, you may want to wing it and draw up a layout, figure out where the cells are, where the cameras would be, where the guards will be, and see what you can figure out that would work in your characters' favor.

More than likely they'll need to rely on some level of craftiness and subterfuge to trick the guards and take advantage of weak points. For example, if there's a particular camera pointing at their cells that they realize is almost a blind spot, they might be able to create a diversion that allows one of them to somehow move the camera just enough to fully create the blind spot. These are the kinds of things that having a map/layout of the basement will help you with.

Have fun with your story!

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saganlife · 6 months

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AquaBrick Food and Water Storage Container – 6 Pack

https://www.saganlife.com/product/aquabrick-storage-container-6-pack/

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apartmentstead · 1 year

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Homemade Beef-Jerky

Good morning my little pierogis

This is my favorite home-made jerky recipe

Use as much or as little beef as you want to make - I personally bought a beef brisket that was on sale for about $40 that yielded roughly 10 pounds of jerky.

Now - I am not perfect. My very first batch I made a couple mistakes, and I’ve made this recipe before. I should have trimmed more of the fat off, and I should have sliced it thinner.

Don’t get me wrong, I still ate the fuck out of them, but I just couldn’t preserve them or hang onto it longer term. Learned my lesson though 😊 keep in mind even people with experience can get it wrong too.

Recipe

1 cup of soy sauce

2 tablespoons minced ginger

2 garlic cloves

Salt - hella (I measure with love)

Juice from half a lime

Cracked black pepper - measure with love (1 tbsp is fine)

1 pound of sliced brisket

So here’s the beauty of beef jerky; It’s completely customizable. You can add things into your marinade, take them out, change the amounts, the world is your oyster.

After you trim down your preferred slice of meat (I’ve found that tougher cuts like brisket or chuck do well as jerky because they’re full of collagen and keep their shape well), pop it back into the freezer for about 30 minutes or so. The reason for this is that when you’re slicing it, you’ll be able to achieve a thinner more consistent cut because it will be on the solid side - something I forgot to do when I made this first batch. Oops.

Hang onto those fat trimmings by the way, mamas gonna show you all how to make some lovely tallow with that

You’ll put your sliced beef into a bag or bowl (ziploc or otherwise, as long as it’s water tight) and add your misc. seasonings (see above). Leave the salt out - the soy sauce has got that taken care of initially. Leave that to marinade for at-least 2 hours. Personally, I leave it over night so the acidity of the lime/soy sauce and the saltiness in the soy sauce can break down some of that elasticity that tougher cuts of meat generally have. Like I said though - the worlds your oyster. Yolo.

Once the meat is done marinading go ahead and pull it out, and dry any excess marinade off the slices of beef using a towel or wipe.

Once the beef slices are dry, sprinkle salt on either side of the slice. This isn’t necessarily required, but I’ve found it pulls more of the water/moisture out and can speed up the dehydrating process.

If you’re using a dehydrator go ahead and set your racks up, try to space them out as much as you can do ample air flow can circulate - if you’re using an oven, preferably you should have a rack sitting on a sheet pan so drippings if any can flow away from the meat.

As is with any meat product, it needs to be cooked to an adequate internal temperature to kill any bacteria or disease. You’ll want to start with your oven or dehydrator set to 165 degrees. Once the meat has reached 165° Fahrenheit, promptly turn the oven/dehydrator down to 140°.

After the heat has been turned out now you get to wait, and suffer while you smell delicious food you can’t eat yet. Sorry. The drying time can take anywhere from 8-12 hours, depending on the meats thickness, oven/dehydrator type, etc. honestly you’ll have to play it by ear a bit. Once it’s done though, you can keep it on your shelf for up to 3 months with silica packets or something similar to keep out moisture in an airtight container. I personally put it in jars and pressure cook them to sterilize and seal the jars, but that’s another convo for a different day.

If you keep it in the fridge - 1 to 2 weeks

If you keep it in your pantry - maybe 1 week

Freezing - 3 months + however long the storage method after thawing is.

Keep in mind it’s still meat - she can go bad

Happy hunting, and remember to do a sniff test if you forget it for awhile lol.

#beef jerky #homestead #homesteadtips #homesteading #healthy food #food preservation #food prep #doomsday preppers #farmers #farming #cooking #cooking tips #brisket #recipe

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prepperjournal · 2 years

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Tertiary Prepper Skills – Garden OPSEC

War. Famine. Food and water shortages. Supply breakdowns. The list goes on and on as the mainstream news and social media serve the masses a steady diet of fear and impending doom. However, every dark cloud has a silver lining or two as well. After the Covid lockdowns, there seem to be at least two good things that came out of those crazy times. First, most sane, and situationally aware people began to realize how fragile the just-in-time food delivery system was. Second, people took matters into their own hands and started planning/planting their own victory gardens. Many new and seasoned homesteaders, preppers, and survivalists alike saw the writing on the wall during these dark days and they either began growing their own crops or beefed up their current garden. THE CHALLENGES: One of the most satisfying feelings in prepping is picking your own freshly grown fruits and vegetables. To get to that point, we all had to go through the education process. Everything from questioning whether you would plant in containers and raised beds to using grow bags for some crops and planting directly in the ground for others was part of the learning curve. There were other issues to consider as well such as how many rain barrels would be needed if the grid went down and how to maximize that collected rainwater through a drip irrigation system. You may have even calculated, or at least considered, how high you wanted the chicken wire fence to go to keep the four-legged creatures out. Perhaps there was planning for the logistical placement of the crops in your field, yard, sunroom, or even your balcony to ensure your plants received the right amount of sunlight. Let us not forget the actual harvesting. You needed to decide if you would pick your crops and can them for long-term storage, or just freeze everything and vacuum seal it for a rainy day. In other words, gardening is not as easy as just throwing some seeds in the dirt. There is a tremendous amount of planning that goes into reaping what you have sown. Then there are the bugs… GARDEN OPSEC & ENTOMOLOGY: Entomology is the study of insects. Most hardcore preppers might be thinking right now, “I’ve got way too much to do than studying up on bugs as a tertiary prepping skill”. And that’s where you might just regret that decision. At the end of the day when you drift off to sleep knowing you have a tight OPSEC (Operations Security) plan for your home, there is a war being waged while you slumber. If you are thinking about planting or are already growing your own garden, it can quickly be ravaged by an army of veracious insects if you have not planned properly. These six + legged miniature demon seeds can wreak havoc on even the best laid out garden plan if you do not include a proper attack strategy. This attack strategy is Garden OPSEC. This is basically learning how to build your own miniature private army of ruthless and hungry combatants! If you can slowly learn this tertiary prepper skill, you will become more of an asset to your prepper group, tribe, or family, and you will not have to share your bumper crop with a tiny and destructive enemy. SCENARIO: After watching the news all year of potential water and food shortages, you decide it would be best to double the size of your garden as a preventative measure for next year. The fall is coming, and things are not looking great economically or politically. You take the initiative and formulate a solid plan for spring planting next year by using some online software. After testing the PH levels of your soil, you decide to grow four new crops. You have the space, and you purchase all the heirloom seeds necessary to turn your dream into a reality. But there is one tiny thing you failed to prepare for and that is the flying, crawling, hopping, buzzing army of insects that want to devour that food just as much as you. Once you plant those crops, all bets are off because be rest assured, you will have some uninvited guests come to dine indefinitely if you do not plan accordingly. NEXT STEPS: The scenario above is very common with gardeners who are just starting out and even seasoned veterans. But there is hope! Here are some suggestions to help you stay ahead of the curve. - Begin to research online the different types of insects that will feast on your current crops / future crop expansions. - Books such as, “The Vegetable Garden Pest Handbook” by Susan Mulvihill and “Rodale’s Color Handbook of Garden Insects” by Anna Carr are fantastic resources to study and have on hand, especially if there is ever an EMP, TEOTWAWKI, or grid down situation. - Make a spreadsheet such as the example below of your current planting preparations incorporating beneficial insects and plants. Plant NameZonePlanting DatesGarden LocationCompanion PlantPotential PestBeneficial Insect(s)Other natural controlsTomato7bPlant seeds in trays Feb / March Transplant / Sow in April - JuneSouthPlant dill and marigoldsTomato HornWorm, Cutworm, Stink bug, Whitefly, leafhopper, blister beetle, spider mite, leafminer, lygus bug, slug, snail, spider miteAssassin Bug, Big-Eyed Bug, damsel bug, hoverfly, lacewing, ladybug, long-legged fly, minute pirate bug, parasitic wasp, praying mantis, robber fly, rove beetle, spider, tachinid flyCover Hoops, Nematodes, Diatomaceous Earth, Oils, traps, - Start building your army! Arbico-organics sells a myriad of beneficial insects and pest control supplies that can meet most budgets. - Figure out your Alternate and Contingency plan (P.A.C.E. plan in essence). If the grid is down and you must plant crops but cannot purchase any beneficial insects or pest control, you are going to have to do things the old-fashioned way and entice beneficial insects into your garden by building “bug hotels”. You can also try to map out the best plants that will invite these predacious warriors to assist you even if it is a WROL out there. (Ex. Fern–leaf yarrow attracts lacewings, hoverflies, and ladybugs.) - Deepen your attack strategy with natural controls such as nematodes, diatomaceous earth, sprays, and cover hoops. - Figure out a way to “relocate” wasps and hornets without killing them. A garden hose will aggravate them if they are setting up shop under your porch roof, but they will get the hint and move on to somewhere else. You don’t want to kill them! As painful as they can be, they are also one of the best exterminators you can have on your property. - Try not to kill any spiders. (Did I just write that???) If you see spiders in your garden, it means there is food for them to eat. Garden spiders (yellow and black) are the best in a garden and one egg sac can have as many as 1,000 baby spiderlings ready to hatch in the spring. - Try to avoid harmful chemicals and sprays as they can kill off beneficial insects as well. - For the sake of your sanity, factor in a percentage of crops lost due to insect damage. For example, if you plan on planting “X” amount of corn, have a mental number in your head or on the spreadsheet above as to what you could potentially lose due to the corn earworm. (You will lose probably a lot of the tips, but the corn is still good and edible, but it will be a compounded loss nonetheless.) CONCLUSION: In all seriousness, Garden OPSEC is a Tertiary Prepper Skill you will want to incorporate into your prepper plan immediately. With the current food supply shortages and fall quickly approaching, having a solid game plan before spring is crucial as most of us can still purchase products without a tremendous number of issues. That can all easily and rapidly change by late fall and/or winter so try to get ahead of the curve now if you can. Stay strong, keep learning new tertiary prepper skills, and have fun building your bug army! Sgt. Silverman Read the full article

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eyydhyeet · 1 year

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doom?? a guide to staying alive

"An atmospheric river is a newer name for a familiar weather pattern called the “Pineapple Express.” Meteorologists use the term to describe a flow of moisture from areas just north of Hawaii directly into the Pacific Northwest that is usually accompanied by heavy rainfall and high snow levels."

So we're here just south of the Bay Area in NorCal, certain we're safe from hurricanes, as Hawaii exists—right?

Wrong!

This ✨beautiful phenomenon✨ is a rare occurrence reported to be rolling in all over the Central Coast sometime later tonight, bringing with it mudslides, heavy wind and rainfall, flash flooding, and maybe most concerning, a week-long power outage all over the county.

Well I have 6 younger siblings I couldn't keep infecting with my anxiety, so I had to do something. What better to do than to gather my knowledge so we can prepare?

FIRST: keep your devices updated with all the alerts and news in your area, as well as communications with your family and friends.

SECOND, WARMTH: your heater ain't gon be working, unless you have a wood-fueled fireplace. In which case, I got nothing more for you. Otherwise: Blankets. Blankets, blankets, blankets. If you're not out of electricity yet, use this opportunity to wash any that need it, and break out extra. Your beds will need plenty ofc, maybe some on couches and other comfy places too. Use tents and blankets as tents around small areas you need warmest, covering windows while not in use will help too.

THIRD, LIGHTING: candles are the obvious, but also a fire hazard. The windows remaining in use will be great during the day, and for the night: flashlights. If you use an empty milk jug (washed out, for the love) and tape its mouth to the flashlight's head, it'll be a great lantern, completely safe, too. Candles are still a great option, we mainly use them in the bathroom and kitchen tho, as water is nearby and the counters won't catch. If you're desperate, crayons (Crayola, atl) will burn for 30 min each.

FOURTH, FOOD: ok ngl there isn't a whole ton to be said here when a power outage is already approaching. Shelf-stable food is the way to go, and a gas stove will still work, even if your microwave and oven don't. In advance, keep a storage of 3 months worth for each person in your household, we keep ours in the garage. Cans of fruit, beans, veggies, etc; boxes of pasta, cereal, dried food, as long as you don't have a pest problem these are safe.

LAST, WATER: soooo most power outages aren't gonna bother the water. Problem is, the causes can: the flash flooding brought on by the storm is likely to infect the water supply, and as my dad says, "we may actually need to boil the literal crap out of it". So, there's that, and mostly along the same lines as the food you'll need it in storage. We use empty milk gallons (also washed, plz don't be nasty) and fill them up, clean tap water will be fine. These are used for flushing, washing hands, cooking, drinking, everything short of bathing. We personally have large water storage containers, but it's not uncommon to lack the room (these are also kept in the garage). In addition to that, ig prep once you know contamination is on the way. We're running laundry, washing produce, showering, and securing the perimeter so we don't have water damage inside.

Aaaaand that's it! Hope this helps somebody~

#emergency preparedness #hurricane prep #eyydhyeet #my posts #advice #this is for my anxiety ngl #helpful?#pineapple express #panic hehe hooo boi #i say shit oh well

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mariacallous · 2 years

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KHERSON, Ukraine—Draped in yellow and blue, children gathered in Kherson’s main square to ask soldiers to autograph their flags; the Ukrainians who liberated this city from eight months of brutal Russian occupation are local celebrities now.

Since the Ukrainian soldiers arrived here last Saturday, residents of Kherson—the first Ukrainian city to fall under Russian occupation and the only regional capital—have been jubilant. Cars circle downtown booming out the previously banned Ukrainian national anthem and women cry with relief. An exclamation of “Slava Ukraini” is met with hundreds of raucous responses of “Heroyam Slava,” meaning “glory to the heroes.”

Life under enemy rule was grueling. Food was scarce and expensive, and four locations containing alleged torture chambers have been discovered by prosecutors in the city, with another three found in the wider region. Activists and partisans say they went into hiding. An accusation of being pro-Ukrainian could lead to beatings, electrocution, or cost you your life. “I stayed at home the whole eight months and even walked my dog in the yard,” said Maryna Zinevich, 54, who helped run an organization that produced nets and socks for Ukrainian soldiers before the war.

Former soldier Maksym Nehrov, 45, said he was detained for three weeks on March 15 at a former police station with little to do other than listen to the screams of the other inmates. He said his Russian captors attached clips and wires to his ears to administer electric shocks during interrogations. He heard others never made it out of detention.

“We know more than 869 people were imprisoned here,” said Volodymyr Kaluha, a representative of the Kherson regional prosecution, outside a set of dingy, metal-fronted storage lockers at a former police station where he said people were tortured. The walls inside are scrawled with the letter Z and “Zeila, we’re coming,” a Russian message using a derogatory term for Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky. “Only 480 were released. We don’t yet know what happened to the others,” Kaluha said.

Police said they are also aware of 50 fresh graves at the local cemetery, and they plan to exhume them to investigate what happened. A local ombudsman has described the scale of torture cases as “horrific,” even when compared to what has already been seen in previously liberated areas around Kyiv and the Kharkiv region. Hundreds of bodies were buried near the capital and the biggest city in the east after Russian forces were pushed out, showing signs of torture in what international bodies have described as possible war crimes.

Now that the Russians have gone, retreating across the Dnipro River to defensive positions in the eastern part of the region, pro-Ukrainian sentiment has never been stronger in a city that—for the most part—speaks Russian. Little boys now run through the streets with toy guns, dressed as their new idols: Ukrainian soldiers.

“We couldn’t believe the reception we got,” said a Crimean Tatar known by the call sign “Warrior” in between requests for photos in Kherson’s main square. He signed up for the military after a massacre was uncovered in Kyiv’s Bucha suburb this spring before taking part in the offensive to retake Kherson. He’s from a place not far away, a chunk of Ukraine that’s been occupied by Russia since its first invasion of Ukraine in 2014.

Russian forces apparently expected to be greeted as liberators in many parts of Ukraine after being told they were leading a “special military operation” to “de-Nazify” a democracy headed by a Jewish president. Instead, flowers have been showered at the men in blue and yellow.

“They threw petals at our feet as we walked. Later, they gave us children’s drawings of Ukrainian symbols. Everyone was hugging us,” said “Kholod,” a Ukrainian soldier who like many uses a call sign for security purposes. He, along with “Shults” and “Khorvat,” were part of an elite special task force that took part in the push to recapture Kherson—a mission thought to be a feint for the main Ukrainian offensive in the east—until Russian forces melted before them. His unit lost three men in the push, including one as they approached his home village.

Russian Defense Minister Sergei Shoigu announced last week that he had given the order to pull troops from their exposed position on the west bank of the river, a psychological blow to a country that’s had few military advances in nine months of fighting. Russia had hoped to use Kherson as a secure base to push west, including moving the families of Russian service members—part of Russian President Vladimir Putin’s plans to Russify the area, according to local residents—and holding an illegal referendum to nominally annex the area under Moscow’s control.

Instead, Russians and those who collaborated with them were seen scrambling into boats across the river this week, clutching hastily packed bags in a panic to avoid arrest by Ukrainian authorities. Kholod and his comrades watched as troops fled on foot across the lower level of the Antonivsky Bridge, and from their drones, they saw Russians shooting those they thought might surrender as they went. They have passed the footage to Ukrainian authorities as possible evidence of war crimes.

The area, however, is still not fully safe. The boom of both incoming and outgoing weapons echoes through the air, and on Wednesday, one person was killed when a missile hit a residential building. Kholod said his unit found and detained “drunk and stupid” Russians hiding out in the woods on Sunday while eyewitnesses said a group of presumably Russian soldiers dressed as Ukrainian civilians were apprehended in the main square by the military over the weekend.

Liberated Kherson is thought to be among the most heavily mined regions in Ukraine, with 5,000 explosives, including mines and unexplored projectiles, found and destroyed in the first five days of Ukrainian control. More than 100 people are working to clear the area, opening the road and rail lines between Kherson and Mykolaiv, a major Ukrainian city to the east. The first train in months between Kyiv and Kherson is set to depart on Friday evening.

“I believe the number of explosives neutralized will increase rapidly over the next few weeks,” said Meri Akopyan, Ukraine’s deputy minister for internal affairs. “Before the February invasion, we destroyed around 50,000 a year, and since, the number is already close to 300,000.” Authorities predict it could take five to seven years to clear the whole country.

As well as securing the area, the long hard road to recovery includes reinstalling electricity, gas, and water supplies as Ukraine’s winter turns bitterly cold. Kherson authorities have installed a Starlink internet connection in the main square and the train station, but there is no phone or internet connection elsewhere in the city. The supermarket shelves are almost bare, with most of the remaining products from Russia and a small bottle of a popular Georgian water costing as much as 125 hryvnia ($3.39).

José Andrés, a well-known chef and founder of World Central Kitchen, said on Wednesday as he was organizing operations in the city that there was a lot of need among people in Kherson, but it’s hard to meet. Large crowds of people gather outside the station waiting to collect food packages, and people walk through the city with plastic bottles trying to find water.

“It takes time to fill the supermarkets up,” Andrés said. “It takes time to put in a functioning system. It’s difficult to access Kherson, and things are still mined. A mine blew up today in the train station while people were collecting aid.”

Residents say they have grown used to living without even their basic needs, but now they at least have hope that things will get better. “It’s a very difficult feeling to return here,” said Yuri Sobolevsky, a Kherson resident and deputy head of the region’s administration. “The situation is not as difficult as it was under occupation, and we are happy our people are free. But now, there are a lot of problems to work on.”

Russian propagandists say the country will retake the territory it recently lost, especially in the four Ukrainian regions that were illegally annexed. Ukrainians here are more doubtful.

“We killed all the Russians in Kherson,” Kholod said. “And if they come back, we’ll kill them all again. There is no negotiation with evil as it has no logic. The only option is to destroy it.”

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