Fallout is so delightful. I don't know that I have a lot to say about it but it's nailing the video game aesthetic, Lucy is adorable, the Ghoul is a spectacular Walton Goggins deployment, and I'm coming around on Maximus because he becomes infinitely more tolerable when he's sharing a screen with Lucy. Usually if I don't like a guy and then he's presented with a romance subplot he just finds new and worse ways to annoy me more but they're so cute together. I am rooting for him!

I thought I was the only one who was a little annoyed about folks being hostile towards Ethan in regards to Benji's trauma!!!

I'm an active Benthan fan and I can kinda see how as a fic writer it could be interesting to explore that idea-- that since we didn't see Ethan comfort Benji onscreen at the end of RN after he was kidnapped and almost killed by Lane, that maybe Ethan didn't comfort him and maybe Benji has feelings about that-- but to act like Benji's trauma in the M:I series is a result of Ethan being a bad friend or a bad person is a huge stretch.

It takes away Benji's agency as a character. He chose this really dangerous job that frequently goes off the rails, and honestly Benji's trauma in RN is more directly from Lane's actions than anyone else's. Sure, Ethan's not perfect, he makes mistakes and those close to him get hurt, but Benji specifically knows the risks. We know he knows this because he shouted this at Ethan (and all of us) in the movie. At that moment he actively opted in to the danger of being an intelligence agent. I think Benji in particular is the only character in the film franchise that moved into active field agent work from an office/desk job position-- he put himself in that situation.

(If anything Ethan would blame himself and Benji would tell him it's not his fault. Because that's kind of the argument they had after the opera house. "I can't protect you" meaning, "if something does happen it'll be my fault because I know I can't stop it" vs "that's not your decision to make" meaning, "It's my choice. I choose what I do and what happens to me, not you.")

Far be it from me to yuk someone's yum-- We all have our pet head canons-- but there is a lot of woobie Benji in the fandom, and I think fanfic readers and writers can forget that their interpretation is just one interpretation of many possible fan interpretations and is not in fact canon.

ahhhh so true anon!! sorry it took me a hot minute to get to this, and i DO have so much more to say on this but alas i am Very busy at the moment with school and i don't have the time to be writing up long rant posts LOL (but i wanted to say this now in case i waited too long and you never saw it asgasdfashgs)

but i fully agree about taking away benji's agency as a character... it's really the whole reason why i stopped reading benthan, i just got tired of the same trope over and over again where he's a blushing virgin and the damsel in distress ... i also don't want to yuck someone's yum but surely benji has more character than that...

and aside from that the post just felt so... entitled? idk? like they were saying that they thought ethan should've comforted benji on-screen instead of ilsa being there with him at the end of fallout, and look i get that these people love their ship but they sound just like spn stans when they call benthan queerbait. it is not queerbait. they aren't canon! (and just because the scene doesn't happen on-screen doesn't mean it didn't happen off-screen! that's what fanfiction is for: write it yourself! ethan isn't such a terrible friend that he wouldn't check on benji after two near-death experiences. if they think that he's neglecting benji then that's a massive character assassination on their part.)

Umm... I was wondering if you could Maybe do a follow up on your mini fic Last Line from dicks pov? It gave me alot of feelings and i would love to see the fallout?

Your work is really good! Its so cool how your brave enough to put pieces of yourself out there for other people!

Hey babe! Thank you for your kind words! It made me smile getting this, you are very sweet <3

I totally forgot about Last Line lol, but when I saw it reminded me that I actually wrote a bit more of it, both before and after the scene I posted. So, this isn’t exactly what you asked, but here’s some backstory and then the fallout!

---.---

Four years old, and he watches the red string on his finger pulled taunt towards the crying boy, the color of the thread well disguised among the red blood of the murdered acrobats.

Nine, and he watches from the shadows as it swings right and left, following Robin’s pirouettes from building to building. The thread, that usually goes a few feet before ‘vanishing’ from sight, was almost completely visible now, at such a short distance from the person holding onto its other end.

He’s on his twelve when he tries to explain to Dick the importance of him going back home. He wasn’t sure of his success, even though the older hero took him to the manor, because during his whole speech, Nightwing hadn’t looked up from the red joining them together. It wasn’t exactly how Tim wanted him to find out, but… Batman needed a Robin, and he was out of options.

At fourteen, he feels Kon’s hand clenching on his shoulder, as they both watch from the side how Nightwing swept Barbara off her feet and twisted her around, laughter falling from both their lips even as Dick thread’s end was pointing towards Tim. The third Robin didn’t turn to look at his best friend, didn’t meet Bart’s eyes or react to Cassie taking his hand on hers. He just made sure his face was perfectly devoid of any emotion when he muttered, low enough only a kryptonian would hear, ‘I wish it was any of you’. 

(A few nights later, when he and Conner were sitting quietly on the Tower’s roof, the clone took Tim’s hand with his own, his lack of red string blatantly obvious as he said ‘If I had any, I wish it could be you’. To this day, it’s the sweetest thing anyone ever said to him)

He is so, so tired, and he’s only sixteen. But keeping up with the shitfest that was the Battle for the Cowl, helping Dick while ignoring his red string (pulling him towards Nightwing, now Batman, stark contrast against the dark of his suit, with distracting insistency), dealing with Damian’s abuse as expected of him as the ‘mature, older brother’, coping with Bruce’s death, the shock of Dick throwing him, his soulmate, away so so easily…

(Shouldn't be surprising; Dick had been discarding him in favor of others since they met, shamelessly displaying his various relationships in front of him with an attitude that might be called cruel from anyone else but that just earned him playful shoves from other Leaguers while Tim was expected to swallow his pain, because a red string isn’t a promise, Dick is free… and yes, he knows that, but it doesn’t mean shit to his dying heart)

(Maybe, when he left for proof of Bruce being alive, it wasn’t so much for his old mentor than it was for himself)

----.----

Tim is seventeen and halfway across the world, looking at the string attached to his hand that never truly meant anything to any other than him (not to Bruce, who never took Dick aside and talked to him about consideration with his soul mate; not Dick's conquers, who never gave a fuck  about the red string in the hands that touched their skin, even when a lot of them knew who was on the other end of it; not Dick himself, who after asking every thing out of Tim and having it, forcefully took the one thing Tim wouldn't give by choice and claimed Tim was his equal, his soulmate, so he never could be his sidekick... even if it was the first time ever that Dick even mentioned the string tying them both together), when he thinks 'you were always free; now, I'm freeing myself’.

He gingerly bites on the string, and with his other hand takes a handful of it and pulls.

The pain piercing his heart is expected, but not new. He had been feeling it since the first time he saw Dick's back as he walked away with someone else.

He times it carefully, too. He doesn't think Dick would care, but just in case, Tim waits until it's morning in Gotham, when he's sure Dick is probably sleeping after patrol.

Maybe he would wake up without noticing

---.---

In Gotham, Dick is carried by Alfred and Damian to the cave, when the new Batman's screams of pain woke everyone in the Manor up. They are suspecting cardiac arrest, and then Dick looks down to his hand and notices the string, always tense, signaling him where his north is, where Tim is, laying loose and lifeless.

He panics, asks Superman to track Tim down or something, and when the man confirms Tim is still alive somewhere in the Middle East, he knows.

And like a freight train, the parting words Kori told him the last time they saw each other hit him right in the chest.

"He isn't going to wait for you forever"

----.-----

When Tim does come back, at nineteen, it’s a quiet thing. 

He spent the last how many days carefully setting his systems up, making sure his mainframe would outstand Oracle’s scrutiny when she realized he was back in town and tried to hack her way into his life.

(He didn’t blame her, of course not. Dick was charming enough, good enough, anyone he set his eyes into would be helpless to nothing but fall in his arms.

And, wasn’t Tim the one who would have been intruding, had he tried to chase after the first Robin? Everyone knew he and the original Batgirl were a perfect match, thousands of times better than Tim, whom Fate just wanted to screw over.

But not anymore)

The first thing he did, once the safe houses were chosen and his programs up and running, was to ruthlessly hack into the Batcomputer and take a look at patrol routes. 

He would need to keep clear of Diamond District and Old Gotham, least he risked crossing paths with B and R. The Financial and City Hall Districts were apparently Batgirl’s playground for the night, and if he wanted to drop by and let Cass know he was back, he could always search for her by the Upper West Side down to Chinatown.

He would avoid the Upper East Side like the plague, though. Maybe Coventry too, just to be safe. Lots of skintight blue in that direction.

Which left… Crime Alley, the Bowery and Burnley, mainly. He needn't check to know who’s house that was.

And that’s how he ended, on his very first night back on the streets, dragging Red Hood’s bleeding ass away from a blowing up building.

-----.-----

Apparently, saving a recently rehabilitated murderous vigilante was a bonding experience, because Jason didn’t kick him out of his side of town, nor tell on him. 

He couldn't, however, do anything to prevent the criminal gossip mile from spreading, and before a week had passed, half the city was aware of the new player on the board.

-----.------

Jason was taking a breather, smoking while sitting on his favorite rooftop, when the rustling sound of fabric told him his peace and quiet was over.

“I thought you were back at being N”, he greeted, not bothering to turn around or get up. 

“B was out of town, and Robin needed someone to watch over him during patrol.”

A quick glance around had Hood snorting, “Then y’re doing a shitty job. Don’t see the midget anywhere.”

It would never NOT be weird to hear a strangled laugh coming out of the Bat suit, as tight and humorless as it was now. It seemed big ol Dick wasn’t doing so great tonight.

“Batgirl took him to a party in Diamond District. Gang war.”

He humms in response, not bothering to keep on the smalltalk. N, no, B was here for something, and it wasn’t Jason’s job to ask it out of him; if it was important, he would do it himself.

“Where is him, Hood?”, he finally went to the heart of the matter. 

Jason tilted his head, still looking over his city, unmindful of the steps coming closer to his position, “Robin? Ya just said it, B. Going senile? Gang war, wasn’t it?”

“Don’t play around. You know I mean…”

Oh, yeah, Dickie still wasn’t sure what to call Timbo. Criminal gossip only went so far, for someone who didn’t bother to shout his hero name to everyone he beat up. It was very possible only  Jason was aware of his new monicker. All gothamites knew was a young vigilante showed up recently, wearing red and black and hanging out with the Hood, which immediately upped his street rep to ‘not to be fucked with’.

“Lil red?”, he completed for his older brother, feeling both charitable and petty. Batman’s wince was more evident by the rustling sound of his cape; he had hit a sore spot, hadn’t he? 

“Where? I’m not asking again.”

“Good, ‘cause I’m not answering. Must be ‘roundere somewhere, the little creep.”

“Hood, I’m running out of patience.”

“And I’m out of cigarettes, your point? I don’t have him on a leash asshole. We just share the same hunting space, it’s not like we go home together and do face masks while we talk about feelings.”

They did go to a safespot, though, and share beer and pizza while cursing their relatives and Fate as a whole, but it wasn’t necessary information for the fucker. He just breathed in the last of his smoke before dropping the cigarette butt and stepping on it, stretching as he did.

“Now, any more of this riveting conversation, or can I go? No, wait, it was a rhetorical question; get out of my part of town, ass. I’ve been plenty generous by letting you come this far, but our truce lasts as long as the lot of you don’t build any sandcastles on my playground and you know it. Now, scram.”

He could feel Dick’s reticence at leaving without what he came here for, but Oracle must be talking him into letting it be for tonight, because he didn't push. Jason turned just in the right moment to catch the way Dick looked down to his gloved hand, as if expecting the lifeless red string to be pulled taunt in Tim’s direction by some miracle. Jason felt the smallest ping of pity, quickly washed away by the memory of the younger hero’s haunted eyes as he told Jason the story of his severed soul bond and how he came to do it.

Thirty seconds after the bat vanished into the night, a little red bird landed softly on the spot next to him.

“Thanks, Hood”, he muttered, just as tired and hurting as he’d been ever since he saved Jason’s ass and they became partners, but with the smallest hint of lightness that made him prouder of driving Dick away than he’d ever been.

“Don’t mention it, but fair warning, the big B scomin back home in a few days, and he’s harder to kick out than a hurting, annoying bluebird.”

“I know”, Tim sighed, well aware of both facts. “I’ll play it by ear. For tonight, what about bashing some skulls and ruining Two Face’s new op? Good intel says it’s just a few blocks from here, and shattering bones always makes you smile.”

“Babybird, you speak the language of love.”

“Wasn’t that french?”

“I’m trying to compliment you, don’t be a smart ass about it.”

“I am smart, and I do have a good ass. That seems like an impossible request.”

----.----

One Year Later

  This post is pretty much just for me but I figured why not make it public in case anyone can gain anything from what is going on with me. It’s long and I’m not good at separating my thoughts into cohesive paragraphs so if you decide to read this hunk of word vomit... good luck.

  It’s been almost exactly a year since I have posted on this blog, or done anything remotely related to my craft at that. A lot has happened; I’ve moved houses, I’ve cut toxic people from my life, I’ve gained new friends, I’ve reconnected with old friends, I’ve adopted two new amazing kittens, among a mass of other happenings that go on in a years time, not all good and not all bad. The one thing I haven’t done is my craft, to the point where I don’t know if I can even call any kind of craft “mine” anymore, how can it be mine if I have nothing to do with it? I don’t do spellwork, I don’t do ritual, I haven’t divined anything, hell I can’t even remember the last time I lit a damn candle nonetheless doing it with intention. This all came to a head with me recently and I realized that no matter how many good things I have in my life right now, the bad things are taking precedent and I’m not happy. I haven’t been happy in a long time, and that isn’t just because I’m not practicing my craft at all, it’s also because so many things that are out of my control are taking over my life. My fiance and I have been fighting constantly and having arguments that would make Ares pick a side and go to war, and I believe this is the source of my troubles. See, for me love and harmony in my relationships is very important to me. My fiance is my best friend, my partner in crime, my chosen family and my other half and lately we haven’t been on the same page. We have both been making decisions that are mentally and physically unhealthy for us individually, and as a unit. Without going into extreme personal detail he is currently staying with family for a little under a month and I am going to be by myself (with our animals of course) until that time is over. We currently live in central Florida. I type this post at 6:30 pm on Friday, August 30th 2019. In two days what is predicted to be a severe hurricane (category 4 already and has plenty of time to grow) by the name of Dorian is projected to hit Florida right on the central east coast so I’m going to be in the absolute thick of it. My fiance and I will be riding this storm out separately, through no choice of my own I assure you of that. I was raised in Florida and have always loved the weather here, I adore hurricane season and as terrible as it sounds I always ache for a storm to hit and knock the power out for a few days. I know storms in the past have caused great destruction but who are we to build such easily destructible buildings in such an environment and expect them to last forever at the mercy of mother nature? Anyways, I’m familiar with this experience, I’ve done it many times... though never alone. And I mean totally alone other than my animals, my close family is all too far for me to reach and I honestly wouldn’t want to burden any of my friends with bringing two dogs and two cats as well as myself into their homes to ride it out with them for whoever knows how long the fallout from it will last. All in all what I’m trying to say is I’m fucking terrified. I took a moment to think to myself and calm myself and figure out where to go from here and the first thought that popped into my mind was “pull a card” I was taken aback, I haven’t had that thought in so long. Before I abandoned my craft I was learning the tarot, slowly but surely, a card a day, a day at a time using the Rider Waite deck and the Rider Waite guide to help me learn to interpret what the cards were saying to me. So I grabbed my deck, shuffled, split, spread and pulled one card with no specific question in mind but rather a request for guidance through this coming storm that is hurricane Dorian, my engagement, my life. I pulled the ace of swords as shown above and I included as well a picture of the page from the guide that goes into detail about it’s meaning and symbolism and how it pertains to different aspects of life. I was blown away by what I drew, instantly before I even needed to grab the book I noticed that the hand holding the sword is emerging from a dark cloud which to me symbolizes the hurricane, the fact that its an ace affirms that yes, you will go through this alone but the hand is holding the sword triumphant. The suite of swords is symbolic of the element air, thought, intellect, the mind. It’s almost as if I’m being told that once I get over this fear in my head of being alone, not just in this moment or for this storm but in life in general, and face what is coming, I will be able to think clearly and take proper action to come out on top. The part that really got me though is the “six drops of gold” it states in the guide that this is in reference to the major arcana card “VI-The Lovers: the story of Paradise lost and Paradise regained”. That’s all I needed there I suppose, we have no intention of separating it’s just hard to get through a spot like the one we are in and this message reassures me that we will get there together and even if we don’t it will be paradise either way for it will be for the best. It feels so anticlimactic to try to explain with words on a screen what I felt when I was reviewing this card and how everything it said to me made perfect sense, and I could feel that this was the message I was not just needing to hear but absolutely meant to hear. I feel more lighthearted and easy minded now knowing that no matter what happens I have the opportunity to come out above it, and whether it be in paradise regained or solo and holding my own sword it will be my own. The book says for the card of the day reading: “Rise up, stand up straight, and benefit from a new clarity!” and I do feel more clear. This is what I miss about my practice, my craft, my spirituality... feeling like absolute shit about something and taking the time to pull a card and assess it, or light a candle and gaze into the flame, or draw a bath and let the water envelop me and coming away from these small things feeling refreshed and reassured that I can make myself happy through the simplest things. On top of all of this I just realized while typing this that today is a New Moon... what a day... what a better time to cast away the things that don’t serve me and open the door to people and mindsets that do. Anyway if anyone actually read this... welp, there’s a few minutes you’ll never get back lol.

WIP Week Day 5: Your Canonverse or AU WIP

Returning again to my WIP with a sleep deprived Ginny Weasley that I mentioned on Tuesday, which is absolutely canon-compliant. For some reason Molly Weasley’s voice is really hard for me to internalize enough to write, so it’s slow going.

Bonus question: What is your most used AO3 tag?

I’m going based on the suggested tags to filter on when looking at my Works page on AO3, but I haven’t counted manually. in each category:

Ratings: General Audiences (11)

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply (19)

Categories: Gen (17)

Fandoms: Detective Conan (8)

Characters: Kudou Shinichi | Edogawa Conan (7)

Additional Tags: Canon Compliant (5)

Curiously, all five of these were from this year’s PurimGifts exchange, which says more about my mindset while tagging that batch than about my overall writing habits imo. If I leave out the PurimGifts batch, then my most used “other” tags are Fluff, Angst, Light Angst, and Happy Ending, at three each - although given that Light Angst is a subtag of Angst, when you filter on “Angst (3)” you get all six of the fics with an angst related tag, which I guess makes it truly my most used “additional” tag lol (also I’m sure several of these were synned because I’m not sure I’m even that reliable about tagging with matching phrases)

And because I missed yesterday, but I liked the prompts (even though it’s nigh-impossible to pick favorite anythings...

Day 4: Your Favorite WIP

That’s a fun question but a tricky one. I guess at the moment my favorite WIP is my mildly-crackfic three-way crossover that I put together mainly so my two favorite characters could become friends. It doesn’t have a plot yet though, so I’m a little stuck. (but I submitted it to the upcoming WIP Blind Date event, so hopefully getting a little feedback will inspire me to take it a little further, and then I can capitalize on my momentum once I have it again)

Bonus Question: What is your favorite fanwork in any of your fandoms created by someone else?

Another tricky question. One per fandom I think, I can’t narrow it down further.

Harry Potter: I absolutely adore Face Death In The Hope @fdith by lullabyknell. (but also just. 90% of LK’s Harry Potter fics are contenders here because she does phenomenal worldbuilding.) I’m already a sucker for a good time travel fix-it, and then Regulus and Harry have such a believable and Good developing friendship/trust/maybe eventual relationship? Like I’m so invested in Regulus Black now, and it’s certainly not because of the original books in which he was barely a footnote compared to other deaths, and harder-to-find horcruxes. And Harry gets to know his parents finally, and there’s the whole unavoidable horcrux subplot but like, optimistically... And all of this without character bashing (which I will read in stories with other tropes I like, but I do get tired of it. Too many of the time travel fix its have at least Dumbledore bashing. LK gives Harry inner conflict about Dumbledore, which is absolutely justified, but doesn’t reduce him to a one-dimensional caricature in the process). Also there may or may not be Master of Death shenanigans implied, but if so, it’s subtle and without making Harry automatically OP because of it, which is super fun. (although power fantasies are fun sometimes)

Detective Conan (arguably DCMK): The Case of the Missing Detective by Utukki - although the author hasn’t updated (this fic) in over five years, I still think about this regularly. This and Fallout are incomplete fics that are both so compelling that I regularly forget why I never finished them, and then I try again, and remember that I didn’t get interrupted, the author just hasn’t updated further. The Case of the Missing Detective edges out Fallout for the status of “favorite” though, because of all the little details. Like Ran figures out who Conan is, and then Ai crumbling and telling her everything. And when they realize Conan has been kidnapped and Yuusaku goes to literal government contacts (like we know he’s well connected, but the anime never really shows it besides being friends with the police) and Yukiko goes straight to Vermouth... And the criminals are so horribly competent that if the over-competent and astoundingly well-connected Kudou family successfully retrieves their son, it will be by the skin of their teeth. Which is amazing. DC is the type of anime where the main characters are all protected by plot armor, so there’s rarely much tension even in “high stakes” moments. And having all the teens working together to find Conan (including Kaito) and being suspicious of each other... And the teaser about Heiji’s prophetic dream that apparently was planned for chapter 12 and might give them more clues... Plus Jodie recognizing that Yukiko was in disguise and suspecting Vermouth (which is closer to the truth than anyone will realize once they figure out that she’s not Vermouth)... Agh. Utukki does a phenomenal job with details and with cliffhangers and if/when this ever updates again I will be thrilled, and then also immediately go spinning in circles about how the next cliffhanger is going to resolve, and it’ll be great.

And I can’t go into a list of favorite fics while leaving out Love is All You Need to Destroy Your Enemies, by @davetheshady but it’s a bit of an odd case because I’m not particularly in either fandom. I enjoy WTNV of course, but I’m so far behind it’s hard to engage, and although I let Love is All You Need convince me to try the Dresden Files books, by the end of the third book I was just sick of the main character, and without caring about the books (or the protagonist) it’s even harder to engage in the fandom. Still, this is one of my favorite fics, and is almost more-canon to me than the original WTNV podcast is. I can’t leave it out. (....Also this is the fic my “favorite wip”, above, is spun off from and why it’s a three-way crossover for two characters.)