gray november i've been down since july
yeah, no shit.
EDIT 290323 : HELLO TUMBLR i wasn't supposed to post this rn (can't even remember what i have written here?? see the goldfish memory xD) but i respect my effort of writing this so here yaa gO
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today's already the 26th of january, and i'm sitting in front of my computer, contemplating on what to say after all these months
tbh, i've planned to just merge this one with the december entry to have some sort of a 'year-ender' summary of my life lately, but i'm afraid this post that has been sitting in the drafts folder for too long for it not to be a separate one so i said fuck it and do this (plus i really like the title so yay)
OKAY
so as far as i can remember, november was such a busy month and ended in a way i didn't expect. not gonna delve deeper into the details, but it was really unexpected and definitely caused a shift in my beliefs in life and love
ANYYYYWAAYYYY
november was the start of my thesis month and since then it has been stressful. the weekly workloads were crazy, and i barely had the energy and the mental capacity to do anything. yet i did it, because i was afraid to fail.
the fear to look like a loser was what drove me to accomplish the things i did
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THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT FOR YOU FOLKS
ill come back stronger than a 90s trend, i promise *wink* *wink*
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Update
I have to admit, I was not prepared for the mental load that comes with university and growing into an adult who is just trying to survive in a world that seems utterly terrifying. And I was not prepared for it to kind of take away my spark when it comes to writing.
Nevertheless, I have decided to bring a little structure to my life. I want to write again. I want to find that spark again. And I want to interact more with you again. I want to read the amazing fics I have bookmarked on AO3, and I want to write for myself as much as I want to write for you guys to read it.
Starting next week, I will try to stick to the following schedule. (And I hate to admit that structure actually does work sometimes)
On Fridays (possibly not every week), I will be posting an update for Do No Harm.
On Saturdays, I will update my Michael Kinsella series Chaos Theory. Again, possibly not every week.
And on Sundays, I will try to update Foreigner's God. No guarantees on weekly updates here either.
Total Eclipse Of The Heart will remain on hold for a little longer while I try to focus on the plot and plan it out a little more. The juices are not flowing as they should, and I don't want to write something mediocre that I'm not happy with.
I'll keep cleaning out my inbox one by one, but I want to focus more on quality, so I'm going to listen to the little voices in my head and make sure I don't disappoint neither you nor myself.
If I start posting random drabbles and One-Shots, don't mind me, I'm just trying to get that happiness back I used to get from writing those silly little fics.
Thank you for bearing with me.
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Hello, so I was just at Tumblr and someone was saying that there are not enough Dizzie fanifcs and I couldn't agree more. So I wrote one (will be more then one in the future) So let's all read this and act like Kitty's diary does not exist :)
The sun was going down meaning that it was time for Daring to go back to his room. For some reason he was feeling all soft and fuzzy inside. Was it because he had won the bet he made with Sparrow?
Yeah, probably, what other reason could it be?
Truth be told, he actually forgot about the bet while he was up on Legend's back with Lizzie.
Daring had to really think about what would make Lizzie swoon, he had never needed to work so hard for other girls, all he had to do was smile at them and they would fall to his feet. Lizzie wasn't like that, she was much more harsh and harder to impress, to the point where he felt the genuine need to 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 impress her, and it was worth it when he did. Because for the first time he heard her laugh, and the sound of it would put any melody the Pied Piper has ever produced to shame.
He carried this feeling as he practically skipped to his dorm room with a massive smile on his face. Daring stopped on his tracks when he heard the sound of an obnoxiously loud electric guitar paired with an equally obnoxiously loud voice that could only belong to one person.
Sparrow saw him in the distance and immediately ran towards him with Hopper following behind.
"SO?! HOW. IS . IT. GOING?!" Sparrow asked (sung)
Hopper noticed the happy go lucky vibe Daring was emitting and wrapped an arm around his shoulder "You seem happy, did you actually do it?"
Hopper and Sparrow looked at him with anticipation, Sparrow looking a bit more nervous as he noticed that Daring did in fact look very happy.
The smile on Daring's face slowly started to fade as he was reminded of their bet, and that if he lost, he would have to wash Sparrow's grimnastics uniform after swamp swimming. Just that though alone made him shiver. At the same time he was reminded that Lizzie wanted to keep what they had a secret.
Daring's silence made Sparrow think that Daring did not in fact succeed and yelled (sung) in his face "OH! I BET SHE TOTALLY REJECTED YOU!"
Daring brought his hand to his face and placed it on the spot that Lizzie kissed, then her smile flashed in his mind along with the reminder his promise to her that he wouldn't tell anyone.
So, swallowing his pride, Daring looked at Sparrow and Hopper and said "Yes, you're right. She did in fact reject me. I lost"
Sparrow shredded his guitar with happiness and jumped up in the air screaming "ALRIGHT!" surprising Daring for a second.
"You know what this means, Daring" Hopper said.
"Yeah yeah..."
The next day, after swamp swimming, Daring sat in front of their school with a large container full of soap and water, washing away at Sparrow's grimnastics uniform (including his socks, gross) as other students looked and laughed at him.
It was both humiliating and degrading to say the least. Sparrow sing-yelling jokes and taunts at him only added salt to the injury.
Then out of he corner of his eyes he saw Lizzie walking to school, she spotted him then gave him a wink before she continued to walk inside the school.
Daring sighed dreamily as the soft and fuzzy feeling returned to him for a bit as he remembered their 'date' yesterday.
With a small smile now on his face, he wonders if he could talk to her after this public show of humiliation. Hopefully she considered his invitation to go on another date with him cuz he knew 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘭𝘺 where to take her.
Some hours later, Daring was in his and Dexter's dorm room standing in front of one of his many full body mirrors now wearing his normal clothes again, checking every inch of himself to make sure that he was perfect before he went out to look for Lizzie.
Dexter was minding his own business doing his thronework (homework) but he couldn't help but notice that Daring was acting weird. Yeah he was starring at himself in the mirror which was completely normal, but- the way he was checking himself as if he's restless was what made Dexter worry a bit "Is something wrong, Daring?" He said "You seem... Stressed"
"Oh don't be ridiculous little bro" Daring said before letting out a nervous laugh "What would I, Daring Charming, have anything to worry about?" Daring then proceeded to aggressively brush his hair.
Dexter raised an eyebrow at his brother, who in return gave him a smile way too wide for it to be normal, before fixing himself in the mirror again.
Dexter just shrugged and returned to his thronework, giving himself a mental note to ask Daring's friends if anything had happened recently.
Turns out, Daring didn't need to look for Lizzie since they shared the next class together more specifically- kingdom Management.
He couldn't bring himself to focus on what their teacher- The white Queen- was talking about. I mean how could he when there was a gorgeous red and black haired ferocious wonderlandian princess sitting in his far far right four rows in front if him?
Daring ended up just starring at her from afar. He's never realy bothered to look at anyone besides himself before, but looking at Lizzie Hearts now, Daring found himself wanting too look at her instead of himself.
While Daring was starring at Lizzie, she suddenly looked over her shoulder and took a short glace at him, their eyes met for a mere second before they both turned their heads the other way in a panick, their blood rushing up their faces turning their cheeks red.
Lizzie caught Daring starring at her and Daring caught Lizzie stealing a glance at him.
Daring put his hand above his chest and tried to calm down his beating heart. He glanced at Lizzie Hearts again and saw her head burried in her notebook while writing profusely.
He realized that she was flustered too, that made him smile.
Then the realization that he had been flustered dawned on him. This was particularly strange for Daring. He was used to making damsels all shy and flustered, not the other way around. Although technically Lizzie was no damsel.
When Class was over Daring went to up Lizzie and tried to act casual about it.
"So... Lizzie... Hi" Daring said while pointing finger guns at her, he mentally slapped himself because what the actual hex was that?! If he had been Hopper then he would have turned into a frog just now
"Oh, hi Daring" Lizzie giggled before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear "Umm, what were you doing washing Sparrow's grimnastics uniform in front of the school today?" She asked.
Daring scratched the back of his neck while letting out an awkward laugh which made Lizzie raise a brow "Oh nothing just- guy stuff"
Lizzie put her hand in front of her mouth as she let out a laugh "Did you loose a bet or something?" She joked.
Daring stopped himself from physically recoiling that that, did she know? If she did then he can't imagine a world where she wouldn't get angry and never speaking to him again. That though alone was worse then living in a world without mirrors. But Lizzie wasn't currently angry meaning that she doesn't know. "Haha... Yeah, yeah I guess you could say I did"
Lizzie cleared her throat and stepped a bit closer to Daring which earned a blush from him "So... About that second date... I might take you up on that"
Daring burst with excitement and hastily grabbed her hands which made Lizzie's face equally as red as the heart on her left eye "Great! Meet me that the book ball field after school"
Lizzie heard him but was too starstruck and flustered looking at their intertwined hands to reply.
Daring noticed and immediately let go, putting his hands behind his back and looking away "Okay- alright so-... I'll see you later" Daring scurried away to prepare for their next date.
Meanwhile Lizzie had to stop herself from jumping up and down in happiness as she put her hands over her mouth and let out a squeal.
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octobery bery long ????
so remember the vacation entry i promised to post?? well... in my defense, tho, life came in the way and i had to prioritize urgent big girl stuff so i really had no time to sit down in front of my laptop and recall all my province memories
but it's sitting sa drafts na, will not set a date anymore, it'll just... be up
so anyway
october was so long wtf hHASDHADHA
tODAY'S THE TENTH AND I FINALLY FOUND THE WORDS EHEHEHEH (see cleaning is the key)
so, october, to put it simply, is challenging yet rewarding. (big words from a big girl lyke me 8D *winks*
as i've mentioned in my previous post, i hadn't really had much time to kool down from the province high because i needed to be the adult that i am as soon as i arrived. it did not help that the professors had already started discussions and of course with those are activities with deadlines that were sooner than i had expected.
now, i really meant it when i said that october was sooooooo looong. or was it because i had too much on my plate that i barely had the time to rest and let time pass by? either way, it was the longest month i had this year because a lot was going on.
first week of october, i had to go somewhere, ALONE, without any idea of what am i gonna do there.
OKAY I HAVE TO STOP HERE its ten pm and i am fucking sleepy (yeah it be like that sometimes) im gonna continue this tomorrow
hi today's the day after tomorrow and wtf am i doing with my life
i have decided not to pursue the vacation post because i felt like i have already said enough about it in my previous entries (albeit trying to tone it down for, well, the said separate entry) and i think it would just be redundant??? idk, im messed up like that
ANYWAY OCTOBER
so much has happened this past month that i can't really keep track of everything. october taught me a lot of lessons which i guess i can generally apply to all aspects of my life.
for one, it taught me that life isn't and will never be black and white. there are tons of gray areas existing that we should maybe look at and examine its relevance and how it affects each of us. not saying we should always justify everything, but you know... it wouldn't hurt to have another approach to life
anyhoo why am i getting all wisdom-y word-y here, im not that smart
my october mainly revolved on school and adulting responsibilities, alongside some realizations. as for school, it took me a while to adjust to the new academic year because there has been a lot of necessary changes for a less-stressful semester but all in all i'm fine now and already on the process of hooking myself back up to how i was before the vacay.
as for adulting responsibilities, well... october 2023 is when i first received a salary for doing something!!! yay :D immediately put it in a savings account and stopped myself from buying unnecessary stuff because i really want to practice this until i already have a job (FUCK THIS ADULT THING IS GETTING REALER ANY MINUTE) and as much as possible, save save save because i know im gonna need a lot if i want to sleep peacefully at night
guess that's the highlight of my month? won't dwell too much on the negative shits because (1) i can't really remember them aotm, and (2) i don't want to remember them anymore
in case of a relapse, however, i would definitely head straight here and let out everything i think about
THAT'S IT FOR OCTOBER, THANK YEW
bubhyYEE
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