#linstead fanfic
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I’ve been working on this piece for a little bit now, and I’m super pleased with how it turned out. All comments and feedback are welcome! This fic is a LINSTEAD fic, and we are just pretending that the last few episodes of season 4 and on didn't happen, okay? Great. This is a future-established Jay/Erin fic, where they have two adorable little babies.
In case this is a trigger for anyone, one of the Linstead babies has Down syndrome, and the family deals with some unkind comments. There is also some very mild language and mild violence (but if you watch Chicago PD, this will be fine!). Just a disclaimer, I do not have a child with Down syndrome, but I work with many children with Down syndrome. I also am a speech therapist by trade, so everything the children say in the story is realistic to real children I know, work with, and observe at these ages!
I might write another chapter for this if there is interest, and I will definitely be writing more in this beautiful little happy Linstead bubble I've just created. Story after the cut!
Rating: General Audiences
Summary: They had been planning their trip up to Jay's grandfather's cabin for months now. Just Erin, Jay, and their two young children for a long, relaxing weekend. Will they still go even after Erin is injured on the job and doesn't mention her injuries to Jay for several hours?
The phone ringing startled Erin from her sleep, leading her to reach blindly for her cell phone in the dark bedroom. She’s always been a relatively light sleeper; never knowing what dangers may exist with Bunny and whoever she was with that week when Erin was a child. However, now that she’s a mother, Erin is awoken by the faintest creaks in the house. While grabbing her phone off her wireless charger, Erin notices the time on the alarm clock. Just what she thought- too damn early to have someone calling her. The caller at 3:22 in the morning was none other than Hank Voight.
Sighing, Erin quickly accepted the call so the ringing didn’t further rouse her husband from his slumber.
“Hello?” She questioned, cringing at her early morning raspiness.
“Hey, we caught a case. Sorry, it’s so early. I’m calling in half the team, and the other half will come in at the normal time. I’m just calling you so Halstead can stay home to get the kids off to school.” Hank explained. Erin nodded her head, despite Hank not seeing her, as she slipped out of bed and out of Jay’s protective arms.
“Alright, thanks. I don’t think the kids or Will would appreciate getting up this early. Where’s the address?” Erin asked while pulling a bra, jeans, and a tank top out of the dresser and quietly making her way to the bathroom ensuite. Hank told her the address, and she told him she’d be there in half an hour.
“Thanks, kid. See you soon.” Hank responded.
“Of course, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Erin said, before ending the call and slipping her clothes on. Over the course of her time on Intelligence, Erin has started showering and blow-drying her hair at night in case of an early-morning wake-up call like this. She quickly brushed her teeth and applied the bare minimum of make-up to still look like a professional and not like she got 4.5 hours of sleep- even though she did. After finishing up in the bathroom, she quietly slipped into their closet and pulled on her socks and boots. She took a long-sleeved forest green shirt off of a hanger and slipped it on, before making her way back into the bedroom.
“Hey babe, do we have a case?” Jay asked sleepily.
“Yeah, but Hank is only sending in half the team. I think it’s just a crime scene. He said you can stay at home and get the kids off to school like normal, if not a little early. But I’m going to head over there now,” Erin replied while putting her badge and gun on her belt and half-making their bed. She slipped her phone into her back pocket before walking around the mattress so she was perched on Jay’s side. He smiled at her while gently rubbing her hip that was nearest him.
“I love you, stay safe out there. See you in a few hours.” Jay said.
“Love you too. Enjoy sleeping a few extra hours for me. Also, I think I have everything for our trip already in the back of my car, so you shouldn’t have to worry about anything except for the backpack.” Erin said.
Jay grinned at her comment about sleeping extra and nodded along to her instructions for their trip. “Alright, seriously be careful. I have no idea who Hank called in, but make sure they watch your back.”
“Of course babe. See you in a few hours. And give Holland and Jamey morning hugs and kisses for me, alright?” Erin asked while getting up.
“Alright. Love you”, Jay said before Erin leaned down and pecked him on the lips before she left.
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“Daddy, where’s Mama?” the 6-year-old asked as she entered her brother’s room. Jay was helping Jamey get dressed and ready for the day.
“Mama had to go to work early this morning, so it’s just me getting you two off to school today. Mama will come to pick you guys up from school this afternoon,” Jay answered.
“I miss Mommy,” Jamey said while using his puppy dog eyes on Jay.
“I know buddy, we’ll send her a picture of you two eating breakfast, alright?” Jay asked his kids.
“Okay Daddy,” Jamey said, while Holland nodded along her agreement.
“Daddy, can you do my hair after you’re done helping Jamey?” Holland asked.
“Of course sweetheart. Are you all ready beside your hair? Brushed your teeth? Pottied? Clean undies?” Jay questioned.
“Uh huh. It’s just my hair!” Holland exclaimed proudly.
“Alright, well Jamey is all ready, so why don’t we go downstairs and get some breakfast, then I’ll get your hair done princess.” Both kids nodded along, and Jamey followed his sister out the door before heading downstairs.
“Hold on Jamey!” Holland chirped, repeating what her parents had said to her younger brother anytime they approached the stairs. Jay bent down and picked his son up, trying to hurry the kids along since he was itching to check in on Erin at work. Jamey sulked at being picked up instead of getting to do it by himself.
Once the trio made it downstairs, Jay quickly fixed Holland’s bowl of cereal and put Jamey’s cereal in a bowl dry, giving him milk as his breakfast beverage. Both kids were happily munching away at their breakfast, while Jay made a breakfast shake for him and Erin to split later, knowing his wife didn’t grab breakfast on her way out at 3:30 in the morning. After the shake was made, he put together Holland’s lunchbox and set it by her backpack, before running upstairs to grab his gun, badge, and the backpack Erin had told him to get this morning. When he came back downstairs, Holland was bringing her bowl to the sink while Jamey was still eating his breakfast.
“Daddy, are we still going on our trip this weekend?” Holland asked as she sat back down at the table while Jay started working on her hair.
“Yeah, of course, baby. Why wouldn’t we?” Jay asked.
“Cause Mama had to go to work early, and now you gotta catch the bad guy. Can’t go on a trip without catching the bad guy first.” Holland stated matter-of-factly, as Jay finished putting Holland’s hair into two braids, and Jamey finished his cereal and milk.
“Well, I’m not at work yet so I’m not sure exactly what’s going on, but Papa Hank called Mama in really early so I think they’ve been working hard to find the bad guy. But if we want to go on our trip, then we have to go so I can get into work and help Mama find the bad guy, alright?” Jay explained.
“Okay Daddy, I done,” Jamey said, holding his milk cup out towards Jay.
“Alright buddy, good job eating all your cereal and drinking all your milk!” Jay encouraged his son. Jamey beamed at the praise before Jay helped him down from his chair at the table. “Both of you go put your coats on, it’s pretty windy today.”
After the dishes were put away, the kids and Jay had their lighter coats and backpacks on, Jay ushered them out the door with his breakfast and Holland’s lunchbox. They were leaving nearly 45 minutes earlier than usual, as that was as early as Holland and Jamey could be dropped off at their respective schools. Jamey was dropped off at his preschool facility first, where Jamey gave both Holland and Jay several hugs before smiling at his teacher and making his way over to her. Next drop off was Holland’s elementary school, where Jay was able to drop her off in the carpool line before driving off to the precinct.
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The morning was a flurry of events, and the team had several leads quickly. Most of them turned out to be dead-ends, but Erin and Kevin were hopeful that the house they pulled up to would turn out to be helpful for their case. After knocking on the door, Kevin spotted movement out of the side window, and Erin flew around the front porch in pursuit of the suspect. Kevin called in the runner before following after the suspect and Erin.
The suspect ran through an old abandoned shed, before turning down an alley and making a run for it. Erin was catching up to the suspect; her endurance was one of her strengths in the field. Suddenly, the chase took a turn when the suspect darted through an old warehouse. Erin quickly followed behind, but Kevin was too far behind to see where they had gone. Erin was essentially in pursuit by herself.
While Erin’s mind was working in overdrive trying to predict the suspect’s next move and prevent him from getting a jump on her, the suspect suddenly disappeared behind a wall. Erin drew her gun while quietly checking her surroundings, and she ended up back outside of the warehouse after hearing an exterior door shut. After exiting the warehouse, Erin still couldn’t locate the suspect. While checking behind a car in the alley, suddenly the suspect jumped out from behind some crates beside her and struck her midsection with a metal pipe. Erin was knocked to the ground and her gun fell out of her immediate reach. The suspect was coming at her again with the pipe, but Erin quickly rolled to the side and knocked the suspect off his feet.
There was intense pain radiating from her abdomen, but Erin couldn’t afford to check over her injuries yet. She got up off the ground as quickly as she could despite the pain, but the suspect was quicker. He again struck her with the metal pipe, before Erin was able to knock the pipe out of his hands and struggle with him in hand-to-hand combat. The boxer in Erin came out, and she was able to get the upper hand on the guy, even as he elbowed her in her ribs while being taken down. She quickly cuffed the suspect just as Kevin rounded the corner and caught up with them.
“Lindsay!” Atwater called while jogging over to her. By the time Kevin was at her side, Erin had re-holstered her gun and was bent over with her hands on her knees, desperately trying to catch her breath and regulate her breathing. “Are you alright?” Atwater questioned her.
“Yeah, just got the wind knocked out of me is all,” Erin replied.
“I don’t think a metal pole to the side is ‘just getting the wind knocked out of you’”, the perp sassed.
“Shut up!” Atwater snapped, getting the suspect off the ground before turning back to Erin. “Linds, the metal pole? That’s pretty serious."
“Just call it in, would you?” Erin snapped, not in the mood for Atwater to be as overprotective as her husband. Atwater called in on his radio as the three of them started heading back to the main road where their car was waiting. Erin immediately noticed how painful her injury to the stomach actually was, but tried to keep her wincing and pained expressions to a minimum so as not to alert Atwater that she was actually hurt.
“Lindsay, are you sure you’re okay? Halstead’ll never forgive me if you got hurt while I was your backup.” Kevin questioned her.
“Relax Atwater. The person who will actually never forgive you is going to be me if you speak a word of this to Jay. This stays between us- I’m fine.” Erin emphasized, lying straight through her teeth. At least Atwater didn’t know her as well as Jay. He would see right through her lie.
“You have to tell him! You could have like, I don’t know, a broken rib or something.” Atwater pushed. Two uniformed officers met them and took the suspect to their patrol car, leaving Erin and Atwater to continue on back to their car by themselves.
“Kevin- I appreciate that you’re worried about me, I really do. But if I tell Jay that I got whacked a few times by a deranged suspect with a metal pole, he will bench me in Chicago this weekend. We’ve had our Halstead Family Getaway planned for months now, and I’m not taking that away from my kids or Jay, and I’m certainly not taking that away from me. We’ve had our two days off approved and we are going to spend a long, laid-back weekend in Wisconsin. I’ll tell him when we get up to the cabin so he can’t do anything about it.” Erin reasoned.
“But what if you’re seriously hurt, Lindsay? I think you need to tell him before you guys leave the city,” Atwater attempted to reason with her.
“Atwater- I’m fine, just a little sore and probably bruised. You’ve got to let it go, and you can’t tell Jay. Him being overprotective is bad enough, I don’t also need you on my case. I swear to God Atwater, you better not say anything to him, or I’ll make your life a living hell,” Erin threatened while getting into the car. Atwater followed her lead and got into the passenger seat with his arms held up in surrender.
“I won’t say anything to him, but just consider letting him know sooner rather than later,” Kevin responded as Erin started the car and drove them back to the district.
Upon entering the bullpen, Erin saw that Jay was already there studying the skimp suspect board to catch himself up.
“Hey,” Erin greeted, coming up to stand next to her husband. “You’re here earlier than I thought. The kids okay this morning?”
“Hey, yeah. They were good. Jamey said he missed you as soon as he heard you were already at work, and Holland’s worried that because we caught a case this morning, we won’t be able to go up to the cabin,” Jay laughed. Erin smiled at Jay’s descriptions, feeling a little bummed she didn’t get morning snuggles with her kids today.
“We just caught a suspect- Alex Jeffersons, who we think might be related to the shooting this morning,” Erin explained. “We think there’s a few of them involved though, so hopefully this guy cooperates so we can end this and still get out of here early like we planned.” Jay nodded at her information, before turning his head slightly so her could kiss his wife on the forehead. Erin smiled gratefully at his gesture, before nodding her head to the interrogation room so they could watch the conversation.
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After spending several hours trying to track down Jeffersons’ looser friends, the team finally got a break and found two of the three other suspects. Erin and Jay stayed in-house while the rest of the team captured the suspects because they were finding additional evidence for their case.
“All right, the link between these guys is all from Jefferson’s cousin, Mikey ‘Bud’ Jeffersons. Apparently, Bud brought in these two, and it’s all some ploy of revenge because our victim, Wesley Zimmerman, had some sort of dispute with Bud over property lines,” Erin informed the team.
“Wait, they killed an old man in the middle of the street over a property dispute?” Ruzek asked incredulously.
“Yep. It also appears Bud and Zimmerman used to be business partners before Bud went to jail, and Bud claimed that it was actually Zimmerman laundering the money from their business, not Bud. However, I just spoke with Bud’s girlfriend on the phone, and she said that Bud and Zimmerman had made amends over the money laundering and jail thing,” Erin explained.
“Good work team. Let’s go get this ‘Bud’ character and finish up for the day,” Voight instructed. Erin excused herself to the locker room as the rest of the team went down to the roll-up to gear up for their raid. Once in the locker room by herself, Erin gently pulled up her top and tank top, getting a good look at the damage done by that metal pole. She’s been in an incredible amount of pain all day, taking some ibuprofen to try and curb some of the pain. She’s been distancing herself from Jay because she knows she can only hide her pain so well from him. She also knows that Jay is aware something is up with her today, but she’s thankful he’s been respecting her space. The nasty bruise is already nearly black, and it stretches from her left hip across her side, up by her ribs, and then over to her right breast. She gently probes the bruised area with her fingertip, and immediately recoils and gasps from the pain. She’s tried her best to not move her upper body a lot and to not accidentally bump her side into anything, but the faintest of touches is horribly painful. Clenching her teeth until the sharpest, most intense pains dissipates some have been her only relief all day.
“Hey Er? You alright?” Jay questions, coming around the corner and entering the breakroom. Erin immediately yanks her top down, causing pain to burst out from her side and her to gasp at the movement subsequently. “What is it, Erin? What’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing Jay, don’t worry about it,” Erin attempts to brush off.
“You just gasped, and you were looking at your stomach when I walked it. What happened?” Jay probed his wife.
“It’s just a little scrape, no big deal. Ready to suit up?” Erin questioned, trying to change the subject. Her husband, however, was used to her antics and was not buying it. He gently reached his hand out and skimmed her left side, and Erin hissed and jumped out of his reach, her face scrunching up in pain.
“Erin? What the hell is going on?” Jay finally demanded, worried about his wife who always, no matter what, insisted she was fine. She insisted she was fine throughout both of the labors and births of their children.
“Jay it’s really-” Erin started, but Jay had her backed up against the wall and gently began lifting her shirt and tank top up, revealing a small section of the bruise on her hip before he gasped.
“Erin, what the hell?” He questioned but continued pulling her shirt up to her bra, exposing the entire bruise. His face looked to hers in horror. He couldn’t believe she had hidden this so well over the course of the day, and he couldn’t believe she had neglected to tell him she had a bruise expanding over her entire abdomen. His wife happened to also be the most stubborn person he knew, so he supposed he wasn’t actually surprised by her not telling him. “What happened?”
“It was the first suspect- Jeffersons?” Erin clarified. Jay just nodded along, waiting to hear what happened. “We were on a chase, and we went out of this warehouse and I was checking behind this car when suddenly- I don’t know. Jeffersons was there- behind me with some sort of a metal rod or pole or something. He got me once across the stomach, knocking me down. He was able to get me one more time before I gained control and cuffed him.” Erin explained the confrontation.
“It looks like it hurts like hell,” Jay commented, nodding his head toward her abdomen where he was still holding her shirt up to inspect the damage. "And you have a higher pain tolerance than almost everyone I know."
“It does. I’m kicking myself for letting the son of a bitch get a jump on me.” Erin replied quietly.
“You could have a few broken ribs. Metal rods aren’t exactly known for their cushion upon impact on your skin. Does Voight know?” Jay questioned her. She shook her head ‘no’. “Erin, I seriously think you need to go over to Med. It’s probably just some bruised or broken ribs, but it could have done some more internal damage.”
“No, this is exactly why I didn’t tell you earlier!” Erin whined.
“Yeah, I would love to know why you didn’t tell me earlier. This happened before I got in this morning didn’t it?” Erin nodded in response to him. “Erin, I mean, seriously. Why didn’t you say anything this morning? This isn’t some minor thing, babe. This is like, broken bones level stuff,” Jay scolded her.
“I know, I know. And normally I would have told you, but Jay, we’re supposed to go out of town today. And we’ve been looking forward to this for months. And not just the two of us, I mean Holland and Jamey have been looking forward to it too. You said Holland even asked about it this morning. I didn’t want you to overreact and say we had to stay in Chicago this weekend. I really want to go up to the cabin, and I really need just some quality time with just the four of us- with no work and cases to worry about,” Erin sighed.
“Er, I understand that- I do. And as long as you don’t need some sort of crazy emergency surgery, then I see no reason why you can’t get an x-ray or something at Med, make sure everything is okay, and then we can still head up to the cabin afterward. I just- I need to make sure you’re okay before we go up there. There isn’t a hospital close to the cabin- you know that. I don’t want anything worse happening when we are in Wisconsin and the nearest emergency room is an hour and a half away,” Jay said. Erin listened and nodded along, before realizing Jay was right. Even if she has a few cracked or broken ribs, they can’t do anything about that except give her some pain medicine, and they could still go up to the cabin like they planned.
“Alright, I’ll talk to Voight and go to Med, because seriously, it hurts like hell. Then if I have to be there for a while and you guys wrap things up here, you will have to go pick the kids up and we can leave from Med,” Erin agreed.
Jay nodded his head slightly, thankful Erin was going to get herself checked out. "Who was your backup today? Because they really botched the job."
"It was Atwater, and he's been telling me to go get checked out and tell you since this morning. He's seriously worried about you being pissed at him. If you're going to be pissed at someone, pick me."
Voight sent both Erin and Jay to Chicago Med so Erin could get checked out, while the rest of the team went on their raid. Dr. Ethan Choi saw the Halstead’s when they arrived, and immediately got Erin scheduled for an x-ray and an abdominal ultrasound to make sure there was no damage to any internal organs. While waiting for the x-ray, Jay got a call from Voight, letting them know that the last suspect had been apprehended and that the Halstead’s were off for the rest of the day.
“Have fun up in Wisconsin, and take care of Erin. I’ll see you two on Monday morning,” Voight said before hanging up the phone.
“Alright, we don’t have to go back to the district. Voight said we’re done for the day since we had the approval to leave at 4 today,” Jay informed Erin.
“Okay, will you go pick up the kids? You can bring them back here, and hopefully, I’ll be done by the time you get back,” Erin suggested. Jay didn’t love the idea of Erin being left at the hospital alone, but ultimately agreed when Erin insisted she just wanted to hug their kids and get on the road as soon as possible.
“Call me if you need anything, okay? And I’ll be back with the two little monsters soon,” Jay said, before kissing his wife and heading out of the hospital.
An hour later, it was confirmed that Erin only suffered from a broken rib and three fractured ribs and that she was on light duty at work for two weeks.
“Okay, your prescriptions for the regular, lower dose pain meds and the higher, if necessary, pain meds are in the folder. They’ve already been called into your pharmacy, and I would probably take a dose of the higher-strength meds when you get them. You can’t drive on the higher-strength meds, but the other meds are fine. The lower-strength ones are basically over-glorified ibuprofen,” Dr. Choi explained to Erin.
“Okay, thanks so much for your help, Dr. Choi,” Erin thanked him before heading out of the hospital room and looking around the ER nurses' station for her brother-in-law. After a moment of looking, she heard a familiar voice from behind her.
“So the rumors are real. The Erin Halstead is actually in the ER and not actively fighting doctors,” Will said with a smirk.
“Haha, very funny William. Also, I don’t fight doctors, you guys have a job to do. I only fight my husband, and you usually approve of that,” Erin remarked.
“Very true. Where is my brother, anyways? I figured he’d have to be here to physically hold you down so you actually got some medical attention,” Will commented. Erin rolled her eyes at her brother-in-law.
“He’s picking up Holland and Jamey from school. We’re heading up to your grandfather’s cabin this weekend, and we are going to leave from here. He should be back any time now,” Erin said. “Also, for your information mister, no one had to hold me down while I got my x-rays or ultrasound, thank you very much.”
“X-rays and ultrasound, huh? What happened today?” Will asked.
“A metal rod. Or pole, I don’t really know. Got whacked across the stomach with it twice, and also an elbow or two landed right on the bruise. Dr. Choi said a broken rib, and three fractured ones,” Erin informed him. He nodded along and then grabbed her folder out of her hands to double-check how her x-ray and ultrasound went, and to see what medication he prescribed Erin.
“He prescribed tramadol, which isn’t as addictive as hydrocodone or oxycodone. Just take it with extreme pain, which is probably going to be the next few days. Honestly, I'd probably take it all weekend and just let Jay drive. You'll feel much better if you do that. The toradol isn’t addictive, and it should help with the pain after you get through the next few days,” Will assured Erin, knowing her history with substance abuse.
“Thanks, Will. Tell Jay too, will you? I know he worries about these types of things, and he’s going to believe it better coming from you,” Erin said. Just then, Erin heard her little family walk into the hospital.
“Hi, Mommy!” Jamey excitedly said, waddling over to her as quickly as he could with his arms outstretched towards her. Erin’s smile immediately lit up her entire face upon seeing her kids.
“Hi baby! I missed you today,” Erin replied, getting down on a knee so she could get a big Jamey-hug without hurting her ribs too badly.
“Mama! Are you okay?” Holland asked, with worry written across her small face.
“Yeah Holland, I’m alright baby. Just a little bruised,” Erin explained, making sure to give her daughter a big hug to prove that she was alright.
“Did the bad guy from this morning hurt you?” Holland asked, still not satisfied that her mother was okay.
“Yeah, but it’s alright. I got him, and he’s not going to hurt anyone again,” Erin assured her. Seemingly content with her mother’s explanation, Holland gave Erin another hug before turning around and greeting her Uncle Will.
“Bad guy hurt Mommy?” Jamey questioned.
“It’s okay baby. I’m alright,” Erin assured her three-year-old.
“A bwuise?” he questioned again.
“Mhmm, a big bruise on my tummy. But I’ll get my medicine and some ice packs at the store on our way to the cabin. We will still get to have lots of fun this weekend, okay?” Jamey nodded his head before retreating back into her arms and tucking his head into the crook of Erin’s neck. Erin gently rubbed his back up and down, trying to soothe him and herself. It had been a long day after all.
“What, no hugs for Uncle Will?” Will questioned Jamey while setting Holland down.
“I miss Mommy,” Jamey said in response to his uncle’s questioning. Will tried to tickle his nephew in Erin’s arms, but Jamey was not having it. “No Uh Will! No!”
“Alright, alright,” Will backed off. He explained to Jay about Erin’s medicines as she had requested, before seeing them off and finally getting one hug from Jamey. “You guys be safe, and have a great weekend!” Will said on their way out. Erin carried Jamey to the car and took off his coat before buckling him into his car seat. Jay secured Holland on the other side, before getting in the driver’s seat.
“I’m honestly shocked you’re letting me drive,” Jay said, pulling out of the parking lot and heading toward the pharmacy.
“I’ve been up since 3:30, and I’m in pain. You get to drive tonight Halstead. Don’t get used to it.”
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After stopping by their CVS to pick up Erin's pain medicine and buy some ice packs for the cabin, the family got on the road heading for Wisconsin. After a little bit, they pulled into a diner they eat at sometimes on their way to and from the cabin. While they wanted to get to the cabin as soon as they could, they also had to sit down to eat for Jamey to be able to safely and efficiently eat his meal.
Upon entering the diner, they were immediately sat in the back section, with a booster seat for Holland and a high chair for Jamey.
"Hey Jamey, they have chicken tenders, Mac and cheese, a chicken quesadilla, or a hot dog for dinner," Erin told her son. "Which one sounds yummy to you tonight?"
"Chicken! I want bwed." Jamey said.
"Okay, we will get some bread for all of us soon. What side do you want? Green beans, Mac and cheese, broccoli, peas, or french fries?"
"Maccy cheese pwease!"
"Sounds like a yummy meal buddy. What about you, Holland? What did you decide for dinner?" Erin asked.
"I want the chicken quesadilla. And the green beans! They are super yummy here!"
"They are super yummy, aren't they sweetheart," Jay responded. Shortly after they had decided what they wanted to eat, a middle-aged waitress came over to take their orders. Erin was still looking down at her menu when the waitress spoke.
"Oh my! Bless your sweet baby Jesus hearts!" The woman - her name tag read Shelly- exclaimed.
"Excuse me?" Erin looked up and questioned the woman, confused by her comment.
"Well you folk have to go through so much to raise a messed up child," the waitress said, which further confused and outraged the couple.
"Ma'am, please stop talking about my son. He's absolutely not messed up, and if-"
"Just look at his face! He's a little cute, but everyone can tell something is wrong with him!" The woman went on, enraging Erin and Jay.
"Alright, you need to walk away from our table please," Jay said, barely containing his fury at the woman.
"But I'm your waitress!"
"Not anymore, please get away from us and our table, and think about what you say before you sit another table." Jay angrily said, standing up to ensure the woman walked away. He looked back towards his wife, who had a layer of tears in her eyes. They silently communicated Jay's intention to ask for a new waiter, before she nodded her head and he walked towards the front of the restaurant.
"Excuse me, ma'am, could I please speak to your manager?" Jay asked the hostess. She smiled and nodded, before walking into the kitchen and returning with the owner of the restaurant.
"How can I help you sir?" The owner questioned.
"Hey, I'm sorry to cause a problem, but I would like to request a new waiter for our table," Jay explained.
"Of course, sir. Can I ask why?" The owner pressed.
"You have a waitress, named Shelly? I understand we are sitting in her section, but she just insulted my son, and in turn, my family, and we won't stay if she has to serve us," Jay explained as diplomatically as possible, despite his fury at the woman's comments towards his son.
"Oh my, I'm so sorry to hear about that. Kayla, have Casey serve this family please," the owner said to the hostess. "I understand if you don't wish to relive what was said, but it will help me when I speak with Shelly if I understand the full situation, sir."
"Of course. I don't want a word of this spoken around my wife or my son, alright? My son has Down syndrome, and he has very slightly different facial features than you and I due to his syndrome. The first thing out of Shelly's mouth was about blessing our hearts, and she further 'explained' herself by calling my son messed up and saying something was wrong with him. He's three, he's a child, and he's just like every other kid. I would appreciate it if no one commented on how my son was different, especially considering he wasn't being disruptive or anything of the sort," Jay explained, getting a little emotional defending Jamey.
There have been looks and small comments before regarding Jamey, but it never got any easier trying to teach the world how wonderful his son is and that his syndrome doesn't define him. He is a regular three-year-old, and he acts like one as well. He is smart, creative, loves to pretend play, and loves his family over everything else. He's sweet and he loves cuddles, and the Halsteads have been head over heels in love with him since the moment he was born.
"I'm terribly sorry for you and your family's experience, and your meals will be on the house tonight. Casey is one of our best waitresses, and she will be by your table shortly," the owner expressed his condolences, before heading back to find the waitress. Jay headed back to his family, where he saw his kids laughing and his wife smiling. When he made his way to his chair across from Jamey, he realized what was going on.
"Do it to Daddy, Mama! Do it!" Holland cheered Erin on. Erin smirked before placing her straw in her mouth and blowing the paper wrapper right at Jay's face. The whole table erupted into giggles, trying to forget their earlier encounter.
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"Thanks for taking care of that, earlier," Erin said in the quiet car, just a playlist of music playing softly in the background. The kids were both asleep and had been for nearly an hour.
"You don't have to thank me for that, Erin. That’s why you have backup, right? I would do anything for our family, and I will not tolerate anybody saying anything uncalled for about our son. He's perfect the way he is, and I wouldn't change him for the world."
"I know we've been through it before- and I know the looks are the most common. But, it never seems to get any better. I mean, he's a few months shy of 4 years old, and that's 4 years of people not understanding him or other kids like him. I think sometimes we're spoiled by his school. I know they are an inclusive school environment and they are always concerned about every kid succeeding- regardless of their disabilities. It just frustrates me that we always have to educate the world on Down syndrome and our son," Erin said quietly, making sure Jamey was still fast asleep. "He is perfect, and I didn't know I could love someone as much as I love our kids. And I'm so proud of him. I mean, think about all the progress he makes every single day, and he has so many more obstacles in his life to go through than the rest of us. He's truly our little ray of sunshine." Jay smiled at his wife and reached his free hand out to entwine their fingers together. They sat like that in silence for several minutes before a small voice piped up from the backseat.
"Mama? I have to go potty." Holland said, waking up from her nap.
"Okay, sweetheart. There's a rest stop in a few miles, it will only be a few more minutes, alright?" Jay said to his daughter.
"Okay, Daddy."
"Jamey probably needs a diaper change too, so this will be a good stop. Only two more hours after this anyways. Should be able to make it to the cabin," Erin said. Jay soon pulled their Jeep Cherokee into a parking spot outside of the quiet rest stop.
“Jamey, it’s time to wake up! We have to go potty now!” Holland said, attempting to wake her sleeping brother. He groaned and turned towards Holland and brushed her hand away from him.
“No Sissy! Stop it, Sissy!” Jamey said sleepily. Erin then opened his door and smiled at him, causing him to stop his bickering and smile back at his mom.
“Hey buddy, I know you were sleeping, but we are going to go potty and I’ll change your diaper, okay?” Erin softly explained to her son.
“Okay Mama, then night night.” Jamey said as Erin unbuckled him from his car seat. She put the diaper bag on her back before picking him up and shutting his car door gently.
“Yeah baby, after we get you changed and clean, then you can go night night again until we get to the cabin.” Holland walked around the car with Jay before running to Erin and grabbing her hand. The family trudged up the stairs towards the rest stop, with an energetic 6-year-old and a sleepy 3-year-old in Erin’s arms. Erin, Jamey, and Holland made their way into the women’s restroom and into the large handicapped stall with the changing table in it.
“Jamey, wanna sing a song?” Holland asked as Erin helped her onto the potty before pulling down the changing table and putting down the reusable changing mat from their diaper bag.
“Okay, Sissy. Sing sunshine song?” Jamey asked as he was laid down on the changing table and Erin got to work cleaning him up and putting on a fresh diaper. They were working on other things in Jamey’s life right now like chewing his foods more thoroughly and expanding his utterances, so potty training wasn’t a huge push at the moment.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray…” Holland and Jamey started singing at the same time. By the time their impromptu serenade was finished, Jamey and Holland were also finished going potty and getting changed. After Erin used the restroom and all three of them washed their hands, they finally made their way outside where Jay was waiting on them.
“Daddy! I hungy,” Jamey said, while walking towards Jay with his hands outstretched.
“We can get out some Cheez-Its when we get in the car.” Jay picked up Jamey and swung him in the air, causing the toddler to erupt into giggles.
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A few hours later, Jay finally turned off the main road onto the long, winding, gravel road of the family’s cabin. Erin and the kids had been asleep for most of the last leg of their trip, but Erin was wide awake by the time they got to the cabin. Erin turned her head around to look at her kids, noticing that both of them were out and they probably wouldn’t even wake up when they were taken out of their car seats.
“They are both passed out,” Erin told her husband as he pulled up beside the side door and parked their car. “I’ll get Jamey since he’s lighter and my abdomen is starting to really hurt again. After we get them in their room and get our bags in, I’ll take another dose of the pain meds before bed.” The couple worked together to quietly unbuckle both kids and gently lift them into their arms. Jay unlocked the side door of the cabin before they quietly made their way into the mud room and up the stairs toward the bedrooms, flipping the lights on as they went.
After both children were stripped of their shoes and slipped into their respective beds, Jay and Erin quickly unloaded the car. Erin put the ice packs in the freezer before locking up the cabin for the night. As the couple was getting ready for bed, Jay noticed how horrible his wife’s injuries from today looked.
“Babe, the bruise looks awful,” Jay commented, coming over to stand by her in the bathroom as she pulled her PJ bottoms on, her top still exposed.
“Well, it hurts like hell, so it better look awful,” Erin replied, gingerly touching the bruise and taking in how much pain she was actually in. After slipping her top on, she grabbed the bottle of pain pills from her purse and took a dose, before brushing her teeth and making her way over to the bed. Jay soon followed her and watched as she struggled to get comfortable in bed with her injuries.
“Jay, I love you a lot, and normally all I want to do is cuddle up to you, but I think I might need my extra pillows tonight. The pillows are softer than your abs,” Erin laughed. Jay grinned and nodded at Erin, before pulling out extra pillows from the linen closet in the master bedroom. “You’re the best,” Erin smiled, gratefully accepting the pillows and situating herself.
“Oh yeah,” Jay said, echoing their conversation so many years ago after they first moved in together. “But seriously, I love you Erin, and I’m glad you’re okay.”
“I love you too, Jay. Thanks for letting us still come up here.”
“You think I was going to miss a weekend getaway with my three favorite people? Not a chance,” Jay smirked, before getting comfortable and drifting off into a much-needed slumber.
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“Mommy? Daddy?” Jay heard a little voice in the dark bedroom.
“Jamey? What is it, buddy?” Jay asked sleepily, turning towards the door to see his son standing in the doorway of their bedroom in the cabin.
“Want snuggles, Daddy,” Jamey said, walking towards the bed with his arms reaching out towards Jay.
“It’s really early. Did you have a bad dream?”
“No bad dweam. No no. Want Mommy and Daddy,” Jamey said, reaching the edge of the bed.
“Is Holland still asleep?” Jay picked up his son and put him in the bed between Erin (or her pillows) and himself.
“Mhmm. Sissy sleepy.”
“Okay. Shhh, Mama’s asleep and we don’t want to wake her up.”
“Shh shh shh!” Jamey imitated with his finger to his lips. “Night night Daddy. Love you.”
“Goodnight buddy. I love you too,” Jay replied, pulling Jamey closer to him and getting in some snuggles before both boys drifted off to sleep.
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“Jamey?” Erin questioned tiredly, noticing her son was in their bed and she did not remember him joining them last night. Both her husband and son remained fast asleep, so Erin decided to go check on Holland. It was 7:30 am, which was much later than the family usually got up. The kids were both pretty early risers, constantly reinforced by her and Jay’s work schedule (or lack thereof, sometimes). Walking silently across the hall to the kid’s room, Erin saw that Holland was awake- but barely.
“Mama? Where’s Jamey?” Holland asked upon noticing her mother in the doorway.
“He’s in bed with Daddy. I’m not sure when he came into our room, but he’s fine. How did you sleep, sweetheart?’ Erin asked as she came to the bunk bed and sat on the side by Holland.
“Good. I was really sleepy last night Mama. Can I come cuddle with you and Daddy?”
“That sounds like a great plan. Why don’t you go to our room and get in bed and I’ll run downstairs and start the coffee maker for me and Daddy, sound good?” Holland nodded her head at her mother’s instructions but went to the bathroom before going across the hall. After turning the coffee pot and the light over the sink on, Erin made her way back upstairs with an icepack for her stomach. She took another dose of pain medication before joining her sweet family in bed.
“Hi Mommy,” Jamey whispered, smiling when he saw her.
“Hi, baby. Did you have a nightmare last night?”
“No. No bad dweam. Want snuggles.” Erin smiled at her son and pulled him closer to her and Holland, causing both of her kids to giggle.
“Shh,” Erin got out between her own laughter, “Daddy is still sleeping. And we know how he gets when he doesn’t get enough beauty sleep.”
“Daddy gets grumpy!” Holland exclaimed, not heeding her mother’s warning of being quiet.
“Gwumpy Daddy! No want gwumpy Daddy!” Jamey copied his sister’s words.
“What is this I hear about a grumpy Daddy?” Jay asked, pulling both kids into his arms and ticking them. All four Halsteads were now laughing at the sudden tickling session.
“Stop it, Daddy! No no! No Daddy!” Jamey said while trying to catch his breath. “No tickwl Daddy! No tickwl!” Jay stopped tickling them at Jamey’s request, but Jamey still crawled across the bed toward Erin as soon as he was put down. Holland was still laughing and rolled towards Jay so Jamey could be by Erin.
“Did Daddy tickle you, Jamey?” Erin asked while gently tucking Jamey into her side, being mindful of her broken and fractured ribs.
“Mhmm.”
“You did a good job telling him to stop. Did you see how he stopped as soon as you asked him to?” Jamey nodded his head before changing the subject entirely- in typical 3-year-old fashion.
“Time to eat?” He asked.
“What do you want to eat for breakfast?” Jay asked.
“Waffles!” Holland exclaimed.
“Ooh! Waffles! Want waffles Daddy!” Jamey said.
“Then waffles it is for the Halstead’s this fine Thursday morning!” Jay said, practically jumping out of bed, with his children and wife following. Despite her aching body, Erin was beyond thankful that they were at the cabin and not in Chicago this weekend. They had the entire weekend ahead of them full of swimming in the river, tubing down the river, relaxing and reading in the hammocks, family snuggling by the fire, and making smores.
#chicago pd#erin lindsay#jay halstead#linstead#linstead babies#future fluff#sweet family feels#fanfiction#cpd#cpd fanfic#linstead fanfic#middlemistcs13fic
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Anything with a 1 for the fic game!
1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)
Oh goddddd what a struggle? I asked @timandlucy to answer this for me, and she said this one (which is, oddly enough, one of my favourite things I've written - it was a fun challenge!) or this one (her Secret Santa gift, so she may be biased there...)
10. How do you decide what to write?
If something keeps me up at night, I know I need to write it out of pure spite. Seriously though, if I wake up at 3am thinking about an idea, that alone tells me it's compelling enough and/or excites me enough that I need to follow through with it.
11. Are you partial to a certain character/pairing or are you more equal-opportunity? If you are partial to any character/pairing, why do you think that is?
All Chenford, all the time! I absolutely love both Tim and Lucy, and I have so much fun exploring these two characters. But I think if I had to chose, I'd say Tim, purely because (at least generally speaking) he holds his cards closer to the chest than Lucy, so there can be more to play with there.
12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?
Hmm, I don't think so? I'm generally pretty open-minded, but once something's on my shit list, it's usually there to stay!
13. Are there any tropes you used to like but don’t anymore?
Again, not really? I'm pretty stubborn strong in my opinions!
14. Are there any tropes you would only read if written by a trusted friend or writer?
While I can't think of any specific examples at the moment, I definitely think there are lot of sensitive topics thrown around in fanfic that would be better left to someone with greater respect for them. If that makes sense? Writing from a place of care (whether that's pulling from your own experience or from research to develop better understand) is super important to me!
15. What’s your favorite AU that you’ve written?
Well thus far, I've only written one, for Linstead. But I have a handful of Chenford ideas bouncing around in my brain! Fingers crossed I can make at least one or two of them happen over summer hiatus!
16. What’s an AU you would love to read (or have read and loved)?
One that I've read and loved? Hello, Chenford married at first sight, aka the AU I never knew I needed! (@cfr749 💖)
17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it?
@timandlucy, you wanna field this one??? 👀😂
18. If you wrote a sequel to i've got my love to keep me warm, what would it involve?
I'm not sure if you had a particular fic in mind here? But in general, I'm not sure I've ever envisioned a sequel to anything I've written, simply because most of my fics lean heavily on the "canon compliant" side of things, so I expect canon to give me the next parts hahaha. But there was a time I thought about writing a part two to this one! And, you know, never say never?
Hmm, interesting!! I suppose this fic technically has the most potential for a sequel - the future anniversaries they hint at at the end. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm 🤔
19. If you wrote a spin-off of you know what it was (he is in love), what would it involve?
Well given that this is the shortest fic ever, I guess there's potential to explore so many things in more depth. But technically I guess that's not a spin-off. Something similar from Tim's POV I suppose, but the "show you" line was more fitting for Lucy thinking about Tim than the other way around.
21. If you wrote a “missing scene” in i can go anywhere i want (just not home), what would it be?
I actually went back to my doc for this one, because funnily enough, there are some things I eliminated for this. Here's a chunk that I ended up not using:
It feels easy at first. As Nova, she’s nervous, more so than she ever cares to let on. It’s her first job, and while she feels a rush at the excitement of it all, she can’t deny that it’s scary. So much is riding on the op—for the department, certainly, but also for herself. It’s her shot to prove herself, to show Harper, Grey, Tim, and everyone else what she’s capable of. But when all is said and done, it’s a relatively short job, and the newness of it all makes the time pass quickly.
She doesn’t feel the nerves as much as Sava. Or maybe she’s just too focused on a different kind of nerves, what with being in such close proximity to Tim and feeling so many things.
Being Sava feels easy and almost natural in a way Lucy doesn’t let herself think too much about, but that she knows is because she has Tim by her side. Sure, the op is intense, but the chance to take down Madras is more important than any of the turmoil she feels inside. And in the blink of an eye, it’s over, and there’s so much going on that she doesn’t really have time to dwell on the job.
When Lucy goes under as Jamie Hall, she feels a surprising sense of peace. Perhaps because she’s been through it before, so she knows the ropes. But probably more because she has Tim as her backup. She’s still surprised the department signed off on that, but she’s grateful for the added level of protection it affords her. She’s able to really give in to the case, lean into the rush, because just knowing he’s close keeps the nerves and the isolation at bay.
So she’s expecting more of the same this time.
31. What’s your ideal fic length to write?
Whatever feels right. As much as I fixate on the word count as I write, I try not to let it control when something is done. If it feels complete at 1000 words, so be it!
41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”
This fic feels like an extension of canon in such an incredible way that I feel it should be compulsory reading (@makeitastrength 👏)
Thank you!! 😊
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Because it Jesse Lee Soffer Birthday. Here are some linstead “jay” birthday fics .
These are written by some fabulous Linstead authors !!
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The talent into these being made by @amandacoffey__ on Instagram they look like they could of been in the show and she’s working on something soon she said about a upstead pregnancy and a AU Linstead…but like…how tf and she’s not posting these she’s put sending them to followers who ask😅
Thought these could maybe spark intrest in your x reader fanfics
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im suprised you dont ship dawsey. burzek is very similar to them.
I mean, I disagree there. They follow similar beats story wise but they're not similar.
But saying that I do/did ship them. When I first started getting into fire I shipped them a lot. I knew of Brettsey, and I knew Dawsey wouldn't last, but I thought that when I got to the Brettsey part I wouldn't ship them. I wouldn't be an anti but it wouldn't be my thing... And then Brettsey stole my heart.
I still also do ship Dawsey, kinda. Technically. I used to be a fan of both ships (because while I always criticised how Gabby acted I laid the blame at the writer's feet and still do) but as time went on and I became more involved in fandom and read other people's metas, the more I stopped shipping them.
Like before if I planned any early burzek fanfic that would intersect with fire, I would plan to include Dawsey, but now I don't (unlike with linstead). And my Kim and Gabby interaction headcanons have kinda fell to the wayside, even though one day I do want to make peace with them but my feelings towards Dawsey is more complicated now.
But as much as my shipping of them has ebbed, they will always still have a little small place in my heart. There's still a piece of me that's theirs.
Although I would like to say I never did say I didn't ship Dawsey. I just criticised them/Gabby rightly and more importantly, very much criticised negative horrible Dawsey stans who attack Brettsey.
#ree's asks#chicago fire#I'll tag cf but I'm not tagging dawsey and possibly will edit later to untag cf depending if my inbox gets unwanted hate
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Do you think it’s wrong for Upstead’s to hold out hope for a happy ending? The last thing I would want for a ship that has meant the world to me is for it to turn into what L*nsteads have become.
No, I don't think it's wrong to hold out hope. Especially right now when the season isn't over and everything is fresh. And it's true going into next season as well if Tracy is indeed sticking around.
Another thing that can't be denied is the situations are very different. Jesse has said that he's open to coming back. That is something that was made abundantly clear was not going to happen when SB left the show. So there's far more of an open door here.
All that being said, I don't think it's right to lump all Linsteads into the bitter camp. Yes, some have moved on and become Upstead fans. Great. Some have done that but still have a little candle for Jay and Erin. Also fine. Others still watch the show and are fine/understanding of where the story has gone because they know people, fictional or otherwise, have to move on. But they still prefer Linstead. They still write fanfics, make edits, gif sets and whatnot for them. Good for them. That's the ship that's spoken to them, and they still feel inspired by it, and there's nothing wrong with that. And others still do all that, who create that content and haven't watched the show since the season 4 finale (maybe a little into season 5). And there is nothing wrong with that, either.
Bitter fans exist in all ships. All of them. Both while a ship is alive and well and after it's over and one or both characters have moved on. Upstead is no exception to that. No ship on PD (or any other show or movie) is. Asshats being Asshats are as predictable as death and taxes. The only thing you can do is what's best for you.
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I’L BE YOURS CHAPTER 3 IS FINALLY HERE!!!
apologies for the delay with updating, life is hectic as you know, but we’re so close to the finish line with this story i promise it will get done soon (hopefully lol)
happy holidays my linstead friends, i hope you enjoy! please leave a review if you read, it truly means so much :)
#linstead#linstead fanfiction#erin lindsay#jay halstead#fanfiction#writing#christmas fic#chicago pd#chicago pd fanfiction
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😈✍🎶🙋♀️💖
Thanks! I had a lot of fun with these :)
😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?
Honestly, I don't really remember being mean, especially not lately. There was one I wrote for Linstead that had a lot of sexual tension, but nothing ended up happening and I still remember some of the comments 🙈🙈
✍ Do you have a beta reader?
I do! @queseraone betas all of my fics. She's been my beta for a long time now, and we work well together. I love that she edits my fics and leaves me completely unhinged comments as she goes, but also she makes my writing so much better ultimately. Especially because I try to use like the same word six times in one sentence (no sarah, carry is not the new press 🙄)
🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?
Very rarely, unless it's a song that inspired the fic. And sometimes I'll find like an orchestral playlist of taylor swift songs, because I struggle writing if there are actual lyrics in the song in the background.
🙋♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?
Hmm, I told a friend once during a moment of weakness. But if I talk to irl people, I'll just say I like writing short stories.
💖 What made you start writing?
Idk, I just always found peace in writing. I started very early on, first with some HP fanfiction in my native language. Then I wrote webnovelas (which was basically fanfiction) on Univision forum (I still can't believe I wrote in Spanish) with some friends, and then I migrated to fanfiction.
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The Beginning
A/N: Yes, I know. Another new fic lmao. I'm really going to discipline myself with this idea because I really liked it but as I began writing I started losing my confidence. I plan for it to be four chapters and maybe one day there will be a sequel, but we'll just have to wait and see.
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The ambiance of the bar is cozy and inviting—a contrast to the ice cold beer that goes down his throat. The warm lights glow above him and other patrons laugh as they unwind from a long day at work. It’s one of his favourite places to go—the people are always the same and the alcohol is reasonably priced; it's one of the few constants in his life. He’s been here for a couple hours now—he wanted to catch up with a few friends from high school before he was shipped off for deployment again.
His first tour was long; he had been gone for two years in a region of Iraq before he was allowed to return home. There were days where he was sure he would die—so many of his friends had made that ultimate sacrifice so many days he thought he would too. There were countless days where he was lucky to come out of a recon mission with just a few scratches here and there.
However, being away from everyone and everything he knew probably brought him to one of the lowest points in his life. The weekly letters that arrived for him kept his spirits up but it was nothing compared to seeing her in flesh and blood. Jay wouldn’t admit that it scared him knowing that he may never see her again if something were to happen—but it was always a thought in his mind while on base and in the villages. There was no telling when they would be ambushed or shelled; his life could end in a split second. Nonetheless, knowing that he had someone waiting for him when he returned home motivated Jay to fight and survive through everyday. He had to do it for her.
They were high school sweethearts and got engaged a few years after graduating. Jay had started school on a pre-med path—one pushed onto him by his father since it was family tradition for the Halstead men—but after a few years, Jay realized medicine wasn’t for him. Instead, he dropped out of school after getting his bachelor’s degree and enlisted in the army, much to the dismay of both his father and fiancee. She had always joked around with him that they’d get tired of being around each other if they worked in the same hospital—a doctor and a nurse. But they never got to live in that hypothetical and soon Jay was being shipped off for his first tour.
“Alright guys, I’m gonna head home.” Jay said, melancholy in his voice. He knew this tour was only six months—a drastic difference compared to his first tour—but the sadness of being away from home was all the same. Leaving was always the worst. There was no promise of coming back. He gave his friends a hug before slipping on his leather jacket and walking into the cool Chicago night. They had met up at a bar near his place so he had decided to walk instead of bringing his vehicle—something he regretted as he blew into his hands for some semblance of warmth.
By the time he arrived outside his apartment door ten minutes later, his hands shook slightly. The heat of the building was inviting and he couldn’t wait to crawl into bed and wrap his arms around his fiancee—something that he wouldn’t be able to do in a couple days time. After struggling for a few seconds with the key, he was finally able to let himself into the apartment and closed the door behind him.
“Babe?” Jay called out when he didn’t immediately hear or see her. The lights weren’t on and it wasn’t too late in the evening. They were both night owls so the sight in front of him was odd. He knew she was home from work since he saw her car parked outside before he made his way into the building. When she didn’t come to greet him as she usually did, he assumed she had gone to bed early and made his way to the bedroom.
Jay smiled as he turned the corner to the room and noticed his fiancee standing at the dresser. Her back was turned to him and her dirty blonde curls fell evenly across her shoulders as she looked down at whatever was in her hand. She didn’t seem to sense him in the room yet so Jay quietly moved across the space and slid his arms around her waist. He felt her jump in surprise a bit before she realized it was him.
“I missed you.” Jay said as he pressed a kiss on her cheek. When he heard her sniffle in response he instantly knew something was wrong. “Babe, what’s wrong?” He turned her around to face him, noticing the tear tracks on her cheeks. Her mascara was running under her eyes and when she didn’t immediately speak, Jay felt his heart starting to beat faster.
“Jay… I can’t do this anymore.” She wiped her tears away, only for them to be replaced.
“What do you mean? Do what?” Jay asked hastily, his body reacting due to the increase of anxiety. “I don’t understand.”
“I never signed up for this.”
“Sign up for what? Ava I don’t understand what you’re saying.” Jay had no clue what his fiancee was talking about. The last few months while he had been home from his tour had probably been the best of his life. There were a lot of laughs, a lot of fun adventures and experiences, and a lot of great sex. He really felt like their relationship solidified in the last bit. They were planning on the next steps of their life. Had he been blind to the turmoil she was experiencing?
“I can’t sit around here anymore, waiting for you to come home safe all the time.” Ava said, breathing hard to catch her breath. “I never know if I’ll get to see you again or if someone will be knocking on the door to tell me you died.” Ava moved to sit down on the bed, not trusting her legs to hold her weight anymore. “Every time someone knocks and I’m not expecting anyone my heart drops. I can’t do this again.”
Jay stood dumbfounded as he watched his fiancee unravel before him. He hadn’t noticed anything wrong since he returned—but then he realized that he was a different man when he came back. He wasn’t the same—it had been two years since he was gone. He could sometimes see Ava being receptive to his new personality and at times she was careful around him. It was as if she was interacting with a completely different man—not her fiance that had left two years prior. Were the past few months all a dream?
He knew it wasn’t fair to Ava that he decided on a career that would force him away from her. All throughout their relationship she assumed he’d always be around and that they would soon be working together before settling down. They had it all planned out since high school. When he decided on enlisting he did feel a bit guilty—it wasn’t part of the plan. But plans often change and now Jay was realizing Ava wasn’t liking this new path they were on.
He couldn’t find the words to describe what he was feeling. It was all so sudden and shocking and he couldn’t perceive all the emotions at once. When she moved off the bed and made her way towards the duffel bags on the floor, Jay got desperate. She couldn’t leave him; she was his lifeline.
“Ava, please.” He begged, his voice cracking. “We can figure something out. Please don’t do this.” Jay watched as she slid his mother’s ring off her left hand. As a last ditch effort—out of despair—he began to beg. “You’re all I have! Please don’t do this. There’s nobody else in my life!”
“Jay… I have to. I-I can’t stay with you.” After forcing the ring into his hand, Ava softly kissed his tear stained cheek. “Goodbye Jay.”
XXXXXXXXXX
She really left.
Jay couldn’t believe it. How had he not noticed anything?! Was she really that unhappy in their relationship that she would walk out instead of talking it through? Irrationally, he went towards the closet and ensuite, wanting to confirm that she actually took all her stuff. There wasn’t a single article of clothing she left behind; the makeup that was usually littered all over the countertop was spotless; and the only products that remained in the shower were his.
Out of anger, he smashed his hand into the mirror, watching the shards fall into the sink. When he looked back up, the mirror resembled a cobweb more than anything else. His hand pulsated as the cuts on his knuckles began to bleed.
More than anything at the moment, he needed a drink.
As he made his way out of the ensuite, the silence of the apartment encapsulated him. Generally, music would be playing in the background as Jay and Ava cooked or the TV would be turned on as they cuddled on the couch. Memories of the past few months flooded his mind and it was at that moment the gravity of the situation really weighed in on him.
He was truly alone.
Jay’s not sure how long he sits on the couch—the hard liquor burns his throat which brings an onset of tears in his eyes. He’s not sure if he’s crying because of the alcohol or because of what happened—maybe it’s a mixture of both. It’s still quiet around him, and as the night grows old, the city settles and turns dark.
Eventually, he passes out cold on the couch, the half empty bottle forgotten.
Jay was blissfully unaware of the events that transpired the night prior up until he opened his eyes and the Chicago sunlight aggravated his growing headache. Groaning, Jay pushed himself up on the couch into a sitting position and took in the apartment. In the darkness last night, he hadn’t noticed that Ava had also taken her photographs from the mantle and books from the shelves either side of the TV. She left the images of them together from over the years and he couldn’t help but feel like he got punched in the gut—she really didn’t want to have anything to do with him.
Everything looked and felt so foreign.
Slowly, Jay shuffled into the bathroom and made his way into the shower—letting the steaming water rain over his body. His hand stung the second water touched it, reminding him of the mess awaiting him in the sink. The scalding water eased the aches and pain in his muscles and relieved his building headache slightly. He knew he needed to get food and water in him if he wanted to be functional that day so he turned the tap off and tied a towel around his waist.
Taking in the sight of the mirror in the aftermath of his anger, all Jay could do was shake his head. He let his anger get the best of him—he had never acted so rashly. As he cleaned the mirror scraps, he realized that he didn’t have many options as to what he could do. The world wouldn’t stop and wait for him to get his life back on track—he was deploying for his tour in two days. As much as it hurt, he couldn’t dwell about Ava now.
Not if he wanted to make it home alive.
Through the hangover, Jay slowly packed his bag and got his fatigues ready for his flight the next day. He went throughout the apartment and plugged out appliances and electronics before returning to the bedroom. He slowly sat down on the bed after finishing his night time routine. It was early but he wanted to be rested for his flight. He confirmed his alarm on his watch before noticing his wallet on the bedside table.
Grabbing the wallet, he opened it and pulled out the photo he kept from one of the pockets. It’s something he always carried for good luck; it was something he used to get him home safe. Anytime things overseas began to get difficult, he would pull out the photo of Ava and take in her shimmering blue eyes and bright smile. That smile had reassured him for years now but it didn’t bring him any sort of comfort looking at it now.
Defeated, Jay slid the photo back into his wallet before tossing it near the rest of his stuff. He turned off the bedside lamp before climbing into bed—the aftermath of the last 24 hours had exhausted him. Soon enough, he was fast asleep.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
The airport was bustling with energy from travellers both domestic and international. It reminds him of when he was coming home after his first tour—how the noise and rapidity of everything slowly squeezed all the air out of his chest. There was too much stimuli back then but he didn’t tell anyone. Surly a man who had just been in a war would find comfort in being home.
He makes his way over to the security line up and patiently waits. His eyes take in as much as they can because soon, he’ll be in an area that isn’t so modern and developed; he’ll be somewhere deep in a desert.
After Jay finishes at the security checkpoint, he makes his way to his gate where he is met with a few others who will also be on deployment with him. Their first stop will be in Germany where their post orders will be confirmed before flying into Afghanistan—the epicentre of the war.
As Jay sits in the seat—mindlessly listening to the conversation of his colleagues—his mind travels to the image in his wallet. His anxiety has been heightened ever since he left his apartment that morning. He was expecting Ava to be there to send him off that morning, but his whole world had come crashing down two days ago. Instead, he took a taxi to the airport and walked alone without anyone by his side like the first time.
He’s staring at the photo again when his group is called to board the plane—nobody said anything to him about it and he was glad. Jay wasn’t prepared to explain that his fiancee had left him right before his tour.
As they stand in line with their passports and boarding passes ready, Jay makes an impulsive decision.
He rips the photo into shreds and discards it into the trash can near the door.
XXXXXXXXXXX
The heat in Afghanistan is a lot different compared to Iraq. During midday—when the sun is at its highest—it’s blistering. Jay knows to appreciate the heat because closer to the end of his six month tour, winter will have arrived and he’ll be craving the heat instead. During the winter months all they have is fire to keep them warm; but for most of the day during missions, they rely on their equipment for heat.
Since he touched down, he’s kept his head down. He does what he’s told and keeps his mind on the job every second. Rarely does his mind travel back to home—and consequently, her. Anytime he sees her face in his mind—her blue eyes shining bright—he silently berates himself and focuses back on his task. He’s been praised and used as an example often by his superiors; if only they knew of the commotion going on inside his head.
Everyday is the same, it's mundane: wake up, get food, get ready for the day’s mission, return to base, food, sleep. Sundays are his off days which he dreads, because when he’s not busy or on a mission, his mind gets time to think about other things.
Today seems like the worst day.
He’s finishing a set on the bench press and sits up to rest. The makeshift gym in a war is nothing compared to what it’s like at home. There’s no luxury of having actual equipment or machines. Instead, much of their equipment is concrete slabs that are moulded into looking like plates and dumbbells. It’s not ideal but it keeps the soldiers fit—it’s all they can ask for.
He’s breathing hard after taxing his chest muscles but he’s not concentrating on the workout well. Instead, his mind is fixed on his ex-fiancee. He still can’t wrap his head around the idea of her leaving him. What did he do wrong? Everything seemed fine while he was home—she was happy.
Maybe it was all a facade and Jay had fooled himself into thinking the last few months had been great.
Huffing out an annoyed and angry breath, he lies back down on the bench and starts his next set.
XXXXXXXXX
Please leave me a review! It definitely helps get the writing gears going. And let me know what you think of the idea!
#linstead#linstead fanfiction#linstead fanfic#linstead ff#linstead for life#jay halstead#Jesse Lee Soffer#erin lindsay#sophia bush#one chicago#chicago pd au#chicago pd#chicago pd ff#chicago pd fanfiction
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i really want a update for sober :(
Hi Anon!
This is not the first ask I’ve gotten about this so let me address it now... I really don’t see myself finishing that fic and I am so sorry. My heart just isn’t in it anymore. I haven’t written Linstead in a really long time and I think forcing myself to write them now would not be good for the story or the reader. I’m happily onboard the Upstead ship. I hope you and others can understand and respect that. 💜
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Do all the ones you haven't gotten yet 😂🥰❤️ ilysm
OMG YOU BRAT
1. Which of your fics would you keep the basic plot of but rewrite completely?
Um, probably my Linstead multi-chapter (I think you're familiar hahahaha), mostly because I had no plan in place and it became a total mess. So I guess I would rewrite it by... not writing it at all?
Oh! But seriously I kind of wish I could go back and re-write this one. It was my first foray into writing for Chenford, and I've been thinking about a bunch lately for some reason (I think because it's vaguely related to another idea I have). I wish I'd kept it entirely canon compliant.
3. How would you describe your writing style?
Lately? Nonexistent.
4. Do you have any OCs? Do you have a story for them?
Original characters are TERRIFYING to me. There's a reason I write fanfic and not original fiction, coming up with characters (especially well-rounded, relatable ones that people like) feels impossible. So I just... don't. (To the point that I researched the names of every single referenced member of Metro so I could use actual character names and not make any up. I have the list if anyone's interested 😜)
5. What's a tag you never want to use for your works even when it applies?
I find this question confusing. I never want to use MCD, but it shouldn't ever apply since I have no intention to write it. What a cop out of an answer, but I don't understanddddd. OH! I sometimes wish I could exclude relevant tags for the surprise factor.
6. What's your ratio for rating your works?
What does this mean? Oh wait, I think it means in terms of T vs M vs E? Sex brings it to M, and porn is E?
7. Your favourite ao3 tag.
Lately? Established relationship or missing moment.
8. How slow is a slow burn?
So slow that they spend most of the story dancing around their feelings and only get together near the very end.
12. If you write in more than one language, what's the difference?
Strictly English over here.
13. Rate your worldbuilding skills from 1 to 10.
Uh... 1 or 2? Because I don't build worlds, I play in existing ones created by the show?
16. Are one-shots really underrated?
Wait are they underrated??? WHY?? I LOVE a one-shot. Whether it's 500, 2000, or 10K words, I love being able to sit down and enjoy and fully fleshed out story from start to finish.
17. Past or present tense? Why?
I used to write in past tense, but I think reading more present tense influenced me to do the same, and now I prefer present.
19. Share a snippet from a wip without giving any context for it.
“No!” she practically shouts at him. She takes a moment to school herself, exhaling slowly. “I mean, Tim, I say this with love, but if you don’t give me some fucking space, I will kill you.”
20. Do you work on a single project or many at the same time? How does that work for you?
Many. Though it usually bites me in the ass because I end up stuck on something, and then something else, etc. So clearly it doesn't work all that well. But I think (unless I was on a total roll, which sometimes happens) I'd be stifled if I focused on only one thing. Plus ideas tend to multiply.
21. Can you accurately predict how long your fics are going to be? If you can, what's your secret?
No, not really. I don't typically write anything super long though.
22. What is it about watching the same two idiots falling in love over and over again?
I DON'T KNOW BUT I LOVE MY IDIOTS!!!!
24. Thoughts on flashbacks/flashforwards.
Not really a fan, especially if they're super long. A couple of lines here or there are a-okay with me, but when you're italicizing half a chapter? Pass.
25. Is writing the whole thing beforehand better or worse than writing it as you go?
As in, with a multi-chapter? I clearly suck at that, so I think I'd only ever do another if I wrote the whole thing in advance (or at least had a VERY clear plan in place)
27. Do you agree that one shouldn't start a story with a piece of dialogue?
Nope, strongly disagree. Sometimes it just works to jump right in without preamble.
28. Any writing advice that works for you and you feel like sharing?
Not really, but I'll take any advice you want to throw at me, because I am soooooo stuck.
30. Describe a fic that almost happened, but then it didn't.
Well right now, every single one. Because I CAN'T WRITE 😩. Oh, but my Contractor Jay fic counts I guess? *Sigh* 10K words of nothing. IT HAUNTS ME
32. Do you have a word/expression that you always use in your writing?
Fuck. And murmur. I looooove murmur, it's my favourite.
33. Give your writing a compliment.
😩 I... can... idk dude, I can't right now. How do you compliment something that doesn't exist?!?!?!? I'm going with my fallback -- I'm decent(ish) with words themselves, but ideas are my struggle.
34. Do you write to improve? Or is that not a concern for you?
Do I sound like an ass if I say no? 😬 I write as a creative outlet, that's all.
35. Thoughts on writing challenges/contests.
Contests, no thanks, I don't like the idea of pitting writers against each other (assuming that's what that means???). I'm all about celebrating other writers. Challenges, like #chenfordweek? YES, I wrote more that week that I had in ages, I apparently do well when there's a fire under my ass.
36. How do you come up with fic titles? What's the one you're most proud of?
I ask you? 😅 And when I try by myself, I follow your lead of Taylor Swift lyrics. Fave of the ones I've managed to do on my own? I like this one best I think?
38. "This never happened" fix-it fics or "this happened but" fix-it fics?
As long as you fix it, I'm happy! (Yes Suz, I mean you specifically here)
39. Wildest AU scenario you have written?
I've only written one, so I guess that's it -- paging Dr. Jay Halstead. I don't think any of the AU ideas I've played around with are particularly wild.
40. Write a 9-word fic.
What the fuck is this question?!!? Tim Bradford loves Lucy Chen forever and ever. Amen. Nine words does not a fic make.
Thanks-ish, I love you and I hate you for this 💖
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https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12113486/1/Undercover-Life
I couldn’t find a specific Father’s Day linstead fic but here is a bunch of stories with Daddy Jay and Mommy Erin from one of my favorite authors .
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reality [part 14]
S U R P R I S E | I honestly haven’t written in so long - a large part of that due to the fact that Sophia is no longer on our TV’s and I needed to wrap my head around it. Truth be told, I’m still sad, but I’m so glad to see everyone still on here. And now, here is this heartbreaking piece. Please enjoy - and thank you always.
[part 14]
She was stuck in an eerie sort of slow motion - the world moving around her in a frantic sort of pattern, with people yelling and people screaming and people dashing from one end of the room to another and yet she was frozen, the sound of his gasp still echoing in her eardrums, the sound of what she could only assume was the shattering of his cell phone echoing in a sick sort of highlight reel.
Mouse’s face had been the first thing to click in her brain, having been rushed and then locked in the conference space of the building in the wee hours of the morning, far too many important people looking as if they were at a complete loss at what was to come next. And it wasn’t making her feel any better to know she was only standing here - in a god awful pencil skirt and wrinkled white blouse because she couldn’t be bothered to actually remember to do her own laundry when their people - hell, one of her best friends was getting blown to smithereens. It wasn’t fair. God, it wasn’t fair at all.
“Erin. We need a next move.”
She was once again caught off guard at the sound of her own name - the lurch from her twisted sense of reality into the here and the now, the names and the faces and the ranks of every soldier, every man and woman fighting for this country now dead up on the monitors, tears welling her eyes and then the shaking of her fingers because her head might’ve been here but her heart was exactly seven - hundred and ninety miles away in the city of Chicago.
“Spencer, I’m done. I - I have to go.” Her hazel orbs were blazing now, with a ferocity of something that even she couldn’t put a finger on, couldn’t quite explain but she was riled, ready to kick and fling and yell and scream because she couldn’t be here. She needed to be there.
Perhaps sensing the brunette’s determination, perhaps understanding that her heart was not here but that it was right there with him, with the shattering of the world that was now without his best friend, the slight twitch of her boss’s head all she needed to tear out of that blasted building, a mad dash out onto the city street to hail a cab. The coolness of the sidewalk of the bottom of her feet slashed through some of the numbness, some of the dull thud over and over again in her eardrums that she figured was the pounding of her heartbeat- getting faster and more erratic still as she began what she knew she needed to do. Where she needed to be. The bang of a cab door shut came next, snapping through her dull haze, another frenzied dash into her apartment as despite shaking fingers she managed to dial one of the only numbers she had ingrained in her head. Branded in her memory despite the fact she’d never really been good with numbers, with dates, with birthdays. Hell, she’d grown up barely celebrating Christmas. Maybe it was her own fault her brain could never lock them in.
“Voight.”
As if he didn’t know who was calling. As if he didn’t know why.
“I need -”
“He’s at the district, Erin. I had to lock him in an interrogation room. He’s…”
Her heart lurched - her soldier. Her blue-eyed, pure hearted soldier.
“I’m coming. Hank, tell him I’m coming, okay?”
There was a silence then and she knew he was gone, hopefully to offer some comfort, at the very least to give him some company. She was sick to her stomach at the thought, at the immensity of the news she had had to deliver over the phone. How absolutely pathetic.
“I’m coming, Jay. God, I’m so sorry. I’m coming.”
X
Twelve hours and twenty three minutes later, the beep of the security gate clicking open, the clearance granted with her old Intelligence ID card, her body moving too fast to allow her mind to stay rooted in the nostalgia of it all, her hazel eyes swollen from all the tears to linger for too long on her surroundings - the seventeen steps, one after the other that it took to get up to the bullpen, the frenzied and frazzled movement of the team as they all stood at her entrance, Kim giving a nod to the left to where he had to be without so much as another word. She realized the weight. They all did.
Nearly overwhelmed with emotions that she couldn’t ever find the words to bring it to the surface, Erin tossed her coat onto what she hoped was still his desk, her eyes locking onto a fiercely determined looking blonde’s in some kind of understanding before her final dash down the hall, colliding into Hank without much more than a choked out sob as her tiny frame hit him, fighting against his arms wrapping her around her before giving in.
“Hey. Breathe. You’re okay.” His gravelly tone gave her the level-headedness that she hadn’t realized she needed, pulling away slowly to meet his steady gaze, brushing the last few teardrops as they fell down her cheeks with the pad of her thumb.
“He’ll be okay too. We’re a family. All of us. He’s not alone.” Hank flashed a sad smile, a quirk of one corner of his mouth in the upwards direction before pulling away from her - twisting a key in the lock, giving a gentle tap on the door before his hand wrapped over the doorknob, nudging the thing open just a crack, enough to send her heartbeat into another frantic frenzy.
Inhaling - a deep, shaky breath inward, Erin twisted the fingers of her hands together out in front of her, taking the few steps forward and past the threshold of the room, finding him hunched over in one of those plastic-backed chairs - his head in his hands and his shoulders shaking and his fingers clenched and his knuckles white, tears brimming her eyes at the mere sight of him. At the weight of it all hitting her once more. Mouse was dead and Jay was not - and a world where that was the reality was going to be a difficult one to navigate.
“Jay.”
And then her instincts took over, closing the rest of the space between them, tugging him out of the chair and into her arms, letting the both of them fall onto the floor as she felt the saltiness of his tears soak through her sweater, her own falling in a steady rhythm as she held him close. One hand curled around torso and the other twisting into his hair, landing gentle kisses wherever she could reach as they collapsed into their own shared heartbreak - the feeling of his fingers clenching now onto the fabric of her sweater, his blue eyes squeezed shut amongst the turmoil of his heart.
“He’s gone. Er, he’s gone. Why wasn’t it me? Damn it… why wasn’t it me?”
One hand flew up to her mouth then, covering it to hold back a guttural sob from the pit of her stomach, knowing she needed to be his rock and that she needed to keep it together, knowing that she would never be able to fully understand the weight of the pain that he went through or all of the pieces of him that Afghanistan took - the count of the lives of six of his buddies gone and dead now up to seven.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry,” she whispered against his cheek, holding him tighter. Because all she could do was love him with all she had - broken pieces and all.
#linstead#chicago pd fanfiction#chicago pd#linstead fanfic#linstead fanfiction#erin lindsay#Erin x Jay#jay halstead#fanfiction#chicago pd fanfic
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crossfire: volume i - chapter one
a/n y’all it’s finally here!! i’m sooo excited to share this with you, and i really really really hope you enjoy reading it as much as i’ve enjoyed creating it. it’s a long journey, but hopefully it will be worth it :)
☆ one day ☆
[november 2018]
She got the call as she and Jay were driving to work that morning.
"Nat?" Erin yawned in greeting, still drowsy from the early wake-up call Hank had dealt her despite their late night the previous evening.
"Hey, Erin."
"Hi, Natalie," Jay chimed in, just to let her know that she was on speaker in case this was a particularly urgent, and private, conversation. Erin grinned at him in thanks.
"Jay," his brother's fiancée acknowledged warmly.
"What's up? Is everything okay?" Erin asked her friend.
Although Erin and Natalie had begun to see a lot more of each other recently – a combination of both of the girls’ relationships with each Halstead brother and the correlation between Natalie’s shift at Med and Erin’s shift at the twenty first district – they weren’t quite close enough for 6am phone calls. Not just yet.
"So, um,” Natalie sounded worried. “I feel awful having to ask you guys this. I know you have a lot on your plate at the moment with your case and all, but Will and I are supposed to be going out for dinner with the parents tonight, and Helen just rang to say she's caught a virus and doesn’t want to pass it on to Owen, so she can’t watch him...normally I'd postpone, but my parents are only in town for a few days and I don't want to make them -"
"We got you covered," Erin cut in, although Jay noticed the color draining from her face. "Right Jay?"
Jay nodded enthusiastically. Erin gestured at him, reminding him that Natalie couldn’t see him, and he added, "Totally – I can't wait to spend some quality time with my future nephew!"
"We’ll babysit the little guy. What time do you want us there?" Erin asked.
"Seven-thirty, give or take. Thanks so much for doing this, you guys, you're lifesavers!"
When she hung up, Erin turned to face her partner, a look of absolute horror on her face. She had felt her stomach drop the minute her friend had mentioned Owen. She loved the kid, sure, but she'd had exactly two experiences in babysitting. And, both times, that was because the kid had been a victim of a sex-trafficking ring and needed to stay in protective custody overnight. Somehow, she didn't think babysitting Natalie’s seven year-old was going to require quite the same skill set.
She looked over at Jay again, peeling her eyes from the road in the hope of some reassurance.
"Owen's a great kid. It'll be a piece of cake," he tried.
Erin just nodded and swallowed, as they pulled into the car park of the twenty-first district.
☆
It wasn’t that she didn’t like children. She did. Nothing made her heart swell up with hope and happiness more than when she saw kids laughing or playing in the park a couple of blocks away from their apartment or when she got to reunite missing kids with their parents at work. In fact, she’d always envisioned her and Jay having kids of their own one day, and the thought of baby “Linsteads” (as Will had taken to calling them, after he nearly choked on his beer one time when Erin had come home early, and, expecting to see only Jay in the kitchen, had barked, “Halstead! Can you stop moving my shoes?” He found it hilarious that when they were getting annoyed or sassy with each other, they slipped back into calling each other by their last name. Something Jay had evidently picked up from his army days, and it had started to rub off on Erin) running around the house made her nearly giddy with longing. Sure, she wanted kids. And she wanted them with Jay. But not now.
She hadn’t had any experience in childcare, and she couldn’t exactly rely on her own upbringing to guide her. Something told her that Natalie wouldn’t be too impressed with her if she resorted to snorting coke in front of her seven-year-old as Bunny had apparently deemed appropriate when Erin was growing up.
Not only that, but she wanted this friendship with Natalie to work out.
Since Natalie and Will started to date officially about two years ago, Erin had found herself spending much more time with the doctor, as well as her colleagues, much to her pleasure. She often found that, being a cop, she didn’t get enough female company, and so when Jay had suggested that she and Nat grab some drinks after shift some time, Erin willingly obliged. Originally, she’d just gone along with it because she knew that Will and Natalie were getting serious, and, Will being Jay’s brother, she’d have to get along with the potential in-laws sooner or later, but after their third or fourth drinks date �� which had, by this point, transformed into lunch dates, when Natalie could squeeze in an hour during her shift and Erin didn’t have a particularly heavy case load, to save Natalie the trouble of finding a babysitter for her son – they’d really started to click. Soon after that, Erin had insisted Kim, Gabby, and Haley join them, and Natalie brought along April and Sarah.
In no time at all, they had monthly girls’ nights, and even though Erin had initially complained to Jay about them sometimes, saying she’d rather just have a night in with him, she secretly loved the company once she got there. Maggie started to come, too, which prompted Gabby to bring along Stella and Sylvie, and soon enough, after the Intelligence Unit had started to work even closer alongside the team over at the State’s Attorney’s office, Anna Vasquez and Laura Nagel had begun to join in from time to time, too.
They would drink and chat and laugh together, and talk about the things that you could only really talk about with a group of women around you, and Erin had learned to lean on these ladies almost as much as she leaned on her unit at work. Some of them liked to talk about things openly – especially Gabby, Erin had noticed, who loved to let off steam whenever she’d had yet another run in with one of her superiors – while others just preferred to keep their personal lives very much that, like herself.
She’d become more accustomed to sharing, especially after she and Jay had moved back in together a few months back and they’d promised never to lie to each other, or to hide things from each other, again – but the idea of confiding in multiple people at once was still pretty daunting. So usually, when she had something she wanted to get off her chest, it was on one of her weekly lunch dates with Natalie. And Erin didn’t want to ruin this, albeit still new, friendship that they were forming, and screwing up while looking after her new friend’s child may end up doing just that.
☆
Jay had noticed her dread at having to look after a child, and he couldn’t quite understand why. He remembered a case they worked a few years back, where they discovered a nine year old girl tied up in her foster home, covered in bruises and the apparent victim of sex-trafficking, and Erin had been so shaken by the incident that she didn’t let the girl leave her sight for days. This was before Jay had moved in with her the first time, and Erin had insisted on letting the girl – Avery, he remembered her name was – stay with her until Erin could personally help DCFS to sort out a suitable foster placement.
She had been amazing with that little girl. Avery hadn’t had any possessions of her own, so Erin had given her an old CPD T-shirt of hers and let her keep it, as well as buying her, at no small expense, a suitcase full of clothes. She’d let her sleep in her bed, and Erin had taken the couch, because she wanted the girl to be as comfortable as possible after her ordeal, and Jay remembered a frantic phone call he’d gotten from her at two in the morning, when Avery had had an awful nightmare; she’d woken up screaming and crying and refused to go anywhere near the bed afterwards. Erin had called Jay the second she heard her stirring in the other room, and he’d rushed over, worried, not just about the nine-year-old who was having a full-blown panic attack, but also because Erin had been practically sobbing down the line for his help. She couldn’t bear to see this kid in so much pain.
When he got there, however, it turned out that his dramatic rescue attempt had been futile. Erin had taken Avery into the living room and they were sat on the couch together, the soft glow of the television illuminating Erin’s face as she looked down at the sleeping, fragile girl that had nestled her head into Erin’s lap and had fallen back asleep, with the tear tracks still fresh on her pale and innocent face. Erin was humming softly, staring into space instead of actually watching the documentary on the television, and she turned her head to face Jay as he opened the door using the very secret key under the front doormat.
She’d put her finger to her lips and pointed at the body curled up next to her, rising and falling softly with the stable rhythm of sleep, and she’d just nodded her head at the documentary playing.
“Works every time,” she had whispered, and his eyes, too, had nearly filled with tears, remembering the first night he was the one in Avery’s position, and, not knowing what to do to calm him down, Erin had guided him into the living room and together they had curled up, watching David Attenborough, until the sun peaked over the skyline and they had made it through another night together.
Jay smiled, remembering her dedication to this girl whom she barely knew. He just had to open his eyes to see what a wonderful mother Erin Lindsay would be one day, so he couldn’t work out why she was so nervous about babysitting Owen. He wasn’t going to have any panic attacks. He was only seven – he’d probably be in bed when they got there, and besides, all he’d want to do if he wasn’t would be watch TV or play with stuffed animals or something. That’s what seven year old boys did, right?
"Psst!"
Jay snapped out of his thoughts and looked up from where his head had been buried in an ever-mounting pile of unfinished paperwork.
He rolled his eyes at how dramatic she was sometimes. "What's the matter?" He asked, ducking into the room with her.
"Just pretend we're making coffee," she instructs him, and stands facing him at the counter, angling herself perfectly so that if one were to walk past, they would only see Jay's back.
"Okay...?" Jay was now entirely confused.
"So. I downloaded a guide on how to take care of young kids and it said that if we've never looked after him before, we should try bringing something as a gift that he would like. A sort of peace offering?"
"Erin, you know we're only babysitting for a couple of hours, right? All we've gotta do is make sure he doesn't break anything. Or himself."
Erin raised an eyebrow. "Jay, Will and Natalie are engaged. Owen is going to be your nephew. That means we have to get him to like us, or else Thanksgiving is not going to be fun."
"Okay," Jay breathed. "I take your point. But I've spent loads of time with Owen. He knows me. Last time he even called me 'Uncle Jay'."
Erin smiled at how at ease her boyfriend seemed with this whole situation. "But I haven't. I've never been trusted with anything like this before, okay? It's kind of a big deal. And I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. What if we completely screw up and Natalie never wants to talk to me again, or something goes awfully wrong, what then?"
"Erin," Jay says firmly, but she carries on.
"What if I'm really bad at it?"
Jay frowned. "At what?"
"Parenting," Erin whispered, and Jay finally understood where all this was coming from.
He put his hands on her shoulders and squeezed them gently. It was the closest they ever got to PDA at work, but he needed her to know he understood. "Erin, it's only a couple of hours. No one is asking you to be his parent."
"That's not the point, Jay," she sighed. "What if nothing goes wrong?”
He frowned. That wasn’t what he’d expected. “What do you mean?”
“I mean,” she almost looked ashamed as she said it. “I’m used to broken households. I’ve spent my whole life clearing up their messes. I can deal with drug addicts, and alcoholics, and abusive boyfriends and panic attacks and absentee parents. I don’t know how normal families…you know. Work.”
He took a sharp intake of breath at her words. He’d never thought about it like that. She was always so strong, especially recently – she’d had to be strong, for him – that he sometimes forgot that she was just as broken as he was. “Erin, listen to me. You’re not Bunny.”
She just shrugged sadly. “But if I’m not there to fix things, then…”
“Then what?”
“I don’t know. I’ll have to rely on them liking me, instead of just being grateful to me, or indebted to me somehow…I don’t know.”
Jay practically scoffed. “Trust me, babe. I don’t think Owen is gonna have any trouble with liking you.”
She nodded, although she seemed unconvinced by his words. Jay looked over his shoulder to see if anyone in the bullpen was watching, and seeing that the coast was clear, wrapped his arms around her tightly.
“Trust me,” he whispered into her hair.
She pulled back, and although her big, soft, hazel eyes still looked a little sad, her mouth had turned into a pout, and the corners were threatening to turn upwards into a small smile.
She handed him the mug of coffee she’d made him. "Thanks,” she pouted again. “I love you. Here's your coffee."
He grinned. He couldn’t actually wait for the evening. Not just because he wanted to spend some quality time with his nephew-to-be, but also so that he could show Erin just what a wonderful mother she’d make one day.
One day. When the time came.
☆ ☆ ☆
thank you for reading!! if you’d like to be notified when it’s updated either head over to my ff.net account or message me and i’ll tag you at the end of the post :)
@allenting
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In need of fic recs: if anyone has any recommendations of fics where Jay and Will have a little sister or Hailey and Jay are parents, please send them to me! Also, some upstead ones are fine too (preferably hurt/comfort with Hailey! Whump and worried jay). Or Linstead as parents, too. I just want daddy! Jay. Please make them be looooong fics too if you can!
I’m good with fics on tumblr, Wattpad, AO3, or fanfiction.net
#fanfiction#fanfic#imagine#jay halstead#will halstead#chicago pd#hailey upton#upstead#halstead sister#halstead bros#halstead brothers#upstead as parents#erin lindsay#linstead
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I Need You
Hey There!! So here is my first Linstead Fic! Thank you to @kkmallow3 for the prompt: ‘One shot of Linstead as parents’. Parenthood is very far from my mind in respect to Linstead, so this one was a bit of a challenge, but I enjoyed writing it. I hope you enjoy reading it! Feedback very welcome! Keep the prompts coming <3 <3 <3
P.S. Its super late where I am. I apologise for any errors; I’ll be editing tomorrow.
“Erin… What the hell”
“Jay… Don’t…” she said, hobbling up the last step. Everyone turned at their desks to face her. “Guy’s don’t…” she said, they all smirked, glancing at Jay as he sprinted to her. She shifted Finley higher on her hip as she began to whimper. “Erin, you’re meant to be resting” he said, taking the empty car seat from her and guiding her to her desk. “I am… I’m not chasing any criminals” she said, as she eased down onto her chair, trying not to groan at the pain in her ribs.
“Erin” he said, as he ran his fingers through the red tufts of their baby’s hair. “You know you’re meant to be resting.” She sighed, rolling her eyes.
“Erin” Voight’s voice boomed from behind them. She turned slowly in her chair, smiling guiltily. “What are you doing here?” he said, walking towards her, arms folded. She smiled, and held Finley up towards him, “Finley wanted to see her grandpa” she said sweetly, knowing he couldn’t resist. Voight was predictably distracted, taking the baby. He shook his head but smiled at Erin and Jay as he disappeared into his office, bouncing the baby as he went.
Erin turned back to Jay, finding him expectedly suspicious. “Erin…”
“Jay…” she looked around, checking everyone was back to working. “I…” her demeanor changed, her head dropping, fingers worrying her hem of her shirt. He pulled a chair and sat closer to her. She glanced up at him. “I can’t do anything, I’m hurting and I need you…” she said quietly. Jay felt his chest tighten, seeing her mood change so suddenly. He reached out and took her hand in his, running his other up her arm. “Okay…” He said, she gave him a lopsided smile. He stood up. “I’ll be right back,” he began towards Voight’s office.
“Jay… I” She said, sitting up straight but gasping in pain, grappling at her ribs. He held up his hand, wincing when she did. “Wait there”
“Hank”
“Jay…” Voight was sitting at his desk, lounging back in his chair with the baby snoozing against his chest. He smiled, almost serenely, up at Jay. Jay sat down, “I need to go home, Erin’s not ready to be on her own with Finley. After the incident she still needs me around, at least to the end of the week I think” he said, quickly, looking everywhere but at Voight. Voight looked past Jay, out the window, seeing Erin smiling and grimacing, trying not to laugh at something Ruzek was saying. “Sir?” Jay prompted.
“Yeah of course” he said, nodding, fingers tapping against Finley’s back. “Take the weekend too, I’ll bring some uniforms up to cover you”
“Thank you” Jay said, nodding. He smiled tightly, standing. “We’ll head off now” he said, glancing down at the baby. Voight grinned, “I suppose you want this one back.” Jay chuckled, shrugging. Erin appeared at the door, one arm wrapped around herself. “Are you holding my baby hostage Hank?” she smirked, subtly limping into the room.
“I’m willing to negotiate for weekly visits” he said, moving around the desk and passing her to Jay. Erin gazed at Finley’s sleeping features, smiling softly. “Go home you three… get some rest” He said, running his hand up and down Erins arm. Erin smiled, lips pursed “Thank you” she spoke in a whisper.
“ You need me to…”
“No… I’ve got it, you go lay down on the couch” Jay said, he kicked off his shoes at the door. He saw Erin struggling with hers and he stepped on the back of her shoe, allowing her to step out of it. She sighed, ambling down the hall.
“Can you bring me Finley… She doing her hungry whimper” He heard her say. He shook his head in astonishment, gazing down at their baby in her car seat. Her cheeks were flushed as she started to fuss, her hands opening and closing into fists. “I can get a bottle?” Jay said, handing the baby to Erin, though she was already unbuttoning her shirt. “Can you…” Erin said, gesturing the pillows behind her. He went to arrange them, but paused, deciding to sit down behind her instead. “Jay…” Erin said, smiling, halfheartedly annoyed. Jay leaned back into the cocoon of pillows, and guided Erin back, against his chest.
They both sighed contently. Erin’s head lulled back on Jay’s shoulder. He threaded his fingers through her hair. She opened her eyes, finding his instantly. He beamed at her, kissing her deeply. “Thank you for coming home” she said, her hands rubbed gentle circles against Finley’s back as she suckled. He pressed a kiss to her forehead as her eyes fell shut again.
Fin
#linstead fanfiction#linstead#linstead fanfic#erin lindsay#jay halstead#jay halstead fic#erin and jay#erin and jay fic#erin and jay fanfic#erin and jay fanfiction#jay and erin#jay and erin fanfic#jay and erin fanfiction#chicago pd fanfiction#chicago pd#chicago p.d#chicago p.d fanfiction#chicago pd fanfic#chicago pd fic
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