#like yes i understand her side of the story fully the love of her life was not only in prison but then also fucking broke out of fox river
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sucre..,.,, from fucking prison break.,,,,., i need him BIBLICALLY
#the way he goes fucking FERAL for Maricruz in s2e5 FUCK i need him#smelling her fucking robe kissing the girls hand when she says she'll find mari#AND MARICRUZ IS SO AWFUL TO HIM SO FAR#like yes i understand her side of the story fully the love of her life was not only in prison but then also fucking broke out of fox river#like that man's fucked for life#and she's also pregnant in a very religious family all this shit but good god#i would treat him right#fernando sucre#prison break#michael scofield#i'm also in love with wentworth miller but that's a separate issue#but god damn it these fucking latino men#i have a type#sucre#miles morales#men who would call me mami immediately have my whole heart#it's bc i'm puerto rican it's my love language
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episode seven: the mind flayer
Steve, who is leaning next to Dustin and you, snaps his finger. “Like the Germans?”
“Uh… The Nazis?” Your brother looks at you, silently urging you to shut the teen up, and you pinch your nose again and sigh.
“Oh, buddy.” You loop your arm through his and pat Steve’s shoulder. “Let’s just listen, okay?”
Summary: jonathan is back and has a lot of questions and you have even more for him, the gang gets back together and ties will to a chair, you tell the kid a story to distract him from his demons, steve is a confused mess but at least youre with him, and someone makes a surprise appearance (her name rhymes with shell).
Rating: general, cursing
Warnings: use of y/n, fem!reader, talk of death and grief, violence and blood
Words: 12.1k
Before you swing in: long time no see ! lots has happened, and this chapter was a pain for so many reasons, but shes here and i love her and i so sincerely hope yall enjoy :)
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Stumbling blindly through dark woods while holding your bloodied ribcage has never been your favorite activity. Neither is following after a bunch of Demodogs to probably once again sacrifice your life to save others, yet here you are.
Steve has a gentle hand resting on the small of your back as he helps you navigate the woods. Dustin is to your left, scanning for anything that could possibly trip you as the three of you walk in a line. Lucas and Max follow, both of whom watch you with weary eyes.
Sure, you probably don’t look too good, but honestly. You’ve been objectively worse.
“You’re positive that was Dart?” Lucas asks, breaking the silence.
“Yes,” Dustin sighs next to you, kicking at a twig in your way. “He had the same exact yellow pattern on his butt.”
“Why do you have his butt memorized?” You mumble under your breath, which Steve chuckles at.
Max shakes her head. “But he was tiny two days ago.”
“Well, he’s molted three times already.” Dustin kicks at another twig, this time with more anger behind it. He’s on edge, and you know he’s worried that somehow Lucas will figure out that he kept Dart all this time.
You’d help the kid, but he dug his own grave.
“Malted?” Steve asks, looking over to you to see if you’re hearing what he’s hearing.
“No, buddy.” You shake your head at him, slightly endeared by the confusion on his face.
“Molted,” your brother clarifies. “Shed his skin to make room for growth, like hornworms.”
“I don’t think Steve knows what hornworms are, Dustin.”
The boy sighs, knowing you’re right, and continues to walk.
Max, however, won’t let the topic go. “When’s he gonna molt again?”
“It's gotta be soon.” Dustin responds, now looking around tiredly. He doesn’t have to tell you, but you saw how quickly Dart grew overnight; he’s grown at an alarming rate. “When he does he’ll be fully grown, or close to it.”
“And so will his friends,” you say grimly.
It’s quiet for a moment after that, your words unnerving the group. Everyone but Max had to deal with a fully grown Demogorgon last year, and none of you have forgotten how terrifying it had been. You all still have scars from it, both metaphorically and physically.
After a minute or so, Steve tries to lighten up the situation. “Well, at least there isn’t another cat for them to eat–”
“Steve–” But you’re too late, Lucas has already picked up on what the teen is saying.
The boy shoves past you and whips around to face Dustin, angrier than you’ve ever seen him. “Wait, a cat? Dart ate a cat?”
“No, what? No!” Your brother is a terrible liar.
“What are you talking about? He ate Mews–” Your elbow digs into Steve’s side, causing him to hunch over and wheeze. “Shit.”
You force Steve’s head up so that he looks at you while you forcefully whisper, “Stop. Talking.”
“Mews? Who’s Mews?”
You turn to Max. “It’s nothing–”
“It’s their cat,” Steve wheezes out, still not at all understanding the situation.
“Steve!” You and Dustin screech at the same time. God, maybe it does make sense that he’s barely graduating high school.
“I knew it! You kept him!” Lucas shouts at Dustin, before turning to you with hurt in his eyes. “And you let him hide it from the party?”
You wince. “I had a suspicion, but by the time I found out it had already been too late and–”
“He missed me. He wanted to come home… and Y/N just happened to not know about it for a while.” Dustin interrupts, trying to appease his friend, but it doesn’t work.
“Bullshit!”
“I didn’t know he was a Demogorgon, okay?”
“Oh, so now you admit it?”
You try to intervene, you’ve always hated when the boys fight. “Listen, what’s done is done and it’s too late to be angry now.”
Lucas scoffs. “I crawled into a dumpster to find Dart!”
“And that was a conscious decision that you made–”
“Guys!” Max steps in. “Who cares? We have to go.”
“I care!” Lucas faces Dustin again. “You put the party in jeopardy! You broke the rule of law!”
“So did you!” You’ve never heard anger like this come out from Dustin. It isn’t an anger that spills over from a regular argument. Your eyes flicker to Max and you know that the anger is one that stems from hurt.
You remember how excited Dustin had been to tell you about his crush on the girl. Now, after she came here with Lucas, you fear you may have to have a code blue soon with your brother about young love and heartbreak. Unrequited crushes suck.
The kids all begin to scream at one another and you’re too tired to try and intervene again. Technically, they’re all right. Lucas shouldn’t have told Max everything, Dustin shouldn’t have hid Dart, and both boys shouldn’t continuously treat Max like some weird outsider.
As they argue, Steve rubs small circles in your back, sensing how exhausted you are. While your bleeding may have stopped, you still feel woozy from the blood loss and could really go for some water and food right now.
“They’ll figure it out,” he assures you, breath warm against your ear, and all you can do is sigh.
You’re about to tell Steve that maybe you should all walk back home, it’s late and the kids are all too mad at one another to be of any help, but then you hear screeching coming from the distance.
You both freeze.
Slowly, the two of you step away from the kids to follow after the sound. They’re too busy arguing to notice, but the screeching continues to grow louder and you share a look with Steve. This isn’t good.
“Hey guys?” Steve calls towards the kids, hand never leaving your back.
The kids continue to argue, ignoring him, and you bring your fingers to your lips and let out a high pitched whistle. “Idiots!” Lucas, Dustin, and Max all go quiet, looking over at you. More screeches fill the silence, and you tilt your head towards the sound. “Hear that? Shall we continue to fight or are we done here?”
Steve flashes his light towards the source of the sound and beckons for the kids to follow. You stay behind, both of you silently agreeing that he’ll lead and you’ll make sure everyone is safe. Lucas and Dustin immediately follow, but Max lingers.
“Hey, you comin’?” You ask, motioning towards where the boys have all gone.
“Why are we headed towards the sound?”
“Because it’s what we do,” you shrug. “Welcome to the party.”
Max blinks at you, in disbelief, and it breaks your heart that she has to come to terms with all of this. Taking the risk, you reach towards her hand, offering her time to pull away, but she doesn’t. She lets you grab her hand and you squeeze it, giving her a soft smile. “I’m right here.”
The girl exhales, still guarded, yet she finally nods at your words. She seems to believe you, which you’re thankful for, and together the two of you follow after the others. The five of you approach the overlook, all of Hawkins visible. There’s a layer of thick fog covering the town, the screeches ominous as the town is blanketed.
“I don’t see him,” Dustin mumbles next to you, though he slowly links his fingers through yours, quietly confessing to you that he’s scared.
You squeeze his hand. “Lucas, do you think your binoculars can see that far?”
The boy brings them up to his eyes, and within a few seconds he seems to have spotted the source. He swallows, lowers the binoculars, and says, “It’s the lab.”
“They’re going back home.” You whisper, feeling defeated more than anything else. It somehow always comes back to that fucking lab. Will’s episodes, Mike’s silence, Nancy and Jonathan taking the burden of bringing the entire lab down themselves.
You now understand the immense anger Nancy felt that day during lunch, when you had all been at Jonathan’s car and she created her genius plan. How badly she wanted to make the assholes pay for what they did to Hawkins. To Will. To Barb. To sweet El.
“We have to follow.” You say, an edge to your voice. Your side sears with pain, your ankle sending phantom pains up your leg. Dustin clings onto your hand like his life depends on it. You’re sick of suffering the consequences that Hawkin’s Lab has brought upon itself.
You begin to walk down the overlook, steps slow and careful, and while the kids glance uncertainly at one another, Steve doesn’t hesitate to follow after you.
–
As you approach the gate to the lab, you see a car with headlights parked in front of it. Two figures stand at the edge of the forest line, watching.
Other people are here.
You bring your knives out and flick the handle so that the blades extend. Steve stands next to you, his own bat raised after seeing your fear, and you nod at one another to slowly begin approaching.
“Hello?” One of the figures shouts, their voice oddly familiar.
You stop.
“Who’s there?” The voice shouts again, and this time you recognize it.
It’s Jonathan.
Immediately you start to run, damning the pain in your side, and when you break through the treeline and see Jonathan standing there with Nancy, both of them safe and sound, you start to run even faster.
When Jonathan sees that it’s you, he starts to run as well and within seconds the two of you are a tangle of arms and limbs. He hugs you fiercely, his cologne familiar and you hadn’t known how homesick you were until you felt his arms around you.
“Bug,” Jonathan exhales with relief, squeezing you even tighter. He brings a hand to your hair and cradles your head, his fingers sure and strong and familiar as always. You bury your face in his neck, feeling all the pain and exhaustion from today begin to dissipate.
Nancy walks over and lays a hand on your arm as you’re still wrapped around Jonathan. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
“I’m glad you guys are okay,” you sniff, you’re not sure why you’re crying. “God, I’ve had the weirdest two days of my life–”
“Steve?” Jonathan and Nancy suddenly say at the same time.
You pull away from your friend and let out a chuckle. Steve and the kids have now joined, confusion on all of their faces. “Like I said, it’s been a weird few days.”
“Nancy?” Steve walks over, his eyes going back and forth between you and the girl. He feels an overwhelming mixture of emotions overtake him. He notices the way Jonathan’s arm is still wrapped around you as you stand close to his side, and he notices the way Nancy avoids his eyes. Something burns within his chest.
“Jonathan?” Dustin narrows his eyes at the boy, and you can’t help but laugh.
Jonathan and Nancy approach the others and you slowly follow, taking your time. Nancy reaches Steve first. “What are you doing here?”
“What are you doing here?” Steve retorts.
“We’re looking for Mike and Will.”
You grab Nancy’s jacket. “Are they okay? Did something happen?”
“They’re not in there, are they?” Dustin motions towards the lab, fear in his voice.
Nancy lowers her voice. “We’re not sure.”
Jonathan senses there’s something else going on. “Why?”
Right on cue, the Demodogs begin to screech from the lab. Next to you, you feel Jonathan stiffen with fear. You know, without having to ask, that his family is stuck inside the lab. Suddenly the gash in your side stings in pain and you clutch at it and let out a wince. Hearing this, Jonathan finally realizes that you’re covered in blood.
“Oh my god,” his hands fall to your side as he scans for any other injuries. “You’re bleeding, oh my god.”
“I’m okay–”
“Fuck, bug. It looks bad–”
“Had a minor setback, we’re all good now though.”
Jonathan shakes his head at you, his eyes dripping with guilt; you know he’s already placed the blame upon himself long before he speaks. “I should’ve been there. I knew something was wrong when you didn’t call, and then Nance and I came back to my home being wrecked and you weren’t at your place and I was worried sick and thought you were dead–”
You grab his hands, forcing him to slow down and breathe. “Hey, look at me.” Slowly, his eyes meet yours. “I’m okay, bee. I had to protect the kids, and I had Steve. I’m right here.”
Jonathan looks over at Steve, who is stuck in some argument between Nancy and the kids, and he lets out a tired laugh. He can’t believe that he’s here right now, tired and delirious from a long trip with Nancy as you hold his hands, your own blood covering them, while Steve spares you worried glances. “Friends with him again, then?”
“It was inevitable.” You sigh, knowing how heavy your words are. Truly, it was inevitable. He’s too much like you, your wounds a matching pair, and you never stood a chance against the inevitability. He’s an extension of you now, you can no longer deny this.
“Are you really okay, though?” Jonathan asks you, still concerned about how much blood is on you. He feels this tug within him, pulling at his chest to encase you within his arms and to never, ever let you out of his sight again.
There’s still a slight limp in your step that Jonathan sees when he thinks you aren’t looking, the scar on your upper arm is harsh against the smooth skin he’s come to memorize, disrupting the topography of your body. Now, you’ve once again gotten hurt because of him. Your favorite cardigan is ripped and bloodied and Jonathan knows it’s one more scar he’s inexplicably given you.
The scars may fade, but he knows he’ll never be able to forgive himself. It’s the same heavy weight you feel within yourself over Will’s disappearance.
You notice that Jonathan’s eyes have glazed over in despair and you kiss his knuckles, bringing him back to you. “I promise I am.”
He nods, though he still looks unsure, but he pulls you in again for another hug. For a moment, everything is still. It reminds you of when you had been in Jonathan’s car last Christmas as he drove you home, the memories between you had gone still. You close your eyes, like you had last year, and for a moment nothing has changed.
“The power’s back!” Nancy exclaims, effectively shutting everyone up about who has seen what when.
You pull away from Jonathan. The urgence in her voice reminds you that everything has changed. There’s a scar on your upper arm that now has a matching scar on your ribcage. Jonathan has bags underneath his eyes that seem like they'll never go away.
You look away from him and look over at the kids and see, in Dustin’s and Lucas’ faces, the familiar fear and acceptance that they’re inevitably in danger. Steve catches your eye and he nods, indicating that whatever happens next, he’s ready whenever you are.
The seven of you quickly make your way back towards the lab’s gate, and Jonathan is the first to get there with you following close behind. The two of you stand in the patrol panel, Jonathan aggressively hitting the button designated for opening the gate, but nothing seems to be happening.
Suddenly Dustin barges in, roughly shoving past Jonathan and mumbling a soft sorry to you.
“Let me try.” Jonathan doesn’t move, which only aggravates your brother further and he flings the teen back. “Let me try, Jonathan!”
Jonathan looks at you incredulously, still having no idea why Dustin seems to suddenly hate him, and you stifle a laugh as you watch the boy repeatedly hit the button while nothing happens.
“Son of a bitch!” Dustin groans, still trying and failing to open the gate.
“Move over,” you shoulder past the kid and start pressing the button yourself. “It probably just doesn’t like you guys.”
Dustin and Jonathan both scoff at you, but you ignore them as you continue to press the button. You were mostly doing it to distract yourself, give your anxious mind something to do, but after a simple few taps, the gates unlock.
You cheer, immensely happy with yourself. “I did it! You guys just really do just suck!”
Jonathan shakes his head at you but offers his hand for you to high five, which you gladly do. As for your brother, he sticks his tongue out at you in retaliation. You ignore the kid and follow Jonathan outside to join the others.
Once the gates have fully opened, you, Nancy, Jonathan, and Steve all begin speaking at once.
“I’ll go,” you all say in unison.
The kids all stare at one another, wondering how this will go. It didn’t escape their notice that Jonathan and Nancy were alone together, and that Steve’s worry over you has strings attached to unspoken truths.
They may be young, but they can sense the tension between you and the teens pretty easily.
“No, someone has to stay with the kids.” Nancy reasons, looking over at Jonathan to back her up, and his eyes draw to hers naturally.
You see this, and you wonder when they became such a cohesive team.
“Bug, what are you thinking?” He asks, knowing that ultimately it’s your call. When it comes to the kids, you’re the one to turn to.
You bite your lip, unsure. Max, Lucas, and Dustin all stare at you, and you know the two boys want you to stay with them. They’ve been through hell tonight, so have you, but then you think about whatever has happened in the lab to Will and Mike.
Sighing, you walk over to Jonathan. “Nance is right. I’ll stay behind with Steve while you and her drive to the lab. They’ll need all the help they can get, and I’m currently in no condition to fight.”
Jonathan’s eyes once again fall to your wrapped side, uncertain if you’ll be safe enough out here. “You sure?”
“I’m sure, bee.” You kiss his cheek, fucking terrified something will go wrong. The lab is crawling with Demodogs. “Promise you’ll be careful?”
“Always,” he cups your face and brings his forehead to yours. “I’ll come back.”
You relish in the warmth and let out a shaky exhale. “Go get Will.”
The moment between you two is intimate; everyone around you looks away. Nancy stares down at her feet while Steve clenches his jaw.
After a few more seconds, you finally release yourself from Jonathan’s hold and turn towards Nancy. “That goes for you as well, Wheeler. Stay safe.”
She nods at you, spares Steve one last glance, and then follows after Jonathan into the car. Within seconds, they speed off down the road, towards Hawkin’s Lab as more Demodogs screech in the distance.
“Well that was awkward.” Max breaks the silence. “Sensing there’s a lot of history there.”
You snort, admiring the girl’s wit, and tiredly lean against the gate’s post. “Still have a lot to catch up on, Max.”
Steve doesn’t say anything, he just gently leans next to you against his own post and flips his flashlight in his hand.
Dustin starts to pace while Lucas stares at the sky, as if willing away every problem from the day, which you want to do yourself. However, your best friend is currently very close to a death lab that Will and Mike are inexplicably trapped in.
You try to calm your breathing, knowing it’s no use getting yourself worked up, but you’re terrified. Steve sees your unease and does his best to comfort you. “Hey, they’ll be okay. Jonathan is a smart guy and Nancy is tough as hell.”
Hearing Nancy’s name coming out of his mouth makes you realize that you haven’t asked him how he’s feeling about all of this, which makes you feel even shittier. He confessed to you last night how he still loves her, and here you are, worried about your friend who the guy’s ex girlfriend showed up with.
“Are you okay?” You ask him softly, worried you’ll scare him away.
Steve doesn’t ask what you mean; he knows and lets out a dry laugh. “Not the most ideal situation.”
You’re about to say more, but something seems to catch Max’s attention. “Guys?”
You look towards where she’s pointing and you hear the faint sounds of tires squealing against concrete. The same sound Billy’s car had made in the school parking lot days ago. As you piece this together, headlights light up the gate and the honking starts.
Immediately you and Steve rush over to the kids and push them away, narrowly avoiding being hit. As soon as the road is cleared, Hopper’s familiar truck brakes in front of you.
“Let’s go,” the man gruffs out, and you’ve never been happier to see that obnoxious cop’s face.
Steve runs over to the passenger door and holds it open while you usher the kids to go inside. “Come on, let’s go! Go, go, go!”
One by one you get the kids seated in the truck, and once you and Steve make sure they’re in safely, he motions for you to go next before he climbs inside and slams the door shut. You end up squished up front, in between Hopper and Steve.
“Drive!” You scream, and Hopper doesn’t need to be told twice before he stomps on the gas and follows after Jonathan’s car.
It’s silent for a few minutes as everyone steadies their breathing, processing what’s just happened. You rub at your side, the rough movements from earlier having upset the wound. Hopper notices this and raises an eyebrow at you. “Lose a fight?”
“Mhm,” you see that he’s dressed in hospital scrubs and raise your own eyebrows. “Got checked into a psych ward?”
Hopper lets out a short laugh and you can see the exhaustion behind his eyes, but he plays along and you’re grateful for it. “Yeah, figured it was time.”
–
The Byers’ home is a disaster when you walk in. The walls are covered with pictures drawn by Will, a map that he somehow came to piece together, of an entire underground tunnel system that the Demodogs now reside in.
You sit on the ground next to Will, who has been placed on the couch while he’s still unconscious, and you hold his cold, limp hand as Jonathan kneels next to the boy and strokes his hair.
“I’m sorry, bud.” He whispers, voice breaking. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I should have been there.”
You grab Jonathan’s own hand. “He wouldn’t blame you. You couldn’t have known.”
Nancy places a hand on his shoulder as she watches over him, a certain concern in her eyes that you’ve never quite seen before. She’s always been the most guarded out of the three of you, but now she’s rubbing comforting circles into Jonathan’s back; you’ve never seen her so open before, so affectionate with someone.
You noticed how much closer they seemed earlier at the lab, how the tension between them now appears to be gone. You know that something happened on their spy adventure, you know they’d been alone together, probably gotten a motel room, even. Your stomach twists at the thought, but Will’s cold hand is a reminder that none of that matters right now. Like last year, he comes first.
“We’ll figure it out, bee. We always do.” You kiss Jonathan’s cheek, not knowing how many more times you’ll be able to do so, and you try to memorize how his face feels pressed against yours, the way your nose buries into his skin and the way he leans into the kiss each and every time.
Jonathan sniffles and thanks you, pulling you into his side as he continues to stroke Will’s hair. Nancy remains standing, and when you look up to offer her to sit next to you, you finally notice Steve standing in the corner, watching.
He’s holding himself as he watches the three of you and, despite how he tries to hide it, you see Steve wipe at his nose and blink away tears; he’s never looked so small before, and your heart breaks for him as he walks out of the room.
You excuse yourself to follow after him, bypassing Hopper who is angrily trying to contact some government people to alert them about Hawkin’s Lab.
Steve walks into the kitchen and faces the drawings on the wall, his back turned away from everyone in a pathetic attempt to gain some privacy. Slowly, you approach him and stand to his left. You know he senses your presence, but he continues to stare straight ahead.
“You want to talk about it?” You ask, voice low so no one else in the kitchen can hear.
Steve closes his eyes and shakes his head, it’s all of a response he can give you right now. He’s worried that if he tries to speak, he’ll start crying. His worst fear has come true. He’s been replaced.
Tentatively, you grab his hand and bring your lips to his ear. “Can I?”
You feel Steve shiver, his breath is shaky, and though he isn’t quite sure what you’re asking him, he nods anyways.
He will always say yes to you.
The moment Steve nods, you tug at the hand you’re holding and bring his arms around you; he practically melts in your arms. Releasing another shaky breath, he buries his face in your hair and inhales your perfume as if gasping for air. He brings a hand to your hair as he cradles the back of your head, bringing you even closer together.
For the first time in Steve’s life, his mind goes quiet.
You’re aware of everyone else in the room, you know you’ll have to deal with the kids’ nosy questions later, but you don’t care. Steve needs you, and the way he’s clinging onto you as you hug tells you everything you need to know.
He’s barely holding it together, so you discretely shift so that the others can’t see as you attempt to piece him back together with your arms tightening around him and your fingers intertwining through his hair as well.
Your ribs scream in protest as you lean against the boy, but the pain reassures you that you are alive and sharing this pain with someone you’ve come to care deeply about.
“I’m here,” you whisper, feeling Steve’s body shake at the reassurance. “It’s just you and me right now, okay?”
He nods, still too scared to speak. The two of you remain interlocked in the kitchen you grew up in, surrounded by Will’s drawings and memories of early morning breakfasts with Jonathan, and Dustin watches from the kitchen table.
Lucas watches as well and shares a glance with your brother, who can only shake his head and sigh. He knows, sooner or later, that he’ll have to ask you about Steve, he’s never seen you like this before, not even with Jonathan, but for now he leaves you both alone.
When Hopper angrily hangs up the phone, Dustin uses it as an opportunity to distract himself. “They didn’t believe you, did they?”
“We’ll see,” Hopper sighs, tired.
“‘We’ll see’? We can’t just sit here while those things are loose!” Mike exclaims, his foot tapping nervously underneath the table.
The chief sighs again, now spotting you and Steve still holding each other in the corner. “Hey, Henderson and pretty boy, get a room. Mike, we stay here and we wait for help.”
Hearing your name, you finally break apart from Steve and send Hopper an embarrassed glare, clearing your throat. Steve clears his throat as well and takes several steps away from you. His cheeks flaming red.
“Did he call me pretty boy?” Steve whispers to you, but you shush him, instead walking over to Mike, who has now started to tap his foot even more aggressively.
Standing behind the boy, you rub his shoulder, unsure how to help the boy. You know he’s worried about Will and he’s always hated waiting almost as much as you do. At your touch, Mike turns his head to look up at you, and the fire that’s always been in his eyes has died.
You look around the table, it’s quiet. Max is playing with her fingernails, Lucas is staring at the table with tears in his eyes, and Dustin is watching as you try to comfort Mike. All the kids are in their own state of shock and grief. They’re too young for all of this.
Meanwhile, Steve hangs back by the corner, knowing that this is what you do best: you take care of people. He watches as you furrow your brows for a second, a slight quirk he’s picked up about you, and slowly he sees you piece together how to help the kids you love so dearly.
You start with leaning against the table, wedged between Dustin and Mike, and somehow–Steve has always wondered how you do this–you light up the cold room with warmth.
“I’m sorry you had to go through all of this by yourself,” you stroke Mike’s hair, it’s rare that you get to do this, but he remains numb to your touch. “Had I known any of this would happen, I would’ve made you more fudge brownies.”
Though it’s small, almost imperceptible, Mike lets out a tiny huff, a placeholder of a laugh.
At least it’s a start.
You whisper more words to him as Dustin leans against your back, grounded by your presence, and Max watches this with interested yet envious eyes. She still has yet to grow used to your kindness, to the love you share with the boys: a sibling relationship she’s never had before.
As you’re comforting Mike, his eyes wander towards the living room and suddenly he gets up. You watch, curious as to what he’s doing, as he grabs a cube and delicately rolls it around in his hand.
“Did you guys know that Bob was the original founder of Hawkins AV?”
At the mention of Bob’s name, you bring Dustin closer to you. With everything that’s happened tonight, the reminder of the man’s death fills you with raw, unfiltered grief. When you arrived at the Byers home and found a distraught Joyce, you knew.
Bob is dead, and he has taken all the kindness he shared with you. He was a sweet man, one who took you in without any question as soon as he started dating Joyce, a man who offered you rides to work and encouraged you to stop by his own job any time. The same man who brought the woman who is like a second mother to you, back to life.
Your heart breaks for Joyce, for Will and Jonathan and all the other kids.
Bob Newby truly was a superhero, everyone he ever interacted with came out a better person because of it. He never left anyone without a smile on their face, and now he’s gone.
Once you’ve managed to swallow down your grief, you voice from the kitchen, “I didn’t know that.”
Mike turns to you. “He petitioned the school to start it and everything, and then he had a fund-raiser for equipment. Mr. Clark learned everything from him.” There’s light in his voice as he approaches the table again, a spark as if the fire is trying to relight itself. “Pretty awesome, right?”
Dustin and Lucas nod, faint smiles on their own faces. “Yeah.”
Mike sets the cube down. “We can’t let him die in vain.”
You agree with him, but how could you possibly accomplish something like that>
“What do you want to do, Mike?” Dustin lifts his head up, frustrated. “The Chief’s right on this. We can’t stop those Demodogs on our own.”
“Demodogs?” Max finally speaks up.
You sigh, tired of hearing your brother’s explanation of his made up name. “Please don’t ask–”
“Demogorgon, dog. Demodog.” Your brother explains, and you pinch the bridge of your nose. “Demodogs. It’s like a compound… It’s like a play on words–”
“Okay!” You and Max say at once, cutting off his spiel.
“I mean, when it was just Dart, maybe…”
You snort at Dustin. “Tell that to my ribcage.”
The boy glares at you and Lucas takes over, reigning you both back in. “But there’s an army now.”
“Precisely,” Dustin sighs in defeat.
Mike, who has been quiet the entire conversation, realizes something. “His army.”
Steve looks around, confused. “What do you mean?”
“His army!” Mike faces everyone, and the fire behind his eyes now fully alive, and you know he’s come up with some genius plan like his sister always does. “Maybe if we stop him, we can stop his army too.”
Dustin and Lucas share a glance and seem to be understanding what Mike is saying, but you look to Steve, equally as lost as he is, before Mike runs out the room while the others follow.
“Any idea what that kid is saying?” The teen asks you, but you shake your head.
“On a good day, I understand maybe a quarter of what Mike says. However, with significant blood loss and no real meals in me, I’m afraid I have no fucking idea what’s happening.”
“Cool,” Steve steps closer to you and motions for you to guide the way. “Let’s follow, then.”
You find the kids in Will’s room, all standing over a picture that the boy drew. In it is a looming figure with four long limbs, its figure thin and haunting as it stalks over the picture. Seeing the drawing, you get an uneasy feeling.
“The doctor said it was like a virus, it infected him.” Mike is explaining, speaking so fast you can barely keep up as you and Steve stand in the doorway.
“What virus?” You ask, now standing next to the kids.
Mike hands you the picture. “The shadow monster, it got Will that day at the field.”
“And this virus… It’s connecting him to the tunnels?” Max seems to be following along better than you are, which is quite depressing.
“The tunnels, monsters, the Upside Down, everything.”
Something within your stomach drops, the familiar weight of guilt follows it. “Will is still connected to the Upside Down?”
“Whoa, slow down,” Steve steps in now, sensing your panic, and tries to rectify the situation. “Let’s all just slow down.”
Mike groans. “The shadow monster is inside everything, and if the vines feel something like pain, then so does Will.”
Again, guilt throws itself against you with all its weight, and you feel each thud against your body like a hammer feels a nail.
Lucas nods. “And so does Dart.”
“Like what Mr. Clark taught us. The hive mind.” Mike follows.
You’re silent, staring at the picture still in your hands.
Steve crosses his arms. “Hive mind?”
“A collective consciousness, a super organism.” You hear Dustin clarify, but it’s all beginning to blur together for you.
All you can think is that you’re the reason Will has become entangled in all of this, in alternate dimensions, infected with a monster so powerful that it can create vast tunnels underneath your feet and monsters bred to kill.
Mike is on a roll now, it’s all clicking together. “And this is the thing that controls everything. It’s the brain–”
“Like the mind flayer,” Dustin realizes, which causes both Lucas and Mike to stop in their tracks.
It seems the boys have figured it all out, then.
And it seems to you that old scars will never fade, not in the way that they should.
Swallowing down your nausea and tears and guilt, you finally speak. “Explain everything to me.”
–
Dustin throws the DnD book onto the Byers’ kitchen table, beginning to explain everything as everyone gathers around.
You stand next to him, Steve to your right, and watch as your brother commands the room as if he was born to do so. As he explains, you look around and everyone. Jonathan stands next to Lucas, facing across from you, and Nancy finds herself standing to your left, worried.
“Oh my god, none of this is real,” Hopper is already over the entire situation, which annoys you. “This is a kid’s game.”
“I’m sorry, but those Demodogs that just attacked us are logical to you?” You snap at the cop, completely baffled that he for some reason decided to draw the line at a DnD reference rather than literal demons from another dimension.
Hopper narrows his eyes at you, but before he can say anything, Jonathan shrugs his shoulders. “Y/N has a point, you know.”
“Okay, before we all start fighting, I just want to point out that this,” Dustin points to the book on the table. “Is a manuel, and it’s not for kids. Unless you know something that we don’t, this is the best metaphor–”
“Analogy.” Lucas interrupts.
“Analogy, that’s what you’re worried about?” You grab at Dustin’s jacket to try and settle him down, but he’s angry and annoyed and you know it’s been a long day for everyone. “Fine. An analogy for understanding whatever the hell this is!”
Nancy sees you struggling with the boy and tries to step in. “Okay, so this mind flamer thing–”
“Flayer,” you gently correct.
“What does it want?”
Dustin bites his lip. “To conquer us, basically. It believes it’s the master race.”
Steve, who is leaning next to Dustin and you, snaps his finger. “Like the Germans?”
“Uh… The Nazis?” Your brother looks at you, silently urging you to shut the teen up, and you pinch your nose again and sigh.
“Oh, buddy.” You loop your arm through his and pat Steve’s shoulder. “Let’s just listen, okay?”
Steve tries to say more but you hold your finger up, indicating that you won’t listen to whatever he’s about to say, and he rolls his eyes at you but rests his free hand against the one you have on his arm.
However, when Lucas announces that you could all be dealing with the end of the world, Steve lets out a dry laugh and tries to pull away from you, freaking out. “That’s great! That’s really great, jesus!”
You pull him back by the arm, forcing him to stand next to you and calm down, and he doesn’t try to fight it. Though he’s scared out of his fucking mind and in over his head, he listens to your silent command and comes back to you. Once he’s still, you unwrap your arm from his and bring that hand to the back of his neck, playing with the baby hairs there to try and soothe him.
Steve leans into your touch, his shoulders start to relax, and you know he’s slowly calming down.
Jonathan sees this interaction and catches your eye, and when he has your attention, he flashes you a knowing smirk as he mouths, friendly, aren’t we?
You narrow your eyes and subtly point between him and Nancy, mouthing back, you’re one to talk, which effectively shuts Jonathan up and he diverts his eyes again, going back to focusing on what Dustin and the others are saying.
“No, no fireballs,” Dustin is explaining to Hopper. “Instead, you–uh. You summon an undead army and… Uh, because… Zombies, ya know? They don’t–uh, have brains and the–the mind flayer, it, uh, likes brains.”
When your brother sees you shaking your head in disappointment and Hopper’s barely controlled anger, he quickly finishes with, “It’s just a game.”
You nudge his shoulder with yours. “You did well explaining, buddy.”
Dustin gives you a weak thumbs up as Hopper angrily throws the book down. “What the hell are we doing here?”
“I thought we were waiting for your military backup.” Dustin retorts, and you quickly raise your hand for a high five, which he gladly accepts.
Hopper sees this and rolls his eyes. “We are!”
“But even if they come, how are they gonna stop this? You can’t just shoot this with guns!” Mike quips, and you give him a high five as well.
“You don’t know that! We don’t know anything!” Hopper roars, and it takes everything within you not to flinch at his raised voice.
“We do know, actually.” You say, voice quiet but stern as you try to steady your heartbeat. You’ve never, ever been able to hear a man yelling at you without some form of panic clawing at your chest. “Ask Nancy about the guns. We fought a fully grown Demodog last year, you seem to conveniently forget that.”
Hopper clenches his jaw. “Every time I start to like you, you piss me off again.”
“It’s a skill.”
Everyone begins to argue again, Hopper with you while Dustin, Lucas, and Mike take your side to try and reason with the cop, before a frail, broken voice silences you all.
“They’re right.” Joyce stumbles from her room, her face still wet with tears as grief overtakes her.
“Mrs. Byers,” you breathe out, immediately walking over to the woman to stand by her side, but she gently pushes you away.
“We have to kill it.” Anger slowly spills into her voice. “I want to kill it.”
Hopper joins your side now, the two of you surrounding the woman. “Me too, Joyce. Okay? But how do we do that? We don’t exactly know what we’re dealing with here.”
“We don’t know what could happen to Will,” you urge, understanding Joyce’s anger but terrified of how it may affect her son.
“If anyone knows how to destroy this thing, it’s Will.” Mike begins to walk over to the boy, who is still knocked out cold on the couch. “He’s connected to it. He’ll know its weakness.”
Everyone stands in the living room now, and dread encases its hand around your throat. You don’t want to make Will any more involved in this than he needs to be, he’s been through too much.
Max cocks her head. “I thought we couldn’t trust him anymore. That he’s a spy for the mind flayer now.”
“We can always trust Will.” There’s an edge to your voice, and Jonathan has to grab your hand to steady you.
Mike nods, understanding what you’re trying to voice. “I know, Y/N. We can always trust him, and he can’t spy if he doesn’t know where he is.”
–
Somehow, Steve gets paired up with Nancy to cover the inside of the Byers’ shed with tarps.
One minute Steve had been standing behind you in the living room as Mike explained his plan, and the next minute he was being auctioned off to join his ex in a small shed while you got to happily team up with Jonathan and his mom.
It was unfair, really.
While he’s moping about his luck, Nancy hesitantly looks at Steve, clearly also as equally uncomfortable in the silence. She lingers as Steve begins to hang up another tarp and she tears a piece of tape for him, waiting.
She watches as Steve’s body stretches the length of the wall and realizes that this is the first time they’ve been alone together since their conversation at school, and that his languid movements are foreign to her.
Nancy hasn’t seen him so at ease in a long, long time.
She thinks about how you’d been with him these last few days while she had been with Jonathan, and she wonders what else may have possibly changed in such a short amount of time.
“Hey,” she finally says, the silence clawing at her. “What you did, um… Helping the kids, that was really cool.”
Steve still looks at Nancy with such sincerity and warmth, something that makes her stomach twist with guilt. He doesn’t know what she’s done just yet, and she doesn’t know if he has a right to even care at all.
“Yeah,” he exhales, breaking the eye contact first. “Those little shits are real trouble, ya know?”
Nancy finds herself laughing, grateful he seems open to talking to her. “Believe me, I know.”
“It’s a miracle that Y/N survived so long on her own.” Steve says absentmindedly, returning to hanging up the tarp.
Hearing your name causes Nancy’s stomach to twist again. Steve may not have pieced everything together just yet, but she knows that you have. You’ve always been able to read people well, too well, even.
Jonathan wasn’t yours and she wasn’t Steve’s, yet Nancy feels an overwhelming sense of guilt for the two of you.
“It’s nice that you were there for her,” Nancy avoids looking at Steve again.
“Y/N has been there for everyone else, so I figured it was time that someone was finally there for her?” He shakes his head, unsure what he’s even saying. “I just… I wanted to help her.”
Nancy doesn’t say anything, she only nods and continues tearing off more pieces of tape.
You’re too good, everyone knows this, and sometimes Nancy finds herself resenting you for it, even though none of it is your fault.
–
Jonathan tears down another bedsheet from the clothing line and tosses it into the growing pile of sheets and bedding in your arms; he yanks them down, you catch, and then he cuts the lines with the knives you loaned him.
“You sure this is gonna work?” Jonathan asks his mom, who has joined the two of you to collect her own pile of sheets to cover the shed.
Joyce nods, the familiar frantic look in her eyes from last year is now back. “He knew who I was. He’s still in there. It’s gonna work, it has to.”
You peek from behind the pile of cloth you’re holding. “Who knows, maybe we can finally prove whether or not Freud’s theory of consciousness is correct.”
Jonathan doesn’t understand what you mean, but Joyce sends you a grateful smile, appreciative that you’re trying to remain optimistic despite the situation, and then leaves before her son can question the plan once more.
As soon as the two of you are alone, Jonathan puts your switchblade in his pocket and then faces you, not wasting a second to finally have you to himself. “Okay, tell me everything I missed while I was gone.”
His eager curiosity makes you smile. “I appreciate the enthusiasm, but aren’t we on a time limit?”
“I think we can spare a few minutes, bug.”
“Fine, but at least grab some of these sheets so I can actually look at you while I talk.”
Jonathan laughs and does as he’s told, grabbing some of the cloth you’re holding and lessening the weight of it for you. Once he’s able to see your face, he smiles warmly at you. “Hi,”
“Hi, bee.” The greeting drips from your mouth like pure honey, and with two simple words, Jonathan can feel himself finally begin to relax.
“So,” he wiggles his eyebrows at you. “Go on.”
You take a deep breath, knowing that what you’re about to tell Jonathan will remove the carefree smile on his face. He’ll only blame himself, and you hate the responsibility he seems to feel for you.
“The only major thing, well… Besides the Demodogs, is that I spilled milk all over Billy, the guy you punched at the Halloween party.”
Jonathan gapes at you. “What?”
“Yeah, it was kinda awesome, honestly. He was being a bitch, accusing me and Steve of getting together to piss you and Nance off, and he was just being an overall creep, so… I spilled milk on him to get him to shut up so that Steve wouldn’t end up knocking the guy out.”
“Wait, Steve was there?” He tries to keep his voice level, but even Jonathan can hear the underlying hurt within his voice.
He’s not sure why the hurt is there, or why the thought of Steve being the one now protecting you sends a punch to his throat.
“Yeah,” you frown at him, confused by his sudden shift in mood. “He was with me in the lunchroom, wanted to know where you and Nance had run off to.”
Jonathan swallows. “I’m glad he was there, bug.”
And he is, he knows he is, but he also knows that it’s getting harder and harder to ignore the shift that has come between the two of you. How it was only thirty minutes ago that you had wrapped your arm around Steve’s, not Jonathan’s.
He clears his throat. “So, about Steve…”
“What about him?” You feign ignorance, but Jonathan sees the blush that has started to spread across your face.
“You’re blushing, bug.” It hurts him to tease, but he knows he has to. Jonathan has to play the role he had been given when he was twelve and had met you that day on Nancy’s front porch.
The same girl he slept with last night, who he has come to love with such devotion that he still struggles to accept within himself.
They haven’t talked about it, at least not yet, but all the unsaid truths between you and Jonathan hang over him. He can feel the lines and threads and strings all closing in on you two, and he knows you can also sense it as well.
“It’s nothing, bee.” You start walking towards the shed, uncomfortable now. You don’t want Jonathan’s teasing, not when it comes to Steve; it’s too painful, you still haven’t quite come to terms with your newfound feelings for the boy.
Not when you haven’t laid your feelings for Jonathan to rest, yet.
It wouldn’t be fair to Steve.
Jonathan steps in front of you, blocking your path. He feels as if he’s about to lose you, and for the first time since he’s met you, he doesn’t know how to make you stay. “Hey, I’m sorry. It’s just… I know you.”
His words burn.
“Let’s just get back to the shed–”
“Bug,” he blocks your path again. He’s not ready to lose you just yet, but he knows he will soon. It’s inevitable. “I know you, and when you’re around Steve, you just… You’re different, a–a good different, and–”
“Jonathan, I really don’t want to talk about this,” you plead, but he hears the at least not with you that goes unsaid. “Why don’t you focus on your newly formed relationship with Nancy, okay?”
Jonathan stumbles over his feet. “You–you know?”
“I know you,” you echo his words from moments ago, with its melancholy and all.
He sighs, steps to the side, and lets you go.
It’s quiet after that.
–
In the shed, everyone busies themselves with their tasks.
You, Steve, and Lucas run around with nail guns and tape for those who need it. The rest of the kids work as a unit, helping one another with covering every inch of wall they can find. Meanwhile, Nancy wraps newspaper around the poles while Jonathan carries Will through the door.
Seeing Will, limp within Jonathan’s arms, only reminds you of the dead body that had been pulled from the quarry last year.
Only this time it really is Will.
Together, you and Jonathan gently place the boy in the chair and tie him. You ignore the way your heart clenches as you knot the cords together; you’re doing this to save him. Joyce prepares the medicine needed to knock Will out, in case anything happens, and as you watch, Lucas and Mike switch on the overhead lamps, blinding you.
“Christ,” you mumble, holding your hand up to shield your eyes from the light.
“It works,” Mike looks at you, hopeful. “It’s gonna work.”
Hopper steps forward, facing everyone. “If you aren’t related to the Byers family, get out.” While everyone begins to leave, you and Mike remain where you are. When Hopper sees this, he frowns. “What did I just say?”
Dustin and Steve linger in the doorway, both silently asking you what the plan is, and you give them a slight nod to indicate that it’s okay. You’ll join them later, right now Will needs you and you sure as hell aren’t leaving Mike and Jonathan alone to deal with this.
“Y/N is family, Hop.” Joyce stands next to you, placing a hand on your shoulder.
You smile at her before facing the chief. “I’m staying.”
“Me, too.” Mike echos, standing his own ground against the man, and you refrain from giving him another high five for his bravery.
Better not to upset Hopper too much more.
The man in question groans, too tired to argue. “Fine, you two can stay, but only because I know that if I don’t let Henderson stay then Jonathan will probably have a panic attack or something.”
Jonathan shrugs. “Probably.”
Dustin rushes over to you and gives you a tight hug. “Be careful.”
“I will,” you kiss the top of his hat, catching Steve’s eye in the process. “Take care of him, please?”
Steve nods, without any hesitation to do as you’ve asked. “Of course.”
And with that, the door to the shed closes as the last of the group leaves.
It’s silent after that, and you take a second to admire the work everyone did. The shed is completely unrecognizable, and the lights will only further limit Will’s vision. A part of you truly believes that this plan could work, but you’ve long since stopped letting your hope get the better of you.
“Alright, you ready?” Hopper looks over at Joyce, holding the ammonia needed to wake Will up.
“Yeah,” the woman crosses her arms, and you want to reach out and hold her.
Everyone is quiet as Hopper crouches in front of Will and dabs some ammonia onto a cotton ball. Then, slowly, he brings it up to the boy’s face and waits for him to inhale. When he does, Will’s eyes snap open and he inhales so sharply that you’re worried he’s hurt himself.
You stand in between Mike and Jonathan, and seeing the pure fear on Will’s face brings tears to your eyes. He reminds you of a deer, small and frail, with eyes so full of fear that it makes you ache.
Will’s eyes dart around the room, and when he notices that he’s tied to the chair, he begins to tug at the cords. “What–what is this? Why am I tied up?”
“Will, we just wanna talk to you,” Joyce softly tells him, now eye level with the boy as she does her best to calm him down. “We’re not gonna hurt you.”
“Where am I?” The fear that had once been in Will’s voice is gone, now replaced with an anger that seems so foreign to associate with the boy.
Hopper joins now, showing him the picture of the mind flayer that he drew. “You recognize this?”
Will shakes his head and looks over at you, now realizing that you’re there, and you force yourself to look away. He’s always been the sweetest boy, but he killed so many innocent people today, even if he hadn’t meant to.
You trust Will, you do, but you remind yourself that the boy in front of you isn’t really him.
“We wanna help you,” Joyce tries to reassure him again. “But to do that, we have to understand how to kill it.”
At the mention of killing, Will’s eyes widen as more anger seeps through him, now shouting at his mother, “Why am I tied up? Why am I tied up? Why am I tied up?”
He begins to thrash around, throwing his head back against the wall as he repeatedly screams and begs to be let go. The lights are now flickering and immediately you draw Mike into your chest, trying to mask your own tears as you comfort him.
Jonathan clings behind you, his arms wrapped around your waist as he buries his face into your shoulder, and blindly you reach behind yourself so you can hold him as well. When you feel his tears spill against your skin, you wrap your arms tighter around Mike and cry.
Will continues to scream, becoming more and more violent, and something demonic seems to crawl into his vocal chords as he screams.
You hold Mike and Jonathan tighter against you, doing everything you can to be there for the boys. You knew this would be difficult, but as the lights continue to flicker and Will’s pale face quickly becomes paler with every plea, you feel weak.
With Jonathan behind you and Mike in front of you, both boys clinging onto you as sobs wrack your own body, it becomes unclear who is being held up and who is the one holding.
Hopper has his own arms wrapped around Will, and slowly, miraculously, his pleas begin to fade off. Exhaustion seems to overtake the boy, as he starts to mumble more than scream, and with every exhaled breath, the light’s flickering settles down.
Finally, silence.
The only sound in the shed is Will’s labored breaths, alongside your own.
Joyce sits in the chair placed in front of Will, takes a moment to find her words, and then asks the boy, “Do you know what March 22nd is?”
You do, it’s Will’s birthday, and you listen as Joyce talks about his eighth birthday and how she had gotten him a giant box of crayons and he had used all the colors to draw a rainbow ship. With every word, more despair and love fills the woman’s voice as she reflects on how proud she is of him, how much she loves him, and you have to turn away for a moment to wipe at your eyes.
After Joyce has finished her story, you all see something within Will. As if he’s coming back to himself, his eyes no longer holding the malic from earlier.
Jonathan detangles himself from you and wipes his eyes as well, taking a deep breath to calm himself. “Do you remember the day dad left?”
You turn around, already knowing the story that he’s about to tell, and you press a soft kiss to Mike’s forehead before joining Jonathan at Will’s side. He can’t be alone when he retells this story, because he hadn’t been alone when it happened.
“We stayed up all night building Castle Byers,” Jonathan reflects, nudging you as you crouch down in front of Will as well. “It was Y/N’s idea to build it just the way you drew it.”
“You loved the idea,” your voice cracks, but you try to hide it so that you don’t scare the boy.
You remember how Will’s face lit up when you surprised him with the idea. He hadn’t left his room in hours, blaming himself for Lonnie leaving, and Jonathan had shown up at your window, in tears as he confessed that he didn’t know how to help Will.
After yanking the teen into your room and sitting him down on your bed, you had told him that Will simply needed someone there for him, to remind him that he was good and lovely and that everything that Lonnie had ever said was wrong.
Later that day, the two of you showed up to the hardware store; two young teens with only pocket change as currency, and you’d bought all the supplies needed for Castle Byers.
“And it took so long because you were so bad at hammering.” The fondness of the memory causes Jonathan to laugh, and you do so as well as you remember just how many times Will had accidentally hit his fingers rather than the nail. “You missed the nail every time.”
“I thought you’d lose a finger, honestly.” You add, which Joyce laughs at.
Jonathan continues. “And then it started raining, but we stayed out there anyway. All of us were sick for like a week after that… But we just had to finish it, didn’t we? We just had to.”
You squeeze the teen’s hand and lean in closer to Will, sensing that it’s now your turn to speak. “Do you know what my nickname is for you?”
Will slowly nods, his eyes going to Jonathan and then back to you, indicating that he understands he’s your little bee.
“Little bee, that’s right.” It isn’t difficult to reminisce on your favorite memory with the boy, it comes to you immediately. “After we all had gotten the cold, do you remember the awful flu that Jonathan and Dustin somehow got like a week afterwards?”
Jonathan snorts, remembering how annoyed he had been for being so sick for so long. He had missed two whole weeks of school, and you were the one who had to bring his assignments to him and help with his homework.
“That weekend, our moms decided that it made more sense to send Jonathan to my house so he and Dustin could quarantine together, so I stayed at your house and we spent the entire weekend alone. Just you and me.”
You smile softly, the memory fresh and warm like an early spring day. You love Jonathan and Dustin endlessly, but being alone with Will was special. A rare occasion that the two of you always relished in. “That weekend, we watched all your favorite movies and I taught you how to bake the cookies you love so much… You taught me how to draw, and together we were happy.”
Your voice breaks again, the warmth of the memory slightly stings as you gaze into Will’s sunken eyes. Two years ago you had all of Will, his happiness genuine and his heart kind, and now you’re terrified you’ll never have that version of him back ever again.
Jonathan notices your hesitancy and strokes your face gently. “Go on,”
You grab the hand on your face and kiss it, grateful for the strength he’s loaning you. “We–we were almost sad when Dustin and Jonathan got better, because we had enjoyed our little weekend getaway.”
Joyce lets out a shaky breath as she reaches for you as well, her hand landing against your shoulder, a place she has long since inhabited for herself whenever she wants to express her love for you. She knows how fiercely you love her sons, and she remembers all the laughter and joy she heard that weekend within her home, a home that had long since stopped being warm for her.
“That weekend…” You force down the sobs that threaten to spill over. You have to finish the story, to remind Will of who he is again. He has to come back to you. “That weekend, you became my little bee.”
As soon as you say Will’s nickname, you lean away from the boy and try to collect yourself. You’ve said all that you physically can for now, and you hope it was enough. You hope, more than anything, that it will be enough to bring Will home again.
Mike steps forward now, and Will turns his head to him. “Do you remember the first day that we met?”
You notice the tear that falls down the boy’s face, and you lean your head against Jonathan’s shoulder in exhaustion as you listen to his story. It’s one you’ve never heard before, and it’s rare to see Mike so vulnerable with his feelings.
“It was… It was the first day of kindergarten. I knew nobody. I had no friends, and–and I just felt so alone and so scared but–” More tears come. “I saw you on the swings and you were alone, too. You were just swinging by yourself.”
Jonathan’s hand finds your hair as you both listen, and you know he’s thinking the same as you. How finding your person in a world so vast and lonely can bring you to life.
“I just walked up to you and… I asked. I asked if you wanted to be my friend, and you said yes.” Mike swallows, now diverting his eyes away from everyone. “You said yes, and it was the best thing I’ve ever done.”
Mike finishes with more tears, and you walk over to him so that he can hide his face against you. You know he wants to be alone right now, that he hates how exposed his emotions are, and as soon as you’ve wrapped your arms around the boy he buries his face in your chest and softly cries.
You do your best to shield him from the world.
Meanwhile, Joyce tries again to reach Will. “Will, baby. If you’re in there, just please… Please talk to us. Please, honey, can you do that for me? I love you so much.”
Something seems to collapse within Will, he fights back tears as his breathing becomes labored again. For a moment, you think it’s worked, that he’ll finally come back and you’ll have your little bee again.
“Let me go.” Will demands again, and you feel everyone’s heart in the room drop.
It’s quiet for several moments, but there’s a faint tapping that you hear. You don’t know where it’s coming from, but you’re sure that it hadn’t been there moments ago. You look around the room and see Hopper doing the same.
When your eyes meet his, he tilts his head at you as if to ask if you hear it too. You nod, and Hopper looks around once more before he freezes.
“Out,” Hopper suddenly orders, leaving no time for anyone to argue as he flings the shed door open and marches towards the Byers home.
–
“What happened?” Dustin immediately asks as soon as you enter the house.
“We think we found something,” you inform him, pointing to Hopper, who has now sat down at the kitchen table with a pen and paper.
Everyone gathers around him as he starts to scribble a series of lines and dots. “I think he’s talking, just not with words.
“What is that?” Steve asks, lost as to how lines and dots are so important.
“Morse code,” all the boys answer in unison.
Steve leans over you and whispers, “Why do they always do that?”
“You get used to it. Now shush.”
Hopper spells out the letters he remembers Will tapping. “H-E-R-E.”
“Here.” Everyone says out loud.
“Will is still in there. He’s talking to us.” The chief says, looking at Joyce.
Your eyes meet Jonathan’s and an idea comes to you. “If the memories we’re telling him are working, then what about music?”
Hopper thinks for a moment, but Jonathan has already run to his room to grab his stereo and cassette tapes, understanding exactly what you’re thinking.
A plan forms from there.
You, Jonathan, Mike, and Joyce all take turns telling Will stories while his favorite song plays. Should I Stay or Should I Go? Plays within the shed as memories fill it with warmth and Hopper taps out on a walkie everything that Will taps.
Inside the house, the kids, Nancy, and Steve all listen to the walkie and write down the morse code to decipher what Will is saying.
Jonathan tells him about real music, Mike recounts the time Will saved the party during one of their campaigns, Joyce talks about a kind moment from his childhood, and you tell him about the wonderful drawing he made for your birthday. The one of you, Jonathan, and the party fighting a dragon.
“You drew me as a princess and Jonathan laughed when he saw it. Said it was very fitting.” You say, nervously watching as Will frantically taps against his chair. “When you gave me the picture, I think I almost squeezed you to death when I hugged you. It’s still the best birthday gift I’ve ever been given–”
The sound of a telephone ringing cuts you off, and Will snaps his head up, no longer paying any attention to you.
You freeze, now realizing that the music has shut off. Will has to have heard it, and you know he’ll figure out where you guys are. His eyes droop shut and you slowly back away into Jonathan, who grabs you and pulls you even further away. He’s tense, you both are.
“Hey, can you hear me?” Joyce tries to draw Will back in, but he’s starting to pant as his eyes flutter rapidly underneath his eyelids.
“It knows. It knows where we are.” Hopper says as Joyce reaches for the sedative.
With one fluid movement, she injects Will and immediately he knocks out. His head falls forward, his breathing now back to normal. You pull at Joyce so that she faces you. “Did we knock him out in time?”
She doesn’t say anything, and Hopper runs outside while Jonathan and Mike join. The two of you stand in the shed alone, silent, both filled with dread.
Jonathan comes running back in. “They’re coming!”
“Shit!” You scramble to help him untie Will and you and Hopper use your knives to speed up the process. Your hands are shaking, but there’s no time to steady them.
Once Will is untied, Jonathan throws him over his shoulder and runs to the house. Joyce and Hopper follow and you grab Mike’s hand to make sure you don’t lose him. As you run, you hear the familiar screeches of the Demodogs and the hair on the back of your neck stands up.
They’re close.
Inside, you take the lead and shove everyone out of the kitchen. “Get to the living room. Now!”
“Y/N, what’s going on?” Steve is at your side now, his voice soft with fear.
You’re about to reassure him that it’ll be okay, to lie through your teeth, but then you see the kids by the windows and groan. “Get away from the windows!”
They scurry away and Hopper steps in, holding a shotgun that he offers to Jonathan. “Do you know how to use this?”
Jonathan looks around as if Hopper has asked someone else. “What?”
“Can you use this?”
While Jonathan stumbles over his words, Nancy confidently walks over. “I can.”
Hopper nods and tosses her the gun before turning to you, “I saw the switchblade earlier. Use it.”
You flick your wrist and extend the blades, doing as you’re told.
Everyone gathers around, with an assortment of weapons, and you get the insane urge to laugh. Of course you’re back here a year later, standing in Jonathan’s living room as monsters from another dimension threaten your loved ones.
Jonathan stands in front of Joyce while you stand in front of Dustin, knives raised to your face. Steve stands in front of you, his back facing you as he wields his bat, ready to defend you and your brother.
You make sure to keep an eye on Lucas and Max, who are to your left, trusting that Nancy has Mike as she and Hopper raise their guns.
All eyes are on the windows, no one says anything as you all wait. With every passing second, the howls and screeches outside get louder. Then, a loud screech comes from your right, and everyone turns around.
“What are they doing?” Nancy asks no one in particular, her voice shaky but her aim firm and strong.
You see the bushes rustling through the windows, and another snarl comes from the other side that causes you all to scream. There’s commotion outside, a series of screeches and thuds, and your body tenses, preparing itself to fight.
Suddenly, the screeching stops, and through the window a giant body gets thrown.
You scream and Steve shoves you and Dustin further behind him, but your brother realizes before you do what’s happened. “Holy shit.”
The Demodog lays motionless on the floor, its body limp, and you realize with a relieved sigh that it’s dead.
“Is it dead?” Max asks, as you all begin to approach its corpse.
“It is,” you confirm, too scared to ask the question of what the fuck killed it.
As Hopper pokes at the Demodog with his shoe, the front door creaks open, and everyone turns in alarm with weapons at the ready. The lock turns, and you feel a familiar sense of static. It’s been a year since you’ve felt the sensation, a year since the girl who could control things with her mind disappeared and left her memory behind.
It’s El.
She walks in, and you drop your knife in shock when you see that it’s her.
She’s grown so much since you last saw her, her hair is longer and she’s gotten taller. Her clothes are all black, her eyes smudged with makeup. Mike steps forward, you see the way his eyes fill with adoration.
You let out a soft cry, all the guilt and grief you’ve felt over the girl finally lifts, and you can breathe again.
She’s back.
El is alive.
-
⌑ series masterlist
⌑ if you would like to be added/removed from my taglist, just let me know :)
⌑ taglist: @siriuslysmoking @sheisjoeschateau @myeclispedsun @innercreationflower @juhdoche @frostandflamesfanfic @goosy-goose @quinnsadilla @munsons-queen @stefansring @rice-elephant @bex22109 @bitchkeery @bex22109 @officerrrfriendly @kazunish @idkitsem @emilieluckwood @ryoujoking @criesinlies @tagakalat @dcnerd98 @sucker-4-angst @kitdjarin1 @onecojg @innazra @areiofhope @spaghetittied @cultish-corner @g8sstuff @videogamesandpoorlifechoices @hsllfirescoops @l0ve-0f-my-life @newyorkangelbaby @aliceespector
#steve harrington x henderson!reader#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x you#stranger things#steve harrington fanfic#stranger things rewrite#slowburn#angst#wtlws#m's writing#jon baby what are ya doin#nancy too#so many feelings
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Last Twilight Ep 9; The conclusion of Mee's story
Mee's story was such an amazing addition to Last Twilight. I've explored the parallels in the stories before here, and this episode marked the conclusion of Mee's story. I absolutely loved that the book was actually written by a father who's daughter was going blind. Much like we enjoy and find comfort in queer allegories made by queer creators, Day found comfort in David's writing.
I forgot to get a screenshot of the exact dialogue, but in the last leg of the story, Mee seeks out the Last Twilight mountaintop in hopes that it will break the curse. Day seeks out the mountaintop too. to see the place that brought this story to life, to know what the author saw, and to have one more memory for himself for when he loses his sight.
We see them enact Mee's journey within the book, also mirroring the journey David would have gone on when bringing his daughter to the mountaintop. Mhok reads the story that David wrote, travelling with Day as David would have travelled with his daughter, the inspiration for Mee.
Side note, Day's happiness when realizing that Mee was based off of someone very similar to him is understandable. There's nothing better than finding others who are like you, especially when they're behind works you see yourself in. It functions both at face value, and as a queer allegory.
Then, of course, they reach the mountaintop. and Mhok reads the ending of the book, in which Mee is bathed by the sunlight and turns to stone, never to fade away again. Mhok doesn't like the ending, it's too abrupt, too sad. He doesn't understand why Mee's life has to end there, why the author would choose to end the story of a girl inspired by his daughter in this way. But Day gets it. As he's sitting with Mhok at the mountaintop, he understands what it's like to want to be trapped in a moment forever. (This also says a lot about their characters, and how they view the world differently)
In the end, Last Twilight didn't come. And sure, there's some 'the journey was more important than the destination' stuff here, but it's also about Day finally accepting that his sight is gone for good. I've talked before about how Mee no longer chasing after the sun paralleled the end of Mhok and Day's relationship as caretaker and caretakee(?), and I think that Mee turning to stone parallels this point of Day's life somewhat similarly. Mee would never fade again, but she would remain a statue forever, a fate viewed to be just as bad, if not worse by many. Day has become fully blind, a fate viewed as far worse than his vision before. But maybe, this could lead to a new chapter in his life, where he could be free of the small, torturous part of his brain that refused to believe that his sight wasn't coming back.
So yes, maybe it was better to end the story this way. Day may be fully blind, but he has Mhok to ensure that Day never fades away again.
And it's ok that Last Twilight never came, because he saw it anyway, and the last thing he ever saw was the face of someone he loved, the face he wanted to be the last thing that he ever saw.
Mee's story could be seen as tragic, yes. But to her, turning to stone, trapped in a wonderful moment for her to treasure forever, this was a fate far better than chasing after the sun forever, forever afraid of fading away.
#if this seems incoherent and messy thats because it is and I apologize#i have more thoughts but the thoughts to text converter part of my brain seems to be permanently damaged#hope this makes sense because i rewrote it like thrice because i couldn't get it to make sense#last twilight#last twilight the series#last twilight meta
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as i'm re-reading 'men are so quick to blame gods' (for like the 3rd time it's so good) what hit me is - how is yuuji going to deal with the mc almost dying? i mean, yes sukuna being so moved by love that he's able to push him down and be by her side is both sweet and heartbreaking but that's also yuujis gf who he loves and he's just what, unconscious? and the last thing he's seen is her, looking dead in a pool of blood...
(((again, i love the story, can't wait for updates<3333)))
hey there nonnie!! thank you for your love of the series!<3 i really appreciate you taking the time to consider this aspect of the story!!
sooo obviously in the warehouse, sukuna forcibly took control of his vessel, but i left it a bit more ambiguous as to how/why he was in control when gojo came by to visit.
this is how i would conceptualize the aftermath between he and yuu—
sukuna and yuuji haven't discussed what happened at the warehouse, even if it was the first time sukuna had ever assumed control of his vessel's body by force.
sukuna doesn't try to do so again. for now, he's too preoccupied with your condition.
but that doesn't mean the occurrence hasn't nestled itself somewhere deep in the recesses of his mind. was it a one time thing, driven by his desperation to save you? or did it open a door and give him the freedom to do so as he pleases? and if that is the case, what would that mean for him?
yuuji, on the other hand, is too busy with the guilt riddling his every thought. he can't get the image of your near lifeless body out of his head. he can't get over the way he just stood there frozen and staring.
he's forced to grapple with his morality, a notion that he's always held in high regard. he knew those sorcerers. he'd even gone on missions with some of them.
and now they're all dead, save for one. would he have been able to bring himself to kill them eventually, or would his feet have stayed planted on the concrete while the last bit of life you were clinging onto slipped away?
would it have been wrong of him to value your life over their's? sorcerers do nasty work for the general good, and he's already seen enough of his comrades die as it is... can he really say that killing them all was the best option?
so he's in agony— caught between his usual selflessness and his desire to be a good lover to you.
perhaps you deserve someone willing to throw morality out the window if it means you'll live to see another sunrise.
and so he and sukuna wordlessly alternate between who is in control, seeming to have an understanding on some level neither of them fully comprehend.
yuuji sits at your bedside, your hand in his and his mind in disarray. sukuna does the same, performing rct in timely intervals and praying to the gods he doesn't particularly believe in.
#m!answers#m!writes#masq#sukuna x reader#sukuna imagines#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen imagines#jjk x reader#jjk imagines
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HOW TO FALL BACK IN LOVE WITH YEONJUN
pairings: yeonjun x f!reader
tropes: one-sided enemies to lovers >:-)
plotline: yeonjun loves you. you've loved him before but now you're convinced he deserves nothing but your ironic smiles. well, you're wrong. these three acts of your life uncover the truth behind your resentment and the depth of yeonjun's love. plus, an epilogue where we collectively hate on short stories because only poetry can truly capture a writer's horniness!
what to expect: a lot of rambling in parentheses but i promise it's essential to the storyline, (i have many thoughts about how i've used this feature in this story which i can share if anyone's interested.) mbti talk, some tiktok slang.
song recommendations: sweet by cigarettes after sex, moonlight by dhruv, lay all your love on me by abba
—
THE FIRST ACT: 2 THINGS YOU (MIGHT) HATE ABOUT YEONJUN
it’s not a secret that yeonjun does everything with his everything. he’s only invested in his select few interests but just the little things take up all the space in his heart. you could argue for or against his way of living, he’s more than aware it’s not the healthiest to be like this but he’s not ready to change, not while he’s still young. for now, he’s a summation of fixations and obsessions in his world. and it just so happens that one of his obsessions is you.
“what’s this? y/n’s got a new piercing?” he leans back on his heels dramatically, mouth forming an o at the sight of the newly-added butterfly stud on the helix of your ear. “and it’s only tuesday. week not going very well for you.”
you narrow your eyes at him in your typical resting-bitch-face fashion, instantly taking on an aloof demeanor, “i’m extremely uncomfortable with the fact that you’re keeping up with the number of piercings i have. can’t say i’m flattered.”
“ha! at this point, i don’t even have to try to keep count. you get a new one every other day.”
“oh, leave her alone, jun,” calls out taehyun from behind you, “she’s doing it for inspiration for her portfolio that’s due in three days.”
two ring-adorned middle fingers stick up in front of taehyun’s face, your hoarse voice following suit, “you’re a terrible friend, kang taehyun.”
“two days? and you’re not done? sorry, love, but as an ESTP, i physically cannot forgive you. i have to shame you in public.”
yeonjun laughs a little too hard for your liking at that, about to chime in with his own patronizing comment but you cut in, “oh, well, you know who else is an ESTP? donald j. trump!”
yeonjun laughs again at that, enjoying the banter between you and taehyun a lot. he joins in, “i’m an ENFP. that’s the same as katniss everdeen’s, so i’d say that explains why i’m so hot.”
you frown, “you mean you would choose peeta over gale? yeah, i can see why you have such bad taste in everything.”
taehyun howls in laughter at that and yeonjun shakes his head, “oh, ho ho ho,” he shuffles closer to you, “you don’t understand, y/n, how badly you’ve just insulted yourself.”
before you can fully comprehend the meaning of his statement, he’s gone, grabbing (stealing) a can of beer from hueningkai who’s busy forcing beomgyu to arm-wrestle him.
“whatever that means,” you huff out, massaging your temples. taehyun sighs, concealing a knowing smile, “yeah. i’ve no idea what he means.”
you rest your head against the sofa he’s sat on, stretching out your legs, “i actually hate you for betraying me like that.”
“oh god, maybe i’ll stop the day you stop talking like we’re still in the second grade and i’ve lent my eraser to the wrong person.”
“you might as well have!” you complain, not in the least petty because, “choi yeonjun did not need to know i’m behind on my portfolio. god knows what he’s gonna do with that information.”
taehyun snorts, “ah, yes, he’s probably going to plan a full-fledged assassination involving your family and kids simply based on the knowledge that you’re a helpless procrastinator.”
“you know what?” you sit up with a groan, “i think you’re the one i should be worried about sharing my secrets with. you’re the real threat here.”
your ‘friend’ simply chuckles under his breath as he watches you depart his side and hopes yeonjun’s somewhere in the crowd of the party to keep your nerves… unnerved.
yeonjun is present in the crowd, sat on the less than reassuring metal stairs of beomgyu and hueningkai’s shared apartment. his hand fidget with his phone, struggling to stop himself from going on tinder only to be disappointed because he’s just looking for another y/n and that near impossible, unless you break your oath to rely on “real life encounters and experiences” (your very own words) to find love.
he finds you then, in a group of people hanging around the balcony, cigarettes in hand. you stand a little far apart from the others, looking undoubtedly spaced-out as you swing on your heels back and forth. you’re pretty, even though yeonjun can only see one-fourth of your face, what with all the darkness and your hair in the way.
but you hate him. even if your disgusted grimaces and cold glares are all but a joke, you did seem harbor some kind of resentment toward yeonjun. he’d no idea what it was and trust him when he says he’s been putting his neck on the line just to figure out why.
so far the reasons that have him most convinced include,
one: you hate all men in general and he just happens to be a particularly irksome male presence in your life.
this is a pretty likely explanation, he thinks as he approaches you, because even as an outsider to the group you’re in, he can see that you reserve your expletives for certain men.
“…and that’s why i think everything is soup,” yuta finishes saying when yeonjun joins you. for a second there’s silence and even mark who usually can’t control his laughter maintains a poker face. then, you groan, “yuta, if i had a pencil right now, i genuinely would have stabbed you with it.”
now, this makes everyone crack up while you regard them in disbelief with a look that screams you guys know i’m serious right? because you’re dead serious.
so yeah, it’s a good bet to say that men aren’t your favorite kind of people. but still, yeonjun couldn’t shake off the feeling that your dislike for him is more personal. wishful thinking, perhaps? but then, you turn and notice yeonjun standing beside you.
your half-smile tightens into a frown, “when did you get here?”
there it was. that specific tone you use with, that was missing when you’d threatened lucas just moments ago. the grit in your teeth, the intensity of your eye-contact, even the way you say you changes. which brings him to the next and last potential reason that yeonjun has spent days, if not years, pondering.
two: yeonjun had done you wrong without knowing and ever since then, you’ve grown to absolutely despise him.
now, yeonjun knew for a fact that you’re expert at holding grudges, clear from how quick you’ve always been to bring up embarrassing things people around you, specifically taehyun, had done. and to be honest, you’re just good at remembering unusual amount of detail which you use to your advantage.
which is why yeonjun knows you’ll know he’s lying when he says, “i’ve been here for a good ten minutes, y/n. i’m so hurt you haven’t noticed.”
“stop that,” you shoot back instantly, raising a singular but intimidating index finger, “i know what you’re doing.”
yeonjun raises his eyebrow in amusement, “stop what? what am i doing?” he slightly leans in to dramatically tuck in a few stray strands of hair, “please, enlighten me.”
the low, husky voice he uses is not lost on you. despite your flaming cheeks, you scoff, “that! you’re flirting with me!” you reach up and promptly untuck the hair from behind your hair, “these are my slut strands. you’re not allowed to touch them without permission.”
“your—” yeonjun pauses, “slut... strands? right.” he swallows a chuckle, smirking instead, all while internally he’s having a breakdown over how insane you are. like in a good way. in the way that everything you say is fucking crazy but it’s so native to your logic that it drives him crazy and holy cheese, yeonjun is scaring himself right now.
he looks away momentarily to see the rest of the group’s conversation floating elsewhere. he turns back to you, “so you noticed?”
you cock up a brow, “that you’re flirting with me? no shit, yeonjun, you know i may not look street-smart but i have to live with taehyun and his witty ass so trust me, i’m not oblivious.”
“oh, i beg to differ,” he settles closer to you, leaning against the same pillar as you, shoulder flush against yours, “i didn’t think for a second that you were oblivious.”
“that’s why you ran away after telling me i was insulting myself by insulting your taste?”
yeonjun flushes, taken aback by your straightforwardness, coughing to cover up his lack of excuses at that. you breathe out a laugh at his flustered state, “hmm, so goes down the all-mighty choi yeonjun.”
“at least i wasn’t defeated by my inability to complete my creative writing portfolio due in three…” yeonjun looks down at his watch, “actually, now, two days.”
this time, you’re left without a comeback, “that’s a low blow, man.”
he laughs, “come on, isn’t this like your first time being this late?”
“once again, i remain creeped out at you knowing things like that but,” you relax noticeably next to him, “i guess i ran out of ideas this time. not sure what’s wrong.”
“and this had never happened before?”
“i thought you already knew this.” yeonjun rolls his eyes, a complete contradiction to the grin on his face. ”hm, maybe you’ve run out because you’re trying to do it the same way you’ve always done it?”
“i mean, of course i’m doing it the same way,” you mutter, “that’s like the point of having a regular writing practice. it needs to become natural.”
“yeah, but you need spice things up a little sometimes!”
“gross,” you scrunch up your nose, “you sound like you’re prescribing me a threesome right now.”
he shrugs playfully, “if that’s what rocks your boat.” you push him away at that and he laughs out, “okay, okay, but i’m serious. try something new.” you quieten down at that, probably thinking.
“what about…” you look up at him expectantly and he almost fumbles over his words, “um, what about walking around the city?”
—
THE SECOND ACT: LOVE BEGINS BEHIND CLOSED PARENTHESES
full disclosure here: yeonjun’s second reason is right. the first one isn’t completely wrong, but it’s more so the second one that finds you in the gropes of overthinking that night.
you know how at a certain point in the past, you really (really, really, really) like someone but then things don’t work because that person isn’t into you (but more because you’re too caught up in your own self-perception to do anything) so slowly that lots (and lots and lots) of like turns into a lump of resentment? yeah, that pretty much describes your relationship with yeonjun. more or less, you hate him for not liking you (”in the past!! i don’t care about him anymore!” you hastily add from behind kang taehyun who had been narrating this whole paragraph. taehyun poorly covers up an incredulous snort.)
“so now you’re going on a date with him?” taehyun asks a little too loudly, “how does that happen?”
“it doesn’t happen because nothing is happening because i’m not going on a date with him!” you half-scream, hitting the brunette on his head to try and shove some sense into it, “and please, stop being so loud or i’m going to cry.”
“y/n, we live alone. and i think you’re going to cry nevertheless, but okay. if it’s not a date, what is it?”
“it’s just a walk,” you say and when taehyun looks at you blankly, “a walk around the city, in his exact words.” more blankness. more silence. “i was going to go alone but yeonjun said he knows an obscure part of town that would help me become, you know, curious.”
“uh-huh, right, of course…” taehyun purses his lips, intrigued to see how far you’d go with your denial.
“stop looking at me like you’re so much better than me! and no—” you cut him off knowingly, “don’t say that you are better than me. you’re not. what you are is an asshole and i hate you.”
you fall into your sheets with a frustrated wail and taehyun laughs at your state for a few seconds before returning to his role as your therapist slash best friend.
“okay, y/n, i know you don’t like to think about, let alone admit it, but you’re into yeonjun. and since i can’t let what happened a year ago happen again, i’m telling you that i’m almost completely sure that he’s into you, too. so please, don’t be hostile tomorrow on your date— sorry, your ‘walk’ with him. use the opportunity or i’m sleeping over at kai’s.”
—
“i don’t know why i let you talk me into this,” you scoff as you fall into step next to yeonjun. “we’re literally at a stupid park.”
he gasps like the theatre kid he should be, “first of all, this is a huge park and you’ve no idea how much people-watching you can from here. and secondly, i bought you coffee so all you’re being right now is ungrateful.”
you stay silent, eyes scanning a group of middle-aged ladies that passes you. you hear a whiff of their conversation, something about one of them wanting to take a break by the water fountain.
“see? you’re already in the zone and i didn’t even have to shut up.”
you look back at him, awed look morphing into a scowl, “no, i think it’s just really easy for me to forget you’re here.” yeah, it’s safe to say you haven’t taken a word taehyun said to the heart.
but no matter what you say, half an hour later finds you perched on a bench, crouched over your notebook, fingers scratching quick bullet points into the paper. you look up every ten minutes or so, head moving up and then rotating slowly, and then back to writing.
it’s only when yeonjun brings you your second cup of coffee that you notice the stiffness in your shoulders. he smiles at you, brightly. brightly? no, it’s the sun that’s bright, not yeonjun. he’s… moronic.
“wanna take a break?” he asks. you stand up in answer, taking the cup he holds out for you, the words thank you leaving your lips a little too quickly. he doesn’t overreact like you expect him to, his attention on some kids a few ways away from where the two of you are.
“you wanna play frisbee?” you mean to mock, not offer, but yeonjun’s ear perk up and he’s pulling you after him before another word can be said.
“hey, kids!” he greets the children who look like they’re maybe in middle school, “could we join y’all for a bit?”
it’s a a girl in pigtails who answers excitedly, probably encouraged by yeonjun’s looks (hey, yeonjun is objectively good-looking. just because you’re stating facts about his appearance doesn’t mean you’re in love with him. because you’re not in love with him.)
“sorry, this one is a little zoned out most of the time, so just don’t aim at her face,” you hear yeonjun say as you finish convincing yourself of your lack of feelings for him. you resist the itch to flip him off and flash a polite smile to the blonde boy next to you.
he responds with an enthusiastic wave, “hello! i’m ren!” you raise your eyebrows, not expecting him to introduce himself but return with a, “hey ren, i’m y/n. nice to meet—”
you’re cut off by yeonjun’s yell as the yellow frisbee flies your way. your hands come up to shield your face but ultimately it’s yeonjun’s body crashing into yours that saves you. does it, really? you wonder as you groan from under him. the grass is damp and you’re in it and yeonjun’s on top of you. you’re not sure what makes you more annoyed.
“i fucking hate you,” you whisper as yeonjun props himself up. he’s still close enough though so he grins, looking objectively good-looking despite the twig that’s found its way into his hair. “smile, babe, i just saved your life.”
you don’t know how to respond to his outrageous use of the endearment so you’re grateful when ren exclaims, “he just called y/n noona baby!!!! ewww, they’re dating!!”
on second thought, you’re not grateful because apparently, this is enough to wreak havoc among the group of children. weren’t they already at least ten? isn’t that old enough to not be annoying? you don’t find out because next thing, yeonjun’s hand is wrapped around your wist as he helps you up.
you shoot him a glare and the loud boy next to yeonjun screams, “they’re holding hands!!!”
“gosh darn, kids, your parents never touch each other or what?”
“my mother said my father’s breath smells like beer and that’s why she won’t give him kissies like she gives me them!” the girl in pigtails answers, proud for some reason. despite everything, you crack a smile at that, leaning into yeonjun’s side who’s struggling to stifle his laughter.
“i think we’ve had enough of a break, no?” he says to you and you nod, “please, let’s go before i’m forced to write about the bad parenting in my portfolio.”
about five minutes pass in you trying to break free from the group who insist on another round. another round takes two minutes before ren takes a hit to his knee and you both take the chance to leave, with you almost sprinting back to the peace of your bench in the shade.
you fall against the tree next to the bench, yeonjun close behind. “that was…” you take a moment to catch your breath, “not bad?”
yeonjun claps his hands together, “that’s exactly what i’ve been trying to tell you! this park! those kids! me? not bad!”
and well, because you guess you can allow that the whole affair isn’t half bad, it’s already evening when you’re too tired to write anymore. you look away from your almost illegible handwriting to find yeonjun gazing at you. weirdly (longingly).
he clears his throat, “you think you have enough?”
feeling weird (love-struck), you also clear your throat, “um, i should. i hope so, my fingers feel like they’re going to fall off.”
“that’s a good sign you’ve worked hard,” he pats your head. you don’t flinch away somehow. he continues, “it’s also a good sign that we should get some food.” when you narrow your eyes at him, he rushes to add, “you know, to relax your fingers.”
the excuse is ridiculous. the premise of this entire day is ridiculous. hell, yeonjun’s entire being is ridiculous. but you’re spent, your walls aren’t as rigid in the soft light of the sunset, and yeonjun’s eyes have an unreal glow when he’s silent.
and so, ridiculously enough, you answer yeonjun, “we should get sushi.”
—
that night, you return to your place to a tipsy party (?) of taehyun, soobin, and beomgyu with hueningkai glued to his phone-screen in concentration, filming everything. “you’re back!” kai announces when he opens the door, phone still recording, and you flip the camera off, not without a careless smile.
taehyun stands up at the sight of you, “i take it you had a fruitful date?” soobin laughs, so very loudly. “lmao,” (yes, soobin has the ability to say text slang out loud irl, next question please), “get it? fruit-ful? date? dates are fruits? am i drunk already?”
you shake your head at them and simply hug taehyun, feeling unbelievably affectionate today. “oh? what’s this? y/n initiating physical contact? choi yeonjun must be a god.”
you pull away, “this has nothing to do with him,” you say, sounding unconvincing even to your own ears, “i’m just tired. good night. if you make too much noise, i will take kai hostage and—”
“oh, do that anyway!! please, i’ll pay you!!!!” beomgyu shouts enthusiastically and you leave the living room before you have to witness any more of their drunken behavior.
but even in bed, you find yourself unable to sleep, mind occupied with… thoughts (is hanging out with so many men making you slightly dull? maybe. is it making emotionally constipated? absolutely. you make a mental note to schedule a lunch date with yeji later).
to be more specific, the image of yeonjun sat across from you holding out a piece of spicy tuna roll in your direction is too stubborn to leave your head. you think about yeonjun, among other things, that night.
yeonjun is no different, his mind still reeling from the realization that he’s spent an entire day with you. a day. a date? maybe, but whatever it was, you definitely couldn’t hate him too much if you could stand to spend that much time with him. you even shared a meal with him, laughed when he pretended his chopsticks were an airplane transporting food to your mouth. you humored him. you laughed with him. was that real?
—
if you think there’s nothing worse than waking up, walking out of your room— and right into yeonjun, then you’re wrong. because the disorientation you feel comes nowhere close to compare to yeonjun’s condition when he runs into you on his way to the common bathroom. he’s not sure what he else expected but it doesn’t surprise him to see that you sleep in a ginormous graphic tee (with mona lisa’s face on it?) and shorts.
“what are you doing here?”
the sense of deja vu overwhelms yeonjun for a moment before he smiles a little because your tone is not hostile, only confused. could he take this as progress? (or are you just half-asleep?)
“i’m… i’m here for brunch?” he’s a bit out of it by the time you raise your arms to stretch, heaving a half-groan, half-sigh. and listen, yeonjun’s not a pervert but he is considerably in love with you so seeing you with your slightly droopy eyes and slumped shoulders in your perfectly in-character pajamas sets off his imagination. to all kinds of destinations. (you as a domestic cat? you as a tired soul resting in his bed after a long night? god, he’s not doing this right now.)
“i don’t? i don’t remember agreeing to brunch?” you mumble confusedly, almost petulantly.
“you know,” announces soobin, suddenly revealing himself from the shadows (he’s literally been standing beside the two of you for two minutes, waiting for you to notice him. all he gets is the heat of the sexual tension between you and yeonjun. he could cook eggs on that shit.) “yeonjun was our friend before he knew you, y/n. actually, taehyun was our friend before he was your soulmate, so a brunch is a pretty normal occasion for us.”
yeonjun nods and you simply nod your head, probably too sleepy to make any witty comments at that. he shrugs, “but you’re more than welcome to join us if you want. for brunch? i’m guessing you haven’t eaten anything since our— since last night.” why’s yeonjun flustered? he’s only invited to brunch with four other people.
“i’m—” you’re cut off by yeonjun making his way to the bathroom. when he shuts the door behind him with a less than dramatic thud, you look at soobin in confusion. “so many things are happening too early in the morning.”
but brunch becomes a thing. and you join brunch, helping yourself to taehyun’s nearly perfect breakfast spread, your plate filled with bacon, eggs, and waffles.
“i say it’s nearly perfect because all we have in this house is fucking peanut butter!” you cry out, making taehyun give you a glare because he’s heard this many times before, “i don’t know how many times i’ll have to tell you this, but jam! jam is meant to be eaten with bread, it’s the only right way, it’s the way god intended things. do i look like a gym bro to you?”
“lol no,” says soobin, high-fiving you (you’re not sure if he does that because he agrees with your point about the jam, or if he’s also not a gym bro?) “y/n has a point. there’s so much more options with jam, think of all the berries you could be eating! peanut butter is the same old, same old.”
“god, i hate it when these two are in the same room.” you don’t have time to respond to beomgyu’s exasperated comment because yeonjun shifts closer to you on the sofa, coffee kettle in hand.
“want some? i’ll pour it out for you,” he offers, eyebrows raised. you pause for a second, mouth almost hanging open at how motherly he seems, but nod in a daze and watch as he stands up, takes out a black mug (that coincidentally happens to be your self-proclaimed mug) and pours coffee into it. you’re unaware of the little smile on your face when he brings it back to you, placing the hot mug next to your plate.
you’re about to think out loud about his motherliness when beomgyu follows up on his previous comment, even more boisterous, “oh, but these two in the same room are even worse.”
you look up at that to see the other three staring at you. you make a disgusted face, “why are y’all staring at me? please stop, i feel unsafe.”
“in that case, yeonjun must be feeling really fucking unsafe from how closely you’ve been staring at him,” laughs soobin, words slightly muffled from the food in his mouth. he’s lucky he’s your favorite friend (honestly, it’s just because he looks adorable with his cheeks full but eh, his personality wasn’t that bad you suppose).
“i’ve? not? been staring?” you ignore beomgyu’s snickering, picking up the coffee, “you guys need to get lives so that you stop searching so desperately for crumbs of drama here. i’m not here to serve as a source of entertainment for yo—” you promptly, contradict your statement by spilling the top half of your drink right into your lap.
while you sit there with scalding on your bare legs, it’s only yeonjun who seems concerned (overtly so, you’d observe if you’d care to admit it) with the others laughing their hearts out, satisfied at the comedic timing of your accident.
yeonjun, meanwhile, rushes to you with a handful of tissues, lips in a pout, “what the fuck, are you stupid? how do you spill that? have you never had coffee before?” you sit there trying to get the tissues from his hand, but he swats your attempts away, swiping the coffee from your thighs.
he’s much more careful that you would’ve been, making sure none of it soaks through your grey night shorts and a hand on your knee, probably to steady himself (spoiler: his hand on your knee doesn’t steady either of you, especially not him). but he manages himself well, his worrying outweighing all else as he looks up at you, “are you okay?”
you realize you haven’t said a word, eyes raising to taehyun’s who’s now looking away but watching slyly from his peripheral vision. beomgyu and soobin are in similar positions, pretending to be decent people when really, they’re over the moon.
“yeah, i’m okay, i didn’t really feel any of that,” you mumble, patting at your thighs, “but, um, sorry i wasted so much of your coffee.” yeonjun takes one of your hands, “no, don’t worry about it, i can always make more. you can’t make more of these legs.”
“okay! that’ll do it! i can’t take it any more!” beomgyu stands up with a melodramatic groan, “you two are gross, dude! like, not even in an elementary school way, you’re just objectively gross. i hate this.”
“what was that you said about not being our source of entertainment?” jokes soobin, elbow poking yours, pointing at you and then yeonjun who’s still crouching in front of you, one hand on you, “i very much feel like i’m in a k-drama right now, so i’ve no clue what you mean.”
you can sense from the tilt of taehyun’s grin that he’s about to follow suit with an equally, if not more, obnoxious comment, so you stand up, declaring, “i’m going to my room. i have a portfolio to finish in two days!”
you retire to your room after that, deciding concentrating on your work will do you some good now that you’ve… socialized? could you even call it that? you leave it at that, plopping down on your study desk where you would’ve usually conceptualized your rough drafts like you’d done yesterday in your notebook. it doesn’t compare to the park yeonjun took you to, but there is a window to your right from where you can see the slow street in front of your apartment. people-watching through that window has given you some pretty cool ideas for your pieces. you suppose it was like a pocket-sized version of your experience at the park.
you work the afternoon away, surprised to see it getting dark outside when there’s a knock at your door. you twist in your chair and call out, “come in!”
a light-brown head of hair pokes through and squinting in the darkness of your room, you can tell that’s not taehyun. “yeonjun?”
“woah, haven’t you got electricity in here?” he asks, stepping in and you see he’s put on a cream-colored cardigan on the blue shirt from brunch.
“nah, taehyun uses the money i give him for the electricity bill and gambles it all away,” you joke, sighing with feigned sorrow.
“ah, right, i forget taehyun has a gambling addiction. i’m sorry, miss, can’t imagine what it’s like to be married to someone like that.”
you laugh at that, yeonjun joining in. he leans in against the wall across from you, finding the switch to the lights in your room and turns them on. you’re both quiet for a moment.
you, because you’re reveling in the new-ness of your relationship with yeonjun. you feel like you’ve moved on in some way, no longer feeling caught up in the bitterness that had been coloring your interactions with him so far. he’s close to you, this yeonjun right now, who really, truly looks at you. you don’t even remember the yeonjun who broke your heart. (was it him who broke your heart? you begin to wonder, or just your imagination?)
for yeonjun, he doesn’t think he could’ve said anything even if he wanted to. you look so otherworldly in the dim glow of the evening, your eyes meeting his eyes, unapologetically and most importantly, without resentment. you’re beautiful, here silently in front of him, and he thinks he might have a chance with you after all.
“um,” he’s the one to break the silence, “have you eaten since brunch?”
you shake your head, “have you?”
“nope, beomgyu roped me into watching netflix with him when i tried to study,” he admits with a shy giggle, “next thing i knew the sun was setting.”
—
THE THIRD ACT: WINE FLIES WHEN YOU'RE HAVING FUN
conversations with yeonjun always lead the most unexpected places, and this one ends up with you driving with him to the supermarket. one day, you’re taking walks and playing frisbee with yeonjun, the next you’re grocery shopping with him because he’s had a whim to cook dinner for everyone. oh, how fast the night changes.. or however that one direction song goes.
“do you like spaghetti?” he asks, approaching the shelves stacked with different types of pasta.
“think before you ask me if i like pasta again, yeonjun,” you shoot back, inspecting the packets with your hands clasped behind your back. “wow, it’s been so long since i’ve been grocery shopping. taehyun never trusts me to get stuff and that’s how we end up with only peanut butter.”
yeonjun chuckles as he scans the shelves for the kind he likes and you shuffle around a lot, making little noises at all the cute shapes in the different packings. “they have heart-shaped pasta?!” you hold up the pink package excitedly at yeonjun who closes in on you with a fond smile.
“hmm, i think i get why taehyun never lets you come grocery shopping,” he starts, “it says here this a kids’ pasta.”
you regard him with your hands on your hips, unimpressed scowl on face, “you’re saying i have to be a kid to eat heart-shaped pasta? i don’t ever want to talk to you again.”
yeonjun is in a fit of laughter but he reaches out for your wrist as you pretend to walk away anyway with a hurried, “no, no, i think we should get the heart-shaped pasta.”
the rest of your trip is you roaming around being pulled off by the obscure brands and unusual types of foods while yeonjun grabs the ingredients you’ll actually need for dinner. about fifteen minutes later, when he’s done checking off everything on his list, he finds you typing away on your phone.
he catches a glimpse of the notes app on your phone and smiles as he comes to stand in front of you, “what’s up?”
“ohh, are you done?” you look away, “i got some ideas. i’ll use them for future pieces.”
“you’re done with your portfolio?” he asks. and you nod, eyes twinkling as the two of you head to the counter, “yep, i guess your plan with the park wasn’t completely a fail. it was not bad, really not bad.”
yeonjun laughs, piling the items for the worker to bill them. you gasp at the sight of a dark purple container, “you got blueberry jam?”
(fuck, his heart skips a beat. cheesy but valid. you look like you have hearts in your eyes.) “yeah, i saw it and thought you’d like it.”
you crack a delighted smile and even though both of you are paying for the groceries, you feel like you’ve been gifted the world. “i think i love you.” (you’re only joking. …right?)
—
“taehyun!!! beomgyu!!! soobin!!!!” you holler into the house, setting up five wine glasses around the table, “dinner’s ready!”
beomgyu is the first to come out, summoned by the smell of food, gaping at the fancy set-up of the two casseroles on the table, one bigger for the spaghetti and a small dedicated to your heart pasta. “woah, this looks insane,” he comments and calls out for the other two.
yeonjun emerges from the kitchen, the bottle of red wine you’d picked out with your hands. you hadn’t been the most helpful in the conquest of the pasta ingredients but you knew a thing or two about wine. this one was one the cheaper side so you didn’t have the greatest expectations for it, but it’ll have to do.
taehyun and soobin make it to the table five minutes later, shocked at seeing a table full of homemade meal. “is this, like, you and yeonjun announcing that you’re officially a couple?” soobin asks. (he’s not joking. the way the two of you stare down at the dinner you’ve put together proudly truly has him convinced that you’re finally over the pining.)
clearly this is not the case but the sight of both of you turning as red as the spaghetti for dinner is enough to elicit a few chortles from all of them. “honestly… shut up, soobin,” yeonjun scolds and you take a seat at the table wordlessly.
the dinner is an experience. it’s been a while since any of you have had good home-cooked food like this, the past few weeks having been cluttered with take-out meals and the extent of cooking you’ve done involves frozen food.
“this is so good,” you hold up a heart pasta, waving it in the air at everyone, and then at yeonjun, “i told you this would be good. it’s so good.”
“judging from the way you’re acting like a child, i’m guessing you’re done with your portfolio?”
you glare at taehyun but nod anyway, shooting him a thumbs up, “done and dusted, sir. i even managed to proof-read it before submitting it this time.”
yeonjun has been sitting beside you, eyes round with adoration at everything you say. you can’t blame him, you’d changed into a white dress with puff-sleeves before dinner which doesn’t only fit the mood but single-handedly creates it, and it’s a rare thing to see you in a dress so casually.
taehyun smiles, “i’m proud of you. even though you’re doing the bare minimum by completing your work on time.”
you roll your eyes at his twisted way of affection, the words on the tip of your tongue dying out when yeonjun leans into you suddenly, arm reaching out for the bottle of wine beside you. he shoots you a half-smile when he meets your gaze, pouring some out for you. as he returns to his position, he says under his breath, “try not to spill this on yourself, babe.”
you hold in the giddy breath that almost escapes your throat at his words, but you can’t stop the mellow feeling that blooms in your chest, eyes following him as he pours some wine for the others, too. was it the wine that was mellow or yeonjun’s voice? (hint: it was the moment of his love for you that was mellow.)
you make it through dinner, occasionally asserting the supremity of your heart-shaped pasta for kids here and there, but overall, overwhelmed by the man by your side. when everyone’s finished eating and lazing around the sofa, beers in hand (”wine is for sissies,” beomgyu aims at you because he knows you hate it when he says that, “let’s get beer guys.”), you take to the balcony with a glass full of wine to yourself.
the night air is pleasant after the warm atmosphere inside the house and you breathe through your mouth a few times, to calm your nerves. you can feel yeonjun’s eyes on you from the living room but choose to stay still, welcoming the feeling of spacing out in solitude.
“you alright?” his voice greets your ears not two moments later. (is he really close to you right now? or is the balcony just too small for two people?)
you hum affirmatively. then, you look at him, a light laugh leaving your chest. you’re leaning into his side now, you enjoy his warmth. “i’m good.”
“didn’t know wine could make you drunk,” he breathes, heart in his throat.
you shake your head at him, “i’m not drunk.” you hesitate and then, “at best, i’m tipsy.”
“i was talking about myself. i feel drunk. ‘s never happened before.”
you frown, throwing a careless glance over your shoulder, “beer and wine? yeah, that’ll make you drunk.”
“i didn’t have any beer,” he reveals. when you narrow your eyes, he continues, “i’m not lying. i don’t like to mix the two. i’ve read it gives you headaches.”
you stay silent, holding your breath for no special reason. (…)
“besides, once i start something, i like committing to it.” if his words themselves aren’t meaningful enough, the soft look on his face is full of unmistakable love.
“you’re not just talking about wine,” at first, it’s a statement you speak, your gaze fixed. then, memories of your past hurt rush in and you finish with an uncertain, “are you?”
“i’m not,” his voice is hushed and you feel there isn’t a moment lost between when he says his words and when you hear them. you’re so close to him, in all meanings of the word. “do you still hate me?”
you’re a little stunned by the jarring question. “i didn’t hate you. really, it was… something internal. like a dilemma. a phase, almost? i don’t think i could hate you if i wanted to.”
“you think?” you can feel his words inside of yourself now, even though you doubt either of you have moved any closer to each other.
yeonjun’s heart is on fire, destructive but determined. his hand brushes back your hair. “you’re so pretty when you wear your hair down.”
you hide your face in your shoulder, away from him, flustered that his words have such an effect on you. you’ve been complimented before. with much more zest, with more elaboration. but this is different. you feel like yeonjun is holding you.
he chuckles, “are you okay?”
you pull yourself away, swallowing, but not making eye-contact with him yet. “that’s the first time you’ve called me pretty.”
“that’s the first time you’ve heard me calling you pretty,” he corrects you. his fingers are in your hair again, this time to make you look at him. “you should listen to my thoughts sometime.”
you laugh and he’s moving closer, both his hands coming to your face. your hands move from where they’ve been clasping the balcony railing for dear life and find yeonjun’s waist, silently beckoning him nearer.
when your noses touch, yeonjun hums, “i’m crazy for you, y/n.”
you want to chuckle at his silly phrasing but instead, you’re saying it back, “fuck, i’m the crazy one, yeonjun. i’ve—” you stop your words, suddenly hesitant.
but yeonjun is firm, his lips hovering over yours and his question will you kiss me? unanswered because you’re already kissing him when he asks you.
(this kiss is. . . not bad.)
—
EPILOGUE: A SELF-AWARE SLANDER OF SHORT STORIES
“so…” your voice struggles to stay stable as you prop yourself on your elbows, yeonjun’s arms never letting loose of your sides. “when you say you’re crazy, is it that you’re crazy for me or crazy because of me?”
yeonjun stops in the middle of the tantrum he’s throwing with his buried in your neck. he blows out air through his mouth and you giggle, your hands pulling him up by the hair. “answer me!”
he sighs, “i don’t know, babe. both? neither? either.”
“come on, there’s a fundamental difference between the two,” you whine, “am i a symptom of your craziness or the cause of it?” he stays motionless, lips pressing against your cheek. you add, “just so you know, there’s no right answer. i’m honored to be either.”
“god, i can’t believe you’re using your boyfriend as material that’s going to be read by your entire class. a class of pretentious, sleep-deprived kids. they’ll hate me, y/n.”
you groan, kissing yeonjun’s ear lightly, “not true! you’re a very cute boyfriend.”
“so you are using me for your creative writing class?”
you pause and yeonjun flops onto the bad, pouting and feigning a cold shoulder. “the audacity of women these days!”
“hey!” you pull him back into you, “i’ll have you know that my love language is turning people into literature.”
yeonjun’s pout is already fading when taehyun’s voice breaks into your room (you should probably re-inforce the rule about knocking now that there’s a half-naked man in your room more often than not). “that’s true. she’s already written a story about me.”
your boyfriend’s interest is piqued at this, his eyes jumping between taehyun and you. “what? really?? and you haven’t written about me?”
“i’m trying to! you’re not making it easy.”
“did you ask him all these questions when you wrote a whole story about him?” taehyun cackles in glee at yeonjun’s returning pout.
you roll your eyes, “yeonjunie, it was a short story— the most unromantic form of literature. i’m basically saying i would rather write a bunch of boring description than even think about having sex with him.”
“hmm, it seemed like a pretty enthusiastic piece to me,” taehyun supplies unhelpfully. you glare at him. if you weren’t in just your bra, you would’ve gotten up to shut the door in his face.
“babe, i’m having serious doubts—”
you quickly shut down yeonjun’s whining, “i want to write a poem about you, my love. that’s why i’m asking you so much. it takes a little more to be properly romantic! i want to be truthful.”
he hesitates and you kiss his nose to seal the deal. taehyun groans in defeat, “gross. i just came here to get your asses to brunch. hyuka’s brought mint chocolate snacks from home so we need someone to handle him, so please hurry,” he starts to close the door as he leaves, but stops when the two of you make no move to wake up, “and you’d better not start fucking now! nobody needs to hear that this early in the morning, especially not poor hyuka.”
you laugh into yeonjun’s chest as he shouts back comforting words to taehyun. his lips attach to your shoulder. “i love you, y/n. you’re the explanation for my craziness.”
you shift to look back at him, smile widening, “hm, that’s interesting. can i quickly write that down-? okay, okay, sorry, i was kidding, love, come back here!!”
—
#yeonjun x reader#yeonjun x y/n#tomorrow x together#choi yeonjun x you#choi yeonjun tomorrow x together#txt#txt imagines#txt fics#yeonjun imagines#yeonjun fic#txt fluff#txt angst#kpop fic#yeonjun angst#yeonjun fluff#txt headcanons#txt smut#yeonjun smut#txt x you#txt x reader#moa#txt moa#kang taehyun
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Nobody understands Lucy Gray Baird like I do. She resonates in a deep part of me, she means the absolute world to me. A lot of characters do, but she's different. I can and will talk about her for hours. She is beautiful and complex and tragic and by the end free and ever a mystery.
She is doing what she has done from the beginning, driving people mad trying to understand her, to fit her into boxes and stories and familiar narratives they can understand. People hate the vague, the ambiguous, the open ended; people hate and fear what they cannot understand. People say they love an enigma, they will use the word positively. They find it charming, endearing, a personal challenge of sorts. But an enigma is only fun when it starts out that way, an enigma is fun only so far as you can learn to understand it, to find a neat conclusion an ending. But Lucy Gray doesn't give people that, and she's never made any pretence to.
Lucy Gray is a girl who was forced to a place that was never truly home. She is a girl who lived by her charms as nothing but a child, she preformed to survive. She is a girl who will constantly adjust her appearance, always making sure she looks her best, who loves colour and who wears her mothers dress to her death. She is a girl who is always preforming, every careful word, every moment, every note she sings. She sings when she has something to say, she sings to have a voice, and she will not be bullied into relinquishing the power of her own words. Because the covey love colour and Lucy Gray more than most, but Lucy Gray also understands the power of words, a power no one can take from her. No capital, no arena, and no boy.
She is a girl who loves wild and dangerous things, she loves a boy she grew up with, a boy who betrayed her. The bet he lost at the reaping. She is a girl who was forced by life to be cautious, to love yes. But to never make the mistake of placing it above trust. She is a girl who loves a lot of things she can't trust; storms and snakes, but they will never matter more to her than trust.
She is a girl who despite all the suffering of her life, all the tragedy and all the betrayal is untimely kind. She looks after the people around her, the younger and older, the children and the the people her age. She is a girl who tries her best to let other children be the girl she was never given the luxury to be. Even the capital children, the very people whose parents and government have her in a cage, who treat her like an animal, who are sending her to the slaughter. It's a tactic yes, it is performance, but it is also kindness. There remains something genuine in her performance, a genuine love and compassion and kindness she shows as she lets a capital child, arm sticky with melting ice cream, touch her mothers dress through bars.
She's not perfect, not always nice and good, she is human. She is a survivor and no surviver has clean hands, but she makes it her life's work to stay on the right side of the line, to stay good. She is a girl who will grieve in private and to the people she trusts, forever preforming, forever observed. Because after all is that not what girlhood is? Is that not what survival takes?
She is a girl who even filtered through the point of view of a man who thinks she belongs to him, who goes from idolisation to contempt to infatuation, to his uttermost hatred, even through the perspective of a man who never saw her as fully human proves herself to be. She is unapologetic, she is alive and she is free and she is loving and bright and hurt and traumatised and she is an artist. She is not the art, she is not the muse, she is the one with the pen, with the voice. She is unabashedly human, and despite everything she retains her humanity, even through a narrator who denied her it.
Lucy Gray I will never forget you. Always and forever one of my favourite characters ever written.
#hunger games#the hunger games#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#ballad of songbirds and snakes#lucy gray baird#lucy grey#coriolanus snow#the covey#thg#tbosas#I am so very normal about her#someone ask me about her please I'm begging I need to talk about her#Lucy Gray my love
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~Neteyam x Navi reader
~angst and fluff
~proofread - yes
~Summary-Neteyam being a simp
Neteyam followed helplessly behind you like usual. You sighed hard before placing the basket on your hip on the floor and turning to face the boy. “Yes, Neteyam?” a fake smile covered your face while Neteyam showed a genuine smile.
“Nothing, my love just enjoy watching you,” he had no shame he enjoyed watching you hard at work. You adored the boy in front of you, but you believed there was no way the two of you could work out. He was born to do something special while you, well in your mind, we're nothing.
“Neteyam, we've talked about this,” you picked the basket up and continued walking but he caught up quickly halting you from going any further. “I love you,” his hands gently placed the basket down before holding your hands, “you may as well take my heart, Koda it's already full of you.”
You sighed before attempting to pull away but Neteyam pulled you back, “please go!” you fought tears as Neteyam brought you into a hug, “what is it? What's wrong my dear,” tears ran down your cheek while you looked him in the eye. “They would question us Neteyam you were made for greatness, I was not meant to be by your side.”
In your eyes, you were nothing but in Neteyam’s you were the world, “Koda, you are my life I do not care what a few people have to say, I know where I belong and it is with you.”
Your eyes fell on your hands, which were still holding onto Neteyam’s, “I am your life?” the phrase seemed unreal to say but to him, it was the truth.
“It's true when my eyes laid on you for the first time I knew we were meant to be,” he took a simple breath bringing your hands to his mouth and placing kisses on them.
“I have flowers picked knowing one day you'll wear them,” Koda smiled as Neteyam poured his heart out explaining everything to her, “but what about your family?”
“What about them?” Koda tilted her head which made Neteyam’s heart beat a bit faster, “won't they be mad? Won't they want someone better for you?” Neteyam let out a loud laugh which puzzled the girl, “you are the one I desire, they are fully aware of this. I see you, Koda, please understand that I did not start living till I saw you. When I see you I see my future, past, and present. I am so in love with you, I have no clue what to do with myself.”
Shocked covered your face before a smile found its way. You smashed your lips onto him while he grabbed your face, deepening the kiss. His face touched you as if you were a new toy he didn't want to break. Something so fragile yet tempted him to touch.
You broke the kiss placing your foreheads together, “I see you, Neteyam, I want to be with you for the rest of my days.” a smile covered his face before he dragged you closer to the tree of voices.
Ewya’s spirit filled in the air engulfing you both while you sat down. He brought his queue toward you, and you repeated the same thing. They connected and it was like you both were reborn. There was no Neteyam or Koda it was always, us. Till the very last breath.
***
Heyyy! Hope everyone is well, this week has been hectic for me but I'm glad it is finally over! I'm gonna try and get a story out tomorrow morning because I won't be home tomorrow afternoon but I won't make many promises. Hope you enjoy the love you!!
#avatar way of water#jake sully#neteyam#neteyam x y/n#avatar neytiri#neytiri#avatar tuk#avatar#loak x reader
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Ok, I'm watching Rings of Power (in small doses)...first impressions below.
(Part 1)
Valinor is not Heaven anymore than Galadriel or Luthien are the Virgin Mary...does no one understand what subcreation is?
Bullying in Valinor...unlikely as portrayed. The elves are mostly unfallen at this point and most of the issues are between the adults and after Morgoth starts roaming freely spreading lies. Galadriel is also from a high position in society (a princess) she is hardly an outsider.
Noldor elves absolutely delighted in color and jewelry why is everyone wearing sheets? In fact the Noldor in general just loved making stuff...
To everyone that thinks that the mean elf children are her cousins, Artanis is the youngest child of the youngest son of Finwe...even Amrod and Amras are probably a fair bit older than her.
FINROD"S HAIR! I know it's been said before but wow...ugh. Suspension of disbelief shatters every time it shows up...
Also elves died in Middle Earth before they all moved to the undying lands...so yeah they definitely knew what death was. In fact Artanis and Finderato's uncle was among those presumed lost or dead. (He wasn't, but that's a whole story itself)
And yes, I am using Artanis/Nerwen and Findarato/Artafinde/Ingoldo because nobody is speaking Sindarin in Valinor...and Galadriel hasn't met Celeborn yet (and seems unlikely to at this point) so he hasn't given her the name Galadriel.
moving on....
Wow....that is the most heavily redacted account of the Flight of the Noldor ever...
Where do I start?
Artanis spoke out against Feanor and he personally led his people in an attack on her mother's people...on her grandparents! This is something deeply important to her...in some accounts Tolkien actually has her fighting her cousins and uncle in Alqualondë in defense of the Teleri.
This also makes it look like Finrod is swearing Feanor's oath!...there is one image that Tolkien gives of an oath sworn at this time alongside drawn swords and Finrod is another specifically mentioned by name as having opposed it!
(On a side note given that Finrod is later betrayed because of that oath this is rather sick...almost like releasing a bad Tolkien adaption on the anniversary of his death...)
Once again...Finrod and Galadriel along with Fingolfin and many others spent years crossing the Helcaraxë to get to Middle Earth, THEY DID NOT SAIL THERE.
So far the dialogue is consistently atrocious. The landscapes are pretty but feel cgi and the costumes are uninspired...this was the perfect opportunity to go full panoply of ancient kings...and they didn't. I am not seeing "most expensive tv show in history" anywhere.
NB: I fully intend to criticize blatant betrayals of what Tolkien actually wrote. Tolkien has been a huge part of my life and his writing and the world he created has been a light in many dark places. The characters he wrote have made me want to be a better person and seeing them diminished and twisted is just awful.
So yes, I take it somewhat personally when they are maligned and given that the Silm is my favorite of all Tolkien's writing so this hits very close to home.
That being said, I don't blame people for wanting to see Middle Earth again. I desperately wanted this to be good. And I don't blame the actors who were handed once in a lifetime roles and were clearly very let down by the production itself.
SO why do I feel the need to complain? Well, why do people complain about any bad adaption? Nobody thinks people are wrong to criticize the Percy Jackson movies or that Avatar: The Last Airbender movie that no one talks about about....
So no I am not going to attack people who watch it but I am going to plant my flag here and make my stand. Because this is something that means a great deal to me and I hate seeing to ruined.
#rings of power#amazon lord of the rings#rings of power critical#jrr tolkien#tolkien#tolkien elves#the silmarillion#silmarillion#galadriel#finrod felagund#lotr#lord of the rings#noldor#silm#the second age#sauron#anti rings of power#critique of rings of power#anti rop#rop critical#my critiques#artanis#nerwen#ingoldo#rop spoilers#rings of power spoilers#one ring to commercialize them all
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it’s high key really annoying the attention toh gets on this website while no one acknowledges tdp exists
Yeah, sometimes I wish TDP got more recognition and appreciation in a fandom space for its storytelling (the parallels, the worldbuilding, the mature theme explorations) simply because we haven't had a western kids' show go this hard since TLOK (even if I think Korra stumbles in a lot of ways) and arguably ATLA in its explorations of war and morality, two things that TDP is obsessed with, as well as a sometimes overwhelming discussion of Grief.
However, to be frank, while many teen and adult fans of kids cartoons say that they want darker themes and storylines, what that usually means, I think, is more akin to something like TOH or She Ra, in which you know 1) your favourite characters will always typically survive with maybe one or two minor parental or villainous exceptions, and 2) one or two characters in an otherwise fairly cookie cutter 'good guy' cast will have a redemption arc or be quirky morally dubious in a way that's played for comedy, and there will be a handful of significantly "Oh Shit!" darker or creepier moments. The characters are mostly teenagers, the heavier plot stuff is regulated to a few standout episodes, with most of the other conflicts being things like figuring out how to make friends or struggling with not fitting in or deciding what you want to do with your life. And those are all good explorations, and it's not as though TDP doesn't touch on some of that (Callum is finding his place in the world, Rayla is 'changing careers', Ez struggles with his new responsibilities and not fitting in, Soren - like Hunter - leaves an emotionally abusive relationship with a parental figure).
But I think it's TDP's attachment of all of those things to morality that makes the emotional stakes higher and less comforting and/or comfortable for people who are, likely, going to fiction for escapism rather than exploration. (To be clear: one is not better than the other, I just know what my personal preferences are.) Rayla's 'career/schooling' change is whether she's going to kill people for a living; Callum deciding what sort of mage he's going to be is rooted in deciding how much he's willing to either slowly destroy himself or take on the impossible, both with some dire consequences; Ezran not fitting is is also tied to having mysterious, unknown magical powers the story still hasn't fully explained the root cause of. Yes, the three main kids are typically good people who want to do the right thing, but that's much easier said than done (Ezran burning the monster soldiers, Callum's ruthlessness, Rayla's self sacrificial tendencies manifesting in destructive ways). TDP is never going to have an episode of "I lied to my friends because I wanted them to think I was cool or not a nerd" or "I'm scared of them preferring someone else over me" or "I need to learn how to be a good friend" (hi TOH with like 5 episodes and She Ra).
Like Rayla lies to the boys, but that's because she isn't sure how to tell them that her father murdered theirs and made them orphans, and she's worried it will accordingly be a wedge between them.
Like, there's hardly any episodes of TDP that don't talk about grief or death or both in some manner. The show consistently explores unreliable narrators across all sides of its ethical spectrum(s). S4 has a subplot regarding religious traditions and the ethics of the death penalty. Most of Arc 1 and now into Arc 2 sees good people with good intentions or understandable motivations doing pretty terrible things to either themselves, the people around them, or both. The death and body horror imagery aren't one offs, but consistent series defining elements that are always treated seriously. Villains aren't people who don't love their families (or anyone) and good guys aren't good because they're good friends to one another. It's more complicated than that, from the body swap and discussions of the soul in S1, to the cycle of violence laid out explicitly in S2, to explorations of punishment and exile in S3.
Overall, I'm fine with the success and appreciation that TDP gets; some of my students watch it, actually, which makes it useful in some of our lesson discussions. Because TDP is a good show for kids, yes, but it certainly never pulls its punches in forcing all of its ensemble cast through the wringer.
TLDR; due to age demographics and tonal differences, particularly in character conflicts, themes, and amount of Lore, I'm not surprised at all that TDP is pretty underrated on tumblr. Again, doesn't mean these elements of 'maturity' make it Better (although I do think it's written more cohesively than She Ra and more consistently than TOH in its set up and payoff), I just know where my (and many other's) preferences lay accordingly, and am not surprised at the split.
#tdp#thanks for asking#tdp fandom#will also say that besides httyd i think tdp might be the most adult heavy fandom i've been in#like there are very few teenagers here lmao#s5 spoilers
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Why Betty Grof And Simon Petrikov shouldn't be together!
⚠️THIS IS MY OPINION! (I respect Betty x Simon Shippers and understand it's canon) ⚠️
here are my opinions of why I think they should not get back together or shouldn't have happened in the first place
This is more about Betty than Simon
As someone who does like them being together and seeing how much they love each other, I personally think Betty and Simon deserved better than each other. Simon is selfish and Betty is a people pleaser/push-over.
WARNING: FIONNA AND CAKE SPOILERS!
Let's start with how they first met:
in the recent episode of "Jerry", Simon tells Fionna how he and Betty first met
It's told before that Simon and Betty met in a library, and they touched hands. Soon Betty went to one of his lectures about ancient artifacts and sparked up a conversation with him, telling him how much she admired him and his work. This led Simon not to directly but to asking Betty to join him on his next trip to find The Enchiridion, which ended with Betty saying Yes as this was a "once-in-a-lifetime opportunity"
as they both went on that trip and came back, they've both shown to like each other. the only problem is and still is that Betty never saw herself equal to Simon
as he came out of the car to show he found the book, Betty shyly refused to take his spotlight even though she helped him to locate The Enchiridion
As Simon finishes that chapter of the story for Fionna, Fionna herself says that Betty basically left everything for Simon
This will be a recurring issue with Simon and Betty as they live on.
as the episode went on, Simon continued his story.
Simon and Betty somewhat parted but Betty ended up writing him a note for him to read fully knowing he would pick up that book (very cute) and wrote a note for him (Mind you! They only known each other for at least a couple weeks before parting to do their own thing for a while) after reading it, it seemed like Betty was truly in love with him, talking about how she wished to be by his side but still doing her own thing.
She was ready to go on that trip she had been waiting for a while. As she was waiting for the bus, Simon ran to go see her
her friend told Simon "Don't make her miss that bus" as it implied that Betty was happy and dreaming of going on that trip
(It's also brought up in Betty's Past memories when she was in mars how she really felt during that whole thing)
but he stops her, tells her his feelings, and lived happily ever after, I'm sorry but that's a load of shit
Simon didn't even go with Betty to that trip she wanted to go to, soon after all of this they went off to find items HE wanted to find, going on trips to help HIM find lost artifacts
as betty always went along with him, as it's said Betty kinda of picked this way of living, always following Simon because that's what "she" wanted. saying "I want to be by your side" but in that same letter she says she wanted to do her own things BUT have Simon by her side. To me it speaks that she still wanted to do her studies but with Simon there- but we all know how Simon treated her, What did Betty want to do after she got with Simon, We never found out and we all only know she just wanted to be with Simon. Betty nowhere in the series is shown to be her own person besides being the woman Simon is in love with.
Adventure Time: her past before she became Golb
Betty is the whole reason why she fucked up her own life
and I mean this in the most respectful way to put it because she really became "God" to save SIMON
When Simon and Betty found the crown, Betty ran away from Simon
but as we all know, she ran to the future Simon because He looked "normal" speaking as Betty did not like change whatsoever.
She ended up doing her own thing to see if she could help Simon to no longer be the ice king. Leading to Betty becoming the Magic Woman
Slowly making her go more and more insane as she still had her memories but every time she looked at Ice King it made her go mad. She betrayed Finn to save Simon but failed again (I know I missed the other time where she made an AI version of her to fix the crown but I don't find it too important besides showing how far she's willing to go to save Simon even if it meant killing him)
Betty ended up being on Mars for a while before Finn and Jermaine arrived, they all ended up seeing Betty's old life
young Betty, the Betty that was meant to leave to her trip that even Present Betty herself changed the dates to make past Betty leave on her trip because Betty knows that Simon was something she may have wished never happened
She herself said that she gave so much to Simon that she didn't know if there was any left for herself
throughout all of Betty's life, it's always been about Simon
she gave up her trip, she left her Simon for future Simon, she became mad to save Simon, she became a God to save Simon
In the ending of Adventure Time, Betty pushed Simon out of Glob and made one last wish "I wish for the power to protect Simon" making her fuse with Golb itself
Her last moments, her final wish, it was to protect Simon
not save the beings of OOO, or OOO itself- just Simon
as much as they seemed to be in love, Betty was always in the shadow of Simon, giving up her own life for him
Not to mention that it seems like Betty did most of what she did through Puppylove and the honeymoon parts of relationships
we don't really know how long they were together before finding the crown but it couldn't be to long after they got together (but I could be wrong) so half of the things she did was for Simon to be his normal self (to me it seems like Betty just wanted to be with Simon as she did go through a portal to be with him as he looked normal instead of staying with her Simon to help him with the crown, Betty doesn't want change)
I can only compare Betty to Millie from Helluva Boss
she's an amazing fighter as Betty is smart but what are they?
Millie is Moxxie's wife, and Betty is the lover of Simon. But what else is there to them? besides Betty being a God what more do we know about her? The fact that she studied petroglyphs
There is so much to Betty that even the show called it out
but even now, as Fionna and Cake come out, what will happen to Simon and Betty?
will she come back as normal Betty to be back with Simon, I really hope not if Simon keeps going to only think of himself
In my personal opinion, I really don't want Betty and Simon to get back together but I at least want Simon to get that closure he needs to move on
Final words:
Sorry if some of the things I said were repeated, I just needed to air this out, if anyone has questions I'll be willing to answer them but if not, that's cool, please don't be mean to me about how "I'm wrong"
we all have different views on how ships should work in media but in opinion, a woman giving up her life for a man isn't for me! even if it's for true love, because even that same man didn't help her with her dreams
I hope what I write makes sense, sometimes I can't get my words right about how I feel about topics
Thank you for reading!
#adventuretime#fionaandcake#simon petrikov#betty grof#adventure time fionna and cake#golb#betty grof golb
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Hello! Hope you're having a good day. Is it OK if I ask you a question?
How is it you manage to maintain really great flow with your readers POV in your long fic? For example, you maintain really good consistency with their thoughts and how the story is meant to be perceived so nothing seems sudden or out of the blue.
Do you reread your previous chapters a lot before posting the next or is it your beta reader who tracks this for you? Thank you for your time!
hello hello!! yes of course; i love getting questions like this. as for beta readers, i’ve never been one to use them. i support the practice fully. i just don’t have the patience to wait for feedback, hahaha!
mostly, this effect is because of my writing style, mechanically speaking. my writing is like knitting. as opposed to quilt-style writers, who can take little pieces of a story and sew them together at the end, i am a knitting-style writer, and i like to start at the bottom and gradually climb to the top. i write from beginning to end, and i like things to flow from a to b to c to d with as few gaps as i can get away with while still keeping things interesting.
i used to have an internal rule that i didnt like time skips because that’s time in the character’s life that could be used to develop them. while i’ve matured out of that, i still prefer to keep skips short, and i refer back to things that happened during those skips to keep that development. (an example in symphony is how i say that leo sends you funny memes all the time. i don’t show it, i tell it; but sometimes, telling is an economical alternative and the showing isn’t necessary for Every Little Detail.)
i can count on one hand the number of times i’ve written a scene out of order. writing out of order is a really good recommendation if you’re feeling stuck on a scene (just skip it and go to the next one you don’t feel stuck on) but i’ve… never been one to take that advice, haha. my writing builds and builds on itself over the course of the story, so if i miss a step, it’s more annoying later to sew it in. i just plow through the current scene like a stubborn mule cutting through clay.
a side effect of this is that my writing has very good flow, as you say. it takes a lot longer to write this way, and i have to trudge through less interesting scenes before i get to what i Really wanna write, which can be demotivating if im not excited enough for the project as a whole, buuuut… for a reader, i personally think it’s a superior experience. and there are times when i Never get stuck on a scene, and things just flow out of my hands like water. what a magical feeling that is when it happens! that’s how you can get absurd feats like me writing euclidean line in three days.
for my longer works, eg symphony, when i sit down to write, i skim the previous chapter to recall events. then i deep-read the last scene of that chapter (eg talking with leo at the end of chap. 22) and then i’ll start writing the next chapter. this makes sure that there’s continuity from the end of the previous chapter to the beginning of the next; and then because of the aforementioned way i write knitting-style, the new chapter is cohesive internally with itself. as a result, there is one long, continuous stream of flow that could be read from beginning to end without being jarring to do so.
besides all this, it really helps to have a strong mental picture of everything. what i mean is… i know who viola-chan is. how she talks. how she thinks. how she reacts to things. i can keep her very consistent from one scene to the next because i understand her. i know the plot of the fic very well. i know where i am and where i’m going in the story. i know the world i’ve built. i can weave all of these things together organically (almost like yarn, one could say, hoho…). a lot of power the author has comes from the establishment of strong characters living in a strong world and interacting with it via a strong plot. when those three things harmonize consistently over time, it creates a solid experience for the reader that Oh. This Is A Real Person In A Real Place Doing Real Things. Yeah. and that right there is the thing i think that all authors strive to improve every day.
anyway! wow! long answer. but thank you for such a thoughtful question!!
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Today for @monthly-challenge's Spring Fling we have day 13: Earth! I wrote another Wingfeather Saga fan fic-- hope you guys like it! It's kind of a follow up to the one I wrote a couple days back, I'll link that here! (I'd also like to put these up on AO3 but I so do not have the motivation and energy for it right now. Perhaps later!)
(TW for mentions of death)
From the earth we come, and to the earth we are returned…
Esben stared straight forward as the priest continued speaking. He knew Artham was standing at his side, but his brother had his arm around their mother as she wept. And in this moment, Esben felt terribly, terribly alone.
His father, Jru Wingfeather, was dead. And he was High King of the Shining Isle.
It hadn’t been expected. Not really. His father had been older, yes, but healthy and hale. Mere days earlier he’d been joking around with the two of them, eyes sparkling with joy.
And then, two days ago, he passed in his sleep, a smile on his face. The doctor guessed that his heart had given out, which Esben still didn’t fully understand. How could one’s heart give out if it was so full of so many things? And his father had loved his family, and Anniera, with all his heart.
Nevertheless, he was gone now. Which meant Esben was the High King, and that was a little terrifying in a way that Esben preferred not to contemplate more than he had to.
Sure, he’d been training his whole life for this. But he was nineteen years old, and felt horribly unprepared and unready, and his heart still ached whenever he thought about taking up the crown his father had worn not even a full week ago.
They were going to have to have a coronation. Esben almost groaned out loud at the thought. He couldn’t imagine pretending to be kingly and majestic in front of a crowd right now. If he tried, he’d probably start to laugh. Or cry, and neither option was particularly appealing.
Artham’s nudge in the ribs startled him out of his thoughts. For a wild moment, he worried he’d voiced his thoughts out loud and his brother was going to scold him. But there was no reprimand in Artham’s gaze as he tilted his head silently at the priest, who’d finished speaking and was watching him expectantly.
Oh, right. He’d almost forgotten his own part in the ceremony. Stepping forward, Esben forced himself to look at it— the grave, the coffin that held his father. The mound of fresh earth next to it loomed darkly as Esben approached.
Reaching out, he took a handful of the earth and dropped it on top of the coffin. “May the Maker receive you with all joy, even as we mourn you here,” he recited, loud enough that the crowd could hear. Hesitating, he stared down at the coffin and added, only loud enough for him to hear, “I’ll try to make you proud, Papa. I’ll be a good king.” I hope.
He stepped back, and everything was suddenly moving faster than he could process. Before Esben knew it, the gaping hole was filled in, leaving a dark patch to mark the grave. Artham stepped forward with a tiny sapling, the roots encased in a ball of dirt. Together, as was the tradition, the two brothers dug a hole in the mound of dirt covering the grave and planted the sapling. As Artham shored it up with dirt, Esben stared at the small tree. Out of death, new life. Somehow, that thought didn’t bring him much comfort yet.
They got to their feet together, Artham’s hand on his shoulder lending Esben a little comfort. In turn, he put his arm around his mother’s shoulder when they moved to stand next to her. She pressed her hand against his, and Esben could see her blinking back tears.
And then the funeral was over, and they were heading into the main hall of Castle Rysen, where food had been set out and they could visit with the guests who came to express their condolences and support.
Esben had expected to hate this part. But as guests stopped by, their words lent him strength. They spoke about his father, telling stories— of the king and the man, stories that were funny and stories that made both brothers and their mother cry. It was a bittersweet way to spend the day, mourning the High King, but celebrating him, too.
“It’s how Jru would have wanted it,” their mother said quietly. “He would have loved this, so many friends together here.” She gazed across the room, at the groups of people talking.
“Sorrow, yet joy,” Artham said. “Loss, yet healing.”
Nala laughed softly. “Exactly.”
It was enough to bring a smile to Esben’s face, but only briefly. As another guest approached his mother, he murmured an excuse and slipped away. He needed a minute to himself, just one.
There was a small door in the right hand wall of the hall that led out to a balcony set in the side of the hill. A set of stairs led down to the green below, but Esben didn’t take them now. He just leaned against the railing and took a long, deep breath. Finally, he had a moment to himself, to think.
The sun was shining, which seemed a little wrong. Most funerals he’d read about had rain. When his aunt died, it was raining. But the sun was shining, the light glimmering on the sea. The breeze streamed through the nearby trees, the hush of leaves reaching his ears even from a distance.
It would have been a nice day for sailing, and Esben almost snorted at the thought. At the fact that he could think about those things when… when he was the High King now.
Every time he thought about it, the idea seemed to weigh a little heavier on his shoulders, and he closed his eyes. Oh, Maker. How am I supposed to do this on my own?
He wasn’t quite sure how long he’d been there when he heard the door behind him open, then close, and soft footsteps sounded. Artham? It didn’t really sound like him, which meant it was probably a guest. Esben straightened up, turning to face— Nia Helmer?
His eyes widened as she said, “I’m sorry to disturb you. I thought you’d probably want some time on your own, but Artham— well, he disagreed. I can leave, if you—”
“No,” Esben said immediately. “Stay. Please?”
The small smile she gave him sent a flash of warmth through him, and she came to stand next to him, hands resting on the railing as she stared out at the view.
Esben, however, wasn’t watching the view anymore. He was watching her— dressed in dark, somber clothing, her dark hair braided and twisted back, not a strand loose.
Artham had been right to send her. Anyone else, he would have been impatient or short with, but Nia… he didn’t think he could bring himself to snap at her. They’d been writing back and forth for three years now, with the odd meeting in person when he came to the Green Hollows with his family.
Every time Esben got a letter, he read it again and again, tucking it into his shirt and carrying it close to his heart. He had one with him even now, although he probably shouldn’t admit that. Nor should he admit that just seeing her again seemed to lift some of the weight from his shoulders, to bring him peace he desperately needed.
He looked at her again, at the way she was gazing at the trees and the ocean before them, the sunlight highlighting her skin. Then again, maybe he should tell her.
But not now. Not when he’d just lost his father. A twinge of guilt went through Esben. He shouldn’t even be thinking about this right now.
“I’d guess you’re tired of being asked how you are,” Nia said, breaking through his thoughts.
Letting out a low chuckle, Esben admitted, “I’ve gotten a lot of it, yes.”
“I thought so. So then… what do you need?”
Esben glanced at her, surprised, as she continued, “I can leave you be, or we can talk, or I can just keep you company, or I can get Artham out here. And if you need a hug, I’m here.”
A laugh slipped out, despite himself. “You are… incredible.”
“I’m just doing what anyone would do,” Nia said, turning slightly pink.
“No. You’re incredible. Trust me.”
She smiled. “Well, then, are you going to help me in my incredibleness and tell me what you need?”
“Yes, ma’am. I…” Esben hesitated, then said, “I’d take a hug.”
Without hesitating, before he could think better of his words, Nia pulled him gently into a hug. She was warm and smelled like something sweet, and Esben could feel the strain of the day melting away.
“How am I supposed to do this?” he whispered into her hair.
“Take it one day at a time,” she said quietly. “And remember you’re not alone, Esben. You have people who love you, who will support you. Artham, and your mother, and—”
“And you?” he asked, pulling back a little, his heart stuttering a little as he looked at her. It was something else he shouldn’t have said, maybe. But with Nia in his arms, it felt a little like he could topple the world if he needed to.
She smiled at him like the sun rising over the Shining Isle. “And me,” she told him. “Though… I cannot stay long. I’m sorry.”
“I know,” Esben said, taking her hands. “Just hearing your voice for now is enough. I’ll be here at home for a while after the funeral, but… could I come see you, sometime soon? And your family?”
“Please do,” Nia said, and he knew that she understood exactly what he was thinking.Sorrow, he thought, and yet joy. Finally, he thought he understood it.
#springfling2024#the wingfeather saga#esben wingfeather#nia wingfeather#artham wingfeather#nala wingfeather#this also is obviously set several years pre series#writing stories is a kind of magic too#not gonna lie i could write a WHOLE lot more about esben and nia#they're just. exactly my kind of ship. i would die for them
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Since The Percy Jackson s1 is done, i can now write my overall experience with it. Mind you i only read the first book of PJO because I couldn’t afford the books and because goddamn borrowing it from the university library was like a pack of coyotes seeing a slab of meat after 15 years of starvation.
(Side note: i once got scratched in the face by a girl who wanted to read Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief, when i was gonna borrow the book for a second time. I learned it was better to just buy the books one by one per year.)
So i fully enjoyed the series. Regardless of how a lot of people have been calling it shit or a disgrace to the books. Like I appreciate how Uncle Rick managed to retell his own story, see it come to life, in a way that he wants. I appreciate Sally Jackson having a bigger impact to how Percy is as a person and as a character.
Yes, i too was shocked with the grover snitch scene in ep 1, then I thought about it, it made sense. Grover is my favorite character and i would like to say that the movie version of Grover made me feel uneasy but this version of grover, he made me long for that kind of friendship. I also love how Grover unlike in the movies, isn’t comic relief. You see his emotional struggles. You see him grow from “we have to keep the peace, let’s all be kind” to then showing us that he’s more than that. He is smart, cunning, manipulative if need be. He is also brave and he carries so much emotional baggage. The fact that he expresses rage about certain things, makes him feel more human to me. By giving him so much depth, by casting Aryan Simhadri, his depiction of grover would make book grover very proud.
Annabeth is also really really amazing in my eyes. Seeing a child give off an air of “i know things that you don’t” like an adult is so cool. Seeing her grow from “the gods are just and they have their reasons” to “The gods have flaws and they make mistakes, but i will be better than that” is very tear jerking. It helped me see Annabeth in those moments as a child who didn’t get to experience a proper childhood finally see what its like to be loved without having to give anything in return. Leah Sava Jeffries, shows emotions so well. Her posture changes depending on how she feels. She slouches a bit when she’s dejected or upset and is more poised when she’s feeling the most confident. Her eyes carry so much emotion in scenes where she doesn’t speak. She’s a lovely actress.
Percy, gods where do i even begin. Walker first off, played this character so well! You see how he’s feeling through his eyes, his face is so expressive and i love it. Percy also gets my mom approval card (which means my mom also loves his character). The way they show him to be loyal, caring, empathetic but also he’s just a child so you understand why he acts the way he acts. People complained about how percy wasn’t fighting like a pro, but i think that’s what makes it great. Percy is new, he’s learning as he goes, when we finally see Walker Portray the Percy that we all know, we can look back at s1 and we’ll see that truly, Percy has grown in skill. Also im always gonna sob over the fact that his scenes where he chooses to sacrifice himself for his friends, he always implies how he isn’t enough, we see how he sees himself and that hurts. Percy’s sass and humor though are also such highlights. I would love to see more of walker’s percy too.
Now honorable mention to my favorite backstabbing, pretty boy, luke. I love how he is such a good actor. Watching him play luke kinda immersed me in the moment, i forgot that this kind ,young man is the antagonist. Because when he played luke when we first saw him, i too wouldn’t be able to think that this guy, he can be cruel. But he delivers so much rage, so much resentment in his scene with percy in the finale. The way charlie acted in that scene, gods, i was shocked. I truly believe watching him and his character’s descent to something more is gonna be a rollercoaster ride of emotions.
The show in itself is really really good. Yes there are odd sudden black screens, but I don’t mind them. I don’t mind the changes, i just think that the episodes could be a bit longer. The story is captivating even with those changes, i love how Uncle Rick got the chance to give us an adaptation that isn’t an exact copy of the book, because i believe that a good adaptation doesn’t need to be a scene per scene copy, because if that’s what y’all wanted, listen to an audio book where people act out the scenes. Think of it this way, the book and the show are just two separate universes. Like how we have the MCU and the Marvel Comics. Same characters but different continuums.
People tend to find the negatives before they see the positives, its how we’re mostly wired. If we look past them, you’ll see that there are things that are better.
I would definitely be excited for a s2
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Bestie I think you’re so right about the movie altering Lucy and Coryo’s romance to better convey the themes within the limitations of the medium!
Like it’s actually a huge book! I knew they would have to cut a lot for the sake of run time so I was fully expecting them to sacrifice some of the details that do so much heavy lifting for the deeper themes.
But I was so pleasantly surprised, and I honestly think that preserving the themes must have been a central goal in the production! I was noticing small changes - but they all seemed to serve keeping the major themes in tact?
Like I saw it with my family (who all read thg but not tbosas) and I went in wondering. Like how are they going to make a meaningful, faithful, adaptation of such a large book?? Will my family understand The Themes? And they did!
I think it speaks to Suzanne’s writing ability (her themes are layered throughout every level, so a few cuts won’t gut them entirely) and smart/intentional alterations.
Like you mention with cutting the kiss, I think doing so highlights the transactionality of this moment. Coryo won’t kiss her OR give her the compact until she denounces Billy taupe! Like literally he won’t save her life (do the right thing, like Tigris says) if she’s in love with someone else! Interesting!
But like you say, if they do !finally! kiss (without that monologue) it’s easier to miss how manipulative he’s being in that moment and the importance of it!
I think they made a similar smart choice with being shipped off to 8 - I might be wrong here!! But I’m pretty sure he isn’t ordered to be a peace keeper? He CHOOSES that because he sees it as his only avenue left? (Which I thought was some military industrial complex commentary sprinkled in but now I’m afraid I imagined this whole thing LOL)
So assuming I’m not misremembering - I thought making highbottom force him to become a peace keeper also worked similarly. Like letting him choose that (without the internal monologue) makes his motivations seem genuine when they aren’t fully. So it’s just better for the movie medium perhaps?
Anyways, rambling done lol thanks for listening 🌟
ohhhh how i love all of this!! i love you for taking the time to send all this to me -- and thank you for validating my reading of the altered love story!!
and YES i was so pleasantly surprised by how well they managed to maintain a lot of the thematic content of the book, esp because we KNOW how much they gutted it in the original trilogy. i have a couple theories on why: the first is that the filmmakers are devoted readers of my tumblr blog and they understood the importance of preserving the political themes from the novels when adapting them to the screen (ok obviously i am joking.) my real theories are -- the cultural conversation has shifted a LOT since the original films got made, and i think they were more aware and more *able* to be more explicit with so many of those ideas. i also wonder if the act of adapting the story of someone from capitol was easier than adapting someone from district 12 -- there's been much ink spilled over how we, the privileged moviegoers who are watching the film in theaters, are much more like capitolites than we are like katniss herself. and i wonder if that made it easier to adapt -- because one of the big critiques of the thg films is that they really glam jlaw up even when she's in district 12, and it makes scenes like the "remake" scenes kind of lose their power and biting social commentary. whereas with snow, and the capitol, and the games themselves, we're meant to understand that they ARE a facade, and the movie can really lean into that. (side note, my least fav costume in the whole movie was lucy gray's swimsuit. pretty much for that exact reason -- it was too ~perfect~ for the setting.)
to your point about the change with snow deciding vs being ordered to become a peacekeeper -- i honestly couldn't remember either so i went to see if i could find the quote from the book and it's this:
[...] But as he approached the dean, a cold dread washed over him. There, arranged on the table like lab specimens, were three items: an Academy napkin stained with grape punch, his mother’s silver compact, and a dingy white handkerchief.
The meeting could not have lasted more than five minutes. Afterward, as agreed, Coriolanus headed directly to the Recruitment Center, where he became Panem’s newest, if not shiniest, Peacekeeper.
honestly i wish i remembered what exactly is meant by "as agreed" but i do think you're right that in the book it's more implied that he doesn't have another choice -- because he didn't win the monetary prize, he has to enroll. so i think you're right that the point is that the idea that it's his choice at all is in question because it's societal pressure and his family's financial status that kind of forces him into the military industrial complex. but i think, because they made this scene so explicit in the film, that you're right that having him be ordered to do it instead of hearing him justify it in his head manages to accomplish what we need it to for the sake of the plot moving forward (if kind of weakening that angle of sc's commentary)
also, here's something to chew on -- i was thinking as i was watching the film if part of the reason some of the changes didn't irritate me so much was because i was more forgiving of the need to shift things around to account for the lack of internal monologue because the book is written in third person instead of first person. i mean, obviously i am overly attached to pretty much everything about katniss, and yes that comes down even to her internal monologue, but i did wonder if that made some of the changes feel more natural to me, because we still kind of get them explained to us in the book as an observer, instead of listening to someone explain themselves to us (i don't know if that makes any sense?) -- but i guess what i'm trying to say is that maybe reading tbosas is more like watching a film, vs reading thg which is more like you are experiencing something alongside katniss? and that's because of the pov choice?
WELL that was a ramble! i'm always amazed by how much we can say about these books and films!! they're just so layered and so fascinating -- i'm loving all the conversations i've been seeing about tbosas. i feel like a lot of it is really starting to gel for me the more i read people's thoughts and analyses. (i still think the third act is messy though. no matter how great suzanne's themes are, i do think the pacing is rough. lol!)
#answered#anonymous#tbosas#tbosas thoughts#<- feels like i should make a specific tag for tbosas metas
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Some of the things I REALLY LOVE about New so far, off the top of my head:
Changing the random kid that fell overboard into one of Pudding's brothers.
Pudding bringing her siblings with her on the boat so they could have fun gave us more chance to see her as a big sister early on, and Lettuce's extended interactions with them gave it even more feeling when she was desperate to save him.
Pudding being the sole caretaker to her many siblings after their father abandoned them all was only visually shown much later in the manga, and barely touched on, so having Pudding bring them all on the boat to let them have a nice evening and get to try more food than they usually do was a much better way to establish that. And Lettuce is less comically clumsy but still more introspective and has more momentum in this show, and having her be so good with the kids was a nice touch.
It gave us some added depth and exploration to both Lettuce and Pudding’s characters, and even gave some more personality to the quintuplets.
I also love that Lettuce doesn’t have the power to breathe underwater anymore. The animal she’s merged with is an aquatic mammal with no gills. Enhanced breath-holding powers, yes, underwater-breathing, no.
How they extended Zakuro's inner thoughts and really showed how the girls were able to change her mind, even after making a good argument for Zakuro’s perspective
Zakuro felt more understandable for not wanting to be with the others. She really was absolutely correct in the reasoning she gave, and justified from her point of view. She has a busy schedule, she didn’t ask for these powers to be thrust upon her by strangers doing an experiment, and she doesn’t know these girls.
The way Mint finally changed her mind and reached her was really good. Zakuro had good arguments for not wanting to get involved with all this and not understanding why the other girls were getting involved either, and instead of trying to push it on her, Mint decided that she’d respect that and just protect her instead. The fact that Mew Mint’s act of heroism and speech won Zakuro over and inspired her despite that really hits harder. Now, they’re both mutually inspirations to each other.
Her bond with Mint feels much less one-sided in this version overall. They have Zakuro closer with the team, but still as OP as ever.
How they extended Lettuce’s struggle to make friends and be useful, and all the growth and support we actively see her get.
Lettuce's struggle to make friends and later her struggle with self-confidence felt fully realized, especially with Lettuce saying how grateful she is to Ichigo and how much better she's doing now. Her extended focus in the boat episode gave us some great interactions and strengthened her bond with the rest of the team, especially Pudding and Ryou. I like that they didn’t reveal that her drink was a placebo until after she’d done all her amazing feats of bravery, too. And that they kept the first anime’s decision to have Mew Aqua be introduced into the story by having Lettuce come across it first. Seems they’re doing some interesting things with Mew Aqua this time around, too.
We even go from her not even getting to be in a selfie in her introduction episode to saying how much her personal life at her school has improved ever since she met Ichigo and was able to gain some more confidence.
Having Pudding meet Tart early on in such a fun interaction.
Introducing all the aliens to all the Mews earlier in general was good! But especially Pudding zeroing in on Tart and immediately taunting and teasing him about being shorter than her! They have a really fun dynamic, right from the start now.
Building up the blossoming relationship between Ichigo and Aoyama.
You can really tell that they love each other but are clumsy about it, and you can get lots of good hints about why their love for each other is deepening. The way they start to grow closer feels so natural, but still has that reasonably written teenage awkwardness combined with the fact that they’re both sort of living double lives that make it even harder.
Ichigo being so inspired by Aoyama’s environmentalism, Aoyama trying so hard to understand these feelings he’s never felt before, both of them trying so hard to protect the other no matter what. They’re clearly shown to inspire each other and help the other feel happier than they’ve ever felt before.
And they throw in plenty of hints that Aoyama already knows exactly who Mew Ichigo is, but is playing dumb for her sake because he knows she isn’t ready to tell him just yet. I love how he chooses to pretend not to know, because it’s her secret to tell, and he won’t take that from her. That’s consistent across all adaptions of Tokyo Mew Mew, but it really feels like they handle it especially well here.
The hinting at Aoyama’s nature
We not only get to watch him fall for Ichigo in realtime and be very confused about where all these emotions are coming from, but we also get to see the hints at his more serious nature.
His moments of being alone and staring off into the distance, sad and contemplative. His misanthropic slip about how sinful humans are. How giddy he gets about sharing nerdy fun facts about his environmentalism and conservation once Ichigo takes an interest in it. The way he never makes Ichigo question whether she’s more important to him than all the girls that surround him at school. How nervous and defeatist he can be sometimes when trying to reach out to Ichigo. How much he blushes whenever they interact. How willing he is to throw himself in harm’s way for her.
He still gets quiet moments of contemplation where he just stares off into space, but he’s showing more an more emotion with Ichigo, and it’s clear it’s all new to him.
There’s a lot to his character, and they hint at it well!
Establishing Ichigo’s desire to find a passion early on, and making that environmentalism so soon after
Ichigo kicks off the series wanting to fall in love, but with her telling her best friends that she’s jealous that they both know what they want to do when they grow up already, it gives the impression that what she really wants is something she can be passionate towards and build a future around. It could be love, but it could just as easily be something else, and I like that they’re leaning on the latter.
Essentially, we’re getting to see Ichigo fall in love with the earth and find her resolve and her career paths. That’s the true answer to her “I wanna fall in love” line.
Seiji and Mint's relationship getting more focus and relevance.
Seiji wasn’t even in the manga, but the idea of him was a neat idea in the original anime. They just really hit the mark with him here, and even make him a returning character that continues to drive Mint forward.
Seiji being a doting older brother who’s also really proud to offer Mint opportunities that’ll help her career in the future gives Mint a neat little conflict on interest in being a Mew Mew. It also helps establish her interest in environmentalism was pre-existing even before she joined the group, which might explain why they had her be the first girl brought on this time?
I like that they introduced Mint feeling like she wants to be more independent and less seen as a little kid by Seiji, so she was both the first to accept being a Mew Mew, gave her a deeper reason to admire Zakuro for having gone so far even though she’s had just as many years to do it as Mint, AND has a conflict of interest, because continuing to be a Mew Mew would cost her a study abroad opportunity Seiji told her about that would help her further her career. Mint feels like she’s got a lot more going on in her personal ambitions this time around, and I love it.
#Tokyo Mew Mew#Masaya Aoyama#Ichigo Momomiya#ichisaya#Minto Aizawa#Seiji Aizawa#Bu ling Huang#Zakuro Fujiwara#Lettuce Midorikawa#long post#zakumint
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Okay, but can we talk about this one Christmas scene in BBC Sherlock S2E2?
Let's take a look at this one dialog that occured when John needs to stay with Sherlock to comfort him after Irene's death and his girlfriend is upset:
"You're a great boyfriend!"
"Okay, that's good. I mean, I always thought I was great-"
"And Sherlock Holmes is a very lucky man."
"Oh, Jeanette please"
John has his priorities and it's very obvious to everyone involved (even tho I do think that staying with your best friend after the death of a person who was important to him is a valid reason to miss a celebration) I suppose it just was the last straw for her
"No, I mean it. It's heartwarming. You'll do anything for him. And he can't even tell your girlfriends apart!"
The fact that John's love is so unconditional he doesn't even care if Sherlock returns it reminds me so much of this one episode of Doctor Who where River Song compared loving Doctor to loving sun: "You don't expect the sun to love you back!" or something like this, I don't remember the quote and it breaks my heart so much.
(Yes I did a wholock reference, what are you gonna do about it?)
And I also see here how much he tries to move on knowing that sun will not love him back but he just can't.
"No, I'll do anything for you, just tell me what it is, I'm not doing, tell me!"
"Don't make me compete with Sherlock Holmes!"
This quote is so important because even Jeanette knows and understands the entirety of the situation John's in.
Compete with Sherlock Holmes is something nobody can do (all his enemies get defeated as we know) but not only villians are a threat, even loved ones will always be on a second place for John. The first place is forever taken by this one nerd not knowing the Earth is moving around the Sun (even tho he's the sun himself).
"I'll walk your dog for you. There, I've said it now, I'll even walk your dog."
"I don't have a dog!"
"No, because that was the last one- Okay."
Even John himself admits his defeat and realises what he got himself into.
(He did marry Mary eventually, and even tho I love her character, I can't help but see her being another one of "escapes" for John.)
Please don't witchhunt me for "hating on straight ships" or whatever, complain at the directors and writers who made John so unbearably closeted any other of his ships just doesn't sail (pun fully intended).
All I see here is a man desperately stuck in his one-sided feelings and fear of being out, he goes through the struggle a lot of queer people experienced in their life.
Yes, it's been done many times before, but I can't help but say that the production crew are cowards for not making John canonically queer when his writing is so authentic it makes me experience almost physical pain.
Coming back to the topic of Mary btw, I think it was fucking lame in the way her destiny turned out to be. She deserved to have a good life with loving husband and a child, but writers put her in the story just to make John not so openly queer coded (bi and pan people exist btw but it's a topic for another conversation unfortunately) and they just killed her off to "sail" the johnlock ship in the end because they are cowards to actually follow through with queerbaiting (that's what the quotes for, because they haven't actually sailed it).
I hate, and I mean HATE when a woman is added to a story just for a man's character development and gets killed off and BBC's Sherlock situation is exactly like this. Why even add her to the story if you don't plan on making her stay with John?
The last season makes no sense and makes me so angry I often pretend it doesn't exist "BOO TOMATOES TOMATOES-" (it's the reason I don't want any new Sherlock seasons tbh)
Okay, this post is all over the place, at this point I'm more just ranting instead of doing a proper topic analysis but I hope you liked it anyway. Share your opinion if you have any, ig the Sherlock tag is too full at this point I don't really see people taking about stuff while checking the tag (saying this as if the first season didn't come out like 13 years ago)
Have a good day :)
#sherlock#bbc sherlock#sherlock bbc#sherlock holmes#sherlock fandom#john watson#johnlock#mary elizabeth watson#mary watson#wholock
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