#like this whisper of 'i'm not leaving'
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happiness and light and love fuck every bitch who was mean to me cause i am receiving love and cuddles and lots o head kisses and god life by its side really does look like forever
#lynx speaks#loveposting#i am....... sooooo happy rn#i've always considered myself a person who tries#and i have tried very hard over the years to commit to people and things#but the people and things never did commit to me#but it does and i feel so handsome when it says i am and i feel so loved when it says it loves me#and i could do it#i could spend the rest of my life loving it and i would undoubtedly be so happy#i very much plan to#there are so many reasons to but i thought of this when it held my hand and didn't let go until i did#i have never had someone so tenderly and quietly accept me#like this whisper of 'i'm not leaving'#oh how i love love love#like it's poetry#like it's effortless#like breathing#i love it in these ways and more#for once forever doesn't look impossible; it looks exciting
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when people complain about overacting, especially in 20s-30s films, i'm like that's ok. we can have different opinions and tastes and that's perfectly alright. to each his own, that's not a problem. but also have you tried being happy? have you tried seeing the joy and the beauty in someone who expresses their emotions in a big way onscreen? no? ok.
#that's perfectly alright now get out of my house#we shouldn't be occupying the same house in the first place that's the real problem#and i'm not talking about general negative comments about 20s-30s acting#i'm talking about complaints about specific people#like 'X actor overacts way too much in this'#when it's a perfectly good performance#just not whispered and mumbled lmao leave them alone#personal
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how i feel about TBYS causing a shockwave effect of everyone dogpiling on and harassing Illymation and spreading extremely easily disprovable and malicious misinformation about her and putting her in a lot of danger for literally no legitimate reason
#big rant in the tags incoming hold on to your hats:#i swear drama commentary youtubers are actually some of the most dense people on the fucking planet#like holy SHIT i have never seen a bigger display of collective stupidity than every drama commentary grifter harping on illy based on shit#-she didn't even say that they heard from a guy who sounds like budget ben shapiro. how are you that dense. like how. actually how.#it's just a big stupid game of idiot telephone with how much basic shit people are getting wrong because they heard it whispered from-#-another person. istg if i have to see ONE more person say that ''oh but she's encouraging obesity'' ''oh but she said [thing she literally#-didn't say]!!!'' im going to SCREAM. i am going to throw my phone against the wall if i see one more malicious misinterpretation of a-#-basic statement that even a fucking doorknob could understand with more grace and nuance than these idiots#i swear to god this is all so STUPID#drama commentary youtube is where basic reading comprehension and common sense go to die. it is the 10th circle of internet hell-#-just below 4chan.#anyway rant over glad i got that out of my system.#i hope illy is doing well and that she and her partner and her cats are safe <3#sorry for being so angry. this whole situation literally makes my blood boil and i'm so upset that an innocent person got put in danger-#-because of some nerd emoji sounding wackass blatantly lying about her and being a dickhead#this is the first and last post i'll ever make about internet drama (unless something really REALLY funny happens) i just needed an outlet-#-to scream into for a few minutes#drama commentary youtubers delete their entire channels and leave the internet right now challenge#shitpost#youtube drama
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like i'm not that much of a loud person anyways but i am always conscious of our neighbours, i will always ask others in the household to keep it down and if i play music its at a relatively low level. i just wish next door could give us even 1 iota of the same consideration although that's a lot to expect from a couple who will scream at each other at midnight
#beehive whispers#tbd#terraced houses man.....#they are a young family + a dog so i feel like i'm already being extremely patient. i would never complain about the kids to them#and the dog i get WILL sometimes make noise because its a dog. mine also sometimes makes noise. but its just the fact its hours on end#its just almost funny that like its GREAT when they leave bc finally peace and quiet from their usual shit#but Actually No#anyways this is why my spotify listening hours is so fucking high every year kdjhfkdjfghdfk
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literally can't stop thinking about mafia!bernard and police informant!tim
it got too long for the tags
bear's in the mafia for whatever reason
and tim is part of a police team called idfk the bats
anyway bear's mafia is getting too big and they need sm1 on the inside. enter tim.
tim is a police legacy. his dad was a policeman and so was his father's father and on it goes
and he might've made it onto captain wayne's team but he's desperate to prove to the force that he's not a fuckin nepo baby
so he takes the job. enter bernard who only meets tim after he's been on the mission for a year now.
bear quickly takes a liking to this new recruit who's efficient and smart and has the tiniest waist he's ever seen.
and tim goes along with this liking cause hey information from the top will be more valuable right?
and they fall into this fuckbuddies relationship that quickly becomes way more. because like fuck bear looks at tim like he's worth smth
like he's more than what his parents have set out for him. like he's somebody. like he loves tim for tim. and not for what tim can do for him.
and fuck he loves bear and his smiles. the way his eyes crinkle and his gums show. he loves the way bear looks with a gun in his hands and he knows that's fucked up but the first time he saw bear with a gun in his hands and blood splattered across his face he had to actively stop himself from jumping bear in front of the mafia. and no matter how rough bear is when he's on the field he always caresses tim's cheeks with a softness tim didn't know was possible
and fuck his dick is massive and it's really not helping tim's feelings. and he knows he's compromised and fuck cpt. wayne probs knows too
but shit bear holds him like he's precious. bear looks at him like he loves him. bear twines their bodies together like he'll die if they part
bear whispers sweet nothings into his ears as they fall asleep and it'll break him when he has to give bear up but he's always been selfish
he'll keep this for as long as he can. (please lord let him have this.)
and on bear's end he really only becomes interested in this new recruit when he watches the boy deliver 10 backhanded compliments in a row
and nobody pick up on it. it takes 3 months before bear figures out that tim's a spy and still he keeps seeing him
bc it doesn't matter that tim'll be his downfall. it doesnt matter that tim doesnt really love him or care about him. that it's only a mission for tim bc tim is the best thing bear's life.
he is the sun to bear's moon. the first word on his lips when he wakes up and the last when he goes to sleep.
and he loves every version of tim -- when he's caustic and biting, when he's blissed out in bed covered in the marks bernard left, when he's laughing, when he's crying
every version on tim is a version he likes. and one of these days, his pretty bird is going to have to leave their nest but at least bear can hold tim until then
at least bear can press promises into his thighs. at least he can whisper his devotion into the crook of tim's neck. at least he can leave marks on tim -- lovebites on his neck, handprints on his thighs and hips -- a tapestry that says "i was here. and i loved him. i love him and i am here."
but until that day comes, bear will work on quitting smoking and turning his favorite safehouse into a home for them.
(please lord, just let him have this. just let him have tim.)
#honestly if i was to sum up this au in one sentence it'd be#'dick so good you'd let them commit war crimes'#he quits smoking cause his baby has no spleen. tim nearly cries when he hears that#bear always kisses tim before he leaves in 3s. one to the forehead. one to both cheeks. and one to his lips.#the first time tim says 'welcome home!' to bear he has to take 3 business days to recover#the first time bear comes over to money-laundering coffee shop front tim's been assigned to with a bouquet of flowers tim spends the rest#week giggling to himself. also tim and bear get relentlessly teased by their coworkers.#and when all is said and done and the mission comes to an end and tim has to arrest bear he does it with a tremble in his hands and tears#in his eyes. and bear's eyes are so sad almost mournful with the way they look at him in his police uniform#'hey pretty baby. here to lock me up at last?' bear asks#'you knew?' tim whispers. bear nods slowly like doing it any faster will spook tim off. the hand holding his gun trembles.#'then why-'#'why do you think tim?' bear responds quietly 'i love you.'#tim chokes on his sob. 'i did too y'know. i do too.'#bear smiles sadly 'but the job comes first right?'#and tim has nothing to say to that. tim loves bear and bear loves tim and it's not enough. maybe it was never enough.#anyway#how yall doin#i'm so normal about them i swear#bernard dowd#tim drake#timbern#timber#dc
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I'm so 5050 on whether I want william to die in deadwood again
#jrwi#jrwi prime defenders#william wisp#do you understand what I'm saying#william is the whisperer#i doubt the wisp will leave him alone#and its not like his power to see the dead had left#last episode proved that#william is still dead
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Dazai never cutting his hair because it was the last thing Oda touched before he died.
#bsd#thoughts#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#dazai osamu#odasaku sakunosuke#odasaku#i was randomly looking though some fem!zai arts when my brain whispered this#cuz i thought fem!dazai will cut her long hair once she leaves the mafia#like most tropes and clichés#but what if it's the other way around?#but this time with male Dazai#I'm stuck in my OdaZai era of both platonic and romantic despite shipping SKK lmao#OdaZai just screams 'ily but i can't have u'#or 'ily but the world says otherwise'
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Every moment is better in the rain. A confession, a reunion, a concert, a heartbreak, a long song, a kiss, a fight, a birth, a death. Everything......
#cream talks#it's 2am I'm sorry I'm sappy#I love the rain#when I sit in the rain it feels like time stops and nothing will change abdi can#hold a little bit of peace forever before life continues to leave behind my childhood#and my memories of it continue to become memories of memories#until only a whisper of what I loved is left#I AM OK#this is a positive post#I promise
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I'm so tired of school ever since my PoTS became debilitating and I started using a cane and had to make my teachers & school nurse aware of my condition like half of my teachers talk to me like a wounded animal and it makes me sick to my stomach
please don't talk to disabled people like they're fragile or in their final days all the time. i know personally it makes me really uncomfortable bc i'm just a legal adult trying to get through the day like everyone else i don't need baby talked or looked at with sympathy. i know.
#they'll have this like fearful wide-eyed sympathetic look with their hand on their chest while they ask if you're okay and need anything#like maybe an excedrin for the migraines but you can't pass out pills so our business is over here#it makes me so mad when it's been weeks of this and they still treat me like that. no i will not be getting better#it's a chronic illness.#it's none of your business unless i need to leave to go to the nurse or something. so stop asking about it.#that and the kids whispering behind my back saying i'm faking needing my cane bc my legs clearly work#when really i use it for balance bc my pulse issues make me too dizzy to walk alone#make me not want to go to school at all#vent#basilspeakss
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#my whispers#delete later#I'll take a lil break from posting my own stuff here#not feeling good about my body or myself in general#I think I'll also just stop leaving elaborate tags/compliments on people's posts#bc like I feel like I'm the only one doing it and it is never reciprocated#which makes me believe people don't want them and I'm just being weird to them
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I had yet another long, strenuous day yesterday and didn't finish work until super late and then I couldn't fall asleep until well past 2am cuz I was in so much pain from standing literally all day
#what made it worse was the client I spent most of my day with was a brand new client. and she booked super last minute#so I wasnt mentally prepared for doing a 5 hour color. and her natural hair was already pretty light so I had to foil foil foil. go back.#pull out first couple foils. foil foil foil. go back. pull out the next few.#over and over and over.#and her hair was so fucking long. and so fucking thick.#and after the first hour she wouldn't talk. like I like my silence so I don't fight it much#but every now and then I would try to engage with her. I'd say something and she would straight up ignore me. no acknowledgment.#which makes me feel anxious cuz it's like jesus... does she hate me?? did I piss her off somehow?#even when I finished her hair (it looked fucking amazing no lie. one of my best highlights yet.) she had next to no reaction to it#she was like 'it looks fine. I mean good. it's good.' completely deadpan#I laughed it off and was like yeah it's been a long day girl! but it looks amazinggg on you!!#no response. deep inhale. alright.#whatever tho.#when I did finally get off work I stopped @ bojangles cuz I was lightheaded and hadn't eaten since morning#and when I tell you I almost broke down into tears cuz there were so many people crowding the goddamn pickup area.#and so many bizarre conversations going on. genuinely felt like I was in some form of hell#like my feet hurt. my back hurts. I'm tired. I didn't get the validation I like to have over a 5 hour transformative color.#I'm hungry and there are two elderly women blocking the pickup counter. one is hard of hearing so she keeps yelling HUH???#and the other only speaks in soft baby whispers. that goes as well as you can imagine.#there's a man behind me grilling an employee abt whether or not he goes to church. he starts witnessing to him#and the employee says 'I've never thought about it like that before' no less than 4 times.#there's a child in front of me playing tiktoks @ full volume. and this is all happening simultaneously.#I really considered just leaving without my food but I knew I needed to eat and didnt have anything at home so I stuck it out#was it worth it? no. bojangles honestly sucks these days but what's a girl gonna do.#got home and tried to pass out but nope. tossed and turned all night.#put on hot n cold patches to try to soothe the pain a little. didn't work cuz one pain would be eased a bit and another pain would take over#blahhhhhh#and now. I get to do it all over again! yippeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
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My mom just sent a message to the family group chat suggesting that my siblings download the 'For the Strength of Youth' magazine on their Gospel Library app and talked about how much the youth magazines helped her testimony growing up and like, cool. Fine. Don't know why the 'sending random spiritual thoughts in the gc' thing started out of nowhere when it hadn't been a thing for a decade but this is just another one of those, and you're ofc allowed to talk about things that are significant in your life.
I don't think sending the 'What I Did When Someone Close to Me Challenged My Faith' article right afterwards was strictly necessary though 🙃
#hi bg mutuals 👋 i'm gonna vent about this from time to time. if any mutuals dont want to see it block the 'apostake' tag#trying not to read too much into it b/c I think I did last time something like this happened#and i dont want to make an ass of myself even if neither time would actually be in front of my parents#but like...i know that they know that one of my sisters is clearly PIMO#they went through her phone a couple weeks ago and i have no idea if they read my texts w/ her#but if they did they probably saw the conversation i had with her about some of the really common shelf-breakers#and telling her to take looking into it at her own pace b/c it's scary and overwhelming#(a conversation SHE started btw)#and when i talked to my parents about the larger context of that whole situation i talked about not having space to step back#and their response was that they give plenty of space b/c they dont make her go to seminary???#that's not the same thing as letting her openly question & potentially leave the church idk what to tell you#like. besties i dont know for sure what caused it (which is NOT making things better. it just feels potentially passive aggressive)#but from my end? it sure looks like it might be a reaction to that. probably not JUST that (friends exist) but.#if you think I'm whispering anti-mormon rhetoric into my siblings' ears just ask me. i'm very much NOT doing that#i'm just. talking? to them? when and if they come to me with questions?#and not making my answer 'well there's a reason our parents raised us in the church! ☺️'#(an actual argument given in the article my mom sent)#hate it. thanks#apostake#jay rambles#ok to interact#im not challenging anyone's faith. my patience though? INCREDIBLY challenged#gotta figure out how to work my way around a 'hey please dont send spiritual thoughts to the gc *I'm in*' talk tactfully#they've been pretty chill about me leaving over-all?? at least to my face#haven't pushed me to go to church w/ them; was fine with me not visiting for easter; didnt try to convince me to not drink coffee; etc#it's just. frustrating that they're not giving my siblings that still live with them that same grace#my sister's 17 ffs#it's very possible im way overreacting to the article. but what is tumblr for if not screaming into the void#religion#mormonism
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Making myself sad thinking about ghost maria......
#ramblings#bc like. she's barely even herself anymore#her memories and her mind have rotted away like a corpse. she clings onto what little is left but that's fading away too#really the one thing still tying her to reality is shadow#she doesn't want to leave him but she doesn't fully know why#she's almost completely unaware of her situation. existance feels like a fleeting dream and every day it makes less and less sense#and shadow. shadow doesn't even know she's there#he can't hear her whispers when she tries to call out to him#he can't feel when she strokes his fur while he sleeps#he can't see her get excited whenever he does something cool#she's dead. still lives on in spirit and in his memory but there's still a disconnect. they cannot interact with each other#and even if they could. would it be as happy of a reunion as you'd think it'd be?#like i said. maria is barely herself. just an image based on a decaying memory#she can barely speak. she doesn't remember how#it's painful whether they can actually interact or not. but not interacting may be the least painful#AUGH i'm so fucking emo about this i'm gonna cry#i fucking love tragedy can you tell
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Syren on their third mental breakdown this week after finding out the hot half elf is actually a wrinkly old human
#and RIGHT after assuming jesse fucked him because jesse is like the horniest creature alive#a running joke is that all backup characters for curse of strahd will be jesse's other kids#rem is his favourite but that doesn't stop them from dropping him off at pubs and leaving them to the barely adult firbolg#i love this strange little family we've set up thougg#theres the priest dad the demon child the demon god mom all the other kids ireena (who may be pregnant?) and the tall thing they on the way#demon whispers about nonsense#demon's drawings#Syren winterseeker#dnd oc#curse of strahd#dungeons and dragons#if someone sees this likes it but doesn't reblog it I'm going to cry
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Taylor: This song is a real guided tour through all the things I tend to hate about myself
Taylor: I think my cat is my son
#then in the mv she leaves her estate to her cats!#the humor of it thinly disguises her fear that human children could betray her#just as everybody else has!#the words of a sister come back in whispers to prove she was not...#leaving like a father [figure - i'm looking at you scotty b]#people haven't always been there for me!!!#ww
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i found girl, interrupted and black swan at my local thrift store. i obviously bought the movies. $3 each <3
#girl interrupted#black swan#girl blogging#girlblogging#girl blogger#girlblogger#whisper girl#pretty when i cry#pretty when you cry#thrift store#vintage americana#diet coke#lana del rey aka lizzy grant#this is what makes us girls#sweet serial killer#say you'll never leave me#i'm leaving are you coming with me#btw draco malfoy looks like a school shooter
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