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mypoisonedvine · 3 years

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Seeing Red | bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x actress!reader (part 9 - FINALE)

(part 1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5) (part 6) (part 7) (part 8)

series summary: bucky used to brag that he didn’t have a celebrity crush, or really care about famous people at all, which is what made him the perfect person to start working for a celebrity like yourself. except, of course, it’s just his luck that he’d fall for you.

word count: 7.2k

warnings: smut (oral f receiving), semi-public sex (in a parked car) angst, arguments, implied smut, sappiness, time skips, some alcohol consumption here and there, lots of talking about issues including bucky's ptsd, I really have no idea how to warn for this but IT’S THE END SO STRAP IN FOLKS

Since that night, it had been like a stand-off in a Western movie, none of you saying anything because you had no idea what to say. Whenever he tried to start the conversation, you brushed him off.

You took a cab home from the event. He slept in his own room for the first time in months.

Finally, suddenly, you were ready to talk about it nearly 30 hours later, knocking on the guest room door and entering to find Bucky on his bed, re-reading Flowers for Algernon. He sat up quickly and shut it, setting it aside. “Hey,” he greeted softly, hesitant like you were a deer in a clearing and he was extending a handful of grain in his palm.

“Hey,” you returned, already fighting back your emotions. “I think I’m ready to talk.”

“Okay,” he nodded. “I’m ready to listen.”

“I just… I want to make sure that you understand this is a really big deal.”

He nodded again.

“I had to do a lot of damage control to prevent being banned from all HFPA events— that includes the Golden Globes, you know, I can’t exactly skip those just because my boyfriend went fucking nuts at a party.” And there was the anger again— you had tried to wait until you could be neutral about this but it barely lasted, mainly because you were still embarrassed about the way you’d handled yourself that night. “You’re lucky not many people saw; you’re lucky no reporters were there! Can you imagine if someone had a fucking picture of this? There were cameras everywhere, what the fuck were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t thinking!” he defended. “I saw you with him and he was touching you and I just… I saw red.”

You sighed slowly. “That’s not a good thing. That’s really, really concerning.”

“I know, I agree— you’re right. I need…” he trailed off, taking a breath before starting over. “I need to work on that.”

“Yeah,” you agreed. “I just… I can’t really be a part of that. You need to work on that on your own.”

He stood up instantly, almost looking… afraid? Terrified, really, and heartbroken. “On my own, like what? What does that mean?”

“It means that I think maybe you should go back to your own apartment for a while. I just… need to be alone for a bit.”

“You need to be alone?” he repeated. “Or you need to be away from me?’

“Both.”

His head fell into his hands instantly. "Please don't tell me I fucked this up," he whimpered. "Please don't tell me I ruined this."

"I— I don't know."

"Please, please, please," he sighed, just louder than a whisper, suddenly stepping forward, grabbing your hand and clutching it to his chest. "Look at me," he begged.

You did, hesitantly, fighting everything in you that wanted to cry (and not doing so good of a job at it).

"Please, I lo—"

"Don't," you grimaced. "Don't say that."

"But it's true."

"It doesn't matter!" you yelped, surprising both of you with your volume.

“Are we going to have a chance to talk about this again? Am I going to get a chance to make it up to you?”

“You don’t make it up to me, you fix it. And that takes time.”

He shook his head, looking shocked and confused and completely blindsided which made you feel sick to your stomach. “How long?”

“I don’t know…” you mumbled.

“Am I not going to see you at all, for however long it takes?” he pressed.

“I… that’s sort of the idea.”

He shivered and pulled you into a hug. “Please don’t hate me forever,” he whispered against the top of your head.

“I don’t hate you,” you promised, doing your best not to hug him back even though all you wanted was to wrap yourself around him and feel safe in his arms again.

“Then don’t make me go,” he pleaded as he pulled back, clutching your face. “Let me stay and we can work through this together.”

“That’s not how this works,” you reminded him

“But I don’t know how to be without you,” he explained shakily.

“That’s not really my problem!” you yelped, and he turned away like he’d been slapped, dropping his hands from your face. A long, heavy silence fell between you as you watched him stand there, contemplating.

“If this is my last chance,” he finally spoke softly, barely breaking the silence, “to say everything I want to say…”

“It’s not,” you assured. “We’re going to talk about this again, but you need to go now.”

He nodded, his adam’s apple bobbing with a swallow of nothing. When he looked at you again, you hated how much bluer his eyes looked when they were bloodshot and filled with tears. “Can I kiss you?”

You shook your head. He bit his lip and turned to walk away; you stared at your feet because you couldn’t watch him go.

You heard him grab his backpack, shoving a few things from the drawers into it; he set his key on the table, walked into the open hall, and as soon as you heard the front door open and shut you were plunged into solitude and silence. With a whimper, you crumpled to the floor and cried, the look of betrayal on his face burned into your mind.

It was obvious, to your horror, that he really hadn’t seen it coming; he hadn’t packed his things, or prepared in any way for the conversation going like that. He had been waiting for an olive branch and got a switch to the face instead. You didn’t know anything about working on relationships, repairing broken things… when something went wrong, all you knew how to do was bail.

You knew how to do a new take and say the line right this time. You knew how to take off your eyeliner and start over. You knew how to kick unsuspecting C-listers out of cars because you already got yours. But you didn’t know how to stay, and work, and frankly you were just too scared to try. Last time you tried to make it work, you got burned. And as much as a logical part of you knew that wasn’t Bucky’s fault or responsibility, your heart just couldn’t survive another relationship where you put everything into putting the pieces back together while the other person stood there and watched you just to pull them apart again.

It had to end at some point, right? It was you, it was him… and that’s just how these things go.

He knew it was too good to be true. He knew you were too good for him. Anybody with at least one eyeball and half a brain could see that. But still, he hadn’t been ready to let you go.

Being in his apartment felt like stopping in a ghost town; there might as well have been a tumbleweed rolling through the living room. It was beyond a bachelor pad: it was more like an unfinished work site, considering his ‘couch’ was cinderblocks and a few two-by-fours, and his bed was a mattress on the floor.

One toothbrush. No books. A half-empty shampoo bottle in the shower and some hard water stains he needed to scrub away at some point.

This place didn’t feel like a home, it barely felt like a livable space. It was a three-dimensional homage to how empty his life had been before you, and he realized that was only his own fault.

Then again, this was all his fault.

But still, he had let himself obsess over you, turn you into his whole world and it made him into somebody he didn’t want to be. He had been working so hard to keep you happy, inspired more than anything by his fear to lose you, that he’d forgotten to give you space and now here he was… giving you so much more space than he ever wanted to, or knew how to deal with.

But he wanted to use this, if he could. As much as it was tempting to binge on junk food, drink too much and watch porn for an hour, as much as he wanted to run away from everything he was feeling, he owed it to you and to himself to face it all and learn from it. He wanted to be the man you deserved, if that was even humanly possible; he wanted to be who you used to think he was.

The next week went by in a blur: a blur filled with shitty romcoms, Ben & Jerry’s straight from the carton, and phone calls ignored.

It would all be fine with time, you knew that, but god, it fucking hurt now. It made you want to call him and at least apologize for having sex with him when you knew he wouldn’t have wanted to if he knew you were upset. More time and distance from the situation made you appreciate that it was manipulative, even if it by no means justified the way he grabbed you, or shoving anybody in the first place.

Truth was, you were scared of Bucky long before that happened. You were scared of how strong your feelings were for him; and, in turn, you were scared of how strong his feelings were for you. You felt loved by him, and you didn’t know what to do with that. So you self-destructed.

Just in time to tear you out of your spiralling thoughts, the intercom buzzed from the front gate. You furrowed your brow, wondering who it could be, and got up to check the camera feed.

You couldn’t see the face of the driver, just his arm, but you’d recognize that Rolex on his wrist anywhere.

“What do you want?” you asked coldly, holding down the intercom talk button.

"Let me in," Sam instructed.

"And why should I?"

"Cause if you don't, I'll press charges against your boyfriend."

BEEP BEEP BEEP! the gate announced its opening.

You took the time while he parked his car and walked to the door to throw out the wrappers from all your questionable “meals” (i.e., candy and ramen), change into slightly nicer sweats and splash your face so you looked slightly less dead. Just as you came downstairs from your rushed primping, Sam knocked on the door and you turned off the TV, tossing the remote aside. “It’s open!” you called out.

He turned the knob and stepped in with just one foot, peering around.

“Is the Terminator home?” he asked coyly. “Cause I actually think I’ve been assaulted enough for one week.”

“No, he’s gone. And don’t call him that.”

“What?” he shrugged, finally coming all the way in and letting the door swing shut on its own, taking his shades off and sliding them into the collar of his v-neck shirt. “It’s a compliment, and you really invite the killer robot comparisons when you’re part robot, look like a killer, and act like a thug.”

“He’s sensitive about the arm, okay? It’s one of the reasons he… it’s part of why we waited so long to go public.”

Sam glanced down to beside the door, where three pairs of your shoes were haphazardly lined up while his boots were noticeably absent. “And the fact that he’s moved out? When’s that gonna go public?” He always had an eye for these things, the bastard.

“I… I don’t know,” you sighed. “What do you want, exactly? Because honestly, I really can’t handle you right now.”

“I’m just trying to be a friend,” he explained, stepping closer again as you leaned against the breakfast bar.

“You seemed a lot more than friendly on Saturday,” you reminded him. “God, Sam, why did you have to do that?”

“So it’s my fault, then?” he rolled his eyes.

“No, of course not,” you assured, “but you knew I wasn’t single. I was actually happy… did you even want me back? Or did you just want to fuck with my life?”

“I did want you back, really.” He paused for a moment, more serious than he almost ever got. “I still do.”

You scoffed, looking away. “What happened to just being a friend?”

“That’s not why I’m here, this time. I’m just here to tell you that I’m worried about you.”

You took your weight off the bar and circled it into the kitchen, Sam mirroring you by following around the other side. “Do you want something to drink?” you asked, opening the fridge. He opened his mouth to answer but then leaned in as he stared at your hand where it was right in front of his face gripping the refrigerator’s door handle.

"He did that to you?" Sam pointed to the bruise on your wrist. You let go of the fridge and pulled your sleeve down to cover it again but that was answer enough. "Jesus, babe, this guy's fucking crazy."

"He's not crazy, and don't call me that," you frowned. "I don't think he meant to, really— his prosthetic is powerful and it was in need of a recalibration. He shouldn’t have grabbed me, but, he probably didn’t mean to do it so hard.”

Sam didn’t seem too convinced by that explanation, but didn’t say anything.

“Believe it or don’t, Sam, but either way it’s none of your business,” you frowned.

“Right, I know,” he nodded. “I just want what’s best for you.”

“And that’s you?” you pressed with an incredulous raised brow, opening the fridge again to grab yourself a green juice (because you were, again, trying to look like you had your shit together) and starting to walk away.

“I’ve changed, believe it or not,” he explained as he followed you out of the kitchen again. “Occasionally, people are capable of that.”

“If that’s true, then I owe it to Bucky to wait for him like I said I would,” you shot back. “I told him to leave so we could work on things separately. Not so I could entertain your come-to-Jesus moment.”

“It’s not a ‘come-to-Jesus’ moment, it’s just a ‘give me another chance’ moment,” he corrected as you took a long sip of the juice, “it’s a ‘maybe we ended things too soon’ moment.”

You looked at him in silent judgment as you kept drinking, and the way he was looking at you made you glad the glass bottle was keeping your lips occupied.

“It’s an ‘I’m still in love with you’ moment.”

Before you could stop yourself, you spit the juice right onto him, covering your mouth in shock just a moment too late.

For one of those indefinite moments, you were just staring at each other while you both contemplated that you had said he loved you and you had spat juice onto him.

“Okay, I was prepared to get shot down,” he admitted. “This is… worse.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” you rushed, trying not to laugh, “I… I’ll get some paper towels, I can get you a new shirt, but it’ll have to be one of the ones Bucky left behind…”

“Oh god, it’s sticky,” he grimaced, as he tried to peel his shirt from his skin, “can I just use your shower maybe?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” you nodded, “upstairs and down—”

“I remember where it is,” he reminded you as he stepped past you to make his way to the bathroom. “I knew I should’ve waited to say it until she was done drinking…” you heard him mumble to himself before he disappeared and you heard the bathroom door shut.

But truthfully, it wasn’t really the fact that he said it, or the concept of Sam loving you at all that made you spit out your drink. It was that when he said it, you realized you were in love with Bucky. Which, yes, would’ve been obvious to anyone else but it came as quite a shock to you.

It made you realize that you wanted to make this work. You wanted to be vulnerable, you wanted to try, even if it ended just as badly as it nearly had last week; even if it meant dealing with all the shit that you’d pushed down for so long.

You wanted to have another chance, this time knowing how hard it would be to be without him.

Just as you pondered what to do with that realization, a knock at the door startled you. Who could have made it to the door without buzzing the intercom?

Somebody who has the gate code already, you realized, and your heart sank. You weren’t ready to see him again— specifically, you weren’t ready to be seen by him again. Sure, cleaning up the trash and splashing your face was enough for a guest like Sam, but you had been imagining that when you saw Bucky again you’d be all dolled up looking like you were doing better than ever, like you were thriving without him just to rub it in that you were the best he ever had.

Couldn’t he have just waited a few hours after your realization so you could go to him on your own terms, with your whole speech prepared and everything? As an actress, you were much more comfortable reading lines than improvising.

Another knock made you sigh and set down the half-empty bottle of green juice, running up to the door to answer it.

“Hi,” he greeted soberly when you opened the door.

“Hey,” you nodded back, “listen, now’s not a great time…”

“Listen, I’m not here to cause any problems, or ask you for anything, I just need some of my stuff back,” he explained.

“Okay, it would’ve been better if you had come at another time—”

“I know, I’m not trying to invade your space,” he sighed. “I shouldn’t have used the gate code, I didn’t mean to surprise you, honestly it was just second nature but I realize now I should’ve called first— well, I don’t think you’re taking my calls right now—”

“Bucky, please, we can talk later,” you assured, trying to shut the door.

“Can we?” he sighed. “I mean, will we?”

“Yes, but I’m busy right now,” you explained.

“When?” he asked, voice full of hope. “Soon?”

“I— I don’t know, sure,” you shrugged.

“You’re just saying that to get me to leave,” he realized flatly. “I understand, I don’t blame you— god, I just hate how scared you are of me. I’m everything I never wanted to be. I just wanted to keep you safe and now I can’t even do that, now you think of me as a threat. You should have the gate code changed, if it’ll make you sleep better—”

“I sleep fine, just go and we’ll deal with all of this soon— really, I promise!”

“You promised before and this week without you has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do!” he returned, getting more emotional as he gestured with his hands. “I’m not saying this should all go away in a week, there’s so much more I have to do, but… but not being able to see you at all is killing me. And it’s not like I don’t see you, your movies are on every fucking channel, but you know, I don’t get to really see you, talk to you— that’s what I miss, I miss when we would talk for hours.”

“I miss that too,” you agreed, “it’s all going to happen, it’s just that I need you to go right now—”

And of course, Sam picked just the right time to come running down your staircase with only a towel around his waist.

Bucky tensed up as he saw Sam, jaw tightening. "Oh."

You had no idea what would happen. Was Bucky going to attack him again? Would Sam try to hit Bucky? Were you going to drop dead from sheer embarrassment?

Instead, Bucky just sighed a little and looked to the ground, almost laughing though he seemed anything but amused. “You’ve got a funny idea of what ‘being alone’ means,” he sneered.

“Sam was just—” you began to defend.

"No, it’s okay, I see how it is," Bucky informed you quietly, coldly. He didn’t even seem angry anymore, just defeated. "I'll leave. I'm sorry that I… I'm sorry."

And he turned to leave, you reached out and grabbed his arm. "Wait, it's not—"

He shrugged your hand away as he kept walking, forcing you to chase him.

"Don't leave, please— Bucky, I love you too."

He stopped, but didn't turn around yet; you just stood behind him, staring at his back as it rose and fell with a slow breath. When he looked back at you, his eyes were red, brimming with tears and heartbreak. "Don't say things you don't mean."

"I mean it," you promised.

“And what does that mean for us?”

“I… I don’t know,” you admitted.

“I don’t think I’m ready to come back yet. As much as I miss living with you— and as much as my apartment is so gross—”

You giggled a little, glad you could laugh with him again even if just for a second.

“I need more time. I’m not going to subject you to me until I know I can be… stable, again.”

“Okay,” you smiled. “Whatever you need.”

“But maybe we could… go out sometime? Somewhere where there aren’t paparazzi, ideally?”

“Uh, Vermont?” you offered jokingly. “I’ll find somewhere, though. We’ll talk this all out.”

He nodded slowly, swallowing a little. “Okay.”

With obvious hesitance, he leaned in slightly and gave you a kiss on the forehead. You wanted more than anything to get up on your tiptoes and kiss his lips, but it was probably too soon. He smiled down at you slightly before he turned to walk away, and you did the same as you made it back into the house.

“Hey, listen,” you began as you found Sam still waiting in a towel looking completely lost.

“That doesn’t sound like the beginning of good news,” he sighed.

“I’m so glad you were honest with me and I’m still really sorry for spitting on you, and for Bucky shoving you, and for everything awful that went down between us. And some part of me is always gonna love you, but—”

“I know,” he nodded, clearly disappointed but resigned in a peaceful way. “It’s okay. I had my chance, I blew it, and if this Bucky guy has his then I just hope he isn’t taking it for granted.”

You smiled a little. “He’s not.”

“Then I’ll get dressed and go. Please direct me to his favorite shirt, so that I may steal it,” he requested formally, making you laugh, but you weren’t ready to let it go just yet; instead, you stepped forward and pulled him into a hug.

“You’re a good friend, Sam,” you mumbled against his bare chest.

“Yeah, kinda wish I wasn’t though,” he sighed as he hugged you back.

“Kinda wish I’d made you get dressed before hugging you,” you admitted, the awkwardness of his nudity finally catching up with you.

“Yeah…” he agreed in a whispered sigh.

His palms were actually sweaty; well, at least one of them was. He hadn’t been this worked up about a date since high school.

But there was so much more riding on that now than there was then. If he blew this, you probably would dump him for good, and he’d become ‘that guy Y/N Y/L/N dated for a minute’ to the rest of the world.

And there was so much more to him than that— he was learning to really let that shine after three weeks of therapy on Mondays and Thursdays— and so much more to his relationship with you, but it would still be pretty humiliating. More importantly, he would be heartbroken if he never got a chance to hold you again, kiss you again, tell you he loved you not during a fight…

His eyes glanced to the door instinctively when someone stepped in, but it still wasn’t you. He checked his watch and closed his eyes: it was still a few minutes early, you probably wouldn’t be here until 6:30, since that was when you’d agreed to meet when you discussed all this over text. But the length of time between 6:27 and 6:30 just seemed to keep getting longer and longer.

When you finally walked in, it was like one of those movie moments where everything slowed down, the ambient noise and background music faded away, and all he could see was you. If this was it, at least he got to see you like this one last time.

He waved you over, watching you walk closer and feeling his heart race as you pulled him into a hug.

“I missed you,” he blurted out right away.

“Missed you too,” you mumbled back, pulling from the embrace as he moved to pull out your chair for you.

“So,” he began as he sat down, “do you… want me to go first? Or do you want to go first?”

“I love you,” you said instantly, and he couldn’t fight a wide smile.

“I love you too,” he whispered back.

“Now that that’s out of the way,” you grinned, “I think you should go first.”

“Well, now that you say that suddenly I forget everything I’ve been practicing in the mirror all day,” he chuckled. “I already told you I’ve been in therapy, and they finally got me on stuff for my PTSD… it feels weird to say it, to talk about it like I really have it… but I do, and I’m working on not being ashamed of that. What I am ashamed of is the way I treated you that day, how I let my anger get the best of me and how I hurt you when you’re the most important person in my life. You didn’t deserve that. And if I haven’t said it enough, I’m truly sorry.”

“I know,” you nodded, “thank you. I’m glad you’re getting help… I don’t want to see you like that for your own sake, too.”

“Just because you don’t hate me doesn’t mean you have to forgive me. And just because you forgive me doesn’t mean you have to take me back,” he reminded you softly.

“But I do forgive you, and I do want you back,” you promised. “And I want to apologize, too, for the things I did wrong… obviously it’s basically impossible for me to hurt you physically, you’re so much stronger than I am, but I hurt you with how I handled some things and I regret that.”

“It did hurt, but I still reacted poorly at basically every turn. I shouldn’t have gotten jealous of Sam in the first place, if you and him have something going on then that’s none of my business—”

“Of course it’s your business, Bucky, you’re my boyfriend!” you laughed. “You don’t need to be jumping for joy when I talk to my ex, you just need to not be that aggressive about it.”

“Am I your boyfriend?” he asked sheepishly. “Is he your ex?”

"When you came over the other day, and he was there… nothing happened, really. He came over, I told him I didn't want to be anything more than friends, he asked to use my shower… I don't know how to prove it to you—"

"You don't have to," he shook his head. "If you say nothing happened, then nothing happened."

“I mean, we hugged,” you remembered. “And he took your Fleetwood Mac shirt.”

“He what?” Bucky yelped, but then calmed himself down immediately. “Whatever, it’s fine, the point is that I have a lot of shit I still need to work on. Because the truth is, you’re not mine—”

“No, I—”

“Really, you’re not. You’re your own person. That’s what made me fall in love with you in the first place, I love that you’re independent and strong and… maybe a little crazy, but you’re exactly who you need to be. You don’t belong to me.”

“I don’t mind belonging to you as long as it’s fair, Bucky; as long as we belong to each other.”

“Sweetheart, you always had me,” he laughed. “From day one.”

“Then let’s figure your shit out. Believe it or not, I’ve got shit too… commitment issues, abandonment issues, daddy issues—”

“Ooh, I have that one too!” he beamed, making you laugh. “You know, when I was talking to my therapist, she had me do this thing where I talked about my hopes and stuff and, I don’t know, maybe it’s dumb but I wanted us to do that. I want to know what you’re hoping for for this.”

“Okay,” you nodded, “well, I’m hoping that you’ll move back in soon but not right away, maybe in a few months? I want us to get better at being apart, it’ll come in handy when I have to go to far off places for filming and stuff.”

“Totally with you,” he agreed, “might have to start buying some real furniture for my place though.”

“What about you?” you prompted.

“I’m hoping that you still think I'm cute enough to put up with some of my crap," he smirked, "if not all of it."

"Definitely," you grinned.

“I’m hoping that in the future, if you’re upset, you’ll tell me and we can work it out, and then have make-up sex," he added.

“Deal,” you chuckled.

“And, if I’m being honest,” he continued, leaning in closer and lowering his voice, “I’m hoping that I can take you home tonight.”

It was so simple, but it made a shiver run down your spine. This distance had caused more than just your heart to grow fonder, and you were craving his touch more than ever. “Where’s home?” you asked coyly.

“It’s wherever you wanna go,” he purred. “Your place, my place, the back of your car—”

“That one,” you nodded eagerly, “definitely that one.”

You wanted to go right then and there but he made you sit through the whole dinner, with all the trappings of wining and dining, though for you it sometimes felt more like whining and dying because you needed him so bad you couldn't think. But he stayed patient, keeping up the conversation, asking more about a new project you were tentatively linked with, telling you more about the newest improvements to his prosthetic.

He picked up the check, which was absurd to you but he insisted, and escorted you to your car as if his intentions were just gentlemanliness even though you knew it was far worse than that.

He (gently) pinned you up against the side of the car, kissing you slowly, making you melt like it was no effort for him at all. As his lips made their way to your ear, he whispered to you darkly, "get in the back and spread your legs for me."

You were sure you'd never obeyed an instruction so fast, hopping in and happily watching him climb in behind you. He instantly knelt down between your spread legs, holding you by your thighs as he pushed your dress up, and you were already lifting your hips up to let him pull your panties down to your ankles.

"So eager," he whispered happily, kissing his way up one of your legs and never breaking his gaze away from yours. Your mouth fell slack as you watched him get higher and higher, closer to where you were already dripping with need. "Been wanting to do this since that night, however many months ago, where I had to watch somebody else do this to you," he admitted with a grin that nipped at your inner thighs. "I know I've tasted you a thousand times since then, but I wanted to do it here."

There was a lot you could say to that, but it was all lost to a gasp as he licked one long, thin stripe right across your entrance and over your clit. Already you were shaking and grabbing his hair— he'd grown it out just enough that you could really dig your fingers into it, but even so he kept his teasing pace.

He kept going, that slow and torturous cycle where just as your clit got some much-needed attention, he started back over at your leaking opening again.

"The fuck are you doing down there, trying to figure how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop?" you finally groaned, making him chuckle at how demanding you'd become.

"I'm just making sure I do this right," he dismissed. "Want more, baby?"

"Please," you shuddered. "Need your tongue inside me."

He grinned and put you out of your misery, really latching his lips onto you now as he pushed his tongue inside and curled it against your g-spot. It was enough to make your back arch dramatically and your fingers clench on his hair, a little growl echoing out of his mouth and into your body in response.

Your legs were accidentally clamping down on his head each time he sucked on your clit, but he didn't seem to mind, if anything it egged him on.

"C-close, so close," you chanted our warning as his hands tightened on your thighs he gave wide laps to your throbbing button.

"Say you love me baby," he mumbled his demand against your skin.

"Bucky, yes, I love you," you whimpered. "Love you so much, fuck, I'm gonna come…"

He nodded as he wrapped his lips around your clit and kept sucking, harder than ever, until your whole body was literally quaking and you weren't sure if you had closed your eyes or if your vision just went black for a second. As if that weren't enough, he kept going until you had to push him off of you by his forehead, shivering and catching your breath as aftershocks rocked your body.

"You're so amazing," he groaned huskily as he sat up and pulled you into a rough kiss, the taste of your pleasure coating your tongue as it tangled with his. Just as you were about to reach down and attempt to operate his belt buckle with your tingling fingers, he pulled back from the kiss a moment too soon. "And now you get to drive yourself home," he grinned, patting you on the cheek reassuringly.

"What? That's it?!" you squawked.

"You just came so hard you nearly blacked out and you're asking me if that's it?" he smirked incredulously.

"I just thought you would want to, you know… go all the way," you explained, cringing at the immature phrase.

"Hey, I'm a gentleman, and this is still our first date," he reminded you.

"But aren't you, you know…?"

"Oh, I am," he nodded quickly, leaning in to bite at your neck. "Don't worry about me, princess, I can take care of myself." He chuckled at your whimper and pulled back to look right into your eyes. "But it's not about me, is it? You want my cock all for yourself, don't you?"

You nodded, making him giggle sweetly.

"Well, you're just gonna have to wait," he cooed, poking the tip of your nose with his finger and laughing harder at your needy whine. "We'll go out again next weekend and maybe if it goes well, it'll lead to something more, alright?"

"Okay," you sighed, "I can wait a week. I think."

He smiled and kissed you again, helping you pull your panties back up and rubbing your thigh appreciatively. "Goodnight," he whispered against your lips, slipping out of the car and shutting the door behind him.

You sighed and let your head fall back against the seat, watching out the window as he walked back to his bike. You hated to see him go, but you did love watching him walk away.

two years later…

“Will the Six Million Dollar Man be joining us?” Sam asked with a smirk as he glanced to the door of the bowling alley, checking to see if anyone had walked in.

“When he gets off of work,” you promised.

“Why do you call him that?” Natasha asked Sam innocently.

“You’ll see,” Sam promised, kissing his girlfriend on the cheek, but you figured there was a pretty good chance she wouldn't get the reference anyway.

Right on cue, Bucky appeared in the doorway and you and Sam waved him to the correct lane. “Hey guys,” he greeted, “hey babe,” he pulled you into a quick kiss. “And happy birthday, Sam.”

“Shh, keep it down, we don’t want any Hollywood people to find out that I’m aging,” Sam joked. “Are you gonna join the game or just observe?”

“I’ll join, if it’s not too late,” Bucky decided.

“Since when do you bowl?” you asked him, raising an eyebrow.

“Since I got the prosthetic recalibrated to throw the perfect strike every time,” he winked.

Beers and turns went pretty quickly after that, light conversation interspersed in between, until the more raucous parts of the evening died down and you left Bucky for a moment to join Sam at the bar.

Sam nodded to acknowledge you as you leaned beside him, and you ordered yourself one more drink before you called it a night.

“So, Natasha,” you started the conversation, watching the way Sam couldn’t hide his smile. “She’s great.”

“Yeah, she’s really something,” he agreed. “I wanted you guys to meet her sooner, but you were gone filming for so long and all.”

“Don’t fuck this one up, Sam,” you threatened.

“I’m trying not to!” he defended, before looking around like he was trying to make sure no one was looking. As you furrowed your brow and wondered what he was up to, he pulled out his phone from his jacket pocket and showed you a picture: a ring, with a massive diamond and accents of citrine.

“Holy shit…” you sighed, pulling the phone closer to get a better look.

“Had it custom made, I’m gonna pick it up tomorrow,” he explained, putting the phone away. “I don’t even know how I’m gonna ask her yet… I just know I need to snag this one before she slips through my fingers.”

“You’re really like a whole new man,” you realized aloud.

“I’m telling you, this girl… she really changed everything for me,” he sighed wistfully, and you nodded because you knew what that was like.

“I knew you just needed a good woman to straighten you out, Wilson,” you joked, patting him on the shoulder, “my only mistake was ever thinking it was me.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I thought it was you, too,” he smiled softly. “I really loved you, even when I was stepping out on you… and I think I needed to love you, and to lose you, to be here now. So, thank you.”

“Uh, you’re welcome, I guess,” you laughed a little, taking a slow sip of your drink.

“And if she says yes, I’m gonna need all the marriage advice you have to offer,” he bargained.

“I mean, we’ve only been married for a month,” you chuckled, “I don’t think we’re far enough into it to really provide significant guidance.”

“And you’ve already gone through so much together. Is he doing alright? You know, his nightmares and stuff…”

You glanced over and where Bucky and Natasha were chatting, admiring how at ease he looked; he usually had a harder time with new people. “Yeah, it’s been a lot better, he’s on new meds… how did you know about that?”

“He talks to me sometimes,” Sam admitted. “And as someone who has played a PTSD-striken veteran in not one, but two major motion pictures, I’m sort of an expert,” he winked, but then got serious again. “I would’ve asked him how he was doing myself but he wouldn’t let me ask him personal stuff on my birthday.”

“I bet he’d let you ask him for his opinion on the ring you just showed me.”

“Um, why would I want his opinion when he bought you that?” he grimaced, pointing at the ring on your finger. “I mean, sapphires? Really?”

“Cut it out,” you laughed, shoving him on the shoulder.

“Okay, fine,” he relented.

“Are you coming to my premiere tomorrow, by the way?” you asked. “I have it on good authority you were invited, since I demanded it.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” he nodded, “Nat really wants to go, too. She’s a big fan of your work.”

“Well, tell her she was great in that one about the missing girl,” you replied.

“I’ll be sure to tell her exactly that.”

“We should head home, you know how early premiere prep starts,” you sighed with an exhausted roll of your eyes, finishing the last of your drink before grabbing Sam on the shoulder. “Good luck with however you decide to pop the question with Nat. Let me know if you need anything.”

He nodded and let you go, and once you got Bucky’s attention and said goodbye to Nat, the two of you made your way out back to the car.

“I’m glad you and Sam get along,” you reminded him as you squeezed his hand.

“What gives you that impression?” he scoffed.

You shook your head and smiled, letting him walk you to the car in silence.

Less than 24 hours later, you held his hand in just the same way as you sat beside each other in the screening auditorium, watching your latest film fade to black and hearing the crowd at the premiere— mostly cast, crew, and critics— erupt into applause.

"I have a little surprise for you," you whispered in his ear as the credits began to flash.

"I am not gonna let you blow me in this crowded theater," he instantly scolded.

"No, not that," you giggled, although you secretly wondered how much less crowded the theater would have to be for him to let you try it. "Just wait until my name comes up."

Written and Directed by Hope Van Dyne

A Paramount Pictures Film

In Association with Europa

And then there it was, in big white letters, just as much of a trip to see as the first time you saw your name on the big screen. But something very important had changed.

Y/N Y/L/N-Barnes

Everyone at the screening was clapping and cheering, but you were so focused on him that his whisper was the only thing you heard. "Sweetheart," he gasped, and you smiled wide. "You didn't have to—"

"I wanted to."

"It's just a stage name, if you want to keep it the same—"

"Buck, really. I want your name there with mine."

"But your credits…" he protested, though the break in his voice made it clear he was tearing up. "You're an actress and you've established your career already and it's so important to you—"

"Hey," you soothed, reaching up to brush your hand over his cheek, forcing him to look at you. "Your wife is the most important thing I've ever been."

#bucky barnes x reader #bodyguard!bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes bodyguard au

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evertyun · 3 years

Text

ENDLESS - ♯choi yeonjun

PAIRING : choi yeonjun x reader

GENRE : ANGST , slight fluff (?) like 0.5%

WARNING : this is a work of fiction anything mention about the character involve are PURELY MADE UP , emotion manipulation (?) , descriptive emotion , swearing , cheating

SYNOPSIS : "we're just friends" little did he know, y/n knows the truth.

OTHERS : include of other idols & oc, the story is not a long one shot its more of the main event skipping until the present time.

"you know i love you right?" yeonjun whispered while stroking your hair softly, cuddle up on the couch together.

you hummed in respond, deep down in your heart, you know he went to her place before he came over. breathing in the smell of her perfume that is painted all over him.

you know that even if you talk about it, yeonjun will keep emphasising they are 'just friends' constantly, you've been through this talk so often to the point that you have given up worrying about her existence. but instead coping with it yourself...

you love yeonjun so much that no matter what he does, even if it hurts you, you're willing to let it all go.

once again both of you are screaming at each other trying to see who is louder

"seriously beomgyu again?" yeonjun sounded pissed

"what about you constantly soojin, soojin, soojin, and that's all you know how to say, when we're together" you look back at him

"for fuck sake y/n, why can't you understand soojin is just a friend stop worrying about it" he shouted again, your heart clenches just holding in your tearz

"i didn't even say anything about your re— no never mind." you were about to retaliate the reply

"i just wanted more time with you" mumbled softly holding in your tears looking down not knowing if he heard your or not.

he stood there looking at you when his phone rang, he looked at the id caller and picked up, and you're just watching his every move

"oh hey whats up?" "i will be there asap" just two sentences only "im leaving" he lets you know and just take his hoodie and car key and left instantly not even checking up on you.

he really left...

"just fucking drop him" beomgyu said as he comfort you with your best friend yeeun

"you don't get it, i can't" the continuous sobbing from you as all of you walk along the pavement of han river park.

"you can do this y/n" yeeun whisper as she pat your back while you were still crying

what would you do without beomgyu and yeeun, constantly being there for you. the fact beomgyu and yeonjun are best friend as well...

"hey, y/n, i just want you to know if it ever gets too hard just know you are not alone" yeeun said while walking towards your apartment with beomgyu

"thank you..." was the last word for the night

some nights were different, but those some nights became a daily routine each day goes by you get more numb but each night you cry too...

he doesn't come by often anymore, maybe once a week but he do leave in less than an hour or two. you could tell from all the excuses he gives you it can go as far to made up lies such as "beomgyu asked me to fetch him home" "soobin forgot his keys" "taehyun left his gloves i need to bring"

"kai asked me to get him panadol he is having bad headache sorry i gotta go, love you babe" tonight was no different, he left so quickly.

but its amazing how he left his phone at your coach, you hold on to his phone debating to unlock it or not to. curiosity gets the best of you, you slide and key in the password he told you before.

'wrong password' he changed it

the phone vibrates the notifications pops up

soojin: i love you too

soojin: but i've reached dalkkom

soojin: im at the corner table see you <3

your heart clenches, so bad when you heard a knock. you walked towards and saw yeonjun as he let himself in and just retrieved his phone and gave you a peck on your forehead then he left.

the extra miles he goes for her, but never once for you, he cared for you once but not anymore. and yet the endless time you gave in

"babe i missed you so much i've been so busy with uni lately" yeonjun hugged you tightly, with his other friends watching the both of you. the look on beomgyu face was so unreadable as though he wanted to flip yeonjun over

"also i asked a friend to tag alone, after all y/n would be the only girl and i was afraid she would feel uneasy so i got one of my friend to tag along" yeonjun added as he let go of you

"yeeun is coming??" beomgyu said in sarcasm knowing too damn well soojin would show up instead

"it's probably soojin" you mumbled out

"what?? who now??" kai and taehyun said in unison

the way all his friends knew about the situation but none of them dare to confront yeonjun. they promise to never let girls come inbetween them and that was the reason

"sorry im late!" a female voice spoke, you turn to look at her

she is everything you are not. insecurity hits, her long silky black hair, her pretty orbs and well shaped lips.

then again,

if he is happy so are you...

soobin could tell you look upset, but what hurt the most was seeing both yeonjun and soojin having fun while you were there broken.

he never looked at you not even once that day, just glued onto her.

its clear enough that he has slipped away from you, its so clear but yet you refused to believe.

"i don't get why is he holding on to you if its clear he loves her?? just what the flying fuck??" yeeun said, its been nearly a year since this whole incident happen

its insane how you manage to hold on even though you clearly know that you are not the one and will never be the one.

the first time yeeun send you a picture of them together at the arcade holding hands. that picture was pure evidence he loved her. its so clear and so loud that you are just a second option.

months goes by you lose yourself, for constantly loving him even though he wouldn't return the affection to you. you were lovesick and tired, you took your friends word in to consideration.

it happens so often, he never showed up to your birthday, or even wished you. you're tired and numb so numb to go through it. he stop texting everyday with excuses that is so bad.

heartbreak . you want to be happy you realise your worth

[next paragraph might be a little too dramatic or to descriptive of insecurity and emotion]

today is the day... (present)

"lets break up" you let out, while both of you were cuddling up to each other

he look at you in the eye all he see was vulnerability, he let go of you without saying much. he know too damn well what he did, but never once did he regret until today in the very couch in your living room.

"wait why? babe, are you okay?" he asked looking at you with concern, you looked at the hickey on his neck that you know he tried to hide and back to his face return a smile to him

"i've hold up for so long, i can't do this anymore" you told him, deep down you just wanted to scream out 'just kidding' . because the look on his face look so genuine and broken as though he really did love you, but you don't want him to go through all the pain

choi yeonjun please get an oscar award. the way he reacts to you, not wanting to let you go. your heart aches so much. you got up from the couch and took your phone.

"please don't let me give in again, i took so much courage to finally let you go" you were holding back your tears, as you unlock your phone to the picture yeeun send you.

it wasn't just one picture but an album? some from beomgyu and some from his very own roommate soobin. the look on his face was clear that he couldn't use the "we're just friends" reason anymore.

"y/n... how long" was all he let out. the picture shown were as long as 5-6 months ago. all he wants to know, was how could you still love a cheater for that long

"it doesn't matter, it never did." you mumbled loud enough for him to hear

"i love you, y/n i feel so bad, please give me a chance, i will change i swear i can't bear to lose you." the guilt in his voice, but apologising was never on his mind

its driving you insane, by the way he could say i love you so easily.

"god yeonjun, i hate you so fucking much, all the i love you, you know too damn well i would give in, why are you doing this to me?" you let out along with you tears, he just look at you all empty

"y/n..."

the more you look at him the more you want to give in

"my love for you was endless and i thought it ended i guess it never did. maybe i am not feeling well tonight" you gave in, and you hated it so much.

guess you couldnt leave him after all

"y/n, just let me explain" he tried to reason out

"there's nothing to explain but... what does she have!?" you really went ahead to compare yourself to her "maybe her long silky hair, or her petite figure maybe her big round eyes, or even he beautiful lips, she has it all yeonjun you don't have to explain because if i were you, i do fall for her too.."

looking at the nearest scissor you grab it, yeonjun was in utter shocked he tries to grab the scissors before you but its was too late

"y/n please don't, we can jus-" before he was about to finish the sentence you cut your hair "look i don't have long silky hair anymore am i still pretty?" then you proceeded to scratch yourself and your face making sure it has some marks for you to regret tomorrow "oh no my face-"

"FOR FUCK SAKE Y/N STOP CAN WE JUST TALK!?" he finally shouted, you flinched and look back at him with built up emotions

"NO WE CANT I WILL GIVE IN, I WILL HATE MYSELF JUST... , I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH YEONJUN" you cried and scream out loud hoping her heard you loud enough maybe even your neighbour heard you out loud.

"y/n, im sorry" he walk towards you as he grab the scissors from your hand and he hugged you tight, its been so long since you felt this sincere feeling from him. and it hurts more than it felt good.

you pushed him away, and remove yourself from his embrace

"im going to sleep now, you can see yourself out" you left straight to your room. why just why you can never stop...

you looked up at the ceiling finally crying. cursing at yourself, he probably left to find soojin or even his friends for snitching on him. his move was so unpredictable too unexpected.

opening the door to your room he sat next to your bed. "y/n, it was a mistake i should never have taken you for granted im sorry. i love you i can't bare to lose you." pretending to be asleep not replying to whatever he says

he walked closer to you and gave a light peck on your forehead. you couldn't hold it in and tears fall, the guilt yeonjun felt was unbearable.

his phone buzz as he look down on to his phone and back to you, "i have to go and clean up the mess i've made" said looking at your "sleeping" figure

he stood up and right when he was about to leave, you grab his wrist instinctly

"the tightness in my chest, its so suffocating, but i love the feeling, because i know you're happy out there and having fun and that's what i want you to feel... to be happy, but if you really love me just let me go that's the least you could do"

he look at his wrist the one you are holding

"no y/n.." he really didn't want to let go his voice holds so much guilt,

"if its meant to be we will find our way back to each other again, i promise because i know i could never hate you even if you hurt me the most" you let go of his wrist finally.

he stood there looking at you for another minute or two and he finally left your room.

"maybe 1 more chance for change doesn't hurt at all"

even after all you have been through you still consider to put him above you.

a/n: i don't think it's my best but i will work on it, seems very rush but also sorry for spelling and english error as mention its not my first language;-;

#txt #txt imagine #txt imagines #txt yeonjun #yeonjun imagines #yeonjun x reader #txt x reader #txt scenarios #txt scenario #txt fanfic #txt ff #fanfic #kpop angst

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catzula · 3 years

Text

(Don't) Let me be the judge of that

a/n: enemies to lovers w Osamu. Nothing more to say.

genre: mostly fluff, enemies to lovers au, fem!reader

warnings: Osamu being an ass in the beginning, swearing, mentions of social anxiety, 5.6k

《Synopsis: Osamu Miya is too judgemental for his own good, never accepting he's simply wrong. You're here to change that.》

Osamu Miya had a habit of judging people. It would take him one look and a few seconds to decide whether he liked someone or not, the answer often being the latter. But the worst part was just how stubborn and maybe a bit self-centered Osamu was. He trusted himself a little too much, and it was impossible to change his opinion of someone after he had made up his mind, and if he didn't like someone, that was it, he would never grow to like them.

Or so everyone -including Osamu himself- thought until you entered his life.

You weren't surprised to feel the brown pair of eyes looking your way when your professor announced the project was in pairs. "Decide on your partners until the end of the hour and give me a list of the groups." He told the class and leaned back in his chair.

"Y/N!" You heard him before you saw him, a mop of bleached blond hair coming into your view right after. "Hi, Atsumu." You offered him a smile as you pocketed your phone, tilting your head when he frowned in response. "I already told you, Y/N, it's 'Tsumu to you!"

"Why?" You sighed annoyedly. Having had the conversation once before, you knew damn well he wouldn't stop until you did what he wanted, but you still chose to resist.

"Because," the boy whined, "it's a sign of our friendship. Only my friends and 'Samu call me that, and I want you to call me by my nickname, too." You chose not to talk about how he excluded his twin from his friends, knowing that would only lead to another argument.

"Who even came up with this stupid name? It doesn't make any sense, it's only one syllable shorter, and it's even harder to say!" Atsumu's warm-brown eyes narrowed. "It's not stupid!" He protested, pouting until you gave up.

"Okay, okay, whatever. 'Tsumu-kun. There, happy?"

"Tsumu." The blond corrected with a grin.

"Kun." You added (to rile him up)

"Only Tsumu, goddammit! We're close enough."

"Are we, though? We only know each other for... what? A week?"

"A month!" Atsumu gasped as he corrected you. "And it doesn't matter how long we know each other, okay? It's a matter of how well we connect." His frown got deeper when you made a face, muttering something about him being cheesy, so he decided to switch strategies.

"But you always call me by my name when we're alone, Y/N-chan." Words spoken as flirtatiously as possible, Atsumu never missed the chance to tease you.

"A-atsumu, what the fuck, don't make it sound weird!" You exclaimed, already aware of the murmurs starting to spread around the room and the eyes turning on you both.

"There we go," Atsumu grinned when he heard his name falling from your lips, "wasn't that hard, was it?"

"You just had to be a little shit." You sighed, and his grin only spread wider. "I am a little shit, aren't I? Thank god I'm handsome. Anyway, I'm writing our names down."

"It feels like we're getting married, seeing our names standing next to each other like this." He sighed, wiping the nonexistent tears from the corner of his eyes as he handed the paper to the person sitting behind you. You heard someone gasp at his words, and you never wanted to hit someone with a chair this much in your life.

"Shut the hell up!" You whisper-yelled, only feeling your anger growing when he sent you an innocent look. "What? I'm just saying-"

"I swear to god," You flared, "I'll tell everyone that one time you ran out of the library screaming when you saw a cockroach if you don't shut up." His grin disappeared as soon as you spoke the words, eyes widening and mouth shutting.

"You promised to never talk about it!" You had to admit that it did feel powerful to see him so panicked, face flushed, the sleazy look that was almost always in his eyes nonexistent and replaced with something similar to fear.

"It's up to you wether I talk about it or not." You shrugged.

~~~

"Woah, you look tired." You heard a familiar voice say as he plopped right next to you on the bench, holding a homemade bento in his hands, wrapped too neatly to be made by him.

"And whose fault is that?" You muttered, trying to conceal your murderous intent towards him. Even just thinking about your day gave you headaches. You groaned when he shrugged, focusing on unwrapping the bento box. "Yours, idiot!"

"What did I d-" You winced when he spoke after taking a big spoon of rice and showing you everything that was in his mouth.

"Your fans wont let me be! Ever since we started hanging out, it's almost like I'm being harassed."

"That's not necesarrily my fault." Atsumu shrugged, proceeding with another bite of his food.

"It is, actually. I know you like to tease me, but if you keep saying shit like 'oh look our names together, feels like we're getting married' or that fucking 'you call me by my name when we're alone' you make it worse! You know how many people came up to me and asked if we were sleeping? One even asked me if we were engaged! We've known each other for two weeks, for god's sake!"

"A month." Atsumu corrected, shutting up when you sent him a look. "That's not even the worst part. Whenever I don't give an answer, or the answer they want to hear from me, people start to-"

They started to get mean. Some even insulted you without batting an eye, speaking of how you weren't even pretty, that you had to be sleeping with Atsumu to be near him, and many fucking more.

"What?" He asked. "People started to what?" You knew he could sense how tense you were starting to get, but you always started to fight with him whenever he asked if people were bothering you, never answering his question, despite the answer being obvious.

"Nothing, its just frustrating." You shrugged, taking a bite out of your meal to stop yourself from talking -or crying-.

"Look, I can guess what's going on." Atsumu sighed, "and the only reason I can think of of you not telling me what's happening is that you don't want me to interfere, but you should tell them to piss off, already." He advised you the same stupid sentence he had been advising the past few days, ever since he noticed how his fans acted towards you.

"Yeah, thanks for the advice, jackass. It would be easier if you stopped being so extra." You muttered into your cup full of coffee, feeling a tinge of guilt, putting the whole blame on him and not admitting you probably should tell people to mind their business already.

But you just weren't the type of person that was comfortable with talking to people you didn't know or know well enough, and you certainly weren't going to tell people to 'piss off' so comfortably.

You gulped when he sighed. "Okay, sorry, you're right, and I went overboard. But I gotta go to training now. It'll end around 5 p.m, so come to my place at 6?" He raised to his feet as he took one last sip of his drink when he finished his food.

"And if anyone asks you if we're married again, you have my permission to say yes." He grinned, patting your hair twice before you rolled your eyes, but couldn't stop a giggle from escaping your lips. "Oh, thank you, gracious lord." You cried out dramatically, scoffing when he pinched your cheek. "Exactly."

~~~

"I'm going into shower." Atsumu announced as Osamu shuffled through the fridge.

"And?" The grey-haired twin asked from the fridge without pulling back, locating the eggs, and taking some out. "Do you want my help or something?

He expected an equally sarcastic comment from his brother, lifting his head as he closed the door of the fridge. "Cook for 3 today, a friend's coming over." He heard him say instead.

"A friend?" Osamu quirked his brow, ready to laugh given the punchline, but it never came.

"Yep." His twin answered instead, popping the p like some idiot middle schooler. "She's nice, you'll like her." He grinned, and Samu was already sure that wouldn't be the case. "Is this the girl ya can't stop talking about?"

Osamu couldn't say he wasn't interested since it was rare to see his brother drawn to anything but himself and volleyball, especially not to a girl. And judging by how Atsumu spoke about you, it was evident he had a particular liking to you.

The smug grin on Atsumu's face gave Osamu his answer, to which he grimaced. "don't wanna hear a fucking sound."

"She's coming over to study, you pervert! We have a project together."

"Yeah, whatever, I said what I said." Osamu shrugged, turning his back to Atsumu and started to chop the vegetables, unable to shake off the unlucky feeling pooling in his stomach.

~~~

"Oi, shit-head, does yer friend have any allergies or somethin'?" Osamu knocked on the bathroom door that had steam coming from the gap beneath it. He waited as Atsumu closed the water. "Eh, I'm not sure."

"Yer not sure? How long do you even know her?"

"A month." Atsumu answered, turning the water back on. A month? It wasn't like Atsumu didn't get close to a girl he knew for such a short time, but Osamu had never, ever seen Atsumu bring a girl home.

"Hurry up, already, what the hell are you even doing in there?!" Osamu shouted, knocking on the bathroom door and holding back an urge to kick down the door when he heard the happy humms of his brothers.

"Oi, idiot, I'm telling you- goddammit." He clenched his teeth when he heard the doorbell.

"Hurry up or you're not eating." Osamu knocked one last time before he rushed to the door to let you in.

He opened the door without thinking of opening the lights as well, and since it was well after the sun had set, he couldn't see what you looked like, but he knew he wasn't expecting- well, you.

You were bent forward, trying to undo the messy knot your shoelaces had formed when the door opened. Sending a glance at the silhouette standing at the door, you turned your attention back to untying the mess your shoes were.

"Hey, Atsumu." You muttered without taking another look, assuming it was Atsumu who had greeted you. You didn't see how Osamu's face soured, dark-grey eyes narrowing at your form with some hostility he couldn't help.

In your defense, the light wasn't on, and you hadn't taken a good look at the boy standing before you, so it wasn't exactly your fault for not realizing it was Osamu, right?

No.

Strike one.

Osamu hated when people mixed him with Atsumu. Did they not see the bright platinum gray hair, clearly different from his twins piss colored one? Osamu hadn't dyed his hair for the sake of looking nice, and he certainly hadn't sat in the hairdresser for hours long just to get mixed up with his twin again.

You had noticed your mistake as soon as you stood up and looked at the tall figure staring at you, leaning on the door frame and his arms tied on his chest almost defensively. "O-oh," Osamu heard you mutter softly, not sure as to why your voice sent goosebumps down his arms. "You're not Atsumu."

The somewhat disappointed tone of your voice made him furrow his brows. The smile you had on your lips dropped as soon as you locked eyes with the grey ones, familiar yet strange, and Osamu could feel himself getting more irked by the second.

The truth was, you weren't exactly disappointed, mostly embarrassed and a little surprised, although the unsatisfied look his eyes held kept making you even more nervous. He waited as your eyes wandered over his face, over the scowl resting on his lips, looking so mean and hostile, you found yourself taking a defensive step away from him.

"I- uh," Osamu's scowl didn't move an inch when you forced a smile at him, and you checked the time on your phone to break the eye contact. "Atsumu told me to come by at 6, and... is he- is he home?"

"Yeah," The boy talked for the first time, and you noticed how his voice was deeper than his twin's. It was nicer, too, you thought. "He's in the shower, though he should be-"

"Y/N, you're here!" You heard the twin you were familiar with speak your name, standing in the entrance, hair still wet and dripping with excess water.

"Don't get cocky, I'm here for the project." You rolled your eyes with fake annoyance, unsuccessful at hiding your smile. Osamu felt something in him shift as he watched the change in your demeanor, feeling- what, jealous?

"You met 'Samu?" Atsumu approached you, not missing the tension hanging in the air. "Y/N, this is the inferior twin, 'Samu, as you can also tell. And 'Samu, this' Y/N." He introduced you, making you laugh awkwardly, but Osamu kept his glower.

"Don't mind him, he can be an asshole sometimes." Atsumu whispered at you, which anyone even passing by outside the house could hear. "Look at who's talking." You told him with a snarky quirk of a brow, making Atsumu frown. "Mean."

The blond pulled you towards the living room, making you settle on the couch and plopping next to you. Osamu caught the glance you sent his way when he didn't sit, leaning against the wall that was across you, instead, and you found he still had that frown that seemed to be imprinted on his face.

Osamu's frown was deepening on his lips at how comfortable you looked next to Atsumu, the friendly banter you had the exact opposite of how uncomfortable you looked next to Osamu. Maybe it was the natural competitiveness that came with having a twin, but Osamu hated this feeling. Why couldn't you smile at him like that, too? Yeah, maybe he was acting like a dick, but wasn't Atsumu also?

"Go dry your hair, idiot, you'll get sick!" Osamu heard you tell his twin, watching you hit him with the nearest pillow. "Hm?" Atsumu turned to you with a grin, leaning towards you for easy access to his hair. "I thought ya could do it for me?"

Osamu watched you with interest as you glared at his twin with annoyance. "I hope you get sick." You narrowed your eyes at him. "If you keep this attitude around other people, I'll kick you."

"Alright, alright, I won't flirt with ya when other people are around." Atsumu grinned, and Osamu felt his appetite vanishing. "I'll just leave." He muttered to himself, closing the door behind him just after hearing your answer to his twin.

"Don't flirt with me, ever?"

You had spoken it with such genuine annoyance that if you had listened closely, you could hear Osamu laughing from the other side of the door.

So, the meeting with his twin was anything but successful.

Osamu was very blunt with how much he hadn't liked you, his glare reminding you of the ones Atsumu had whenever his fans approached him, cold and cruel.

Grey was clearly the superior choice, though, that you found yourself thinking as you gazed at the blond. "What? Lost in my handsomeness?" Atsumu teased you when he noticed you weren't paying attention to the project. You had to hold yourself back physically before you said something along the lines of how his twin was hotter, but you knew he wouldn't talk to you ever again, so you shut your mouth and took the teasing.

Luckily, Osamu was barging through the door before Atsumu could continue, bored-looking eyes finding you two where he had left you. "Dinner's ready." He told you and left the room.

"Food," Atsumu salivated, jumping on his feet the moment he heard his brother, ready to sprint to the kitchen. You shuffled awkwardly in your place when you felt his warm-brown gaze on you, expecting you to stand up, as well, and eat.

"I- uh," you muttered. "I'm not really hungry, and I ate before I came here." Lies. "Can't we just finish this project instead?"

Strike two.

Just as he started to think you weren't horrible, Osamu gasped from the other side of the wall when he heard you (the walls were thin), his teeth clenching in annoyance. Really? Did you prefer doing a fucking project over his food? The food he had cooked?

Osamu was never a forgiving person, but this- this was something he could never forgive, he decided on the spot.

"Oh, come on, stop bein' a baby." Atsumu told you, pulling you by your hand on your legs, he knew you well to understand you were hesitating to go there because of his brother. Or more as he was making you nervous and you would rather not eat than go in his presence. "Osamu's the best cook around, you'll see." He joked so you could relax a little, making you giggle nervously.

Strikeout.

Osamu flinched at the words, eyes narrowing on you as you entered the kitchen. Did you doubt his abilities?

You thanked the boy as he placed your plate in front of you, steaming hot food, smelling so good that you wanted to bury your face in it, but the grey gaze hovering over you was making you so nervous that it made it impossible for you to take even a small bite.

"Do ya like it?" Atsumu asked you, noticing how you were nudging the food with your fork without eating. You flinched in your place, your friends' voice pulling you out of your thoughts and back to reality, to which you mustered a smile and nodded. "Yeah! Yeah, it's- it's delicious. Thank you." You turned back to Osamu, who scoffed at your words, causing you to frown.

You could tell he didn't like you one bit, even though you weren't sure as to why, but you discarded the thought. He was free to like or dislike you, which, in this case, was the latter, though it stung a little since you thought he seemed nice when- well, when he didn't frown at you.

He seemed like the type you would either get along or hate mutually.

He had obviously chosen the latter, and both Atsumu and you could feel the almost hateful air coming from Osamu as he glanced at you with a disinterested, blank face. "Did ya have a bad day or something, 'Samu?" Atsumu broke the silence, and you felt like you could finally take a breath. "You look like someone kicked ya in the nuts."

"Fuck off, 'Tsumu."

"Nah, you've been acting like a dick all day. What's with ya today?"

"I said fuck off!" Osamu warned his twin another time, this time successfully silencing the blonde.

"Thank you," You broke the awful silence that followed Osamu's voice. "The food was delicious." You told him after you finished your food. You could still feel his gaze over you as you placed your plate in the sink and retreated to the living room.

"Your brother didn't like me very much, did he?" Osamu heard you mutter to his brother after he had left, too, feeling a fracture of guilt in his chest as he caught the disappointment in your voice.

"It's just... 'Samu. Don't worry about it." Atsumu told you, closing the door behind you.

Osamu was hesitant to knock on the living room door.

It had been about two hours since you had gone in, and knowing his brother- he couldn't be sure as of what's to happening.

"Oi, 'Tsumu!" He barged in the room, discarding the thoughts before he gave up.

"Shut up." Atsumu whispered, eyes lifting from his phone screen for a second and glancing at you. You, who was lying on the sofa and- sleeping?

"She fell asleep." Atsumu grinned at his brother's questioning gaze. "I'll carry her back to the car. Can you drive her home?"

Osamu didn't hold back his snicker when Atsumu's voice dropped volume as he asked the favor from his brother, still not able to admit to himself the defeat.

"Your hair is still wet, idiot," Osamu mumbled, his eyes wandering over your figure. "And I will not take care of you if you go out and get sick."

"What?" Atsumu grinned mockingly. "Are you gonna carry her then? Be a hero for the girl you've been acting like an ass all day? What the fuck was up with you today?"

"I don't like her." Osamu shrugged.

"She's not the kind of girl you think of her as." Atsumu quickly responded, already aware of what his twin had decided about you. Atsumu knew Osamu too well, his stubbornness even more, so he wasn't exactly surprised when he shrugged.

"Let me be the judge of that, and I don't have to like her."

"Whatever, you do you. But you know, you don't have to dislike her just because she's my friend, too."

Osamu stood silent, eyes falling back on you. He knew Atsumu was partly right, but he had his reasons not to like you, right? Osamu pocketed his car keys, nodding at his twin and lifting you off the couch.

Atsumu grinned at the audible gulp his twin took when you shifted uncomfortably in Osamu's arms, snuggling your body closer to him, your hand fisting his shirt unconsciously.

You woke up with Osamu hovering over you, and it took you a second or two to notice you were in a car and he was tying your seatbelt. He was so close, yet so careful not to touch you, his smell -a different perfume than his brother's- filling your newly awakened senses with him, him, him. Your eyes met his when he tied it and pulled back, a brow quirking up as his frown settled on his lips.

"Did I wake you up?" He muttered as he retreated to his seat, running his fingers through his hair as he fixed his mirror, pushing back the few stray strands back from his face. Osamu turned back to you when you stood quiet, a sarcastic smile quirking his lips upwards, but it fell as soon as you talked.

"Wh- uh, where's Atsumu?"

Osamu clenched his teeth, not knowing why it angered it so much that his twin was the first thing that came to your mind as soon as you woke up.

"Home." Osamu gritted through his teeth. "I'm dropping you home, 'Tsumu gave me the address."

He glanced at you when you stood silent. "He doesn't have a license." Osamu couldn't help but add, a feeling stirring in him when you laughed at that. "So he failed the exam and you passed? That must've been a blow on his ego."

"Oh, you have no idea." Osamu found himself laughing with you.

Silence. He could feel your growing anxiety, and you could tell he was nervous as well, the taps of his fingers on the stirring wheel echoing in the car. His hair reflecting the colors coming from the road, yellow, red, and green, the features of his face illuminated, you thought he looked too handsome to be true.

"Why are you friends with him?" Osamu blurted out after a few seconds of silence, but the question didn't seem to surprise you. "Why is anyone friends with anyone?" You teased.

"Atsumu isn't exactly the type people wanna be friends with."

"Hm," he heard you humm thoughtfully, not answering the question. "If we're asking questions, well, here's one. Why don't you like me?"

He could feel your light gaze on him as he kept his eyes on the road. It wasn't if he liked you or not, but you asked him why. He found himself wondering where that annoying meak girl he had met inside went. "And you don't like me."

"No," you answered honestly, which he found amusing. "You're mean."

"And 'Tsumu isn't?"

He turned to you when you shrugged. "Well, Atsumu is, too. But there is a difference, you know."

"And what is that?"

"He's a naturally mean person." You explained as if it made perfect sense. "He's just mean, he doesn't try to be meaner or nicer. You, on the other hand," you looked at him. "I don't think you're naturally mean, not as much as him, at least. I think you're purposefully being mean, and thats why I don't like you."

You met his eyes when Osamu turned his eyes from the road to you when the car stopped at the red light, grey eyes glistening with reds and yellows from the road. Your eyes followed the small smile that appeared on his lips, and you couldn't help yourself from thinking how soft they looked. How much more handsome he looked with a smile, even with one as cruel as he had now.

"I just don't like you." He told you with as much spite as possible, not sure why he was deliberately trying to hurt you. His brows furrowed when you laughed at his answer, instead.

"You certainly aren't the first."

"What does that mean?" He asked without missing a beat, the tension now almost solidifying in the air. His heart was hammering in his chest, eyes watching your smiling lips as he waited for your next words, your chest heaving in sync with his, and you were so close, so close that if he leaned even just a little-

"You only met me today, Osamu-kun." He felt goosebumps climbing his back as he heard his name from your lips for the first time. "You know me for what, a few hours at most, and here you are telling me you just don't like me." The cynical tone of your voice made him send you a glare, his hands working over the gear when the red illuminating the car turned green.

"People like you do this a lot, you know. Judge people by one or two mistakes they do, not even anything major, but things you don't like, and deem them unworthy of your time. And how much I hate it when they boast about it, too. What, do you think you're so perfect? Don't you ever make any mistake?"

"People like me?" Osamu repeated, uncharasterically silent after all those words you had spat. "Yeah, shallow people." You answered, but you weren't looking at him anymore as you tapped the window instead. "We're here."

You were silent as he stopped the car, pulling to the side, and watched you open the door. "You know," he finally spoke, rolling down his window before you were too far. "You say I judge people so quickly, but you did a full-blown analysis just now, and you say I'm the one to judge quick?"

"Tell me, Osamu." You bent forward a little, leveling your face with his. "If you can promise me that you didn't think, ah, I know this type of girl, even once tonight, I'll take it all back and apologize to you."

You smiled when he stood quiet.

"Goodnight, Osamu. Thank you for the ride." You told him before walking back to your house.

"Ya know, with the amount of time you spend here, you may as well move in." Osamu told you gruffly, eyeing you from his side of the couch. Your eyes followed him as he took a bite out of his food, adam's apple bobbing up and down.

"I'll move in as soon as you leave." You answered with a fake smile, turning your eyes away from his as soon as you realized you were staring, hoping he hadn't noticed, but he had.

"Yer sure ya want me to leave?" He quirked a brow at you, making you grimace. "Never been more sure."

It had been about a month since you met Osamu, and it was like this ever since. Osamu never missed the chance to take a jab at you, or he couldn't sleep. You never backed down from it either, the fights going back and forth until either Atsumu got bored and pulled you away or one of their friends called you out.

You didn't enjoy it like they thought you did. In fact, it was getting tiring and annoying, but you couldn't stop yourself from taking a jab at Osamu whenever he shot you a remark.

He looked at you when you sighed, brows quirking up in a silent question. "When's Atsumu gonna be here?"

Atsumu had told you to come to his place that day, telling you he would be there in a few minutes after you and he had something to do, but as always, he was late at least an hour, and you were now stuck with his brother.

"I'll just go home and meet you up later." You had told the blonde, but he had insisted you stay.

"Have you ever seen 'Tsumu come somewhere not at least two hours late? I bet he won't be here for at least an hour more." Osamu chuckled. "I'm hungry." He added right after, eyes finding yours.

"And? You need me to cook?" You snickered, not expecting him to stay silent, looking at you for a few more seconds and rolling his eyes as he turned around and went to the kitchen.

Your brows furrowed in confusion at the antic. Surely Osamu wasn't- he wasn't asking you if you wanted something, was he?

"At least open a movie or something as we wait." Osamu muttered from the kitchen.

"Do you have something on mind?" You asked, feeling weird at how soft he suddenly was acting. "No, pick one."

"Okay," you muttered to yourself, emphasizing the 'o'. You thought of opening a volleyball match, Atsumu always liked it when you did, and maybe he would- no, why were you even thinking of what he would like? He told you to open whatever, hadn't he?

Still, despite reasoning with yourself, you were jittery as you opened a random comedy show from Netflix. Trying to focus your thoughts on the show playing, you did your best not to think about the silver-haired boy inside, failing miserably by how your mind wandered to him and the odd way he was acting today.

"Say, ya never gave me an answer as to why yer friends with 'Tsumu." He entered the room, carrying a tray with two plates and forks inside. The crooked smile on his lips was making your heart beat twice as fast, even though you didn't want to admit it, and the way he focused on holding the tray on balance, the slight crease between his furrowed brows. Osamu Miya was too handsome for his own good.

"Thanks," you muttered half-heartedly as you took the plate from him, not even aware it was an olive branch he was sticking out. Osamu's face fell when you didn't spare him or his food another look. "You never gave me an answer of why you don't like me, so I guess we're even." You laughed, smile wavering when he didn't laugh along.

He sighed, eyes glancing at you and then back at his hands. It made you antsy, making you feel like something was wrong.

"You chose this to watch?" He turned back to the not answering you. He shifted in his place when you hummed, "I can change it i fyou want." The way he hadn't made fun of your choice of the movie yet, was too uncharacteristic of him.

"No, its okay." He answered instead, ending the conversation -if you could even call this one. You ate in silence, tv playing in the background, though neither of you cared of it, your gaze meeting now and then until you couldn't take it.

"What is wrong with you?" You couldn't help but blurt out, turning the TV off and facing him. You watched him as he quirked his brow up, looking at you questioningly even though he knew what you meant.

"What is wrong with me?" He repeated.

"Why are you being nice?"

He turned back to face the tv after a beat of silence, looking somewhat... shy? What the-

"Wh-what was that?" You asked when he mumbled something, the answer so silent that it was inaudible. "I said," Osamu repeated, eyes still focused on his plate. "You told me you didn't like me because I- uh, I was rude."

His voice was still uncharacteristically quiet, but this time you heard him loud and clear. That didn't mean you understood it, though.

"What do you mean?" He heard you ask, your voice laced with something resembling suspicion, you scoffed when he stood quiet, standing up to your legs and picking your plate off from the table. "If you're trying to tell me you want me to like you, I'm not buying it."

"You're not buying it?" He repeated, mirroring your movements and standing up, making you realize how much taller he was than you. The way he was looking at you- what was it, hurt? No, it couldn't be. Anger would be more like it.

"Is there no way of winning with you?" He asked, following you to the kitchen and placing his plate a little too roughly on the counter. "You say you don't like me because I'm rude. I try to be nice and you fucking ask me what's wrong with me? What do you want me to do, disappear?"

Now, there was no denying that Osamu was, indeed, hurt, as his face soured when you stood quiet, staring at him blankly at his question. "So you hate me this much." He muttered to himself, running his fingers through his hair.

"I don't know why you expected me to like someone who has been nothing but rude to me since the moment we met." You shrugged, but a part of you wanted to tell him it was a lie, and despite everything that you- well, you liked him.

The glare he sent your way was enough to make you choke on the breath you took, taking a step forward to you, close enough for you to feel dizzy with his scent.

"Well, that concludes it, I guess. This was stupid, anyway." Osamu muttered, but he was so close- so close that you could almost feel the heat radiating from him, your eyes fixated on his lips, and if you just leaned forward- a few millimeters was all there was.

"What was- what was stupid?" You whispered, noticing his gaze was also wandering on your lips. Your heart suddenly started thundering in your chest, and you couldn't even ask yourself what's happening? What are you doing?

"This," Osamu breathed against your lips, his gaze so intense over you that it sent chills down your spine. He finally leaned forward, doing what you wanted but couldn't do, the word "apologizing," being the last thing you hear before you felt his lips on yours.

It was a soft kiss, nothing similar to how you thought Osamu would kiss -not that you had thought on it, or so you told yourself-, this kiss was deeper, irrational, amazing.

"Do you always apologize to people by kissing them?" You asked when he pulled back, smirking at the way your chest heave, feeling a tinge of pride at how breathless he had left you.

"Hm?" He hummed, not wiping that damn smirk off of his face, it even grew wider when he noticed you pressing your fingers on your lips, still in shock, "I don't apologize to people."

It was true.

No one had ever seen Osamu Miya change his opinion about something, about someone. He would never admit he was wrong yet apologize.

But here he was, standing before you -just as breathless as you were- apologizing.

"Maybe you should apologize more." You told him with a sly smile, to which he happily complied.

"I wanted to make peace." He told you, sitting on the couch right beside you, refusing to look at you, though. "I've been trying to act nice for a while now, but you seem to- you don't like that."

"A while?" You repeat. "You were never nice to me!"

"I was trying." His brows furrowed at your protest. "But you always had something snarky to say, and I couldn't just stay silent, could I now?"

"But- what? You were always the one who started them!"

"Was I?" He asked, giving you the time to think, watching your face in disbelief fall into a look of 'fuck, he's right.'

It was you who started the fights, despite thinking it was him all this time. Upon recognizing that, you started to see the times he actually was nice to you, which you had always discarded or turned a blind eye.

Biting your lip guiltily, your turned to him. "I might... owe you an apology." You muttered, very aware of how his eyes glinted, gaze falling back on your lips. "Well," he told you, smiling. "I can't disagree."

#osamu x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #osamu miya x reader #osamu x y/n #osamu miya x y/n #osamu miya x you #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x self insert #haikyuu x me #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x imagines

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mytastessuck · 3 years

Text

Gorillaz: Plastic Beach

mAh, nostalgia. This album was my high school years. I got a digital copy for my birthday from my mom and became obsessed with this album well into college. The dominance of electronica, the use of people with great voices, the expansion of the lore, Lou Reed...this album was all of music when I got it. It's my favorite Gorillaz album and it looks like it's gonna stay that way for a while. But how is it on a not even approaching semi-objective level? Let's find out.

1. Orchestral Intro

You can probably guess it by my awful taste but I'm not really into orchestra. This opening though, with the sound of waves and the mourning instruments, really tipped me off that I was in for something different. This album wasn't going to start off with something chill or even a zombie movie clip. No, at this point, Gorillaz were officially done fucking around.

10/10

2. Welcome to the World of the Plastic Beach

Then we get the brass leading us into a good beat and then HOLY SHIT, SNOOP DOGG?! He leads us in like a bandleader while a chorus of women back him up Just Like That while he goes with his usual flow. He adds the needed touch of instant cool to an album that's practically frozen with the artists already on it and with this song, it feels like you're walking past the gate into Disneyland.

9/10

3. White Flag

Some nice Arabian sounding instruments on this one. Pretty cool for Gorillaz to keep engaging in world music. Anyway, this was a really cool instrumental but it's time to move on to the other son---

Huh?

Suddenly, we get beeps and mixes backing up Bashy and Kano as they kick so much ass talking about pacifism for the sake of survival. This song kicks an undisputed amount of ass and it barely even tries.

9/10

4. Rhinestone Eyes

What I like about this song is that I keep finding new things to like about it as the years go back. First, I liked the weirdly-threatening nature of the song along with the woman moaning in time with the verses. Then I liked the video (even though it was insanely shady of EMI to release that without Damon's and Jamie's permission and it ended up being the thing that led to Phase 3's premature ending and Gorillaz going on hiatus). Then I liked the continuation of the moaning that I first noticed in live performances then finally heard in the song itself. This song is like Rolexes falling from the sky.

10/10

5. Stylo

Ah, the first single from the album. I remember telling my dad about this when I first saw the video for it. I was about to write off Gorillaz as a relic of my past before I saw Murdoc and 2D get run off the road by Bruce Willis. This song has an awesome bridge by Yasiin Bey, nice crooning by Damon Albarn and incredible back-up by Bobby Womack, who manages to lift the entire song over his head using just his voice. Damn, wish he had another song that put his voice on full display. Maybe later in the album...

10/10

6. Superfast Jellyfish

Yeah, De La Soul is back! And they're singing about TV dinners! Seriously, these guys can make guessing crossword actually fun instead of a dredging experience and have Shiny Toy Guns frontman Chad Petree singing about radioactive seas brings the whole thing home. It makes you want to really go out and eat a random jellyfish but don't do that. It'll hurt.

11/10

7. Empire Ants

Okay, before I give this song its totally fair score, it should be noted this is my third favorite song of all time. I love Damon's reassuring lyrics in the beginning but the switch in the middle to a more upbeat electronic pop tune pushes this song past perfect.

Then there's Little Dragon...

This song introduced to me to Yukimi Nagano's voice and wow...I didn't think humans could sound like that, let alone an Asian woman singing soul. If you think the instruments are carrying her here, obviously there are clearly no other songs on the album that showcase her talents so I have to recommend After The Rain, Twice and Constant Surprises by Little Dragon. Seriously, this woman's voice will water your fucking crops.

500/10

8. Glitter Freeze

Where is north from here? Don't ask me, I'm not a compass. Anyway, this song has Mark E. Smith from The Fall and they use him to his fullest extent...by which I mean letting him make an absolutely evil fucking laugh somewhere near the end. The instrumentation makes it feel like you're in a storm on a shaky ship and you're definitely going to feel like you need some pills after you're finished. This stuff will put hair on your chest.

11/10

9. Some Kind of Nature

This song introduced me to Lou Reed and I'm grateful to it for that. Lou was a shitty dude but damn his voice really made things better than they should have been. Fuck, I was one of the eight defenders of Lulu for this reason. But Damon doesn't sit with his thumbs up his ass on this song. He holds his own and makes the chorus sound legitimately dreamlike. All we are is stars, indeed.

100/10

10. On Melancholy Hill

This song is awesome to chill to...unless you're escaping a cruise ship while being gunned down by fighter jets. But other than that particular example, I recommend this song for anyone trying to relax while thinking of someone special. But be careful with the last note of this song. That gong can be a real eye opener.

9/10

11. Broken

Bummer of a song but if there's one song you absolutely NEED to learn on melodica, it's this one. Aren't we all broken? Well I am. And this song speaks to me.

10/10

12. Sweepstakes

Yasiin's back and there's gonna be trouble. He plays a carny in this track and you know that no matter how many times you listen to this song, you'll always gonna fall for his schemes. He's gone on to say that this is one of his finest achievements as a MC and I can see why.

10/10

13. Plastic Beach

Holy shit, they got the 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover guy on this track. Makes since because this, outside of Empire Ants, is my favorite song on the album. The harmony, the little imp they got for the bridge, the triangle...everything makes this song better than it has any right to be on an already awesome album. Damn, plastico indeed.

200/10

14. To Binge

Shock of all shocks, Yukimi's back! And it's a duet with Damon! And it's a song about a relationship torn apart by addiction! It's not my birthday so it must be Christmas. These two manage to drown the listen in waves of audio goodness that leaves them feeling like they spent 3 minutes and 56 seconds standing under a waterfall.

20/10

15. Cloud of Unknowing

Okay, I cried to this song. And now, with Bobby Womack's passing, I cry even harder. This song should be an anime ending with how solemn it is but you need to listen to the end to hear, "It may bring sunshine on its wings." Also, Damon covered this song live after Womack's passing. I suggest you look it up because it is tear-ripping.

50/10

16. Pirate Jet

Eh. Pretty average song compared to the others on the album but I appreciate the message. Sweet Lord, people. Turn off your shit when you're not using it. We only got one planet and I don't trust Elon Musk.

8/10

Album Score: 60.1/10

Whoo! No biases! Anyway, next week is The Fall, otherwise known as the album Albarn did on his Ipad. Otherotherwise known as the album a significant portion of the fandom has a hate-on for. Does it deserve the hate? We'll find out!

#gorillaz #plastic beach #music #review

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renee-writer · 5 years

Text

Proper Home Chapter 68 The Birth

"Owe!" Claire's cry of pain awakens Jamie. It is the dead of the night. She is 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant.

"Is it?"

"Maybe. It was strong enough to wake me. We will just have to see if it happens again." He nods and reaches for his phone to time them. Within an hour, there is no doubt.

"We need to wake Faith." Claire pants at the end of a contraction. Faith was her other coach. They had decided she needs as much support as she can get. He runs to do it as she quickly dresses before the next contraction hits. They are every five minutes. So, overwhelmed by riding the creast of pain, the reality that her son is on the way doesn't hit her until she is pulling her shirt on. She stops with one arm in. It is how Jamie finds her a minute later.

"She is.. What is it?" He rushes to her side. She can't answer, in the midst of another contraction. He drops down beside her and helps her breath.

"He is coming." She states as he helps her into her shirt after.

"Aye he is. Faith is getting dressed." He looks around for her slippers. Her regular shoes no longer fit. He finds them and slips them on.

"He is really coming. I will be pushing a human being out of me." This stills him. He lokks at her, unsure what to say. He kens it is his fault she is about to go through this

"Are you guys ready?" Faith breezes into the room.

"I am scared Faith." She admits. She joins Jamie at her side.

"I understand. We won't leave your side. He is healthy. We have had the classes. You are ready. We are ready." Her brother looks a tad pale but, she kens he will buck up when needed. "Yer body kens what to do. Ye have this." Claire nods and starts to stand. She falls back down when the next contraction hits. It is stronger then the previous ones

She reaches out blindly and finds both their hands there. They all three breath through.

Hospital is twenty minutes away. She has five contractions on the way. Faith holds tight to her hand as Jamie drives as fast as he is legally allowed.

They had called ahead and were pre-registered so it is a simple matter when they arrive to get her into a room. She is changed into a hospital gown and checked.

"Three cm's. You are on the way." The cheerful midwife says. She checks the baby's heart rate and then allows her to walk. She has a robe in her hospital bag. Jamie helps her into it and the three start making laps around the halls.

"Ahhh bloody.." She grunts as she stops. She leans against Jamie as Faith holds her hands and helps her "he he" through a fairly horrible contraction. They start walking again after.

"Every three minutes. Should we head back to the room? A nervous Jamie asks Faith. It is Claire who answers.

"No bloody way. I will not be strapped to a bed until I have to. We walk."

"Ahh Jesus! Ahhh f*ck!" It is thirty minutes later and, after watching Claire suffer through ten contractions that made her seriously consider having no children, Faith was starting to agree with Jamie. She doesn't wish her nephew born in the hall.

"Claire love. Let's get you checked out." She nods to exhausted to argue any more. They help her back to her room.

"6 cms. Grand process. The next four will go even faster."

"Can I continue to walk?"

"Sorry no. But you needn't be hoked up to the monitors. He is tolerant of your labor. I will be back to check you in twenty minutes."

"Ohhhhh," she is on her hands and knees, rocking back and forth as her entire lower body is held in an iron vice. Jamie rubs her back, applying counter-pressure while Faith meets her eyes and tries to keep her focused on breathing.

"Jamie, we made a mistake." She says when she can breath again.

"The bairn. I ken it hurts.."

"No and, by the way, hurt doesn't cover it. Agony doesn't..no. By not marrying." He is smart enough not to point out that it was her decision. "I want to get married today! Before he..owe. Christ Almighty. Help!!" He takes her face focusing her on himself.

"Breath baby! Ye got this. It is almost over. Breath with me." She does clinging to his shirt. "Now, ye want to get married now?"

"Yes. I should bave earlier. Let pride get in the way. Please Jamie. Faith can fetch the chaplain. I've the papers in the bag." They had intended to marry before taken him home. "Please." He looks to his sister. She nods and runs out.

"9 cms. Almost there." The midwife reports a few minutes later.

"He can't come yet. We aren't married. Faith went to...ohhhh!"

"Breath love."

"Stuff your breathing! F*ck this hurts! I can't.."

"You can. You are. You will soon be seeing your son. Picture him." The midwife encourages. Faith rushes back in dragging the hospital chaplain behind her.

"Ahhh shite. I can't!" She cries out. Faith looks to the chaplain but he seems unaffected. He probably has heard worse and understands labor.

"Almost done love. There ye go. Deep breath." She takes several.

"I found a chaplain."

"Good. Marry us." Claire directs to him. "The short version for he is coming." The poor lad, only a few years out of seminary, stumbles his book of common prayer, out.

"Yer names?"

"James Fraser. Claire Beauchamp." Jamie answers as Claire is once again in the midst of the gripping tearing contraction.

"Ahhh bloody hell!" The chaplain carefully approachs. Jamie takes tight hold of her hand. She squeezes hard enough to break it. The midwife is busy between her legs. Faith stands on her other side.

"Okay. Ahhh do you James Fraser promise to love, honor, cherish, stay true to Claire Beauchamp as long as ye both shall live?"

"I do."

"Ahhhh. For f*cks sake. What are you doing?" Claire directs to the midwife.

"You are at ten. May push with the next contraction." She calmly says.

"Hurry padre." Jamie says.

"Ahh Aye. Do ye Claire Beauchamp promise to..."

"Ahhhhh!" She screams as the compulsion to push takes over.

"Love, honor, cherish, and stay true to James Fraser as long as ye live"

"Yes!" Christ, this hurts!"

"Push past and through the pain." Faith reminds her.

"I am going to have to cut you to control rhe tearing. Sorry." The midwife says.

"Ah."

"Are we married?" Jamie asks.

"Ahh aye. By the power of the Church of England and God Almighty, I pronounce ye man and wife. Congratulations."

"Thank ye. Faith the licence is in the bag."

"Got it."

"Ye need two witnesses." He reminds them.

"I will witness it." Faith adds her signature under the chaplain's.

"I will too." The midwife says. She emerges from between Claire's legs and signs after taken off her gloves. She then puts a fresh pair on in preparation for catching the bairn.

"Ye just need to take it the register's office." The chaplain explains after it is legally signed.

"It is all legal, then?" Jamie asks.

"Aye. A bit unorthodox but, legal. Ye are married. Congratulations on the marriage and bairn." He is easing toward the door as Claire's screams and curses get louder.

"Thank ye."

"Okay Claire, one more push should do it."

"So tired. I can't." Ir is an hour later. The last of her energy is gone. Jamie sits behind her and supports her in a sitting position. Faith stands to her side and keeps ice and cold rags for her forehead at the ready.

"Ye can mon ghairde. Our son is at the other end of that push. I am so proud of ye. I couldn't have done what ye did. Just a bit more." He helps her to sit and she holds tight to his hands as she pushes once more.

"Good. Just like that. Grap a breath abd.keep going." She eases his head out, eases out his shoulders, the rest slips out. "Here he is." She holds him up. His red hair is plastered to his head. His eyes are tightly shut. His face shows his displeasure at the turn of events. He looks on the verge of a yell. He is huge. He is beautiful.

"Ohh! He is so perfect." His awed mam says.

"Aye. One minute apgar is 8. Wish to cut the cord daddy." Jamie strartles at the realization that is him. He moves to do it through a film of tears.

"Let's weigh and measure this lad." He follows her over to the scales. They return with baby Fraser wrapped securely in a hospital blanket. He is handed to his mam.

"Five minute apgar is ten. He weighs 10 pound 11 ounces and is two feet long. The biggest newborn I have ever seen. Congratulations guys."

"Christ lad. Ye will be bigger then me." Jamie says az he strokes his hair. Claire just stares at him. Her son. Her and Jamie's lad

"I will go ring the family." Faith offers.

"Don't tell them we are married. I want ro surprise them.'" Claire takes her eyes off the baby long enough to say.

She smiles and slips out of the room.

#my writing #jamie and claire #outlander fanfic #cannon divergence #the uni one #proper home #the birth

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strawberryspotsstuff · 2 years

Text

I posted 223 times in 2021

61 posts created (27%)

162 posts reblogged (73%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.7 posts.

I added 77 tags in 2021

#bonely heart club - 17 posts

#bhc blue - 10 posts

#bhc boss - 8 posts

#bhc poplar - 7 posts

#bhc red - 7 posts

#bhc ash - 6 posts

#bhc nox - 6 posts

#bhc sans - 6 posts

#bonely heart club sans - 5 posts

#bonely heart club papyrus - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 63 characters

#i was like one of the first people to finish the math exam-damn

My Top Posts in 2021

Dream SMP Headcannons with an apothecary witch.

hhhhh my first time doing dreamsmp headcannons, I hope this pleases the fandom :))

Dream SMP Headcannons with an apothecary witch.

They/them/platonic.

Dream

- It doesn’t want to admit it but you are so nice to talk to.

- He comes to you a lot for herbal medication, maybe even teatime.

- He probably sees you as a parental figure, not matter the age.

- You are so wise, living alone, and learning by yourself, he looks up to you.

- He comes with you on walks in the forest, it feels more magical.

George

- You have found him sleeping in your garden bed- many, many times.

- He comes around at night, lantern in hand and a bag of seeds.

- He helps you prep herbs, cleaning up the place, dusting, watering your garden.

- Flower crown buddies uwu

Sapnap

- You have told him many- MANY- times, that your place is neutral.

- But at some point, every day, Sapnap is trying to burn down the flowers- NO SAP-

- But really, when he isn’t being a gremlin, he helps with cutting down wood, setting up the fireplace.

Karl

- Flower crown trio!! With George!!

- He has made so many fairy houses for your garden.

- One time he had forcefully make you have a sleepover with him in your garden to “watch for fairies”.

- “Aren’t you a witch?”

- “Yes- But-“

- “SO, FAIRIES ARE REAL???”

- “… yes...”

Bbh:

See the full post

32 notes • Posted 2021-05-25 05:16:19 GMT

Gremlin Y/N Headcanons

*Y'N's first sleepover at the BHC House*

Y/N: .......are skyscrapers just big sandcastles?

sans:

papyrus:

blue:

stretch:

nox:

russ:

poplar:

ash:

boss:

red: ... HOLLY SHIT- YOU'RE RIGHT

Everyone else: GO BACK TO BED, YOU GOBLINS.

38 notes • Posted 2021-03-11 07:52:58 GMT

Y/N & BHC Brothers Incorrect Quotes

~~~~

Red: crushes are the worst.

y/n: yeah. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid.

Red: pffft you’re always stupid

y/n: …. Don’t think about that too hard.

Red:

~~~~

Poplar: Okay, truth or dare?

y/n: Truth

Poplar: How many hours have you slept this week?

y/n:

y/n: …Dare.

Poplar: Go to bed.

y/n: I don’t like this game.

~~~~

y/n: My boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips. What should I do?

Red: Punch him in the stomach. Then, when he doubles over in pain, kiss him.

Sans: Tackle him.

Boss: Dump him.

Stretch: Kick him in the shin.

Poplar: NO TO ALL OF THOSE. JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN.

~~~~

y/n: *sneezes*

Boss: ??????

y/n: What? Not even a bl-

Boss: ARE YOU DYING???

y/n: What? No, it’s just allergies-

Boss: I’M GONNA KILL ALLERGIES.

See the full post

41 notes • Posted 2021-08-29 23:29:13 GMT

BHC Drinking/Drunk Headcanons

sans: "thinks" he has quiet a high tolerance, but after 10, he's a bubbling emotional mess. He'll probably start reciting really bad puns, like if he was on a play. Someone help him.

papyrus: very low tolerance, after two, he's out of it. Giggling baby boy, most likely singing Disney songs with blue.

blue: same as pappy, a very low tolerance, after two he's gonezo. Another giggling baby boy pt2, will cry at the tiniest thing. Unlike San's emotional mess, his is more, "a baby bird learns how to fly?" CRIES. "A baby deer learning to stand?" TEARS, ALOT OF TEARS.

stretch: Surprisingly doesn't break after 10, if you look close enough, he's twitching here and there but he tries to keep it together. Give him a fireball? He's off the wall, hugging the toilet.

red: are you surprised? him and boss are gods at drinking. 20? Psh, losers. 30? Little babies. 40? Ehh. 50? Who do you think I am? 60? I mix fireball with gamersupps, bring it on bitch. 70? Okay buddy, calm down. 80? I know, I'm a gamer, but not a pyscho. 90? Yeah, he's joining Stretch at the bathroom.

boss: Fuck you. Fuck everyone. He'll drink until he's dead. Or wakes up in the middle of the ocean. Fuck you.

nox: It's like drinking bad coffee, right? nOPE. He can't even bring it to his mouth. Just the smell. God, save him.

russ: "I'll do it because everyone else is doing it" Oddly enough he can drink 30-ish before he's squeezin in with red and stretch.

poplar: like nox, he would throw himself out a window before drinking any alcoholic drink. Maybe the only thing he would allow is wine, for pasta dishes and celebrations.

ash: "nobody knows but I stash drinks with my gardening tools. Please don't tell bro." I would like to think that he smiles more when he's tipsy, but that's how far he'll go.

45 notes • Posted 2021-03-15 01:29:16 GMT

(Platonic) Ranboo x Apothecary Y/N

Colourful flowers adorned the front lawn, fat raindrops rolling off of leaves and into the bird houses, that sat neatly on tree branches. Moving our perspective inside the house, a tall almost lanky like black and white creature carefully opened one of the higher cabinets handed them item inside to their smaller campaign, an apothecary witch, Y/N.

It wasn’t Ranboo’s first time visiting the witch’s humble home and wouldn’t be the last. This place was his new panic room, a place to breath, a walk away from dramas on the SMP. The witch thanked him every time he came to visit, it was quite lonesome without people visiting them and they expressed gratitude with teas and cakes to the enderman hybrid.

“It seems that you ran out of sunflower seeds” Ranboo blinked owlishly at the almost empty cabinet of sunflower seeds before returning his heterochrome gaze to the witch.

“I can get more, if you like” Ranboo suggested.

Y/N perked their head up from the cutting board, softly dropping their knife by the dissected daisies, that lay messily scattered around the oak cutting board, some even sitting in mason jars that had cardboard labels glue tacked on them.

“That would be lovely, thank you Boo.” Y/N give a small nod of gratitude, before picking up the knife, the handle of the knife was a willow, almost white type of wood, swirls and pretty flower patterns carved into the wood.

Ranboo nodded softly, making his way out of the cottage, looking both ways before descending down the stairs to the flower bed. The front porch was the same wood as the house, a dark oak. There were two rocking seats, a small and round table with a white tablecloth that had a small succulent plant on it.

It was reflex to check outside before heading out, for Ranboo it was quite personal that he visited you. He shouldn’t be afraid or ashamed, should he? You were just another player on the sever, but if people like Quackity or Dream found out, and try take away the person that helps him during his panic episodes? He would lose it. The only people that knew that he came here was Tubbo, Techno and Philza. Of course, he could trust them, but there was always some urge, itching, ‘what ifs?’

He shook away the negative cloud, taking a sun hat that sat on the small table and headed to the forest behind the cottage, saying sorry to any of the flowers that he stepped on.

Every time Y/N and Ranboo would go picking fruits and berries, Y/N would always say thank you to the tree or plant that blessed them with the item, it had grown on Ranboo and he had started saying thank you to the wood before he placed it in the fire pit back at home. Tubbo would raise a brow before shrugging and taking Michael back to bed.

Ranboo had be collecting about an hour before going back to the cottage, to his surprise, Y/N had been sitting on one of the rocking chairs and a basket in hand.

“Welcome back Boo!” Y/N called, staying in their seat as they waved Ranboo over. Ranboo scurried back up the stairs and dropped the seeds on the table, Y/N thanking him before handing him the basket.

“While you were gone, I made something for Tubbo and Michael!” Y/N smiled, gently dropping the basket in his hands.

Ranboo gently held the basket in his hands, his smile growing.

“…Thank You, Y/N.”

See the full post

61 notes • Posted 2021-06-06 11:14:10 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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lifeisonlyaborrowingofbones · 3 years

Text

I don't know if I'm even able to say anything that hasn't been said already. Doesn't even feel like these help that much, I feel like I'm just repeating myself constantly. I still feel terrible. After a week of trying my best to do better & eat, I was informed by girlroommate after asking if newroommate was avoiding me that I'm still a massive bummer to be around. Well that sucks. Anxiety shits are back, the cold at night is making my muscles feel even worse. The night before, the diphenhydramine didn't work. Worked last night with vodka though, thankfully.

She's the sweetest lady I've ever known. I made slime with her yesterday for her halloween bags & then I napped with her in the living room, like I did yesterday. It was... really really nice. I can't believe she's so sweet to me. I can't believe I fucking threw it all away.

Sent a message the other day to newroommate after girlroommate said she didn't blame him for not wanting to talk to me. Yesterday he finally responded in person & he doesn't really have anything against me, he'd just rather be talking to her. Which... fair enough. It's not like I have anything good or positive to contribute to any conversation. He said he still wants to be friends. I also asked him if he wanted to play spooky games with me last night & I was promptly ignored. Not the first time he's done so, guess I'll stop doing that shit. Fair enough. He doesn't care about me, just wants to care about her. Logical.

Every single day has been forcing myself to be not even happy, but to just be okay with this situation. I don't want to leave. I don't want to be pushed out. I want to matter to her still. I told her I wished she'd talk to me more yesterday. She says she doesn't wanna talk about newroommate for privacy reasons. I didn't even mean about him, I just meant in general. Why didn't I say that? Probably wouldn't have mattered.

Been calling several mental health places in Denver & most of them are booked until January. I guess I'll make an appointment then but what the fuck am I supposed to do until then? Just keep trying really hard to not think about killing myself? I dunno what the fuck is gonna happen but I guess we'll see. Honestly getting through christmas sounds like absolute hell. I just wanna not be sad. I don't know how & I need help please. Maybe even if I just had a friend to talk to about it. Idk.

Girlroommate gave me money to buy a video game last night, before newroommate ignored me asking him about it. I guess she sent me $100, even though I didn't even really want it. I haven't been playing games for almost a month, certainly a record. I had been playing almost every day for over 6 years. The last thing I played was Deltarune chapter 2. It was very sweet & had a good ending, then I cried & cried after I beat it. I.. don't know if games can help me. Nothing can distract me from my pain, unfortunately. Maybe I can actually save some goddamn money now. I'll need to if I'll be able to afford my new rent. Godammit. I can't believe I OFFERED to have them do this. I thought it would help me too but all it did was help them. I know newroommate is happy with it, he's over the fucking moon. But girlroommate is clearly of two minds about it. Even now, a month later, she still seems happy a lot of the time but also irritated that she's in a space with a new person. Why am I still even typing. None of this matters. She's not mine anymore & she never will be. I'm never gonna be happy again because nobody I ever meet will be anything like her.

I hope she can be happy one day.

10.29.2021

#sad logs #pathetic #ignore #ignored #depressing #money #games #kill me #mental health places can suck my ass #alone

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firexfled · 6 years

Conversation

Fell Childen (part 1/???)

Aspiring Tactician Morgan - Today at 6:53 PM

Prolouge: Son of Grima

How long has it been since the world fell into ruins? Days? Months? Years? It's been so long, I can't keep track. I can't even remember how long it has been since I got to see my mother alive. Ever since they announced her death, I had a feeling in my chest... Like no other. As if... She was still alive. They never found her body, so they presumed she died. As for Chrom, the past Exhalt, he was found dead. His body brought back. I remember seeing Lucina in tears. Holding her father's sword close to her. She was mourning, and had something that was close to her. As for me, I never did mourn. Sure, I did cry a little... I lied, it was a lot. Most of the time was before sleeping. Others was during study. As the years went by and the world continued to go into ruin even more by the fell dragon, Grima, we continued to fight harder for peace. One by one, our friends familes started to get slaughtered... Only leaving us children to defend our world. Lucina, the future exhalt, led the battle. As for me, I was their general tactician. I say "was" for a reason... A dark reason that I regret to this very day...

Some nights, I had these strange dreams. Dreams of seeing my mother, but... She wasn't like herself. She told me what and who I was. That in truth, I am the son of not only the greatest tactician, Robin... But I am also the son... of Grima. I continued to refuse the truth. But then when I look at the top of my right hand, it does look a lot like my mother's hand. If that is the case, then mother... Is mother really the fell dragon herself? In order to find out the truth behind everything, she gave me an option. One that I will always regret choosing. One is that I join her side and she would tell me everything I would want to know... Or that soon my body would be taken over by the fell blood and try to force me to commit homicide against one of my friends. As soon as I heard my options, I shoot up... As if I was an arrow let loose from it's bow and string. My heart was racing as I was trying to process everything. After a few days, I have decided... I packed up all my stuff... and fled in the middle of the night. And soon before I knew it, there I was, standing on the cliff, facing the six-eyed dragon, Grima... Those red eyes were burned into my memory, sending chills down my spine. And this is when I knew, at this very moment...

I am the son of Grima

Aspiring Tactician Morgan - Today at 7:05 PM

Chapter 1: One and the Same

After weeks of working for mother, Grima, I've gotten quite use to the surroundings of me. Even though it was pretty... Dark. But not all the time was it dark. It's actually quite interesting when you are done for the day or when you find a rest in breaks. Why? It's because I get to interact with someone very close to me. Her name is Morgan.(edited)

When I arrived, I met a perculiar firgure. The same size, height, attire, exactly like me... Except when the hood lowered, it was a female face. One that almost looks a lot like mine. Though her hair was quite messy and a bit longer, we practically looked as if we were twins. Grima explained to me that her name was also Morgan, and that she is the same as me... Well, not entirely. Different personalities, that is for sure. And we were differemt genders, as if we were part of a pararell dimension. But even so, she has that... glow around her. And it's like... One day I would be depressed, then she would cheer me up. And when she's depressed, I would cheer her up.

After talking with her, it turns out she used to have a father named Robin as well. Same name as my mother. I bet they both would look very similar, heh. We also talked much about our pasts. The same people we met, same situations, just different... Interactions. It was all very interesting. After a while, we made a promise. Even though we are not related by blood, we will look after each other's backs, no matter how big or small the situation gets. And to myself...

I promise to protect her

Chapter 2: Silence and Darkness

Today, me and Morgan was sent to stop the future children... More likely kill them. What choice did we have? Either way, they have to die... Right? Well... We were wrong. All that time of studying and planning our ambush and attack on them.... was all for nothing, as we failed

Now standing next to Morgan, head down as we stood in front of the throne room, where Grima sat at, my body trembled on the inside, my heart racing. Gods, I continued to think "This is it. This is where we die." I look over to Morgan to see her trembling as well, and I reached my hand out to hold hers, squeezing it lightly, whispering "It's gonna be okay. I'm here with you" I hope that would calm her down

Grima - Today at 7:23 PM

One job, one job! That's all these damn brats were given, yet they failed. The other brats live on! and here are these failures, with their heads bowed, right in front of me. "I am very disappointed in you two." My voice leaves my throat like a growl, and I narrow my eyes at the failures. "You were supposed to kill those damn kids, yet reports say that they are all still alive, why is that?"

Aspiring Tactician Morgan - Today at 7:25 PM

As I heard her voice, my heart began to race faster and faster. My head, still not looking up at the fell god.

Grima - Today at 7:30 PM

"Answer me, worms, now!" I growl again, glaring at these pathetic useless lumps of flesh. They should be better than this! they have my blood flowing through their veins! Ah, the girl finally looked up, her eyes meeting mine, but there wasn't fear in those brown orbs, oh no, she seemed very, very calm. The words that leaves her lips nearly set me into a rage! "If you want them dead so badly, why don't you kill them yourself?"

Aspiring Tactician Morgan - Today at 7:33 PM

"M-Morgan!" What the hell is she thinking?! Talking to Grima like that. Oh gods, she could be killed in an instant "What are you doing?!" I whisper to her "You realize what you just said?"

Grima - Today at 7:35 PM

I flicker my eyes over to the boy as he leans over and whispers into the girls ear, he was too quiet for me to make out any words, but I notice that the girl's lips start forming a smile as she whispers something back. What ever they are saying, I have a feeling that it would only make me want to burn them even more.

(Morgan's words: Don't worry, Marc~ I have a plan~)

Aspiring Tactician Morgan - Today at 7:38 PM

Wait, what plan is she talking about?! Did I miss something along the way? No, I know we never discussed anything about a plan. I shake my head, worried that we both might get killed together

Grima - Today at 7:41 PM

"You have quite the bite, young lady, I am afraid that I might have to cut that tongue of yours out~ or maybe rip your vocal cords from your throat?" I let out a dark chuckle, of course I would enjoy that very much, watching her bleed, and not being able to scream~ gods, just the thought of it makes me feel so alive!

Aspiring Tactician Morgan - Today at 7:44 PM

"No! Please don't!" I screamed out, quickly covering my mouth from my outburst. Gods, now I'M gonna probably get killed. Morgan, whatever plan you have, I have a bad feeling about it, at this rate.

Grima - Today at 7:51 PM

I glare at the boy, and snap my fingers, risen appearing and holding the boy down. And then I return my gaze back to the girl, and stand from my seat, my boots echoing against the floor. A slander hand grabs the girls chin, lifting it up, as I smile, before digging right into her throat, with my bare hand. My finger's grasping the very thing that allows the girl to make noise, and ripping it right out, there was a tearing sound, and a gurgle, I drop the removed pieces, and then turn and sit back on my chair. "...Make sure that she doesn't die of that wound, she still has use, after all~" I say to another risen, watching as it drags the girl out of the room, a trail of blood left where she was minutes before.

Turning my attention back to the boy, I grin widely. "Now, what should your punishment be~?"

Aspiring Tactician Morgan - Today at 7:54 PM

I try to get up to go after her. Gods, why did this have to happen? It's all my fault. I should have been more throughly with the planning and traps. "Why? Why did you do that? Let me go! I have to see her! She needs me!"

Grima - Today at 7:56 PM

"Now, now, darling~ Be a dear and be quiet for mommy, alright~?" I lick at the mess on my hand, as I think of what I should do to this boy. "Let me see here... how about I cut a finger or two off? perhaps a whole hand? hmm... decisions, decisions~"

Aspiring Tactician Morgan - Today at 8:08 PM

Oh gods, what is she saying? No, if that happens, I won't be able to fight like I use to. Mother, I need mother. Gods, think, Morgan, think think think. "Mother... Please... She had nothing to do with the loss! It was me... I didn't... I didn't check it all! I was the one who messed up! Please..." I cried, staring at the ground before closing my eyes tightly. Just let me go, please, I continue to think over in my head... Until I heard her voice....

Grima - Today at 8:15 PM

I suddenly get an idea. "You said you want to see her, right?" I motion a risen over to me, and then whisper into it's ear. The risen leaves, and comes back with a small blade, I take the blade, and stand up once more, walking up to the boy, and stabbing his eyes. "You better scream for me, dear~ I want to hear your misery and pain~" I whisper, as I hand the blade back to the risen. "Take him away, their punishments are over."

Aspiring Tactician Morgan - Today at 8:53 PM

Before I could process all she had said, I scream out in agony and pain as I felt the sharp blade piercing my eyes. I could feel the oozing warm liquid flowing down my cheeks. At this rate, I was wanting to die. But I didn't, just the pain and darkness that surounds me. All I could do was call out "Mother! Mother! Please! Mother!" I called out to the darkness, reaching my hands out

"Mother! Where are you?! Please!"

Grima - Today at 8:59 PM

I can hear his cries, and I just close my teary eyes myself, wanting to comfort him... but I can't... moving is too painful right now, the wound on my neck is excruciating. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs, but I can't, i can't even whimper, no noise comes out. So I am stuck here, in pain, and having to listen to the other suffer...

Aspiring Tactician Morgan - Today at 9:00 PM

And just like that... There was only silence... And darkness...

Chapter 4: Comfort Touch

I guess I fell to sleep, though I can't see. Only images I have previously seen was in my head. That was it, nothing but a sea of darkness. But where am I? "Hello?" I try to call out "Hello? Anyone there?" I try to stand up, only to fall back down. I reach my hand up to touch my eyes, only to feel a cloth that has replaced my open wounded eye flesh. I began to cry, which made the pain even worse, which made me cry even more. I never asked for anything like this. All I wanted was a normal life with a normal family... To live with mother and father... Happily... "Why... Please... Somebody... Anyone... Please!" I cry out once more

Grima - Today at 9:08 PM

I reach my hand to his, listening to his cries is painful... so very painful... I look at him from the corner of my eye, knowing that moving my head would be too painful. I want to tell him soothing words, but I can't, it's not fair!

Aspiring Tactician Morgan - Today at 9:12 PM

"W-who's there? Who are you? I can't see... Morgan? Morgan?" I tear up, remembering what had happened to her. The pain and sufferinf she has gone through. I failed her. I couldn't protect her. Only feel her touch my hand, I cry into it "Morgan, I'm so so sorry... I failed... I failed... I broke my promise.... I failed, I'm so sorry...." I cried. Gods, I'm so pathetic. Why does she have to be the one to go through pain? She's done nothing wrong! Morgan, please tell me you can hear me...

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magicpens · 3 years

Text

RILEY

By Johnny Bacala

His body is drenched in sweat, and his fists grab the linens of his bed. His head went sideways till he abruptly opened his eyes and awoke from his slumber. Another nightmare, he reasoned. He glances at his wall clock, and it's just 3 a.m. He only went to sleep a minute ago, which is ironic... He lets out a sigh... He stood up and went to the restroom. He looked at his reflection in the sink of his mirrors. He's thinking hard, since every time he wakes up from his nightmare, he doesn't recall anything, not even a fragment of it... He shook his head, opened the faucet, and let the water run before washing his face.

He didn't go back to sleep that night since he didn't feel drowsy. Instead, he just made his breakfast before heading to work.

Riley Moore is completely alone in his life; he has no family remaining because his parents were murdered in a car accident when he was still a child, which he has no recollection of.

He was raised in a foster home in the country, and no one wants to adopt him because of his strange demeanor. Riley is not like the other youngsters his age. He's quiet, cautious, and doesn't say much. Until he reaches the age of adolescence. He left the foster home, saying goodbye to the nuns who tended to him...difficult, but he doesn't care since he hasn't felt anything since he was a child. He lives in seclusion. Because of his obsession with literature, he didn't even finish his education. He learnt a great deal on his own...

Riley works in a downtown library. His shift runs from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. He only makes enough money to live on.

"Oh? Riley, honey, you're early. Don't tell me you got a nightmare again" --- Rose said.

Rose is the one lady who embraces him and assists him whenever he is plagued by his Demons... Riley is a shambles. Except for Rose, he doesn't let anyone into his life. Riley is also a gay man. It didn't disturb him, though. Instead, despite his daily struggles, he continued to live...

He simply nodded to Rose and returned to his station, where he swept the floor and cleaned all the books. Riley is a hardworking individual, which is why Rose is pleased with his assistance; he does not complain or react to his surroundings.

Riley is sitting tiredly on a chair, reading his favorite book after cleaning. The Art of Not Giving a Fuck. He's been reading this book since he was in his mid teens.

The bell rings, indicating that someone has entered. He got up and waited... Until he came upon a gorgeous guy standing in front of a shelf. He can't take his gaze away from him.

"Hey? Mr.? I'm gonna pay for this book."

When a gentle hand brushed his face, he snapped out of his daze. He flinches slightly before refocusing. The guy removes his hand; it's barely a second that the cute man touches his face, but he immediately longs for the softness and warmth of his hands, and the cute man simply stares at him as if he's the oddest person he's ever encountered.

"Are you okay man?"

"U-uhm y-yeah" the guy stop when he hears his voice

"Relax, Mr. Riley, I won't hurt you."

"H-how did you know me?" Riley asked the guy.

"Hmm nothing. I just know you." He smiled charmingly.

Riley's heart skipped when Rose showed up eventually.

"Who are you talking to?" ---Rose asked him.

"Uhm?" He roamed his eyes around the store and he didn't find the guy anymore.

"N-nothing." He blushed.

"Hmmm but your cheeks say otherwise." Rose teasingly smiles at him.

After his shift Riley went home. While walking he felt the brush of the wind through his skin.

"You're walking alone? I see.." he didn't respond, he just looked at the Guy walking beside him.

"Oh... You didn't even flinch..." He chuckled.

"What do you want?" Riley asked rudely.

"Nothing. I just want to join you..you're walking right?"

Riley ignored him and he just talked and talked and talked...and after that night ended he felt something... He looked in a mirror for himself and smiled for the first time because of that Guy… One week had gone and he was still expecting; every time the bell chimed, he anticipated to see the Guy, but then he was disappointed when he didn't.

Riley is cleaning one wonderful day. When the bell rang, he was unconcerned.

"Uh.."

he suddenly stopped from what he was doing when he heard the voice. But he shook his head and continued.

"Mr. Riley, e-excuse me."

He closed his eyes and his jaw tightened.

"What" he coldly asked.

"I just want to know what's the problem?"

Riley just rolled his eyes and shrugged, he walked into the storage room and kept all the cleaning materials he used.

"M-mr. Riley!" The Guy shouted to his ear and he jumped off scared.

"What the hell is your problem!" He retorted back but the Guy just smiled at him. Cutely.

"Hahaha! You're mad, I see." He even nodded his head.

Riley just massaged the side of his head, this Guy giving me a headache.

"Oh! Before anything else. I am Archie."

"Sorry.. I'm not...."

The Guy just laughs so hard until he catches his breath and even holds his stomach. Riley just frowned.

"Tsk" was the only last word he said.

"W-wait!" The Guy said.

"Wait Riley! You got it wrong!" He grabs Rileys' hand so he stops.

"Hahaha! I mean, my name is Archie."

Riley just scratches his nape and feels himself blushing and being shamed.

"It's okay R-Riley, there is nothing to be ashamed of."

The Guy---Archie softly said.

Oh no, he hates me already... he thought

They started hanging out when they got to know each other. They visit various locations, eat, play, and simply hang out. Riley, on the other hand, is disturbed every time they go out since everyone looks at them strangely... They act as though they don't have the right to go outside.

One day, Rose confronted Riley about his behavior.

"Riley, son. Do you have anything to say?" Rose asked.

Riley stops organizing the books and faces Rose..

"What do you mean?"

"Uh.. is there something bothering you lately?"

"Uh! Rose, direct to the point please?"

"I mean, don't be shocked but who are you talking to?"

"Ah... He--he is A-archie...h-he i-is my f-friend." Riley stuttered, shy and confused.

"Oh.. i-is he n-nice?" Rose aske teary eyed.

"Wh-what's the matter Rose?"

"N-nothing..." Rose left him with a soft smile.

Riley shrugged it off. He just thought that Rose was happy for him...

Rose, on the other hand, pulls out her phone and calls... She dialed the number for the Treatment Center... She went out to seek for Riley after receiving the call.

Riley is alone, laughing and chatting into thin air, and she is taken aback. Her tears started to pour as she covered her mouth... Riley is almost like a son to him.

She had no relatives or children, so when Riley came into her life and she learned about his background, she was both sad and pleased because she thought fate had a hand in it. Riley was handled as if she were her own and now, she doesn't know what she's gonna do.

Riley talk with Archie while hes cleaning the shelf,

"Arch, they're all acting weird, don't you think?"

"I don't know...maybe they're not happy seeing you with me." Archie replied with a pout.

"Nah! Nonsense!" Riley says playfully. "I think Rose will love you. She's like a mother to me, swear."

Archie just smiles and plays with the books.

Their bond lasts for months as Rose worries about how she will inform Riley that there is no Archie exists. Riley is the only one who is aware of what is going on. There is no such thing as Archie. They hung out every time they went outside. It's all Riley, all by himself... which is why people look at him as if he's insane...Talking alone, Hanging out alone, eating alone, but all Riley knew was he's with Archie..

The idea of Riley being out of himself doesn't sit well with Rose, so she seeks help.

"Ms. Rose McWorthy?" The nurse called...

She followed the nurse and got inside a room. She sitted and nervously waited. The Doctor suddenly comes and sits.

"Ms. McWorthy." The doctor smiled.

"Uhh..." She hesitates because maybe Riley will get mad at her but she has to do this. She breathes deeply, closes her eyes for a second before opening it again with determination..

"T-this is not about me..." Then she started to tell everything... After an hour... Their time is already done.

"I believe you have to set a schedule for your son Ms. McWorthy...this is painful to hear but some people who have Schizophrenia commits suicide..."

Rose didn't take it well, tears are running down to her face. She cried and cried. Pity for Riley...

The next few months, Riley always talks with Archie, hangs out with the guy who he doesn't know if it's real. Rose didn't take anymore...

"Riley, can we talk?" Rose asks.

Riley looks at Archie sitting beside him...

"Uhh..I'm having a conversation with my friend here."

Rose shakes her head and pleads. Until Riley stands and excuses himself to Archie..

"What do you want to talk about?" Riley asks politely.

"I have a friend who can help you.."

"Help me with what?"

"With your condition..Uh...R-Riley. Listen to me carefully."

Confusion was evident on his face. Riley is baffled..

"Your friend isn't real... It's all in your mind.." Rose sighs.

"W-what d-do y-you---Archie? Isn't it real? Stop joking! He's just sitting with me a while ago... And you see it don't you?" Riley raises his voice...

"No--no. I am not kidding Riley! He is not real! He is just a pigment of your imagination because of what happened to you in the past or what so."

"No! I don't believe you, he's just sitting right there! Right now!" Riley said while pointing at the door as if Archie was really there.

Riley rushes outside and goes to Archie.

"See? He's just sitti---" he was cut off when he saw in the mirror that there is no reflection of Archie sitting on a chair.

He again looks at Archie but the guy is just smiling at him. He just turned to the mirror and it still didn't change. There is no Archie sitting. When he turned his head back to the guy he was gone..

Riley just cried and cried...

"N-no! N-no.. this ain't real." He tiredly seated and brushed his hair with his hands. Frustrated crying. Rose was crying too and tried to touch him but he evaded it and stood and ran outside.

"RILEY!" Rose shouted...

Riley was at a loss about what to do when he arrived home. He is skeptical of everything he witnesses. He can't tell the difference between what's real and what's not... He wailed quietly, screamed, shouted, and threw anything he could get his hands on.

Everything transpired in his memory like a flashback of his life... He sobbed uncontrollably till he felt a hand on his shoulder. He was taken aback when he noticed Archie smiling at him.

"Everything is going to be okay...Everything's gonna be alright, just stay strong..."

Riley just stared at him and hugged him...

"Th-they say-said y-you're-not re-real!" He cried on his shoulder.

Archie just smiled at him. He let go of Riley... They sit together... Archie hummed a song to him. It's a song his mother sings to him when he's asleep.

Ili-ili tulog anay,

Wala diri imong nanay.

Kadto tienda bakal papay.

Ili-ili tulog anay.

ili ili tulog anay

wala diri imo nanay

kadto tienda bakal papay

Ili-ili tulog anay.

mata kana tabangan mo.

ikarga ang nakompra ko.

kay bug-at man sing putos ko.

tabangan mo ako anay..

kay bug-at man sing putos ko..

tabangan mo ako anay...

ili ili tulog anay

wala diri imo nanay

kadto tienda bakal papay

Ili-ili tulog anay...

***********

The next day, Riley was nowhere...

#mental heath support #mental heath awareness #mental health #all feelings are valid

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