I was a kid, but I wasn't clueless
(Someone who loves you wouldn’t do this)
“G, darling, why won’t you go with your siblings to Pennsylvania?”
Slowly, the oldest looked at her, holding the US tight by his collar and looked at his sleeping family on the couch. He knew the pain in two colored eyes, he knew that old, undying fear and he knew that it meant a lot of things, but good ones. Silently he grabbed his notebook and when the tall woman in front of him looked back at his friend, he threw it with all his strength.
She let go of the young man, who backed up and barely kept his balance. Gov saw how he tried to speak up, but he didn’t care.
“Why would you do it?” She was cold, like a breeze in Alaska, yet he stood there like she didn’t have any power above him. “Why, Government?”
She never screamed, only using her physical force to hurt them, to punish them for what they did. That’s good, they wouldn’t wake up his siblings.
“Because-” he started, yet she hit him before he could be done. His nose cracked, something in him felt broken, but he couldn’t be bothered. “Because you were trying to hurt the US, I can’t let it happen.”
She was always like that, her anger was so hot it turned cold, blue eyes were sharp and if they could kill, he knows he would’ve been dead by now. His friend was already out of the room, since he ran as fast as he could when he noticed she ignored him.
The US wasn't always scared of the British Empire, even if he had his moments, but he could never handle it when she got aggressive, fearing for his people, for his own family. That was something the Gov could understand, worrying what will happen to people close to you, those who you love.
Or could he?
Another punch landed closer to his eye, her favorite ring ripped his skin, leaving a small open wound. Blood slowly fell down, painting gray carpet red, making them both look down.
“...You will clean that whole thing, do you understand? That’s your punishment.”
“Yes Ma'am.”
///
The US finally was free, free of her cold gaze and her sharp nails, and he looked so happy. He hugged his friends close to his chest, Massachusetts was chuckling under his breath and even York smiled lightly.
After some time, the British Empire was gone, she died and left her younger sister, now called the United Kingdom, alone. Sometimes, when he ended up meeting her, she would give him the same cold stare full of hatred, but as always, it never bothered him.
After a few years, or maybe more, his younger brother took the position as the Government, as Congress, and it was fine, he was fine.
Until hell broke loose.
DC was in the building, worrying for his life and trying to leave, never being fully able to do so and everyone learnt why only the Gov could be what they were trying to give to him. DC was scared, he felt emotions that his brother could never feel, like IDC and CDC.
So he was stripped from his family, like always. He was always different, in the name and in the way he was, so they took them away physically and legally, making him alone. Silently, he sat in his brother’s place, looking at states in front of him and acting, like he always did.
I mean, why wouldn’t he? He was here just to make sure everything went like the US wanted it to go.
One day he was sitting in the kitchen, drinking his coffee and reading the papers he had to take care of when Mass and PA walked in. They shared a look, but he didn’t even have time to think about it. Rough, bandaged hands grabbed his face lightly and a pair of gray-ish purple eyes looked into his dark blue one’s.
“Oh Congress, my dear, it’s actually you.” Penn State sounded soft and, oh so sad. “All this time you were alive? Where have you been? The last time I- we’ve seen you was when Louisiana joined, wasn’t it?”
They knew the difference. - rang in his mind, annoying him. - How did they know? Was he so different from their DC? (Was he always so different from all of his siblings?)
“...Yes.” he finally answered, lightly nodding. “I had to take care of other things, so I was, well, brushed to the side.”
I was swapped, replaced, they didn’t need me, but they needed the job done. “Brushed to the side” more like thrown to the trash, like I wasn’t supposed to be, like I was wrong for being.
One of the fingers slightly brushed his skin, like he tried to make sure he was real and PA slowly breathed in and hugged him.
And for the first time he actually felt everything around him, his ex friend’s choking warmth and his sweet smell, his more awake part tried to remember their name, but he couldn’t be bothered. His mug was taken from his hand by Mass near him, when all he could do was hug Penn State back, holding him like he would lose him again, like he would be taken away.
And maybe he felt the tears in his eyes, maybe he felt all those years of pain and fear that they won’t survive until tomorrow, that the US will die in front of him, maybe he finally felt like the life he had was something he wanted to have.
Years of being empty can’t be taken that easily, but it changed something, something broken in him moved, shards of it pushing deeper than any knife.
(Killing him quicker than his friend’s hands that one day that he pushed him too far.)
“When you disappeared, we were sure you died, that DC was new you, but you and your blue fucking eyes are not easy to forget, brat.” his voice was heavy, like when they met after his first war, holding so much weight that he never should have to carry. “Why weren’t you the one we got, why weren’t you with us?”
He wanted to repeat himself, that it’s because he wasn’t actually needed, that he wasn’t the one they wanted, but was it enough? Was it the real reason? He couldn’t remember why, he just knew that after his first death, it all went to shit, that the US didn’t want him around, so when the Louisiana broke, his last death occurred, he was thrown out for “his safety”.
Still holding PA, he tried to remember what his friend told him back then.
“...It’s because you have your mother’s eyes.” the US sobbed, while holding his neck in a tight grip. “I can’t… Gov I can’t handle your cold fucking gaze, don’t be around me.”
He started shaking, his nails digging deep into Pennsylvania’s shirt. Was he really so similar to her that he hurt him? He looked around, searching for something to see himself in, noticing the fridge behind two older people, just to learn something new.
He couldn’t see his own face.
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