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homieswithhades · 3 years

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why steve rogers returning to the past was wrong

disclaimer: im clearly a stucky enthusiast, but please, do not be thrown off by that. i admit, there may be undertones of bias because of that in the following, but i did my best with trying to lay out the facts and draw logical conclusions, so do please give me a chance. also, i may have accidentaly omitted some moments and some quotes may not be 100% word for word, as my memory lowkey sucks. ALSO this is NOT a peggy hate post!! i think shes a dope and underrated character and quite frankly she was done dirty. but i also definitely h8 the trope of badass woman falls for the hero.

first and foremost, every sane person knows endgame was complete and utter bullshit when dealing with steves character, so this post will be more for you to maybe show (and hopefully convince) some stubborn friend or family member. nice, concise (not) and including proof from the movies (+a few tweets and stucky undertones, if u dont fw that i respect it but bucky is an integral part to steves character regardless of how u interpret their relationship) here is why steves character development was thrown away at the end of endgame.

let us begin at looking at the cap trilogy.

in ca:tfa it should be noted that steve had no one to return to in the 40s, except bucky. i believe steves relationship with peggy was no where near as developed as it should have been to elicit him returning exclusively for her. as we are aware, steves driving force has absolutely always been bucky. bucky was there for steve after his parents died, when he was sick, and always protected him from whatever trouble he got himself into. "until the end of the line" right? steves relationship with peggy was forced and short lived, literally, we're talking a matter of months here. i need to keep emphasising the important disparity between bucky and peggy, as it is absolutely key in this whole argument. steve dropped everything and went against every order just to even attempt to save bucky. even the slightest chance of him surviving being captured was enough for steve to break into a hydra camp and free the 107th division. steve even had the chance to capture zola, one of the main villains and masterminds of the war, but again, steve prioritised bucky. when theyre trying to escape the exploding hydra camp, the exchange between steve and bucky is critical. steve says "go! get out of here!" as all he wanted was bucky escaping safely. he put bucky's life over his own (this wasnt the first time he did this, nor the last) but bucky rooted himself to the spot, and yelled back "no, not without you!". they both escaped safely as we know, and then steve gathers the howling commandos to take down the red skull. bucky then falls off the train, nd steve blames himself for his death, even visibly crying over it twice. steves morals went from "i dont wanna kill anyone. i dont like bullies, i dont care where theyre from" before buckys death, to "i wont stop until all of hydra are dead or captured" after. stuff happens and steve defeats the red skull and is now in control of the flying ship with the bombs. he connects the comms with peggy and she tries to convince him theres another way to disarm the ship. steve was so dedicated at that point he didnt even want to hear it. he didnt even attempt to do anything to ensure his survival. this alone proves, peggy was not important enough to him to return to.

next is ca:tws. The stevebucky movie. in the museum, peggy confirms that steve saved the man from the 107th division who eventually became her husband (steve was never in the 107th, just to clarify) i believe her husbands name was daniel sousa (as revealed in the marvels agents of shield show) steve then finds out peggy is alive and talks to her. she, in short, tells him she's lived her life, and it was his turn to live his in the time hes in. the "my best girl" line was unnecessary and out of place; again, steve barely knew her. again, shit goes down, and steve finds out the winter soldier is bucky and immediately drops everything, and becomes dead set on saving him. not killing, not imprisoning, but saving him. no matter the cost. "he saw me, and he didnt even know me" "hes not the kind you save, hes the kind you stop. he won't recognise you" "he will." god, steve KNEW bucky would recognise him. regardless of the brainwashing, steve managed to break through the barrier hydra fought so hard to drill into buckys mind. nothing ever broke him out of that state exept for steve. "im not gonna fight you, youre my friend." "youre my mission" "then finish it. cos im with you till the end of the line." [[good fucking lord let me break out of my essay-esque semi professional format here and just say how fucking heartbreaking those lines are. oh my god. read them, over and over until it hits you.]] steve shows us again, that he is willing to not only die for bucky, but literally die by his hand. he would let bucky kill him. he'd dropped his shield. he didnt fight back. steve always, always, ALWAYS got up and fought back. always. exept that time. the time bucky could have killed him. that scene is the essence of "im with you till the end of the line" because then, it was true. it was true because steve was okay with dying at buckys mercy. theres a difference between sacrificing yourself for the greater good (steve going into the ice), willing to die for someone (steve risking his life multiple times in attempts to save bucky) and finally, being willing to let someone kill you, because you love and trust them so much (hellicarier scene). the difference between peggy and bucky's relationship to steve is that steve may be willing to die for either, but only willing to be killed by one. not to mention, bucky pulled steve from the river. he recognised him. steve broke through 70 years of brainwashing with such impact it literally drove bucky away from hydra out of his own free will.

in between ca:tws and ca:cw its confirmed (im p sure sam says it) that him and steve looked for bucky for two. years. even off screen, bucky was steves priority.

im going to squeeze in 2 points from from age of ultron here, for chronology's sake:

steves worst nightmare, as portayed in the movie, is LITERALLY going back to the 40s and being stuck there (with peggy too??lmfao) and also the quote "family, stability, the man who wanted all that went in the ice 75 years ago. i think another one came out." objectively confirms that steve isn't the man he used to be, and doesnt want to return to the past. aou may have sucked, but that doesn't mean the character development should be thrown away.

ca:cw. hoo boy. steve went against 117 countries and half of his closest friends and colleagues because he believed bucky was innocent of the bombing of the un conference. god, steve quite literally, did everything to defend and protect bucky. though i shall acknowledge that steve did attend peggy's funeral, however, there was no real connotations there other than the fact he was mourning her death (understabdibly so). steve then proceeds to protect bucky for 2 hours 27 mins and 41 seconds to the point where they escape together to siberia after the airport fight. "i dont know if im worth all this steve" "what you did all those years... it wasnt you. you didnt have a choice." "i know. but i did it" again, absolutely heartbreaking quotes if you read it a couple of times and truly understand the meaning of them. steve somewhat indirectly tells bucky yes, yes he is worth all of this. otherwise, he wouldn't be doing it. a quote to support that would be "for the longest time, i always did what i thought was right." (disclaimer this is not a direct quote i deadass couldnt find it to save my life, i belive steve said it at some point during civil war or tws, but the point is, bucky is the only thing that could have shaken steves morals so intensely.) and finally, the most important part of cw, the fight at the end with tony. bucky and steve constantly protected each other. steve kept fighting because he was fighting for bucky. to keep him safe from tony and the world. he got up, time and time again. "i can do this all day." the fact that he said that to tony, some people consider them the closest of friends, proves again, a million times over, bucky is more important to steve than literally anything else, INCLUDING his shield. his mantle. he dropped it and left it like it was nothing, because his priority was bucky. as always.

theres not much to discuss for infinity war other than their hug whicg was honestly just adorable.

mmmmm endgame. i will not go into how much i hate that movie because it would be a rant quintuple the length of this one. in the support group, steve dead ass fucking says "you gotta move on. you gotta move on" and that sentiment was literally forgotten at the end. my main point for endgame is this. people tend to tell me, the reason steve abandoned bucky and went back to be with peggy is because he knew that he was finally safe. :/. if you had half a braincell youd know that's not true. the steve we know, never would have left bucky for good, ESPECIALLY after the "dont do anything stupid until i get back" exchange [[god i want to beat the shit out of the r*ssos]] mostly because, bucky had fucking no one in the time he was living in!!! no family, no friends and most heartbreakingly, no one he could trust. (yes sam was there but were just seeing their friendship develop now in tfatws, all that wasnt there in endgame) and secondly, what made steve think bucky was entirely safe??? half of the worlds population just suddenly reappeared, which as we see now, there were massive consequences for that. i simply believe steve is not that stupid. steve going back was disrespectful not only to his character, but to bucky AND peggy. most importantly, the steve we've been watching since 2011 would NEVER abandon bucky, no matter how safe he thought he was (he visited him frequently in wakanda, the safest place on the planet arguably ffs) especially for such a dumbass and quite frankly, nonsensical reason as going back to be with peggy, who clearly stated to him she moved on, and so should he (which he did. idk endgame writers prolly didnt watch the previous movies :/) its not even debatable. bucky is more important to steve than peggy. even in terms of screentime.

now allow some tweets to speak for me, this one being the absolute most important one:

ladies and gentlefolk, all of the stuff ive said can be summarised in that last line. "it would be contrary to who he is."

heres some more:

and now finally, id like to briefly mention steve and tfatws, so beware of spoilers (writing this as of ep 4 coming out; praying it doesn't age badly)

bucky mentions steve, unprompted, fucking constantly. he clearly isnt over steve leaving, and im hoping that gets acknowledged and talked out in the show.

in conclusion, tl:dr, steve shouldn't have returned to the past and stayed there, it is contrary to who he is, as shown to us through his trilogy and other appearances in the mcu. not to mention the timeline bullshit in endgame makes zero sense in the first place.

#long post #stucky #captain america #steve rogers #mcu #marvel #tfatws #bucky barnes #peggy carter #hwh's marvel thoughts #please dont bullshit me in the comments also i dont have the strength #imma hide this in the tags praying no 1 will b bothered to look but steve and bucky gay #everytime some1 calls their relationship brotherly it takes 10 years off my life nd makes me wanna impale myself ❤#also no beta we die like men #my meta

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ts-akhmim · 4 years

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Episode 9 | “Autumn's World”- Jakey

ok i really wasnt going to make a post tribal confessional because my last one was so long but like i have to get this off my chest... can i just say the irony is NOT lost on me that im the one who got the power to visit the pre jurors and plead my case on who i think they should vote for and......they voted for ME???? at least that's what my common sense is telling me because almost no one said anything to me during my trip there so... i doubt they voted amir because im pretty sure liam did? like..... this game is REALLY starting to make me extremely self conscious like wtf i literally havent even met half of these people and the majority of them voted for me without even knowing me.... has my whole life been a lie? am i not actually the bomb dot com?? like i dont think im this amazing person or anything and obviously i know not everyone is gonna like me but WHAT is it about me that's clearly so polarizing with people and NOT in a good way... first people in the game i didnt know wanted to vote me out now people i dont know want me out too do i have a sticker on my forehead that says hate on me? like trust and believe i hate myself enough i dont need yalls negativity too ! maybe im just too ahead of the times for certain people.. at this point i dont care, im a tough cookie and i guess im a little mean and judgemental so this is just my karma but whatever, pity party over, i guess you know you that bitch when you cause all this conversation zzzzzz

okay so i filmed two video confessionals while walking the dog but i think i just flipped the captain vote?! i truly do think i just flipped the captain vote while walking the dog which is so exciting. i knew voting jordan was stupid to scorn him for no reason, so i decided tj would be better, spoke to who i needed to speak to, and now its happening hehe [the two videos i filmed should explain why i did what i did]. this is the first time this game i felt like montenegro ali is not gone completely - i set a goal for myself and i made it happen. now no matter what this season i can be proud that i made something happen hehe. tj's target is gonna inflate like a balloon now hehe. the way i did it was i spoke to autumn first, who i knew also had the connections with the beauties who would need to be flipped, then talked about my reservations with jake/devon/augusto. i knew autumn would push tj, and i just got to sit back and here them all say tj to me?! i feel so proud that i made that happen tm, now we have a scapegoat set up. i think update so: Ideal Bootlist: Kendall > TJ > Jordan/Augusto > Jordan/Augusto > Duncan > Amir > F5: Me/Autumn/Jake/Devon/Adam Ranking as a Juror: autumn > jake > amir > duncan > jordan > augusto > devon > adam > tj > kendall

okay so... i think as a consequence of the trust rankings, i think i'm now set up very well to be shielded by both my closest allies, jake for his idol play and autumn for the perception of her as someone who runs the tribe. ideally next two votes are maybe kendall then tj? idek

im gonna say something, that i NEVER say and im gonna OWN IT. . . .. .... IM A DUMB BITCH. ok i say that a lot but THISSS time i really mean it, ive been playing this game so short sighted and completely narrowly, focused on getting these old beautys out for almost voting me out in the beginning, and today i find out, that little old ME is the one who's actually been the president of the clown academy smh obviously, i do still think i was semi valid in not trusting any of those 3 at first, but today, amir approached me finally to clear the air, because like i said before, the reason ive had no interest in working with like him or augusto was because i knew what they were plotting against me, HOWEVER .... i guess i lacked some common sense that shouldve told me well look at it from their perspective, it's just very hard for me to trust when i was lied to so, i know for a fact someone went to amir and probably told him i wanted him out last round instead of liam, and i also learn that the REAL CLOWN OF ALL THE LANDS IS DUNCAN. I had a call with jordan today, and he basically spilled the beans that duncan wants my head on a silver platter?? first of all, duncan, you're a fool. I was completely on your side and actually trusted you, so thanks for nothing! I would not be surprised if he was trying to go to amir to plan to vote me out I also talked to autumn on call today and she confirmed that to me as well, and it made me feel a lot better because i think duncan thinks that IM overconfident in the game which is NOT THE CASE...have yall seen my confessionals??? is it or is it not tea that all i do is sit and guess multiple scenarios for my paranoia...granted i KNOW im a diva and i have fits and my moments, but i genuinely try not to get comfortable, so the fact that HE thinks he can get comfty and get me out, boy you got another thing coming because i may not know what the HELL im doing 85% of the time but i think that's one of my best traits, im a wildcard and elusive and adaptability is what i try to go for more so than being that person in charge, because clearly anytime i think im in charge, thats NEVER the case... and congratulations because now there's an angry adam on the loose and duncan is now my biggest target out of no where. Funny how so much can change in less than a day huh? at this point i literally trust no one i feel like im at the liar convention of the century, i want to say i trust autumn, jordan, and kinda ali the most but idk anymore. I feel like Jakey is 100% in with duncan to get me out too but idk i dont have any proof, just a conspiracy because they both messaged me at the exact same time after ignoring me for hours so it made me think they had a call together of some sort and talked about me I'm kinda upset with myself because every time i play i do this stupid thing where i refuse to look at the bigger picture, and im glad there's still enough game left i can kinda start to snap out of it and see where it takes me from here, even though ive played twice and done decent placement wise both times i feel like i have a lot to prove as far as people just thinking im an idiot and will never catch on to things, and i definitely think duncan thinks im an idiot now but you know what, ill let him think that because the fact that people are letting me in on things, shows me i must be doing at least something right ....although it could get tricky, because i really do love autumn and me and her both agreed jordan is a huge threat down the road, but jordan is also on my side right now so i need to treat carefully with that i also need to get to WORK on connecting and mending my relationships with amir/augusto, at this point all i can do is try and be honest with them about whats been going on and hopefully they dont rule me out, BUT ... in my slight defense i never wouldve been so against them if they just owned up to it and not lied to me over and over again in the beginning xoxo but i do hereby take away all the SHIT ive talked since like..... day 7 dajfks ok last thing i want to touch on is im STILL confused why no one trusts me in this immunity challenge i got second to last after KENDALL..... like all shade at myself yall are giving me WAY too much credit... they all still think im stacked with idols and advtantages and even though i MAY have cracked the pyramid im not good at solving shit so FUCK 2048 FOR GETTING MY WAY OF GETTING THIS IDOL

just called with amir for ages and he was 100% misting me but i'm at peace with it he is super sweet.

Adam, welcome to your tape. im not even sure where to begin .... ive never YELLED at a gay in my life like this... that gay being ME.... so here i am, having a breakdown going boo hoo hoo for me thinking people must just HATE me for whatever unknown reason, only for me to find out I UNKNOWINGLY GAVE EVERYONE A REASON DHAJKFDHAJKD rewind back to survivor auction....obviously i knew with an anonymous auction people were ALL gonna start lying about what they really got and what not ... however, im sure none of them were STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL A BLATANTLY OBVIOUSLY FALSE FABRICATION LIKE ME I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ... SO I JUST WANTED PEOPLE TO THINK I WAS AT LEAST TRYING FOR IMMUNITY SO I TOLD EVERYONE I BID ON THE IMMUNITY NECKLACES THEN WHEN I DIDNT GET THEM I WENT FOR THE ADVANTAGE, MEANWHILE NOT USING COMMON SENSE AND REALIZING IF I BID ON THE NECKLACES....I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO BID ON THE CHALLENGE ADVANTAGE i literally pulled a cirie trying to play officer sarah's own steal a vote against her but no not really because cirie is a LEGEND and im just a DUMB DUMB. AT LEAST CIRIE CAN SAY SHE WAS PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY EXHAUSTED WHICH IS WHY SHE MESSED UP BUT WHAT CAN I SAY?? ive never made such an idiotic mistake so obvious before.... i was probably high so ill blame the weed for some of it but mostly just me being dumb. ive been sitting around DRAGGING people for lying to me and now here i am lying right to everyone BUT IN MY DEFENSE.....it really is such a MINUSCULE lie but considering i devoted my entire first part of my game to being against people for telling me the tiniest of lies, i must look like SUCH a hyprocrite but one thing about me is at least ill own it, however, im now one of the biggest and easiest targets in the game because of what ive done so it's time to come up with something real quick (but not another lie NO MORE....) i completely deserved #9 in that challenge but dhfakj its time to completely change my game because now no one is gonna want to work with me and it's my own fault, im a dead fish being asked to come back to life, im gonna have to find a way to play this off or even just come clean and hope it doesnt completely screw me.... but wait..... i just got 9th on all these people's lists and completely lied to everyone and.....somehow they decided to let me have immunity??? what the HELL is going on? i mean logically speaking if im the biggest target here now why not keep me around because im so stupid, at first i was just trying to ACT dumb but that i actually am just dumb, it makes it a lot easier that's for sure! so yeah .... gonna lay low for a bit and not dig myself in more holes

tj and jordan really. really. think they can vote autumn out to scoop me up? like do i look like a sheep, do i look like a clown? because i do not have wool nor do i have a clown wig on. im so done with jordan he can pretend and preach till the cows come home that we are working together and that threats need to stick together.... but actions 100% speak louder than words, and his actions are nothing but shady so

yall: confess! me, who's already made 10 confessionals per round and the 1 person yall weren't talking to: ok sure ! anyway im still an idiot just a tiny update, ive decided to come clean about that damn auction even though everyone already knew oop, lying clearly wasnt working for me even tho i got immunity so maybe it did work in some sick and twisted way??? I really just tried to play it up by telling everyone that i only did it because i have trust issues and didnt know who i could really trust until after the vote, which is kinda true, but obviously my lie was just stupid nonetheless like GOD i literally couldve been in a better spot by being honest all along, but its like.....i willingly stopped in the middle of the race to put a hurdle in front of myself.... but anywho, as long as i have immunity this round, it gives me time to do damage control and see if i can salvage any of my game dafshkj I also talked with amir and augusto finally both on calls separately, to bury the unnecessary hatchet ive been holding onto, amir really did make me feel better about everything between us because he actually apologized because he was able to admit that everything that happened....was literally their own fault ctfu, like had they just been honest with me, we wouldve moved on, but i NO longer hold any ill will towards them about it from a game point, i liked being able to talk with augusto again too because i really did genuinely feel like he was someone i really wanted to play with, and i just dont want to be against the only other 3 brown gays in the game like me and autumn had such a long and great talk about the RACIAL bias in survivor YEAH i said it. I think we should have that conversation. As far as the vote goes it's actually kinda crazy to me....autumn was just talking to me earlier about wanting jordan out because he is definitely a threat, and she's somehow single handedly gotten everyone on board to do it which is scary but im just like....in awe of watching her play like i truly believe talking with her is the reason i won immunity, and i truly think if i didnt have this immunity i would be the one leaving because of my damn big mouth and my own antics. but jordan's kinda been on my side giving me select tea, however i know for a fact he's been holding out on me, but voting him out is still absolutely gonna suck for me tbh, im gonna feel like a bad person, but if there's anything ive learned the last 24 hours of this game is that whatever, this is truly just a game and i need to stop being so overtly sensitive to everything and play smart from here on out. I cant beat jordan in the end. He also just has more loyalties to other people than me so, the plan right now might be to vote him out and he might think it's autumn so he doesnt do anything crazy? i mean part of me WANTS to let him in on the tea just so he can cause chaos but it would get back to me....and im not sure him staying would benefit me enough to piss everyone off, so for ONCE watch while i sit back and shut up

I should have done this yesterday, but I guess I'll spill now. So yesterday was easily the worst day of this game so far for me. I was taking the LSAT, which I thought would give me some amount of a break from being talked about, but it turns out that everyone is going to vote me to be Captain. That part doesn't bother me AS much. What bothers me more is that Duncan and Autumn, who pent so much time genuinely connecting with, apparently turned on us to work with the Beauties over the alliance me and Jordan had with them. I understand that Autumn and Ali are close, yes, but I really thought the connection I had made with those two would allow them to at least stand up for me when people threw my name out there for Captain and have Adam voted as Captain WHEN HE WANTED TO BE IT! And then I choose to save the Bottoms. I wanted to do this not out of revenge, but in order to have a potential in with the Beauty trio of Augusto/Amir/Kendall (on top of if I save the Tops, there is no way I win immunity). So I go with my gut, and then Jakey tells me there was a chat made with the Tops about how to get Adam/Amir/Augusto or some duo of those three safe in spite of my choice. So Autumn of all people, who we went to the same fucking university, decides to vote me out of spite. That just sucks so much to know because I genuinely thought I was going to work with her and Duncan. I truly thought there was something there. And now I feel I have to start back from square one. The day has come where I think I want to work with the Beauty trio; three people I've never been on the same tribe as, but at least they understand the situation I'm in since they have a similar one. Now we can hopefully prevent this stupid Brawn vs. Beauty grudge match that the Brains had created. No more. The Ginger is done being Mr. Nice Guy. I won't sit around any more and let people take advantage of my kindness. I want to win this fucking game, and I intend to do exactly that.

This is likely the most 'dangerous' round I have been apart of. Jordan/Duncan/Autumn/TJ have been involved in an alliance for quite some time. At 8:58pm EST (2 mins before the deadline), I jumped on and asked who I should eliminate. Instead of anyone telling me publicly who to eliminate, it was Duncan of all people who privately messaged me and said to eliminate his buddy Jordan. Since then, I have had the opportunity to talk to a lot of people. I exposed the alliance to those I knew could play a role in breaking it up. For now, the plan seems to be Jordan. However, almost everyone knows about it, and idols/advantages could come into play at any point. Duncan should be safe for now, but his time is coming. I just need to be able to time everything.

Kendall, if you see this I just want you to know that I love you so so so so so much! I know these people for whatever reason don’t give you the time of day but it’s because of that that they don’t see just how amazing you are! Your crown is slipping ma’am, but don’t let it because you’re a queen and I love you tons <3

If I had to sum up this round, I would say that overconfidence is a weakness in this game. Just look at the MESS that has transpired this round. 1) Autumn pushed for Jordan a LOT as she was in a power position 2) It ended up falling on TJ due to Duncan initially voting that way and Autumn telling others to do that 3) TJ decided to save the bottoms instead of his alliance members for some reason 4) Duncan thought he could do the most and veto my immunity to “save” Jordan only to get Devon to do it instead so his hands are clean 5) Autumn and Duncan tried to control the entire round 6) Jordan thought he could pull a fast one on Autumn by approaching people to blindside her despite not building connections with a lot of players… BASICALLY, people need to humble themselves a bit. I understand that in these games, everyone thinks they are the smartest person here but like… these people tried to have their cake, ate it too, and then threw it up and caused a mess. It’s just… wow (‘:

While I would love to blindside Autumn soon, I’ve wanted Jordan Pines out since I got to the merge because he is a dangerous player. Going into the round, I didn’t see it as a possibility given that I alongside Autumn and Amir were the only people to feel like Jordan should leave. But now? He’s Public Enemy #1 and I’m all for it. Getting Jordan out helps me a lot because now I can possibly have TJ on my side, Autumn trusts me now more than ever, Jakey and I are getting closer, Duncan did all this craziness only to have the person he tried to save leave so he’s a target, and yeah… it just is in my best interest to do so so that’s what I plan on doing.

Ngl, I played victim this round because everything that has happened to me has been because of me being scapegoated in one way or another. Granted, I did tell Kendall and Amir to place me low on their lists but I’m sure I was #8 because of the Beauty trio. In a way, I’m using that to my advantage. Even Duncan deciding to veto my immunity and not Jordan’s has been something I’ve capitalized on a lot this round and I think that decision by Duncan is what turned the tides against him ultimately. Strangely, this round has been super amazing for me? yay?

The amount of TEA I have been given this round is insane. I know Amir has an idol, Devon has a double vote, Adam has a challenge advantage & he got to talk to the prejury, the existence of the TJ/Jordan/Duncan/Autumn alliance, I was the first Beauty Jordan approached to get Autumn out, Autumn told me that if she leaves she wants Amir or I to win, I was pulled into an alliance with Autumn/Devon/Amir/myself, Adam and I agreed Amir is dangerous so Adam wants me here more than Amir, and Jakey told me about the Tops group chat when it was made and told me everything that happened there (same with Autumn). I’ve been a tea collector this round and I’m not mad at all. While I love Amir, I do fear that our games are a little too intertwined and that if I sit next to him at the end, I’ll lose badly… but I think people also seem him as a major target so in a way he’s a shield? I need to find a way to separate myself gameplay-wise. I do think I’ve done a lot for our partnership (it was my connection to Devon and my connection to Autumn that got us in these good positions) so yeah we’ll see… I just want to win yknow ;-; love Amir sooooooo much tho

im gonna write a longer one in a bit but the summary rn is jordan pines can legit go peace out and send his white male rage somewhere else im not about to listen to him get mad at me when he wanted to blindside me this round like... get that energy somewhere else im not the one

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THEY WERE GONNA MAKE ADAM CAPTAIN AND WE PUSHED FOR IT TO A BRAWN AND NOW BRAWN IS MAD AT BRAIN IM GOING TO TRY AND FINESSE IMMUNITY OUT OF THIS

okay okay so basically, ewkjfnekwfnew i spent all morning not wanting them to vote adam as a captain, and then for my list, i basically got multiple people to rig my position, aka devon jakey and augusto to put me mid low, and tried to make ppl put brain + ali at the top. now the lists are exposed, adam wants to work with me again, and ppl are scared of brawn + ali. I am trying to make that i can win immunity this round, and then i can shut my mouth and these people can fuck each other up so PLEASAAAAAAASEEEE LET ME WIN IMMUNITY

So here we go let me spill some tea about these people, so last round, I had devon come to me and tell me that Adam said my name, Liam was the vote for me, and many people were entertaining it and were purposely leaving me on read. Like for the entire first round, Adam liam tj jordan and Ali all didn’t make a single effort to talk any game with me. This round comes around, and it’s a damn trust list when I’m currently in the most notorious beauty threesome of all time, and Ik it’s not gonna go well cuz everyone wants us out cuz me kendall and Augusto are so prettty and they r jealous But early on in the morning, autumn wants to call, and we do, and she’s like let’s make Jordan the captain vote, which makes sense cuz that’s what jakey and Augusto told me the night prior, so like all good I agree to make the captain Jordan. Basically, being the captain in this, SUCKS, cuz u won’t win immunity and u piss off 4 people, so miss autumn, hangs up on me to call other people and suddenly tj, who mind you is doing his LSAT exam, comes back to autumn and Duncan making him the vote for the captain. They fucked him OVER LMAO, and then the trust list comes out, and allllll the beauties and jordan on the bottom, and alllll the brains at the top with Ali and jakey . So suddenly, tj has a change of heart and he messaged me about how wants to get to know the beauties better, and he cuts the tops and the bottoms live. But like, Duncan autumn tj and Jordan literallt had an alliance and the they fucked him over so like Dkndkdndkd Anyway, the immunity challenge is happening, jakey and Devon help me win immunity discretely, And now I’m IMMUNEEEEE I suddenly love this crackhead competition , and with the list order, everyone can tell the brains are playing ALL SIDES. So adam and I finally decide to talk cuz we’re both at the bottom, and I’m like okay sis are we good, and he’s like I heard some shit and I was just really honest about early hathor and I think him and I are okay rn?? So like that’s good for me, So me and adam are safe, and all hell breaks loose, cuz Jordan apparently was super convinced with his safety but autumn and Duncan cut them out of the competition. Duncan was so shady about it, he actually asked devon to do it, and he decided to do Augusto, so like Duncan’s way of being loyal to Jordan is to tell someone else to do it so he’s being extremely messy. He’s not telling me about his alliance STILL, playing dumb with me, So autumn calls me and she IS POPPINGGGGG OFFFFFFF and dragging the 2 white boys from brawn to FILTH, and organizes this entire plan for them to think it’s between tj and Duncan, but we tell them autumn, and then we all vote Jordan. Jakey tried to make it duncan but I refuse, because Duncan is necessary to be against Ali and Duncan’s whole ass game is blown up now. No one trusts him, so I want him here. and jakey was like fine hehe and honestly okay I love jakey so much, like I plan on being loyal for as long as he’s loyal to me but I feel like he’d cut me in a couple rounds. Rn we are tight tho and we tell each other everything. Augusto and Kendall AND I MIGHT MAKE IT ANOTHER ROUND LMFAOOO DKDJDKNDD, And the MESSIEST PART OF TODAY IS HOW AUTUMN GOT US FROM POINT A TO POINT B. Like she literally woke up, fucked over tj, then cut the brawn out of the comp, and then felt betrayed by them, for her fucking them over, and has now taken control of the game. Like I’m just gonna say, she betrayed her alliance with brawn and she’s starting to work with me and Augusto and for that I fuckin love her. She’s also super cool I’ll do a merge cast analysis next round Anyway yeah good night love y’all xoxoxox

okay so today jordan calls me and hes like heyyyyyy sisterrrr lets all vote autumn and i say ok ok lets do it, but in my head im like nonononoonon, cuz jordan has spent 5 days talking about getting my out, and he literally doesnt even have the votes so i cant consider this cuz jakey isnt down at all, he simply doesnt have the numbers, so the plan is me tj jakey augusto kendall jordan vote autumn but we all rat on jordan, so everyone is suppose to split on jordan and tj but someone ratted to them and now no one is paying attention to me as much LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO ps, jordan pines, i really really do like u and enjoy talking to u and i would love to get to know u after the game <3 , im still gonna slit your throat tho, sorry for that

okay so tonight jordan pines is going to jury. drew in my host chat said "i hate when my faves fight" and let it be known. im not going to fight jordan, im going to send him to jury so he can complain there. his rage and aggression im not in the mood to deal with. its crazy how jordan brought the tribe together and his reign of terror tribe calls are not working. you cant come at people with rage, when your whole strategy has revolved around treating people like your pawns. like you treated this like chess but the one in checkmate is you. cut to me being voted out but im sick of jordan and his attitude, this is a game in a serious time in the world. its coronavirus quarantine and portraying everyone as literal satan is fucked up and i have zero time for it so. he can take his bad energy to being the world's most bitter juror. i really liked jordan, but this was a really toxic ugly side that came out tonight and i hate it

this lil challenge yall came up with it? I'm not with it https://drive.google.com/open?id=1K3cO8KqOtvKoz6bPPlZ1IoTgrBWY5-7-

if yall dont come get Jordan Pines so I don't beat his ass because I wish he would pipe up to me. He got all the kids scared but not me. Bitch this vote is solid and you wouldn't be doing the most if you could save yourself so bloop. Ali ain't flipping, Devon ain't flipping, Jakey ain't flipping, and the POC's ain't flipping so you can have TJ and the little vote steal cause that's all you got. Wait til Duncan walks in and find out Jordan is trying to put the vote on him he'll really vote his ass out Fuck an idol- if it gets played it gets played but it's not like he's getting to the end so if I walk into jury, so be it. Maybe I'll actually get to finish Cagayan since every time I get hooked in an episode, some fuckery goes down in Akhmim. ALSO WHO THE FUCK SNITCHED???? WE HAD TWO AND A HALF HOURS TO GO YOU SNAKE. I bet it was Duncan or Kendall cause they're the only ones messy enough to still be up Jordan's ass after aaaaaallll of this. Devon really thought about flipping because Jordan promised him he'd reveal the rat if Devon voted with him. Girl really?? https://giphy.com/gifs/oxygenmedia-bad-girls-club-bgc-bgc10-10hUQ2QszsZ75S I'm so sick of these white boys I don't know what to do. Get back in line!!! You don't want the smoke and you know it!!! That's why Jordan's dumbass is trying to switch targets cause it's rock. solid. over here. And it's gonna stay that way too! We can kill Duncan on Thursday but tonight?? We ARE doing Jordan Pines, no I'm not taking any questions at this time. Fuck you mean "I'm tempted?" Bitch I'll end you right here right now. Tribal is minutes away so for fuck's sake stick to the damn plan. And when he goes, we got some things to discuss

youtube

today was such a hot mess, first someone leaks the plan to vote jordan out, to jordan, first of all how DARE them because THEY BEAT ME TO IT......ok i dont know if i actually wouldve but i was considering spilling the beans which is why im surprised someone else did, as soon as this happens gorl MY messages were blowing up me and autumn messaged each other at the same time like BITCH DO YOU SEE THIS HASFDKJ but anywho it was actually sad, jordan gave me good tea in the game, so i did try and create a new plan to vote duncan out, because at first jordan wanted to do autumn but i said i didnt want to do that now, maybe eventually, but not now. She helped me win the immunity so i think she genuinely wants to work with me at least for now, but im no dummy i know she's a huge threat, and im well aware that's a move that ill eventually most likely need to make even though she is easily my favorite person to talk to next to augusto/devon/amir/jakey just on like personal levels, but.... ask jakey, im loyal as long as youre not a threat to me, but the minute you become a threat, their aint no team in i ... or whatever the saying is, but yeah i said no to autumn NOW, and i said if you want me to vote with you, help me get the votes to get DUNCAN since i know he's playing everyone and targetting me directly... it almost worked, but jordan making some of the other people feel some type of way hurt him and my chances of pulling this off because in the end i couldnt risk making that move without some of those people on board because i wouldnt want to sever my loyalties to them let alone blindside them (just yet at least), and that would have also forced me on a side with tj and kendall whom i just havent completely clicked with in the game nothing against them tho, but we'll see if im next out then i deserve it for not making a move i just hope i have time to make my move still i think im doing maybe decent at trying to recover from the stupidest move of the game thus far being my POORLY thought out lie, me always quoting sandra "ill lie, but ill make up a GOOD lie.." in my head 24/7 really did not come through on that one... but anywho, devon has told me some piping hot tea, that he has the extra vote, ali has since he told me he has the nullifier, even kendall has made amends with me and ive never had a true problem with anyone personally but kendall was against me strategically and i think on call we at least cleaned the slate for now? ill probably still vote her out next round but at least i wont feel as bad but duncan....oh duncan, sweet duncan, while i adore you as a person, i dont adore you lying right to my face when i straight up asked if you wanted me out originally, when both jordan AND autumn have told me what you been up to sis.... ask my fellow beautys i can hold a grudge so dont poke the bear! and not only that but i will start plotting getting you out and that's 100% the move i want to make next if i have any say in it. Because i think everyone sees now that he's trying to play everyone and recover from his own foolish move of getting exposed from his alliance... so now that i cant believe a word you say, you can no longer believe a word i say! We can keep chatting it up and acting like bestie boos and i do genuinely like him, but from a game point his usefulness has run up. but who knows, im just the local town fool to these people, which is fine because at least i can acknowledge i am but ill probably just be voted out next fajdsk especially if my theory about duncan/jakey being in kahoots is true but guess we'll see

Okayyyyy soooo I have been socializing! It's pretty hit or miss! Ali and I talked briefly in the morning he showed me his doggo, she was absolutely precious. 10 out of 10 lost beauty tribe member will sacrifice my game for her. I talked it out with Jakey, while I don't trust him as far as I can throw him, I feel better about our relationship. Like I said I have better things to do then hate someone because of a game and I feel better knowing that he doesn't hate me on a personal level and vice versa. My call with Duncan was very informative. Turns out Scott and Duncan were the duo rather than Autumn and Duncan and the entire Devon situation wasn't as convolutedly stupid as I had initially thought. Devon I'm so sorry I called you stupid many times in these confessionals I meant it affectionally but I guess you really aren't lol. I am so sorry you are not stupid maybe game botty but you aren't dumb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He also agreed to work with us, I don't know if that means he's going to vote out a Brawn this round but he will probably keep me around if only for a spare vote. I tried messaging Liam to see if we can call... he hasn't message me back. It's been day... goddamnit Liam... Adam has been talking smack about me, Augusto, and Amir. Which fair enough I guess, we did try to kill him early in the game. But between us and the NuHathor, you'd think we'd be the better option to work with? Idk, Duncan said he'd talk to him but I don't hold out too much hope. I like talking to TJ quite a bit, he reminds me of Jimmy from Malaysia. He's pretty quick witted and a fun conversationalist. God I miss Jimmy :(. If worst comes to worse I really hope my fantastic personality will help me get out of this shit hole.

#BackWithVengeance

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theklancecollection · 7 years

Text

Klance May Reads (May 1st, 2017 - May 31st, 2017)

Below the cut are 113 fics that I have read this month.

I was planning on doing monthly updates but clearly this is too long. So I will be sticking with weekly updates instead.

I will put up a separate recommendations page tomorrow.

three minutes to closing - Yuisaki

“So you don’t know his name,” Pidge says slowly. “And he says meme-y things. And he always comes in three minutes before closing, and—”

“Always leaves on the dot,” Keith adds. “And uh, he never orders the same thing twice in a row.”

Pidge’s face is blank. “A customer who leaves at nine on the dot and never orders the same thing twice in a row,” she repeats. She opens her mouth, closes it, and taps at the screen of her tablet, hopping off the counter. “I’ll just tell everyone I didn’t get the answer out of you.”

“Pidge,” Keith protests. “I mean it.”

“And I think you have a cryptid customer,” Pidge says.

(or: eccentricities in a small coffee shop where a cuban boy with cute dimples only exists three minutes to closing.)

you had me at merlot - ryomakun

“Oh my God,” Lance says as he covers his face. Keith’s tinny voice blares from his laptop speakers: “What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.” See, this joke might have been funny if someone charismatic and charming had said it, but Keith’s flat voice and even flatter expression effectively kidnaps, tortures, and then decapitates any chance of it being remotely humorous.

Keith accidentally starts a YouTube channel. Lance, of course, refuses to be left out. It goes about as well as you'd expect. (Ft. copious amounts of wine and a truly shameless number of references to MyDrunkKitchen, DailyGrace, and general pop culture)

Ascension - Gigapoodle

Four times where Lance feels insecure, and one time where Keith has had enough.

My Play Toy - Mackenzie_Kogane_McClain

Lotor is in his brain. The binds are too strong and everyone's watching him strain. Secrets are out. His heart is gone.

The Desert is a Thirsty Motherfucker - Graceless_Grace

The paladins get stuck on a desert planet and Lance, being the self-sacrificing idiot he is, gives away his water, sip by sip. Consequences suck, don't they? Even with the best intentions, the desert still suck the life out of Lance.

McDonald's Anyone? - AnimeROL

It started as most things seem to with us: a challenge and a scheme. I mean, who hasn’t ever dreamed of motorizing a shopping cart to take through McDonald’s drive thru at 2am?

Lance Gets Hot And Horny And Boy Does Keith Notice - TasteTheRainbow_BeTheRainbow

The team is put into a situation as if they were being attacked by the Galra. And honestly, they flunked it. So Allura calls a meeting but Lance is otherwise distracted by a certain Omega bodily process. He tries to leave undetected but Keith is a little more observant than others.

supermassive black hole - epiproctan

Keith has always known that he wasn’t going to get what he truly wants out of the arrangement, but he also hadn’t ever imagined that it would just…end.

aka that classic fic where lance wants to stop hooking up but keith wants something else entirely

i forgive you - willobean

"i forgive you"

Such happy memories tied to those three words before the fateful day where everything came crashing down around Keith like a tsunami.

the potential of you and me - Katranga

“And then other times,” Lance said. “I’m just, like, dying to know what a mouth would feel like around my dick.” Keith choked on air and said, with absolutely no go-ahead from his brain, “I have a mouth.” Half-laughing, Lance said, “Is that an offer?” He pushed his wet hair out of his eyes. His throat was dry. “Is that an acceptance?” -- The summer after freshman year of college, Lance drags Keith back to their hometown to hang out. But the two of them rarely spend time together without Hunk and Pidge around, because things had a way of getting out of hand real quick. This summer is... no different.

spin and twist - checkmateslash

“I think Keith is into you. He started blushing when Pidge and I brought up you giving him a lap dance.”

Lance flushed then, because they had been talking about Lance while he wasn’t there and it was about something he hardly remembered.

“I don’t even remember that, Hunk,” he grumbled, though his face was hot and he knew it was no use.

“You could see his boner through his jeans.”

“Can you stop?”

Lance thought about that conversation a lot. He thought about it every time he ran into Keith at the gym, remembers the conversation being too casual as he fiddled with his messy hair and pretended not to be flustered when Keith mentioned that they needed to hang out more. Remembered wishing he were brave enough to ask Keith out so he could either get rejected and get over it or start something. Remembered trying desperately not to blush when Keith came down to the lower level of the gym and asked Lance to hold his feet while he did sit-ups. Tried hard not to remember the lap dance while he was doing so, but even consciously trying not to think about it was still thinking about it.

Isn't this what you wanted? - Cutekittenlady

After a failed rescue attempt, Keith and Lance are subjucated to the will of their captor.

Love Bites and Banter - inkbadger

They just can't help but banter during sex- it's who they are.

Of course, some days Lance definitely regrets teaching Keith the subtle arts of sarcasm.

wrong in the dark - fickleauthor

All his life, Lance has been groomed to be one half of a bridge between two alien races — a merging of families that will bring about an end to a bitter centuries-old feud. He’s carried this weight upon his shoulders with a grace he feels he can and should be proud of, considering he never asked for such a heavy responsibility. He never asked for his life to be mapped out in such bold, rigid lines that stretch into a future he can see all too clearly: when he reaches maturity, he’ll be bound to the Crown Prince of the Galra empire for the rest of their lives.

And so he lets himself be swept away by the tides of fate — save for for one night, the night before the bonding ceremony, when he sneaks out and has an encounter with a stranger that threatens to upend him from the path he was meant to walk.

blame it on patron - pastelshan

One smack of his lips, and Keith felt his mouth fill with cotton. Tongues weren’t supposed to feel like that, were they? All heavy and gross. He scowled, sending a sideways, drunk glance Lance’s way. Did his feel like this?

Was there really only one way to find out?

Stupid Hair, Stupid Coffee - shaqfu

The only way to cope with midterms was coffee and maybe being mean to your beautiful barista.

That One Time You Saw Me Dancing In My Underwear - Quiznak

Lance's mysterious neighbor plays his music too loud so he tries to get revenge.

Then Who's Flying the Lion? - senpai_desu_desu

Shiro suggests Keith gives Lance a few pointers when piloting his lion, and he obliges, much to Lance's dismay... or delight? Not even Lance knows.

Kiss Me If You Want Me - Barkour

Lance has an epiphany and Keith makes a confession. Also, they fuck.

hypothetically - starsupernova

Keith wonders how he fell in love with someone like this. He’d never really been into anyone in his life until he met Lance in freshman year. Sure, it had started off as a rivalry, mostly through the baseball team, but Keith had slowly grown to appreciate Lance, in both the looks and personality departments.

And it’s not like the attraction is decreasing now that their junior years have just ended. In fact, it’s even stronger than before.

The first time Keith ever falls in love, it's with someone practically unobtainable. Typical.

The Jacket - shark_meat

Lance find's Keith after a long training session and shows a touch of kindness towards his "rival." It seems to backfire once the teasing starts, but maybe Keith will reciprocate the kindness after-all.

Somewhere On A Beach - smilemylove

Lance comes to Keith expressing feelings of missing Team Voltron, so Keith offers to take him out on a ride to help get his mind off things. Along the way, the two come to realize that maybe Lance wasn't being entirely honest with his feelings.

Bonding - Quiznak

Lance and Keith bond.

I got my ship stolen, my dignity taken, and what do I have to show for it? - noumenon

“Looks like you hit on the wrong person, huh, Lance?” Keith chuckled.

“Could you stop being a jerk for I dunno, five seconds and just help me out here?" Lance snapped. "This isn’t nearly as much fun without a hot girl with me. I mean seriously! I’m chained up, Blue got stolen, and worst of all I didn’t even kiss out of all this!”

bench press me - eggboi

“The hell are you doing?” Keith grumbles out, body mid-push up. There’s a snicker behind him, too close to his ears, though Keith can’t really understand what would be so amusing about this. Then again, he’s not really sure why Lance is lying on him while he’s doing push ups either. Other than to be, of course, annoying.

“Nothing.” Lance finally says. Keith hears the grin in his voice, which only proves to irritate him a little more. ‘Nothing’ his ass. “Continue with what you’re doing, Mr. ‘I’m-Too-Good-For-Socialization’.”

(Lance, as always, tries to annoy Keith by making his exercise harder. It doesn’t work. At all.)

Miscommunication and failures - Lance by mikuridaigo

tumblr prompt: does the “i slept with you the other day and i didnt know we had a mutual friend and now we’re sitting across each other for brunch and it’s awkward because i ran out when you were asleep” au exist bc i need that fic

When Hunk called the Sunday before the spring quarter began, asking if he wanted to grab brunch with him, Lance said yes; and when Hunk called again, saying that his friend was joining at the last second, Lance didn’t think anything of it.

Until said friend was the best sex he’s ever had.

Basically Lance is a screw up and fixing this mess was probably going to kill him

Disatrophe (I like it rough) by mikuridaigo

“Is this how you usually pick up guys?”

“No, I start with a great opener. Like,” Lance pointed his fingers like a gun, “‘hey, you a magician? Because when I look at you, everyone else disappears’.”

A companion piece to Miscommunication and failures by Lance with Keith's perspective to how he and Lance slept together that night.

Translation, Please by mochimistress

Keith had no idea what Lance was saying, but he was going to find out.

a change of space by Crawlingthroughashes

"I don't want to kiss you," Lance announces quickly, color rising high on his cheeks. "Ok." "I don't." Keith holds his hands up. "Ok." Stupid Keith.

Change of Pace by needchocolatenow

It was supposed to be an easy mission: a Galra base that was, for all intents and purposes, abandoned on a primitive planet. Get in, download the base's info logs, get out. Simple.

Of course, when Lance realized he was going to be put together with Keith on this mission, simple went out the window.

thread our way through a string of stars - steelthighsvoideyes

Lance is a humble astrophysics student trying to conduct research, which turns out to be a bit difficult to do when he finds a strange guy sitting in his customary research spot. A strange guy looking for aliens, no less.

Lance isn't going to stand for this.

One Cup Of Jealousy, Please - UnheardCries

Lance and Keith are two best friend dorks, but when Lance decides to go get coffee at a new cafe that opened, with his best friend, he may realize two emotions he never thought he would feel towards his best friend, love and jealousy.

Blue - princevince

He'd always taken the presence of the color blue for granted. He wished he hadn't. God, he wished he hadn't.

Like Ice Over Fire - CuriousRebel

Lance gets himself into a spot of trouble (against orders) and Keith comes to save him (against orders).

you mark everything i do - steelthighsvoideyes

Some people do ridiculous things when they're in love, like trip over nothing and faceplant into the pie they're holding, or get tattoos of each other's names in tacky hearts on their arms.

Lance and Keith get each other's paladin symbols tattooed over their hearts.

bouncing off exit signs - steelthighsvoideyes

This is the story of two absolute idiots who keep searching for what they've already found.

Cheeky - rideahorse

Keith pinches his eyes shut, slamming the book down again and swiveling to face Lance. “Oh my god,” he groans, standing up and crossing the two feet between them before Lance can get out a word. He grabs Lance’s face between his hands (perhaps a bit rougher than needed, but hey, he’s always wanted to slap Lance’s stupid face) and the last thing he sees is an expression of pure surprise before he leans down and presses his lips against Lance's.

It’s a peck, and it lasts a second, and then it’s over. Keith leans back, releasing Lance’s face, and hisses, “There.”

All The Stars In The Universe - jamwrites

After being rescued from capture by the Galra Empire, Lance isn't the same. He's silent. Reserved. Broken. But Keith won't accept this; every night, he comes to talk to Lance. Every night, he attempts to fix what is broken, and tonight may be his last chance.

(based off (with permission) an idea by legendarydragondefender and khlance on tumblr.)

An A+ For Trying - sailingskies

Keith and Lance stumble around with their almost painfully obvious feelings, and Pidge and Hunk are forced to watch the impending spectacle that unfolds.

and i'll keep you a daydream away - maradyer (ashtxns)

“He’s killing me,” Lance groans, head in his hands.

And Then It Hit Him - princevince

Team Voltron is back together after being separated in the wormhole. They all learned a lot about themselves. About each other. Some...more than others. It's hard to take it all in, even after time has passed. But you don't always have to take it all alone.

breathless - zxrysky

"You shouldn't go out to the sea at night," their grandmother says. She's in a rocking chair, old and creaky, her withered body settled with a shawl around her shoulders, wrinkled fingers gripping the edges of the arm rest. "Don't risk it."

"Risk what?" Shiro asks, eyes wide. He's fourteen, just a young boy, on the cusp of maturity, arms wrapped around his younger brother as they sit before their grandmother.

His grandmother pauses for a while. "There is danger in the sea."

Dorks - GriffinRose

Inspired by a post on Tumblr!

Lance is the only one listening to the current presentation, and oh boy is it something to listen to. The kid has been rambling on about aliens for ten minutes and he is trying so hard not to laugh. So hard. Turns out the kid didn't even think Lance was paying attention, so when he finds out Lance was he books it. Like, as fast it takes Lance to turn his head, that kid was gone.

Keith wants to die. The Hot Guy in his bio class was actually listening to him talk about aliens. That's it. He's done. Kill him now.

Poor Shiro is just trying to keep his little brother sane.

don't wanna be free - VickyVicarious

In which Lance gives compliments (but not really), and Keith has lots of feelings but zero impulse control.

Eyes Over Here, Mister - amillionsmiles

Despite what his track record might look like, Lance understands girls, okay? Keith has Bad Boy written all over him—the dude sleeps with a knife, for Pete’s sake, and seems partial to black T-shirts when he isn’t in the Garrison uniform. Throw in a guardedness that could pass off as “mysterious” and a pair of dark eyes that could turn soulful in the right lighting and also if you could, like, get the guy to even look at you in the first place—

“Do you think I could work a mullet?” Lance asks Hunk.

“Absolutely not.”

OR: four times Keith completely ignored Lance, and one time he didn't.

Fading - Graceless_Grace

College!AU Klance; Keith doesn’t love the idea of asking for help when he’s sick. So, when he starts to feel a fever coming on, he does what he always does, while fading in and out.

Flames of Ice - linkami1379

"Finding out he was bisexual wasn’t a friendly experience. Solution? Be as girl-oriented as possible, use spare time to make clever comebacks and rely on sarcasm to save the day. At least that was what Lance figured would work at age eleven."

Boys finding their way in the big, wide universe.

Hank-y Pank-y - Methoxyethane

“You act,” Lance scoffed dramatically, “like I wanna make out with him or something.”

head to head, neck and neck, side by side - kushling

Lance and Keith both like sparring, Avatar, and each other. They have a hard time admitting it. Pidge makes fun of them. Space swords!!!

hey, keith? - furrykeith

Lance vents his feelings to a sleeping Keith.

Or so he thinks.

if it takes two - velvetcrowbars

After the Sendak attack, Keith and Lance deal with unresolved things. Whatever those might be.

“Keith?”

“What?” He finally says, safely slipping the piece over Lance’s head with minimal knocking against his temple. He sets the discarded parts on the floor next to the bed.

“I have a confession.”

it's quite bizarre, and will remain this way - mayerwien

FROM THE DESK OF ALLURA ALTEA Director The Rex Alfor Memorial Space Museum

Dear Mr. Coran,

I am writing to entrust to you the care and supervision of the young man who will be working with our custodial team starting this coming Tuesday. The young man’s name, as I’m sure you already know, is Keith.

As you also have been made aware, the incident that occurred two weeks ago was his first criminal offense, and thus I have elected not to press charges against him, in the hope that a little community service and a few kind words will go a long way.

Please see to it that our new volunteer gets a basic but thorough introduction as to what it is we do here at RAMSM. Unless any more untoward situations arise, there is no need to report to me further. I trust your good judgment, as I always have.

(Additionally, I would like to commend you for successfully managing to keep this story out of the press. Your service to the museum over the years has gone above and beyond your job description. We will have to talk about this very soon. When are you free for coffee?)

never been kissed - kairiolette

“You give off the obnoxious popular vibe. The mullet, and the rap sheet, and—the fingerless gloves,” Lance replies, and barrels on before Keith can take it the wrong way. “I’m so handsome, my name’s Keith and I’m a pilot.”

“That sounds more like a compliment than an insult,” Keith says slowly, a disdainful quirk to his eyebrows that only spurs Lance on. He tilts his head a bit, his bangs shadowing his face, like he’s assessing a particularly impossible physics problem. “And I don’t like that voice you’re using.”

No Room For Secrets - Crawlingthroughashes

Keith thought he and Lance had reached a bit of an understanding the night Lance was injured. He should have realized that Lance had a monopoly on being the most obnoxious, petty brat in the galaxy.

Or, Shiro forces the two to engage in more team bonding exercises as a means to put an end to their bickering, but a lot more than bonding occurs.

Nightmares - Trashness

Lance's nightmares are getting out of control. It's effecting his and the team's performance, but he's at a loss for how to fix this.

Apparently sleeping next to a warm body helps.

Put Your Hands On Me - crystallineflowers

Lance and Keith get back from a diplomatic mission, and Lance just can't keep his hands to himself. I mean, can anyone blame him? His boyfriend is super hot, after all.

pepsicola - corydalis

It starts like this: Lance looking up at the scoreboard only a few days into his Garrison training and muttering to himself, “What the hell kind of a name is Keith?”

-- Or, Keith and Lance fall in love. Eventually. DAY 2: love // hate

scattered stars - Crawlingthroughashes

Lance wore his heart on his threadbare sleeve, visible for the perusal of wandering eyes.

Keith, on the other hand, kept his heart carefully concealed beneath skin that was stretched too tight and bones that felt too heavy for his body.

Show Me - saffronskies

Show me that you're human, show me that you won't break

Lance tries to be selfless for Keith, and sometimes it gets a little too hard for them both.

TW: Depression/Dealing with depression. Mention of suicide attempt.

Since We Might Die - Velazyraptor

Lance and Keith are on a mission on a forest planet and they run into a horrible monster. Lance thinks this is his last chance to confess.

It's rated T because of cursing.

sleep - orphan_account

“You’re annoying,” he kindly informed Lance. The other paladin just let out a loud snore in response. “I guess you’re also a little cute too,” Keith felt his cheeks warm up a little as he admitted it out loud, reaching over to turn out the lights.

In which Keith and Lance get cuddly and cheesy.

somewhere i have never travelled - songs

In an oddly tepid motion, Lance brushes the tip of his finger along Keith’s pulse-line. He says, “I can feel your heartbeat, here.” He takes Keith’s thumb, then, and presses it to his own wrist. “And you can feel mine. We’re the same, you dumbass. Me and you. You and everyone here. You’re fine. Wherever you want to go— it’s fine.”

steal the air from my lungs - zxrysky

“Read the news,” his grandma told him with something sad in her eyes, and passed him the newspapers lying on the table. She lifted him on her lap and turned the page, flipped through the black and white words until it landed on a picture of the ocean, wide and blue, stretching out far into the horizon.

“Missing people at sea,” Lance read out dutifully, and his eyes grew big. “They don’t come back?” He asked in a small voice. He couldn’t imagine- he couldn’t imagine just leaving. He couldn’t imagine going missing. He thought of James, barely two, holding on to Lance’s hands as he toddled along the ground, and shuddered.

“They don't, baby. These missing people at sea, they don’t ever come back.” His grandma looked old and tired, and Lance abruptly thought of his granddad, lost at sea long before Lance came into the world, and all that was left was this huge house.

sweet like honeysuckle late at night - starspecters

“Hey,” Lance says indignantly, poking his finger into the hard Velcro of Pidge’s binder. “Jesus loves me.”

“I don’t know why he would.”

Lance would like to blame the heat, but really, he knows where responsibility and blame should be placed -- namely, in the entire food group of alien peaches.

Things Held Sacred - yarrie

So maybe, just maybe, Pidge was right. Maybe, just maybe, Keith had shot himself in the foot with his first attempt at resolving the blanket-hogging situation, because now Lance seemed to think it was a game and the rules were: steal the blankets, get sex.

To be fair, Keith hadn't exactly been...dissuading him very well.

three words, and i'm yours - Dreamicide

To help things along with finding ones soulmate, the first words spoken to one another are written on their wrists.

So when Lance sees 'You're under arrest' on his skin, he decides to try and find his soulmate as fast as he can.

He gets arrested.

A lot.

Through Time and Space - Hidden_Pineapple

Prompt: -We all know Lance is homesick. But what happens when Pidge figures out how to make an accurate calendar of earth? Lance realizes just how much he’s missed. And even then, its only the tip of the iceberg. (...)

What happens when you write too long past midnight.

We'll Be Counting Stars - southspinner

Keith's just trying to navigate the collegiate mine-field of tests, social circles, and sleep-deprivation while still maintaining a fragile grip on his sanity. The last thing he needs is some snapback-clad fraternity president making him re-evaluate his entire existence, but of course, because the universe hates him, that's exactly what he gets.

Weight of the World - Zurela

Lance hasn't been sleeping very well. He does a good job of handling that, really.

Keith disagrees.

with quiet words I'll lead you in - strikinglight

“You were screaming,” Keith tells him. “I heard you through the wall.”

That wall, Lance wants to point out, is supposed to be soundproof. It shouldn’t let you hear anything, no matter how hard you listen. What he says instead is “I can’t breathe.”

“Take it slow.” Keith’s voice is steady, but as Lance’s eyes struggle to focus his face is a blur. The image goes shaky and then comes clear, shaky then clear, like looking into water. “Pretend it’s low tide. Tell me about the ocean again.”

heard a noise - scriveyner (trismegistus)

“So,” Hunk said, standing in the threshold of the doorway to the bridge. “Not for nothing, because I thought someone should know about it before they break something else, but I’m pretty sure that Lance and Keith broke the training room. Again.”

cradle you - TheMintPen

“So…bad day?”

Keith let out a snort as he mumbled into Lance’s chest, “That’s an understatement.”

Dialing... - AnnSmith

prompt: i call the wrong number and declare my love to you, and hang up before you can explain.

His voice sounded a bit more deep that how it normally was, but he supposed it was the sleep. After all, it was pretty late for a call. But he had to let him know. it was the most important thing at the moment.

Lance calls the wrong guy, and he fucks up.

one sky, one destiny - theatrythms

Lance misses home. Keith's home has been lost to the darkness for ten years. Kingdom Hearts Au.

crushing - orphan_account

“Thanks,” Lance awkwardly cleared his throat, all too aware of Keith’s unwavering gaze on him, “for staying, I mean.”

“Yeah,” a smile slowly spread on Keith’s face. “We’re a team, after all.”

(In which Lance gets homesick and Keith is apparently nocturnal.)

A Curiosity - BlueRoboKitty

"There’s only one way Lance can salvage his reputation, and that is to turn his intentions into something else entirely."

Cookies - Quiznak

Lance gives Keith cookies.

Don't Hate Me - wolfgun

“This is… your fault,” Keith groaned, banging his head against the old building. “You were the one who insisted we go in, guns blazing, without our lions! This is what happens when--”

“It is not! You were totally and completely on board with the idea--” A few gunshots cut Lance off, ricocheting off the walls. Keith risked poking his head around the corner, seeing a total of 10 Galra foot soldiers running up. A hand gripped his upper arm, and he quickly withdrew to look at Lance.

“We need to either get out of here and hide, find a way to get to our lions, or fight them.”

MCR - Autistictobio

keith is a emo

Deez nutz - Autistictobio

Keith is dating a moron

It started off just as a simple kiss, an accident really. - Autistictobio

It started off just as a simple kiss, an accident really. And it felt oh so good. (The rating might go up)

Me Enamora - Leonid42

After training for the day Keith walks back to his room, but on the way is distracted by some strange music.

te aviso te anuncio - Leonid42

Music could really affect you, huh? For some people, it brought a tear to your eye, others would be encouraged for the day. And Keith? Well Keith could feel his heart slowly melt for the stupid Paladin who sang.

My Wrist to Keep - InsominiacArrest

Good old-fashioned hand-cuff fic as Lance and Keith are instructed to bond by being around each other (a lot)

Fuck Me Up - Azure_Wavelet

Based off of this post on tumblr: velazyraptor:

Okay but consider:  Keith pretending to be lance’s boyfriend to ruin lance’s attempts to flirt with aliens

Heaven Above You (Blood Off Your Hands) - Mytay

“You have to promise — we have to swear that no matter how much we argue or disagree, we are never going to abandon each other.”

“I’m sort of insulted that you need a solemn oath from me over something that I figured was obvious,” Lance murmured lightly, but his eyes were dark and staid. “I couldn’t leave you behind even if you begged me to — you’re stuck with me, Keith.”

Keith’s hand finally bridged that infinitesimal gap. The Blue Paladin intertwined their fingers, squeezing just this side of painfully tight. Keith returned the favour, his heart beating a steady yearning throughout his body.

“Good,” Keith whispered, his face so close to Lance’s that he could easily count each of those long eyelashes. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Two weeks into their marooning on this too-damn-dangerous-planet, Lance shoots someone in cold blood. Keith sees that they are both losing pieces of themselves, with nothing but darkness to fill in the broken gaps.

moments of silence - attemptsonwords

Quiet moments between two boys who spend most of their time yelling at the other.

Winner, Winner - squidmemesinc

“I don’t want to have sex with you!”

“You don’t?! Are you sure you don’t? Because it sure does sound like you want to experience my ‘sex thing’”—air quotes—“for yourself, sexually, in a sexual way, because that’s what you totally just implied.” I experience a brief break in hysteria and straighten up, giving a winning smile to not-Keith, who doesn't deserve its glory. “Although I wouldn’t blame you, I am stunningly handsome and very good at giving he—”

“Lance, stop talking, now! I was just talking about kissing, but if you’re going to be weird or make a big deal out of it, then forget it.”

Captivate - IcyStarlight

Lance is called the king of contests and Keith does not believe it till he sees it.

A Fish And A Bird - Methoxyethane

Lance has a boyfriend. Lance does not realize he has a boyfriend. Keith, understandably, does not react well.

Two Fuckboys Fuck - 5PUSSIES

Against all odds, Lance manages to get laid.

Wear Your Cactus on Your Sleeve - shaqfu

All Lance wanted to do was buy a new cactus for his shop.

An Equitable Compromise - Barkour

It was all Keith's fault that Lance kissed him.

Secret's Out - BlueRoboKitty

Keith and Pidge come to an understanding as they wait anxiously for Lance to heal after the Galra's surprise infiltration of the castle. Pidge learns Keith has a secret of his own.

Apology in a Bottle - BlueRoboKitty

In a rare display of maturity, Lance tries to apologize to Keith for humiliating him. But a bottle of alien wine has found the Red Paladin first.

I Think We're Alone Now - BlueRoboKitty

Surprise, surprise, Keith drinking himself to a mortified stupor actually solved nothing, so once again, it's up to Lance to fix this trainwreck of an attraction he started or the team may never be able to form Voltron again.

Sweet Quiznak - CheckeredCloth

"You're really into him," Hunk mutters, and wow, Lance's face is on fire. Hunk is killing him.

"Look, read into how you like, Freud, just make sure that if I die Keith knows I totally would've mowed his ass like grass. That way, I can laugh hysterically at his emotionally-constipated expression from the afterlife."

Or: Lance is badly injured and has a few skeletons in his closet. Or maybe just the one.

Just a Sip - gaysquared

Keith can't hold his liquor. ______

For the prompt: "Is there a reason you're naked in my bed?"

Body Heat - littlemissmelody

Lance and Keith are on a mission to a very cold planet to do some recon on the Galra. However, due to a storm, they are stuck in one place for the night.

Or, Lance is freezing, and Keith is basically a furnace.

It's okay too cry - Autistictobio

*SPOILERS* this is the after math of the end of season 1 okay??? Lance and keith are stuck together alone

Nightmares aren't always that bad - Els_writes

Keith has nightmares, Lance helps him sleep.

Casual Contact - quartetship

It started off casually enough.

Ice in your veins - IcyStarlight

You may never be able to return to your first home, but you’ll freeze hell over before you let the world take your second one.

Elemental AU from tumblr user rhymentai

All The Small Things - Priestlyislove

Keith is tiny. Lance is annoying.

no i'll never forget (i just wanted to be near you) - glitterfreezing

"He rests his chin atop Keith’s head and listens to him breathe. The stars are brilliant overhead, and Keith’s mouth is warm against the thin cotton of Lance’s shirt, and Lance wonders if this is what people mean when they say "second home.""

lance and keith, on starting over, missing home, and love.

title from eugene by sufjan stevens.

Coffee - Quiznak

Coffee shop au.

Roommate Wanted - slendermanhood

There is absolutely no way Keith and I will ever become friends, Lance thought angrily to himself. He attended Lance’s dream school, the school that harshly rejected him because he wasn’t good enough. And Keith goes there on a scholarship?!

Lance can’t reject him as a roommate, because his rent was due next week. But, he promised to himself, that stuffy douchebag and I will never be friends, I swear it.

Pidge told him before not to make a stupid rivalry out of this, but Lance can’t help it. He was going to make Keith regret he ever crossed paths with Lance Sanchez.

(In which Lance and Keith are roommates, then enemies, then friends, then enemies again, then lovers)

In Motion - thatonegreenpencil

Late night training session somehow turns into more of a bonding exercise. Or the beginning of one, anyway.

(Set after ep 2)

watch yourself - shizuoh

Keith has a lot of trouble trying to deal with his obnoxious boyfriend.

Nosedive by quartetship

"You still wanna keep going, Keith?"

"You know it."

we'll make it, you and me - asexualrey

"Keith, if we make it out of this alive, I'm going to kiss you."

7 minutes in heaven (heaven looks a lot like a closet) - sun_stricken

lance + keith+ small spaces = gay shit

Meet-Cute, more like Meet-Ugly - mysterem

They say that meeting your soulmate is the best moment of your life. People are always talking about how the second that your counter hits zero it’s like the whole world seems to slow down, and all that matters is the two of you. But no one said anything about getting punched in the face.

Gay Chicken - InsominiacArrest

Someone else drops out of the pilot program and both Keith and Lance are in, and this time wrangled into a pilot’s beginning of year ‘get-together.’ It’s basically a frat party.

They play a very competitive party game neither backs down from.

#voltron #klance #klance fic recs

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lostscatteredwings · 6 years

Text

when I make a draw my life...

this is my story. It’s long, eventful and unfortunate.

( I will be writting more when I can, everytime you see “...” means I am still writting)

First, I would love to start this on the day I was born but for you to understand the whole context and the circumstances I was born into, I have to start a bit before.

Before the start

My father grew up working on the fields and on construction, until he was 18 years old and he joined the army and with it , the navy. He moved because of his work from the northern country side to a city in the south not far from the capital, where there was military bases etc...

He rented a room in this city, and that was when he met my mother, they got married.

And my mother got pregnant with twins.

And the unfortune starts here.

Death and illness

One of the twins died still inside the belly, so he was born “dead“ and the other twin, who didnt die, was born very very ill.

This was my older brother, he had kidney problems, he did hemodialisis for something like 19 years. He also couldn't listen, he was deaf, but since he never listened to anything since baby, he also could not speak.

We used sign language. We had books for it. We all learned how to communicate with him. My father thought, never accepted him as his son, he considered his son a failure and used beat him up, in the streets, in front of everyone. Imagine a muscled man (remenber he was in the navy) beating up a deaf little kind in front of everyone. My grandparents took my brother away from my parents because of this. And my brother never ever went to his father’s house again.

Ironically, my brother died a few years after his kidney transplant.So he died before my grandparents died. He lived on their care his whole life. My father never cared to see him meanwhile. And he attended the funeral just to keep appearances I am sure. After all you need to attend the funeral of your own son.

My brother died when I was 13 years old. at 13 years old. I had 2 dead brothers.

Meanwhile,

My parents had a kid again and my other brother was born. Apparently with also some kidney problem but much less tragic. He doesnt need hemodialisis. He just cant play dangerous agreesive sports that may envolve a punch or kick in the kidney area. But he should be fine for life if that never happens. He is still alive to this day and he is ok.My father acceped this son, but with obvious disappointment that he could not become athletic.

I was born eventually too. My father was a sailing so he wasn’t there most of the time, we all lived wit my grandparents then. My mother , brother, and them ., and my grandpa several little birdies and a cute white cat.

Meanwhile, my granparents died. I was 15 years old. We had to giveaway the cat to one of those organizations. And the birds as well. And we had to live with my father now. My brother and my mother. And now he was indeed home way more because you only sail in first years of your career.

Now with my grandparents and my brother gone. A lot was broken.

Hell Begins

My mother took more pills that I could count. She was depressed and crazy. She tooks pills for depression, anxiety, to sleep, to stay awake, for memory. All of the pills possible. She also had diabetes. And she was always acting crazy. But well, a lot indeed happened. My father was always angry and he did not want to give any money for my mother to buy food. It was a constant fight. when my grandparents were alive we had food covered. When they died, the only working person in the family was my father, and he could decide if we were going to eat that day or not. Most of the days were ok, but some days, if my father was angry, he would not my mother money for food. So we also wouldn’t even have a coin to go to school with. We asked around for money... neighboors. When we were kids it’s always easier. Adults tend to help children asking for food or money. But when you start growing up people just look at you with suspicion if you ask for money. They think it’s for drugs and stuff alike.

Life was not so bad when my grandparents were alive.

There was illness and death. With my brother but still, we were getting by. And I remenber being somewhat happy you know? I remenber happy moments with them. Our cat. Christmas, birthdays. My grandparents made all those moments truly happy moments. I remenber cooking cakes with my grandparents. Going to the beach. Watching tv with them. They would let me watch kid stuff on tv, you know, when I was a kid.

It all changed when they died. It felt like...my only family had died.

My father was like a stranger, and so was my mother. And my brother , was older, but seemed always afraid of my father and well, righfully so, I would say, angry at my mom, because she acted so crazy all the time.

My father didnt celebrate birthdays, or cooked, or celebrated Christmas. He didnt let me watch any tv, There was only 1 tv in the house. And it was his. 100% . I had nothing to do inside the house.

I hated being inside.

There was eventually only one computer too. For 3 persons. My brother , my father and me. I , the youngest, could only use the computer, or the tv. If no one else wanted to use those.

Imagine most of the times, like weekends for example and week days at night, we were all home. Imagine, one on tv , on on pc, and one with nothing. Most of the time , the one with nothing was me. This was my life growing up. After my grandparents died and before college. This was it.

I had nothing to do. And my family enviroment was horrible.

Felt like a prison. The air was like hard to breathe. There is no way you can understand this unless you’ve been through something like this. My father was angry and violent. Would easy hit anyone in the house, for whatever reason. Everyone was afraid of him. He would threat us. Threat us that he could just leave us to starve when he was angry. He knew we had no one else. My mother was crazy. Insane. She was either screaming or crying, or almost burning the house down. I am not exagerating. Believe it or not. Something I never forgot my father said was:

“I could live in a hotel if it wasn’t for you.“

Imagine being the kind of man, who goes, makes a family, has kids.

And then whishes that family he created would just not exist anymore.

The kids that didn’t ask to exist and were put in the world agaisn’t their will, as a consequence of this man’s actions. No one forced him to have a family. He went , created one, and then was disappointed, cause I guess family wasnºt like he hoped for. One kid died, one kid was not healthy and died too. Third kid also could not follow his foosteps and join the navy. The other kid was a girl, asthmatic, and still also had a health issue, had cirgury twice. And become fat as a kid for a while. As a consequence of the illness I had. I had something in the zone where the Bile liquid was produced, I couldn’t stand up even, I was interned in the hospital and operated on twice to remove something that I inside my stomach that was not supposed to there was blocking the bile liquid to flow in the stomach.

Then my brother went to college. He got his own laptop. So I could use the pc more. My brother is 4 years older than me. He failed one year in school. So around being 16 y old. I only had to share the pc with my father. So that was a good thing. But. I still hated to be home. I hated to be in the living room where my father always was. And mostly everyone was there too. And I was criticized all the time. For playing games on the computer of for watching anime/movies/tv shows. Anyting I did was bad if it was not studying or reading. And I did read and study too btw. When I was home. But I hated to be home. So most of the times I wasn’t. If it was daytime, I would probably just not be there.

I was ok and happy when my granparents were alive. But when they died. My life became a living hell. I could not sleep. I could not feel. I could not smile or laught. I was the numbest I ever had been. My friends, sort of left me alone, they didn’t know how to handle the new me. The grieving me. But I didn’t want to be home, I didn’t want to be alone either. So I found myself some new friends.

New Friends and Self-Destruction

At 15 yeals old , when my life changed drastically, my grandparents dying and now I was living in a house I didn’t used to be before and with people I didn’t used to live with before, my father. And that heavy enviroment, that aura, after someone dying, the silence, with my father’s selfishness/angryness and my mother’s insanity. I felt pretty alone and depressed and my old friends didn’t know how to handle the situation, and were obviously not enjoying being with me at this time. Because they were all having fun and laughing and I was clearly not in the mood so I wouldn’t participate much. They started to exclude me a bit. And I started to move on from them a little bit, as well.

I found new friends, or rather started hanging more with friends who were a bit different. I was from a poor neighborhood place. And a lot of people who live here aren’t sane and bad things happen here.

I hanged around with whoever was there tbh.

At 16 y old I was in highschool, I really didn’t like it, me and my best friend got separated into different classes, eventually she got some friends there, and I started hanging around with people from her class. I didnt like most people on my class, I had 1 friend or 2, but that was it. I talked with other people just not to be in silent and to not be labeled as awkward or shy, but it was just small talk. my class was mostly girls and only had like 6 guys. 3 of them always hanged around with the “mean girls“ let’s say, There was no physical bullying ever, but a lot of talking shit, and it was whispers and ofc when you arent there but you just know. Sometimes they tried to say something directly to me, but they would always regret it I think since I always answered back and asked if they wanted to fight, since some girls would try to threat to “slap me“ or something, and I always went with “bring it“ and then ofc they would give up. Cause it was all just big talk .

I met some people through my “bad friends“ which I hanged with when 15, I met a guy who asked me out so we started dating.

Let’s call him Nate.

Nate, the first boyfriend chapter

Well , I met Nate, first just online, but he was an irl friend of my friend(lets call her patty), and also a cousin of another (lets call her angela). I was hagging out with Patty a lot these days and we met a bunch of new people, at this time. We hanged a lot outside, at this time, which made us a meet more and more people. First he just messaged me online, I remember this was when the social media Hi5 existed. And I added him as a friend. At first he just left some comments on my pictures saying I was cute. And then we started talking a little bit on hi5 dms.

Eventually we traded phone numbers. My friend Patty wanted to meet Nate’s best friend. She thought he was cute. So she wanted to do a double date sort of thing. Me and Nate, and her and Nate’s best friend. The double date would be only meeting for some minutes at a train station and having a snack there. Nothing special. And in a very public space(the train station usually even has police at the doors). I hated to be home, and thought it sounded ok , so I said yes and went with her.

We got there and we saw the 2 guys for the first time irl. Before we had just seen both of them in pictures. Both tall and skinny. Let’s call Nate’s friend, Charles.

Charles had curcly black hair and brown dark eyes. Nate had blonde dark blonde hair and also somewhat wavy hair. They had a TON of snacks. I was really surprised. As you know, I was very poor, because my parents gave me no money to buy things like snacks, if I could buy a snack, would be really just one. But they had a ton of them, juices, cookies, chocolates, gummies. Literally all the snacks that school students usually enjoy. I was very surprised they had so much. We were sitting on a bench witht he their bags open and filled with snacks. So we were taking the food from the bags and eating. As Patty started to talk more with Charles. I was talking with Nate and eating because there was nothig else to do. We didnt talk about anything important and I dont remenber flirting or anything. We just really talked about snacks we liked for the most part. And when it got close to nightime, me and patty went home. Nothing really happened apart from talking here. Patty later decided she didnt like Charles. Nate and I kept messaging each other thought.

Eventually he asked me out and I said yes, again , I wanted excuses to not be home. And Nate was always saying nice things to me, Which I was not used to at all, my family would put me down daily. And even my closest friends would say mean things about me sometimes...which made me feel even worse. Having a person saying nice things to me for the first time, felt like the best thing in the world. When I look back at it now, it really wasn’t anything special, just lip service, but since I was so used to be treated so badly. The way Nate treated seemed ultra nice to me, in comparison. Even thought he was doing nothing special.

We went on a date. Which was just going to the park a little bit, in the afternoon. Nate did some dancing videos for dancing contests and stuff, so he asked me to record him , with his camera, which I did. We had like a kiss and started dating that day. Everything was ok so far.

After a while we had our first fight. Eventually we said “I love you“ irl. Me being me, I thought that is not something you say all the time because it would loose it’s meaning. So he texted me one morning, like saying that at 8 am... I was sleepy, late for school, I found it annoying tbh. It was so random, out of the blue. We both had just woken up and rush to school (to different schools). I wasnt sure why he would have send this first thing in the morning, I didnt say it back and I didnt think anything of it. But later I found out he was quite upset. Looking back now, I should have asked him to respect my pace. But in that time, I was just manipulated into saying I was sorry. Which didnt make sense but I guess I felt like I didnt wanna loose him and that I was the one who had done something wrong. Things like this kind of always got repeated. I feel like I was manipulated this way later in the relantionship. Like eventually about my clothing and being with my friends. Nate was very controlling and suspicious of me. This because I think his reasoning was if I lied to my parents to spend some time with him (my parents would never accept me having a bf, trust me, they followed me a couple times, and I had to pretend I was going to see one of my girl friends etc...) so he thought I would lie to him or something... which didnt make any sense... He was jealous of girls, and literally everyone. Also wanted me to not use any revealing clothes etc. He was becoming as controlling as my father and I started to get really angry and upset about the whole situation. Eventually I am sure I stopped loving him. This around 3 years later. And started hating on him a little bit. He didnt care or respect that I wanted to do well in school. Would try to not even let me study. All my time was to dedicate to him, or else he would be mad. At the time I was smoking and he would also take my cigarretes away from me. Eventually he slammed a door on my hand, when I tried to runaway from his house once. I thought my fingers would have broken. But gladly they didn’t. I started to cut myself as well. From how miserable I was.Being controlled and manipulated all the time. Even if I told him we had broken up. He would appear at school or my street and force me to talk with him. He caused me a ton of problems with my family. Wanting to be on the phone when I was home and until late hours in the night (which was really bad, I needed to sleep , I was trying to study and do well at school and everything in my life that he was doing would literally have negative impact). He has absolutely no respect for me whatsoever and didnt care about the problems he caused me . I would get home late because of him not letting me go and catch the bus on time. Not letting my sleep and not letting me study...

I broke up with him, but he just wouldnt listen to even that. He kept appearing everywhere and using my friends to find out my location.

I could finally escape from him when I got into college. And only because college was in a different city. I would get on a bus at 7 am and get to college at like 10 am. And stay there until 6: 30 pm and then get on a bus and get home around 8:30pm. This was my life. He couldnt stalk me as easily anymore. I was the whole day in a different city around 50km away. (Nate was quite spoiled and he had a car but he was literally a ppussy in person, he was afraid to drive, so he would never do 50km, not even to stalk me). He stalked me once or twice but gave up fast. I told him many times to stop texting or calling and to move on because we had broken up for good. I had to lie and said I liked someone else now. It was not even true. But when I said he, he finally stopped his stalking me. 1 month later, he was living with this other girl (LOL) which he was probably sweet talking online for a long time (so in a way cheating, he would be super controlling over me , because honestly, he was always cheating behind my back and was afraid I did the same to him), he probably was planning to go for her, as a second option, if I broken up with him. So yeah 1 month after he was living with another girl (talk about moving on fast, when he was always asking for us to get back together, it was always him asking and all, how can a person be so fake). Before this, for that 1 month, he told all his friends really bad things about me, I received emails and hateful messages of how I had been so cruel to break up with him . He also drank enough to go to the hospital and blamed it on me. I got messages from his friends saying he did that because of me bla bla. He also said he would suicide if I didnt get back with him (talk about manipulation) and guess what, we didn’t get back and he didn’t suicide, he found another gf in less than 1 month to live with. Anyways, he was probably already with her and planning to move for a long time , when he was still trying to convince to give up on breaking up and stalking me. I guess this was his plan B. He also sent me a tubmlr blog full of posts of how much he was suffering, as an atempt for me to forgive him, LOL. It was all fake posts tho, since he had a girl to even move in with, in denmark, just waiting for him to go there.

I ignored his friends hateful messages, blocked and deleted his number and all social medias. Made sure he couldn’t contact me anymore. This is why we couldn’t stay friends. He never accepted the break up. He was cheating the whole time. He had a plan B girl to run to if we really didnt get back together. I just couldnt even pretend to be friends with him anymore, when he never accepted that kind of relantionship for us. Even years later, he tried to have our online friends (from a game) from a game to talk to me and get me back to talk to him again, which I rejected. And that was it. End of this chapter. I tried to focus 100% on finishing college and ignoring the rest.

College. A fresh start.

College was pretty hard to balance. Between waking up super early and getting home late, and stil finding time to study without feeling too tired. College was nearly 2 hours away (ofc faster to get there early before rush hour etc). I spent around everyday 4 hours , 2 hours to go, 2 hours to return, in a long bus ride.

The bus ride was around a mountain so I felt sick often, because of the constant turns. I even ended up vomiting in the bus, in a plastic bag. I felt like I was going to die many times. In the days I felt fine and tried to study on the bus, reading when the bus keeps being shaky, always gave me a headache... but I had to study at sometime, and at home my time would be very limited, and it’s pretty hard to force yourself to study every night until 3 am and then wake up 6 am. or 5:30 am, which I had to do when I had classes at 8:30. If I had classes at 10 am. I still needed to wake up 6 am to catch the 7 am bus (I also had to walk until the bus station, it was not in my door step, not just eat and dress...)

When I started college I had no laptop to study programming, so I failed but I passed at mathematics and other classes. When I got the laptop , I repeated the programming class of the first semesters (6 months classes) and passed as well. I was very tired all the time in college. Not as much depressed, but more like just tired, every week I craved the weekend to finally get some sleep, but I also had to study and get some work(like projects and deliveries) done on weekends.

We had constant delivers, of code and non code projects. I had to every month several things to deliver and those werent easy. It got more and more intense , in the second year and in the third year where we had deliveries every week. And more mandatory classes. Not all classes had a mandatory presence. But the more important ones sure had , like mathematics and programming related classes. I was doing my best to pass and very focused on it. I ended up falling asleep in the bus all the time, sometimes missing my stop.And getting home at like 9 pm or later. I fell asleep in the last class of the day sometimes as well. I tried to study in the bus, and at school, in the times before classes or inbetween classes. (somethere there was like 1 hour hole in the schedule, so after a class, you would only have a class again 1 hour). My college was in a isolated place. There was nothing outside. There is no where you could go by just walking and transportation is always bad and slow. So I could not go anywhere in those hours to kill . I would try to study but couldnt always do it. I would hang around with my classmates who also couldnt go home or anywere by car. We all tried to do our projects while waiting, or just play games, or just watch something.Thought the internet at school was quite slow, sometimes it was hard to do anything. Here is the general description of college.

The good and the bad of college

Good

The good about college was how not all classes are mandatory and how you meet new people. Some people will probably share your interests which is good. It’s always nice to make new friends. I found some friends into the same games as I was and some friends who liked anime and manga, not many like 3 or 4. But better than zero. I was quite happy with this. And the newfound calm now that I had no bf drama going on. Still in the good, college does give you some purpose feeling. I was always told IT has like 100% employment so I wanted to be able to do it. My goal in life was always to become independent and to survive on my own without needing to ever ask help to anyone. I wasn’t particular ever like in love with programming (I didnt have a computer I could all the time, when growing up, no one in my family liked programming or knew it and I had to split my pc time with my brother and father so... Hardly there was ever any chance to get into programming and also it was something that you wouldnt learn in school (at least when I was in school, now it may be different). It was a completely new thing for me. I had a hard time learning it, but I know it was a valuable skill so I wanted to understand it so I could work on it later, so I had this as motivation.

Bad

I will try to break these down, but also say, none of this stopped me from finishing my degree. So if you read this and relate, please don’t give up based on what is written here.

1. Not much girls in a engineering school,

like this is not a big problem but sometimes it jusf left me feeling a bit lonely or missunderstood and had no one to talk about girl stuff. Sometimes it got me feeling a bit sad. Also guys spend a long time, in your presence, doing sexist jokes (because no etiquette i guess and poor education and respect for others) even with me on there, etc.

2. Professors and classmates can be sexist

If you are a girl in IT, people always assume you dont work hard and you dont know much... And your plan is to ride off the back of some guy who makes all the work for you. Other assumption is that teachers will give you a “handicap“. Now about your image, you can show yourself with good grades, participating in class, showing dedication and even sharing your notes with your classmates, the closest ones to you , will easily believe you do work hard and have knowledge and those wont be sexist anymore towards you in this knowledge and genuine interest regard. NOW, the ones who arent close to you, may have those assumptions forever on their head. There is really no point in thinking about this too much. It’s hard to change society so just do your part.

Professors may ask you more questions because you are the female of the group. Again based on the assumption that you did nothing are just being carried by your male classmate. It’s unfair , it is. But the only thing you can do is answer those correctly and proove your teacher wrong. Your coleagues will probably notice this unfairness and feel bad about it, noticing how the teacher was giving them a free pass on questions because they arent suspicious of them as they are of you, if you are a girl.

3. College parties.

My only problem with this, is that, well, for me personally, I lived far away and couldnt really go, because I would have no money and no car to return home and transportations finishes early. Now my parents were also very agaisnt me going out until late and would get very upset, specially if I waited for 6 am to get a bus to go home, if I did something like this, my parents would just not let me to go college anymore... So I had no choice but rejecting most parties and outings at night etc. I went to like 2 parties and never left very late. And always had a ride home when I did these. (Because at one point I got a bf and he would drive me home and only them drive himself home)

4. Bullying?

Now by bullying I mean that even in college there was some unpleasant and toxic people (as there is in most places). Who seemed often spoiled or disrepectful or out of touch and also , most of them fit in the category of “people who didn’t even finish the degree or tried for long“ most of them gave up or changed course.

5. Overall Conditions of the college grounds

Cold or hot rooms(no ac), burnt and oily meals and not cheap either. slow broken down old desktops for the students to use. Basically anyone with a good laptop could end up doing the class work much faster. There was not enough conditions to those who depended on the facility.

Finding a job as a college student.

1. Finding a job was actually very easy as a college student on gratuation time. Basically you can find a job easily as the companies are ready to explore recent college grads. I got a job on my second interview. Yet, I got no contract for more than 1month and then I got an internship contract. That is for 9 months. After that I got a temporary contract. After so much shadyness and unfair treatment in this company I left as soon as possible... changed to other company where I worked for nearly 2 years and then finally left that company as well.

To explain better, in the company number one...

#justmeayt

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