#like i was thinking about it earlier too. and im about to start a cps class next month in school so ive just been reflecting a lot. like | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

soft-ris · 3 years

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Hi! I'm not sure if u still have slots for CP but if so could I have one? my top 3 from hq are bokuto, iwaizumi + miya atsumu! im 5'5, she/her w long dark brown hair w the front half of my right side dyed white, green eyes + tan skin. I'm super bubbly, loud, naturally flirty + my love language is physical touch! I love working out and I'm a huge foodie. I'm stubborn + impulsive, luv rain/storms, coffee + pda. I ramble but I'm a gd listener, a night owl, v playful + luv teasing 1/2

im spontaneous, optimistic, passionate + ambitious! I'm empathetic + love comforting others! I'm emotional, confident, bold, giggly, energetic + observant! I'm also straight forward and try my best to be upfront about my feelings. I love autumn/winter, cooking + outdoors but also love cosy nights at home! I also really like protective people! Thank u sm in advance if theres still space <3 2/2

Cupid’s Pick for your match made in heaven is...

... Iwaizumi!!

...long dark brown hair w the front half of my right side dyed white.

All of them would find that super cool, like the unique style of it, their reactions would just vary.

Iwa would be wide eyed and go ‘wow’. He’d definitely stare, but in a good way because he’s 100% admiring the way you look with this style. There’s just no hiding that admiring look on his face, he can’t even if he tries tbh. He just thinks it’s so mf cool. Would subtly bask in the praises you get bc ‘hell yeah she’s fucking cool, that’s my girlfriend >:)’. Would compliment you for sure, simple and to the point, and you just know he means every word because his personality is like that.

Atsumu & Bo would be louder and more verbal & show-off-y. Lots of like ‘omfg this style is so cool?!?!?’. Would even go as far as saying ‘we matchBIXKJSANJC’ (especially Bo since the dyed colour is the same), since they have dyed hair themselves, and would also 100000% take pics and show them off to Osamu & Akaashi and their MSBY teammates and even post about u on their accounts bc they’re just so excited uwu

It’s also a given that they would change their wallpaper to u with this hairstyle ASAP uwu

I also really like protective people!

All of them are pretty protective in their own rights, I feel? The difference would be how they deal with the thing or person making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

I feel like Iwa would have no qualms being a sort of shield between you and that problem. If someone’s bothering you, he would step in between u and the person/people and bring you away from them AFTER (respectfully) glaring at them and telling them they’re making things uncomfortable for everyone. He’s quite observant too, having dealt with Oikawa’s personality and habits for a lot of his life, so he would be able to tell when you need his protection and when you can handle yourself. Tbh even when you can handle yourself, he’ll already be inching towards you, wanting to be by your side just in case it turns ugly. And if it ever turns ugly (which is fucked up because why tf would anyone wanna fight Iwa when he’s packing all those muscles??), ya know he won’t be fucking around. He may be a respectful man, but that doesn’t mean he won’t twist the person’s arm with a little more force than necessary if they tried to do shit to u. After the mf’s taken care of, he’ll take you some place quiet and make sure you’re alright, feeling safe and comforted by treating you softer than usual. Will also bring you your favourite snacks to help you ease your nerves and end the night on a better note. Overall, 10/10 boyfriend because your comfort and safety means a lot to him uwu <3

Atsumu would probably veeeery publically embarrass them by calling them out, and you know his words cut deeeeeep. He’ll be keeping a hand on you throughout the day/night, that’s for sure, until you’re home again. Just that touch of his to make sure you’re by his side and doing alright.

Bo would probably get angry (whether in a cute pouty way or in an intense anger would depend on the situation), unintentionally call them out (which would be hella embarrassing for the other person bc god they made BOKUTO angry??), and then he would just start trying to make sure you’re okay. He’d start being really touchy like cupping your face, hugging you from all angles, & etc. He’ll bring you home asap if the situation calls for it or if you ask him to or if the person isn’t gone from the space, but would probably stay if you tell him it’s alright and you’re okay now.

I think the both of them are protective in their own rights, but something about Iwa being really perceptive and having that strength and reliability to his personality that would probably make you feel the safest (based on yours and his traits).

I love working out and I'm a huge foodie.

IWAIZUMI HAJIME, (27), ATHLETIC TRAINER. CHAMPION OF ARM WRESTLING, AND EVERY SPORT IMAGINABLE.

I don’t think I need to say more, it’s all right thereKSKSKSK

He’ll work out with you and become those perfect work out couple goals. 1000000000000000000% for sure. And he’s an athletic trainer, so he knows how to help you maximize your work out.

I can also see him eating a lot with you on your food trips. Sure, his diet is pretty balanced, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like to eat, and especially on cheat days he’ll happily indulge in the more ‘unhealthy’ foods with you.

I also don’t think he’ll be trying to control your diet, but maybe tell you stuff like ‘eat more veges/protein/etc.’ if you don’t eat properly. He cares for you and your health is important to him too. But if your diet is pretty good and balanced as is, then he’ll be a little more relaxed knowing you’re not surviving on only junk foods and sodas lol

I ramble but I'm a gd listener, a night owl, v playful + luv teasing.

GREAT because I can see Iwa appreciating very much that you’d listen to him talk on about his rough day, gush the monsters he finds super fucking cool (like Godzilla), rants about Oikawa being a shit head (again), and so on.

I can see him being a great listener too, always nodding along and taking in what you ramble to him. Giving comments and insights too if he can. And if he doesn’t have the capacity or energy for that (most probably bc work was draining or he isn’t having a good day), he’d tell you straight up (if you didn’t catch the physical clues he displays). Politely and to the point, without malice.

Oikawa is teasing and playful with him, so he’s practically built to handle it like a pro since childhoodKSKSKSK

But he won’t resort to violence with you ofc, just with Oikawa <3 depending on the nature of your teasing, he’d either roll his eyes and maybe bump your shoulder lightly (or some other light form of contact), or he’ll try to tease you back. I can also see him blushing and asking you to shut it if your teasing grants that kind of reaction if yk what I meanKSKSKS

The night owl bit, he understands, but would tell you sometimes to not mess up your schedule and to sleep earlier if you can because that’s just how he shows that he cares. If you point out that he sounds like a nagging mom, he’d pop a vein and tackle you (softly) and drag you to bed and be a little kid about it like ‘HA what can u do now that u can’t escape my arms?? Who’s a nagging mom now??’. Y’all would 100% end up in giggles UWUWUWUWUWU

I'm stubborn + impulsive, luv rain/storms, coffee + pda.

I can see Atsumu & Bo loving and basking in the PDA more than Iwa, because that shit makes him flustered so hard and he has to take a while to get used to having someone show him such bold displays of love. But I feel like Iwa would really grow to like it tho uwu

All 3 of them are kind of stubborn in their own way? If y’all disagree on something, I can see Bo & Iwa coming to a compromise with you easier than Atsumu.

Iwa would make you a cup of coffee just the way you like it every day when you wake up because it’s his actions with the littlest things that show you the loudest how much he loves you. He’s also great with holding you back on your more dangerous and rash and potentially harmful impulses, like the reliable figure that gives you good reasons and talks you out of reeeeaaally bad decisions, but he’s also a whole Gemini so he’ll indulge in your impulses with you more often than you think heh heh

I'm also straight forward and try my best to be upfront about my feelings.

That’s a great trait for all of the boys tbh, because all 3 of them needs someone like that due to their personalities.

Atsumu would understand that you’re not playing mind games and he wouldn’t then try to play it back or burst into flames. Bo would be thankful because he can just take your words as is. And that’s the same for Iwa too. While he’s observant and can probably read between the lines no problem, straight forwardness just makes things easier for him because he’s pretty straight forward too. And I feel that if he can count on you for that, then he’ll be probably allow himself to rely on you more.

If you praise them, they’ll know you mean it too and they’ll be real happy about it uwu

I'm empathetic + love comforting others!

Another great attribute for all 3 of them. Bo & Atsumu melts in a more obvious way (and in the moment) when you comfort them and when you empathize with them, but Iwa? It’s in the way he squeezes your hand right after, the look in his eyes are soft and so is his grateful smile. It’s in the way he hugs you later in bed, curving into you like a cat, arms secure around you, and he whispers a very tender ‘thank you’. It’s in the way he kisses you good morning the day after, hand on your cheek as if he’s holding the world in it, and he feels like he is. I’d say it’s more quiet with Iwa’s display of gratitude, but it’s just as loud as the other two, there’s no doubt about that.

I'm super bubbly, loud, naturally flirty + my love language is physical touch! I'm emotional, confident, bold, giggly, energetic + observant! I’m spontaneous, optimistic, passionate + ambitious!

Your outgoing and naturally flirty self would probably capture all 3 of their hearts, with Iwa putting up a little more fight than the rest (he doesn’t take it as him being special, but falls for your sweet words regardless bc he likes u so much).

Bo & Atsumu would satisfy your love language more, both looking like they’re very comfortable in showing you they love you in that way. Iwa might be a more muted than the 2, but if y’all are dating, he’d always have a hand on you somehow. Whether its holding your hand, a hand on your back, on your cheek, & etc. Like he just finds a way to always have contact with you, especially when he finds out your love language if physical touch. He’ll put in the effort, that’s for sure.

Atsumu might not do as well with your emotional trait? He doesn’t mince his words, and even if he tries to be softer with you, it’s not 100% that he’ll change that part of himself. He’ll try to comfort you, apologize and sooth your wounds if he hurts you bad, but it’s how he is with his words – blunt and (mainly) unfiltered. Iwa isn’t blunt, I’d say? He knows what to say and when to say it and how to say it, and he’s also caring, so I feel like he’d do very well with this trait of yours.

Being energetic meshes pretty well with Bo bc he’s pretty energetic himself. Iwa himself has a lot of energy, so he would most definitely keep up with your energy no problem.

Every other trait I can see doing well with Iwa. He’d admire it, and some would even push him further too by feeding off your traits too.

#hq #cupids_pick #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi #haikyū!!#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#hq_stuff

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avengingbbarnes · 6 years

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drunk. carl gallagher imagine.

DRUNK.

warning: someone forcing themselves on reader. ( NOT GRAPHIC )

DRUNK.

"she's too drunk." carl's friend told him. carl sighed as he saw his best friend, jumping around and dancing with a bunch of different random guys. "i'll take her home." carl said as he stood up and made his way towards his best friend. "[Y/N]." carl said in a mumble. the girl didn't even bother to turn her head to look towards carl. as she already knew what he was going to say. the girl rolled her eyes. "come on carl! have some fun!" she said as she stopped dancing and faced carl. trying to stand still on her own. carl groaned. "come on. im taking you home. you're too drunk to stay here on your own." carl said as he grabbed her arm. she shook his arm off her. "no." was all she said as she stumbled over to the kitchen, and poured herself another drink. carl rolled his eyes as he saw her trying to pour the drink. walking towards her, he grabbed the cup out of her hand, and grabbed her once again. "let go of me!" she yelled, a few other students turned to look at carl and [Y/N]. but soon looked away and continued doing as they were once before. carl sighed, letting go of his friend. "let's go." he whispered, so only she could hear. she shook her head. “i want to stay, and have fun. that's why i came carl!" she mumbled rolling her eyes as she stumbled towards a group of guys she had talked to before she got wasted.

“hey!" she said as she stood next to some of the guys. "what's up?" the guys asked. she leaned against one of the guys. "just kicking it." she said, the guys nodded their heads while continuing to talk. though, the guy she was leaning against took an interest in her. “want another drink?" he asked once he noticed that she didn't have a drink in hand. she smiled, nodding her head. as he lead her through the crowd towards the kitchen where she was just at earlier.

carl sighed as he watched the girl he loves with another guy. carl always hated seeing her with other guys. thinking he was the only one that could treat her good enough. yet that changed, when she tried with him but he showed no emotion. too hung up over another girl that didn't love him back. [Y/N], hated the fact that carl never took interest in her, when she decided to make something happen, he simply ignored her. which left her hurt and confused. yeah carl was a flirt, but something about him flirting with her made her feel special instead of just another girl for carl to mess with. she laughed to herself as she realized her big mistake. it was carl after all. all carl cared about was getting his dick sucked. yet she was still hoping that's not all it was. she was hoping that he'd want her too. and not in just a sexual way. in a love type of way. she wanted to be loved by carl. yet he ignored her all the times she tried to make it happen. noticing she stopped. and continued to keep her feelings away. hoping any distraction could keep her from thinking about carl not loving her back the way she did to him.

carl moved between some kids, and sat on the couch drinking a beer. he kept glancing at the kitchen just to make sure [Y/N] was still there and not doing anything 'bad'. carl felt like an idiot. screw that carl knew he was an idiot. he knew how she felt towards him, he could tell. hell even his siblings could tell, yet he decided to be dick and keep his feelings sealed. he hated that he never showed interest in her the moment she'd try to flirt back with him. she even tried to kiss him once yet he turned the other way. leaving her hurt. he continued to do that. until a few days ago he noticed that she had, had it. she wouldn't laugh at his attempts of 'flirting' with her. she'd simply ignore him with a roll of her eyes. she didn't even want to sleep in the same bed with him anymore. saying she'd rather sleep on the floor. carl cursed to himself. he gave up a shot with a beautiful girl just because he didn't want to let someone in.

carl was soon taken out of his thoughts when he heard a glass break. taking notice that people didn't really mind the glass. carl looked up to see what had happened and saw that. [Y/N] was getting pushed up on by a guy. carl got up in an instant, anger in his eyes. "get off me!" she yelled as the guy kept trying to push himself on her. "she said to get off of her!" carl yelled as he came up from behind the guy. the guy rolled his eyes, "fuck off gallagher!" he yelled. as he kept trying to kiss [Y/N]. "she told you to get the fuck off of her!" carl yelled as he pushed the guy off of [Y/N]. by now more and more people turned to look to see what was happening.

[Y/N] looked down in embarrassment. "just leave." carl said, sounding demanding. the guy scoffed, walking away. "[Y/N]-" carl started to say as he walked up to her, she rolled her eyes and heaved out a big sigh as he came closer. "go away carl." she said as she started to walk out the door. carl groaned as he ran after her. "[Y/N], wait!" he yelled as they were finally out of the house, and were walking down the sidewalk. she ignored him and kept walking away. he caught up to her and quickly turned her around. "don't touch me!" she yelled. carl backed up and let go of her. "okay. i won’t touch you." he said softly, she rolled her and started walking away again. "why are you mad at me?" carl asked. he didn't feel like he did anything wrong that night. he helped her out right? she didn't want that guy on her, and he stopped him. why was she so mad?

she let out a deep breath before turning around to face carl. "nothing. you did nothing wrong carl. now leave me alone." she whispered, as she kept walking. "can you stop walking for one fucking second!" he shouted. when he saw that she wasn't going to stop, he grabbed her once again. and kissed her. the kiss wasn't soft or passionate it was forced and harsh. she quickly pushed him off of her, wiping her mouth looking at him in disgust. "what the fuck carl?!" she yelled, he ignored her. "im scared." he whispered to her, [Y/N] gave him a weird look. before opening her mouth and asking “what the fuck are you scared of carl.” carl could tell she was holding back a laugh because carl never showed any emotions of him being scared towards her not even when they cps attempted to take him and his siblings away from fiona. even though [Y/N] was annoyed and angry she still decided to give carl a chance and looked at him angrily.

“im scared, im scared of being alone." he said looking into her eyes. Now [Y/N] really felt like laughing. "I don't think that's gonna be a problem. carl, I mean you have five other siblings." she mumbled, he rolled his eyes. "not in that way! im scared to be alone, once you see how hard I am to be with. im so stupid and reckless and I just fuck up everything. I suck at love and I suck at expressing my feelings. that's why I ignored you. and my dumbass waited to tell you once I saw you with another guy. I should have told you before otherwise nothing like this would have happened. I wish I told you how much I love you before any of this happened. I just couldn't seem to let it out, worried that you'd leave me as soon as you saw how I truly am." he said. her face softened when he finally said that he loves her. "you're an idiot." she mumbled, carl cracked a smile, nodding his head telling her that she was right, she was always right.

“im not done.-" she said when carl tried opening his mouth the speak. she continued, “you're an idiot for thinking that way. carl, we've been best friends for the longest and you were scared for me to leave you once I knew how you were in a relationship?! carl! I'm you're best fucking friend I've seen you in them! all you want is for your dick to be sucked! you're trying to stand here telling me you're scared to love me because you think I'm going to leave you once I see how you are? carl I know how you are. I think you'd be the one breaking my heart more than me breaking yours because let's face it carl, you didn't just want me in the first place before cause you loved me. you tried getting with me before but only wanting nothing more that for me to suck your fucking dick!" she yelled, carl looked taken aback. thinking she would have just said that she loved him too, and they'd go on with their lives. together. "fuck you carl. I do know how you are in relationships. and sadly I know I don’t want that. because you only use girls. sure you can say you love me, but are you really saying it with meaning?" she asked him. carl never nodded his head so fast in his life. "I really am meaning it though! you've always made my days better! every time you'd spend the night because you didn't wanna stay with your dad, I fell in love with you more and more. every time you helped my family made me love you. every time you helped me with the homework I never fucking wanted to do. I'm so in love with you because you fucking taught me how to actually truly love someone!" he yelled, breathing heavily. she backed up after hearing him yell.

she didn't know what to say. all this time she didn't think that carl would say that, and now that he finally did she was speechless. "you still suck at math. no matter how many times I helped you, you still fucking sucked ass at it." she said laughing. carl laughed, hating that she was still ignoring the fact that he just poured out his feelings to her and she's-. "but one thing you're good at is making me fall in love with you more and more every day." she whispered as she came closer to him. carl smiled as he pushed her against him. "you wanna sleep over?" he asked as he hugged her kissing her neck. she nodded her head. not wanting to go home to her father who was most like high off something. carl let go of her, as he grabbed her hand. "oh! I almost forgot." she said, carl stopped and looked at her. "what?" he asked, she leaned in and pressed a soft but quick kiss to carl's soft lips. carl smiled when she pulled away. "you owed me that kiss." she mumbled as they rejoined hands. walking away down the street in the dark.

i wrote this imagine like almost two years ago & it was written so shitty, i seriously did not think anyone would read this shit of a mess imagine lmao. but thank you guys all so much for the likes and reblogs ! it actually means a lot! this was re-edited on april, 17. 2020

#carl gallagher #frank gallagher #fiona gallagher #lip gallagher #liam gallagher #ian gallagher #imagines #imagine #debbie gallagher #drunk #drinking #party #preferences #shamelessus #shameless #kevin ball #veronica fisher

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survivor-mountmerapi · 3 years

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Finale: “My impact on this game? Astronomical.” - Raffy

Raffy

My impact on this game? Astronomical. This is probably the best I've ever played in a long time. I literally survived a vote that I should have been gone at. My strong social bonds and strategic mind are literally shining. With my SWP, I am at F5 guaranteed. There's no reason to lie to Gian or Anastasia anymore. It's time I come clean to them so I don't lose to a bitter jury. It will be tough because I really like Gian, but this has to be done. Literally, my CP edit is over the charts. I am winning this game! My F3 plan is still in the air. I definitely want Steven there. So, it's between Elle and DeNara. I have a better chance at winning against Elle, but DeNara could be extremely bitter. Choices, choices.

DeNara

Final 3 alliance with Elle and Anastasia? Yes please! I am feeling like I am in a good spot right now. I can use a break from stress for at least a day. We just cant have Gian win immunity

Raffy

I found an idol! I got it! I have it! I can make it to Final 4! These people are going to be MAD when I flip that thing out at Final 5. But, it doesn't matter anymore. I have the one thing that will keep me safe in these trying times. That's all that matters. Now, I just need to win the Final Immunity Challenge and I will the game. Honestly, things are looking a lot brighter for me. I came into this game thinking that there was no way I could possibly win, but now there is a real chance. My preferred boot order at the moment is Gian -> Anastasia -> DeNara. I think that gives me the best chances at getting my second win.

Steven

These puzzles are making me not like puzzles. I literally haven't talked to anyone cause Im trying to grind these things out.

Raffy

I won individual immunity! We stan a king that's making it to FTC. My plan this round is to finally take out Gian. I am giving Steven the SWP to ensure he sticks around. So, it should be 3-2 against Gian which serves me well. I am not that worried about an idol because I am safe. In fact, it would do me well if Gian does have an idol and idols out one of DeNara or Elle. It takes one of them out for me so I do not have to do it later.

Gian

No one wants to talk with me, which means they’re unwilling to flip. So, 6th place it is I guess! Not bad for a noob in what’s like an All Star season. I’m proud of that.

Elle

hi between last round and this one i have contracted covid amazing hate that for me anyway this is a general run-through of the game stuff i did while i still had energy to do game stuff: - made an 'eventual final 3' alliance with denara and anastasia - made a plan of it being gian, raffy, then steven gone - texted the raffy steven denara and me alliance abt some meant for the other one and then had to cover a bit whoops - idk i think that's it, i started the puzzle challenge and then the next morning i woke up and was like "this... might not be it chief" and then took a nap and woke up and was like "this is Entirely Not It, Chief" Hope im not some secret blindside vote bc i have not been active enough to even guess what may be going on secretly I'm voting Gian and that's all i got

DeNara

Oh my goodness, I can't believe I have made it to final 5! Yay me! I feel good about my final 3 deal with Anastasia and Elle. I am nervous about Steven and Raffy. Steven hasn't really been talking to me much lately so I am nervous he doesn't want to work with me anymore so I feel like he may have to be the next vote off. Anastasia said she searched 28 and was told there used to be something there, which is where Raffy said he found his idol. I didn't believe he had the idol, but now I do. Which means he is for sure going to be in the final 4. He cannot win final 4 immunity or I am hecked. Right now I am trying to figure out if there is a way to put the votes on Raffy in case he doesn't play it. I don't want to only vote Steven and then have Raffy give his idol to Steven.

Raffy

The only concern I have for this round is if Anastasia will win immunity. That presents a very big problem as I would have to move my betrayal plan up by one round. However, I am not terribly worried about this round since, with this idol, I will be getting to Final 4. There's not much tea. I am trying to discuss with Steven later who we should take out at 4, but he seems hesitant. That's a red flag that he might be targeting me. Oh well. He'll have to beat me at FIC first.

Anastasia

The only tea is very sad. I think I might be getting voted off. I only think this because Raffy sent me a goodbye message and it seems that's the way it's going to be. My only hope is DeNara and Steven and I talked with them and pleaded my case to keep me. I don't know what they'll do but I'm thinking they will vote me out because I'm a bigger threat than Elle. DeNara literally said earlier in the game that me, Gian, and Raffy were her biggest threats. I have like a 30% chance of staying but even if I do stay I probably wont win. And if they somehow get Raffy out next round, I don't even know who I'd even vote for. I think if I made it past this round I would maybe have a chance at winning or at least recieving some votes.

Raffy

Steven and I had a small chat about our FTC plans. We came to the conclusion that we should bring DeNara to FTC. The logic behind it is that some of the jurors may be bitter against DeNara for not flipping at multiple occasions. She missed her shot to do anything really impactful in the late stages of the game. So, it would be best to take her to the end. Elle has a solid vote in Moth, but DeNara has no one like it. So, that is the current plan of action. Other than that, Anastasia should be getting the boot tonight unless she has an idol. In which case, it makes the FTC plan a lot simpler in my mind since we will not have to betray anybody.

Elle

Late game I feel like there's less and less to confess, probably bc there are less people to interact with, and especially with this vote not much choice. Unless Anastasia has an idol, she's going this round :(. I could've sworn there were 2 more idols out in the wild (well one more bc Raffy has one) but maybe I forgot to subtract once or something. Anyway I hope DeNara wins, even though I was thinking about it, and no matter which one of us wins at this point it's not a bad narrative. Steven will have won his first game in like 3 years, Raffy will have had years of losses only to win twice in a row which would be wild lol, and I'm not sure how long DeNara has been playing but it'll be her first win, and this is only my second game so I'm not like, dying to win, honestly. If Anastasia does have an idol tho :O now wouldn't that be interesting!! I hope she votes for me 😂since the only options are me and DeNara I really want DeNara to win :( but if I go to FTC I can't just be like "Hello everyone vote for DeNara pls 💖" Plus I've been getting like a stray vote like every round since before Julia left.

Steven

So basically Raffy conceded his chance of immunity to me cause of his idol. Like i guess I could've done the same but my idol is still a secret (shhhh). The plan is now to use it on Anastasia and maybe throw a vote on DeNara. Like it's in everyone's best interest to vote Raffy next round so I could pretty much do whatever this round with little repercussions. Like I know voting DeNara would probably hurt her feelings but she is apart of Raffy's ideal final 3 so whatever way I can mess with that I would be down for.

DeNara

Dang it. It sucks that Steven got immunity. I love the guy, he is great, but he is the person connected the most to Raffy so now it is either myself, Elle or Anastasia going home :-(

DeNara

Ahhhhhhh I am so nervous for tribal. I really hope I am not going to be blindsided. Right now the plan is for myself, Steven and Raffy to vote for Anastasia. I am nervous because I know I am probably a bigger threat than her and it has been super quiet lately. Sooooo.... either I am going to be blindsided or everyone is just super set with their plan. Part of me wants to take Elle out and work with Anastasia but that would require Steven's help and I don't think he is up for it. Sigh. It is harder because I like every one!

Anastasia

DeNara just comfirmed with me that I'm going home. Since this is probably my last confession in this game I will say my opinion. This whole situation in this game is very boring because everyone knows what's going to happen. And it's DeNara and Stevens fault for it too. DeNara could've voted him out but she got scared. Steven, to this round, is too scared of Raffy to vote Elle. They are letting the person that is supposed to be the biggest target control them. They are literally scared of "going against his wishes." It's rediculous and I'm sorry to say it but I don't like how Steven and DeNara played the game. I love them as people though! DeNara even made it seem like she was on my side but the only time we really worked together was when I saved her by voting out Madi. That was the only thing we actually got done. Steven also said he was my ally the whole game but whenever I would talk game with him he would just talk about how he's scared of what Raffy would think or do. It's so boring and dissappointing to me. Oh and Elle. The nicest girl here but also the least active in the game. She was good at challenges kind of but she also followed Raffy the whole game. If Raffy got voted out, I wouldn't want to vote for any of them. Sorry about it. I'm hoping I can play this game again and be an experienced player. Now that I know how this thing works I am ready to make moves and stuff. It's too bad I'm getting voted off tonight.

Anastasia

So everyone tried to get Anastasia out but Anastasia remains in this game. I survived the hardest week when the odds were against me somehow. And heres something awkward: I said out loud that Steven is such a Raffy follower and basically that I think hes a bad player and then he used idol on me. Laughs out loud I guess. Anyways i am so happy that I am safe and we got the most likable player outta here. I really hope I win immunity like I literally need to win please.

DeNara

Holy crap!!!!!!! I knew I was going to get blindsided!!!!!!! Although I thought it was going to be Raffy doing that, not Steven! I am so thankful to Anastasia for voting Elle because I told her to vote Raffy and if she had done that, I would have gone home. I am also so thankful for Elle for saying she wanted to be voted out. I kind of feel like I don't deserve to be in the final 4 because I think Raffy would have voted me out, but I have played a great social game. I told Raffy I will send him to fire-making if he doesn't win immunity and I meant it when I said it. Now I have to figure out if I am actually going to do it. I have played a great social game and connected with just about everyone so I do feel like I have a chance to win.

Raffy

I am not that surprised by Steven's move. Though, it didn't work. I figured he was wanting to make a big move to have some credit to his game. Though, it didn't work. Now, I have two options: win FIC or get DeNara to vote with me. It will be a tough road, but I have faith that I can get her to send me to fire along with someone else. I have found myself in a very sticky situation, but I'm a weasel. I can get out of it. It's possible. I am very nervous about this immunity challenge because I have no idea what I am going to get myself into. God. I want to win so badly it hurts.

Anastasia

Raffy

I should get "Arrogant" tattooed on my forehead. There's something about that word that just gets me HEATED. But, during the conference, I feel I maintained my cool. I don't think it was necessarily helpful because I already know what I need to do to get to the end. Just got to find a way to get there.

Raffy

Time to go cry. There's nothing left for me to do. Literally, nothing to do except wait and pray these people actually talk to me. DeNara will not be receiving my vote if she chooses to vote me out here as giving me false hope after last tribal is a bit too unflavorful for me. Anastasia is going to vote for me. Steven is going to vote for me. Literally, I just have to rely on DeNara which fucking sucks. I'm just so sad now. I've come so far in this game and done so much and have given up so much time, effort, and mental energy to a game. And now it's all going down the drain because of fucking trivia. Side note. I hate trivia. If there's one thing I am not good at, then it would be trivia. God. I just want to crawl into a hole until tribal.

Anastasia

GUYS I LITERALLY JUST WON THE CHALLENGE. We literally just need to vote out Raffy it's so easy but I'm scared DeNara is going to send him to fire like she promised WHICH WOULD BE DUMBEST GAME MOVE EVER I SWEAR IF SHE DOES IT.. Anyways I am a little bit excited for final tribal council i can't wait to plead my case and probably win. I mean maybe I wont but I talked to the jury today and they don't seem to like Steven or DeNaras games. So unless they have something really good to say I think that I might have a really good shot at winning.

DeNara

Well I lost that challenge so hard. I am so glad I saved my advantage for that *insert eye roll here*. Seriously though I actually only knew two answers lol I felt so stupid. I hope people realize how incompetent I actually am and give me props for making it this far lol.

DeNara

I feel so stressed. Steven and Anastasia are begging me to vote Raffy out and Raffy is begging me to let him make fire. I know that if I vote him out, I have a really good shot at winning, but I think the guilt would eat me alive. He saved me last vote 100% and now he is asking me, person to person, to just give him the opportunity to fight for his life in the game. I know that if I let him make fire, I am basically killing my chances of winning. If Steven wins fire-making, people will be mad I left it to chance and didn't vote Raffy out for the second time. If Raffy wins fire-making, he is likely to just straight up win the game. I have played a fantastic social game so I know I deserve to win, but I think everyone will be clouded over by Raffy that they won't even listen to me. Right now I plan on voting Steven because I know I would feel awful voting Raffy out, whether I win or not. But I know I am likely to flip flop about every 11 minutes until tribal lol. I honestly have no idea what I will end up doing. Greedy DeNara really wants to win, but kind DeNara wants to give Raffy the chance, even if she looses. DeNara loves to talk in third person btw.

DeNara

Both Raffy and Steven are checking in on me constantly because they want to ensure my vote. It is kind of nice to feel like I am guaranteed a spot in the final 3 at this point. Unless something crazy happens and Steven and Raffy both vote me.... rip

Raffy

DeNara is sending me to fire. I am going to cry.

DeNara

Well.... it is 35 minutes before tribal. I am feeling stressed and pretty awful about voting Raffy, especially since all day I have told him I am going to send him to fire. I have been trying to not think about how I feel about this. I plan to vote Raffy and I feel awful about it right now.

Steven

This may be my final confessional. This game has been a journey of ups and downs from the start and I'm so happy to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. It hurts to vote my friend out at the last possible tribal but I have gone over it in my head for rounds now and the only possible way for me to have a chance at final tribal is to have him out. Its so weird though going the end with both Anastasia and DeNara cause we just randomly made a final 3 rounds ago but we barely talked in it, and now it actually came to fruition and we are most likely being in the final 3 together. Now my life is in DeNara's hands and I'm just hoping that she sees the situation from a logical standpoint like she has for most of this game. I'm just worried cause she has got nervous in the past and I don't her to make any irrational decisions and keeps Raffy.

I was so worried before the challenge cause I told Raffy that the chances of me voting for him to stay was very unlikely. I just wanted to be honest cause I didn't want to get his hopes up and then hurt him right before he goes to jury. He was honest back and said that he will be voting for Anastasia and if she wins then me. Well Anastasia won (Just barely and oh my god Raffy had me so worried cause he almost won) and ultimately put Raffy's final target on me. Like if I do make it to final 3 with DeNara and Anastasia I do think it is kind of an even playing field. We all have different stories with our own person ups and downs. I know my biggest hurdle is going to be getting the jury to see me as anything as Raffy's goat first and then get them to understand my game second. I'm worried they will look at the other two and see them playing more individual games and I need to make everyone see that I played the same way. I don't say this much and actually mean it but it is anyone's game.

Anastasia

So we just voted Raffy out of this game. The vote was all up to DeNara at this vote and she is a very emotional player so I was so nervous. Luckily, she voted Raffy and that made it 3 votes Raffy and 1 vote Steven. And as a plus, Steven no longer has a perfect game so I think that is just perfect. DeNara was very upset about having to vote Raffy but she knew she had to do it. Raffy's goodbye speech was very extreme and I think he shouldn't have said some of the things he said. He had been playing with DeNaras emotions for a week up to this tribal and his speech just attacked her. He basically took all of this negative emotions that he felt from losing the game out onto emotional DeNara and I didn't feel it was right. Raffy just critisized DeNara for lying but everyone lies in this game including you. I know he's lied because he's lied to my face before. I just hated how he made DeNara feel it was not nice at all.

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zoemurph · 7 years

Text

to have a friend, chapter 9: $202

on ao3 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

that noise you hear? its me. screaming. college is horrific and im super screwed please write this essay on the decameron for me

im ALMOST done with nano!! (as you can tell from the wordcount) there might not be a chapter update by the end of the month but i will hit my goal! wow magic. little bit of a shorter chapter this time cause uhhhh ive never claimed to be good at this

shoutout to my lovely friends for all their contributions to this fic. particularly thank you to cam for the amazing project name

warnings: anxiety, hints of bad eating habits

enjoy!

Evan pulls off his scarf and hangs it in his locker.

It’s finally snowed.

It snowed a few times before, October is notorious for it’s random snowstorms, but this is the first time this year it’s stuck. It started snowing Sunday morning and almost an inch gathered by mid afternoon. It was pretty light and uneventful, but Evan still made a point to send a picture of a snow dusted tree to Connor. Connor had replied ‘aesthetic’ and sent a picture of a plant Cynthia put in the living room that was mostly just dying.

Evan hangs up his coat and shoves the mittens in the sleeves. November is ending and only now does he really need to wear a coat to school. And take the bus. It’s hell.

“So this is why you have a locker,” Connor says.

“You have a locker too,” Evan reminds him.

Connor laughs. “No I fucking don’t, not if I can’t tell you which one it is.”

Evan shakes his head. “You’re just lazy.”

“Yes.”

“But if you ever need to hang up a coat you’re welcome to use mine.”

Connor tilts his head. “Ev, what makes you think I’m weak enough to wear a winter coat?”

Evan stares at him. “The fact that tomorrow it’s supposed to be like six degrees out?”

“We die like men,” Connor says simply. He pulls Evan’s spanish textbook out of the locker and hands it to him.

“You die,” Evan says pointedly. “And your hands are freezing.” Evan stuffs the textbook into his bag and zips it shut. “Do you own gloves?”

“Cool fingerless gloves because it fits the aesthetic,” Connor says, wiggling his fingers.

Evan closes the locker. “You’re the worst.”

Connor bumps their shoulders together. “Come on, Ev, admit they’re cool.”

Evan shakes his head. “They really aren’t.”

“Don’t lie to me,” Connor says as he opens the door to the stairwell.

“Do you think I lie to you?” Evan asks, stopping to look Connor in the eye.

Connor stares at him.

Evan holds his breath. He doesn’t lie to Connor. Nothing he does is a lie. The question is will Connor figure that out. And if he does, will he hate him for it.

Connor rolls his eyes. “You just haven’t seen them yet. They’re cool.”

“Whatever you say,” Evan mutters. He starts down the stairs. “Has Jared started yet?”

“Started what?”

Evan opens the door at the bottom of the stairwell and holds it for Connor. “He has your phone number right?”

Connor frowns. “Yeah? Is something horrible about to happen?”

“What’s your definition of horrible?”

“Evan.”

“What?” Evan stops walking. “Don’t you go down?” He nods to the stairs.

Connor shrugs. “Yeah, but I can go the long way with you. What is Jared going to do?”

“Thanksgiving is Thursday,” Evan says slowly.

“Thank god. I don’t know how we’re getting through Wednesday but I’m fucking dying.”

“We have a half day, Connor.” Evan steps closer to him to squeeze past a group of students crowded around a locker.

“Who cares.” Connor looks down at him. “Anyway, what shit is Kleinman up to? And what does Thanksgiving have to do with it?”

“What happens after Thanksgiving?” Evan asks.

“People try to kill each other over jeans?” Connor suggests.

Evan snorts. “I-I mean, yeah, but it’s Christmas—”

“Jared is Jewish,” Connor interrupts. “I’m also Jewish. You’re Jewish.”

Evan glances up at him. “I know. He has this playlist of Christmas songs that he blasts in his car. I don’t know why. But he also has a playlist of Jewish parodies.”

“I’m sorry what?”

Evan sighs. “There’s one that’s called Shalom and he sang it for like a week. Basically, December is Jared’s favorite time of year because he can be an asshole under the guise of being ‘festive’.”

Connor groans. “Please don’t say he’s going to send me links to all these videos.”

“He will. I’m warning you.” Evan pauses. “Uh, this is my stop.” He motions to the classroom to their right.

Connor nods. “Cool. I’ll see you later, I have to go block Jared’s number.”

Evan smiles as Connor walks away and takes a deep breath before he goes into the classroom and sits down.

His pocket is light.

It’s Monday. Connor didn’t pay him today.

Evan rests his chin in his hand and hides his smile.

Maybe Connor just forgot. But it feels nice. Like this is real.

That’s what Evan wants.

—«·»—

“I’ve been talking to Baz,” Alana says, flipping through her notebook as she walks. Evan nods. “I think she might be a good advisor for the club? Students typically feel relatively comfortable talking to her and I know she’s discussed mental health at the beginning of the year before.”

Evan tightens one of the straps of his backpack. “Okay. I, um, we need a name before we talk to her?”

Alana shakes her head. “I think we can just discuss the idea with her, even if we don’t have all the details solidified yet. If she’s against the idea, regardless of the current state of the details, we have to find a new advisor.”

“Oh.” Evan steps away from Alana to let someone pass between them. “Do you… Like… Does it ever feel…not worth it?”

Alana furrows her eyebrows but doesn’t look over to him. “What do you mean?”

“You won’t even be around for the club, n-not really?” Evan shrugs. “It’s…a lot of work for something you won’t be around to see, I guess.”

“Well…” She slows her steps. “I mean, hopefully it’ll start next semester, and if not we can always say we took the step to start a discussion of mental health in the school but…it could help other people?”

Evan’s ears burned. “I didn’t mean—”

“I know you didn’t,” Alana says. “I’ve wondered it myself. There’s no glory in getting the details perfect if you aren’t there to run it, but if we help other people, I think it’s worth it in the end.”

Evan walks up to his locker and puts in the combination. “Y-you’re right, sorry I just— sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s valid to think about.” Alana taps her nails against her notebook. “Now if only we could come up with a name…”

“A name for what?” Connor asks.

Evan looks up at him in surprise. “Isn’t your next class on the other side of the school?”

Connor shrugs. “Who gives a shit?”

“A name for our club,” Alana says, fixing her glasses. “It has a focus on mental health and starting a conversation about it in our school.”

“This club,” Connor says. He tugs on the strap of his bag. “What are you working with for names?”

Evan and Alana exchange a glance.

“Nothing,” Alana says after a moment. “I was thinking maybe we could have the word ‘project’ in the name, but I haven’t come up with anything that’s stuck. Do you have any suggestions?”

“The Fuck Project,” Connor deadpans.

Evan covers his eyes with a hand.

“We are not calling it the Fuck Project,” Alana says.

“It’ll get people’s attention,” Connor points out.

“Not in a good way,” Evan mutters. He drags his hand down his face and looks at Connor, who’s grinning at him.

“We do need to get this approved by the principal,” Alana adds. “And that name will give people the wrong idea, that is absolutely not what this club is about.”

Connor shrugs a shoulder. “Temporary name, congrats, I helped out.”

“Not really.”

The warning bell rings and Alana glances over her shoulder.

“I should go,” she says, “but I’ll text you about Baz?”

Evan nods. “Y-yeah that’s— okay yeah. I’ll see you later?”

Alana smiles and hurries down the hall.

Connor watches her leave. “Baz?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Um, yeah.” Evan grabs the books he needs and closes the locker with his foot. “We need an advisor and Lana thinks Baz might be willing to help? Have you had her?”

Connor shakes his head. “Baz teaches the CP kids, usually. I’ve been, uh, honors.”

Evan blinks. “Oh yeah, I forgot college prep was a thing. She taught regular english sophomore year.”

“You had her?” Connor asks.

“Uh…kind of?”

Connor furrows his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“Bad semester,” Evan mutters. “I, uh… There weren’t a lot of classes I…went to?”

Connor nods. “Got it.”

“Don’t you have class?” Evan asks quickly. His head is starting to spin.

“Yeah, I just.” Connor steps closer and Evan’s heart skips a few beats. “I’m sorry I forgot this earlier.” He presses a bill into Evan’s hand.

Evan closes his eyes.

Right.

Right. Right, of course. Connor just forgot. He didn’t mean anything by it. He’s sticking to the agreement.

Evan feels sick.

He crumples the bill up in his fist. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” he mumbles.

“It won’t happen again,” Connor promises.

Evan’s hand feels like it’s on fire.

—«·»—

Jared tosses his bag onto the couch and disappears into the kitchen. “Have you gotten any better about keeping food in your house?” he shouts.

Evan rolls his eyes. “Why do I need t-to buy food when you do it for me?”

Jared leans out of the doorway. “Fuck off, man, you never buy the chips I like.”

“Exactly.”

Jared glares at Evan and ducks back into the kitchen. “Hungry?”

“Not really.” Evan reaches into his pocket and grabs the ten dollar bill Connor handed to him earlier. “Meet me up in my room?”

“Sure, stealing this chocolate, B-T-dubs.”

“I can’t stop you,” Evan mutters. “Bring up your bag! Don’t leave it on the couch!”

“Don’t tell me what to do!”

Evan leaves Jared to pull apart the kitchen and heads up to his room. He leaves his backpack on his bed and pulls open his closet, pushing aside sweatshirts to get to a shoebox he’s buried. He pulls the ten out of his pocket and stares at it for a moment before he takes the top off the shoebox and puts it inside. Then he covers it back up with his sweatshirts and closes his closet door.

Now he can pretend it doesn’t exist.

When Jared kicks open the bedroom door with popcorn in one hand and chocolate in the other, Evan is sitting on his bed with his laptop open.

“Wow, lame,” Jared says. Evan glances up at him. “I’m kidding,” Jared says quickly. “That’s exactly what I did yesterday.” He drops down into Evan’s desk chair. “How’d you spend your weekend?”

Evan shrugs. “Same. S-some homework and uh…spent Friday with Connor.”

Jared opens his bag of popcorn. “I’ve been fucking dying to know, what have you spent all that money on? Murphy has to have given you a shit ton at this point.”

Evan stares at his laptop screen, rubbing his hands on his pants. “N-nothing yet it just…it feels weird.” He can feel Jared’s eyes on him and feels a panic build in his chest. “It feels weird! It’s just— it’s in a box in my closet.”

“Sweet.” Jared stands up.

“Jared!”

“Okay, okay, yeah, that was kind of dicky.” Jared falls back down into the chair. “I wasn’t going to take it, I was joking. Your money dude, you earned it with your weird uh…situation.” Evan makes a face. “Don’t fucking do that with your face, you know this is weird.”

“Shut up,” Evan mutters. He could go into a coma right now and that would be fine.

“We can start a list of things you could buy with it.” Jared throws a piece of popcorn into the air and tries to catch it in his mouth. It bounces off his right lense and lands on the floor. “I’ll get that later. Anyway. List.”

Evan glances to his closet.

“One, not shitty sneakers. Two, shirts that aren’t polos. Three, so much candy. Four, a video game. Five, multiple video games even, I don’t know how much money you have. Six, something nice for your mom cause you’re a real momma’s boy. Seven, a fuck ton of yugioh cards—”

“Yugioh cards?” Evan interrupts.

“Yes.” Jared throws a piece of popcorn at Evan. “Let me finish.”

Evan shakes his head. “I think I get it.” He closes his laptop and swings his legs over the side of the bed. “You don’t want the money sitting in my closet.”

“No shit.” Jared tosses Evan the chocolate bar. “You can have half. But yeah, you’ve got money, dude, it’s not gonna fucking collect interest if it’s in the back of your closet or anything. You’re spending all this time doing this bullshit job, why not actually use what you get paid?”

Evan opens the chocolate bar and breaks it in half before handing the half in the packaging back to Jared. “I-I already told you. It feels…weird. I don’t know.”

“You know,” Jared says as he takes the chocolate, “this is kind of a sugar daddy situation.”

Evan immediately goes red. “Oh my god.”

“Minus the sex stuff,” Jared says casually. “And the age difference, cause I don’t think Murphy is that much older you, is he?”

Evan is ready to melt into the ground. Or die. Or both. Both would be perferrable. “Jared, please—”

“Sugar buddy,” Jared says, snapping his fingers. “Connor is your sugar buddy.”

“This is the worst.”

Jared takes a bite of chocolate. “Do you have a better name for this?”

Friendship? Evan wants to just call it friendship. That’s totally not the case but—

“We can call it platonic prostitution if you want.”

“If you say that again I am kicking you out of my house.”

Jared holds up his hands in surrender. “Valid. That is totally valid.”

Evan starts breaking up his half the chocolate bar into smaller pieces. “I just… I don’t know. It’s weird. It’s a weird situation. But let’s not call it…that.”

“Yeah,” Jared agrees. “Fucking weirdass… Kind of regret helping out with it, honestly. It feels like a trainwreck I can’t look away from.”

“Really comforting there, Jared,” Evan mutters.

Jared spins in the desk chair. “I’m just saying, what started out as a funny ha ha losers thing has gotten decidedly less funny.”

Evan furrows his eyebrows. “What was this funny?”

“Dude, come on, at least the first week was fucking hilarious,” Jared says with a crooked smile. It seems forced, but it’s still there.

Evan grimaces. “It wasn’t.”

Jared loses the smile. “Okay. It wasn’t funny, my bad.”

Evan makes a strangled sound. “Do you talk to Connor?” Some of the chocolate is starting to melt. He pops a piece of it into his mouth.

Jared snorts. “Hell no. We coexist, are you really going to ask more of us?”

“No,” Evan admits. “But if I tell you something, you won’t tell him?”

Jared gives him a weird look. “Tell him?”

Evan stares at him with wide eyes. “You’re already judging me!”

“No I’m not!”

“Yes you are!”

Jared throws his hands in the air. “I don’t even know what I would be judging you for!”

“I want Connor to stop paying me.”

Jared stares at Evan.

Evan’s hands start to sweat and his heart races. He looks down at the chocolate in the palm of his hand and eats it before it can melt any more. He wipes his hands on his pants. Then he wipes them again.

“Yeah, no shit,” Jared says once the silence is too long and too awkward and too uncomfortable.

Evan groans and collapses on the bed. “I just—”

“Want to be friends?” Jared offers.

“Um…yes, but also—”

Jared sits up straighter. “You didn’t.”

Evan pulls on his fingers. “I…what?”

“You’re in love with him!” Jared shouts.

“No!” Evan almost falls off the bed as he scrambles to his feet. “No, I don’t—”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! It’s just— it’s just a crush oh my god, Jared.”

Jared raises his eyebrows. “You said crush.”

Evan’s face gets hot. “Uh, yeah I— it-it’s not… I mean… I don’t think… It’s not like a big…deal? Or anything?”

Jared stares at him. “Evan, it’s a big deal.”

Evan laughs awkwardly. “W-we don’t have to make it one.”

Jared squints. “Okay… I still have to kick your ass in Mario Kart. You ready?”

Evan takes a breath. “You’ve never been able to beat me, Jare. Especially since you keep choosing Rainbow Road.”

Jared jumps out of his seat. “Hell yeah I do, I’m going to mop the floor with your blood.”

Evan smiles. “Okay. If you say so.”

—«·»—

Jared loses. He swears aggressively as he reaches for his wallet to buy dinner.

“I hate you,” he hisses as he shoves a box of mozzarella sticks at Evan.

“Thanks,” Evan says. “Let me know when you want a rematch.”

Jared flips him off and grabs his sandwich off the table.

—«·»—

Heidi comes home as Jared is getting ready to leave. “Jared!” she says in surprise as she puts her bag down on the kitchen table. “I had no idea you were coming over.”

Evan and Jared look up from the television.

“Hey, Heidi, just wanted to steal your TV.” Jared tosses his Wii controller onto the couch.

“Your bag is still in my room,” Evan reminds him.

Jared shoots a fingergun at him. “Thanks.”

“Don’t leave on my account,” Heidi says, pulling her hair out of its ponytail.

“Nah, I have homework,” Jared says. “The moms want me home soon anyway.” He checks his phone and makes a face. “Yeah I should go, but thanks for letting me invade your house.”

“Anytime, Jared,” she says.

Jared grabs his bag from Evan’s room and bumps his shoulder against Evan’s as he goes to leave, wiggling his eyebrows.

Evan rolls his eyes. “Shut up,” he whispers.

Jared mimes zipping his lips. “See you tomorrow in hell.”

When Jared is gone, Evan finds his mom doing the dishes in the kitchen. “Can I help?” he asks.

She holds out a pot. “Dry and put away?”

Evan nods and takes it from her.

“It’s nice that you’re hanging out with Jared again,” Heidi muses. She washes a cup and sets it aside for Evan.

“Hm?” Evan dries off the pot and puts it in the cabinet next to the oven.

“You and Jared. You haven’t really spent a lot of time with him lately.”

“Oh.” Evan grabs the cup. “He’s been over. We…hang out and stuff.”

“That’s great.” She smiles at him. “It’s good that you have a friend.”

“Friends,” Evan corrects quickly, feeling guilt twist his stomach. He should be better at this. This friend thing. He should be making more progress than he has.

Heidi looks at him in surprise. “You’ve never mentioned anyone else before.”

“Uh, yeah.” Evan keeps his eyes on the dishes he’s drying. “Connor.” He says it and then tries not to think about it. “And um…Alana?”

“Oh!” Heidi puts down the dish soap. “Well that’s great! We should try to have dinner with them sometimes.”

Evan ducks his head. “Mom.”

“I want to meet your friends!”

“I— uh…okay, I’ll um, ask them about it.” Evan decides he should never speak again. He keeps digging his holes deeper and deeper.

Evan talks with Connor by his locker. He walks with Connor in the halls. He smiles and laughs and pretends his chest isn’t constricting.

Connor looks at him and sometimes it feels real.

The ten isn’t in Evan’s pocket anymore, but Evan can still feel it’s presence.

They sit together at lunch and Connor pokes at Evan’s jello with a straw and Evan tries to keep his heartrate under control. Connor rambles on about something that happened in AP Lit — which is apparently the only class he pays attention to in any way — and Evan mostly just nods. Connor keeps looking at him and he kind of feels like dying.

Evan feels like he’s dying and then Connor smiles at him and better and it’s worse and Evan hates every part of his existence.

Connor bumps his shoulder against Evan’s and the butterflies in Evan’s stomach fluttered.

—«·»—

Evan sits at his desk and does homework. He hates it but it gives him something to do. His phone buzzes from where it’s plugged in next to his bed. Evan glances at his Spanish textbook. He gets up and checks his messages.

From: Connor To: Evan can i call?

Evan’s throat immediately feels like it’s closing him. There’s an anchor wrapped around him and it’s dragging him down. Down down down—

He tries to type out a response but his hands are shaking.

Another message pops up on the screen.

From: Connor To: Evan fuck its not bad shit i just realized how that sounds im home alone and larry just got back and i dont want to talk to him if im on the phone hell probably leave me alone

Evan takes a deep breathe and presses his palms against his eyes. It’s fine. It really is fine.

He replies as fast as he can, but it still takes him a minute to calm down.

From: Evan To: Connor YEah fo course sorry for takin g so long to rpely

Connor’s response is almost immediate.

From: Connor To: Evan you didnt take long at all ev youre fine sorry if i scared you gonna call now

Evan stares at the screen of his phone. As soon as ‘Incoming call from Connor’ pops up, he hits answer.

“Hello?” Evan sits down on the edge of his bed and grips the blankets.

“Hey,” Connor says. He sounds kind of tired. “Sorry if I freaked you out, didn’t think before I sent that.”

“It’s fine,” Evan promises. He doesn’t want to think about it anymore. A moment of panic. They can move on. “W-what do you want to, um, to talk about?”

“Don’t really know,” Connor admits. “Nice to talk to you, you sound different over the phone.”

Evan smiles. “So do you.” Connor’s voice sounds a bit deeper. Maybe rougher. “Someone thought I was a dad once when I had to call to cancel an appointment.”

“What?” There’s laughter in Connor’s voice and it makes Evan’s head spin. “How the fuck?”

“I don’t know. I-I just— I was trying to cancel and they were like ‘the patient’ and I was confused but was too scared to ask and then they asked my relation to the patient and were like ‘are you his father?’ and I was just kind of like… Well no, I’m the patient.”

Connor snorts. “Amazing. I’m proud of you for cancelling your son’s appointment.”

Evan leans back on his hands. “N-no they— we sorted it out. I almost threw up afterward but uh…probably could’ve gone worse.”

“Phone calls aren’t your thing, huh?” Connor asks. “Sorry for making you do this. If it’s easier for you we can stop.”

Evan shakes his head and then realizes that Connor can’t see him. “No it’s fine. Really, it’s okay with you. It’s nice.” Whoops that was more than he was supposed to share.

“Okay, if you’re sure. Let me know if you want to hang up.”

“Of course,” Evan murmurs. “Uh… I asked you this like…three hours ago, but how was your day?”

“Pretty shit,” Connor admits. “Right now I’m uh….eating grapes.”

“Well that’s good. You didn’t eat lunch.”

“I never eat lunch.”

Evan hums. “Okay, that’s true.”

“What about you?” Connor asks. “Have you eaten anything today other than shitty cafeteria food?”

“Uh…no,” Evan says slowly. “I’m not super hungry.”

“Get a drink or something for me.”

Evan smiles. “Are you trying to parent me?”

“Fuck, Zoe’s rubbing off on me, isn’t she? How the fuck?” Evan imagines Connor dragging his hand through his hair.

“Her and your mom,” Evan points out. “They aren’t that similar, you know.”

There’s a slight pause. “I guess you’re right. I don’t notice that shit. Zoe’s just…Zoe. I don’t know.”

“Outsider’s perspective,” Evan suggests. “I also don’t live with them, so I might be wrong.”

“Huh.” There’s a pause. “Okay but hydration.”

“I’m going,” Evan promises. He stands up from his bed and heads down the stairs. “Are you staying hydrated?”

Connor clears his throat. “Uh…” Evan smiles as he hears Connor’s bed squeak as Connor stands up. “Yeah of course.”

“You’re going to get a drink, aren’t you?” Evan asks. He walks into the kitchen and pulls a cup from the cupboard.

“No,” Connor says quickly. “Definitely not.”

“Okay.” Evan fills the cup with water and takes a sip. “So uh…sports?”

Something on Connor’s end shuts. “I’m gay.”

Evan rolls his eyes. “Okay. Then you choose the conversation starter.”

“Okay. Did you know that eggplants are fruits?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck there goes my fun fact.”

Evan laughs. “I’m sure you can think of something else.”

“Don’t have faith in me, Ev, it’ll end badly. But give me a second.” Evan drinks his water as Connor thinks. “Okay. Want to hear lots of random shit about Ancient Egypt? Zoe and I had a phase.”

Evan sits down in a kitchen chair. “You know I do.”

“Well get comfortable, because this is going to be a while.”

#evan hansen #connor murphy #deh #convan #tree bros #my fics #to have a friend #death level: 100000

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